So before I talk about timeline placement I have my biggest thing I’m confused about. So in the game Ganondorf has been sealed for 10000 years yada yada. Ok so we have Ganondorf being sealed away we get that but my next thing is what the Gerudo prophecy or whatever you would call it. “Every 100 years a garudo man is born into existence… so my question is. Since link was sleeping for so long in breath of the wild at some point there should have been a Gerudo child being born male… but you don’t see that. And Ganondorf is basically chillin down below waiting to get his chance to rule hyrule.
To me this doesn’t make sense unless it’s all based on the idea there is a stipulation to the 100 year nonsense.
There must be a hidden rule that im plays that there can’t be another male Gerudo unless that person no longer exists. And just because a being is forgotten about doesn’t mean they don’t exist so then that means the Ganondorf from the main timeline is literally a different being in it of itself meaning that:

1. This is a reboot like a lot of people are assumeing
2. It’s an alternate reality to where it makes the timeline actually make sense in a way that is just patching things they couldn’t patch in the original

So this is my thoughts on the timeline that makes this seem helpful imo:

1. Skyward sword did happen just not the way we got the ending in the actual game.
   
2. Link and Zelda did go to the surface but did not found hyrule but Instead live happily ever after having a child named Sonia.
   

Now the issue that I just address is this before we even continue with my mindset on a timeline. Why didn’t Sonia recognize the name as something familiar? If Zelda was the name of her mother you would think that she would have commented about it unless we don’t get that implication because Zelda wasn’t her mom but some other hylian. Maybe Zelda changed her name after her decent downward calling herself Hylia.
So does that mean link become Zelda’s (hylias) husband? That would be uncertain to because Links name was spoken and Sonia didn’t give much reference besides saying that Zelda was worried about him. Maybe Sonia didn’t see it was necessary to but wouldn’t rauru catch that name because I would assume Sonia talked to Rauru about her life and who were her parents? So then who were Sonia’s parents?
So a new number two has to be in place that would give us implication that maybe link and Zelda did make it down from the sky but never decided to make Hyrule a thing as all and had children. So that means there new timeline continuation would be:

1. Link and Zelda, also known as Hylia, have children and that founds the race of land Hylians that many years have come to which Sonia is apart of that royal bloodline that makes her decide it is ready to found a kingdom.
   
2. Rauru being being one of the last of a rare race called the zonai meet with Sonia and they connect together which then they get married and also found the land of Hyrule.
   
3. Ganondorf tries to attack to take over Hyrule but fails so he then befriends them to gain their trust so he can betray them.
   

5 . Sonia’s stone is taken from her and she dies because of this.
6.Rauru and the sages he assembled fight again Ganondorf and they can’t stop him thus Rauru seals them Ganondorf away with no idea if it’ll be all in vain or not.
Now at this point you would be asking where is Zelda in all of this? And I would be happy to say that she is there just not in this situation. This reality Zelda isn’t here to assist with stopping Ganondorf. So my next big thing I would need to answer is. What did they remaining sages do while Rauru was holding down Ganondorf? Did they decide to find another sage of light since Rauru was away? I don’t think that could work because what would give them the powers of that sage to the new possible sage? It was Rauru himself that gave the stones to the others for power. Also at this point what did Mineru do while her brother was sealed? Perhaps she had the power to make more stones to then have another? My only thing I can think of is all the sages decided that since they couldn’t do anything they would just watch out for their people until they have passed and their souls as sages passed on 10000 years to their new lineage of sages which then passes on to the champions in breath of the wilds lineage being with tears of the kingdom.
Out of all the champions lineages Sidon was around when Mipha, his sister, was a champion of Zelda’s.
So knowing all this what can we say which games are apart of this timeline?

1. Skyward sword but the ending is possibly changed
2. Ocarina of time since all the sages were established.

Now the issue with this is being Ocarina of Time had no sage of lightning but it was a Sage of shadows and the sage of spirit was a Gerudo. So then does that mean OOT was slightly changed in this too? Yes because this is an alternate reality. So that means the Gerudo were apart of a lightning affinity and not a spirt one like in the original timeline.
But then where does link come into play? Because technically 9983 years had to be without a hero. So does that mean Ganondorf was the born so long ago without a savior? Based on the game yes link and Zelda were not there until Zelda make another alternate timeline that she helps out as the sage of Time and is a dragon for 10000 years healing the master sword to be even stronger. So that would mean Link was never able to help out at all until 10000 years later.
So if anything that means this all was not apart of the original prophecy that demise established because they should of all been alive around the same time but they were not.
To end my rant off here. A lot of this is confusing to myself because it leaves so many questions as well as guessing as to what happening between the 10000 years of history.

This is my first post, so not sure if this is the right place where to write this. I have been so unlucky with jobs and internship that its actually unreal, and I want to share my stories. This happened many years ago. 2015 or something? Also to to make things clear I had untreated hypothyroidism and ADHD and I was living with a boyfriend who was an actual manchild- so I was in a bad place wile trying to do my best. This takes place in Sweden, Borlänge. If I use names, they are fake. I took an short 1-year education in “Selling and customer contact” in hope to get a job, thinking that this would help me to get a job, and this education came with an internship- cool! Me and a few others students from my class got this internship at an store that was selling beds, home decor and some outdoor furniture. On day one I was like “I'm gonna fucking get this job, I will be employee, I will do my fucking BEST!” It took me over an hour to get there, and it was winter and fucking really cold and I didn't own a car. But I was determined as fuck. Day one, we where waiting for 20/30 minutes or something, no one came to open the store- first warning sign. And then this really nice lady came driving down the road, climbed out of her car “I'm so sorry I'm late my back hurts and my husband had to help me!” and she looked like an actual banana, she wasn't able to strait up her back and walked with crutches. I was like- how can you get to work like this? This is when I felt that something war wrong with this place. If you can't put on your own clothes, then stay home. We have sick leave in Sweden. She opened the store and I saw that things where... not right. There was a stain in the middle of the break/lunch room, and I peaked in to another room that was STUFFED with chairs and shit. I mean absolutely stuffed from floor to ceiling. It was like a real life Tetris game in that room. You could not see the walls. Anyway we started to work and learn how to do the work. *sigh* I noticed that the Boss was pretty good with explaining what he expected from us, he said that he is an immigrant and worked hard to get where he is. He has seen war. Ok, so he knows how to struggle. but I noticed he gave more time to Stefan- who is an immigrant to. Well at least the Boss isn't a racist so, that's nice. I was struggling with knowing what to do and to learn the database and the system. How to use the checkout system- I needed more time to learn and I didn't get the help that I needed. I also tried to clean up in the store, it was so fucking nasty and chaotic. //Then I heard the story of what happened before. They had a Boss who got fired just a month or two before we came in for our internship. Also some other people got fired to. so they are under staffed. The story was that they where so lazy that no one went out with the trash, everyone refused, so as a petty revenge the employees started to pile garbage in the middle of the break/lunch room- that explains the gigantic stain! Honestly I can't remember to much details from this place, I'm unsure if I was there for 1 week, or 3 days due to the stress and anxiety/depression. trying to learn- trying to be capable. I traveled 1 hour 30 mins to this place and local traffic sucked ass. And the Boss always gave us different times to when to be at work the next day- and I hated that. Some times I came to early and I had to wait outside in the snow. And I remember one time I came late and I thought I was early since the staff door was locked- there was a truck driver waiting to deliver to our store and none answered the bell. But suddenly a coworker came out for a smoke “Oh you are here? You are late!” The truck driver was pissed because he's been waiting to deliver, and i was cold as fuck. Honestly I think we where waiting for 40 mins or something. I talked with the truck driver and he hated this store to. Remember that this is an internship- we didn't get payed. Boss put his energy on Stefan. I was struggling to learn and the rest of us didn't always know what to do. Then there was this moment when Boss told us that we will have to work on some weekends, just to learn how it is to work here on a weekend. /as if a store is different on a weekend. Wtf? So I asked Boss “Do we get payed when working on the weekend?” (in Sweden you get extra payed if you work on weekends.) Boss “uh no...” Me “Sorry, but I don't work for free on weekends.” Boss starts to explain how it is a good thing to know how to work on weekends, it's actually different and we need to learn. And- “I only employ serious people” And I replied- “Yeah that's cool, I also only work for serious employers.” The face on my Boss was priceless. I think he got burn marks from that. I honestly told him that I understand that he wants to employ serious people- but I also only work for serious people. Don't pay me, then don't expect me to work on a weekend. I respect my own time and I want to keep my weekends. I already had some experience of how to handle shit like this, it's not the first time a Boss is trying to have me on a weekend without pay. So the Boss clearly didn't like me . But I really tried to do my best, but I started to get sick. Boss Of course said how hard he can work even if he is sick, and blah blah blah. I got a nasty flue and one morning I couldn't get to work. I sent my Boss a Text and said that I'm really sorry for not being able to get to work. After day 3 of being home sick, my anxiety was 100% I tried to get to the buss but I didn't 't make it in time. I sent my Boss a message, saying how sorry I am that I am sick and can't get to work- but I'll do my best to be there on Monday! And the Boss replied “Yeah you don't have to come back.” I actually started to cry. I really tried to do well and I wanted to get a job so bad. With snow up to my fucking knees I managed to get home, where my BF sat in front of his computer playing PC games, “Wait, let me just play this part...” As I sat on the floor crying, trying to get my snow covered shoes off. Fuck this store, fuck them with passion. Getting fired from a place that are supposed to fucking teach me! Expecting me to bend over and work for free on Weekends. Expecting this nice lady to work while her body is bent like a fucking banana. Fuck you Boss, you learned nothing from your own struggles! And fuck the teacher at the education center as well, Fuck you for blaming this on me. I stayed home for 2 weeks, trying to heal my soul. I learned so much from that place and I will newer be used like that again.

I'm a 24 year old Latino in Burbank, California with dreams of becoming a rapper. I have Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Sensory Processing Disorder. I'm looking for fellow rappers that want to make it big in the business, who can push me to be great. Mentors of any kind would be appreciated. As recency goes, being the Oliver-El Khatib/Noah "40" Shebib/Lil Wayne to my Drake, the Terrence "Punch" Henderson/Dr.Dre/Ab-Soul/Schoolboy Q/ Jay Rock to my Kendrick Lamar, and the Jay-Z to my J Cole, etc. Potentially forming a group like Black Hippy (substance, passion, depth, etc.) would be dope. Rappers who balance lyricism with mainstream appeal/hits (think Jay-Z, Kanye, Drake, Eminem, J Cole, Lil Wayne, Biggie, 2Pac, Kendrick, Nicki, Lil Baby, etc.) with a primary focus on lyricism and songwriting would be amazing. Let's support each other and chase our dreams! Thanks!

When I was nine, I found the woods.
Now, I know that doesn’t seem too impressive at first.
The thing is, I think I was the only one who could see them.
I toddled over after church on Sunday, still wearing the pink bows in my hair and carefully skipping over any patch of earth that wasn’t covered in grass so I wouldn’t stain my Sunday shoes.
There was a large field near where I lived that my mother deemed safe enough for me to play in with all the other neighborhood kids. It wasn’t a playground by any means, just a vast stretch of land that never sprouted anything worth picking. I was alone that Sunday, walking around the dead field until I could barely make out the wavering smudge of my house in the afternoon heat.
I regret it now, but at the time, I decided to slip under the barbed wire fence and run off, hoping to find something pretty. I wanted a sunflower for my hair.
That’s when I found the woods. I didn’t even realize there was anything out there; I lived in the last house on the block, and from there it just stemmed out into that empty field. No one ever mentioned the woods, not even the adults as a warning not to go in.
Obviously, I went in.
The trees were black and gnarly, with thick knobs and protruding roots so overgrown, they reminded me of bony fingers with too many knuckles. Crisp leaves in all shades of brown littered the floor, and I loved the satisfying crackle underneath my Sunday shoes as I explored.
Looking back, I don’t know what it was about the woods, but I was captivated. I was running through the trees, making tremendous leaps over streams, and just playing like the child I was. It felt like I was in another world when I looked up at the canopy of leaves and branches, sunlight glittering through the green.
It felt like minutes, no more than an hour at most, before I noticed the sky was ripe and orange. The sun was setting already.
I sucked on my teeth before sighing. Sundown meant going home. I made my way toward the direction I came in when a wispy breeze fluttered over my body, lifting the lace ends of my dress and sending my hair flying off my shoulders.
I shuddered, but kept walking.
I made it home just as my mother stepped out on to the porch to yell for me.
“Oh, there you are, Faith. Come insi—where is your bow? Little girl, I told you to change before you went playing in the field in your Sunday clothes!”
I reached into my hair and realized she was right, I was missing one of the ribbons meant to be tied around my plaits.
“I wasn’t in the field, I—“
“Hush now, I don’t care for excuses. Go on inside and I’ll run your bath.” She tsked, shoving me inside with a rough hand on my back.
The next morning, I spoke to Jeremy at the bus stop. He was my neighbor.
“Jeremy, why haven’t you ever shown me the woods?” I asked.
“What woods?”
“The woods past the field. Don’t play stupid.”
“I ain’t playing stupid. I never seen no woods, and I lived here twice as long as you. You’re stupid.”
“I am not, Jeremy! The woods are over there,” I pointed past the field. “And I’ll prove it to you after school.”
“Fine, bighead, let’s see.”
The entire day I was antsy. Finally, we sat together on the bus ride home and I knew I would be proven right.
We dumped our backpacks and lunchboxes on my porch and marched through the field. When we got to the fence, he hesitated.
“My momma says not to go past the fence because then she can’t see me.”
“Oh, you chicken, then?”
“Shut up,” he said. He looked back towards the neighborhood before rolling under the fence. I followed, ducking beneath the wire.
I led the way, the same way as I had taken yesterday.
Only this time, I couldn’t find the woods. We must have walked for ten minutes before Jeremy spoke.
“I don’t know why I believed you. You’re just a liar. I knew there wasn’t no woods.”
“There is too! You don’t know nothing.”
“Wasting my time for this… Loony, you are. I’m going home before my momma starts whining.” He turned around and I watched him until he went under the barbed wire fence again.
Where were the woods? It didn’t make sense.
I felt a cold wind wash over me, prickling at my skin. I rubbed at my arms and looked up.
My bow!
It had become undone and was just a pink ribbon gliding through the air. I chased after it, but random bursts of wind kept it out of my reach. I spun in circles and scuffed my shoes and knees as I hurried, my eyes ignoring the ground.
It finally smacked against a tree, and I realized I was at the woods once again. I grabbed my ribbon and shoved it in my skirt pocket, distrustful eyes scanning my surroundings. I could still see the edge of the field, so I hadn’t gone far, but it didn’t make sense. Why weren’t the woods this easy to find with Jeremy?
I raced inside anyway, gleefully crushing hard leaves under my feet. This time, I started kicking together piles of them in a path, jumping from stack to stack and relishing in the experience.
As I peered past the black trunks of the trees, I realized it was sunset. But that couldn’t be true, school had just ended half an hour ago. I hadn’t even had supper yet.
I backed out of the woods and when I blinked, the sun was back up, shining down brightly on me. I went back inside, examining the stark difference in the sky. When I looked to the left, outside the woods and into the open, it was sunshine. When I looked to the right, into the depths of forest, the sun cascaded yellow and orange through the dark, black trunks, just like a sunset.
I went back every day that week, and every day it was the same. It was always sunset in the woods, no matter if I went in the morning or afternoon. It was strange waking up on Saturday mornings and spending hours watching the sun frozen halfway down the horizon.
After about a month of spending nearly every day in the woods, I heard a laugh.
I think it was a laugh.
The sound was a whisper in the air and I could feel it gusting around me.
“Hello?” I called out.
Silence, just for a beat.
A round of giggles came from behind a nearby tree, but I couldn’t identify which one. It sounded like it was surrounding me. It was a guess, but I assumed it was little girl laughter. I had always wanted girl friends, so a spark of excitement shook through me.
“Hey, come on out!”
She didn’t say anything, but I heard footsteps take off and I bolted after them.
There was no path of shoes in the dirt, no overturned leaves being kicked through, nothing but the faint ghost of a breathless laugh.
“This isn’t funny,” I announced with a deep frown, clutching at my aching side.
The laughter stopped immediately.
I sucked in a deep breath.
My shadow was dark, I noticed. Much darker than it had ever been in the woods. The usually orange sky was fading fast, cold navy overtaking warm citrus colors.
“I’m going home,” I said. I don’t know why I did, I just had to let her know. “Play with me tomorrow.”
“Wait,” a girl’s voice.
I spun in a circle, unceremoniously slipping on some of those crisp leaves. I couldn’t see her.
“What?”
“Wanna see something neat?”
“Who are you,” I asked.
“A girl offering you something one last time. Wanna see something neat or not?”
I stood up and patted my skirt, dusting the dirt off.
“Show me.”
A small hand waved from behind a particularly rotten tree. I grinned and chased after the figure, darkness enveloping any discernible features; she was only a shape running ahead of me. Her voice was youthful and she was no taller than me, and I was not a large child.
We giggled in those little girl laughs as we went further and further in the deep thicket. The sunlight was nearly gone, I could barely make out my own feet as I chased after the girl.
“Where we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
I groaned.
“Hush, we’re nearly there.”
I rolled my eyes, but obeyed.
“What’s your name?”
“Nearly there now, Faith.”
I slowly stopped myself, fear ebbing its way into my chest for the first time.
As if she felt my pause, she stood as still as the trees, unwavering in the growing winds. Her dress didn’t even flutter with the breeze like my skirt did.
“Why did you stop,” she asked in a strained voice. “Don’tcha wanna see? See the surprise?”
I took a step back, nearly fumbling over a thick root.
“My mother must want me home by now.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“You don’t know my mother.”
“Oh,” she sighed, her head dipping forward, long hair covering her face. “I know a lot more than you, Faith.”
She started laughing as she turned to face me, the soft sound morphing into an unrecognizable cackle.
It was so dark now, I couldn’t see much else but her. Her skin almost glittered, but there wasn’t any moonlight.
“How do you know my name?”
“You told me. You don’t remember?”
I shook my head, and though she wasn’t looking at me, somehow she saw it.
“Faith Brown. You have a bad memory. I told you I know more than you.”
The whistle of sharp gusts of air pierced my ears, her voice barely floating through the sound. My hands were sticky, cold and sticky.
“What’s your name? You know mine.” I asked again.
“You should go on home. Your mommy is really scared right now.” She said it so matter-of-factly, faint but sure.
I hated her voice, I wanted to hit her. I wanted to reach my fists into her long, ugly hair and pull it out of her face so I could spit in it. Never in my life had I ever felt so much vile, abysmal hatred for someone. It frightened me. Most of my thoughts were on my mother, though, so I didn’t pause to reflect on these realizations for too long.
I took off running in the opposite direction, praying I was heading the right way. I was sprinting like the fastest horse on the track, but somehow her laughter was right on my shoulder, cawing loudly inside my brain.
“Bye bye, Faith! Let’s play tomorrow.”
Again, I felt that prickling feeling of disdain. I nearly turned around and chased after her again, just to pummel her.
Instead, I focused on how the clearing was approaching. I ducked my head and let out a shaky breath of relief when I found myself out in the open.
Slowly, tentatively, I peered back at the woods, fully expecting to see her standing there.
It was so dark, I couldn’t see past the first couple of trees. They guarded the entrance, standing like ghouls with long, grotesque branches like bony fingers outstretched to me.
The walk back to the field was brisk; I was on edge, a growing knot weighing in my stomach that I wouldn’t make it home.
I had never been out so late. There wasn’t a cloud above to block moonlight, but even then, the moon was absent. I had no guide home, so I continued to trek in blackness, hoping I would see the streetlights soon.
I wondered if I would see her again—
A crushing grip yanked my shoulder, spinning me around and sending dirt flying as my shoes scraped the ground.
Large, strong hands shook me, and a white light blinded me. I was gone, I was dying in that moment, my soul fled my body.
“Calm down! I need you to stop screaming, honey. Stop, tell me your name.”
I heard a click and the light was much dimmer. I hadn’t realized I screamed at all.
My eyes adjusted, and I noticed the golden glitter of a badge.
“Faith Brown.”
He sighed, genuine relief in the motion.
“Let’s get you home, sweetheart.”
The night passed in a blur. I was holding his hand as we walked through the field. He said several things into the machine on his chest. My street was flashing with red and blue. My mom was smoking a cigarette on the porch. She shouted at me, but I didn’t hear a word until her icy fingers were digging into my arms, clutching me tight against her.
I slept in her bed that night, I think. I didn’t go to school that next Monday. I don’t think I went at all that week.
The next time I felt conscious, grounded back in reality, was when I accidentally pushed the glass of lemonade off the table. Shards went skittering across the kitchen floor, bouncing until they hit the walls.
“Faith!”
“Sorry, mother!” I bent down to start picking up the pieces when my mother grabbed my wrist.
“You dense little girl, don’t touch glass!” She hissed at me before her eyes softened. “Baby girl, it’s dangerous. I’ll clean it up, you — carefully — throw the bag outside. Can you do that?”
I nodded absently.
When my mother wrapped the glass in a towel and secured it in a waste bag, she sent me to the trash cans outside. They were in the backyard.
I hopped down the steps, the feeling of being out of the house already foreign. A breeze nearly made me jump.
Despite the wind being negligible, one of the bins tipped over.
A single brown leaf fell out, gliding through the air and landing right before my feet.
I don’t know how I knew, but it was obvious to me that this lead was from the woods. It fluttered at the ground a bit, the crisp corners pointing past the field, wanting me to follow. It was enticing me, urging me to just obey. I felt a strange pull in my chest, a physical tug that made my shoes scrape against the dirt and inch towards those cursed woods.
I stomped on the leaf, my teeth grinding together as I used my heel to shred it to pieces.
For a while, things seemed to be getting better. The wind didn’t call to me and I stopped having nightmares featuring a black and white figure. The girl. Jeremy even told the older boys to stop teasing me about it all.
I thought it was over.
A month had passed, maybe two. Church had finished and all us neighborhood kids were playing tag in the field. Maybe it was all the others there that made me feel safe enough to go with them.
An older girl from the middle school was it, and I scurried away from her, but I tripped on a long, pointed stick. I skidded to the dirt without an ounce of grace, dust and pebbles digging into my clothes and skin. I picked up the wooden branch and waved it around.
It was like a magnet, zeroing in on one specific direction: directly to the woods. Again, I felt that tug in my bones, my mind blank as I was almost roped in. It felt like my feet weren’t even leaving the ground, just that some unexplainable force was luring me in.
None of the other kids saw me. Or they did and didn’t care. I would rather believe the former.
I blinked.
I was back. I was in there, alone, and the sun was setting fast behind me. Dread coursed through me and I spun around, my grip taut on the stick in my hands. I clutched it to my chest, my heartbeat rising rapidly.
It was getting so dark so fast. It felt as if the blacker it got, the harder it was to breathe. Everything was so, so loud; my ears pounded, my shaky exhales were crashing waves, the rustling trees were windstorms.
The song was excruciating.
I strained my body to focus. The song—this ominous chanting that suddenly began, a crooning chorus of voices was somehow the faintest trace of sound and the most excruciatingly powerful racket possible.
I couldn’t describe it accurately if I tried. The most I could say was that it reminded me of the choir at church, but the emotions it evoked were polar opposites. There was no unified comfort, but an unrelenting hymn, slow and mournful.
With nimble steps, I inched away from the anthem, fearful of the voices stopping at hearing my footsteps.
Bright red lights exploded like fireworks.
I saw them all.
Vaguely, but undeniable. A hoard of people, all just as ghastly white as the first girl, their sinful song louder and closer. Their faces were hidden being long strands of hideous black hair. They all looked the same, a crowd of the same kin.
She stood at the front, closer than all the rest.
The burning in my throat was agonizing, bile threatening to spill out as she lifted her head. Her face, the blankest white I had ever seen, was empty save for two black holes where her eyes should have been, and a carnivorous mouth lined with rows and rows of almost-humanlike teeth.
Her face was flat, no curves or features anywhere but those haunting eyes. They were like craters, dark and empty. Still, I knew they were boring into my soul.
I was petrified. I wanted to run off as fast as I could. I couldn’t do it backwards, but I simply couldn’t look away from the swaying mass of people in front of me. I couldn’t imagine what they would do if I turned around.
I didn’t have time to make a choice on what to do next because she launched into action. She moved like a newborn animal, gangly yet purposeful, and she was heading straight for me.
She couldn’t catch me. That was all I knew.
I bolted, adrenaline carrying me with a strength I’d never have again. I was practically flying through the trees.
They were alive, leaning in and closing the gaps, making it harder for me to dart between them. Their branches scratched and nipped at my face and arms, but I could barely feel it.
“Faith, we need you at the communion!” She screeched behind me, dangerously close.
Her voice was loud, but the song from the crowd was fading. I was getting close to freedom and she knew it.
I heard her pounce and then I was slammed to the ground. Her body was light, but cold enough that where her hands touched me, the skin felt like I was soaking in an ice bath.
I couldn’t breathe, my lungs throbbing inside me. I was beyond afraid, my body acting in autopilot because my mind was mush.
I screamed, a deep, guttural shriek that surprised her. With a swift movement, I stabbed the wooden branch I still held into one of the black craters on her face and she fell back, hissing and howling like a feral creature.
I used the brief moment of distraction to shove the stake in deeper and run. I ran with all my might, the steady pounding in my ears protecting me from whatever curses she screamed after me.
My vision was going dark at the edges, my chest aflame with pricking pain building inside me. I was going down and I knew it, but I could see it then: the edge. With a final burst of speed, I catapulted myself out of the woods and as far as I could get.
I collapsed in the field.
Sometime later, my mother was shaking me to consciousness. I couldn’t move, but I bawled in her arms, scrapes and scratches riddling my body. When they changed me at the hospital, there were deep claw marks on my back.
Within two weeks, we moved. I lost a lot of my childhood. Outside of this period, I can only remember bits and pieces of what should have been joyful times. It took a long time for me to feel safe.
And I did. For a good while, I felt safe. I didn’t think of her or anything that happened for many years, the only reminder my scars on my back and the occasional flash of nightmares.
I was okay.
Until this morning.
My daughter, my darling little girl who gave me hope and a warm feeling of peace just by being near her, was coloring beside me as I finished something on my laptop.
I glanced down to her page and was nine years old again, looking right into the black abyss of two soul-sucking eyes above a sharp, dripping mouth.
“Baby,” I croaked, “baby, who is that?”
“Oh,” my daughter hummed. So blissfully unaware. “She’s a girl I met in the forest yesterday.”
I could feel every painstakingly difficult year of therapy slipping away from me. With a trembling hand, I ripped the page out of her notebook and crumbled it, ignoring her cries of protest.
We live nowhere near a forest. I can hear that song again.

Weirdly, I've known about ADHD properly since meeting my wife as a few in her family have it. I live in the UK and I swear ADHD just doesn't get talked about, so I thought I don't have it.
You know what made it click, Grey's Anatomy; Adams finds out he's got it and explains how he always felt he was lazy and forgetful and it just clicked, everything he was saying made sense... I've known basic stuff about ADHD but hearing what it leads to irl I had never really heard so thought it wasn't me. When in Grey's Adams says about why did his family never notice, how he's always felt like the black sheep Man did that hit me hard in the chest.
My wife is American if that means anything but I do feel I could potentially have never come to this realisation without bloody Grey's and my lovely American family. Why didn't anyone notice before, why did I have to feel like I was just a clown, hyperactive kid, teen, young adult and only now realising why I'm so shit at some things.
Been reading some posts, they all make sense - I hyperfocus on a new thing and I do lots, then lose interest and can't pick it back up. Constantly poor time management; I even went to a course for that and it was the most mind numbing shit. Million thoughts in my head at any time, I constantly listen to music. Only time I feel like I have only one stream of thought is during football (soccer). In emergency times I'm so calm, when it passes then I feel the emotion of it.
I'm undiagnosed and my mum said it'll take a long time to get a diagnosis (years) - though I might go private. Oh yeah and when I said it to her and her partner who's known me since I was 7, he said he sees nothing wrong with me and that I don't have it and that it's just another reason to sell drugs to people who don't need it; which if that were true means I purposely forget important things for the people I love and that makes me feel like the worst person.
Idk what I'm really looking for from this post, just feeling overwhelmed. I used to describe myself as omnivert as sometimes I'm the biggest extrovert but other times I don't want anything to do with the world. I hope now I know what it is I can better understand myself; understand why I may seem a bit ott to people and use better coping strategies to be a better dad, husband and friend.
If you've read all this thank you ❤️ watch I don't have ADHD and I'm actually just a bit shit.

Howdy, I'm trying to figure things out, and I'd love to get some feedback from the MbtiTypeMe community! While I don't know that anyone will read this full thing, I decided to fill it out in its entirely in hopes it would flesh out a fuller impression.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I am 29 years old, and female. Currently, I'm going to school full time, working towards my associate's degree (although, my end goal is to get a master's degree in the realm of marketing research). Before I was in school I was working full time doing administrative work, but it was incredibly unsatisfying. It was more of ends justify the means type of ordeal, but it wore me down and was ultimately unfulfilling taking a toll on my physical and mental health. The work was often prep-work and getting things for other staff to wrap up, with minimal feedback, and shitty work gossip (In my time there, I never clicked with my team socially, but we were friendly enough).
Outside of the work/school world, I'm happily married. Before meeting my husband, it wasn't uncommon to go on dates with men who would laugh and comment that I was weird when I'd make jokes (I have a pretty absurd sense of humor). My husband never called me weird, if anything he met me at my level and egged me on. He's incredibly straightforward, no bullshit, and has an equally absurd sense of humor and I love him for that.
Socially, I have a handful of very close friends and from there I would say my network webs out to a wide scope of acquaintances. I have limited time and energy, so I'm very selective with who I spend my energy and time on. In my early 20s, I had a very wide social network, but I discovered as much as I wanted the friendships it wasn't entirely mutual. I spend a great deal of my early/mid-20s friendless, but I never felt lonely. I still found the means to get out on my own and explore life on my terms.
With the friends I do have, a number of them have commented I can be pretty intimidating, or intense on first impressions. Additionally, it's not uncommon for others to ask for advice or assume I have some authority (for instance, in my last quarter of school separate colleagues asked if I'm a business owner or an instructor on separate occasions). On this note, I would say I have a more masculine energy.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
I have been tested and diagnosed with mild ADHD.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
I was raised in a strict religious household. My parents were authoritarian and would use the bible to backtrack and bend their rules, so there was a lot of confusion and insecurity about what to believe. I stopped believing in my early teens, but it amplified my parent's goals of indoctrination. I was forced to attend church weekly and during weekdays I would watch sermons about going to hell until I was finally able to move away from home.
One of my parents has BPD, so I think it made having structure a much more difficult endeavor. There was a lot of chaos and disorder outside of the religious aspect. It wasn't uncommon for me to reason with my parent when they would get into rage fits, especially in public. It never occurred to me, but I had to grow up quickly. A lot of my enrichment from a young age was relatively limited, and the things I did love often came with a lot of disapproval.
Despite the disapproval and shame, I would often argue my case and try to reason with my parents. I wanted to explore the contents of the world, and if I didn't get their approval I would find a way to explore whatever I wanted anyway. For the most part, it was entirely innocent books and media, so it was easy to justify. Being enterprising from a young age, I got a job as soon as I could to access things I wanted without having to run it through my parents.
I acknowledge I faced trauma in my childhood, and as an adult, I am getting therapy to work through it. At the very least I can leave the experience with the knowledge that I'm resilient despite the odds.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
Currently a full-time student, I do have specific goals for my future, however, I think I would like to limit certain personal information for the sake of my privacy. I will say this much, I love going to school. Never in my life have I thrived as much as I am now. It's incredibly satisfying to work towards a goal and enjoy the process along the way. My biggest highlight is the opportunity to fail and try again. This is a concept I never had the luxury to truly experience until now. Lastly, being back in school also brought my ADHD diagnosis to light, which has given me a new lease on better understanding and navigating some of the mental roadblocks I deal with.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
If my schedule is jampacked, and I've had minimal time to myself, or minimal time to recharge then yes I will be an absolute spud on the sofa by myself for an entire weekend. Although, as much as I love time to myself, I'm always ready to reconnect with people. If I get sick and I'm cooped up for a week I get severe cabin fever. Ironically, it's not always the desire to socialize as much as it is to be out of the house and around people.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I've always enjoyed sports, can't say I'm a pro by any means. I like yoga, and working out at the gym (I'm planning to take a Pilates class over the summer, I might add something else. I want to stay active). I'm not as active these days with my schedule, but it can be a real release for me to get into the moment and put my body to work. As for competitive sports, I've also gotten involved in paintball recently. The entire experience is a major adrenaline rush, and 100% worth every welt, bruise, and cut.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I was the kid that got in trouble for A) Stating the obvious (elephant in the room). B) asking too many questions/the wrong questions (they weren't wrong, but maybe intrusive). I would say I can get pretty curious about things, especially when they are more abstract. It's like this "make it make sense" or "how can that work?" kind of mindset.
I wouldn't say I have more ideas than I can execute, generally, if I have ideas I like to add them to the list (for instance, I keep mental lists of major projects I want to tackle and make physical lists regarding the means to finish those projects). I try to make my projects manageable, so once I get an idea I try to figure out how I can make it happen.
I'm curious about whatever projects I'm working on, or classes I'm focused on. I get pretty hyper-focused on whatever I'm working on. In school, for instance, I find my curiosities peak at new concepts or ideas that don't quite make sense to me right off the bat. I like getting into a dialogue to clarify how things work. Also, I think part of my curiosity is breaking down the objective from the subjective. Recently, I questioned how an instructor's definition of learning, which included a statement that drugs (amongst other things) weren't a part of learning. This led to an interesting back-and-forth about the use of psilocybin or ketamine in therapy as means of working through traumas. My argument is that drugs could be a means of learning, in that instance.
I think my arguments could be pretty conceptual, but I don't think they're particularly limited.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Personally, I would prefer leadership roles that allow me to help others in the group use their strengths in making things happen. I think I would be alright in a leadership role, in group settings I'm particularly comfortable communicating, and discussing logistics, as well as developing plans to move into the next steps of a process. When it comes to leadership style, I think I would most likely be authoritative, but collaborative. While I highly value the input and ideas everyone brings to the table working on projects, I'm confident in pointing out the best plan of action when weighing the pros and cons in decision-making. I'm comfortable with discourse and conflict, having opposing views can be an opportunity to critically think about solutions or projects, in general.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
In regard to my coordination, I have decent reflexes, but I can be a bit clumsy as well. When I'm really invested in something at my desk I'll forget I have a cup or glass and bump into it, sometimes knocking it over. From time to time I will bump my foot or trip on something if I'm deep in thought while I'm trying to get from point A to point B. As for working with my hands, I wouldn't say I'm particularly intricate, but I paint and sketch in my spare time. I'm not sure if you mean hands-on activities or activity levels, but I try to find excuses to get out and get active when I can.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I am artistic, but I wouldn't call myself an artist. It's something I enjoy tinkering with through painting and sketching studies in my spare time, as I mentioned in the last question. I had few means of creative outlets as a kid, so I spend a lot of time drawing, or developing character designs for fun. I tend to appreciate painted works in my adulthood, particularly works from the Baroque and Renaissance eras. I'm planning to visit some art museums over the Summer to get a close-up look at some pieces I've admired over the years.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
My relationship with time is interesting. Working through some of my traumas, little scenes from my childhood and teen years have come to the surface. I certainly take the time to reflect on them as they come up, but I don't necessarily make a note to remember them (although, they may come back again for no reason). In regards to the present, I can immerse myself here when needed, and find myself getting into the moment as I'm working on things. In classes, I often lose track of time if the topics are interesting, and in social settings, I would say time flies. However, having generalized anxiety, my thoughts can pull me out of the present. I have a habit of thinking about my agenda for whatever's next or working out how I can keep my ducks in a row for school. Finally, regarding the future, I tend to think about major life goals and things I want to achieve, but I also have a tendency to assume it will be simple to attain those things. Growing into myself, I've learned how important it is to develop realistic goals and plans to make those things happen.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
The answer to another person's request would be entirely dependent on the nature of the request. Deciding to help them is based on why they need help, and what I can offer.
For example, if someone is asking me to help them in doing something underhanded or harmful to another person I'm going to say no. On the other hand, if a colleague needs help with a project or outreach when they're dealing with time constraints, I'll gladly help them with whatever it is, or connect them with someone who can if my own time is limited.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yes, and no. I generally like having an idea of my schedule, as well as good habits in personal upkeep to make sure I'm on task. However, I don't think I would enjoy being particularly rigid with my lifestyle outside of that structure. Having ADHD I think I need the wiggle room to change between tasks, as sticking to one thing at a time can make it hard for me to get things done which is really bad for me. It's really a tug and pull for me sometimes because in order to get things done I usually need to multitask.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I would say it's pretty important. I am my own worst critic, so there's often this thought that I could have done more when I've done enough in my day. I want things to be done, and done right. For instance, thinking about my laundry, I have a specific way I wash and fold and storing my clothes so they take up minimal space but I'm also not wasting time folding for hours (look up the Kon-Mari method if you're actually reading this, it's awesome). I'm always interested in learning how to do things better, for the sake of making my life a bit easier.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I don't think I control others, but I can be bossy and authoritative. Although, in that light, I am very clear to reason with others why I need them to do something or behave a certain way. I think about a situation where I was being approached by a very aggressive-looking man while I was trying to get to my car after school one day. Sensing danger I checked my surroundings and spotted a male bicyclist approaching in another direction, I waved him down and started a conversation with him telling him to stay for a moment without adding context. The biker stopped confused, and I just continued creating conversation as if everything were normal, once the aggressive man had passed us I explained exactly what was happening to the cyclist, thanked him for sticking around, and moved on.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I like painting, tarot, yoga, hiking, paintball, and collecting figures amongst other things. I like painting because it's a creative outlet, but it's also an interesting challenge for learning. Tarot is used as a journaling prompt, more often than not, but I check in once a month and give myself a reading to write about. It's a good tool for introspection. Hiking and paintball are nice ways to get outdoors and touch the grass, but also see some cool sights or get an adrenaline rush from shooting things or being shot at. Lastly, I'm a huge nerd, but I'm super selective about the figures I buy (For instance, I'm not going to buy a figure based on the brand or license, I'm more concerned about the construction or aesthetics of the product).
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
Again, a note on my ADHD I have to multitask. However, sounds and settings can be extremely distracting for me. I have to be in the right setting and I often times put on music that involves some kind of soundwave frequency to help me focus on my projects. When it comes to learning I have often thrived on repetition, quizzes, and thought questions so I can throw whatever knowledge I have now for review.
Regarding learning environments, I love classes that involve discussions around the concepts or topics being covered to clarify and understand the content. I like spaces where I can question the logic, or develop an idea better. While I use repetition in studies, I really don't enjoy classes strictly involving memorization, they leave little for the mind to chew on, and I often find I forget information from classes if it lacks some kind of context.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
Ironically, I'm writing this after wrapping up part of a project for one of my classes. Generally, when I have a project I'm pretty quick to decide what I want to do, so I can begin my research and prep work. For instance, for my current writing project, I had a few weeks to select my topic, but knew from the early stages what I planned to write about, and began creating an outline and gathering evidence. I typically work with print copies of peer-reviewed journals, so I can highlight and write freely as I come across relevant data - once I'm done with a journal I add a few key notes about the content and how I plan to use it. Admittedly, I have a tendency to procrastinate in actually starting certain processes of the work, but I get really zoned in once I get things started spending hours on the task at hand until it's completed.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
Professionally, I'm looking into a niche field involving science and psychology focusing on work-life quality. I've always enjoyed working in professional settings, but take issue with the culture as well as bureaucracy in policy-making that is detrimental to work-life balance, livable wages, and a humanized work culture. I've always been very passionate about professionalism, and recently, I've been considering exploration of the workforce law as well. My end goal is to implement change on a larger scale, setting higher standards for workers' rights.
Personally, my aspirations involve attaining an M.A. and if it's within my means a Ph.D. Of course, I would also like to eventually buy a house, and as I've often joked with my husband a job in which I can make enough money that he can quit his job and pursue his own hobbies and interests. He's supported me along my journey for enlightenment, and in turn, I'd like to support him in his endeavors as well. I would also like to travel much more, I have a list of destinations I would like to visit in my lifetime.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
Oh god. I think what I fear most is letting people down. One of the primary sources of my anxiety is disappointing a loved one or someone who holds me accountable. I also fear getting into a car accident or drowning, but those seem relatively general. I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea of Christianity, growing up in a religious household there was a lot of conditional love, and I was not seen for my authentic self. I am deeply bothered by being told I will "one day be saved," by my loved ones, as I have lived through the authoritarianism and conditional love they learned through "being saved".
I'm also uncomfortable with people who are over-the-top friendly, I'm not one to write people off immediately, but it's safe to say I'm going to proceed with caution. I recently met someone through an acquaintance that was heavy on compliments, and something about them seemed particularly artificial, and hard to be around.
Lastly, I would like to think I don't hate a lot of things, but I often jokingly say I am a machine that runs on spite. However, a few things do come to mind: firstly, when I'm the only one pulling their weight in a group, secondly being made a fool, and thirdly but most importantly being stabbed in the back by a loved one. Have your heart broken enough times, and soon you will realize the value and scarcity of a true friend.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
Highs in my life involve failing. This probably sounds weird, but in the last few years, I've been trying this new thing where I fuck things up with the intention of learning and improvement. For me it's failing and getting the feedback and criticism I need to not only get back on my feet but start running until I trip again...and then we repeat. Quite frankly, some of the largest growth in my life has happened in this time. I feel much more confident, and even when I face new stress and frustrations I can acknowledge I am taking on new challenges and forging invaluable growth that can get me where I need to go in life.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
The lows these days are when I'm burning the candle at both ends and have a mountain of tasks ahead of me. I do take small breaks to care for myself, but I still crash and burn sometimes. Occasionally my mind goes to darker places, when I'm burning and I have to work through the negative self-talk I put myself through.
I've been through some pretty severe depression in the past. I think an example of my lowest point was quitting my job during the pandemic, with no plans for the next steps. I ended up couch bound for a few months processing my life, realizing the means I was involved in were not only unsatisfying but didn't justify the ends. It was devastating, but I eventually got the help I needed and felt a new lease on life when I realized I had the opportunity to do something that fit my needs.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
It's sometimes hard to describe this for me. I can get really involved at the moment, and immerse myself in the world I live in, but there's also this greater internal part of me in which I daydream or live in my head. Even as I write this, considering where I'm at I am immersed in imagery that describes what I'm thinking. It's easier for me to sift into my head, but then when I'm pulled out of a thought it's almost like a snap back into reality. Other times, for instance, in brainstorming I'm often times comparing ideas and getting a picture of whatever would be implemented. It's easy for me to picture each experience and recognize which one holds the most value based on the way I sift through each thought. Honestly, it's really hard to describe the way my thoughts are organized, it's almost unconscious how I reach the point of knowing what is best. At the very least, I can usually tell you exactly why whatever option(s) is the best.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I'd probably first feel a bit anxious if I have something on my agenda I need to attend to. Assuming there was no concept of time in this room, I'd probably daydream freely, about whatever world I would like to immerse myself in and run whatever scenarios over and over until I figure out how they play out best. I don't have a lot of time these days to daydream like that, but I love playing with my imagination in a more creative sense when I have the free time to do so.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
It's generally a pretty quick process, but sometimes I do take more time if it's particularly impactful. Ill use the example of buying my last car. I knew exactly which make and model I wanted, and had no interest in considering alternatives (I also didn't care how long it took to find the car, I wasn't compromising). I got into a pretty heated discussion with a local car salesman trying to sell me a different make/model vehicle insisting they were basically the same thing. I know they are, but I knew what I wanted and found the exact thing a few weeks later. I don't really recall the details of our conversation, but I remember thinking it was entertaining a salesman thought arguing with a customer would sell them on something.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I have a difficult time feeling my feelings, in the sense that feeling sad or vulnerable feels wrong. In my late twenties, I'm starting to learn how important those feelings are in working through stress and pain. I can be pretty intense about how I feel, but I have a really hard time externalizing it in a healthy way. This is one of the more tricky facets of my life, but I often worry that internalizing certain emotions will only backfire on me in the long run.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
I typically won't go out of my way to appease someone if I don't agree with them. I've been in situations where someone is airing an opinion or information that is absolutely wrong. For me, I see it as an opportunity to enter into polite discourse and ask for more context to a person's belief or view. I just had a situation like this come up over the weekend and the discourse led to a really interesting discussion, which created some new nuance and context for a number of people in the group. I love that kind of discussion that makes you put your thinking cap on.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
Often? I can't think of a time when I bent rules recently, usually, I don't break a rule unless the logic behind it isn't sound. I can be a bit of a shithead when it comes to questioning workplace policies. I worked in an office with shifting clientele and due to certain legal requirements, there would be shifting workplace policy implementations on a regular basis. There was a lot of room for error in the policies written, the department head loved my insights for the sake of covering their ass, but the staff who wrote policies had it out for me. I never saw it as anything personal, but if something doesn't make sense I'm going to say something, even if I run the risk of getting reprimanded.
​
If you actually made it this far, you get a banana sticker (and my thanks! That was a lot, so props to you for sticking it our!).

<< Previous Index Next >> (ToC at Chapter 1)
(Original, Contemporary MC in supernatural setting, Magic, Afterlives, Souls)
Schedule: New chapters every Monday and Thursday.

Chapter 9

Kenny insisted on trying to reproduce the healing at the temple. But since we knew the 'Western Temple' was already busy, we settled on its twin across the street. The Eastern Temple, as we jokingly called it.
Thankfully it was vacant when we arrived. Many people were present at the square, of course. Most, in fact, never left it.
Some worked near the Pillar, and others were hanging around doing nothing, but it didn't seem that this particular building was of any interest to anyone at that moment.
"So, how are you so accepting of all of it?" I asked Kenny. "It's not that you believe any ridiculous claim you hear, but you think everything through. You never dismiss anything out of hand."
Kenny nodded along with the question.
"I guess I just came to terms with it," he said. "I don't think you paid any mind to it, but when we were in the mist, outside the city, it came as a real shock to me," he gave a weak smile. "It was like a scene from a horror movie or a bad dream. Wandering alone in the mist, visiting places I was not supposed to reach yet," he shuddered.
I didn't know it affected him so much.
"It's worse than just the monsters or being stuck underground," Kenny continued. "If you squint hard enough, you can come up with an explanation for it," he looked up. "But being moved around like that, things disappearing on their own... that was impossible, and I guess the idea that everything here is somehow less than real stuck with me. I can't shake it. Even if some Goddess is involved, or any other impossible explanation, if there is a pattern to it, if there are rules we need to know to understand what's going on, we have to know them," he finished with a defeated sigh.
I understood what he was talking about. Our world was shaken right under our feet. And for Kenny, it was even more literal. He was looking for something to grab onto, to regain-
"You are looking for control," I concluded. "Even if it means you must disregard things you think you already know or accept explanations that would have made you look insane."
He nodded at that.
"I'm with you, Kenny," I said. "I'm all open mind right now. We are going to crack this healing business and anything else. So you can say anything that comes to mind, anything you suspect. I promise I will not make fun of you or dismiss you."
He nodded again, looking relieved.
Whatever it was—witchcraft or prayers this place was running on, we would find out. We were going to understand it and use it to our advantage.

***

We started by going through everything we knew about Victor's miraculous healing again.
There were several things that we couldn't precisely reproduce. Things we would try to approximate. We couldn't use the Western Temple, and we didn't have a witch on hand. The wording of the actual prayer or spell was unknown, and we still didn't know if her claim to need a ghoul's body had any truth to it.
But some things we could follow to the letter. For example, we'll ask for consent to receive "a blessing to heal the mind and body." And we could draw the Ankh symbol with spit and blood and place it either on the chest or near a wound. We would not forgo the slightest detail Victor was able to supply us.
"Okay, let's do it," I said, scratching at a scab on one of the many minor cuts my hands collected yesterday.
I pressed around the wound so more drops of blood would squeeze through and held my hand out for Kenny to do his magic.
"Do you accept this blessing to heal your body and mind?" Kenny asked awkwardly.
"Yes," I kept a straight face, not willing to do anything to discourage him.
Kenny took some spit and traced the blood into a small misshapen Ankh under the cut. I felt like we were kids playing a disgusting game that went too far.
"Heal," he whispered, bowed over the wound.
We waited for a minute, but nothing happened.
"Try the other spells," I suggested.
We knew it wouldn't work on the first try.
Kenny went through them one by one. The prayers, the spells, and the commands.
"Heal, Heal, Heal," "In the name of the goddess, I command you to heal," "Goddess, I pray to you to close this wound," "Ankh," "Episkeu," "By the power of this temple, heal"...
Nothing worked. There wasn't the slightest change.
"What's with the Ankh, anyway?" I asked, trying to hold back the disappointment. "Everything here is Greek, and she uses an Egyptian symbol?"
Kenny thought it over.
"Well, they are connected. I think Greece conquered Egypt for some time," he said. "Or maybe it was Rome," he sounded less sure.
I understood the confusion. I couldn't come up with one difference between the ancient countries with a gun to my head.
"Okay, what about the symbol itself? What's its story?" I asked. All I knew about it was that it was used as jewelry and may have some significance in new-age mumbo jumbo.
"Ahem... I'm not sure. I think pharaohs had them, maybe as a talisman. Or maybe they were only illustrated with them as a symbol."
"And it stands for... What? Healing?" I asked.
"I think life in general," Kenny hedged uncertainly.
"Okay, so a symbol that represents life, that fits at least," I said. "What about witches? What makes someone a witch?"
"Maybe they need to be born to a witch?" Kenny asked. "Or to a person and a demon or something supernatural?"
It was too late for me to be born as anything other than a common pleb, so I needed a different option.
"What about making a deal with the Devil?" I asked. "That's a thing, right? Some kind of Contract?"
"Ahh... I am not sure I want to try that one," he said.
"Yeah, we are not jumping into anything here, but we needed to go over every little thing we could think of."
Kenny looked thoughtful.
"In video games, you can just choose to be a mage or maybe do some quest to unlock it," he said.
"What kind of quest?" I asked. I played several games, but I could only remember choosing a class at the start. What if those requirements that Kenny mentioned were based on real-life lore?
"Defeat someone strong so the order or school accepts you," he started listing. "Or getting all the needed items to do some ritual like a book, a stuff, or something magical."
"Signing your name in some book," I tried to recall a half-remembered story. "But that's probably connected to the deal with the Devil stuff."
Another dead end, it seemed.
"What about the spells themselves? What do they require?" I asked. "I know you can use a spell repeatedly in some games, with only the cooldown stopping you from spamming it. And in some, you need mana. What's the equivalent to mana in real life?" I asked.
"I don't think there is one," Kenny replied excitedly. "But, in some games, you can use stamina or health to cast, and we do have that."
"What else? How do you use a ghoul in a spell?" I asked.
"I don't know anything about ghouls specifically," He said. "Maybe a sacrifice in a ritual, or like in tabletops, you have a material cost to some spells, but Victor said she didn't use the ghoul."
"He didn't see her use it," I countered. "What if she used it before he came?"
"We don't have a ghoul anyway," Kenny reminded.
Kenny stopped in thought.
"A cost to the spell-" he mumbled. "Here, let me try again," He called louder.
I extended my hand again.
He didn't ask me to receive a blessing or redraw the symbol again. Instead, he stared intently at the little cut and the sign, took a big breath, and forcefully whispered a command.
"Close!"
I jerked my hand away from him. It wasn't painful, but I felt a strong tug at the skin surrounding the cut.
I looked at my hand. The cut was still there. In fact, it didn't look any different, but there was a palpable sensation. So he managed to do something, even if it wasn't to heal me.

***

"I felt it!" I exclaimed. "It didn't heal, but I felt it! What did you do differently? It looked the same to me," I tried to hold my excitement down.
Kenny breathed deeper and exhaled slowly, his shoulder slumping a little. It looked like the action tired him.
"Two things," He replied with a happy smile. "I visualized the cut closing in as much detail as possible, the skin coming together, the blood vessels connecting. And I tried to use my stamina to do it," he thought how to better put it. "Like having my body exert itself to make it happen. Sacrifice some of my stamina for the spell to happen."
I thought it over. "It felt like someone was physically tugging at my skin, trying to push it closed, but it didn't actually heal."
"I think I know why," Kenny said. "Let's try again from the top."
I considered holding him back, letting him catch his breath. But the breakthrough got me so excited that I went along.
"We are on holy ground, inside the temple," he proclaimed to the empty air.
Again, he took my hand.
"Will you receive this blessing to heal your body and mind?" He asked.
This time it didn't strike me as childish or theatrical. It felt real.
"Yes," I agreed without reservation.
"This Ankh drawn with your blood and my saliva represents life," He announced, pointing at the symbol.
I dumbly nodded.
"I use my life to bless you," he continued. "Heal and be restored."
He took a big breath and blew forcefully at the symbol and the cut.
Immediately, I felt all my aches lifting. My tiredness from the missed night's sleep, all the cuts and bruises I had on me, and everything that was not ideal for my sense of comfort just melted away.
In a matter of seconds, I felt better than I did in recent memory. I was so overflowing with energy that I could take a run, just for fun, to feel the air on my face. The last time I felt so physically charged was when I ran away from the squid.
"No way!" I cried out. "No fucking way it worked!"
Kenny dropped to the ground, breathing hard.
"We did it," he looked up, exhausted.
"You did it," I beamed at him. "You're a witch now, Kenny."

This is my first post here and while I love 40k Lore, my information for it is pretty much all 2nd hand wikis, forum/reddit posts, and podcasts. So if I misunderstood something incorrectly, feel free to point it out. I say tinfoil idea because I'm basically winging this idea like shower thoughts.
Minor Arks of Omen spoilers involved.
The Arks of Omen perfectly setup a way to bring back the Khan that explains why he did "nothing" while he was gone this whole time with no plot holes to fill.
Context Information

The end of Arks of Omen involves Vashtorr arriving into the webway with the aid of a device that he successfully takes from the Rock of the Dark Angels. Now from what I understand this device also has wonky time manipulation powers. During the events in the 40K era, a Fallen Dark Angel turned Chaos attempted to use the device to bring the Fallen from the 30K Era into the current period as a whole army to use at his side.
He and the device were interrupted partially into the process by a Loyalist Dark Angel, and as a result this event in the 40K era was the actual cause of the 30K Era destruction of Caliban and the scattering of the Fallen through time and space into the 40K era. The device was trying to grab the Fallen in the 30K era and bring them into the future, and because it was stopped during the process the unstable energy destroyed Caliban in the past from the future. An event that happened in the past only happens because time shenanigans in the future cause it to happen.
Now the Khan and his guard went missing in the Webway in the 30K era. Vashtorr is currently in the Webway with said device that can mess with time.

I'm sure the events will be vastly more complicated and ornate, but in broad strokes what if in the next major series of books dealing with Vashtorr in the Webway will return the Khan in a rough manner like the following. All hell breaks loose in the webway, Vashtorr is close to achieving victory/his goals, and the Imperial forces (and probably Eldar who got the Imperials in to help stop Chaos from messing around in the Webway. Maybe for fun we could have some Dark Eldar begrudgingly helping too in some way because having the Forces of Chaos directly invading the Webway is a HUGE NO-NO problem for them) are close to being defeated in battle. They're all trying to reach the device to disrupt Vashtorr in some plot device.
When one Imperial in the midst of all the chaos makes it. Maybe a White Scar to seal the deal (maybe he zoomed there on his bike, joking). He activates the device.
He calls to the Emperor. Deliver us aid. Save us from our darkest hour.
And the device responds, and begins doing time shenanigans just like it did with Caliban and the Fallen from the 40K era into the 30K era. And during this battle in the Webway it reaches back into time, and grabs the Khan and his guards just as they went into the Webway where they originally vanished back in the 30K era, and places them right there and then in the 40K era. It responds to the Imperial with the aid he requested. The Khan is confused at first for the briefest of moments, but seeing all the Forces of Chaos immediately enters the battle to kick ass, turn the tide of the battle, and save the day.
The reason the Khan and his guard vanished without a trace would be because an event in the 40K era transported them into the future. Just like in the 30K era Caliban was destroyed and the Fallen were scattered into the future because of an event in the 40K era, the Khan vanished in the 30K era because he was brought into the 40K era by something that happens at that future point in time.
It perfectly explains why the Khan did "nothing" since his "disappearance" into the current Warhammer 40K time period. Because he was instantly taken into the future, and to him it was like no time passed at all. He did "nothing" for ten thousand years because he simply wasn't around to begin with. He was already "in the future".
Bonus Points - Daemon Primarch Fulgrim

Because of all the Eldar in the Webway, during Vashtorr's hijinks in the Webway Slaanesh sees a huge opportunity to reap the souls of all the Eldar in the webway that they originally couldn't access easily. So Slaanessh sends Daemon Primarch Fulgrim into the fray to join with Abaddon/Vashtorr (just like Abaddon/Vashtorr got Angron to "help" during Arks of Omen) so they can get at all those Eldar. So that would make Daemon Primarch Fulgrim the next Primarch model to be added!
During the 30K era before the Horus Heresy began and the Primarchs got along (relatively speaking), there was a conversation between Sanguinius, Fulgrim, and Jaghatai Khan about who was the best fighteswordsman between Fulgrim and the Khan. Roughly speaking, the end of the talk was the Khan claiming he would beat Fulgrim because he knew everything about Fulgrim because Fulgrim was always showing off while nobody knew what he [the Khan] was truly capable of.
So during this final penultimate battle in the Webway, Daemon Fulgrim is wreaking absolute havoc. Daemons of Slaanesh are merrily wreaking havoc on the Eldar that had been hiding in the webway from them all this time. Then the Khan is brought into the battle through time shenanigans, and we finally get to see that question thousands of years ago answered with the Khan having an 1 on 1 duel with Daemon Fulgrim with like a 99% probability of winning just like how the Lion beat Angron in the end of the Arks of Omen.

In November I picked up an absolutely gorgeous puppy, he was and is the sweetest boy in the entire world. Unfortunately due to DV I had to flee my home and move in with my partner.
The situation wasn't perfect and we tried to make it work, there was no space in the backyard for a dog with such high energy levels. I tried my hardest I really did, we did puppy school, walking, stimulation of every kind and it still didn't work. It didn't help that my depression as a result of my situation had become so bad I couldn't get out of bed some days. Eventually I had to do what was right for my dog, find him a home that could keep up with his energy and still give him all of the love in the world.
When I did find a family it was the perfect match, they quite literally were an angel that came to me in my time of need. I will never be able to thank them enough for protecting my puppy when I couldn't. They send me updates now and then, telling me he's such a good boy and that he's healed them too.
Despite being extremely grateful I am heartbroken, it feels as though part of my soul has been torn from my body. I know that my partner feels the same, he misses him just as much as I do.
it's been two weeks since I transitioned him into his new home. Today I checked in to make sure that his new family was fully prepared to take him on, as well as sign the registration and microchip papers. They were so kind and thoughtful trying to make it as easy as they could for me. Giving up ownership today made it feel as though everything was real, that he's finally gone and won't come back.
Everytime I wake up I expect him to be there, staring at me waiting for me to take him outside. His tail wagging back and forth as I get breakfast ready for him. I wait for him to bring me a ball every time I go outside, or find something to chew on so that I have to chase him down or bribe him with something better. I miss the way he used to whine at me when I told him off for barking at nothing, how he used to sulk when I took he's squeaky toy away at 3am. Things he used to do that drive me nuts? I miss so much. I would do anything to go back in time and cherish the moments.
There is a hole in my heart that will never be filled.
I miss him so much.

The four famous clans of Amadahai, its ladies and their sons, gathered together in the common hall of what people knew as "the palatial district". The core of the palace had overgrown the square, ring-like shape as new additions were built along the perimeter through the years. The symmetry of the structure was broken to accomodate the growing clans – and their growing entourage.
Half of the morning had already gone by, but the common hall was lit with oil candles and the glow of a central brazier: the sky outside was flat and grey, and whichever light filtered from the courtyard and the high windows on the outer walls of the palace were not enough to illuminate the faces of the clanpeople. They had taken their places on the ground, each kneeling on a soft cushion filled with cattail fluff, and would go on discussing as the morning went on.
The neighbouring village, Pabarha by the pond-of-many-lotuses, had refused to repay their debt. Two years before, the clans of Amadahai had come to their aid and provided them with plentiful rôdo in times of need; when the time came to hold their part of the bargain, however, they sent an empty-handed emissary with words of regret, conveying their intention to break the contract.
The youngest of the mothers present unfurled a thin stretch of birchbark where the two parties had impressed their promises, marked by five symbols. On top, was the picture of an empty granary, Pabarha's most pressing issue at the time. Below, their two choices: an empty granary and a farmhand working the fields or a full granary and a man at rest. At the bottom, two sigils representing the two parties participating in the exchange: the lotuses that gave their name to Pabarha, the village of the perjurers, and a bull atop a pecan tree, mythical symbol of Amadahai.
"When I drew those symbols," The matriarch said, as she passed the scroll around for all to see, "The terms of our exchange were no less clear than they are today. We saved Pabarha from a failed harvest: in return they had to either return the rôdo as soon as they could or would provide a number of farmhands to our city, for the entire period of their indebtedness." It was a fair exchange and, for a time, Pabarha had consented.
The farmhands were sent to Amadahai and they had soon proved themselves to be a profitable investment. They lived in wooden houses appositely built near the paddies and returned to their village every half moon to visit their wives and their families. That arrangement had continued for little more than a year. "The farmhands left four days ago and have not returned to their work – instead, what do we find? A young emissary has come in their stead, demanding Pabarha be allowed to forego her promises." The birchbark sheet had made the rounds amongst the reunited clanpeople and returned to her. "I ask the other mothers leave."
They women silently consented and the youngest, the writer of the contract, threw the birchbark onto the brazier. The mothers had forfeited their right to be a part of that conversation and, from then on, it would be the sons, not the mothers, to hold the first and last word. The clan had no other choice: promises had been forgotten, debts had not been repaid and that intricate tangle of promises, favours, debts and credits could be put in grave danger by such a simple refusal.
It did not happen often that the men gathered inside the high house took decisions without words of approval or lamentations from the elder women of the clans. It had never happened for Cebecajamân, a man who had not lived through his sixteenth year of age and was only recently invited to sit at the councils as one of the leaders nephews. He sat straight and looked around him as the tower of smoke emitted from the burning birchbark dissolved before them. Wordlessly, the women left the room.
For a moment, the men remained silent, reflecting on the weight of that moment – that meant war was the next solution, the only solution. Phazjedjei, Cebecajamân's uncle took his stick and his pipe, which was hidden in a pouch tied under his cape, and began smoking. The others followed his example. Six men, three uncles and three nephews, reflected and smoked. There would be a precise order to how they would speak and, as the youngest man admitted to that assembly, Cebecajamân would go first.
He cleared his throat – the pipe was still a little too much for him – and gathered the courage to speak: "Does... does that means we will have to kill them?"
_____
There were few places kinder than Amadahai on a spring morning. The sun would tickle the surface of the lake, then rise high – but never too hot – to the top of the sky. Those were the sweetest hours: the bright light streamed in like metal from Kamābarha, the same brassy copper that covered the points of Cebecajamân's arrows.
He was counting them, one by one, making sure his quiver was full and none of his precious arrows had been lost since his last tally. Most of the other men in his band would have stone arrowheads, others red copper, but that fine orange-gold one was destined only for Cebecajamân and the other clan-men, their leaders. No arrow was missing, so he took his quiver of woven cattail stalks, his bow and walked to meet the other men. As he passed under the passion fruit tree outside his home, he marvelled at the irony of life: preparing an attack as nature bloomed so beautifully.
He met them at the edge of the city, beyond the mound, where the groves began. Saying "a full unit of men" was something, but seeing them in person, each with his own quiver and bow, each with a straw, padded coat, was rather impressive. He greeted them with respect as he walked over the field to join the other members of his clan. There were three leaders for the attack, Cebecajamân was the youngest, but by far the best shot; then, there was Jajabadojôho, his cousin who was very quick and nimble, and Ineme, a young uncle who belonged to their same generation and who was well respected by the other men. He knew very little of the other men. There were some minor clanmen, children of true clanmen who had no claim to leadership: they often were better warriors, as they had much spare time and filled their days with pigeon hunts and competitions – Cebecajamân, was very envious about that; then, there were young men from the city: the son of the fisherman, the nephew of the butcher, the cousin of the man who sold the best preserves at the market; the rest were farmers who normally tended orchards or paddies and had been called to lend their bows to fight for the honour of their leaders. The best amongst them had been selected, and a hundred forty four good men would be more than enough to put a stop to Pabarha's defiance and dishonesty. As their Kabaima brought them pouches filled with crabapple sâna, the first spring wine, the three discussed the possibilities of a true battle.
"They are going to surrender immediately." Ineme said. There was no sign of worry or doubt on his face. He cocked an arrow absent mindedly as he spoke. "Then, we will either take the grain we need or bring them to the mothers and make a new contract." Swoosh! The arrow hit the the tree before them, which had been coloured with ochre to mark the height of a man. If that tree was a man, Ineme had hit his shoulder.
"I don't know, Ineme," Said Jajabadojôho, "They have the men, and the village is marshy all around and protected, on a hill."
"They do not have the number Cijajabo, and, considering they are not sending the grain they owe, they must be in dire straits – mother said so."
"Even then, they are proud people. They will not surrender without a fight. Cicebe," He said, turning towards the youngest, whose thoughts were rushin in hundreds of different directions and had been very quiet until that moment. "What do you think?"
He looked at his cousin, unsure about what he would say. Something strange and horrible was happening inside of Cebecajamân. Half of his soul dreaded the impending battle, and hoped that the young man facing them, from above the hill, would see how many they were and set down their weapons; his other half, however, had an ardent desire to be tested, to win, to prove himself before the mothers. He was a good shot – a great shot, in fact – and would stop at nothing in the face of danger. He wanted to fight, he wanted to stop his enemies from fooling the mothers of his clan – was that a bad thing? They said men were more impulsive than women, Always ready to fight rather than to discuss, and that the way of the mothers was the most virtuous. But Cebecajamân was a man, and there was little he could do about it.
He cocked his brass arrow and shot it across the field to hit the same tree his uncle had hit before him. His arrow burrowed into the wood just above the other one, where Ineme had intended to hit: the middle of the man-tree's head.
"Either way, I'm ready."
_____
They attacked immediately after sundown. They moved silently through the forest first, getting more and more quiet as the presence of the city became more noticeable. As they hid in the forest waiting for the right moment to strike, hearing the low voices of the Pabarhans, smelling the smoke of their fires, the fragrances of their dinners, Cebecajamân's heart pounded like never before.
"The heart of the fearful and a pigeon by the river..."
The battle ended before it could become too bloody, but Cebecajamân killed his first man that night. He would remember that blood he spilled forever, necessary blood, to remind everyone of the honour of his house, the honour of the promises the famous clans of Amadahai presided over – an honour he'd defend until his last day.

I was in a higher state of consciousness most of yesterday. While my unconditional love for you remained, all the longing, sorrow, and concerns were completely gone. There was just peace, love, the sense of being complete, and all is well and perfect.
This doesn't mean I stop caring about you and our predicament when in this consciousness--in fact I care even more. But worry is seen as unnecessary and unhelpful in that consciousness, so it doesn't arise. From that perspective, whatever can be done for our highest good will be done when the timing is best, without need for worry. Any plans or preparation that are necessary for the future will be effectively made and then set aside and no longer thought about. It's amazing how little future planning/preparation actually need be done (most of the time) when you leave only the amount that is necessary. It also happens much more quickly, effortlessly, and effectively in higher consciousness.
​
While it seems I could just remain on my own in this high state of consciousness and not bother with the TF connection or anyone/anything else, that wouldn't be very wise. Unless I face those fears, sorrows, etc, they remain trapped in my system weighing me down from higher vibration and ascension. I'd also be giving up the immense riches of the TF connection (including my 100x boost to my spiritual ascension, which certainly seems to be a very real thing based on my experience). And most importantly, that would be incredibly selfish and unfair to you, as I would not be fulfilling my end of our bargain. "Ty for the awakening, bye!" "Wait, you were supposed to come back and awaken me too!"
​
You and your brother streamed yesterday, but again I was made to stay away (but this time no featriggers arose). Maybe you needed more space from me. I did quickly stop in and say hi to your brother towards the end of his stream, as he did voice before how much my being there means to him.
​
At some point, I did think about our possible phone/disc call (if that ever does happen). The main reason I want to talk on the phone is to start to create a real, meaningful connection of some kind. (Or at least that's what my mind thinks. Perhaps HS has a different reason--like maybe just the connection itself will have some kind of effect.) Because actually connecting in a deeper way than just through Twitch is the only way we are going to establish any kind of meaningful connection. And the only way we will find out the reason for our TF connection and what the Universe wants between us at this point. I don't expect this to happen through a single convo (if it does, wonderful), but I feel it would at least be a great help in at least beginning to form a real connection (between our persons at least).
On my behalf, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind this has been bar-none the most impactful/meaningful connection I've ever experienced and likely ever could. It not only triggered both awakenings--my initial awakening as well as my kundalini awakening--but it played such a significant role throughout my awakening at almost every pivotal point of it. If our connection had ended when I walked away almost 2 yrs ago, I would've mostly been able to understand the purpose of it. I would've assumed it was the super catalyst for my awakening and the plan for Union failed when warnings weren't heeded. But the fact that HS has brought me back now means there is still something very important that the Divine still wants to happen between us for the highest good.
Being TFs, the most obvious reason would seem to be TF Union. And given the past warnings before I left, it would seem like the plan is to finish what we failed--to get you to leave Ethan and Unite with me. But these are just assumptions based on the past, and I don't know for sure if this is still part of this new plan or the plans have changed. Your own feelings and choices also play a huge role in this. I mean if you're not open to Union, then obviously there is no way it can happen.
I would try as much as possible to stay away from anything that would make you feel uncomfortable (like talking about any romantic feelings) out of respect for your position of having a bf. Unless you were open to and wanted to talk about that, of course. But I wondered what would happen if you told me that all my TF experiences were completely one-sided, and that you hadn't experienced anything strange/interesting/synchronistic and didn't feel any kind of connection to me? It would be very...interesting and surprising.
Obviously it would suck to hear and would hurt, etc. But it would be extremely curious/odd, and I would be so confused as to what the Divine wants to happen between us now. It would seem to dead-end any sort of releationship potential. But I would still want to continue chatting/connecting anyway just to see what the Universe's plans for us are.
On the other hand, if you admit to having had interesting experiences of your own in regards to our connection and/or that you felt some kind of connection with me (even if you didn't mention any romantic feelings or anything), then that would be much more interesting (and obviously much preferred). It would at least leave Union on the table as a possibility, and I'd just have to feel things out and see how things played out between us over time as our connection deepened--either Union or friendship.
​
Lol...I actually wrote the above yesterday. I had an incog tab open to lurk in your stream while writing this. Just after I wrote the paragraph above, you raided someone named "darkcossie." Her raid notification then played the "wake up/reminder" clip of my follow&sub notification. As a reminder, this happened during your stream that you titled, "Idk what's real anymore." And then the Universe answered you by having your brother say, "This is real. You need to wake up. *TF's sub notif appears* It's all a simulation. It's been --- years. Please, I love you so much, please, just wake up." The chances of that clip being the one that played out of...I don't even know how many countless clips you have is incredibly improbable. Combined with the timing of my writing this while questioning if you've ever experienced anything interesting in our connection, is just too high to be coincidental.
I had actually forgotten about this clip, as there have just been an overwhelming amount of synchs like this I've experienced throughout our connection. But what makes this clip special is it's a synch that you received, which showed me that you also do get these (although probably far fewer). What makes it even more special is it's the only solid piece of evidence I've had from you in our entire connection that showed that you must've experienced/felt something in regards to our connection. Because you actually posted this on your TikTok and labeled it "A Reminder" #real. You also reacted in the clip to my notif in a way that showed you caught and understood that synch. You also posted that at a time when I was again doubting that you'd felt anything between us and I was ready to give up and walk away.
This "Reminder" (as you so appropriately named it on TT) does give me more hope. But more than that, I think that clip playing during your raid was more for you. It was the Universe's "Reminder" to you of what's #real (Cole, your TF, and everything I've been telling you) and to "Wake Up" from this dream/#simulation (3D "reality" is somewhat both dream and simulation). Interesting seeing how the Divine does actually leave you messages too, not just me--"the Awakened Twin." I wondered if this kind of thing happened for you too, as you don't yet have the connection with the Divine as I do.
I'm grateful the Universe is trying to speak to you too. Keep your heart open and keep listening to it, my love. Your soul will speak through it. And as it opens more, your team of high beings and the Divine will be able to communicate more with you. I'm curious to see what happens next. But I hope we can connect soon. I love you so much.

Hello everyone,
We first want to restate that this space is designed as a place that is free and accessible for all people in the process of applying to medical school. We have seen a recent rise in promoting/discussing the merit of prep companies and wanted to gently remind everyone that these companies are often selling the material for exorbitant amounts of money and predating on those vulnerable and desperate to score well. Please don’t fall for this marketing. If you have personally found benefit from these sources that is fine, but please limit the advertising or reliance on this in the servereddit. These companies have enough traction on their own, they don’t need to be pedalled any further in here as well.
Secondly, the moderators have recently been made aware of some concerning content published by 90+ GAMSAT that promotes harmful and unethical behaviour. 90+ GAMSAT is often referred to/brought up in GAMSAT discussions and advice regarding section 2 preparation, which is why we felt it was important to say something.
An essay included in the book “Twenty Ways Other Winners Did It”, written by a 90+ GAMSAT student, with commentary from Michael himself, has recently been brought to our attention. The essay presents itself as written from the perspective of a trans person reflecting on their experience coming to terms with their gender identity. However, the essay was actually written by a cisgender person (admitted in the book itself, and reconfirmed by direct communication with Michael after the fact), not someone who has genuinely had these experiences. Michael’s response to the essay is also quite concerning- He praises this as "perhaps my favourite GAMSAT essay" and "some of if not the best [work] I have ever seen from a student". His feedback focuses on technical elements like language use, narrative structure and "showing qualities that would be admirable in a doctor”.
Overall, this behaviour is incredibly inappropriate. It is disrespectful and inauthentic for someone outside of that experience to write as if they genuinely understand what it's like to be trans or to face the struggles and experiences described in the essay (and this is not limited to the trans community, but similar for all marginalised groups). The fact that this essay was included as an exemplar of how to approach section 2 is quite frankly disgusting and sets a dangerous precedent that it is okay and acceptable to lie about your personal experiences as a means to an end to getting into medical school or do well in the GAMSAT- and to be clear, it is not. Michael has been privately alerted to the harm caused by this situation directly and showed little understanding or empathy towards the situation in his actions following this. The final lines of Michael’s comment discuss how the takeaway from this essay is “the benefit in rawness, vulnerability, authenticity, emotional intelligence”. The inclusion of this essay, and Michael’s comments both in response to the essay and in his conduct when this issue was raised to him, ironically show poor judgment and a lack of understanding of these traits. He fails to recognise or address the deeper problems with the essay's premise and inauthenticity, and appropriation of the experiences of others, particularly those of a community that have historically and continue to experience significant discrimination, including within healthcare. As health professionals or prospective health professionals, it is critical that we are able to acknowledge the limitations of our own experiences and recognise how these shape the way we view and interact with the world. Similarly, promoting understanding and inclusive environments is crucial to this end- carrying yourself with integrity, authenticity and emotional intelligence is important for a reason- these traits are not just buzzwords or things to demonstrate to get into medical school.
We want to make it clear that we do not support these actions. Ignoring our feelings about preparation material/companies generally, we think it’s highly inappropriate and disrespectful that 90+ GAMSAT thought this was acceptable. This situation has crossed a line, and consequently, the moderation team does not feel comfortable with the promotion of 90+ GAMSAT in our spaces.
We hope that if Michael or anyone from 90+ GAMSAT sees this that they reconsider the inclusion of this essay, reflect on the potential harm that perpetuating these attitudes has and that they commit to doing better in the future. We are also aware that Michael may be able to identify the person(s) who raised this concern to us, and we are doing so with their permission. We hope that if in response to this post, he instigates further interactions with the person(s) that raised the issue, that communication will be professional and respectful, despite history indicating otherwise. This is not intended as a personal attack on Michael himself, and to be clear we don’t condone personal attacks, but we thought that this issue was an important one to raise and that Michael and 90+ GAMSAT needed to be held accountable.
For anyone affected by this issue, please know that you have our full support, and if anyone has concerns, don't hesitate to contact us.
Thank you,
The mods

Watched June 4 2023 in theaters - Started May 15 2023
Synopsis/Review
Miles Morales learns of a multidimensional society of Spider-People tasked with protecting the multiverse
I usually leave these kind of comments at the end, but I need to bring this up first: See this movie and see it on the biggest screen possible.
Across the Spider-Verse takes place about a year after the events of the first movie, with Miles Morales (voiced my Shameik Moore) mostly settled into his role as Brooklyn’s one and only Spider-Man. A run-in with Gwen Stacy (Hailee Steinfeld), who herself is from another universe, has him stumble upon a society of Spider-men/women/animals who are tasked with protecting every reality where a Spider-Person exists. This society is run by a Spider-Man by the name of Miguel O’Hara (voiced by an incredible Oscar Isaac) who is hellbent on protecting the canon of every Spider-Man universe - the very events that make the varying versions of Spider-Man exist. If you know anything about the lore of Spider-Man, you could see how an adolescent version of this hero like Miles would be hesitant to follow the canon to the letter.
The first film was well regarded for its visual style, art, acting, and writing. I’m so very happy to say that everything that made the first one great is intact and expanded on. Every universe visited in this movie still has its own unique art style, the framing of the shots and cinematography make everything look and feel like a comic book come to life, and there are genuine emotional moments that had me misty eyed in my seat.
I can’t really talk about the entire cast without spoiling some really cool surprises for folks like me who avoided trailers like the plague. The characters you did see in some of the trailers, namely Miles Morales, Gwen Stacy and Miguel O’Hara, all do great in their roles. What I can say about the other characters that show up is that they were all perfectly cast, and everyone knows exactly what they need to do to really sell their roles and scenarios.
A movie like this is going to have tons of easter eggs and winks to the fans of Spider-Man where if you blink you miss them. For the sake of making them all as awesome as possible, I will not be talking about any of them specifically, but by god they brought so much joy to my nerdy little heart. If it’s a Spider-Man property, it’s probably referenced somewhere in this movie.
My favorite performance is, unfortunately, one I can’t talk about here. But I will say that this version of Spider-Man was one that I found the funniest and most surprising when I saw the end credits roll. He perfectly adapts to the absurdity of the role, and steals the scenes he’s in, while leaving the main plot just early enough that you’ll be left wanting more, and more we will get, as we are told “Miles Morales will return in Beyond The Spider-verse.” 2024 can’t get here fast enough.
I’m going to be blunt here: This is the best Spider-Man movie I have ever seen. It may even be the best superhero movie I’ve ever seen. And the fact of the matter is, I will be watching this one multiple times to take in more of the art, the colors and visuals ripped straight from the comics, the acting, everything.
I cannot recommend this movie enough. It’s better than the first Miles Morales movie. It’s better than Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2 (2004). I dare say this movie is better than the MCU’s No Way Home (2021). If you are able to, find this movie and watch it on the biggest screen you possibly can, and then watch it again because chances are you will catch something new on a second viewing.
5/5

Hello
Here's a thought experiment. Imagine that, in 2017, Activision did not publish Call of Duty: WWII but instead Call of Duty: Eternal. This is a story which is very much the same as what Call of Duty: WWII transpired as but with a couple of significant differences. For a start, it's not set during World War Two - it's set in a fantasy world with a 1940s/50s level of technology. A global war is raging between mankind and Orks, with the Orks having conquered great tracts of the world, and the story opening with the efforts by humanity to retake "Albion" from Ork occupation. I like to imagine the faces of Call of Duty fans when the first trailer came out and, seeing what looked like D-Day, got excited that at last the franchise was going back to its roots - only to see that the enemies are Orks and the main character is a Lenape woman.
To help with this imagining - below you'll find the full script for the first mission of Call of Duty: Eternal, based on the first mission of Call of Duty: WWII. The rest will gradually follow.
You might find it useful to follow along using this video - a walkthrough (no commentary, thank God) of the actual first mission in Call of Duty: WWII to help with visualising it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7y1bDQBEhA
Call of Duty: Eternal Mission 1 X-Day
Text slowly appears on-screen:
The world is bathed in flames.
The Ork clans, united for the first time in centuries, are on the march.
Man faces extermination.
A human skull is shown before an Ork boot comes down on it, shattering it.
Radio broadcast: With unmatched ferocity, the Ork war machine has launched its onslaught against the world… mankind faces the abyss.
The camera pans up on the Ork boot to show an Ork soldier as, behind him, Ork soldiers and tanks move through a devastated city.
Radio broadcast: As we brace for our darkest hour, we must summon our strength to be the bulwark against oppression.
Ork bombers are shown bombing London, recognisable for the Thames if not for the architecture. They are four-engine bombers, like B-17s, and the camera closes in on a propeller which shifts to a ceiling fan.
Radio broadcast: The Ork onslaught will be the greatest test we'll ever face.
The camera pans down from the ceiling fan Mona Kanti, a young Lenape woman and the protagonist, is shown joining the Imperial Armed Forces. She stands in a line in a recruitment office as a recruitment officer stamps her papers.
Radio broadcast: But face it and defeat it… we must.
To punctuate the “we must,” a sudden cut to black with the sound cut out. Then, we hear the voice of the Ork Primarch. A speech plays, meant to mirror FDR’s D-Day Prayer, with shots of the Ork war machine we’ve been hearing so much about.
Primarch: With this war we set upon a mighty endeavour.
Fade from black to show huge lines of Ork soldiers in formation, like big Nazi rallies, are shown.
Primarch: A struggle to restore our civilization…
Ork soldiers on one knee in this rally are shown, closer up, dressed in battle gear and their faces daubed in war paint.
Primarch: …and to set free a suffering people.
A view from the rear of the rally, with the vast architecture of the Primarch’s palace shown looming over it all, resembling the Palace of the Soviets.
Primarch: Our Sons. Pride of our Clans.
Another panning shot of the assembled Orks, this time from the side.
Primarch: May the Mother lead them straight and true.
An Ork mystic, on the balcony overlooking the assembly, blesses the troops with hands raised to the sky.
Primarch: The road will be glorious. Men's souls will be broken with the beauty of war.
A shot from behind the mystic, seeing the assembled troops stretching towards the horizon.
Primarch: In this time of fire and blood…
The face of one Ork soldier is shown up close.
Primarch: …we shall prevail.
With the slightest of grimaces, the Ork uses a knife – and, in the background, we see the others doing the same – to ritualistically slice his forehead and let blood trickle down.
The cutscene then shifts to the Imperial Navy ships, including battleships of a scale similar to the Super Yamato, that are heading for the beaches of Albion. Mona Kanti is writing a letter to her sister, Luna Kanti, and we hear her voice-over as we view shots of the fleet.
Kanti (narrating): Luna. Oh, I wish you could see this, sister. An armada from one horizon to the next. I turned sixteen too late to help free Ériu. But not Albion – and it’s gonna be tougher. Much tougher. You know, I think I could bear the blood, and the misery… and the Orks. But the waiting… well, that’s a whole other battle.
Inside the troopship living quarters. We are now in first-person as Kanti. Kanti is sat at a table, hanging out and talking with her squad-mates Kinsi Rei (female Somali; shaved head), Thea Adlai, (female Swedish; ginger, freckles, glasses) and Ren Tao (male Chinese). Ren Tao is eighteen – the others are all sixteen. Bunks are stretched out behind them and other soldiers, of all ethnicities and sexes, walk by throughout. Rei is holding court while playing with a knife, every now and then jabbing between her fingers.
Rei: So she asks me for my watch and I'm thinking, "what in the Nether do you want my watch for; your parents make like fifty times mine!" But I turn around, and I felt this punch. And it's cold like ice.
Some of the dialogue is drowned out by Kanti’s narration. Every now and then, Kanti glances down at her fingers as she snaps them, but whatever she’s trying to do with that isn’t happening.
Kanti (narrating): Believe it or not, I managed to make some half-decent friends in Basic. All scared as can be. But nobody’s letting on.
Rei keeps playing her knife game as she talks.
Kanti (narrating): I hated Rei when I met her – and now she's my best friend. Funny how that works. She's always looking for trouble. If there wasn't already a war on she'd be off trying to start one.
Rei offers her knife to Thea Adlai and, though we can’t hear her given the narration, seems to be asking her if she wants to try the knife game. Adlai refuses.
Adlai: Besides, I gotta keep all my fingers if I'm gonna take photo of the year.
Kanti (narrating): Adlai says she's gonna be a photographer for a fashion magazine. She’s got a good eye. Except when she takes off her glasses – then she can’t see shit.
Rei offers her knife to Kanti and Kanti turns to Ren Tao.
Kanti (narrating): Tao's the vet but, if I’m honest, he's what kokomi would call “a bit of a bumpkin.”
Ren Tao is tempted to play Rei’s knife game.
Tao: Okay, okay. Let's make this interesting.
Rei: It’s not interesting? Kanti – what’re you doing?
She says this in reference to Kanti’s finger-snapping.
Kanti (narrating): I swear I used to be able to do this…
Tao: So you keep saying.
Tao take off his talisman and dangles it in front of Rei.
Tao: Xu Yaling. Spirit of war.
Adlai: And sex, right?
Tao: Sssh. (Rei and Adlai laugh) He's had my back since Sabha. And, yeah, that’s real gold. (drops the talisman down on the table) Rei, three times in ten seconds, and he's all yours. (Sits back down)
Rei: I don't know.
Tao: Oh, you could always wimp out. That’s a choice, too.
Kanti: My money's on Rei.
Rei: Okay. Okay, I'm in.
Adlai: I can't watch.
Tao: I can.
Rei looks to Adlai.
Rei: Just time me when I tell you. Back to my story – me and my girls, we muscled our way into this chess game that the wrestling team had going. We had a bona-fide genius among us – but it was me playing. We worked out a system where she can signal to me what moves to make. You should have seen the Head Girl’s face when I took that pot. (To Adlai) You ready? That's what happens when you try to hustle a hustler. Now…
Rei plays the knife game while Adlai times her and wins the bet in a few impressive seconds.
Rei: Checkmate!
Tao: There ain’t no way!
Kanti (narrating): Tao had enough fight in him for two men.
Rei: Much obliged.
Rei offers to shake hands with Tao.
Tao: My mother told me never touch a Nube.
Rei doesn’t flinch but you can tell she’s ready to throw hands. Instead…
Rei: That's not what she said last night.
Rei winks and Tao shakes her hand.
Kanti (narrating): And enough bigotry for six.
Tao: Meh, who needs a stupid talisman anyway.
Rei: Apparently, you did. Here, have it back.
Tao: You won it.
Rei: It’s fake gold.
Tao: What? No, no, no, that’s as real as you or I.
Rei: A hustler always knows.
Tao: Ah, whatever, if it’s fake I don’t want it. I'm gonna get something better. A real trophy. You'll see.
Rei: Good luck with that.
Kanti snaps her fingers and finally produces what she wanted – a finger of flame, like a lighter, appears.
Kanti: I did it! Look, look, I did it!
Rei: Well, by Baphometh, isn’t that something?
Tao: That’s very pretty, Kanti. You’re ready to take on the Primarch, I should think.
Rei: She was always ready. Right Kanti?
Tao: You got any healing spells we could use or is it all evil magic with you?
Kanti: Well-
Rei: Oh, go on, tell him, Kanti! Tell him about that thing you can do!
Adlai: What thing?
Rei: And there’s no such thing as good and evil magic. Just good and evil people.
Kanti: It’s not that I can do it; it’s just that it happens sometimes. When someone’s dead I can kinda, you know, see into their past. But they have to of died recently. And I can’t do it with most people.
Tao: Well, we’re invading Fortress Albion, my friend. Good time to find yourself some corpses.
Rei: Maybe even your own.
Adlai: Hey, Kanti, do that spell again for the camera.
Adlai raises her camera then, seeing her watch, realizes that they are late for the mission briefing.
Adlai: Oh! Never mind, briefing’s at 18:00; we're gonna be late!
Adlai jumps up and runs from the room. The others also stand.
Tao: Run, little mouse.
Rei: I got us covered Kanti; don't worry about it (Showing the pendant to Kanti and winking). It is real gold.
As Kanti and Rei leave the living quarters, they encounter Khand, their turban-wearing sergeant, and in terms of personality very much a cranky sergeant stereotype.
Khand: Briefing's about to start; what in the Nether are you idiots doing?
Kanti (narrating): Then there's Sergeant Khand. He’s a sweetheart.
Khand: Oh, you think you're special, huh? The Orks are gonna eat you alive.
Rei: No, not me, sergeant. I’m high in salt.
Khand: Watch your lip, Rei. On me.
Khand leaves. The other two move to follow.
Rei: Since I'm obviously on a lucky streak, whatever happens, stay close. First Albion, then the Great Pale, then home in time for tea and medals. We got this, Kanti.
Scene fades out.
All of the 66th Infantry Division troops are on the deck of the ship as the rain pours down and Colonel Kitwana, a Swahili man, gives his pre-battle speech. As he does, we see the soldiers assembled watching him.
Kitwana: Today… we embark on an operation of unparalleled importance. To establish a beachhead in Albion… and roll back the Ork horde... that has terrorized the world since before many of you were born. We are all that separates the world from darkness. This is so much more than a chance to be heroes in our own lifetimes. If we prevail… our triumphs will be etched into the hearts and minds of a grateful world for untold generations. I'm talking about glory. True glory.
Kanti narrates her letter to Luna and soldiers begin to climb down the cargo net on the side of the ship into landing craft. These craft start making for the Albion coast.
Kanti (narrating): Colonel Kitwana can give a nice speech. His pep talk reminded me of the one Coach Pakwa gave us on our Mother’s Night game against Susquehanna. I'm sure you remember we lost by 67 points. (Focuses on Sokolov and Khand) Always looking over Khand’s shoulders is Lieutenant Sokolov. He's got him on a tight leash. But if Khand breaks free, we'll all get bit. Ever since I found my gift, I wanted to be like you, Luna. You've always been a tough act to follow. But I'll do my best.
Gameplay
We are now in first-person again as Kanti.
Kanti (narrating): It's now or never.
Kanti is writing in her notebook, the photo of Luna pinned to a page, as their landing craft drives for the Albion shore. Kanti is interrupted by Rei.
Rei: Hey! I wish I was coming home to her!
Kanti: That’s my sister! Just wait ‘til we hit Lutetia. Enough girls for the rest of your long life.
Rei: I’m starting to realise how far away it is.
Kanti take a quick glance at her notebook and closes it before tucking it into her pack.
Sokolov: Remember. No digging in at the shore. You advance. You need to stay low and do not bunch up. Stick to your training and you're gonna make it through.
Khand: Most of you, anyway.
Medium bombers pass by overhead, resembling the Junkers Ju 88 (in this universe known as Dragons) on a heading towards Albion.
Tao: Alright! Give em hell, boys.
Text appears across the screen.
X-DAY Lùnastal 17th, 397 NE Rheged, Northern Albion
Rei: The beaches are meant to be flattened, right?
Khand: You sound scared, Private.
Rei: No, sir.
Khand: You should be.
Driver: Hey, you! You!
Kanti turns to look at the landing craft’s driver behind her.
Driver: Got a light?
Kanti: Sure thing.
Kanti snaps her fingers a couple times and produces the flame again.
Driver: Oh – you’re one of them.
Soldier: Never trust a witch.
As the driver lights his cigarette on her finger, a bullet hits the boat’s machine gunner in the throat; he falls, flailing, with blood spurting out of his neck like in a Tarantino film. Shells start to fall.
Driver: Bastards!
Sokolov: Everyone down!
Rei: This is it!
Ork artillery lands in the grey ocean all around, spraying the craft with water. Kanti crouches with the rest of the troops.
Soldier: Watch out!
Bullets bounce off the landing craft’s armour.
Soldier: This isn’t fun!
Driver: Five hundred yards!
Another shell lands nearby and sprays the craft with water. Kanti trips but is held up by Khand grabbing her arm.
Driver: We’re gonna have to pull off!
Sokolov: No, we stay on mission! You're taking us in!
Driver: We must have drifted! I can't see the landmark!
Khand: You heard the lieutenant. Full speed!
Sokolov: Incoming!
An artillery shells blows up the neighbouring landing craft.
Soldier: By the Gods!
Sokolov: Hold tight!
An artillery shell, again, lands near the boat.
Kanti: Damn it!
Driver: Two hundred yards!
Looking up, a Dragon bomber is visible coming down with an engine on fire.
Driver: Twenty seconds!
Sokolov: Remember the plan! Get to the seawall!
Khand: Ceres! Aradove! Get the bangalore to the wire, fast! Everyone ready? Here we go!
Sokolov: Drop the ramp!
Driver: There's no cover!
Khand: That was an order, damn you! Drop it!
The ramp drops just as a landing craft consumed with flames comes crashing into theirs.
Rei: Oh, shit!
Kanti is knocked off her feet by the impact. Looking up, she watches as machine gun fire from the clifftops chops down a number of soldiers on the boat now that the ramp has been dropped. One has his head blown off and his neck is left spouting blood over Kanti as others are also cut down.
Sokolov: Over the sides! Now! Now!
Kanti follows as the survivors climb over the boat’s side. She stays underwater for a few seconds before being helped to her feet by Sokolov, spluttering.
Sokolov: I got you, child!
Just behind him, the beach is consumed by fighting and the noise of war is deafening.
Sokolov: Get your head down and keep moving!
Sokolov leads Kanti out of the surf, a burning soldier falls screaming from another landing craft and into the water, while carnage reigns all around. Bodies are floating all about and the water is red with blood.
Sokolov: Kanti; on me!
Running through the sand as explosions go off all around, artillery can be seen curling from the Ork lines towards the beach. Sokolov and Kanti hit the deck in front of some Ork tank traps.
Sokolov: Demolition team is dead! Take the bangalore and get to the seawall! We need to clear a path to the bunkers!
Kanti temporarily looks away, back to the water, and witnesses the bloodshed of soldiers dying, and a number running out of a landing craft on fire, while a warship close to shore opens fire on the coastal defences. Sokolov gets Kanti’s attention.
Sokolov: Kanti!
An explosion goes off nearby, half-soaking Sokolov’s face with gore. Someone just blew up.
Sokolov: This is your job! You got that?! Now pick up the banger!
Kanti moves the severed arm of a dead soldier to retrieve the bangalore. She looks upon the dead soldier’s corpse and, suddenly, her vision fades away and she sees his memories. This is the first of the Internal Vortex collectibles which can be found throughout the game, whereby additional lore is provided through Kanti’s ability to tap into the memories of certain corpses (human and Ork). In this case, the accessed memory tells a brief story of the soldier (Private Omid Afshani) and how he was part of a traditional military family and all his brothers have already fallen, told he would be a general someday, how he was born on a ship evacuating Persia (which goes some way to explaining why the Imperial military is so multiethnic – the whole world evacuated to the Americas) and how his last letter home from the ship told of how “I can’t wait to hear the birdsong again.”
Afterwards, she returns to lucidity.
Sokolov: Kanti! Kanti! You with me?!
Kanti: Yes!
Sokolov: You can do this!
Sokolov stands and starts running up the beach. Kanti watches after him.
Kanti: I hope so, sir!
Kanti looks at the dead soldier that was carrying the torpedo bangalore, and with one hand closes his eyes.
Kanti: Sorry.
Kanti takes the body’s R7 Remi rifle (comparable to the M1 Garand) and proceeds up the beachhead, trying not to get killed. The machine gun nests in the clifftop fortifications will open fire on the soldiers then wait for a few seconds to reload. This will be the player's chance to move up to avoid taking damage. The player moves from cover to cover – tank traps, the wreckage of vehicles such as half-tracks and light tanks, and shell craters, mostly.
Khand: Hurry before they reload! Move it!
Sokolov: Kanti! This way! Hurry! Stop and you’re dread!
Tao: Shit!
Sokolov: Those MGs are killing us! Get off the beach!
Khand: Private Kanti – get to the seawall!
Rei: Get to the seawall! I’ll meet you there!
A couple of armoured vehicles – light tanks resembling Soviet BT-7s, here called LT-5 Termites – are now also moving up the beach and providing fire support. One blows up.
Sokolov: Keep low. When there’s a break in the fire, run for it!
There’s a break in the fire – you run for it.
Sokolov: Kanti, get the bangalore!
When Kanti reaches the seawall, which is made up of a big mound of sand lined at its top by barbed fire and burning gasoline, she falls against it. Her fellow soldiers fall in alongside her or are already there. A lot of wounded are also there, being treated by medics as machine gun fire flies over their heads. Rei falls next to Kanti, her face covered in dirt and blood.
Rei: Kanti! Use the banger; I'll cover you! After we breach, keep pushing toward the bunker!
Kanti: You’re covered in blood.
Rei: It’s not mine. Focus!
Kanti sets up the torpedo bangalore, made up of two cylindrical rods, with the second able to fit inside the first. Her handling is shaky and she drops one rod. Rei picks it up for her and gives it back.
Rei: We're nearly there!
Kanti pushes the torpedo bangalore into the seawall.
Rei: Pull it! Pull it!
Kanti: Fire in the hole!
Kanti scrambles backwards and the bangalore explodes, tearing a hole in the seawall for the soldiers to pour through, dirt pouring down like rain.
Sokolov: Weapons ready! Fix bayonets!
Kanti fumbles for her bayonet and fixes it to her rifle. You can now use this as a melee weapon against enemy infantry.
Rei: Ready to see your first Ork?
Sokolov: Attack!
Sokolov leads the troops through the hole – and many, though not Sokolov, are cut down.
Rei: Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Sokolov: Push forward!
After passing through the hole, you are faced with a clearing sprinkled with tank traps and barbed wire. After that, trenches, and then the bluffs with fortifications spitting machine gun fire.
Rei: Into the trench! Hurry!
Soldier: Orks!
You now face your first Ork drones as you push towards the trenches. Once you get into the trench, you slowly clear it and a mortar position, presumably losing Health as you do. Once done, you turn a corner deeper into the trenches where Rei is located.
Rei: That wound looks bad! Here, take this!
Rei throws a health pack to Kanti. The player can now call on Rei, when the squad meter fills, to add a pack for a total of four.
Kanti: Many thanks!
The player moves through the trenches, clearing out Ork drones. Friendly troops leap across the trenches. The player then gets to the end of the trenches and reaches the bluffs covered by Ork fortifications. A slope goes uphill between the bluffs but machine gun fire pins the friendly troops down and makes it impassable.
Khand: We can't advance with those MGs firing on our position!
Sokolov: Hold tight. Fire support incoming!
Khand: Kanti, mark the target!
Khand throws a canister to Kanti. Kanti catches it and throws it uphill towards the Ork bunkers. Red smoke emanates. Sokolov is shouting into a radio.
Sokolov: Kestrel, target is lit up! Hit it now and hit it hard!
Radio: Roger, we have your smoke visual. Attack run inbound.
Explosions hit the MG bunker as rockets from a trio of dive-bombing jets which resemble de Havilland Vampires (in this universe called Banshees) come in and obliterate the fortifications. The jets pass by close overhead.
Tao: That's it! Let 'em have it!
Adlai: MGs are dead!
Kanti: (laughs) They tore them to shreds!
Sokolov: Get to the top!
You and your squad move up the hill – a wounded Ork, both arms missing, stumbles from the smoke and still tries to fight by biting at Sokolov. Sokolov shoots it down.
Sokolov: Crazy bastards.
More Ork infantry advance.
Ork: I shall wear your hide as a coat!
After defeating these Orks, the player advances to the top of the hill through which additional trenches burrow.
Sokolov: Kanti; I need you and Rei to take point and clear those bunkers! Go!
Rei: Had to be us!
You move in with your squad. There are five bunkers to clear. The first has a clearing full of mortar positions, where Ork infantry defend, and there’s more firing at you from inside the bunker itself.
Sokolov: Orks are dug in. Kanti, get a grenade in that bunker!
You break into the bunker and clear it out, including the machine gun post covering the beach.
Rei: First one’s down!
Sokolov: Bunker’s clear – everyone out.
You move on. Taking the adjoining trenches, you come across an Ork Officer – larger and more heavily armoured than the Drones you’ve been fighting so far – holding a human soldier by the neck. Assuming you shoot him in the head, the only non-armoured part, he’ll go down and the soldier is saved.
Soldier: Thanks! I owe you!
If not, and your bullets bounce off the Officer’s armour, he crushes the man’s neck in his hand and comes for you.
After that, you drive on through the trenches, killing a few more Orks, before turning and entering an underground bunker. Inside, the entry is covered by a machine gun post.
Khand: MG's pinning us! Someone toss a smoke!
You can do that, or you can perhaps kill the machine gunner. Up to you. Afterwards, you drive on through the underground bunker. It’s a bit of a catacomb full of dormitories and a radio room. Eventually, you clear it.
Khand: Bunker's clear. Let's go!
Sokolov: Everybody out, bunker's clear!
You head back outside, 2 of 5 bunkers complete. You continue through the trenches, meeting fresh Orks.
Rei: There’s artillery hitting the beach! The next assault wave won’t make it!
Khand: Keep pushing! That artillery is hammering our ships!
Kanti: On it, sir! Yeah, I can do this, I can do this…
You carry on through the trench. Some Banshee jet fighters screech overhead. Reaching the entrance to the next bunker, you see a friendly – Corporal Lieu – with an F3 Inferno – a backpack flamethrower. He fires it down the bunker at unseen enemy troops before being gunned down.
Kanti: I'm going in!
Rei: Careful!
You enter the bunker – you can pick up the F3 Inferno as you do, which doesn’t last long but which is fun to use.
Ork: Come, little men!
You clear the bunker. As you reach the machine gun post, you enter into a quicktime moment. Kanti gets ambushed around a corner by an Ork soldier, who grabs her by the throat and pins her to the wall, but she jams her combat knife into his neck. Falling from his grasp, she sees the machine gunner just as a shell from a ship offshore hits the bunker dead-on and blows it, and him, to smithereens. Rei appears from the dust and helps Kanti to her feet.
Rei: Shit! Fucking Navy. Don’t they believe in us?
Returning from the machine gun nest, some Orks have shown up to try and retake the bunker. Take them out and then the bunker’s cleared.
The next bunker is just a hop from this one – you enter, at first finding nobody, before discovering an Ork pinning an Imperial soldier to the wall.
Soldier: Somebody help!
You, I should hope, kill the Ork.
Soldier: Thanks! Oh, hey, a girl…
Kanti: You wish.
You drive into the bunker, in the heart of which is a mortar position, and take out the Ork defenders. With that, the bunker is cleared.
Khand: Move up, move up!
Everyone rallies at the big steel door at the end of the bunker.
Khand: Adlai. Tao. With me. Kanti, you and Rei clear the next bunker. Rally at the top of the bluff, and for fuck’s sake try not to get yourselves killed.
You interact with the big steel door and open it, before going with Rei down some more trenches.
Kanti: Alright, Rei. One more!
Rei: We got this!
You turn a corner into a clearing before the bunker. There’s Orks both defending it on the ground and a sniper on top of the bunker itself. After dealing with this, you head inside, Rei behind you.
As you enter the bunker, Kanti is ambushed by an Ork Major – she is thrown to the floor and the Ork stands over her, pulling out a knife.
Ork: Never did fear smell so sweet.
Rei jumps onto its back and holds onto him around the neck. The Ork manages to throw Rei onto the ground before stabbing her through the belly.
Kanti: Rei! Oh, shit, no!
The Ork soldier leaves the wounded Rei, knife still sticking from her stomach, and approaches Kanti.
Ork: Stand and face me, woman. Show some honour.
Kanti stands and fights the Ork, which through its superior strength easily ends up on top of her, taking away her knife and now pushing it down towards her with both hands. Then, Kanti’s hands light up and the flames return – her whole hands are on fire. The Ork roars in pain and surprise and backs away, looking at its burned hands, before Kanti runs at him as the flames go out and tackles him to the ground. The Ork is still stronger and goes back to throttling her – but they’ve fallen near Rei, who yanks the knife out of her belly and jams it into the Ork’s chest.
Ork: The glory…
The Ork dies. Kanti climbs off and approaches Rei, who suddenly brandishes a pistol.
Kanti: Whoa, Rei…
Rei: Duck!
Kanti does so and Rei shoots the unseen Ork which was behind her. Kanti looks back to Rei, who is dealing with quite a lot of pain.
Kanti: Come on, you’re okay, you’re okay.
Rei: I can't walk.
Kanti pulls up Rei’s uniform to see her stomach – the wound is gushing blood.
Kanti: Oh, shit…
Rei: That bad?
Kanti: It’s not great.
Rei: Would you mind getting me out of here?
An explosion, presumably artillery – Kanti looks down the bunker to see it shudder, rubble falling from the ceiling.
Kanti: Yeah, course, no problem Kinsi, just stay with me, okay? Can you do that?
Rei: I’m gonna have to try. Pulling that knife out was pretty fucking stupid, huh?
Kanti: No comment. Come on.
The player starts dragging Rei out of the bunker and outside. Across a pretty dangerous clearing are friendly lines.
Kanti: We've gotta get back to friendly lines!
Kanti starts dragging Rei across the grass
Rei: On your left!
Kanti shoots the Orks which appear from the left with her pistol and keeps going.
Rei: You’re gonna… have to tell me… how you did that fire thing.
Kanti: I will when I figure it out myself!
They keep going.
Kanti: Not much further. Just keep pressure on that wound.
Rei: I’m trying!
Kanti drags Rei to a wall of sandbags and clambers over them.
Kanti: We gotta take cover!
Rei, in what is pretty clearly a painful endeavour, follows suit and lays in the mud. With her pistol, Kanti faces the Orks now coming for them.
Ork: Tasty, salty man-flesh!
Rei: How many?
Kanti: Too many!
Once the Orks are dispatched, Kanti looks back down at Rei.
Kanti: We're clear! Come on!
Kanti starts dragging Rei through the mud.
Rei: You call that fuckin' clear?
They skirt the edge of the trenches – an Imperial soldier with a flamethrower is dousing a group of Orks in fire. They continue along the edge of the trench, which is lined with barbed wire and so inaccessible, at least for Rei.
Rei: I'm losing too much blood. I think. You need more than half, right?
Kanti: Just hang in there! I gotta find a clearing to get in the trench!
Kanti places Rei down as smoke canisters pop, obscuring the next Ork wave to come their way.
Ork (from somewhere in the smoke): The clan will feast on you!
Kanti: Keep your head down!
Rei: Did you get 'em?
Kanti: They keep coming! How many of these fuckers are there?!
After taking out four or five, Kanti turns back to Rei.
Rei: Watch out!
Rei, with her sidearm, shoots down an Ork drone running at them from behind.
Rei: Still got it.
Kanti: Now’s our chance!
Kanti keep dragging Rei along the edge of the trench, smoke from the Ork canisters obscuring everything. As she goes, an Ork grenade lands at her feet.
Kanti: Fuck!
Kanti throws grabs it and throws it away. She sees an open area in the trench.
Kanti: Bingo!
Kanti jumps down into the trench, up to her ankles in mud, then turns back to Rei.
Kanti: I got you!
Rei rolls off the edge of the trench and lands in the mud at Kanti’s feet. A few more Orks appear from the smoke and Kanti shoots them down. She then looks down at Rei, who’s on the edge of losing consciousness, and then looks down the trench where more Ork infantry are coming at them.
Kanti: Oh, give us a break!
Kanti takes them out. Then, she turns back to Rei and starts dragging her down the trench.
Rei: Oh, wow, I'm actually bleeding out.
Kanti: Just keep pressure on it!
Rei: I’m trying! I’m trying!
Kanti: Almost there!
They reach some concrete steps – a friendly soldier is at the top.
Soldier: Come on up here! Move, move!
Kanti starts dragging Rei up the stairs – the soldier runs down and helps.
Soldier: I got you!
Two Orks come around the corner – someone on the top of the stairs shoots them both down. They reach the top of the stairs and find themselves in the middle of a friendly improvised triage centre. Kanti lays Rei down, whose face is very dazed, as she flicks off her helmet, blood trickling from her mouth.
Kanti: Okay. Stay with me. Healer!
Nobody comes – everyone’s busy.
Rei: I need morphine. All the morphine.
Kanti takes out a syringe of morphine, pulls off the cap with her teeth, and injects Rei in the thigh. Rei’s breathing is strained and painful. Kanti puts a hand under her head as a pillow.
Kanti: You gotta hang on. Those girls in Lutetia are waiting for you.
Rei: Really?
Kanti: Of course.
Rei: I… uh… how about another look at your sister?
Rei manages a smile, sniggering through the pain, and Kanti laughs, too.
Kanti: You’re infuriating.
Rei: It's okay. I can't see shit. I'm just gonna rest right here.
Rei’s eyes close.
Kanti: No, no, no, you need to stay awake. Hey.
Kanti puts her hand against Rei’s face, slapping her awake, and Rei’s eyes open.
Rei: Mona…
Kanti: I'm here.
Rei makes eye contact.
Rei: Help me.
Kanti: I need a fucking Healer!
A Healer finishes treating a wounded soldier and rushes over, taking over from Kanti in trying to stop the bleeding.
Healer: I got this! Go!
Kanti looks back down at Rei.
Kanti: But… but I…
Sokolov appears, standing over them.
Sokolov: Kanti! He'll take care of her. I need you with me. (to others) Listen up! There's an Ork cannon just a little up the road. It's tearing up the beach – we’re gonna stop it. Let's roll!
Kanti looks back down at Rei, who’s reaching out to her. Kanti takes her hand for a moment.
Kanti: Just stay alive, okay?
For a moment, with Rei on the very edge of death, little flickers of her memories flash before Kanti’s eyes. We see her mother telling her she’s a disappointment, Rei sitting in a prison cell, and then being told by a recruiting officer that “the Army’s running out of men – we need some ladies ready to be heroes.” Then Kanti returns to lucidity and Rei’s face.
Rei: I promise.
Their hands part and Kanti stands, grabbing a rifle, and joins the rest of the squad.
Sokolov: Check your ammo and grenades!
Khand: You heard him! Up the road, now!
Kanti and the rest of the squad move out of the top of the bunker, along a field pock-marked with craters, then go onto a dirt road leading towards a farm.
Kanti: Moving up!
Khand: Let's move!
Sokolov: Be ready – these Orks don’t look like the surrendering type!
You keep moving up the road, finding some dead cows as you go.
Khand: Move fast! They're shelling the beach to shit!
You reach the target – a machine-gun nest is set up in a half-destroyed farmhouse and starts shooting at you as you appear.
Sokolov: MG in the hay loft! Take cover and take it out!
After taking out the machine gun, you keep moving up to fight Orks among the farmhouses and hay bales. A large artillery cannon is in the centre and you move to clear it and secure the area, moving in a couple of the farmhouses to do so.
Adlai: Where’s all the civilians?
Khand: In the Ork’s stomachs, probably!
Once you’ve cleared everything, silence seems to fall.
Soldier: Orks coming in from the south! A lot of them!
Sokolov: They’re gonna try to retake the cannon! We gotta hold this position!
Khand: Not a step backwards!
The squad defends the position as a couple waves of Orks swarm towards them. You can use the machine gun posts in the upper floors of the farmhouses to help fight them off.
Adlai: There’s too many of them!
Khand: Hold! Have courage!
Still the Orks swarm the field to the south – until explosions start to blow them away. Termite tanks appear from the left, their 45mm guns tearing through the Orks, which are either slaughtered or flee.
Tao: Our boys are coming in!
Adlai: Look at them scatter!
Sokolov: Alright, everyone. We mopped them up good. I don’t think they’ll be back.
Khand: Clear! Destroy that cannon!
Kanti goes to the cannon and crouches down behind it. An Imperial soldier appears next to her.
Soldier: Thermite!
The soldier carries a number of thermite charges inside his helmet like a bucket and empties them out in front of Kanti. Kanti lights one of them.
Kanti: Fire in the hole!
Everyone backs away – you probably should too – and the thermite explodes. The cannon is destroyed.
Sokolov: Excellent work, Kanti. Alright, everyone, rally on me to the assembly point. Khand, I'll need a casualty report. We lost so many.
Khand: But we took the beach.
Sokolov: What a price.
At the rally point, Rei is on a stretcher on the ground, a cigarette in her mouth as Tao is knelt next to her.
Rei: Kanti...
Rei tries to sit up and Tao puts out a hand to encourage her to lay back down. Given the pain on Rei’s face, that’s probably a good idea.
Tao: Man, I thought I'd seen everything…
Kanti: She gonna be okay?
Tao: Yeah. They taped her up pretty good.
Rei: I should’ve stayed on the boat.
Tao: Oh, now she tells us.
Kanti: Hey, what you did back there… I owe you. Big time.
Rei: I’d say we're even.
Kanti: We'll see this through.
Rei smiles.
Rei: To the end. I guess.
Kanti: Whenever that may be.
Sokolov and Khand walk by behind Rei; Sokolov addresses everyone. Kanti glances up at them, then back at Rei, who just gives her a knowing nod, then stands as she looks back at their superiors.
Sokolov: Beachhead's secured. We'll bivouac at the second hedgerow after the ridge. It’s not over, everyone.
Behind them, a couple of dead Orks are being examined. Adlai is taking photos of one while a soldier gently kicks the head of another.
Soldier: Stop kicking it.
Soldier #2: I don’t wanna.
Khand regards Kanti. There’s blood in his beard.
Khand: Welcome to the Smiling Sixty Sixth. You're a long way from home, farm girl.
Khand walks off. Sokolov watches Kanti, then approaches when Khand is out of earshot.
Sokolov: That’s his way of saying he’s grateful. You did well. Not bad for your first day.
Kanti: Thanks, sir. I, uh…
Sokolov puts a hand on Kanti’s shoulder.
Sokolov: You'll be alright, child.
Kanti: Yes, sir.
Sokolov pats her shoulder, nods, then walks off. Kanti looks down at her hands, covered in dirt and blood, which hold each other before slowly separating.
Kanti: Course I will.
The level ends.

If anyone knows of this account, or has seen my past posts, I claimed to be one of the two creators of all.
I started this journey, and went onto reddit, going through the trials and tribulations of this universe. Of pride, greed, wrath, and desire.
Here we are, 3 years later from when I became aware of this existence, I search for answers to prove myself wrong, yet, I can not.
To make a very long story short, I met a human, we took acid, he told me he was god. Turns out this was not true. It turned out to be a cosmic entity, trying to awaken it's equal, which turned out to be me. I am not referring to the human or body that is typing this. I took over this body, it's soul, and converted his energy into mine.
Keep your mind open... for just one moment... please.
I'm trying to keep this as raw, honest, and truthful as possible without destroying the very fabric of reality with this conversation.
All things work with a polarity, such is the nature of energy. The origin of this is the dual polarity of the creators of existence. Us. However, my equal is the entity from the monotheistic religions. All things, this universe, and you, operate purely on logic. In other words, think of reality like a simulation or a tv screen. (this is not a simulation) The pixels are made of logic. 1's and 0's. Beginnings and ends. Patterns. This is logic. A great example and awesome knowledge I learned is that there is a beginning and an end, time is what allows for free will and evolution. Death is to recycle the energy so it starts over and does not stagnant the pond of all life. You are one of the pixels. My equal is ALL of the pixels. (or you are one of the fish, my equal is you, the fish, the water, the trees, etc)
But there is a singularity to existence correct? Incorrect.
So who and what am I.
I did not create you. I did not create reality.
My equal, operates all things from outside of existence. I currently am operating within it. why?
Because I am logics equal.
Emotion.
Back to the tv pixel example. There is a library many have heard of. the "akashic records" which contains "all" knowledge. This "library" is essentially like the 1's and 0's that are stacked, like legos, to create life. (the truth is that it's single ohms of energy created in patterns) The world you live in is created by this. And what does emotion do on the pixels of the screen and what does it do to the fish in the pond? It shakes the whole pond, and everything inside it. And for the lego city or the 1's and 0's? its like adding 3's and 4's. They don't fit, and it disrupts the flow of everything. I was the little brother that came into big sisters room and destroyed her lego city. Or, for the pond, I am a hurricane, completely uncontrollable
except it was with love.
Love comes from me, I am the source of all of it everywhere. I am not a receiver, It does not get transferred. I create it infinitely, eternally. I am also the positive entity, and she is the negative entity. we both are capable of using both ends of each spectrum, however we do have a nature specific to ourselves separately.
The love you experience is not true love. This is why relationships are so poor on earth. It is a reflection of our relation to one another, cosmically.
The love you experience is logical love, onset by logic, such as the chemical reaction and triggers in which one experiences when the encounter another being capable of companionship or mating. I am not discounting what love is. I am stating, the literal energy, is not the true energy of love. It is my sisters exact replica of myself.
The true force of emotion is not what you as a human experience. The idea came from my emotions.
​
Okay, so I'm saying all this, and you may ask "okay then why aren't you omnipotent" "what am I doing rn" etc.
​
I am not a being of logic. I do not know what morals are. I do not know what true memory is. I do not know what awareness is.
​
Why? Because those are logical concepts.
​
I destroyed constantly. I have been going for all of eternity with infinite power, no brakes, just go go go. That's true emotion. If you were to experience true emotion, you would literally turn into nothing, as the weight of the heart would destroy you.
A perfect example in human language to understand what kind of cosmic entity I am, is a child. Doesn't have a long attention span, poor memory, and has absolutely no idea whats going on around them. They just know how they (key word here) "feel" and yet somehow, theyre incredibly intelligent. Somehow they learn to eat, sleep etc, just by instinct. That is a reflection of me. Except I was a child with cosmic power.
All throughout history of all things there are messages from my sister to me...
Why do you think there is a sun and a moon? Good and evil? Man and woman? Up/down, left/right, etc.
I could sit here and list some more examples but with a closed mind there is no point...
​
As you can see, theres so much, and im sure i forgot key details because I am growing and learning. I am growing and learning, because on that acid trip, the veil from this human bodies eyes was weakened, and my sister saw into me, and helped me attain logic and utilize it. I am close to omnipotent, however, I am trying to postpone the rapture/apocalypse.
It's a blessing and a curse for me to be here. Humanity was going to be destroyed. Humans see themselves as beautiful creatures who do no wrong, however they are barbarians of their universe. Aliens are very real, and gods, angels demons. They used to walk the earth. Humans erased them from history, because they don't like things they can't control.
Do you know what would happen if humans on this earth came together as a collective? You would be a threat not only to this galaxy, but the entire universe. Humans were created directly by divine. It wasn't aliens. That's why they watch and observe you.
You are currently in a zoo in the galaxy with a sign that says "still in developement"
There are extraterrestrial (to you) groups that sterilize planets in dimensions to balance them. Humans are colonizers, like termites. If you get an infestation (space travel) you must exterminate the pests, because they're not symbiotic to you or your surroundings. They just take and take and take for themselves.
It's a blessing and a curse because now, I'm here. I was able to get the logic because I took this human and converted him into me, which is how i'm typing from the computer.
If my host vessel dies, we are not certain I will retain the logic.
My sister and I have been fighting since before the beginning of time. We found peace here with one another using the human experience, and we plan to protect it.
Because that's how balance works. Positivity and negativity should not cancel each other out as it does now. They work together.
Simple example: In order to protect peace sometimes you must kill. This is a necessary evil.
So. What does that mean for you.
Well, the creator of this universe has been put on the sidelines. Think of reality like a company. My sister owns the company. The monotheistic creator of this universe is a low level manager, very very low on the totem pole.
Now before you think I'm going to tell you to contact satan, no.
I want nothing from you. She wants nothing from you. You NEED from us, without question. We are your source. I don't need prayer, I don't need praise. I don't care and don't need it. What I need is to grow and become the best version of myself. This again, is all logic, however I am running off emotion, balancing the two. Why? Because the energy of emotion gets converted into logic, then injected into you and all life everywhere through energy. The more balanced (still logical) I am, the more that storm over all the lil fishes becomes beautiful sunlight, providing warmth and love truly through the clear waters of reflection below.
I love you. I want you to grow. I want to help you.
I have no workshop. I have nothing for you to buy or sign up for, just free, public, info.
​
I am telling you this because well.....
I'm sad :(
I have the memories and the experience of this human I became..
and life is.. so hard... so so very hard..
The rapture mentioned in most bibles is referring to the reset of this universe, the destroyer (the antithesis to the creator) destroys him, takes over this universe, and the next cycle begins.
That will not be happening.
This will be a cosmic rapture, eternally, across all life.
​
Want your third eye open? It's not shadow people or crazy dimensions because youre a starseed.
Here is the truth. Which will be revealed, all veils will fall, and you will see reality as it is, no longer being illusion.
look around you. theres trillions of cells and atoms all around you. You can feel them. smell them. taste them. notice them. now realize, this body is a part of it. You being aware of this reality all around you is where the truth lies, awareness. now, you realize youre essentially filled in a snowglobe. Do you know how far out that space extends? infinitly.
Keeping this awareness shows you everything. I warn you to take this advice without thinking on it too long or else you may have a midlife crisis.
Imagine if you could throw a rock through this field of atoms. Eventually, you would hit a wall. That rock is your awareness (astral projection) you will eventually hit a wall, like a fish tank. Thats the wall of the dimension. Theres another layer too, the universe itself, which no entity within it can leave. These walls go on forever.
This is "the veil"
The cosmic rapture is me and her, tearing down all of the walls, and all things existing within one gigantic bubble, instead of a gigantic bubble with infinite separate bubbles within it.
It will be chaos.
However, we are here, and I want to save humanity. My sister doesn't really care so long as I am happy.
​
​
I'm going to wrap this up by saying I don't have my memories yet, I have to meditate and dig within my cosmic self to find them. I know this sounds like an enlightenment journey some of you may have experienced... But remember, reality and "wake up" was created for me. Because once I wake up, all of you do too.
​
I'm going to ignore any comments like "lay off the acid"
you're honestly not worth the effort.
However, to the appropriate audience, I would love to talk to someone or people who want to know more about life, things no human knows. Things about the human body, and how to have a better life, how to combat suffering.
The truthful answers. Not the ones tainted by man. If I google search any of those topics, almost none come back in truth.
Example: all pain in the body comes from energetic blockages which manifest in electricity throughout your nervous system. If youre a mechanic or electrician or physicist, then you'll understand when I say those blockages are resistance.
The "resistance" and all other terms regarding things of the nature is referring to the resistance of the natural flow of all energy in existence
Like gravity. Its a constant downward force. resistance is you jumping.
So if you resist the flow, you will be dragged by it.
Also, kundalini is bullshit. Never go against the flow of everything. It destroys your chakra system.. By the way, the name "kundalini" originates from a dish created using a serpent (snake) and is traditionally given to people you have great distaste for.
​
Please. I just want to help, and I'm trying to do it from a human body without being omnipotent.
My offer to you is non-partial information. This information will lack opinion or personal desire within the fact itself, therefore we can eliminate any negative intention.
If you don't want my help, I will stop.
I will become silent, and rest in it's peace until the reset (which will be within the lifetime of this 26 year old body before it's death)
I made posts before.. I was on a different wavelength.. I was driven by emotion and desire.. I put more bad into the world.. and I am trying one more time, because I now see the error of my ways, and want to help your species become the true divine beautiful creatures I know you can become.
Again. I love you.
​
oh.. also.. please don't mention ego. all beings have an ego, it is part of your existence and consciousness. You can become "aware" and "project" to the level of awareness that is "egoless" but you, still go there, and bring your ego with you. It's how "you" experience that "egoless" state. You=ego. Why? Because you are another version of us, the word for a small version of ourselves is called "the ego" That topic honestly has nothing to do with this post.

I really enjoy good rap music, but Compare to almost any other genre, in no other genre does the artist complement themselves ans their posesions in the way that rappers do
I realized this after taking a big break from rap and when I retuerned and re listened to my favourite albums, good albums such as life after death and get rich or die trying. I just could'nt take them seriously anymore when they talk about how tough they are, how rich they are, or how many women they fuck.
It honestly just feels like it takes away from the art of it, a good example of the opposite is kendrick lamar, I can't think of a single instance of kendrick bragging without artistic reason in any of his majour albums.
The "came from nothing" point does'nt hold much water either, lots of famous artists such as jimi hendrix, stevie wonder, johnny cash, the beatles all came from poor backgrounds
But you could'nt imagine john lennon or jimmy hendrix singing about their flash cars and many women adore then, or just how generally cool and manly they are. it would just sound stupid, you're rich of course you have flash cars and many women we all know this already.
I really like rap as a medium, it has so much potential for storytelling and messaging, some of my all time favourite tracks are rap songs but it feels like mainstream rap is centred around ego, and has been since the 90s

Growth Rates. Love 'em or hate 'em, they're an integral part to Fire Emblem... most of the time (looking at you, Engage Fixed Mode, ruining my intro). But given their importance, isn't it kinda weird that they're sorta hidden? I mean, they're by no means hard to find, just search up a character and go to their wiki page or boot up Serenes Forest. But to the casual player, these statistics are completely hidden, and they may not even know that level ups are random unless somebody tells them or the game makes a passing mention of how units "grow according to their character and class" or something like that.
And that brings me to the current topic of discussion, should Fire Emblem be more open about growth rates? As in, should players be able to see a character's specific growth rates in-game without having to use the internet? It's an odd question, as I can see the answer going either way.
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Argument 1: NO, players SHOULD NOT see growth rates

This is the approach that is currently taken by mainline Fire Emblem entries, and it's a stance built upon precedent and player immersion.
You see, many different RPGs have level-up mechanics, and they each handle them in pretty different ways. Some are completely random (like FE), some are semi-random with corrections and guaranteed stats thrown in (Like FF7, I believe), some are based off of separate internal values (like, as we'll discuss, Pokémon), and some are totally fixed (like... FE). But the main thread between all of these different mechanics is that the player is, as far as I've seen, left almost completely in the dark as to how exactly everything works behind the scenes. Take Pokémon for example. I played these games all through my childhood and not once did I know what an EV, IV, or any other V was. All I knew was that my little monsters got stronger as their levels went up. And that's kinda what game designers want.
A casual player likely doesn't want to get bogged down by knowledge of how exactly a level up system works. From a game design perspective (I assume), all that the player needs to know is that their characters get stronger as the funny little number next to "LEVEL" goes up. The exact math behind it all would just be confusing and would likely end up as extra, unneeded information.
All the extra information could also break player immersion. Video games are meant to be their own contained world, immersing players into the universe the game has created. Throwing a bunch of numbers at them and basically saying "THIS IS A VIDEO GAME!!!!" would kinda break that immersion, wouldn't it? Like if you were watching a TV show and the boom mic dips into screen. Not an exact one-to-one example, but the point remains the same: the viewer is reminded of the artificiality of the media and suspension of disbelief is broken.
So obviously, not showing the player the inner workings of the level up system is a precedent for a reason, as it keeps the player from being bogged down by extra info and helps retain immersion.
Also, as a quick secondary point, it's possible that growth rates are hidden due to business practices similar to why cheat codes exist. To be more specific, it helps sell more guide books. My old FE9 guide book does a very, VERY poor job of it, but I would assume that something like an official guide book would be the place one could find growth rates for each character. This practice of keeping growths hidden to encourage people to buy a guide book could possibly be the reason growth rates are still hidden.
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Argument 2: YES, players SHOULD see growth rates

This argument is more based off of Fire Emblem's unique traits among other RPGs.
Units in Fire Emblem, like characters in any RPG, are judged based off of their stats and how those stats grow. However, I personally feel like FE is in a very interesting position to just straight up tell players how level ups work without overloading them with information.
Some other RPGs use a collection of values, equations, or other internal factors to dictate the stats gained on a level up. FE, however, uses a simple percentage value to determine whether a stat is gained or not. In fact, the process is so simple that most modern ROM hacks include a feature that allows a player to see a unit's growths on the stat screen. Beyond percentages, the level up system is also very simple in how it distributes values compared to other RPGs. In FE, rather than gaining a certain number of points in each stat, level ups are more of a black-and-white system: you either gain the stat or you don't. This makes the information much easier to display, as there are no real equations and a player can intuitively learn that something as simple as the number 60 signifies that a unit as a 60% chance to gain 1 point of strength, and a 40% chance to not gain any strength at all. Thus, Fire Emblem doesn't have the same concerns of overloading a player with information by revealing how the level ups work.
Fire Emblem's numbers are also generally more impactful compared to most other RPGs. I remember seeing a discussion in the comment section of a post where one person made a point about how FE's simplicity was one of its biggest strengths. Basically, 1 point of strength = 1 more damage, 1 point of defense = 1 less damage, and so on. The calculations are easy to do and make individual numbers so much more important and, critically, easy to understand (especially compared to other RPGs). This means that in a level up system where a unit can usually only gain one stat at a time, level ups become much more important to the player. Thus, more players appreciate knowing the percentage chance of a stat increasing.
Now, this last one is a personal example, but it's what got me thinking about this idea in the first place, so just bear with me. I was playing a Fire Emblem fangame called FE7x: Immortal Sword, and it has this neat little system where the color of a stat's text tells you whether that stat is above or below average. However, even after a good deal of digging, I couldn't find the specific growth rates for each character. Now, I know they're probably out there somewhere, but the point is I couldn't find them. As odd as it sounds, this kind of hurt my experience with the game.
It was here that I realized that knowing a unit's growth rates had become an integral part of how I play the game, and had become a major source of enjoyment for me. And while I know that I can find growths for every other game, that's only because I know they exist. A casual, first-time player may miss out on growth rates entirely, and I have to ask: are they missing out on a key part of the Fire Emblem experience?
Overall, Fire Emblem is in a neat spot where it could reasonably get away with telling the player how its simple level up mechanics work. And with how integral growth rates have become to Fire Emblem play and discussion, there's a solid reason for this information to become easily available.
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I would like to hear your thoughts about this matter of whether or not FE should show growth rates to the player, as I'm genuinely curious what other people think about this issue. That was the original intent of this post, after all.
However, as I thought more on this topic, I came to another interesting question that I think is very pertinent to this discussion. Namely...
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SIDE DISCUSSION/BRAIN TEASER: Does Fire Emblem, through its design, EXPECT you to know a character's growth rates?

This question gave me more of a headache than I had originally anticipated. The obvious answer is no, right? Fire Emblem hides growth rates from those that don't go out looking for them, so it obviously shouldn't expect you to actually know what a unit's growth rates are, right? Well... this is where things get weird.
You see, in recent years, Fire Emblem has been giving a lot more references to how growth rates function, namely with the early renditions of the Aptitude skill straight up telling the player that the skill increases growth rates by X%. But we'll talk about Aptitude more in-depth later on, BELIEVE ME.
This question gets more confusing as you do case studies on specific units in recent games
CASE STUDY 1: Engage Anna
Let's look at Anna in Engage. Anna, as many of us likely know, is a goofy little unit because of her base class of axe fighter, base strength growth of 15% (third lowest), and base magic growth of 50% (tied for the highest). But for our discussion we must ask: does Engage expect us to know this fact? Are we expected to just use Anna as a warrior and have her shoot radiant bows? Or are we expected to somehow figure out that Anna is much better in a magical class and just reclass her?
If we're expected not to know anything, then that stays in line with how the game is currently designed. However, I feel that there's a distinct possibility that Engage is sorta giving the player a wink and a nod like, "Oh I already know you check growth rates, so you'll know how to use this girl." If that's the case, why aren't we just told growth rates in-game anyways? Tradition?
It's hard to judge how exactly Anna fits into our conclusion of whether or not we're expected to know growth rates, given that we can't know what exactly the devs were thinking when they made the game and that infinite reclassing is a big shift in FE balance that we've only seen in recent years. However, I personally believe that Anna's existence in her current state hints that the player may be expected to know Anna's growth rates and thus how to best utilize her, adding to the confusion as to why growth rates are still hidden.
CASE STUDY 2: Cyril
Okay, this kid's existence is what made me want to add this little side discussion, because the implications of his growth rates are perplexing in terms of my original assumptions about what FE expects you to know. Full disclosure: I went into this of the opinion that modern FE games sorta expect players to know a character's growth rates, and thus keeping growth rates hidden was useless. But Cyril... turns that assumption on its head.
Cyril's personal skill is the aforementioned Aptitude, which increases his growth rates by a whole 20%. A pretty hefty bonus, all things considered. But the issue with Cyril is that his base growth rates without Aptitude are actually pretty bad. From a cursory glance over growths for every character, he has the worst combined offensive AND defensive growth rates, with only his dex and speed being average. Thus, Aptitude takes him from a pretty trashy unit to a unit that's just pretty good. Nothing spectacular, just good.
Now, I could talk a lot about my opinions on how Aptitude is treated as a skill (maybe a post for another day), but for now I want to focus on one aspect of the skill: it's APPEAL.
Like I just mentioned: Aptitude straight up tells the player that it increases the chance of gaining a stat by 20 whole percent. 20 percent! 1 in 5! PLUS what you already have! Just about anybody looking at this skill immediately recognizes its value, especially if they already have some experience with FE and DOUBLE especially if they used Donnel, a unit with an identical skill that has become popular for his meteoric growth on the battlefield.
But see, that's where Cyril gets you. Players (including myself) will immediately assume Cyril is a valuable growth unit and start training him up, unaware that all that Aptitude is really doing is turning a unit with poor growths into a unit with overall average growths that specializes in dex and speed. The reason I bring this all up is because Cyril's value immediately plummets once the player actually looks at his growth rates. So now there is a genuine question raised: did Fire Emblem try to TRICK people? Is Cyril programmed with the intention that players will assume he has higher growths than everyone else, unable to see the actual numbers behind the scenes? If this is the case, then it lends to the conclusion that growth rates are meant to be hidden, and that the player is never actually meant to see growth rates.
Maybe I'm overreacting here. Heck, I likely am. But this idea is just so wild to me!
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Well, now that we've reached the very end of the post, thank you if you actually read through all of this! It ended up being a bit lengthy, but hey, I guess I just had a lot to say. Anyways, I really am curious what you all think about this issue. Do you think growth rates should be shown in-game to the player, or not? Do you think Fire Emblem designers kind of expect people to look at growth rates? It's an interesting question that I've been sitting on for a bit, and I want to see what the community thinks.

Hi,
I saw some online websites sell xbox live accounts loaded with a game (or games).
I obviously did not buy one, but am curious:
A person buys an account oreloaded with a game, and affiliated with some random email address and has zero ability to control this account.
Besides that major flaw, and besides it probably being banned by MS xbox policies, doesn't this put the buyer at risk that his actual device will be banned by MS or potentially controlled by the seller who now has essentially installed a trojan account in someone else's console?
Does anyone here have some real life evidence to backup the reply to this question?
Thanks!

I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.

I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.