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I like a range of personality and attractive physical traits, but I feel the deepest chemistry, desire for kissing, loving and more for a woman who is blessed with large natural breasts. Only naturals do it for me, from fuller firmer perky to a mature tear dropping hanging look with lots of under cleavage. Larger naturals often have some sagging and that is sexy to me, but I hear some women don't like using that term. My desires relate to how big naturals look, feel, move, jiggle and react to rhythms of fun together. I like to give a woman I'm with back massages or full body, releasing stresses, aches, knots, tensions, that may help with our sleep or as foreplay. Also helping her feel good being naturally blessed and so she'll never consider a reduction. I'd be her personal physical pleasure therapist. I like big naturals on a slender body to a very healthy, bigger busty hour-glass body with a noticeable hip-waist ratio. There are also other features I prefer to be bigger because they give me more desires to kiss, appreciate and please her. I'm in shape mainly from a healthful natural diet and working regularly out at home and some outdoors, all of which can be fun to do together with a good-girl, friend or more. I have features in a good-looking range, blue eyes, nice hair, cut abs. I like to communicate with a woman with the intention of dating, developing into more than hook-ups. Maybe I'm cautious and old-fashioned about dating, but I have a wild side too, relating to kissing, pleasing and animalistic loving which can be fun fitness, for hours at a time, even with edging and ANR. For the right woman, I love keeping her loyal, with kisses, cuddling to the deepest love making. Please only reply if live around Los Angeles or maybe Southern CA.

i spend a lot of time daydreaming and consuming media.
i’m genuinely not sure if i love my family more than the celebrities and fictional characters i love. like of course i care about my family and don’t want anything bad to happen to them. but i kind of don’t enjoy being around them or anyone.
i can’t say “i love you” to people, including my family. i’ve realized lately that maybe my intrusive thoughts involving family members has made me more distant. with my intrusive thoughts, saying “i love you” or any touching feels perverted. but also i just hate being touched by anyone. in my daydreams sometimes i’ll hug/cuddle or touch someone if i view them romantically but i don’t know if i’d ever actually enjoy that irl which makes me sad.
in my daydreams i am around celebrities and fictional characters and enjoy that fake socialization but hate real socializing. i don’t have friends and don’t talk to people other than family. there are people online who have the same interests as me that i want to reach out to but never do. i have parasocial relationships in my head with some people i follow online (nothing inappropriate just imagining being their friend and talking openly with them.) i feel creepy about it but i prefer keeping this parasocial relationship to reaching out because any conversation i have dies down quickly i have nothing to say.
social situations are so draining. my body aches just from being around people. i’m only comfortable when i’m home alone. i really only leave my room to eat and use bathroom but i feel like i’m being watched anytime i’m around anyone. when i’m completely alone i can talk to myself freely, sing, clean, do whatever and feel ok about it. i don’t even have the urge to act the way i do when alone around others. i just completely shut down and become a different person.
i’m so moody but if anyone raises their voice at me slightly i’ll start crying when they leave the room. i’m not someone that hates people i just want them at a distance.
i have ocd, selective mutism, autism, depression and anxiety and i don’t know if this is related to those or i have some other problem. i almost never leave the house anymore. not self diagnosing but avoidant personality disorder does sound applicable to me from what i’ve read about it.
i’m in therapy and on meds. with selective mutism i can’t talk to my therapist i just nod and sometimes write but can’t write much. i think my meds have made me even more apathetic towards real people but i’ve been on so many different meds and i think something’s wrong everytime so it might just be me looking for something wrong. i’ve always been shy and kind of spacey but nowhere near as bad as i’ve been for the past few years.

I like a range of personality and attractive physical traits, but I feel the deepest chemistry, desire for kissing, loving and more for a woman who is blessed with large natural breasts. Only naturals do it for me, from fuller firmer perky to a mature tear dropping hanging look with lots of under cleavage. Larger naturals often have some sagging and that is sexy to me, but I hear some women don't like using that term. My desires relate to how big naturals look, feel, move, jiggle and react to rhythms of fun together. I like to give a woman I'm with back massages or full body, releasing stresses, aches, knots, tensions, that may help with our sleep or as foreplay. Also helping her feel good being naturally blessed and so she'll never consider a reduction. I'd be her personal physical pleasure therapist. I like big naturals on a slender body to a very healthy, bigger busty hour-glass body with a noticeable hip-waist ratio. There are also other features I prefer to be bigger because they give me more desires to kiss, appreciate and please her. I'm in shape mainly from a healthful natural diet and working regularly out at home and some outdoors, all of which can be fun to do together with a good-girl, friend or more. I have features in a good-looking range, blue eyes, nice hair, cut abs. I like to communicate with a woman with the intention of dating, developing into more than hook-ups. Maybe I'm cautious and old-fashioned about dating, but I have a wild side too, relating to kissing, pleasing and animalistic loving which can be fun fitness, for hours at a time, even with edging and ANR. For the right woman, I love keeping her loyal, with kisses, cuddling to the deepest love making. Please only reply if live around Los Angeles or maybe Southern CA.

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Hi everyone,
My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years, married for 2, and we have an almost 6 month old son. We have struggled with communication and intimacy from pretty early on in our relationship, but we stuck it out and found our way through. I have also struggled with mental health issues for a while now, and my progress has definitely not been linear since 2019 due to a somewhat traumatic break-up with a previous partner, undiagnosed bipolar ll and ADHD, a toxic work environment that I was tied to by contract, and then the pandemic lockdown.
The last year or so has been particularly difficult between me and my husband. He has become increasingly frustrated with my regressions and setbacks when it comes to my mental health. While I was still pregnant, we got in a really big fight about my issues around self esteem and my concerns about my postpartum body. He was angry because he took my worries about my looks as me not believing him when he tells me he loves me regardless of how I look and that he thinks I’m beautiful at any size or shape. He basically insinuated that I was calling him a liar and that I don’t trust him or listen to him or care about our relationship enough to fix my issues. He ended up leaving for the night and staying at a hotel. We talked it out and got to a better place after that, but it all went to hell again once our son was born.
Long story short, when our son was about 2 months old, we ended up having to cut my mother-in-law out of our lives due to her causing a huge fight on the DAY our son was born and turning other family members against us, as well as her continued emotionally and verbally abusive treatment toward my husband. This sent him into a mental health spiral, and it turned him into a different person.
He started blaming his own issues with depression and anxiety as well as our issues with communication and intimacy over the last 4 years all on me and my mental health. He called me horrible things (bitch, cunt, idiot, moron, slut, etc.), used painful memories of the traumatic break-up as well as sexual assault against me, and threatened to divorce me and make sure I never see our son again if I “don’t get my shit together.”
We eventually talked about the way he spoke to me and how completely unacceptable it was. He apologized, said he was ashamed of himself, and promised to stop. He did try to justify it though and said that he was doing it because the emotional damage I caused him with my personal struggles was just as painful as the words he used against me. He told me he was so upset and felt so disrespected that he didn’t care anymore if he hurt my feelings. It got better for a little while, but he’s been slipping up recently. We also talked about ways we were going to work on our communication and intimacy and ways I was going to work on my mental health, but it seems like I’m always doing something wrong or not doing enough in his eyes. He takes relatively small slip-ups in my progress and blows them out of proportion, causing arguments and fights.
For example, I’m a teacher, and we had several end of the year events planned for the kids, one of which was a field day at a local park. I told my husband about it the week before we went because we were discussing my last week before summer break. The night before, I reminded him that I didn’t have to go to school at my normal time because of the field day, but I would be home at my normal time. He said no worries and asked me to leave as late as possible in the morning so me could get more sleep (he works 3-11, doesn’t get to sleep until after midnight).
So, per his request, I leave at 9:30, which is about the latest I can leave and still get a few things done before the field day. Around 11:30, after we had been at the park for a while, he texted me and asked when I was coming home. I told him I’d be home normal time, reminding him about our conversation the night before. He proceeds to tell me the conversation never happened, I’m lying, and I must be cheating on him. He called me stupid for not thinking to put the event in our shared calendar so he knew the plan and selfish when I told him I didn’t think I needed to put it on the calendar because it didn’t affect our routine.
This is just one example of many situations where a small miscommunication on my part that caused no problems for our routine was turned into me being berated for going back on my promise to be more empathetic and quit making things “all about me”.
I don’t know what to do anymore. He was in therapy, but it was really expensive, and he also said he was starting to feel like he was doing better. He has suggested couple’s therapy, but he then went back on it, saying it was already too late for a couple if they have to go to therapy. I want the husband back that I had before. I don’t want to dread going home every day. I don’t want to be scared that I’ll come home to an empty house after we have a fight. I don’t want to hate myself because of the awful things this man who has replaced my husband calls me. I don’t want to show my son that it’s ok to treat his future partner like this or to be treated like this by a partner.
At this point I’m only sticking around because I don’t want my husband to take my baby away. His dad is a lawyer and could run me into the ground if he really wanted to. I want to believe that we can get through this and my husband will be able to get himself under control again. I want to believe that we can be a happy, healthy family that treats each other with respect and loves each other unconditionally.
I’m so sad, tired, lonely, broken down, and anxious. I feel like I’m barely hanging on by a thread. I’ve been on medication for bipolar II and ADHD for a while now, and I’m seeing a therapist who is specially trained in maternal mental health. I’m trying so hard to be the “cool” wife my husband has asked me to be, exhausting myself in the process, but always falling short in his eyes. I really am starting to believe that this is all my fault and I do deserve this.
I need advice, encouragement, anything to help me get through this in one piece.

Hey guys,
I like giving massages. They can be sexual or not. I’m not registered though I have taken a couple classes.
About me: tall, white, average build dude. Professional, sane, clean cut guy.
Please send stats, and a photo is ok.

Please, everyone review the therapyabuse rules. There was significant issues with rule 1 and rule 6 on a few threads in the past 24-48 hours and I need everyone to participate in reporting ESPECIALLY content that is disrespectful AND content that attempts to gatekeep the sub. My ultimate vision for the sub is a place to post for all therapy abuse survivors. This DOES mean that each of you needs to take some level of personal responsibility to self-select in and out of threads that resonate with you as the sub grows larger (it has already grown from 0 to 8.1k in 3 years). SOme examples have come up:
A common issue as of late is that one person may articulate their abuse as being caused by a "personality disordered" individual, while another person might have been slandered with a PD label when they did not meet the criteria or as a way of the therapist covering up the therapy abuse, another may have major triggers about the PD labels being equated to "abusive", another may want to post a critique of the concept of PDs. All are possible to co-exist as long as they follow rule 1.
Which brings me to rule 6, which is basically that gatekeeping the sub is not possible, and not even desireable (from my perspective as a moderator). Early in my "mental health system survival" journey I wanted to be surrounded by people who shared my views because I had been so brutally gaslighted and mentally abused that I wanted to be surrounded by people who were extremely supportive and resonated with me. This is normal especially for people who have experienced abuse.
HOWEVER, in a sub 8.1k large, ANY two given people will ALWAYS have at least one difference of opinion. Create the content you want to see! Bypass the content you don't resonate with/want (unless it literally goes against the rules, then please report it so I can review). It's literally impossible for me to moderate a subreddit that keeps each person 100% psychologically safe because each person's PTSD triggers are unique and the way their therapy abuse happened and their next steps (their choice) can also be unique in sometimes completely opposite ways (such as the example described above).
The subreddit has no official position on any given issue or ideology. The subreddit rules merely mandate that all commenters and posters must be respectful, and none can tell other posters or commenters that they "do not belong" based on what they believe as long as they are not giving unsolicited advice to keep trying therapy, or blatantly gaslighting ANOTHER's reality and experience of abuse, which again would be a respect issue (rule 1). Additionally, it's not possible or desireable for me to gatekeep and control the tone of each and every post to be uniform in terms of "therapy critical" versus "anti therapy" versus "generally OK with the system, but I had an abusive one and need help", versus "OK with psychiatry, but not therapy". Again, if you are respectful, you report when needed, and you "choose your own adventure", we can co-exist and minimize other survivors feeling excluded.
1.Be Respectful
Participants in the sub must speak to each other with respect (no sarcasm, aggression or personal attacks). Do not verbally abuse subscribers or the mod via posts, comments or DMs. Issues with participant respect may result in a moderator comment/lock on the post asking revision, OR request for the participants to block/avoid each other, OR dialog w/mod, OR removal of hostile posts/comments by mod without explanation, OR a temp ban OR permanent ban from the whole subreddit at mod's discretion.
2.Survivor-Centric Space
No posts from therapists unless the poster has also survived therapy abuse and is posting on therapyabuse in that capacity. No posts from general redditors asking for advice or input on their situation unless that poster is also a survivor of therapy abuse and posting on therapyabuse in that capacity.
3.No Linking/Screenshotting
Please don’t link/screenshot other subreddits. This is an important way of preventing and opposing brigarding, doxxing, and commenters landing on our subreddit who do not identify with protecting and respecting the survivor centric space nature of the subreddit.
4. Unsolicited Therapy/Psychiatry Advice
Don’t tell subscribers they should see a new/any therapist. Don’t tell subscribers they should see a new/any psychiatrist. Don’t tell subscribers they should take a certain/any psychiatric drug.
5. Please Stay on Topic
Posts and comments in therapyabuse should relate to being emotionally, verbally, spiritually, or psychologically abused in therapy. Psychiatry and medicine as fields; as well as vaccines and drugs are generally outside the scope of this subreddit. There are other subreddit survivor spaces for these topics. Asking the community what to do about your situation when the content is not directly related to therapy abuse may be determined to be off topic at the moderator's discretion.
6. Avoid Remarking on Subreddit Belonging
Don't tell other subscribers that "we believe xyz here" here, "we do/don't do xyz here", "you don't belong here". Use the "report" tool to flag comments making similar remarks for the mod. Genuinely offtopic posts will be removed under rule 5, different experiences and making sense of therapy abuse is OK and comments may be re-approved by moderator. Try not to interpret subreddit's purpose or its parameters to others. Therapy abuse survivors speaking from their own experience are allowed users.

Part of PainReprocessing therapy and other related therapies for chronic pain talk about cultivating good and safe sensations, in addition to being indifferent or nonreactive to pain sensations.
I was very anxious throughout the day and doomscrolling on my phone, isolating myself inside. My wrists and joints have been inflamed, and my triggerpoints are bugging me on my back. It was so compulsive and dissociative. I had trouble escaping it.
In the mid afternoon, I was able to take a walk and run a quick errand and I treated myself to a lemon bar and a cup of mint and hibiscus tea, at a nearby bakery. I was tempted to fiddle with with my phone, but instead I focused on slowly chewing the lemon bar and mindfully sipping my tea. The mint was soothing, and the pastry lit up my tastebuds with citrus. The California weather was sunny and cheerful. I kept to myself at a table, but it was nice to hear other people talking and being around me instead of being alone.
Despite my pain symptoms, I am feeling behaviorally activated with the good feelings and having surmounted my agoraphobic tendencies to remain inside all day. When I got home, I remembered to drink lots of water, and I did yoga and a myofascial self massage treatment with a cannabis edible.
Life with fibromyalgia can be OK, even good at times.
What do you do that brings you joy in life?

I’ve been thinking about becoming a massage therapist lately. I don’t know that much about the process of becoming a Licensed Massage Therapist, but worries about my identity have made me feel it’s pointless to even start.
I’m a non-passing trans women** (if you aren’t sure what “non-passing” means you can defer to the bottom blurb). To answer the title question, obviously a non-passing trans women CAN be a massage therapist, but would the number of people made uncomfortable by non-passing trans women make it difficult to the point of not being worth it? I know being a male massage therapist comes with its challenges, which makes me worried being a non-passing trans women (which is a man in makeup and a dress to a large chunk of the population) would basically be impossible. I’m curious to see any stories from trans massage therapists or people who know trans massage therapists (particularly non-passing ones) and hear what it’s like.
**For those who might not know, a “passing trans women” is a trans women who looks more or less like someone who’s been a women since birth, a “non-passing trans women” is a trans women who does not look like they’ve been a women since birth, they’re visibly trans due to having masculine features, and as a 6’ 4” trans women with broad shoulders I fall in the later category.

I'm 17 and my mental health is going down the drain. I know I need and want someone to talk to. But if I ask my parents I know they're going to brush it off and act like i'm ok. Does anyone know of a place where I can anonymously talk to a therapist or someone who can help ?

M23, close coworkefriend. I think he was either flirting with me in a very childish ways or he thought I was his best work bud and could do whatever he wanted with me. Btw, I had a huge crush on him too, until recently. His signs: he would speak to me a lot about his private life, touching multiple times my arms and shoulders, giving me shoulders massages, hugging me a few times, pinching me almost every day, joking about everything. So we had a nice time because we also laughed a lot together. Anyway, last week he showed me a passive-aggressive behavior, complaining about me being annoying and childish in front of other close colleagues, saying in an angry way. Then he shut a door in my face, then on other occasions he tried to trip me in a "funny" way. I wrote him a message telling him that he was not appropriate, he offended me, and plus I didn't like his mixed signals, but most important, I wanted to be respected. He ignored my message, then, 3 seconds after seeing me, he decided to block me everywhere, on social media, on whatsapp, on telegram, everywhere. I was shocked. I set boundaries, what's wrong with it?
Anyway, the problem is that he's ignoring me at work. I need to work with him and I would like a civil communication + I really care about him. But I went to him to ask him if he was ok and he ignored me pretending I was not even there.
We work in close contact many days. We need to talk professionally, why is he SO angry at me? He's behaving like a 8 y/o child who had a crush and couldn't express his feelings.
Should I talk to my manager telling him that I had an argument with my colleague (without saying what was it about, without saying that the guy was inappropriate with the shoulder massage etc... because it would be seen as haras-ment and it was not, because I liked him at that time)? I just want to clarify that even if I'm angry at him, I want to keep things professional and I don't want him to ignore me. The manager is quite a good friend for him and a bit for me too.
Oh, anyway, I asked him out last week for a friendly cup of coffe and he said no because he doesn't want to mix personal life and work and I would remind him of our terrible job. Then it was that same week that he started to be offensive and yet still very flirty and touchy with me. At the end of the week I told him by message "you can't be aggressive and offensive with me, etc". SO, maybe he also get angry because I didn't respect his boundary of not interfere with messages after work time, but I had to tell him because I was very uncomfortable.
I am so upset but at the same time I'm sorry for him because he has such a lack of social skills that makes me sad. I would like to talk and explain him how wrong this whole situation is... but I can't because he blocked me and he s so angry that he may leave the job with no explanation. I care about him also as a friend since I felt a connection for him, for his insecurities and a nice inner world (excluding his immaturity). He talked to me about a lot of personal stuff. I think that he's self-destroying himself and yet tries to pretend to be a strong person. He showed me his vulnerability, he talked about his toxic family, his desires, his passions... How is that possible that now he wants me out of his life and he thinks we've never been "friends"? He doesn't speak at all and hates everyone apart from 3 colleagues including me. And I was the only one he spoke about very personal stuff.
I am worried for him and I would like to help him to communicate his feelings. But I'm also worried... maybe he blocked me to get over me because he doesn't want to like me and if I ignore him back, I may help him in this. BUT I want to be his friend, I do care a lot about him.

M23. I think he was either flirting with me in a very childish ways or he thought I was his best work bud and could do whatever he wanted with me. Btw, I had a huge crush on him too, until recently. His signs: he would speak to me a lot about his private life, touching multiple times my arms and shoulders, giving me shoulders massages, hugging me a few times, pinching me almost every day, joking about everything. So we had a nice time because we also laughed a lot together. Anyway, last week he showed me a passive-aggressive behavior, complaining about me being annoying and childish in front of other close colleagues, saying in an angry way. Then he shut a door in my face, then on other occasions he tried to trip me in a "funny" way. I was angry because of all of this and most importantly offended me with his words in front of the others, for no reason. I wrote him a message telling him that he was not appropriate, he offended me, and plus I didn't like his mixed signals, but most important, I wanted to be respected. He ignored my message, then as soon as he saw me in person, he ignored me in person too and, 3 seconds after seeing me, he decided to block me everywhere, on social media, on whatsapp, on telegram, everywhere. I was shocked. Such an immature behaviour. And I only told him that I didn't like his aggressive behaviour! I set boundaries, what's wrong with it?
Anyway, the problem is that he's ignoring me at work, looks very nervous and gets angry, slamming doors as a caveman when he sees me.
I need to work with this person and I would like a civil communication. But I went to him to ask him if he was ok and he ignored me pretending I was not even there.
We work in close contact many days. We need to talk professionally, why is he SO angry at me? He's behaving like a 8 y/o child who had a crush and couldn't express his feelings.
Should I talk to my manager telling him that I had an argument with my colleague (without saying what was it about, without saying that the guy was inappropriate with the shoulder massage etc... because it would be seen as haras-ment and it was not, because I liked him at that time)? I just want to clarify that even if I'm angry at him, I want to keep things professional and I don't want him to ignore me. The manager is quite a good friend for him and a bit for me too.
Should I ignore him back? I really don't want, I prefer communication and then I don't know if he's so crazy that he may say horrible things about me with colleagues?! For no reason, just because he's mad at me.
Oh, anyway, I asked him out last week for a friendly cup of coffe and he said no because he doesn't want to mix personal life and work and I would remind him of our terrible job. Then it was that same week that he started to be offensive and yet still very flirty and touchy with me. At the end of the week I told him by message "you can't be aggressive and offensive with me, etc". SO, maybe he also get angry because I didn't respect his boundary of not interfere with messages after work time, but I had to tell him because I was very uncomfortable.
I am so upset but at the same time I'm sorry for him becasue he has such a lack of social skills that makes me sad. I would like to talk and explain him how wrong this whole situation is... but I can't because he blocked me and he s so angry that he may leave the job with no explanation. I care about him also as a friend since I felt a connection for him, for his insecurities and a nice inner world (excluding his immaturity). He talked to me about a lot of personal stuff. I think that he's self-destroying himself and yet tries to pretend to be a strong person. He showed me his vulnerability, he talked about his toxic family, his desires, his passions... How is that possible that now he wants me out of his life and he thinks we've never been "friends"? He doesn't speak at all and hates everyone apart from 3 colleagues including me. And I was the only one he spoke about very personal stuff.
I am worried for him and I would like to help him to communicate his feelings. But I'm also worried... maybe he blocked me to get over me because he doesn't want to like me and if I ignore him back, I may help him in this. BUT I want to be his friend, I do care a lot about him.

I M20 started dating my ex F20 who happens to be asexual. We had a solid relationship, but the entire time there were 2 major stressors for me. The first was obvious, no sex. The second was that I could tell she loved me more than I loved her. I was actually about to break up with her over the no sex part of the relationship at the 4 month mark (we ended up breaking after 8 months) however 1 week after that she told me she was thinking about it, the next week we started having sex and she found out she enjoyed it. Even though I knew that I didn’t love her as much as she loved me, I was an amazing boyfriend. I made her amazing gifts for the landmark dates, I took her out and payed for way over half everything (we are broke so sometimes if we wanted to do something out of budget she would chip in), she was bipolar, had self image issues, and horrible friends that I had to put up with, and I didn’t just put up with her mental illness, I fully took it on to the point that it felt like I was more of a therapist than a boyfriend. There were nights where she would message me horrible thoughts about her mental state, stop messaging and send my mind spiraling out of control. I helped her through her manic episodes where she would be absolutely crazy and bouncing off of every wall, getting both of us into trouble as well as her previously mentioned depression episodes. When I finally realized it’s not fair to her for me to date her without matching her feelings, and started to realize that I was falling out of love with her, I started to be more distant. I was not trying to mess with her, I just wasn’t ready to break the news because I had never really broken up with anyone before and I found it hard to reciprocate love to someone I had realized I didn’t love anymore. One night she told me she has started to notice that I’ve been distant and hands me a long note on her notes app saying that she notices that I’m distant and wants to know why, and if I want to break up with her (the abridged version). I tell her that I’m not feeling the way I used to, and before I’m able to break up with her, she starts hyperventilating and this was the beginning of a 3-6 hour MASSIVE panic attack. I decided that in order to not spring too much on her at once that I would say I just needed a break instead of going for the full breakup. I was at her side trying to calm her down and keep making sure she was ok. I called one of her a-hole friends who was good at helping out with this stuff, and they (I’ll call them V) came over and helped my ex get through her panic attack with me. One of the following days after she tries to be more physical with me than I am comfortable with, she asks me how long of a break I need and I ask to find somewhere private. We sit down and I start the breakup conversation. No arguments were had and I remember saying that even though I was ending the relationship that I had no regrets. I totally disagree with that now which is where the rest of the story comes. So the next day is the home opener for the local NFL team. I am drunk with my buddies, we order food from the cafeteria, and are walking through the colleges tunnels to pick up our food. We walk past the clubroom where my ex’s friends are and I decide to say hi. Before I can say more than a hi to everyone V comes out, closes the door, hugs me and says “this is for being my friend”, pulls back, and them proceeds to open palm slap me right across the face and say “this is for breaking up with (ex). I felt so many emotions at that point. I immediately step back enraged. I don’t hit back or do anything violent, all I say is “I’m drunk right now and removing myself from this situation!” V texts me minutes later and tries to explain themself and how it wasn’t planned to slap me (even though no one has that well prepared of a statement to set up a slap, and also made sure to close the door between us and their friends to make sure nobody saw it), and they blame it on their mental illness by saying stuff like “I couldn’t control what my brain was telling me to do”. We have a heated discussion where basically I tell them to F themselves repeatedly and that I hate them. My favorite line was “sober me is very forgiving, so drunk me says go f yourself” The following days I spent still talking with my ex (we had agreed to stay friends) and her friends, while totally avoiding V because I was still incredibly mad at them. All of a sudden I’m sitting with my friends at the dining hall, and my ex asks me over Snap where I am. I tell her and she says something along the lines of “great we will be right there” and immediately I know something is up. I figure that she will probably try to bring V in order to force a resolution onto me literally the day after getting slapped and I mention to someone I’m sitting with that if she brings V I am leaving. Sure enough she brings V, i shoot V a glare, V sits down at my table along with my ex and I leave to refill my drink just to avoid V. My ex follows me and I angrily ask why she brought V and she gets defensive about how she just wants us to be friends again. I respond back with something along the lines of “well it’s gonna take more time than a day, f them” and storm off. Weeks pass of me ignoring V until all of my ex”s friends finally break me down to accept V’s apology. I never do that, instead I walk into a room with them and other people and V tries to apologize and I cut them off saying something along the lines of “I’m a guy, I don’t talk through problems I just get over them”, which isn’t true for me I just knew that I didn’t wanna hear another bs fake apology where V blames their mental illness instead of taking accountability. Weeks go on of this dynamic where I hate hanging around everyone. I should mention that we all were in the theater club and we were in production of a show. All of this was slowly eating away at my mental health until the point where I couldn’t spend any time around them without breaking down into a depressive and anxious state. I discussed this 2 weeks before opening day (a 4 week production period) with the president of the club and how I wanted to quit the show but didn’t want to let people down and punish people who didn’t deserve to be by throwing a massive roadblock in the production, as I was one of the lead roles in the play. A week of this goes on until I finally quit out of the blue and everyone is surprised but no one tries to talk to me about it and everyone ignores me about it. To be fair my ex had just gotten back 2 or 3 days ago from a involuntary stay at the local psych ward from the college sent her. Weeks or months of me ignoring most of ex’s friend group except for the few who were actually there for me, and many awkward conversations with my ex (who wasn’t there for me) later, my ex messages me about how I’ve been distant as a friend lately and I finally had the courage to spell everything out to her. Essentially I say that I felt that I was incredibly supportive of her during and after our relationship, and that i felt betrayed that she was never there for me in my time of need, and that our relationship was not very healthy for me and that I didn’t want to maintain contact with her anymore

I am a massage therapist (35f) and I went to get a massage for myself today, as I never get one and I know I should.
Just for some background: I was a victim of CSA and have experienced a lot of sexual assault in my lifetime and have filed numerous police reports about it. I'm not trusting of people because of this, but I'm actively healing now and have been feeling really good for the last couple months. I have also actively tried working on expressing my boundaries, especially in the last week or two I have been working on this for an hour or so a day, so what I'm going to share is really ironic, and I feel really bad about not having spoken up. I know that you're all going to say that I shouldn't blame myself, and I would also tell this to myself if I read my own post, but I do. I feel like I should be better by now. I am so dissapointed with myself and angry that this happened AGAIN.
I went to a male massage therapist who had only 5 star reviews. I booked a deep tissue massage, but when I got there we sat down to discuss my needs and he mentioned he also does fascia work and I said that I was interested in that. Then he said I could go behind the screen and undress, and he stayed in the room. I thought he would leave to let me undress, that’s what I do and what happened in all of the massages I’ve ever received, but he stayed and after I had undressed I didn't know what to do, because he was still in the room so he would see me (almost) naked if I came out of the part that was separated by the screen. I was doubting for a bit, DIDN'T SPEAK UP (I feel so stupid now) and in the end I just came out in my bare breasts and laid down. He had his back towards me though, but I still thought it was strange because I didn’t know this before I came out.
Then, to my surprise, he started massaging me without covering me. I was literally butt naked, except for my thong. The massage was really gentle and he did a fascia massage with gentle stretches and a lot of slow and mindful movements, so no deep tissue massage (this sounds like an uninteresting detail, but I think it's telling, because I had specifically booked a deep tissue massage, so obviously he doesn't really care what the client wants).
As I know how nice it is when clients let you use your own method, I didn’t want to say anything because I wanted to let him perform his craft instead of controlling it, I wanted to trust that he knew what he was doing. It all happened so slowly and even in the moment itself I realized that he could be grooming me, as in easing into more intimate stuff so that I didn’t notice, but I’m still not sure.
He performed a lot of stretches and mobility stuff and pulled my first leg aside so far that it hung off the table, so I was laying wide legged in my thong. I was uncomfortable at first, but wanted to go with the flow and really wanted to relax into the massage. Then when he started with the other leg, I thought he would put my first leg back but he didn’t, so he pulled aside my other leg making me lie down even more wide legged, and when he stretched my leg I could feel my skin moving and my labia moving out of my thong, if you know what I mean. I felt so exposed, since I was wearing tiny underwear there really wasn't enough fabric to cover everything, and I'm 100% sure that he saw a lot that he shouldn't be seeing.
He also massaged the inside of my thighs, he started all the way up at the crotch, really at the crease… I really felt like he was testing the waters, but at the same time I was doubting myself. When he massaged my back he also massaged under my underwear, which I also found intrusive and would never do myself.
At the same time, it was also an interesting and relaxing massage, he performed techniques I had never experienced, so I was trying to be in the moment.
He had me turn around and didn’t offer me a cover up or anything, so I was just laying there bare breasted. In retrospect I feel really weird about it. In the moment I KNEW it was weird, but felt relaxed from the massage so didn’t care too much, or didn't want to at least. In retrospect I can also see that I was convincing myself that it was fine and that I was cool with it. I tried to turn myself into a cool girl. I just came back from a holiday where I went to nude beaches and I loved it and the sense of freedom I felt, so during the massage I was constantly telling myself 'This is me feeling free in my body, I'm ok with this, I am an adult and I refuse to be victimized again. I am not that little girl anymore. I don't care about his intentions, I'm just going to fucking enjoy my expensive massage'.
He did the same stuff on the front and also did some triggerpoint work on my pubic bone, I had also asked him beforehand if he could massage my chest muscles, they are situated right above the breasts, because that’s a spot that holds a lot of tension and I also massage my clients there, but when he got there he almost cupped my breast and I felt like his hands were really close to my nipple.
In the end, when I got up, he said we could try a last thing for my back and he went to try that thing where you stand behind someone and pull them up to crack their back. At this point I was still naked. He stood against me and had me cross my arms and his arms were over it, over my breasts. I don’t think he was touching my breasts at this point, but they were all squished because of my arms crossing over them and it felt weird again. He leaned back and pulled me with him, and tried to do the back cracking thing twice but failed.
Then I got dressed again, paid him and also tipped him, which is not common where I live, I did it because at that time I thought he deserved it and because I like to receive tips as well. As I wrote I knew in the moment that it was all weird. But when I was lying there and things progressed more and more (grooming?) while the body is brought to relaxation, at some point I just went with it. It is only now, a few hours later, after writing this down that I see how obvious it is that he had alterior motives, and how obvious it is that I was in fawn mode, AGAIN. I also see how obvious it is that he was grooming me and how things progressed from very weird to extremely weird.
I am so angry with myself for acting like I was the cool girl, for trying to go with the flow and not make things awkward, for pretending to feel comfortable while I wasn't. I should have spoken up, and pondered if I should during the massage, but then it progressed and at some point I thought I was fine with. I also know this from my own clients, even if I remind them to speak up, sometimes they don’t. I think this is normal, but I also feel ashamed that even I as a massage therapist am doubting myself and didn’t speak up.
This fawn response of mine is SO PERSISTENT, and so hard for me to recognize in the moment, incredible... I feel so disheartened and discouraged. What I am mostly flabbergasted by is that I seem to have chosen a creep AGAIN. And before you say that I didn't do this; I really feel like I did. I feel like I'm subconsciously drawn towards creeps. As we all know abuse is a vicious cycle, and I really want to get to the bottom of what puts me in these situations again and again. What I know is that before I booked I was already in doubt because all of a sudden I thought he looked creepy in his pictures, but then I immediately dismissed myself and thought that I just thought that because I'm traumatized, that he has a lot of positive reviews and that not all men are creeps. Also; some of my female clients have told me that they only went to see massage therapists that were recommended by friends, because otherwise they don't feel safe to go. I don't have such a policy/boundary for myself. Stuff like this is why they don't experience sexual abuse and I do. I hate it and I'm so done with it. Edit; now that I'm reading my own post I also see that me asking for my chest muscles to be massaged by a massage therapist that I don't know is probably something that someone with good boundaries wouldn't do. In my own practice I also only do this with returning clients after establishing trust, and I also ask if they're comfortable with it before we start the massage, and explain what the benefits are and where I'll be massaging exactly. So it's ironic that all of a sudden I'm so 'cool' with it when it comes to my own body.
I also posted a version of this post in the Massagetherapy subreddit and the other massage therapists said I should go to the police (FYI; where I live massage is not regulated, so I don’t think there’s a regulatory board). I am thinking of writing him an email first, just to assert myself and to feel like I'm on the same level as him again, instead of fearing him which I do now.
What are your thoughts?

I'm sure you can guess who gets credit for the original universe.
CW: cursing, spacism, gunfire, predatory activities
Memory transcription subject: Jackson Kern, Human-Venlil Exchange Program Candidate
Date [standardized human time]: September 3, 2136
The news that Salvek got a whole 8,000 credits Not much money at all, but this business is cheap so it's more than enough. was a blessing to me. Ever since I was little I wanted to become a rich businessman in a fancy suit who ate caviar every night, despite the fact I hated seafood. In my defense, I didn't know what caviar was when I was 6, I just knew that rich people ate it.
But I quickly learned that starting a business meant I needed money, and my family was poor. Since my options were either crippling student loan debt, a job at McDonald's or the military, I chose the military. I invested my salary, which was actually pretty decent money for a guy whose only job was to shoot Russians, and I had a good chunk of money and a few profitable investments when my service ended.
I was on the path to success, but the divorce got messy and when she left me and took the kids she also took 167,564 dollars and $200 a week in child support payments.
When I tried to get my kids back, I was framed for stalking and harassing her, probably by a cop friend of hers, and the judge agreed to drop the charges on account of my military service. The sole condition was that I cease all attempts to get partial custody and cede another 80,000 dollars. I told my friends what they did, so some powerful friend of my ex's cooked up a scandal against me. They said I had PTSD from what I did in Russia, and they accused me of beating my wife. I couldn't believe it.
Now, I know she stole 200,000 dollars from me, and I know I served in the military, but I've always hated violence. No one believed me, though, and despite there being no evidence, I was forced out of town.
I decided to take it a step further and left my home planet because fuck those crooks.
I should've known that they were just out for my money in the first place, but I figure that regret doesn't do fuck all so I should stop regretting so damn much.
The tiny bit of my money they didn't steal was invested in several orbital shipyard firms, and I had it set up so that every week, 200 bucks get deposited from my account to my ex-wife's because the day they don't the UN or a squad of exterminators would break down my door.
Does Salvek know about ex-wives? Probably. I should give the furry son of a bitch more credit.
I was probably never going to be broke, since I was smart with my investments, or out of a job, since I was a soldier and every PMC or bouncer-less nightclub needs someone who can fight. I could make even more money on Venlil Prime if someone had the balls to hire me, but that's just one of the many downsides of species-wide racism.
Well, not quite species-wide. Salvek was cool, and I've met around a half-dozen other Venlil from the exchange program who didn't actively avoid me. (In Venlil terms, this means they're real Gs) My UHerd account had exactly eight followers, which is a great achievement on Planet Racist.
My pad buzzed, and I took it out to see that I had a ninth follower, who was a Yotul called Osori. A whole nine followers! Almost ten aliens tolerated me! Okay, that wasn't exactly the best thing to be proud of, but when you used to shit in a can in foxholes in Russia and a bucket was a godsend you kinda learn to take what you can get.
I was forced back to reality by the shuddering of the Venlil train stopping abruptly. God damn, are good brakes a strictly human invention? Or did the retards in charge of the Federation label wanting a smooth and easy way to stop 'predatory'?
I got up, remembering to crouch this time because fuck the designer of Venlil Prime trains for not anticipating that a 6'3 man named Jack would need to use them one day, and the monotone voice that announced everything on the thin slice of planet the Venlil called home droned "Welcome to the Grove District." That was my stop, so I and Salvek left. Salvek and I is the proper grammatical usage, but who gives a damn?
Salvek's third-floor apartment was just eight blocks from the train station, and I left this particular station without any problems of the flamethrower-wielding nature because exterminators here weren't as racist as exterminators everywhere else.
They gave me a few suspicious looks, more than a few but potayto, potahto, whatever but I was with Salvek and he was always protective of me so no one bothered me.
If someone told me a month ago that a tiny alien sheeple would be taking less shit than I did I would have referred them to a therapist, but the last few weeks have been crazy for me anyway.
Me and Salvek got to his apartment around nine PM, which is 'kill yourself' in Venlil time, but it was still fucking bright outside so I wasn't gonna sleep a wink. Why? Because God hates me, that's why.
The second we got inside and Salvek closed the door, I ripped off my mask and dropped it on a nearby table. Salvek had seen me many times before without it, and he didn't visibly panic at the sight of my forward-facing eyes anymore. *Incredibly common Salvek W *
Instead of pissing himself in fear like he did the first time he saw me maskless, Salvek just told me "I'm gonna take a nap. Next claw is my work claw, so wake me up in a bit." and went to his room. Claws are around five-ish hours, so I set a timer for four and a half hours and started doing Jack shit. Not jack shit, as in nothing, but Jack shit, as in shit that Jack does. Why did I refer to myself in third person?
First thing's first, I ate a hearty meal of some alien vegetables that I had no idea what to call but God, they tasted good. I will never understand why Venlil cuisine is so mediocre when they have ingredients like these to pick from.
After I finished off my salad, I poured some U.N. mandated vitamin mix into a blender along with some water and protein powder to make myself a protein shake. That was gonna come in handy later.
Once my protein shake got finished, I started working out since you can't get ripped without working out.
Venlil Prime is a high-G planet, so Venlil bodybuilders must be jacked under all that fur! I wonder if Salvek is ripped or not. Maybe he is ripped and I just can't see it? Maybe all Venlil are ripped but since the Feds tell them they're weak and scrawny they just took that to heart. Their minds might be the only thing stopping them from kicking ass.
Those were just some of the thoughts running through my head as I did my workout routine. For those wondering, I did 150 push-ups, 150 sit-ups and 150 weighted squats every day in sets of 50 each, and there wasn't much else to do but be tired and think when you're working out.
Once I was done with my grueling workout, Venlil have to be shredded if they work out in these conditions. I guzzled my protein shake to get bigger and turned on the TV. The remote felt like lead in my hand, half because of my workout and half because of Sheep World's gravity. Your average sheeple could probably beat the piss out of your average human, so why are they so damn scared of us?
I flipped through the channels Turns out even racist aliens have cable. Who knew? until I found an episode of this one show called The Exterminators. Turns out even racist aliens have cop shows. Who knew? Salvek always changed the channel when it showed up, probably for my sake, but I was kinda curious about how bad it really was.
It was bad. Really bad. Imagine if, back during the 40s and the civil rights movement, somebody made a show about the Ku Klux Klan. That's a pretty good analogy for The Exterminators.
Come to think of it, the extermination guild and the KKK are pretty similar. Too similar, really. But it's not like I can do anything about it.
A cheesy space cop show jingle played from the TV's speakers as the screen displayed a group of lizards Technically Harchen, but whatever. If they call me 'predator' I call them lizards. in silver flameproof suits running around and doing exterminator things. They torched a predator's nest, they torched a cartoonishly embellished Shadestalker with orange splattered on its mouth That was unusually graphic for a Fed show but ok., they torched a lot of things. It was their job to torch things.
As the main theme reached its climax, a beetle-like exterminator truck with a machine gun on top zoomed through the streets of a crowded Harchen city. Finally, the camera zoomed out and the lights of the city winked off until the only ones left spelled 'The Exterminators' in Venlilese. Thank god I could read Venlilese.
Below the main title the text 'Episode 389: Terran Trickery' popped up and I sighed. Why did everyone have to be so damn racist?
In spite of the blatant and unapologetic racism, giving the term 'Show about the Ku Klux Klan' a whole new meaning, I watched the whole episode. It was actually quite good, if you looked past all the racism and anti-human propaganda.
Twitter must have had a coronary when they found out about these motherfuckers. It would've been funny as hell to see, but you get what you get on Venlil Prime.
The episode opened with a scene of our exterminator protagonists chilling in the extermination office when a call came in to investigate a predator attack. They answered it, dropping a few cheesy one-liners along the way, and when they got there they saw three body bags, two cops and a human in handcuffs.
This next part was so fucking racist I can't even make it up. I bet somebody could, because somebody did, but I swear this is what I saw.
The human had claws, fucking eight inch claws that were coated orange, and your average shitty human canines were replaced with sharp fangs that were also splattered with orange alien blood. He tugged at his restraints, screaming threats, and the cops didn't do anything except for keeping a safe distance since no one had the balls to muzzle him.
When the exterminators showed up, the first thing they did was to muzzle the spacist caricature of a human and beat his ass with their electrified batons. Then they asked him if he knew anything about the bodies, to which he responded something along the lines of "You can't prove I ate them." The exterminators beat his ass again for that one.
Holy hell, and these were supposed to be the good guys. It's like a KKK member on an escalator the way the racism is on another level. If I wasn't such a kind and forgiving soul, I would throw a molotov cocktail into the show's filming studio.
The exterminators tortured the poor man for a little longer, and he kept saying things like "I bet you taste great raw!" and "I'll kill all of you like I killed the... no one!" because he was a racist caricature in a Fed propaganda reel.
Then, finally, the Venlil authorities showed up and released him, saying that humans had "diplomatic immunity, so you are not to touch him." That would've been fucking nice. Oh yeah, another thing. The guy who called off the flameproof SS squad was obviously in a trance. He had those spirals in his eyes and everything.
Was this meant to be human mind control? Probably.
The exterminators left, and then they started gathering dirt on the human in a boring detective sequence that was also incredibly racist so I used that time to pull up my pad and work on my business. I had four thousand and two hundred credits in my UN/Venlil Goverment sponsored bank account, which was more than enough for what I wanted to do.
I placed an order remotely for 100 shirts, all with the text "Dear Exterminators, My Eyes Face Sideways" on it. After that, I placed an order for some other household items of various shapes and sizes because fuck it, I have money. Those, unlike the shirts, would be useful to Venlil, so that increased my customer base.
That cost me around 2,300 credits since I was buying in bulk, so I used another 500 to rent a storage unit for 4 months and my last purchase of the day was 500 credits for a transport service to bring the merchandise to the storage container.
I paid my last 700 credits of the loan Salvek took out to a web designer to make a website for my business since I needed a website to sell things on. Two minutes after that, I asked for a refund and resolved to put all my shit up on TradeHerd since it was free. The 10% fee it charged per sale could just be countered by a price increase.
The show was getting interesting now, so I finished my business dealings and turned off my pad. The exterminator buggy had just pulled up to an abandoned Predator Disease facility, and the gang were getting out of it while armed to the teeth. From what I could gather, they had found the human's lair and they were going to put him down.
Of course they have to fight a serial killer in an abandoned mental asylum. Even aliens have clichés.
The exterminators swept the place corridor by corridor, using flashlights to illuminate anywhere where their victim could hide and always carrying flamethrowers. I had to admit that this was a tense and entertaining scene. Racists make good TV, who knew?
Finally, we got some action. The exterminators started to see moving shadows, some huge beast type thing, the usual "hunt down a dangerous ambush predator" type things. I know we're not ambush predators, but the Feds never got the fucking memo now did they?
Finally, the exterminator squad formed a circle to protect themselves and the human revealed its monstrous form. God, I sound just like a Fed right now. Is racism contagious?
He had fangs like knives, claws that were also like knives, and muscles like a bodybuilder who vehemently refused to take a drug test. Even I would've been scared if I met this monstrosity on the street.
One exterminator yelled "It's the predator's final form!" I wish it was. Imagine how much I could bench like that! and they all raised their weapons. The battle I was about to witness would have been well worth the 30 minutes of racist drivel before it. I need to use better words than racist. Bigoted, maybe?
I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for the exterminators to fight the roided-up superhuman, when there was a crash from the kitchen window.
Oh, for fuck's sake! Now I have to miss my show.
I stormed to the kitchen in a fury, scanning for the source of the crash, and I slammed the door open with a force I never would have done with Venlil around. I barged into the small room, looked around, and found what caused the problem.
There's a brick on the floor! How sturdy is this building, anyway?
My initial suspicions were overturned by the sound of another brick thudding against the wall, very close to a broken window. Damn, the window's broken. I'm cracking somebody's skull for that one.
The antics of a group of alien pranksters were nothing compared to what I had seen in Russia, so I was totally calm and collected as I stuck my head out of the window and yelled "Fuck off, my show is on!" Well, maybe not totally calm and collected.
The recipients of my harsh words were a group of two Krakotl, a Gojid and a Venlil who were piled into something that looked a lot like a pickup truck. The Venlil's fur was black, and cut quite short.
Exterminators. It's always exterminators.
"You're not welcome here, predator!" A Krakotl shouted at me before hurling another brick at my head. He missed, because aliens without depth perception couldn't throw for shit, but I ducked back behind cover anyway.
Another projectile also bounced harmlessly off the wall, so I poked my head out again and yelled "Just fuck off! You're all gay retards, and you should kill yourselves!" One of the Krakotl reached into his bag, and I yelled "Oh, yeah, throw another rock! Your dumbasses are just lucky I've got depth perception!"
He did not, in fact, throw another rock.
He drew a gun.
And he shot at me.
I didn't even know exterminators had guns.
If I hadn't served in the military, I probably would've died. But I did serve in the military, and I served in some of the harshest battles they could find, so I immediately recognized the metallic object as the gun I had seen a hundred times before, usually in the hands of people who qualified as civilians 3 seconds ago, and I took the expected response of ducking behind cover.
If I had my own gun, this would have been light work for me. But I didn't have a gun, and I wasn't Rambo or Batman, so I pulled out my pad and called the police.
"1234, what's your emergency?" Came a tinny voice on the other end of the line.
"I'm being shot at!" I blurted out, and I was sure the dispatcher could hear the loud gunfire going on outside. Did that bird-brain think his shitty pistol could breach a brick wall? Maybe Venlil bricks are weaker than Earth bricks.
There was silence over the line for a good two seconds, making the sharp cracks of the Krakotl's pistol the only sound, then the dispatcher stuttered "We- we're t-tracing your call now. Officers are o-on their way." Damn. I should have disguised my voice so as not to spook the poor sheeple. On a very related note, would the Venlil authorities delay the squad cars just because I was a predator?
It seemed like a pretty in-character thing for them to do, so I knew I had to take matters into my own hands at least for the time being. They were only shooting at me with a pistol for now, but what if they had grenades or Molotov cocktails stored in that truck? An exterminator could probably procure a firebomb, or at least a flamethrower, and if they used either one on me I was done.
The sensible thing to do would be to leave the apartment. The exterminators wouldn't know, and even if they used heavy weapons I would be safe from the fallout. As I began to crawl through the debris and broken glass, however, I noticed one thing was wrong.
Where the hell is Salvek? Can that bastard really sleep through a gunfight?
I've heard of and seen soldiers fast asleep while their comrades fired automatic weapons right next to them, so it wasn't impossible for Salvek to be snoozing. Plus, I had no idea how deep a Venlil's sleep was.
If it was just me and my show, I would've evacuated faster than we did in Russia, but I would never leave a friend to die.
Man, times like these make me hate my moral code. I love Salvek, but I don't wanna get shot for the guy!
I picked up a brick that the exterminators chucked through the window, adrenaline pumping through my body, and waited for the pause in gunfire that meant the gunman was reloading. Maybe it was a gun-woman? It doesn't matter, these hands preach equality.
Finally, after what felt like hours under heavy machine-gun fire, the gunfire ceased. I had to be quick now. Only a few seconds remained before the alien reloaded, and I couldn't waste even one.
With speed and accuracy that would make Babe Ruth proud, I took aim and hurled a brick at the Krakotl's head. This is why you don't get into a throwing contest with a species designed for throwing, you stupid pyromaniac fucks!
It hit him as he put the magazine into his pistol, and he dropped like a sack of potatoes. Only then did I realize that Babe Ruth, the guy who I just compared myself to, was not a pitcher.
The other Krakotl immediately began first aid while the Gojid went for the dropped gun. The Venlil, who was the getaway driver, sped away with typical Venlil cowardice. What? If they can call all humans bloodthirsty meat-eating savages I can call all Venlil cowards. At least I have a pass.
As the truck and its bigoted occupants made their escape, one of them tossed a match onto the space-grass lawn in front of my kitchen windows. It was not flammable, because alien grass does alien things, but a pattern of fire began to form on it.
I had seen that symbol before, when Salvek was clearing out all his religious stuff. It was the sigil of Inatala, the Great Protector. "Holy shit." I breathed, astonished.
"It's the fucking KKK in space."
First Previous Next comes when I say it comes

I have sought multiple professionals through multiple channels, and I still feel like I’m not getting any tailored care to what I need. It’s always just breathing exercises and talking it out.
I have a security clearance so I admit, I was hesitant to seek mental health treatment for a while despite things getting worse. I finallytook the plunge though, and was told behavioral health was only for crisis care. Ok, fair. I’ve now sought out multiple other therapists and psychiatrists and it’s all the same. They acknowledge I have PTSD (although it’s still never been documented), and that I am having severe anxiety responses from it, but that’s it. Then I’m just left to talk it out, with everyone advising the same things: don’t be mad at myself, what I’m feeling is normal, focus on deep breathing, exercise, etc etc.
For the emphasis that has been put on our service members seeking care lately, I’m incredibly frustrated with the care I’ve been receiving. I’m not saying I need to be medicated right away, but I’ve been seeking said care for a year and still experiencing trauma responses and panic attacks that I never had before, which makes me more worried for my future mental health.
I’ve been able to “handle things” so far on my own, and I don’t think I’m in “crisis mode,” but I’ve experienced some significantly traumatic events and I genuinely don’t think I’m getting the care I deserve and feel brushed off by everyone I’ve sought out. It’s shoved down our throats that seeking treatment for mental health doesn’t affect your clearance, and I believed that. But I am starting to feel like the reason why is because there is no benefit aside from having an artificial person to listen to your struggles, and there are no benefits beyond that.
Like am I doing something wrong? Is there someone I should specifically seek out? I really want to take control of my mental health again but this really isn’t it.

A little about me;
Into gaming [ps5, switch], fitness anime and I'm a sports Therapist who does sports massage, acupuncture, manipulations and rock blading!

Ok so I’m 15 and I live and in a level 3 hoarder’s house. My mom & dad both hoarder, (but my mom doesn’t hoarder anymore/as much.) my dad used physically abuse my older brothers (their adults now) & has been verbally abusive since the beginning of time. And he’s recently gone on another one of his hoardering sprees. Which makes me feel tense and super panic because the house is already filled up and it’s becoming harder and harder to do daily actives.

So there’s a lot more in my life but I won’t go into it. But like two days ago I asked my mom for a therapist. She said sure. But she wants to get me a Christian therapist which I don’t want.. my parents don’t know I’m gay & atheist. So I don’t want to go to a therapist just to skimp and shimmer through my sessions just so I don’t get outed. Idk what I should do.. my mental health is super bad and some days I just want to end it all from work, my family life, etc. Please send advice.

putting this on my alt because it’s gonna sound like a lot of bragging but i feel so alone in this. i see so many posts of people who started to struggle in middle/high school or college, but i was even later and i feel like such a mess because i’m reaping the rewards of being so “together” for my first 22ish years while also super depressed.
“gifted” in elementary, 10 APs in high school with zero effort yadda yadda, everyone said college will be different. ok cool. nope, graduated with honors in 3.5 years with a mechanical engineering degree, and i felt like i still never put in a lot of effort. then worked in the real world for awhile and got a little depressed. simultaneously got a masters in systems engineering while working full time, also graduated with honors, and tbh it was even wayyy less technical effort than my bachelors (i say technical effort was easy bc the mental/motivational effort started to get tough as depression got worse). what the heck.
now i’m 25, been done with my last degree for over a year, i’m a married dinkwad with the most supportive husband ever, bought a freaking house, full wfh job that is relatively easy, have multiple close friends, and my depression that surfaced right after finishing my bachelors at 21 slowly got worse until now it’s crippling. also got diagnosed with adhd-c and i’m thinking i might start looking into an autism diagnosis. i’m a woman so these were 10000% not recognized as a kid. my crash and burn started at 21-22 but there was no definitive crash…. i’m just here now i guess.
i’m sorry for the rant i know i’m extremely privileged and in a great place in life, just feeling like everything is such a struggle and i’ve wasted my 20s so far. yes i have a therapist and am medicated ♥️ i think this sub understands this, but please don’t do the whole “wow look at all your accomplishments objectively, you’re doing great!
i just found this sub, love y’all!

This is Part 2 of this write-up. Please read part 1 first. This is the link:
https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/143r7l9/felix_vail_the_pedophile_serial_killer_caught/

PART 2:

ANNETTE CRAVER:

Born on the 7th of December 1965, Annette Craver was intelligent and creative. At 15 she was a singer-songwriter and in her senior year at a private school that specialized in medicine. Her dream was to become a midwife.
http://charleyproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/vail_annette6.jpg(A photo of Annette Craver.)
In the summer of 1981, she and her mother, Mary Rose greeted people at a friend’s yard sale in the Montrose neighborhood in Houston, Texas. They had just returned from a vacation in Mexico, and Annette felt heartsick, still infatuated with a boy named Adolfo, who was unable to join her in America.
VAIL MEETS ANNETTE
While people browsed the sale, Vail pulled up on a motorcycle and spoke with Annette. He was 41 and had done some carpentry work in the area. “When I saw her, I thought, ‘That’s going to be my new girlfriend,’” he said about the 15-year-old.
In April 1982, Rose and her daughter invested in a Tulsa home that had a rental cottage behind it. Rose began renovating both. After graduating from high school, Annette joined her mother in Tulsa. Vail appeared a few days later, and convinced Annette to leave with him on his motorcycle. They lived off the $500-a-month Social Security check that she received from her father’s death 3 years prior. It would be over a year before Mary Rose would see her daughter again.
That fall, Annette (who was still 15) would fall pregnant, and Vail would force her to have a painful abortion.
Jerry Woodall, reportedly friends with Vail later recalled an embarrassing scene, where the 42-year-old Vail was in a sleeping bag, having public sex with a 16-year-old Annette, only 20 feet away from him and his then-wife Meredith McMackin. Annette grinned and waved at them. Woodall and McMackin did their best to ignore them.
McMackin would later say that Vail had “this coldness and controlling aspect to his personality. Annette was so open and alive, but I think he just totally dominated her. He would try to convey that he was this higher form of being. At first, I thought maybe he was evolved, but then I realized it was this arrogant act.”
Later that summer, police in California would arrest Vail for violating probation a dozen years earlier. Annette telephoned Woodall, who gave her $200. After Vail walked free from prison, he and Annette decided to get married. However, as a 17-year-old she needed permission.
Annette told her mother that she loved Vail, that they were already “spiritually married” and that they would travel to Mexico and get married there if she refused. Not wanting to lose her daughter completely, Rose said OK.
On August 15th, 1983, in Bakersfield, California, the couple were wed.
AFTER THE MARRIAGE
Four months after the marriage, Annette turned 18, allowing her to collect more than $98,000 ($293,500 today) from life insurance policies on her late father. Accompanied by Vail, she withdrew all the money in cash from a San Antonio bank. She bought a Fiat convertible that Vail liked and paid for his dental work.
In April 1984, Rose returned home to find Annette waiting at her door. She told her she wanted to divorce Vail, and enroll in college. She talked about Vail’s temper, including an incident where he had broken his hand trying to punch his wife. He missed and hit a wall.
A few weeks later, Vail showed up. The couple fought constantly, and Vail left after a few days. Mary Rose said that Vail was “insanely jealous” and would become furious when Annette spoke of her desire to go out with younger men.
She and Annette worked on renovating the two homes after Vail left, enjoying their time together. The 2 even started a garden together.
Annette received a letter from Vail, who vowed their time apart would fuel their love. He wrote to her: “After we hung up, I went out to a park and ran and hung and talked with God and smoked some and shot some pool and rode with the top down out through the marsh playing ‘Iron Butterfly’ [“In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida”] and bathing every inch of your body-spirit being with love.”
He referred to being away from Annette as “deprivation jail” and to her ego as “his jailor.”
“The idea of her cutting away ego’s “feeder roots and creating roots between your spirit and the cosmic ground of loving makes me hot for you. My mind is kissing you everywhere.”
After that, Vail would return to Annette’s life. Rose said, “Annette told me, ‘Felix is the wisest person in the world, and I can’t make decisions without him.’” His influence on Annette had only grown stronger. According to Rose, she even compared Vail to God, a comparison Vail agreed with.
After this, the couple angrily insisted that Rose move out and deed the house to Annette. Accompanied by suicidal thoughts brought on by Vail’s continued control over her daughter, Rose left for California to stay with family and friends, deeding the house to Annette for $7000 ($21,000 today) before she did.
Annette would add Vail to the deed, and a month later had deeded him both homes, leaving him as the sole owner.
ANNETTE’S DISAPPEARANCE
Mere weeks after deeding the houses to Vail, the couple told neighbors they were leaving on vacation. When Vail returned in October, he was alone.
Vail told a neighbor that Annette had a lot of money wither her when he’d left her, and that she was likely visiting friends in Denver.
Upon learning that Annette hadn’t come back with Vail, Mary Rose called him. “He told me that while they were camping, Annette had a sexual dream about being with other men in Mexico, and she wanted to go there,” she recalled to an investigative reporter years later. “He claimed that the dream made them both realize that she should have her freedom.” The next day, Vail told her he had put Annette on a bus with $50,000 ($150,000 today) but didn't elaborate.
On Oct 22, 1984, Rose filed a missing person’s report. She told the Tulsa Police Department that each person who spoke with Vail “gets a different story about the amount of money that Annette took with her and where she might be. We all believe that he knows where she is or has done something with her.”
On January 22, 1985, Detective Dennis Davis and another officer questioned Vail at his home (This is obscenely late to start questioning him). By this point, Vail had filed for divorce, citing an inability to find her after a “diligent search.” Davis said her mother, Mary Rose, mentioned her daughter had received more than $90,000 from her father’s estate. Vail confirmed this was true, saying the couple had spent much of that money traveling in foreign countries. He said they kept their money in cash because they didn’t trust banks and that he had found about $10,000 in cash when he returned home.
The next day, Vail called a lawyer, who promised to talk with the officers and tell them to “leave me alone,” as he wrote in his journal.
When Davis returned five days later, Vail had a detailed alibi: The couple left Tulsa between noon and 3 p.m. on Sept. 13, 1984, and stayed the night in a hotel in Claremont, Oklahoma. After two nights of camping on the river, Annette woke up and told Vail she had decided to leave him. He took her to the Trailways Bus Station in St. Louis and left before she bought the ticket. (There is no Trailways Bus Station in St. Louis, and there has never been a Trailways Bus Station in St. Louis.)
He told the officers that she had told him she was headed for Denver, where she planned to get a fake ID card and leave for Mexico. When asked if he would take a lie detector test, Vail said no.
After Davis left, he wrote a letter to Rose. He blamed her for the “bad things” about Annette, told her that after the couple had returned from Costa Rica Annette had been “seeing friends and relatives --- completing her relationships with them for the purpose of getting ready to drop everybody and start over.” He wrote that Annette “disappeared herself from you” because Rose kept imposing her “value system” on her, and said Annette viewed her mother, grandmother, and herself as “zero self-image whores for approval.”
He explained the 2 had no plans to communicate, he did not know where she was, and that “I also assure you that even if I did know, I would not tell you.”
When Rose returned to Tulsa in April 1985, she entered the cottage Annette used to live in, only to find almost all the young woman’s belongings were gone, including her clothes and her diary.
Inside a Barbie suitcase, Rose found a photograph of her daughter and several of her identification cards. She also located things that Annette had written, including a Feb. 17, 1984, note that contradicted Vail’s claim that the couple had spent most of her inheritance on their travel to Mexico and Central American countries.
Instead, the note detailed how they used the money to buy the Fiat, pay off all of Vail’s loans, and deposit $36,000 into Louisiana Savings. It said that as of that day, they had $41,600 ($125,000 today) in cash.
Rose shared the information with the police. Detective Davis showed up again, and Vail told Davis the couple divided the money into smaller cashier’s checks, contradicting his earlier statement that they kept the money in cash.
After a while, Davis left, and despite the (seemingly obvious) suspicious behavior of Vail, closed the missing person’s case.
AFTER ANNETTE’S DISAPPEARANCE
Rose kept calling Vail after this and was finally able to reach him on September 14th 1985.
When asked about Annette’s whereabouts he refused to tell her.
When asked about Annette’s missing clothes he said he gave them to charity.
When asked about the insurance money, Vail told her ‘That’s all she really cared about.’ Rose hung up.
Two years later, fed up with the lack of progress in Annette’s case, Rose would return to Tulsa. She spent thousands of dollars on private investigators to locate Vail. When that failed, she simply went and found him herself.
Tipped off that he was staying at someone’s house, she went there with a friend and found him sitting outside. When asked where Annette went, he replied “Mexico.” When asked where in Mexico, he said the 2 had made a pact to contact each other every 5 years, contradicting his statement that the 2 didn’t have plans to communicate. Rose didn’t believe a word of it.
The whole time Vail never looked up, never stood up and never looked her in the eye.
BETH FIELD
Some time after this, Vail began dating Beth Field. Soon the couple had began arguing, and Vail would call her a “whore.” During a December 1987 argument, he would strike her so hard he ruptured her ear drum. She told Vail there was no justification for violence, to which he responded, “If you quit behaving like a whore, I’ll quit hitting you.”
In August 1988 Beth received a call from Rose, sharing details about the disappearance of her daughter, Annette. From that point forward, Field said she began to examine Vail’s words more closely, realizing that he had likely murdered her.
Four months after the call, he entered her home unannounced. Already drunk, he accused her of “imagined promiscuity,” according to a court order. He slapped her, struck her, and threw her across the bedroom. She asked if Vail was going to kill her, to which Vail replied, “It depends on what you tell me.”
A judge gave her a protective order, requiring Vail to keep his distance. Two weeks later, the sheriff reported that Vail was nowhere to be found.
While Field was visiting a meditation center in Texas in 1990, Vail arrived. After composing herself, she told him “There is a part of you that goes off, and it’s sick and it’s dangerous.”
He looked at her and asked, “Really?” She said “yes, really.” This time, the message seemed to go through. Vail left the next day, and with a single exception about five years later, she never saw him again.
MARY ROSE LEARNS ABOUT THE OTHER 2 CASES
In the summer of 1991 (6 years after Annette's disappearance), Rose drove over 2000 miles to Canyon Lake, Texas to speak to Sue Jordan, Felix Vail’s sister. Jordan said that Vail had told her that Annette wanted to leave, that he took her to a bus station and that she left with some Mexican men, heading for Mexico. Jordan also mentioned that Vail’s first wife had drowned, which was news to Rose.
Before she left, Jordan also told her, “Oh, you know, there was another woman that disappeared. I remember her mother calling my mother for years, checking to see if they’d heard from her. I think her name was Sharon.”
After the conversation, Rose sat down at a typewriter, writing every word she could remember. She also called the public library in Lake Charles.
The librarian remembered the 1962 drowning of Vail’s first wife, Mary Horton. She told Rose that he had taken out life insurance policies on his wife prior to her drowning and that the insurance companies were suspicious and didn’t pay the full value. The librarian made copies of newspaper articles and mailed them to her.
After reading them, Rose reached out to Mary’s family in Louisiana, speaking to Will Horton. He shared her suspicions about Vail and a copy of the 1971 National Enquirer article made after Vail's son Bill reported him to the police. When she read it, she learned that Sharon’s last name was Hensley.
In 1994, she read in the newspaper about Dolores Strehlow’s disappearance from Medford, Oregon, seven years earlier. Police had just arrested her husband, thanks to the work of Detective Terry Newell. She contacted Newell, who helped her find the family of Sharon Hensley. When Rose dialed the Hensley family, Sharon’s mother, Peggy, answered. Rose asked if Peggy knew a Felix Vail. Peggy replied with "you bet I do"
THE INVESTIGATION HEATS UP… AND COOLS DOWN
The detective who helped Rose before, Terry Newell, contacted Jim Bell, a national expert in serial killings working for the FBI. When Rose talked with Bell, she felt like she'd finally gotten somewhere. He was interested in working on the Vail case if he could swing the time. He still remained busy with active serial killer cases, helping train task forces across the U.S. Vail’s son, Bill, told Rose that he was willing to testify, as long as authorities provided protection to his family. Both the Tulsa police and the district attorney’s office in Lake Charles revived their investigations into Vail, now considered a suspected serial killer.
Bell suggested the victims’ families gather with authorities at the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia, to share information on Vail. He was unable to work on the case and left the FBI in 1995. The meeting in Quantico never materialized, and the cases involving Vail grew cold once again.
A QUICK RUN DOWN OF EVENTS
In the fall of 1997, family and friends held a mural for Annette.
Diagnosed with esophageal cancer, Vail’s son Bill heard from doctors that he didn’t have long to live. He’s quoted saying “now I’ll get to be with my mom.” Months before passing away in 2009, Bill talked about his father in a recorded interview with his pastor at Grace Church in Overland Park, Kansas.
On Jan. 3, 2009, Bill died, and Vail wrote in his journal, “I feel a large empty hole in my being where his life presence has been for 47 years,” before writing about getting a good haircut. He drove to Kansas but didn’t attend his own son’s funeral. If he had, he would have heard the recording, with his son detailing how he had overheard his father talk about murdering Bill's mother, Mary.
When Vail learned of the recording, he wrote to Pastor Tim Howey, asking for a copy. He blamed his son’s statements on “false memories,” saying, “I have not known about it until now and am stunned.”
In 2012, while attempting to confront Vail with reporter Jerry Mitchell whom she had contacted to write about Vial, Rose was stopped by Kaye Faulkner, Vial’s sister. She told Rose and Mitchell of the recording and urged Mitchell to get a copy of it. She also said that she believed Vial had murdered Mary Horton, Sharon Hensley, and Annette Craver.
She gave the reporter Vial’s number, as well as the numbers of her other brother, Ronnie, and her sister, Beth. Vial didn’t answer those calls, so Mitchell left a message. Ronnie promised to speak to his brother on his behalf.
MITCHELL INVESTIGATES
Mitchell arrived in Lake Charles and stopped by the Southwestern Louisiana Genealogical and Historical Library, which shared copies from old city directories. He began tracking down people who had lived in the Maree Apartments with Felix and Mary.
Many described Mary’s fair of drowning. A close friend of Vails, Judson McCann II described Vial as a ladies’ man, and insinuated he was a cheater. “Many nights, his car wouldn’t be home, and Mary would be there with the lights on. When Felix was gone, it wasn’t because he was trotline fishing.”
Another close friend, Bob Hodges described Vial’s story of Mary ‘falling’ in the river as “horse manure.”
A college roommate of Mary, Sandra Sudduth Pratt, said “Nobody believed it was an accident.”
Mitchell shared Mary’s autopsy report with pathologist Dr. Michael Baden of New York City, who concluded that foul play had taken place in her death.
The report showed large bruises with bleeding into tissues on the left side of the neck, which he said suggested she suffered forceful neck trauma before entering the water. There were hemorrhagic bruises to the right calf and left leg above the knee, which he said were consistent with a struggle before her submersion. But most convincingly of all was the scarf authorities found around her neck that extended 4 inches into her mouth, which suggested traumatic asphyxia before entering the water.
“Somebody had to push that scarf into her mouth. She had to have that scarf wedged in her mouth before she was put in the water.”
A cousin put Mary’s brother Will Horton in touch with former detective “Rabbit” Manuel, who had headed up the Calcasieu Parish Sheriff Office’s investigation back in 1962. He had never forgotten Mary’s death. “Felix’s story just didn’t add up. The fishing tackle was dry. The trotline was dry. The boat was dry. Even Felix’s cigarettes were dry, despite him telling the deputies he dove straight in the water to save Mary.”
He and Manuel met with “Lucky” DeLouche, who directed an elite task force unit that investigated homicides. Three young detectives took notes as they talked. Manuel shared details from the case, saying deputies (officers) wanted to prosecute, but the district attorney wouldn’t let them. Horton shared the autopsy report, Vail’s letters and his belief that Vail was a serial killer. Horton said DeLouche replied, “This absolutely fits the profile of a serial killer,” to which the other detectives agreed.
Shortly afterwards, DeLouche left the task force, and for seemingly the hundredth time, grew cold again.
After Mitchell posted a story about Vail titled “Gone” (It’s nearly 9,000 words long, and the precursor to the 35,500 word story I have drawn heavily from) a man named Wesley Turnage contacted him. He told him of a conversation he had had with Vail in 1963 during a car ride.
According to Turnage, Vail called Mary a bitch and said she thought another child would help solve their marriage problems. He quoted Vail as saying, “She wanted to have another kid. I didn’t want the one I got. I fixed that sorry bitch. She will never have another one.”
Mitchell would make another discovery. District Attorney Salter Jr. had ordered that the judge dismiss 882 criminal cases — more than three cases for each working day.
Will Horton told Mitchell the original detectives in the case told him that Salter wouldn’t allow them to present the evidence they had collected against Vail. That matched the stories Mitchell had heard from grand jurors’ families.
Horton then contacted District Attorney John DeRosier, who said he would be willing to reopen the case if there was enough evidence.
Then came an interesting wrinkle in the story. Finding Vail.
He’d disappeared, returning on Labor Day weekend 2012 to sell his property, before disappearing again. Luckily, another reader of "Gone" came to the rescue. He phoned Mitchell, telling him where Vial was. Canyon Lake, Texas.
Mitchell then contacted Enzo Yaksic, founder of the Serial Homicide Expertise and Information Sharing Collaborative. Yaksic then contacted Armin Showalter, acting chief for the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, which specialized in serial homicide investigations.
Yaksic shared a copy of GONE with Showalter, who in turn called Calcasieu Parish Deputy Randy Curtis, now taking on the Vail case. Curtis phoned Mitchell to find out where Vail was. A few days later, he called back to say the FBI had discovered Vail purchased property at 737 Shadyview Drive in Canyon Lake.
On Jan. 18, 2013, Curtis decided to confront Vail. He found him at that address, living in a storage shed. Curtis said he read Vail his rights before asking him about the death and disappearances of the women. Vail refused to say anything, accusing families and The Clarion-Ledger (Where "Gone" was published) of lying about him. The whole time, Vail couldn’t stop smirking.
​
Will Horton gave Mitchell the number of his cousin, who was a caretaker for 90-year-old Isaac Abshire Jr. When Mitchell sat down with the man, he shared a haunting story.
Abshire had worked with Vail and offered him a room to rent out. Once Vail and Mary were married, Vail had moved out. Abshire viewed himself as “a big brother” to Mary, calling her “a sweet little girl.”
After the marriage, Vail had become angry at work, talking about how ugly his wife was when she was pregnant, and how he didn’t like his baby. On the Friday before she was killed, the couple visited Abshire, bringing Bill, who was still an infant. Mary privately asked Abshire if he thought Vail could take her baby away.
Two days later, Mary was dead.
Abshire and two other workers went out the next day to drag the river. The next morning, Oct. 30, 1962, he returned with one of them, Jimmy May, to continue dragging.
Abshire said while they were talking, “something popped up. A guy with binoculars asked, ‘Does she have blonde hair?’ I said, ‘Yes, that’s her.’”
They recovered the body, and Abshire could never forget what he saw. Her body was rigid, and a scarf was wrapped around her neck before going into her mouth. Blood boiled on the boat, everyone voicing the same opinion. Vail had killed Mary.
Abshire had kept photos from that day for over 50 years. He said he had given them to Deputy Curtis as well as a copy of the 1962 sheriff’s report, which listed 15 points suggesting Vail’s guilt.
Despite being behind on major bills, Vail had managed to pay an entire year’s premiums in advance for a $50,000 ($150,000 today) life insurance policy on his wife. He had a second life insurance policy on her for $8,000 ($24,000 today), which promised to pay double if she died by accident.
It was almost as if he knew she was about to die.
Deputies had reported witnesses claims that Vail had told them he didn’t love his wife, that she looked stupid and vulgar, and that he had had sexual relations with multiple women, and at least one man.
Vail told deputies that his wife was wearing an off-white leather jacket when she went into the water. But she wasn’t wearing the jacket when her body was recovered. Inside his boat, deputies found two life preservers. Mary had not been wearing one, despite her fear of drowning. As for the trotline the 2 were supposedly running, deputies found it still inside Vail’s tackle box.
Most witnesses the Deputies had spoken too felt that Vail was capable of killing his wife.
When asked if he believed Vail killed his wife, Abshire said “Oh, my God, yes.”
THE CHASE & THE FINAL CLUES:
Ever since Vail had sold his Mississippi property, Mary Rose had wondered if he would eventually sell the Tulsa property, the one she and Annette had lived in. He did. Vail sold it for $149,000. Rose asked the question on the mind of everyone investigating. “What is he going to do with all that money? --- He could be running.”
On April 30th Mitchell got a call saying that Vail had left Texas. He was pulled over by police in Columbus, Mississippi after hopping the fence of his now dead brother Ronnie’s property. Curtis told Mitchell that the Columbus police were sending him a photo of Vail and the white pick-up truck he was pulled over in. He once again warned Mitchell that Vail could be running.
Vail’s sister called again, saying she heard her brother was heading to Montpelier. She wondered if he was driving to the home of possible witness Wesley Turnage.
Mitchell called Turnage to let him know that Vail might be headed his way. Turnage replied “If he sets foot on my property, there won’t be no trial.” He called Mitchell back later, saying no one in Montpelier had seen Vail.
Private Investigator Gina Frenzel, who had questioned Vail herself, including pretending to be his girlfriend, called Mitchell with good news. Vail had contacted her and told her he was back in Canyon Lake. Mitchell informed Curtis.
On May 17th 2012, authorities arrested Felix Vail for the murder of his wife Mary Horton.
In telephone calls from the jail in Lake Charles, he shared his explanation of what happened the night of Oct. 28, 1962, when Mary died.
He referred to his first wife as a “coon-ass lady,” saying she was “half kneeling” on his feet when she “saw one of the float buckets that were on the line.” He said the boat was “going real slow along the edge of the bank when the boat hit a stump ... and it dumped her right out.” Vail said he shut off the motor and dove in “where she had plopped in the water. I mean, nothing. The river had sucked her right in.” He said he “dove around until I was exhausted, and came in immediately to the police station in town and reported the accident and that was it.”
This story differed greatly from his story in 1962 when he said his wife was sitting on top of a boat seat when she fell out, not that she was kneeling on his feet. Back then, he said nothing about hitting a stump — just swerving to miss it.
It also differed from the story he had told his son, where a wave from another boat had dumped Mary out.
Vail told Frenzel that the case “has been an avalanche coming down the mountain all that time, waiting to hit my head, and it finally has.”
He blamed the families and Mitchell, “an evil, shrimpy reporter,” for what had happened, calling the charges “fabricated” and insisting that “a large amount of money, hate and political ambitions are behind them.”
At Vail’s request, Frenzel returned his truck to his home and went inside to take care of a few tasks. While there, she spent 16 hours photographing all his journals, more than 2,400 pages. She also photographed letters, documents, photographs and business cards, some dating back to the 1960s. She found a collection of women’s jewelry, old buttons, pins, and even a glass dildo.
Disturbingly, if at this point unsurprisingly, she found a photograph of a naked 3-year-old girl. Frenzel later spoke with the girl, now a woman. The journals revealed that Vail had stalked her for years.
Frenzel discovered the birth certificate of Annette Craver, who had used it for previous trips to Mexico.
Mitchell and Frenzel poured through the journals she had photographed. They noticed gaps in them that lead them to believe Vail had ripped pages out, including times when he should have been with Sharon and Annette.
His journals were dominated by sex, dreams of sex and reflected an obsession with children. In a March 27, 1986, entry, Vail wrote about the visit of a woman and her daughters in his home. “The little girls were delicious --- We massaged some, hugged & kissed some & it was 12 (midnight) & time for them to go.”
On Aug. 29, 1992, Vail walked into the Wal-Mart in West Point, and as he wrote in his journal “a 1-year-old white girl looked in my eyes loving me like there was no age difference between us.”
When Mitchell interviewed Kert Germany, a co-worker of Vail in 1977 he said that Vail attracted women wherever he went, and that Vail had told him the best sex of his life had been with 2- or 3-year-old girl.
It was that this time that Alexandra Christianson, Vail’s ex-wife called Mitchell and told him her story. She also put him in contact with Bruce Biedebach, the man she had been on a date with when she left with Vail. Biedebach would tell Mitchell that during a party in 1965 that turned into a “boast-fest” Vail had boasted about something he had done, that no one else had done.
Killed his wife.
He told the men at the party that he had held his wife’s head underwater until she drowned.
Biedebach then put Mitchell in contact with Rob Fremont, who had bicycled around California with Vail when he was 13. He said that while riding with Vail, he had told him that he hit his wife on the head and drowned her. Fremont never rode with him again after that.
With as much evidence as they could possibly gather, the case went to trial.
THE TRIAL:
Vail’s trial began on August 8th, 2016.
District Attorney John DeRosier laid out the evidence clearly.
He spoke of the evidence against Vail about Mary’s murder on October 28th, 1962.
He spoke about Vail swearing to Sharon Hensley’s mother that she wanted to start a new life in 1974.
He spoke about his letters to Mary Rose, telling her he wouldn’t tell her where her daughter Annette was “even if he knew.” Vail smirked at that one.
Finally, he spoke to the jurors.
“Mary Horton Vail is gone, Sharon Hensley is gone,” DeRosier said, “and Annette Craver Vail is gone.”
“You’re going to write the last chapter, and it’s simply going to read, ‘And justice was finally done. William Felix Vail, guilty as charged.’”
Prosecutors called all three families to testify.
Will Horton told jurors of his sister, “Mary was the kind of person you would want as a friend.” He broke while talking about visiting his nephew after he death in 1962. “I just wanted Bill to know how much his mother loved him.”
Brian Hensley told jurors that he last saw his sister, Sharon, with Vail before the pair left Bismarck, North Dakota, in 1972. Other than a telephone call and letter in the months that followed, he said no one had seen or heard from her since.
When Mary Rose took the stand, Vail bowed his head.
This was the woman who had been working for 32 long years to bring him into this court.
This was the mother who had waited 32 years for this moment.
She called Annette “a huge light in my life. We were always loving toward each other.” She testified that Vail ran off with her daughter on his motorcycle and married her. She testified that Annette, who inherited nearly $100,000 and received two homes, disappeared weeks after deeding those homes to Vail.
Wesley Turnage, Rob Fremont, and Bruce Biedebach swore under oath that Vail said he killed his first wife. Biedebach said he asked Vail if Mary was a bitch, to which Vail had said yes. Vail laughed in court as he told the story.
The current coroner, forensic pathologist Dr. Terry Welke, testified that in most drownings, the body comes up in a “dead person’s float,” with the back of the head surfacing first and the limbs hanging down in the water.
After sharing a series of pictures to show it, he showed the court two black-and-white photographs of Mary Horton when her body was recovered on Oct. 30, 1962, less than two days after she reportedly drowned. Her body was stiff, with her hands over chest as if she was in a coffin.
They also saw the videotaped testimony of Isaac Abshire Jr, who had died in 2014. He said her body was stiff when it surfaced either sideways or face up when she bobbed up in the Calcasieu River.
That testimony helped contribute to Welke’s homicide conclusion. So did the unbroken grease-like stain across her Chi Omega sweatshirt, which he believed could have come from a tarp covering her. Welke concluded Mary was dead and stiff before her body went into the water, explaining why rigor had set in.
Testimony was heard of Vail not paying for his own wife’s funeral, despite having made thousands from her life insurance.
THE VERDICT
The jury didn’t even take a half hour to reach their verdict.
William Felix Vail Sr was unanimously found guilty of murdering Mary Horton. He was sentenced to life in prison.
After the verdict, the prosecutor also revealed that the FBI had found out that Vail had molested a child over 30 years ago. They were unable to put him on trial for it, as the statue of limitations had passed.
Finally, nearly 54 years after she was murdered, Mary Horton had found justice.
Finally, 42 years after her disappearance, Sharon Hensley had found justice.
And Annette Craver, with the help of her mother Mary Rose’s tireless efforts, had finally found justice after 32 years.
https://content.api.news/v3/images/bin/f75084c7dce4fb08e12e45ccba5e40a1
This a photo of Mary, Sharon and Annette. I felt it was fitting to end off with. May they all rest in peace.
MY SOURCES:
https://www.namus.gov/MissingPersons/Case#/8284?nav
https://charleyproject.org/case/annette-michelle-craver-vail
https://www.clarionledger.com/story/news/local/felixvailgone/2016/12/29/felix-vail-gone-one-wife-dead-two-other-missing-jerry-mitchell/95895894/
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/5796622/mary-elizabeth-vail
https://charleyproject.org/case/sharon-hensley
https://www.namus.gov/MissingPersons/Case#/20525?nav

If this is not OK to post, please remove.
I am a certified sexual assault counselor working towards my MFT license and I work at a local rape crisis center. We have a 24 hour hotline and we also provide advocacy, SART/SANE medical accompaniment, PEER goal related counseling, and are the agency required by the state to be available/present when survivors report to law enforcement.
I have noticed that only 1 therapist in our area gives their patients our information to contact between sessions if they need to talk or are in crisis. Our hotline isn’t for just recent cases and we don’t claim to be therapists, but we can help folks through intrusive thoughts and other things that come up.
I was considering sending out a letter to reminder our local therapists that our number is available to give out and reminding them what we do.
So as therapists, would you be receptive to this? Would you avoid it intentionally (if so, why?) or what would be the best way to get this information out there in a way that is helpful and not overly annoying or time consuming?
Thank you for your feedback!