I recently got some of this long lost Etazene that I had tried two years ago when the original Etonitazene was going around the DW, specifically that of Vice City Market by a vendor i WONT MENTION, and it came in One 250mg sample of the Isotonitazene, and one gram of the original Etonitazene. Both were great when smoked and i had even banged a small shot of the butonitazene when I had a sample of it sent on my second order, and I remember clearly that it had become water soluble once I had applied a little heat, with no need for any sort of heavy rolling boil or necessity of evaporation while using a whole 1ml of water (100cc).
So today I tried mixing in some of this N Desethyl-Isotonitazene that I have gotten off a vendor from Bohemia, whos prices seem too good to be true and his product list is just as impressive. I wanted to do an IV test shot yesterday but when I tried to break it down in a whole ml of sterile water, while adding heat, to the point where it boiled, it showed no real dissipation of any of the amount I had placed within the cooker, and if anything after the water had cooled, i was left with this kind of thick, jelly like coating that stuck to the bottom of the cooker and the excess water that I figured would be more than enough to break it down-even with some evaporation loss, was now lost and i was left with the powder becoming evidently back to its initial state-if not then just a more clumped up, wet, gelatinous version of it.
I thought about how when I obtained some #3 heroin in Texas, and after not being able to get a shot cooked up that was evidently binded and effective in its form, that thankfully i had the where with all to know to use citric acid when cooking up this type of heroin in a shot, with nothing more than a simple pinch-a tiny sprinkle into the heroin and water, with no true or real ratio being followed, that would immediately begin to bring the clumpy powder into a clear, water soluble, fully dissolved solution in which was ready to fire. I thought about how once I used a drop of lime juice, or lemon juice, of course the one with preservatives to avoid any form of botulism...cause you know, I am not that much of a destructive junkie. I practice harm reduction too, okay....
i just want to feel the effects of this damn stuff. The first time I smoked it off foil I had that real nice warm intense body high and it felt akin to the first shot of heroin I had done of some really good black tar. Or it also reminded me of the warm blanket of a rush that is Dilaudid in the ER, and maybe even hints of what sniffing a 40mg Opana was like, before they stopped making those available to the general public and only those in intense pain management or chronic pain/end of life medications.
So here I am today, asking for someone out there who may have a few cents of info to give, such as perhaps what is the secret to breaking down the iso into a water soluble solution that i can then inject or as well use as a nasal spray type application. I am considering just doing a bump and adding some water into my nose with my finger while stomaching the what I assume to be a god awful drip that I dont think any other insufflated substance in my past could ever compete with in its wretched taste. Its an "acquired" taste, if I might add. lol. The truth is it just tastes fucking brutal. So nasal spray doesn't seem like the most enjoyable. And after adding a point to my nicotine juice 50mg salt based container, mixing it and shaking it till it looked like it had become dispersed equally within the small bottle, and from what I discerned had become one with the juice and was therefore suspended and soluble within this thick viscous liquid. I took a hit and I took another and although i did feel slight effects from each pull, placebo or not, I just couldn't stand the taste and over powering sharp, harsh, bile like taste.
PLEASE. ANYONE!? WHAT IS THE TRICK FOR IV? Should I just filter as much as I can and as quickly as I can before it becomes the sticky, solidified state along the cookers walls, and rinse and repeat if I wanted to another? Should I rinse and repeat and repeat and rinse and repeat over and over until it has all somehow broken down from the vigorous stirring, hot water, and boiling heat? Is it some form of sodium or saline like solution that I have to make in order for it to be able to become soluble? Can i inject a diluted form of PG and Water? Does the pH have to be a certain acidity or alkalinity for it to break down? Should i try citric acid? Should I try salt? Should I try sodium phosphate? IS THERE A WAY AT ALL?! OR ARE WE DOOMED AND LEFT WITH NO CHOICE BUT TO STRP OUR NOSE BOOTS ON AND GO TO WAR WITH OUR SINUSES?!

Im trying to predict what's gonna happen with everyone at Castle Black in TWOW. I have ideas, but one problem keeps coming up; we dont know how the brothers of the Night's Watch will respond to Jons murder.
I believe Jons murder will cause a lot of division in Castle Black; between the NW vs the Wildlings, the NW vs Mel & Selyse... but it will also cause division WITHIN the NW. Some seem to support Jon, others appear not to. For the majority of the NW, theres no indication one way or another. But I wanna know who's on which side, so heres what I've come up with so far:
JONS ALLYS
- Ghost
- Dolorous Edd
- Hareth (Horse)
- Rory
- Satin
- Iron Emmet
- Leathers
- Jax
- Arron
- Emrick
- Pyp
- Grenn
- Toad
ANTI-JON FACTION
- Bowen Marsh
- Wick Whittlestick
- Othell Yarwyck
- Septon Cellador
- Alf of Runnymud
- Left Hand Lew
- Ser Alliser Thorne
- Mully
- Fulk, the Flea
This list only includes NW brothers who are still alive by the end of ADWD. It's hard to say who supports Jon and who doesn't with certainty. So let me give a brief explanation for each of these guys and why I think they will be either pro- or anti-Jon:
PRO-JON FACTION
- Ghost - Obviously he's on Jon's side. He arguably IS Jon. And yes.. Ghost is a brother of the NW
- Samwell Tarly - No explanation needed. But Sam is far away, in Oldtown, so he's irrelevant to Castle Black in the TWOW opening
- Edd Tollett - No explanation needed. But Edd has been sent to Long Barrow along with Iron Emmett, so he isn't at Castle Black either.
- Hareth (Horse) - Horse is guarding Jon after the Shieldhall speech, right as the assassination is about to take place. If Jon trusts him enough to guard his life, this probably indicates Horse will stay loyal to Jon:
Horse and Rory fell in beside Jon as he left the Shieldhall. I should talk with Melisandre after I see the queen, he thought. If she could see a raven in a storm, she can find Ramsay Snow for me. Then he heard the shouting … and a roar so loud it seemed to shake the Wall. "That come from Hardin's Tower, m'lord," Horse reported. He might have said more, but the scream cut him off. (Jon XIII, ADWD)
- Rory - The same goes for Rory, he was with Horse guarding Jon as the assassination took place. I wouldn't be surprised if we learn in TWOW that Horse or Rory were killed in the assassination attempt. But if they survive they'll probably be Team Jon
Val, was Jon's first thought. But that was no woman's scream. That is a man in mortal agony. He broke into a run. Horse and Rory raced after him. "Is it wights?" asked Rory. Jon wondered. Could his corpses have escaped their chains? (Jon XIII, ADWD)
Jon saw the flash of naked steel a few yards away. His own bowmen nocked arrows to their strings. He turned in his saddle. "Rory. Quiet them." Rory lifted his great horn to his lips and blew. (Jon V, ADWD)
- Satin - Seems to be close with Jon. Is picked by Jon to go on missions. Jon defends Satins positions as his personal steward and squire after Edd. Satin is the only one of Jon's friends who doesn't get sent away to the Shadow Tower. Satin also adopts the old gods, indicating his closeness with Jon. Also it's clear the anti-Jon faction hates Satin. Satin probably has the most evidence of anyone to show he'll support Jon. Satin's whereabouts at the time of the assassination are not known
His friends laughed—Grenn, Toad, Satin, the whole lot of them. (Jon III, ADWD)
Septon Cellador spoke up. "This boy Satin. It's said you mean to make him your steward and squire, in Tollett's place. My lord, the boy's a whore … a … dare I say … a painted catamite from the brothels of Oldtown." And you are a drunk. "What he was in Oldtown is none of our concern. He's quick to learn and very clever. The other recruits started out despising him, but he won them over and made friends of them all. He's fearless in a fight and can even read and write after a fashion. He should be capable of fetching me my meals and saddling my horse, don't you think?" (Jon VIII, ADWD)
Whatever Satin may have done in Oldtown, he is our brother now, and he will be my squire. (Jon VIII, ADWD)
- Iron Emmett - He is picked to be the master-at-arms for Castle Black. He spars with Jon. He is selected for the mission to the weirwood in ADWD. There isnt solid proof he would support Jon, but he seems to be a prime candidate as an ally. He was sent to Long Barrow with Edd Tollett, so he isnt at Castle Black
- Leathers - Leathers almost certainly supports Jon. Leathers is a Wildling who became a brother of the NW. Jon makes him the master-at-arms after Emmett. The anti-Jon faction does not approve of Leathers appointment
"Is it true that you mean to replace Emmett with this savage Leathers as our master-at-arms? That is an office most oft reserved for knights, or rangers at the least." "Leathers is savage," Jon agreed mildly. "I can attest to that. I've tried him in the practice yard. He's as dangerous with a stone axe as most knights are with castle-forged steel. I grant you, he is not as patient as I'd like, and some of the boys are terrified of him … but that's not all for the bad. One day they'll find themselves in a real fight, and a certain familiarity with terror will serve them well." (Jon VIII, ADWD)
"How many men are enough?" he asked Leathers. "A hundred? Two hundred? Five hundred? A thousand?" (Jon XIII, ADWD)
- Jax - The same as Leathers. Jax is a Wildling who joins the NW. He isn't mentioned as often as Leathers, but given that Jon's murderers were in large part motivated by Jon's relationship with the Wildlings, I imagine any Wildling NW-brother will have to be pro-Jon
- Arron & Emrick - Two brothers from Fair Isle who are recruited by Jon. They both swear their oaths before the Weirwoods, even though they were born following the Faith of the Seven. There is little information about them, but what little we have seems to suggest they may be pro-Jon
- Pyp, Grenn & Toad - These guys are Jon's friends who he sends away to the Shadow Tower. They are certainly pro-Jon, but they aren't nearby enough to matter
ANTI-JON FACTION
- Bowen Marsh - Stabbed Jon
- Wick Whittlestick - Tried to slash Jon's throat
- Othell Yarwyck - The First Builder of the NW. He is one of the leaders who is increasingly antagonistic towards Jon leading up to the assassination. He was seen at the Shieldhall meeting, standing near Bowen Marsh. Almost persuaded to support Janos Slynt for Lord Commander in ASOS. He doesn't attend the Thenn-Karstark wedding
As for Borroq, Othell Yarwyck claimed the woods north of Stonedoor were full of wild boars. Who was to say the skinchanger would not make his own pig army? (Jon XIII, ADWD)
But others had chosen to absent themselves to show their disapproval. Othell Yarwyck and Bowen Marsh were amongst the missing (Jon X, ADWD)
"I summoned you to make plans for the relief of Hardhome," Jon Snow began. "Thousands of the free folk are gathered there, trapped and starving, and we have had reports of dead things in the wood." To his left he saw Marsh and Yarwyck. (Jon XIII, ADWD)
- Septon Cellador - A part of the council that becomes increasingly antagonistic towards Jon's command. There's not a lot of evidence to support him being anti-Jon, except he hates the Wildlings and assoiactes with the anti-Jon faction
"These are godless savages," said Septon Cellador. "Even in the south the treachery of wildlings is renowned." (Jon XI, ADWD)
- Alf, of Runnymudd - Alf appears to be heartbroken when Garth is killed by the Wildlings. Some have theorized this indicates Alf and Garth may have had a gay relationship, but there is no other evidence for this. Alf is seen hanging with Bowen Marsh during the Shieldhall meeting. He likely blames Jon for the death of Garth. He is one NW brother I feel certain hates Jon
"Who is it?" asked Owen the Oaf. "Not Dywen, is it?" "Nor Garth," said the queen's man she knew as Alf of Runnymudd, one of the first to exchange his seven false gods for the truth of R'hllor. "Garth's too clever for them wildlings." "How many?" Mully asked. "Three," Jon told them. "Black Jack, Hairy Hal, and Garth." Alf of Runnymudd let out a howl loud enough to wake sleepers in the Shadow Tower. "Put him to bed and get some mulled wine into him," Jon told Three-Finger Hobb. (Melisandre I, ADWD)
Othell was surrounded by his builders, whilst Bowen had Wick Whittlestick, Left Hand Lew, and Alf of Runnymudd beside him (Jon XIII, ADWD)
- Lefthand Lew - There is no evidence for him being anti-Jon... except he is standing with Bowen Marsh and the anti-Jon faction during the Shieldhall speech. I have no idea what his beef with Jon is, but I feel certain he is with Marsh
Othell was surrounded by his builders, whilst Bowen had Wick Whittlestick, Left Hand Lew, and Alf of Runnymudd beside him (Jon XIII, ADWD)
- Mully & Fulk, the Flea - Right before the Shieldhall meeting, Jon is told by Mully and Flea that Ghost is acting aggressively. This is obviously a warning that Jon is surrounded by enemies who will try to kill him. But it could additionally indicate that Mully and Fulk the Flea are specifically Jon's enemies. This is the only potential hint I could find that might suggest Mully & Fulk are on either side
"That'd be sweet, m'lord," said Fulk the Flea, "but your wolf's in no mood for company today." Mully agreed. "He tried to take a bite o' me, he did." "Ghost?" Jon was shocked.
- Spare Boot, Kegs, Halder, & Albett - These men are part of part of Othells builders. The builders are seen with Othell and Bowen Marsh in the Shieldhall
- Ser Alliser Thorne - Alliser hates Jon, but he isn't at Castle Black right now. Although I predict Ser Alliser will return and maybe even be elected new Lord Commander in the beginning of TWOW, some theorize he may even seek justice against Jon's conspirators
CONCLUSION
Please tell me what you think of my list! I'd like to hear arguments about why should anyone be added or removed from either list?

I need some advice on what to do.
My boyfriend is 26 and I am 29 on Monday. We have been together a year and a half.
My boyfriends mum and I think he has autism and she missed something with him when he was younger. He acts very bizarre in situations and his family accept it and just tell me “that’s what he does” but it’s just not ok regardless if he has potential autism.
Basically he lacks eye contact, he doesn’t connect things very well, doesn’t see the bigger picture, doesn’t understand why someone is upset, doesn’t understand that something he says or does can upset someone etc.
We had a little argument on Wednesday it was very minor I wouldn’t even say I was arguing, all I said was “you haven’t kissed me today I always kiss you first” as a hint for a kiss before bed. He took that as criticism and said I’m trying to start an argument before bed, which I wasn’t I just genuinely wanted a kiss. In the morning of Wednesday he was still off with me and left for work while I was showing I was visibly upset (this is currently at his mums house as he is staying there for work). He saw I was upset and left anyway.
His mum heard I was upset and comforted me and said he has never dealt with emotions well or showed it and she has been sat there crying in the past and he will just go and sit in his room instead.
Anyway, he is now currently ignoring me. I text his mum and she said oh yeah he’s been saying you’ve messaged about your day at work. And I said yes but he’s not replying?? She said it’s very normal for him. She said when she had an argument with him once he ignored her for 3 months because he thought she was trying to start problems and he obviously is thinking the same with you.
She said it’s just what he does. His dad has also text and asked if I have heard from him (he lives with his dad) he said he’s text him a few times over the past few days and he’s reading and ignoring his texts.
What am I supposed to do? I always give people their space but ghosting not only your dad but your girlfriend?? I don’t understand??? I’m supposed to be going away for my birthday with him this weekend and he has just flat out ghosted me.
His family just say let him get over it he’s sulking it’s just what he does but this isn’t normal behaviour? I’m supposed to be driving to his mums after work tonight to take him home ready for our night away and just don’t think it’s happening now? How am I supposed to be ok when he’s doing this?
By the way any time he’s ignored someone he thinks it’s ok. He said if someone ignored him he would assume they need space and leave them to it????
I just think it’s strange. We’ve been together a year and a half and this has happened a few times. When he talks to me again he’s up my a** cos he knows I’m annoyed and just says he needed space.
But seriously?
TL;DR! My boyfriend is ignoring me over an argument

I'm a high school student, and as such, I'm surrounded by neurotypical students who I can't relate to whatsoever. Whenever one does something considered "weird" or "quirky," they respond to their friends with "oops! don't mind my autism." Like ... what the heck? Of course, they're likely joking around, but us neurodivergent folk genuinely suffer from the way our brains are wired. I don't think it's polite or funny to label yourself autistic whenever you're feeling a bit "quirky." It's so disrespectful.
A student I know came to school today with a shirt that said "autism: dancing to a different beat" with puzzle pieces on it. They found it at Walmart. They aren't diagnosed, nor have they done research (to my knowledge) like many of us have. They might be autistic, self dx, but I don't know. If so, they highly mask, as they are very outgoing and don't exhibit abnormal behavior. I just feel it's setting a bad image for autism as a whole, proving some people DO take it as a trend and whatnot and just like to label themselves for the sake of being different.
I also overheard (in the same day, as were the rest of these examples) some freshmen talking near me about this one kid in the school who was obsessive about bugs and wouldn't stop talking to them and infodumping about his interest. They were being rude about it, laughing at how he couldn't seem to get the cues, saying things such as: "like, get a hint, dude." Some can't understand cues, it's really sad that others can't just respect that and let others be. Good grief.
The same kids saw a crooked window on a door today and said "ugh, my OCD is getting so triggered right now!" Wow ... I wish others understood the extent to which OCD actually is: it ain't just a tendency to want to be clean and tidy all the time. OCD isn't some sort of preference, it's a genuine, disturbing thought pattern that those afflicted feel inclined to act upon. People are treating disability like some special personality trait, when in reality, it is, truly, disabling. Disability should not be a trend.
I'm not trying to argue here, just needed a safe place to rant about my experiences today. Also, wanted to share that I'm going to finally talk to my therapist (on the 20th) about the research I've worked for months to compile, hopefully leading to answers and potentially the scheduling of a formal diagnosis!! :>

Welcome back, everyone. With this installment, we get a Strike/Robin (Strobin?) chapter and it's certainly a great one. Actually one of my favorites for this book, not the least because of a certain green dress. This ended up being longer than I originally expected, but I think you'll forgive the extra digital ink spilled as this is a pretty fun one.
If you're looking for the previous installment of this re-read, here ya go.
Chapter 3.03 - Contemplation of Modern Day-Wear
What happens:
Strike is awoken on Sunday to Bristow returning his call of the previous day. John tells him that he is occupied today caring for his sick mother but that he can arrange to meet on Monday. Strike asks about the whereabouts of Lula’s laptop which, fortunately, Bristow has and he promises to bring it to their meeting so that the detective can go through it.
Strike eventually manages to get Wilson on the phone later that evening. Wilson says that, with Freddie Bestigui frequently present around the apartments, it’s too risky for him to let Strike in for now, but promises to call him when an opportunity opens up. Before the security guard hangs up, Strike asks him to go through the visitor logs to check for any entries for Rochelle and is rewarded with finally obtaining a last name: Onifade.
With his call concluded, Strike returns to perusing the offerings on Guy Some’s website.
Commentary:
Yeah, I think this is the shortest chapter thus far and I got nothing. Time to move along to something way more of interest.
Chapter 3.04 - A Serpentine Goddess in Viridian
What happens:
We open on Monday with Robin examining another of the strongly worded letters destined for the Nutter Drawer, pleading, once more, for Strike to read it. To no avail.
She then lets Strike know that Temporary Solutions called and asked for her, suspecting she was still working there and, she feels, possibly looking to shake him down for a “recruitment fee” if they confirm it. Robin says she pretended to be “Annabel”, prompting Strike to remark that, when people have to come up with a fake name quickly, they often choose one starting with ‘A’.
Robin remains concerned that Temporary Solutions might try and send someone to actually check the office. Strike decides to go ahead and modify his plans for the day, inviting her to join him on his trip to check out Vashti, the upscale store Lula visited on the day before her death. She would be his sister ‘Annabel’, helping him pick out a gift for his wife. Robin is more than willing to come along.
Riding in the tube on their way, she finally gets Strike to give the background on the man obsessed with sending him threatening letters. After all the other things she’s refrained from prying into, she should at least be owed this.
The letter writer, Brian Mathers, was a client of Strike’s from last June who suspected his wife of infidelity, particularly concerned that she was stepping out on her Thursday bingo nights. After a month of surveillance, Strike is confident that the wife is deliberately staying out later than expected on those nights to inject some drama into their dull marriage. She was all too successful. Mathers refuses to believe Strike’s conclusions and, seeing his client increasingly worked up with his unhinged talk of conspiracies, the detective began to fear that he could become violent. This prompted Strike to phone the wife, telling her about his investigation and warning her about her husband. Unfortunately, the paranoid Mathers regularly went through his wife’s phone and, upon seeing Strike’s number, came to the very-logical conclusion that he was seduced by his wife and now in on the conspiracy. Cue obsessive harassment.
Discussion of this Nutter Drawer resident prompts Robin to finally ask about Strike’s take on Bristow’s own mental stability, confessing that she had overheard some of their conversation that first day. To her surprise, Strike reveals that he may have changed his mind as to whether their investigation was anything more than indulging the delusion of a wealthy man. He says nothing more to elaborate on this, though, as they exit their train and walk up to Vashti.
Robin contemplates the job offer she had received that morning but had yet to inform Strike about. She had only two days to accept or decline and it had many advantages: well paid, attractive workplace, close to Matthew’s job so they could meet at lunch. Yet, instead of seeing this as a pleasant prospect, she had a visceral negative reaction, reaching even to dread. She can’t help thinking about her excitement at just hearing that the Landry case may be real and how, if she took the human resources job, she’d never know the outcome unless it somehow got in the paper.
Entering the ground floor of this palace of conspicuous consumption, Strike reminds Robin of the act they will put on and lets her know that their objective is to find out anything they can about what happened when Landry and Onifade met up the day before the model’s death. To the surprise of Strike-and Robin herself-the temporary secretary immediately throws herself into her role and asks an attendant about trying on one of the ostentatious jackets in the window display.
The assistant runs into far more trouble getting the jacket than expected and ends up calling up two of her fellows for aid. The trio accompany Robin, who had used the delay to select a number of other high-priced items, into one of the be-curtained changing rooms. Strike positions himself close enough to overhear what happens inside, struck again by Robin’s abilities.
Hauling more than 10k pounds worth of merchandise into a dressing room would ordinarily be unthinkable for Robin, however, emboldened in her act and desire to prove herself, she carries this off with confidence. In this mode, she is also able to fluently fabricate character details and dialogue to serve her performance.
She tries on the sequined jacket that first so occupied the assistants and Strike finds it far less objectionable on her than he did on the dummy. Then a “clinging poison-green dress” which makes her “a serpentine goddess in glittering viridian.” [Wait, does she have secret Slytherin tendencies!??]. Seeing the reaction of Strike, who studiously avoids giving her more than a glance, Robin realizes she may have gone too far in showing herself off and focuses back on the investigation.
Robin is able to smoothly transition her conversation with the assistants to Landry without raising suspicion. They bring up, unprompted, an incident that had happened during Lula’s visit the day before her death. They had overheard Landry on the phone to someone they assumed to be Duffield. She was apparently begging the person on the other end of the call to come to her flat even if it would end up being very late. The junior assistants held that they should have told the police about what they overheard, but their senior, more conscious of being perceived as spreading celebrity gossip, insisted that it didn’t matter since Duffield wasn’t at Landry’s apartment the night of her death and Rochelle, who also heard the call, could have told the police if she thought it mattered.
Having got the information they were after, they depart with a false promise to return later for the jacket and Strike sincerely compliments Robin on her skillful performance.
Commentary:
Ok, you know how I said I had nothing for the last chapter? Opposite here. I really love this chapter, and not just for the green dress, although that moment is important. I pretty much love any time Robin is able to advance as a detective and, while I can’t call this quite spreading her wings, it’s her flexing her wings? Hey, I’m not a wordsmith, I just think it’s a cool scene.
First, small thing, but I appreciate this starting off with actually giving us a sample of the ridiculous and unhinged letters that Strike has been consigning to the Nutter Drawer. Also, that he finally tells Robin the story behind them. You could probably say he should have given her this information earlier but…it’s easy to get into the mode, as a reader, that characters should info dump on the regular and it’s also not that far fetched to imagine that Strike would assume that Robin wouldn’t find the story all that interesting.
Robin’s contemplation of her job offer and how it pits passion against sensibility is pretty critical. It genuinely seems to be a good prospect for her and, as much as I will relentlessly attack Matthew, this:

It paid exactly what she and Matthew had agreed she ought to aim for.

is not something I find out-of-line. It’s perfectly reasonable for two people who are trying to share their lives and resources with each other to talk about earning potential WITH the caveat that they should also be considering respective life goals. Negotiations based on mutual trust and consideration is just one of those things that underpin good long term relationships between adults. Yet, it’s clear that Robin has a passion she viscerally wants to pursue and it’s one that Matthew finds absurd. Robin certainly isn’t anywhere near dismissing Matthew, he’s already in her head:

Robin noted that he was now staring hard at this massive assemblage of fripperies as though they might be able to tell him something important, and this was surely (for a moment she saw with Matthew’s eyes, and thought in Matthew’s voice) a pose adopted for effect, or show. Matthew kept hinting that Strike was somehow a fake. He seemed to feel that being a private detective was a far-fetched job, like an astronaut or a lion tamer; that real people did not do such things.

And, yet, we also are given that:

To prove, to solve, to catch, to protect: these were things worth doing; important and fascinating. Robin knew that Matthew thought her somehow childish and naive for feeling this way, but she could not help herself.

1. My girl!
2. This is a faultline that exists between them regardless of Strike and wasn’t just going to go away if she wasn’t with the agency, even if the potential tension from it would be different. It’s a matter of values and priorities fundamentally mismatched.

I also have to love Instant Improvisation Robin in this scene. Seeing someone discover and flex an ability is always fun in fiction and it’s well done here. This lady would be wasted in HR, although in an alternate timeline she could definitely be Internal Affairs.
Miscellaneous bits:
Love the cute in-joke of Robin ad-libbing “Sandra” as the name of her fictional sister-in-law. It also has a little bit too much of the personal to be 100% innocent, in my opinion. Additionally, Strike gives the fake name of ‘Andrew Atkinson’ to the shop assistant and am I just reaching too far thinking this is a cheeky in-joke in return, given his previous observation about people choosing ‘A’ names?
The Green Dress:
The reaction:

His only comment on the green dress was ‘Yeah.’ He had barely looked at her.

I see.
The price:

'How much?' Robin asked the redhead.
'2,899,' said the girl.

Ok, doing currency conversion, adjusting for inflation since 2010…*cough* $6.2k!? JFC Strike!
Also, always chuckle at this line:

‘...Sandra’s a bit bigger than me, if anything,’ said Robin, ruthlessly sacrificing her fictional sister-in-law’s figure.

Finally, this line prompts an interesting question:

Robin reflected that if she took the human resources job, she might never know (unless she saw it, one day, on the news) how this investigation turned out.

Following a timeline where Robin departs mid-case but Strike nevertheless solves it, what would be her reaction to this in the news? And would she potentially try to get back in contact with Strike? I want your thoughts!

Today I woke up feeling snackish and before lunch time I had already eaten most of my calories for the day. For lunch I made tacos and they were SOOO good. I have plenty of leftovers. I had less than 200 calories left for dinner so I had one more taco and a diet soda. Now I’m out of calories for the day, my intermittent fasting window has started, but I just want to eat all the rest of the tacos 😭😭😭😭 I have sparkling water to get me though but today hint-of-a-hint-of-a-hint-of-some-fruit flavored buzzy water isn’t helping much. I want more tacooooooos.

I (27F) haven’t been in the dating scene for YEARS. after a few really rough relationships, I took a break at 24 to focus on me.
I met a guy (26M) on Hinge a few weeks ago and we hit it off. He was going on vacation for two weeks, so he offered up his phone number and snap and let me pick which form of communication I wanted. I picked snap because videos / pictures are more personable than texts and I wanted to give him a chance instead of getting the ick lol.
We’ve talked all day every day since then. Nothing crazy, but snaps every few hours between work / other stuff but consistent conversations. He’d send me photos of his nephews and tell me about what they were doing on vacation and stuff. One night he was drunk and started talking about how beautiful he thinks I am and that he might want to get really close or some weird shit lol and I straight up said “if that’s what you’re looking for that’s totally cool and I support it, but I’m not the girl” and he said “No I want something real. I like you and I think you’re gorgeous though, but I don’t want to pressure you at all. I’ll wait until you’re ready because it’s not just sex for me” so I know it’s not just a hook up thing.
When he got home, I asked if he wanted to go out and he planned a chill date for us. we met two days ago for a walk and coffee down by the water.
We hung out for two ish hours and I had a great time! We talked about our interests, our dogs meeting, him taking me camping this summer, me teaching him about basketball once the next season starts (REAL tough time to be an NBA fan if you aren’t a Nuggets / Heat fan rn lol) and it was super easy and natural.
He offered to drive me home and when he dropped me off we both agreed we’d be in touch about seeing each other again. No kiss, but I have a lot to unpack with that and tbh kind of regret it right now lol😅
We’ve been talking since the date (three days ago) and I’ve definitely dropped hints about a second date. He has a huge sweet tooth and the other night I was making cookies and said I’d save him some for the next time I saw him and he said “okay, I’ll let you know!” And that was the end of it. We’ve been talking all day still and he told me about the new grill he got lol
Last night we talked about our next date and how we wanna keep it lowkey and today we brought up watching Star Wars because I’ve never seen it, but no concrete plans. He actually contributes to the conversation and it doesn’t feel one sided at all… I’m just stuck on not getting a concrete date picked out to see each other again. I initiated the first date and he was super receptive but now I’m wondering if I’m being too pushy asking for a set time for the second one.
Idk I know it’s only been three days but I just reeeally don’t want to get played again lol. Typing it all out it sounds so stupid but I’ve never been with someone who actually wanted to be with me (LOL) so idk what to expect here. I’ve always been told a guy will show you if he’s interested and it feels kind of meh right now because we don’t have our next date set, but maybe my expectations are too high for three days after a first date lol
I know other girls have tried to talk with him recently (through friends of friends) and he hasn’t taken any of them up on a date, so I feel like MAYBE he likes me more than I realize? Or is that just wishful thinking. UGH send help lol

TL;DR: friend turned into kinda crush, she feels the same but is "unsure"
It´s a bit long and english isn´t my first language. Sorry for that in advance.
I (M,21) and her (F21) became friends in university 2 years ago. We studied for several classes together and had to repeat one class during the pandemic, which kinda brought us a bit closer. Fast forward to late summer of 2022 she opened up to me about her dog passing away recently and that she broke up with her ex boyfriend around march/april.
She was going through a rough time, so I offered to invite her to eat ice cream, which was a small gesture she appreciated. From this point everything is going very fast. No one caught romantic feelings but we are becoming pretty good friends. Hence, some common friends even asked if we were a couple or suggested that we´d be a great couple, this was around September 2022.
Since we hit it off so well and hearing the ideas of our friends I began to think about a relationship with her but I was aware that she wasn´t over her ex yet. However, late September I asked if she could imagine something between us in the future, suggesting that I´d wait until she is ready. She admitted to share the thought but rejected me.
That was fine though, I did not develop much feelings so I was okay with that but with time texts and meetups were more frequent and longer. The texts were very relationship-ish: telling me she´s on her way home, going out with her dog and I would do the same etc. also, she´d make the effort to walk from one building to another building after her class just to see me for like 5 min before I have to go to class.
There are also plenty of examples that show our couple-like behavior. First person to text when something happens? her and vice versa. When we meet, I always pick her up and drive her back home. But now comes the confusing and frustrating part...
We met like 2 weeks ago. We were taking a walk and she started to talk about relationships. She told me that she isn´t sure about a relationship with me and doesn´t want to lead me on. I answered, that I was aware of the fact, that she doesn´t want a relationship with me and that I am happy to be her friend. During the conversation she said something along the lines "I also don´t want you to be/feel like a placerholder until I meet someone and I don´t want to hurt you" but she also repeated herself that she isn´t sure about a relationship with me. I got the hint and tried to dig a bit deeper, trying to find out whats making her so unsure.
She didn´t open up, but I told her that she can´t control her emotions and if she doesn´t have feelings for me it is okay. I tried to reassure her that I am not mad or anything like that but eventually she told me her concern.
We have different cultural backgrounds. The culture of her Ex is closer to her culture than mine (I am not naming the cultures bc I am afraid this post could be pointed out due to the specifity). She explained to me how her Exes family was kinda harassing/bullying her and that she´s afraid to relive that again. Due to the increased cultural difference she thinks that it´s more likely.
I told her that I won´t accept anyone hurting her and that her wellbeing is the top priority. I agreed, that it might be challenging at first but not to such an extent that I will be disowned by my family or something like that. She said that her family would probably accept me, so the problem is more on my side. She was really hurt by her Ex and his family. I felt bad for her and told her that whatever she decides is the right decision and that I don´t want her to feel pain or even think of the fear that comes along with that. It felt like I was persuading her to tell me no. Eventually she sticked to her first decision and said no again.
Before she opened up, we were talking in the car and I mentioned that we´d have to minimize contact, because I am close to falling for her, which she didn´t really like. I experienced a lot of shit with abandonment and abuse in my past, so I feel like I have no choice but to protecting myself, especially from the scenario of her getting a bf and dropping me.
Couple of days later I was less avaliable but still friendly and behaving/talking normal to her. On tuesday she saw me for like 5 minutes before class, we were in a group of friends. Later at home I got a text from her saying that I looked sad today and if I am alright.
We agreed to call and talk. I was honest about dealing with the rejection but also mentioned other stuff bothering me right now (family health, work, uni). I also told her how the placeholder thing didn´t leave my mind and that if we keep things as they are I will inevitably be a placeholder, despite the both of us not wanting that. She kinda didn´t understand that fully.
She asked if I have a crush on her and I said "yes, kinda I am really close to falling for you or having like a real crush" and she said that she feels the same... but is unsure. I was so frustrated and confused but I took a deep breath and we talked again about the family topic, trying to reassure her. I also said that I am thinking about no contact for a while, so I can sort out my feelings and head, get all the shit done that needs to be done and come back as a good friend with no more intention of being a potential romantic partner. After I said that she again told me that she is unsure and that she needs time to think. She also explained to me that the next day she was thinking to herself if it was the right decision to reject me.
I told her if she needs time I will give her time to think and she said that she´s free next week to really think about this (I am pretty sure it´s because she wants to meet with her bff beforehand). Furthermore she asked if we can start no contact next week, which also got me like ??? she also said that the answer is most probably NO. I am at a loss right now.
At this point confusion is confused and I am also using the word unsure. I asked her what would help her. Keeping contact to get to know me even more? No contact to kinda see how it is for the both of us being apart (which she kinda found awkward). Hell, I also told her that I can talk to my parents about the topic in general and tell her what they´d have told me. But she didn´t like that and didn´t want to decide if we go no contact or keep it.
So I made the decision and said we go no contact and that she can think without being influenced by me. The ball is in her court now and we haven´t talked/texted since tuesday and it is torturing me. On the first hand I really like her, she is amazing and I´d do everything for her, I even told her that. I also was kinda there for her as a friend several tiomes and told her, that if as friends I am so invested in her wellbeing how it would be if she is my girlfriend?
Also do I want to be with someone who isn´t sure about me? Is there some other (personal) reason she doesn´t want to mention, because she doesn´t want to hurt me? Is something wrong with me? I was kicking depressions ass but now it´s getting kinda too much and my depression is now the one who is kicking (my) ass.

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* * *
Much like Arlette, Blake didn’t much care for Mizuko’s elf servant. The way she stared at him like he was lower than dirt disturbed him. She was doing just so right this moment while he tried to talk to her... employer? Superior? The particulars eluded him, but he had a feeling that the old woman wasn’t paying the elf much of anything for her loyalty, especially not right now. The Drayhadan—her name eluded him at the moment; Vara? Veri?—reminded her of Simona in a way, which was not a compliment. Really, what had past Blake been thinking? Sure the fervor and hero worship had carried some appeal for a time, but the longer things went, the more she clashed with the others. The woman could still turn the screws on foreign negotiators like nobody’s business, at least.
Blake sat down and removed his helmet. After hearing from Sofie that they’d finished the transcription, he’d given them a few hours to process everything and rest up before he swung by to visit. Now, sitting in the room he’d reserved for their use during the daytime, he grabbed a slice of fruit from a nearby bowl, took a bite, and mentally prepared himself for one of his all-time favorite activities: small talk.
“So, how are you liking your stay here so far?”
“Your hospitality is much appreciated,” the elderly woman replied. She looked rather weary—being around Sofie for an extended period would do that to anybody—and her left arm still hung in a sling, though it seemed that Arlette’s bandage sling had been replaced today with something more genuine. “Everyone has been quite kind.”
“That’s good to hear. Is the fortress to your liking? I hope you haven’t gotten lost; people find the layout confusing.”
“Your home is truly a bold statement. Sofie has been kind enough to show me around, so I have had no issues so far.”
“Good, good. I take it you’ve studied the material? What do you think?”
“I find your argument fairly compelling, in that it very well might be correct. However, I do not see what someone such as myself can do about it.”
“You still intend to travel, then?”
“When I decided to leave Drayhadal, I chose selfishness. I have lived my life in this world largely in service of others. Is it wrong to want something for myself for a time?”
Blake leaned back with a smirk. “Hey, you’re talking to somebody who has been called a ‘selfish asshole’ for his whole life and wears it proudly; I’d be a hypocrite if I said you shouldn’t look out for number one.” The smirk faded into a frown of concern and he took another bite. “Still, it does present a bit of a problem, given the situation. We don’t have the luxury to take things lightly.”
“I know. It burdens me, but if I do not consider my own desires now, I feel that I will never get another chance. I do not know what I could contribute to any of this, anyway. I am but an old woman.”
“You’re selling yourself short, and you know it. Besides, I think I have a solution that will fit us both rather nicely.”
Both Mizuko and the dour elf perked up at his statement.
“Before I arrived here, Otharia was a very insular society—perhaps even more insular than Drayhadal, from what I heard. Now that I’m here, we are less insular, but only barely. We still lack much of any presence outside our borders. We don’t even have ambassadors; all diplomatic conversations occur entirely by Many with people here in Wroetin. We need more direct and better communication, especially given our current goals.”
“You are asking me to fill this need?”
“Yes, a sort of roving ambassador position. You would speak for us as you travel around. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to steer clear of the capitals of the nations while you’re there, right? Wouldn’t want to miss out on all that history and culture and all that.”
“I am just a housewife. I could not possibly take on such a heavy responsibility,” Mizuko demurred. “Besides, I only arrived here a day ago. How could I represent a nation I know nothing about, not to mention my ignorance about the world as a whole?”
“Nonsense,” Blake replied, waving away her concerns. “You’re hands down the most dignified person here, and you have the manners, formality, and tact needed for this sort of thing. I mean, you could have just said you don’t like this place, but instead, you told me it was a ‘bold statement’. That’s absolutely the sort of diplomatic crap we need. Whatever you lack, you can pick up.”
The old woman thought it over for a moment, clearly not sold on the idea, so Blake chimed in again to sweeten the deal.
“Here’s what I can do for you. If you agree to take on this role, I’ll create for you a huge custom transport vehicle that will carry you wherever you want to go in complete comfort. I’m talking something so big that it will literally be a walking house, complete with a bedroom, living room, dining room, kitchen, you name it. Whatever you want, we can put it in there. We’ll deck it out in luxury, make it as cozy as can be—perhaps even put in an open top deck so you can get a nice, high view of the land as you go. We can even add in a bunch of defenses, just to be sure.
“Think about it. Every night, you can move your house away from people and sleep soundly, not having to worry about impacting others with your dreams. All while enjoying the best possible travel experience you could get on this world.”
That seemed to get her attention.
“And all you would require of me is to serve as your representative when I meet others in my travels?”
“Mostly. There are one or two other small things we’ll need you to do as you go.”
She frowned. “Name them.”
“First, we would ask you to keep an eye and ear out for any other possible people from Earth. Nobody knows just how many of us are here, and that’s a problem if we’re trying to get everybody out before we all go boom. If you do find anybody or even hints of somebody, help them out or pass the word along to me and we’ll take care of it.”
Mizuko nodded. “A fair request.”
“Second, we need you to go do some very specific sightseeing first, before you start meandering wherever your heart takes you. Now that you’re free, we’re gearing up next to rescue another one of us, this time in Stragma. We need to know the state of things there.”
The Drayhadan’s eyes went wide, and Blake could see that she was just barely holding herself back from objecting to the idea.
“You are asking me to be a spy?” the elderly woman questioned.
“No, no, a diplomat and tourist is all. What we need to know is how close they are to packing up and migrating from their spring city, where they are now, to their northern summer home. This dude’s situation isn’t like yours. You were out in the middle of nowhere, in open space, while he’s locked up and surrounded by guards in the middle of a city of millions. This is a legitimate rescue mission; everything we know about his situation says it’s not good. We think our best bet is to steal him away in the middle of the migration, which should be coming soon, but we’re not sure just when.
“All we need is for you to tell us what you find just by visiting the city. There should be signs all over; moving millions of people and property is not the sort of thing you can just keep under wraps. Besides, you’re going to want to tour Stragma anyway; it’s quite remarkable. Ruresni at night is almost surely the most beautiful sight in this world. I’m just asking you to move up to the first item on your bucket list, and to tell me what you see when you get there.”
“Would the Stragmans even welcome me to their land? I imagine they are still quite angry about me.”
“I’ve built up a lot of good will there, with helping the Chos’s crippled husband and all that, so as my representative, that should count for a lot,” Blake considered aloud. “More crucially, though, would they even know who you are? The way the others talk about the battle, nobody actually saw your face.”
The woman paused, surprised realization on her face. “I was inside the palanquin the whole time. I suppose there would be no reason for them to connect the two.”
“Heck, just make up a fake identity and introduce yourself to them as a totally different person. How would they even know?”
“You have a point,” she relented, “and it would feel nice to know that I am not leaving everything about this possible calamity to others. I will agree to your requests.”
“Excellent. How soon are you planning on leaving?”
“It will still be a few weeks,” she told him. “I would like to experience this land first, and I need time for my shoulder to heal before I go too far.”
“Plenty of time to get acquainted with Otharian then, and to learn what you need to know.”
“I suppose you are correct.”
Blake couldn’t help but grin. One more accomplishment on what was unexpectedly turning out to be a very productive day. “Well then, I’m glad we have a deal, Madam Ambassador.”
* * *
“Alright, kiddo. Today we finally get to start on something fun.”
Sam had done well with her studies. She’d been attentive, asked questions, and hadn’t been belligerent in a good while. Blake felt like it was time for a reward, something to catch her imagination. After all, from the start, he’d started teaching her with eventual practical applications in mind. He’d sworn, back then, that he’d show her the folly of her actions, and to do that, she needed more than abstract understanding. She needed to see the knowledge in action.
Blake grabbed a piece of chalk and began to draw on the chalkboard. First, he drew a rectangle. Then, he erased bits on several sides, replacing them with some other things: a zig-zagging diagonal line, two parallel lines perpendicular to the rectangle’s side, and a short line that veered away from the rectangle before terminating.
“This... is what is known as a ‘circuit’.”

WE GOT A CONTENT DUMP TODAY! And BOY is there a lot to discuss, but these are some thoughts/theories I have based on what we've been given so far

• Miss Jenn casts herself as Miss Darbus... she's seen in the background of the curtain call image and she has on the shawl Miss Darbus always wears. Mr. Mazzara is also on stage, but he doesn't appear to be in costume. Maybe he and EJ are stagehands
• HSM3 opening night will be in the East High gym again, but I have no idea what will prevent them from performing in the theater this time. Maybe HSM4 filming is taking up the theater?
• The song Cozi Zeuhlsdorff co-wrote this season might be a duet, and if it is I think it might be similar to "Just for a Moment" in the sense that Ricky wrote it but the performance becomes a nondiegetic duet
• I've thought a lot about the flashback to 1x06 and how that will pan out. Some people have theorized that it will be of Gina teaching Ricky the "Truth, Justice, and Songs in our Key" dance, but that sounds like pure fluff to me. Whatever is shown, it needs to tell us something new or recontextualize their relationship/the WTWMAY scene in some way to justify adding to that scene. I can't think of anything that would change the underpinnings of that scene, as romantic feelings are already implied, so I actually don't think it'll be a traditional flashback. Instead, I think it will be Ricky reflecting on his journey with Gina, maybe highlighting/showcasing chances he regrets not taking. From the article, it does sound like Ricky graduating will be a bigger struggle in his relationship with Gina. I'm thinking towards the beginning of the season Ricky is worried about how short a time they have together, so he reflects on what he considers to be "lost time" in those missed opportunities (assuming this is in 4x01, based on Tim's story), kickstarting his arc in the season. This could also include a reveal of him delivering the chocolates, as well as a Homecoming flashback (there was a sign mentioning the HC set in a pic). Keep in mind this is complete speculation based on very little info
• The Seblos duet might be in 4x04? That seems early for a song that sounds like it would be concluding an arc, but we shall see!
• Kourtney is playing Sharpay, Ricky is Troy, Gina is Gabriella, and how their arcs relate to the arcs of their counterparts is already mentioned in the article. I have some thoughts about how Ashlyn potentially playing Kelsey might relate to her arc, but I'm still pretty uncertain about it, so I'm going to mull it over a bit more for now
• I think Gina and Mack are going to have a sibling-like relationship by the end of the season, giving Gina the brother Jamie never was to her. Not sure what will connect them or bring them together, but I don't think their relationship will have anything romantic about it.
• Gina's mom is back, so hopefully we'll get more of her home life! I'm still hoping we learn more about her dad and what happened with him
• All of these hinted S1 Rina callbacks really do tell me that Tim wants to make it abundantly clear that they were planned since S1
• The article does make it sound like S4 is the last season. What doesn't make sense to me is why that wasn't announced (in the article or elsewhere) if its written to be the last season?

I probably will have more thoughts as time goes on, and there still might be more BTS content still coming, but this is it for now! What are your thoughts on everything we got, so far?!

Hey guys! I just wanted to put up my own experience moving through this year’s Canadian Resident Matching Service or CaRMS cycle so that others have a bit more clarity into what to prepare/focus on for future cycles. Here’s a bit of my background in a nutshell below to give some context:
I am currently a 27M Vietnamese-Canadian studying abroad (CSA originally born in Winnipeg, MB but spent the majority of my life in Ottawa, ON) awaiting to start family medicine residency on July 1 in Brandon, Manitoba but started this journey back in 2015.
I originally did 1.5 years of my undergraduate degree in Biochemistry at the University of Ottawa before seriously deciding on medicine as my career path. During my 1st university year, I applied to different medical schools in the UK (I think only Cardiff + Bristol considered me briefly but still turned down in the end) but got rejected from them. I was only invited + accepted to the MBChB programme at the University of Buckingham Medical School which lasted for about 4.5 years starting from January 2015. I had also done 2 electives in Ottawa (one under neurosurgery and the other in orthopaedics) during my final year of medical school prior to graduation in June 2019.
From there, I entered into the Foundation Programme in August 2019 (equivalent of medical internship in the US/Canada), which I did under the West Midlands South Foundation School, with pretty much all my time being in Worcestershire county. I did my FY1 rotations at the Alexandra Hospital, Redditch and my FY2 rotations at the Worcestershire Royal Hospital, Worcester. During this time, I had attempted the MCCQE1 exam twice (failed at 202 in January 2020, passed at 236 in October 2020) and attempted the NAC exam once (failed at 390 in March 2020). Ultimately, I withdrew early before my last FY2 rotation in April 2021 to focus on my 2nd NAC exam attempt, gain some clinical experience/connections on Canadian ground, and sort out other personal issues. I attempted the NAC exam again in October 2021 but failed at 1364. After taking a mixture of time off to mentally recover with family support and studying for the USMLE step I via UWorld as a distraction from November 2021 to April 2022, I took up a few different private NAC courses in the following chronological order from then onward to figure out where I was lacking at up until my third NAC attempt (passed with superior performance at 1452 on September 17, 2022):

1. BeMo’s OSCE Preparation Platinum (all done virtually over Zoom; first session on April 11, 2022 and last session on August 28, 2022 for a total of 13 sessions).
2. TutorIMG NAC OSCE Live Online Course (all done virtually over Zoom; first session on July 21, 2022 and last session on August 30, 2022 for a total of 11 sessions over).
3. Medical Training Express Live Online OSCE Course (all done virtually over Zoom on July 28, 2022 and last session on September 10, 2022 for a total of 12 sessions).
4. Mark’s MedSckool Reviews (technically took last year in person from August 30 - September 3, 2021 and again virtually over Zoom from August 22 – 26, 2022).

After I received notification of my NAC exam result on November 3, 2022, things were pretty hectic as I was busy entering into this year’s CaRMS cycle preparing different things:

1. CaRMS documents (e.g. personal CV, personal letters, letters of reference/LOR’s, MSPE/MSPR, post-graduate internship regarding Foundation training, university & high school transcripts).

In total, I applied to about 105 different programs and 76 unique, personal letters to go along with them.

1. Additional exams (FMProC and CASPer) – wrote my FMProC exam on December 12, 2022 and CASPer exam on December 15, 2022 after registering for them separately.

I primarily used a combination of the PasTest SJT question bank (went with 6 month subscription for £4) and free, online practice SJT’s provided for Foundation Programme Applicants as per the UKFPO website while I signed up for BeMo’s CASPerSIM Gold (3x mock CASPer sessions with feedback from different assessors).

1. USMLE Step I (wrote on November 29, 2022 but had been revising for it again since my 3rd NAC wrapped up; was originally a backup plan in case I had failed the NAC for a 3rd time as you’re only allowed a maximum of 3 attempts).
   
2. F2 Standalone application – the application window was opening on January 16 this year and was preparing evidence of my previous Foundation training + securing my Reapplication to Foundation Training form from my previous Foundation School director.
   
3. Volunteer shadowing at local family medicine practice (managed to shadow a GP in Ottawa for both Canadian experience and fortunately an LOR in the end).
   
4. Mock interview scenarios – did not have any previous formal/professional interview experience so I practiced with a combination of family members, my previous NAC study partner, and BeMo’s Residency Interview Gold Program (3x mock interview sessions with feedback from different assessors).
   

I recall having my joint FM ON interview first on February 3 followed by my FM MB interview second on February 13 (both were around midday/noon).

1. USMLE Step II CK (after passing the USMLE step I around early December, I was intermittently studying for the USMLE Step II CK until Match Day on March 22, 2023).

I have already been in contact with a mix of people from both inside and outside Reddit regarding NAC practice and general info/advice around the CaRMS process. A good starting point about common, high-yield complaints to prepare for can be found on the MCC website under the “Medical Expert” tab. Outside of private NAC courses, I primarily used a mix of Dr. Basil’s notes (for focusing my history-taking approach), Geeky Medics/Macleod’s Clinical Examination (for structuring my physical examinations; focusing it down for NAC’s time limits came through practice), and the USMLE First Aid Step II CS mini-cases (for inspiration of mock NAC scenarios to do). I personally never used much of other mentioned NAC resources so can’t really say too much as to how useful they are:

1. Edmonton Manual, “Master the NAC” by Dr. Bryce Lowry
2. “NAC OSCE – A Comprehensive Review” by Canadaprep
3. “OSCE and Clinical Skills Handbook” by Dr. Katrina F. Hurley
4. “Canadian IMG’s Guide to OSCE and Practice” by Dr. Hanan Ahmed

The most important thing other than the following tips below would be to find ~1-2 regular, dedicated NAC partners you can study with and exchange honest feedback to each other with (nicely organized NAC partner spreadsheet (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10Kk6YJtFKKn9IY3g96cC-rIWBQGyxtMUB9YQkAfND1g/edit#gid=0) with NAC partners made originally by u/MarinatedinPeace). Other specifics (ex. what can I bring?) around the NAC exam can be found on the MCC website but I generally recommend that ~3-4 months of time practicing 1-2x/week then ramping up to every other day (ideally everyday but I understand everyone has different backgrounds and recency of studying/practice) in the last 1-2 months seems to be a good time frame.
During my time giving advice about both, these were the most important points in terms of approaching preparation for the NAC exam that I've encountered:
​

1. Make sure you exhaust the presenting complaint(s) as that will ensure your following questions into the systems review (mostly for ruling in/out the 3-5 differentials on your list) + associated risk factors (i.e. PMedHx, PSurgHx, medications, allergies, smoking, alcohol, drugs, social living/financial conditions, occupational history, travel/immigration history) will be focused on what's relevant as not every section of a mnemonic needs to be asked (ex. SOCRATES, OCD PQRST AAA, COCA OCDCS, PM BINDE, MGOS, DIGFAST/MSIGECAPS).
   
2. If a patient is acting in pain, acknowledge it and try to address it on the spot if you can by offering pain relief with a follow-up question about allergies to ensure it's safe to give.
   
3. Counselling can be difficult as it's not a format many people are used to but you still need to take a focused history regardless so that your management options are personalized/tailored to the person in front of you (ex. do not discuss smoking cessation/NRT as a long term management option for someone you're counselling about asthma for if they told you clearly they are a non-smoker; do discuss changing to hypoallergenic soaps/shampoos if they have an asthma exacerbation triggered by a new shampoo they tried out 3 days ago).
   
4. Be wary that you're expected to rule in/out differentials (you should have ~3-5 by the time you enter after knocking) that you have considered outside the door within the time given (ex. don't stop asking other questions about PE, pneumothorax, GERD, or costochondritis even if the case sounds dead on for acute congestive cardiac failure).
   
5. Do not try to track the time on the timer in the room because it can be anywhere (the side, top of a wall, behind the SP/examiner) and your focus should be on the SP/examiner anyways.
   
6. Make good use of transitioning statements when moving between different sections of your consultation whether it's the history or physical exam (ex. after exhausting the presenting complaint, you could say "There is a list of other symptoms we look for in patients experiencing [insert their presenting complaint/issue if applicable] and I just want you to give me a yes or no answer, OK?" to transition to the systems review).
   
7. PLEASE show empathy and kindness when the SP is acting/says something unusual ex. SP appears visibly down in mood, poor eye contact, and slow in speech so acknowledge it, "Mr. Anderson, I see that you appear quite down in yourself. I want to assure you that everything we discuss between us will remain confidential unless required by law." This also applies to situations where the patient's most pressing issue is different from what's on the door (ex. door vignette suggestive of abdominal pain hinting appendicitis but the patient abruptly drops that they're pregnant).
   
8. Make good use of the time (about 1.5 minutes) outside the door to write your ~3-5 differentials along with any relevant investigations, management/counselling, and follow-up.
   
9. Don't forget to ask about vital signs and any pending lab work/investigations if a station has a physical exam component (ex. highly relevant to ask if vital signs are available and if a FAST USS + routine bloods have been done in a patient you suspect with a dissecting AAA just before you're about to start your physical exam).
   
10. The SP cannot lie to you however they can be vague or provide a different answer other than a clear, "No." ex. You ask the SP, "Have you ever smoked any tobacco or cigarettes in the past? and the SP responds, "Well, not recently that I know of, doctor." This is your cue to probe further about what they mean by "not recently".
    
11. Some NAC stations can be mean by giving you normal investigations in what seems like a highly suggestive history/physical in an attempt to mislead you ex. You complete your history/physical exam and your working diagnosis in a 3 year old child with 4-day history of fever, SOB, and purulent sputum production is bacterial pneumonia but you're handed a normal CXR (treat based on the clinical evidence gathered/known not on your gut feeling).
    

Same is true vice-versa where a patient presentation seems benign but then the examiner hands you an alarming investigation ex. 35F in ED has symptoms consistent with likely viral URTI but the examiner hands you an EKG that shows saddle shaped ST elevation in line with acute pericarditis.

1. Avoid repeating or leading questions as it wastes time, unless it’s to clarify something a patient says that you may not understand, and looks unprofessional (remember the CANMEDS framework expected for CMG's in your clinical approach; these are some ways I practiced phrasing my intro, "How would you like to be addressed today?" or "How would you like me to address you?" or "What name do you usually go by?").
   
2. You can place the exam sticky labels you get on the back of your hand prior to entering a station so you don't fumble/experience difficulty handing it to the examiner (?unless the MCC decides you can just verbalize your candidate code for the NAC this year).
   
3. Introduce yourself as a doctor not a medical student (you're assuming the role of a family/ED physician or PGY-1 resident on exam day depending on the scenario).
   
4. Don't assume a patient's mode of address/pronouns used. Ask them first how they would like to be addressed today.
   
5. Make sure to clearly wash your hands AT THE START of BOTH your history-taking AND physical examination.
   
6. Even if you feel like you messed up the previous station, try as hard as you can to push it out of your mind until the NAC is over. You can cry, vent, or get frustrated AFTERWARD but not in the stations themselves.
   

​
These next points are more towards preparing for upcoming CaRMS cycles from what I've gathered reading/listening around:
​

1. High MCCQE1 & NAC scores (most people who were invited for interviews, if not matched, to ON FM from the CaRMS 2024 Discord server and the CaRMS stats spreadsheet set up by Carms#5615 (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1HAtnmyfCIAxKIux2akj8-hgWGvPgOVejVlfEHXuUa-8) had QE1 scores > 250-260 and NAC scores well above 1420-1430.
   
2. Research into how CaRMS works to really have a careful look at the general overview, current year timelines, program descriptions, past trending data (may need to scroll down page further) in previous cycles. This will give you a good idea into what to have ready in time for the CaRMS file submission opening.
   

For reference, the rates of matching in R-1 as a current-year IMG was about 72.3% and 30.1% as a previous-year IMG according to the table on slide 11 of the CaRMS 2023 forum presentation. This goes down further in R-2 as a current-year IMG to about 39.0% and 12.5% as a previous-year IMG (about 751 went unmatched after R-1 and 822 went unmatched after R-2 for previous-year IMG’s).

1. Recent practice or graduation (my last time practicing clinically was in April 2021 as an FY2 doc at the time which was only 2 years back at the time of my application (my year of graduation/YOG was 2019 but I know that time since YOG or gaps in studying/training are scrutinized especially if they're big like >5 years so it'd be worthwhile having an explanation ready if this applies to you).
   
2. At least one Canadian LOreferee (seems a lot of university programs prefer applicants who have had clinical exposure in the form of shadowing/electives/observership with a Canadian doctor related to their field that you're applying to; mine happened to be a GP in Ottawa I connected to via family friends).
   
3. Personal research around First Nation/Indigenous Peoples of Canada (this one is very specific particularly to Manitoba as they had several questions around ethnic minorities + Indigenous peoples; ex. smudging as a common Indigenous practice that even I only became aware of via the IMG/IEHP resources provided by Ontario Health Force or [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])).
   
4. Canadian research and electives - at the time of application, I was involved in a systematic review around women's health issues (had not been published at time of application) and I had done two electives under neurosurgery + orthopedics (heard that observerships don't count as formal clinical experience relative to electives so this was important too).
   
5. High CASPer + FMProC scores (had 4th quartile score for CASPer and 516/4th quartile for FMProC which I know a lot of FM and some psych/pediatric programs look at).
   
6. Try to secure as many Canadian LOR's/referees as they're favoured over international ones (ideally 3 but even 1 seems to be good), shadowing Canadian doctors depending on where you're applying to (ex. FM has the biggest seat pool so reach out to Canadian GP's around you to see who's willing to take you on).
   
7. If you have the time and money for it, try to apply to as many programs and attend their relevant socials/events (can be found on CANPREPP closer to the opening of CaRMS) that you think you may have a chance at as you'll never know who might invite you later on for interviews!
   
8. Really rank by your TRUE preference as CaRMS will prioritize your rank order first BEFORE considering how other programs ranked you (Rural Brandon was my 13th choice out of 22 programs I ranked across FM ON + FM MB). Even if you ranked a program at the bottom of your ROL, as long as that particular program has ranked you and they still have an available spot, you will match to them in the end!
   

There's a YouTube video regarding the CaRMS Match algorithm which clears things up nicely.

1. Make sure to check your main email’s spam/junk inbox during the period where interview invitations/rejections are sent out as they can end up here sometimes (my joint FM ON interview invitation ended up in my spam and it is time sensitive to take it up).

In terms of the QE1, I think a lot of other people on Reddit have covered that much better than I have in terms of approaching it as I agree that a combination of UWorld Step II CK question bank (personally found Canada QBank questions and explanations to be lacking relative to UWorld in retrospect even if the price was much friendlier) and the Toronto Notes are the way to go. I also used Sketchy videos as a nice support for pharmacology/microbiology related topics.
Overall, I was glad to have had the opportunity to try for FM ON in the first iteration even if it didn't work out as I understand they only invite the top 300 applicants for interviews and even fewer of those 300 match (only ~80-90 from I heard but could be wrong so feel free to correct me). I understood the possibility my poor QE1 score and 2-year gap from formal clinical training may filter me despite my other scores being good.
I’m sure there are other things in this that I didn’t quite cover or explore (ex. the F2 Standalone process, IELTS/OETS, BC CAP/AIMG requirements, gaining permanent residency/PR, clinical/physician/medical assistant positions, CV/PL structure, thoughts around the different private programs/courses I took etc.) but I’m more than happy to discussing finemiscellaneous points via Reddit, Discord (herrdok#6944), email ([[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])), text, or virtual/phone call. For the time being though, I’m not taking on any new, regular NAC practice partners but would consider it once I figure out things more.
Otherwise, thanks to anyone reading this wall of text (if anything is incorrect/inconsistent, do let me know and I can have a look), looking forward to giving advice where I can, and best of luck to everyone moving through what is an extremely vague, challenging, and unforgiving process for matching into Canadian residency!😊

My story began when this loser jee asspeerant bought me at start of 11th but never used me and realised my value after failing jee and dropping a year. Now he started to get intimate with me at his coaching today when this bengali rasgullad all over me and him today. After making him wet he decided to propose to him in bengali in honor of pride month but my owner is useless and never gets hints.
Let's see what happens tommorow, hopefully hot steamy inter-regional making out happens so I get wet again.

Imagine a world staggering beneath the weight of over eight billion souls, most leaving behind a unique scar of cruelty and neglect. It's a burden too heavy for our Earth to bear. And I, a mere blip, found myself on the precipice of non-existence. A Tuesday etched into memory, the second-to-last day of school, and the prelude to my abrupt end. I offer you, reader, not just a recounting of my last week and the only proof of my existence, but also a stark warning.
At fifteen, I was awkwardly wading through the stormy seas of adolescence, complete with the scourge of hormonal surges and the unfortunate sprinkling of acne dotting my face. My world was wonderfully wrapped up in a corner of our high school cafeteria, a realm presided over by Emila. The dazzling subject of my dreams, she held me under her spell with her enchanting beauty. Her hair, a river of glistening platinum, formed a comforting canopy around me, filling my senses with a tantalizing mix of coconut-scented shampoo and the memorable reminder of our gym sessions.
“Alex. ALEX!”
My Emila-infused daydream was interrupted by Elijah, my only friend in a table full of acquaintances.
“Did you see the TikTok I sent?”
He asked, a twinkle of devilish delight dancing in his eyes. I fumbled for my phone, eager for a dose of Elijah’s promised comedy, only to find the video was no longer available with unsurprising speed.
“Man, it was comedy gold! Imagine Thanos, asscheeks and all, telling the most offensive shit. Legendary stuff”
Elijah chuckled heartily, his laughter echoing around the room.
“Sure sounds like it”
I muttered, my gaze returning to Emila. Her attention was stolen by my older brother, the infamous Mikey, whose joke had her laughing. Mikey, a final year student with a solid record of academic underachievement and a proclivity for marijuana, was a walking, talking, stoner stereotype. What was unsettling was his inexplicable charm with the wide-eyed freshman girls, a twisted hobby that gave him an unusual sense of satisfaction.
As the bell shrilled, signaling the end of the school day, Mikey abruptly stood up, the metal chair beneath him screeching. His next words, a slurred mix of slangs and contemporary cuss words, were aimed at summoning his freshman fan club. At the same time, he requested for Emila to join their quest for illicit pleasures. Emila's reaction was a fusion of disgust and amusement, an expression I decided to commit to memory for my poetry. She gracefully declined his offer with a well-rehearsed flip of her hair and a disdainful wave of her hand, then she returned to her conversation, laughter pealing from her like sweet music, completely oblivious to my heart hammering in my chest.
Around me, chaos broke loose as the cafeteria, now released from the clutches of academic torture, transitioned into a war zone of wild whoops, boisterous laughter. The last sight that graced my eyes as I exited the cafeteria was the bewildered expression on the face of our school janitor, as he stood paralyzed amidst the storm, mop in hand It was a fittingly ludicrous end to another thrillingly mundane school day. With that, I picked up my bag, donned my headphones, and began my solitary trek home.
The burden of unrequited love weighed heavily upon my weary shoulders as I trudged homeward. In dire need of a hit, I fumbled for my go-to vape, only to be met with the light show of a dead battery. As I hit the 7-Eleven on my route, I was looking forward to seeing Antonio, this dude who seemed more interested in cracking jokes than caring about checking IDs. But instead of Antonio's playful smirk, I came face-to-face with a new character, with wrinkles that told stories of time gone by. A wave of disappointment washed over me as I nabbed a bottle of Dr. Pepper and headed for the cash register.
"What happened to Antonio?"
I asked, putting my drink on the counter for the mystery guy.
"Who?"
He muttered, his focus on the soda can he was sliding under the scanner.
"Antonio, the guy who's usually here in the evenings"
I explained, a hint of irritation in my voice.
"Dunno. I only started here last week. I just know the young girl who takes over when my shift ends"
He responded, his words leaving a gap in my world, like a punch in the gut of my usual routine.
Taking a bubbly swig of my Dr. Pepper, I tried to swallow the truth of teenage life. It was like walking into my favorite cozy room, only to find the furniture rearranged haphazardly. The change was unexpected, and unwelcome.
Finally trekking my way home after sitting on a bench listening to music for what Must've been hours. I walked under a sky that seemed to be experimenting with shades of orange and purple, I felt a strange kind of solitude sneaking in. My thoughts kept playing a merry-go-round with Mikey, Emila, and now absent Antonio - the trio that had become the stars of my high school drama.
My front door protested loudly under my foot's frustrated kick, and a slurred
"WHAT THE FUCK!"
Bellowed from the living room. My mother, ensnared in an alcoholic haze, lounged over the couch, her shaking finger accusingly pointed in my direction.
"Did you forget that I get migraines?"
The smell of tequila permeated the air, filling my nostrils as soon as I crossed the threshold. I sighed, hoping for a lifeline.
"Is dad home?"
My mother sank back onto the couch, her voice a whisper
"No."
My father, the only one who occasionally lent an ear when I complained about Mikey, was perpetually chained to his cubicle, another cog in the corporate machine.
I ascended the stairs, each creaking step a harmony to the melancholic rhythm of the dark. The silent house held the weight of my unease, my chest tightening with an indescribable yearning. Tucked away in the solitude of my room, I pulled out my phone, the screen's glow illuminating my apprehensive features. I typed out a tentative message to Emilia, a small confession of the feelings that had long been gnawing at my insides.
"Hey, Emilia, I..."
First message sent. But before I could finish my second text, the dreaded words - 'Message Failed to Send' stared back at me. My heart sank. Was it a sign? Maybe the universe was intervening, telling me it wasn't the right time, or perhaps, it never would be. Disheartened, I slung my phone aside, letting the unsent feelings hover in the digital void. Slipping under the comforting shroud of my blanket, I drifted off into a sleep, with dreams tinted in hues of Emilia and unspoken words.
The next morning started out ordinary until it was splattered with the color of angst when I pleaded with Mikey that morning to stay away from Emila. His response?
"Amelia, the freshman? Didn't know you had a thing for her."
His nonchalance was maddening.
"Emila. As your brother, I'm asking you to back off"
I clarified, hoping it would penetrate his stubborn exterior.
His perplexed expression turned into a nonchalant shrug.
"Damn, been saying her name wrong the few times we spoke, and she never bothered to correct me."
Mikey shrugged and walked away, leaving me feeling dismissed and unheard.
Feeling a mix of frustration and confusion, I left for school and shook off the encounter with my brother and headed to my first-period class. As I stepped into the room, I expected to see my usual teacher, Ms. Thompson, waiting at her desk. However, to my surprise, it was someone else entirely—a teacher I had never seen before. I had really liked Ms. Thompson too so to see she got a substitute on the last day was dissapointing. Yet his resemblance to Ms. Thompson was uncanny, from the way he held himself to the tone of his voice. I knew something was off.
I glanced around the classroom, taking in the unfamiliar arrangement of notes and papers hanging on the walls. The subjects and diagrams were foreign to me, not matching the usual decor that adorned this space. It was as if I had entered an alternate dimension, where everything seemed the same yet completely different.
As the class went on, the new teacher droned on with the same monotony I had grown accustomed to, but it felt hollow, lacking the genuine concern and passion that Ms. Thompson always displayed. The other students seemed oblivious to the change, talking and cutting up as if nothing was amiss. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.
Throughout the rest of class, my mind wandered, retracing the events of the past few days. Antonios unexpected absence, the failed text to Emila, Mikey's nonchalant reaction to my warning about Emila, the strange teacher in place of Ms. Thompson—it all felt like pieces of a puzzle that didn't quite fit together. For the first time, I realized how little attention I had paid to the details of my daily routine. But now, with this subtle shift in my surroundings, I couldn't help but question everything.
As the class finally came to an end, I gathered my things and made my way out.
The unfolding of the remaining classes before lunch did nothing to alleviate the paranoia that was steadily creeping over me. In my second-period class, usually dedicated to cleaning out the science lab, I noticed a set of instruments that we'd never used before. My peers didn't bat an eyelid, but to me, the incongruity was unsettling. Then in English, our final class reading didn't correspond to the assigned book. The text seemed different, as though it had been subtly altered.
Physical education, typically a free play session on the last day, was different too. Coach Peters was blowing a whistle I'd never seen before, its pitch more grating than the usual. And just before lunch, during the end-of-year assembly, the principal's speech, usually so predictable, seemed off. It contained references to events and achievements that didn't match my memories.
As lunchtime arrived, a mix of anticipation and anxiety filled the air. Even with my world falling apart I found time to worry about Mikey's presence around Emila. However, Emila was nowhere to be found. When I mentioned this to the group as I took my seat, my words were met with silence, as if I had become invisible.
Sitting alone at the edge of the table, I sought solace in our group pictures, hoping to catch a glimpse of Emila. I opened Snapchat and scrolled through my camera roll until I found my favorite picture of her. But to my surprise, Emila was inexplicably absent from the image. I blinked in disbelief, rubbed my eyes, and questioned my own perception. How could she have vanished? In the photo, my arm had once embraced her, but now it hung empty at my side.
"Guys, where's Emila?"
I asked, passing my phone to Elijah. He stared at the screen for a long moment, as if emerging from a trance.
"Who?"
He finally responded absentmindedly, his attention quickly diverted by a video shared by another friend.
Taking back my phone, I desperately searched for more pictures, only to find that they had vanished—her Instagram, Snapchat, even her parents' Facebook profiles. Panic gripped me, and I screamed
"WHERE IS EMILA!?"
My voice resonating through the cafeteria, reverberating off the walls. The entire room fell into an eerie silence, and all eyes turned to me, their gazes fixed with a mix of curiosity and concern.
"Her social media is gone. I feel like I'm going insane, and none of you even acknowledge me!"
My voice cracked with desperation as I pleaded for answers.
Mikey and Elijah rose from their seats, their expressions filled with compassion, ready to console me. But I couldn't bear their pity, their feeble attempts to calm my tormented mind. Their words would be meaningless. With a surge of frantic energy, I pushed my chair back and fled the suffocating atmosphere of the cafeteria.
As I stumbled out of the school, my surroundings blurred in a whirlwind of confusion and distress. The world itself seemed to warp and twist, mocking my feeble attempts to comprehend the inexplicable. Thoughts tumbled through my mind, colliding and fragmenting like shattered glass. Where had Emila gone? How could she vanish so completely, leaving no trace behind? Was I losing my grip on reality?
A light drizzle began peppering the surroundings, setting a somber atmosphere. Hours slipped away as I aimlessly wandered, searching for answers. Maybe someone had slipped me acid-laced food, or perhaps I was crazy like my mother. The thought of my brother's affinity for drugs crossed my mind, but I had never dabbled. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to find a sense of respite in my vape once again.
Entering the 7-Eleven, a chilling sensation overcame me as I discovered the same elderly man behind the counter. Without uttering a word, I hopped over the counter, desperate to find any clue.
"Kid, you can't be back there!"
The man exclaimed, attempting to restrain me. Swiftly, I pushed him away, unearthing the work schedule from the wall.
"Where's Antonio?" I stammered.
The old man, seemed to recognize me.
"I asked about that. Antonio doesn't work here"
He said, struggling to regain his footing. Overwhelmed with a sense of paranoia, I bolted out of the gas station, gasping for breath only when I reached the safety of my home.
In the dim light of the early evening, I found myself sprawled on the unkempt grass of the front yard. The recent rain had left the ground sodden, but I barely noticed the wetness seeping into my clothes. As the rain mingled with my silent tears, I heard the familiar rumble of my older brother Mikey's truck pulling into the driveway.
"Hey pussy"
He exclaimed, pushing his rain-soaked hair back from his forehead. His voice carried a light-hearted jest that felt foreign amidst the somber atmosphere. He was always like this, quick to crack a joke even in the gloomiest of moments. It was his way of diffusing tension, I suppose. He reached out, pulling me up and leading me towards the house. Once inside and in his room, an aroma filled my nose – a peculiar mix of stale pizza and mildewy old books – that somehow comforted me in a strange, indescribable way. It was an olfactory reminder of a time before things got so complicated.
Catching my eye, Mikey reached into his drawer and withdrew an intricately designed glass bong. I had seen it before, on one of those rare occasions when Mikey would let me into his private world. Now, he was extending the invitation again. He passed me the bong, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
I hesitated for a moment, my mind flashing back to times when mom would sit us down in front of the TV after school, her kind and comforting presence a strong reassurance of love and security. That was before the alcohol took over, before the comforting light in her eyes had been replaced by a glassy, distant look. The thought of her brought an odd sense of calmness, as if her spirit was there with me, in Mikey, guiding me through this haze.
Taking the bong from Mikey, I let out a nervous chuckle, matching his playful demeanor. As I took a hit, we fell into a comfortable laughter, punctuated only by the deafening theme song of Family Guy playing on the large TV in the corner of his room. The memory of our shared laughter resonated deeply within me, a balm to the churning unrest I had been feeling.
"It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and -"
Suddenly, the television vanished, replaced by a weathered dresser that had been stored in the attic.
Mikey's phone suddenly blared a familiar jingle.
"Ah, man. One sec, bro,"
"-sex on TV." My brother's phone blared at maximum volume.
"Sorry, bro, my friend texted me"
He explained, placing the phone between us.
"Where's the TV?"
I muttered, the words hardly audible. As the high intensified, the room started to spin, the comfort of Mickey's presence fading away. I reached out in a futile attempt to steady myself but fell onto the cold, hardwood floor. The room seemed to swirl around me, familiar objects distorting into unrecognizable shapes and colors.
Pulling myself up, I lurched out of the room, navigating the labyrinthine house as fragments of memories flooded my mind. It felt like I was walking through a dream – a vivid, disorienting journey through time and space. Stepping outside, I saw the lawn had morphed into a neatly trimmed landscape, A new 'For Sale' sign swaying gently in the evening breeze, dissolved away as quickly as I noticed it.
The sounds of laughter drew my attention to the house. The windows were aglow with warm, inviting light, revealing an unfamiliar family engrossed in their game night. Their joy was a stark contrast to my growing desolation.
As days rolled on, my world reshaped, transforming from the familiar to an enigmatic panorama. Faces blurred, places mutated, my identity itself seemed to wane, fading into oblivion.
Caught in this mutating reality, I felt a quiet observer, my existence phasing out into the ether. Friends, family, Emila - all were doomed to be memories of a boy who will soon be gone.
Then, amidst the dissolving haze, clarity dawned, presenting a profound revelation. Our Earth was yearning for equilibrium, burdened with the weight of 8 billion souls, a possibly infinite and cruel humanity, now quickly seeking balance before it was too late.
We had pushed our home to her brink. Now, a beautiful transformation is underway. Smiling strangers began to color my world, their joy reflecting the Earth's newfound harmony. Merchandise, once an extravagant luxury, now seemed accessible to all. The battlefield in Ukraine had given way to peace, a testament to the world healing its wounds.
As I type this out in a clean and rather nicely lit alleyway. I find myself blending into the cosmic expanse, my hands and arms fading away before returning as if the universe wants me to finish. As I turn from a solid entity into an echo of existence. The world moves on, its stride unperturbed by my fading presence. Yet, in my diminishing, I realize my contribution to Earth's balance.
Earth is in the midst of achieving perfection. Many of you won't make it and will be gutted like myself, some of you will stay. The rest of you, I catch glimpses of as I fade, timeliness unaffected and left to die without God.
My final thoughts are not of sorrow, but of serene acceptance and profound understanding. As I phase into the ether, I became a cosmic whisper, a gentle reminder of the necessity for balance and respect for our fragile planet.

Heyo, amigos.
So, for some reason, Reddit is not cooperating with me today.
Today, I was going to update the Current Wordle Letter Popularity that I made in August of last year. After I hit "Save," there was an error message saying "This field must be under 10000 characters" when the post was only 3122. I then reduced it to 2183 characters, and Reddit still says "This field must be under 10000 characters."
If anyone knows how to fix this issue, please tell me so I can update the list. For now, I will have to leave it on 6/7/23. Thanks for reading.

For reference, I'm WFH in a techy job. Lets me sit weird, listen to whatever, and wear comfy clothes, but this one guy is ruining the experience right now.
I have hinted at multiple times, and directly told him in writing once, that if he wants to reach out for a random question or help during the day, I'm fine with it, but I need him to message me ahead of time to check if it's a good time. Today I have been on FOUR HOURS straight of meetings, and was revelling in not being on the phone for about an hour. Had plugged in the Bluetooth headphones to charge, did the bio break, was typing out a follow-up to someone, and this dude. This dense, self-absorbed coworker who already steamrolls me during planned phone calls, pops up as someone trying to call me. I verbally rebuked him (without picking up, because I like having a job that you know, pays money), and let it ring until it went away.
I hate being in a male dominated field, but I really do enjoy the work, when I can get folks to give me actual specs. I'm just so tired of this guy using up all my auditory processing for a day because he's got a whole lot of nothing to say.

Hi, I wanted to share my 10 favorite Peggy songs today. I am an avid Death Grips, MF Doom, Denzel Curry listener but I have only recently gotten into Peggy. I have listened to everything including the Devon Hendryx stuff!
Quickly to preface, my favorite album is LP and its not even close. So I will try to not be too biased and fill the list with songs from that album - but just know that What Kind of Rapping Is This, Dirty and Thot's Prayer didn't make the list but they are still amazing.
Honorable Mentions: Thot Tactics, 1539 N Calvert, Bald, Bubblegum Crisis, Rebound, I Used To Be Into Dope
10. Drake Era - The way the beat creeps in and picks up slowly as the rapping gets faster and more angry over time is so hype, love this beat where Peggy just goes off at everyone. The MC Ride line is fucking hilarious.
9. Baby Im Bleeding - absolute banger, love the aggressive rapping. The looped sample comes off really abrasive at first but also super smooth and addiciting.
8. Jesus Forve Me I am a Thot - this song is deeply melodic, but then switches up to this heavy ass beat drop and aggressive rapping. I havent done much debunking of this song but sonically, its very fun to listen to. AMHAC is my 2nd fav album, and this song definitely pushes it up there.
7. Tired, Nervous and Broke - I love the buzzing and soothing instrumentals here, and the aggressive rapping compounding it. I also really like the outro where Peggy sings on the piano with his friend. The original offline version is my favorite. This song just so clearly highlights how LP is a cumulation of all his previous work, refined to the core.
6. Fix Urself - This mellow but triuamphant sounding melody is one of my favorites, it was created during a time of anxiousness during the pandemic and I can definitely hear that, but the horns in the instrumentation defintely give some semblance of hope. Peggy sings as if he just overcame a hurdle in his life, he hints at his personal life a ton. I just like how nice this song sounds to be honest, its a nice moment of clarity.
5. End Credits - Holy shit, this blew my mind when I first heard it. Peggy goes batshit insane over this heavy metal guitar beat and it sounds amazing. This song just highlights his prowess as both producer and rapper, its mixed perfectly and the guitars dont drown out the vocals. Nothing much to say about this song, but the way it opens up with that hyper violent sample before the craziness kicks in gets me every time.
4. Rainbow Six - despite being sampled off a silly little meme basically, Peggy managed to transform the sound into something menacing, twisted and genuinely evil sounding. The way the beat drones over the soft rapping is insane. Its nightmarish in sound, and that sudden cry around the 1:39 mark is super dope.
3. LIARA - Yes, I love the ghost-pop tape. HBK, Sakura, Bubblegum Crisis, Behold a Pale Horse are among my favorites. But LIARA is my #1 favorite, this song is atmospherically amazing - it feels like your conciousness is just floating in the boundless cosmos - its soothing but also sounds hopelessly somber and sad.
2. Hazard Duty Pay - Not an unpopular choice, the sample is absolutely insane and I love listening to End Credits into Hazard Duty Pay back to back. The mixing is immaculate, as Peggy raps over how he won't be pushed around the music industry in some of the most aggressive rapping over such a beautiful beat.
1. Free the Frail - yup, this is my #1 favorite. Not just because of the beautiful vocals from Helena Deland weaved in with Peggy singing, but because of this message of this song - don't be afraid to explore your craft and create your own voice. Peggy reminds us not to "rely on the strength of his image" - His music is at times political and angry, but he doesn't want us to be in his echo chamber, he wants us to resonate with our own voice and to take it easy with the work we do in our lives. This is the best Peggy song to me because it simply just sounds wonderful, and that outro needs no speaking of, its just perfect.
Ok that's my list, gonna grab some sushi to go for lunch now. Bye :))