Riverside medical clinic temescal valley

New MS4 here. Was always thinking IM my first three years, but decided to do a MICU rotation, and it’s absolutely brutal. I really didn’t enjoy any my core clerkships, and now am a bit worried with how this rotation has been going.
I’m someone who enjoys clinical reasoning skills and brief procedures (< 30 mins) which is why I was planning to pursue either GI or cards (both of which I haven’t actually gotten to rotate through). Surgery and mixed surgical sub specialties (considered ENT for a bit) were just too heavy on the procedures, which is why I ruled them out. OB, neuro and psych were just not interesting to me. Gave anesthesia a try and found it cool for induction and extubation, but way too boring at times in between. The only other field I found really interesting was derm, but I only liked the complex medical and biopsy aspects, and am not sure if I could deal w the cosmetics. Any thoughts on this? I feel as if I’m running out of time.
Was even recently considering things like IR, although I really do value longitudinal interaction… any help appreciated.
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I think I will be pretty competitive, as I have 4-5 pubs, 25X Step 2 score, and also hoping for AOA.
TLDR: previously interested in IM, but being primary team on MICU and hospital Medicine teams is turning me away. Haven't gotten to see any IM subspecialties and worried that I'll be gambling
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So I hadn't been very active after my posts about my Hunger Games experience -- mostly because I had to go back the the drawing board 3 (!!!!!) Times with medication protocols, and then once we figured that out, i had an extended time on birth control (pesky cysts they wanted to follow). So, there wasn't a whole lot to update on aside from "spinning my wheels."
I am still very hesitant to post here for fear of jinxing something and breaking my own heart. But.. this is hopeful infertility, so i choose optimism, and to share my update to give others hope as well.
I had been getting these ongoing "cyst monitoring" ultrasounds for way too long, and of all days, I had another one scheduled on my birthday (may 25th). Well, instead of it ending up as yet another cyst check, it turned into my lining check.. and the doc 1000% dropped in my lap that "hmmm, okay! Well, I'll see you back in 1,2,3,4,5,6 days (counts on calendar) and it's Go Time!"
I was like, what?? Literally stunned and didn't know what to say. I was completely expecting it to be at least 2 or 3 weeks out.... and that was whenever we made it past whatever hoop was next.
My transfer day was May 31. And it was a complete blur, and very surreal. The embryologist hand delivered an utterly fantastic "first photo" of the embryo they were transfering, proof it survived the thaw and had already started expanding like crazy. She was SO excited by how great it was, it was hard not to get excited too... and By the time we were in the surgery suite, it had fully hatched, and was blowing all the staff's mind. I was foggy due to meds, which I am thankful for because I had no idea HOW TENSE I WAS until my first sigh after the Valium happened. OMG.
I had read on our forums here that some people test positive as early as 4 days post transfer, and even though I didn't put much stock in that kind of response for me, lo-and-behold, I got my faint line 4dpt. I had a bunch of internet cheapies from Amazon, and today (6dpt) I finally caved and got some higher quality ones from the store. Lines are MUCH darker, and the digital is also positive. I guess I needed that very stupid validation, to comfort my scared self. I laugh at myself because it makes no sense.
When you arrive for your FET, my fertility clinic gives you a package that includes a lab form preemptively scheduled for blood draw 9dpt, which is Friday for me. Now, I'm just super nervous about Values being high enough, or doubling, or whatever it is....
this time frame, for me, is so scary. I know it's officially there, now I'm just terrified of it going away!! Trying my best to stay on the light side!
The thoughts that trip me up the most is "how far along i am".... from transfer? 6 days.. embryo was 5 days tho. But technically I'm 3 weeks, 5 days? I can't focus.
Additional: we knew we had a day5/boy and a day6/girl, and they did ask us if we wanted to pick. We had mutually agreed it was damn near impossible to choose something like that (what if it failed, guilt, etc) so we let them pick which one they thought would be the most successful.

i am really really really indecisive when it comes to my future education and career and i don’t know what to do. i have a lot of career anxiety and i find myself constantly switching from career to career.
i’ve been on a phd career path since i started college and i’m a rising senior now. i’ve changed my plans from phd to md back to phd to pa back to phd and now mdphd. i think part of the reason why i’m so anxious and indecisive is because i don’t wanna waste my time doing the wrong thing and then regretting it later.
i know i like research, especially medical research. i’m gonna start clinical volunteering and shadowing this summer but i used to volunteer in a hospital for a few years and i really liked it so i’m sure i’m gonna like the health professional lifestyle the more familiar i become with it.
but since i’m deciding last minute and i haven’t taken all of the pre reqs yet, it’s gonna take me at least two years to prepare to start applying which gives me a lot of anxiety because it just feels like i’m wasting time. and entry isn’t even guaranteed. i currently have a 3.7 gpa and 3.4 science gpa. will have done research for 3 years by the end of college, will have a couple of papers published (1 first author, and a couple third author), am currently doing an reu.
i have a really good application to get into a phd program but idk about md phd. i definitely want to stay close to home so i’m gonna be applying to my closest state school which i think is doable (3.7 avg gpa and 510 avg mcat). but it’s like why would i prolong my studies when i already found something i like doing and i can complete its higher education in less time. but on the other hand, if i don’t do an md phd, is it gonna be a missed opportunity, maybe an md-phd is actually the right path for me?
but the risks i’ve mentioned above are honestly the least of my problems. yes they give me anxiety but my anxiety can be overcome. the real problem is that i expect myself to get married and have kids before 30 (due to cultural norms and personal choice) and i want to be present to raise my own kids. so choosing to do an mdphd seems so illogical to me, i have no idea why i’m even considering it. my mom keeps encouraging me and telling me it’ll be fine but she’s downplaying the work and effort required so hard.
i know people who’ve gotten their phd and then gone for an md afterwards but that just seems stupid to me because i have the chance to get an md debt free (or at a significantly less cost).
someone give me advice please :(

I've always had bottom dysphoria, bad dysphoria at that but it's especially awful right now. Why can't I be a normal cis man? The whole healthcare process is also getting to me. I feel like I have to prove myself and shit just to get any type of care. Like I'm being interrogated. It's dehumanising, it sucks, it feels awful and all I want is for me to feel comfortable in my own damn body. I also told this to the therapist in the gender clinic and she told me that she wasn't fucking testing me but afterwards she said she needed to know the exact details of when I found out, my previous history, etc.. Then she said she knew I was already a dude but she has to do it anyways. I know it's not her fault but I just hate the system. Every single doctor I've visited treated me like a woman. I literally fucking pass and they still after finding out I'm trans started treating me like a fucking woman who wants to become a man in the future. NO I'm not a fucking woman, I'm a man currently, my body just makes me want to off myself. Even worse is that I've already been in the whole clinic process scene for a whole shitty year. Nothing came of it. I'm also a minor so I'll have to wait years till I'll be allowed to get phallo and remove this damn pussy. I'm also not on hormones and I don't know how long it'll take till I get the green light to start. I'm grateful that I'm stealth in public and at school but that just puts more focus onto my physical dysphoria. The whole time while I was venting my frustrations about the process she looked like she was pretty pissed at me. The rage I have inside me makes me wanna beat someone up. I can't talk about my dysphoria with my family since trans is a taboo topic even though they all know I'm trans and are okay with it, using my pronouns and name with ease. Thinking about cis men makes me even sadder. Even when I do get phallo I won't be able to ejaculate. Why do I have to go through so much just to have a normal man life. I want to be a normal cis man. The transphobia online and offline is also getting at me. I hate everything. I can't even jerk off. Having the parts I do downstairs makes me disgusted. Not having a penis makes me depressed. Not being far in my transition sucks. I know everyone says minors shouldn't medically transition but there's only so much a teenage boy can take. My dysphoria makes me doubt I'll even make it till I'm old enough. I feel like quitting life entirely. Can someone offer some kind of support?

Really annoyed since I told him months ago after it was raised by the medical educator, but was told that she 'doesn't know what she's talking about'.
Now having to reorganise end of placement meetings etc in a rush.
Texted him about it and got told that he was in a clinic, and that it was 'too late now'.

Hello! I was discussing a scan request with the oncall radiologist today, who happened to be an ex-surgeon. I was very very very impressed by their knowledge and clinical acumen, and how they apply this in radiology. I know traditionally, to apply for radiology training, you need to have sat postgraduate surgical/medical exams. Now you can apply straight from F2 and even MRCP/MRCS don’t contribute to portfolio points anymore 🥲
Do you think higher medical/surgical training should be compulsory before entering radiology training? Those that entered straight from f2, how have you found the training so far? Im going into radiology training straight from f2 in august. I worry that I might be behind & slow compared to my colleagues who have switched from another specialty or have more clinical experiences. What can a lowly f2 do to prepare myself for radiology training this August?
Thanks! :)

Last year there was a small claims taken out against me for medical visits that I had not paid. These visits were from 2019. I did not get “served” but the summons were handed to my mom, who I did not live with at the time. The address of the court house was also wrong on the summons.
I went to the first court date and said I did not owe the charges presented as neither of the insurances I had at the time were applied. Another court date was set and went to the next one. At the second court date and it had been recorded as my first appearance even though it was my second. Another was set, went to that one, said I didn’t owe the charges again, and yet another date was set.
I have called the clinic numerous times throughout the different court dates to seek information as to why insurance was not applied. Said that insurance “needed more info.” Called insurance, they have no record of requesting any additional information and couldn’t find any records of me being on insurance at that time (and I was since I have insurance cards with my name on them from that time)
I then went into the clerk’s office to file a motion for dismissal as the clinic (plaintiff) could not provide information as to why it was not charged to insurance and neither could insurance. Filed them today and got a rejection letter back saying it was rejected because the case had been dismissed back in April.
I never received anything stating it was dismissed and I was prepared to show up to my next court date without knowing this information.
I am worried that if I do not show up to the next court date that something will come of it saying I did not make an appearance.
Are there any steps I should take from here or should I count this as a blessing and leave it alone?

Good evening, IVF warriors! 🤺 Just wanted to share the story and Rant again😀 So I started my FET prep around 23rd of June. Firstly, my clinic even didn’t suggest natural cycle, but fine, I went with fully medicated one because they said it’s more predictable etc.
When I came in for baseline I asked if they could please check my blood work before doing FET, so I can be calm that my body is ready and I know had some troubles with Iron and TSH before.
They said that I don’t need to worry and they checked everything back in January. I understand that they checked it in January, but yes I am very anxious and just wanted to recheck again just for my mental stability.
They didn’t react and my hubby convinced me that everything is okay, so I just went with it.
They gave me birth control for my period, then estrogen. In a week after taking estrogen 3 times a day I came for blood work and ultrasound and once again I asked if they checked my blood and that I am ready for a FET. No reaction, but they took my TSH as I found out. And today it’s the end of my second week of estrogen ( and I don’t like taking those pills - makes me dizzy and depressed). My Doctor called just now and said that she noticed that my TSH is twice as it should be and she is cancelling the FET. She said that she doesn’t know if it’s because of estrogen my TSH is high or it’s just that I have some problems. Also she said they were not supposed to take the TSH test at all during taking estrogen. WtF, and now I have to cancel and to wait till all estrogen is out and check TSH. Why da f they didn’t check it before starting prep for FET as I asked? Why they did check it while on estrogen, why I have to take hormones just for nothing…. Of course my body is super stressed : “ let’s take birth control, now estrogen, now abort mission now we do some other random hormones to induce period” da f*ck😭😬😬😬😬 Totally stressed and upset😭
Just check everything before the FET prep and choose a clinic that has an individual approach and not mass market baby factory. Wishing everyone successful FETs and love ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/sirtwixalert in workingmoms. OOP gave me permission to repost.
trigger warnings: Brief mention of child death, suicide, and abuse, but not the subject of the post

mood spoilers: Wholesome

 
Today I find out if the past eleven years were worth it - March 13, 2023
I started medical school in 2012, with the MD class of 2016; I’ll graduate this May, eleven years later, with the MD/PhD class of 2023. Four of those years were expected - two preclinical and two clinical years for the MD. Five more were added for the PhD, completed between the preclinical and clinical years of medical school. Another was interspersed throughout the two clinical years of medical school when my husband moved to another state for a three-year fellowship and I stayed behind to solo parent our daughters during most of my clerkships, and the last was tacked on as a leave of absence when COVID shutdowns and interstate travel restrictions would have kept our family separated indefinitely.
I’ve been married for 9 of those years and a parent for 7. I had our first daughter just a few weeks after I passed my PhD qualifying exam and my husband started his intern year of residency; I had our second two years later, after I had switched labs and my husband had started his final year of residency; and I had our third three years later, after I had finished most of my third year clinical clerkships and my husband had finished his first year of fellowship and the whole world had set itself on fire.
I was the primary parent, and I was parenting alone most of the time. During my graduate years, I got the kids ready and handed them off for the day, worked in the lab 9-5, and then picked them up, played with them, fed them, bathed them, put them to bed, cleaned and prepped for the next day before writing or analyzing data or reading until I couldn’t stay awake anymore. I brought my first tiny academic wingman to my first conference and gave my first presentation with her snuggled on my chest. I wrote my 243-page dissertation and prepped slides for my defense late at night with a sick child on my shoulder. During the clinical years, I coordinated early morning care for the days I needed to leave the house at 4am and late evening care for the days I couldn’t leave the hospital in time for daycare pickup at 6pm. I saved my 2 annual personal days for Halloween and the annual daycare-wide performance of the Nutcracker. I studied for shelf exams and board exams on my phone in the dark, sandwiched between two children who didn’t sleep through the night until this year and another who still wakes up at least twice a night. Most days looked like this, and many still do.
During my rotations, I stood with another mom as her two year old died and listened to a thirteen year old share the experience of her suicide attempt for the first time and played peekaboo with a four year old while my attending looked for signs of abuse more subtle than her obvious bruises and fractures and realized that I wanted to work with children and their families. I made plans to apply to three specialties that would allow me to do so – psychiatry, pediatrics, and triple board, which combines pediatrics with adult and child/adolescent psychiatry – at the hospital where my husband works, the only location that would allow us to stay where we are now. It is unusual to apply to more than one specialty, and especially unusual to apply to only one location; for each of those specialties, students usually apply to an average of around 45 programs with the goal of interviewing with around 10 programs. But my daughters have been through enough, and I will not put them through another move. So I applied to three programs, interviewed at all three, and ranked all three. At 10am today I’ll find out whether I matched, and at noon on Friday I’ll find out which specialty I matched to.
I’m too tired to even know what I want. Whether I want to match or not. Which program I want to match to. If I match, I know that the next 3-5 years of my life are largely out of my control and I will lose time with my daughters; I’m particularly sad at the thought of losing that time during the last few years that my oldest is still excited to hang out with me. If I don’t match, I’m sitting on a quarter of a million in debt without a clear path to repayment and back to square one in the finding-a-fulfilling-career game, and the time already lost in my daughters’ early years will sting even more than it already does.
I was planning to process all of this alone today, but of course it’s a professional development day for our school system so my girls will be right here with me. They know that I’m nervous, they know that I’ll probably cry no matter what the email says, they know that I’ll be both happy and sad at the same time and they know that we’ll be ok. This morning I saw my oldest looking through our giant pile of Costco greeting cards and I heard her tell my middle that she chose the one that says GOOD JOB! because “no matter what happens, mama did a good job” and my middle solemnly declared that she would stop my youngest from spilling all the cups today because “that would probably be extra hard for mama today” while my youngest calmly poured her water on the cat in the other room. These kids. My heart.
 
UPDATE: Today I find out if the last eleven years were worth it - March 17, 2023
I matched to my top choice - psychiatry! It's bittersweet, as my 7-year old told me it would be, to close the door on pediatrics, and I think a part of me was hoping to fall down my rank list to triple board (which would have allowed me to do both), but this was the best outcome for my family and ultimately for me as well. In just a half-decade or so I'll be ready to practice independently, and I'm so excited to help kids and their families and learn all of the things I should have done differently with mine!
 
OOP also added additional updates to her original post:
Edit 1: I matched!!! My oldest read the email, all three ran around screaming, and then they went and pulled out the Costco card, the extra special other cards they made, and the bag of program (but not specialty) specific swag my husband had hidden for me. I assume he had a no-match bag hidden too, so now I’m on the hunt because that one probably has more candy.
Edit 2: thank you all for your thoughts and well-wishes! One of the hardest things about adding the PhD (and then two extra other years) is that I know very few people in my graduating class, and it has been lovely to share this day with a larger community!
 
Reminder - I am not the original poster. OOP is u/sirtwixalert, who deserves all the credit.

Hi there!
I would like to start with saying that I am not best friends with Medical field.
Short backstory is that I am a 28y.o. male that is not sure if my libido is what it should be and that I didn't have muscle gains I should be having with the time I invested, the way I ate and excercised (I wasn't naive, researched everything pretty darn well) when I went to the gym.
Jumping to today, I have finally chosen to get tested and fix the situation if it needs getting fixed. The thing is, the video that mentioned what tests other than the basic testosterone I should do is gone from Youtube. I think I have remembered the ones mentioned: • testosterone; • E2; • PRG;
However, at the clinic I chose I see there are more options, like FSH, LH and SHBG. What are your thoughts about doing just the basic ones? Would they suffice in getting a general idea of my hormonal situation? I would gladly do all the mentioned tests, but that would be stretching my budget a little bit too much at the moment.
Any and all opinions, thoughts or help would be much appreciated, thanks!

Below I shall briefly prove that Skanda/Murugan came from non-Vedic, i.e. Dravidian practices:

Skanda

The origin of Skanda or Murugan, as he is known in the south, is similar to that of Ganesha. In this section, the Northern version of Skanda and his Southern counterpart Murugan will be dealt with separately. For simplicity, Skanda will refer to the Sanskritic god of the North and Murugan will be used to refer to the Dravidian version of the south.
As briefly touched upon before, Skanda originated amongst the class of spirits called Grahas.
These Grahas are not to be confused with the nine planets. Graha comes from the Sanskrit root “grh” meaning to “seize”. These beings cause sickness by possessing or “seizing” a person.
The Rig Veda 1.161.1 refers to a female Graha called a Grahi.
“muñcāmi tvā haviṣā jīvanāya kam ajñātayakṣmād uta rājayakṣmāt grāhir jagrāha yadi vaitad enaṃ tasyā indrāgnī pra mumuktam enam ”
“By means of the oblation I set you free to live safe from undeveloped consumption and from royal sumption; and if the seizer has already seized him, then to you, Indra , and Agni , set him free”
However as much as the Graha is found early as the Rig Veda, they are not of Indo European origin.
One of the earliest nuanced mentions of the Grahas, including Skanda, are found in the Sushruta Samhita.
“Attentively hear me describe, Sushruta, the origin, cause and medical treatment of the diseases of infancy which are due to the influences of malignant stars (Graha) or demons as well as the characteristic symptoms by which each can be accurately diagonosed. The diseases number nine in all and are called Skanda-Graha, Skandapasmara, Shakuni, Revati, Putana, Andha-Putana, Shita-Putana, Mukha-mandika and Naigamesha or Pitri-Graha. 2–3” (S.S Uttara Tantra 2.25.2-3).// Translate this by kyself later.
These Grahas are said to cause grave sickness amongst infants. The Skanda Graha for example is described as follows in the same chapter:
“Swelling of the eyes and distorted features of the face and an aversion to the breast-milk are the indications of an attack by the Skanda-graha. The body of the child emits a bloody smell and one of the eyelids becomes fixed or motionless. The child looks frightened, closes his fists (as in a fit of convulsion) and moans a little. The eyes become highly rolling and the stool becomes hard and constipated. Alternate fits of fainting and consciousness, convulsive jerks of legs and hands like those in dancing, foaming (at the mouth), yawning and the passing of stool and urine with the passage of wind are the characteristic features of an attack by the Skanda-pasmara-graha. 5–6.”
Such beliefs of malignant spirits attacking children are prevalent even today amongst the rural folk of south India. However, disease demons are universal, so the non Vedic-ness of the Grahas, must be sought out. The origin of the belief in the Grahas is inferred from the rituals prescribed to appease them. Amongst the rituals there is this interesting paragraph:
“The physician (or any other person acting on his behalf) should bathe in the night and worship the god Skanda for three successive nights in the inner quadrangle of the house of the child or at the crossing of roads with various offerings, viz., garlands of red flowers, red flags, red perfumes such as Kumkuma, edibles of various kinds and newly harvested barley grains, Shali rice. A cock should be sacrificed on the occasion (to appease his wrath) and bells should be rung (for his propitiation). The water to be used for bath (in course of worship), should be consecrated by reciting the Gayatri Mantra and the sacrificial fire should be duly lit with (three, seven or ten) libations (of clarified butter). 6.”(S.S. Uttara Tantra 2.28.6).
The first motif is the use of red coloured items. We find parallels to this in early Tamil traditions of Murugan. Indeed Murugan in modern Hindu iconography is associated with the red color. We shall get into this later.
The other aspect of the ritual is the sacrifice of the cock. This is also accompanied later by the offering of meat and blood:
“The physician (or the votary officiating for him) should worship the presiding deity of the disease in a ditch (dug out for the purpose) with the offerings of both cooked and uncooked meat, fresh blood (of a goat), milk, and edibles prepared with the Masha pulse for the ghosts, and the possessed child should be bathed at the crossing of roads by physician observing the necessary fast, etc. with the recital of the following Mantra….”(S.S. Uttara Tantra 2.29).
Returning the the offering of the cock, it is curious that this animal is mentioned. The cock is featured in the Vedic ritual of Ashvamedha, but as an animal to be released alive. Moreover, the Manusmriti prohibits the consumption of the fowl.
“The mushroom, the village-pig, garlic, the village-cock, onions and leeks,—the twice-born man eating these intentionally would become an ou tcast.—(19)”(MS 5.19).
On the positive, we have the sacrifice of the chicken in Dravidian and tribal rituals.
In the Nellore District, the goddess of diseases Kateri is popritiated for safe child delivery. At the same time, she has a great thirst for blood. As Elmore recorded, the woman“, offers a fowl to Kateri , cooks the fowl and eats it . She then puts on the koka which has been offered to Kateri, and makes various offerings, especially the blood of more fowls” (Elmore pg 50).
Similarly, Kanaka Durgamma is popritiated when there is cattle disease, and each step of her worship involves the slaughter of a fowl. It is recorded by Elmore that in the ritual a woman is possessed by the goddess and starts asking for the blood of chickens, goats, sheep, or buffalo. When a person dies, the Gulgulias, a group of people in Eastern India, pour liquor down the copse. They then kill a chicken, burn it, and through the ashes into an irrigation tank to ensure the spirit is satisfied. Most of the offerings to these goddesses and spirits, however, tend to beof goats or sheep.
The Gonds appease wrathful spirits by offering usually a goat, pig, or a chicken depending on the god they are woshiping. For Bara Deo, a spotted he-goat; for Takkur Deva, 5 chicken and a pig. When a person dies, the third day after the funeral is called Tisra. On Tisra the chief mourner kills a chicken near a stream and cooks it with rice.
The Irulas also offer a cock to appease evil spirits.
Thus the use of chicken meat in the ritual to appease the Grahas are not of Vedic origin, and likey stem from Dravidian or Austro Asiatic sources. Interestingly, modern iconography of Skanda features him with the rooster as an emblematic animal. Puranic legend states that when Skanda killed Surapadma who hid himself as a tree, the two fragments of the tree became a peacock and a rooster. Perhaps the offering of the cock to Skanda led to him having the bird as one of his emblematic animals.

The Distancing

As some scholars point out, as the cult of Skanda grew and the as spirit started becoming a full fledged deity, people weren’t happy with the relationship with the Grahas. Coming back to the Sushruta Samhita, the 32nd chapter of the 2nd Canto of the Uttara Tantra has this to say on the subject:
“It is impossible that the god springing from Rudra and Agni, with his exalted parentage would find pleasure in such a dangerous disease even out of childish frolic-someness and it has also been asserted by eminent authorities on the physical science that some unintelligent persons have been misled into holding, through a mistake due to the identity of the names, that the author of the disease under discussion (Skanda) is no other than the invincible Skanda”.
However, while trying to deny Skanda’s nature as a Graha, it fails to dissolve any trace of his malignant origin. Previously in the chapter, it is recorded that
“ Skandapasmara, the presiding deity of the disease named after him, was created by Agni, the fire-god (Vulcan). He is as bright as fire itself and is a constant companion of the god Skanda and is also known by the name of Vishakha”
The name of Graha having Skanda in it, as well as his association with Skanda, ironically end up echoing the deities' past. Ironically, in later texts, Vishakha is an epithet of Skanda. The chapter continues saying
“On the effulgent god Skanda’s being elevated to the leadership of the armies of Heaven, the presiding deities of those diseases waited upon him and with folded palms asked him about the means of their subsistence. The god Skanda in his turn, referred them to His Holiness the god Shiva for the answer, whereupon they went to the latter in a body and made the same query”
This narrative is found in the Mahabharata Aranyaka Parva Chapter 219. After Indra struck Skanda with the vajra, a part of his body split off and became Vishakha. Also from Skanda’s fiery body, came the Grahas which are made to torment women and children. The likely explanation for this distancing is that the cultured people didn’t like how their god could be malevolent, thus they tried to make him benevolent while not completely disregarding his origins. Narratives like those in the Mahabharata were an excellent way for the brahmanas of the Mauryan and Guptan era to accomplish that goal.
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Origin of Murugan

Murugan is the Tamil name for Skanda. The name literally means “Youthful”, the same way “Kumara” does. Murugan has an similar origin as his northern version, as a wrathful spirit.
According to Iravatam Mahadevan, a scholar in Indus Valley and Dravidian studies, Muruku (i.e. Murugan) in early Tamil times was a departed soul or spirit that would possess a priest (Velan) or a maiden who then would dance frantically. Murugan was thus a wrathful formless spirit. However, he is said to be red and carry a spear. Evidently, the Velan wore red clothes and carried a spear. Bloody sacrifices also were offered for Skanda. The dance that the Velan would do to appease the spirit Murugan is called Veriyattal. The Velan was summoned to solve problems or even tell how wars would unfold. In the Veddah people of Sri Lanka believe in a spirit called Kande Yakkha. And in one recollection of their myth on Valli’s origin, Kande Yakkha was the substitute for Murugan. This may be from early contact between Tamilians and the Veddahas and thus establishes the spirit origin of Murugan.
According to Mahadevan, “Muru” is a PDr root meaning “to break” but is homiphonous with “mur” meaning “Young”. Confusion may have made Murugan youth. This may have influenced the iconography of Skanda in the North. But more likely is that Skanda got his youth from Agni and this tradition influenced his southern counter part.
I depart from the traditional view that Velan derives from Tamil “Vel” meaning spear. If we are to assert a Proto Dravidian, or even Proto South Dravidian origin, for Muruguab, it must be noted that Tamil “Vel” meaning spear has only a cognate in Malayalam. That is also because Malayalam is descended from Tamil. Thus Tamil “Vel” is not an original Proto Dravidian world. However the Tamil root “vel” meaning “sacrifice” is of Proto Dravidian origin, with cognates being in Telugu as well (Tel “Velpu” = “god”; “Velvi” = “Sacrifice”). Thus the Velan could mean “sacrificer”. Then from homophones, Velan got reinterpreted to mean “Spear man”, thus prompting Murugan to carry a spear. This spear then may have made him a war god. Of course this is speculation , and further Dravidian research is needed.

The Influences

Most scholars agree that it is the Northern Skanda that influenced the Southern Murugan. The priority for the North is evident from the fact that Tamil traditions say that Skanda is said to have been born in the North but decided to settle in the South.
The reason Skanda and Murugan would be conflated is plain obvious. The deities are both wrathful spirits needing appeasement. In fact, both Skanda and Murugan may derive their similar attributes because they originated from the same tradition, making both traditions of Skanda and Murugan figuratively siblings. Iravatam Mahadevan taxes the origin of Skanda worship to the Indus Valley. One of the Harappan script signs he identifies is a curled up skeleton. The Proto Dravidian root he assigned the sign to was “Mur” meaning “twisted” or “shriveled up”. This is homophonous to the roots meaning “break” and “youth”, and the connection to the dead makes this sign a great candidate for evidence of Murugan or general spirit appeasement during the Indus Valley period. What may have then happened was the Dravidians bought the Murugan worship to the South while the people who stayed in the North introduced their beliefs to the Vedic people. Indeed the Tamil literature attributes Skanda to the Kurunji landscape, which is the mountainous regions of Ancient Tamilikam. Indeed amongst the Niligiri tribes, like the Irula, is spirit worship the norm.
The Sangam literature knew of the Vedic practices, suggesting that Northern traditions have been established in the south. This is is possible that the developments of Skanda in the North have been introduced during the Sangam period and influenced the conception of Murugan, at least in part.
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References:
DRAVIDIAN GODS IN MODERN HINDUISM A STUDY OF THE LOCAL AND VILLAGE DEITIES O F SOUTHERN INDIA by Wilber Theodore Elmore.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/40450839?read-now=1&seq=3#page_scan_tab_contents - gonds offer to spirits several animals, but mostly goats and chickens.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/40453635?read-now=1#page_scan_tab_contents - shaministic stuff about Austroasiatic tribes. Includes chicken use. //
https://www.jstor.org/stable/44141129?read-now=1&seq=3#page_scan_tab_contents Skanda and Vishaka alluded as Mahabharata reference.
Skanda:
https://www.jstor.org/stable/43483765...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/24049041...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/20297310...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/1062666?...
https://rmrl.in/wp-content/uploads/20...
“Worship of Ancient Tamils Gleaned from the Tamil Literature” by Dr.P.Ganesan https://starlingdb.org/cgi-bin/respon...
\data\drav\dravet&first=161&off=&text_proto=vel&method_proto=sound_substring&ic_proto=on&text_meaning=&method_meaning=substring&ic_meaning=on&text_sdr=&method_sdr=substring&ic_sdr=on&text_tel=&method_tel=substring&ic_tel=on&text_koga=&method_koga=substring&ic_koga=on&text_gnd=&method_gnd=substring&ic_gnd=on&text_ndr=&method_ndr=substring&ic_ndr=on&text_bra=&method_bra=substring&ic_bra=on&text_notes=&method_notes=substring&ic_notes=on&text_any=&method_any=substring&sort=proto&ic_any=on https://webcache.googleusercontent.co...
https://dash.harvard.edu/bitstream/ha...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/3024...
https://www.academia.edu/12681396/BEL...
The Rise of Mahāsena: The Transformation of Skanda-Karttikeya in North India from the Kuṣāṇa to Gupta Empires Book by Richard Dewey Mann https://www.academia.edu/33546233/Ori...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/20486646...
Early Cult of SKanda in North India: From Demon to Divine Son http://www.shanlaxjournals.in/pdf/ASH...
http://murugan.org/research/zvelebil.htm
http://kataragama.org/valli.htm
https://www.jstor.org/stable/24652468...
https://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/m03/m03228.htm Mahabharata, Skanda as Agni who is Rudra
https://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/m09/m09044.htm Shalya Parva origin of Skanda
https://eprints.soas.ac.uk/29066/1/10731161.pdf
https://tulsidas-ram-books.weebly.com/uploads/2/1/7/4/21746472/devi_puran.pdf
https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/39183392.pdf
https://books.google.com/books?id=05LXAAAAMAAJ&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=mother
https://www.zora.uzh.ch/id/eprint/135436/1/Asher-Greve_Westenholz_2013_Goddesses_in_Context.pdf

I moved to Canada 3 months ago and haven’t been able to get any Vyvanse since before I moved. I had to move within Canada a little over a month ago before I was able to find a family doctor to prescribe my medication, now even after getting settled I’m still waiting to find a doctor to prescribe it. Walk in clinics are unwilling/able to prescribe adhd meds, however I was able to get modafinil, which has helped with the worst of my symptoms. Any longer without my medication and I may have to get it from my roommates “guy”.
Life without meds is tough.

I have a consultation with a clinic my psych referred me to and she suggested that I try to get a combination treatment of both spravato and TMS however insurance will only cover one at a time, I have fairly decent coverage (shout out to the sacrifice of salary as a state employee for good health benefits) I am trying to decide whether to try the spravato first since it’s shorter and less commitment and from what I’ve read can be a quicker way to get to remission of symptoms or to go with TMS first since it is “longer lasting”
I’ve been on 11 anti depressants since 2009 with some chunks of time with giving up on the medications and trying to do a alternative treatment option (yoga, exercise, mindfulness, journaling, vitamins, etc) and I just stopped taking Prozac after the worst 6 weeks of my life and I’m exhausted and just want to feel some sort of relief to motivate me and keep my journey to a balanced and healthy mind/life going forward. I am so tired of the side effects and the weight gain (which also doesn’t help with the depression) and time lost to trying medication after medication and adjusting doses and tapering off and dealing with brain zaps and withdrawal from one med to another I JUST WANT RELIEF, even if it’s only a brief period or a slight positive difference it would make the world of difference for me.
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Appreciate you in advance 🫡

I have a consultation with a clinic my psych referred me to and she suggested that I try to get a combination treatment of both spravato and TMS however insurance will only cover one at a time, I have fairly decent coverage (shout out to the sacrifice of salary as a state employee for good health benefits) I am trying to decide whether to try the spravato first since it’s shorter and less commitment and from what I’ve read can be a quicker way to get to remission of symptoms or to go with TMS first since it is “longer lasting”
I’ve been on 11 anti depressants since 2009 with some chunks of time with giving up on the medications and trying to do a alternative treatment option (yoga, exercise, mindfulness, journaling, vitamins, etc) and I just stopped taking Prozac after the worst 6 weeks of my life and I’m exhausted and just want to feel some sort of relief to motivate me and keep my journey to a balanced and healthy mind/life going forward. I am so tired of the side effects and the weight gain (which also doesn’t help with the depression) and time lost to trying medication after medication and adjusting doses and tapering off and dealing with brain zaps and withdrawal from one med to another I JUST WANT RELIEF, even if it’s only a brief period or a slight positive difference it would make the world of difference for me.
I know everyone is different so I realize some people respond well to one vs the other but I am the person who wants to be as informed as possible when making a decision so I’d love to hear your advice if you’ve tried either and why you chose that option or both and which you did first/liked best
Appreciate you in advance 🫡

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