Single Don’t want a relationship
Age 32.5 Male
No kids Don’t want kids
No pets Don’t want pets
No roommates Don’t want roommates
Annual Pretax Income with no overtime available: $54,516.80
Annual Income with no overtime after Federal, State, Social Security, Medicare and 3% Roth 401k Company Match: $41,504.49
Annual expenses . . . including sinking funds and maxing Roth IRA: $41,089.75
Annual income without overtime minus annual expenses: $414.74
Annual Expenses below: *$7,913.51 Healthy Food (I eat 100% healthy for $21.68 per day for 2,930 calories)
*Principle and Interest on fifteen year fixed rate $90,000 3.625% mortgage. Bought March-2022: $7,787.16
*Roth IRA: $6,500
*Home Maintenance Fund: $4,200 (4% of home appraisal to be conservative)
*Heat: $1,535.18
*Vehicle Replacement Fund (I drive 4,672 miles per year. Bought new vehicle on May 2, 2016): $1,428
*Yardwork Outsource: $1,387
*Water, Electric and Sanitation: $1,386.44
*Vehicle Maintenance Fund: $1,200
*Home Insurance: $1,013.03
*Upgrade Macbook Pro every 4 years Fund January 24, 2023: $881.45
*Verizon least expensive unlimited plan: $844.80
*Property Tax: $778
*Gas Money (30 mpg on $4.76 per gallon to be conservative): $741.29
*Doctor Copays: $720
*Filing Taxes with CPA: $411.25
*Three pairs of shoes Replacement Fund: $396
*Umbrella Insurance: $341
*Extra Dental Cleanings beyond insurance: $288
*upgrade iPhone every year fund: $287
*car insurance: $232.66
*air pods max headphones upgrade fund: $214.82
*dental insurance premiums through work: $122.50
*PMI gone after Year 3: $90
*foot insert replacement fund: $88.44
*car tabs: $87.25
*medications: $80
*safety deposit box rental: $50
*cell phone cleaning wipes: $21.72
*lip balm: $18.84
*mouthwash: $15.17
*toothbrush: $14.45
*toothpaste: $11.19
*driver’s license renewal: $6.60
*Disability insurance premiums through work: $0.00
*health insurance premiums through work: $0.00
*life insurance premiums through work: $0.00
*drinking water: $0.00
No debt to my name pardon the mortgage.
Median annual pretax income from my 11-years with my employer: $62,497
Average annual pretax income from my 11-years with my employer: $68,826.81
I am required by my employer to be free: Mon-Fri: 9:30am-10:00pm Sat: 4:45am-11:00am Sun: 1:15pm-10:00pm *Paid Time can be anywhere from 40-74.5 hours per week depending on business needs.
I am on Baby Steps 4 & 6. I believe I contribute 14.92% towards Roth retirement with no overtime available.
My overtime money I have not been consistent: -sometimes I put more money into Roth 401k
-sometimes I put more money into Brokerage Account index fund VTSAX
-sometimes I buy Series I Savings Bonds to replace part of my emergency fund
-I have not made any additional payments on my mortgage besides minimum payments so far.
I would like to make $70,000+ pretax minimum each year ideally for more wiggle room financially. Time is a bit hard due to my obligations towards my employer. I am basically free Saturdays 11:00am-10:00pm and Sundays 8:00am-1:15pm. Right now I just sit home and play Minecraft: Java Edition, Single Player, Hardcore, Newest Update in my free time. I feel guilty and feel I should find a way to earn $70,000 guaranteed income per year.
***168 hour workweek allocation with max overtime available: 74 hours paid work 3 hours unpaid lunches 10.5 hours driving to and from work, including waiting to punch in 70 hours laundry, hygiene, going to sleep and sleeping 10.5 hours free for hobbies
***168 hour workweek allocation with no overtime available: 40 hours paid work 2.5 hours unpaid lunches 7.5 hours driving to and from work, including waiting to punch in 70 hours laundry, hygiene, going to sleep and sleeping 48 hours free for hobbies
Not eligible for HSA.
Will live in my home until Max Age Social Security checks (then build a new elderly friendly home on Lot B; I own 2 Lots next to each other).
I will take Social Security at Max Age.
100% Stocks. 0% Bonds (for retirement; part of my emergency fund is Series I Savings Bonds).
My worst “reckless spending” is my food budget. Last year I spent $40.22 per day on food. $21.68 per day today is a huge improvement (I realize it is still a lot for 1 adult). Otherwise no other addictions.

PART 15 <==H==> FIRST
----------
Will was excited, the past few weeks seemed to herald a new change in Ilicia’s and Agrana's relationship. He had been surprised when came back that first day to find Agrana eating and chatting idly with Ilicia. He was more surprised when Ilicia told him what had happened and when Agrana came to him to assure him of the end of her attempts on Ilicia's life. Will had nearly exploded trying to contain his shock.
It was now commonplace to see Ilicia and Agrana chatting when Will was not around. Will suspected his grandmother did something to facilitate this, but she assured him she had done nothing other than explain her relationship with Karva. Will was suspicious by nature, and as the Princess's Man, he was obligated to be suspicious of all things having to do with the princess. And an Ogdeshi taking a sudden interest in the princess and serving her was suspicious.
Will knew Agrana was a woman of her word. But he also knew her as a master manipulator, and he had confidence in the fact that Agrana would see little wrong with killing a large number of humans to get what she wanted. The thought of Ilicia coming to harm sent blood rushing through him in a way that threatened to bring on the natural occurrence of the Orcish blood rage.
Will was excited. All of this rushed through his head as he walked with Ilicia. He knew he was worried, and he hoped today would provide some reassurance for his ever-active imagination. Today was the day after he completed his training and he was to spend the entire day with Ilicia. She walked next to him, her arm through his, as he led them both through the twists and turns of a forest path that ended in a strange building seeming to grow out of the wood of a gargantuan tree.
The door opened automatically as they approached to reveal a wood elf-man in clothing that seemed to emanate a sense of regal energy. The elf smiled at them and bowed. "Master Will, Princess Ilicia, welcome and please do come in."
Ilicia smiled back at the man. "Thank you sir."
"How is the family Jullian?" Will asked as he stepped through the door, making it feel three inches too small in all directions.
"My wife is well, she is in the kitchen cooking as usual. I will be serving you today as my children are not here at the moment." Jullian said with a quick bow. He led them through the building which Ilicia realized was far larger than it appeared from the outside. They passed several other couples and groups that were seated at different tables as Jullian led them up a sweeping flight of stairs and out onto a balcony that appeared to be several hundred feet in the air and protruding from the tree.
"Will, what is going on with this building?" Ilicia asked, getting a twisting feeling in her stomach as she looked over the railing.
"That would be my wife's fault, she does as she will." Jullian said to Ilicia with an apologetic smile. He bowed once more, and then turned and walked away.
"What is this place Will?" Ilicia asked looking around and noting more and more things that simply felt off. She opened her mouth to speak again as a silver platter with goblets of water floated over and unloaded its cargo before simply vanishing into thin air.
Will laughed at her shock. "Jullian is a wood elf."
"Even I noticed that." Ilicia said wondering where Will was going with this.
"His wife is a goddess." Will said with a smile at how quickly Ilicia's jaw dropped. "We are not sure what she is a goddess of, but she has a penchant for cooking and brewing and she loves Jullian with her whole heart. She fell in love with him when he found her wounded in the woods and stayed by her side, talking of his home in the woods of his youth, he cooked for her and cared for her for three weeks before she could rise on her own."
"Wow." Ilicia said, "Do you know how she was injured?"
"No,and I am not sure anyone knows except Trina. That is the name she has chosen to go by. She also tells people that she is simply Jullian's goddess when asked what she is a goddess of. She is a rather interesting character, if she ever comes to say hello I am willing to bet you will like her."
Ilicia smiled at Will and Jullian reappeared. "So what would you like to eat?"
Will smiled and rattled off a list of food which all sounded strange. Ilicia looked around to see where he had made his selection, but Jullian simply smiled at her and told her to ask for anything she desired. Ilicia realized what was going on and ordered her favorite food from home. Jullian smiled, bowed, and vanished through the doors once more.
"Anything we want huh?" Ilicia asked with a mischievous grin on her face.
"She is a goddess. But I will warn you Ilicia, last time I started trying to challenge her in her ability to cook anything, well let's just say she is willing to humor most things. If she feels you crossed a line, she will let you know by making your food so spicy you taste it for weeks, and that's only after the second or third bite." Will said, his tone indicating he was speaking from experience.
"What did you ask her for?" Ilicia asked.
"My dad told me he used to eat at a place called 'micky dees' so I ordered one of everything from their menu, thinking I would have her stumped with food from another world." Will said and then looked up. "She made it all and delivered it to me, told me to enjoy, and told me if I ever asked her to make such ludicrous and disgusting food again, I would find myself unable to eat solid food for a year."
Ilicia laughed and smiled at Will as Jullian brought out a small cart loaded with plates of food he began to lay on the table.
They ate their food and talked about various things. When they were finished eating Jullina brought them dessert. Will turned to Ilicia and broached the topic of Agrana.
"Ilicia," Will said in a serious mood now, "why did you take Agrana as a member of your staff?"
Ilicia was caught a little off guard. "What do you mean? Why would I not take her onto my staff? Her skills are self-evident."
"Oh, I know. I remember well who first taught me other than my father." Will said this with no anger, simply curiosity. "But I would still ask why you did this. Is the protection I provide lacking? Do you anticipate me leaving you anytime soon? I simply want to know what your reasoning was in making this decision."
Ilicia thought for a moment and then spoke. "I had several reasons, mostly I wanted her to not want to kill me. But since then I have come to some conclusions as to why having her around will be better than not."
Will nodded and Ilicia leaned forward taking his massive hand into both of hers. "I do not think your protection is lacking in any way. I am fairly certain that should I ever be kidnapped, you will tear apart the continent one rock at a time, laughing the whole way."
Will shrugged. The noncommittal way he agreed with herreminded her just how powerful Will really was. Ilicia continued. "The short answer is, you can never have enough bodyguards. The long answer is, I think that while you are the Princess's Man, you will begin to fulfill a far more important role in political functions once we return to the kingdom." She finished her thought in her head, "Hopefully that position is as my fiance or husband, and you can leave all the bodyguard work to Agrana."
Will thought about this for a moment, his eyes never leaving hers. Ilicia knew he was probably mulling over important thoughts, but a part of her wanted him to just look at her like that as he took her on the table. Ilicia shook her head and spoke once more. "So in addition to helping with my safety in that regard, if you leave to deal with the man who killed your father, I will still have a guardian."
Will nodded at this and seemed to relax. "Very well, but I want you to know if she ever makes a move against you again, I will kill on the spot."
Ilicia nodded, knowing from his tone that this was not a discussion but rather a statement of fact. That mischievous voice in her head also wanted him to command her in that tone. Ilicia blushed at the thoughts she was having and looked away from Will.
Will smiled at her when she finally got her blushing cheeks to cool. "So, we have eaten and now we have a whole day to ourselves. What would you like to do, Ilicia?"
"Well, I would like to visit your grandmother's library if she will let us." Ilicia said, remembering the room of books she saw Yilan in earlier.
"Of course." Will said with a smile.
Jullian appeared. "Is there anything else you would like?"
"No, Jullian it was fantastic as always." Will said with a smile.
"Thank you." Jullian said and turned to Ilicia. "If you have a moment my wife has requested a moment of your time."
"Of course Jullian." Ilicia said, turning to Will.
"I will wait for you outside." Will headrf down stairs on his own.
Ilicia followed Jullian through the building which only further exemplified how incredibly large the building was compared to its looks on the outside. When he finally led her into a kitchen that could have fed the entire castle she grew up in, Jullina bowed to her, smiled at the glowing woman standing behind a counter, and then turned to grab a tray of food and leave.
"Come Princess," the woman gestured to a stool set next to her. "Have a seat and talk with me for a moment."
"Of course." Ilicia said, falling back on court manners in this rather strange incident.
"Firstly, call me Trina," the goddess said, "and secondly, what do I have to do to make you forget your love of Will?"
Ilicia's jaw almost hit the counter. "What do you mean? Why would I ever do such a thing?"
Ilicia was angry, a deep anger that burned deep in her gut. Trina stopped what she was doing, knife paused mid-cut. "I care for Will, his father and mother both were dear friends of mine and always treated me no differently than anyone else. As a divinity, I have some small gift of foresight, and you need not be in love with Will. More importantly, he needs to not love you."
"I see why you wanted to talk to me only." Ilicia said indignantly. "Will would kill you."
"I spared with the boy once, and he very well might be one of the very few mortals who could kill a god, but that is beyond the point." Trina said with a calm voice of understanding. "I need to know what I would have to do, to what I would have to give you, to get you to remove Will from your life."
Ilicia panicked. She hated this woman. She looked into Trina's eyes. "You will have to kill me. I love him, there is nothing you could give me that could replace Will."
The goddess stared hard at Ilicia who did not back down. Trina chuckled. "Those Garrow men sure do pick firecrackers. You know there was a time where Will's father took one of my daughters on a date? She came home and said she would bless whoever he married because he was a handful. Then he went and married Yilan's daughter and they gave birth to a man who is by rights almost a god in terms of his ability and power."
Ilicia's head was spinning as she tried to follow Trina's words with her ears, and with her eyes the flurry of time-defiant movements her hands made. Trina paused again and looked Ilicia in the eyes. "You are a brave woman, and you will need to be. A time will come when the love you hold is used against Will, I hope you are strong enough to face the repercussions. Will is getting anxious, and I can not warp time any more than I already have without causing you harm. Take this and go to him, cherish him while you can princess."
Trina handed Ilicia a sweet roll and then hesitated before placing her hand on Ilicia's head and bowing hers for a moment. Ilicia felt a wave of energy wash over her. "Go forth with my blessing child."
Ilicia stood and left the kitchen to find Jullian waiting to take her outside. The sun was setting, where it had been morning just an hour or two ago. She looked back to the building and then to Will. She shrugged and slipped her arm through his. As she shared the sweet roll with him, Trina's words echoed through her mind.
One phrase in particular rattled her to her bones as Will guided her back to Yilan's library. "...I hope you are strong enough to face the repercussions."
----------
PART 15 <==H==> FIRST
FROM THE AUTHOR: Here it is, the next installment of The Princess's Man! I hope you all enjoy this and have a fantastic day!
​ If you want to support me:
https://www.patreon.com/Akmedrah
https://ko-fi.com/akmedrah
If you want to read my other stories:
HFY Author Page
https://akmedrah.com/
If you want more information about the world and my other writing, check out my World Anvil page!

Hello everyone,
I’m not sure if this is the right audience to address my concerns but I assume this would be the only group that may understand my ‘dilemma’. I’m currently an M1 at a well-regarded program attending school on pretty much a full ride. Despite a few things I hate about my school and the city I live in I have pretty much all the necessities I need as a student to succeed. I’ve got a nice apartment, fairly good friends, and I’ve been doing research in a competitive field with some success so far. That said, all joy I once had for attending medical school and being a physician has left me slowly by slowly throughout the year and I find myself constantly depressed, traumatized by the path it took to get here, and frequently having suicidal ideations or thoughts of a very much welcomed untimely death at my young age (e.g. getting mugged, car crash, terminal illness). I know there are a combination of factors that are contributing to how I feel right now but mainly I can sum them up to hating the person I had to create to bring me to this point of perceived “success”. I say this not to brag by any means – but I was fortunate to be accepted to multiple medical schools and have multiple enticing scholarship options before choosing this school. I should be happy about that – but even before I matriculated to medical school, I had frequent thoughts of wishing I would die before I matriculated because at least I could let go of the expectations from friends, family, and the world that keeps telling me to “push on” through things that I feel like are taking more away from me than are contributing to me. I miss the days before I started my pre-med journey when the simplest things in life would satisfy me. I didn’t care about the weather - I liked clouds, I liked rain, I liked sun, I liked warmth, I liked cold. Now where I live the climate is so awfully different from my home, I’m convinced I cannot take it anymore and need to get away. I used to not think much of where live, if I have a quiet place to study and read books/play video games. Now my family cannot keep commenting on how shitty the city I live in is (compared to others I could have lived in), and frankly I’ve started to agree with them (which is unfortunate considering I’m supposedly stuck here for another 3 years). The path to medical school has taken so much of who I am away all to build this persona of a perfect medical student and future physician who I’m not even sure I want to be anymore. Everything is "high expectations" (whatever the fuck that means), everything is comparison. It seems like the payout for all of my suffering is a nice home, a car, and a steady job with trips to the country club every now and then. Maybe nice toys like watches and vacations in between an awful work schedule, working in a soul-crushing environment of meaningless paperwork and illness. I’ve sold my soul to replace everything I’ve lost with material things being my only solace in the future because my spirit is dead and the journey has never brought me any joy since undergrad. I have lost the false sense of fulfillment for taking care of patients because I feel like they can be taken care of by someone else who enjoys this field more and doesn’t feel like they died inside to achieve their goal of being a physician. Frankly speaking – I feel like whether I become a doctor or not will not really do anything for the world, it certainly is not doing anything for me except making me a worse person by the day. Sometimes in life, less is so much more and I often wake up wishing I never succeeded so much to get here in the first place. I don't want to be on this pedestal anymore because it was all a lie and I am not better off because of any of this.
I can barely focus on my studies anymore as I feel like I am on a speeding train headed for wall with me in the conductor’s booth. I don’t feel connected to my friends or family. I used to love writing but have given that up all together, because it resurfaces feelings I am not sure I can handle about my past and the decisions I've made. I am constantly thinking about death because I don’t want to mindlessly jump through hoops anymore to achieve goals that only leave me feeling like a shell. I don’t care about research (which I used to love). I hate to say it, but I find my empathy for others lacking when I care barely get out of bed or even get out of my own head to stop thinking about this horrific person I’ve become. Perhaps I am ungrateful, but the funny thing is being ungrateful is the only way I made it this far. One year out from STEP 1, I’m not even sure if I can muster the concentration to study and perform well on it because I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I am just constantly exhausted by the weight of the world. I feel like if I fail then I’m going to kill myself if not physically than spiritually even though I already feel dead inside. I spend every day looking at educational paths in life I wish I pursued rather than medicine. However, I come from an immigrant family that will essentially never let me live down the fact that I left a massive medical scholarship to make less than 80k a year in graduate school or as a professor. At this point I feel like I have two options:
- Accept that the old me is dead and is never coming back and continue pursuing forward as a shell of my former self. This would satisfy those around me and society, but I am almost certain I won’t be the same.
- Take a chance to find meaning in life once again and potentially finding joy in less. Switch to graduate school and be content.
With the way I feel right now I don’t think a person like me belongs in medical school or really should be here in the first place. Weakness gets eaten alive here and I’m so broken down I don’t care enough to fight back anymore. My ambitions now are completely fake. Hiding from the fact that I don’t want to be here and I am frankly tired with life and unexcited for the future. Should I stop before it gets worse? Or is that not even an option at this point?

The building had a reputation for being haunted. Kids would dare each other to go inside, but unlike other places around town, they would actually see something- or at least claim that they did.
Little Jamie Curry, 9-years-old, went into the basement of the abandoned Leatherman’s complex on a dare and saw a zombie. He said he knew it wasn’t just some guy in an outfit because the zombie had a grapefruit-sized hole in its chest, and he could actually see right through the middle of the thing. He had run right past his group of friends who were patiently waiting outside, screaming and wetting himself as he went.
Another young kid from my town, Alicia DeSilva, 11-years-old, said it was all a bunch of garbage, that she wasn’t afraid of a run-down factory building, except for maybe the asbestos which her uncle told her “rots your lungs from the inside”. She had said she would even go inside it at night. Why not? After all, there were no such things as ghosts or boogeymen.
One of her friends told Alicia that if she went inside Leatherman’s main building at night, grabbed something from the basement and brought it back out for their mutual inspection, the friend would pay Alicia five dollars. Alicia had gasped. Five bucks was a good amount to someone like her. With five dollars, she could even get a kit so that she could finally fix her bike tire. They all met in front of the building, and Alicia disappeared into the dark fire doors on the side of the building, full of bravado and still laughing as she went inside.
Except unlike Jamie Curry, Alicia never came back out screaming and wetting herself, never had a chance to tell some unbelievable story about what she encountered in the fetid basement of that place. Her body was never found. The police were called after a few hours, and they searched the entire building from top to bottom. They were able to follow some fresh footprints in the dust that might have been Alicia’s, but when they got to the basement, the prints just disappeared- as if the person making them had simply gotten sucked up into the ceiling. And yet they did find one thing, the only real evidence left in the entire building that night. What they found still gives me nightmares sometimes.
One of her eyeballs was inside a snowglobe. The glass and foundation of the snowglobe were all intact, and there were no signs of foul play anywhere on the decoration. It was as if it had been manufactured that way- with that blue, staring eye floating lazily next to plastic mountains and white glitter snowflakes.
In my nightmares, I often see an old woman shaking that snowglobe, an old hag who cackles and whose split lips form into a dreadful smile as she stares directly at me. The eye and the glitter all hang suspended in the water for a moment, then begin to fall slowly, the eye spinning rapidly as it drifts down the front of the globe. And when it’s stopped, I see it is looking directly at me, and it still looks frightened.
***
OK, so that last paragraph was pretty dark. But what I’m trying to communicate is just how terrifying that place is. The kids in school know what’s going on, though, at least in a general way. After all, Alicia and Jamie came from among them, and they’re not the only ones. Others have gone into the building before. And Matt wants me to go with him tomorrow to look at it.
Maybe that’s why the dreams are getting worse. Maybe that’s why I’ve woken up screaming twice in the last few hours. Because there was something else, too, something else I saw in my nightmares. In that building, around the back walls, there were dozens of kids. Their skin was chalk-white, their hair and eyes all pure black. They were dead. And then thousands of “Missing” posters started to fly down, all of them of smiling children. I looked between the ones surrounding me and the posters and noticed that some of them showed these same kids. I turned to run but little rotted hands started pulling me down and then, I was sitting straight up in bed, yelling and pleading.
I really don’t want to go in that building tomorrow.
***
OK, so Matt and I went inside the doorway. No way was I going in the basement. But just the front doorway… well, that wasn’t too bad. I even stuck my head in and looked around inside.
Matt didn’t see it, but I did. There was something huge in the front hall. It wasn’t much more than a silhouette. It looked like a very tall, very thin man in a suit whose neck was all twisted and strange. It came off his chest like a snake’s, turning and curling back on itself, and at the end it had this reptilian face. Everything about the man was hairless and slimy. I could smell the strange stuff on his skin.
But by the time I had gotten Matt’s attention and pointed it out to him, the guy was gone. I don’t know how he disappeared so fast.
Matt was making fun of me as we walked home afterwards, pointing at random alleyways and asking, “Do you see him there, too?” and then laughing. It wasn’t that funny. I’ll prove to him there was someone in there.
***
I convinced Matt to come back with me. I need to see what’s in there. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but I told him an older kid offered to pay $10 for a souvenir from the place, and that I’d split it with him if he went with me. All of this was total crap, of course. But I want to see what was in there, and I definitely want these dreams to stop.
“You know, you’re lucky you have a friend as brave and manly as me,” Matt said, puffing up his little bird-chest. “After what happened to those other schmucks, everyone has been avoiding this place like the plague.”
“Yeah, but unlike all of them, you know it’s just a building,” I said. He gave me a funny look then.
“It’s just a building, but you know something actually happened,” he said. “I was talking to my dad about it, and he said maybe a homeless guy was living there, totally deranged, and maybe he cut out Alicia’s eye and kidnapped her.” He stated this was the seriousness of a news anchor recounting bits of total bullshit for the audience. I smiled at his grave expression, repressing an urge to laugh. He looked over at me disapprovingly. “It could have happened, you know. Homeless people are homeless because they’re crazy. My dad says so. Maybe one of them just went really crazy and started taking souvenirs off of people’s bodies.”
“I guess,” I said. We were most of the way through the old industrial part of town now. Shuttered factories and condemned buildings stretched out on both sides of the street. A fat, limping raccoon walked lazily out of a nearby alleyway. He gave us a sideways glance, stopping for a moment, then kept on maneuvering his round frame forward. Something that Matt had said had given me pause.
“You know,” I said, “it’s kinda weird that we don’t have homeless people out here. We have all these empty buildings, yet most of them camp out on the sidewalks on Main Street. I’ve never seen a single homeless person sleeping in one of these buildings, and I’ve never seen one even close to the Leatherman building. It’s like they have some sort of sixth sense to avoid the place.”
“Clearly they’re smarter than you and me,” Matt muttered. We were walking past the rusty metal chain link fence around the property. He looked pale and his eyes were wide. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Right then, my instincts screamed at me to run.
“Yes,” I said simply, walking in first, taking the flashlight out of my pocket. “I need to know. For sure. Either way, I’d like evidence. Either it is my imagination, or something supernatural actually exists within and around this building.” An old, musty smell permeated the huge hallway. I looked up and down it, wondering what was missing. Then I realized- it had no graffiti. It had to be the only abandoned building I’d ever been in without tons of graffiti scrawled on the inside.
In some places, the walls had begun to buckle, and whole sections were crumbling and coming down. Farther ahead, the ceiling had collapsed inwards, blocking half of the main hallway off. Downstairs, lights started turning on, and the entire building started to come to life. I looked at Matt, who was looking dazed.
“Bro, what the hell is that?” he asked. I had no idea.
“Someone’s in here with us,” I said. “Let’s go check it out.” He looked at me like I was insane.
“Are you mad? What if it’s cops? What if it’s tweakers pulling out all the metal?”
“We’ll be quiet, and just peek around the corner,” I said. “I think we’re meant to see this. Don’t you want to know what’s going on here?” He scowled.
“I’d much rather get home alive,” he said, but he followed me reluctantly. There was a rhythmic hum coming from the floors now, as if machinery were coming to life. A sign, dirty and covered in spiderwebs, pointed to a staircase on the right. I looked down it, seeing bright light flood into the stairwell corridor, despite the fact that there was no electricity running to this building. We started down the staircase to the basement level. There was a smell of ozone in the air, a cyclical rhythmic humming that popped and buzzed. I took a deep breath, wondering what I would see down here. Then I poked my head around the corner.
There were conveyor belts stretching against the basement, their legs embedded into the cracked concrete floors. Beams and pillars ran up from the floor to the ceiling every ten feet or so. And it looked like there were countless workers just sitting on each side of the conveyor belts, sitting in crooked wooden chairs with splintering legs and backs. But it was the workers who caught my attention most of all. They looked… strange.
“Does something look off to you?” I whispered to Matt, who had been standing behind me only a moment earlier. But I got no reply. I figured he was too engrossed in the bizarre nature of what we were seeing to respond.
The workers, if that’s what they were, looked blurred, as if in an overexposed picture with a long shutter speed. Their skin appeared to writhe and crackle, some of their heads constantly turned from side to side, and their limbs… all of them appeared to be missing limbs. I saw pale, white bodies without arms, without legs, even without heads, but they all still continued working in unison, moving in that jerky, blurred way.
“Jesus, Matt, do you see?” I asked suddenly, my eyes widening. “Do you see what they’re doing?” I looked forward in horror as I saw human bodies rolled down the conveyor belts. The people were still alive. They were naked, many of them crying and covered in blood. As they passed by the workers, the blurred hands quickly took pieces of their skin off. Glistening sheets of it were raised by other workers walking along between the lines, and they would give an admiring look at the large pieces of skin, smiling eerily as their heads writhed from side to side and blurred in my vision.
And I saw the kids from my dream, the kids from the missing persons posters, all in the corner. They were huddled, emaciated, with wide, staring eyes. They trembled and cowered as some of the workers came over to grab them and throw them on the belts.
I turned to get the hell out of there, and that was when I realized Matt was no longer behind me. I caught a glimpse of something dark and massive moving at the top of the stairs, disappearing around the corner. I was alone. I know I should have stayed and looked for Matt, but instead, I ran. I got out of that place and went home and hid under my blankets.
I thought 13 was old enough to deal with this, but it has gone way beyond what I thought.
***
Matt’s parents are calling. My parents stand at the bottom of the stairs, my mother holding the landline in her thin hand, my father looking disturbed. They tell me that Matt is missing, that he never came home last night. What should I tell them? Certainly not the truth. If I started talking about the things in that building, I would be forced into a psychiatric ward before the week was up.
The police stopped by and asked me a few questions. I told them all straight-up lies. “No sir, I haven’t seen him, and I have no idea what happened to him.” But what else could I say? That he was taken by something from a nightmare?
I have to go back. I have to try to rescue Matt. I shouldn’t have ran like I did, but seeing those things cutting up people like that… it scared the shit out of me. Tonight, once my parents go to sleep, I’m going to sneak out, and everyone will think I’m a hero if I bring him back. If I don’t, I’ll probably end up as just another stupid missing kid who ended up way over his head.
***
I went back. I made it out, but I think they’re coming for me. There was something in the basement.
All of the conveyor belts were gone, the lights were off, the rhythmic hum had disappeared. It was as if the other night was all a hallucination- except for, of course, Matt is still missing. His parents are freaking out, and I can’t even tell them I know what happened to him, kinda.
Going into the building alone was terrifying. My legs felt like wood, and I kept glancing behind me every second as if I were hearing imaginary pursuers. But I walked through to the staircase, and I saw nothing.
I went down to the basement, peeking my head around the corner. It was just a mostly empty basement, some broken furniture and old boxes stacked in one corner. I shone my light all over and saw no one. But there was a light coming from the far corner, a faint, glowing, orange light. A feeling of dread came over me.
I crept slowly forward, trying to find the source of that light. A faint smell of smoke and roasting meat seemed to creep through the air. Off past the last line of boxes, I saw what looked like a small crater on the floor. There was a hole there with glowing fire underneath. Cracks spiderwebbed out from it in all directions for a few feet. More curious than afraid now, I peered forward and looked down.
Beneath the abandoned building, there was another world. It had fire licking the walls and ground, and in the middle of this inferno, I saw Matt. His face was a map of blackish-purple bruises, his head was cocked at an unnatural angle, and I saw blood pouring out of his ears and nose. He looked up at me, and the bones in his neck grated together. I saw his spine was broken and his entire throat was crushed inwards.
“Help me,” he croaked. “You brought me here, now help me. You can’t leave me. They’ll come for you next…” All around him, I saw hands reaching up- the pale, jerky hands of those strange workers. They grabbed Matt and dragged him back down to the fire. I saw other horrid creatures in the flames, some laughing and insane, others shrieking in agony. Large, black insectile silhouettes moved through the smoke and flames. And then, like one, they started coming up towards the hole, coming up to the building where they would be free.
I ran then, and I never went back. I know now that Matt is dead. I can’t sleep. Every time I look out the window, I see shapes in the front yard- blurred humanoids with missing limbs, hiding in the bushes and trees, and constantly inching closer.

Specs: CPU 7800X3D Board - MSI b650-p wifi (Newest BIOS) GPU XFX MERC 7900 XTX Ram DDR5 G.skill 6400 cl32 (16x2)gb PSU Cooler Master v1000
I am using a Single monitor - ASUS PG279Q with 165Hz.
Ever since i built my pc ( 1 month ago - in the beginning of May 23) - i have been experiencing - Random crashes, My PC Just freezes, My monitor is doing one blink - and screen goes completely black. sometimes it will recover but other times i have to reset my PC. This is happening not only while gaming BUT it does also happen on regular desktop use like browsing the internet (Firefox) and when idle on desktop. I have been taking many steps trying to solve the issue myself and nothing worked out, my PC keep crashing: 1. Lowering HZ to 144. 2. Installing minimal driver "Driver only" without the Adrenaline software GUI. 3. Disabling the Internal GPU of my CPU. 4. Updating the BIOS, Using only stock RAM speeds (NO EXPO, NO XMP), NO Overclockingat all - NO PBO. Loaded Optimized Defaults settings for BIOS. 5. Been Monitoring my temps all the time - no overheating. 6. Installing latest chipset drivers. 7. Disabling MPO. 8. Using vaious older driver versions, even went back to 22.12.2 - it was still crashing. 9. Complete Fresh install of windows 10 and all my games and applications. 10. Benchmarks like Superposition / 3dmark / Passmark / cinebench r23 - most of the time benchmarks were running without crashing. (results i had are within normal range for other PCs with similar parts). 11. AMD DRIVER 23.5.1 was released and it didnt fix the issue. 12. on June 1st 2023 AMD Released driver 23.5.2 - That didnt fix my issue.

1. June 3rd - i have installed windows 11, latest AMD chipset + Instead of the normal Adrenaline drivers i install the AMD Pro software (should be more stable) - That didnt help!
   
2. I tried running my application as administrator + Disabled Hardware acceleration or any Game Overlays on my applications.
   
3. I tried to tune down the GPU power slider in adrenaline software to -10% and limit the Max clock to 2200mhz. (thinking this might lower the power draw in-case it is my PSU failing? )
   

Non of these steps fixed my issue.
Today for eg after the win11 install, i was alt-tabbing between Discord, firefox and world of warcraft - Then i had a crash again. and Discord has closed itself. and the Radeon software recovered itself but would not open unless i restarted the PC.
The windows Event Viewer didnt catch that crash somehow.
However i went on and kept looking and found this error (which oddly happened about 50minutes before the crash) :
Faulting application name: atieclxx.exe, version: 31.0.14000.58004, time stamp: 0x638a71ed
Faulting module name: amdsasrv64.dll, version: 1.0.0.0, time stamp: 0x638a7292
Exception code: 0xc0000005
Fault offset: 0x000000000005445b
Faulting process id: 0x0xD70
Faulting application start time: 0x0x1D99622FF5DE7E1
Faulting application path: C:\Windows\System32\DriverStore\FileRepository\u0386350.inf_amd64_cf354da277d39d93\B386336\atieclxx.exe
Faulting module path: C:\Windows\System32\DriverStore\FileRepository\u0386350.inf_amd64_cf354da277d39d93\B386336\amdsasrv64.dll
Report Id: 3648cc2d-2998-4ca2-bd45-2ebcca6f946a
Faulting package full name:
Faulting package-relative application ID:
To say the least- i am super frustrated, i have started the RMA process for both the GPU and the CPU - but i will have to suffer about 200-300$ restocking fee and of course this is going to shut me down for a month or two before i can afford replacement parts.
On top of that - what if im running in circles, looking in the wrong places and it ends up being a PSU issue? i have no idea, i made a post somewhere else and someone in the comments suggested that.
If you read through all of that - youre an angel.
I want this problem gone, feel free to post any suggestion, thank you!

< Previous Episode First Episode
Based on the fourth round of the elimination contest by u/Ok_Dragonfruit_9612
Spoiler tag only for basic character spoilers
Chris: Last time on Total Drama Triple D. Before the morning even started Topher was put out of commission for the day. Too bad, because he missed the epic callback challenge! Teams chose members to do the classic thousand-foot cliff jump into shark infested waters! Some succeeded, some failed and some were just plain old chickens. But don't count your chickens before they hatch, as in the second half of the challenge Cameron helped her team build a proper boat and Lightning paddled the Lions to their first victory. While Sierra straight up threw DJ into the water! Bro, seriously couldn't swim, whatta ya know? In the end The Octopi came in last and voted Sierra out of the competition. Can the Lions keep the wins aloft and will the Narwhals continue to sail on by in this competition. Find out right now on Total Drama Triple D of Danganronpa: Despair Disaster!
[Cut to the boys cabin. Korekiyo sitting on the floor quietly chanting]
Makoto: Hmph…huh?
Korekiyo: Good morning, Mr. Naegi
Makoto: What time is it? Where's Mondo?
Keebo: It's 7:30 in the morning and he left around 6:15.
Shuichi: You've been awake since then, Keebo?
Keebo: No, I was still in sleep mode, but my eyes still record everything and stores it in my memory banks.
Ryoma: So, you are always recording everything that's happened?
Kokichi: Ew, never took you to be a voyeur key-boy, nee hee hee.
Keebo: T-that's not it at all!
Makoto: I'm gonna go look for Mondo-oof oh, sorry Mikan.
Mikan: No, I'm sorry for being in your way please forgive me.
Shuichi: What's up, Mikan?
Mikan: I'm just letting members of your team know that Taka is feeling better. He should be ready to join you all later this morning.
Makoto: Ah, that's great. Thanks for the update, Mikan.
Mikan: If you'd like, you can talk with him, but you'll have to wait until Mondo is done.
Shuichi: Huh, Mondo went to visit Taka?
Kokichi: Hey, no fair. He's part of our team, not yours, Shuichi!
Shuichi: I didn't tell him to go there.
Makoto: Maybe I'll go see how he's doing.
Nagito: Mind if I come along? I must make it up to Taka for causing him so much pain.
Makoto: Sure, I guess it'd be okay.
[Cut to Nagito and Makoto walking to the infirmary tent]
Nagito: I must say we really struggled without him. To think without our Moral Compass, we crumbled as a team.
Makoto: Well, I wouldn't say it was all because we didn't have Taka, but hopefully we can bounce back from this loss.
Nagito: Ah yes, we really do just need to have hope.
Makoto: Right…oh there's Sayaka! Good morning!
Sayaka: Oh yes, good morning, Makoto, Nagito.
Makoto: Is everything okay? You don't seem like yourself this morning.
Nagito: Maybe it is due to the harrowing close loss of yesterday. But cheer up for today is a new day!
Sayaka: Thanks Nagito…I guess. But actually, it's more about Himiko.
Makoto: What's wrong with Himiko?
Sayaka: Well last night she slept on the other side of the girl's cabin. Maybe it was just so she didn't have to sleep with Junko but this morning she's just been really quiet. Even more than usual.
Makoto: Really? What do you think is going on?
Sayaka: If I had to guess, she's probably missing Tenko. I think they were good friends so seeing her leave already is getting to her.
Nagito: Really, this is all about Tenko, huh? Such a shame to see Himiko be hurt by our decision, but it was a decision that had to be made, nonetheless.
Sayaka: If you say so. I dread us coming in last. I worry that my team doesn't see me as a valuable teammate and will vote me off like Tenko.
Makoto: Well, uh, that's not exactly why we voted off Tenko, but don't be thinking like that, Sayaka. You're super talented and they should be proud to have you on your team.
Nagito: Better than having the talent of luck. Much good that did for us last challenge.
Makoto: Yeah…at least here we're not really judged on talent so much.
Sayaka: [giggle] You're right, thank you guys for the confidence boost. I guess Taka's really rubbing off on you, Makoto. By the way have you heard anything about him?
Makoto: Oh, right Mikan said he's feeling better and we're actually on our way to go see him.
Sayaka: Well, then I won't keep you guys. See you later then and tell Taka I'm glad he's feeling better.
Nagito: But you're not on our team. Wouldn't it be beneficial to you if we're down another member?
Sayaka: Ugh, I never liked all this inter-team drama. It's bad enough we have inner team drama with Miu and Fuyuhiko, and now Junko's upset with Himiko. Plus, he's still part of our class, right? Anyway, I've said enough. See you later, boys. [She runs off towards the dining cabin]
Makoto: Bye, Sayaka. [to Nagito] It's strange I never thought about everyone feeling they may not be beneficial to their team. I mean they are Ultimates but I guess talent doesn't matter too much in this competition.
Nagito: But being Ultimates means they'll always have the hope to succeed in any challenge they are faced with. Not like us useless Ultimates with nothing talents. No wonder we lost the last competition.
Makoto: Well, I hope Taka can motivate the team again. Speaking of which, we're here.
Nagito: Interesting, it sounds like he's still not alone in there.
Makoto: Hey, you're right! Is that Mondo?
Mondo: …and then Nekomaru paddled everyone back to shore himself. Bro, it was incredible. To think the big guy finally came through with his wanton speed.
Taka: Sounds absolutely amazing! I really hate that I missed out on such a worthwhile competition.
Makoto: Yeah, we really could've used you.
Mondo: O-oh, hey Makoto, Nagito, what are you doing here?
Nagito: We should ask you the same question. What's a guy from the other team doing talking to our teammate? Trying to weigh in the on competition I see. Figures you'd resort to such underhanded tactics.
Mondo: What'd you say? You think that's how it is?!
Taka: Hold on bro, I'll take care of this. Actually Nagito, Makoto, Mondo here was just recounting everything I missed yesterday. And I appreciate it. Nice to wake up to a bro who's got your back even if we are on different teams.
Nagito: Oh, then my bad for jumping to conclusions. I just came to apologize for causing you harm. Although, it's to be expected when you're around me.
Taka: Apology accepted, Nagito!
Makoto: But Mondo, have you really been here since around 6:15 when Keebo saw you leave the cabin.
Mondo: Well, yeah, I-uh care about the well-being of my classmates is all. Even if we are in a competition. I don't wanna see them get weak, y'know.
Taka: Well put, bro. Plus you've proven to me that even team boundaries shouldn't matter when it comes to supporting each other. This may be a competition, but we're friends first and foremost!
Nagito: Yes, I love it. The kind of inspiration we need from the Ultimate Moral Compass. I can feel the hope in succeeding in this competition rejuvenating us as we speak.
Makoto:.........
Taka:........All right then.
Mondo: Hey, he's your teammate.
[The three laugh as the camera pans to Junko eavesdropping outside]
[Confessional]
Junko: [cutesy] Oh, the hope returns to our team and makes us just the best of friends! [normal] Hgggck! Give me a break! Still there is too much comrade going on. Time for a little sibling talk, like old times.
[End]
[Cut to the girl's cabin]
Sonia: Don't be too late for breakfast, okay Mukuro!
Mukuro: Don't worry, I'm just going to take a quick look around the camp. It won't take long. [Leaves through the door]
Junko: Hey ya, ugly!
Mukuro: Agh, u-uh yes, good morning to you too, sister.
Junko: Hey, no need to be so formal. We're not carrying out anything now, so feel free to take it easy. Call me Junko or Heather if you want. I'm still going to call you ugly though.
Mukuro: Yes, of course Junko.
Junko: So, how are you getting along with your team, huh? Probably the best of friends, right?
Mukuro: Well, we haven't lost a challenge since the first but…
Junko: But you've never won, like my team! So, you wanna be useful to your team then?
Mukuro: I do but everything I do never helps us win, just well, not get last.
Junko: That's because you're playing it too safe, stupid. You gotta play dirty to get ahead, like moi! Just don't get caught, okay. I can't bail your sorry butt out when we're not on the same team.
Mukuro: Play dirty? But how should I do that?
Junko: Hey, you're mildly smart. I bet you could figure it out yourself. Just focus on sabotaging a team to make sure you're not last. Simple as that really
Mukuro: I see….
Junko: Well, that's all I wanted to say. Gotta meet with my amazing team for breakfast now. Bye ya, Mukie! [Walks passed to leave but stops to solemnly say] Don't disappoint me, again.
[Mukuro stands there for a bit after Junko leaves]
Aoi: Oh, Mukuro you're still here?
Mukuro: Huh? What?
Sonia: I thought you were going to take a walk.
Mukuro: Oh yes, I-it was just a quick walk. I'm already back.
Hiyoko: Well then, enough yapping. I'm hungry and we've wasted enough time as it is. Kyoko and Peko are probably already eating by now.
Sonia: Yes, let's do the dipping. Right, girls!
Aoi: [chuckle] Sure thing, Sonia.
Mukuro: Hmhm, yes of course.
[Confessional]
Mukuro: Junko's right, I have been feeling worthless, but still, I can't say my team's completely against me, right? A little sabotage shouldn't hurt anything…
[End]
[Cut to the dining cabin]
Junko: So, my wonderful team, how's everyone doing?
Mikan: Uh um, fine, I guess?
Rantaro: We're kinda down two teammates right now.
Sayaka: I don't think Himiko is going to join us right now. She's still lying in cabin.
Toko: Okay then where is Fake Master?
Tsumugi: [chuckle]
Fuyuhiko: You mean the Byakuya from our class. No clue, the guy just up and left early this morning. Not a word from him but he's been quiet anyway.
Tsumugi: [giggle]
Miu: Alright, four-eyes what's got you so giddy.
Tsumugi: Hmhm, wait for it…
Gonta: Wait for what?
[The dining room door swings open and inside walks Imposter. He is no longer wearing his white suit, but instead has on a red sweatshirt, jean shorts, a black jacket, and a red baseball cap turned backwards.]
Mikan: What the…Byakuya?
[Imposter puts his hand up and then holds them out close together]
Mikan: No sorry… less, right? So just B then?
[Imposter gives a thumbs up]
Tsumugi: What do you think! B asked me to make him this outfit last night. I think it suits his new personality quite well.
Byakuya: Hold it right there. [He gets up from the Rhinos table] I see, so this is your new gimmick, huh? [Studies Imposter] Well, better than thinking you could possibly be me.
Toko: So true, no one could ever replace Master.
Chris: Good morning, campers! I hope you're all rested and ready for today's challenge. Hmm, it seems most of the teams are missing some people.
Akane: Did Nagito hurt Taka and Makoto this time?
Kaede: Akane!
Taka: Don't worry Octopi, I have arrived with the others ready and raring to start a new day!
Kaede: Taka! Thank goodness you're feeling better.
Ibuki: We absolutely missed you! Topher's team was totally falling apart with you.
Keebo: Well, I wouldn't say that, but we were a little unstable without your guidance.
Chris: That's great for you guys, but enough with the reunion, I'm trying to get this show going. Topher, Cody, Harold and Brick take your seats. So that only leaves…Narwhals where's Staci?
Sayaka: She's...uh, not feeling well. I mean she's not sick, but I don't think she's up to being with us today.
Chris: Like I care about your personal feelings and neither do the viewing audience. Chef, go bring Staci her-
Himiko: Don't bother…Nyeh, I'm here now.
Chris: Great! Now we can finally get this challenge started. I feel like we've wasted nine minutes on pointless stuff.
Tsumugi: Himiko, are you alright?
Himiko: I'm fine, okay. I was just…. Nyeh, getting hungry that's all. Guess I was needed here anyway.
Chris: Indeed, because we're about to begin the next challenge. It's another Flashback Challenge: The Talent Competition!
Nagito: Oh my, a Talent Competition, with the most talented people in the world. How exhilarating.
Chris: Exactly. I've been watching you all and noticed you're pretty much freaks of nature when it comes to talent, so I thought it'd fit this group the best. However originally this competition just had teams pick three members to perform individually. This time you have to pick at least three members to perform together! Use your freaky talents to make one big display which Chef and I will grade not just on the impressiveness of the talent but also the cohesiveness of the members performing. So, get to choosing your performers. The competition will start in three hours.
Korekiyo: A question, Chris. You said at least three of us must perform but could there be more?
Chris: Sure, if more of you want to embarrass yourselves go for it. Let's just say no more than five to not crowd up the stage. Now hurry, times a wastin!
[Team Raging Rhinos]
Sonia: Alright team, let's first decide who's going to be performing.
Hiyoko: I could do a dance if the rest of you want to perform around that.
Kyoko: Ideally, it'd be one of us who has a more concrete and flashy talent. So unfortunately, I would be no help as a detective here.
Byakuya: I wouldn't want to help even if I could. Performing is for the peasants who can't get ahead in life.
Sonia: While I don't share the same sentiments as Byakuya, I don't believe being an Ultimate Princess is going to be too flashy of a talent here either.
Kazuichi: I could definitely build something to go along with someone else's performance.
Sonia: Oh, how about Gundham putting on a show with his Dark Devas.
Gundham: Speak not, Dark Lady, for the Devas do not trifle with the mediocrity of carefree showmanship.
Yasuhiro: Come on man, just have them do flips around Hiyoko while she's dancing or something.
Hiyoko: Ew gross! I don't want those filthy hamsters anywhere near me when I dance.
Gundham: You dare insult the cleanliness of my Devas! I'll have you know they not only know how to clean themselves of filth from this dimension but several beyond as well!
Leon: Dude chill, no one's insinuating anything about your hamsters.
Aoi: I doubt we could get a swimming pool on that stage.
Sonia: No, probably not. Peko, Mukuro, do you have any thoughts?
Peko: Well, my skills with a sword could be considered performative, but I'm not sure how well it'll fit with Hiyoko's dancing.
Mukuro: I don't suppose we have any guns or knives around. Those are really the only thing I'm good with.
Yasuhiro: Well, I'm not sure about guns, but there's probably some knives in the kitchen.
Hiyoko: Knives, with my dancing?! How's the even going to work dumb[bleep].
Yasuhiro: H-hey, I'm just trying to help. No need to get so hostile.
Kazuichi: I bet we could think of some way to tie it all together.
Byakuya: I'd say it's worth a shot. Let both of the weakest links fail together.
[Confessional]
Byakuya: I'm not truly sure who's the weakest link in our team. The annoying dancer was definitely it at first, but recently the soldier girl hasn't been very useful in challenges, always falling short. No better way to weed them out then put their talents against each other, I'd theorize. And if we lose, it'll be obvious who to vote out.
[End]
To be continued

Specs:
CPU 7800X3D Board - MSI b650-p wifi GPU XFX MERC 7900 XTXRam DDR5 G.skill 6400 cl32 (16x2)gb I am using a Single monitor - ASUS PG279Q with 165Hz. Ever since i built my pc ( 1 month ago - in the beginning of May 23) - i have been experiencing - Random crashes, My PC Just freezes, My monitor is doing one blink - and screen goes completely black. sometimes it will recover but other times i have to reset my PC. This is happening not only while gaming BUT it does also happen on regular desktop use like browsing the internet (Firefox) and when idle on desktop. I have been taking many steps trying to solve the issue myself and nothing worked out, my PC keep crashing: 1. Lowering HZ to 144. 2. Installing minimal driver "Driver only" without the Adrenaline software GUI. 3. Disabling the Internal GPU of my CPU. 4. Updating the BIOS, Using only stock RAM speeds (NO EXPO, NO XMP), NO Overclockingat all - NO PBO. Loaded Optimized Defaults settings for BIOS. 5. Been Monitoring my temps all the time - no overheating. 6. Installing latest chipset drivers. 7. Disabling MPO. 8. Using vaious older driver versions, even went back to 22.12.2 - it was still crashing. 9. Complete Fresh install of windows 10 and all my games and applications. 10. Benchmarks like Superposition / 3dmark / Passmark / cinebench r23 - most of the time benchmarks were running without crashing. (results i had are within normal range for other PCs with similar parts). 11. AMD DRIVER 23.5.1 was released and it didnt fix the issue. 12. on June 1st 2023 AMD Released driver 23.5.2 - That didnt fix my issue.

1. June 3rd - i have installed windows 11, latest AMD chipset + Instead of the normal Adrenaline drivers i install the AMD Pro software (should be more stable) - That didnt help!
   
2. I tried running my application as administrator + Disabled Hardware acceleration or any Game Overlays on my applications.
   
3. I tried to tune down the GPU power slider in adrenaline software to -10% and limit the Max clock to 2200mhz. (thinking this might lower the power draw in-case it is my PSU failing? )
   

Non of these steps fixed my issue.
Today for eg after the win11 install, i was alt-tabbing between Discord, firefox and world of warcraft - Then i had a crash again. and Discord has closed itself. and the Radeon software recovered itself but would not open unless i restarted the PC.
The windows Event Viewer didnt catch that crash somehow.
However i went on and kept looking and found this error (which oddly happened about 50minutes before the crash) :
Faulting application name: atieclxx.exe, version: 31.0.14000.58004, time stamp: 0x638a71ed
Faulting module name: amdsasrv64.dll, version: 1.0.0.0, time stamp: 0x638a7292
Exception code: 0xc0000005
Fault offset: 0x000000000005445b
Faulting process id: 0x0xD70
Faulting application start time: 0x0x1D99622FF5DE7E1
Faulting application path: C:\Windows\System32\DriverStore\FileRepository\u0386350.inf_amd64_cf354da277d39d93\B386336\atieclxx.exe
Faulting module path: C:\Windows\System32\DriverStore\FileRepository\u0386350.inf_amd64_cf354da277d39d93\B386336\amdsasrv64.dll
Report Id: 3648cc2d-2998-4ca2-bd45-2ebcca6f946a
Faulting package full name:
Faulting package-relative application ID:
To say the least- i am super frustrated, i have started the RMA process for both the GPU and the CPU - but i will have to suffer about 200-300$ restocking fee and of course this is going to shut me down for a month or two before i can afford replacement parts.
On top of that - what if im running in circles, looking in the wrong places and it ends up being a PSU issue? i have no idea, i made a post somewhere else and someone in the comments suggested that.
If you read through all of that - youre an angel.
I want this problem gone, feel free to post any suggestion, thank you!

Halloha, my name's Gianluca. Nice to meet you!- is what I would say in a formal setting.
But hence you found me in my area of comfort, welcome to my humble abode. Would you like some tea? Maybe you fancy some Earl Grey.
Anyway anyway I'm starting to babble lol, if you're wondering what I'm here for, it's for talking to you, interesting person out there wherever may you be. Meeting new people and all it brings is something I love. Making friends this way is amazing so therefore I presented myself!
If details are something you're into hearing, i can give you lots:
-I have to refuel every day almost cuz I go through an entire tank in 2 days or less. Love driving around. (Had to get new shoes and take up running to reduce expenses)
-I'm a car mechanic, also a construction worker, carpenter and if patience blesses me on that day; a painter.
-What am I saving up for? Well it's big, pretty massive in fact. So massive i could write an entire letter about it... Huh... Would it be cheeky if I said you can ask about this in your message? Would be a good idea.
-Had to start running everywhere for transport which is fun, I also do cycling, practice jumps and tricks at the bike park and do motorcycle and karting races. (Other categories and car racing are a work in progress, will upgrade soon)
-Music taste: this is the part where you look at a bunch of hyperbabble about bands that don't make a lot of sense unless you heard them, but I'll just throw a buncha names and you can see if any of the following applies: Radiohead, Megadeth, Fishmans, Marillion, The Black Keys, Queens of The Stone Age, Buckethead, Alphaville, Dire Straits, Little River Band, David Bowie, XTC, UB40, Commodores, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Cure.
-Ultramegahyper car and motorcycles fan, but in the weirdest way possible. My dream cars are actually cheap french hot hatches like the 306 and a 90's Renault Clio. The car I'd get first no matter what is a 1998 Ford Focus. If possible the RS version. And as for motorcycles I want a Kawasaki ZXR, 80's style. Also love German cars, especially old BMW's, first one I'd get is an e32 with the M70 V12 engine. Also love old Volkswagens and Audis, without a doubt would own an 80's Audi with one of their 5 cylinder engines and turbocharge it. Also very fond of japanese cars and will own a Nissan in any form possible, especially the 350z
-Played almost every Need For Speed game that ever released, started my journey with the franchise through Underground, and played every release as they launched. (yes even Undercover, I actually enjoyed it). I listen to the soundtracks of old NFS games in my free time. Also played Midnight Club, Forza, Assetto Corsa, FlatOut, Burnout, BeamNG... I COULD KEEP GOING.
-Not everything in my life is about cars though, my day is dedicated to music too, especially playing piano. I'm also a guitar and bass player. And really want to get more sound gear and instruments in the future (Cars and music gear? I'll be broke all the time)
-I'm relatively organized, but living by myself has shown me that being the only person inside the house, I leave stuff around unless somebody visits. But while living with my parents I didn't make any mess anywhere so I'm not an absolute demon.
-Yes, living by myself also requires me to cook and I'm actually an amazing cook. I include lots of seasoning and veggies into the meals, even soy to balance things out and eggs for protein. Learned lots while being independent.
-Fun facts about me to end this: The amount of clothes I have in total is so small that i can wash them all in one washing machine load, the house machine size. I also have 3 different pillows around me at all times cuz I don't like laying on a flat surface. I listen to music even while showering. And I own a dog that requires me to feed her on a daily basis even though I beg her to feed off the sun.
Anyways that's about it from me! Hope you enjoyed this lil introduction that is the size of the Twilight prologue, but way better.

Halloha, my name's Gianluca. Nice to meet you!- is what I would say in a formal setting.
But hence you found me in my area of comfort, welcome to my humble abode. Would you like some tea? Maybe you fancy some Earl Grey.
Anyway anyway I'm starting to babble lol, if you're wondering what I'm here for, it's for talking to you, interesting person out there wherever may you be. Meeting new people and all it brings is something I love. Making friends this way is amazing so therefore I presented myself!
If details are something you're into hearing, i can give you lots:
-I have to refuel every day almost cuz I go through an entire tank in 2 days or less. Love driving around. (Had to get new shoes and take up running to reduce expenses)
-I'm a car mechanic, also a construction worker, carpenter and if patience blesses me on that day; a painter.
-What am I saving up for? Well it's big, pretty massive in fact. So massive i could write an entire letter about it... Huh... Would it be cheeky if I said you can ask about this in your message? Would be a good idea.
-Had to start running everywhere for transport which is fun, I also do cycling, practice jumps and tricks at the bike park and do motorcycle and karting races. (Other categories and car racing are a work in progress, will upgrade soon)
-Music taste: this is the part where you look at a bunch of hyperbabble about bands that don't make a lot of sense unless you heard them, but I'll just throw a buncha names and you can see if any of the following applies: Radiohead, Megadeth, Fishmans, Marillion, The Black Keys, Queens of The Stone Age, Buckethead, Alphaville, Dire Straits, Little River Band, David Bowie, XTC, UB40, Commodores, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Cure.
-Ultramegahyper car and motorcycles fan, but in the weirdest way possible. My dream cars are actually cheap french hot hatches like the 306 and a 90's Renault Clio. The car I'd get first no matter what is a 1998 Ford Focus. If possible the RS version. And as for motorcycles I want a Kawasaki ZXR, 80's style. Also love German cars, especially old BMW's, first one I'd get is an e32 with the M70 V12 engine. Also love old Volkswagens and Audis, without a doubt would own an 80's Audi with one of their 5 cylinder engines and turbocharge it. Also very fond of japanese cars and will own a Nissan in any form possible, especially the 350z
-Played almost every Need For Speed game that ever released, started my journey with the franchise through Underground, and played every release as they launched. (yes even Undercover, I actually enjoyed it). I listen to the soundtracks of old NFS games in my free time. Also played Midnight Club, Forza, Assetto Corsa, FlatOut, Burnout, BeamNG... I COULD KEEP GOING.
-Not everything in my life is about cars though, my day is dedicated to music too, especially playing piano. I'm also a guitar and bass player. And really want to get more sound gear and instruments in the future (Cars and music gear? I'll be broke all the time)
-I'm relatively organized, but living by myself has shown me that being the only person inside the house, I leave stuff around unless somebody visits. But while living with my parents I didn't make any mess anywhere so I'm not an absolute demon.
-Yes, living by myself also requires me to cook and I'm actually an amazing cook. I include lots of seasoning and veggies into the meals, even soy to balance things out and eggs for protein. Learned lots while being independent.
-Fun facts about me to end this: The amount of clothes I have in total is so small that i can wash them all in one washing machine load, the house machine size. I also have 3 different pillows around me at all times cuz I don't like laying on a flat surface. I listen to music even while showering. And I own a dog that requires me to feed her on a daily basis even though I beg her to feed off the sun.
Anyways that's about it from me! Hope you enjoyed this lil introduction that is the size of the Twilight prologue, but way better.

Think I got it close but looking for feedback on what might be out of order or not needs. I'm about to do a clean wipe before installing so be HARSH😅 I've had some crashing issues in the past with the Courage spell for some reason and use to have an issue with Meeko not going to the shack but that have been fixed.
USSEP
USSEP SURVIVAL
CHEATROOM
UGH
KONTOL
FLUTE FINDER
BOOKS GLOW
EXTRAS AT START
TRULY ABSORB DRAGON SOULS
STAY ARROW STAY
HEARTHFIRE 2X GOLD USSEP
UNLIMITED RINGS AND AMULETS
RESTED REBALANCE
STILL ZEROER
LEVEL UP IN SILENCE
PICKPOCKET 100
STONES OF BARENZIAH
THE PAARTHURNAX DILEMMA
JIUBS OPUS AND ARVAKS SKULL
RUNIC DAWNGUARD
ALL THEIVES GUILD JOBS
SEE ENCHANTMENTS
PEACEFUL HEARTHFIRE
ARS METALLICA
OMEN UI
SKYHUD OBLIVION
DEAR DIARY LOCKPICK INTERFACE
FAST BEAST PERKS
STRONGER SPELLS AND MAGIC
50 PCT MORE PERK POINTS
PERKS & MAGIC MEGA BUNDLE
BETTER ADVENTURERS BACKPACKS
GUARDIAN KHAROXIA
PEACEKEEPER ARMOUR M&F
ARMORS OF THE DRAGON CHAMPION
KS SWITCHABLE HAIRSTYLE #1
ECHELON
KATANA CRAFTING
CRAFTABLE EVERYTHING DAWNGUARD
CRAFTABLE EVERYTHING DRAGONBORN
ENHANCED BOUND WEAPONS
ENHANCED BOUND WEAPONS ORDINATOR PATCH
BOUND SHIELD WITH FX
GET BO MORE DEAD MERCHANTS
REMOVE 48HR RESTOCK
CLOAKS OF SKYRIM
PRIVATEEYE'S HEAVY ARMOR
FACTION OVERHAUL-NO CC
SKYRIM UNLEVELED
CLOAKS FACE MASKS BUNDLE
THERE WILL BE BLOOD AND BUBBLES
KIP AHRK BAHLOK FOOD REBALANCE
LEIN'S SKYRIM NPC OVERHAUL
LOVERBOY DEFAULT 1K
CBBE CURVY
KEO'S SKIMPY OUTFIT CBBE CURVY
SERANA TTR
SERANA INFINITE
SDA
EROUS FOLLOWER ABIGAIL
SUPERIOR LORE FRIENDLY HAIR
MARRY ME SERANA
IMPROVED HELGEN STARTER EQUIPMENT
LAKEVIEW AUTO SELLING CHEST
MAINLAND STALHRIM
JK'S INTERIORS AIO
NORTHERN ROADS 1K
JK'S SKYRIM AIO
NR & JKS AIO PATCH
NR & CC SAINTS PATCH
SHEZRUE'S LAKEVIEW HEARTHFIRE KITCHEN
HEARTHFIRE UPGRADE BUNDLE
IA92 ENHANCED LAKEVIEW MANOR
LAKEVIEW GARDEN EXTENDED
BETTER HARVESTING
CARRIAGE STOPS OF SKYRIM
CSS SURVIVAL PATCH
IMMERSIVE HOLD BORDERS IHB CONSISTENCY PATCH
DENSE GRASS
FOS FORESTS OF SKYRIM
ORIGINS OF FOREST 3D GRASS
VEYDOGOLT GRASS AND LAND OVERHAUL
RIVERWOOD RETREAT
DAWN
KNIGHTS OF THE NINE BATTLEMAGE
THE LADY TEMPLAR
INSTANT MASTERY
REYEKS END-DEFINITIVE
WHITERUN MINE
INCREASED MINING RESOURCES X3
VITTORIA VICI'S SECRET
DIVINE CLOAKS
CRUSADERS KNIGHTS TEMPLAR
LESHYS MAGIC CART
SRP ARCHITECTURE 1K/512
DAWN WATERS
BIG ULTIMATE KILLS
CINEMATIC DRAGON SOUL ABSORPTION
BIG JUMP 2X
IMPROVED TABLE TRANSITION
XP32
GDB REVENGE
2B MOVEMENT AND IDLE REPLACER
SERANA COMBAT
REAL WILDLIFE SKYRIM SE V1.5 NO FOOD
DIVERSE DRAGONS 1K
DRAGONBORN DLC IS PART OF SKYRIM
MORE WEREWOLVES
REALISTIC CONVERSATIONS
IMMERSIVE CITIZENS
DOG FOLLOWERS ARE HUSKIES IFD LYDIA
AFT
NO MORE STUPID DOG COMMENTS
NR & IC PATCH
UPDATED ELFX NO SMIM
ELFX HARDCORE
ELFX FIXES AIO
LANTERNS OF SKYRIM
CLEFS FORT DAWNGUARD
IC AND ELFX HARDCORE PATCH
JKS INTERIORS AND IC PATCH
SKILL TRAINING EXPANDED
MULTIPLE FLOORS SANDBOXING
GO TO BED
DOUBLE BEDS FOR TWO PPL
DOUBLE BEDS FOR SPOONING
UNDRESS FOR BED
TEMPERS TEMPTATION
MONSTERS SHOUTS BUNDLE
REBALANCED LEVELED LISTS
UNLEVELED ITEMS
HET SERIOUSLY OVERSTOCKED MERCHANTS
QUALITY WORLD MAP VIVID
HEARTHFIRE MULTIPLE ADOPTIONS
MY HOME IS YOUR HOME
JKS INTERIORS ELFX PATCH
JKS INTERIORS ELFX FIXES PATCH
LANDSCAPE FIXES FOR GRASS MODS
NR LANDSCAPE FIXES PATCH
NR AND COMPLEMENTARY GRASS PATCH
NO DISARM
CHARACTER EDITOR

If this weren't a video game, I'd be on my way to prison!

Gex

After the successive deaths of Gex's father and uncle, which happened to leave him a large inheritance, Gex entered a deep depression, unable to leave the house. He used his cash to buy himself a big TV and cable, and spent his days as a couch potato in front of the screen, a hopeless addict. One day, when he swallowed a special bug sent by the villainous Rez, he was pulled inside the world of TV. Now, with only his natural gecko abilities to help him, Gex goes on an adventure to defeat Rez and escape from TVland, all the while spouting off extremely dated pop-culture references.
As a playable character in the game Mad Dash Racing, Gex is capable of performing any feat another character in his racer class (Dasher) can do, as well as any feat performable by the other two racer classes (Glider and Basher) as long as he’s carrying 10 green meteor chunks. Overview of racer classes from the manual. Feats that Dashers can perform will be marked with “MDR” for Mad Dash Racing while feats Gex would need ten meteor chunks to perform will be marked with “Tri” for “Tribrid.”

Gecko Abilities

Tongue

• Snatches a bug out of the air with his tongue
  
• Picks up powerups with his tongue
  
• Pulls his entire body onto a platform with his tongue
  
• Pulls himself up onto a tree branch to avoid automatic fire.
  
• Pulls himself up to a tree branch twenty feet above his head to escape cannibals and a tiger.
  
• Pulls himself up to a conduit fifty feet above the ground to avoid an attack from Rez.
  
• Catches his fall and reels himself back up to a platform after Rez knocks him off it.
  

Climbing

• In the first game, Gex can climb along any surface, including walls and ceilings
  
• From the second game onwards, Gex can only climb on specially marked areas
  
• Uses the suction-cups on his feet to cling to a tree against the blast of four tank shells.
  

Power-ups

• Invincibility
  
• Super speed that makes Gex leave afterimages
  
• Super jump that lets Gex jump high into the air
  
• Fire breath that incinerates foes
  
  • Burns down a giant spider creature
  • Incinerates a human
  • Burns a pile of counterfeit money
  • Breaks a lock on a gate
• Flaming aura that lets him light a fuse (Gameboy version)
  
• Ice breath that freezes foes In the novel, it pierces Rez’s chest and knocks him back into a pit of static.
  
  • Freezes an enemy in a huge block of ice, which is then pushed
• Multidirectional lightning breath that incinerates foes
  
• Spitting attack Uses it to knock Rez off a wire, make a car skid, and immobilize three gangsters.
  
• Temporary Herculean strength
  
  • Breaks cracked columns
  • Pushes a tall column
• Temporary superhero strength which can shatter stone
  
  • There's also a superhero costume that lets you glide

Costumes

• Bunny costume
  
• Space suit
  
  • Another space suit
• Caveman outfit
  
• Indiana Jones costume
  
• Police costume
  
• Winter clothes
  
• Firefighter costume
  
• Pharaoh outfit
  
• Army uniform
  
• Cowboy costume
  
• Akuji the Heartless costume
  
• Toga
  
• Pirate costume complete with peg leg
  
• Wrestling costume
  
• Tin Man costume
  
• Scuba gear
  
• Gangster outfit
  
• Lifeguard outfit
  
• Superhero costume
  
• Vampire costume that lets him glide through the air
  
• Red riding hood that lets him glide
  
• Robot suit that lets him glide In the novel, it makes him a transformer who can shapeshift into a bucket, a forklift, a jet plane or a helicopter with a rotor strong enough to chop up a heavily armoured giant robot.
  
• Sherlock Holmes costume that lets him analyze his surroundings and... shrink?
  
  • Shrinks into a sink to pop bubbles
  • Shrinks into a pool table to fight giant pool balls

Mad Dash Racing Powerups:

• Psycho Chicken: a chicken-shaped guided missile that homes in on foes and explodes.^MDR
  
• Blob Bombs:, which are green glowing blobs that can be set down which explode on contact like mines.
  
• Bouncy Fruit: bouncing explosive projectiles shaped like fruit.
  
• Ribbon of Pain: A tron-like trail of energy that trails behind him, stunning anybody who touches it.
  
• Disco Ball: A shield that gives Gex temporary invincibility plus a speed boost.
  
• Freeze All: Freezes all other racers on the track, forcing them to struggle to escape with a button prompt.
  

Gear

• Spy watch which he can communicate with Agent Xtra with
  
• Whole lab full of technology
  

Vehicles

• Camel
  
• Kangaroo
  
• Alligator
  
• Donkey
  
• Snowboard
  
• Tank
  

Strength

General Strength

• Diverts the path of a slow-moving rocket
  
• Holds onto a large firework as it flies into the air (Gameboy version)
  
• Holds onto a rocket as it flies through space
  
• Uses a mounted machine gun without experiencing recoil
  
• Hits a golfball so hard that it leaves a trail of fire when it lands.
  

Tail Strength

• His tail whip attack is described as being able to dismember enemies and even disintegrate them
  
• Bashes through a large cluster of blocks with one hit from his tail
  
  • Does the same thing by bouncing on them from above
  • Breaks cartoon world blocks
  • Breaks stone blocks in a temple
  • Breaks blocks in Rez's world
  • Breaks large metal blocks
• Breaks metal containers
  
• Destroys a satellite dish
  
• Destroys a radio tower
  
• Breaks flying TVs
  
  • Breaks a TV (Gameboy version)
• Breaks giant dominos
  
• Breaks giant, evil pool balls
  
• Breaks a giant metal locker door
  
• Breaks a sarcophagus-themed wall covering
  
• Breaks the Ark of the Covenant (Gameboy version)
  
• Breaks the arms off a statue
  
• Breaks metal grates
  
• Breaks a brick house apart with repeated strikes
  
• Tail-whips a skull offscreen
  
• Tail-whips barrels
  
• Tail-whips and breaks strings that are holding up anvils
  
• Tail-whips a large mushroom (Gameboy version)
  
• Tail-whips a cooler of blood (Gameboy version)
  
• Tail-whips a sentient piece of machinery (Gameboy version)
  
• Tail-whips an Asian vase (Gameboy version)
  
• Tail-whips a set of double doors
  
• Tail-whips a bookshelf cover
  
• Tail-whips some giant bones
  
• Tail-whips a crystal power cell
  
• Tail-whips a sandcastle
  
• Tail-whips wooden boards
  
• Tail-whips tents
  
• Tail whips a car-sized boulder back at the cyclops who threw it, knocking them back into a mountain.
  
• Tail whips a desk into splinters.
  
• Sends Rez flying with a tail whip. Rez is very large and made of metal.
  
• Defeats a troop of alien warriors with his tail-whip.
  
• Defeats six ninjas at once with a roundhouse tail-whip.
  
• Sends Moo Shu Pork, a mutant cow/pig hybrid, flying with a kick, and is then implied to eat him. Moo Shu Pork is considerably larger than Gex.
  
• Knocks over a mech walker
  
• Deflects a thrown present out of the air hard enough to stun Evil Santa (Gameboy version)
  
• Dismembers a Frankenstein's monster
  
• Can defeat a dinosaur (Gameboy version)
  
• Activates a cannon by striking it (Gameboy version)
  
• Spins a gear to raise a large platform
  
• Spins a crank to pull out a bridge
  
• Rings the bell on a test-your-strength machine
  
• Tail slams so hard he shakes a mountain, causing part of it to collapse onto a cyclops.
  
• While giant, breaks apart a skyscraper with repeated strikes
  
• Shakes a giant tower inside a space station with a tail slam.
  
• Sends shockwaves through the ground with a tail slam, defeating two sumo wrestlers.
  
• Casually knocks aside robotic drones.
  
• Sends a roman soldier flying out of a chariot with a tail swipe.
  
• Knocks down a twelve foot tall cyclops.
  
• Knocks down a very large man with a tail swipe.
  

Push/Pull

• Pushes a block of ice
  
• Pushes a large boiler and its stone foundation
  
• Pushes a large barrel
  

Mad Dash Racing

• Can defeat a Tremmel (a spikey headed monster) with one hit.^MDR
  
• Can stun other racers and knock them into the air with a tackle.^MDR
  
• Can smash through thick sections of foliage.^Tri
  
• Can smash through rows of crates.^Tri
  
• Can smash through a larger pile of crates.^Tri
  
• Can destroy large underground roots.^Tri
  
• Can destroy large stone tiki heads.^Tri
  
• Can bash through cracked stone blocks.^Tri
  
• Can smash apart a metal barricade.^Tri
  
• Can smash apart a barricade made from large metal barrels.^Tri
  
• Can smash through a large door.^Tri
  
• Can smash through a cracked stone wall.^Tri
  
• Can destroy a large rock spire.^Tri
  
• Can destroy large stone boulders.^Tri
  
• Can bash apart huge sections of rock.^Tri
  
• Can beat Hex in a boss fight. Hex is strong enough to smash through huge stone walls and shrugs off a massive explosion in a cutscene and says he’s feeling “okay” afterwards. Although any playable character can play through Mad Dash Racing’s story mode and fight Hex, the cutscene for winning does change to reflect who you picked^MDR and there’s not really any canon for this game
  

Mobility

Agility

• Can bounce using his tail
  
• Can jump surprisingly far
  
• Jumps from his chariot to another while in a race.
  
• Jumps from satellite to satellite in space, using his suction cups and sticky tongue to help him.
  
• Can clear long gaps with a karate kick
  
• Can do a one-handed handstand
  
• Can run, climb, and swim^MDR very quickly.
  
  • Can do this through tight gauntlets of obstacles like floor spikes, swinging braziers, spinning fans, and attacking enemies.
• Can also climb arm over arm hanging from a net ceiling very fast.^MDR
  
• Can perform a “Powerslide” while turning in order to charge up a burst of speed. In action.^MDR
  
• Can grind quickly across thin surfaces like guard rails, vines, and ropes.^MDR
  
• Can glide through the air a good distance by flapping his arms.^Tri
  

Speed

• Counters an attack from a cow-pig hybrid with a pair of nunchuks, then disarms him.
  
• Dodges swings from Rez. Does it again.
  
• Runs while avoiding spear thrusts from cannibals chasing him.
  
• Jumps over a crowd of zombies, then dodges a knife-swing from a slasher villain.
  
• Can jump over a ninja's shuriken while fighting him (Gameboy version)
  
• Leaps out of a tank to avoid four enemy shells.
  
• Dodges gunfire from three gangsters.
  
• Runs away from a POW camp while avoiding gunfire from the guards.
  
• Ducks behind a car to avoid a driveby shooting.
  
• Can aimdodge automatic fire from a gangster’s tommygun.
  
• Can jump over a hunter's cartoon bullets while fighting him (Gameboy version)
  
• Can run around hunters with homing bullets (Gameboy version)
  
• Can move around slow-moving energy blasts
  
• Can dodge rocket blasts from Rez
  
• Avoids a bunch of homing missiles from Rez.
  
• Jumps onto a missile after it’s fired and steers it through a TV and into Rez’s chest.
  
• Deflects a thrown present out of the air hard enough to stun Evil Santa
  
• Can run extremely quickly after a golf ball he’s launched; in this case, covers about 180yds in a few seconds.
  

Durability

• Unhurt by jumping through glass
  
• Unhurt when the rocket he's riding blows to bits
  
• Unhurt by an impact that destroys the wooden crate he's in
  
• Deflects blue fireballs
  
• Gets slapped into the side of a building by Rez. Rez is strong enough to shake a huge tower inside a space station with one hand.
  
• Gets hit by Rez again, knocking him off a platform.
  
• Gets slammed in the skull by an FBI agent with a crowbar, although it knocks him out
  
• Gets pistol whipped in the back of the head by a mobster.
  
• Gets blasted into a wall by a robot’s beam attack.
  
• Gets shot by a giant robot and crashes into the ground hard enough to damage his jet-boots.
  
• Has an exploding bouquet of flowers go off in his face, blasting his head the wrong-way around.
  
• Gets thrown high up a mountain by a cyclops.
  
• Can crash through a large neon sign without slowing down.^MDR
  
• Can be hurled a long distance from a catapult and hit the ground running.^MDR
  
• As a mandatory section of a race course, falls from high up and hits the ground running.^MDR
  
• Can be hit by a giant rolling boulder and is only stunned for a second.^MDR
  
• Can take a hit by the Tremmel King in a story mode cutscene. As a Basher type racer, the Tremmel King is strong enough to smash apart large obstacles.^MDR
  
• Can take hits from Hex during his boss fight. Hex is strong enough to smash through huge stone walls during scripted sections of the fight.^MDR
  
• Can get speared by a floor spike trap and walk it off.^MDR
  
• Can be hit by a swinging bladed pendulum and walk it off.^MDR
  
• Can be blown up by a land mine and walk it off.^MDR
  
• Can be burned by a spray of hot steam from a pipe and shake it off.^MDR
  
• Can be burned by a jet of flame from a giant tiki and shake it off.^MDR
  

Other

• In the first game, can spend an indefinite amount of time underwater
  
  • Can swim in freezing water with no ill effects
• Can spend an indefinite amount of time in space with no suit or air supply Same in the novel.
  
  • However, in a later game he needs a regular air supply
• Gets charged up with an energy that lets him activate jump pads
  
• Fucking murders people with a tommy gun
  
• Can kill ghosts
  
• His tail seems to be somewhat prehensile, picking up, unfolding, and putting on a pair of sunglasses.
  
• Carves an ice sculpture with tail whips (Gameboy version)
  
• Is pretty good at golf.
  

Hey, cool. I wonder what's on HBO...

"Whoa!"
As Doctor Neo Cortex was building an army of mutants to conquer the world with, he needed a general. One particular experiment caught his eye, a bandicoot that he would give the name Crashworth Cortex the First. But when it came time to brainwash the marsupial into being a leader, the machine malfunctioned, the bandicoot rejected. Escaping from his creator's clutches, Crash woke up on a beach on a nearby island, immediately setting off to rescue the similarly mutated Tawna. While he would lose contact with Tawna and instead spend his time with his sister Coco, Crash would constantly find himself butting heads with Cortex and his schemes. While he may not be the smartest, his determined athleticism ensured he would find all the crystals, gems, or any other object needed to stop any schemes of world domination.

Legend

Strength

Striking - Spinning / Sliding

• Smashes crates and sends enemies flying through the level¹
  • These enemies can include giant alligators³ and lions^N3
  • Hits enemies into a large metal fan to break it^N2
• In a Die-O-Rama, breaks a tree and causes it to fall on him^TTR
• Breaks a stone pillar^T
• Breaks laser generators⁴
• Knocks back scientists with a metal shield^N2
• Sends smaller foes flying^Sky-A
• Sends a robot flying back to damage machines and speakers⁴
• Hits away stone crates^CB
• Spins around large devices with a platform on one side and a net of crates on the other by spinning said net^T
• Skims rocks on water by spinning them^T
• Sends a boulder over a stream of lava to smash against an enemy¹
  • N-Sane Trilogy version^N1

Striking - Other

• Sends smaller foes flying with punches and kicks^Sky-A
• While brawling with Cortex, breaks through a wooden barrier^T
• Smashes Cortex through reinforced crates^T
• Beats up and breaks metal crates^CotT
• Forces open a trap door with a body slam²
• Breaks reinforced crates with a body slam²
• With an ability, creates a shockwave with his body slams that can destroy reinforced crates³
• Hits with a hammer hard enough to make a small shockwave^CB

Lifting / Throwing

• Lifts an dumbbell with ice weights^RR
• Lifts a dumbbell with stone weights^RR
• Lifts a dumbbell with larger stone weights^RR
• Spins while holding onto Cortex and a power crystal^T
• Holds Crunch over his head while slamming him to the ground^MOM
• Throws Cortex over a gap^T
• Throws Cortex into the mouth of a stone statue^T
• Lifts and throws stone crates^CB
• Throws a device an incredible distance to knock a cage off of a blimp^CotT
• Tears up a tree he's chained to^M2

Other

• Throws wumpa fruit at N. Gin's mech to damage and break different parts^N2
• Leaps around a room^Sky-A

Durability

Blunt Force

• Has an extended brawl with Neo Cortex^T
• Smashes through a wooden barrier while riding a mine cart^W
• Sent flying across a street and into a store window^A
• Struck by a ten ton and hundred ton weight^M2
• Hit and run over by a train^BB

Falling

• Drops a large distance¹
• Jumps off of a waterfall^CotT-DS
• Drops into a cave^T
• Belly flops onto stone⁴
• Falls a large distance onto metal^T
• Falls off a cliff into shallow mud⁴
• Thrown a huge distance through the air^T
• Is in a snowball as it drops off a cliff to smash Dingodile's house^T
• Drops out of Neo Cortex's tower and wakes up the following morning, washed up on the beach of another island¹

Explosive

• Can have their kart blown into the air^CTR
• Launched through the air by three crates blowing up beneath him^M
• Blown through the air by a mass of TNT crates^T
• Is in Cortex's lair as it blows up and emerges seemingly unharmed from rubble^M

Other

• Can be crushed flat in a kart^NK
• Electrocuted so his skeleton can be seen for a duration¹
• Electrocuted into ashes before reforming in the same cutscene^MOM
• Is in a space station as it falls to Earth, crashing into a cliff before landing, with Crash appearing unharmed from the experience. While falling he was holding Aku-Aku in front of him, but it's unlikely this provided him any particular protection^MOM

Speed

• Avoids Papu Papu's swings¹
• Evades blasts in a car while Cortex is chasing them in his own^TTR
• Dodges a freeze ray after it was fired when Crunch couldn't react^CotT
• Keeps ahead of giant chasing animals, such as a triceratops³ and a dragon^W
• Rapidly punches a giant robot^Sky-A

Skill

• Can wall jump^CotT
• Wall runs⁴
• Grinds on rails⁴
• Using flames and removing his trousers, distracts Papu Papu to get behind him for an attack¹

Jacking

In Crash of the Titans and Mind over Mutant, Crash can take over foes, mostly large creatures mutated by a substance called mojo called titans, by stunning them and placing Aku-Aku on their face.
Full Titan RT
General

• After stunning a titan, Crash can put Aku-Aku on their face and control them^CotC
• Titans collapse after being unmasked^CotC
• Jacking works on non-titans, with older mutated creatures like Dingodile and regular people like Neo Cortex being jacked^CotT-GBA

Notable Titan Feats

• All titans can break apart masses of stone^CotT and huge stone walls^MOM
• Scorporilla creates a fissure in the ground with its tail
• Spike can send a boulder flying into a huge tree, felling it^MOM-DS
• Ratcicle instantly freezes and shatters a massive amount of ice^MOM
• Grimly can seemingly slow time around it while moving normally^MOM

Other Abilities

Unlocked

• Double jumps³
• Rocket Jump propels him high into the air^NT
• Can spin for longer durations with the Death Tornado ability, using this to glide through the air³
• Can throw around TNT crates and pull in enemies with his spins^Sky
• Slides large distances with the Super Slide^NT
• With one ability can sneak across lines of stable nitro crates without blowing them up^W
• After getting Speed Shoes, can dash through levels³
• A bazooka that shoots wumpa fruit to defeat enemies and break crates³

Other

• Spins so fast he flies through the air¹
• Glides over gaps with a different kind of spin^CotT
• Burrows into the ground while still being able to stick his legs up and spin them^N2

Masks

Aku-Aku
The spirit of an ancient witch doctor, Aku-Aku has been protecting Crash since his first adventure. Since then, he's also played the role of being the fount of knowledge, knowing whenever evil is occurring and how to stop it.
Full RT

• On breaking an Aku Aku crate, the mask follows Crash to protect him from an attack¹
  • Opening another Aku Aku crate strengthens him, allowing him to protect Crash from two attacks²
  • Opening a third causes Crash to wear the mask temporarily, rendering him invincible for the period¹ while smashing through crates, even reinforced ones³
• Crash skates down areas on Aku-Aku^CotT
  • Can create fire around him while being used like this^CotT-DS

Lani-Loli
The quantum mask of space, Lani-Loli is the first to be found in Crash 4 and takes the role of guide and exposition dealer for the adventure.

• Causes certain items to phase in and out of reality for Crash to be able to affect⁴
• When used by a machine, causes rows of tiles to phase out of reality⁴
• Can sense rifts in space and open them when not being rampantly created by N. Tropy's device, with this likely being applicable to the other quantum masks⁴

Akano
The quantum mask of matter.

• Strengthens spins to break reinforced crates⁴
  • Hits back a large mutated N. Brio⁴
  • These spins deflect green magic⁴
• Causes spins to last longer, providing a gliding effect over gaps⁴
• Is forced to empower a machine, causing it to spin while creating extra energy beams⁴
• Launched out of a machine by an explosion before falling to the ground and entering a dimensional rift⁴
• Is notably heavy⁴
  • Traps Cortex beneath himself⁴

Kupuna-Wa
The quantum mask of time.

• Notably slows down time while allowing Crash to move normally⁴
  • Allows Crash to use ice falling down waterfalls as platforms⁴
  • Like this Crash can touch nitro crates and have time to exit the blast radius before they blow up⁴
• When used by a machine, changes the speed of platforms disappearing and reappearing⁴
• Knows of all time, telling that there's a significant event happening in Crash and Coco's near futures⁴

Ika-Ika
The quantum mask of gravity.

• Flips gravity for Crash⁴
• On waking up, flips gravity for several people in front of him⁴
• When forced by a machine, causes the screen to flip upside down⁴

Karts

General

• Jumps up a ledge^CTR
• Drops down a large distance^CTR
  • Does so again^NK
• All karts can take hits that blow them into the air^CTR and crust them flat^NK
• Capable of giving themselves boosts by drifting^CTR
• Karts go faster when wumpa fruits are collected, and when ten are collected the items used are changed to be stronger^CTR
• In Nitro Kart, the karts were modified to be able to drive along walls and ceilings in certain areas^NK
• After driving alongside a teammate for a while, a Team Up meter fills and allows both racers to use unlimited items for a period on activation^NK

Items - Offensive
These are capable of forcing open a door in the original game and remake.^CTR-N

• Bombs which roll along the road in a straight line, exploding on contact^CTR
  • Fully powered bombs have a larger blast radius^CTR
  • These can be blown up early on command^CTR
• Homing missiles^CTR
  • When powered up they are faster with better tracking^CTR
• Creates an electric shockwave around them^NK3
• Releases a warp orb from Crash 3 that chases after the racer in first place, shocking everyone in their path^CTR
  • When powered up it tracks each racer in front of the user in sequence^CTR
• Releases a tornado which targets first place, throwing any racer it meets up into the air^NK

Items - Traps

• Drops an oil slick^NK2
• Beakers which cause anyone running into them to spin out^CTR-N
  • Turn from green to red at full power, adding an extra effect such as slowing down the kart that drives into them for a while^CTR-N
• Crates of TNT which anyone running into needs to hop rapidly to remove before it explodes^CTR-N
  • These change into nitro crates that explode instantly when powered up^CTR
• Ice mines trap foes in a block of ice^NK
  • When fully powered they give the kart ice physics for the duration^NK
• Static orbs short out circuits on karts, slowing foes down while changing their weapon^NK
  • At full power, they draw racers in and reverse their steering for a time^NK

Items - Other

• Shields which protect against any one hit^NK
  • Can be launched like a bomb, with the fully powered shield protecting indefinitely until hit or thrown^CTR
• Speed boosts^CTR
  • Last longer when powered up^CTR
  • Can be used to evade a missile^NK
• N. Tropy's Clocks spin out and slow down all opposing racers for a period^NK
• Call upon Aku-Aku to speed up the kart and render them invulnerable for a bit^CTR

Tag Team Racing Cars

• In Crash Tag Team Racing, all racer's vehicles can merge with each other and break apart again at will^TTR
• Can drive through tree-shaped targets^TTR
• Have a variety of weapons with each car combination being able to swap between two, which can include wumpa fruit launchers and magnetic blasts
  • Missiles
  • A machine gun
  • Electric shotgun blasts^TTR
• Can be rocket propelled^TTR
• Can launch items as large as pianos^TTR

Other Vehicles

Ground

• The atlasphere is a large orb which Crash rolls around in^W
  • Used to seemingly imbue rolling rocks with power for Aku Aku to use^W
  • Can jump in a cage shaped like an atlasphere⁴
• Mine carts^W
• A pogo stick^CB
• Crash's Jeep keeps ahead of a rhino stampede^W
• Motorbikes³
  • Smash through large wooden barriers^N3
• A hovercraft^CB
• Drives a tiny tank which can drop mines^CB
• A tank which shoots ammo which destroys other tanks with one shot and rebounds off of walls^RR
• A mech which has a fruit bazooka on the arm^W
  • Breaks reinforced crates by jumping on them^W
  • Runs away from an explosion^W
  • A variant of it has a water cannon which, when empowered by Aku-Aku, hurts Crunch imbued with the fire Elemental^W
• A boxing mech^BB
• At one point pilots Mecha-Bandicoot, a Neo Cortex creation that can shoot missiles and energy blasts^T
  • Has a chainsaw arm that finishes off another mech^T
  • Flies^T
• A device which can attract and repel balls to hit enemies with while moving side to side^RR
• Any given animal he jumps on the back of, from boars¹ to Neo Cortex^T

Flying

• A hang glider^CotT-GBA
• Biplanes which shoot bullets that destroy the engines of much larger planes³
• Crash's Glider can shoot down tornado generators^W
• The Firefly locks on and shoots missiles which sink ships on repeat hits^W
• The Copter-Pak^W
• Jetpacks²
  • Can come with an energy blaster that can take down a blimp with blasts^XS
• Uses a flying carpet which allows him to shoot magic blasts from his head^NT
• A spaceship which shoots energy beams to rapidly crumple and destroy parts of Cortex and Ripto's machine^RR
• A motorbike which flies through space^XS
  • Appears to quickly circle the Earth^XS
• Rides a bat^RR

Water

• A wakeboard^NT
• Surfboards with engines that allow him to boost through water²
• A turbo boosted inflatable ring^RR
• A hovercraft with a weapon^CB
  • Can drop mines^CB
• An underwater propulsion device which can shoot missiles and dash forwards³
• A submarine which shoots missiles^W
  • Can drop explosives^W

Other Equipment

• Can carry a variety of items to increase health, damage, and turn Crash invincible for a short period^CotT-DS
• Capable of throwing out TNT crates^Sky
  • These crates can contain a jetpack and rocket for Crash to fire at the ground with for a time^Sky
• Uses scuba gear³
• Wields a rocket launcher which instantly turns sheep to ashes^RR
  • Can be charged to launch two rockets at once, and can release bombs^RR
• Throws Molotov cocktails that can destroy large amounts of stone in two attacks, and quickly builds a platform after the platform that was previously there were destroyed by Spyro's Molotov cocktails^RR

Other

• His mutation enhanced his senses and stamina^Sky-A
• Can pick up a 'freejack' which allows Crash to stun any enemy with a kick^CotT
  • Knocks back large foes with this attack^CotT
• Was hit briefly by the ray that turns animals into titans, though the process didn't complete due to a dead battery. Like this Crash had enhanced strength, breaking free of metal restraints and knocking back a titan, as well as the ability to jack them without Aku-Aku, but the mutation visibly appears to be gone by the end of the short^A
• Remotely controls a helicopter to shoot down parachuting devices intent on harming him^RR
• In a Die-O-Rama, creates a fire which quickly thaws out a frozen yeti^TTR
• Walks and jumps on clouds¹
• Only likes wumpa fruit⁴
• Comes with his own theme music^Sky-A

"As for me, heh, let's just say I'm doing just fine."

Hold your horns, here comes Spyro!

Spyro the Dragon is, as the name suggests, a young dragon. Over the course of the series, he goes on many adventures. That's basically everything.
This RT only covers the classic timeline, and not The Legend of Spyro or Skylanders.

Dragon Breath

General Strength

• Breaks a sign
  
• Breaks urns
  
• Breaks chests
  
• Breaks barrels
  
• Breaks small windmills
  
• Breaks dune buggies
  
• Breaks flying beds
  
• Breaks boats
  
• Breaks planes
  
• Breaks a crystaline enemy
  
• Breaks a cage
  
• Blasts a metal container until it explodes
  
• Blasts a hedgehog into a stone statue hard enough to destroy it
  
• Blasts enemies into the air
  
• Blasts a sheep high into the air
  
• Blasts Ripto high into the air, SINGING his CAPE
  
• Knocks out some large sea serpents
  
• Knocks out an elephant
  
• Knocks bombs into the air
  

Fire Breath
One of Spyro's most notable abilities is breathing fire. Metal enemies are resistant to fire, but can be defeated by charging, while enemies that are too big to be charged can be knocked down with a fire attack (as seen here)

• Sparx states that Spyro's fire is at least 7800 degrees Fahrenheit
  
• Ashes Toasty's costume, scorching the grass underneath
  
• Ashes a haystack
  
• Ashes a large pencil
  
• Ashes some tents
  
• Ashes a painting
  
• Ashes a cuckoo clock
  
• Ashes a large mushroom
  
• Ashes thick thorns
  
• Ashes a gear
  
• Ashes Rhynocs, killing them
  
• Burns a tree black
  
• Burns a cactus black, which then explodes
  
• Burns a large, magic plant, causing it to revert into a seed
  
• Melts candle wax instantly
  
• Melts a block of ice a fairy is trapped in without hurting the fairy
  
• Melts a large block of ice
  
• Vaporizes a snowman
  
• Destroys two sausages and fries a dragon's facial hair
  
• Scorches Dr. Shemp's rear, sending him fleeing in pain
  
• Scorches Bianca
  
• [Burns N. Tropy, N. Brio, and N. Gin]()
  
• Fires a cannon
  
• Fires a rocket
  
• Lights a large candle
  
• Lights lighthouses
  
• Keeps "sun seeds" lit, from which a new sun can be grown
  
• Regrows a tree, somehow
  

Ice Breath
Originally, Spyro could only breathe frost with a superfreeze powerup, or altering the magic that lets him breathe fire, but in later games he gained the ability to breathe it naturally.

• His ice breath freezes monsters that are only weak to sub-zero temperatures
  
• Can freeze enemies in blocks of ice
  
• Freezes cats in large blocks of ice (along with a hockey player) while playing cat hockey
  
• Freezes a monster and his metal periscope solid, then shatters it
  
• Freezes Hunter solid
  
• Freezes a firefly that was too hot for Bianca to touch
  
• Freezes a water fountain into an ice sculpture
  
• Shapes a puddle of water into a platform
  
• Freezes a jet of water into a pole to swing on
  
• Chills a giant glass of lemonade
  
• Uses a powerup to boost the power of his freeze breath to freeze large amounts of shallow water
  
  • In later games can do this with his regular freeze breath

Electric Breath
Originally, Spyro could only use electric breath (also known as "lightning breath") with a powerup, but later gained the ability to breathe it naturally. It's effective on metal enemies and objects

• Shocks and overloads a robotic enemy
  
• Breaks the lock on a gate
  
• Starts up a navigational system
  
• Powers an energy cannon
  

Wind Breath
Spyro has the ability to breathe out powerful gusts of wind.

• Propels himself on a large frozen block of ice
  
• Can create miniature tornadoes
  
• Can charge up lightning-powered tornadoes
  

Water Breath
Spyro has the ability to breath out a spray of water. Unlike his other breath attacks, he cannot injure enemies with this, only push them back

• Pushes a water wheel
  
  • Spins a much larger wheel with a short blast

Other

• Spyro can use bubble breath to catch dragonflies and send them home
  
• Spyro can shoot bombs based on his breath types
  

Magic and Equipment

Superflame
With a fairy's kiss, or another special powerup, Spyro temporarily gains the Superflame ability. This allows him to breathe fire which is more powerful than his regular flame breath. It can either be breathed like normal, or be shot like a projectile, depending on the game.

• Capable of destroying metal spiders that Spyro could not defeat before
  
• Capable of destroying ghostly metal knights and large metal doors, as well as destroying chests which normally require alternative methods to open
  
• Capable of destroying chests which Spyro cannot break open normally
  
• Capable of destroying UFOs
  
• Capable of destroying large planters
  
• Capable of blasting large animals high into the air
  
• Capable of shooting fire underwater, strong enough to destroy metal sharks
  

Supercharge
Spyro can supercharge on special supercharge ramps (or with the help of special gates), allowing for a much faster and more powerful charge. Spyro runs so fast in this form he burns with red, then purple fire, and can smash a type of chest which he is incapable of charging through normally

• Spyro is invincible during supercharge
  
• Spyro can cross great distances by supercharging
  
• Charges through metal spiders which he could not before
  
• Charges through large metal doors
  
• Charges through cars
  
• Charges through several stone podiums
  
• Charges through a small windmill
  
• Charges through a large metal pumpkin
  
• Charges through a thick, cracked wall of ice
  
• Can charge through reinforced steel doors which can only otherwise be broken by a cannon shell
  
  • Demonstrated here

Wing Shield
Spyro has the power to shield himself with his wings and reflect attacks. It can reflect blunt objects but not piercing attacks

• Deflects a boomerang

Shadow Amulet
The Shadow Amulet is a powerful artifact which can refine and focus Spyro's magic

• Allows him to travel between the "real" world and the shadow world by standing on specific portals
  
  • He can use this to pass through barriers- but not if they are made of iron
• Can move objects with telekinesis
  
  • Opens a gate
  • Moves a stone block
  • Moves a platform
  • Moves a large platform
• Can cast a shock spell to shoot electricity
  
  • Demonstrated here
  • Knocks out the powerful dragon Red in one hit
• Can cast a cyclone spell to attack multiple enemies
  
  • Demonstrated here
• Can banish shadow creatures
  
  • Demonstrated here
• Can turn into an egg
  
• Can concentrate to divine the location of people in trouble
  
• Can teleport between teleport pads
  

Weapons

• Throws Molotov cocktails at Crash Bandcicoot to damage the wall he is on and can repair parts of his own wall
  
• Uses a bouncy ball to take out some enemies
  
• Picks up bullets from Bentley and shoots them out by spitting them, in normal and acidic explosive varieties
  

Vehicles

• Operates a weaponized vehicle
  
• Pilots a UFO
  
  • Another UFO
• Rides a magnetic contraption
  
• Rides a trolley around a dangerous track with no trouble
  
• Rides a roller coaster with a cannon attached
  
• Performs sick skateboard tricks
  
• Rides a rocket skateboard that gains fuel the more tricks he performs
  
• Rides a demolition hovercraft
  
• Rides a speedboat with a missile launcher
  
• Rides a weaponized manta ray underwater
  
• Rides a missile-launching submarine that can move through acid
  
• Rides a turret on tank treads courtesy of Agent 9, as well as a hovercraft with energy blasters
  
• Borrows Moneybags' shark-proof submarine
  
• Takes a ride on Hunter's remote-controlled plane with machine guns
  
• Rides a tank
  
• Rides a honey tank
  
• Flies a military plane
  
• Rolls around in a giant ball
  

Other

• Can spit fireballs
  
• Chases an evil spirit out of a statue by torching it
  
  • Defeats other spirits by blasting them with fire
• Can use chi attacks by flapping his wings, which can break magical shields
  
  • Demonstrated here
• Can free dragons that have been encased in crystal by Gnasty Gnorc
  
• Can temporarily fly freely with a flight powerup
  
• Can jump high into the air with a spring powerup
  
• Has a powerup which temporarily makes him invulnerable
  
  • Can walk across lava unharmed with an invulnerability powerup, as well as walk on acid
• Can spit plasma balls with a plasma ball powerup
  
• Drops a cage on Nina Cortex
  
• Can see hidden teleporters with special glasses
  

Sparx

Sparx is the dragonfly that follows Spyro, helping and protecting him, usually by collecting gems for him. His color changes depending on his health. He can also point in the direction of nearby gems.
Shooting

• Defeats some crawdads
  
• Blasts some starfish
  
• Shoots an electric eel
  
• Blows up a giant crawdad with sustained fire
  
• Defeats a large spider with sustained fire, then a giant spider
  
• Destroys a large insect with sustained fire
  
• Destroys a large bee with sustained fire
  
• Destroys a large, regenerating centipede with sustained fire
  
• Defeats a large manta ray with sustained fire
  
• Destroys a large, metal-covered beetle with sustained fire
  
• Destroys metal robots
  
• Destroys some kind of light fixture
  
• Destroys an anthill
  
• Breaks a flowerpot
  
• Blows up a box
  
• Pushes a propeller with his shots
  

Butterflies

• Eating butterflies can restore Sparx's health, but eating certain butterflies will give him special powerups
  
  • Rapid-fire powerup
  • Spread fire powerup
  • Homing firework powerup
  • Splitting powerup
  • Shield powerup

Abilities

• Can attack by charging, doing essentially anything he can do with a shot
  
• Can attack with bombs
  
• Can attack with missiles
  
• Sparx will flash to let Spyro know that he is near a portal
  
• Capable of speech
  
• Keeps up with Spyro
  

Strength

Charging

• Charges poles to knock gems off the top
  
• Charges coconut trees to shake coconuts out of them
  
• Charges a monster into a gong, knocking it out
  
• Charges a sheep into the air
  
• Charges enemies into the air
  
• Charges through heavily armored enemies, breaking their armor
  
• Charges through snowmobiles
  
• Charges through a robot
  
• Charges large, armored enemies backwards on slippery ice
  
• Charges large, stone Earthshapers backwards a fair distance
  
• Charges the large monster Buzz back repeatedly
  
• Charges the large Ineptune backwards, pushing her through water and shattering the structure she hits
  
• Charges into charging bulls, sticking their horns into the ground
  
• Charges into a birdcage, breaking it apart
  
• Charges rolling metal barrels, knocking them backwards
  
  • Charges a metal barrel across an arena
• Charges bombs across an arena
  
• Charges a giant bomb into the water
  
• Charges through large wooden crates
  
• Charges through metal chests that cannot be broken with fire
  
• Charges through Metalhead's power poles
  
• Charges through a stump
  
• Charges through a large shell
  
• Charges through a pile of rocks
  
• Charges through a large door
  
• Charges through a wall of wood planks underwater
  
• Charges through a brick wall
  
• Charges through a stone wall
  
• Charges through a large, cracked crystal
  
• Charges through a cracked stone wall underwater
  
  • Another one
• Charges through thick, cracked stone
  
  • Another one
• Charges through thick rock
  
• Charges through a large rock
  
• After having a spell cast on him to make him stronger, Spyro can charge through rocks that he could not break before
  

Headbashing

• Headbashes the ground, breaking a large rock and a metal vase without even touching them
  
• Headbashes a metal covering
  
• Headbashes rock shells that some hippos were trapped in
  
• Headbashes a boulder to pieces
  
• Headbashes an Earthshaper to pieces after Hunter stuns it with a magic arrow
  
• Headbashes a stuck elevator to get it moving again
  
• Headbashes a thick layer of ice
  
• Headbashes a thick layer of stone
  

Spitting

• Eats and spits out a projectile hard enough to defeat an enemy
  
• Spits out a baseball hard enough to activate a dunk tank
  
• Spits a rock at a target hard enough to make it explode into pieces
  

Other

• Butt-stomps a TV to crush it
  
• Body-slams a large stone "R" statue
  
• Turns a cannon
  
• Wins a tug of war against an enemy
  
• Balances three stone slabs on his head
  

Agility

Mobility

• Can double jump
  
• Can charge for an extra burst of speed
  
• Can glide and hover, as well as fly freely in certain areas.
  
• Can swim and charge underwater indefinitely
  
• Can swing from horizontal poles
  
• Can kick off walls to wall jump
  
• Can climb and jump up ladders
  
  • Dodges falling lava rocks while climbing up ladders

Movement

• Keeps up with Sparx
  
• Outruns collapsing floor
  
• Catches up to and flames Bianca
  
• Jumps out of the way of Ineptune's breath attack
  
• Jumps out of the way of Nina Cortex's charge
  
• Can jump over blasts from paintball guns
  
  • Of note, in the original game, these are real guns that fire bullets
• Can jump over gatling gun fire from enemy dinosaurs
  
• Can jump over energy shockwaves from Crush's jumps
  
• Can jump over the shockwaves of force from Gulp's jumps
  
• Can jump over gusts of wind blown by Rhynocs
  
• Dodges a surprise energy bolt
  

Other

• Quickly turns a crank to shred up a block of solid ice
  
• Quickly cranks a device to put out a fire
  

Durability

Blunt Force

• Is barely phased by charging into an unyielding object, or even supercharging into walls
  
  • Is unphased by headbashing through large rocks
• Unhurt by being shaken and thrown by a large snowman
  
• Gets stomped on by a woolly mammoth and is fine later
  
• Falls an unclear distance
  

Explosive

• Withstands an explosion that destroys a gate
  
• Unhurt by firing himself out of a cannon
  

Temperature

• Can swim in water covered by thick ice
  
• Unhurt by running through a burning campfire
  

Swallowing and Spitting

• Can swallow and spit out burning lava rocks without injury
  
• Can swallow and spit out acidic, smoking rocks without injury
  
• Can swallow and spit rockets out of his mouth
  

Other

• Resists a magic-draining magic that even the Dragon Elders were powerless against

Skill

Hockey Skill

• Perfects a two-on-two hockey game by eating and spitting out the puck
  
• Beat a Rhynoc in cat hockey so badly that he retired from hockey permanently
  

Combat Skill

• Learns dragon-kata from a martial arts expert and is described as having a natural talent.
  
  • He learned it quickly enough to impress his teacher
• Can target weak points on an opponent's body for increased damage
  
• Defeats ninja Rhynocs
  

Misc Skill

• Carries a live duckling in his mouth without injuring it
  
• Shreds electric guitar
  

"I thought that dragons had all been dead for a thousand years, or something."
"Well, the rumors about our extinction were slightly exaggerated."

It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all out of gum.

Duke Nukem

The story is simple- hostile aliens are invading earth, and the world is powerless to stop them. Humanity must put its faith in one man, a macho dude with heavy weaponry, foul-mouthed quips, and brass balls to save the day by blasting the shit out of every one of those ugly aliens. That man- that legend- is Duke Nukem. Hail to the king!
In the Duke Nukem Forever tie-in comic, multiple people swap stories about Duke Nukem. While these are heavily implied to be real in-story, these will be marked as [Story]

Weapons

• Knife
  
• Throwing Knives
  
• Throwing Axe
  
• Crossbow
  
• Atomic Pistol
  
  • Shoots through stone bricks
  • Shoots down a helicopter
• Gun that he uses in Duke Nukem 2
  
  • Shoots through a wall
• Energy Weapon
  
• Dual Pulse Blasters
  
• Pistol
  
  • Has hollow-point bullets
• Twin Peacekeeper .45's
  
• SMG
  
  • Dual SMGs
• Shotgun
  
• Minigun
  
• Laser Gatling Gun
  
• Flamethrower
  
• Buffalo Rifle
  
• Assault Rifle
  
• Sniper rifle
  
• RPG
  
• Grenade Launcher
  
• Radium Cyanide Launcher
  
• Rocket launcher with homing rockets
  
• Torpedo Launcher
  
• Havoc Multi-Launcher
  
• M-64 Pulse Cannon
  
• Volt Cannon
  
• Gamma Cannon
  
• AT Captain Laser
  
• Enforcer
  
• Chaingun cannon "Ripper" - A rapid fire chaingun
  
• Shrinker - A gun that shrinks enemies for several seconds
  
  • The Expander does the opposite, making enemies grow bigger until they explode
• Devastator - A gun that shoots swarms of stinger missiles
  
• Freezer - A gun that shoots a stream of liquid nitrogen, freezing enemies to the point they can be shattered
  
  • There is also an Incinerator weapon that acts like a flamethrower
• Railgun
  
• Laser rifle
  
• Pipe Bombs
  
• Dynamite
  
• Holy Hand Grenade
  
• Laser tripwire
  
• Thundergun X3000
  
• Nuke
  

Equipment

• Jetpack
  
• Night Vision Goggles
  
• Scuba Gear
  
• Biomask
  
• Steroids - Pumps up Duke's adrenaline glands to temporarily make him stronger and faster, allowing him to punch enemies into chunks
  
• Protective Boots - Protects Duke when he's standing on toxic, heated, or otherwise harmful surfaces, including lava
  
• HoloDuke - Projects a perfect copy of Duke; in Duke Nukem Forever it also makes the real Duke invisible
  
• Explodo-Molar that blows through prison bars offscreen
  
• Temporary cloaking device that allows Duke to cross through a force field, and make him temporarily invulnerable
  
• Stealth module that makes him temporarily invisible
  

Other

• Commandeers an alien spaceship
  
• Commandeers a giant alien starship
  

Physicals

The Mighty Foot

• Kicks an alien's eyeball through some football uprights for a field goal
  
• Kicks down a door
  
• Kicks open a metal door, bending it
  
• Kicks through a wall
  
• Kicks away a metal barrier
  
• Kicks over a metal pillar
  
• Kicks aside some debris
  
• Kicks over some large stone blocks
  
• Kicks over a large stone slab
  
• Kicks apart a large stack of wooden crates
  

Strength

• Curls 100 pounds, benches 600 pounds (confirmed again), and deadlifts 600 pounds
  
• Can hang off a pipe with one arm while firing his gun
  
• Climbs up a spaceship as it's taking off
  
• Holds onto a ladder hanging off a helicopter with one hand
  
• Stops a falling elevator
  
• Easily knocks aside a trapdoor
  
• Punches open a ventilation duct
  
• Pushes rubble off of him
  
• Breaks through a wall
  
• Pushes a luggage cart while shrunken down
  
• Pushes a large crate
  
• Pushes a stone block
  
• Pushes a dumpster
  
• Forces apart elevator doors
  
• Pushes back an android's arm and makes it shoot itself
  
• Rips off an alien's head
  
• Rips off an alien's head as he flips it over him
  
• Snaps one alien's neck and punches through another alien's torso
  
• [Story] Beheads an alien with a telephone cord
  
• [Story] Rips off a mutant shark's metal fin, snaps it in half, then throws it into another mutant shark to kill it
  
• [Story] Rips a mutant shark in half, then reels another on a fishing line
  

Agility

• Does midair flips
  
• Double-jumps
  
• Rolls out of a crashing jeep
  
• Dodges a tank round after it's fired
  
• "Dodges traffic and bullets" in Chinatown
  
• Dodges blasts from a giant alien's ray gun
  
• [Story] Dodges a large amount of laser fire from mutant sharks
  

Durability

• Falls down a ventilation shaft
  
• Drops down into a boss arena
  
• Walks through a fast food dishwasher while shrunken down
  
• Takes a hit from a giant alien's tail swipe, sending him into a military vehicle hard enough to flip it over
  
• Has debris fall on him, pushes it off
  
• Gets hit by debris from an alien ship and falls down a long shaft, waking up in four hours
  
• Unhurt by a car crash
  
• Dusts himself off after being blasted away by an explosion that destroys a small part of a building
  
• Survives a helicopter crash offscreen.
  
• Survives the destruction of a dam
  
• Survives a nearby nuclear blast
  
• Fine walking on the surface of the moon with no suit, but cannot breathe without oxygen
  

Skill

• Makes precision shots with a sniper rifle
  
• Shoots a man off a speeding vehicle at a distance with a sniper rifle
  
• Shoots a smiley face onto a target at a distance with an SMG
  
• Shoots down two aliens with two pump-action shotgun plasts in a few seconds
  
• Shoots through one alien's head and blows off another alien's balls
  
• Shoots a ton of Nazis without taking any injuries
  
• Takes down two aliens with both hands tied behind his back
  
• Kills a ton of mutated LAPD
  
• Kills a clone of himself
  
  • Does it again in a quicktime event
• Kills several clones of himself in multiple combat tests
  
• Defeats an alien who had him in a chokehold while in midair
  
• [Story] Kills a bunch of mutant sharks with laser beams
  

Other

• Can see in the dark with Duke Vision
  
• Gets hammered after one beer
  
• Had sex for ten hours straight, and has gone on for more
  
• Has sex with at least 169 women while repopulating the earth, and presumably many more after that
  
• Alien scientists haven't found a creature as strong as him in centuries of analysis
  
• Scared Hitler into suicide
  
• Has paintings of him performing several incredible feats
  

It's good to be the king.

He had expected this sooner rather than later, and it hurt to see.
He knew it wasn't going to work.
The Galactic Assembly was full of aliens, not humans. The things that got humanity's attention were the same sort of things that tended to scare the GA.
But of course, the average human couldn't have known that, and with their tendency to change creatures around them to become more human, the aliens with which they worked didn't see it either.
They were doing the right thing, but going about it the wrong way.
Still, that didn't stop his feelings of sadness and empathy for their plight.
Walking with Sunny, standing on the buddy pegs attached to her back, and examining the protest encampment around him, he couldn't help but be impressed by their bravery.
He knew for a fact that if he was in their shoes, he would be way more likely to hide, lie to everyone around him, and even himself.
But here they were out in the open, a shining beacon of defiance against the GA.
It was a difficult situation, of course he supported the GA wholeheartedly, and he always would, and with that support came an understanding.
But that didn't mean that he had to agree with them.
They were scared.
And people tend to lash out at things that scare them.
As it turns out, that seemed to be a common factor across the galaxy.
He reached down, hand caressing the tear gas canisters at his belt and the accompanying gas mask. He prayed, just PRAYED that he wouldn't have to use them, but how was he to know what would happen. When people got righteously angry about something they tended to act up, and when thrown into a group of like-minded people, the pack mentality was overwhelming.
He wanted everything to go well, he wanted them to make their point, to prove that they were the moral superiors, demonstrate to the GA that they weren't militant, and all they wanted was peace.
That was the sort of thing that would get across to the GA.
But with humans involved... He didn't really have much hope.
He glanced around at the assembled tents, looking for any sign of trouble.
He didn't see much, just the limp white flags, with the LFIL logo printed proudly on their front.
Still keeping an eye on his surroundings, he leaned against one of Sunny's shoulders.
"So, what do you think about this whole thing?"
Sunny turned her head to look at him, gold eyes and blue carapace glittering with the yellow sheen of the Rundi sky.
She shrugged, setting him a little off balance. She grabbed his feet to steady him as she continued up a small incline.
"It doesn't bother me, and I suppose I understand them."
"Oh?"
"Imagine finding someone you connect with, someone who understands you more than anyone ever has. Imagine a Drev finding the greatest warrior in the galaxy, and then... Just having to suffer knowing you can never be with them. Granted none of the other species ever would have considered it an option without the humans, but now.... It makes sense. You connect with someone well enough, then beyond that there isn't much you can do. And now the GA has prohibited that."
"I agree with you completely, but let me play devil's advocate for a moment. They aren't even the same species, without the same genetics. It wouldn't be physically possible to produce a viable offspring wouldn’t it?”
She turned her head to look at him.
"And how does it work for your brother David and his husband Jordan?"
He laughed,
"Ok, ok, poor question."
"Adoption is a relevant option. Plus, this is coming from the guy who lent his DNA to some alien."
"Arguably she stole it, but I get your point."
They turned another corner scanning the crowd,
"Hear me out though. Humans are... Well, you know how humans are. They need... uhhm uhhh you know…”
Adam got a little red,
”…Affection and intimacy... How does that even... Work?"
"Oh, I am sure some human has found a way, besides, humans and Drev aren't so different in that regard..."
He tilted his head to look at her,
"How the hell do you know that?”
"Got into a discussion with Krill. He thinks it's possible, though he would never tell you humans. He already thinks you do a ton of stupid stuff anyway."
”Oh really what is he expecting? I don’t think anyone from our crew would jump at the opportunity to do it with a Drev be it man or woman… Besides with all these tall as hell Drev males, human women wouldn’t have much fun either would they?”
”Considering males who would be interested, aren’t you good friends with Ramirez? Why don’t you ask him, maybe he knows someone?”
”Okay damn fair point… but the female argument still stays.”
”Krill did some research, I swear I never saw him so… done with humans. He looked like he would drink away his sorrow to forget everything… if his body could tolerate alcohol.”
”So what did he find out about this time?”
”After another particularly massive aggressive rant about how and I quote “shitting freaking goddamn incredibly punk-ass weird” you humans are, he said some weird words in a context I didn’t understand. So, do you know what a dragon is and can you tell me why it is so bad?”
”Hmm what… wait a second…”
”…”
”Oh shit…”
”So?”
"So uhmmm uhhh, let’s stop with humans and talk about Drev again okay? Don't you Drev guys also have a mating season?”*
"We did, but it was actually based on the magnetic fluctuation of our planet in time with the seasons. Now that we don't have that anymore, things are out of whack."
"Huh, I didn't know that."
"You never asked."
"Because that is a totally normal thing to ask someone. Hello, my name is Adam, and I am actually very curious about how... That stuff... works on your planet."
"That stuff, huh?"
He rolled his eyes,
"I was sheltered ok, give me a break."
They came to a stop at a crossroads, and Adam stepped down from her back and onto the dirt, tilting his head to listen, trying to detect any signs of a disturbance.
As of yet there was nothing.
He turned to the left, down another line of tents, passing into a more populated area of the protest encampment.
People wearing specially made clothing, with the LFIL logo, shirts, scarves, bandannas, jackets, hats etc. etc. walked about, openly with their alien companions, a few even brave enough to show overt affection towards each other.
A human hugging a Tesraki, while another stood on a box to kiss the cheek of their Drev partner.
"Now that, is something I couldn't do."
He said to Sunny, as they walked past.
"Kiss someone?"
"No, Kiss someone three to four feet taller than me. Way too much work."
"How do you know, maybe climbing up three feet would be worth it?”
Eyes followed them nervously as they walked past, their riot gear marking them as “the enemy”.
"I would rather not be in danger of twisting my ankle every time I wanted to show someone affection, thanks."
"You twist your ankle all the time anyway."
"That's my point. If I twist my ankle now, imagine what would happen if I had to do acrobatics on a regular basis."
They came to a halt as a group of protesters paraded in front of them holding up picket signs.
One of the protesters turned to glare at him,
"We aren't doing anything illegal!”
Adam held up his hands,
"I know. I'm just security to make sure no one gets hurt.”
The other human didn't seem convinced, angrily grabbing their alien companion around the waist before marching off.
The Tesraki looked uncomfortable, looking back at them apologetically.
Though Tesraki were generally cutthroat businessmen, they tended towards extreme submissiveness in relationships with humans.
Adam stepped through the gap left by the protesters and continued walking.
As they did, they early ran into a group of kids selling little white flags and bandannas.
They pulled to a halt, eyes widening in surprise and shock.
A young Tesraki pulled to a halt with them looking as if he was about to panic and run off.
However, the kid at the front's eyes widened and a big smile crossed his face,
“Holy shit! You, I know you!"
Adam smiled,
"You do now?"
"Yeah , yeah you're in that movie. You, you command the UNSC fleet."
For some reason, that exclamation calmed the other kids, and they squealed, shouting and asking for a picture. Of course, he was happy to oblige, posing with them for their pictures. Sunny stood to the side, happy to watch though she was dragged in for the next set of pictures once they realized who she was.
"What are you doing here?"
One of them asked, glancing down at his clothing. When she saw what he was wearing her smile was falling,
"You... aren't here to stop us, are you?"
Adam shook his head,
"No, of course not, protesting isn't illegal."
He motioned to Sunny with his other hand,
"Sunny and I are just here to make sure that you guys stay safe, and that no one gets hurt.”
Sunny nodded. One of the more skeptical looking teens looked up at him,
"How do we know you aren't here to stop us. You work for the GA after all."
Adam shrugged,
"I don't have much else to prove, other than my word."
The skeptic looked at them, a wicked smile appearing on her face,
"I know."
She reached into her cart and pulled out one of the bandannas,
"Wear this!”
It was clear she expected him to balk at the idea, but to her surprise, he smiled,
"Alright, sounds reasonable."
He held out his arm, and watched, still smiling as she tied it around his upper arm still glowering at him skeptically,
"Think you can spare one for my big friend?"
He patted Sunny on the arm.
That broke her skepticism, and she smiled openly, handing a second one over to him, which he tied around one of Sunny's upper arms.
He waved a goodbye to them, and stepped back up onto Sunny's back, walking away with her.
"That was nice of you."
He shrugged,
”Not really. I honestly agree with them. The GA has no right to tell them who they can and cannot be with. I know they have some reasons, but I feel like there is a better way of dealing with it."
Sunny hummed deep in her throat,
"Uh-huh, or you really just want a really tall girlfriend."
He sighed,
"Honestly I'd settle for any size girlfriend if I could just talk to her like a normal person without sticking my foot in my mouth. No Maverick and Dr. Katie do not count…"
"Your incompetence with women is acrobatic."
"I'm glad you're impressed.”
Together, they continued their slow circle around the encampment, drawing suspicious and confused eyes as they went. Sometimes they were recognized, and occasionally people would ask to take pictures with them, other times, they just wanted to talk.
The variety of people was... astounding.
A barely five foot human with a nine foot Drev.
A group of humans and a group of Tesraki.
A lawyer and a Finnari.
Two couples both as business partners with a Tesraki half.
They were young and old male-female, in all different pairings.
Old soldiers, and young students.
It was honestly quite stunning.
At one point they stopped off for water and ran into a massive bodybuilder with his Drev girlfriend, whose carapace at any other time would have marked her as ugly for a Drev.
At first Sunny felt bad for her, with her muddy brown carapace, mat without any shine.
The man turned and handed Adam some water.
”Here better stay hydrated brother!”
Adam raised the bottle,
"Thanks."
The man looked him over, eyeing the bandanna around his arm.
"Interesting accessories for a GA affiliate."
"You can work for someone and disagree with them."
The man laughed,
"I suppose that's true."
He greeted Sunny as well, who was trying not to stare at the other female Drev for too long, lest it seem like she was staring.
He motioned to the arm band,
"Supporter, or-"
His eyes flicked between Adam and Sunny.
"We're just here to make sure everyone stays safe."
Off to the side the mat Drev looked at Sunny,
"I'm sorry."
Sunny glanced over at her nervously,
"Sorry for what?"
"You must have been treated very poorly on Anum."
Sunny shuffled her feet awkwardly,
"I was alright I guess..."
"Regardless. I hope things work out for you. The Drev beauty standards are unfair, and things need to change."
Sunny wasn't entirely sure how she was supposed to feel about that.
"They aren't so bad."
She ventured defensively.
"Then I am sure you are getting combat offers left and right with your coloring.”
Sunny went quiet again. She would have said this was passive aggressive, but the Drev didn't do passive aggressive, so was this just an open statement about how ugly she was? If that was the case, it kind of hurt.
"I have, because I am an experienced warrior."
Her voice was cold.
"Oh, so where is your partner?"
"I turned them down."
That seemed to surprise the female Drev.
Sunny felt her fists clench, but Adam placed a hand on her arm. She was quiet,
The two humans exchanged a look, the way that only humans can, speaking without actually saying anything.
”C’mon babe, lets look a little bit around and let these two be… It was nice meeting you brother! Also… good luck man…”
The human bodybuilder turned around, taking the Drev by one of her hands to lead her away.
Adam took Sunny by the arm and raised his water at the man,
"Uhm what? Huh anyway, good luck to you too?"
Before turning to walk away, the other Drev cut in at the last second.
"I hope you find a worthy battle partner."
Adam Squeezed Sunny's arm tighter, but she turned her head anyway snapping,
"I already have."
Before marching off without another word.
Adam was forced to scamper after her, his legs much shorter.
"Wow, wow, hold your horses!”
She finally slowed to a stop, still fuming.
"Who the hell does she think she is!?”
"Sunny-."
"Calling me ugly to my face!"
"Sunny-"
"I should have challenged her to a duel right then and there!"
"Sunny!?”*
She turned to look at him,
"What!?"
He climbed back up on her back, patting her shoulder,
"She was obviously just insecure and jealous. I mean come on, look at you, blue is the rarest color in the galaxy and most attractive for a Drev, and we all know that height is the least important attribute of Drev beauty standards. The better you can fight, the more you make up for it, besides it's not her fault that she can't accept someone as being valid unless they are in a pair."
Sunny grunted. He frowned,
"Speaking of which, coming from her it seems like a double standard. You fight with me, and I'm fucking awesome, so by default you have to be too."
"Wow Adam, you really know how to make a person feel better."
"I know."
[…]
They were crossing back to the other side of the encampment, when they ran into some familiar faces.
Ramirez and Maverick appeared from the crowd, waving the two of them down with greeting hands.
They pulled to a stop, and the commander motioned to the white bandanna on Ramirez's arm,
"Nice accessories."
"I like yours too."
"I didn't know you were a supporter?”
Ramirez laughed,
"Man I am a supporter of whatever the hell people want to do with themselves."
Off to his side Maverick had tied one of the white bandannas to her belt.
"And you?”
"Personally, I don't give a shit. I don't even think it should be an issue, but by banning it, the GA created a problem for themselves and took away the freedom of choice for these people. Even if I did disagree with what they are doing, I would still support their ability to make that choice for themselves."
She tugged on the bandanna,
"But hey, would I be wearing this otherwise?”
The commander nodded his head, surprised and pleased at his men for being so open minded, though he supposed it should make sense. They worked with aliens every day. Where others might have fostered a sense of fear based on unfamiliarity, they had experience.
"Let’s just hope this all goes over well tomorrow. I don't want to have to use any of this."
He motioned down to his gear.
The commander sighed.
"Isn't that like the catch 22 thing?”
Loyal to one side.
Sympathetic to the other.
Empathetic to both.
He would be relieved when it was finally fixed.
Though how he could help was beyond him.
[...]
"Please everyone, calm yourselves. The Galactic Assembly is addressing the issue as we speak."
The crowd roiled and churned like the bubbles in a pot of boiling water. Flags waved and voices rose high into the air.
The chanting increased in fervor.
"Please!"
The Rundi struggled to raise his voice high enough to be heard over the crowd, who only grew with strength and intensity.
Commander Vir keyed his mic,
"Delta units to the GA side of the crowd, some of these protesters are looking extremely agitated. Let's make sure they don't do anything we're all going to regret.”
He stood with his back to the GA chambers, its wide arching courtyard devoid of life, except for those unfortunate Rundi ordered to carry messages from one side of the compound to the other, otherwise they tried to keep their distance from the front facade of the building and the churning mass of protesters.
White flags waved and fluttered.
Commander Vir held the energy shield with one arm, pressing it back firmly against the crowd, so they could not pass the dedicated marking point.
"Commander, the crowd over here is getting violent."
He grimaced and reached a hand down to open the line,
"Stun them and let them calm down, do NOT catch anyone else in the crossfire. We do not want this escalating."
"Yes sir."
Something pushed against his shield and he grunted, pushing back.
The white bandanna on his arm was pressed against the clear blue force field and helped to at least confuse the crowd before them.
And luckily, they would be kept too confused to get violent.
The aliens among the human protesters helped as well.
If this was on earth, things would have broken out into a riot by now, but the Drev the Tesraki and the Finnari tended to be more levelheaded when it came to these kinds of things, and they managed to reign in their humans from doing something stupid.
He closed his eyes tight for a second, praying that the GA would rethink their position.
It hurt him to watch these people struggle like this.
It just felt so strange that anyone should be here in the first place.
Beside him, Sunny had taken control of two young humans who were getting a bit more than rowdy,
"Let’s keep this a protest, and not a riot."
She growled, giving them a look that would have made anyone quell in their boots. It sort of made him half smile, Sunny was such a badass, he wanted to be more like her when he eventually grew up.
His thoughts were cut off, as the crowd churned a bit, pressing into his shield.
He keyed his mic again, prepared to go over the loudspeaker and tell them that if they didn't calm down he was going to turn this protest into a mass nap time.
He had the power to do that if things got out of hand, though he honestly didn't want to.
The GA needed to see this.
He was so preoccupied with the crowd, that he barely noticed as the Rundi ran up from the inside of the compound, flying forward on its long spindly legs.
It stopped by the first Rundi to say something, and the conversation that passed between them didn't look particularly encouraging.
HIs heart sank into his stomach.
He felt... Surprisingly disappointed, very sad for all those people who were going to get their day ruined.
The Rundi waffled around at the front of the crowd for a bit before turning and looking over to where he stood.
Oh great.
The Rundi walked over, and he backed off from the crowd, allowing Sunny to take a step in his place with her shield at the ready.
The people looked as if they were about to start something, but seeing her expression, they decided not to.
He dropped his shield and lowered his head to hear the Rundi over the roaring of the crowd.
"The GA is not budging."
The Rundi whispered,
"They are asking the protesters to leave."
Adam growled in frustration.
Behind him someone in the crowd pointed at him,
"They're saying no aren't they!?”
Others took up the call, and soon enough the rest of the crowd had been alerted. Adam was forced to run back to support Sunny, as everything suddenly grew more intense.
Fights were breaking out on the left and the right.
People were hitting the ground as the guards were forced to stun them.
That only agitated the rest of the crowd who also began to buck and fight.
Adam keyed the mic for real this time, filling the intervening space with his booming voice,
”ALL OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW OR I WILL STUN YOU ALL."
The aggression in the crowd died down, though the anger remained sizzling at the surface.
Overhead clouds passed over the sun, before him the crowd roared like a wave, and behind him the GA council chambers were as silent as a ghost town.
"LISTEN, QUIET DOWN ALL OF YOU."
It sort of felt as if he was floating.
The world around him hardly seemed real though that was not the best way to explain it.
The crowd died down a bit,
"You may not understand this! And I have said it before, but these are not humans. Protests don't work on them. When they see a group of angry humans, they get scared and when they get scared, they double down even further. I know it does not make any sense to you NOT to protest for what you believe in, but if you are going to do this, you MUST remain civil. Even now the GA is frightened by you. They don't believe you are rational, and they are not going to listen to you if this keeps up."
The crowd had quieted down to a milling sort of confusion.
"Then what should we do!"*
The shouting came from somewhere and in anger, though he couldn't pinpoint the source.
In frustration he nudged Sunny, and she allowed him to climb on her back as he had before.
The crowd could see him now, and he could see them for the most part.
He waved them down trying to cut off the others who had taken up the chant.
"I understand what you are trying to do, and I support your efforts, but you are only hurting ourselves. The GA can only be won by rational discussion."
"The GA won't see any of our representatives. They are debating only on their own facts and opinions."
One of the crowd's people snarled. The call was echoed and Adam stared at them in shock,
"Wait what!? Are you serious?”
There was a muttering throughout the crowd.
"For fuck's sake."
He muttered under his breath,
"The Rudi think none of us are high ranking enough to be allowed into the council chambers, and none of the representatives will take up our cause. The human ambassador thinks we are disgusting, so she won't do anything and says she won’t represent our minority."
The muttering through the crowd grew louder.
Adam looked around, head turning to see all the angry faces, blushed with red, or streaked with tears.
These people were frustrated, and hurt, and he understood why.
This wasn't right!
He closed his eyes again and took another deep breath.
What was he thinking!?
He stepped down from Sunny's back and walked over to one of the protestors in the front row, pointing to his large flag on a pole that was about eight feet tall.
"May I borrow your flag?"
The protester stared on at him in confusion,
"What, why?"
"Because, I am going to give you the representative you need."
[…]
Commander Vir and Sunny walked alone down the length of the GA outer courtyard.
A billowing white flag streamed lazily over his head, suspended there by way of the pole which rested heavily on his shoulder. The white of the fabric had been marred now by many colors as hundreds of rushed signatures had been scrawled on its face.
He was armed with the backing of a thousand protesters, a hundred signatures, and more than a few dozen stories.
Sunny turned her head to look at him, and he fancied that maybe he saw an expression of pride in her eyes, though she didn't say much except,
"Pretty brave."
He didn't feel very brave, and as they walked through the front doors of the GA atrium, his hand was shaking against the cold metal of the flagpole.
He was stopped by a pair of Rundi guards on his way into the chamber, but was let in after they recognized who he was.
He could hear voices up ahead, and the sounds of the protest going on outside had all but died away,
"They have proven that they cannot be civil, and based on the humanizing effect, we can assume they will do similar things to any non-human lifeform that they encounter."
"I may not agree with their decision counselor, but that sounds like your prejudice against humans is seeping through."
There was an uproar in the council chamber.
He paused for a moment, staying with Sunny just out of line of sight and took a deep breath.
She lay a hand on his shoulder.
"Here goes nothing."
He muttered, before stepping his way out onto the GA floor.
At first no one noticed his presence as he made his slow way into the center of the circle, but his large, white flag soon changed that.
The council chambers went silent.
The chairwoman stood,
"Commander, what are you doing here. Shouldn't you be taking care of the protesters?”
His lips drew into a thing line,
"With all due respect councilwoman, I am."
He rammed the flagpole against the stone, sending a loud cracking sound out and around the wide atrium silencing the council,
"I have been made aware that you refuse to see their representatives based on a ranking issue, well I assume my rank is high enough."
The Human rep leaned forward,
"Commander, this is not your place!”
He shot her a look,
"Then whose place is it counselor? I heard a certain democratic counselor refuses to speak for them because they are and I quote “a too small and insignificant minority”…”
He turned his head in a wide arc at the watching crowd,
"Counselors, you have known me, longer than you have known any human currently in this galaxy. You understand that I know your rules and your customs. You understand that I have only ever striven to protect and uphold the GA and the planet's it encompasses. I have thwarted wars, signed treaties, and broken my own body for your best interests."
There was silence about the room.
"Will you let me speak now, with the understanding that my loyalty has never wavered from you, and never will?”
The silence continued.
Aliens understood the power of human loyalty.
Or at least they should…
The chairwoman took a seat,
"Very well, commander."
He lifted his head, feeling his heart slow as he took a few deep breaths. There was a muscle in his face that had begun to twitch, like it always did if he was extremely angry or nervous, but he held it down,
"I understand you are frightened, and I understand that you are confused, but I want you to know first of all that those people outside are good average people. They don't mean you any harm. They are hurting, and they are afraid for themselves, and they are trying to get your attention. Historically, humanity has used protests to right the injustices of government to combat prejudices brought on by one's sex or the color of their skin. You must understand that they see this as an impingement on their happiness and a decision made out of line."
There was a murmur around the room.
"So, I ask you now, that I may, perhaps, answer your questions and ease your worries. Why are you so against them?"
"It's unnatural."
It was the Bran representative that had spoken, and he did it quite emphatically.
"Why?"
The commander asked,
"Because they aren't even the same species."
"So?"
The Bran seemed caught off guard,
"They... It's not natural. They can't reproduce, so it isn't... A thing that should be done."
The commander shrugged,
"So if one can't reproduce then they aren't natural? I see a couple issues in that logic relating to prejudices against people with infertility."
There was a murmur around the room.
"So, they can't reproduce, so what? You know who we can reproduce with though... Adaptids."
There was a sort of hushed exclamation form around the room.
The commander shrugged,
"They can't have kids.... Hardly a good enough argument to bring to the floor of a government discussion."
"What he is trying to say is that this practice equates itself to bestiality. It is utterly disguting!"
It was the human representative this time, and she stared at him with her eyes narrowed in anger.
He kept his cool, though he very much did not like her.
"That is absolutely disgusting and wildly insulting of you because that implies that one or both parties are no better than animals, beasts as you will."
The room was silent,
"So which one is it, are humans animals, counselor, are the Finnari or the Rundi animals?"
He turned to the Drev counselor,
"Are the Drev just dumb animals that have no understanding, and no decision making abilities?”
The Drev representative stood, angrily cracking his spear against the stone,
"We are most certainly not!"
The commander held up his hands,
"Then what is so bestial about it? Bestiality is absolutely disgusting because you are taking advantages of a creature that can neither understand nor protect itself from what you are doing. It cannot say yes, and it cannot say no. It has no greater understanding than that of a child, and so cannot make its own decisions."
He looked towards the Finnari representative,
"Tell me counselor, is your species a species of children, with no greater concept of their own decision making?”
"Of course not. Why would you even imply such a thing!?”
"I imply nothing, counselor. This is what YOU imply with your decision. So far we have established that all parties are intelligent consenting creatures, and none of you have managed to give me an actually good reason for banning the practice."
The floor was growing more agitated.
"They will be a poor example for the rest of the galaxy. If we make it legal others will surely follow."
Adam turned his eyes on the speaker, an Iotin,
"You're worried that they are going to turn the rest of the galaxy extrial?"
He laughed,
"That is a poor argument which is not only selfish, but foolish. People should be allowed to make their own decisions. And assuming you are right, what then? Oh no... There are a few more extrials... And it does... What exactly?"
He turned in a wide circle,
"If you are worried about population growth or in this case population falloff due to this issue then you should be reminded that extrials comprise a percentage of the human population so small that I could fit the greater majority of them on my ship comfortably. This occurrence is not common, and even if the numbers were to rise, it would not be of enough significance to cause issues."
His heart was hammering hard inside his chest. He felt like he was doing alright, but that might mean nothing.
"In any event, these relationships do not affect the vast majority of the galaxy. Humans cannot be with the Bran or the Rundi due to the water we shed from our skin. The Gromm and the Iotins are out for similar reasons. Vrul and Gibb are incapable of having feelings for humans in that way as far as we know, and both the Tvek and the Celzex are too different from humans for either party to be interested."
He walked around in a circle, allowing the flag to trail behind him,
"Furthermore, the humanization phenomenon happens with or without romantic intent, and as it is, its mention is more a mark of prejudice on humans than it is an argument against the two groups being together."
He left the floor open for a little while, as the council muttered with each other.
Finally, the Drev representative stood,
"My species culture and our way of life has been upturned by the GA. I fear relationships with humans will result in the loss of our culture. We have already strayed far from what we originally were. We are hardly recognizable as Drev anymore."
The commander let his voice soften,
"I understand that the Drev have lost a lot in joining this..."
Sunny held up a hand, and in surprise he was cut off.
She took the floor,
"Your Glory…"
She said bowing her head,
"If you would have truly upheld those ideals, you would not be sitting on this council."
The Drev pulled back in surprise at her words,
"Yes, we lost a lot in joining the GA, and after the war, but I would argue that some of that was for good. Before the GA people like me, with perceived imperfection were cast into the fire and perceived as no better than animals. This practice still takes place on our planet, where these traditions are still alive and well."
Her words made the room shift nervously,
"However, culture changes and adapts, and it must to survive. We changed in order to live among the GA. We found other alternatives to fighting that still maintain our honor and our prowess in war, and this includes the sports that the humans have brought to us. Furthermore, the vast majority of the Drev I see who are with humans are those of us who would not be accepted by our own kind, perceived as ugly or malformed. If this is the case then your traditions remain sound, and those like me are removed from the mating population."
The counselor almost looked ashamed at her words, turning his head away so as not to look her in the eyes.
"As far as a change of culture goes, it was bound to happen, and it seems you are more worried about change than you actually are about relationships."
She went quiet, and Adam nodded to her taking the floor again.
A Finnari counselor stood,
"I am simply worried about our birth rate. The Finnari were farmed by the Gnarlak for many years, and we are only now replenishing our population."
"I don't think you need to worry. The amount of relationships is so small that it will not affect the Finnari population in any significant manner."
The chairwoman stood,
"Your arguments have been heard commander, but, what the others do not mention is the issue of disease. We have seen a great increase of human transmitted illnesses."
"I hate to cut you off chairwoman, but that is NOT related to interspecies relationships, it has another explanation: human tourism."
"Explain."
"You all know that humans are not allowed to leave their planet, unless tested for all communicable non-treatable diseases. This means that those of us that you see here cannot physically pass our diseases off onto other people. In this case these issues did not stem from relationships at all, but poor vaccination, the poor regulation of tourism, and allowing aliens to travel onto earth where infected humans are located, not testing them as they leave. You see? You don't even have problems with them, but you are using them as a real scapegoat for the actual issues. In fact you are causing more problems by banning this! The more you push, the harder they will push back, eventually someone is going to get hurt. Also since they are not allowed to be together legally, they do it illegally, and because they do it illegally, they end up in dangerous places exposed to greater rates of crime. They get hurt, and they get involved in things they would otherwise not have gotten involved in if you had not banned it. Just look at Noctoplis. It has the highest rate of extrials living there and the lowest policing force and the most corrupted system. There are no legitimate jobs there, so we see an influx of crime by desperate people who won't be accepted anywhere else. Not to mention that it increased the depression rates, which increases suicide rates. Your laws have ostracized them, forced them to become criminals, and turned many of them to killing themselves, rather than living in a world where they are seen as disgusting."
He had to take a deep breath,
"Earth has seen all of this before, and one way or another, eventually someone will see what I am trying to say."
He rested the flag on the floor beside him, feet planted at shoulder width.
"I hope that this rational conversation will allow a more open mind on the council. I encourage you to talk to their representatives. They are more rational and educated than I am, and they can give you hard facts and statistics. But please, they don't want to cause trouble, if you allow them to do as they will, you might find these problems going away for you."
The human representative clearly did not seem convinced, but he didn't expect to convince her, he expected to convince the others who were more afraid than they were prejudiced.
"It seems as if we have some other potential policies to discuss, commander."
The chairwoman said, tapping her fingers on the table before her.
"I have a suggestion, ma'am."
"And that is?"
"A temporary revocation on the ban, that way you can SEE what the universe will be like without it, and you can judge for yourself whether The ban does any good. You don't have to overturn the law just yet, but temporarily suspend it, that way you can re institute at any time. Then you will have concrete proof. You can do testing, and polls and whatever else, then you would know for sure."
His suggestion turned into a discussion, that dragged on for many minutes before the chairwoman raised her hand,
"It has been decided, all in favor of this temporary proposal please indicate."
The voting lights flashed above them.
[…]
He walked from the venue, hours after he had entered.
The flag felt heavy in his hands, his boots thudded with exhaustion on the white marble below him.
Outside, the protest field was surprisingly silent, though he could still see their flags.
As he walked closer, he could see that the crowd was sitting down.
Their voices reached him from a distance at first, until he realized they were calmly singing with each other.
Waiting...
Suddenly the first people from the crowd noticed the two silhouettes coming from the chambers towards them.
A lone man and Drev, walking from the building.
The man was wearing riot gear, a full helmet, a shield, and carrying their flag, resting against his right shoulder.
The group of them began to stand, rising to their feet and yelling.
They quieted as he got closer.
"What did they say!? What did they say!?”
He passed the flag to the original protester who looked on at him with such an expression of pleading that he felt his eyes tingle a bit with rising emotion.
He had to look away, boosting himself onto Sunny's back, keying his mic.
The crowd was silent.
"I spoke to the GA. After a long debate, and a slim majority the GA have decided to temporarily revoke the ban on inter-species relationships until a-"
He didn't get to finish his sentence, drowned out by a powerful wave of noise and joy so overwhelming that he was nearly knocked backwards off his feet.
The crowd surged forward and Sunny staggered as the group surrounded them.
Adam found himself on the ground on his feet, enclosed by hundreds of pairs of arms, as every person tried their best to get one hand on him.
He was deafened by cheering and an outpouring of gratitude so profound he had simply never experienced such emotion.
He looked up at Sunny, pressed in with him by the enthusiastic crowd, she nodded her head in approval.
He grinned, he had to admit this felt pretty good.
Though, whether it was all over was a question for another time.
Previous First [Next](link)
Here is the link to the master-post.
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author

If anyone else is like me then when playing Final Fantasy VIII, they LOVE to assign specific GFs to specific characters, they feel that they fit best with. Over the years and through multiple times playing this game, I’ve always come back to doing this and given it a LOT more thought than I care to admit, to see if I was wrong about any or if one meshes up better with another character. As such, I figured I’d finally publish my list for anyone who either wants to use it or who wants to challenge my perspective and thinks I’m wrong about one of them. This will run a bit long, but it’s meant to be fun and comprehensive, so enjoy how much I’ve nerded out on this game for your benefit, lol.
Quezacotl – I associate Zell with ThundeWind, mainly due to the second GF I decided to give him and his energetic personality. In my opinion, the first 3 GFs should be divided amongst the first 3 characters, and everyone should have at least 1 by the end of disk 1. The next 2 are much stronger fits, which explain why this one is assigned to Zell as his first GF, along with his other GF below. If I had to connect it to something else though, I’d point out how Quezacotl’s wings and body look tattooed like Zell’s face and how if someone is going to goof off slightlyduring battle to turn enemies into collectable trading cards, it’s definitely going to be Zell.
Shiva – Many would say Squall because of his personality, but I disagree which I’ll explain further below. I associate Quistis with Ice/Water, and Shiva even kind of looks like her with the yellow pigtails. Seeing as how it’s obtained from the computer in her classroom or gifted to Squall for the exam by her, it should go back to her as her first GF. Since she’s also Squall’s support during the exam when obtaining Ifrit, it makes perfect sense she would have the trump card as his support and teacher, in the event he got in trouble. It’s refine ability also pairs well with another GF we’ll give to her further down, due to the fact it refines both Ice and Water magic and groups them together.
Ifrit – Many people want to pair this with Zell, but I think that’s wrong. It’s basically a flaming lion with horns. Who better to give it to than to Squall? After all a lion is his motif, it was the first part of his SeeD exam and the first GF he obtained on his own, that wasn’t given to him. I also personally associate Squall with the element of Fire. After all, he uses it in Kingdom Hearts which came out shortly after this, one of his swords is called the Flame Saber and pretty much every promotional image of the Gunblade or Greiver symbol has it on fire. Sure, Squall’s personality might by icy, but if you pay attention, he’s a mirror of Seifer. They use the same weapon, so preferring the same magic type, makes perfect sense. It also serves as an excellent juxtaposition against Edea’s Ice. In addition, Ifrit’s compatibility item Red Fang, is needed for Squall’s Gunblade, Twin Lance. Also, to obtain Rinoa’s card, Squall also must lose Ifrit to General Caraway and to get it back, he has to beat the only other Headmaster we meet, Martine: fitting for both the leader of our party and Rinoa’s love interest and Knight. Finally, it has the ability to refine ammo, which even though we don’t use it in game, would be necessary for Squall’s Gunblade.
Siren – I initially had the hardest time with this one and Carbnucle, as one had to go to Rinoa and the other to Selphie, both because it fits thematically and for balancing issues as I want everyone to have at least 1 GF by the end of the first disk. Despite the angelic appearance, and the fact it’s a musician and singer like Rinoa’s mother, I chose to give this one to Selphie as her first GF. In the game, Selphie shows more musical interest than Rinoa does, and the GF is obtained in Dollet, shortly after meeting Selphie and as part of her field exam. As such, I felt it should appropriately go to her. Finally, its ability to refine life magic fits in well with Selphie’s White Mage role in the game.
Brothers - Irvine seems like an Earth elemental sort of person to me and the Brothers are found right next to Galbadia Garden, shortly after acquiring Irvine. Seeing as how the tomb is also a requirement for the assassination mission, other Galbadia students failed to conquer it, and how the motto of Galbadia Garden is "Keep on Rockin'", it seems only fitting for him to claim them as his first GF. In addition, their attack is called Brotherly Love which fits in with Irvine being the only character to remember his family from the orphanage. They also perform a move called Mad Cow Special during their boss battle, which aligns with Irvine being a Cowboy. Finally, to obtain Irvine's Triple Triad card, you must lose Brothers first, and if you refine the card, you gain Dino Bones which are necessary for Irvine’s ultimate weapon, while also being Brother's compatibility item. In other countries this GF is also named Taurus, after the zodiac sign of the bull, something cowboys are known for riding.
Diablos – This GF is a gift from Cid, and as such I think it pairs best with Squall, as a gift from one SeeD Commander and Sorceress’s Knight to another. Diablos also specializes in time refinement magic, which I feel aligns perfectly with both his sister, Ellone’s abilities, and that his is destined to fight against Ultimicia who is trying to enact Time Compression. It’s also the only GF you can obtain as Laguna which kind of adds in a generational aspect to it. Finally, I think the concept of the magic lamp makes for a really cool Bootstrap Paradox. Perhaps Squall lost it at the end of the game and Edea gave it to Cid, to give back to him.
Carbnucle – As I said I initially had trouble with this and Siren for Rinoa and Selphie. Ultimately though, I decided to give this to Rinoa as I feel it fits better than Siren. Carbnucle is obtained in Deiling City, her hometown from the Iguions sent to kill her by Edea. As such, I feel it’s only appropriate that she get this as her first GF, as it has the ability to protect her from magic, through Reflect. Seeing as how it also came from Edea and Rinoa end up being a sorceress, this seemed to fit well as her other GF. In addition it has the ability to refine recovery medicine and it’s card is held by the Card Club Member, the Queen Heart, matching with her last name.
Leviathan - As mentioned above, I matched Quistis with the element of Ice/Water. Leviathan is held in Balamb Garden by Norg, one of her former bosses. To me that says it should go to another faculty member of Balamb Garden, so either Squall or Quistis. Squall in my opinion has much better GFs that align with him, but even without that fact, Quistis is still a stronger candidate. After all, it pairs perfectly with Shiva above, as Shiva refines water magic, not Leviathan. This GF is also responsible for support magic and GF Recovery medicine which seems fitting for your former teacher, making sure both you and your GFs stay healthy. In addition, the Levithan card is held in the training grounds by the Card Club member immediately following her, Joker, and if you refine it, you get Doc's Codes which pairs well with the fact she gained the Card Club Master King position from Dr. Kadowaki.
Pandemona - As I said at the start, I associate Zell with ThundeWind. Pandemona is obtained in Balamb Town, Zell's hometown where he is idolized and seen as a bit of a hero. It's drawn from Seifer's sidekicks on the disciplinary committee that Zell is always getting in trouble with and as such, it seems poetic to me that your sidekick gets to stand up to his bullies, save his hometown, and steal their GF in the process. Finally, the Pandemona Card is also held by hotel owner involved in Zell's Love Quest with the Library Girl, as that’s their “love spot” in the compatibility quiz and where she awards him with a Combat King magazine.
Cerberus - Cerberus is found in Galbadia Garden during the Battle of the Gardens. From what we can tell they had likely started experimenting with GFs. As such, if it's going to go to someone in our party, it should likely go to the only person from said Garden, Irvine. Giving Irvine Cerberus, also mirrors the only other non-SeeD member Rinoa, having both a dog and the only other non-combat GF, Carbnucle. Finally, the Cerberus card modifies into Lightweight, an item drop from another GF related monster, we'll be assigning to Irvine further down, helping tie his GF choices together.
Alexander - Rinoa best fits with the element of Holy in my opinion. After all, she has angel wings on her back, as part of her limit break, and even her on ultimate weapon. She's also constantly surrounded by white feathers and shooting stars throughout the game and in promotional images. Not to mention this Gf is acquired as Ultimicia is defeated in Edea and transfers her powers and consciousness into Rinoa, so it seems only right that the GF should be transferred as well. Besides it's a robotic castle that looks like a knight and I'm sure Squall wouldn't mind the extra help. Alexander can also take transform other spells into the most powerful forms of magic and naturally learns revive, which is fitting for our new sorceress. Finally, the Alexander card is also held by Piet up at the Lunar Base where Rinoa is possessed, unleashes Adel, and shortly after also obtains Adel’s powers, tying further into the fact it should go to a sorceress.
Doomtrain – This one should be obvious. There’s one person in the game who constantly talks about trains and their love for them and that’s, Selphie. A demonic train who inflicts your enemies with poison and every negative status effect imaginable is right up her alley. If we also divide the elements of the game, Poison is left for Selphie, which is fitting as she’d easily be the one most likely to kill you with it. Plus, Doomtrain’s refine ability allows you to refine forbidden medicine which also fits in with Selphie’s White Mage role. To add in a nod to Selphie’s other GF’s the ring is also obtained under a statue of a girl holding a harp like Siren and the Doomtrain card is obtained from the pub owner in Timber, the same exact location, another GF related card below is found.
Bahamut - Known as the Great GFs according to Squall. This is the King of GFs and as such I feel it’s only proper that it should go to him. After all, his father played Zefer in the movie, The Sorceress’s Knight, and before you face Bahamut, he throws multiple Ruby Dragons at you, so in a way it’s a bit poetic that Squall should obtain the dragon GF, while being Rinoa’s Knight. In addition, Ultimicia also has Tiamat as her ultimate monster before Greiver is pulled from Squall's mind, so it seems only fitting Squall should have its counterpart. The fact you can also obtain the highest magic in the game from him through his refine ability and that he serves as the test to make your way to Eden, only cements this choice further. Finally, his move Megaflare matches up somewhat with Ifrit, as in games where Flare has an element, it's fire.
Cactuar - Cactuar has no clear ties to any of the characters at first glance, however a cactus fits in with Irvine’s whole cowboy & western motif if you think about it. I also noticed at the start of its summon animation, when it jumps in front of the stylized sun, that image of the rays is nearly identical to the circular pendant Irvine wears, and if we look at the bottom of his necklace, it resembles the 3 quills on Cactuar's head. His name is also taken from the word pretender in other languages, which I feel aligns with Irvine, pretending to not know the others until later in the game. Finally, it attacks by shooting 10,000 needles, something fitting for the only person with a gun.
Tonberry - Tonberry at first glance doesn't display any obvious ties to our characters, however if we dig a little deeper, we can see a connection. If we go to Trabia Garden, a cadet mentions the Tonberry GF in his sleep. We also know that as a child, another member of Trabia Garden, Selphie, obtained a GF during an outdoor training session, that she found inside a monster, after defeating it. If we happen to find a secret Timber Mechanics magazine, it adds an entry on the computer which shows a younger Selphie taking a trip to the Centra Ruins as a child. If we connect the dots, this leads me to believe that IF it's one of the GFs we encounter in the game, Selphie's childhood GF was likely Tonberry. In addition Tonberry has numerous shopping related abilities such as, Sell High, Familiar, Haggle, and Call Shop, that all pair thematically well with Selphie’s other GF, Doomtrain, and his Junk Shop ability, tying everything together. Tonberry King even attacks you with Junk while you’re battling him. Plus when it comes down to it, who else do you realistically get cute and borderline psycho killer vibes from? Finally, while you obtain the Doomtrain card from the pub owner in Timber, you can get the Tonberry Card from the drunken drifter nearby, further tying them together.
Eden - The ultimate GF. The only 2 people it could logically go to is either Squall or Rinoa. Of those, I think Squall is a better fit as you obtain it from the 2nd most powerful monster in the game, and if you miss it, it's obtained from Tiamat, Bahamut's counterpart. It's also a mobile garden after all, and who better to go to than our protagonist and the creator of both Garden and SeeDs. Eden also contains a few angel wing motifs throughout its design which adds in a nod to Rinoa and nice thematic imagery with Squall being her knight. Finally, it has an attack called Eternal Breath which alludes to time, and the fact both Squall and his archenemy Ultimicia are bound to it. It's refine ability also allows you to teach all other GFs abilities which is appropriately fitting for the Garden Commander.
Additional Notes – Some may ask why Irvine and Selphie got 3 and everyone else except for Squall got 2. This is mainly due to Cactuar and Tonberry as there’s really no one they pair better with in my opinion than Irvine and Selphie. If you want an in-universe reason though to keep with the theme, I feel because Trabia and Galbadia are not as experienced with GFs, Squall may want to help get them up to speed. This does not need to be done for Rinoa cause by this time she’s a Sorceress. I think it also works well as those 2 are our B couple in the game. It could also be cause the other 3 have been using GFs longer, so by giving it to them, it could help Squall, Zell, and Quistis slightly combat the effects of memory loss.
Rinoa and Irvine got the support GFs cause they’re not SeeD and cause I saw Squall wanting them to practice before they were allowed more powerful summons. The exception to this was Brothers and only because necessity demanded it with Irvine being involved with the assassination mission against the Sorceress. It was also nice to be able to give Irvine a dog, since Rinoa already had one.
ThundeWind and Ice/Water are paired up in this game with Quezacotl and Shiva, so I did the same with Zell and Quistis. I feel these fits well as they’re the original Balamb SeeDs along with Squall, while Selphie is technically a transfer. This means the Final Fantasy trifecta starting elements of Fire, Thunder, and Ice are divided amongst the original Balamb Members.
So that’s everything. If I messed up on something, missed something I could’ve added, or someone else fits better with a specific GF, feel free to comment below and give me your analysis.

Part 3
The landscape changed as Gary prowled through it. It started as the farmland he remembered so well. Small copses of trees began to appear as he moved around, hunting. Between them, individual trees began to appear. The buildings, small houses and sheds, mostly, thinned out as the trees grew thicker. The ground grew steeper and mountains rose around him.
Before long, he was prowling the slopes of a narrow wooded valley. He could see ixlets darting through the woods around him. He glanced down the slope and saw a mix of greasers and Taliban, moving through the trees.
He moved further down the valley, towards the Taliban and greasers. They ignored him, except to keep their distance. That suited Gary just fine, as he was after a different prey.
Down below the greasers, the landscape changed again. The trees thinned out and vanished, replaced by rocky, windswept tundra, dotted by small lakes. He found a ruin there, massive gray stones emerging from the ground.
He moved past the ruin. Trees appeared again, but instead of oak and ceder and ash, he found mangroves and pines and huge ceibos. They came together, getting denser and denser until he stepped out onto a large rock and could see the town of Esteli spread out before him.
He continued on, into the narrow streets. The buildings crowded together, wall to wall. There were signs everywhere; for the shops that dotted the streets, for American companies that selflessly graced the slums of Nicaragua with their business, for local brands, for strip clubs and bars.
The people crowded the streets, competing with the tiny cars and occasional donkey. Gary moved on.
The streets changed. The crowds changed, too. They had darker skin and wore less clothes. Trikes began to appear, enclosed three-wheeled ramblers built around a motorcycle frame. A sign pointed him to Clara Town in English.
This time, Gary paused. He remembered this place. Monrovia, Liberia. On the west coast of Africa. His first contract for the Agency had brought him here. The spook he was here to protect had been a stupid little shit that had ruined his own operation and gotten them into a gunfight. He'd met Drake here, as well. The younger man's bright pink hair had stood out to Gary, a massive cross-section on his gaydar.
He remembered being holed up in a run-down hovel following the fight. Everybody was injured, but nobody had died. Gary was down to two mags, one of them in his rifle and the other half-empty in a pouch on his chest. Drake had offered him a blowjob for the half-empty mag, confirming Gary's suspicions about which way he swung. Gary had handed it over without a word, but as they rode away in a beat up minivan driven by one of their assets, he'd leaned over and asked Drake to pay up, half jokingly.
Well, maybe a quarter jokingly.
That had been a bad day, but far from the worst he'd seen. And not someplace he would find the bugbear.
"Where the fuck are you, ya foggy little goblin?" Gary muttered. This place felt wrong. He remembered what Inanna had said, somewhere else.
"...They're not intelligent, though they can speak."
Gary glanced around. This place... This was not a place of fear. This was a place of a curious, entertaining memory. Frustrating, at the time, and painful as well. But not frightening. Not like those fields where he'd killed the boys.
The bugbear wasn't here, he realized. It hadn't been any of the places he'd been. Instead, it had been sending him away from it. Sending him to places where he'd hunt the thing, while it...
Gary knew where to go.
He pictured the park and began to walk.
He tried to work it out. He was in his own head. He needed to get out, to get back to the real world. He reached out with his magical senses, feeling the world around him. It felt... Delicate. As if it would fall apart at a simple touch. Experimentally, he reached out with a bit of magic. The buildings on one side of the street crumbled.
He pushed out harder, reaching out all around him, tearing the world apart with magic, until he floated in a deep void. From here, he could feel the real world. It was up. He turned his face in that direction and flew.
----
Inanna Williams, Fucking Shit Balls, Motherfucking Cock Sucker
She would not call Jerry. Or Yarm, or Sookie, or anyone else who might be awake right now. But she was getting pretty fucking disgusted with this thing. Suzanne crouched below one of the picnic tables as Inanna held her sword in her hands and kept herself between the bugbear and the girl.
Her sword blazed with fire, of course. Drawing flame from metal was one of the simplest acts of magic, an effect easily imbued into any artifact. And the weapons forged by Grandfather were works of art, pristinely forged and crafted and eager to soak up any enchantments they could. The flames were good, they helped. They weren't the problem.
Keeping magic suffused through her body was the problem.
She'd already moved around more magic today than she had in the last week. The effort had exhausted her. She barely had the strength to hoist her sword. And she was making a continuing effort to keep enough magic in her body to actually hurt the bugbear.
She didn't know how long she could keep this up.
The bugbear lunged again and she whipped her blade up, tip menacing the thing. It growled and hissed and spat, but it had already learned what pain that weapon could inflict.
Inanna glanced over to where Gary had collapsed, only to realize he was not there. His sword and shield lay on the ground, but Gary was gone. She carefully flicked her eyes from the bugbear to different areas of the park, searching for him. She saw no sign of him whatsoever. Gary had vanished.
A grin split her features.
"You are in for a world of hurt, you ugly motherfucker," she said menacingly. The bugbear ignored her, of course. It was a beast, after all.
----
Gary Johnson, Fucking Pissed
He didn't even bother with his weapons. He remembered Inanna's words, and the effect Percy's punches had on the thing. He pulled in his shield, burying it just below his skin. He poured more magic into it, thickening it, strengthening it.
He could feel the tension of the shield as he crept off into the shadows. The bugbear was menacing Inanna, who menaced it right back with her big ass sword. She looked exhausted, like she might fall over at any minute. Too much magic use, Gary thought. The rituals had each taken a toll on her, and he knew from experience how difficult teleporting someone who wasn't touching him was.
He snuck around behind the thing as Inanna said something he didn't catch. He idly wondered why she hadn't called Jerry, but the answer presented itself before the question had even been formed. It was pride, of course. She could not bring herself to ask for assistance defeating something she'd dismissed as 'not particularly tough'.
Gary got to within tackling distance and then brought his wet blanket back up and threw it over the monster. Its blurry form solidified, the pale white face and dark body coming into focus. Its limbs were long, with long claws on each finger. Its elbows and shoulders were bulbous, its chest sunken, its hips protruding. It noticed, of course. It snarled at Inanna, but before it could strike, Gary rushed it, his temper cheering at the thought of getting his hands on the thing.
It spun at the sound of his feet pounding on the grass, so Gary swung a textbook perfect punch right between its eyes. The blow clotheslined the beast, flipping its feet forward, tossing it on its own head and neck with a sickening crack that would have killed any mortal.
Razor sharp claws lashed out at him as he threw himself on top of the thrashing monster. They scratched at the top layers of his skin, but the wounds closed and they couldn't penetrate past his shield.
He used his left hand to interfere with the claws, getting his forearm onto the bugbear's and pressing down. With his right hand, he pounded at the beast's face, over and over. Each blow crunched into the thing with the force of a freight train, the unfocused magic in his body turning itself into raw physical power.
The bugbear roared in pain and rage, so Gary opened his mouth and roared right back. The beast slipped its arms free and jammed them into Gary's sides, but he ignored them and got his left hook working the thing as well.
Snarling in rage, he snatched his knife off his chest and brought it down into the thing's throat. Its roars turned into a wet, gurgling sound. Gary pulled the knife out, then thrust it into its belly and ripping up, the force of the move shattering ribs and spraying Gary with a black ichor.
He growled deep in his chest, pulling the knife back out and slamming it into the bugbear's neck again, this time from the side. He left it there and resumed punching it, slamming his fists down with enough force to shatter the bones in his hands, leaving them just enough time to heal between blows.
He struck the beast over and over and over, ignoring the pain in his hands, focused only on hurting the thing. He kept going long after it stopped fighting back, stopping only when he felt a small hand on his back. He spun, his eyes wild and angry, but it was only Inanna there.
"You got him, Yarm," she said wryly. Gary stared, uncomprehending at her for a moment. Then it clicked. He barked a short laugh out and rolled off the thing, sitting on the grass next to the unmoving body.
"Is it dead?" he asked, his chest heaving from the exertion.
Inanna held a hand out towards the bugbear. "Yeah, it's dead."
"Good," Gary said. They sat in silence for a moment.
"The girl all right?" he asked.
Inanna nodded. "Yup." She looked over her shoulder and called out, "It's okay, hun. You can come out, now." A tiny figure moved hesitatingly towards them, stopping at the dead body of the bugbear and looking down at it.
"It's dead, darlin'," Gary said. "Nothing but a bag o ectoplasm, or whatever that black stuff is."
"Ectoplasm," the girl said quietly. Gary nodded and looked back at Inanna.
"Did you just call me Yarm?" he asked. She chuckled. "You reminded me of him just then. You were fighting like him."
"Heh," Gary said. "Balls to the wall, unchecked aggression."
"Yup," Inanna agreed.
"Don't tell nobody, but I gave a bit of thought to dropping trou and squeezing out a stink pickle on the thing's face. Just for a second, mind."
Inanna laughed. "Why didn't you?" she asked. Gary shrugged. "No point. It's long past caring what I do to it."
"Now there's the Gary I know," she said. Then she looked at Suzanne and frowned. "The Washingtons are dead. She's got nowhere to go."
"I might have a lead on that," Gary said. "In the meantime, she can come stay with me."
Inanna scoffed. "You'll adopt her within a month," she said. Gary just shrugged. "Maybe. Like I said, I got a lead."
----
Liam MacReady, On His Day Off
Liam answered the door to reveal an older guy standing there. He had a big, bushy beard that was mostly gray, a leathery face, and a figure that suggested a lot of time in the gym. He had a veteran's air about him, too, Liam noticed. It was in the insouciant sloop of his shoulders, the stiffness of his lower back, the way he stood with his hands on his hips.
"Can I help you?" he rumbled.
"Liam MacReady?" the man asked, his voice tinged with a backwoods twang. Liam nodded, so the man held out a leather mitt. "My name's Gary Johnson. I'm with the Divine Crisis Management Group. I have some records here that say you applied to become a foster parent about two years ago, is that right?"
Liam frowned even as he shook the man's hand. He had a firm grip, but he didn't try to crush Liam's hand. Which was good, because Liam had mastered that particular show of dominance long ago.
Still, he didn't like this. "Why you looking into me, bro?" he asked.
"There's a little girl, goes by the name of Suzanne," Johnson said. Liam's hard look evaporated at the mention of the little girl he'd tried to take in.
"I know that look," Johnson said in a softer voice. "I got a daughter of my own. Can I come in?"
Liam thought about it. A cop would ask him to step out, not ask to come in. Unless he wanted to search for something. But Liam could kick him out if he started poking around. He pushed the door open wider and stood to the side.
Johnson walked in. He didn't poke around, but went straight to the living room and waited for Liam to join him. Liam closed the door and walked into the room, taking his favorite chair and gesturing at the couch for Johnson to sit. He did.
"So what's this about Suzanne?" Liam asked.
"Can you tell me how you know her?" Johnson asked.
Liam threw up his hands. "Brother, can we just get to the point?"
"This is the point, Mister MacReady," Johnson said. "I need to ask you some questions about her."
"When'd you serve?" Liam asked.
"Eighty-seven to oh-seven," Johnson answered without hesitation. "You?"
"Oh three to twenty-ten," Liam answered. "Second Ranger Battalion."
"Fifth Group," Johnson said. Liam quirked an eyebrow. "Green berets. Choice gig, that."
"Kinda sucked, to be honest." Lian chuckled at his answer.
"So how did you meet Suzanne?"
Liam rubbed his chin, thinking. After organizing his thoughts a bit, he spoke.
"Dated a girl a couple years ago. Suzanne's mom. She was a train wreck, but it took me a while to realize it. The girl..." Liam chuckled again.
"She was scared of me at first. I got these burns," he gestured to the side of his face, "In Kandahar. Don't do a lot to make me pretty, you know? But she warmed up to me in time. Sweetest little thing, she was. I never really thought of myself as a parent, you know? Always had too much going on, what with work and the club. But I loved spending time with that girl.
"I'd have dumped her mom's druggie ass much sooner, if not for her. When I finally had enough of her shit, I called CPH. Left an anonymous tip. I put in my application to be a foster parent, knowing that they'd rather her go with someone she knows. But they denied me. The club, me being single... I guess I can't blame them."
Johnson had been carefully watching Liam's face as he spoke, and Liam felt a strange sensation in the air. The temperature had dropped, and the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up.
"You gotta good heart, Mister MacReady," Johnson said.
"Uh, thanks, I guess," Liam responded. Johnson pointed at Liam's kutte. "What's the missing rocker?" he asked.
Liam looked down, noticing the threads still hanging out. "Master-at-arms," he said, touching it with one blunt finger. "I stepped down back when I was trying to become a foster parent. Freed up more of my time, you know?"
"Would you like to see Suzanne? Spend the afternoon with her?"
Liam leaned forward, his interest thoroughly captured. "Yeah. You can make that happen?"
Johnson raised a finger. A few seconds later, Liam heard a knock on the front door. He stood and answered it to find a bookish-looking man in a suit and bowtie standing there. He was flanked by two more figures. One was a short, brunette knockout. She had a middle-eastern cast about her, curves like a scenic railroad track and tits that could stop all conversations within a dozen yards. But she wasn't the one who caught his eye.
"Mister Liam?" Suzanne asked. Liam's face lit up in a wide grin as he knelt down and threw his arms out.
"Hey punkin!" he cried as she rushed into them. He hugged her carefully for a long moment.
"Mister MacReady," the nerdy guy said. "I know about the troubles you had applying to become a foster parent. There's nothing we can really do about that, it's a state matter. But we have lawyers in all specialties, including family law. I'm confident we can arrange a private adoption. We've already contacted her mother at the MCI women's facility, and she's agreed to relinquish custody."
Liam stood, still clinging to Suzanne, who gripped him tightly.
"Why?" he asked.
"We want her to be with someone who loves her. And Gary is quite sure that's you."
"Uh..." Liam wasn't good with this kind of stuff. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, that's me." Johnson stepped past him and all three of them stepped off the stoop.
"I'll be back around nine," Johnson said. He handed Liam a pair of cards, which he took and carefully examined over Suzanne's shoulder. Both were for the same company he'd mentioned earlier. One had his name on it, and the other had a woman's name.
"Call the woman, Astrid, when you're ready to move forward on the adoption," Johnson said.
"And the other?" Liam asked.
"Call me if you ever find yourself willing to give up the outlaw life and work a steady, good paying job," Johnson told him. He met Liam's eyes and then nodded.
"I missed you so much," Suzanne said as Johnson followed the other two out to a black Humvee parked by the curb. Liam grinned so wide his face hurt.
"I missed you too, punkin," he said.
The End.

Respect the Doctor

"You know what they call me in the ancient legends on the Dalek home world? The Oncoming Storm. You might have removed all your emotions, but I reckon right down deep in your DNA there’s one little spark left... and that’s fear. Doesn’t it just burn when you face me?"
🎵
At the conclusion of the Time War, the withered and wartorn Doctor started his life anew. Though he reclaimed his name after it was disowned by his War incarnation, he tried to distance himself from his past as the last remaining Time Lord in existence. He continued fighting injustice throughout time and space with steely determination while also remaining detached and brooding over his trauma. This incarnation may not have been among the longest in the totality of the Doctor's regeneration cycle, but marked a crucial period in the Doctor's life.
Make sure to check out the Tenth Doctor's thread because he uses the same versions of the sonic screwdriver and TARDIS as his predecessor.

Sources

Hover over a feat to view its source.

• Doctor Who (2005) series 1= E#
• The Day of the Doctor = 50th

Intelligence & Skill

Technological Aptitude

• Realizes that something is up with Platform One when the reported issues are not accurate.
• Deactivates the Adherents of the Repeated Meme by ripping off one of their arms and pulling out a wire.
• Correctly deduces that Cassandra used a teleportation feed to escape, quickly finds its hidden location and reverses it to teleport her back to face justice.
• Upgrades Rose's phone so she can call across time and space. Additionally, this phone could receive signals from inside a bunker and required no special input to pinpoint which specific time she wished to call.
• Understands the technology behind the Slitheen's skin suits shortly after learning about them for the first time.
• Hacks into the Navy with Mickey's help to launch a missile at 10 Downing Street.
• Shows a stubborn human how to play an alien musical instrument.
• Searches through a box full of alien weapons, sorting out which are broken and which are functional from a quick inspection.
• Works the security of a secret facility during a crisis.
• Understands how a data-sharing brain implant works while observing it in action for the first time.
• Knows the name, century of origin and manufacturer of Jack's sonic blaster.
• Identifies the type of spaceship Jack stole and the nanogenes found in another stolen vessel.
• Uses the nanogenes to end the Empty Child plague then sets the vehicle that released them to self-destruct.
• Discovers and understands the device Blon intends to use to escape Earth.
• Locates Rose in the Game Station using its difficult-to-crack computer system.
• Uses the Game Station's technology to build a delta wave transmitter to stop the Daleks, despite knowing full well it would destroy the Earth in the process. Even though the Doctor completes the machine in a matter of hours opposed to the days he estimated it would take, he refused to use it out of principle.

Observation & Deduction

• Exposes Cassandra as the true culprit behind Platform One's sabotage, even when she used robot drones as a scapegoat.
• Quickly identifies the "ghosts" as gaseous beings and understands how they can possess human corpses.
• Can tell that an "alien" is actually a mutated pig.
• Deduces that an alien spaceship crash was faked for a greater malicious purpose.
• Exposes 10 Downing Street's alien expert meeting as a trap.
• Figures out the Raxacoricofallapatorians' weakness by narrowing down what they know about them so far.
• Deduces what the Slitheen's end goal is.
• Discovers a conspiracy behind Satelite Five from minor details about its culture and later concludes its true purpose.
• Can tell that Nancy has lost a loved one due to her motherly nature towards the local urchins.
• Deduces the origin of the Empty Child plague and reveals that Nancy is the mother of the child in question, thereby bringing an end to the plague.
• Sees through Blon's attempt at distracting him and poisoning his drink.
• Escapes the Big Brother house by intentonally getting himself evicted and calling their bluff at the risk of disintegration.

Social Skills

• Improvises a way to charm different aliens.
• Takes charge of a group of soldiers holding him at gunpoint.
• Buys time by threatening to weaponize a wine bottle in an impractical way.
• Sends away a group of gas mask zombies by exploiting their child-like mentality.
• Fools Rose into going inside the TARDIS so he can send her home and out of harm's way.

Resourcefulness

• Uses a champagne bottle to expose Auton Mickey and aggravate it.
• Saves Rose and Harriet Jones from a pair of Slitheens by spraying them with a fire extinquisher.
• Counters Blon's poisonous breath with breath freshener.

Miscellanous

• Understands the Nestene Consciousness' roars and shrieks when trying to negotiate with it (the TARDIS translation circuit doesn't seem to be at play because Rose doesn't appear to understand it).
• Can exit and enter rooms very stealthily.
• Pickpockets Jack's sonic blaster and replaces it with a banana.
• Claims he can speak five billion languages.
• His knowledge of history is not always on point.

Physical Attributes

Biology

• Can survive fatal injuries or — in War's case — the toll of old age and exhaustion by regenerating his body into a renewed and radically different form. This incarnation met his end when he absorbed the energy of the Time Vortex.
• Has a much longer lifespan than humans. He is allegedly 900 years old by the time he meets Rose.
• Has two hearts.
• The DNA of a time traveler is potent enough that it rejuvenates a crippled Dalek into working condition with a touch. Though we only see this happen with Rose, it's safe to assume the same would apply to the Doctor.

Strength

• Pulls off Auton Mickey's head with his bare hands.
• Flips an Auton over his shoulder.
• Rips the arm off the lead drone of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme.
• Kicks a locked door open.
• Easily dispatches a human guard.
• Can be restrained by at least two Autons or reanimated humans.

Speed & Agility

• Catches a strike from one of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme.
• Makes it across a catwalk to pull a switch before the sun's rays can disintegrate Rose. While he is initially helped by slowing down the giant rotating fans in his way, this help expires by the last fan so he manages to cross it moving at rapid speeds through deep concentration
• Saves Rose from being devoured by a Reaper.
• Catches Blon's poison dart while glancing at a menu.

Durability

• Resists being strangled by a detached Auton arm. This exact arm was strong enough to slice open a steel pipe in a single swipe.
• Doesn't seem bothered by the excess amounts of gas filling up the room.
• Not only withstands an electric shock fatal to humans, but places the device discharging the electricity onto one of the alien perpetrators.

Senses

• Claims he can feel the Earth rotate, though is possibly just being overdramatic.
• Senses the Gelth moving through the walls of a mortuary.
• Tails an elusive girl through smell.
• Claims he can see the past, present and future simultaneously which is too overwhelming for a human mind.

TARDIS

The TARDIS (Time and Relative Dimensions in Space) is the Doctor's mode of transport as well as his home. By traveling through the Time Vortex, it can materialize to any point in space and time. Though this model is rather old and semi-functioning, it's still a very powerful object in its own right. Oh, and it's also bigger on the inside.
Space Travel & Mobility

• Lands in a secret, highly-secure facility 53 floors underground.
• Lands inside Jack's warship so he can escape its destruction.
• Saves Rose from a hostage situation on the Dalek mothership by materializing around her into the safety of the TARDIS. However, this also brings a Dalek inside that is quickly disposed of.
• Intends to go to Naples in 1860 but ends up in Cardiff in 1869.

Time Travel & Manipulation

• Travels 100 years in the future, then 10,000 and finally 5,000,000,000 years.
• Rose claims she can go on countless journeys and arrive back in 10 seconds, but didn't either because the TARDIS malfunctioned or she just forget.
• Along with twelve of his past and future incarnations, he uses the TARDIS to freeze Gallifrey in time and seal it in a pocket dimension.
• Certain points in time are in flux, meaning somebody's existence in the future does not always ensure that undesirable outcomes will not happen.
• Means to take Rose home 12 hours after her departure, but messes up and takes her 12 months after she left.
• Takes Rose back to witness her father's death, then takes her back again thereby creating two sets of the Doctor and Rose in the same place in time. When Rose prevents her father's demise, the original pair disappear. This violation of time brings upon the Reapers to devour anyone in sight and turns the TARDIS into an empty shell. All of this is reversed when Rose's father follows out his death and lets himself get run over by the same car which had been forced into a perpetual loop by Rose's actions. Though the timeline is restored, miner changes from its first iteration remain.
• Chases a spacecraft to Earth and ends up weeks behind it when they land.
• The Doctor's heroic deeds at one point in time have negatives consequences that he encounters first hand when he ends up in the same place 100 years later.
• The Doctor can't just use the TARDIS to go back in time to avert the current problem.

Navigation

• Tries to locate the Nestene Consciousness by connecting Auton Mickey's decapitated head to the console.
• Marks the flight path of a spaceship from 12 hours ago.
• Gets taken off course by a mysterious signal.

Security & Defenses

• The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan allegedly couldn't get through the TARDIS Door.
• Can fly into the heart of a plasma storm without getting critically damaged.
• Implies that the TARDIS could withstand the explosion of Jack's warship with the doors open or not, comparing it to a draft.
• The Chamelion Circuit allows the TARDIS to change its exterior to blend in with whatever time or place it lands. Because it malfunctioned in the 1960's, the TARDIS has been stuck in the form of a police box ever since.
• The TARDIS is protected by a forcefield capable of withstanding missiles from the Dalek mothership and direct blasts from Dalek rayguns.
• Remotely sends Rose home to keep her out of harm's way and to keep it out of the hands of those who would misuse it.
• Before using a recovery vehicle, Mickey fails to pry open the TARDIS console using a chain hooked to his car.
• The Daleks kidnapped the Doctor and his companions from within the TARDIS using a transmat beam. This beam had to be particularly powerful since a regular one wouldn't be able to breach the TARDIS.

Heart

• The power of the Cardiff Rift forces the Heart of the TARDIS open. When Blon Slitheen looks into it, it connects with her telepathically and reverts her back into an egg so she can live a new, crimeless life.
• After snapping open the console using a recovery vehicle, Rose absorbs the power of the Time Vortex through the Heart of the TARDIS. She then mentally sends the TARDIS back to the future where the Doctor is, having become the legendary Bad Wolf. Rose uses this power to destroy the entire Dalek empire, revive Jack Harkness (and consequently make him immortal) and scatter the words "Bad Wolf" throughout time to form a self-sustaining paradox. However, such power is too much for her mind and body so the Doctor transfers it into his before returning it to the TARDIS.

Console

• Because it's an old model, the Doctor has to sometimes hit the console with a hammer to get things going.
• Plays music.
• Has a scanner capable of viewing the TARDIS' surroundings and local television channels.
• Has a working phone, yet the phone located on the outside is typically non-functional and just for show.
• Plays a holographic message the Doctor prepared for Rose in times of emergency.

Miscellanous Features

• The TARDIS translation circuit allows the Doctor and his companions to understand and speak the local language of wherever they visit.
• Contains a wardrobe full of clothes to help blend in with different time periods.
• The TARDIS key glows when it's about to materialize nearby. It could also summon the TARDIS remotely, even during a temporal disturbance.
• Cancels the Slitheen's galactic advertisement signal.
• Needs to refuel. A few days standing by the Cardiff Rift will do the job.
• Was used by Blon's extrapolator to open up the Rift which could potentially destroy the world.
• Reveals that the disintegrator ray used at the Game Station was actually a transmat beam.

Sonic Screwdriver

The sonic screwdriver is the Doctor's multi-purpose handheld tool. It's mostly used for opening or unlocking doors, but can fulfill a myriad of other functions.
Locks

• Locks a metal door that holds back Auton Mickey for a while.
• Removes a circuit panel.
• Frees the Doctor from futuristic restraints.
• Opens the backstage door to a nightclub.
• Opens a padlock.
• Locks a doorway to keep out a group of gas mask zombies for a few hours.
• Opens handcuffs.
• Can't break Rose out of a jammed door from the future.
• Can't break out of a steel bunker.
• Can't unlock a door with a deadlock seal or smash through exoglass unless an outside force allows it.

Scanning & Tracking

• Ends up in Rose' flat while following a signal for Autons.
• Discovers that the gas mask zombies have identical symptoms by scanning them.
• Gets multiple energy readings from scanning the Game Station.

Manipulating Technology

• Disables an elevator.
• Renders an Auton arm inanimate by cutting off the signal controlling it.
• Hacks into a digital keypad.
• Keeps Platform One's sun filter up even when the system actively fights to make it descend.
• Controls an elevator.
• Hacks into a futuristic ATM to give Adam some digital money in unlimited amounts.
• Hacks into Satelite Five's mainframe.
• Destroys Adam's home phone.
• Transfers the power from a common battery into the TARDIS key.
• Intercepts Blon's teleporter, causing her to keep teleporting in his direction.
• Damages a security camera.
• Activates the TARDIS from the outside.

Physical Alteration

• Removes the bolts on a cat flap.
• Attempts to loosen concrete bars by sending a resonation pattern through them.
• Reconnects severed barbed wire.

Other

• Being sonic, it's not every silent.

Other Equipment

• Carries around a piece of psychic paper that telepathically projects his thoughts into the minds of those who read it, allowing him inflitrate spaces or pose as figures of importance or authority. He has used it to pass himself off as an invited guest to Platform One's Earth destruction party, a member of management at Satelite Five and a member of the Ministry of Astronauts.
• Destroys a department store housing Autons using a homemade explosive.
• Kills the Nestene Consciousness with a vial of anti-plastic.
• Hands Mickey a disc containing a computer virus that would erase all mention of the Doctor on the internet.
• Spies on a building with high-tech binoculars.
• Supervises Blon during her last meal using special armbands from Jack which strike her with 10,000 volts if she goes further than 10 feet away from him.
• Unlike other incarnations, he is more willing to use firearms in desperate situations but may just equip it as an intimidation tactic.

Miscellanous

• Witnessed the Kennedy assassination, the eruption of Krakatoa, the fall of Troy, and World War V. He also pushed boxes for the Boston Tea Party and was on the Titanic when it sunk but not before warning a family not to go.
• MILF magnet.
• Oop North.
• Considered something of a celebrity.
• Santa?
• Makes Daleks back away in fear.

"Fantastic"

"Be excellent to each other... and party on dudes!"

He is Bill S. Preston, Esq.! And he is Ted "Theodore" Logan! And together, they are Wyld Stallyns!
To everyone else in late-80s/early-90s San Dimas, California, Wyld Stallyns may look like the impossible dream of two slackers with no skill in anything else. But in truth, the music of Wyld Stallyns is so bodacious, so non-heinous, so excellent that it brings about an era of prosperity, both across the earth and to the stars beyond, and technological advancement so advanced that even time can be accessed as freely as a 10-digit phone number from the nearest payphone. Because of this, agents from the future utopia have sent back a time-travelling phone booth as well as information about the future to make sure that Bill and Ted are able to continue having most excellent adventures and fulfill the destiny of Wyld Stallyns.

Key

Movies:
^EA = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
^BJ = Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
^FtM - Bill & Ted Face the Music
Shows:
^CSxEy = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures (DiC Animated Series); Season X Episode Y
^LAEx = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures (Fox Live Action Series); Episode X
Comics:
^M#X = Bill & Ted's Excellent Comic Book (Marvel Comics) Issue #X
^BVx#y = Boom! Studios Comics; Volume X, Issue #Y

Vol. 1 = Bill & Ted's Triumphant Return
Vol. 2 = Bill & Ted Go To Hell
Vol. 3 = Bill & Ted Save the Universe
BV1#xS = Boom! Studios Comics; Side Story

^DH#X = Dark Horse Comics (Face the Music Compliant) Issue #X
Games:
^AL = Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (Atari Lynx)
^NES = Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure (NES)
^WS = Wyld Stallyns (Mobile Game)
Live Show:
^EHAyy = Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure; 19YY/20YY

Bill and Ted

Strength

• Twist around several amps while running as a blur. ^CS1E7
  
• Run straight through several tentpoles. ^CS1E7
  
• Hold themselves against the winds created by a giant monster that toss around buses and tanks. ^CS2E5
  
• Push around large stone slabs. ^AL
  
• A version of Bill and Ted from a bad future become super jacked and help curbstomp a robot. ^FtM
  
• [Limitation] Struggle to do push-ups. ^BJ
  

Speed/Agility

• Dodge a stone discus launched hard enough to embed into a marble pillar, and a falling chandelier. ^CS1E2
  
• Dodge around weapons swung by Roman gladiators. ^CS1E3
  
• Dodge a speeding horse and a flying coffin. ^CS1E9
  
• Able to dodge a frog mid-jump. ^CS1E11
  
• Run off fast enough to kick up a trail of dust. ^CS2E1
  
• Intercept a cannon shot. ^CS2E1
  
• Dodge a cannon shot just before it hits. ^CS2E3
  
• As babies, able to run off hidden behind a cloud of baby powder. ^CS2E7
  
• Duck underneath a swinging pendulum. ^AL
  
• Very good at jumping really high. ^NES
  
• Dodge a booth as it falls from time jump. ^LAE2
  
• Disguise themselves as a doctor and a cadaver in the time it takes for a woman to leave a room. ^LAE3
  
• Scale up the snout of a large, metal dragon. ^BJ
  
• Attempt and almost succeed at intercepting a bullet, moving a good distance in the time it takes to go from a gun to a person feet away. ^EHA08
  
• Outrun several species of dinosaur. ^M#2
  
  • Outrun a T-Rex running fast enough to kick up large rocks in its wake. ^BV1#3S
• Dodge a superhero sent flying hard enough to leave a comet trail behind him. ^M#10
  
• Dodge around machine gun fire. ^M#11
  
  • Again. ^BV1#5
• Able to see the two drivers in a high speed chase. ^BV1#2S
  
• Hit a button that causes the spaceship they're in to lurch forward fast enough to send everyone inside tumbling, then run off before anyone else can catch their bearings. ^BV3#1
  

Durability

• Get tossed across a bar, their heads smashing through a thin wood wall. ^EA
  
• Fall from a second floor balcony into some bushes and walk it off. ^FtM
  
• Has Death thrown at them bodily and get back up. ^DH#3
  
• Crushed under a mountain of falling china. ^CS1E1
  
• Are sent flying back by their amplifier's exploding to little ill effect. ^CS1E1
  
• Have a stove dropped on their heads. ^CS1E2
  
• Launched through a window and fall a story down into a stone fountain. ^CS1E2
  
• Fall from the top of a three-story building into some bushes. ^CS1E4
  
• Get slammed into a brick wall hard enough to indent. ^CS1E7
  
• Get launched into the air by their inflatable shoes and then fall back down. ^CS1E9
  
• Get kicked out of a stadium hard enough to send them flying, toppling a food cart. ^CS1E9
  
• Get blasted high into the air by a jet of water strong enough to blow away a stone statue, then land in a river. ^AL
  
• Get blasted back by the explosion from this huge gun. ^M#8
  
• Punch themselves. ^M#11
  
• Get zapped in a clash between Darth Vader and Gandalf and walk it off. ^EHA02
  
• Fall down a trap door a dozen feet and get up fine. ^BV3#1
  
• Hit a button that causes the spaceship they're in to lurch forward fast enough to send everyone inside tumbling, then run off before anyone else can catch their bearings. ^BV3#1
  
• Take hits from the Death Quills of Koloko IV, the Lightning Web, the Fire Bones of Kykartian Dragodon, the Cyberwasps of the Robot Zoo Planet, and the Lavaspin of Sector 487. ^BV3#2
  
• Roll into a snowball then crash into a building hard enough to demolish it. ^DH#3
  
• [Limitation] A long fall from the top of this cliff is enough to instantly kill them. ^BJ
  

Skill

• Easily bat in a baseball game one-handed while focusing on other things. Ted even throws the bat so that it spins hard enough to hit the ball without him holding it. ^CS2E3
  
• Jump from an upper banister and swing down on ropes, knocking out two guys and stealing their weapons in the process. ^LAE6
  
• Briefly hold their own in a duel, despite neither having any dueling experience. ^M#1
  

Intelligence
Yes, really.

• Can comprehend and utilize stable time loops. ^EA
  
  • Leave a recording device hidden in the corner of a room with a timer to use as a distraction. ^EA
  • Leave a typed message for themselves at a printer with instructions to duck at just the perfect time. ^EA
  • Sets up a trash can to fall at the right time to trap Ted's father. ^EA
  • Outwit De Nomolos, setting up not only a sandbag and cage to fall at just the right time and place to disarm and trap him, but also set up a key for the cage and fake gun to trick him into believing that he would win the encounter. ^BJ
  • When they don't have access to a booth, they go back in time to ask Station to build one so that he's done in time for them to go back and ask. ^BV1#1
  • Loosen a chandelier just so that it falls on Vlad the Impaler's head while he's cornered them. ^BV3#1
• When they're being pursued by versions of them from a bad future, who remember everything they're about to do, they do something they can't possibly remember doing to escape. ^FtM
  
• Able to somewhat fix the booth's broken antennae with some fudge cans and a large wad of chewed gum. ^EA
  
  • Able to somewhat fix the booth's broken antennae with a magazine and a shoelace. ^LAE1
  • Able to more or less fix the booth's broken numpad by copying what they remember Station doing to fix it. ^BV1#3S
• Survive a long fall from within the booth by jumping at the last second. ^CS1E8
  
• Rig up a lever to launch Dracula out of the booth and onto a bed. ^CS1E9
  
• Make functional guitars out of laundry and string. ^CS1E12
  
• Make a castle display out of water sealant cans and boxes. ^LAE2
  
• Rewire a jukebox to play music from a walkman. ^LAE5
  
• Their advice helps their music teacher move on from heartbreak and live peacefully where before she was bitter and angry at everyone. ^LAE7
  
• Outwit Einstein, tricking him into delivering his speech about the Theory of Relativity instead of his bad stand up routine. ^LAE8
  
• Able to escape from Death with a Melvin. ^BJ
  
• Trick Evil Robot Bill and Ted into thinking they're the real good Bill and Ted. ^M#7
  
• Escape from a future prison by starting a fire to set off the fire alarm. ^M#8
  
• Impress Socrates with their philosophizing. ^EA
  
• Are able to convince Hyper-World, a planet who's entire society is predicated on comic book violence, to stop fighting... for a few seconds. ^M#10
  

Rockitude
Skill

• Wyld Stallyns' music eventually becomes good enough that it ushers in interplanetary peace. ^EA
  
  • Their music apparently brings about post-scarcity, or at least post-the need for money. ^CS1E12 ...NOT! ^M#8
  • Post-training and with full band backing, a televized broadcast of their performance is able to cause people of multiple different cultures around the world to jam. The newspapers of the following years also state that their touring schedule causes crops to grow in the American midwest and peace to come to the Middle East, that rumors of their split cause the stock market to plummet and when those rumors are disproven the stock market surges. ^BJ
• Seduce a pair of medieval babes with some off the cuff lyrics. ^EA
  
• Jam with Little Richard and a young Mozart. ^CS1E2
  
• Rock with Angus Young. ^EHA01
  
• Shred with James Hetfield. ^EHA06
  
• Tear it up with Fall Out Boy. ^EHA13
  
• Demolish with Axl Rose and Slash. ^EHA14
  
• Fuck it up with Kurt Kobain. ^EHA15
  
• Play the guitar very well with Freddy Mercury. ^EHA17
  
• Play a pocket organ well enough that the surrounding Roman guards are too busy dancing to notice them. ^AL
  
• Can play basically any instrument placed in front of them. ^FtM
  
• Calm an agitated baby dinosaur. ^BV1#3S
  
• Able to build guitars out of random debris in a gladiatorial death pit in a matter of seconds, then play well enough to pacify a rampaging alien monster who is also the most esteemed music critic in the galaxy. ^BV3#3
  
• Able to rouse a crowd of people from a society so downtrodden that the ability to smile has atrophied out of the gene pool. ^BV1#5
  
  • Writing one song is enough to uproot the entirety of said society and motivate Death to bring them back after dying even though he had lost the ability to do so. ^BV1#6
• Even God and Satan are fans. ^BV2#4
  
• Alien cultures that don't even speak English and who's entire cultures are predicated around war are brought to peace by hearing their music. ^BV3#1
  

Power

• Consistently blow out their amps while playing. ^EA
  
  • Blow out an amp and cause it to catch fire. ^LAE1
• Defeather a bird. ^CS1E1
  
• Shatter a porcelain cup. ^CS1E1
  
• Knock dozens of objects off of a nearby shelf and shatter windows. ^CS1E7
  
• A single resonant note is enough to knock out the Black Knight. ^CS1E7
  
• Even when hooked up to a boombox, are able to blow away people and tables. ^CS2E5
  
• After Bill rewires the amp, it causes Ted's guitar to melt through the floor. ^CS2E7
  
• After Station alters the amps a little, cause any avalanche. ^DH#4
  
• Destroy robots with their riffs alone. ^WS
  

Ghost Bill and Ted

• People can pass right through them, though it causes some unnerving (though not totally unpleasant) sensations. ^BJ
  
• Can possess the bodies of the living. ^BJ
  

Other

• Build the Great Wall of China in a couple days. Although not particularly well. ^CS1E1
  
  • They arrive in China on Saturday and have finished and leave before Monday. ^CS1E1
• Summon rain with an Incan rain dance. ^CS1E3
  
• Play a single player game co-op and one-handed. ^CS2E7
  
• Are able to beat Death at Battleship, Clue, Electronic Football, and Twister. ^BJ
  
  • And Monopoly. ^M#5
  • And Rock, Paper, Scissors. ^EHA17
• Can fly after being zapped by the F-Ray, which only convinces the brain that it is capable of flying, thus allowing it to fly. ^M#10
  
• Spend a week without sleeping and only eating snack foods trying to devise a plan to save Abraham Lincoln. ^M#11
  
• Are temporarily given God's divine enlightenment, able to see everything past and future, and on a micro and macro scale. ^BV2#4
  
• Surf on a black hole. ^BV3#3 They're obviously going through some form of spaghettification, but also given the size of the black hole, the audience, and the official helping them do it, it's likely that this black hole has been altered to be safe to surf.
  
• Have sex. ^BV1#1
  
• Do drugs. ^EHA00
  

Bill

Strength

• Knocks over the Liberty Bell with an elbow. ^CS1E5 The Liberty Bell weighs over 2000 lbs.
  
• Easily pitches and bats cannon balls that Ted had difficulty handling. ^CS1E9
  
• Knocks Ted into the air with an accidental headbutt. ^CS1E9
  
• Floors Monomonop with a yo-yo. ^M#8
  

Speed/Agility

• Pulls Ted out of the way of a flail. ^CS1E3
  
• Snatches a flying chip bag out of the air. ^CS2E2
  
• Bats a baseball pitched hard enough to leave a trail of flames. ^CS2E3
  
• Escapes from being grappled by swinging on a noose while the floor is dropped from under him. ^EHA92
  
• Ducks a bullet at close range. ^EHA08
  

Durability

• Takes a punch from Evil Robot Bill. ^M#7
  
• Takes a punch from Ronda Rousey. ^EHA16
  

Skill

• Spars with Joan of Arc. ^EA

Other

• Strong poker face. ^EA
  
• Folds a paper hat into a to-go box. ^CS1E1
  
• Rewires an amp which causes it to melt Ted's guitar through the floor. ^CS2E7
  
• Beats up the Invisible Woman using dark force powers gained as Darth Bogus. ^EHA05
  
  • Force chokes a man to the ground in an instant. ^EHA05
• Save nearly 70 people from being used as a virgin sacrifice. ^EHA13
  

Ted

Strength

• Knocks out a man in a leather helm with one strike. ^EA
  
• Accidentally sends Marco Polo flying with the swing of a broom. ^CS1E1
  
• Flicks a paper football hard enough to knock an apple into the air. ^CS1E2
  
• Breaks a wooden plank off on the T-800 Terminator, then knocks him into a well using a skateboard. ^EHA92
  

Speed/Agility

• Takes a tumble down the stairs hard enough to knock him out of his metalplate suit and somehow hides before anyone notices. ^EA
  
• Flip jumps to the top of the booth. ^CS1E5
  
• Dodges a swipe from behind from Vlad the Impaler. ^BV3#1
  

Durability

• Takes a tumble down the stairs hard enough to knock him out of his metalplate suit. ^EA
  
• Takes a headbutt to the chin that knocks him off of his feet and into the air. ^CS1E9
  
• Takes a full punch to the gut from Officer T. J. Hooker and brushes it off. ^EHA98
  
• Gets tackled to the ground and waled on by General Thade. ^EHA01
  
• Doesn't seem bothered touching a lightsaber with his bare skin. ^EHA05
  
• Gets smashed over the head with a guitar hard enough to crack it in half. ^BV1#4
  
• Thrown across the room onto the coffee table and is back on his feet shortly. ^BV2#1
  

Skill

• Flicks a paper football in such a way so that it flies around and knocks an apple off of Bill's head from the side. ^CS1E2
  
• Lassos the Black Knight while he's riding a horse full speed. But then forgets to keep a hold on the other end of the rope. ^CS1E7
  
• Briefly holds his own against an Italian fencer. ^LAE6
  

Other

• Reads the time and place text. ^CS1E1
  
• Starts a fire by rubbing George Washington's wooden teeth. ^M#8
  
• In a bad future where Ted was sent to military academy, he was able to double bust a corrupt cop by posing as a drug dealer. ^LAE4
  
• Kicks the Sith out of Darth Bogus. ^EHA05
  
• Gets with Taylor Swift. ^EHA13
  

Good Robot Bill and Ted

Robots created by the most brilliant mind in the universe, Station, to combat the powerful Evil Robot Bill and Ted. ^BJ

• The can be controlled via remote control but also seem to be capable of autonomous movement. ^BJ

Strength

• Punch through a brick wall. ^BJ
  
• Decapitate Evil Robot Bill and Ted with a punch, then cause their bodies to explode with a second punch. ^BJ
  
  • Evil Robot Bill and Ted no sell a punch to the chin from Bill and walk off crashing through a window and into a brick chimney. ^BJ
• Chew up a phone reciever. ^M#3
  
• Punch out the demonic Colonel Oats when the princesses couldn't faze him with their strikes. ^BV2#1
  
  • The princesses were smashing up musical equipment and sending other women flying with their strikes. ^BV1#6S
• High five each other hard enough to destroy each others' hands. Keep the Evil Robot Bill and Ted scaling in mind. ^DH#1
  
• Walk through a wall. ^DH#4
  

Durability

• Still functioning while demolished down to just their heads. ^M#7
  
  • Or arms. ^BV2#3
• Robot Ted gets blasted through several brick walls. ^BV3#4
  

They Run On Car Batteries

• They do. ^BV1#1S
  
• Electrocute two men to death when they try to stab them with rapiers. ^M#1
  
• Cause the booth to randomly jump when they electrocute it after touching some slushie material. ^M#12
  

Other

• Have tape recorders built in. ^M#3
  
• Can receive temporal emails, and promptly get a virus from this. ^BV1#1S
  
• Their code is written in a form of binary compose of "Bill"s and "Ted"s. With a source code constructed entirely of Van Halen references. ^BV1#1S
  
• Become presidents of the United States. ^BV1#2
  

Mecha Bill & Ted

• Rocket away from San Dimas to Scandinavia. ^DH#4
  
• Transforms from houses into humanoids form, piloted by Good Robot Bill & Ted. ^DH#4
  
• Beat up and send flying giant mountain trolls. ^DH#4
  

Mobile Suit Bill & Giganto-Ted

• Burst out of the sewers and through the streets, creating a massive tremor that could be felt from blocks away. ^BV1#6
  
• Disarm an entire crowd of guards with powerful magnets. ^BV1#6
  

The Time Booth

Time Travel

• A time machine that can travel to any place and time on earth after dialing a specific number. The number for each time and place is listed in an attached directory which catalogues most important points in history. ^EA
  
  • If Bill and Ted don't know what time or place they're looking for, they can ask the operator for help identifying a landmark. ^CS2E1
  • Can travel all the way back to the big bang. ^M#2
  • Is able to travel to and from "the center of time" which seems to exist outside of the regular timeline. ^M#6/7
• It is stressed multiple times throughout the series that even while time travelling, the clock in San Dimas is running, so Bill and Ted still have a limited amount of time to accomplish their goals while time travelling. ^EA This isn't well supported by other events and usages of the booth in the series, but it is a consistent concern regardless.
  
• Bill and Ted can use the Phone Booth to interact with themselves in the past, giving themselves needed equipment or advice. ^EA
  
  • Find a note of advice from themselves and then go back and leave the same note without having to even write it. ^AL
  • Get called to go forward from a few minutes beforehand to help out their future selves. ^EHA06
• Allow Bill and Ted to leave and then return to the exact same point in time, with 16 months of training in between. ^BJ
  
  • Further emphasizing that they can return to any point they want and San Dimas time doesn't matter. ^CS2E1
• A trip through spacetime can be cut short and will cause the booth to reappear at a median point. ^CS1E2
  
• A trip can also be reversed, allowing the booth to return to from where it just came. ^CS1E9
  
• A trip can be rerouted mid-stream without too much issue. ^CS1E10
  
• While this is not usually the case, as most time travel trips result in loops, drastically changing past events can lead to alternate present timelines. ^CS2E5
  
  • Bill and Ted use the booth to go back 15 minutes and redo a botched conversation resulting in a different outcome. ^LAE1
  • A closer to canon example. ^M#11
• Time travel 2 seconds into the future to catch an evil robot off guard. ^BV1#3
  
• Falling into the wormhole behind the phone booth can let someone travel through the circuits of time with it. ^EA
  
  • Rufus is able to follow a different phone booth using a grapple electric guitar, despite not being anywhere close to it when it time travels. ^BJ
  • The black knight and his horse are able to follow the booth. ^CS1E7
• Able to travel and be gone in the time it takes for a killer robot to aim and fire a vaporization beam. ^FtM
  
• Can travel to a point in time and space selected by an actual phone number in use at the time. ^CS1E8
  
• Can travel to a different point in space without changing time. ^CS2E8
  
• Elizabeth and Joanna apparently use the booth to travel to alternate timelines, though this mostly happens off screen. ^FtM
  
• Can travel to alternate dimensions entirely. ^M#10
  
• Travels to heaven. ^M#11
  
  • And hell. ^BV2#1
• Teleports from heaven to the earthly timeline, all the way to the Boomerang Nebula, and back in a matter of seconds. ^BV2#4
  
• Using the infinity button, allows the occupants to be multiplied infinitely to interact with all points in space and time simultaneously. ^FtM
  
• The booth can't travel if all of the circuits of time are currently occupied. ^CS2E5
  
• Travelers through the circuits of time can see other travelers in the same area. ^M#2
  
• The booth can seemingly track individuals in a specific time frame as shown by the fact that the future Bill and Ted were able to trick Bill and Ted into thinking they were rich and successful by being in the right place at the right time. ^FtM
  
• Rufus gives Bill and Ted a new booth that can trace the calls of other booths, though it tends to show up a little late. Also it's a rotary phone. ^M#2
  
• Rufus gives Bill a mobile phone which can call back the booth with the correct number. The first time its used however, it calls Doc Brown's Delorean instead. ^EHA92
  
  • Shown here actually working. ^EHA96
• When Ted uses a magazine to try and fix the antennae Bill and Ted end up going inside of the world of the magazine by accident. ^LAE1
  
  • By connecting the booth to a cable box, they're able to enter the worlds of television broadcasts, though it's entirely dependent on what the tv is currently turned to. ^LAE3

The Squint System
An upgraded directory that allows the booth to travel to fictional settings, including books, CDs, movies, and games. ^CS2E2

• Use the booth to enter an episode of Leave It to Badger. ^CS2E4
  
  • Can also use the booth to skip around within the episode. ^CS2E4
  • Once the episode ends, every person in it, including Bill and Ted, disappear. It looks like this. ^CS2E4
  • Foreign objects can persist between episodes, if they're plot relevant. ^CS2E4
• Can bring characters from the fictional world to the real world. ^CS2E4
  
• Characters in the fictional world are fully aware that they're fictional. ^CS2E4
  
• Altering the interior of the fiction does change how the fiction appears in the real world. Also might cause that fiction to become unavoidable? ^CS2E4
  
• Showing places that aren't supposed to be there reveals static. ^CS2E4
  
• Shrinks Bill and Ted down to smaller than a bottlecap when they forget to put the 1 in front. To reverse this effect, they simply dial 9. ^CS2E2
  

Durability

• [Limitation] When the booth's antennae get smashed by a knight's flail it can still travel fine but where and when it lands becomes uncontrollable. ^EA
  
  • [Limitation] A thrown frisbee knocks out the antennae, preventing the booth from time travelling. Ted is able to partially fix this with a magazine and a shoelace, though it causes the jumps to become uncontrollable again. ^LAE1
• Crash lands upside down and works perfectly fine. ^CS1E2
  
  • Tears through the roof of a tent, crash lands upside-down, and then falls onto its side. ^CS1E5
• Slides along the ground, crashing into a horse hard enough to launch it into the air, taking no damage. ^CS1E2
  
• Gets knocked off a crow's nest with a cannonball and tumbles to the deck of the ship without damage. ^CS1E4
  
• Gets run over by a train. ^CS1E8
  
• Tanks a fall from the top of Big Ben's clock face. ^CS1E8
  
• In a cabin as its demolished by a cannon, and protects the people within. ^CS1E9
  
• Smashes up the wooden walls of a log flume. ^CS1E11
  
• Takes several blasts of energy weapon fire and isn't damaged until one hits the antennae. ^LAE4
  
• Gets shot up by Billted 1.0's machine gun arm and has enough in it to make a trip before collapsing. ^BV1#4
  
• Vlad the Impaler has trouble breaking the glass with the hilt of his sword. ^BV3#1
  
• [Limitation] The floor breaks falling onto a bear's head. ^CS1E13
  
• [Limitation] Destroyed by a large boulder falling on it. ^BV2#3
  

Landing Strength

• [Limitation] While operating normally, it doesn't land hard enough to seriously harm an old man. ^CS1E5
  
  • But it did harm this guy. ^LAE1
• While malfunctioning however, digs a hole into the earth in a second. ^CS1E5
  
• Still while malfunctioning, crashes up through some wooden floorboards, knocking aside a dresser. ^CS1E5
  
• Demolishes a small kennel. ^CS1E6
  
• Smashes through a thick wooden roof. ^CS1E10
  
• Smashes through the deck of a ship. ^CS2E3
  
• Sends Columbus ricocheting around the Santa Maria. ^CS2E5
  
• Sends two cowboys a distance away flying from the shockwave. ^EHA92
  
• Smashes Billted 1.0 which is capable of flying straight through walls and windows without damage. ^BV1#3
  
• While malfunctioning, lands hard enough to crater concrete. ^BV1#4
  
• Smooshes a pair of demon spawn. ^BV2#4
  

Other

• Can still make a trip while on its side and is able to land normally. ^CS1E11
  
• It also works while water-logged. ^CS1E1
  
• Sideways AND waterlogged. ^S1E12
  
• It hovers in the air for unsaid reasons while malfunctioning. ^CS1E4
  
• Has some video recording and playback functions, though seemingly a preset one for display purposes. ^FtM
  
• When their regular booth gets blown up, Rufus lets them use a payphone on a stand to much the same effect. ^EHA02
  
• Can sometimes require coins to make calls with. ^NES
  
• It can also make regular calls. ^EA
  

"Catch ya later Bill and Ted!"

Previous posts:

• Shadespire
• Nightvault

For those unfamiliar with Warhammer Underworlds, it's Games Workshop's card/mini/board game set in the Mortal Realms. Almost every card in the game has a small snippet of lore on it in addition to its rules text; some of the lore is simple statements about the card's effect, but others describe the setting or the fighters or provide in-universe quotes. I haven't found a card library that compiles these lore snippets (they are understandably focused on the rules), so I decided to compile them myself.
This is my third post of the project, compiling the cards from the third season of the game, Beastgrave. This is the first major setting update, since the previous seasons (Shadespire and Nightvault) both took place in Shadespire, while this one takes place in Beastgrave, a living mountain in Ghur.
Cards for the season starter warbands:
Grashrak's Despoilers:

Text	Card Name
There is a diabolical method to the Brayherds' depravity.	Bestial Cunning
The gruesome food for Grashrak's primal sorceries are rarely in short supply.	Blood Ritual
To beastmen, carnage and mayhem are ends unto themselves.	Bloodshed
The creatures of the Brayhertds stampede forth from their domains whenever a more enticing territory presents itself.	Conquerors
True victory comes only when all the enemy held dear is reduced to ruin.	Despoilers
To Grashrak's Despoilers, there is no sight more pleasing than that of unsullied flesh being butchered.	Killing Blow
In the wild, the alpha creature is the one still standing at battle's end.	Proven Superiority
There is no better hunting ground than the lands of a defiant enemy.	Raiders
Beastmen strike hard and fast, and they seldom do so alone.	Stampede
Bloodshed breeds strength, and strength breeds opportunity.	Survival of the Fittest
Wherever Grashrak's Despoilers go, so follows the corruption of Chaos.	Swarm the Battlefield
It is not enough to despoil the land - the air itself must writhe with the power of anarchy.	Taint of Ruin
The primal fury of the Brayherds is infamous, and rightly feared.	Baying Anger
The true children of Chaos are driven by instinctual animosity.	Baying Hatred
There is nothing more fearful than a wounded beastman.	Berserk Bellow
Primal magics swirl across the battlefield, driving the herd towards their foe.	Bestial Vigour
The language of the Brayherds is not elegant, but it is easily understood.	Blood Taunt
Grashrak's Despoilers use every weapon that nature and Chaos have bestowed upon them.	Bull Charge
A bestial curse twists the foe in both body and mind.	Devolve
When hunting down prey, speed is as important as brute strength.	Skirmisher
Like carrion feeders to a corpse, the beasts of the Brayherds flock to territories they can despoil.	Vile Invaders
The notion of a fair fight is anathema to Ungors.	Weight of Numbers
Why work to conceal yourself when you can simply take away your hunter's ability to see?	Blinding Attack
The scent of blood only intensifies the hunger for battle.	Bloodcrazed
Even the most masterfully wrought armour crumples at the touch of this Chaos-infused blade.	Cursed Flint
There are few greater weapons than a strong instinct for self-preservation.	Dogged Survivor
Always another foe, always another quarry, the bloodletting in Beastgrave is never-ending.	Endless Hatred
Pain is the one sense the beastmen seek to dull.
Those with the shortest horns must find other ways to puncture their prey.	Jabbing Spear
Seething energy crashes into the enemy, tearing at their flesh and driving them from their feet.	Savage Bolt
Grashrak has an innate understanding of the anarchic and the arcane.	Sorcerous Trinket
Amongst the Brayherds, the severed head of one's enemy is the ultimate symbol of status.	Trophy Taker

Skaeth's Wild Hunt:

Text	Card Name
In Beastgrave, there is no end to the hunt.	Aspects of Kurnoth
Once the quarry has been sighted, it is Karthaen's horn that calls the Wild Hunt.	Cry of the Wild
Preparation is the first step towards victory.	Gifts of Kurnoth
There are multiple ways to take down one's quarry.	Hunt's End
In the wilds, one must always be aware of their surroundings.	Kurnoth's Snare
It is Karthaen's hope that the Beastgrave itself will some day be scoured from the realms.	Purifying Rites
'Your blood shall flow free, and it shall wash away the corruption you have brought to this land.' - Sheoch, Kurnothi Tracker	Ritual Kill
'Your death is as inevitable as the changing of the seasons.' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Run Down
'Die, foul creature. No longer shall you be a blight upon the realms.' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Run Through
'Who can catch an arrow in flight? Its speed is its armour, and the source of its deadliness.' - Althaen, Kurnothi Tracker	Safety in Swiftness
The most fallow soil can be made fertile if seeded with enough bone and flesh.	Slay the Corrupted
The Wild Hunt seek to ensure that no more souls fall to the Katophrane curse.	Soulbinding
With a blast of his horn, the air itself, the air itself comes to Karthaen's aid.	Binding Wind
The Wild Hunt advance on their foes with the speed of a summer storm.	Fleet of Foot
Even in the cavernous depths of Beastgrave, the live-giving winds of Ghyran can blow strong.	Healing Breeze
'I am the Hunt! The Hunter grows within me!' - Sheoch, Kurnothi Tracker	Might of Kurnoth
The weal must be reaped so that the strong may thrive. That is the way of the hunt.	Pounce
'That which was made to run must run. That which was made to fly must fly. That which was made to kill must kill.' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Retrieve Javelin
The resounding blaze of Karthaen's horn imbues the members of the Wild Hunt with bountiful vigour.	Song of Swiftness
Just as they seek harmony in life, the Wild Hunt work in harmony to bring death to those who would desecrate the realms.	Strike in Concert
In the pursuit of their foes, the Kurnothi are as relentless as a winter's gale.	Swift as the Wind
Any enemy that values its life can be herded, given adequate provocation.	Battle Cry
The Kurnothi call upon their fallen god to drive their enemies from the lands that have been corrupted.	Divine Strength
There is no escaping thise fighter's fury when they have marked their prey for death.	Eye of Kurnoth
Althaen's arrows fall swift and sharp as monsoon rains.	Fast Shot
It is speed, not strength, that allows prey to outrun its predator, and a predator to close ground on its prey.	Great Strides
Even now, Kurnoth's gifts still protect those who are faithful to him.	Hale Charm
Those familiar with malkyn know that when their teeth are bared, it is already too late to run.	Hunting Aspect
'Bring life to the lands, and death to those who would despoil them.' - Kurnothi chant	Kurnoth's Mark
An enemy's offence becomes severely limited when their bones have been shattered.	Shield Slash
At Karthaen's call, the motes of life magic in Beastgrave coalesce into barbed projectiles that fly towards his foes.	Vicious Darts

Starter box universal cards:

Text	Card Name
When the enemy lie broken and bloodied to the last, then can the deep rumbling of Beastgrave be heard.	Annihilation
Stride forth boldly and seize that which belongs to your enemy.	Conquest
Hold fast to what is yours, no matter the cost.	Denial
Seize the howl-horn and let its mournful dirge echo through Beastgrave's heart.	Hold Objective 1
Capture the amber-bone riches of Ghur.	Hold Objective 2
The throne of tusks may be claimed only by one who is worthy.	Hold Objective 3
The worth of the gargant's blade is beyond imagination.	Hold Objective 4
Dare you don the mask of the Silent People?	Hold Objective 5
Seize the heart of the mountain, chamber by twisted chamber.	Supremacy
The cursed caverns within Beastgrave can disorient even the most keen-minded explorer.	Confusion
A morbid fume surrounds the casts, choking any foe that dare approach.	Eldritch Haze
'Nowhere have you left to run, nor any place to hide...' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Marked
The key to survival is being where your predators least expect.	Sidestep
The key to killing is to attack where your prey least expects.	Snare
An opponent cannot always be defeated, but they can always be made to pay for their actions.	Caltrops
The most fearsome creatures in Beastgrave are those who have adapted to survive in an environment of slaughter.	Great Fortitude
The bestial might of Ghur flows through this fighter's veins.	Great Strength
Driven by primal urges, this fighter watches their enemies for the slightest sign of weakness.	Predatory Instinct

“Three years to build a mech with specs that only a year ago I would have called impossible within this century? Would you like any other miracles while I’m preying to every deity I know of?” – [CLASSIFIED] Head of [CLASSIFIED] development, after being presented with the project’s requirements.
----
First, Previous, Next.
----
‘Diagnostics complete. Error zero-zero, reactor output is nil. No other errors detected. Unit 0012 is unable to perform upcoming operation. I am sorry Sustain. You will be scratched from the roster.’
Anna ‘Sustain’ Finand started swearing, first in United Earth common, then English and lastly in Arabic. Fortunately for her career and general standing among her peers, her mech’s cockpit was still sealed tight, preventing the small army of engineers and maintenance personal swarming her mech from hearing.
She swore about the ridiculousness of a reactor design that could fail with no discernible reason at the drop of a hat. She cursed about the mountain of corners which had been piled up at the feet of the killing machine that refused to power on. Lastly, she just screamed as three years of built-up frustration poured out of her lanky body.
Sustain had been a mech pilot for far longer than she cared to admit, having began by piloting her Dad’s farming mech during planting season. She would start her shift in the mech-tractor after schooled finished, and work until midnight while her Dad slept. Then she would catch some much-needed rest, only to wake up early the next morning for school and do it all over again. She never resented her Dad for the strain the season would place on the two of them, but curiously she had always found herself angry at her mother; who had left when she was only five.
When she had signed up for the military, she had told the interviewing officer that she could pilot a mech in her sleep. She hadn’t been bragging. They’d thrown her into a simulator to see what she could do, and when she told her father that she’d barely passed the exam, she’d been lying. She hadn’t wanted him to worry about the possibility of her being hand picked for the special forces, which is exactly what had happened a few months later. Sustain remembered the fight between herself and her father after that, it had been legendary, and was still something they joked about to this very day.
Still, Sustain was as stubborn as her dad, and when her special forces service had paid for his space flight to and apartment on Earth he’d admitted that he was glad to have lost that fight. Thinking about her father, and Earth, only intensified the extreme frustration Sustain was currently experiencing.
The Algeen’s had pulled in as many species as they possibly could to fight off the Tide, but they hadn’t seen fit to give humanity the same offer. It was only five years ago that humanity had learnt about the existence of the Tide, as the inter-galactic wall that had been the Algeen republic, exhausted beyond all measures, crumbled away.
It still pissed her off to think about. Had the Algeen’s included humanity and it’s six hundred worlds at the start of the war, hell even halfway through it, they would have been able to fight with the numerical advantage. But instead, the Algeen’s had kept the Tide and their war from them a secret. No one knew why but Sustain could sure as hell guess: In the past Humanity and the Algeen’s had their fair share of conflicts.
No doubt the Algeen’s had wanted to present a facade of strength, out of fear that humanity would seek to capitalise on their weakened state.
Sustain could easily see humanity negotiating favourable terms for their aid, terms which may very well have seen them rise as the dominate power in the galactic region. Much like America in comparison to England after WWII. However, by seeking to prevent this from happening, the Algeen’s may have doomed humanity in the process.
Once they knew of their existence Humanity had tried to open diplomatic talks with the Tide and had been violently rebuked. With the Algeen’s crashing down before their very eyes humanity’s leadership had realised with horror that they now had to fight a considerably more powerful enemy, and only had five years to prepare for it.
Three years ago, that same leadership had finally convinced the Algeen’s to share their technology with their new allies of circumstance, and the flood gates had poured open. That’s when Sustain had gotten involved in the cluster fuck.
Humanity knew from their past that their technology was a few years behind that of the Algeen’s. However, they also knew that their tactics and general understanding of warfare was significantly greater. But now they had to compete with the Tide, who’s technology surpassed even that of the Algeen’s, and half measures weren’t going to cut it. Humanity had set out to build a brand new mech, one which could match the Tide machines (even if it wouldn’t beat them) by combining human and Algeen technology.
Sustain had signed on as a test pilot for the project, one of a thousand such pilots. Calling them the best of the best was considered an insult to many of the test pilots. While Sustain didn’t agree with such an arrogant attitude she wasn’t so humble as to be unable to admit the truth: They weren’t the best. Or the best of the best. They were one thousand out of a billion such pilots. They were Elite in the truest meaning of the word.
But none of that would mean anything if they didn’t have any machines to pilot.
Having taken a moment to calm herself, Sustain popped the seals on her cockpit, and opened the heavy door to the clammer of voices and machinery that was the drop hanger of the Swan. The Swan was a orbital insertion carrier, designed to launch its cargo onto a planet without succumbing to gravity or weapons fire alongside them. In just two short hours they would be deploying onto Algeen Prime, one battle which made up the many overseen by operation “Sucker Punch”.
For humanity to survive it needed to push the Tide back as quickly as possible while they were still dealing with the many losses, they had suffered during the Algeen war. For humanity to survive it needed to bloody the nose of those who dared to threaten the continued existence of mankind, and countless others. What better place to do that then where the most noses were located?
Algeen Prime and its surrounding systems were swarming with Tide ships and mechs, as their long conflicted was slowly ground to a pulp. Human intelligence suggested that the Tide in these locations would be running low on supplies, manpower and equipment. It was into this exhausted army that operation sucker punch would strike. It was up to Sustain and the Algeen-Human experimental mech program to be the tip of that spear. No pressure.
Sustain’s maintenance chief cut through both the volume of the hanger and her anxious recount of the events leading up to this situation.
“Sorry Captain, this one’s given up the ghost. I don’t know what is so cursed about this reactor design but when I find whoever made the mistake that causes this headache, I’ll throw the unlucky sod your way eh?”
Despite the situation the Chief’s gruff voice and jokes were enough to force the ghost of a smile onto Sustain’s face. The old, balding man reminded her of a friend of her fathers. The one who’d help occasionally with odd maintenance jobs around the house that her father was too busy to attend to. Only instead of repainting the living room he was fine tuning the most advanced fighting machine currently known to mankind. An odd idiosyncrasy to be sure, but like her the Chief was Elite.
“You’d deprive yourself of that satisfying revenge for me Tomlinson?” Sustain replied.
“Well better you go to prison then me, and I trust you to really twist the knife while you gut the fella.”
“Ah, fair.”
An awkward silence stretched between the two of them. A deep dark abyss that neither really wanted to descend into. Sustain took the plunge first.
“How many others like mine?”
Tomlinson’s eyes said all she needed to know. But he spoke anyway.
“About half of em. We’re hoping to get that down to a quarter but the timing ain’t looking so great. I hope you don’t mind me saying I’m glad yours isn’t showing any signs of life, if we got her started now we’d have to skip so many safety procedures to be ready in time that it ain’t funny… Well, it’d be a little funny. But only if you didn’t explode.”
Sustain grimaced. The constant issue with the experimental mechs was their power source. Everything else had been shaped up over the frantic past three years, but the reactors were a hurtle that seemingly couldn’t be overcome. Once they were running, they were fine. In fact, they were better than fine. Once running the reactors were a considerable improvement to their Algeen basis. It was getting them started that was the hard part.
Three years of Elite scientists and engineers working on the problem, and still it was a crapshoot as to whether the reactors would startup properly or destroy itself in doing so. This problem was exacerbated by the fact that the reactors were only designed to be run for a month before needing to be powered down for a maintenance once over.
Sustain’s mech had its maintenance once over a week ago. She would have preferred delaying the operation to ensure that all the one thousand Elite had operational machines, but replacing the reactor in the experimental mechs took weeks to do. Apparently command just didn’t have that kind of time.
Sustain spook to Tomlinson again.
“Alright, well good effort team. Looks like the training machine’s up.”
The training machines were highly customised but otherwise unmodified Algeen machines. With the experimental one’s being so finicky the Elite had needed reliable machines to hone their skills in. The trainers had never been intended to be taken into battle, however the situation left little room for anything else. They were capable machines, and the Elite pilots were very familiar with them. Tomlinson helped her down with an odd look on his face. After a moment Sustain realised: it was a potent mix of apprehension and guilt.
“I-I” The usually steadfast chief choked on his words. Pausing to take a deep breath before continuing. “I’m sorry it had to be this way ma’am. I didn’t want to let you down.”
Sustain was surprised by the words, but a cocky smile soon found it’s way to her face.
“Don’t worry Chief, I like a challenge. I thought you would have known that about me by now.” She said with a wink.
That same smile danced on her face once more, as two hours and one Tide mech later she was on the battlefield in her trainer mech. The taste of victory like Ambrose in her mouth. The ranged heavy Tide mech was fighting its salvo at her, but rather then attempted to doge the incoming missile or deploy her energy shield, Sustain kept her mech perfectly still. Closing her eyes and increasing the rating on her neural lace; merging her mind closer and closer to the heart of the machine.
When she opened them again everything was slowed to a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second. She concentrated on the first missile, its trajectory appearing on her HUD, and lined up a trajectory of her own. The spikes the Algeen had noted on her mechs shoulders were indeed grenade launchers – not designed for offensive operation and most certainly not designed to be used as anti-missile fire. But Sustain had been training against the Elite for over three years now, most of them in this very machine, together they had all learnt more then a few tricks.
With the overclocking ability of her neural lace, (a development that neither the Algeen’s nor the Tide had access to), Sustain was able to launch the smoke canisters with unnerving accuracy directly into the path of the oncoming Tide fire. To Churk, who was watching the fight take place in real time, it appeared as though every canister had fired at the same moment. But to Sustain each and every canister had been individually targeted and fired.
The massive shockwave of so many missile denotating at once pounded into the surrounding area, causing the ground to shake, trees to shiver and Churk and his team to grab their helmets and take cover. One moment Sustain’s Algeen mech had been charging across the grassy field towards the Tide heavy, the next the entire field and some of the forest the Tide heavy was taking cover in was filled with smoke.
At first both Churk and the Tide pilot believed the smoke to be coming from the destroyed carcass of Sustain’s mech. Both were equally surprised then when with the quick flash of a blade the smoke, (and the Tide’s missile launcher,) were spilt in two.
The smoke in question was electro chemical in nature and caused odd pixelation and glitches to flare up in Sustain’s mechs sensors, as the scrambling effects of the smoke began to hit full force. Of course, Sustain’s mech was programmed with these effects in mind, and so was shielded from the worse of the interference. The same cannot be said for the Tide mech, who’s pilot now had to battle one insanely capable human and their own systems in order to survive. It was a battle that the mech pilot would not be able to win, however that doesn’t mean they were going to go down without a fight.
The Tide mech swung the ruined launcher at Sustain’s mech, and she used her left shoulder to block the blow, causing the frame of her machine to shake with the force of the heavy blow. In return she struck with her sword, finding the elbow joint on the Tide machine’s left arm, and slicing for everything her mech was worth. Her sword ran up the length of the Tide mech’s arm, under the heavy armour, and into the shoulder joint, whereupon (with a flick of her wrist) Sustain was able to deprive the Tide mech of its entire arm.
The Tide mech swung again with the now very pulped launcher, Sustain ducked the blow and thrust forward with her blade, intending to skewer the Tide machine on her sword. She was partially successful in doing so, creating a large and jagged rent in the chest armour of her enemy. The enemy (who was not unskilled) twisted away, preventing Sustain from penetrating the top-quality armour and causing her mech to overbalance. Instead of stepping forward to overt her fall Sustain sent her mech’s anti-gravity pods into overdrive and activated her jump jets. The mech rolled forward smoothly, in a movement that would have shredded a machine of its size and weight if not for the advanced technology of the pods.
As Sustain rolled free from her opponent’s follow up strike (an overhead blow that would have caught her on the back of her machine) smashed into empty air and then dirt. Not letting the sudden evasion get the better of them however, the Tide pilot dropped the useless and crushed launcher remains and pulled their mech’s coil gun from its thigh holster. The coil gun looked like a pistol in the mechs hand, but was powerful enough at this range to punch directly through the chest of Sustain’s mech.
The Tide pilot never got the chance to fire it.
Sustain bounced back from her roll with a speed that, even with the gravity pods maxed out, sent creaks throughout her entire machine. Her jump jets were still firing, and she leapt towards the Tide mech as it pulled its coil gun from its holster. Facing a weapon, she could not deflect with smoke grenades or armour, her only defence was speed and accuracy.
Like a shark about to earn a round of drinks by throwing their last dart, Sustain hit the bullseye at the last possible second. The Tide machine’s armour, already comprised by her previous pass, finally failed as the full weight of Sustain’s mech was forcefully shoved against it. The force concentrated through the point of her brutally simple sword and sliced deep into vulnerable inners of the machine to hit the only thing that truly mattered onboard a mech: The pilot.
----
Want to support me? Read the next part early? Name characters that will appear in my work? Pick chapter titles? Look at the AI generated mech designs that go along with the series? Join my Patreon!