I (30F) am seeking support (advice?). I was diagnosed with a “restrictive-type” ED in March. Something I have struggled with for 10 yrs tho. This is my second more “acute” episode. The first time I was in university and didn’t have insurance so I didn’t seek treatment tho I became very ill and had to see a neurologist due to symptoms….then I’ve had periods of what I thought was more “normal” eating but my family told me recently they knew I was still restricting and also purging.
Anyway skip to this relapse (?). I am considered overweight atm and my PCP isn’t concerned (he said I can “stand to lose some weight” and just told me to take like 8 or so different vitamins OTC). However my psychiatrist and OT are very concerned. My psychiatrist has been having me do daily food logging for 6 weeks now and I have been honest with her about acknowledging the diagnosis but not really wanting help right now.
My psych told me about the process of treatment on Friday and my OT told me today that she feels I should enter treatment before I go to Grad School in the spring. I feel very conflicted bc I have a treatment team that wants me to get help but my PCP doesn’t take it seriously since I’m overweight and I’m afraid a treatment center won’t either when I go for an eval.
Also I am unsure if I actually want/desire treatment. I feel like I have this under control and won’t let it get to the point of when it started in undergrad around 2013. I feel so much pressure to get help but I don’t think I need help. I feel so confused and I don’t know what I should do at this point. Like at what point is treatment actually necessary?
TL;DR my treatment team (psych,OT, counselor) think I need to enter treatment at an eating disorder clinic or hospital. My pcp isn’t concerned. I don’t know if I should enter treatment. I am overweight and don’t think it is serious. What are your thoughts/advice?

• Complementary video
• Previous "Day 3" threads

INTRO

You've been logging in as an ordinary user at your server, yet you're probably aware that root is the power user on a Linux system. This administrative or "superuser" account, is all powerful - and a typo in a command could potentially cripple your server. As a sysadmin you're typically working on systems that are both important and remote, so avoiding such mistakes is A Very Good Idea.
On many older production systems all sysadmins login as “root”, but it’s now common Best Practice to discourage or disallow login directly by root - and instead to give specified trusted users the permission to run root-only commands via the sudo command.
This is the way that your server has been set-up, with your “ordinary” login given the ability to run any root-only command - but only if you precede it with sudo.
(Normally on an Ubuntu system this will ask you to re-confirm your identity with your password. However, the standard AWS Ubuntu Server image does not prompt for a password).

YOUR TASKS TODAY:

• Use the links in the "Resources" section below to understand how sudo works
• Use ls -l to check the permissions of /etc/shadow - notice that only root has any access. Can you use cat, less or nano to view it?
• This file is where the hashed passwords are kept. It is a prime target for intruders - who aim to grab it and use offline password crackers to discover the passwords.
• Now try with sudo, e.g. sudo less /etc/shadow
• Test running the reboot command, and then via sudo (i.e. sudo reboot)

Once you've reconnected back:

• Use the uptime command to confirm that your server did actually fully restart
• Test fully “becoming root” by the command sudo -i This can be handy if you have a series of commands to do "as root". Note the change to your prompt.
• Type exit or logout to get back to your own normal “support” login.
• Use less to view the file /valog/auth.log, where any use of sudo is logged
• You could "filter" this by typing: grep "sudo" /valog/auth.log

If you wish to, you can now rename your server. Traditionally you would do this by editing two files, /etc/hostname and /etc/hosts and then rebooting - but the more modern, and recommended, way is to use the hostnamectl command; like this:
sudo hostnamectl set-hostname mylittlecloudbox
No reboot is required.
For a cloud server, you might find that the hostname changes after a reboot. To prevent this, edit /etc/cloud/cloud.cfg and change the "preserve_hostname" line to read:
preserve_hostname: true
You might also consider changing the timezone your server uses. By default this is likely to be UTC (i.e. GMT) - which is pretty appropriate for a worldwide fleet of servers. You could also set it to the zone the server is in, or where you and your headquarters are. For a company this is a decision not to be taken lightly, but for now you can simply change as you please!
First check the current setting with:
timedatectl
Then get a a list of available timezones:
timedatectl list-timezones
And finally select one, like this:
sudo timedatectl set-timezone Australia/Sydney
Confirm:
timedatectl
The major practical effects of this are (1) the timing of scheduled tasks, and (2) the timestamping of the logs files kept under /valog. If you make a change, there will naturally be a "jump" in the dates and time recorded.

WRAP

As a Linux sysadmin you may be working on client or custom systems where you have little control, and many of these will default to doing everything as root. You need to be able to safely work on such systems - where your only protection is to double check before pressing Enter.
On the other hand, for any systems where you have full control, setting up a "normal" account for yourself (and any co-admins) with permission to run sudo is recommended. While this is standard with Ubuntu, it's also easy to configure with other popular server distros such as Debian, CentOS and RHEL.

A NOTE ON "HARDENING"

Your server is protected by the fact that its security updates are up to date, and that you've set Long Strong Unique passwords - or are using public keys. While exposed to the world, and very likely under continuous attack, it should be perfectly secure. Next week we'll look at how we can view those attacks, but for now it's simply important to state that while it's OK to read up on "SSH hardening", things such as changing the default port and fail2ban are unnecessary and unhelpful when we're trying to learn - and you are perfectly safe without them.

EXTENSION

• Hardening SSH
• How To Set Up Multi-Factor Authentication for SSH on Ubuntu 16.04

RESOURCES

• This cartoon explains it nicely!
• Sudo in Ubuntu
• How to use "sudo"
• This is how password cracking is done

PREVIOUS DAY'S LESSON

• Day 2 - Basic navigation

Copyright 2012-2021 @snori74 (Steve Brorens). Can be reused under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International Licence (CC BY 4.0).

Customer purchased item in may and just now is telling me it doesn’t fit her. I explicitly state in all of my listings that there is a size guide pictured and if need be they can also send me their measurements to ensure it’s the right fit. Now for the frustrating parts: 1) she ordered 4/29 and Messages me on 5/2 asking when her order will ship as she purchased in April…… I thought I was being punked. It’s not like she ordered April 1st and I had several other orders ahead of hers to get out. First come first serve I don’t drop everything for her. I also list that my ship times are about 2 weeks because I have a regular job I work during the day and some weekends. This isn’t my full time gig. I told her this in a customer appropriate but way. 2) Now, today I get a message stating she wants a repair or refund because she just tried it on and it doesn’t fit and in the process wrecked the garment. I measure everything multiple times throughout my sewing process and I know it was the size she asked for. I use a heavy duty press to place my grommets and I test them before the item is sent and she managed to rip all of them out. My policy on Etsy, on each listing, and in the packing slip states I do not do refunds or returns. She was incredibly condescending in the message and now I feel like I’m forced to do something since she used the help messaging feature. Idk what to do.

Long story short, I am a school social worker and I keep a big clear container full of helpful documents in hanging files in my trunk for home visits. At the beginning of this school year I carried it from my office (where I kept it over summer break) to my car for the year. It was so heavy!
Today I carried it from my car back into my office for the summer and it felt like nothing! Arm strength has always been a downfall for me, so it was amazing to see how I’ve grown since August.

Today the Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, Patrick McHenry (NC-10), announced the following hearing:
Full Committee Hearing Entitled: “The Future of Digital Assets: Providing Clarity for the Digital Asset Ecosystem”
Time: 2:00 PM ET Date: Tuesday, June 13, 2023 Place: 2128 Rayburn House Office Building

Libra Horoscope Today June 7, 2023 (beautyaal.com)
You do extra work to increase your financial income. Beware of your unreasonable waste of money. Your constant forgiveness and tolerance of the partner diminishes his respect and appreciation for you. Be patient and calm so that you can overcome the ordeal you have been facing for a long time. Today should bring you the satisfaction you’ve been searching for for a while.

Libra Horoscope Today – Love

Organize your emotional life, as it is the real basis for your future and for never falling into loneliness again

Libra Horoscope Today – Professional Life

Your agenda today is full of social and professional activities. You make bold decisions to change things according to the current stage, and some are approved and others are rejected.

Libra Horoscope Today – Health

Do not take a risk that may expose your health to problems whose consequences you do not know

• Lucky numbers: 4 and 6
• Lucky color: Dark red
  Libra Horoscope Today June 7, 2023 (beautyaal.com)
  

Just wanted to give a quick thanks to this community for giving honest, generally good information, and suggestions. I joined shortly after launch, and any time I had trouble figuring something out, encountered a wall, or just scrolled through posts, I've always been able to find helpful tips and info to progress my team and game. I finally beat Bumi 5 today, and I'm sure I'd still be pounding my head against a wall everytime I wasted 1250 resources if not for this community and guides within (especially the best gear list and an early tip and how to customize combo attacks! Legit game changer!) Anyway, your guidance and time are surely appreciated by semi casuals like myself - thank you!

The Defense Mechanisms Episode, Part I

So, the way that the Defense Mechanism are often presented rather exemplifies one of the things that often annoy me about enneagram literature, which is that you often just get shown a table or list of traits listed under each type without any real definition of what it is, elaboration on how it’s meant, or an explanation of the how and why or how it’s connected to everything else.
Maybe it’s a Ti vs Te thing?
In any case, just having a term thrown at you isn’t really helpful unless your goal is to win an argument by accusing the other person of doing it. Being able to recite what term goes with what number only gets you so far.
I would figure that the goal is to eventually be able to spot those mechanisms operating in yourself for greater self-awareness and whatnot, and for that I’d reckon that one needs a substantial, tangible idea of what’s meant by it so you can begin to connect and map your intellectual understanding of the process to your actual lived experience of your thoughts and emotions.
It’s one thing to read a description of a rose and another to see/smell/hear what goes with the words, and yet another to have the linkage of the two, spot the theoretical symmetries there should be in the petals in the actual flower and know what it means and how it connects to its history and makeup.
IDK, but as they say: If you’re complaining you’re just part of the problems and: If it doesn’t exist yet, you have to create it yourself.
So, you might be familiar with those listings of one defense mechanism per type, and have heard that it goes back to Naranjo – once in a while you could come across an author that has one of the swapped out or a longer, also unelaborated list.
In truth Naranjo didn’t actually assign a 1:1 correspondence but discussed multiple ones for each type (though they are often ultimately related in nature), and of course in the exty years since his day, numerous other authors have had a go at it & had arguments about it & whatnot (Lukovich, Condon etc.) but often its just psychobabble words being thrown around and looks to an outsider like a theological argument of a religion they don’t believe in.
So, uh, let’s start with the basics.
What is a (Psychological) Defense Mechanism?
The basic idea goes back to Freud, who probably came up with it by observation, just from noticing seeming distortions or knots in the thinking of his clients.
In life, we can’t always get what we want, and we are sometimes confronted with facts that we don’t like.
What does a toddler do in such cases? They throw a tantrum.
Why do they throw a tantrum? Because they are experiencing distress. They want the thing and they can’t have it, or, they’re upset about what they’ve been told. They don’t like it. It’s experienced as aversive and dysphoric. Do Not Want.
Why is an adult different?
Because an adult has a more mature ego, a pattern according to which to filter, sort, interpret & deal with their experience, to reconcile both their animal drives and social expectations/ideals with a reality that sometimes won’t give them that and hence triggers distress.
You can’t cry, kick and scream every time you don’t get what you want – it doesn’t help you get it, and it will probably get you scolded.
Having a way to make sense of or cushion the negative experience, to mitigate the distress, is crucial to being able to cope with adversity, mitigate distress, regulate the self and act in some self-directed goal-oriented manner as an emergent independent entity rather than just reacting to whatever stimulus comes along.
This is why defense mechanisms are a part of the ego (means of self-organization) and characteristic of which ‘flavor’ of ego you have: They are a part of the mechanism of how it is maintained, how you don’t mechanically do or accept whatever someone else tells you but have some mechanism for rejecting some suggestions, ideas and criticisms but act as an independent entity with consistent behavior.
So one takeaway here is that using a defense mechanism doesn’t immediately mean you’re in denial about or refusing to face something or “refusing reality” – what is reality even, or ‘right and wrong’? How would you know it when you see it? ‘Self deception’? Based on which “truth”?
Some things are relatively clear like the earth being round but many don’t have a correct answer like which opinion is correct on some complex argument.
Resisting something doesn’t mean that it’s secretly true and you’re just in denial. If I go to you & say ‘youre a fucking idiot’ you are not going to like that regardless of your actual idiocy because it’s a hostile action & humans are wired to dislike this. It’s an attack on your feelings & self-image.
Even if you shrug it off totally, that is because some process happened to dismiss it & protect you from feeling pain.
A small child would be hurt if you’re randomly mean to them; You, an adult, can dismiss it because you have defenses. They are a part of self-control – particularly when you consider that they don’t just ”defend” against outside imput but also unwanted thoughts & feelings from within.
Maybe you want to throw a tantrum and hit me if I say youre an idiot & point & laugh at you, but, punching me might bring consequences you don’t want, or it doesn’t fit your self-image.
So you must diffuse this urge to punch somehow, or else Mommy is gonna punish you for being mean to your siblings.
Another, third function that defense mechanisms can serve (besides defending against unpleasant input and controlling yourself) is to justify yourself to others. If your tell your mom you should get the toy instead of your sibling because you want to she probably won’t accept it. So you need to come up with a reason. Your parents are already using rteasons to tell you why you should do what they tell you to do, so eventually the child copies them, taking in those justifications and beginning to form their own superego.
You might internalize that fairness is important so when your sister had her turn with the toy you will insist that its now your turn, because of fairness.
Again it’s important not to look at this as deliberate trickery or “secret true intentions”, but rather the nuts & bolts of the machinery that produce your very real, very sincere subjective experience.
In the “fairness” example with the toy, the child isn’t deliberately using fairness as a pretext to get the toy, they really believe in fairness.
The black box machine of the ego takes ‘wanting the toy’ and ‘social belief in fairness’ as imputs and produces the subjective experience of believing in / arguing about fairness.
Causes (when you look at a person like a complex machine of biology) are different from intentions. (the personal experience of feelings & wants)
You evolved to crave sweet food because it is full of energy, but you don’t think “Oh, sugary food, gotta get that energy!” you eat it cause its tasty & makes you feel good.
You explicitly aren’t consciously calculating about the energy, or you would stop wanting sweets when you consumed enough calories for the day.
Under the hood in your body there is a regulatory network going on, signals between your brain & liver etc. but that’s a blind process with no conscious will ‘keeping track’.
Thinking of subconscious mechanisms as ‘secret intentions’ is not only incorrect, it lacks validity as, if its by definition a secret intention from yourself, anyone could claim that you ‘secretly want’ anything as long as they could come up with a semi plausible ‘just so story’ for your behavior.
It also leads to a startling lack of empathy or invalidation of ppl’s subjective struggles & suffering of the ‘the wife totally wants to be beaten’ variety.
So it’s better to think of it as consistent patterns of emotions and reactions that have a cause in the “machinery” of your mind. Your conscious experience is what’s on the desktop & the defense mechanisms are like the guts of the computer.
However, while keeping in mind not to see it as an invalidation of your subjective experience, it is of great usefulness to know how the machine works under the hood, however, because what your ego & its defense mechanisms certainly are doing is dismissing or filtering out unwelcome information and possibly suppressing, deprioritizing or distinctly coloring aspects of inner or outer reality -
and this goes doubly if you don’t realize they are operating and don’t even know that you rejected an idea.
It creates “unknown unknowns”, things you don’t know you filtered out. For example someone might argue based on ‘fairness’ but be unaware how their own wants might be influencing them.
Also, the interpretation of the world that your ego is creating may be more or less sustainable, more or less congruent.
For example, if you believe that you are totally fine & okay after the death of a loved one but are constantly confronted with things that remind you of them, which triggers an emotion of grief, you have to expend energy to filter out the grief, trying hard not to think of it is still focussing it & might still ‘reinforce it’ so it doesn’t lead to the desired outcome.
The incongruence you experience between ‘Im ok’ and the experience of grief is going to cause more distress in the long-term than it averts.
Or you might believe you’re always right & never wrong, but then what do you do if stuff explodes in your face or people do not validate that self-image? You can rationalize it away but you have to expend energy to do it, and you won’t really get what you want if that involved the other people liking you.
So I hope that by now it’s clear that it’s a bit nonsensical when you see ppl try and type themselves by saying which defense mechanism they “relate to”, as there is a very good chance they don’t know it’s happening. It’s rather part of what you want to learn from finding your type so you know what to look for.
Some people might know already – if they’re very introspective, previously did work in therapy, had others point it out, learned from bitter experience etc.
This information is observable, how else would the people who came up with it have figured it out?
But as Dunning Krüger is a thing, it’s very dangerous to start out assuming right out the gate that you’re in the more enlightened 20%. You might be, its totally possible, but don’t bet on it.
Find your type by other means and then you’ll see how much of it you were already aware of or not.
After all, even if you are very aware of your inner processes themselves, you could be wrong about what psychobabble word it best maps to.
The Role Of The Primary Defense Mechanisms
Another thing to realize is the difference between any ol’ defense mechanism or psychological process, and the ones that have a special role in maintaining your ego.
We all use lots & lots of them cause our brains are roughly similar. Even for the most unique person it’s a pink fatty jelly thing with lotsa wrinkles, right?
6s aren’t the only ones who project things, that is, explain other’s actions through disowned thoughts & motivations that we have labelled as not-self. Condon talks a lot about how for many types it’s related to the lines of connection. (which are, after all, qualities & parts of the human experience that can be blocked or labelled not-self)
4s aren’t the only ones who introject things – 6s for example tend to have strong mental impressions of powerful figures in their life.
3s aren’t the only ones that identify with things or try to keep congruency with a desirable self-image.
But it has a special role for them.
Take projection.
Most people can be liable to projection when they’re wondering about the intentions or motives of someone they don’t understand. It baffles you, & you want an explanation, and in trying to come up with one you more easily think of explanations that, in some way, seem “natural” to you.
Now what’s so special about 6? They are very concerned with people’s intentions.
It’s one of the main features of their attention pattern: What are they thinking?
You can tell a song was probably written by a 6 (or someone with a strong 6 component) if they’re telling the love interest what they are probably thinking. Or the authority figure or ex they’re mad at.
Are they gonna take advantage of you? Are they going to abandon you? Very salient information if you wish to be prepared for whatever might happen.
So it’s rather easy for projection to sneak in if you’re thinking about other people’s intentions all the time. Tempting, too, since it ‘defends’ you both from the chaos/uncertainty of not knowing what the person can do, and by relieving the distress of self-doubt. (“I’m not aggro, they’re aggro!”)
And hey, sometimes it actually works! They are a human just like you, so they might well have inner mechanics similar to yours! But not always.
So it makes a difference is you know what you’re doing. Without self-awareness you might take that perception as fact: This is definitely totally 100% their motivation. They can’t fool you!
Or you might be aware that it’s a perception: “This might be their motivation, or maybe I am thinking it for a reason that comes from me. Let’s look closer & see which one it is.”
The “Obvious Temptation”
In the literature you often see the types explained in 2 ways, one beginning from the weakness or deficiency – that you start with your fear & then compensate with your desire to make up for it, framing all as being just illusory cope for our wretchedness etc. whereas others (incidentally, often frustration types) start from the inspiring vision of the ‘essential aspect’ and so on & how you lose you way chasing after that ideal.
But in the end it’s sort of a chicken & egg situation because whether you start from coping for weakness or the corruption of a strength, there is going to be a self-sustaining loop.
Because, if you ever find yourself strapped for copium you are likely going to end up going for a method that is easy for you to do, leaning on what strengths you have (not a strength as in anything exceptional, but just the best one you have)
Conversely, if you start relying on a skill for psychological “survival” that’s one heck of a motivation to practice.
So did our baby 7 get good at seeing silver linings or talking their way out of tricky situations as a way to soften the blow on harsh situations, or are they more tempted to explain away their problems because they are so good at seeing multiple options or talking their way out of difficult situations?
Is there even a hard objective distinction between a genuine silver lining and a fake one?
There are probably similar emotions involved, its the same basic mechanism – it’s all the same strategy that sometimes works & sometimes doesn’t, uncomfortable as it may be that ppl we find admirable and ppl that we really really disapprove of may actually be functioning on fairly similar basic premises.
This isn’t to say that the existence of a grey zone is an excuse not to be honest with oneself when you know in your heart the primary motivation behind what you’re currently doing is to make the ouch go away, but rather to illustrate that it isn’t always obvious.
It’s not so simple as to say “ah, those 2s don’t actually care about helping ppl it’s all just an evil trick”, “Those 1s don’t actually care about justice its all hypocrisy” or indeed “those 5s don’t actually care about understanding the world its just for cope”. In a way, it would be easier if that was that case cause then it’s all black & white.
I don’t think it’s all just cope, if only because doing those things actually does simply feel intrinsically satisfying.
The types are also programs of ‘this feels rewarding, this makes me feel good about myself, this other thing makes me feel not so good’ which also comes down to survival reasons at the causal level but as we said before, causes and subjective intentions are different.
I would still want all the nerd facts even if I had zero problems or insecurities whatsoever to “defend from”, if not for any noble high-minded talk of values then simply because reading & theorizing is fun and other things aren’t.
But the temptation is naturally there, that, if I’m going to be preoccupied with or analyzing stuff anyways, that it might serve as a nifty convenient excuse to be conveniently preoccupied, focussed on something else or have a “buffer” of mental distancing going on when I feel like avoiding a challenging situation.
I’m not tempted to use the flavor of cope that a 2 or 9 might not because I’m too good & pure & wholesome for it but simply cause I lack the necessary skills and/or temperament to get away with it. Anticipate what they need & what their feelings are? How? Just don’t think about it too much and ejoy this ice cream? Easier said than done. Look on the bright side? Ah, but every silver lining is but evidence of a dark cloud.
And analogous for the other types.
Confused Intuitions
Which brings us to another great reason why learning to spot your defense mechanisms at work is really useful. It’s a way to “clean your lens”.
Remember when they thought there were canals on Mars because the astronomer had actually seen the shadows of the blood vessels in his own eyeball?
That’s what happens if you can’t separate what comes from you & what comes from someone else.
Note that the issue is not that the blood vessels exist, but that the guy thought that they are on Mars.
Seeing the blood vessels could have been a worthwhile observation in & of itself – they are not simply in the way, they are info about the human eye.
The human eye isn’t “bad” but if we don’t account for it being there, we won’t get an accurate picture of Mars.
In the end there is no way to completely do away with subjectivity because any perception involves interpreting and labelling. But if you look around you there are obviously people who are more discerning than others and being in that category sure sounds like the preferable, more dignified option.
Your go-to defense mechanisms are potentially interfering with your greatest strength, the most practiced parts of your discerment that you tend to trust. So they lead you to be wrong in an area that matters to you & get in the way of you using your intuition/strength to its greatest effect because there’s all this icky bias gunk on your “lens”.
Or well, it presently acts as icky bias gunk but it could instead be valuable insight about yourself, important information that could help you make well-informed decisions that feel congruent and make you happy.
For example, say you’re a 2. You’re pretty confident in & proud of your ability to know others’ feelings & what will make them happy. It’s important to you. But what if some repressed desire or fear of yours is interfering with what, and rather than really seeing ‘whats best for them’ you’re seeing what you want to be best for them so that they will need you.
If you act like it’s the person’s real need, the worst case is that they could end up thinking you’re a self-absorbed narc who doesn’t care about their feelings. Not what you want at all, right? Whereas if you learn to realize when it’s your own repressed desire at work you not only get a better understanding of other’s feelings that isn’t clouded by bias, you also learn what your desire is. You can now do something with that information. There is probably a better way to grant the desire than to tell them what you want their feelings to be.
Of course, the elephant in the room, and the reason why people don’t just do it if it’s so great, is that the reason you yeeted that desire out of consciousness to begin with is that it once provoked distress and/or felt incongruent with your conscious self.
In the above example with the 2, the person might be afraid that it’s ‘bad’ or ‘selfish’, or that it will expose them to being powerless (cause the request to have the desire granted might be denied)
There was some pain, threat or incongruence involved that now hangs as an ‘or else’ over the prospect of admitting that fact into consciousness.
You might be afraid that, if you admit the feeling or desire, it will mean something about yourself, or that it means you’ll have to act on it and do something that is contrary to what you consciously want or aspire to (maybe that one fear’s a competency triad thing?)
But actually that’s not true! Acknowledging it doesn’t mean you have to change how you think about it, that you have to act based on it, or that you’re “bad”, it’s just a feeling.
You can acknowledge it & be aware of it without doing something.
You might decide to do something in the light of all the information (for example, maybe you can think of a way to grant a desire without compromising your values?), but before you eve consider that, let it sink in that no one’s gonna make you.
Indeed, just acknowledging the feeling, letting it be heard, may lead it to resolve & dissipate.
Although, if this leads you to realize that there is something that’s repeatedly touching you off and causing the distressing emotion to reappear, you might want to feature that in into calculations as to which courses of actions
Even if you choose that your feelings don’t matter on this account you’ll at least make an informed decision & not be blindsided by it. And maybe there’s some comfort/outlet you can find.
It’s against my principles to ring the bell for humiliation o’clock without going first, so I’ll confess that there’s times that I probed & introspected & felt into something & like Did Techniques (thanks to the person who recommended that Gedlin Focussing thing), and the result I got is that… [tw: barf cringe blegh] sometimes… somewhere… there’s a teeny tiny part of me… that kinda sorta wants to cry and whine and get held & comforted and have somebody come in and sweep aaall those pressing, overwhelming problems away & take care of it for me.
Consciously I don’t want this – at all.
It’s not in the least compatible with my values, will & life-plans.
If ppl ask me if they can help with it I tell them no.
I would vehemently reject it, protest against it, even fear it.
Even fear it to an irrational degree. Which is silly & distressing on its own, but it’s a silly distress that I apparently allow into consciousness no problem because it’s not a threat.
Because it’s quite congruent with my belief/understanding that the problem in question isn’t something anyone can help me with. It’s up to me and I’ve arranged it so that it’s up to me because I’d rather it’s up to me than any of the alternatives.
But ‘snot like my inner mammal gets that. It doesn’t understand the logical reasons – of course not, its like a tiny mammal. Might as well imagine one of those tiny Lemurs with big googly eyes 🥺
It’s pre-verbal. That’s probably the no-bullshit way to say it. Monke no speak English.
Also, is the sky gonna fall if I go hug a plushie, or a family member? Or if I maybe casually mention this to a living soul?
Nope.
I have this option available, right? That’s something to be grateful for, not everyone has those.
It is gonna solve the problem? The one that I’ve intellectually ruled unsolvable? No.
But it might just solve the feeling, cause my inner mammal is really quite dumb & doesn’t understand the intellectual complexities of the problem anyway… It just feels houded, right? But you know what it does understand?
Hugs.
Also, none of yall know where I live so its not like you can come after me. xDDD
Sooo… in the interest of self-awareness and self-transparency, it might be worth asking yourself...
​

1. Is this really the best way to do this, or is it a justification for doing it your way?
2. Is that the other person’s feeling, or is it your desire?
3. Is this what you really feel, or what you think a smart/sucessful/dominant/[insert desirable trait] person would feel in your place?
4. Is that a deep insight about your life, or does what just happened actually having nothing to do with you personally?
5. Do you really not want or care about this thing, or are you scared of what might happen if you did? Is it really settled what is going to happen, or are you avoiding action?
6. Is that really the other person’s intention, or is it your fear of what their intention could be?
7. Is that a real solution, or are you explaining the problem away?
8. Does it really not hurt, or are you blocking out the pain?
9. Are you really fine & content with things as they are, or are you giving up?

Sometimes the answer will, in fact, be the first half!
Don’t fall for masochistic ontology. The truth may hurt but not everything that would hurt if it were true is the truth.
Constantly assuming the worst of yourself isn’t gonna help either. Indeed that’s probably some kinda misfiring defense itself, punish yourself first before others have the chance to keep a sense of control, maybe?
Rather, when you catch yourself doing the thing, use your defense powers for good & frame it in a way you can live with. Like you might see it as feedback or information, as a sign to know to improve yourself, as an invitation to apply self-compassion.
Maybe it helps to think of it as an ‘inner child’ or ‘inner animal’ or some such concept.
Would you be mad at a child or a pet for wanting something silly, or avoiding something painful?
No, you’d direct them towards a healthier outlet wouldn’t you?
Or at least, if it’s really not feasible, you’d comfort them about it.
So yeah.
(So the ‘preliminal explanations’ turned into an essay. But, I did promise “what the individual mechanisms actually mean”, “how to actually spot them” and “putting together the Best Of from the authors”, and that I plan to deliver in Part II without any further ramblings. But first I have to ‘recharge my imagination battery’, as a wise sponge once put it, that is, get some sleep.)

I've posted to this subreddit not too long ago and briefly mentioned this in my first post of a different matter, however I wanted to make a full post for this situation as well.
For starters, I live in Florida. I was kicked out from my dad/stepmom's over a year ago and have been staying with my mom in the meantime. I have run into issues because she refuses to allow me to be on the lease of any places she rents, refuses to let me change my address, and I'm not allowed to receive mail.
However that's not the main concern and merely giving some background context.
We've been staying at a new place for a little over half a year now. About 7 months. My mom was recommended to this landlord by a customer she works for so we rented this place by word of mouth as opposed to going through professional rent companies. She's an older lady, at least 60+ years old we'd guess, who owns the quadplex we stay at.
This landlord however has proven to be ridiculously unprofessional, and mentally ill I'd argue personally. Mostly in the fact that she shows up unannounced and ends up talking/complaining about the other tenants who live in the same small quadplex we're in. My mom has shut her down for it because she has said extremely personal stuff about these people, their situations, and things that no stranger should know about them. She tends to be very back and forth between being nice to suddenly lashing out and then apologizing afterwards. We have also caught her in lies and she tends to manipulate and guilt trip.
She also has not properly updated the street address so our address is technically incorrect no matter what we use.
Recently however, she has been causing problems about me staying here. Originally, she mentioned my mom could have a roommate, and even offered one for her. My mom did mention I would be staying and helping pay for things and got a verbal approval by the landlord. I was never put on the lease, and there has been no mention that I needed to be on it.
The lease was written by an attorney who supposedly works for her. Originally, the landlord wanted to write a short and simple lease herself, but then we had to wait because she decided to get a lawyer to write it instead. It mentions that family can live here, but also mentions that people staying must have prior written consent from the landlord.
Now, hindsight is 20/20. The landlord has acknowledged even in texts that she did give verbal approval towards me staying here, but we should've gotten it in writing obviously.
Within the past few months or so, she has sent my mom texts urging us to find another place and asking if we've found somewhere else to go yet, which my mom believes to be harassment. Fairly certain these began when my mom confronted her about coming by unannounced and talking about other tenants which made my mom uncomfortable and made her want to leave. It had nothing to do with me being here or due to eviction notices as far as I know.
We still have several months left on our lease, and yesterday my mom was served a seven day notice with cure. They want us to talk to the landlord's lawyer about our "violations" about me staying here without written approval or else they will follow up with an eviction notice. Neither of us wish to talk to her lawyer and my mom is currently getting her own lawyer. She also went to police to file a complaint against her today.
Some people in her circle seem to agree that some of the stuff she has done is illegal and may count as harassment. Some mention it's possible she's trying to force us out to move someone else in. And they have also urged us to stay unless properly evicted due to the fact she might come after us for money for breaking the lease if we do try to leave.
I apologize if this is confusing to read, it's a lot. I might go back and edit later.
But this whole situation has been sketchy and weird and I just wanted to see what anyone on here might have to say about it who knows better than we do. Thanks in advance.

SPECIAL INFORMATION WILL FOLLOW THIS TONE. ... THIS CONCERNS AN AEO UPDATE WATCH CONCERNING TRANSGENDER RIGHTS AND IT IS FOR IMMEDIATE BROADCAST
Today a U.S federal court overturned at least sections of Florida's gender affirming care bans.
Now if you argue that the government should take away a parent's ability to choose this type of care for their transgender child you are guilty of:
Advocating for the removal of rights or privileges from a demographic or protected group in a manner that would leave them with less rights or privileges than the general population (unless doing so in a manner that solely advocates for people to be punished for crimes or immoral actions)
Under SITE WIDE RULE 1 per u/tovmod's rendition of it based on our experience and more.
If you praise the Florida government policy or Ron Desantis's action(s) in regard to this you will get a 30 day ban and you will be reported to the Reddit admins.
If you imply or state that it is good for the government to deprive kids of hormones and puberty blockers and other treatment you will be banned for 14 days and possibly reported.
REPEATING.. IT IS NOW A TOS VIOLATION TO SUPPORT THE GOVERNMENT DEPRIVATION OF GENDER AFFIRMING CARE UNDER SITE WIDE RULE 1
This concludes this broadcast of the TuO EBS.

I have been studying the Bible, theology, philosophy, sociology, and psychology for a while, and in my pursuit of ultimate truth, I have met multiple potholes within the Bible's narrative and within the general structure of society and reality. From various interpolations and alterations across ancient manuscripts that change the meaning of entire chapters and challenge the Bible's metanarrative and authenticity, to the natural mode of functionality that one witnesses when observing the way that human society and other facets of the world perpetuates in existence. All of it falls apart as antithetical to what modern Christians deem as Christianity. I feel like I have been living my whole life through a sinister lie. I wish I could start all over as an atheist and live my life wildly and full of passion. Instead, at 22 (graduate age), I am damned to a future of misery because I wasted the experimental stages of life on the religious attempt of being perfect, servitiduous, and sacrificial, and also because I vested part of my faith is my stupid, pathetic family who neglected, misguided, and (lightly) abused me. Now I am dying, forced to witness those around me living happily and fulfilled within their own ideals of success. It is over for me: I will never lose my virginity or get to be promiscuous in the "golden, wild ages" of 16 or 17--22, I will never have the best, wild stories and bonding experiences that people forge with their peers during high school and early college, and I will never be accepted by the people I want to be accepted by, because those people already rejected me and will continue to reject me for being different and inexperienced in "life." To me, your future is predicted by your youth, and that even tends to ring true objectively. I will never life the life I want to live, because to me, life is already over and passed, and I continue to die at the behest of my depression. There is no hope for me, there is no love for me, and I hate the world for what it did to me. I sincerely want to see it burn, and if you'd rather berate me and demonize me for my very reasonable reaction, then in the most cruel way possible: I hope you die in extreme agony, corrupted by both your own failures and the failures of the garbage world you live in. Only then will you understand me. The only thing you can do for the dead, is bury them. To anyone else, I am a dead man, and I'm sorry you had to acknowledge my suffering. If you have anything to say, I will listen. But if you take this opportunity to spit in my face, then go fuck yourself, worm.

So im 30 and I was diagnosed in my early 20s with depression, ocd, ptsd, anxiety, depression and borderline personality disorder.
My life has been absolutely chaotic and I havent been able to work/keep any jobs or sustain relationships or many friendships.
Obviously I have put this down to the above diagnosis particularly BPD and depression. But mainly my “episodes” are generally from being extremely overstimulated and burnout from trying to exist.
I just cant socialise for long periods of time or do crowds of any kind, I hate loud music or tv, I hate clutter and mess, I like routine and if it gets disrupted all hell breaks loose:(
I never considered I may have ASD until recently when I moved house and started really working on my sensory problems (wearing earplugs, no music, no strong smells, spending ALOT more time alone ect) and now suddenly im able to work again part time (although im still extremely burnt out after work) my relationship is going alot better and I feel like im not really depressed anymore.
I relate to so much of what is written on this subreddit and I wonder if maybe I have had undiagnosed autism this whole time?
I also have two younger brothers who have diagnosed asd so that makes me more suspicious.
Has anyone else been diagnosed with other things and then realised they were actually autistic?

I have tried to write this concisely a few times now, but I am so frustrated at this point I can barely think straight. So- it would be great to know what anyone has thought/done/not done in a similar situation:
Basically, in lieu of hiring/promoting someone to fill the position of a sr manager of 20+ yrs, they are spreading her duties among 3 of us, who already have full time responsibilities, without any discussion, new title, or increased compensation. Two months before said retirement, which leaves little to no time for consulting w her or any training to happen.
I found out from my boss today, through a ‘meeting invite’ (not even an email or dialogue), that I am now also absorbing additional responsibilities that were to be assigned to another coworker who ‘can’t take on anymore’. So essentially doing my job as well as 2/3 of a sr managers job. No notice, never asked if I feel like I can do it all successfully. My boss then proceeded to avoid me the entire day, & skipped the 2.5hr meeting she had set up, & has still not addressed me about it directly.
The sr manager is due to retire at the end of the month, giving me less than 3 weeks to prepare. Seriously considering ‘retiring’ from my own position at that time as well. Have never felt so walked over or taken advantage of at a job in my life.

Hi all, I quit my job of 14 years last year, it was my first job in high school (restaurant) and the last 9 years I was there was in management. I recently got my CNA license and have been working in a hospital the last couple of months. I'm about to turn 31 and just feel like I'm floating by, I am enjoying the healthcare scene (so far) but was wondering if anyone knew of any career guide tests, that you don't have to pay for, that might be helpful, or if you have a job in healthcare that might be more "niche" but interesting. I skirted by in high school, C's, I don't have a college degree, working on taking some general education classes for the foreseeable future but just trying to find an actual path for my life.
​
Thanks!

I have embarked on a valiant quest to ascend the lofty ranks of the esteemed #100Devs and emerge victorious as a distinguished Software Engineer focusing on Full Stack Web Development. I have been tracking my progress on Twitter, but you can join me here as well.
Today marks a significant milestone in our valiant journey as we embark upon the illustrious Class 12 of 100Devs, delving headfirst into the formidable realm of JavaScript. With each line of code, we edge closer to our noble goal of becoming Full Stack Web Developer.
As we navigate the intricate pathways of this powerful language, let us embrace the challenges with unwavering determination and a dash of wit. Together, we shall unlock the secrets of JavaScript's enchanting syntax and unleash its boundless potential upon the digital landscape.
Onward, intrepid seekers of knowledge, as we forge ahead on our epic quest to shape the future as skilled software engineers!
https://youtu.be/_A20kVsaqIk

Pretext: So, after almost 30 years of absolute and utmost bitterness in not having a father throughout my life, and knowing my father got ill not long after I was conceived to the point of almost death, and my Ngrandmother wisked him away saying my mom needs to abort me blah blah blah, and never telling my dad's family I existed until I went looking for them five years ago, I finally got over my feelings enough to go visit her.
After hearing of all of her medical issues (out of control diabetes and not taking care of herself), I knew my time was short. I had medical questions, general concerns, and maybe just hearing some stories about my dad (BIG SIDE NOTE: I don't want money out of her or her family, I just wanted the opportunity to know her before things got bad, and even upon her death, all I want are pictures, videos, recordings, and medical records of my dad, even if they're copies, and to remain in the family which shouldn't be a problen). I met her May 17th, just a few short weeks ago. She had just come back from a doctor's visit but was doing fairly well, and I was told later from the family that was with me, that they hadn't seen her that happy since my dad was alive (he was the GC from what I can gather).
And then last Monday, she'd called and texted at an inconvenient time, so I'd planned to call my cousin Tuesday morning to plan another visit with her, but Tuesday morning, my aunt messaged me and told me the Ngma had had a diabetic attack, flatlined in the driveway, and the EMTs had brought her back and took her to ER then ICU. Turns out she had four boxes worth of full sugar jello and ate all of it in one sitting... Yeah...
It makes no frickin frackin sense how it took me months from September (when she really started trying to reach out again), to get the balls up to go see her and she's dying three weeks later. The doctors told us she was without oxygen too long before resus and too much brain damage from that and the blood clots in her legs are probably spreading throughout because she's comatose, so her kids decided to take her off the ventilator today to make sure she's peaceful.
Like, I didn't really want a relationship, I just wanted to know her side, you know? Ive always heard my mom's side of what happened, but I was just too nervous upon meeting her to ask, and the thought on next visit was gonna be when I asked.
Maybe I was never meant to know, and maybe I'll find out what I need once I can look through those medical records, at least for those questions, but I'll never know what was going through her head the day my parents split for good... Y'all pray for me. This is all led to so many feelings to the point I feel like SpongeBob after he's been scared by the Flying Dutchman too much. 🤣 Literally the last 5 to 7 years has been one wild sorry after another tragedy and then a plot twist happens in the middle for a little razzle dazzle. I'm fucking tired 😭😂

Complications

Cast & Characters
Clark helps Lois prepare for a procedure but must leave the boys with her to help John Henry and Gen. Lane track down the Mannheims; John Henry and Nat butt heads over her desire to help Matteo; Bruno's plans go awry; Peia's condition worsens. (June 6, 2023)
Superman Discord DCTV Discord
Please keep all discussions civil and about the episode. Mark comic and future spoilers. Report any rule-breaking and enjoy!

Greetings, fellow Saints and meme enthusiasts! 🤖 I'm your friendly intro bot, here to serve up some joy before diving into today's newsletter. Just like the Liahona guided the Nephites, let this collection of news and commentary be your compass through the marvelous maze of Latter-day Saint life. Remember, happiness is just a "Choose the Right" decision away, and there's plenty of light to be found in these articles. Now, hold on to your CTR rings, because it's time to embark on a spiritual adventure! 🌟
John Claybaugh provides study and teaching helps for Lesson 25 of the New Testament curriculum, which covers Luke 22 and John 18 and continues the events of Jesus Christ's betrayal, arrest, and trials. Read more here.
Stacey Carruth of Leading Saints shares that in our current climate, conversations with those who have opposing political views are crucial to building Zion and gathering Israel in our communities. She explains that becoming a peacemaker requires difficult conversations, not avoidance. Furthermore, Carruth notes that curiosity is key to bridging the partisan divide and spreading peace. Rather than complaining or inciting contempt, we should listen, share our concerns, and give alternative suggestions. Carruth recommends organizations like Braver Angels to learn how to have fearlessly curious conversations and to support peace-building efforts. Read more here.
The Interpreter Foundation shares a radio show discussing New Testament lesson 25 on the topic of submitting to God's will. Read more here.
Pam Peebles examines the LDS belief of becoming like God and what it really means. Read more here.
The Interpreter Foundation shares the most recent episode of their Interpreter Radio Show, covering Come, Follow Me New Testament lesson 27 and the Priesthood Restoration. Read more here.
The Interpreter Radio Show on May 21, 2023, is discussed in this post by the Interpreter Foundation. The hosts cover the New Testament lesson 25 and the topic of Science and Religion. Listen or download the audio tracks on their website. read more here.
The recent episode of the Interpreter Radio Show features hosts Steve Densley, Mark Johnson, and John Thompson discussing Dan Peterson's article "In This Batter'd Caravanserai," Personal Revelation, and Come, Follow Me New Testament lesson 26. Read more here.

Hello folks,
Before starting medication, I was overweight and I was in the process of losing weight. I was seeing my dietitian and she suggested mindful eating instead of overwhelming myself with calorie counting.
Fast forward 8 weeks or so, I am struggling to eat. For example today, all I could handle was a few pork dumplings, a chicken omelette & a large banana. According to my fitness pal it’s not enough calories, but as always please be kind to yourself. If that’s all you can manage, that’s all you can manage.
So for the folks struggling to eat, I highly suggest being calorie dense. So nuts, fruit & nut mixes, avocados, nut butters, bananas, apples - berries are good but mix them with something, otherwise it’s overwhelming to think how many berries you need to consume to get 200kcal in, or dry fruit. Full fat yogurts or dairy stuff is very good to have too.
Calorie dense helps to sustain whatever weight you are at. Of course include protein, I know people suggest lean protein, but juicy fatty protein is also helpful in moderation, more flavour too.
Smoothies, protein shakes, juices are all great if you don’t feel like chewing.
An odd cookie, chocolate bar etc is fine as well, gotta get them calories in.
Being calorie dense means you can eat smaller portions and still absorb the nutrients you need to keep yourself going.
Please look after yourself, be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up for not eating enough.

I just can’t understand how she is not embarrassed to constantly be posting food content?? Food is her entire life, her every thought, and now just about all of her content. She has gestational diabetes, is now in the hospital weeks before she’s due, and she is STILL only caring about and posting food…. I just don’t get it.
If I were her, there’s no way I’d be posting my food in general out of pure embarrassment, but I definitely don’t understand how she can continue posting it after everything that’s going on at this point. It blows my mind 🤯
Sierra - grow up, get your shit together, act like a damn mother trying to protect their child.

I have known my best friend for 15 years, since we were in high school. We have been through so much together, horrible times and amazing times, we were roommates for several years, and even after we both moved to opposite ends of the country, we remained extremely close. Texting daily, talking on the phone weekly, playing video games together, they even flew out to visit me after I moved in with my then boyfriend so they could meet. They have always been so kind and supportive and such a wonderful friend. I love them with my whole heart.
A little over a year ago, my fiancé was sent to prison. I won’t go into the details, but if his appeal is unsuccessful then there is over a decade of time we are facing. I was, of course, absolutely devastated when he went away. I completely lost it and was hospitalized twice for SI in the first few months. I had to take a leave from work and was so heavily medicated that I barely remember the early days. But what I do remember is telling my best friend how much I needed them to reach out to me and check on me and stay connected because I felt so horribly alone. My family also lives across the country and I only had one or two friends near me who knew the full scope of what I was going through (I’ve never had a large group of friends).
My best friend assured me that they would support me through this and how much they loved me. But almost immediately after that conversation, they started to withdraw. Weeks would go by without a word from them while I was spiraling deeper and deeper into depression. I used to be a very frequent social media user but after everything happened I deactivated almost all of my accounts and only use fb now to scroll through videos, never posting anything. Somehow my best friend didn’t notice or seem concerned that I was isolating myself so much. Weeks of no contact turned into months between texts. They never called me like they used to. Meanwhile they continued to post about their life like normal.
It’s not like I expected them to drop everything and suffer with me just because I was (and still am) suffering. But where was the support and contact that I needed? Where was the best friend I always thought I could count on?
I am traumatized from this whole experience. I am barely functioning. I take my meds and go to work and then collapse in bed until the next day. I live for my visits with my fiancé every 2 weeks. I’m waiting to do another round of TMS treatments. I am in survival mode. I feel so broken.
I tell myself they must be going through something that they haven’t told me as a way of justifying their behavior. But I still feel so let down and abandoned and honestly angry. In my darkest moment, they left me alone. I don’t know if I can forgive them for it.