Is radical firearms a good brand

Two friends and I went to the beach with the purpose of tripping, we had this planned for a while. My friend “L” never done mushrooms before but he has done acid 8+ times or so and my friend “N” has done mushrooms with me but 2.5 grams.
So when we were discussing how much we where taking each I told them they should do 3.5 grams each and that I would be doing 5 grams. I want to add that I have experienced with magic mushrooms 10+ times and I’ve been slowly increasing my doses; 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4, 5.
My friends got defensive at why I was taking so much and they are not (mostly “L”), they said they wanted to experience the full mushrooms trip. We kept going back and forward on “trust me bro 3.5 is good enough to trip ballz” and “but why you are taking more??!” So for the sake of not ruining anybody’s fun I told them that it was cool and we all should do 5 grams of shrooms each.
I lied. I was not going to give them 5 grams for their own good so I choose to give them 4 each instead but without their knowledge.
I got the mushrooms and the weed, separated the dosages 5, 4 and 4. The day of the trip came by and we took them. It was an amazing trip and everybody had a very good experience but my friend “L” was overwhelmed mid trip, I heard him and saw him, but he was as calm as it could be but afterwards he had a good time, he told us that it was a bit to intense and that he is going to take less the next time.
My friend “N” was doing good for the come up but then on the peak he got in a very intoxicated state of mind (he was drinking beer the whole time) and I had to take care of him but everything was under control, nothing crazy. The next day he said that he would do it again but that it was very intense.
We had a good time overall and they said they enjoyed the trip but I wonder if I am a bad friend/person for lying to them.

My MacBook Air M1 launching Forge 1.16.5 crashes with exit codes 255 very often but it was fine before. Now it is not launching every time I press launch. Anyone help?
This is my crash report:
---- Minecraft Crash Report ---- // Uh... Did I do that? Time: 03/06/23 18:54 Description: Initializing game java.lang.IllegalStateException: GLFW error before init: [0x10008]Cocoa: Failed to find service port for display at com.mojang.blaze3d.platform.GLX.func_229879_lam_(SourceFile:64) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.client.MainWindow.func_211162_a(MainWindow.java:131) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at com.mojang.blaze3d.platform.GLX._initGlfw(SourceFile:63) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at com.mojang.blaze3d.systems.RenderSystem.initBackendSystem(SourceFile:1060) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.(Minecraft.java:416) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:149) ~[minecraft-1.16.5-client.jar:?] {re:classloading,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(NativeMethodAccessorImpl.java:62) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:498) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at net.minecraftforge.fml.loading.FMLClientLaunchProvider.lambda$launchService$0(FMLClientLaunchProvider.java:51) ~[forge-1.16.5-36.2.34-launcher.jar:36.2] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandlerDecorator.launch(LaunchServiceHandlerDecorator.java:37) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandler.launch(LaunchServiceHandler.java:54) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandler.launch(LaunchServiceHandler.java:72) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.Launcher.run(Launcher.java:82) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.Launcher.main(Launcher.java:66) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(NativeMethodAccessorImpl.java:62) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:498) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at io.github.zekerzhayard.forgewrapper.installer.Main.main(Main.java:57) [ForgeWrapper-mmc3.jar:mmc3] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(NativeMethodAccessorImpl.java:62) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:498) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at org.multimc.onesix.OneSixLauncher.launchWithMainClass(OneSixLauncher.java:243) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} at org.multimc.onesix.OneSixLauncher.launch(OneSixLauncher.java:278) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} at org.multimc.EntryPoint.listen(EntryPoint.java:143) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} at org.multimc.EntryPoint.main(EntryPoint.java:34) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} A detailed walkthrough of the error, its code path and all known details is as follows: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -- Head -- Thread: Render thread Stacktrace: at com.mojang.blaze3d.platform.GLX.func_229879_lam_(SourceFile:64) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.client.MainWindow.func_211162_a(MainWindow.java:131) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at com.mojang.blaze3d.platform.GLX._initGlfw(SourceFile:63) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at com.mojang.blaze3d.systems.RenderSystem.initBackendSystem(SourceFile:1060) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.(Minecraft.java:416) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} -- Initialization -- Details: Stacktrace: at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:149) ~[minecraft-1.16.5-client.jar:?] {re:classloading,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(NativeMethodAccessorImpl.java:62) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:498) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at net.minecraftforge.fml.loading.FMLClientLaunchProvider.lambda$launchService$0(FMLClientLaunchProvider.java:51) ~[forge-1.16.5-36.2.34-launcher.jar:36.2] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandlerDecorator.launch(LaunchServiceHandlerDecorator.java:37) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandler.launch(LaunchServiceHandler.java:54) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandler.launch(LaunchServiceHandler.java:72) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.Launcher.run(Launcher.java:82) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.Launcher.main(Launcher.java:66) [modlauncher-8.1.3.jar:?] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(NativeMethodAccessorImpl.java:62) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:498) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at io.github.zekerzhayard.forgewrapper.installer.Main.main(Main.java:57) [ForgeWrapper-mmc3.jar:mmc3] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(NativeMethodAccessorImpl.java:62) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:498) ~[?:1.8.0_341] {} at org.multimc.onesix.OneSixLauncher.launchWithMainClass(OneSixLauncher.java:243) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} at org.multimc.onesix.OneSixLauncher.launch(OneSixLauncher.java:278) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} at org.multimc.EntryPoint.listen(EntryPoint.java:143) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} at org.multimc.EntryPoint.main(EntryPoint.java:34) [NewLaunch.jar:?] {} -- System Details -- Details: Minecraft Version: 1.16.5 Minecraft Version ID: 1.16.5 Operating System: Mac OS X (x86_64) version 13.3.1 Java Version: 1.8.0_341, Oracle Corporation Java VM Version: Java HotSpot(TM) 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Oracle Corporation Memory: 6872714088 bytes (6554 MB) / 8443133952 bytes (8052 MB) up to 8443133952 bytes (8052 MB) CPUs: 8 JVM Flags: 2 total; -Xms8192m -Xmx8192m Launched Version: 1.16.5 Backend library: LWJGL version 3.2.2 build 10 Backend API: NO CONTEXT GL Caps: Using VBOs: Yes Is Modded: Definitely; Client brand changed to 'forge' Type: Client (map_client.txt) CPU:

I'm currently coming to the end of my phase 1 training and have had a brief telling us that at the end of phase 2 we get to put down choices on where we want to get posted. Obviously I've heard amazing things about squippers being posted on fast jets so I will be putting Marham, Coningsby and possibly Lossiemouth. Just wondering if anyone who is or knows any squippers if the chance of getting to work with F-35s or eurofighters is very rare or do I have a good chance of working on them? And if they can't get me any of my 3 options do I get another day or do I just get posted on something at random that I may hate?

I haven’t even flirted with anyone for such a long time that I thought this could be fun. I’d have loved to say that the idea of doing this came to me during a dream, but I haven’t dreamt in a long time.
I am a 21 years old male from a big city in Brazil. I am going to university for a social sciences degree, and I have done pretty well so far. Besides all that, I write poetry on the side, and I work for a small online newspaper.
I am fascinated fairly often by many things and I have many hobbies so you won’t be bored. Last month I became fascinated by Spanish modern history after reading Preston’s biography of Francisco Franco and I was reading about the Miracle on the Han River yesterday, while my family gave a lunch party and I had to keep myself entertained while they discussed the tragedy of a heiress’ dog many illnesses, which were mysteriously shared with his owner, and some reforms in the Vatican Bank. But yes, in general, I really enjoy the humanities. I follow politics keenly – in fact, there is some chance I might have some thoughts on your country’s politics – and I’d say I am on the centre-left – pro-choice, in favour of a robust welfare state, LGBTQ+ rights, affirmative action. If you know about Brazilian politics, I voted for Marina and Haddad in 2018 (the voting age here is 16), and Lula last year.
As you can imagine, I also really enjoy reading and writing. Besides poetry, I have often thought about reading a novel, but this seems like too much work – and it seems that it would be arrogant of me to write a novel having lived this little. I really enjoy learning about other languages and cultures and I know a bit of French, German, Spanish, and Russian, besides English and Portuguese. I am into genealogy and I have helped a few friends with it. I also really enjoy TV shows and cinema, and I am easily brought to tears. I cried during the last Minions movie, even if I didn’t want to be there. I love music and my taste in it has been described as “fairly gay”. I’d have loved to be a musician, but I’d have loved to have been many things.
I guess I am pretty introverted, polite, and timid. I am affectionate and I can be really passionate as well. And I am fairly funny, or rather, I have made a few people laugh over the years. I asked a close friend to describe myself, and that is what he said:

I think you’re very communicative. Shrewd, funny, a good companion. Kind of withdrawn but not necessarily shy. You avoid conflict and unnecessary arguments, but love to participate in good conversations. I think you’re very kind too, besides being polite.

As for what I want to do with my life, I am unsure though I am inclined to go into academia. I have been considering applying to a PhD program in the U.S. after finishing my undergrad here in Brazil. My family does want me to go into their business, which is related to politics. I have also considered going into diplomacy.
Who am I looking for? I’d look like someone curious about the world around her, and open-minded.
Some poems I really like:

• Litany for our lord Don Quixote by Ruben Dario
  
• Tobacco Shop by Fernando Pessoa
  
• Ash Wednesday by T. S. Eliot
  

Some songs I have been listening to:

• Ariana Grande - 7 Rings
  
• Rosalía - Delirio de Grandeza
  
• Pescado Rabioso - Cantata de Puentes Amarillos
  

Has anyone read Stephen King’s book “Rage”? I know it was published as a Richard Bachman book and King pulled it after school shootings. I’ve always been curious about it though. Is it a good read,etc?

A lot of people were asking me to update y'all on the reds so this is that. I'll throw in my collection too so y'all know my reference points. For me, these things absolutely blew the regular zeros out of the water. The OG's have tight bass and good treble. The reds have that, but they've also got amazing mids. I would call it a warm neutral. For jazz it's incredible because the bass gives you a big hug and the ride cymbal washes over you like a summer breeze it's very nice. The thing that surprised be most was the soundstage. On the OG's I get a 3 blob effect. Not bad but nothing to write home about. The reds aren't super wide but you can tell exactly where everything is. It really surprised me, especially on Stan Kenton's Malaguena. I love these things I'm gonna put them in my bag to go everywhere with me.
Listening experience: Headphones include Hifiman Sundaras, Sony MDR-7506, Grado SR60, Phillips SHP-9500 IEMs include Moondrop Chu, Salnotes Zero, Truthear Zero, Truthear Hola, 7hz Dioko, KZ ZSN Pro X Speakers include Yamaha HS5, Presonus Eris E3.5

Sonny Gray leads American League pitchers with a 2.6 bWAR, which good for fifth overall in the American League, and tied for ninth overall in Major League Baseball. He only trails Marcus Stroman (2.8) in bWAR amongst pitchers throughout Major League Baseball. He has a great chance at his third All-Star, and more importantly, the American League Cy Young.
Joe Ryan is eighth amongst AL pitchers (2.0). He was at around 2.3-2.4 before the Houston start but if Joe keeps up his great start, he’ll be an All-Star and hopefully receive some Cy Young votes.
Bailey Ober is ninth amongst AL pitchers (1.9). After starting the season in St. Paul, his potential breakout season has been incredibly helpful for the Twins due to injuries to Kenta Maeda and Tyler Mahle.
In conclusion, the Twins have one of the best rotations in Major League Baseball and if the offense gets it together, they could win their first playoff game since John Kerry was a presidential candidate.
Source: https://www.baseball-reference.com/leagues/AL/2023-pitching-leaders.shtml

Hey there! Trying this again, looking to see if I can find the right one again! If we hit it off right away, great! If it’s more of a slow burn, then that’s fine too! I just want to get to know you, and I hope you want to do the same with me!
A little about myself, I’m a professional musician who’s been in the industry for 14 years now, I graduated from Musicians Institute in 2009 with an Associates Degree in Guitar and Performance and a minor in Music Business. On the inside though, I’m a massive geek and nerd, and a huge dork. I love Science Fiction, Fantasy, reading books, table top RPG’s, video games, board games, watching TV shows and movies, and I love reading comics!
I don’t mind if it’s long distance, I just hope that we both can stay in communication during that time period to really see where things go. Prefer starting in text, then a possible shift to discord/voice.
What I’m looking for in somebody is someone who is loving and compassionate, who has a kind heart and loves animals (3 cats and a dog here! I will give you the pet tax if you ask! Haha). I want them to be passionate and driven about something in their lives, and tell me about it! I love hearing what it is people are passionate about! I also would like us to have a little something in common, don’t have to check every box, but at least one is good!
Also, they have to be ok with affection and touch should things progress to that stage and we meet in person, touch is my love language and I’m a great hugger.
Look forward to hearing from you!

Seeing the datasheets that are being released so far something is worrying me. It looks like there are very much two different categories of Character models. Ones that are ment to be leading units, and ones that are ment to be on their own, with a very large power disparity between them. And I am afraid that our hive tyrants are in the former, and not the latter. I really love haveing walking tanks as our HQs, Hive tyrants with HVC, close combat weapons and psychic powers, dangerous in every phase but tough. However, it looks like our tyrant variants may be designed to be less powerful leader models and, unless they can join more they tyrant guard, without good units for them to join. I very much so enjoy a nidzilla list but feel like one of my favorite models just cannot stand on its own anymore. If that is where the hive tyrants are headed, and the nuerotyrant is headed, I really hope the codex has a new HQ style model that is more like the Avatar of Khaine data sheet.

​
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I haven’t even flirted with anyone for such a long time that I thought this could be fun. I’d have loved to say that the idea of doing this came to me during a dream, but I haven’t dreamt in a long time.
I am a 21 years old male from a big city in Brazil. I am going to university for a social sciences degree, and I have done pretty well so far. Besides all that, I write poetry on the side, and I work for a small online newspaper.
I am fascinated fairly often by many things and I have many hobbies so you won’t be bored. Last month I became fascinated by Spanish modern history after reading Preston’s biography of Francisco Franco and I was reading about the Miracle on the Han River yesterday, while my family gave a lunch party and I had to keep myself entertained while they discussed the tragedy of a heiress’ dog many illnesses, which were mysteriously shared with his owner, and some reforms in the Vatican Bank. But yes, in general, I really enjoy the humanities. I follow politics keenly – in fact, there is some chance I might have some thoughts on your country’s politics – and I’d say I am on the centre-left – pro-choice, in favour of a robust welfare state, LGBTQ+ rights, affirmative action. If you know about Brazilian politics, I voted for Marina and Haddad in 2018 (the voting age here is 16), and Lula last year.
As you can imagine, I also really enjoy reading and writing. Besides poetry, I have often thought about reading a novel, but this seems like too much work – and it seems that it would be arrogant of me to write a novel having lived this little. I really enjoy learning about other languages and cultures and I know a bit of French, German, Spanish, and Russian, besides English and Portuguese. I am into genealogy and I have helped a few friends with it. I also really enjoy TV shows and cinema, and I am easily brought to tears. I cried during the last Minions movie, even if I didn’t want to be there. I love music and my taste in it has been described as “fairly gay”. I’d have loved to be a musician, but I’d have loved to have been many things.
I guess I am pretty introverted, polite, and timid. I am affectionate and I can be really passionate as well. And I am fairly funny, or rather, I have made a few people laugh over the years. I asked a close friend to describe myself, and that is what he said:

I think you’re very communicative. Shrewd, funny, a good companion. Kind of withdrawn but not necessarily shy. You avoid conflict and unnecessary arguments, but love to participate in good conversations. I think you’re very kind too, besides being polite.

As for what I want to do with my life, I am unsure though I am inclined to go into academia. I have been considering applying to a PhD program in the U.S. after finishing my undergrad here in Brazil. My family does want me to go into their business, which is related to politics. I have also considered going into diplomacy.
Who am I looking for? I’d look like someone curious about the world around her, and open-minded.
Some poems I really like:

• Litany for our lord Don Quixote by Ruben Dario
  
• Tobacco Shop by Fernando Pessoa
  
• Ash Wednesday by T. S. Eliot
  

Some songs I have been listening to:

• Ariana Grande - 7 Rings
  
• Rosalía - Delirio de Grandeza
  
• Pescado Rabioso - Cantata de Puentes Amarillos
  

(Pirated From Other Post, But with good Intentions:) )
Hello members of Torrenting
The death of RARBG has been truly saddening for all of us.
I have gathered developers and have started work on a RARBG clone.
The clone aims to have all the torrents from RARBG (including XXX), and then open registrations, so more people can add torrents. However, this will be under strict moderation to prevent the spread of malware.
Domain is Bought From njal.la (TPB's Co-Founder Domain Provider) to not get bothered by DMCA
Will be 2 UI Classic and Modern
Currently Only Classic with major workable Feature set.
We encourage more and more Redditors to discuss features set.
Got a big dump of torrent from a major friend. (Millons Of Torrents)
URL: https://therarbg.com/
No POP Ads Will be here Ever.
Thank you,
The RarBg Team ( its just me currently )

Hello!
How to create a background that the further away it is the slower it moves when the character moves? I can't find any info nor tutorials about that. Every tutorial does the most basic thing. Does anybody know any good youtube channels or courses to learn after understanding the bare minimum?

Howdy everyone,
I was just wondering if anyone on here had any recommendations for an affordable electric bike ($500-$750) that has a decent range (10miles or more) and good theft protection or some sort of warranty for theft. Any input is helpful and appreciated, thanks.

A few days ago I booked a long-term rental in Cyprus for 2 months. Today the host put in a request via the Airbnb resolution center for a security deposit and told me it would be refunded at the end of my stay. I double checked and they don't mention this anywhere in the listing.
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I've been using Airbnb for years and have never been asked for a security deposit before, certainly never after the booking was made. The value they're asking for is relatively low and I don't mind paying it if it's legit, but this whole things smells sketchy. The host has no reviews and neither does the listing as it appears to be a brand new property. Is this normal or am I potentially being scammed?
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I've contacted support about this but have not yet heard back.
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Should I be concerned or is this just the way Airbnb is now?

hello o/
I started this game about 2-3 months ago and playing it with huge love, world,story,bosses,events everything is top tier especially community is amazing!
even though im a pvp guy this game's pve gripped me in their area and i really love to try strikes and raids first time in a mmo but...
i wanted to try ranked pvp to see what's going on there and it had terrible atmosphere.. everyone was so toxic, people were constantly afk or leaving trying to win, blame each other, talk sh*t each other when they kill them etc. etc. and these stuff was happening in low elo and i can't imagine whats happening at high elo,
wvw at the other hand was pretty normal, people fighting with blobs, duels happening around corners, roamers hanging around casually etc. so there is a formed culture out wvw and it was good
but playing pvp was like switching to a lol game and trying to play game between angry teenagers lmao...
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so tldr; compared to all those people; pvp people are worst and probably anet understood no matter what they do, this part of community won't be satisfied... so "hey pvp community! u don't deserve sh*t"...

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 76%. (I'm a bot)

Three trains were involved - two passenger trains going in opposite directions, and a goods train that was stationary.
The purpose of a loop is to park a train on the side so that the main line is left clear for a faster or more important train.
According to the short brief on the accident issued by the Railways, "Up Train No. 12841passing through Up Main Linedashed with stationary Goods Train in Up Loop Line The train was going at full speed across the station as it was not supposed to stop at the station".
It is obvious from the brief that the Coromandel, instead of going past the goods train on the main line, entered the loop and smashed into the goods train from the rear.
The train entered the loop line, and rammed into the goods train.
"Weafter careful observation, came to the conclusion that signal was given, and taken off, for Up main line for 12841, but this train entered into Up loop line and dashed with goods train which was on Up loop line and derailed," says a note prepared by the joint inspection team.

Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: train^#1 Line^#2 railway^#3 Coromandel^#4 goods^#5
Post found in /india, /IndianModerate and /unitedstatesofindia.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.

What’s wrong with my brain? It’s crazy because as I read through a lot of these threads, I see people who are truly going through some tough times. I feel pretty pathetic that all in all I have so many blessings. By all accounts, I should’ve died a long time ago, but somehow I’m still here. I turned to Faith to help me find my meaning in life, my purpose. It seems that no matter how good things are in my life. My brain keeps telling me I’m worthless. I have people that love me a roof over my head food in my belly, but yet somehow another day in and day out at some point during the day my brain tells me I’m worthless and that I should just go. I have three beautiful sons and the thought of devastating them is probably the only reason why I’m still here. The benefits of having faith isn’t just that you were put on this earth for a reason , it’s that you’re accountable beyond your death to your actions. Therefore suicide could have a permanent affect on whatever afterlife exists, but I found that the key to pushing myself to where I need to be to end It all is simply consider life a light and death a light switch. It seems highly unlikely that we are put on this earth to exist only once so either we’re reincarnated or it’s heaven and hell. Either way, whatever decision I make may seem final here on Earth but have eternal consequences . What do you do when all day long you fear being alone with your thoughts because your brain inevitably will entice you to visualize your own suicide? What do you do when the meds don’t work? What do you do when you have no one to because any problems you try and explain won’t make sense to a healthy brain? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

So i have had this since i was a kid as i remember, i dont exactly remember what might have caused it, but i have add an attraction towards female clothings and hairstyles ever since i was a kid. I used to crossdress 3 4 times every year since i was only around 6! I have tried out bra/lingerie, but i was most attracted to other SFW kind of outfits like kurtis/dresses/sarees and so on. I dont think i ever had a crush on any guys though, i got my first crush on a girl when i was around 6 7 too probably, after that, until now i have only had a crush crush on women only. I am 21 btw, and a virgin. I kind of fall in the short and slim category, with a bit of androgynous facial features which makes it even harder to stop this, as i genuinely see the potential to pass as a woman.
I used to be a nice kid with just this secret of crossdressing... but once i got exposed to porn and masturbation at the age of 14, it didnt take me more than a few days to figure out "ladyboy/shemale/tranny porn". And this is a confession that i in my life until now, havent relapsed to straight porn for more than 5 times all my life. I think i would've already watched most trans porn videos. The time I waste on this is immensely massive. I used to be a bright kid until I discovered porn, and everything is going down since then. After learning about masturbation, i even many a times jerked off to myself in the mirror(autogynephilia)... I always imagine myself to be the bottom shemale/femboy getting fucked, i love watching/reading creative captions, sissy captions, and so on. As i used to be a good looking kid(short tho), i was even approached by girls in my school, but i never talked to women, idk if this is connected, but i was probably shy earlier, and later i just kept being in the part of boys group that avoided women,(this has nothing to do with being gay or anything, i was attracted to the women then too- Am from India, and at that time, it was common for such things to happen, where genders avoided other genders,didnt talk). Also i always had a crush on some random girl that didnt even know my name, nor did i make any efforts, so even if other girls tried to flirt with me, i used to take an exit.
I am 21 and never been in a relationship, + its harder to get rid of the autogynephilia feelings coz of my height, and androgenous face structure. Even in this lockdown, i wasted 3 years of my clg, that was online, all the time i used to be on omegle,some random sexchat websites, talking to strangers, watching porn, watching/reading captions and wasting time. I regret everything. Now its super hard to get in IT (which was my degree) to get a job without having good fundamentals. Even more than the feelings, i actually wasted so much time in this, and that has greatly affected my career and life...
Just felt like letting it all(most) out this time...