*lightning sfx* You should check out u/Acceptable_Egg5560, NOW! (Seriously, thanks again for doing this with me, you're the best.)
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Memory transcript: Vekna, Venlil Citizen. Date: [Standardized human time] September 19th, 2136
Herd, I forgot how much I hate paperwork.
When we had pinpointed where Unzekep was a couple paws ago, I was eager to get on her trail. Unfortunately, reality just had to get in the way of those ambitions…which is where I find myself now. First was all the speh we had to submit to the Health and Safety Department regarding our “inquiries” into the construction site to find Tagelb. A noble action, no denying that, but it brought up questions about our presence on the site. “Why were we there? Were we associated with a third-party firm? What was the quality of evidence produced for the claim?” Stuff like that, constantly, for almost an entire Paw.
We came clean, sort of. We at least disclosed about us being journalists. My evidence showing money changing paws between that foreman and the previous safety inspector came in handy in our explanation of us looking into corruption. As an additional surprise, many of the workers of the facility came forward with older stories of regulation skirting and site mismanagement. Tagelb even chipped in, providing another perspective of what we witnessed whilst in there. Safe to say, that foreman isn’t going to be in charge of much any time soon.
But did we really need to fill out all of those affidavits??
The second problem was that, due to us revealing that we were journalists, we wouldn’t be able to simply walk up to Unzekep while she was on the job. We had to get a “press permit” that would allow us to walk in the tunnels, which meant more paperwork signing that we agreed to the risk and knew the safety standards and procedures we had to follow while underground. They even made us take a test for that!
Today, though, marked the end of our tedious paperwork and safety waivers. We were finally cleared to go into the system, and the district had promised silence on the matter. Part of me thinks that their willingness to accommodate us is due to not having to pay us like their other safety inspectors. Oh well, at least it’s a way in that doesn’t require cartoonish cover stories. I slide on my satchel and exit my room, waiting for the elevator to arrive at the correct floor so I can board.
After a short wait, I’m granted access, and yet another short wait later, I arrive at the foyer. First-meal would normally be first on the schedule, but today was special. In order to avoid detection by any unwanted eyes, we were due to leave first thing in the Paw, when almost no-one else would be out. After a brief scan of the lobby, I spot Sharnet sitting on a chair with a duffel bag on the ground next to it. I trot over to her, motioning to get her attention.
“Good Paw, Sharnet! You sleep well after all that paperwork?”
Sharnet shuts her holonote off and stows it away in her pack. “Yes, somewhat. I do wish that they would’ve just looked the other way completely, now we’re on their records. If someone’s watching, we’re a dead give-away.”
I sway my ears negatively. “I don’t think they’ll be looking deep in government registries. That would require access, and if they were in the government, chances are they’d have noticed long ago and already fled. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been much movement on the private nor the public transit systems, and none of the Harchen. Trust me, I had the same thought.” I pull out my pad, the tab for the transit logs still logged in with the temporary credentials the district has given us. “Check for yourself.”
Sharnet looks over the information rather inquisitively. “Now that’s interesting.”
I cock my head. “What is?”
“I looked up Unzekep’s home address,” she explains, “and it’s in an apartment building on the edge of town. She doesn’t have a vehicle, so by all rights she should be traveling on public transit. But this shows none of the Harchen have done so. The fact that she isn’t…”
Her sentence falls away as her ears twitch in thought. Now that she’s said it aloud, I realize how strange that is. “That…is odd, actually. You’d think that she would be using the public transit system to get to and from work each Paw.”
Sharnet’s tail swishes against the ground. “Do you remember what Tagleb said about her? He said that she spent a lot of time in the tunnels. Do you think… well, no, there’s a couple possibilities. But…”
As she’s making an appeal to rationality, I realize what she’s implying. “That she’s living in the tunnels. That’s what you were going to say, right?”
She sways her tail in the affirmative. “I don’t want to cast judgment yet. But…if she’s one of the overseers, those tunnels are well out of sight. People could probably survive a raid by hiding in there. Of course, if she isn’t a head, staying in those tunnels might not be her choice.”
I look at Sharnet skeptically. “Not her choice? What reason could someone possibly have to stay down there that isn’t their choice?”
“Well, that safety inspector that the foreman bribed likely didn’t inspect only one site.” Her claws clench against her wool. “In my previous job, there was a time when there was only one person on staff who knew how to maintain and repair the office electronics. The company has them stay on overtime. If she is in a similar situation in the tunnels…”
That’s not a good image to have in my mind. Being one of the only ones repairing equipment and materials that would have otherwise been flagged as a safety danger… My arms and legs are exhausted by just imagining what might be needed. “Oh, Herd, that’d be bad. I’m not certain that’s the case, though, as the District let us have our way with seeing her. They wouldn't do that if they had something to hide.”
Sharnet raises a finger. “If they’re smart.”
I can’t help but give a low whistle to myself at that. “If they’re smart, yeah. Ready to go see how dumb they are?”
Her tail wags in amusement as she rises from her seat. “We can grab a couple to-go salads from the meal bar and head right out, if that’s okay with you.”
“Sure, might as well if we’re going to be spending all day in the sewers.” I follow Sharnet over to the salad bar, and we order some bog-standard salads to go. Nothing fancy, we are on the clock after all. Once we receive our food, Sharnet heads back to grab that duffel bag and we head out, the light of our star bearing down on us as we exit the building.
It isn’t long before a bus comes to pick us up, the driver seemingly surprised to see someone waiting for him at this claw. We board and take our seats, eating our salads as we’re ferried to our next destination. Thankfully, only a single other person is on the bus right now, and they’re too busy with something on their pad to notice us. A public space with no noise, perfect.
As I eat, my mind wanders back to Tagelb. I had meant to go back and see him again last Paw, but paperwork had obviously gotten in the way of that. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m intrigued by the Yotuls’ archaic technology. Steam engines, massive train systems, even rudimentary hydrocarbon combustion engines! I wanted to learn more, but I knew Vekna was only tolerating that in search of our guy. I knew I had to go back to hiding eventually.
The worst part was how I had to hide myself from Tagelb, even if it was less than normal. I heard his views on Predator Disease, and I knew that if I slipped it, that was it. I’d lose yet another friend because I couldn’t keep my Herd-damned mouth shut. I’m determined to keep doing what I’m doing, even if it means hiding myself forever. From Tagelb, from Sharnet, from everybody. Ignorance is bliss, and if nobody knows I’m a monster, it’s a little easier to pretend I’m not for myself.
I’m shaken from my internal lamentations by a paw lightly shaking my shoulder. I glance over at the culprit, finding Sharnet’s gaze. “Are you okay? You went a little wall-eyed while you were eating your salad.”
I look down at my bowl, only to find it empty. I quickly reseal it and feign my innocence yet again. “Hm? Oh, yeah, just thinking about how we’re going to do this. Not an easy task, after all.”
She pulls up the duffel bag she’s been carrying into her lap and zips it open. “Thankfully, these should make it a bit easier.”
Inside are a pair of construction pelts. Visibility vests, gloves, foot coverings, and two helmets. Those… brahking uncomfortable helmets. “Do we really have to wear those?”
I know it’s a dumb question. I read the same procedures as she did. This equipment is a basic requirement for us to go into the tunnels. No matter how much it rubbed up against my ears.
“Yes, I’m sure. We read the same waiver, we signed on the same lines. I’m not a fan either, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices.” She pulls out one of the pelts and hands it to me, retrieving the other for herself. I groan internally at the mere thought of having to wear another helmet. She gives her ears a comforting flick. “These are brand new, so the padding won’t be as worn down as the last helmets were. I don’t know if it will stop the bother, but at the very least it shouldn’t be as bad.”
Small comforts. “I hope so, yeah.” As I look over the helmet, the bus stops and opens its door to our destination. “Industrial center! Next stop, the Intraplanetary Transit Hub!” We stand from our seats and make it off the bus, which unceremoniously closes its doors and leaves us stranded in the dead center of the industrial heart of Sidestar.
The town is centered around maintaining the power plants that comprise the central economy of the District. As a city well within the twilight, power meant life. It allowed the growing houses to keep the local edible vegetation harvest alive, light up the iron ore mining operations in the mountains, and the steam tunnels flowing with heat to fight back against the cold winds from the night side flowing down from the mountains. Those steam and drain tunnels are where a large number of people work. Having to expand and repair sections as their city grows. And Unzekep is currently working on replacing outdated units. Somewhere in there…
I’m pulled from my analysis of the area by Sharnet, who has since applied her pelt. “Come on, put on your uniform so we can get down to where we need to be.” I heed her words and quickly apply my clothing before following Sharnet through the complicated system of tubes and ducts that comprises the ground-level of one of the for-profit geothermal reactors.
Thank the Herd for the 3d map the District had given us access to. According to the schedule, Unzekep should be in the coolwater pump room, replacing the turbines in one of the pumps. Unfortunately, that’s all the way in the basement of the building, accessible to the steam tunnels leading under the rest of the town.
Steam heating the town. And the Feds call the Yotul primitive for using the same principles. I shake the annoyance from my mind as we descend down ladder after ladder, walking across steel catwalks over huge drops for the snowmelt that would occur after the night finished. I can see what all those waivers were about now.
From my map, we should be coming up to the pump room soon. It’s next to this… cargo… elevator… Oh for the Herd’s sake!
Sharnet huffs, panting from the humidity and heat of the underground caverns. “What puddle of Speh left that out of the official map? We could’ve been here a quarter-claw earlier!”
“Beats me, but at least we’re here,” I manage to say, leaning against the wall as it feels like I’m trying to breathe through syrup. “S-Sorry, just need to take a breather for a second. The humidity down here is really messing with me.”
“I understand,” she holds out her tail for a comfort touch, “if you think you’re about to have an attack, don’t hesitate to let me know. Your health is important.”
“Thanks,” I huff. After a few moments of slow breathing, the air managed to become a little more breathable. “Alright, I think I’m good. Are you ready to meet our next in line for Spehlicker of the Hectorotation?”
“If we’re lucky,” she replies before sliding open the doors. Four massive pumps dominate the room. They stand as long and tall as the bus we rode in on. It’s truly impressive to see the power of the planet itself being harnessed through the mechanics of these machines. But… I’m unsure about the noise. It isn’t too loud, Sharnet and I would be able to raise our voices over them without going into full on shouting, but it was a constant high volume I haven’t been around before. It feels…grating.
Thankfully, it’s obvious that we're in the correct room. One of the pumps has a series of curved pieces of metal with a pile of bolts and… a stack of impellers, if I’m remembering the word correctly, laying on the ground. Tools and spares are scattered around the area, a mug of some sort of beverage is on a nearby ledge, wisps of steam still coming from its surface. Wait…wisps of steam…
I place a paw against Sharnet’s chest, to her confusion, as I scan the room for anything out…of…the… There. In the corner, a few splotches of green on an otherwise gray surface. Imperfect camouflage, just like Tagelb had said. As I focus, I can make out an outline of a trembling person, moving in tandem with the spots. She must have heard us approach. I gesture to Sharnet in the direction and she flicks her ears affirmatively.
“You must be very skilled,” she says, staring at the splotches with an eye, “your camouflage is practically seamless.”
As I watch, the splotches increase in their trembling. A voice floats out under the hum of the pumps, barely heard by my ears. “No, no, go away, leave, this is safe, no, please leave, don’t hurt me, no.”
“We are here about Dawn Creek,” I say, “We-
The Harchen shrieks.
The gray walls reveal the colors of a Harchen in distress as she falls to the ground in sobs. It’s difficult to see anything about her, as she curls herself up and pleads. “P-Please! No! I don’t w-want to go back! Don’t m-make me go back!”
Both Sharnet and I had lightly backed away at her shriek, but now we both approached her. Her scale shifts seem almost sluggish, but they do indeed shift. It’s only once I get a better look at her face do I realize what Tagelb was talking about.
Her facial features are slightly flatter, looking almost compressed compared to that of the other two Harchens we’ve run into here. Her forehead is a bit larger than normal, and her neck is slightly shorter. In fact, she herself is shorter than average, if only by a little. Near her temples, four splotches of unchanging green remain constant despite the rest of her shifting form, each an imperfect circle of dull green.
She just keeps sobbing and pleading incoherently as we approach, not even attempting to run. It was like… it’s like she’s given up. This can’t be it, can it? I expected pathetic, but this? This is just sad to watch. But as I do indeed watch, something comes to me. This isn’t fear of getting caught, this is fear of going back.
I remember what I learned about the treatments they used, the drugs they administered, and what Sharnet had said to Tagelb. People with no disease at all. It all clicks together in an instant. This isn’t one of the heads of the Dawn Creek facility.
No.
This is an escapee.
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Summary: A demolition firm struggles to take down a damaged building for their mysterious clients
I Was a Foreman at the Grazer Tower Demolition
By now Grazer Tower has faded as a household name but to some the rumors and madness surrounding it refuse to die. The demolition of the massive three hundred twenty foot octagonal hotel left a gap in the Atlanta skyline but little fondness in anyone's hearts. I have no particular first hand insight into the freak lightning strikes on the 30th floor atrium which killed 13 people but I am willing to tell my side of the story about the demolition effort leading to the botched implosion. I tell this as a full, open, and honest disclosure. The legal maneuvering and ink has dried, all of the dead are buried, and all the bleeding stopped. The scars remain, the pain persists, the things I saw there are burned in my head even after they've been discredited into the conspiracy theory woodwork of the internet. The lightning storm struck on a Sunday afternoon and the next day for all we knew the bodies were still warm when a lawyer representing the owners of Grazer Tower entered our corporate office. I look back on it now with open and clear eyes and realize it was all very strange from the start when my Lead Foreman, Tom, and I were called into the meeting in progress.
The lawyer and now our client, looked like a fairly normal man in his mid thirties aside from his impeccably white suit which was ironed to the point of looking like stone rather than cloth. Beside the white suit his lips were an uncomfortable maroon and glossy. Besides this he spoke in a plain, clear, and disarming manner refraining from legalese and maintaining a firm but not imposing eye contract with whomever he was speaking directly to.
He told us in no uncertain terms he was instructed to contract with our firm to take down his client's building. Tom and I were shocked when we heard this after all, the lightning disaster, while tragic and perhaps undeservedly tarnishing in the short term to the Grazer Hotel's reputation, did not render the structure unusable nor unsafe to its surroundings. The worst damage was that the steel dome of the 30th floor atrium had collapsed into the vaulted restaurant and ballroom of the 29th floor but that's where the structure damage started and ended, in fact aside from the 28th, 29th, and 30th floor, city engineers working overnight already declared the building sound. So while perhaps still time consuming and costly, repairing the building was definitely possible and cost effective but owners, to make an analogy, were basically insisting on totaling a car after a minor parking lot fender bender. They gave us a specific date by which the building needed to be taken down. When our Boss, Jim, rebuffed the lawyer, not only because the date was challenging and soon but also because it was possible we could have it dropped BEFORE the date specified. The lawyer insisted the building go down on the date given – not later and not earlier. Jim swallowed hard and then glanced at Tom and I. Then the lawyer involved the name of the head of the owner's group, a Mr. Rohmer.
Mr. Rohmer, according to the lawyer, was offering our firm one hundred percent of the cost upfront and another twenty perfect of the total cost plus any overruns – stating if the implosion came early or late, it would mean all very little – no, that's no a typo, that's how the lawyer phrased it from his client, Mr. Rohmer. With that detail out of the way, you can see how the car totaling analogy breaks down considering the owners did not stand to profit from it's demolition – in fact quite the opposite.
The lawyer chuckled a bit to break the tension. He explained his clients and Mr. Rohmer in particular were an unorthodox bunch and then even insisted he wear the white suit in any of their dealings. The lawyer produced a tablet PC from his messenger bag and leveled it to Jim. On the tablet was all the banking confirmation codes ready to go for a direct deposit into our firms account alongside a contract. Jim seemed to hiccup or belch in excitement as he hurried around the short side of his desk to sign it since his stubby t-rex arms could not reach across his desk.
The firm was committed, we were committed – I was committed and I started to mentally cramp up over the challenges we all faced. The Grazer Hotel was in the middle of a dense urban grid. It had to be precise drop with virtually no margin for error. Jim poured us a dram of scotch from the bottle hidden under his desk. None of us a second thought about Rohmer's cryptic remark – after all, how often did you get a one hundred twenty perfect no-bid contract walk in off the street, out of the blue?
A combination of exhilaration over the money and anxiety over the work load kept us all from sleeping that night. Jim and Tom ended up going out and having a wild night to celebrate while I went home to mentally prepare not only myself but also my wife and kids. As a family they were staring down a month and a half of late nights and weekends with no dad. My wife was frustrated until I told her about the bonus and then she said she'd fill the lonely time making plans to send the kids to Disney World and then find a place for us to spend alone together. The promise of a much needed vacation after this only super charged the butterflies in my stomach further in anticipation of this challenging season ending.
As the assistant foreman I had office and on-site duties. Most of it was coordinating between the two. This included personnel, setting up site security – including guards and cameras to keep urban explorers and vagrants of out the dangerous site and satisfy OSHA hazardous work place safety requirements. The most challenging duty was site prep which included disposal of furnishings, removal of windows and other flourishes of the structure's facade which could become deadly shrapnel during an implosion. Fortunately, despite all of this, the nagging questions about permits and clean-up contracts were already handled by the lawyer. Rohmer's group also waived any rights to furnishings which means they could be unceremoniously hauled out in any way we chose to and disposed of.
Now I suppose some of these things should have came as red flags to me – or at least some one in the company but we all justified it as the group must have connects and short cuts to permits and it was a relatively new building, only about twenty years old in fact and furnishings – whether old or new probably weren't of any antique or sentimental value. All in all these were blessings since they freed our hands a bit and made a near impossible deadline more possible.
Of course the good news came with some bad news. The city engineers forbade us from working at the 28th, 29th, and 30th floors – unless we brought in a separate crew to stabilize those levels first. This was quite the fly in the ointment for the controlled implosion plan we sketched out. The 30th floor wasn't as much of a problem but the 29th floor ballroom and the weakening of the 28th floor meant we can't inspect for how compromised they were by the steel atrium dome. For all we knew if we blew the 27th floor on down the dome could shift and topple over the top three floors outside of the implosion safe zone, imperiling people and nearby structures.
I raised holy hell about it while Tom stood calm. It could take months to stabilize and clear those floors and far more money than I thought our eccentric client would pay in overruns. Jim waved me off mid sentence and simply told me he'd take care of it. That was good enough for Tom so it had to be good enough for me. I went back to my job – securing site and planning drop.
Although we had a problem with the top floor our saving grace lie in the basements. It had a three story subterranean parking garage, a basement level pool, and a utility sub-basement. We could easily smash the first ten or twelve floors into that deep footprint. Also the utility sub-basement gave us a clean cut off from the grid and a fairly convenient way to protect the surrounding grid without interruption. Still, at least part of our team would take have to take three weeks out of our six and change to handle the utilities.
The first week was hectic, they always were but we hit no major snags. By the end of it were on schedule and all of the parts were coming together. We thought maybe, just maybe, we were well on our way to an early Christmas bonus but nothing could prepare us for what was coming.
If you work on a site long enough and work anywhere on the site security reporting chain you're bound to get a few questionable reports from your night guys. Let's face it, for folks who are wake all night five or six nights a week poking around with flashlights chasing shadows, every building every where is haunted. I've been on the site security chain for thirteen years so it was easy for me to dismiss reports from the night guys about unusual glows on gutted floors and stairwells, elevators which moved on their own with no one calling for them or inside when they opened on a random floor, or the security cameras and cellphones constantly going offline on the 27th floor and the utility sub-basement.
I wasn't convinced anything of concern was going on until I got called on site by the test drilling team. This team was responsible for sampling the support materials to determine where it was best to place the explosives and what explosives would be best to use. They reported the interior supports were designed in an unusual way with a honey comb of unorthodox metals and concrete not reported on the building's records or blueprints. Specifically, they reported the concrete was impregnated by some kind of metal veins which gave off a bright shimmer. I was asked to come identify it but they claimed it disappeared by the time I arrived.
I was irate at the team and their supervisor for having me to come on down on site for something that sounded so wrong to begin with. They showed me a grainy cellphone video and told me they would swear on a stack of Bibles the sparkling compound welled up in the test coring like mercury, turned blood red and bled on the floor before disappearing into the torn up carpet. I chastised them for making this up and threatened to get new sub contractors if they kept wasting my time. I spoke with a separate sample team on the lower levels and they too discovered some unusual metal compositions – ones which were different then the ones found the top floors. One of the engineers speculated that the contrast in metals between the top and bottom floors could be cause the building to hold an electrical charge, like a battery or like a capacitor. Either way, the engineer said it would require more explosives than initially thought to take down the structure.
A couple of weeks later we were painfully behind – glass removal in particular was going slow because those contractors claimed they were constantly losing their toys. They also claimed one night to have cleared the top five floors on the east side of all their glass – only for all the windows to appear fully intact the next morning. I was forced to end their sub contract due to misrepresentation of work accomplished.
The glass wasn't the only thing slowing us down. The wire and plumbing removal was hindered by the wires somehow were fused to the pipes and in some places, the pipes were fused to the load-bearing members – we thought maybe it was due to the lightning strikes but that really didn't make sense since all of the wiring and plumbing otherwise seemed to work fine before we turned off the utilities. The only thing going for us was the helicopter loophole. Instead of accessing the 30th floor through the condemned floors we were able to get work teams on the atrium floor by helicopter. The bodies of the 13 were removed before we started working and before the atrium fully collapsed into the ballroom but the teams working on the roof reported many unusual artifacts including stained glass and Greek letters comprised of unusual amalgams of metal.
All of the strangeness culminated in the disappearance of one of the night time security guards named Phillipe. I say disappear because his girlfriend filed a missing persons report with the police and when they came to investigate Tom was busy with the atrium operations so the job fell to me. I walked the investigator through guard's smart phone filed reports from the previous evenings. Admittedly I was behind on my end approving the reports so I was embarrassed when things in the report took a turn. His reports including the same odd glows the others were reporting in the stairwells and seeing metallic veins throb on the walls.
His last reports stuck in my head: Report: Sub-basement 4 clear, 0312. Report: Sub-basement 5 clear, 0305. Report: Sub-basement 6 clear 0237.
His “all clear” reports documented levels of the building which did not exist and the further he went into the areas which did not exist, the automatic timestamps went backwards in time. It made no sense – unless he was confused as to where he was due to intoxication and there was software glitch with the timestamps. I was forced to give the investigator no firm explanation.
It's easy to write off a high security guard – they're flaky by their nature and have plenty of reasons to ghost a part time gig and even to pull prank on their final reports. I almost wrote it all off until I saw his girlfriend – apparently his fiance, handing out missing persons fliers outside of the site gate one morning. She seemed absolutely heartbroken and I got stabbed in the gut thinking maybe this wasn't a ghosting and prank after all. Seeing is believing and the next week I started to believe. Tom was finishing up on the atrium level. We used some heavy lift choppers to remove the rest of the frame and glass. Now we could get a better look into the section which collapsed into the 29th floor. We started by using a series of video drones to investigate the melted twisted dome through the collapsed roof. We quickly learned that the drones were being interfered with as their feed would cut out or their batteries would die almost immediately upon entering the ballroom.
So, we had to cut some corners, against city regulations, we let Tom and two others rappel in from the roof on secured anchored lines with helicopter over watch support. We needed to do this because we needed make sure that collapsed wreckage would not move and potentially change the implosion direction. Tom got twisted in his gear as he tried to lean into one of the holes in the roof. He slipped and fell in, disappearing from sight. We frantically radioed for Tom as the other two workers abandoned their own attempts to peer in and scrambled to Tom's aid. Tom was pulled out of the section uninjured but he appeared to be in shock, he looked wild eyed and shook as he was put on the helicopter and lowered back to ground level. Within minutes, Jim called us back to the office to discuss the near miss.
Two weeks to go and week behind, a missing guard, and now a near fatal accident. That for Jim, was the last straw. Tom and I had run out the rope Jim gave us to hang ourselves with. Jim slammed his hand on his desk as he catastrophized, red in the face, nearly breathless, he yelled we could very well kiss that twenty percent goodbye with the way things are going. He pressured Tom to go on the record after his dip into the structure that the atrium debris ball in the ballroom posed no threat to the implosion. Tom was elsewhere. He stared off in a thousand yard stare before replying to Jim that it posed no threat. Then Tom headed for the door. Jim screamed at him that he wasn't done chew us out but Tom only said he had to get back to it. I supported Tom and followed him. He and I headed back to the site to secure the night shift changes – another night not at home and having a late dinner.
I asked Tom in the car ride back what he saw in there. Tom was fixed in a trance and barely responded. He said it was wild. When we got back to the site, Tom separated from me through the gate while I strolled across the street to grab us some dinner from a street vendor. As I stood around waiting for two gyros and two cokes I could help but be mesmerized by the gutted tower. It seemed to breath in the spotlights inhaling puffs of the dust and dirt on the site and then exhaling it. A faint glow, barely perceivable against the light pollution, seemed to brighten, dim, and fade from the upper floors with each of the building's breaths. I was transfixed on it and it was the first time the building gave me an eerie feeling.
I got back on the site, food in hand, there was a buzz in their air as the night shift streamed in and the day shift streamed out. I barely had my hardhat seated corrected on my head when the site's emergency alarm blew. The interim foreman tossed me a radio as I was swept with him and our site occupational safety and emergency personnel to the basement.
Our increasingly panicked footfalls blotted out the squawk of the radios but I could hear one name again and again in the equally panicked messages – Tom Tom Tom. Whatever was happening was happening to Tom.
We reached the pool level and a trail of gasps proceeded me into the pool. There was Tom in his vest and hardhat face down in the middle of the pool with crimson oozing out him into the cerulean tiles lining the drained pool. We piled in from the ladders and shallow end to get to him. It was apparent when the first folks reached him that he was dead. They hauled him out on a stretcher and to our shock he looked like he had been dead for much longer than possible and his skin was water logged despite there being no water. He had died of fall trauma possibly despite the pool only being six feet deep. The paramedics also claimed he had water in his lungs. Then I noticed he was wearing his rappelling harness weaved in his vest – but that made no sense – he took it and his vest off when we were getting chewed out by Jim. Why would he put his rappelling gear on again.
I was the assistant foreman no more. Now the buck stopped with me. As they took Tom to the morgue we all knew the show must go on – our client demanded it, Jim demanded it and Tom would have wanted it that way. The same police investigator from the guard's disappearance met with me over Tom's death. They said it was standard procedure with work place deaths. I gave him a copy of the footage on an SD card and left the moment after it left my hand.
I had the recording queued up to the time of the commotion. The video we provided had a poor angle and was focused on the door to monitor access – the comings and goings of people. It was shift change so people were filing in and out Tom was somewhere in the crowd. The pool was one of the areas which required both foot patrols and constant video monitoring. I hit the rewind button on accident and watched his body lie there and lie there and then the timestamp sped past the 1900 hour mark. We were in traffic from meeting with Jim at that time. This was impossible but I kept my finger on the rewind button. Around 1400 the camera shakes a bit and there is slight glow reflecting on the doors so I let it play back to the shake. There is a soft green glow and then could hear a heft thud in the room. I gulped knowing that was Tom falling into the pool around the same time he fell into the hole in the roof. The soft glow turned brighter and brighter like a laser shining into the lens – something that wasn't present on the rewind. There was a flash of an incomprehensible shape or form on the screen. I was physically hurt in my eyes like I had just stared into the sun. I was left dazed with the shaped burned into my eyes with each blink. Then the camera system shorted out and a tiny puff of smoke left the memory module. The cameras blinked off wall to wall, the whole system was dead.
With the cameras fried, regulations required someone high in the company to be on site or we'd have to leave for the night. So I stayed knowing we couldn't afford to lose an hour much less an entire night. I circled the pool between approving payrolls and directing the increased security guard traffic required to monitor more areas. I was thinking about what I would say at Tom's funeral. I was thinking about Tom's family and what they would think about his apparent suicide.
I was forced to patrol the rest of the sub-basements as well since most of the guards were at the site perimeters or higher levels. I would have to follow paths of Phillipe, the disappeared guard, and all of the other guards who had mismatched timestamps on their increasingly strange reports. If not for today's incident and the recording of Tom's death, I would have stood fast to the idea that these reports were the product of night jitters and drugs but now, no.
I gritted my teeth as I exited the pool area to patrol the lower levels. I hated this building I muttered to myself. I couldn't wait to see it all rumble. I thought about which part I'd like to keep from the site to place in Tom's casket – then I realized it probably wasn't going to be an open casket funeral. I was lost in my thoughts and hatred for the building as I roamed through the parking garage into the utilities basement. I lost track of where I was as I weaved down stairwells.
I shown my flashlight on the wall and the floor level sign said “Sub-basement 999”. I stopped cold in my tracks. I was hoping it was a prank but I knew it was no prank. Then I thought maybe I'd have some answers. Maybe I would finally see what all the strangeness was about. But then I freaked out about Phillipe's disappearance and turned to run back up the stairwell. I ran up four levels to what I thought was the lobby and I pushed the door open.
My jaw hit the floor when I saw a black and white galaxy – the stars were black and the space was white with gradations of gray. The whole room was just white outer space and the whole universe swirled fast counter clockwise. I tried to breath and when I did the galaxy shrunk before my eyes until it was the size of a tiny of marble and then even smaller to a speck of dust. I reached out as it floated towards me. I stared at the speck in a cold sweat. As I stared, I was looking deeper and deeper into impossible detail. In the dust I found the milky way galaxy, I found our solar system, I found Earth and then I found North America, and then I found myself back in the pool room dripping in sweat.
Time seemed to skip and space was malleable in that hotel. As we approached the deadline to drop it, some jobs which would take hours took days and some jobs which would take days took minutes. The anomalies seemed to swarm tonight and day and yet we pressed on. Tom was buried and I couldn't go.
We met the deadline and the city came out in numbers to watch us drop the thirty floor structure. They gathered nearly two blocks away clad in ponchos and dust masks bracing for the implosion triggered by half a ton of high explosives.
I was so burned out and demoralized. My mantra became “this is for Tom, this is for Tom” and it was the only thing carrying me to this day. I chalked up all the anomalies and even my own experience on 999th sub-basement level as a reaction to shock, loss, grief, and exhaustion.
We were on the thirty minute countdown and Mr. Rohmer's attorney was designated as the trigger man. He stood there with Jim and I in the command trailer with the detonator remote. The remote triggered a two minute countdown on the charges from a master control station in my command trailer. All the charges had to be hardwired old school style because we were getting too much walkie talkie and radio interference from inside the structure for any other method of trigger to be reliable. I was too tried to make a stink about insisting I do it. I just wanted it to be over but suddenly a freak thunderstorm brewed up over the city. The skies were overcast and we were on the verge of having to abort the implosion until the next day – despite the next day being a day past the deadline. If we didn't abort and went through with the implosion, there was a strong chance the shock waves from the blast would bounce back off the lower cloud base and shatter windows and ears across the city.
I sat in my command chair at the perimeter in dismay, almost in tears as it started to rain. I felt my heart drop into the acid of my stomach as I ordered the suspension of the implosion for the day. The lawyer, surprisingly, did not resist. I watched as the crowds dispersed from the viewing lines and police started to permit traffic back through the streets surrounding the site.
Then a group of unauthorized personnel threw open the door of the trailer. They were a mass of men and women clad in pressed white suits, stoney faces with thin maroon lips, one of them carried a white covered book.
The attorney dropped his eyes and head in deference to elderly man at the head of the congregation. The attorney addressed him as Monsignor. The man introduced himself as Monsignor Rohmer and he placed his hand on his attorney, calling him a cousin of the congregation, stating there will be no postponement and no delay.
Rohmer, a man I judged to be in his late 50's or early 60's was bald and covered it with a white derby hat. He was tall, about six five, and thin, so thin his suit fit him like snake half shedding its skin. His was face long and his cheeks thin and worn like a mountain side. His voice was steady and low like waterfall. Everything he said bloomed with authority and confidence. He ordered the building would be dropped in twenty minutes.
I told him I didn't care if he was the owner, the building could not be blown in this weather and I snatched the detonator out of his attorney's hands. Rohmer, moving faster than I believed humanly possible with some kind of martial arts move swiped the detonator from my hands. Simultaneously, he had two of his followers press Jim against the wall. They put him in a sleeper hold and he slumped down to the floor barely getting a word out. Then Rohmer gestured to his flock to follow towards the building.
They left in a fast deliberate almost choreographed walk like a flock of geese flying in formation. I grabbed the radio to get police help but I realized that was hopeless. I watched as our trailer was shrouded in the same interference we experienced in the building's interior. The CCTV monitors flickered out and the radio squawked static. Then I realized Rohmer had no control over the detonation and no way to contact his followers still with us in the command trailer. So I did what I had to and pulled the master key out of the master detonator in the command trailer and chased after the flock. I needed to know what was happening I needed to see with my own eyes what all of this was all about.
The Congregation had reached the lobby and I saw the trailing end of the clad white congregate into the stairwell. I darted at my best speed to follow them.
I reached the stair well door. I found Rohmer standing on the top step, apparently waiting for me. I was out of breath while he began to speak to me in his booming voice. He explained to me that if the building did not fall in the next twenty minutes, all of Earth would be pulled, sucked, inside out and down through the building into the black and white universe. The entire building, but especially the atrium dome, he continued, was designed and built to create and then temporarily contain an impossible shape, a living form, a 4 dimensional object, a tesseract, when struck by lightning in the presence of thirteen self-sacrificial Congregate members. This shape would slowly expand and cause space and time anomalies before growing so large inside compared to its size would pull us all into place with no life.
The shape was still in the process of forming even as we spoke, he said. It would reach critical mass and dimensional contortion and the only way to stop it was to disfigure and crush it in the hotel's collapse. He led me into the pool level where his entire congregation was sitting cross-legged where Tom fell. A green pulse, like a laser, came down from the ceiling into the group's center, where their white book lay open on blank pages. I had a feeling this glow was being projected down from the ballroom where the dome of the atrium was taking its final fourth dimensional form.
After a loud chant from the white clad followers, the book slammed shut and turned from a brilliant white shimming cover to one black as night. As they passed around book, their white suits turned black and the formed a single file line. Rohmer left my side and pulled the detonator from his suit. He showed it me and tossed it at me. In my panic I reached out with both hands to catch it but I forgot I still had the master key in my sweat slick hand and it fly out and fell at the foot of Rohmer.
I asked what he planned to do with the key without a lock and a jammed detonator. Rohmer bent down and grabbed the key and looked me without a hint of concern. He took the new black book into his hands and opened it facing the wall of the pool. A new green pulse launched from the book and flickered on the tiles. An octagonal outline appeared to frame a hazy image of a tropical beach. One by one Rohmer's congregation walked into the side of the pool, into glow and seemed to arrive safely on the otherside of the beach.
Once all his compatriots were on the beach, he turned a page in the book and reopened it, projecting another octagon portal on the side of the pool. I could see his destination – it was the command trailer. He stepped through portal and yelled to me from the other side that I had two minutes. The portal sealed.
I could hear the warning sirens we installed going off above me. Needless to say, I made it out, just barely. I reached the perimeter fence screaming to anyone who was in ear shot to run away. The building imploded as planned but I was caught in the dust cloud and developed tinnitus severe enough to be comparable with combat veterans.
The shock waves from the explosions were reflected off the cloud base and channeled down the street by other skyscrapers. Virtually every window in a two block radius around the site was shattered and hundreds of people were hurt in the resulting stampede and vehicle collisions caused by fleeing from the flying glass cascade. Parts of downtown looked like a war zone for weeks afterward.
Rohmer and the rest of his group, including the lawyer, had disappeared out of the trailer in another portal leaving a suitcase of gold equaling the twenty percent promised. Our company was fined, sued, and threatened with criminal charges and eventually put of business. There wasn't much left after paying the cities fines and lawyer fees.
Though I was spared any direct sanctions, I forced into an early retirement. I've had time to research Rohmer's group. There are at least six mentions of figures like Rohmer on the deepest parts of the conspiracy web. They seem to show up at a locale experiencing paranormal activity with a white book and then leave with a black book. Their departure usually marks the end of any strangeness. I can't be sure but this congregation seems to be summon demons, which they exorcise, by trapping them in their books. Trapping maybe a poor term to use since, as in the case of the Grazer hotel encounter, they can apparently cleanse the anomalies and then use the book containing them to weaponize a portion of the traits of whatever their unholy creations posses.
I suspect Rohmer and his congregation, now with the ability to teleport, are accelerating their plans, to whatever ends these paranormal means enable them.
Theo Plesha - Sequel to "Flush" by Theo Plesha on The Chilling App

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.

• Gaming, studying, watching videos.

What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?

• ~$700 USD

When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.

• Would like to order the parts ASAP

What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)

• Motherboard and CPU only

Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?

• Australia / South Australia

If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.

• Reusing everything besides the motherboard and CPU
  • Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive
  • PNY VERTO GeForce RTX 3060 Ti LHR 8 GB Video Card
  • Corsair CV750 750 W 80+ Bronze Certified ATX Power Supply
  • 24GB Dual-Channel DDR4 RAM (Corsair)

Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?

• No

Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)

• I'd like to aim for 1440p if possible. I understand that with the 3060 I probably won't be running games at the highest settings.

Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?

• * Already have a case but would like to get the HYTE Y60 in the near-future.

Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?

• Don't need a copy of Windows.

Extra info or particulars:
Tl;dr I'm looking to upgrade a pretty old mobo and CPU but I'm admittedly overwhelmed by the options out there. I figured I'd ask here since I don't want to make some stupid mistake like accidentally buying something that doesn't support M.2.
This is my current build https://au.pcpartpicker.com/list/WNVQTn. I have 24gb of dual-channel DDR4 but can't find them in PCPartPicker.
And help would be really appreciated, thanks!

The original an be accessed here.
The Third Episode: The Dragons
A herd of Beipeiosaurus are wandering through the forest as several Microraptor glide over them while several Mei Long hop along them they smell and see the corpse of a Xi Qi while the rest watch. A Microraptor feasts as well and flies over a large lake where they see some Rapaxavis coming out of the trees to drink and several Laoningosaurus float on to of the water (they are revealed to be juveniles and play together before the call of their mother lures them into the shore) when several Dongbetitan crash through the foliage and wade into the lake to get to the other side. Several Psittacosaurs also come to drink but run away when a Yutyrannus comes out and drinks as well with its offspring it is shown to rather peaceful and calm for a theropod.
The Dongbetitan eggs from a year ago hatch and are hunted down by a Sinotyrannus and only few escape its attacks the Microraptor have a feast but run away when the creature goes after them. After many years we meet them again and see they have increased in size but are still small a Sinotyrannus hunts them near a Chuanqilong and its young ( the babies have reused model from the Laoningosaurus) and they have a stand off in which a baby sauropod is killed in the process. They scare several Microraptor who are gathering several sticks and build their nests where the female sits inside and the males mate with their impressed females but one nest is destroyed by a Psittacosaurus herd who are building their nests the Microraptor hiss at them and run for the trees. the pair climb up a tree and glide to the males territory tree.
A month later the male is searching for worms and other insects when he comes across a juvenile male pair of Incisivosaurus which are practicing their display on each other but one barks at the male and scares it of and it runs up a tree and glides through and to a clump of bushes where it finds its offspring chirping with the mother gone he calls for her and sees her being eaten by a Sinotyrannus nothing can be done though and so the father raises his young alone and a month later when they reach near full independence an eruption occurs and most creatures escape but suffer heavy causalities. The family feast on the Mei Long on the ground and find the body of the Sinotyrannus with the reign of the tyrant finally over. The Yutyrannus from before comes and picks up the corpse in its mouth and eats it. Luckily several of the Dongbetitan young survived as well and though still are larger than a Sinotyrannus they are still in danger from the other predators of the forest. It ends with the father chasing his young out of his territory and them settling on their new trees.
Hope you liked that.

My PC is as follows for specs (built in 2020) CPU: R5 1600AF GPU: GTX 1660Ti RAM: 16GB Corsair DDR4 3200Mhz Mb: ASUS TUF x570 full ATX PSU: Corsair 750W 8plus bronze Storage: SSD 250GB, HDD 2TB Cooler: Corsair H100 liquid cooler Case: some massive Corsair one, looking to downgrade in size, not sure how small I can go though?
please let me know suggestions, I was considering a 3050-3060 if possible

Thank you to anyone taking the time to read through this, and doubly thank you to those those that throw in their 2 cents.
What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.

• I'll be playing the latest games, Elden Ring, Diablo 4 etc. More than likely Valorant.
• I’ll be streaming.
• Coding.
• Using photoshop.

What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
£2200 – willing to go a bit higher if it makes a huge and beneficial difference, say £200-£350.
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
This week
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)
Tower
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
UK
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Monitor: Dell 32'' 4K Gaming Monitor - G3223Q
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
If I need to.
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
Decent SSD.
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Black, nice looking case would be ideal, don’t really mind the size, as long as its spacious to fit the new generation of GPUs (seen they are huge). A window would be nice, but not a fan of RGB, although I don’t mind lights.
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
No
Extra info or particulars:
My monitor is 4K, so want to take complete advantage of that, and play games at their highest possible FPS with my budget. I also want to make sure this setup can easily be upgraded, and therefore future proof.
Again. Thank you so much.

Briefly before I start if you haven't yet completed my AVFC season review I would really appreciate that and you can do that here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf6u9O77Oi9T8YuqO6McTNTJMbw3_i0Ayx4KFQNkoAZMbKjwQ/viewform?usp=sf_link
Rarely does a player who scores the winning goal in a Champions League final for their club end up being considered a failed transfer. However, this seems to be the case with Kai Havertz at Chelsea, as many fans are growing frustrated with him, and there have been reports suggesting that he wants to leave the club. While this may seem unrelated to Villa, I believe that Kai Havertz is a player who could really strengthen our team, and one we should consider this summer. In this analysis, I will discuss why he may have "failed" at Chelsea, highlight the skills he possesses that differentiate him from our current players, and explore how Unai Emery could deploy him to enhance our team.
Regarded as one of Europe's most promising talents, Chelsea signed Kai Havertz in the summer of 2020 for £80 million. At the age of 21, Havertz arrived from Bayer Leverkusen, having already amassed an impressive 46 goals and 31 assists in 150 games, leading to high expectations of becoming Chelsea's next superstar. However, his transition to Chelsea has not lived up to the hype.
One significant reason for this has been how Havertz has been utilized at Chelsea compared to his time at Bayer Leverkusen. At Leverkusen, he played as a roaming playmaker, occupying a position between a traditional number 9 and 10, similar to Thomas Muller's role. This versatility allowed him to drop deep and deliver incisive passes while also making runs off the shoulder of the striker. Havertz's ability to influence the game extended beyond scoring goals, as he excelled in passing. He ranked in the 95th percentile for passes completed by an attacking midfielder in this 19/20 season, with impressive percentages in short, medium, and long passes and maintaining a pass accuracy above 75% for each.
Contrastingly, at Chelsea, Havertz's creative freedom has been significantly curtailed. With the emergence of Mason Mount as Chelsea's primary number 10, Havertz has often been deployed as a striker or false 9, limiting his impact on the game. This has resulted in a noticeable decline in his passing statistics, with a lower pass completion rate and decreased total passing distance per 90 minutes. The decision to play him in these positions fails to capitalize on his full skill set but it's important to note he still very much possesses these skills.
Havertz's performance for the German national team demonstrates his potential and threat, as when deployed back in his preferred position he is a real menace. Even when playing out of position, his pass completion rates for medium and long passes remain respectable, and he ranks highly in non-penalty expected goals and shots on target. These indicators suggest that his goal-scoring threat has not diminished significantly at Chelsea.
Furthermore, Havertz's defensive contributions should not be overlooked. He ranks in at least the 70th percentile for tackles, blocks, clearances, and aerial duels won among forwards. While there is room for improvement in his pressing, his defensive statistics are relatively impressive, especially considering the lack of structure in Chelsea's side.Under Unai Emery's guidance at Villa, Havertz has the potential to become a pressing monster. Emery's coaching can help him improve his defensive skills and become a more well-rounded player. Additionally, Havertz's size and physicality, despite his slender frame, can benefit Aston Villa, as the team lacks these attributes in certain positions.
Regarding Havertz's fit at Villa, he could be deployed either off the shoulder of Watkins, a position he missed at Chelsea and thrived under at leverkusen. This would allow him to maintain a goal threat while alleviating some of the pressure on him. Alternatively, he could be played as the wide right midfieldeattacking midfielder hybrid that Villa employs. Havertz favors the right side when playing in Germany and this would make use of this excellent crossing ability as well as involve him more in the buildup play in addition to his final third contributions. I think his flexibility will be very valued in this current villa side which isn't the largest as well as Unai emery who likes to tinker with player roles and positions.
In terms of the current squad, I suspect Havertz would likely replace Buendia, as I believe Havertz brings more to the team. Although I really do like Buendia and want him to succeed, Buendia has struggled to find consistency and his size and lack of physicality may not fit well with Emery's physical system. This might sound harsh but Villa has shown a willingness to make tough decisions, as seen with the release of Ashley Young today (which i'm gutted about), and bringing in Havertz could be a step towards further improvement.
Considering Chelsea's potential need to offload players this summer, it is possible that Havertz could be available for a price between £40-50 million. While there have been no concrete links between Havertz and Villa, the reasons discussed above suggest that he should be considered as a potential transfer target. At just 23 years old, Havertz has not yet reached his full potential, and under the guidance of Unai Emery, there is hope that he can regain his form from his time at Leverkusen and surpass it.
I would be very interested to hear what you think and if you'd like in more content like this you can check my profile to see the analysis and discussion I did on Ugarte whom we are actually linked with :)

I think something needs to be clarified...
Jamie has had ZERO to do with anything that has occurred. PERIOD. And, going after her, or Margaret, or anyone else is simply wrong.
The entire issue began as a result of ODA being contacted about the potential of a visitors permit to Ohio for family needs. From there, ODA did their work, and nothing more.
No one made a claim of a dangerous animal in anyway. In Ohio, according to state laws, banned animals are classifed as DWA, Dangerous Wild Animals. No one spoke of that.
ODA has been watching all of the videos and info since the date they were contacted for the visitors permit.
In Ohio you can get a permit for DWA, however, you cannot get that permit if the animals are in possession prior to issuance. You also are allowed to visit in state for 48 hours, but only if your primary residence is located outside of the state of Ohio, and according to Ohio ordinance that out of state residence must be where your drivers license and taxes are filed. All of this can be verified by simply speaking to any representative at ODA. The only other exception for such animals if for deaf and blind individuals whoo's animals have come from one of a couple of chosen organizations approved by ODA. These are the laws.
Ohio sets the temperature for all of the exotics world, thanks to Jack Hannah, Zanesville and multiple other issues over the years.
Lots of facts are being skewed and misrepresented. There are 47 minutes of unseen footage from that day. Mike King and the other officers present on that day can be reached for verification. However, a report to be obtained by FOIA cannot be completed until the case is closed. That will not occur until the ordinances and laws are in compliance for the parties involved. However, with other misrepresented facts, you can FOIA the report on Eric, aka RICO, and find the facts, which do not match the stories being told. The same is true of the investigation and facts of Union Ridge, of which you can also contact the OSA for further information.
It is easy when emotions are high to jump on a band wagon. I have made it very clear to ODA and the officers, while my name has long been on the list of approved out of state options for primates, I have zero interest in these animals. I do not need or want anyone else's animals. The same was true with Rico. I housed Mike, his vervet, for 3 months until he was able to satisfy the requirements of ODA, during which time I was accountable and in constant contact with ODA to meet their requirements for temporary care. Including working direct with the Tennessee Dept of Ag and USFW for documentation and veterinary care. reported direct to Dr. Alex McCourt during that time, as well as Jason King, the head of Enforcement in Ohio.
All of this can be verified by simply speaking to ODA, and requested a FOIA of Rico. I was also always in contact with ODA during the messy interactions and duration of attempting to help Union Ridge.
In my 3 interactions in Ohio, the only success was helping Rico. Union Ridge was a mess, and Jason King warned me prior to my involvement to stay away. Because I am one to rescue and help no matter what and I saw some potential in the situation, I forged ahead, a mistake that was hard to handle in my reputation and work.
My greatest mistake is always helping no matter the cost. For those picking at SPARTN, the work we have done is as a support to multiple individuals, facilities and more. Those did include Union Ridge and Rico. They have included the Wildlife Way Station, Christina's work in Ecuador, multiple ongoing projects in Texas and Florida. All of the information regarding SPARTN and the audited financials are available upon request from the 990's at the IRS.
All of the documentation of these things is available for anyone.
Melissa, I am sorry for what you have faced and are facing. While I believe many of the purported facts are not aligned with what y understanding is.... I believe you are determined to find a way. My intent has never been to cause such as shit storm, or to hurt a family. However, I am not in control of the
Choosing to report me and my work to any agency or group will prove a headache for sure. But, it will pose a danger, a direct danger to other monkey families who are not in legal areas. The agencies who have been contacted, and some by myself to preclude the possible reports by those in this feed, have been given access to my full records, phone info, texts and more. And the things in those records could be potentially damaging to others, as contrary to popular opinion here, I have not reported or tried to take anyone's animals. When you FOIA, when those documents are available, while I did speak to ODA, you will find in these purported incidents, I am not the person(s) who filed any official report or complaint.
When it comes to the governance of Monkeys, it is State to State and County to County. USDA only regulates the care, breeding and exhibition of the animals in places where the local laws allow and support. The ALDF and PETA are leading the charge to close down more and more of these freedoms. ALDF is the pressure behind USDA to regulate social media, and USDA and USFW, along with state agencies, have entire groups who monitor social media. When they identify individuals who they believe are in violation they track and contact those individuals using the GPS/Geotagging data available in content posted online. In May of 2022, I was contacted directly by the USDA, the were able to find my info and sent a registered letter to notify me that I must come into compliance. The same happened with Rico and many others who have a presence online. This is going to increase.
Attacking and being cruel to those who are my friends is a cheap, low brow display of character. I would ask that any and all of you please step away from any criticism of Jamie, Margaret, BossMom and any others whom I consider friends. If you choose to be upset with me, then have your go, but the others have had literally nothing to do with any of the things to which you have complained. So, be human beings with the amount of charity and compassion you claim I am missing, and offer that to my friends....
While I am addressing all manner of items. I realize how the posts on twitter are misconstrued for what someone feels.... but context is everything. I do not have a single issue with folks who are fat. I have a deep issue with building this culture to celebrate being obese as a beautiful standard... Because it is dangerous and deadly for many. I can't stand that. I cannot stand the Transexual mania cult, the kind that fights to mutilate kids for "affirming care"... Kids, and even those in their early 20's barely have the ability to understand being sterilized and having their bodies changed by surgery and hormones. And I have watched lives wrecked and destroyed, and my trans friends agree with me. It would be smarter for many to have context, but I will take responsibility for making posts that may have felt unkind in your eyes.
Guys, I have not been in here, and refuse to read in here.... So I will not be back to respond... But wanted to speak to things, and mostly make the request that you all stop any attacks and action towards Jamie, Margaret, Bossmom and others. Thanks for reading, have a great Wednesday!
~Michael

This is gonna be a long post, jsyk.sorry 🙃
So I feel like there are different starts to the story but I suppose the beginning would be when I got married. I (32F) got married about three and a half years ago after dating my husband (29M) for a year, and found out I was pregnant about 6 months later. After a couple months of being pregnant I found out that my husband had cheated on me (oral from a past partner). Tried to let it go and continue on with our marriage but the trust was shattered and while he said that I was already kind of being like rude and bitchy (I was pregnant, remember), this certainly didn't help things I just got more rude and less trusting. I guess he expected that I would be able to move on and trust him (bc he was "honest" about it)but in reality what happened is I didn't trust him at all after that and I started looking through his phone and basically just thinking he was cheating on me all the time.
So essentially he never stopped looking on Reddit for people to talk to, which is something I didn't know that he was doing originally. I found out about that when our child was almost a year old. And it seemed like he had been going on Reddit all the time making all these posts in r4r. I went through his phone one night and looked at all the messages and everything and in one of the messages he had been talking to somebody about me and like describing me and talking about how he was looking for a third for us, which wasn't the case at the time. Shortly after that he started asking me if he could meet people off Reddit but they were trans girls and he said that he wanted to explore his sexuality so I guess I agreed but I kind of felt like I was pushed into an open relationship that I didn't really want. I had been in open relationships before so it wasn't that crazy to me, I just wasn't into it this time. I really wanted to be monogamous with my husband and that's what I told him in the beginning when we first met. (Ironically he originally had issues trusting me because I had been polyamorous before. And I worked really hard to assure him that I only wanted to be monogamous this time but it turns out that was just him projecting).
So a little time passed. He seemed like he got all of that out of his system and when we moved houses a year later, I found out I was pregnant again. I want to take this time to say that we have almost no help or support at all. Some of our parents have passed away and some of our parents just don't like us. So we're raising three kids on our own (one from my previous relationship). We have been able to buy a house and take care of ourselves but we don't have like the social supports there that we need. I had a very difficult pregnancy and by that I mean like my morning sickness never went away, I had almost no energy, and I really couldn't take care of a toddler at that time. I started to become pretty depressed... probably still had postpartum depression from the other pregnancy and I just didn't want to do anything. I guess I will have to admit that I also became rather rude and bitchy over this time. When I was about 9 months pregnant my husband came to me and told me that it was difficult to have sex with me anymore because of my size and I guess also because of my attitude. He has this whole thing about having "physical needs" 😑. It doesn't really seem like he cared about my emotional needs at the time but that's another story for another time. So he asked me if he could begin a friends with benefits relationship with somebody that he had met off of Reddit and I was rather taken aback and I said no. I said I need you to be here for me in my last month of pregnancy and while I'm postpartum those first couple weeks and then I said after that you can start your relationship with this person because I just need you to be here while I'm giving birth and be present for me.
He decided that he was not okay with that. And started talking with this person anyway pretty much met up with them almost immediately. Then he saw this person on and off for the next 6 weeks. Yes during my last month of pregnancy. He claims that this was only a physical relationship no emotional relationship at all.
I found out about this when I was 2 weeks postpartum, I had been suspicious so I started going through his phone again. He had had some outing where he supposedly went with one of his guy friends and hung out and stayed overnight. We had an appointment for the newborn the next day and I was worried about him being late and he eventually came home, but like the next day I was pretty suspicious so I went through his phone when it was unlocked and I saw all these text messages from the girl and you already know they dated back to when he had originally asked me. So it was when I realized that he had been cheating on me this whole time. I lost my mind and I'm not going to lie I did get a little bit violent. I did punch some of our furniture and eventually I like slapped him and got really freaked out.
THIS MF. Somehow convinced me that this person was a third that we had been looking for. (I wasn't really looking for a third I think I've continually stated that I just wanted my husband to be present but I am pansexual and I have been wanting to not feel like gross pregnant woman anymore so I kind of went along with this bc I didn't know what to do). So here comes this girl into our relationship and I don't know at first I didn't like her obviously. But over time she kind of grew on me she was very helpful with the newborn, in fact she was more helpful than my husband was. My husband works 12 hours a day and this girl works like 8 and has a more flexible schedule so all of a sudden she started coming over to the house to help me during the day which was great because as I said I don't have any support from my family.
But it's really hard for me to put my feelings to the side, and I never really got over the betrayal of trust. So when it came time for us to have like sex together I mean we were having threesomes pretty regularly but every time I watch them I would just feel so disgusted and disappointed and upset. Even though she became my friend and her and I were intimate I just couldn't see the two of them together it was a huge like mental block for me. Well, the worst possible things started happening. I started developing feelings for her at the same time I realized that he didn't really see her as anything more than a set of holes. It kind of bothered me that he felt that way and I encouraged him to you know be a little more friendly with her not just like wanting to have sex with her.
Eventually I started becoming jealous of everything that was going on but instead of telling my husband (mistake) I decided that since we're in an open relationship I'll just start talking to other people. So I started talking to other people and didn't really work out very well but I did somehow keep her updated, because we became friends. So now all of a sudden she knows what I'm doing and he doesn't (mistake). I did end up meeting one guy who is really attractive and I wanted to get to know him a little better I invited him over to my house when my husband was gone with her. My kids were sleeping. She knew that I was going to invite someone over and kind of helped me get my husband out of the house. So the guy comes over we hang out, we smoke, we hook up a little bit but nothing serious happens and he leaves. I hung out with him a couple more times but I didn't actually have him like inside my house after that. His birthday was that week so I ended up making him some baked treats that I had to buy a special cake pan for but honestly after I did that for him I never saw him again. It seemed like he might have had some of his own issues going on.
So fast forward a couple weeks My husband still hanging out with her and spending more and more time. And one night he's supposed to come home and hang out with me we're going to have like a nice little evening the other. He said he just wanted to stop by her house for a quickie and literally said he would be home after like a couple hours. I said okay I'll put the kids to bed I guess. Again I'm not okay with any of this but like I really don't know what to do so I'm just kind of going along with it. Well time went by I put the kids to bed he didn't come home, so I started texting her telling her he was supposed to come home. I guess he didn't like that he said I was blowing up her phone and ruining their time together and he decided to stay there longer. So he didn't come home until like midnight, and I got really mad and I had like a mental health episode I kind of snapped.... I laid hands on him, I threatened him with a couple different weapons and things got pretty bad. He ended up locking me in the garage for his safety and you know no cops were called but ultimately like that night can never be undone. So that week was actually his vacation week from work and we still had a family vacation that week that we actually brought her on (she paid for half the Airbnb). She didn't really seem like she thought it was a good idea but then ultimately was like yeah I'll go with you guys. Really I just wanted to use her for child care so I could hang out with my husband on the vacation. But that's not what happened. What actually happened was that I had no energy to plan a real vacation so we kind of just sat around the Airbnb and went to like the grocery store and did a couple things. The full day we had where we went to the beach and stuff I just walked around talking with her about how I want to kill myself. She tried to make me feel better and tried to encourage me to look at how much fun the babies were having but I just kept telling her nothing meant anything and I want to kill myself.
The rest of the trip went pretty similarly and we all drove the 2 hours home and ironically she took me to the yarn store as the last thing she ever did so that I could you know "have a little fun" (I'm a fiber artist). After that week I realized that I had some real issues that I needed to work through on my own and I immediately got myself in therapy and put myself on antidepressants. Which honestly worked wonders and in the past like month and a half I felt so much better, so much less anxiety and depression and it's really changing my thought patterns and my behavior. I never saw her again, I asked her a few days later if we could just kind of take a break because I needed to admit to myself that her presence was very triggering to me and that's why I had never really been too nice to her. We had a long conversation that ended in tears and she said she respected that and if I want to hit her up in like 6 months that would be fine but she wasn't sure where she would be. I told her I didn't need 6 months maybe just like 6 weeks or something. We were pretty good friends honestly I just needed some time to myself. Well I tried to call her a week later just to see how she was doing and she blocked me. About the same time my husband started " sleeping in the parking lot at his job". No I didn't believe that, my sister didn't believe that either but I didn't really have a way to refute that so I just kind of accepted it. And I started to get really worried about him. He works in a pretty dangerous major city and sleeping in a parking lot is not a great idea there. In fact sometimes I got so worried that I would wish that he would just be sleeping at her house and lying to me about it. Well guess what I got my wish. Few days ago we were supposed to have a party for memorial day and my family was going to come over. My sister, my brother from the army, my aunt who's been sick, my nephew who's birthday is coming up. We were all going to have a good old time at my house bx I have a nice big yard. My husband had said that he was going to go hang out with one of his guy friends on Friday after work and he never came home. So I kind of assumed that he was just spending the night at his guy friend's house and I left it alone until about 11:00 a.m. the next day. I'd already gotten the kids ready for everything and I'd already done yard work trying to make the yard look nice. He still didn't come home so after a while it's like 11:00 a.m. I look in our transaction log and I see that he's gone to Dunkin' donuts and Taco Bell so I just googled where the Dunkin' donuts was. His friend lives a very far distance away from the girl. Well the Dunkin donuts was right by her house so we know where he was.
Yet again, I got upset I told my sister what was going on and she was on the way. A few minutes later he pulls in and we start talking and I'm like I know where you were. He starts laughing and he goes how does it feel. So it turns out that she had told him about the guy that I had over at the house and I kinda thought that happened because a week prior he had started freaking out for almost no reason and took an ax to the cake plate I had bought for that guy. (Why would he know about that?) So we got into this whole stupid fight right before my family comes over and I take his phone. I'm like you don't need this anymore. Yes it is his and yes I know that was wrong. I go to take the house phone from him because I'm really pissed off and then he kind of wretches it out of my hand. He calls the police. I go outside. I'm about to call the police myself but I'm black and he's white and I thought about it and I was like nah. So I call my siblings and I let them know that he just called the police and they're like okay they'll be here soon. So the police come and I honestly think that they thought I called on him which I guess is good. But then he starts telling them that I'm being aggressive like using those kind of terms okay wow you know that's not something you want to tell the cops because I'm black but okay. They determined that I wasn't being aggressive and they told both of us that neither one of us could make the other person leave and they left. My family shows up and they're all vaguely aware of what's going on. My sister already knew the whole story, my brother found out very quickly and it was just weird like okay I guess we'll try to have a family party since he won't leave. But he and I kept fighting so all the kids stayed outside with my siblings and he and I are like fighting in the house, eventually I pack up all his stuff and I'm like just get the f*** out and go. But he's like no. I managed to calm down for a bit but after a while he's holding the baby and it was time for me to feed the baby so I go over to him to get the baby and he won't give me the baby, like no he's fine. I put one finger on his hand and he said do not touch me. So I said you're right I took 10 steps back and I called the police and let the police know that he would not give me my baby. Same cops show up and they're like what's going on. I tell them what's going on and the cops eventually come back to me and they're like he's going to give your sister the baby and she'll give the baby to you. Like, you guys need to stop type energy.
Rest of the party basically goes on my family eventually leaves My sister was very concerned that he wouldn't help me with the children after they left. Which I just found funny because he honestly never helps me with the kids. So I find out through a conversation we had later that he's contacted lawyers, he's been thinking about divorcing me for a while... all of a sudden he starts talking about taking full custody (I'm a stay at home mom). And everything just kind of hits me like wow this is over. Well he had a couple more days off work, we talk more... eventually we come to the understanding that we should try to make this work out for our kids. He literally gave me a hug at the end of that conversation and tells me " I made a promise to you, I'm not going to break it...Don't make a fool out of me." I guess he feels like he gets to say this because I was hitting him. Because now it seems like the fact that I hit him on a few different occasions has overshadowed the huge amount of infidelity he's done. (NB: during the conversation he let me know that I'm going to have to accept the fact that he's going to continue a physical relationship with this person. Not because he has feelings for her but because he doesn't want to be told what to do.)
So memorial Day goes fine. One of our children was with my aunt, and he and I just had a calm day. We talked to each other and took care of the kids. About 6:30 he passes out on the couch and I just left him there, took care of the kids and went to bed myself about 9:30. When I wake up he's in bed next to me spooning me. I guess that felt nice. I wake him up for work and I go to the bathroom when I come out he's upstairs in the other bathroom. I got myself ready and then I go upstairs... He's asleep on the couch again. I tried to wake him up and he's like I'm not going to work I can't do this anymore. In my head I saw myself freaking out. But what I actually did was put on my boots and just go for a walk (therapy is working🫠). Well I was on the walk I called my aunt and my sister kind of talk to them a little bit call myself down. He called me asking me about a debit card or something so then I realized like okay maybe he is leaving. I start walking back home. When I get home I realize that he left. He left the kids there asleep by themselves.
Eventually I ask him if he's okay and he says yes, he asked me if I'm okay I said yes. I told him that I took my medicine and ate and am going to the park with the kids. A little later ask him if he's coming home tonight bc I need tampons. He never responded. I woke up the next day (this morning) by myself. I placed a grocery order, got some tampons and other things that I need.
I don't really know what to do Reddit.That's the end of the story so far. I come here because I don't have anyone else other than my sister to talk to about this and she doesn't have any extra advice for me. What would you guys do? I don't have any family at all (other than my aunt who is elderly). I'm a stay-at-home mom who can't drive and I haven't worked in 3 years... I have a school-aged child, a toddler, and a baby. I don't want to live my life like this. I want my husband to love me and I want us to have a beautiful life together. But it he seems like he's just stuck on being stupid right now and I don't want to live like this.
If you read this far, thank you so much. If you have anything to tell me please drop a comment cause I really need it. Thanks.

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Spreadsheet

	HOUSE	FRAGRANCE	SIZE	REMAINING	Notes/Condition	Price	Type
1	Amouage	Incense Rori Attar	12mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$439	Niche
2	Amouage	Material (Woman)	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; Tester Cap	$145	Niche
3	Amouage	Orris Wakan Attar	12mL	99% Full	Full Presentation	$419	Niche
4	Amouage	Rose Aqor Attar	12mL	99% Full	Full Presentation	$419	Niche
5	Amouage	Vanilla Barka Attar	12mL	99% Full	Full Presentation	$419	Niche
6	Andy Tauer	Cologne du Maghreb	50mL	99% Full	First Release, Rectangular Clear Bottle; With box	$95	Niche
7	Bond No. 9	Madison Square Park	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$135	Niche
8	By Kilian	Apple Brandy on the Rocks	50mL	99% Full	Full Presentation, Box has some wear.	$160	Niche
9	By Kilian	Bamboo Harmony	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$209	Niche
10	By Kilian	Black Phantom	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$215	Niche
11	By Kilian	Gold Knight	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$209	Niche
12	By Kilian	Good Girl Gone Bad	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$800	Niche
13	By Kilian	Intoxicated	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$209	Niche
14	By Kilian	Love Don't Be Shy	50mL	99% Full	Full Presentation, Box has some wear.	$160	Niche
15	Byredo	Infloresence	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
16	Byredo	Lil Fleur	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
17	Byredo	Mixed Emotions	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
18	Byredo	Mumbai Noise	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
19	Byredo	Sunday Cologne	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
20	Chanel Exclusif	Cuir de Russie EdT	200mL	95% Full	No Box; Tester	$725	Niche
21	Chanel Exclusif	Misia EdT	200mL	98% Full	Vintage Discontinued Formula; No Box	$380	Niche
22	Chanel Exclusif	No. 22 EdT	200mL	97% Full		$550	Niche
23	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Bois D'Argent	7.5mL	100% Full	Official Mini	$30	Niche
24	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Bois D'Argent	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 0V01 (2010 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
25	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Cologne Royale	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1X01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
26	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Diorissima	7.5mL	100% Full	Official Mini; No Cannister - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
27	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Eau Noire	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1R01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
28	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Eden Roc	7.5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
29	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Granville	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 0V01 (2010 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
30	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Milly-La-Foret	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 0W01 (2010 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
31	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Mitzah	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1W01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
32	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	New Look 1947	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1R01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
33	Clive Christian	I Pour Femme (Woody Floral with Vintage Rose)	50mL	99% Full	No Box	$180	Niche
34	Clive Christian	Rock Rose	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$289	Niche
35	Creed	Acqua Florentina - F Batch	75mL	95% Full	Box, Can add a Creed Cap as well	$175	Niche
36	Creed	Aventus - 22A11A	100mL	100% Full	Full Presentation	$250	Niche
37	Creed	Aventus Cologne - 2022 Batch	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$234	Niche
38	Creed	Aventus Cologne - F Batch (Plastic Cap)	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed in Box	$239	Niche
39	Creed	Aventus for Her - F567	75mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$190	Niche
40	Creed	Erolfa - 15X01	120mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$369	Niche
41	Creed	Erolfa - F Batch	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$160	Niche
42	Creed	Green Irish Tweed - 19U11	50mL	99% Full	Full presentation with Box	$160	Niche
43	Creed	Green Irish Tweed - 2022 Batch	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$195	Niche
44	Creed	Himalaya - 22B01A	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Square Style Cap	$175	Niche
45	Creed	Jardin D'Amalfi	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$199	Niche
46	Creed	Millesime Imperial - F Batch	100mL	100% Full	Comes with Box and SQUARE Older Style Cap.	$180	Niche
47	Creed	Neroli Sauvage - F241	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$160	Niche
48	Creed	Original Santal - F511	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$160	Niche
49	Creed	Royal Mayfair - 15R01	120mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$229	Niche
50	Creed	Royal Oud - F BATCH	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$275	Niche
51	Creed	Royal Water - 20C01N	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Square Style Cap	$175	Niche
52	Creed	Silver Mountain Water - 21V01A	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Square Style Cap	$180	Niche
53	Creed	Spring Flowers 2023	75mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$225	Niche
54	Creed	Tabarome - 21Y01A	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$160	Niche
55	Creed	Virgin Island Water - F473	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$195	Niche
56	Creed	White Amber - 17W01	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$149	Niche
57	Creed	Wind Flowers - 22C01B	75mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$199	Niche
58	Diptyque	Do Son Eau de Toilette	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$99	Niche
59	DS & DURGA	Amber Kiso	100mL	100% Full	New, No Box	$125	Niche
60	Frederic Malle	Eau de Magnolia	10mL	100% Full	Official Travel Spray	$55	Niche
61	Gallagher	Bergamot Silk	100mL	99% Full		$84	Niche
62	Giorgio Armani / Armani Prive	Gardenia Antigua	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$155	Niche
63	Giorgio Armani / Armani Prive	Pierre de Lune	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$155	Niche
64	Giorgio Armani / Armani Prive	Rose Alexandrie	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$155	Niche
65	Guerlain	Angelique Noire	30mL	100% Full	Mini Bee Bottle Decant	$215	Niche
66	Guerlain	Angelique Noire	10mL	100% Full	Tall Glass Decant	$55	Niche
67	Guerlain	Cherry Oud	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$279	Niche
68	Guerlain	Cruel Gardenia	200mL	100% Full	Brand new tester without box	$329	Niche
69	Guerlain	Embruns D'Ylang	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
70	Guerlain	Epices Volee	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
71	Guerlain	Gourmand Coquin	10mL	100% Full	Tall Glass Decant	$60	Niche
72	Guerlain	Herbes Troublantes	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
73	Guerlain	Joyeuse Tuberuese	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$349	Niche
74	Guerlain	Musc Outreblanc	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$349	Niche
75	Guerlain	Oeillet Pourpre	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
76	Guerlain	Oud Nude	200mL	95% Full	Tester; No Box	$369	Niche
77	Guerlain	Rose Barbare	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
78	Guerlain	Rose Barbare	200mL	90% Full	DECANTED - NO ORIGINAL BOTTLE	$250	Niche
79	Guerlain	Santal Pao Rosa	200mL	100% Full	Tester (No Box)	$349	Niche
80	Guerlain	Tonka Imperiale	30mL	100% Full	Mini Bee Bottle Decant	$199	Niche
81	Guerlain	Tonka Imperiale	10mL	100% Full	Tall Glass Decant	$55	Niche
82	Hermes / Hermessence	Agar Ebene	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
83	Hermes / Hermessence	Epice Marine	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$170	Niche
84	Hermes / Hermessence	Iris Ukiyoe	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
85	Hermes / Hermessence	Osmanthe Yunnan	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
86	Hermes / Hermessence	Paprika Brasil	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$170	Niche
87	Hermes / Hermessence	Santal Massoia	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$170	Niche
88	Hermes / Hermessence	Vanille Galante	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
89	Hermes / Hermessence	Vetiver Tonka	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
90	Hermes / Hermessence	Vetiver Tonka	200mL	100% Full	Full Presentation, Brand New.	$399	Niche
91	Hiram Green	Vetiver	50mL	95% Full	Full Presentation	$130	Niche
92	House of Sillage	Hufflepuff	75mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$325	Niche
93	House of Sillage	Nouez Moi	75mL	99% Full	Tester	$120	Niche
94	I Profumi di Firenze	Caterina De Medici	50mL	99% Full	No Box	$35	Niche
95	Initio	Musk Therapy	90mL	99% Full	Full presentation with Box	$200	Niche
96	Initio	Side Effect	10mL	100% Full	Official Travel Atomizer	$75	Niche
97	Knize	Knize Ten	125mL	99% Full	No Box	$110	Niche
98	Le Labo	Another 13	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$189	Niche
99	Le Labo	Baie 19	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$225	Niche
100	Le Labo	Cedrat 37 – Berlin City Exclusive	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$275	Niche
101	Le Labo	Cedrat 37 – Berlin City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$225	Niche
102	Le Labo	Gaiac 10 – Tokyo City Exclusive	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$400	Niche
103	Le Labo	Mousse de Chene 30 - Amsterdam City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$300	Niche
104	Le Labo	Musc 25 – Los Angeles City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$250	Niche
105	Le Labo	Rose 31	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$175	Niche
106	Le Labo	Tabac 28 – Miami City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$250	Niche
107	Le Labo	The Noir 29	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$175	Niche
108	Maison Crivelli	Bois Datchai	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$169	Niche
109	Maison Crivelli	Rose Saltifolia	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
110	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	724	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$365	Niche
111	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Amyris Femme	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$139	Niche
112	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Amyris Femme Extrait	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
113	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Amyris Femme Extrait Special Edition Bottle	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$245	Niche
114	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$115	Niche
115	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia Cologne Forte	200mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$279	Niche
116	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia Cologne Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$149	Niche
117	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
118	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Universalis Cologne Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$119	Niche
119	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Universalis EdT	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$219	Niche
120	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Vitae	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$219	Niche
121	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Vitae Cologne Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$119	Niche
122	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Vitae Forte EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
123	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Baccarat Rouge 540 EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$205	Niche
124	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Gentle Fluidity Gold	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
125	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Grand Soir	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$170	Niche
126	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	L'eau a La Rose	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$129	Niche
127	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	L'eau a la Rose	35mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$90	Niche
128	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	L'homme A la Rose	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
129	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Oud EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$170	Niche
130	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Oud Extrait	10mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$35	Niche
131	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Oud Satin Mood EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$190	Niche
132	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Petit Matin	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$145	Niche
133	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Petit Matin	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$350	Niche
134	Mark Birley	Charles Street	75mL	97% Full	Travel Version	$90	Niche
135	Masque Milano	Tango	35mL	99% Full		$90	Niche
136	Memo Paris	French Leather	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Cap	$135	Niche
137	Memo Paris	Inle	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Cap	$135	Niche
138	Memo Paris	Italian Leather	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box or Cap	$135	Niche
139	Memo Paris	Lailabella	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
140	Memo Paris	Marfa	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
141	Memo Paris	Moon Fever	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
142	Memo Paris	Oriental Leather	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
143	Mind Games	Caissa	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$250	Niche
144	Mind Games	Gardez (Black Queen)	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$225	Niche
145	Mind Games	J'Adoube	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$299	Niche
146	Mind Games	Scholar's Mate	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$225	Niche
147	Mizensir	Cologne de Figuer	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$175	Niche
148	Mizensir	Cologne de Matte	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$175	Niche
149	Mizensir	Ideal Oud	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
150	Mizensir	Mythique Vetiver	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$175	Niche
151	Mizensir	Sweet Prailine	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
152	Mizensir	Bois de Mysore	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
153	Mona di Orio	Cuir	75mL	99% Full	No Box	$120	Niche
154	Oliver and Co.	M.O.U.S.S.E.	50mL	99% Full	Limited Edition 87/133	$110	Niche
155	Parfums de Nicolai	Patchouli Intense	100mL	98% Full	Full Presentation	$119	Niche
156	Perris Monte Carlo	Tuberuese Absolue	100mL	99% Full	No Box	$99	Niche
157	Pomare's Stolen Perfume	Angel's Share	9mL	70% Full	No Box	$40	Niche
158	Roja Dove	Apex Discovery Atomizer	7.5mL	99% Full		$50	Niche
159	Roja Dove	Creation-E Essence de Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
160	Roja Dove	Scandal Essence de Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
161	Roman Monegal	L'eau de Rose	50mL	97% Full		$70	Niche
162	Santa Maria Novella	Sandalo	100mL	95% Full	No Box	$80	Niche
163	The Harmonist	Desired Earth Eau de Parfum	50mL	100% Full	Brand new, Sealed	$219	Niche
164	The Harmonist	Magnetic Wood Parfum	50mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$229	Niche
165	Tom Ford	Beau de Jour	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$1,000	Niche
166	Tom Ford	Ebene Fume	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$750	Niche
167	Tom Ford	Ebene Fume	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$170	Niche
168	Tom Ford	Fougere Platine	250mL	90% Full	Decanter; No Box	$625	Niche
169	Tom Ford	Fougere Platine	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$1,000	Niche
170	Tom Ford	Fucking Fabulous	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$750	Niche
171	Tom Ford	Fucking Fabulous	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$180	Niche
172	Tom Ford	Grey Vetiver Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Sealed, New in Box	$170	Niche
173	Tom Ford	Oud Fleur	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$1,000	Niche
174	Tom Ford	Oud Wood	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$750	Niche
175	Tom Ford	Rose de Chine	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$175	Niche
176	Tom Ford	Rose Prick	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$269	Niche
177	Tom Ford	Soleil Blanc EdP	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$140	Niche
178	Tom Ford	Soleil Brulant	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$145	Niche
179	Tom Ford	Soleil Neige	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$850	Niche
180	Tom Ford	Tobacco Oud	50mL	95% Full	No Box	$180	Niche
181	Tom Ford	Tobacco Vanille	50mL	90% Full	Full Presentation with Box	$155	Niche
182	Tom Ford	Tuscan Leather	50mL	100% Full	Magnetic Cap Decant	$115	Niche
183	Tom Ford	Vert des Bois	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$900	Niche
184	Tom Ford	White Suede	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$850	Niche
185	TVGA	Milestones Extrait	9mL	90% Full	No Box	$40	Niche
186	Washington Tremlett	Black Tie	100mL	95% Full		$125	Niche
187	Yves Saint Laurent	Tuxedo	250mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$375	Niche
188	Acqua di Parma	Arancia Di Capri	150mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
189	Acqua di Parma	Colonia EdC	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$75	Designer
190	Acqua di Parma	Colonia Intensa	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
191	Aqua di Parma	Magnolia Nobile	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$115	Designer
192	Caron	Pour un Homme de Caron Le Matin	125mL	100% Full	Opened to test, sprayed once	$69	Designer
193	Caron	Pour un Homme de Caron Le Soir	125mL	100% Full	Opened to test, sprayed once	$69	Designer
194	Caron	Pour Un Homme Impact Parfum	75mL	97% Full	No Box	$175	Designer
195	Chanel	Allure Homme Sport - Aftershave Balm	100mL	99% Full	No Box	$65	Designer
196	Chanel	Allure Pour Femme EdT	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
197	Chanel	Antaeus	100mL	85% Full	Silver Sprayer	$125	Designer
198	Chanel	Bleu de Chanel - Aftershave Balm	100mL	99% Full	No Box, Minor Cosmetic Damage	$55	Designer
199	Chanel	Bleu de Chanel - Aftershave Lotion	100mL	99% Full	No Box, Minor Cosmetic Damage	$55	Designer
200	Chanel	Bleu de Chanel Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$130	Designer
201	Chanel	Chance Eau Tendre EdP	50mL	90% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
202	Chanel	Chance Eau Tendre EdT	150mL	99% Full	Tester; No Box	$120	Designer
203	Chanel	Coco EdP	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$85	Designer
204	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle - Moisturizing Body Lotion	200mL	99% Full	No Box	$55	Designer
205	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle EdP	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
206	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle EdT	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
207	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle L'eau Privee	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
208	Chanel	Cristalle Eau Vert EdT Concentree	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Designer
209	Chanel	Cristalle EdP	50mL	95% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Designer
210	Chanel	No. 19	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$115	Designer
211	Chanel	No. 5 Eau Premiere	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$85	Designer
212	Chanel	No. 5 EdP	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$85	Designer
213	Chanel	Platinum Egoiste	75mL	99% Full	SPLASH, NOT SPRAY Older Formulation	$125	Designer
214	Christian Dior	Dior Homme Sport - 2017 Version	125mL	99% Full	Tester; No Box Batch Code is 6Y02	$89	Designer
215	Christian Dior	J'adore in Joy EdT	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap, No Box	$60	Designer
216	Floris	007	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap, No Box	$100	Designer
217	Floris	A Rose For...	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$65	Designer
218	Floris	Cefiro	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap, No Box	$59	Designer
219	Floris	Lily of the Valley	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$65	Designer
220	Gucci	Gucci Guilty Absolute	90mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$70	Designer
221	Guerlain	Habit Rouge L'instinct	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed once	$84	Designer
222	Guerlain	L'instant de Guerlain Pour Homme EXTREME	10mL	100% Full	VINTAGE BLACK RIM - DECANT	$50	Designer
223	Hermes	Twilly	80mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
224	Jo Malone	Amber & Lavender	30mL	90% Full	No Box	$52	Designer
225	Jo Malone	English Oak & Redcurrant	30mL	80% Full	No Box	$49	Designer
226	Jo Malone	English Pear & Freesia	100mL	100% Full	Brand New with Gift Box and Gift Set (Body Wash, Body Lotion)	$180	Designer
227	Jo Malone	Rose & White Musk Absolu	100mL	100% Full	No Box	$180	Designer
228	Jo Malone	Velvet Rose and Oud Cologne Intense	50mL	99% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
229	Thierry Mugler	A*MEN	100mL	99% Full	Rubber Flask; No Box	$75	Designer
230	Thierry Mugler	A*MEN Ultra Zest	100mL	85-90% Full	Rubber Flask; No Box	$250	Designer
231	Tom Ford	Costa Azzura Parfum	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$130	Designer
232	Amouage	Cristal and Gold Ladies	50mL	95% Full	Vintage, Incredibly hard to find. Full presentation in nice condition	$399	Vintage
233	Cartier	Santos EdT	100mL	60% Full	Splash; Refillable; Original Formulation; No Box; Some Wear on Case	$149	Vintage
234	Chanel	Egoiste Cologne Concentree	100mL	97% Full	Bottle Only	$399	Vintage
235	Chanel	Gardenia EdT	100mL	100% Full	Vintage; Sealed	$390	Vintage
236	Crabtree & Evelyn	Crabtree & Evelyn Extract of West Indian and Sicilian Limes	125mL	100% Full	Full presentation with Box	$209	Vintage
237	Dunhill	Cologne	125mL	99% Full	Vintage; Splash	$100	Vintage
238	Escada	Pour Homme Aftershave	75mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$165	Vintage
239	Escada	Pour Homme Aftershave	125mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$240	Vintage
240	Floris	Bay Rum	3.5 Oz	97% Full	Vintage; Splash. "Use as a cologne, after shave lotion, or hair lotion."	$84	Vintage
241	Floris	Special 127	100mL	98% Full	Vintage; Dark Blue Box., 2 Royal Warrants, Vintage Version	$70	Vintage
242	Fragonard	Zizanie	240mL	80% Full	Shaker bottle (Splash, not spray) no box. At least 80% Full.	$240	Vintage
243	Geo F Trumper	Ajaccio Violets	100mL	99% Full		$40	Vintage
244	Gucci	Envy Aftershave	50mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$140	Vintage
245	Gucci	Envy Aftershave	100mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$215	Vintage
246	Gucci	Rush for Men	50mL	100% Full	Full Presentation; These do not come fully filled	$190	Vintage
247	Gucci	Rush for Men Aftershave	100mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$140	Vintage
248	Guerlain	Heritage EdT	200mL	100% Full	New; Vintage; Splash. 1991 Bottle.	$225	Vintage
249	Guerlain	Samrasa EdP	50mL	100% Full	No Box	$109	Vintage
250	Guerlain	Samsara EdT 1992-1993 Formulation	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Cap; No Box	$109	Vintage
251	Jean Desprez	Bal a Versailles	9 Oz	70% Full	Vintage; Splash; No Box Open to offers on this enormous bottle.	$135	Vintage
252	Lacoste	Eau de Sport Vivifiante	100mL	99% Full	No Box	$110	Vintage
253	Lacoste	Land	100mL	99% Full		$130	Vintage
254	Nino Cerruti	Fair Play Pour Homme	100mL	99% Full	Full presentation with Box	$275	Vintage
255	Paco Rabanne	Eau de Metal	20mL	100% Full	Vintage; Mini	$15	Vintage
256	Ralph Lauren	Silver Romance for Men	100mL	80% Full	No Box, No Cap	$145	Vintage
257	Revillon	Pour Homme Eau de Toilette Super Concentrate	60mL	99% Full	Atomizer	$190	Vintage
258	Revillon	Pour Homme Eau de Toilette Super Concentrate	90mL	99% Full	Atomizer	$290	Vintage​

When the old man got within range, John kicked at him with his good leg, but the old timer was quick, much quicker than he looked. He ducked to his right, side stepping John's lashing foot, then darted in and touched the tip of the prod to John's leg. Fire--that's what it felt like. White hot fire. A jolt went through John's body that made his eyeballs hurt. And just like that, the old man slipped in again and jabbed him in the stomach. Then, as John rolled onto his belly, the tip touched his back.
John curled into a ball and hugged his knees to his chest.
"Get through that door, boy," the old man said. "Move it, now!" Like herding an ornery animal.
And like an animal, John Burke responded, lifting himself onto all fours and crawling toward the exit. Halfway across the floor, the old man jammed the cattle prod against John's ass. He cried out and scampered through the door.
As soon they were out of the room, the old man clicked his cheek a couple of times like he was calling a dog. "Get on your feet, like a good boy." John struggled to his feet as the door closed behind him and the bolts slammed into place. He stood at one end of a narrow passage, dark, except for a single bulb hanging from the ceiling at the far end. Again, John felt the prod touch his back.
"Get!" the old man said.
John limped toward the light.
The passage emptied into a windowless room, low ceilinged and big. The old man forced him into a chute--a cattle chute. Horizontal steel poles on each side formed a walkway barely wide enough for a man's shoulders. The poles were stacked four high, the top pole about five feet off the ground. Every six or eight feet stood a vertical brace.
The old man closed and locked a sliding wooden door behind them, then bent and slipped between two of the horizontal poles. Outside the chute, he prodded John to keep him moving. As John walked toward the end, the old man thumped him two or three times with the prod but didn't shock him.
Suddenly, an overpowering stench hit John and his feet stopped moving. He looked to the right, toward the source of the smell, and saw a stainless steel table, on top of which lay a man's lifeless body. He was on his belly with his head turned and John could see the face of the man who'd been goaded out of the room just before him. The white-haired old lady stood beside the table gripping an electric carving knife in one latexed hand, while with her other gloved hand she pressed the man's leg firmly against the table. Bile gurgled up into John's throat as the old lady thumbed the switch on the carving knife and sliced a hunk of meat from the back of the dead man's thigh.
John spewed vomit and dropped to his knees. "Get up, boy," he heard from behind him as the prod juiced his lower back. John screamed in pain as he staggered to his feet. "Move it," the old man said. With legs like jelly, John stumbled forward.
The cut he'd worked into the leather belt was just to the right of the steel loop through which the handcuffs ran. Only an eighth of an inch of leather remained. Using his body, John shielded his hands from the old man's view while he tugged on the handcuffs and hobbled along.
The sides of the chute closed in on him as he reached the end. Near panic, John tried to turn around, but before he could the old man slid a gate closed behind him that penned him in.
Trapped.
From the corner of his eye, John watched the old man. Saw him step towards a workbench against the wall, fifteen feet away, and toss the cattle prod onto it. He pulled a ballpeen hammer down from a wall above the bench. It had a big stainless steel head with a foot long wooden handle. The old man turned and walked toward John with a casual, bored look on his face, just another day in the slaughterhouse.
Bent as far forward as he could, John thrust his hips back and jerked his cuffed hands forward, but the leather belt held. Behind him he heard the old man's shoes scrape the cement floor. Desperate, John twisted his hands to the right. The leather still held. Just an eighth of an inch between a chance for escape and a hammer to the back of the head.
A shoe scuff on the floor. Afraid to look, John stared at his hands. He groaned as he thrust his hips to the right and jerked his hands to the left. The leather tore and the belt pulled free from his waist.
"Where you think you're going?" the old man said.
John ducked and heard the top pole ring as the ballpeen hammer glanced off of it. With the belt still dangling from his handcuffs, John doubled over and stepped between the two middle poles on his left side. To his right the old man cursed him and swung the hammer between the bars. The hammer thumped into John's right hip but he didn't stop. Once through the bars he ran--hobbled on his painful ankle--toward the wall, trying to put as much distance between him and the old man as possible.
"Momma, momma, he got loose!"
"Catch him quick 'fore he gets away," the old lady screamed.
John Burke was lost. He didn't know where he was our how to get out. He turned, saw the old man race around the end of the chute, hammer cocked over his shoulder. John's back was to the wall. Wildly, he glanced around for something he could use. There was nothing.
To his left, twenty feet away was the corner of the room and a closed door.
The old man saw John looking. "You'll never get out." But he slowed down, approaching cautiously, angling toward the door to cut off John's only escape route.
The old man looked nervous about the door. John broke and ran. Waves of pain shot up his leg from his swollen ankle but he ignored it. The old man lunged toward the door to intercept. John tried to stop and start, throw a fake at the old man, but his ankle folded and he hit the floor.
The old man dropped to one knee beside him and raised the hammer over his head. "Got you!"
But as the killer blow came down, John shifted slightly to the side and the hammer struck the cement beside his head, sending tiny chips flying into his face. He lashed out with his good foot, missed the old man's head but caught him in the ribs. As the old man grunted and toppled over, John got to his feet and struggled to the door.
Locked.
John twisted the knob and screamed in rage. The old man stood up. Mounted on the wall next to the door was a gray metal circuit box, the handle protruding from its side angled up in the on position. An electrical shut off.
"Get him, poppy," the old woman screamed from the other side of the room. A nice old couple who called each other momma and poppy.
John grabbed the handle with both hands, shot a glance at the old man, saw him bearing down, and pulled.
Lights out. Total darkness.
Just in time John ducked. He heard the old man grunt as the hammer dug into the drywall. With his manacled hands, John shoved the old man, then ran along the wall to his left. Moving through the dark it felt like a mile. The old lady screamed.
Cuffed hands out in front with the torn leather belt dangling from them, John ran into the wall and turned right. He had no idea where to go or what to do. Just knew he had to put as much distance as he could between him and the old man. At the next corner he turned right again. Just up ahead he heard the old lady. "Poppy, I can't see."
He slowed down, tried to catch his breath. Then the lights came on. Poppy must have gotten to the switch. John found himself next to the stainless steel butchering table, and face-to-face with the old lady. With the power on, her electric carving knife started buzzing.
"I got him, poppy!" she said and chopped at him with the knife.
John jerked his head back as the humming blade passed less than an inch from his eyes.
"Momma!" the old man screamed.
John looked across the big room at the old man by the door. Hammer swinging from his hand, he started to run towards them but had to go around the cattle chute. The old lady again cut at John but this time he managed to catch her wrist in his hands. As he kicked her in the shin he heard one of his bare toes crack, but she loosened her grip on the knife and he was able to jerk it out of her hand.
The old man rounded the end of the chute and howled in rage as he saw them struggling. Momma clawed at John's eyes with both hands, but he managed to close them just as her nails raked his face. Carving knife in hand, he slashed at the old lady. The vibrating blade ripped into the side of her neck and cut across her throat. She gurgled up a foul smelling blast of air from her open trachea that made John gag. With her eyes wide open, the old lady looked stunned as her knees folded and she collapsed to the ground.
John Burke turned and the old man was right on top of him, screaming, swinging the hammer at his head. As John raised the carving knife, the hammer snapped the blade off and knocked it from his hand. The old man lunged closer, grabbed him by the throat with his left hand and raised the hammer again.
John threw an awkward jab with his shackled hands and hit the old man in the face with just enough force to stun him into losing his grip on John's neck. Then with a two-handed uppercut to the gut, this one with a little more behind it, he doubled the old man over, then ran for the door.
Standing in front of the door, he jerked down the power switch and again shrouded the room in darkness. He raised his good leg and kicked the wooden door as hard as he could. It gave just a little. Behind him he heard the old man crying, and something else--things being knocked over, things hitting the floor, the sounds of searching.
As John kicked again, his bad ankle screamed in pain, yet still the door held. He caught his breath, raised his good leg and managed one more kick. This time the knob splintered off and the door flew open. Stairs led up.
Behind him, a two-count metallic click echoed through the room. The unmistakable sound of a shell being chambered. A shotgun.
Fighting back the pain, John loped up the stairs as the shotgun blasted behind him. Upstairs he found himself in an empty kitchen. He moved down a short hallway that opened into a room he recognized, the den of the old lady's house. It was dark outside and only a few lights were on inside the house.
Footsteps on the cellar stairs.
Frantically, John looked around, seeing the big bay windows, but no door to the outside. He knocked the dead telephone to the ground, snatched up the end table, and heaved it through one of the windows.
Outside the air was warm and muggy, the ground soft like after a rain. Naked, except for the handcuffs and leather belt hanging from them, John staggered toward the woods just beyond the house. As he reached the first trees he heard another shotgun blast behind him, heard glass shatter, heard pellets tearing through the trees to his right.
Into the trees, getting some of them between him and the house in case the old man ripped off another shot.
"Murderer! I'll kill you," the old timer yelled through the trees. Almost funny, a minute ago the old man trying to bash his brains in with a hammer but still had the nerve to call him a murderer. Not to mention the sweet old lady carving a man like a Christmas turkey.
John turned forty-five degrees to the right. Choosing a zig-zag over a straight line. A minute later he heard another shot, then the pellets ripped into the branches off to his left. A frustration shot. The old man had guessed he'd turn but he'd guessed the wrong way.
He'd gotten out of shape. Just a few minutes into the woods he was puffing like a steam train, a stitch like a knife twisting into his side. John could feel his ankle starting to swell. Time for the zag so he turned left, crossed through what he guessed was fifty or sixty yards of woods, then suddenly burst into a clearing--the cemetery. The high three-quarter moon cast short, dark shadows from the tombstones. Blackness in a sea of night.
Something crashed through the brush behind him in the distance, followed by bark of a big dog. John had trouble as he stepped over the low spiked fence that surrounded the graveyard. For a second he had to put all of his weight on his bad leg and came close to impaling himself.
John remembered another fence, a six-foot iron one that spanned the front of the property, the half-inch thick bars thrust at the sky like black spears. If it circled the whole property, how the hell was he going to get out?
The barking grew louder.
As he limped between the gravestones, John heard the old man cursing in the distance, farther away than the dog, but getting closer. Terror's icy hand gripped John Burke's heart. His feet stopped moving and he dropped down onto a soft, moist patch of earth and leaned his back against a marble slab that marked someone's final resting place, someone whose troubles were over for good. John put his head into his hands as despair washed over him.
He wasn't going to get away. Not on a bad ankle. Not with his hands cuffed. Not from a madman with a dog and shotgun. A madman who kept humans like cattle, who beat men to death with a hammer, whose wife ran a human butcher shop. They were close, the old man and his dog. John could hear the dog tearing through the underbrush just inside the woods, just beyond the cemetery fence. In a minute it would all be over. He wondered if Gail would ever find out what happened to him? To die like this, in a bone yard, victim to a crazy old man and his even crazier wife.
Fear, despair, hopelessness--these feelings surged through John as a sob racked his body so hard it bounced his back off the marble tombstone and shot a bolt of pain down his spine. Then, as if cleansed by fire, those feelings melted like snow, replaced by something new, by something better, by something that fueled him--Rage.
Perched in front of the grave next to him was a thick marble urn, holding a bouquet of long dead flowers. John rolled to it, grabbed the urn in both hands, and dumped out the withered flora. He felt the comforting weight of the urn, heavy enough to crush a dog's skull, or a man's.
He wasn't going to make it easy. If they were going to kill him, they'd have to work for it. The headstones were too small to hide behind unless he crouched down and John didn't want to crouch down and hide. He was through hiding, besides, his ankle couldn't take much crouching. Better to let the dog see him, try to get rid of the mutt before the old man made it out of the woods.
The underbrush got quiet. The dog was out of the woods. No more barking. The moonlight and the shadows played tricks on John's eyes. A glimpse of movement at the fence then nothing. He strained his eyes, willing them to see through the darkness but it was his ears that responded, picking up the quick thumping of padded feet on the wet grass. The sound coming from his left. John raised the urn and turned, then heard it behind him, much closer. A throaty growl. He tried to spin around but the furry beast hit him in the back.
Claws raked his bare shoulder blades as he slammed face first into the ground and the marble urn flew from his hands, useless. Sharp teeth gripped the back of his head and shook it like the stuffed head of a doll. His scalp tore--he actually felt it--as the dog growled and bit harder.
"Get him, boy!" the old man shouted from somewhere near the edge of the woods.
John used his good left leg to push into the ground and roll. The dog tightened its grip on John's head and tried to roll with him but John used his arms to topple the German Shepherd off of him. As the brute tried to regain his feet, John kept rolling until he was on top with the dog pinned under him. The canine's jaws sprung open, looking for something to bite as John grabbed the animal's big head, one hand on each side, and forced the handcuff chain and part of the leather belt into the back of its mouth.
With his naked body pressing down on the dog, John forced the Shepherd's head back. The handcuff chain cut into the roof of the dog's mouth as John pushed back harder and harder. The beast's nails ripped at John's chest and thighs, but still he forced the big head back until the dog's agonized yelping was cut short by a loud crack, like the dry snap of a rotten branch, as its neck broke and body went limp.
John rolled off of the dead dog and struggled to his feet. The old man yelled, "Did you get him, Butch? Did you get him?" John turned toward the sound of the man's voice and saw him stumble out of the woods, just on the other side of the fence, shotgun held across his chest. The old man's eyes locked on the animal lying on the ground. "Butch!" he cried, voice cracked with emotion Then he raised his shotgun.
John dropped behind a headstone just as a blast ripped through the air. Pellets smacked into the other side of the stone. Then, as the double click of a new shell being racked into the chamber echoed across the graveyard, John scrambled away on all fours, keeping his head below the top of the tombstones.
By the time he reached the cemetery fence, John could barely move. His breath came in ragged gasps; his chest, shoulders, and thighs were on fire; and the back of his neck felt wet and sticky. He lifted his cuffed hands over his head and wiped at his neck. His palms came away covered with blood, blood that looked almost black in the moonlight.
One foot got tangled going over the fence and John fell, landing with a thud on the other side. Behind him, fifty yards at most, he could hear the old man's quick shuffle coming across the cemetery. The old man mumbling and cursing to himself. Once John got into the tree line he felt a little safer, something between him and muzzle of that shotgun. But the going was slow. Much tougher than before. He started to feel dizzy. The dog had torn him up and he knew he was bleeding badly.
He'd made it this far but knew there was no way he could make it all the way back home, at least not tonight. Too tired and too hurt. But with the dog dead, all he had to do was shake the old man off his trail, then hole up somewhere until daylight. In the morning he would parallel the road just inside the trees to keep out of sight. His house was only two miles away. He would make it even if he had to crawl on his hands and knees the whole way.
He ran into the fence. Six feet tall, made of pointed wrought iron bars, no more than ten inches apart. Impossible to slip between them. The bars braced by two thin rectangular, iron beams that ran the length of the fence. One, a foot from the ground; the other, a foot from the top.
John hadn't gained any distance on the old man. He could hear his thrashing back in the trees, his slow, steady pace, his mumbling punctuated by curses.
There was only one way to get out and that was over the fence. John set his feet on the bottom support and grabbed the top crossbar with both hands, but with his wrists cuffed he couldn't spread his hands out. He couldn't climb.
He managed to pull himself up so his chin was over the top of the fence and then swung his good leg up. It didn't go high enough. Arms straining, he swung it up harder and managed to hook his heel on the top support, between two of the bars. That's when he lost his grip.
John fell but his foot stayed. He heard his ankle crack and he screamed. Caught between the two vertical bars and the horizontal support, his bare foot was wedged in tight and he hung upside down, naked, like a stuck pig being bled in a slaughterhouse.
The old man stepped out from the trees, shotgun held across his chest like a soldier. Fifteen feet from John, he raised it to his shoulder and grinned as he pulled the trigger. CLICK.
"Goddamit!" He racked the pump, took aim, and pulled the trigger again. Another empty click. This time he slammed the pump back and stared into the open chamber. "Son of a bitch," he mumbled, then grabbed the barrel in a two handed grip.
He swung it like a baseball bat at John's head and all John Burke could do was close his eyes. Just before the wooden stock crashed into his skull, he heard himself say, "Gail."
* * *
Gail Burke was on the toilet, in the middle of peeing, when the doorbell rang. "John," she heard herself say. "God, please let it be John." She pulled on her jeans and ran to the door, didn't even flush. But it wasn't John. It was a man, old but distinguished looking in a dark suit with a pale blue tie draped in front of a starched white shirt. She glanced behind him and saw a van parked in her driveway. Not a minivan, but a full-sized, white work van, windowless except for the driver and passenger doors. No name on the side.
"Can I help you?" she asked, losing hope her caller had anything to do with John.
He raised his hands slightly and she noticed they held a round plastic container. Rubbermaid, or Tupperware, with a lid on it. "Yes," she said.
"Mrs. Burke?"
Gail nodded.
My name is Muller, Frank Muller. He nodded to the right. "I live on Cemetery Road."
She gave him a brief smile.
"I've read about your...your husband's disappearance in the paper."
At first she'd had a lot of visitors like this. Well-wishers, sympathizers, but it had been two weeks and people had stopped coming by. Mostly, she guessed they thought John's disappearance maybe wasn't so mysterious after all. Middle-aged man, married for a dozen years, suddenly takes off. Maybe found a young girl. No mystery there. But she knew that wasn't what he'd done. Something terrible had happened. She could feel it.
"Thank you," was all she could think of to say.
He raised his hands again. "I've brought you something. Chili, my wife's secret recipe."
She looked at the container. The two-gallon size. That's a lot of chili, she thought. She caught a whiff of it as he slipped one hand under the container and lifted part of the lid with the other. He said, "Chock full of beef and beans. Put some meat on your bones."
Gail felt her face flush. Her jeans hung loosely on her hips. She'd lost ten pounds since John disappeared and hadn't had it to spare to begin with. "Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr..." She couldn't even remember the gentleman's name.
"Muller," he said.
"Of course," she said quickly. "Thank you again, Mr. Muller." Gail reached for the container. "To be honest I haven't felt much like cooking and that smells delicious. Please tell Mrs. Muller that I said--"
Mr. Muller shook his head. "Buried her recently."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
As she took the chili from him, he forced a smile. "I made it but it's her recipe so if it's good she gets the credit." He laughed a more genuine laugh. "And if it's bad, I'll take the blame."
She felt the heat through the plastic. They said goodbye and Gail Burke went inside to eat a bowl of Mrs. Muller's secret recipe. She felt her stomach growl with hunger. If it tasted as good as it smelled, maybe she'd have two bowls.
THE END

Since freshman year I’ve been in and out of trouble, often getting myself in all kinds of nasty situations. It was around that time my grades started to drop and my parents got more complaints from my teachers. I hung with the wrong crowds and would often get suspended. Over the years things got worse. My problems left school and became minor offenses with the law. Everything from shoplifting to vandalism. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve been dragged home in a squad car, only to be snatched in and scolded by my dad.
In the middle of senior year not much had changed. My grades were overall still piss poor and I almost got busted for selling prescription pills. At that point I had messed up so much that my parents finally decided that they’ve had enough. They gave me an ultimatum. I had just turned eighteen, so they told me either I got my shit together, or they were going to let me go - one more mishap and I was out of the house.
Honestly, I’ve been wanting to move out and get away from my parents for a while anyways. My “unruly” and rebellious acts in high school was a result of their constant bickering and attempts at controlling every aspect of my life. I’ve become more and more annoyed with them as time passed.
After our talk I became determined to stay out of trouble. I still needed somewhere to stay before leaving, and I didn’t want to get thrown out before I found a way to support myself. I was motivated to turn my life around. But I had to start somewhere, and it was in an industry I knew I’d hate working in.
Fast food.
I found a position at a burger joint. After a few weeks of faithfully punching the clock after school, and fulfilling my duty as a cashier, I really was off to a good start. That was until I decided I needed a car. Although my job was only a few blocks away, I thought I would need some reliable transportation for myself in the future.
Obviously I had no money to purchase a new car, so I planned on buying a used one. One day after school I made a trip to the nearest dealership and searched for a used vehicle with a low price. I wanted to get the car as soon as possible, but I had no credit and I couldn’t pay the full price up front. I searched for other solutions.
An old acquaintance told me about a guy called Bucky-Mac. He told me this guy would loan me the money for the car no matter what my credit was like. From what I've heard, Bucky-Mac was primarily a drug dealer, but he also lent money to desperate people on the side.
Apparently he's been around for years, so I found it odd that I've never heard of this guy before. The fact that this guy was pretty much a loan shark did very little to deter me at the time. My sudden enthusiasm and hope that came with finally wanting to get my life together and taking my future seriously kind of clouded my judgment.
I went to the guy that my old friend had informed me of. Bucky-Mac spent a lot of time in a spot located on the other side of town. It was in a wooded area, at the end of a long dirt road deep into a labyrinth of trees. I rode my bike over there that day, so it took me about ten minutes to travel down the dirt road and reach the small wooden house with boarded up windows.
There were four black trucks parked on the property, with a few men hanging out and standing here and there. One guy smoking a cigarette turned and spotted me coming his way. He stopped in the middle of taking another swig and stared at me as I came closer. The other guys nearby spotted me soon after. I rode closer to the guy with the cigarette and hopped off my bike. All the eyes glued on me made me feel uneasy, so I was slow about speaking. After seconds of awkward silence the cigarette smoking guy says,
“Who are you?”
The curious men that surrounded him looked as if they also wanted to know.
“I-I’m Jake. I’m here to talk to Bucky-Mac,” I said.
He nodded his head in approval before flicking his still lit cigarette away. Then he gestured for me to follow him. I was led into the nearly dilapidated house, as many of the other guys had their gaze locked on me as I entered.
The place was mostly dark inside. But there were a few dimly lit areas, many of which were occupied with boxes and blocks of a suspicious substance heavily wrapped in tape. There was a guy inside hauling many of the blocks into the boxes as he taped them up. The house also reeked of marijuana. The scent was so strong I was surprised it didn’t hit me while I was outside.
We made a turn down a hall which had a closed door at the end. The guy in front of me knocked twice when we reached it. The door swung open in seconds, revealing a middle aged man standing in the doorway. He was smiling. He glanced at me quickly then laid eyes back on the guy in front of me.
“Who is this?” he asked.
The guy in front me shrugged his shoulders.
The middle aged man’s smile grew wider. He had one gold tooth. His hair was slicked back, and it shined in the sunlight beaming in through the window behind him.
“How’s it going?” He said, still smiling.
“I’m fine, man. You?” I replied.
Although I felt a little uneasy, I tried to present myself as confident and just as friendly as this guy appeared to be so far.
“Why don’t you come into my office?” He said, stepping back and giving way for me and the other guy to enter.
We walked in then the middle aged man closed the door behind us. There were two chairs sitting in front of a decorative desk, which had a revolver and a half consumed glass of liquor near it. I took a seat in one of the chairs, as the man came and sat behind his desk. The other guy stood by the door.
“So, what’s up? "
“You are Bucky-Mac, right?” I asked.
He picked up the glass of liquor and gulped down what remained before saying,
“Of course, mate! All day everyday.”
I looked behind me and saw the guy by the door grinning. Then I spun back around only to see Bucky-Mac still smiling.
I sighed.
“I need to borrow some cash,” I said.
From there I explained my situation. I told him that I just turned eighteen and was about to graduate high school in a few months. I informed him of my bumpy years of high school, why I wanted to turn my life around after graduating, and how the money would allow me to buy a car, which would be convenient during the job hunting process.
“Hmm, I see,” Bucky-Mac mumbled, staring at his desk, “You seem to be a man of good intent. You made some mistakes, and now you wanna do better. I can respect that.”
He pulled a bottle of booze from behind his desk and started to refill the glass in front of him.
“You know, most people would find this hard to believe. But sometimes I wish I did the same when I was your age,” Bucky-Mac continued, “If I had thought the same as you earlier on, I’d have a much more stable life right now.”
I heard the guy by the door chuckle, as if he disagreed with Bucky-Mac’s statement.
“Thanks, man,” I said.
He offered me a drink, but I kindly turned it down.
“No worries, pal. You have my support,” Bucky-Mac assured, “So how much we lookin’ at?”
The second I left Bucky-Mac’s spot I headed straight for the dealership and purchased the car I’ve had my eye on. Then on the following day I pulled up to school in it. Some of the kids standing in the crowd in front of the school building noticed me as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. A few of them were my friends, and I often walked to school with them everyday.
They were surprised to see me suddenly pull up to school driving a car, and no longer walking with them. I must say, it felt good to drive around in a vehicle that I could say was mine. Although it was only a cheap used one, it was still my first car.
Among some of the kids in the crowd was a girl. She was standing in an area alone by the front doors. She was really tall, towering over most of the boys that stood in a group not too far away from her. Her eyes were locked on me as I drove by.
Abatha is her name. I’ve known her since first grade. No, we weren’t quite friends. If anything we were the opposite. Abatha has been a total bitch to me ever since the first day we met as small children.
It all started in second grade. Abatha snatched a toy from me. Then she proceeded to push me down and go crying to the teacher, saying I was the one that took the toy from her. The teacher believed her, and I was put in time out. I remember seven year old Abatha teasing me for the rest of the day after that.
This small childish incident led to non-stop feuding between us, year after year, well into our high school years. Most of it was initiated by her.
Often Abatha would taunt and harass me every chance she got. It became worse at the beginning of high school when my years of delinquency began. She had many field days laughing and making fun of me the second she found out I’d gotten into some trouble.
Her harassment was never anything more than verbal. Abatha never physically assaulted me, or displayed a desire to do so. I found this odd, as she very well could've, and inflicted some damage due to her large size. She’s always been a larger girl. Even when we were younger she had always been taller than me. By the time junior year came around she was 6’4.
As I pulled into a parking spot I saw Abatha grin before turning and entering the school building.
Two hundred fifty dollar payments a week. That was the deal. I told Bucky-Mac about my job as a cashier and he was willing to work with me. I expected close to half of my check to be gone every time I got paid for the next few months, but it was for a good cause.
I returned to Bucky-Mac’s spot one afternoon after leaving work, to pay him his share. The first week of paying was a piece of cake. Easy in, easy out. But it was when I went back the following week I realized I may have made a grave mistake.
He wanted double of what was paid the previous week. Five hundred dollars.
When he told me that, my stomach dropped. During our negotiation he specifically said two hundred fifty dollars per week. I was confused as to why he was changing the terms and conditions.
“I forgot to mention a little something called…interest,” Bucky-Mac explained, “Look at it this way. You’re helping me, help you.” Bucky-Mac said.
That friendly smile he once had when I first met him had turned into something else.
I already knew there would be some interest involved, because otherwise he wouldn’t make any profit lending money. But I didn’t expect it to be that much. Fortunately I was able to make the payment, as I could work more hours than most high schoolers who were restricted by child labor laws. But I barely had any money left afterwards.
When I went back the third week he wanted a thousand dollars.
One thousand dollars.
I mean, there was just no way he could expect me to pull that kind of cash on the spot. Especially after I told him about my low paying occupation.
I told him I couldn’t pay him that week. Then that’s when the shit hit the fan, and the guy beneath that friendly façade came to surface. Bucky-Mac’s smile faded completely, then he abruptly gained an expression of pure rage.
“We had a deal,” he said, standing up out of his seat.
That same guy from before was standing by the door, but the second Bucky-Mac stood up out of his seat, he moved in closer to me.
With my heart now racing, I mumble, “You didn’t say anything about interest rates this high -”
“We had a deal!” Bucky-Mac shouted.
“Dude, I get that. But w-we agreed to something totally different!” I said, now starting to get even more nervous.
I glanced behind me once more and saw that the other guy was almost leaning right up on me, still glaring. At this point I wanted to just run out of the room.
As Bucky-Mac walked from behind his desk the guy behind me wrapped his arm around my neck, locking me in a tight choke hold. I struggled to break free but the guy was too strong.
“What the fuck is thi - “ I started.
Before I could finish my sentence, Bucky-Mac came and punched me in the stomach. I grunted in pain then coughed multiple times. Then he kneeled down to look me right in the eye, as the guy behind me still had a hold on me.
“Now I’m gonna tell you this, Jake. I don’t like being ripped off,” Bucky-Mac said.
I felt the guy's arm slightly constrict around my neck tighter.
Bucky-Mac searched my pockets then pulled out all the cash I was carrying, which wasn’t very much.
“You’re short on payment,” he continued, “From now on, I want full payments every single week, starting next week. By then, I expect two thousand dollars sitting on my desk….no excuses. Or we’re gonna have some serious problems, Jake.”
Bucky-Mac delivered a few more punches to my gut before the guy behind me finally released me, letting me fall to the floor as I held my stomach.
“You can leave my office now,” Bucky-Mac mumbled, drawing a cigar from the inside of his suit.
After that incident I hadn’t returned to Bucky-Mac’s spot for two whole weeks. Bucky-Mac called my phone constantly during that time. I ignored. Every time my phone rang and I saw his number my heart would instantly leap. I didn’t know what I was going to do. But I had to think of something quick.
In the meantime, everyone at school was already excited about prom. I wasn’t. I had gotten myself caught up in some debt. Prom was the last thing I cared about.
During the next few weeks that’s all everyone at school discussed. My parents even brought it up to me, expressing how they hoped I planned on going to the last prom of high school. At first I disregarded their suggestion and didn’t plan on going. I had no one to take. I was pretty sure anyone I asked would’ve turned me down anyways. But to my surprise, someone asked me to prom instead.
A girl named Alexis. This was odd because I hadn’t interacted with her much over the years, and I barely knew her. But she told me she had no one to take to prom and she’s been checking me out for some time. So reluctantly, I agreed to go to prom with her. Afterwards, we spent some time hanging out and dating off and on. Some mornings I’d even pick her up and give her rides to school in my car.
One morning Abatha caught Alexis and I getting out of my car and heading to the school building. Abatha was standing alone once again. This time she was scrolling away on her phone. She spotted us out in the parking lot, then waited for us to approach her. Another mischievous grin plastered her face.
“Looks like the troublemaker caught himself another fish,” Abatha said as we passed by.
When I didn’t reply, Abatha stepped out in front of us and blocked our way.
I sighed.
“Abatha, not today”.
I had to look up to her as I spoke.
“I don’t wanna get into it with you right now. Please move,” I continued.
I took Alexis by the hand and tried to move around her but she just blocked me again.
Abatha did this often. I’ve had many girlfriends throughout high school. Every time Abatha saw me with a new girl she’d come and embarrass me in front of my date.
Every time.
I sighed again. Abatha chuckled.
“What’s wrong, Jakey boy?...still feelin’ butterflies?” Abatha taunted.
She glanced at Alexis.
“Let me ask you something,” Abatha continued, stepping closer to Alexis, “Does he often get…jittery, when you’re alone?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your busine - “ Alexis started.
“Does he scream when you see him with his pants down?” Abatha interrupted, “Only asking because he did it before. When I pulled his pants down back in sixth grade…..wait, have you seen him with his pants down yet?”
Agitated, Alexis took me by the hand and made her way around Abatha, pulling me along with her. As we trotted along, I glanced back and saw Abatha frowning. I smirked at her as we walked further away. Abatha rolled her eyes in frustration before turning around and going in the opposite direction.
I was just getting off work on one Saturday night, as my shift had just ended. My manager was counting the till and I just cleaned the last table in the restaurant. While I waited by the door for the manager to lock up for the night, I saw a black truck pull into the parking lot outside. The truck parked right beside my car. My guess was a last minute customer. Evidently my manager thought the same because he told me to tell whoever was in the truck that we were closed. When they came to the door, that is. But no one ever did get out of the truck. About ten minutes had passed by and they were still sitting there letting the engine run.
My manager and I stepped outside after he had set the alarm and finished the till. Then the both of us went our separate ways in the parking lot, after the manager had locked the restaurant doors.
When I got to my car I tried to sneak a peek into the truck that was parked beside me but the windows were tinted very dark.
Go figure.
I heard the manager start the engine on his car and pull out of the parking lot. That’s when a door on the mysterious black truck suddenly shot open. A large man hopped out of the back seat and grabbed me from behind, hauling me into the truck afterwards.
As soon as the large man threw me into the back seat, I was reminded that I had told Bucky-Mac where I worked when we first met. I told him part of my schedule, and gave some specifics on times. I had also informed him of some other things I couldn’t recall at the moment. I know I may have told him a little too much but the guy seemed so friendly at first I thought I could trust him.
The guy that hauled me in pushed me further across the seat, before getting back in himself and closing the door. Someone else in the truck flipped on a light. Then I could clearly see Bucky-Mac sitting right beside me. He didn’t look happy.
“Sup, Jake?” He said.
He stared at me with cold and menacing eyes.
There were two guys in the front. They were looking back at me, holding expressions similar to Bucky-Mac’s.
“You’ve missed some payments, and it better be for good reason. Now, I hope you have cash to cover these couple weeks you’ve decided to skedaddle,” Bucky-Mac said.
He continued to glare at me, waiting for a response.
“I-I’ve been trying to get the money. What do you think I’m at this restaurant for?” I stammered.
He snickered then covered his face with his hand.
“Now, that’s a good one!.....But it’s still unacceptable. You haven’t been paying, and you’ve been ignoring my calls,” he snarled.
He elbowed me in the face, striking me right in my nose. My nose began to gush blood.
One of the guys up front lit a cigarette, then that’s when Bucky-Mac and the large guy sitting on my other side started to viciously beat me. They kicked my ass in that back seat for minutes, then the large guy opened the door again before shoving me outside on the ground.
The black truck backed up and took off, leaving me behind in the moonlit parking lot.
My entire body was aching like hell, and one of my eyes throbbed non-stop. I touched my bottom lip. It was swollen, and felt slightly enlarged. I could barely stand up straight heading to my car, as the pain had caused my body to beg for rest.
As I opened my car door, I heard something from a distance. A strange sound. Like a howl. It was echoing out into the night, and it went on for seconds. I turned in all directions making several attempts at finding the source.
I found nothing.
I even glanced at the sky. There was nothing there but the half moon.
I had dug myself deeper into the debt hole by not visiting Bucky-Mac for those two weeks. He increased my debt even more, and accounted for the times I didn’t show up. As expected, he doubled the amount for each week. This meant I owed him a total of eight thousand dollars as of the night in the parking lot.
After that I made sure I stopped by Bucky-Mac’s spot and paid him as much as I could for the following few weeks after, even though it was nowhere near enough. As a result of the low payments, I received more beatings everytime I went. But I had to keep going and pay him what I could, otherwise he’d do something worse if I didn’t show up at all.
But what was I kidding. I was never going to pay off this debt. At this point I realized that’s exactly how Bucky-Mac wanted things. He wanted a constant flow of cash that never ended. Even if I showed up to his office one day and paid what I owed in full, he’d just double the debt and kick my ass again.
The beatings were getting unbearable. I couldn’t take it anymore. So I felt I had to skip out on him for a couple more weeks as a way to catch a break from getting my ass kicked. Again I ignored his calls when he hit up my cell phone. After that I just anticipated the black truck waiting for me outside of my job.
Bucky-Mac didn’t show up at my job anymore. He came to my school instead. After the bell rang and the school day came to an end, fear showered me when I walked outside and saw the black truck parked across the street.
I planned on giving Alexis a ride home that day, so she was by my side as I tried to ease my way to my car. Unfortunately I was spotted as I crawled into the driver’s seat. The backdoor on the black truck swung open, then that same large guy from before came trotting across the street. When the guy approached my car, he swung my door back open then gently pulled me out of the driver’s seat.
“Jake, where are you going?” Alexis said, “Who is this?”
The guy held his arm on my shoulder as he walked me across the street to the black truck. He faked a smile and pretended to be an acquaintance to avoid drawing the attention of the nearby students around us. We got to the truck then the guy shoved me into the back seat once again.
I met Bucky-Mac with an unsettled gaze the second I was thrown in. I could hear Alexis constantly shouting my name outside.
“I thought I wouldn’t have to tell you again,” Bucky-Mac mumbled, “But it looks like you’re a pretty terrible listener!”
With that, the guy up front started to slowly drive away from the school. I glanced out the window and saw Alexis jogging on the sidewalk to keep up with us. The truck made a stop after a block of cruising. They parked near a curb closeby.
Another beating was initiated, and I can tell you this was the worst one yet. They gave me double the amount of blows to my body. I received so many strikes to the face I was surprised I could see at all when it was over.
Alexis peeped through the window with her hands cupped around her eyes, yelling for them to stop.
“Stop it, you’re gonna hurt him!” she cried.
They kept going, punching and elbowing me for minutes. I could feel blood elevating my throat.
Bucky-Mac drew a knife and held it to my pupil.
“Listen here you little shit. The next time you screw me over, not only are we gonna beat you twice as worse and twice as longer, but I’m gonna take my blade…and pluck one of your eyes,” He threatened.
He brought the blade even closer to my eye. Almost to the point where I could almost feel the tip touching my eyeball.
“You can’t afford to test me again, Jake.”
I was shoved out of the truck once more, only to be meant with Alexis crying on the sidewalk. The panic on her face grew more intense when she saw my nose dripping with blood.
“Jake, what’s going on?” she sobbed.
I didn’t answer.
Someone else was walking towards us on the sidewalk. It was Abatha. She saw Alexis crying, then glanced at me. As soon as she saw my battered face there was an expression of concern.
Abatha wasn’t smiling.
Alexis broke up with me the next day. She got spooked by the incident and decided she didn’t want much to do with me anymore. Our plans to go to prom together were also canceled. The incident had given Alexis the wrong impression - that I was still engaging in pathological behavior. She complained of not being able to be around me anymore, saying,
“So these are the kind of people you deal with?!...If that’s the case, then I’m afraid we’re not gonna work.”
She walked away then barely spoke to me anymore after that. Then of course Abatha just had to be nearby to witness and overhear everything. Abatha was already holding her usual grin when I glanced at her.
“Looks like you messed up again, Jakey boy!” She teased, “Your fish unhooked itself and swam away?”
I glared at her angrily, then brushed past her to enter the school building.
It was pretty disappointing for our plans to be canceled. But hell, my whole ideal ending for my senior year had been canceled as far as I knew. Just when I was starting to grow more enthusiastic about senior prom all hope was taken away. Prom was just a month and a half away and I no longer had a date to take. To make matters worse, Alexis had already found another prom date within days after splitting up with me.
Abatha wouldn’t shut up about that. She rubbed it in face for days.
“Well that was quick. We’ll see how fast you can find another date…if at all,” she said before trailing away, giggling.
I lifted a middle finger at her as she walked.
At this point in time I no longer cared about the car. I wished I could return it and take back everything. I just wanted out of this debt with Bucky-Mac, and for senior year to just end already. I was giving up on all hopes for my plans for the future. As a matter of fact, after being too afraid to face Bucky-Mac once again and skipping out on meeting him for another three weeks, I decided that I’d contact the police and inform them of the situation I’d gotten myself in soon. Then let my parents know what was going on.
I was sure my parents would definitely kick me out after finding out I made a deal with a loan shark. But I didn’t care. Keeping a secret wasn’t worth my life. Or in this case - my eye.
Unfortunately I made the fatal mistake of not acting on those thoughts soon enough, as I ended another night shift at work with the black truck waiting for me out in the parking lot. My heart leaped instantly as I felt my body run cold. I wanted badly to just tell my manager everything and beg him to call the police for me. But instead all he did was activate the security system and lock the doors as usual. Then he pulled out of the parking lot, leaving me to endure what was to come.
The black truck pulled out of its parking spot and made its way over to me. That same large guy hopped out and started to haul me into the truck.
“Get his ass in here!!” I heard Bucky-Mac hiss.
We all heard something. Then the large guy holding me paused.
It was the same howling sound I heard before. Again it echoed out into the night, and got louder the longer it went on.
“What the hell is that?” The large guy said.
“Who gives a shit?!! Get him in!” Bucky-Mac demanded.
The large guy did just that.
This time instead of giving me the usual beating quickie, they pulled off as soon as I was hauled into the truck and drove me back to Bucky-Mac’s spot. The truck halted at a stop upon arriving at the small raggedy house.
This was my first time at the spot during the night, and it looked a bit different. There was no kind of artificial light in this wooded area so it was a lot darker than usual. But the light from the full moon above provided enough to see around the dark pit that surrounded us.
The men shoved me out of the truck and started their beating ritual. The other two men joined in this time, punching and kicking me, barely giving me a chance to breathe. In the middle of all this was the sound of the howling again.
The large guy was the only one to acknowledge it. He paused, but Bucky-Mac and the other two continued to beat me.
After minutes of receiving many more blows, they all stopped. The large guy positioned my body to lean against the back tire of the truck. Then Bucky-Mac drew his pocket knife and kneeled down to face me.
I moaned and groaned from the painful sensations moving throughout my body.
"I tried," Bucky-Mac started, "I've really tried to work with you. But it's obvious you're a fraud."
He had some nerve. The loan shark, calling me a fraud.
"I think you get a kick out of not giving me what I want…what I deserve.”
He opened the blade on the knife and brought the point to my eye.
“Now I’m gonna take something away you desperately want….and don’t deserve,” he continued.
I swore I could feel the tip of the blade slightly drive into my sclera. Before it could go any deeper, we all heard that howl for the third time that night. Except it sounded very close this time. So close no one could ignore it. Not even Bucky-Mac. He lowered the knife then glanced behind him, as that’s where it seemed the howling came from.
There was nothing there but a patch of darkness resting between the trees.
“What the - ?” Bucky-mac whispered.
As we all stared at the patch of darkness, two glowing dots emerged in front of our eyes.
Two yellow glowing dots.
Behind the yellow dots came another howl, along with some deep and beastly growls.
The dots started to come closer, then continued until whatever was hiding in the shadows came out into view, and was exposed beneath the moonlight.
The sight of the creature we were looking at had caught us all off guard. Bucky-Mac dropped the knife then all five of us began backing away.
In front of us was some kind of tall and fury beast. The creature stood upright just like a human, and had to be no less than seven feet tall. Its muscles were so defined they practically rippled through its black and shiny coat of fur. Turns out the yellow dots were the creature’s eyes. Those beady eyes were locked on us, as we backed away even further.
The creature opened its long snout full of pointed teeth, dripping with saliva, and let out a deafening, monstrous sound.
"Bucky, what the hell is going on?!" One of the other guys shouted.
"H-how the fuck should I know?" Bucky-Mac yelled.
I could hear the fear and concern in their voices.
The creature let out several smaller growls, then suddenly began sprinting towards us on all fours. Bucky-Mac and his guys drew pistols and began firing multiple shots at the hairy beast.
I turned to run but instantly tripped and fell on my stomach. The sharp pain in my stomach left me stagnant for seconds.
Bullets struck the creature in several areas on its muscular body. The gunfire seemed to do little to no damage, but it was enough to keep the creature temporarily distant. The beast backed off then started to crawl up the walls of Bucky-Mac’s small drug house. The men continued to fire at the creature until it reached the roof.
“Come on, kill this fuckin’ thing!” Bucky-Mac shouted, firing away with his revolver.
With many bullets still striking its body, the creature took a huge leap off the building. It jumped so high I could see the full moon behind it’s body as it accelerated through the air - towards us. It landed right on top of the guy who drove the truck, crushing his puny human body and taking a huge bite out of his head afterwards. Blood sprayed from the exposed brains in his skull, dousing his partner in the face nearby and preventing him from seeing where he was shooting.
The guy screamed and tried to flee the area. He could barely turn around before the creature took one of its paws and ran its razor sharp claws across his face, slicing one of his eyes in the process and leaving three gruesome gashes behind.
Shocked, Bucky-Mac dropped his gun and watched the creature lift his disfigured partner off the ground and pull one his arms clean off his body. The guy screamed in agony as his stump cascaded with blood and fell to the ground like a waterfall. He wiggled and twitched in pain, making several feeble attempts at breaking free of the creature’s grasp.
Bucky-Mac turned and started to flee. The big guy followed behind him, dashing right past me, and leaving me alone with the beast.
The creature turned and started to stare at me with those yellow eyes, still holding Bucky-Mac’s mangled partner in its hand. The fear and terror left me paralyzed. I couldn’t move.
I started to feel a little light headed, and keeping my eyes open became difficult.
The last thing I remembered before I passed out, was those glowing eyes and those sharp canines dripping with crimson.
When I woke up I couldn’t tell how much time had passed. I stood up and scanned the area, only to see the truck still beside me. The mangled bodies of the driver and passenger of the truck were laid out not too far away. But Bucky-Mac and the large guy were nowhere to be found.
The creature had disappeared too.
I wasted no time. Right away I started to run, trying to make my way out of that neck of the woods. While darting through the trees, I came across two more bodies, one slumped on its side and the other on its back.
I ran to one of the bodies and rolled it over using my foot. I almost screamed when I saw the face. It was Bucky-Mac, and he was unrecognizable. His face had been completely torn away, leaving nothing behind but his exposed and bleeding face muscles. His mouth was slightly open. Opened wide enough for me to see his one gold tooth.
The large guy’s torso had been torn open, his body sprawled out, eyes staring out into nothing but the darkness that surrounded him. Dried blood was caked all over his face and neck.
I heard some growls.
This caused me to start running again. I got a glimpse of a pair of yellow eyes hiding in the middle of some trees as I passed by. I ran faster. Then I heard multiple footsteps behind me.
It was following me.
I made it out of the woods and reached a street light out on the road, where I sat down on the curb and took some time to catch my breath. I didn’t hear the footsteps anymore so I assumed I was safe. I also glanced behind me again and saw nothing pursuing me.
That thing had all the time in the world to maul me to bits. It could’ve easily caught me while I was running…so why didn’t it?
For some reason I still felt a bit light headed. I rested my head on my hand. But while doing so I felt a rough substance on my forehead. I brought my finger to my face to see what I had touched. Something blue and dry.
Lipstick.
Someone kissed me.
My parents wondered where I was and wanted to know why I was getting home so late that night. I lied and said I went to a party after work. They were a bit upset that I didn't call and let them know what was going on. I was fine with that. I was just glad to be alive, and for the first time since forever I was happy to see them.
It was that night I realized I would be just fine staying with my parents for a while longer. I also decided that I had no problem working at the burger joint until I figured out what I really wanted out of life, and college just may be a possibility in the future.
I continued to faithfully show up to work and complete my shifts, and wait patiently for my senior year to come to an end.
Meanwhile, the authorities found Bucky-Mac and his men. Then they raided his drug house. No one could identify the cause of their deaths, or tell whether another animal or human was responsible. The story was all over the news, and it had people in town shook. Everyone kept talking about the gruesome killings until the end of the school year. Who or what might have done it was always up for debate.
To this day, no one knows that I was there to see it all. I always got uneasy overhearing someone at school talk about it.
Two weeks before prom I opened my locker to see a pink envelope lying on top of my books. I picked it up and saw Abatha's name written across the front. While tearing open the envelope I sighed and rolled my eyes, expecting to see something crude and belligerent.
There was a folded letter inside, and upon opening it my eyes went wide. My heart started racing, and I was shocked to my core. At the very top of the page was an imprint of lips with…
Blue lipstick.
Below that was a lengthy letter from Abatha, explaining how she really felt about me. How she's felt for a long time. In the last paragraph was something else that left me perplexed.
She was asking me out, and she wanted to be my girlfriend.
She..she also wanted to take me to prom.

Hello new/returning player! Whether you're considering buying or you've just installed it and don't know where to start, there's a good chance you have some questions about the game. I've been playing pretty much since launch, and since the Discord imploded and the in-game tutorial kinda sucks, I figured this would be a good place to put together a comprehensive guide to everything you need to know about Railroads Online. Feel free to scroll through the headings to find what you're looking for!
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Is it worth the money?
Railroads Online is exactly what it says on the tin and exactly what you see in the trailer. There are railroads, they are online, and you do have complete freedom to build your own railroad in a sandbox environment. If that's your cup of tea, try it! Steam's refund policy allows you to refund the game if you have less than 2 hours played and you've owned it for less than 2 weeks, so even if you don't like it when you start, you have a safety net. That said, this game is in early access. And, the regularly-updated branch is a beta to the early access, so it is seriously lacking polish in certain areas. This game is physics-based, and that can take a toll on performance for trains longer than a dozen cars, and the Beta branch reportedly has some people's GPUs on their knees. Updates also regularly introduce bugs, ranging from mildly amusing to make-sure-you-back-up-your-save-file. For some people that sort of thing is understandably not worth $35, while for others it gives the game character. I've gotten close to 10 hours of playtime for every dollar I spent on it, so obviously I'd be inclined to say it's worth it, but everybody's experience will be different.
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Note: The following guide is geared towards the Beta version of the game. This version has the most features, looks the best, and receives regular updates, though there are a number of known performance and stability issues. The majority of it still applies to both versions of the game regardless, though the largest changes have been to track laying.

Getting Started

Warning: Remember, this is Railroads Online. There is no "offline" mode, strictly speaking, but you can drag the "player limit" slider down to 1. If you're going to play with other people, use a password. If you ever forget to, and someone comes in and undoes all of your hard work, you will never forget again. You have been warned!
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Your first railroad
So, you've launched the game! Congratulations! Now what? Well, it's probably good to get yourself oriented first.
The game spawns you in on the spawning platform. The three tracks you've spawned next to are permanent, and they are where new equipment spawns when you purchase it. You are given Betsy, a flatcar, and $2000 for free, and the rest is left up to you.
Before you run any trains, you'll need to build some track to run them on. Take care here, because there is no edit tool; if you build something, the only way to change it is to delete sections and rebuild. Measure twice, cut once, and make it look nice the first time so you don't have to redo it later. Or something.
Press G to bring up the majority of your sandbox tools: Track Construction, Facilities, Locomotives (the shop), Demolish, Rerail, and Logging, plus the Respawn button. I will cover all of these tools in time, but for now, all you need to be familiar with are the Track Construction tab, the Demolish tool, and the Logging tool.
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Track Construction
Track laying in this game has been... fucky... for a long time. It's a LOT better now than it used to be, but I still recommend downloading RROx (Railroads Online Extended) and using the fast sprint cheat when you're building. It will save you hours (not to mention the other features it offers).
First of all, everything in this game except for rolling stock is FREE! Go nuts! Want to triple-track the main? You can! Want to fill the entire southern half of the map with water towers? Your call! Fun first, safety third. Anyway:
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In the Track Construction menu, you will be greeted by a bunch of track options. Feel free to place them wherever to get an idea of what they are.
The first row is, of course, 3 foot narrow-gauge rail. The I, II, and III varieties are identical except for the amount of ballast. I has some, II has a bit more, and III has a lot. On cliff faces, too much ballast can cause ugly clipping, so it's best to use tier I when you can and step it up if it's too short. The game will not let you place a node if the spline is not supported by ground or some other structure at every point.
The default building mode is spline mode. Click once to place the first node, and click somewhere else to place the second node. Boom! You've placed your first track segment. If you click on the ground, it will face whatever direction your UI currently says it's facing, but if you click on another piece of track it will do its best to connect to the other node as smoothly as possible. This can result in some janky turns if you're not careful, so keep that in mind. There are keybinds to rotate the endpoints to face the direction you want them to. Track will not snap to another track unless you see the glowing chain link icon above it. If you don't see it at first, walk around a little, staring at the desired connection point until you trigger the hitbox.
The other building mode is circle mode. It does what it says on the tin– your track will follow a circular arc with the radius you specify. Use smaller segments if you can, because for some reason the angles get weird if you try to do more than 90° in a single segment. In this mode, you can snap to existing track on your first click, but it will not snap to another track for your second click because it only cares about following the circle. This build mode is useful for a number of reasons, not least of which being the ability to see what your maximum turning radius is. A 30 meter radius is the minimum, but on your main line you should aim to stay above 60-100 meters to avoid derailments at high speeds.
Next in the menu: switches. If you know what trains are, you probably know what switches are. In RRO, if a switch is pointing one way, and you come in from the other, it will automatically align with you to let you through, unless A.) you are in a handcart, or B.) it is the 3-way stub switch. Also note that they are not perfect mirror images of each other (not sure how they managed to mess that up but oh well), which may cause problems when creating complex structures like yards.
The 90° crossover piece is your friend when designing parallel tracks. You can chain them together to ensure equal spacing, matching angles, or you can simply use them as placeholder nodes to snap your track to if you need to delete part of it. Two crossover pieces are far enough apart for two trains to pass each other comfortably, so it's handy for smoothing your double-tracks, if you choose to build them. The 45° crossover piece is also good, for when you want a spacer piece that's slightly longer than the 90°, or if you don't want your simple wyes to be a hundred feet across. (Still waiting on that 10° crossover, Astragon.)
Turntables are what you expect them to be. The plain Turntable I is small enough to fit in some tight spaces like yards, but a lot of locomotives will only fit on Turntable II. Turntables have historically been a bit buggy, particularly if you reload a save while something is on it, so be wary.
The bumper is a bumper. 'Nuff said.
Embankments are ballast without the rail. They're nice as decoration around the base of certain structures, or as filler in between the tracks in yards, or as ballast for bumpers and crossovers. You can also access a similar trackless version of the stone wall by using its drop-down menu.
Bridges and stone walls work exactly the same as ballast track: they will not allow you to place a node if the spline is not supported everywhere. However, there is a workaround for this: nodes can be supported by ballast. If you use small enough segments, 3 Ft Rail III can be used to cross gaps using just the previous segment's ballast as support. If you fill the gap with ballast, you can place your bridge on top of it, and then remove the ballast later. You can pretty it up with some stone walls as supports, if you want to.
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And that's everything currently in the Track Construction menu! The Engine Shed and the Coaling Tower also have small pieces of track, but they are kept in the Facilities menu.
Note: You can make it to pretty much every industry in the game with less than a 3% grade. In real life, this is considered pretty steep, but in-game you can get away with even steeper track if you can't be bothered to work out the best path.
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Demolish Tool
The demolish tool is delightfully simple. It deletes things! By default, it only deletes rail, but that can be changed with the drop-down menu. Be very careful using the "All" option-- you could accidentally delete your rolling stock.
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The Logging Tool
The logging tool will probably be your second most-used tool, right after track construction, because everywhere you want to place track, there are trees in the way. You can click almost anywhere on the tree to remove it, and it does this for free, but you might have trouble removing a tree if the bottom two-thirds of it are buried in ballast. If spam-clicking feels tedious, you can hold down the mouse button until the saw finds a part of the trunk that it likes.
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That should be everything you need to know to build your first railway!
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Industries

In Railroads Online, your objective is money. Moneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoney. But u/Embite, I hear you ask, how do I GET money? Well, I'm glad you asked! The answer is industries.
There are 9 industries in RRO, which you can see on the map: the Smelter, the Sawmill, the Logging Camp, the Freight Depot, the Iron Ore Mine, the Oil Field, the Ironworks, the Refinery, and the Coal Mine.
Each industry has inputs and outputs. For example, the Logging Camp has two output platforms: one for logs and one for cordwood. To load a car with the output, simply position your railcar where the crane drops the cargo and click the crane to start loading. For some outputs like the iron mine, there's a chute instead of a crane, but it's the same idea. When you unload a car, the cargo teleports to the side you clicked on, so make sure you're standing on the platform that you want to deliver to.
The inputs and outputs for each industry is listed in the table below.
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Location	Input	Output
Freight Depot	Anything	Nothing
Logging Camp	Nothing	Logs, Cordwood
Sawmill	Logs	Beams, Lumber
Iron Ore Mine	Beams, Lumber	Iron Ore
Smelter	Iron Ore, Cordwood	Raw Iron, Rails
Coal Mine	Beams, Rails	Coal
Ironworks	Lumber, Raw Iron, Coal	Steel Pipes, Tools
Oil Field	Beams, Steel Pipes, Tools	Crude Oil
Refinery	Lumber, Steel Pipes, Crude Oil	Oil Barrel

You should notice a few things:

1. Logging Camp has no inputs. This is where the supply chain of RRO starts. The lumberjacks do all of their work for free, and they will never run out of logs, or cordwood.
2. Freight Depot (the big warehouse near spawn) has no outputs. This is where you can return to sell whatever products you've collected and turn them in for straight cash. You get the same amount of money regardless of which buyer you send cargo to, so it's recommended that you try to deliver to another industry whenever possible, since you get money AND more cargo to sell, rather than just the money. If all you need is money though, the Freight Depot is where to go.
3. There is a clear progression from one industry to the next. I've ordered the table so that once you've connected to one industry in the list, your railroad will have access to all of the cargo needed for the next industry down.

While it's best to try and deliver to new industries whenever possible, sometimes (especially early on) you will simply run out of money for all the new railcars you need to haul the stuff. For the early game, my best suggestion is to run beams from the sawmill straight to the freight depot. Stake flats (which carry beams) are among the cheapest rolling stock, and each carload is worth $72, compared to $60 for a flatcar of logs. You only need 3 beams per car, so it's fast to load and unload. While cordwood is also easy to do, with each carload worth $80, each flat is much more expensive to buy, and each car carries 8 units of cordwood, making the loading time much longer. Plus, many more industries use stake flats than the cordwood flats, so you will be investing in the future of your railroad as you go.
Another way to make money in RRO is via Firewood Depots and Coaling Towers, which brings us to the next available construction tool,
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Facilities
Facilities are buildings you place down yourself to facilitate the management of your railway. At the top of the menu are the Sand House, the Firewood Depot, and the Coaling Tower. They're very self-explanatory: The Sand House contains sand to refill your locomotive's sander, the Firewood Depot is where you restock on firewood, and the Coaling Tower is where you restock on coal. The Sand House is, as far as I can tell, unimplemented as of 5/29/2023, but the others are very important. In RRO, you need to produce the fuel that runs your railroad.
Firewood Depots are easy to stock, not least of all because they spawn in full of firewood, in case you run out in the middle of nowhere. To refill a Firewood Depot that has been exhausted, you simply unload any form of wooden cargo (logs, lumber, beams, or cordwood) onto the side of the platform that doesn't have firewood on it. When designing your yards, it's always smart to make space for a firewood depot, because the platforms are spaced far apart and most locomotives in RRO run on firewood.
Coaling towers do not spawn in stocked with coal, and coal is not available until about half of the map is connected by your railroad, so coal-fired locomotives will be a late-game commodity. Once you have access to them, though, they are restocked in much the same way as firewood depots.
Water towers are also important. Without water, your trains have no steam, so place these wherever they're convenient. They refill slowly on their own.
Engine sheds are purely cosmetic in this game, since the locomotives don't require servicing or shelter. They are, however, available in a variety of nice paint schemes, and a roundhouse is a great way to spruce up any boring-looking switching yards.
The last facility is the Telegraph Office, which is the most convenient structure in the game. Wherever on the map you place one, your map will be updated with a brown box with a T in it. Clicking his box allows you to teleport to any telegraph office from anywhere else in the game, saving you a lot of walking between industries and yards.
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Locomotives (the shop), and Companies
The shop is where you use your hard-earned money to buy locomotives and rolling stock. You can check your funds in-game by pressing P. The "tier" of an item is the level your player needs to be in order to purchase it. Your level increases every time you deliver cargo to an industry. When other players join your game, they can join your company by pressing Tab and clicking "Join Company" next to your name. When they do this, any delivery they make will count as a delivery for you, not them, which increases your money and XP much faster than doing it all alone. Employment is forgotten when the player relogs.
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Rerailing
Rerailing is finicky. Basically, you click "rerail," spam LMB on whatever you're trying to rerail until its name appears in the UI, and then walk around looking at track until it appears where you want it to. You can flip it around with LMB, and then drop it with RMB. Rerailing on switches currently seems to be a little broken.
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Respawning
This option will send you back to the spawn yard if you ever manage to get stuck. It was more useful before telegraph offices were added, and most of the gamebreaking ways to get stuck have been patched, but if you want to use it you simply click and hold until you respawn.
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Trains!!!!!!1!1!!!

Now, with a line of track connecting your spawning yard with the logging camp, you're ready to finally fire up your Porter 0-4-0 and run some trains! In case you're new to operating a steam locomotive, here's a quick rundown of the controls:
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Controls
First, open up the firebox and throw a few logs on the fire. Pick up logs with LMB, look at the firebox until the UI displays its temperature in the top left, and throw with RMB. You can throw logs back onto the pile if you picked up too many (you can hold up to 5 at once). Now you have to wait for the fire to heat up, which then makes the boiler heat up, and then you will finally see the dial on your pressure gauge increase. Once you've got pressure, you can move the locomotive.
The big lever above the firebox is the regulator, aka the throttle. It basically controls how fast your built-up steam enters the cylinder, or in other words, how much power you're sending to the piston, and by extension, the wheels.
The lever coming out of the floor is the reverser (or the Johnson bar), which controls at what point in the cylinder's stroke steam is allowed to enter the chamber. All the way forward means that steam comes in anytime it would push the wheels forward, and all the way back means that steam comes in anytime it would push the wheels backwards. In between, it controls whether the steam flow is constant, or if it comes in short bursts. Or, at least, that's how it works in real life. IRL you can achieve more efficient steam usage by setting the reverser bar near the middle and letting the regulator stay open; however, in RRO, as far as I can tell it simply multiplies the % the regulator is open and the % that the reverser is set and uses that number as the "go amount." So, for all intents and purposes, the reverser is just another regulator (in RRO).
The lever to the right of that is the brake. Betsy (i.e. the Porter 0-4-0) has a mechanical brake, meaning it applies braking force as long as you have it on. In some locomotives, though, the brakes are powered by a steam-powered compressor, which you need to activate yourself via a valve somewhere, or else your brakes will have no effect.
The whistle and the bell do as you expect. There is another handle which opens the cylinder cocks, which as of 5/29/2023 is purely cosmetic, as are the sanders. IRL, cylinder cocks are used to blow condensed water out of the cylinders, and sanders are used for extra traction in slippery conditions.
Finally, most locomotives have lamps that you can turn on and off with LMB, or by using the steam-powered generator, if it has one.
And that's pretty much it! Different locomotives have different features, and levers are often in slightly different places, but they all operate on the same general principles. Locomotives are also often specialized for a particular job. For example, engines like the Eureka are specialized for high speeds with low power, while engines with shorter wheel bases like the D&RGW Class 48 are specialized for sharp turns and yardwork, while the geared locomotives like shays and heislers are specialized for steep tracks in mountainous terrain. You can find a number of resources online to find statistics for each of the different RRO locomotives.
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Coupling
The 3 foot narrow-gauge railway in RRO uses what is called "Link and pin" coupling, which uses, unsurprisingly, links and pins. To couple two cars together, you need enough space to fit a link between them. Press LMB to insert a link in the coupler. Only one car should have a link. Once the link is in place, push the cars together and use RMB to place a pin in both couplers. Et voila! Your train is now longer.
Tender locomotives have unique couplers. First of all, instead of a link, tenders are connected to the cab by a drawbar. Press LMB on the tender, then back up the locomotive and use RMB to hitch it to the drawbar with a pin. For locomotives with cowcatchers, the front is outfitted with a drawbar as well, which can be extended and retracted with LMB. This link is weaker than the usual link-and-pin, so only use this for short, slow trips or yardwork.
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External Tools

While straight-up modding RRO is currently very difficult, there do exist certain external tools to help provide you with a more enjoyable experience with a game that is, at times, excessively grindy.
RROx
RROx, or Railroads Online Extended, is by far the most useful RRO extension I've come across. It offers a real-time minimap (that maps your rail lines for you!), remote control of locomotives, cranes, and switches, unrestricted teleporting, cheats like free money, fast-sprint and flight, as well as optional access to all of these features for other RROx users that join your game. It even provides everything necessary to create a plugin of your own, if you're so inclined.
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Railroad Studio
railroad.studio is a free online save file editor for RRO. With it you can replace trees, rename/repaint locomotives and rolling stock, delete track, cheat in money, etc. Currently the go-to save editor.
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Technical Bits

Just some extra technical bits that are worth knowing:

• A lot of the game's files are stored in your AppData/Local folder under the name arr, a name inherited from the devs' previous game, American Railroads.
• Your save files are stored in %localappdata%\arr\Saved\SaveGames.
• A number of config settings are stored in plaintext .ini files in arSaved/Config/Windows, where you can edit settings like the maximum view distance beyond what is usually allowed. The maximum setting typically allowed is 3, but I've increased this to 10 without any notable performance drop. Nevertheless, edit settings beyond supported values at your own risk. The game needs to be restarted for settings changed in this way to take effect.

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Miscellaneous Tips

• All controls can be rebound in the controls menu.
• You can change your POV with V, and you can lean left and right with R and T.
• If you prefer to drive with the GUI instead of in first person, you may have an easier time finding the button prompt by standing in front of the locomotive rather than inside it.
• Placing a switch, then a 45° on the turnout, and finally another switch so that the straight edge is parallel with your first switch, creates two lanes that are far enough apart to fit the switch's lever on the inside.
• If you back far enough away, track and ballast hitboxes will despawn and let you place things inside of them.
• There is a large, flat plateau northeast of the smelter that is a convenient place for a yard connecting the smelter, iron mine, and coal mine.
• There is a lot of space for a yard just over the hill west of the freight depot.
• The un-deletable track southeast of the spawning track is for the shop.
• The game keeps a list of every tree you've cut down and uses this to load the map, which (allegedly) makes the game take longer to load if you cut more trees than you need to. Use a save file editor like railroad.studio to replace missing trees.
• The walkway on Bridges II is always on your left as you build it.
• You can snap track to turntables if you rotate it to where you want the connection to be.
• Firewood depots only replenish the piles if every pile is missing at least 5 logs.
• If you're strapped for cash, loading a car with logs and then immediately unloading that car to a firewood depot on the other side is fast, easy money. This is pretty cheaty though, so you might as well save yourself some time and just use a save file editor.
• A switch's turnout is about 10 degrees.
• Locomotives don't respond to changes in the controls until a 1-second timer counts down. The timer resets every time you make a change, but letting go (releasing left-click) applies the change immediately.

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That's pretty much everything I've got. I hope that this guide has been of use to you! If I forgot something, got something wrong, or you have an idea for how to improve this guide, feel free to leave it as a comment below. Happy railroading!

Hello! It's been a while. I'd like to give a huge thanks to u/cruisingNW for writing a portion of this chapter and over all being a huge help in keeping me motivated! As always, thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating NoP.
[Next]
---
Memory transcription subject: Parq, Aspiring Gojid Sonophonist
Date [standardized human time]: Nov 10th, 2136.
“Welcome to Brog’s Authentic Gojidi Saladry, Good Salads and Good Service, can I take your order? '' I droned, barely managing to offer the promised good service.
“Uhhhh… yeah… lemme get a uhhh… spekkin uhhhhhh…” The venlil before me mumbled, his head stupidly cocked to the side to give him a better view of the menu looming over my back. I sighed internally as the customer continued to hem and haw. How hard was it to pick a salad? It’s leaves and fruit for protector’s sake, It’s not like you could mess it up.
“...uhhhhh Cradle special?” The customer finally decided. Internally, I scoffed at the name. Like most of our ‘authentic gojid food,’ half the ingredients weren’t even native to the cradle. Faral leaves are from Mileau by Ki-yu, and they make up the Mazic’s share of the dish! I don’t think ‘authentic gojid salads’ even exist.
“And would you like that in small, medium, or large?” I asked, before realizing my mistake.
“Uhhhhhh…” began the venlil again. I resisted the urge to curl into a ball on the floor. It’s the last claw. It’s the last claw. It’s the last claw.
“Might I recommend the large sir? You can always save what you don’t eat for later,” I interjected, stopping another minute long rumination period.
“Oh. Yeah! That sounds good!”
“Alright, so your total is going to be–”
“Uh, Parq?” My manager Vella interrupted. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Brahk.
“Would you like to Mazic-size your salad for only half a credit more?” I ask, bracing myself.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” began the venlil once more.
Stepping away, Vella commanded, “And don’t look so grumpy Parq. Remember, at Brog’s, the customers are our herd!”
Last claw, last claw…
—
I tapped my pad to buzz myself into the building, welcomed home by the pests that scurry flat under the baseboards they hide in. I could hear Against the Herd coming from the landlord’s living room as I trudged up the stairs to my rented guest room. Maybe with Kurlek going off like that I could finally get some practice in.
I shouldered my way past the stubborn door of my ‘apartment’, and looked around at the messed bed, scattered quills, and stacked cans of Sprunk. I brush aside some crumpled Broq’s trash, and pull my case from under the bed. I laid it on my lap and ran my claws over the polished retan inlaid with red reedwood, creating a border of Gojid script I, and my Grampa, were never taught to read. Twisting my claws through brass latches, I opened the case and beheld the only thing left to care about. My Grampa’s Sonophone.
With practiced movements, I twisted the pipes of thin and brittle wood together, taking care not to put another scratch on the ancient varnish. I nestled the lifebag under my arm and laid the breather between my lips, and filled the fabric reservoir, taking care not to fill the precious treasure with my spit.
With another breath, I pressed my life against me and felt the room shake with music. With an undeserved sincerity, I thanked my stiff bed for being rock solid enough to feel the dirge I played rumble through the bedframe and mattress. I mourned where I was, and what I had done; or hadn’t. But the embracing vibrato pulled from my mind memories of Grampa playing this same instrument, while a much smaller Me laid out on the floor next to it, to better feel the vibrations rattle through my body and bones.
Just about to reach the bridge, to hear the weaving melody lift me from my lot… But an arrhythmic pounding stuttered the instrument and yanked me from my delusions of happiness.
I sat for a moment, not wanting to walk to the door. Maybe it had been the downstairs neighbor jabbing at the ceiling with her broom again. Yeah, that’s probably all it—
BANG BANG BANG
Nope, that was the door. Resigning myself to getting no more practice this paw, I rose to answer it. As I schlepped over to the door the pounding increased in frequency.
“Yes, yes I hear you, I’m coming, don’t get your quills all—“
I opened the door to a looming mass of muscle and fur. The flickering fluorescent light of the hall cast a long shadow into my dimly lit room, leaving me shrouded in darkness, the backlit beast looking like the void of space itself. The thing snorted, then spoke:
“Can you cut that brahking noise out?! I’m trying to enjoy the news and you’re shaking the entire building with that hunk of junk! You sound like my cousin in heat!”
Trying to keep my quills from flaring out in fear, I choked out, “I-I’m sorry Codua, I’ll k-keep it down.”
“This is the third time I’ve had problems with your noise this night, predator. If it happens again, you’re on the streets,” my Mazic landlord spat in response.
Grabbing the handle to the door, he finished, “ I don’t know why you even bother practicing that speh, it’s not like anyone wants to hear it.”
Slamming it, he left me in the dim light of my apartment once more. I shuffled back to my bed and slowly disassembled my instrument once more, returning the delicate pipes to their respective places with unassured movements. As I gently squeezed the lifebag, the remaining air rushed out noiselessly, leaving myself feeling deflated and empty. I stored it alongside the reeds before shutting the ornate case and hiding it under the bed once more. I sat on the edge of my bed for a while in silence, trying not to think. Finally, I rose and pulled the light switch, shrouding the room in darkness. Only the beams escaping the blackout shades of the window kept me from utter darkness.
I curled up on my bed, feeling nothing but utterly exhausted. And tomorrow was another day.
Tears seeped from my eyes.
—-
Memory transcription subject: Parq, Aspiring Gojid Sonophonist
Date [standardized human time]: Nov 11th, 2136.
I awoke feeling completely unrefreshed. Thankfully, I could not afford to ruminate on the events of last night, as I barely had enough time to ruminate on my breakfast of kort pods before I left for my first work claw of the paw.
I walked through the streets completely alone. Throngs of venlil filled the sidewalk, herding together as they moved towards their destinations. My spines normally ensured that they kept a tail away at all times, and my recently revealed predator status had added another tail on top of that, leaving me in a herd by myself.
As I approached the transport stop, the crowds parted before me and my eyes were stabbed by a flash of yellow. Someone had stuck a piece of paper to the side of the stop. I inspected the paper only to find it in a language that I could not understand.
Well, I didn’t have anything better to do while I waited for the bus.
Pulling out my data pad, I loaded up the visual translator program. Idly, I wondered who would have left such a thing stuck to a bus stop. Even if it was loosely attached, it was still vandalism of public property.
My pad gave off a soft tone, displaying the text in the Gojidi language.
“BAND SEEKING MEMBERS! Up and coming Glacierview band is seeking bassist. Must have your own gear. All species welcome. Come ready to rock!”
I scoffed out loud. Must be some kind of yotul band if they were using rocks as an instrument. And they must be extremely desperate if they’re searching for members at the bus stop with a paper flier!
They must be as desperate as I am!
…
I saved the listed pad contact before sitting on the bench at the transport stop, mentally preparing myself for another claw of work.
---
[Next]
Credits:
u/cruisingNW, who proofread and was a great advisor on this.
u/Acceptable_Egg5560, who proofread.
And readers like you; THANK YOU!

Still have some stuff left from the old post, and found some more stuff I'm trying to clear up. Feel free to ask about any questions, more than happy to ship items. Open to trades with a full size clicky gaming keyboard, 1080P 24"-25" 144Hz+ Monitor, PC Case (Aesthetic over performance), DDR5 RAM, DDR5 supported Mobo, AM5 CPU or 12/13th gen cpu that supports ddr5.
As always, I would appreciate a comment for any prices that are off, a downvote doesn't really help me determine which item is off. Thanks! Take care, and thanks for looking!
Timestamp
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MSI H510i Pro Wifi	Comes with original box and accessories. No issues at all, should be updated to the latest bios.	Asking $150 shipped, or $125 if you pick up or provide a label.
T-Force Dark Pro 2x8GB DDR4 3200Mhz C14 RAM	Comes in original box, no issues. Clean looking ram imo.	Asking $40. Shipping will probably be between $5 at most.
Corsair SF600 80+ Gold SFX PSU	Does not come with original box, has all wires except a single sata.	Asking $115 Shipped, or $90 if you pick up or provide a label.
XFX RX 5700 DD Ultra	Great condition, tested and temps are great. No coil whine or issues. Comes with original box.	Asking $180.
Noctua NH-L9i Chromax	Comes with original box and all accessories, except thermal paste.	Asking $40.
Drop Tokyo 60 Coyote	Hefty board, some quality material. Comes installed with Linear and Silent Otemu Black switches (and a few extra) and a USB Type A to Type C. Can Bundle with keycap set for $150.	Asking $90
Drop + Marvel Infinity War MT3 Keycap Set	Comes with original box and all keycaps. Can bundle with keyboard kit for $150.	Asking $90
Corsair Dark Core RGB Pro Gaming Mouse	Comes with original box and accessories. Absolutely no issues with customization or use. I just want to change it up. Can Pair up with K100 for $250.	Asking for $85.
Corsair K100 OPX Optical-Mechanical Gaming Keyboard	Corsair's Flagship keyboard, comes with original box and accessories. Can pair up with Dark Core RGB Pro for $250.	Asking $190.
Damaged 32" 1080P Acer Gaming Monitor	Got this in attempt to repair, but yeah I don't think I'll be getting to that.	FREE, or $1 if you want to confirm a trade.
As-IS Asus B450-F Gaming ii Motherboard	I was trying to flash the bios on this the other day, but the logo didn't light up. So I'm not sure if this works or not. I haven't tested it. Looking for a CPU to test it out with, but selling As-Is, board physically in great condition and comes with original box and accessories.	$40
Non-working 16GB RGB Ram	Lights up, doesn't boot up. Maybe someone can fix this.	FREE, or $1 if you want to confirm a trade.

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Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough for a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.