Bon secours good samaritan hospital
My friend (22f) is facing homelessness and our mutual friend (23f) is acting crazy.
2023.06.05 03:04 MusicZealousideal431 My friend (22f) is facing homelessness and our mutual friend (23f) is acting crazy.
I (23f) have two friends Abbie (22f) and Sharon (22f)
Abbie was with some people for about four years who got into a ton of debt. Not going into details but she was basically kicked from their home and they are trying to take legal action against her for false crimes in hopes of getting some lawsuit money. So far they have no lawyers willing to take their case so it’s safe to say Abbie won’t be getting charged with anything.
Abbie is now couch hopping until she gets back on her feet. She has been staying with me occasionally, and I give her food and access to all of my apartment utilities whenever she needs. I’ve known her for a very long time and am decently aware of the details of her situation.
I went down south for a weekend to visit my friend (23f) who just got out of brain surgery for a grand-mal seizure. I hadn’t seen this friend in almost a year and wanted to show her a good time after she stayed in the hospital for almost two weeks.
Que in our mutual friend Sharon (22f). She met Abbie through me about a year ago and has also been helping her. But I found out that she is trying to dictate where she works and has pressured her to sign onto the lease with Sharon and her boyfriend Ted (24f). Abbie confided that some people have been harassing her telling her she’s at fault for being in this situation, and said that so many people don’t understand what she’s going through.
When I was hanging with my sick friend Sharon sent me a bunch of texts saying that I’m not stepping up enough, I should feel ashamed for “abandoning” Abbie to hang with my other friend, I’m trying to pressure Abbie into giving me money (never did), shouldn’t even be involved since I don’t do enough, Abbie has every right to cut me off, all my advice is stupid, I don’t understand since I’m “rich”, etc. Then condemned me for introducing Abbie to other people and taking her out - saying that she’s not ready to hang with people who she doesn’t know that well. Abbie has been isolated for the past year living with her ex-roommates, and has said many times that she wants to go out and be with others.
Mind you they didn’t really talk for almost a year and Abbie stayed with them once.
I told her she’s overreacting and that she is causing issues that don’t need to be added to Abbies plate right now. She’s now giving me the silent treatment.
I’m not sure how to resolve this. I didn’t wanna cut Sharon off since she’s been a healthy friend before all this, but I don’t want her causing any more issues. Any advice on how to calmly diffuse the situation?
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2023.06.05 03:03 Gold-Anywhere4655 Need advice on accepting or not accepting a job offer in a different field
Hey! I posted in another Reddit forum for advice but only got one response so I’m hoping I’ll get some more feedback that I can consider from jobs
. I’m 24, non-binary, live and work in PA. I currently work in a community and school-based behavioral health classroom as a behavioral health technician. I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and I’m pursuing a masters degree online in social work. I’ve worked at my current job for about a month now, and I make $16.50 an hour. I was initially really excited for the current job opportunity I received but I feel like certain aspects of the job weren’t explained to me upfront and I’ve found out about additional job responsibilities that make me uncertain about whether the job is a “good fit” for me and my lifestyle. For example, there’s a therapeutic summer program so I’ll have hours in the summer but the program is only six hours a week so I’m expected to do community outings with the teens I work with to get to the 40 hours. I’ll be expected to purchase whatever they want or pay for whatever we do, like getting them food or paying for admission to an amusement park. I’ll get reimbursed, but a month later. I’m really worried about this aspect that wasn’t explained to me upfront at the job interview because I live paycheck to paycheck and I’ll have to budget expenses for taking the teens out when I really don’t have the money left after bills to do so. Additionally, I was told I would have to be on-call crisis management once a month for a week and that I wouldn’t have to go to the actual hospital if a teen is in crisis and wait with them during my interview (I’ve previously had a job with on-call where I’d have to go out and meet with the children and families, no matter the time so I made sure to ask about that during the interview because that’s not something I want to do again. I need my sleep.) but I spoke with another BHT who said he spent five hours in the ER with a kid. I do get paid 16 hours of overtime for that week I’m on-call, regardless of whether the phone rings or not and if I do get a call or have to go out, I get paid for however long I’m on the phone or out in the community or home on top of that 16 hours. I don’t think it helped that the interviewer was an HR representative instead of someone who works in my department so she didn’t know all of the information. I really enjoy working with the teens I work with, they’re great kids. I interviewed for another job in a completely different field (medical marijuana industry) before getting this job and they just got back to me this week with a job offer. I’m conflicted and unsure about what to do. I tried making a pros/cons list but that didn’t help me decide. Financially, the medical marijuana job would be better because it pays $18.57 an hour and there’d be no responsibility for me to purchase items for the teens at that job. Also, there wouldn’t be an intense and stressful amount of paperwork at the marijuana facility. Additionally, I wouldn’t need to work on-call. Both jobs are union jobs, full-time, with healthcare benefits. The pros of working in the school are that I like working with the teens, I like my coworkers, I feel like I’m making a difference, it’s related to my degree, I want to potentially do my internship for my masters degree through the agency so I want to maintain a good relationship with the agency I currently work for, and it’s a union job. The cons are the on-call aspect, the lower pay, the expectation that I’ll pay for teens expenses and later be reimbursed when I live paycheck to paycheck, and there’s so much paperwork (I’ve worked as a BHT before and this is the most paperwork I’ve ever had to do). The pros of the medical marijuana job are that it pays more, it’s still a field I’d want to work in even though it doesn’t relate to my degree, there’s advancement opportunities, it’s a union job, no on-call, no intense levels of paperwork, and it’s the type of job that I can just show up, do my job, and go home without worrying about everything that happened at work that day and the well-being of the teens I work with so I could focus on my schoolwork and life outside of work. Cons of the medical marijuana job are that I wouldn’t gain more experience relating to my degrees there, leaving my current job might make it difficult or impossible to get an internship at the agency I work for now in the future, and I’d feel like I was disappointing the kids and coworkers I work with now by leaving. Especially because they’re talking about increasing my caseload at my current job and it stresses me out that I’m thinking about leaving when they’re so excited for me and think I’m a great worker that they want to give me more work. But at the same time, I’m worried that I’ll want to leave my current job in the future and there won’t be this other job opportunity waiting for me. Please help me decide because I’m so stressed! Thank you in advance for any advice, comments, or feedback!
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2023.06.05 02:55 hipeopleofredditttt Medical City? Texas Health? Or Baylor?
Hey nurses of North Texas!
I am looking to transfer or start a new job in a new hospital?
I reside in Fort Worth/Dallas metroplex area. Anyone have a good or bad experience or recommendation for any of these hospitals?
I currently work at medical city and idk if I should go to another hospital.
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2023.06.05 02:55 Mui_Q When can I stop thinking about the past... ([email protected], Swearing)
Many things happened like I saw my grandfather having a stroke and dead in the hospital 2 or 4 days later and the past things when I was online at the age of 8-11 I hate those days... Fucking old men trying to shit to me being lied and ignored by bitchs when I was 8-9 I felt sad sad everyday thinking I am worthless and useless and thinking my stupid mistakes I see them as failures what I could've prevented but I didn't I was stupid and dumb to do it to not think because I was being childish and could've thought more into it before doing so I hate thinking the past there is more but I don't want to talk about it I'm going to try to have a good day by going to the pool
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2023.06.05 02:54 Advanced-Ad3838 Am I being abused?
Having got married during Covid lockdown are marriage started off rocky with anxiety and being stuck inside often. We both weren’t the best partners at the time as our relationships with God weren’t where they needed to be and we were both battling things. In mid 2021 into early 2022 I suffered a devastating family loss and a month later developed a chronic medical condition that has put me in the hospital 5 times and over 100 doctors appts. Life has not been easy but by the Grace of God I’m doing alright.
My husband and I have had many fights in the past where he has said I’m not wifeish enough. He analyzes everything I do. Are most recent fight was because I didn’t dance with him enough at a wedding we were at. I don’t love dancing (have a heart condition too) but still mingles with everyone. Did a couple dances with him and stayed on the dance floor a bit to hangout. Horrible fight. He left the house because I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong and was “defensive” we’ve had many fights like this. Fights where I’m not wifeish enough because I don’t take enough photos, I don’t like swimming, I don’t clean enough. He says I’m always on the defense when he brings something up which sometimes I am because it seems inaccurate. He does the same but I barely fight with him. I have trouble remembering details of fights and he’ll get mad and call me crazy or brain dead or something similar because I can’t recall things said in the past well.
I do clean, we both do. I take care of him. I make him snacks. I sew us curtains and pillows. I leave notes of encouragement for him on his phone or on paper. I encourage him to have guys night. We have some sort of sexual encounter several times a week. I go all out for our holidays. I do a lot for him. We go out to eat and shop and spend time outdoors. I take care of groceries, decorate the house, work 5 days a week and make crafts on the side. I feel like given my health condition I contribute and feel like a good wife.
But that’s not the case. He has called me a b**ch, boring, a drag, dumb, brain dead. He’s thrown food and me in a fight before. Sometimes it’s really good. He’s been growing more Spiritually and in general lately but other times it’s very bad.
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2023.06.05 02:52 Delicious_Chance9119 Does anyone know any good resources for men and women in crisis that are down on their luck
This morning around 6 am I was walking to rofo to go pick something up and I cut through a side street and there was a woman bawling her eyes out, it was obvious that she was down on her luck
I asked if she was hurt and if she was ok and if I could call and ambulance for her and she said she was not hurt and she was fine. I told her I was going to rofo and I would grab her a water and coffee on my way back but she was nowhere to be found when I came back around.
Does anyone know any good men/women’s groups/orgs that help the homeless or people in active addiction im not sure what else I can do besides an act of kindness and calling and ambulance but I understand not wanting to go to the hospital
Just a good org I can keep some cards or something in my wallet to hand out in situations like this in case they don’t want help now but may change their mind down the line.
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2023.06.05 02:49 SaphiraLupin Oooh, look. 'Tis I, the prodigal heathen Christian.
Today I (28F) found out my mom is disappointed in me for no longer wanting to be Pentecostal as if it's the only damn way to be a Christian. I'm not upset that she's disappointed, I'm upset that the benchmark for achievement in this family is slaving away at church. She invited me to a conference, then right after she asked, said "...but you don't want to be Pentecostal anymore, so that's why I never asked". It was totally unnecessary since for a few seconds I almost considered saying yes. She keeps trying to convince me back to my childhood church and honestly, it's starting to put me off Christianity entirely. I've explained to her why, but there's no sense arguing with someone committed to misunderstanding my reasons and brushing them off as excuses. She even asked if it was because my sister is now part of the staff at the church, and everyone is all over her for it. However, whenever I come home I rarely ever hear my family saying anything to inform/properly teach me more that I don't know or something amazing that supposedly happened, all I hear are complaints about what other leaders are doing wrong.
I gave up on my dreams just so I wouldn't disappoint my parents. I work at a Christian school, worked my ass off to hide the fact that I'm bisexual, changed into a career field they told me to be in or they wouldn't support me (the indoctrination is REAL), and moved back home because I can't pay rent here without 3 other people, and that's IF I find housing. I gave up on academic achievement because I was told it was becoming an "idol", I was growing "arrogant", and my mom would point out all the ways I couldn't be in my chosen science field (too short, no sense of smell, hard of hearing, it would take you away from home, it's competitive, God is the only thing we need, etc)." My parents hated when I sounded "too intellectual" when speaking to them and get too logical. Then again, I can't even praise myself for something as mundane as cooking a new dish and hitting the mark the first time cooking it without being called big-headed.
I do also pay rent, and clean, on weekends and breaks because everyone else wants to be at church. I can't even enjoy my life anymore.
I've always been ambivalent towards my parents, but of course, I still wanted their approval...until now. I even went to therapy for 8 weeks and felt better than I have in 20 years, yet it doesn't matter since I don't agree with Pentecostal teachings. It doesn't matter because I didn't get better "through God". If I had gotten better "through God", my life from 8-now would not have been a massive emotional shitstorm, and I could have gotten help for my mental health earlier.
TL://DR: I'm a disappointment to my parents, and no matter what I accomplish, it won't matter because I'm no longer Pentecostal. I almost felt good about myself, and my mom shit on my self-confidence.
Edit: I started deconstructing when everything was going down in 2020 with how Christians were reacting to Covid and social justice issues. 2021 I finally decided to be done when my mom was in the hospital and the only people who were there for me were my non-charismatic Christian coworkers and non-church friends. Maybe only three people from the church thought "hey, Saphira went from always serving to suddenly being gone, maybe we should check on her", and I was hardly close to those people.
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2023.06.05 02:47 Worried-Chain-492 On soft rejection
Is it really that much of a difference?
I (M,30) asked a girl to stay in touch, after meeting up in a hospital.
She knows how I feel about her, I gave her a massive love letter and she hooked me up through phone like a week later, when I tried to collect my thoughts before calling, I proposed two days later to call, during which she started backing down and giving off mixed signals. So I restated the intention that I want to stay I touch and would like to have a talk about the letter and her feelings.
She responded four days later saying she's sorry for answering so late due to problems with her phone. Wishing me well with my upcoming projects and stating she has an appointment aswell tomorrow. I just replied: ye, good luck. To which she immediately sent: and I do want to talk in a regular setting, some time.
Like, okay, whatever is going on, I might get, but her communication went hot-and-cold in a couple of days and after backing out she proposed this unclear alternative.
Now my question is: is her talking about the project what we call a 'soft rejection'; and, honestly, does it make any difference?
(The way I read it is: I don't want to see you, yet can't state it properly...)
While all I want to know is whether or not she's into me.
I've tried to find closure for myself in these circumstances, but it's difficult due to her vague communication, which kinda give the idea of a (false?) hope. Some friends said she might be stringing me along; she tried to let me go off soft; she ain't worth it and I better drop her already and all that stuff. I get their points, but I don't want to conclude on her part.
So the main question is, if I'm playing myself as a fool thinking this all might work out somehow... I haven't contacted her since then, since I feel I've put myself on the line already with my opening up about my feelings, the letter and the proposal to call.
And do 'soft' and 'hard' rejections actually have different purposes and meanings?
What can I do to actually find closure for myself in this situation?
Any input is appreciated..
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2023.06.05 02:45 Grailswar1 48 [FM4F] #Cleveland, Ohio- dominant couple 2v1 kind of thing.
We have been at this a while anything its a slippery slope as most are. We have met some great people, had some amazing experiences and ultimately keep wanting to go that little bit further. Like most things when you look back at where started it seems far off indeed.
So here we are, somehow in Ohio this is fine but only for the time, adventure calls. There are different kinds of adventure of course, exploring Bondage is one of those roads we keep travelling.
We are so into CNC and BDSM that vanilla threesomes are barely of interest, sure a beautiful woman is alluring, but one that wants to be choked and violated, forced to endure bondage, well that is our kind of girl.
Heres the breakdown:
US- a couple.
Male (me) 47 5'10 190, in good shape.
Female (wife) 48 5'3 116 in great shape and aftermarket additions that you will notice.
What we're looking for, a woman, (this is a hard rule) no guys, no penises, I have mine thats enough, I dont get why women like them, they look dumb, women are streamlined and have such fun parts. so no men, we have no need for more man parts.
Age- 25 and up or very mature for your age.
Where -anywhere in USA or CA, as long as you're not on the FBI no fly list.
We like soft, thin, feminine, in shape, we dont like BBW, as for race any is fine, we would like to play with an Asian woman as we never have though that is just a plus, we're open to any race.
Clean shaven, a little hair is okay, but a seventies bush or armpit hair, leg hair, hard pass.
Kinks- Lets remember we're not trying to insult anyone here and consider this the fair warning that we like some really hard stuff, so if you dont or dont think people should be allowed to consent to what they want to do, then you're just not going to like what we have to say.
Good girl. (Gentle biting on the neck as I whisper it)
The basic's, slapping, flogging, whipping, restraints, choking, hair pulling, degrading (verbally, whore slut basic stuff). Now if any of these are are hard 'no' we may be able to work around them but, if 2 or more are on your list, well you might want to swipe whatever way is away, because its going to get worse.
Roleplay- you're a visitor, who gets abused, not to far from the truth, but the best stories always intertwine the reality and fiction.
The harder stuff- this stuff that you can object to, and we get it, its all the harder stuff that we kinda grew into and get that not everyone is going to be all for it, you can pick and choose.
Fisting and or large objects and stretching, DP we really like to DP a woman, you pinned between us, so sexy, so full, eyes rolled back my hand at your throat, giving all you can give but we're wanting more, my wifes nails gently biting your skin. Yeah, we like DP.
Shockers, Estim, prod the jolt of pain, if you do it wrong it can be dangerous, so we have studied and are careful to make sure everyone gets out without any long-term effects. A shocker to the ass, breast, leg or clit, while you're being fucked, in between being stimulated the contrast of pain and pleasure, we love to see that in a sub.
Degrading (part 2, the first was level 1, this is the upgrade) We like the mental aspect of BDSM, its that connection when you have it with a sub, its so sexy. If she wants to be broken mentally, we want the tools to do it. We need some input here, tell us what are the words the things that you secretly hate the feellings that you have that you want to expose but need to be deep in session, walls down, to really admit what you feel about yourself. Its primal and goes far beyond the spat 'slut, whore' If you know, then you do, if not it may not be your thing. Its ours though, let us in, so we can break you more effectively.
Paddles, with the intent to bruise, we like to see our handywork, the paddle gets the job done. We're artists in a way, and you're a canvas.
Overstimulation- the toying till you're cum drunk, you're hurting but were going to keep fucking you hitting you choking, using you like our whore, on this night you are ours and we want you to give yourself to us completely. You have our undivided attention.
Squirting- if you can we are going to be super interested and want to bring you home for a nice night that will end very harshly, we'll keep you hydrated.
The REALLY Hard- Most people won't be for the following, if you are and you have the other third of this mysterious amulet which we have had since we were babies, we need to meet you.
Sounding, the placing of smooth metal rods in your peehole for stimulation, usually it results in you peeing and losing control, which is sexy.
Watersports, you being degraded by my wife peeing on you, or you peeing on yourself.
Waterboarding- you strapped to a board and being tortured against all Nato sanctions, it is rough and extreme and youll lose focus when your clit is being stimulated and you're dry drowning. Not for everyone but sexy if you're the woman we're looking for.
Knife play- we dont do cutting, but using the knife as a prop forcing you at knifepoint to surrender and subject yourself to everything we demand.
The off limits- things we wont do. Nothing Illegal, no kids (both gross and illegal), no breeding you, we dont want any subsiquent kids, not with you, not with anyone nothing ruins kinky fun like crying babies.
No- hard drugs, we dont use anything that alters our thoughts during BDSM, bad mix. So we expect you to be clean too.
No- longterm damage, lets have fun and kink not hospital bills.
No- dudes (I thought it was worth repeating)
No- feet stuff, we dont like feet.
No- furries, not my kind of fun, I'm not dressing in one of those outfits.
Most other things are on the table- do you have a fantasy? Tell us about it we are likely down to try it. Is it twisted and kinky? then we really need to hear about it.
Location- US, we'll take care of travel, if we get along and have a connection, come spend a weekend see clevelands sports teams (we dont do sports so whatever, I hear were not missing much) and get abused (more than by just having to watch Clevelands teams take a whipping).
Experience, we have been doing this for a while but you dont need to be experienced, some of our best experiences were with beginner subs, we all have to be on the same page and have a clear understanding of where this is going, and where it stops.
Lastly- consent, there has to be consent and anything were going to do must be discussed and safewords will be in place. Dont tell me you dont need safewords, youre either unhinged or lying, this should be like a haunted house scary but you know you can leave at anytime. (I mean halloween haunted houses not creepy old houses with ghosts, those are scary)
If you got this far, lets talk, if youre deeply offended by us, please lets not talk, lets just part non-enemies.
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2023.06.05 02:35 Drechenaux Main Character Syndrome
It's said that we each think ourselves of the protagonists of our own stories. Take that too far and you get narcissistic people who annoy everyone around them- but there is another layer to it.
In the end, we all experience the world through our own eyes. And what we see is always limited.
Don't get what I mean? Imagine for a second that you were living in a simulation. Now, you may think that it's nearly impossible for a computer to possibly synthesize everything in the world going on around you.
Imagine walking into a bookstore. Have you ever... actually read every single book in there? No, leave that, have you ever even opened each book? How do you know that... each book is real, that each book actually has words in it without you opening each one? They could very well be placeholders, just there to make the world look more real.
Extrapolate that to the world. Sure, there are ways of knowing about everything going around you- but how much do you actually experience?
In the end of course, it's only what we experience that shapes what we think of reality. We can never go inside someone else's head.
This would all just be a though experiment. Or at least, it would be normally.
Two week ago, I moved into a new town. I didn't really relish the idea as it was a rather small town- a far cry from the city I'd grown up in, but I had to come here as part of a job, and my student loans weren't going to pay themselves.
I sighed, and grit myself for six months of utter boredom.
That's what I thought would happen. I settled in well enough, only for my doorbell the ring the very afternoon I had arrived.
Hadn't been expecting that- I hadn't even unpacked half of the boxes yet.
It was my neighbor- at least that was how they introduced themselves. It was Gary, his wife, and his twin daughters. They were nice enough- though overall given that I was eager to get to work they were more of a distraction than anything.
The visitors didn't stop there though. The mailman, other neighbors from down the street, the owner of the local grocery store, the garbageman- all of them fell the need to ring on my doorbell just to say 'hello' to me. I wouldn't have minded but the thing was that the conversations dragged on for far longer than they ever should have.
And now that I truly think about it- there was something really off about each of those conversations. I know the Uncanny Valley effect is regarding faces- but this was like that, except for speech. What was being said was normal- but there was an, oddness to it that I couldn't really put my finger on. As if I was thinking- 'Wait a moment, real people don't talk like this.'
I just chalked up all of this attention to small town values and went to sleep even though I barely got any unpacking done at all.
I did notice something odd- outside the window that looked over my backyard- I saw the silhouette of a lady with her dog by the road. This wouldn't be abnormal on its own- but for three nights in a row, I always saw her.
At seemingly the same place.
The next morning I got up and my day was instantly ruined when I saw that all the tires to my car had been slashed.
So much for small town hospitality- I was almost beginning to swear when I heard a warm voice said, "In trouble there, neighbor?"
It was Gary. From the way he approached me- it was like he'd been waiting all this time behind the corner just to pop up when I would notice the slashes tires.
"Uh... yeah, someone did this..." I said.
"Oof- looks like we got ourselves a troublemaker on the loose here," Gary said. "We should let the Sherriff know- oh, there he is!"
In what couldn't possibly be a coincidence, the Sherriff strolled right up to us as if he had just been strolling around the neighborhood. "Good morning there- and oh, is this our new resident!"
He introduced himself and assured me that he would look into the matter, and as with all the other conversations I had up till now it lasted three times longer than necessary. I was really beginning to become impatient.
At the time I just chalked it up to folks from a small town being different, though now that I look back on things, they were definitely dragging out those conversations as much as possible.
Gary offered me a ride to work- which I accepted given I had no real other options. He talked a lot about his own life- only occasionally asking me questions about mine.
In case you were wondering what it was that I did there- I was a reporter working on a story. I was looking into a story regarding a factory near the town, and so Gary was nice enough to drop me off at the town library which also housed its records.
It was fairly old- didn't even have a digital system in place, they still used those old cards you would write into if you wanted to take a book out.
You would think that at the very least in a library I would get some peace and quiet, but no.... the librarian and her two assistants walked up to speak to me. They shooed away the other patrons who also seemed to want to introduce themselves and began explaining how the library worked.
Again, the conversation lasted way too long for my liking.
I tried to focus on my work, but I really couldn't. I noticed it every so slightly- people were waiting for me around every corner. Their faces were in books that they clearly weren't reading as they were on the same page for two hours.
I didn't make much headway as I made to leave- unsure of how I would even get back home when the second I stepped out of the library I ran into Gary.
"Were you... waiting for me all this time?"
"Aww shucks no! Of course not, I was just in the area and remembered you didn't have a ride home. Realized the library closes around this time so I thought I'd give you a lift."
'Thank... you," I said, very creeped out.
On the drive back, Gary told me that there was going to be a large party over at his house tomorrow afternoon. I said I had work- but Gary told me the library was closed on weekends. I found that to be very odd but had not real way of confirming that it was wrong so I shrugged and said that I would be there.
That night, again, I saw the lady with her dog across the street. In the same spot. I didn't think too much of it then.
The next day was the party- and to my surprise it looked like half of the town had shown up. I was immediately ushered in and asked to sit down in the center of the living room- it was as if I was the Birthday Boy at a kid's party.
Everyone wanted to speak with me- it was nice for a while but became quite overwhelming thereafter.
That night, I again saw the lady with her dog across the street. I could swear she was in the same spot as well.
I went ahead and opened the door- going for an evening stroll. I walked down the road and I saw a woman in her mid-forties walking a Golden Retriever. She was no longer standing still, but was walking up to me, eager to introduce herself. She walked the same route every day, she told me, and was really excited to see the new face who was the buzz all around town.
The next day I tried to get some new tires- but every shop in town was out of it (and by every shop I mean the two there). Despite how friendly everyone was, none of them had a spare set of tires- something I found hard to believe.
They did managed to find a bicycle I could borrow- that was good enough to go to the grocery store and back. It took me over an hour to get to the library for my job though- Gary kept offering to drive me there, but I always refused.
I did actually get some work done- and it went on like that for a week longer when my bike was stolen one day.
The Sherriff was right around the corner as the last time, and Gary was as willing to offer a ride as ever. Now, I couldn't even get someone to lend me their bicycle anymore.
That night, I saw her again. That same lady, standing across the street. In the same spot.
I went for a walk- and she ran into me. As if she had been expecting me.
I had no idea what was happening around this place. I felt nauseous and didn't come out of the house for two days, just whiling away time on my laptop.
I had made my decision then- screw this job! I was getting out of here. I called my boss and told him I was leaving, and given I somehow still didn't have new tires I just called for a taxi company. I'd get my car back some other way- I didn't want to live here a moment longer.
The night before my planned escape, I woke up, startled by a noise downstairs. I went to see that it was... Gary.
He wasn't carrying a weapon of any sort and didn't look threatening in any way- but he was in my house at two in the morning.
"H-how did you get in?" I asked him.
"Ah, picked the lock. Locksmith helped," he said.
I grabbed a nearby umbrella- hardly an adequate weapon, but the closest thing near me. "D-don't get any closer!"
"I don't want to bother you," Gary said, seemingly nonplused by how weird this whole situation was. "I just wanted to let you know... that you can't leave."
That confirmed my suspicions when I heard a voice from outside.
"Gary! How long are you going to hog everything for yourself!"
"We want our turn!"
"What happened to 'sharing is caring?'"
I looked outside the window- and saw the townsfolk had surrounded my house.
"What is going on?!" I demanded.
"It's hard to explain," Gary said. "But let me start at the beginning. The 'factory' you were looking into, it wasn't a factory at all. It was a research facility for the military. We don't know why- but they made us. They made us like this, eternally trapped in this town. They abandoned us. We don't know why- just that it seems they wanted to curse us. I know no other reason as to why the should torment us so."
His face twisted into a snarl.
"We are background characters. We have little will of our own. It's only when someone like you comes from the outside that we find our purpose. That this town of ours has life breathed into it. Did you know what my days like were before you came along? I would stand in an empty house with my 'family' for hours on end. Just staring at a blank wall, unable to eat or drink or sleep. Unable to feel, unable to express myself. I can't even talk to members of my family unless you come around."
"Ah, I think you have a term for us," Gary said. "NPCs? Side characters? That's what we are. We can't do anything unless you come around. And I loved it so much when you were here- for the firs time in years I felt alive. Did you know something? My house is actually empty. No furniture. Nothing at all. Everything that you saw in there on the day of the party- it materialized only when you came in. I could go back home to an empty house, but I won't anymore." He began to move. "Come with me."
I ran upstairs and locked my bedroom door, barricading myself in as well as I could. I looked out my window and saw throngs of people there.
I can hear them at my door. Any minute now they'll get in.
I-I have family outside here guys. I do not want to spend my life being a prisoner of whatever... things live in this town.
My hand is shaking in terror as I type this out on my phone. I... don't know what I can do in this situation. I think I can smell smoke- they're definitely starting a fire, knowing I'll have to jump out the window. I don't know if they'll fight over me or try to tear me apart so each of them gets a piece, but they're not going to leave me alone.
They may all be prisoners here- but it looks like I'll end up being another inmate along with them.
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2023.06.05 02:31 eiramired Ignite the Ashes Chapter 6 - From the Ashes
Next Chapter 6 - From the Ashes Winrow, Vanstead Dukedom of Augustein, Year 991
She remembered the sounds of screaming. That day came to her in flashes of disjointed images and sensations. In one moment, there was the usual constant chill of the facility, and then in the next there was a burning heat spiraling outwards, climbing up the walls and dying the grey into red.
She remembered twisting shadows and contorted figures. Those magicians, distant and immoveable figures for so much of her life, collapsed to their knees and choked on smoke.
She remembered smaller figures writhing in the flames. A hand crushed beneath debris reaching towards her. A smoking corpse she couldn’t recognize.
She still wondered, sometimes, lying on the cot and staring up at the wooden ceiling, if it had been Tom or Ben. She would focus on the little details of the figure, laboring over the smoking limbs and the exact hunch of the shoulders. She never did know for certain.
She supposed it didn’t matter in the end.
Joan inhaled, tightening and loosening her grip on the tray of food she was carrying with her. Once she was done mentally preparing herself, she pushed back her shoulders, gripped the door handle, and turned it.
The door opened with a loud creak. Joan had decided to leave it unoiled on purpose; Amara never responded to knocks, so the least she could do was give a very obvious advance warning when she entered the room.
Joan plastered on a large smile, ignoring the numbness that had been growing on one side of her face, and stepped over to the figure seated on the bed. Amara didn’t even turn, her eyes fixed on the open window and the flowing curtains. It was a bright day, the towering white clouds drifting peacefully across a vast expanse of blue. The sight was particularly welcome after a week of non stop rain.
“Good morning,” Joan said in her most cheery voice. She set the tray down on a small table placed beside the cot. Slowly, Amara turned her head to stare at her. Joan swallowed.
Ever since Amara had woken up, she’d barely spoken or even acknowledged her surroundings. All her movements were dulled, as though she was wading through water, and Joan had yet to see any true reaction from her.
Even when she’d first quietly explained what had happened, that the building was gone and that there weren’t any other survivors, Amara had just listened quietly, perfectly still and unmoving. When Joan had finished speaking, all she’d said was, “Can I see the ruins?”
Joan hadn’t known how to respond to that. Part of her suspected she still hadn’t fully processed what had happened and seeing the destroyed building might provide closure, but she also had to be honest and tell Amara that she was in no condition to move. Amara hadn’t responded to that, but she would still ask, every now and then. Those were the only times she would speak without first being prompted. Besides that, she only ever answered in short, clipped sentences, never referring to Joan by name and never saying more than necessary.
When Joan had confided in Leila, the watchman had made a sympathetic noise and shaken her head. “Poor thing must be in shock,” she’d said.
It was the most obvious explanation and the one Joan had immediately jumped to as well. And yet, the longer she spent around her patient, the more she started to wonder if that initial assessment was wrong.
Despite how dulled her movements seemed and how little she spoke, Amara’s eyes never had the same look to them. Even when she stared off into the distance, there was a constant sharpness there, a hardness that seemed at odds with the rest of her behavior.
Even now, seated on the hospital cot, Amara studied her with that same uncanny perceptiveness, a gaze that always made Joan feel like she was being judged. She forced her own eyes to remain steady instead of darting away like her first instinct was. She briefly considered how absurd it was for her, a former Rose, to be intimidated by an injured patient who was probably half her age and barely old enough to no longer qualify as a “girl.”
Joan cleared her throat, the sound seeming to echo in the pervasive silence.
“How are you today?”
A silent stare was her only answer. Joan suppressed the urge to sigh, instead keeping her smile plastered on. She nodded at the tray of food and stood again.
“Well, if you need anything, I’ll be right there doing work.”
Some time after Amara had woken up, Joan had gotten some neighbors to help her move a table into the patient room so that she could keep an eye on her while working. Amara hadn’t voiced any complaints about it, and it made Joan a little less uneasy, so she’d stuck with the system.
Joan settled down in her seat, squinting down at the stack of letters. She didn’t start reading, however, until she heard the familiar clink of silverware as Amara finally ate. Her shoulders slumped in relief, and she leaned over the table and began to work, ignoring the sensation of eyes on her back as she did so.
“You’re healing well,” Joan commented as she carefully inspected an unwrapped wound. She was sure to move slowly and with deliberate gestures, not missing the way Amara’s eyes followed her hands whenever she checked her injuries.
As Joan moved on to the next bandage, she once again considered how lucky Amara was to have survived the explosion. Though she hadn’t seen the building collapse herself, a few of the onlookers had told her that it was sudden and violent. “What do you think happened?” one of them had asked. Joan had told him that she didn’t know. Truthfully she suspected it had been an experiment gone wrong, but she hadn’t wanted to reveal Amara’s secret. As far as the other villagers were concerned, the building was just a lone orphanage that had suffered an unfortunate accident.
“Can I see the ruins?”
Joan frowned. “Not yet,” she said slowly. “Not until all your bones are healed.”
When she looked up again, Amara had turned her head away and was staring at the sky again. Joan sighed and continued the check up.
A knock sounded from down the hallway. Joan set down the shirt she was patching and stood with a frown.
“I’ll be right back,” she said before rising and hurrying to the door.
When she opened it, she found not another patient, but Leila still in her watchman uniform. She blinked at the woman, eyes briefly darting over to the basket she was carrying, then back up.
“Leila, it’s good to see you. What’re you doing here?”
“I was patrolling around the area and thought I’d stop by. Here.” She raised her hand and passed the basket over. Joan took it and peered down at its contents. Inside, she found various ripe fruits, some bright flowers that Leila must’ve gotten fresh from the florist, and a small pouch that, when opened, contained an array of glinting coins. Joan’s eyes widened.
“Leila, you didn’t have to—”
“They’re from the watchmen,” the other woman interrupted. She smiled. “I told them I was stopping by and they pooled together some money to help out.”
A warm feeling rose in Joan’s chest. She swallowed, carefully closing the pouch again and setting it back inside the basket beside a bright yellow blossom. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Please tell them thank you for me.”
Leila reached out a gloved hand and patted her shoulder. “After all the times you’ve had to heal us, this is the least we could do,” she joked. She glanced behind Joan at the hallway and lowered her voice. “Speaking of which, how’s she doing?”
“She’s healing well,” Joan said. “I estimate she’ll be able to walk around within the month.”
“You really do work miracles.” Leila shook her head and stepped back. “I ought to get back on patrol. Remember, if you ever need anything, you can ask me.” With a wave, the woman turned around and walked away.
Joan watched her retreating back, shaking her head with fondness before moving to close the door. Basket carefully balanced in her hands, Joan made her way back down the hallway and to the patient room.
“I’m sorry about that, Amara,” she said as she stepped through the doorway. “Leila visited and—”
Joan’s voice cut off.
The cot where Amara usually sat was empty, the wrinkled sheets haphazardly pulled aside. Joan’s eyes darted frantically around the room, landing on her desk table, where her sewing box was overturned, its contents spilled across the table, chair, and wooden ground. Fabric strips, threads, pins, cushions of needles.
And there, a few feet away from the desk, she could just barely make out the top of a head poking out from behind the bed.
The basket fell to the floor.
“No no no—”
Joan didn’t think, immediately sprinting towards the back of the room, cursing herself for being so stupid. Am I too late?
“Amara!” Joan called, stumbling as she leapt onto the cot and peered over in dread, her heart pounding against her ribcage.
There, seated on the ground with her back supported by the bed, sat Amara. She turned her head to face her, and Joan saw that in one hand she held a gleaming pair of scissors and in the other, a thick bundle of wavy hair that lay half scattered across the ground, blown around by the wind billowing into the room.
“You’re back,” Amara observed. Her gaze was as sharp and perceptive as ever.
Joan’s eyes rapidly scanned her, but there were no new injuries to make note of. The only change was her hair, which had been cropped short so that it sat in an uneven line below her chin.
All at once, the tension bled away and Joan slumped down.
“You cut your hair,” she said weakly. Her head throbbed, and she absentmindedly rubbed at it.
Joan released a long breath and slowly straightened. She closed her eyes for a moment, calming her rapid heart rate. When she spoke, she forced her voice to remain as still and calm as possible, though she couldn’t entirely mask the slight tremor in her voice.
“Amara, the next time you want to cut your hair or—or do anything, please tell me first. Please
Amara stared at her, quiet for a long time. She shifted her position, and for the first time since she’d woken up, something in her eyes changed.
“Okay,” she said.
It was a windy day. Joan shivered and pulled her cloak closer, but she didn’t remove her gaze from the figure walking just beside her.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Joan asked. Amara just nodded, not even turning to look her way, and Joan sighed and shook her head. She faced forward as well, eyes following the dirt path and remembering the last time she’d walked along it.
The closer they got to the ruins, the more Joan’s unease grew.
Amara had continued to heal at a rapid pace, and when she’d first started being able to walk around on her own, she constantly did so, moving with a silent, steady determination. The end result of that persistence had led them to their current situation, on the road to the ruins, Amara with only a few bandages left on her skin and walking by herself, albeit a bit slowly, and Joan, whose eyes kept darting over, watching for any reaction.
As far as she could tell, there were none. Amara moved with remarkable calm, shoulders relaxed and eyes steady.
Joan exhaled and kept walking. Ever since the scissors incident, as Joan had dubbed it in her head, Amara had started speaking more. She was still mostly quiet, but she seemed a little more engaged, more interested in her surroundings. She’d even requested Joan teach her how to read, after Joan had given her a tour of her little home and shown her the library. When Amara was sitting there quietly, listening as Joan taught her basic letters and spelling, Joan could almost tell herself that she was just an ordinary, curious young woman if not for the array of scars on her skin. Joan had tried to heal them, but form magic couldn’t alter colors, and so the marks still lingered.
That near normalcy, however, was where the doubts had begun. Initially she’d assumed Amara wanted to see the ruins to give her closure so that she could move on, but what if it had the opposite effect? Joan wasn’t a fool, she knew Amara’s behavior was in no way normal. She had to be repressing things, or perhaps the truth hadn’t really settled yet. What if seeing the ruins caused her to break down?
The longer they walked, the more the doubts grew. Joan quickly became lost in her thoughts, so much so that she didn’t immediately notice when they stopped walking
Joan blinked and looked up, seeing that they’d reached a familiar fork in the road. Her heart sank and she swallowed. “Left,” she said, voice hoarse. She cleared her throat. “It… it’s just past that hill.”
Amara nodded and turned without hesitation, slowly making her way up the slight incline in a steady rhythm. Another breeze blew past them, carrying scattered tree leaves with it. Joan watched Amara reach the hill top and begin descending until she’d disappeared from view.
Joan stared at the path, limbs suddenly heavy. She tightened her grip on her cloak.
“Get it together,” she muttered. There was no reason for her to be so nervous, she told herself. It was absurd, after all the things she’d already seen throughout her life. But Amara had an uncanny ability to make her feel like a lost child again, someone completely out of her depth.
Joan waited a little longer, listening for any sounds, but there were none besides the wind and rustling flora surrounding them. And so, after a deep breath, Joan lowered her head and made her way over the hill.
When she looked up again, the ruins were in sight. She slowed her pace as she approached.
Where once a simple sturdy grey building had stood, there now lay a pile of debris. Only the bottom sections of the buildings remained standing, jutting out from the ground like broken blades. Charred, splintered wood lay strewn about the grass, and large chunks of shattered stone formed crude boulders.
Surrounding the ruins, colorful blossoms grew in bright patches. Originally someone had suggested burying the bodies—at least the ones they’d been able to recover—there. But Joan had shuddered at the thought of forcing the experiment victims to rest eternally near the broken facility, so she’d requested they move them to Winrow’s graveyard instead. Thankfully people hadn’t questioned her, though the move in the burial site hadn’t stopped people from planting flowers around the area as a memorial.
Joan’s eyes scanned the ruins, finally landing on a single figure standing just in front of the collapsed building. Slowly, Joan approached until she was a few feet away, her footsteps crunching as she stepped over debris.
Amara’s back was turned to her. She didn’t move, simply standing there staring at the destruction before her. The wind blew her now short wavy hair against her neck, and her cloak billowed. The movement caught Joan’s eye, and she caught a glimpse of Amara’s hands hanging at her sides, balled into tight fists that shook barely perceptibly.
Joan opened her mouth and closed it, not knowing what to say. Hesitant, she took another step forward.
And then, all at once, the trembling stopped. Slowly, Amara’s fingers loosened, uncurling themselves until they hung limply at her sides. She raised her head, lifting her face towards the deep blue sky. Joan saw her whole body breathe as another wind blew past them, as though she was trying to fill her lungs with as much air as possible.
A few seconds passed, and Amara’s shoulders fell as she exhaled. Her head lowered back down to eye level, and slowly, she turned around.
Strands of hair lay strewn haphazardly against her face, mussed and twisted by the wind. Her posture was perfectly relaxed and casual, not a trace of tension in sight. The scars running up her arms seemed almost to move in the shifting shadows cast by her cloak. Her sharp eyes, a bright green that gleamed in the sunlight, were piercing.
But what caught Joan’s attention the most was her smile. It was bright, unreadable, and utterly unfamiliar.
“Joan,” Amara said, voice calm. “Let’s go back.”
Next Royal Road Patreon
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2023.06.05 02:20 rsseosolution How To Promote Hotel and Travel Business Websites?
Have a hotel travel business website
that you want to promote? You may have to focus on using effective promotional strategies. The basics of promoting any website are still the same. You promote the website so you can generate more income. Hotel and travel businesses are competitive niche markets and so you need to take additional attention to get good search engine ranking and traffic.
To beat competitions in hospitality and travelling services
you need to follow some steps like competitor's websites analysis. After completing the website audit, start work accordingly. Update websites on a regular basis because in these niche markets there can be many options to get updates. For example: Birthday / marriage / anniversary etc. party in the hotel or any foreign or domestic group staying in the hotel, so you can write about it in brief and can add it to the blog or event section of the website. Same like in tour travel you can update websites with new pictures and destinations on a regular basis.
Want to promote your hotel / travel business websites to increase sales. Just contact us with your website and get free quote. Contact us.
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2023.06.05 02:16 Zara200833 Extremely suicidal. Just let me vent.
I’ve been dealing with these thoughts for 12 years.. I attempted last year. I don’t remember how it happened but the police found me and I woke up in the hospital. I scared everyone that loves me and that kept me going longer… then in September I almost did it again but I stopped myself and checked myself into a hospital. Now I’m so done. I don’t feel the need to tell anyone how I feel around me anymore. I don’t want to vent to my loved ones. I don’t want to scare them anymore. Everyone thinks I’m doing so good right now and I’m not. Im nearing the end i really feel it in my gut. I don’t want to hurt anyone I love and I know it will hurt everyone. I just wish my death wouldn’t hurt my family. I want to make it look like an accident so they don’t have the guilt suicide brings on people. But I want to leave my family the money in my account, I want to find a new home for my dog, and I want to leave everyone I love with a final farewell. I want to say so much to the ones I love before I go and I can’t send this money over and leave them a final goodbye without raising suspicion. I don’t want to hurt anyone or fuck up anyones summer but I am so exhausted. This never ending struggle of living is horrible… it’s not a way to live. I tried everything to feel better. I’ve tried therapy for years, I’ve been through so many therapists, I’ve tried medication, I’ve tried going back to school, I’ve tried writing, I’ve tried everything. Nothing ever helps I don’t feel like I’m worth anything. I can never finish anything. I’m a liar. I’m easily tossed to the side and it’s all my fault. I can’t blame anyone for these things but myself. I know I can’t change the past so I try to push forward and be better. But I will never feel like enough I’ll always will be easily tossed to the side. I know I’m loved but I hurt everyone I love. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just don’t want to keep trying I’ve been crying at random times all week and today I just feel calm. Like nothings there anymore. I feel like I won’t make it to the end of this month. I just wanted to let this all out because I can’t tell anyone around me.
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2023.06.05 02:12 framerfarmer I watched my little brother die at 9 years old
29 years ago today I watched my little brother die. I was 9. He was 5. He wasn’t even supposed to live a single day when he was born so it was a miracle that he lived as long as he did.
He was born with a disorder that affected his bone marrow so he couldn’t build white blood cells. He was always so sick that he could never run or play with the other kids and was constantly in and out of the hospital for blood transfusions.
Right around his 5th birthday he got sicker than usual and became bed ridden for 4-5 months. The doctors did all they could then sent him home to die.
I was in his room with my parents and the nurse. My parents stepped out to talk for a minute and that’s when he decided to go. It was just the nurse, him and myself in the room. It freaked me out because I didn’t understand what was going on and the nurse was busy trying to get him back.
When it finally hit me, I cried for 4 hours straight. My dad was a bit of a harsh man and finally told me to stop crying. He never once gave me a hug or consoled me so I didn’t know what else to do but to suck it up. 29 years later that shit still hits hard and I miss him a lot. I’m sure he’s happy and enjoying good times wherever he is.
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2023.06.05 02:12 secretivetomato My papa
This is a lot, but I just need to vent right now.
The first half of my life was rough for various reasons. I have trauma from my dad and step dad but my grandpa was the only man who never hurt me. He’s a fun guy and as I’ve gotten older and healed from therapy, we’ve become even closer. We’re flea market pals and he inspired my love of collecting antique glass. He knows so much and is always telling me little facts about random things. I love spending time with him. He’s an old school kind of guy, meaning he doesn’t share his emotions a lot but we’ve always connected through humor and I love being able to really make him laugh.
Two weeks ago he was sent to the ER by his doctor for persistent and severe abdominal pain that went up into his back and shoulders. He has diabetes and a history of blood clots, so when my mom called me at work, I didn’t assume the worst. I went up to the hospital after my shift and walked into the ER doctor telling him that he had cancer. I was so shocked and distraught that I didn’t get to ask a lot of questions. He’s been in the hospital since and they’ve done an endoscopy and biopsy for the lesion on his pancreas (and liver?).
He’s lost weight in the last year. He’s always been a bigger guy, stocky, but I attributed his weight loss and diminished appetite to aging. He’s 83 and the body starts to slow down. He’s complained of stomach pain every now and then but I’m 31 and this man has been telling me he’s “going to the boneyard” for as long as I can remember. It’s become like a joke and whenever I have an ache or pain, I say the same thing. I guess it’s not funny anymore. I don’t know, I feel so guilty.
We got the pathology results today and it’s not good. His tumor is 2cm by 3cm with non-defined borders and deemed inoperable. The doctors are talking about palliative care or hospice. My papa doesn’t want to do chemo or immunotherapy. He just wants to rest. I don’t like it, but that’s his decision.
I miss him already. I don’t want our remaining time together to be me choking back tears and him getting upset because I’m upset. I want him to be pain free. I want him to putz around in his big garden and watch the birds like he likes to do. I want him to tell me about the action movies he watches. I want to say goofy things just to see the look on his face. I don’t want him to suffer.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how to handle all of this and digest it. I feel awful for my mom. And my grandma; they’ll be married 55 years this month. I can’t imagine the heartbreak.
How do I put my emotions aside and just be there for him and my family? This isn’t about me, but I’m already devastated. I’m not ready to lose him.
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2023.06.05 02:09 MarinerAshore 48 [M4F] Not sure what my plans are; but they don’t involve crypto futures.
I’m actually free for a bit. I was supposed to game with a friend tonight but I think their attention was grabbed by sportsball. I’m not a huge fan of watching sports, unless it’s my sons. I figure play the sport, or find a better excuse to drink beer.
I worked an extra shift at a hospital today. It’s good I went in because three people called out.
Now I’m home and my options are: gaming, Netflix, human conversation. So far I’m undecided.
About me, so you’ll know to not bother: 48 married dad. I’m into sci-fi, fantasy, history, languages, or pretty much anything else so long as it’s actually interesting. Don’t ask me about fashion; I’m oblivious.
I’m not looking to talk to someone just to have them say “Hey, so I’ll be honest, I’m here to sell my content.” I get it, that’s fine. But I’m not your audience. Or the folks that will turn everything somehow in the direction of crypto investing. The number of people that fall into these two categories is staggering. No thank you.
Also, apparently my face scares people off. I’m at an age where maybe that’s natural and good; I haven’t quite decided yet.
Finally, to really shake any interest off, the favorite music has bagpipes and electric guitars.
If you’re the sort of person that simply must know if I’m joking, send an envelope. I have other apps if that seems best. Reddit chat is sometimes wonky.
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2023.06.05 01:55 Mental_Past6997 I think I survived a suicide?
So last week I was having a hard time mentally. (explained in next paragraph) I wanted to be free from the emotional pain bludgeoning me in the face. I took a bunch of sleep aids and drank a lot. I went to a bridge out in the country and then I don't remember anything. I remember coming to the bridge crying and upset, then the next thing I know I am waking up in my bed in clean undergarments and getting ready for work. I started hallucinating and being very confused. I called work and told them I need to go to the hospital and couldn't work, to which they told me I would be fired. While waiting in the acute care waiting room, I vaguely recalled falling on my head/face and it hurting but nothing after that. After getting checked out, I went home to shower to realize how much damage was done. My cloths and shoes were wet and covered in mud and algae stuff. The right side of my head and face was bruised and scratched. Both of my legs and arms are covered in multiple and massive bruises and scratches. I told family I fell while hiking.
For those of you who want to know why I was so down, buckle up because here is my story. I went to college. Got married to a man in the military and had two daughters. After he decided 10 years in the army was enough, we moved back to our home state. I moved back with my daughters a couple of months before he was discharged so I could setup where we planned to live happily ever after. Then tradgey. While working at my job, I got a phone call from the day care my girls were at and was told my one daughter drowned. She was airlifted to a hospital and unfortunately there was nothing the doctors could do. Fun fact, the state I live in, in home daycare are not required to have insurance. They also switched all their assets into their kids name so it looked like they had nothing. Because they had "nothing" they said if we didn't settle for the incredibly small amount they offered, they were going to file for bankruptcy. During that time, the daycare person did not receive any criminal charges, even though my 16 month old little girl climbed up the 6ft above ground pool ladder and fell in and was never noticed because the person was busy in her garden. I was told it was my fault for not noticing the ladder and taking it out, even though it was her property, nor was I told they would be outside. So yeah, I get to drive by their place and see them living their life as if nothing happened.
We did end up having two boys after however, needless to say this loss took a toll on our marriage as I was the one who chose the daycare. We agreed separating was the best for both of us. Despite having a degree, good grades, and leaving positive footsteps, I am struggling to make ends meet. I have taken up two jobs and am currently going back to school. Because of how busy i am, i rarely see my kids. My grandparents own an apartment building and agreed to let me stay for 2-3 months to get on my feet. Today they just called and said I need to be out next week because they have someone else who wants the place.
I lost my daughter, my marriage failed, lost my second job (yes, the one that was upset at me for going to the hospital rather than working that day), and now I am about to be homeless. All I want anymore is a hug and someone to tell me it will get better and it ACTUALLY does get better. Sorry I had a lot to get off my chest.
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2023.06.05 01:41 insecurebrowsing just reaching out, venting, mental health
hey I'm new to this group and new to caregiving in general. earlier this year, for unforseen circumstances, I (26F) had to move out of my boyfriends family home, leaving him behind, to move back in with my parents. however, as gut wrenching as it was, I was already considering moving back because I couldn't stand not being there for my 69 y.o mother while my 91 (yes 91!) y.o father was needing more and more help.
a little background on my mom: ever since I was 10, she had been on and off in the hospital for a multitude of issues. she's had surgery on her stomach, back, legs, throat, nerves, knees, spine, etc. we call her the bionic woman because she is strong as all hell, and she still continued to be my mom the best she can throughout all of it.
my father, on the other hand, was much more distant. much more cold, and a narcissist. he always took and never gave and I can't really remember any bad memories with him from when mom was in the hospital, but I can't remember any good either. i just had to entertain myself while he watched tv downstairs. it was isolating. the best character I could compare him to is Tony soprano. everything is an issue and he would explode at any minor inconvenience because of years of anxiety and probably other untreated mental health issues...
he now has COPD and emphysema, congestive heart failure, bladder cancer, and honestly some other things I can't even keep up with. his hand keeps swelling. he's on forced air now. but the thing is...even the doctors said he doesn't need forced air all the time and that he needs to do things on his own and move around, which he is more than capable of doing. but he doesn't see that. all he wants is my mom to help him. no one else. she's still recovering from her sciatic nerve surgery from last year (and NOT healing). he cries and cries and cries for help and she physically and mentally can't take it. I came in to take the load off but nothing will ever satisfy him. he will play the sick puppy card and talk about how nobody likes him and how nobody wants to talk to him (and people try but he just shuts them out when they do). but the thing with him is...everything has to be on his terms. he just has no consideration for anyone else's health. he will drop a spoon and fucking scream "I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!" and my blood pressure shoots through the roof. (not exaggerating, happened multiple times through my life)
and I know some people will say "he's 91 years old!" but he's been this way since I could remember. it's just who he is. I've learned what different footsteps mean, I learned what different sounds could lead up to. if I hear a spoon drop anywhere now I will just cringe in anticipation. when I was a child I heard auditory hallucinations of him screaming my name.
another big source of my anxiety is that I have a little dog who's my world, and hes had to of dropped a dozen pills only a week into me being here...if she eats one...I would absolutely lose my mind. but thankfully he no longer does his pills or makes his breakfast, and we fetch his dessert and dinner. however, he can (and should for his sake) do most everything else !
my mom hasn't lived her life because of him. he will guilt trip and gaslight her to no end just for going out with friends, he always has. he told her shes the reason hes like this because she decided to go on a weekend trip with one of my sisters last year. he's always needed to control her and all his kids. she knows nothing about our financial situation because he refused to share it with her...even after being married 40 years.
I take xanax as needed and have been going to therapy on and off since I was 8, and I have made strides with not even needing medicinal help to help my anxiety--until I came back here. I can't work now. I had to quit my job. I was trying to make a career with my degree and all that came to a halt. I just feel like a failure, at 26, almost 27, i thought i would have some foundation by now...I thought I could be something. I want to help pay them back for my loans but here I am unemployed and just feeling worthless.
he is full time, I have no down time. even when I have down time I just anticipate him calling us for God knows what (usually for me to go upstairs and get him water or something--something he CAN do). I'm always on edge and I'm always exhausted. my body hasn't ached like this since I worked full time at a cafe and only had one 15 minute break through the whole 8 hour shift (not legal i know hahaha)
and he's still cognitive, losing memory most likely due to his heightened anxiety, but still able to hold a conversation and be as passive-aggressive as ever.
going back to my boyfriend though--he will hopefully be moving in with us later this year..once my 40 y.o sister moves out. and yeah, she rarely contributes to the situation and escapes to her boyfriends or to the store 80% of the time. my boyfriend would help and it would be a weight lifted. but I can't hope for that right now, I can't afford to hope for this to happen any time soon. it'll happen when it happens. but I can say I'm blessed to have his support from a distance.
I just want to have a life but more importantly I just want my mom to finally feel like she's living, before it's too late...
tldr; I'm goin nuts
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2023.06.05 01:31 Hefty_Fox5207 I need help with housing
I made a post before asking for help and still haven't had any luck. I have a toddler and in desperate need. I have a full time job been there awhile and I also have a side job working on cars. I don't do any drugs other than smoke cigs but not in the home due to my toddler. I'm a very honest hard working man just trying be the best father I can be. We currently stay in a hotel. It's breaking my bank BIG time. All bills we pay currently is
Car payment Car Insurance Day-care Gas Food Hotel storage fee
That's not counting all other bills and the hotel fee alone is $865.93 every two weeks is killing me I'm always broke. I'm looking for a private home owner. Someone willing give me a chance in life and a nice or decent place for my toddler to play. I don't have much money to put down on a place if any however I'm willing work something out for that rather it's fixing something that may need fixed at the home or another home you may own I'm pretty handy with that type of stuff as well. We had a nice apartment we have lived there almost 3 years. We had to move out for the fact I'm a felon dated back from 2010. My record DOES NOT include anything to do with guns, drugs, robbery nothing sexual. My charge has something do with my ex and I arguing. I could've beat the charge if I had the money to afford a good attorney which at the time I couldn't because I was a single father. Therefore I took the charge to be home with my kids. If I had tried to fight the charge with a court appointed attorney I may have lost the case went to jail and lost custody of my kids. I'm looking for a 2 or 3 bed home, mobile home / tralier for around $1500 to $1700 a month or maybe less if possible please. I work at a hospital and and my toddler goes to daycare in West Knoxville so I kind of perfer somewhere in the West Knoxville area so I'm close to the daycare and work. I'm in my 40s I do have bad credit which I'm trying to fix but I can't do that until I find a place to live that's reasonable so I'm able to save money to put towards it. Which my credit is bad only due to hospital bills. So please can anyone help me? Also I do NOT want apartment my toddler has ADHD very hyper active so they have loud outburst that they can't control. Also the last place we did rent from is also willing vouch that we was very good renters never caused any issues stayed to ourself and everything. Thank you all if anyone is able to help. I'm sick and tired of this place and want to see my toddler have their own room again vs a hotel.
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2023.06.05 01:27 Anonymous_Agent_Q Im really struggling
Tldr: I have an 11yo who has severe adhd, (we think ODD also) and long history of emotional instability. He has been in and out of counseling since he was 8, we even tried a brief trial with some medication. The meds made the emotional issues much more severe. We currently monitor all TV, online activy, diet and sleep closely and this has shown some results.
Last year we pulled him out of public schools because he was coming home telling us alot about how he was speaking with a teacher about his gender identity and how he was gay. Let me be very clear. If he does end up to be gay he will not be insulted or shunned. But we did not feel this was appropriate conversation for schools to be having with a 9 year old (at the time). We attempted to speak to the schools but they expressed concerns about comments our son had made about being physically and sexually abused (to other kids). They went so far as to meet with him about his gender identity without us present or even aware of the meeting. We filed a complaint and they would not respond.
Homeschooling has shown great progress but there are still occasions, like today, where we are at a complete loss for how to deal with this. A few months ago at a ski park we overheard him talking to another boy about how he was gay but his father hated him for it. About a month ago a neighborhood parent called to tell me he was not to return to their house for stealing, and inappropriate comments. Today we went to the lake. He was out swimming with a young girl probably 200 feet from shore (very shallow lake) and i overheard him make a comment about how he has to see a counselor because he was molested 8 times when he was younger. If I heard it all the way at shore i know half the beach heard it took. We left. Emotional roller coaster between angry, embarrassed, and concerned
On the way home I tried to maintain my composure. But I did manage to ask him directly if ANYONE had ever touched him, or hurt him in anyway. He insisted no one ever had. I then asked why he would make a comment like that and he said "I dont know, its a good conversation starter." I tried and tried to explain the severity of the comments he was making but he just gave be this timid vacant stare.
I do not know what to do. We have 4 kids total and while we are not religious we are strict and always stress character and respect. We make every effort to make him feel loved and appreciated but he is extremely impulsive, a constant liar and at this point I really do not trust him with our younger child, or younger neice. In my opinion this is way beyond basic counseling. So much more in the past i could not fit in this. I am considering taking him to the hospital to be examined for abuse. Should I be more strict? Escalate to constant in person psychiatrist? Weve considered everything from boot camps for kids to equestrian therapy.
Family background. My wife and i have been together for 20 years. 4 kids total. I have a degree in developmental psychology and a back ground in working with kids. (Not currently). We have very few immediate family members. Our first daughter is a minister for youth and our oldest son is on naval intelligence.
Sorry for the length, kind of had to vent.
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2023.06.05 01:19 6lackPrincess My breasts are full but my baby is not getting anything out
I have been here for the past hour trying to feed him but my breasts still feel full (There is definitely milk in there I have hand expressed a lot) and his mouth is dry when he unlatches, what could be the problem? For background my baby has not been exclusively breastfed but he is refusing all methods of feeding except breastfeeding, so desperate to get him to eat I am trying to breastfeed him more often lately. He always had a great latch, the latch is not the problem from what I can see, and we've breastfed earlier today where there were signs he was getting milk, wet mouth and presence of milk etc. He does not have a tongue tie btw, and other than refusing to eat he is completely healthy I have been to the GP and hospital upwards of 5 times to confirm that. Here are the factors I think that may have affected his ability to get milk out now:
- He is sleepy - he is suckling but it doesn't feel as strong as when he is wide awake
- I pumped a fed hours ago - this is because he was being on and off the breast all day too, not breastfeeding long enough and I was getting engorged and also worried about my supply since now this is the only way he'll eat. Even so, there is milk in my breast I can feel it sitting in there and it shoots out when I hand express too so I don't understand why my son can't get it out.
Could it be that I am not getting a let down? Is it possible to hand express without a letdown?
I've looked on google for answers and apparently there is no scenario in which a baby can't get the milk out of breasts. So I am not sure what to do because I am worried he's hungry he has not taken a single bottle today. I have syringe fed him a few times but a total of less than 7 oz for the day. The plan was to syringe feed him 30oz every hour to keep him hydrated and fed but by the 4th time he was kicking screaming gagging, spitting the milk out and refusing to keep it down. I tried a cup, same thing. I HAVE to make breastfeeding work, and before anyone asks I think that my supply is okay. Bottle wise he has been drinking less than 400 ml a day the past few weeks, and I can manage to pump up to 450ml of milk on a good day. However, I am worried about maintaining that because my son never empties the breast he will feed for like 10 minutes then fall asleep and not want to eat again for another 2-3 hours and in that time idk whether to pump or wait for him to wake up to eat because I become engorged. So how can I have enough for him when he wakes up from napping, AND maintain my supply if I have to avoid pumping for hours between his feeds in order to do that?
Any help is appreciated, as this situation thats been going on for weeks just has me actually wanting to run into traffic. My son is 2 months old btw
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2023.06.05 01:10 AzureIsCool 31 [M4F] London/UK - Looking for the one that makes my heart skip a beat.
We could do a picnic at the park situation as our first date.
Hi there. If you are like me then you know the pain of trying to find the right one and dating apps just suck! So here I am searching for my forever person rather than being forever alone. Probably someone who can show me what life is like when both of us are vibing together and going out doing couple stuff. After going through a breakup a couple of years ago, I have been working on myself and trying to be a better version of me. I find that I am quite hard on myself and I struggle with BPD often (hopefully relatable mental health) so life can be difficult and lonely, having social anxiety and the struggles of second guessing my worth. I'm hoping this post can change that and introduce me to someone new who appreciates my existence and is seeking something long term. I mean what's the point of a relationship if you can't be confidently happy together.
So a bit about myself. I'm a 31 year old nerd from the south side of London. I have been working in a hospital for the past few years and love learning, though I haven't been using my science degree to good use. I have Sri Lankan roots so got a bit of culture installed in me, but also means I'm 5ft8 (hopefully that doesn't put you off). I got an ok fashion sense, doesn't help with the fact that I am a bit bigger than I was pre Covid. Been working on it but it is a slow progress, luckily I have been focused on improving my eating habits and working out as much as I can.
If I was to describe myself, easy going and positive come to mind. A positive outlook can change so much in life. I am more of an introvert, but loves going to the movies and explore places. I would say I'm pretty sociable and often carry a conversation but mainly a great listener.
I'm into a lot of things in general, I've got range! But as a humble comic/anime fan I been mainly appreciating my Disney+ and Crunchyroll subscriptions, can't stop loving Spy x Family and Bleach being back in HD after all these years. Favourite marvel character is Dr Doom. I can listen to people talk about Harry Potter all day and I never get bored watching the movies. As a huge Pokémon lover, I usually spend my time playing the Pokémon TCGO or the Pokémon video games (I went to the Pokémon Centre in ExCel recently and last year I snuck in to watch the Worlds). Always open to a new game if I can play with someone though, it's just more fun messing around together. On the topic of doing something together, I have always wanted to cook together as a couple, it's my favourite hobby since learning and make something cool I am proud of is just great.
There's quite a lot of stuff I could still talk about and would love to answer any questions you have. Maybe there was something that caught your eye, or you want to share how you can relate even if it's about your mental health, I enjoy hearing about people's experiences. I value both looks and personality equally but at the end of the day self care is most important. You don't have to be perfect but kind and honesty is an attractive quality. I do eventually want to hang out and maybe give you a hug. Showing affection physically is my love language. Prefer to chat on Discord or Whatsapp but I am fine with Reddit. Thanks for reading this wall of text and a great day.
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