Any and all replies would be appreciated. I don't really have anywhere else to go for advice.
Some important context:
I'm 19F and he is 20M. For the sake of this post, I'll refer to him as Boyfriend.
Boyfriend has an extensive history of being sexually, physically and emotionally abused from a very young age. I am his first girlfriend. We both suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, but his manifests through strong abandonment issues. He's sought therapy before but had a bad experience with a prior therapist.
What happened:
Boyfriend is extremely obsessed with me. He has mentioned several times that he would do anything for me, and has made extreme sacrifices for me without being asked. Some examples:

1. When I came down with a fever, he forced himself to stay awake the entire night so he could constantly check my temperature and bring me cold washcloths.
2. He once spent the entire day deep-cleaning our flat for me after I commented that it looked messy, even cancelling his appointments to do so.
3. He spends hours preparing fancy meals for me and doesn't do anything for himself.
4. His one friend, who thinks he's crazy, has told me that he said he would lick the ground I walked on just for me to smile at him.
5. He gives me his most treasured personal possessions if I so much as look at them.

Interestingly, he never holds this against me or brings it up. He actually asks if I'd like him to do more - if he's enough - and eagerly jumps at the chance to fulfill any of my requests, no matter how small. I literally mentioned that I felt like strawberries in the middle of the night and he got up and went to the store to buy them for me at like, 3 AM.
At times, it feels more like he's a glorified servant than a boyfriend, but he likes doing this. He says he wants to belong to me, like he's a piece of property for me to own. Apparently, it helps him with his abandonment issues to feel used and needed (his words).
Now, Boyfriend has been exhibiting signs of extreme and unhealthy obsessiveness. While we were cuddling yesterday, he said that he wanted to carve my name into his skin to prove to himself that he was mine. (Prior to our relationship, he had a long history with self-harm, so I don't doubt he would do this.)
So I had a talk with Boyfriend later that night, and called him out on his obsessiveness. I told him that it was hurting both of us and weakening our relationship, and I did not find it romantic at all. I told him that I wanted both of us to seek out couple's therapy because our relationship was becoming extremely codependent.
I thought I was pretty gentle about it, but he entered panic mode and thought I was going to leave him. He agreed to get couple's therapy, but became extremely paranoid that I secretly hated him and thought he was a "monster". Before I went to bed, I asked him if I could trust him never to hurt himself in my name, because that was disturbing and unhealthy. (I did say that to his face.) He went silent and then muttered "who's going to stop me?" behind my back.
At that point, I snapped at him. My previous abusers used to emotionally manipulate me with threats of self-harm, and I think his comment triggered me. So I told him very harshly that if he ever tried to use his self-harm as a weapon against me, then we were done, and I was going to walk out the door and never come back.
He started having a panic attack and repeatedly apologized, saying that he was in the wrong and wouldn't do that ever again. But I kept going and yelled at him, telling him that my previous abusers used to try and do the same thing, and that his "emotional pity party" wasn't going to make me forgive him, and that I wanted him to get out of my sight.
He started sobbing and then I had to halt myself and walk away before I said anything more damaging. This morning, when I woke up, I sat him down and talked to him, and we both agreed to go to couple's therapy so that we can work on this.
When looking at emotional abuse websites to see if he fit the bill, I couldn't find any similarities between him and an abuser. He obviously never hits me or does anything sexual without my consent. But he doesn't insult me, stalk me, or try to control what I do, either. Whenever I have a problem with him, I call him out on it and he instantly apologizes and changes his behavior. He never holds anything against me or tries to guilt-trip me into doing anything.
I've always felt safe and loved with him. This is the first time he's ever implicitly threatened self-harm and the first time he's ever said something so extreme (carving my name). I know that this is a clear red flag and a sign that he needs immediate therapy, but is it a sign that I should leave? Or should we work on ourselves together through therapy?
Just to clarify: I'm not worried for my own physical safety at all with this carving business. I trust that he would never hurt me, because no offense to him, but he practically worships me (which is what I had to call him out on). But I am worried that he is a huge danger to himself. He's attempted suicide before and he used to burn and cut himself before we were dating.
I've already set an ultimatum: if he ever tries to weaponize self-harm again, or if he starts acting abusive, I'm skedaddling faster than he can blink.
But I want to know: was I also abusive when I yelled at him, or was I not empathetic enough when explaining my frustrations with him? Or is he a problematic boyfriend?
And most of all, is he a danger to me, or is he just severely mentally ill? Or both? I've posted this on multiple subreddits but haven't gotten a response. I just need advice, please.

(Posting this as its own thread because I don't feel like making a thousand replies to myself to fit it all in, plus this can be of interest for anyone.)
Fundamentally it is the good news preached to the Jews that their exile is over, that God is bringing them out of the nations with a strong hand, where they were exiled and dispersed and oppressed, as a kind of second Exodus, bringing them back to the promised land and this time for good. See Isaiah 40-42 (of which I will only post extracts to condense it):

“Comfort, yes, comfort My people!” says your God. “Speak comfort to Jerusalem, and cry out to her, that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned; for she has received from the Lord’s hand double for all her sins.” The voice of one crying in the wilderness: “Prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be exalted and every mountain and hill brought low; the crooked places shall be made straight and the rough places smooth; the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken” ... O Zion, you who bring good tidings, get up into the high mountain; O Jerusalem, you who bring good tidings, lift up your voice with strength, lift it up, be not afraid; say to the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!” Behold, the Lord God shall come with a strong hand, and His arm shall rule for Him; behold, His reward is with Him, and His work before Him. He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young ... “You, Israel, are My servant, Jacob whom I have chosen, the descendants of Abraham My friend. You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest regions, and said to you, ‘You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Behold, all those who were incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced; they shall be as nothing, and those who strive with you shall perish. You shall seek them and not find them—those who contended with you. Those who war against you shall be as nothing, as a nonexistent thing. For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I will help you,” says the Lord and your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel ... “I have raised up one from the north, and he shall come; from the rising of the sun he shall call on My name; and he shall come against princes as though mortar, as the potter treads clay ... And I will give to Jerusalem one who brings good tidings ... Behold! My Servant whom I uphold, My Elect One in whom My soul delights! I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the Gentiles. He will not cry out, nor raise His voice, nor cause His voice to be heard in the street. A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth. He will not fail nor be discouraged, till He has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands shall wait for His law.” Thus says God the Lord, Who created the heavens and stretched them out, Who spread forth the earth and that which comes from it, Who gives breath to the people on it, and spirit to those who walk on it: “I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness, and will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, as a light to the Gentiles, to open blind eyes, to bring out prisoners from the prison, those who sit in darkness from the prison house. I am the Lord, that is My name; and My glory I will not give to another, nor My praise to carved images. Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.”

However, it is not only Jews who were in exile. Mankind as a whole was also in exile from the Garden of Eden (Paradise), living in an unnatural state, enslaved to death, sin and the devil. What makes the Gospel a particularly Christian thing is that we believe that it is not only the Jews, but also the Gentiles, that is, mankind as a whole, who are saved by God from slavery and brought to the true promised land, the Kingdom of God. To describe the Gospel, the good news, Peter in Acts says to the Jews:

Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a Man attested by God to you by miracles, wonders, and signs which God did through Him in your midst, as you yourselves also know—Him, being delivered by the determined purpose and foreknowledge of God, you have taken by lawless hands, have crucified, and put to death; whom God raised up, having loosed the pains of death, because it was not possible that He should be held by it. For David says concerning Him: ‘I foresaw the Lord always before my face, for He is at my right hand, that I may not be shaken. Therefore my heart rejoiced, and my tongue was glad; moreover my flesh also will rest in hope. For You will not leave my soul in Hades, nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption. You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.’ Men and brethren, let me speak freely to you of the patriarch David, that he is both dead and buried, and his tomb is with us to this day. Therefore, being a prophet, and knowing that God had sworn with an oath to him that of the fruit of his body, according to the flesh, He would raise up the Christ to sit on his throne, he, foreseeing this, spoke concerning the resurrection of the Christ, that His soul was not left in Hades, nor did His flesh see corruption. This Jesus God has raised up, of which we are all witnesses. Therefore being exalted to the right hand of God, and having received from the Father the promise of the Holy Spirit, He poured out this which you now see and hear. For David did not ascend into the heavens, but he says himself: ‘The Lord said to my Lord, “Sit at My right hand, till I make Your enemies Your footstool.” ’ Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.

And Paul in Acts says to the Greeks:

Men of Athens, I perceive that in all things you are very religious; for as I was passing through and considering the objects of your worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Therefore, the One whom you worship without knowing, Him I proclaim to you: God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’ Therefore, since we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Divine Nature is like gold or silver or stone, something shaped by art and man’s devising. Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent, because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead.

Paul in his epistles finds various ways to speak of the Gospel. To the Romans:

Having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned ... as through one man’s offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life. For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous.

To the Corinthians:

I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve. After that He was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, of whom the greater part remain to the present, but some have fallen asleep. After that He was seen by James, then by all the apostles. Then last of all He was seen by me also, as by one born out of due time. For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God ... Now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since by man came death, by Man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive. But each one in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, afterward those who are Christ’s at His coming. Then comes the end, when He delivers the kingdom to God the Father, when He puts an end to all rule and all authority and power. For He must reign till He has put all enemies under His feet. The last enemy that will be destroyed is death. For “He has put all things under His feet.” But when He says “all things are put under Him,” it is evident that He who put all things under Him is excepted. Now when all things are made subject to Him, then the Son Himself will also be subject to Him who put all things under Him, that God may be all in all.

To the Galatians:

Abraham “believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” Therefore know that only those who are of faith are sons of Abraham. And the Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel to Abraham beforehand, saying, “In you all the nations shall be blessed.” So then those who are of faith are blessed with believing Abraham ... Now to Abraham and his Seed were the promises made. He does not say, “And to seeds,” as of many, but as of one, “And to your Seed,” who is Christ ... You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father. Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world. But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.

To the Ephesians:

[God] raised [Jesus] from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come. And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Therefore remember that you, once Gentiles in the flesh—who are called Uncircumcision by what is called the Circumcision made in the flesh by hands—that at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation, having abolished in His flesh the enmity, that is, the law of commandments contained in ordinances, so as to create in Himself one new man from the two, thus making peace, and that He might reconcile them both to God in one body through the cross, thereby putting to death the enmity. And He came and preached peace to you who were afar off and to those who were near. For through Him we both have access by one Spirit to the Father. Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.

To the Philippians:

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

To the Colossians:

He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence. For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight—if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister.

And to the Hebrews:

God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become so much better than the angels, as He has by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they ... For He has not put the world to come, of which we speak, in subjection to angels. But one testified in a certain place, saying: “What is man that You are mindful of him, or the son of man that You take care of him? You have made him a little lower than the angels; You have crowned him with glory and honor, and set him over the works of Your hands. You have put all things in subjection under his feet.” For in that He put all in subjection under him, He left nothing that is not put under him. But now we do not yet see all things put under him. But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone. For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings. For both He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified are all of one ... Inasmuch then as [we] have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and release those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. For indeed He does not give aid to angels, but He does give aid to the seed of Abraham. Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted.

And Peter says in his first epistle:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time ... Of this salvation the prophets have inquired and searched carefully, who prophesied of the grace that would come to you, searching what, or what manner of time, the Spirit of Christ who was in them was indicating when He testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow. To them it was revealed that, not to themselves, but to us they were ministering the things which now have been reported to you through those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven—things which angels desire to look into.

The way I see it, if you don’t notice that I exist, then I’m doing my job correctly.
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My name is Ben McFarlane and I work as a municipal sewer inspector in the town of Tevam Sound, Ontario. It's not the most glamorous job, but hey, somebody's got to do it and it puts food on the table.
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You'd probably think that working as a sewer inspector isn't that exciting… and yeah, for the most part you'd be right. Most of the time, all I'm doing is checking the pipes for damage. Unless there’s a reason for me to investigate a certain area, most of what I do is routine inspection, which helps ensure that the sewers remain in good working order. Trust me, nobody wants to see what happens when they aren’t.
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Thankfully, a lot of what I do can be done without me needing to crawl through pipes. I can use a small camera to help me do the inspection. But with some of the larger pipes and cisterns, I need to actually go inside and take a look.
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It’s never the best part of my day, but like I said before: somebody’s got to do it.
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Going down into the bigger tunnels is always a little unnerving. Part of it is the claustrophobic atmosphere and part of it is the knowledge that you’re basically standing in a river of literal human waste. I can deal with it now, but back when I first started the smell alone was darn near impossible to deal with.
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Ask most sanitation workers and I'm sure they'll have stories about what they've found in the sewers before. Heck, most of it isn't even stuff that people flush down the toilet. It's the stuff that people drop down manhole covers, or the stuff that gets washed into the sewers by the rain. Dead animals are surprisingly common, as are kids toys. I found an entire bicycle in the sewer once and I've got a buddy who found a loaded gun down there! Someone probably thought they'd get rid of it by just tossing it in the sewer.
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Someone was wrong.
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But of all the strange things I've experienced during my time working in the sewers… none of it compares to the stuff I see in the pipes on the southeast side of town.
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The things down there… I don't usually like to talk about them. Heck, I might not even be legally allowed to talk about them. I guess we'll find out, won't we? I've had a few drinks tonight and I'm feeling particularly chatty. So why not spill the beans? Hey, maybe someone out there will tell me something I don’t already know.
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I’d been on the job for about a year or so before getting sent to the southeast side of town. It’s closer to the lake and the downtown area, so there’s some deeper pipes there. I’d always figured that that was the reason they only really ever sent certain people down there. I’d heard that those tunnels were old and a little labyrinthian. Anyone who didn’t know what they were doing could easily get lost.
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But after we got hit with a particularly nasty rain storm back in summer of 2013, they needed to send someone down to check on some sensors and I just so happened to be one of the guys who was available.
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A bad rain storm can push a sewer system to its limit, so it wasn’t really that surprising that we’d gotten that kind of call and at the time, I didn’t think that there was anything that strange about it. My supervisor told me to head on down toward the pumphouse on the southwest side of town like it was any other priority inspection, and I went along with no questions asked. It was a few streets away from downtown. I’d seen it before but never had a reason to go inside up until then.
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I was working with a couple of other newbies at the time, a guy by the name of Stewart Long who’d only been on the job for a round three months or so, and another guy by the name of Tomas Opunui who’d started around the same time that I had.
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We’d arrived at the pumphouse, and when we got there we noticed another team waiting on us. This wasn’t too shocking either. Depending on the size of the job, they might’ve sent some other guys in to help us handle it.
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The guy in charge was an older man who looked to be pushing sixty. He had sort of a ‘Santa Claus on summer vacation’ look, with white hair, a short white beard, a big beer belly and a no nonsense expression.
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He watched us get out of his truck with a look of stern disapproval, before huffing and trudging over to us.
“Where’s the usual fellas?” He asked.
“I dunno, out. They called us,” I replied.
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He didn’t seem to like that answer but didn’t say anything in response to it.
“You ever worked on the southeast approach channel before?” He asked.
“Yeah, we’ve been in the ones on the north side of town,” I said.
“That’s not what I asked, kid. You ever worked in this one before?”
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Something about the way he asked this question struck me as a little odd. I’d worked in an approach channel before. I knew the drill. What did it matter which one I’d worked in?
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For the unenlightened, an approach channel is a cistern filled with wastewater. They feed into a deep tunnel which feeds into a water treatment plant and they’re considered to be fairly dangerous, due to their depth (if you fall off the ladder on your way down, you’re in for a long drop into a biohazardous lake unless you’re properly tethered) and the harmful gasses that can accumulate in them. Standard operating procedure is to always test the air before entering one just to make sure that it’s even safe to breathe down there.
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Being reckless while going into an approach channel is a recipe for disaster, and I would have understood if the old man was concerned about us not having dealt with one before. But the way he spoke to us implied that this one was different somehow, which didn’t make a whole heck of a lot of sense to me.
“What’s the difference?” I asked. “Same procedure, right?”
“No, not the same procedure. We need people experienced with this approach channel. These tunnels are a little different than what you’re used to.
“Look, the boss sent us here. So I’m sure we’ll manage,” Tomas said. “You can show us what we need to know.”
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The Old Man didn’t respond to him. He just shook his head and turned away.
“I’m gonna call this in and clear it with the boss first. You three, don’t move until I get back.”
I traded a look with both Tomas and Long as the Old Man trudged away. He said something to the two guys who were with him, before getting back into his truck to make a call.
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Part of me was obliged to try and just get to work. But looking at the other two guys that the Old Man had with him, I had a feeling that they’d try to stop me. One of them, another older guy with a receding hairline and a bushy moustache was watching us like a hawk.
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So we waited.
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After a few minutes, the Old Man got out of his truck again, said something to his buddy with the mustache and trudged back over to us.
“Bad news, fellas. Looks like our usual company’s retired… guess you’re the replacement.”
“So we can get to work?” I asked.
“Yeah. We can get to work,” The Old Man said. “Come on, let’s get going.”
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With that, he turned and led us into the pumphouse.
“Suppose I might as well introduce myself. Names Troy. My colleagues here are Craig and Peter.”
He gestured to the two men who were with him, Mr. Moustache (who I assumed was Craig) and the other guy, who looked to be in his mid thirties and had sunken eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in a few days. The one who I assumed was Craig just gave us a nod, while the guy I figured was Peter gave a lazy half wave before they followed us into the pumphouse.
“So if you don’t mind my asking, what’s so special about this channel?” I asked.
“I guess you’ll be seeing for yourself soon enough,” Troy replied as he started down a set of stairs. “The guys you’re replacing… well, guy… a fella named Tom… he always had a set of rules for working down here. He passed ‘em on to me and Craig when we started. We’ve passed ‘em on to Peter. Guess it’s time we passed ‘em on to you too.”
​
“Rules?” I asked, “What kind of rules?”
“The kind you listen very, very closely to, kid.”Troy looked back at me, before his eyes shifted to Tomas and Long behind me.
“Very, very closely.”
He descended the rest of the way down the stairs, where there was a hatch in the concrete floor beneath us, along with a large locker on the far side of the room.
​
“Rule number one,” Troy began. “You don’t enter this part of the sewers alone. You stay in a group of at least three to four at all times. No more, no less. Too many and it slows you down. Too few, and you might not come back at all.”
He trailed off, watching as Craig cracked open the hatch to test the air inside.
​
“Rule number two: You do not enter this part of the sewers without a gun and a radio.”
He opened the locker on the far side of the room and I was taken aback to see a collection of several handguns inside, along with boxes of ammunition and one shotgun in amongst the usual PPE.
Troy clipped one of the guns to his belt, along with one of the radios, before handing a pair off to Peter and looking over at us.
​
“Who’s taking it?” He asked.
“Whoa, just hold up for a minute!” Long interjected, “What the hell is down there?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Troy replied. “Hate to say it but it ain’t our job to know. I leave that to someone else. Our job is to follow the rules. You follow them, and you’ll be fine.”
Long seemed skeptical, but I looked at the gun in Troy’s hand and took it. I wasn’t sure if he was having a laugh with us or not, but I was there to do a job and I intended to do it.
​
Troy gave me a quiet nod, before thrusting the second gun over to Long. He didn’t seem to happy to get it.
“Are we gonna have to use these?” He asked.
“Not if you do as I say, you won’t. Rule 3: If you see a pipe or a tunnel with heavy spiderwebs, don’t go down it. Doesn’t matter if that’s where the sensor is. You make a note of it, report it to your supervisor and leave it alone.”
​
Spiderwebs? What the hell was he talking about?
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisors time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
“I’m sorry, you’ve been finding human bodies down there?” I asked.
“Rarely,” He replied. “But it’s been known to happen. And if we do find one… the same rules apply. Don’t approach it. Don’t touch it. Stay as far away as possible.”
​
I could see some of the color draining from Long’s face.
“Rule 5: If you see anyone else down there, you are not to interact with them. You do not follow them if they try to lead you somewhere, if they ask you for help, you do not help them. I don’t care if they’re crying and begging. You leave them alone. You report it to your supervisor.”
“There are people down there?” I asked.
“Normally, no. Far as I know, Tom only ever ran into a couple during his career. I’ve only ever seen one. Like I said, best to leave them alone.”
​
“Why?” I asked, “If there’s someone stuck down there, we have an obligation to help them!”
“That would be very ill advised,” Troy said. “You don’t want to anger the things that are down there… which leads me to rule 6: Avoid killing anything you come across down there. They’re not yours to kill. And if you have absolutely no choice, if you have to break that rule for the sake of self defense, then we leave immediately. That’s rule number 7.”
​
“Air’s safe down there,” Craig said, interrupting our conversation.
“Good. Let’s get suited up, then. Oh… and rule 8. Final rule. If anything happens to any member of our team, we leave immediately. We don’t go after them. We don’t try to help them. We leave immediately. Is that clear? I don’t care if it’s me, begging you for help. You leave me behind.”
​
Long and I remained silent, neither of us entirely sure how to react to this or even what to say. Troy had made it sound as if we were about to descend into a level of hell. I couldn’t imagine what the hell could possibly be down there to elicit a list of rules like that, and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to find out either!
“Well? You fellas getting ready or not?” Troy asked impatiently as he put on his PPE. “The quicker we get down there, the quicker we can get out again!”
​
“If this is so dangerous, why are they sending us?” Long asked, “Shouldn’t they be sending… I dunno, the cops or something?”
“They tolerate us being down there, so long as we don’t disturb them. They wouldn’t be so forgiving toward the local police,” Troy replied. “Listen, kid. Obey the rules and you’ll be fine, got that? We’ve been doing this for years without any problems. You keep your head on your shoulders, you do what we say and you go home safe. Alright?”
​
Long still didn’t seem convinced, but I did. By this point, I was morbidly curious about exactly what was down there… and Troy’s assurance that they’d come out unscathed before did set me at ease a little bit. These rules sounded kinda scary, but what could realistically go wrong? With Troy keeping us in line, everything would probably be fine and besides, I still wasn’t convinced that this wasn’t all some sort of elaborate prank the old man was pulling. I grabbed myself a set of PPE and got ready and after a moments hesitation, Long did the same.
​
When we were ready, Craig opened up the hatch in the floor, and Tomas helped get us tethered so that we wouldn’t plummet down into the waters below if we slipped on the ladder, then we finally began our descent.
​
Troy went first, climbing down the ladder and into the darkness below. I went second, followed by Peter and followed by Long.
​
We climbed down into the approach channel in relative silence, only really speaking again once we made it to the bottom of the ladder.
​
Troy helped me get untethered, before doing the same for Peter and Long as they reached the bottom, and while he did that I got my first look at the dreaded southeast approach channel. I can’t say that there was a heck of a lot to see. The walls were boxy and flat, and the dirty wastewater trickled over my boots and into the pipe sending it even deeper through the sewer system.
​
The sensors should have been mounted on the ceiling, and I traced the black conduit line with my flashlight as I searched for the sensor they connected to. Peter and Long stayed back as Tomas and Craig lowered our tools down after us, while Troy came up behind me.
“Should be quick work…” He noted, “Rain doesn’t seem to have done much in here. Water level is still fairly low.”
​
I saw his flashlight shift upward toward the ceiling before he spotted the sensor. He trudged through the water to get closer to it, and I followed him.
“No external damage,” I noted. “Conduit lines look good too.”
“Yeah, we’ll run our tests and get out of here,” Troy said. “Approach channel is usually pretty safe… usually.”
“Usually?” I asked, and Troy pointed his flashlight up toward a set of silky spiderwebs hanging from the ceiling a few feet behind the sensor.
​
“They don’t typically come up here… but every now and then you might find some proof of some young ones, trying to get into the pumphouse.”
I looked over at him.
“They try to break into the pumphouse?” I asked, “Did they ever get in?”
“Not that I’ve ever heard of. Can’t imagine they’d stay long if they did. Nothing to eat in there.”
“What exactly are they?” I asked, “And don’t you tell me that’s not for us to know. You’ve seen them, right? What do they look like?”
​
Troy had started to answer, when suddenly I heard Long screaming and swearing up a storm. Both of us turned to look, just in time to see something large skittering up the wall beside him. I only caught a brief glimpse of it, but it seemed to be roughly the size of a dog with more legs than I could count. Long stared at it with wide, horrified eyes as he fumbled with his gun, before pulling it free.
​
I saw Troy’s eyes widen before Long fired five times. Only one or two of the bullets actually hit the target. I heard Peter cry out in pain and grab at his arm before falling and whatever it was that Long had actually been shooting at collapsed into the shallow water, its pale body twitching violently.
“What did you just do?!” Troy demanded, running over to Peter’s side.
“I-it was coming for me!” Long protested, before noticing what he’d done to Peter. I saw his eyes widen in horror.
“Oh no… no, no, no… I didn’t…”
“Rule 6! You don’t kill anything down here! You leave them alone and they leave you alone!” Troy roared, before his attention returned to Peter. “How bad is it?”
​
“J-just a scratch, boss… I think I got hit by the ricochet,” Peter said, as Troy inspected his wound. I’ve never seen a gunshot wound before, but there was a lot of blood for it to just be a scratch.
“We’ll get you topside,” Troy said. “And come back down tomorrow with someone who knows how to follow rules!”
​
He shot Long a death glare before his radio crackled to life.
“Troy, everything good down there?” Craig asked.
“No, no it isn’t. One of the newbies got jumpy, shot at a centipede.” He huffed, “Put a hole in Peter in the process. Think you can reel him back up?”
“Yeah, sure thing. Hook him up. Tomas and I will bring him topside.”
​
Troy quietly hooked Peter up to the line, before helping him onto the ladder.
“You take it easy on the way up, and we’ll get that checked out,” He promised.
“Thanks boss,” Peter said quietly.
Troy’s attention returned to Long next, as he fixed him in a death glare.
“You, up the ladder behind him. And you…” He looked at me, his expression softening just a little.
“Behind him. I’ll go up last.”
​
Peter started to meekly climb the ladder, although it seemed like Craig and Tomas were doing most of the work, hoisting him up rung by rung. Once he’d made it part of the way up, Long started to hook himself up to climb behind him. Although before he could hook himself in, I saw him pause for a moment, staring at Troy.
“What is it?” Troy asked, before pausing.
​
Long craned his neck a little, his hand moving down to his gun again… and it was then that both Troy and I realized that he hadn’t been looking at Troy. He’d been looking at what was behind him.
​
I only saw a shadow, perched on the roof of the tunnel. But that was all that Long needed to see before he started shooting again.
“DON’T!”
But by the time Troy had gotten the word out, that trigger happy idiot had already started shooting again and this time, the thing that came for him didn’t drop dead.
​
Instead, it launched itself off of the ceiling of the tunnel, crashing into the ground a few feet away from me.
“WAIT!” Troy tried to protest before the thing in front of us knocked him aside, dashing him against the wall. Long scrambled away, retreating deeper into the tunnel while Peter frantically tried to unholster his gun.
“Troy? Troy, what’s going on down there?” I heard Craig calling over the radio, “Troy? Anyone, respond!”
​
The shape in front of us turned, looking over at me and Long. Eight eyes shone in the darkness and though I could only see the shadow of the creature before us, I saw enough. It had a body like a spider, with eight long chitinous legs. Only its body was much larger than any spider I’d ever seen before.
​
Much, much larger.
​
This creature was almost the size of a small car, but it wasn’t its size that terrified me. It was the humanoid torso coming out of the front of it. The two arms that ended in razor sharp claws, the snarling mouth that made noises that almost sounded human.
​
When this impossible thing looked at us, I saw real intelligence in its eyes. It was studying us, trying to determine how much of a threat we were…
​
Long kept his gun trained on it, hands shaking violently. I knew that he was going to shoot again, and hoping not to anger this thing, grabbed his arm, trying to force his gun down. He jumped the moment that I touched him giving me a hysterical look.
“Don’t!” I snapped, “You’re just gonna piss it off!”
​
The Spider took a step toward us, hissing as it did. Long pulled away from me.
“Stu!”
I tried calling his name, but Long had already made his choice and sealed his fate. He’d opted to fight this thing. And so, like the fool he was he shot at it again.
​
The Spider lunged for us.
​
I ran. Long didn’t.
​
He only had enough time to scream before it pounced on him, and then… all I could hear were the dying screams in his throat as he was pulled apart. I didn’t see him die. But I didn’t need to. I heard everything. I kept running, not even thinking about where the approach channel was going to end. And when it did end, all I could do was plummet into the darkness.
​
See, at the end of an approach channel is what is appropriately called a drop shaft. It’s where the water flows into a larger tunnel beneath the city. That tunnel, flows into the water treatment plant, eventually and the water down there… yeah… let’s just say that you don’t want to end up in the water down there.
​
Unfortunately, that was exactly where I was going.
​
I know that every job has its struggles, but I didn’t expect to need to choose between diving into raw sewage and fighting a giant spider monster when I woke up that morning. However the choice was presented to me and I did the best that I could given the circumstances.
​
Going into the wastewater was exactly an unpleasant experience as you’d think it would be. I’m inclined not to share the details of what it was like, simply because I genuinely do not want to remember them and I’m still not entirely convinced that dealing with the giant angry spider person wasn’t the better choice.
​
A small comfort was that the pain of hitting the water, combined with the confusing sensation of being flushed through a pipe and into an even larger pipe made the whole experience slightly less disgusting, at the cost of being considerably more painful.
​
At the end of it, I was washed out into the main pipe and collapsed into the water, covered in filth and gagging from the stench that had sank into my every pore. I felt disoriented and confused. I tried to stand, only to collapse back into the wastewater, before aimlessly looking around, hoping that maybe I could figure out what direction to go in. It was too dark to see much of anything and I’d lost my flashlight during my trip through the wastewater, so I was left to just wander aimlessly, following what I thought was the flow of the water as my eyes slowly started to acclimate to the darkness.
​
I could feel shapes in the water. Some of them I almost tripped over and I could smell rotting meat on top of the stink of human waste. In the darkness, I could make out shapes in the water and hear the buzzing of bugs around me. I could even feel a few whizz past my head and mindlessly swatted at them.
​
Old bones crunched under my boots, and I quietly thanked whatever God was listening that I couldn’t see what they’d belonged to. I wanted to assume they were animal bones… but who knew, right? I couldn’t shake the mental image of myself unknowingly stepping over the mauled corpse of Stewart Long… although that was more from the trauma of having recently witnessed a man die than any guilt over what had happened to him. Long had quite literally gotten himself killed. Although I was terrified that I’d be joining him at any second.
​
I kept listening in, half expecting to hear spider legs creeping up behind me. But it was impossible to tell if I was alone or not in that darkness and with the bugs buzzing past me. If there were anything after me, I truly would not know it until after it had pounced.
​
Still, I knew I couldn’t afford to let the fear get the better of me. So I just kept walking, hoping that maybe if I did, I’d somehow find myself at the water treatment plant and maybe then I’d get some help.
​
Maybe.
​
As I pressed on, I noticed a light ahead of me and picked up the pace, hoping to God that I’d finally found my way out of this mess. But as I drew closer, I became very aware that whatever the source of that light was, it was not from the water treatment plant.
​
In fact, I wasn’t entirely sure what it was. My first thought was that it was a fatberg (which is a solid mass of waste matter formed by an unholy mixture of wet wipes, grease, oil and every other piece of garbage people tend to flush down their toilets) but the longer I looked, the less certain I was about that.
​
Fatbergs usually didn’t have lamps embedded in them.
​
Fatbergs usually didn’t have thick spiderwebs clinging to them.
​
Fatbergs didn’t usually lead into a separate tunnel into the earth large enough for me to walk through.
​
And finally, fatbergs didn’t usually have dead deer protruding from them. Let alone dead deer with other bugs living in them. God… the sight of those corpses… the way the bugs crawled through the rotting flesh and exposed bone. The empty, hollow eyes… it was almost too horrible to look at.
​
And I swore that I could see things inside the corpses! Honeycombs of some sort, and the bugs who crawled around them looked almost like bees.
​
Was… was something cultivating some kind of bee in these things?
​
I thought back to Troy’s rules.
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisor's time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
​
Suddenly, they made a little more sense. If those spider things were cultivating something in these bodies… of course we shouldn’t touch them. And if they were cultivating their food in the sewer… I paused, before staring down the tunnel that the corpses sat near the entrance of.
​
Dull lamps illuminated it as it wound down into the earth, and I could see several pale centipede things that looked a lot like the creature that Long had shot to get us into this mess in the first place. These things must have belonged to the Spiders too, although whether they were some sort of guard dog or another thing they were farming was hard to say.
​
I took a step away from the tunnel, before looking back to make sure that I was well enough alone and trudging onward. And that was when I heard the slow rustle of movement.
​
I paused, feeling a chill run through me as the imminent reality of my own death dawned on me.
​
Slowly I turned, just in time to see a dark shape descending from the ceiling. A fresh set of eyes settled on me, narrowing as they studied me.
​
I put my hands up, hoping that it might understand the gesture of surrender and slowly it drew closer to me. I wasn’t sure if it was curious, or looking to murder me and at that point, I don’t think it really mattered. I wish I could say that I faced my death with dignity, but I’m going to be honest, I didn’t. I sat there, quivering and praying to whatever God would listen that it wouldn’t, kill me.
​
And then… I heard a voice.
“Leave that one! He’s with me!”
​
Troy?
​
I saw a figure emerge from the tunnel in the wall, and against all logic, somehow it was Troy! He had a hell of a goose egg on his head from where he’d been hit earlier, but he was alive! He stepped between me and the spider person, arms outstretched.
​
“With me.” He repeated firmly.
The Spider stared down at him, before huffing and turning away. I watched as they disappeared down the nearby tunnel, and Troy watched them go, before quietly turning to me.
​
“Good lord, boy… I’m shocked to see you’re still alive!”
“W-what just happened?” Was the only thing I could stammer. “You can talk to them?!”
“Some of ‘em. I’ve been down here for long enough that they know me. Know I’m not a threat. But they ain’t too happy with us right now. So what you’re gonna do here is get up, follow me, and I’m gonna get you out of here.”
“How do you know they’re even gonna let us leave?” I asked.
​
Troy’s expression soured.
“Had to pay ‘em off…” He admitted, “Let them keep what was left of your friend. They considered it a fair trade, so long as we leave. Now, let’s go.”
I didn’t ask any more questions.
​
***
​
After I made it out of the sewers that day, I ended up in the hospital alongside Peter. I had some minor cuts and bruises, a burning rash over most of my body from all the sewage I’d been crawling around in… but I was still alive, and I figured that had to count for something.
​
Nobody said a word about what happened to Stewart Long down in the sewer. He got written off as a workplace accident and they never even tried to recover his body. I suspect what’s left of him is still down in the sewers, even now… feeding whatever it is that those things down there are cultivating, although I’ve never seen the body myself.
​
Yes… I have been back down beneath the southeast side of town. The next time they needed someone to go, they sent me and Tomas along with Troy, Craig and Peter. We know what’s down there and we know how to deal with them, after all. My second visit to those sewers was a lot less eventful, and most of my subsequent visits haven’t been all that eventful either.
​
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at dealing with the Spiders… they’re not the most friendly folk and I know all too well that if you cross them, they’ll rip your guts out before you even realize that you’re dead. But so long as you follow the rules and leave them alone, they’re content to live and let live. They can even be reasonable, to an extent. We’ve had a few small incidents over the years, but nothing like the one that Long caused.
​
Odds are, when Troy and Craig retire next year, Tomas and I will be training the next group on what to do when you’re down beneath the southeast side of town. So in preparation for that, I’ve made a point to keep a copy of Tom's rules in the pumphouse. I also keep a picture of Stewart Long in there. Not as a memorial and not out of spite either. Just as a grim reminder of what can happen when you don’t follow the [rules.](https://www.reddit.com/HeadOfSpectre/)

The way I see it, if you don’t notice that I exist, then I’m doing my job correctly.
​
My name is Ben McFarlane and I work as a municipal sewer inspector in the town of Tevam Sound, Ontario. It's not the most glamorous job, but hey, somebody's got to do it and it puts food on the table.
​
You'd probably think that working as a sewer inspector isn't that exciting… and yeah, for the most part you'd be right. Most of the time, all I'm doing is checking the pipes for damage. Unless there’s a reason for me to investigate a certain area, most of what I do is routine inspection, which helps ensure that the sewers remain in good working order. Trust me, nobody wants to see what happens when they aren’t.
​
Thankfully, a lot of what I do can be done without me needing to crawl through pipes. I can use a small camera to help me do the inspection. But with some of the larger pipes and cisterns, I need to actually go inside and take a look.
​
It’s never the best part of my day, but like I said before: somebody’s got to do it.
​
Going down into the bigger tunnels is always a little unnerving. Part of it is the claustrophobic atmosphere and part of it is the knowledge that you’re basically standing in a river of literal human waste. I can deal with it now, but back when I first started the smell alone was darn near impossible to deal with.
​
Ask most sanitation workers and I'm sure they'll have stories about what they've found in the sewers before. Heck, most of it isn't even stuff that people flush down the toilet. It's the stuff that people drop down manhole covers, or the stuff that gets washed into the sewers by the rain. Dead animals are surprisingly common, as are kids toys. I found an entire bicycle in the sewer once and I've got a buddy who found a loaded gun down there! Someone probably thought they'd get rid of it by just tossing it in the sewer.
​
Someone was wrong.
​
But of all the strange things I've experienced during my time working in the sewers… none of it compares to the stuff I see in the pipes on the southeast side of town.
​
The things down there… I don't usually like to talk about them. Heck, I might not even be legally allowed to talk about them. I guess we'll find out, won't we? I've had a few drinks tonight and I'm feeling particularly chatty. So why not spill the beans? Hey, maybe someone out there will tell me something I don’t already know.
​
I’d been on the job for about a year or so before getting sent to the southeast side of town. It’s closer to the lake and the downtown area, so there’s some deeper pipes there. I’d always figured that that was the reason they only really ever sent certain people down there. I’d heard that those tunnels were old and a little labyrinthian. Anyone who didn’t know what they were doing could easily get lost.
​
But after we got hit with a particularly nasty rain storm back in summer of 2013, they needed to send someone down to check on some sensors and I just so happened to be one of the guys who was available.
​
A bad rain storm can push a sewer system to its limit, so it wasn’t really that surprising that we’d gotten that kind of call and at the time, I didn’t think that there was anything that strange about it. My supervisor told me to head on down toward the pumphouse on the southwest side of town like it was any other priority inspection, and I went along with no questions asked. It was a few streets away from downtown. I’d seen it before but never had a reason to go inside up until then.
​
I was working with a couple of other newbies at the time, a guy by the name of Stewart Long who’d only been on the job for a round three months or so, and another guy by the name of Tomas Opunui who’d started around the same time that I had.
​
We’d arrived at the pumphouse, and when we got there we noticed another team waiting on us. This wasn’t too shocking either. Depending on the size of the job, they might’ve sent some other guys in to help us handle it.
​
The guy in charge was an older man who looked to be pushing sixty. He had sort of a ‘Santa Claus on summer vacation’ look, with white hair, a short white beard, a big beer belly and a no nonsense expression.
​
He watched us get out of his truck with a look of stern disapproval, before huffing and trudging over to us.
“Where’s the usual fellas?” He asked.
“I dunno, out. They called us,” I replied.
​
He didn’t seem to like that answer but didn’t say anything in response to it.
“You ever worked on the southeast approach channel before?” He asked.
“Yeah, we’ve been in the ones on the north side of town,” I said.
“That’s not what I asked, kid. You ever worked in this one before?”
​
Something about the way he asked this question struck me as a little odd. I’d worked in an approach channel before. I knew the drill. What did it matter which one I’d worked in?
​
For the unenlightened, an approach channel is a cistern filled with wastewater. They feed into a deep tunnel which feeds into a water treatment plant and they’re considered to be fairly dangerous, due to their depth (if you fall off the ladder on your way down, you’re in for a long drop into a biohazardous lake unless you’re properly tethered) and the harmful gasses that can accumulate in them. Standard operating procedure is to always test the air before entering one just to make sure that it’s even safe to breathe down there.
​
Being reckless while going into an approach channel is a recipe for disaster, and I would have understood if the old man was concerned about us not having dealt with one before. But the way he spoke to us implied that this one was different somehow, which didn’t make a whole heck of a lot of sense to me.
“What’s the difference?” I asked. “Same procedure, right?”
“No, not the same procedure. We need people experienced with this approach channel. These tunnels are a little different than what you’re used to.
“Look, the boss sent us here. So I’m sure we’ll manage,” Tomas said. “You can show us what we need to know.”
​
The Old Man didn’t respond to him. He just shook his head and turned away.
“I’m gonna call this in and clear it with the boss first. You three, don’t move until I get back.”
I traded a look with both Tomas and Long as the Old Man trudged away. He said something to the two guys who were with him, before getting back into his truck to make a call.
​
Part of me was obliged to try and just get to work. But looking at the other two guys that the Old Man had with him, I had a feeling that they’d try to stop me. One of them, another older guy with a receding hairline and a bushy moustache was watching us like a hawk.
​
So we waited.
​
After a few minutes, the Old Man got out of his truck again, said something to his buddy with the mustache and trudged back over to us.
“Bad news, fellas. Looks like our usual company’s retired… guess you’re the replacement.”
“So we can get to work?” I asked.
“Yeah. We can get to work,” The Old Man said. “Come on, let’s get going.”
​
With that, he turned and led us into the pumphouse.
“Suppose I might as well introduce myself. Names Troy. My colleagues here are Craig and Peter.”
He gestured to the two men who were with him, Mr. Moustache (who I assumed was Craig) and the other guy, who looked to be in his mid thirties and had sunken eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in a few days. The one who I assumed was Craig just gave us a nod, while the guy I figured was Peter gave a lazy half wave before they followed us into the pumphouse.
“So if you don’t mind my asking, what’s so special about this channel?” I asked.
“I guess you’ll be seeing for yourself soon enough,” Troy replied as he started down a set of stairs. “The guys you’re replacing… well, guy… a fella named Tom… he always had a set of rules for working down here. He passed ‘em on to me and Craig when we started. We’ve passed ‘em on to Peter. Guess it’s time we passed ‘em on to you too.”
​
“Rules?” I asked, “What kind of rules?”
“The kind you listen very, very closely to, kid.” Troy looked back at me, before his eyes shifted to Tomas and Long behind me.
“Very, very closely.”
He descended the rest of the way down the stairs, where there was a hatch in the concrete floor beneath us, along with a large locker on the far side of the room.
​
“Rule number one,” Troy began. “You don’t enter this part of the sewers alone. You stay in a group of at least three to four at all times. No more, no less. Too many and it slows you down. Too few, and you might not come back at all.”
He trailed off, watching as Craig cracked open the hatch to test the air inside.
​
“Rule number two: You do not enter this part of the sewers without a gun and a radio.”
He opened the locker on the far side of the room and I was taken aback to see a collection of several handguns inside, along with boxes of ammunition and one shotgun in amongst the usual PPE.
Troy clipped one of the guns to his belt, along with one of the radios, before handing a pair off to Peter and looking over at us.
​
“Who’s taking it?” He asked.
“Whoa, just hold up for a minute!” Long interjected, “What the hell is down there?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Troy replied. “Hate to say it but it ain’t our job to know. I leave that to someone else. Our job is to follow the rules. You follow them, and you’ll be fine.”
Long seemed skeptical, but I looked at the gun in Troy’s hand and took it. I wasn’t sure if he was having a laugh with us or not, but I was there to do a job and I intended to do it.
​
Troy gave me a quiet nod, before thrusting the second gun over to Long. He didn’t seem to happy to get it.
“Are we gonna have to use these?” He asked.
“Not if you do as I say, you won’t. Rule 3: If you see a pipe or a tunnel with heavy spiderwebs, don’t go down it. Doesn’t matter if that’s where the sensor is. You make a note of it, report it to your supervisor and leave it alone.”
​
Spiderwebs? What the hell was he talking about?
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisors time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
“I’m sorry, you’ve been finding human bodies down there?” I asked.
“Rarely,” He replied. “But it’s been known to happen. And if we do find one… the same rules apply. Don’t approach it. Don’t touch it. Stay as far away as possible.”
​
I could see some of the color draining from Long’s face.
“Rule 5: If you see anyone else down there, you are not to interact with them. You do not follow them if they try to lead you somewhere, if they ask you for help, you do not help them. I don’t care if they’re crying and begging. You leave them alone. You report it to your supervisor.”
“There are people down there?” I asked.
“Normally, no. Far as I know, Tom only ever ran into a couple during his career. I’ve only ever seen one. Like I said, best to leave them alone.”
​
“Why?” I asked, “If there’s someone stuck down there, we have an obligation to help them!”
“That would be very ill advised,” Troy said. “You don’t want to anger the things that are down there… which leads me to rule 6: Avoid killing anything you come across down there. They’re not yours to kill. And if you have absolutely no choice, if you have to break that rule for the sake of self defense, then we leave immediately. That’s rule number 7.”
​
“Air’s safe down there,” Craig said, interrupting our conversation.
“Good. Let’s get suited up, then. Oh… and rule 8. Final rule. If anything happens to any member of our team, we leave immediately. We don’t go after them. We don’t try to help them. We leave immediately. Is that clear? I don’t care if it’s me, begging you for help. You leave me behind.”
​
Long and I remained silent, neither of us entirely sure how to react to this or even what to say. Troy had made it sound as if we were about to descend into a level of hell. I couldn’t imagine what the hell could possibly be down there to elicit a list of rules like that, and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to find out either!
“Well? You fellas getting ready or not?” Troy asked impatiently as he put on his PPE. “The quicker we get down there, the quicker we can get out again!”
​
“If this is so dangerous, why are they sending us?” Long asked, “Shouldn’t they be sending… I dunno, the cops or something?”
“They tolerate us being down there, so long as we don’t disturb them. They wouldn’t be so forgiving toward the local police,” Troy replied. “Listen, kid. Obey the rules and you’ll be fine, got that? We’ve been doing this for years without any problems. You keep your head on your shoulders, you do what we say and you go home safe. Alright?”
​
Long still didn’t seem convinced, but I did. By this point, I was morbidly curious about exactly what was down there… and Troy’s assurance that they’d come out unscathed before did set me at ease a little bit. These rules sounded kinda scary, but what could realistically go wrong? With Troy keeping us in line, everything would probably be fine and besides, I still wasn’t convinced that this wasn’t all some sort of elaborate prank the old man was pulling. I grabbed myself a set of PPE and got ready and after a moments hesitation, Long did the same.
​
When we were ready, Craig opened up the hatch in the floor, and Tomas helped get us tethered so that we wouldn’t plummet down into the waters below if we slipped on the ladder, then we finally began our descent.
​
Troy went first, climbing down the ladder and into the darkness below. I went second, followed by Peter and followed by Long.
​
We climbed down into the approach channel in relative silence, only really speaking again once we made it to the bottom of the ladder.
​
Troy helped me get untethered, before doing the same for Peter and Long as they reached the bottom, and while he did that I got my first look at the dreaded southeast approach channel. I can’t say that there was a heck of a lot to see. The walls were boxy and flat, and the dirty wastewater trickled over my boots and into the pipe sending it even deeper through the sewer system.
​
The sensors should have been mounted on the ceiling, and I traced the black conduit line with my flashlight as I searched for the sensor they connected to. Peter and Long stayed back as Tomas and Craig lowered our tools down after us, while Troy came up behind me.
“Should be quick work…” He noted, “Rain doesn’t seem to have done much in here. Water level is still fairly low.”
​
I saw his flashlight shift upward toward the ceiling before he spotted the sensor. He trudged through the water to get closer to it, and I followed him.
“No external damage,” I noted. “Conduit lines look good too.”
“Yeah, we’ll run our tests and get out of here,” Troy said. “Approach channel is usually pretty safe… usually.”
“Usually?” I asked, and Troy pointed his flashlight up toward a set of silky spiderwebs hanging from the ceiling a few feet behind the sensor.
​
“They don’t typically come up here… but every now and then you might find some proof of some young ones, trying to get into the pumphouse.”
I looked over at him.
“They try to break into the pumphouse?” I asked, “Did they ever get in?”
“Not that I’ve ever heard of. Can’t imagine they’d stay long if they did. Nothing to eat in there.”
“What exactly are they?” I asked, “And don’t you tell me that’s not for us to know. You’ve seen them, right? What do they look like?”
​
Troy had started to answer, when suddenly I heard Long screaming and swearing up a storm. Both of us turned to look, just in time to see something large skittering up the wall beside him. I only caught a brief glimpse of it, but it seemed to be roughly the size of a dog with more legs than I could count. Long stared at it with wide, horrified eyes as he fumbled with his gun, before pulling it free.
​
I saw Troy’s eyes widen before Long fired five times. Only one or two of the bullets actually hit the target. I heard Peter cry out in pain and grab at his arm before falling and whatever it was that Long had actually been shooting at collapsed into the shallow water, its pale body twitching violently.
“What did you just do?!” Troy demanded, running over to Peter’s side.
“I-it was coming for me!” Long protested, before noticing what he’d done to Peter. I saw his eyes widen in horror.
“Oh no… no, no, no… I didn’t…”
“Rule 6! You don’t kill anything down here! You leave them alone and they leave you alone!” Troy roared, before his attention returned to Peter. “How bad is it?”
​
“J-just a scratch, boss… I think I got hit by the ricochet,” Peter said, as Troy inspected his wound. I’ve never seen a gunshot wound before, but there was a lot of blood for it to just be a scratch.
“We’ll get you topside,” Troy said. “And come back down tomorrow with someone who knows how to follow rules!”
​
He shot Long a death glare before his radio crackled to life.
“Troy, everything good down there?” Craig asked.
“No, no it isn’t. One of the newbies got jumpy, shot at a centipede.” He huffed, “Put a hole in Peter in the process. Think you can reel him back up?”
“Yeah, sure thing. Hook him up. Tomas and I will bring him topside.”
​
Troy quietly hooked Peter up to the line, before helping him onto the ladder.
“You take it easy on the way up, and we’ll get that checked out,” He promised.
“Thanks boss,” Peter said quietly.
Troy’s attention returned to Long next, as he fixed him in a death glare.
“You, up the ladder behind him. And you…” He looked at me, his expression softening just a little.
“Behind him. I’ll go up last.”
​
Peter started to meekly climb the ladder, although it seemed like Craig and Tomas were doing most of the work, hoisting him up rung by rung. Once he’d made it part of the way up, Long started to hook himself up to climb behind him. Although before he could hook himself in, I saw him pause for a moment, staring at Troy.
“What is it?” Troy asked, before pausing.
​
Long craned his neck a little, his hand moving down to his gun again… and it was then that both Troy and I realized that he hadn’t been looking at Troy. He’d been looking at what was behind him.
​
I only saw a shadow, perched on the roof of the tunnel. But that was all that Long needed to see before he started shooting again.
“DON’T!”
But by the time Troy had gotten the word out, that trigger happy idiot had already started shooting again and this time, the thing that came for him didn’t drop dead.
​
Instead, it launched itself off of the ceiling of the tunnel, crashing into the ground a few feet away from me.
“WAIT!” Troy tried to protest before the thing in front of us knocked him aside, dashing him against the wall. Long scrambled away, retreating deeper into the tunnel while Peter frantically tried to unholster his gun.
“Troy? Troy, what’s going on down there?” I heard Craig calling over the radio, “Troy? Anyone, respond!”
​
The shape in front of us turned, looking over at me and Long. Eight eyes shone in the darkness and though I could only see the shadow of the creature before us, I saw enough. It had a body like a spider, with eight long chitinous legs. Only its body was much larger than any spider I’d ever seen before.
​
Much, much larger.
​
This creature was almost the size of a small car, but it wasn’t its size that terrified me. It was the humanoid torso coming out of the front of it. The two arms that ended in razor sharp claws, the snarling mouth that made noises that almost sounded human.
​
When this impossible thing looked at us, I saw real intelligence in its eyes. It was studying us, trying to determine how much of a threat we were…
​
Long kept his gun trained on it, hands shaking violently. I knew that he was going to shoot again, and hoping not to anger this thing, grabbed his arm, trying to force his gun down. He jumped the moment that I touched him giving me a hysterical look.
“Don’t!” I snapped, “You’re just gonna piss it off!”
​
The Spider took a step toward us, hissing as it did. Long pulled away from me.
“Stu!”
I tried calling his name, but Long had already made his choice and sealed his fate. He’d opted to fight this thing. And so, like the fool he was he shot at it again.
​
The Spider lunged for us.
​
I ran. Long didn’t.
​
He only had enough time to scream before it pounced on him, and then… all I could hear were the dying screams in his throat as he was pulled apart. I didn’t see him die. But I didn’t need to. I heard everything. I kept running, not even thinking about where the approach channel was going to end. And when it did end, all I could do was plummet into the darkness.
​
See, at the end of an approach channel is what is appropriately called a drop shaft. It’s where the water flows into a larger tunnel beneath the city. That tunnel, flows into the water treatment plant, eventually and the water down there… yeah… let’s just say that you don’t want to end up in the water down there.
​
Unfortunately, that was exactly where I was going.
​
I know that every job has its struggles, but I didn’t expect to need to choose between diving into raw sewage and fighting a giant spider monster when I woke up that morning. However the choice was presented to me and I did the best that I could given the circumstances.
​
Going into the wastewater was exactly an unpleasant experience as you’d think it would be. I’m inclined not to share the details of what it was like, simply because I genuinely do not want to remember them and I’m still not entirely convinced that dealing with the giant angry spider person wasn’t the better choice.
​
A small comfort was that the pain of hitting the water, combined with the confusing sensation of being flushed through a pipe and into an even larger pipe made the whole experience slightly less disgusting, at the cost of being considerably more painful.
​
At the end of it, I was washed out into the main pipe and collapsed into the water, covered in filth and gagging from the stench that had sank into my every pore. I felt disoriented and confused. I tried to stand, only to collapse back into the wastewater, before aimlessly looking around, hoping that maybe I could figure out what direction to go in. It was too dark to see much of anything and I’d lost my flashlight during my trip through the wastewater, so I was left to just wander aimlessly, following what I thought was the flow of the water as my eyes slowly started to acclimate to the darkness.
​
I could feel shapes in the water. Some of them I almost tripped over and I could smell rotting meat on top of the stink of human waste. In the darkness, I could make out shapes in the water and hear the buzzing of bugs around me. I could even feel a few whizz past my head and mindlessly swatted at them.
​
Old bones crunched under my boots, and I quietly thanked whatever God was listening that I couldn’t see what they’d belonged to. I wanted to assume they were animal bones… but who knew, right? I couldn’t shake the mental image of myself unknowingly stepping over the mauled corpse of Stewart Long… although that was more from the trauma of having recently witnessed a man die than any guilt over what had happened to him. Long had quite literally gotten himself killed. Although I was terrified that I’d be joining him at any second.
​
I kept listening in, half expecting to hear spider legs creeping up behind me. But it was impossible to tell if I was alone or not in that darkness and with the bugs buzzing past me. If there were anything after me, I truly would not know it until after it had pounced.
​
Still, I knew I couldn’t afford to let the fear get the better of me. So I just kept walking, hoping that maybe if I did, I’d somehow find myself at the water treatment plant and maybe then I’d get some help.
​
Maybe.
​
As I pressed on, I noticed a light ahead of me and picked up the pace, hoping to God that I’d finally found my way out of this mess. But as I drew closer, I became very aware that whatever the source of that light was, it was not from the water treatment plant.
​
In fact, I wasn’t entirely sure what it was. My first thought was that it was a fatberg (which is a solid mass of waste matter formed by an unholy mixture of wet wipes, grease, oil and every other piece of garbage people tend to flush down their toilets) but the longer I looked, the less certain I was about that.
​
Fatbergs usually didn’t have lamps embedded in them.
​
Fatbergs usually didn’t have thick spiderwebs clinging to them.
​
Fatbergs didn’t usually lead into a separate tunnel into the earth large enough for me to walk through.
​
And finally, fatbergs didn’t usually have dead deer protruding from them. Let alone dead deer with other bugs living in them. God… the sight of those corpses… the way the bugs crawled through the rotting flesh and exposed bone. The empty, hollow eyes… it was almost too horrible to look at.
​
And I swore that I could see things inside the corpses! Honeycombs of some sort, and the bugs who crawled around them looked almost like bees.
​
Was… was something cultivating some kind of bee in these things?
​
I thought back to Troy’s rules.
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisor's time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
​
Suddenly, they made a little more sense. If those spider things were cultivating something in these bodies… of course we shouldn’t touch them. And if they were cultivating their food in the sewer… I paused, before staring down the tunnel that the corpses sat near the entrance of.
​
Dull lamps illuminated it as it wound down into the earth, and I could see several pale centipede things that looked a lot like the creature that Long had shot to get us into this mess in the first place. These things must have belonged to the Spiders too, although whether they were some sort of guard dog or another thing they were farming was hard to say.
​
I took a step away from the tunnel, before looking back to make sure that I was well enough alone and trudging onward. And that was when I heard the slow rustle of movement.
​
I paused, feeling a chill run through me as the imminent reality of my own death dawned on me.
​
Slowly I turned, just in time to see a dark shape descending from the ceiling. A fresh set of eyes settled on me, narrowing as they studied me.
​
I put my hands up, hoping that it might understand the gesture of surrender and slowly it drew closer to me. I wasn’t sure if it was curious, or looking to murder me and at that point, I don’t think it really mattered. I wish I could say that I faced my death with dignity, but I’m going to be honest, I didn’t. I sat there, quivering and praying to whatever God would listen that it wouldn’t, kill me.
​
And then… I heard a voice.
“Leave that one! He’s with me!”
​
Troy?
​
I saw a figure emerge from the tunnel in the wall, and against all logic, somehow it was Troy! He had a hell of a goose egg on his head from where he’d been hit earlier, but he was alive! He stepped between me and the spider person, arms outstretched.
​
“With me.” He repeated firmly.
The Spider stared down at him, before huffing and turning away. I watched as they disappeared down the nearby tunnel, and Troy watched them go, before quietly turning to me.
​
“Good lord, boy… I’m shocked to see you’re still alive!”
“W-what just happened?” Was the only thing I could stammer. “You can talk to them?!”
“Some of ‘em. I’ve been down here for long enough that they know me. Know I’m not a threat. But they ain’t too happy with us right now. So what you’re gonna do here is get up, follow me, and I’m gonna get you out of here.”
“How do you know they’re even gonna let us leave?” I asked.
​
Troy’s expression soured.
“Had to pay ‘em off…” He admitted, “Let them keep what was left of your friend. They considered it a fair trade, so long as we leave. Now, let’s go.”
I didn’t ask any more questions.
​
***
​
After I made it out of the sewers that day, I ended up in the hospital alongside Peter. I had some minor cuts and bruises, a burning rash over most of my body from all the sewage I’d been crawling around in… but I was still alive, and I figured that had to count for something.
​
Nobody said a word about what happened to Stewart Long down in the sewer. He got written off as a workplace accident and they never even tried to recover his body. I suspect what’s left of him is still down in the sewers, even now… feeding whatever it is that those things down there are cultivating, although I’ve never seen the body myself.
​
Yes… I have been back down beneath the southeast side of town. The next time they needed someone to go, they sent me and Tomas along with Troy, Craig and Peter. We know what’s down there and we know how to deal with them, after all. My second visit to those sewers was a lot less eventful, and most of my subsequent visits haven’t been all that eventful either.
​
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at dealing with the Spiders… they’re not the most friendly folk and I know all too well that if you cross them, they’ll rip your guts out before you even realize that you’re dead. But so long as you follow the rules and leave them alone, they’re content to live and let live. They can even be reasonable, to an extent. We’ve had a few small incidents over the years, but nothing like the one that Long caused.
​
Odds are, when Troy and Craig retire next year, Tomas and I will be training the next group on what to do when you’re down beneath the southeast side of town. So in preparation for that, I’ve made a point to keep a copy of Tom's rules in the pumphouse. I also keep a picture of Stewart Long in there. Not as a memorial and not out of spite either. Just as a grim reminder of what can happen when you don’t follow the rules.

“Amai!!!!!!!” Satsujin leapt forward and grabbed Amai, hugging and kissing her fondly.
“Where have you been!? I haven’t seen you in days!” He said. “Oh, were you scared without me? Did you miss me? Did you miss big bro Satsu?” He said in a dumb voice as he held the cat in his arms.
“Meow.” Amai responded, staring at Satsujin with half of a metallic face.
“Aw~ Of course you did! But don’t worry, I’m here again and I won’t leave you again.”
While he embraced the cat, everyone else who was just getting off the tram looked at him weirdly.
“Hmm… I never imagined that he would be obsessed with feline creatures.” Youki said.
“Obsessed is putting it lightly.” Sumireko added. “Still, how did she get all the way up Youkai Mountain?”
“Well, cats are known to be mysterious.” Kosuzu said. “But can you tell me who Amai is and why she looks like that?”
“Well it’s a bit of a story, but basically-”
“Shanghai! Shanghai Shanghai!” Shanghai yelled loudly while pointing at Amai, getting the attention of everyone else. Ko was holding her while Gummy listened to what she was saying, confused with whatever she had spouted.
“Ribbit. Ribbit ribbit. Ribbit.” Gummy translated.
“What!?” Ko was surprised. “You’re saying that Amai tried to get us killed after luring us over to Misty Lake so she could nab PB away while they were still deactivated!?” She said.
Ko’s words caused everyone to look at her, then at Amai in shock, while those who weren’t around when Amai temporarily joined the group remained somewhat confused. Satsujin on the other hand was the opposite of everyone.
“What!? No way! Amai would never do something like that!” Satsujin said. “Isn’t that right, Amai?” He asked the cyborg cat.
“Meow.” Amai meowed.
“See? She would never. I bet Shanghai is just jealous because she gets more love than her.” Satsujin accused Shanghai.
“Shanghai!!!” The doll yelled, trying to squirm out of Ko's hands to approach him and the cat. While she yelled, Gummy continued to translate, as Ko translated again for everyone else to hear.
“She says that Amai is evil, that she is not who you think she is, but rather a being who is bound to lead all of us to our doom.” Ko said.
Satsujin was skeptical, but did have some doubts about Amai. Yet before he could say anything, Satsunyan spoke up as a pair of cat ears appeared on top of the spirit’s head.
“Hold on a moment, Satsu~” Satsunyan said. “I speak cat, so maybe I can tell if she’s telling the truth.”
Satsunyan listened to Amai’s meows, nodding along for a bit until finally got everything explained. They looked over at Ko and Shanghai, with a glare that seemed very cat-like.
“Well? What did the cat say?” Ko asked.
“Amai said that Shanghai is clearly jealous of her getting her beloved Satsujin’s attention, leaving none for herself. Amai also said that Shanghai is being rude to her only because she’s a dog person.” Satsunyan said. “How dare you Shanghai, and after everything we did together on our journey.”
“Shanghai!?” Shanghai was immensely shocked with what Amai had said. She noticed how Amai was giving her a look, which infuriated the doll even more as she attempted to jump out of Ko’s hands and attack the cyborg cat with her lance.
“Wah! Hey, no fighting Shanghai! Now’s not the time!” Ko said, trying to handle the raging doll.
“Shanghai Shanghai Shanghai!!!” Shanghai yelled, while Amai looked from where she was as Satsunyan protected her.
“Um… can we all head towards the shrine? I like to see if there’s at least something that could give us a hint on where Haru and the others went.” Kosuzu requested.
…
Moriya Shrine was quiet. The grounds were clean and free of anything but stone and concrete. Twin statues of Komainu stood facing each other, with the sacred building by their opposite shoulders. Large rope hung below the rooftop, with a large box that rested on the floor.
The large group looked around and at the building, seeing if there was something that seemed off or unusual; anything that could give them an idea on if Haru or anyone else they knew was here. All they found were the trees that had surrounded the shrine, nothing else was out of place outside the area.
“Did you find anything?” Satsujin asked.
“Nope.” Sumireko said.
“Nothing here.” Cirno said.
“Not that I know of.” Suika said. The rest were either still looking or nodded their heads no.
“Maybe something inside the building?” Satsujin suggested.
“I think Wakasagihime and Kagerou are inside right now looking.” Cirno pointed.
And indeed, inside Wakasagihime and Kagerou were looking around the living area of the shrine. They noticed all the furniture was intact, the walls were clean, and nothing seemed out of place. Save for a large aquarium tank that was cracked open with all the water drained from it.
Satsujin himself was a little wary, noticing how quiet the place was. He checked with Meiling for a moment to see if she could sense any signs of malice intent nearby.
“I don’t sense any qi that sounds harmful, it’s just us. But you’re right, it is weird how quiet it is.” Meiling said.
“It could be a trick, or even some kind of trap.” Satsujin assumed. “Maybe the Moral Gods had set up something knowing that we would be here.”
“You are too worried.” Youki said, stepping into the conversation. “It is fine for a warrior to be weary of their surroundings, but if it is all that one thinks, then they leave no room for other thoughts.” He spoke with wisdom.
Meiling looked at Youki strangely, which was understandable considering the mixed mindset she has regarding the swordsman.
“Hey! I think I found something!” Rumia shouted.
Satsujin, Mary, Sumireko, Cirno, and some of the others came over to Rumia’s position, except for Wakasagihime and Kagerou who were still inside the shrine, checking further down the available hall.
Rumia showed everyone a piece of paper, with a part of the bottom looking to have been torn off. Kosuzu grabbed the paper, quickly recognizing the near-impossible-to-read handwriting.
“This is Haru’s! It’s another entry.” Kosuzu said. “PB, can you-”
PB had already grabbed the paper before Kosuzu could finish, knowing what she was going to ask. A new paper was made as Kosuzu read what it had to say.
—
May 5th, Year 202X Hour of writing: 5 pm. Soft rain with strong winds. Incoming storm. We’re just back from the expedition. It went as I least expected; pretty fucking wrong.
Yesterday's meeting went well, for the most part. While everyone agreed on keeping everything under control, Aunn refused to come, because she didn't want to leave Akyuu alone after everything she's gone through recently, and that's perfectly understandable. Seiran did agree to come with me out of a desire to explore, so the next day, she and Ringo got everything sorted out on the comms side of things and we went our way into Youkai Mountain.
It took us roughly two hours to get into the base of the mountain, because of some youkai getting in our way, but we were able to go past them without major trouble. There, we found a ropeway, which saved us from the effort to climb the mountain. It was a pretty nice sight. After a while, we got to the peak of the mountain, and thus, arrived at Moriya Shrine.
Surprisingly, it was completely untouched. Both exterior and interior were in an immaculate state, save for a thick layer of dust that covered everything in there. We found a lot of useful things for the survivors, such as canned food, clothes, medicine, a handful of old weapons, and many other things.
At one point, we entered a big room with nothing but a giant water tank with a goldfish in there. We first assumed that this was someone's pet, having been abandoned due to the depraved incident. What we didn't expect, is that it started talking in perfect Japanese from nowhere. Yeah. A talking fish.
Before I could ask anything important, the fish started to insult me and Seiran. Apparently, It knew exactly who we were, and claimed to know a lot about us. It told me I was a drama queen, a liar, a psycho, a stubborn idiot, and many other things. It also said I was only useful because of my dragon heart, and that I would be nothing but a living floor mat without it.
It also told Seiran that she would fail to save Ringo, just how she failed before being sheltered by me, because it was bound to happen. I was shocked at what the fish said, and Seiran was about to explode in anger. She ran forward, trying to destroy the tank, but was sent back by a giant spectral snake that came out of nowhere. The fish laughed, and then called out a whole pack of those snakes to attack us. We tried our best to fight back, but after a tough fight, I realized there was no possible way to win, because of how powerful they were as a unit.
I ended up fleeing the shrine with Seiran in my back, as she carried all the loot we managed to get from it. I had to run for well over an hour until I got back to Eientei. She's doing well, though she seems to have been affected by the fish's words, now being notoriously under the weather with everyone including her partner. I will have to talk down with her about that later.
And as for the shrine, I'm never going back to that place. It was a terrible idea all along. What I was thinking?
…
I̷̤̓'̷͈̈m̶͙͝ ̴̝̀a̶̪͝n̷̛͉ ̸̪̔ỉ̴̩d̸̞͂i̶̩̽o̴̧͛t̴̡̓.̵̣̈́ ̴̩́Ị̴̅ ̸̛͍c̵͎̚a̵̻̿n̸̹̈́'̷̲̾ț̷͑ ̴̝͆h̶̪́e̶͔̋l̸͇͝p̸̛̯ ̶͈̂b̴̨͊u̶͍̅t̵̟́ ̴̼͠f̴̮̎e̷̝̕e̴͒͜ḷ̷̆ ̶͖́ţ̸̛h̶̓͜e̴̺͑ẏ̶̱ ̴̣̑w̵̹̿e̷̟̓r̵͚̓e̵̮͐ ̵̺̉r̷̟͑i̷̞̽g̸͖̈́h̵̩͆t̷̹̎ ̸̖̀a̵͖̍b̴̞͌o̴̬͒ụ̴̿ṫ̵̫ ̸̳͋m̶͕̈́ḙ̴̋.̴͖̾
—
Kosuzu looked at the last part of the entry, seeing the corrupted text once more. Her mind was once again worried like before, but her thoughts were interrupted by Suika.
“Wait, that’s it?” Suika asked, snatching the paper from Kosuzu. “No information on where they went? No signs of where to go?”
“It’s a journal entry, I don’t think it makes sense to write down directions on where exactly the author went.” Satsujin stated.
“I know that, but we’ve been running around in a circle across Gensokyo by now! The very least they could do is point us in the right direction!” Suika said.
“Maybe there’s something inside the shrine we haven’t checked.” Sumireko said. “I wonder if Kagerou and Wakasagihime found anything.”
The rest looked towards the shrine, with some noticing how they have been in there a bit longer than they should. Amai herself was sitting there, staring right at the shrine.
“Um… What’s taking them?” Suika asked. “Did they get lost or something?”
“I don’t think they would get lost. It’s not like Moriya Shrine is that big of a place.” Sumireko said. “It is strange how they haven’t come out yet. Maybe we should head in and check.”
Just as she said that, Amai darted to the left, running down and away from everyone else. Satsujin noticed her running off and called for her.
“Amai! Where are you going!?” He asked. “We need to go after her!”
Satsujin was just about to pursue the half-robotic feline, but stopped upon sensing something coming from inside the shrine itself. His body went to a halt, turning around to look back over.
Meiling and Youki also sensed something coming from inside the shrine. It wasn’t something that resembled corruption, but it wasn’t anything familiar either.
“Ah…A wolf, and a fish… A strange pair of friends, yet not unusual either.” A voice inside the shrine spoke. Footsteps could be heard, loud and clear, shaking the ground with each step that was taken.
“Oh…Dear.” PB said.
“Um…Guys…Something isn’t right.” Sumireko said, also getting a similar feeling like the others. Everyone readied themselves.
The doors of Moriya Shrine were wide open, as a figure walked out. Bare feet were shown, shining a golden yellow. Muscles were seen, big and toned from the calf of the legs to the pectorals of the chest. The shape of their body was almost godlike to the eyes of many.
They walked out of the building entirely, letting their face be revealed to all the others. Unlike the rest of his body though, his head resembled that of a goldfish. With a pair of big eyes on each side, big fish lips, and even scales which reflect on the sunlight.
In their hands, Kagerou and Wakasagihime were both being held; dragged out by their necks. They looked to have been beaten badly with bruises on their bodies and cuts on their clothes. Some of the members gasped as they saw who it was that seemed obviously to be the culprit of their wounds.
“What did you do to them!?” Meiling asked defensively.
“I just knocked them out. That’s all.” The figure said, dropping the two as he walked forward. “They intruded my resting quarters while I was napping, dreaming about glory and fame.”
“Who are you!?” Meiling asked again.
“And why do you have a fish head!?” Cirno said, asking the bigger questions.
Both her and Meiling rush at the figure with their weapons and their fists. They both striked the foe with might and fury for what happened to their friends. But as the smoke cleared, it was revealed that the figure, taking the full impact of Cirno’s Melon Blade and Meiling’s fist, remained standing perfectly fine.
Then during the small moment of confusion that the two bore towards their opponent, the fish-faced figure grabbed both Cirno and Meiling while also holding the previous two, and threw them both across the shrine grounds with great power! Meiling and Cirno crashed into the pavement, simultaneously being used as cushions for the wolf and the mermaid respectively.
“Meiling! Cirno!” Sumireko shouted. Mary and Satsujin both rush over to their friends, helping them up while checking to see if they sustained any major wounds.
Meanwhile, the figure hummed, looking around to see what he was presented with. He saw the majority looking human, but could tell that most of them were more than that. But upon laying eyes on PB, he smiled greatly.
“Ah, Peanut Butter. It’s been a while.” He spoke. “Last I saw you was back on Omnious, when my brother and I were this close to achieving our conquest.”
“...How?” PB asked carefully. “How did you return?”
“Wait, you know him?” Sumireko asked PB.
“I do.” PB answered. “He is a very powerful foe, known by his title as ‘The Omnipotent One’. A man who once tried to wipe out all three of the Mortal Realms after he and his brother agreed that the actions of the individual would lead to the downfall of all that is living.”
The Omnipotent One chuckled from PB’s statement about him. “That’s what mere mortals like to refer to me as. But for now, you may call me Simon.”
“Simon…Wait a second.” Sumireko thought for a moment. “Didn’t Sanae have a pet goldfish named Simon?”
“Correct naive child.” Simon said. “It is true, I once was kept as a mere pet fish by her and those two goddesses she claims are her ‘parents’.” He said while raising his hands to make quotation marks. “Before all of that though, I was a triumphant God; born and raised in the land of Omnious alongside many of my fellow deities.”
“But you were killed, we were there, Alena and I. You were supposed to be dead.” PB said in a more serious tone.
“Ah…But that’s the thing, Peanut Butter. I am a god, always have, always will.” Simon exclaimed. “I was reborn into the form of a man; grew up in a normal household and raised by two adults who believed in what was best for me. I was fortunate to have retained my memories and knowledge. In the following years I managed to position myself in a title of power and wealth, enjoying my days of careless wonder. Then one day, I was introduced to a man with both religious and political power, offering a unique kind of deal that anyone would accept in a heartbeat. There, I was engaged to a girl named Sanae Kochiya.”
“I could already tell that they were using her as an excuse to get more followers to their weakening cult, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a person who I could use to my liking. So I decide to torture her; bringing home various bugs and creatures and watch her squirm all over the room while begging for it to stop. It reminded me of back home when we would take mortal men and throw them into the colosseum with lions, tigers, and bears.”
“Oh my.” Suika spouted suddenly, covering her mouth afterwards with her hands.
“Oh my indeed.” Simon said. “But alas, the fun didn’t last forever. There came a day when one of the creatures I brought got too close to her, one that contained a deadly poison in its fangs, and bit her…I was disappointed to watch her be taken down like that, especially since it was clear she had the blood of a god residing in her. But what I didn’t know was that I had accidentally angered an ancient god in the process. Thus, my form was reverted to that of a fish. A goldfish to be more specific.”
“And for years I was treated with harsh verbal tongue from both the Goddess of Wind and Rain and the Goddess of Mountains. They even managed to bring back that girl Sanae using a forbidden soul transfer ritual, turning her from a sad girl with mental trauma into the most happy-go-lucky kid I ever seen…Heh…Hahaha…Hahahahahahaha!” Simon started to laugh all of a sudden, making everyone else all the more confused on the matter as his laughter turned hysterical.
“HAHAHAHAHA!!! And all those years I had waited! Waited for the day that I would return to my full strength! Waited for when the stars would align, the planets in their right positions, the time being exactly right. Waited I did, and a reward I had received. With the thanks of a bolt of corrupted lighting I regained my power, and learned how to control the mishaguji that the ancient goddess left behind; the very beings who had given me that weak body to begin with!” He said, as a flurry of white snake-like beings manifested around Simon, waving like flames behind his back while looking down at everyone.
Simon gripped his hands tightly, flexing his arms to show his strength. “And with this new body, granted to me with the help of the powers of Hakurei, I now have a form to match my immense strength!”
“Hakurei? What do you mean?” PB asked, right as Simon decided to approach them with a bit of an unhinged look in their eyes.
“Don’t you get it? This was all planned from the very beginning! All of it!!! From the moment you all stepped onto that tram to move up the mountain you were already destined to meet me. And now you shall face me!” Simon said.
That was when it finally hit them. Sumireko and PB were the first to realize the situation that was put upon them: This was a trap no doubt, a very serious trap.
“We need to leave!!!” PB said as they went and allowed Sumireko to equip them to provide her extra power to evacuate. She dashed the opposite direction of where Simon stood, with PB yelling at everyone else to follow their lead as they knew staying any longer would only bring impending doom.
They ran down the shrine grounds as quickly as they could, but only for a few seconds before they collided with a barrier.
“Owie…” Sumireko checked to see if her face was okay. “A barrier?”
She pressed on it, the air felt like a solid surface. The others stopped as they approached, noticing they were now sealed in. Satsujin tried to phase through, but alas the moment he tried to push his arms through he was pushed back with a jolt of electricity. Suika made an attempt to convert her body into mist, but even in that form she was not able to pass through.
“This is like when we were at Hakurei Shrine.” Sumireko thought. “Then that would mean…”
She looked out the brand-new barrier, and saw Yuzuki with her hands out, and Demise standing alongside her.
“Ah, we meet again.” Demise said to the group. “I see you all met Simon? He’s a great fellow, knows his stuff well.”
“YOU!!!” Mary screamed, attempting to pierce through the barrier with her daggers. “Why the fuck is it always you everytime we go anywhere!?”
“Aw, I missed you too dear… A shame this may be our last meeting together.” Demise said. “But to the rest of you, best of luck.”
“What the hell do you mean our last meeting together!?” Mary asked, but Demise did not answer, making her more furious. “Hey… Hey! Answer me you prick! Get over here and let me carve you into a hollow corpse!”
The group looked back, seeing Simon standing there with a big fish-lipped smile on his face. He didn’t approach the group yet, almost seemingly waiting for them to come to him first.
“Ah…It’s been a while since I have been able to fight someone. This will be a good warmup.” He said, rolling his arms around as a large pair of blades fell from nowhere whilst he pulled them out from the ground. “Now… Which of you will be the first of my victims?”

I’m sure you’ve been hearing about how the US government is selling off parcels of land for incredibly cheap – you could get your very own lighthouse or abandoned department of wildlife building for a few thousand dollars.
They say it’s so these buildings and sites can be maintained by private citizens rather than continue to spiral into disrepair.
Recent experience has led me to the conclusion that the real reason is far more sinister.
I knew it was going to need some work when I saw the pictures – peeling paint, doors taken off their hinges, the thin spiral staircase leading to the top was missing a step. But with a starting bid of $1,000? On the off chance that it worked out, it was worth it.
I threw out a dollar over the minimum bid late at night and then went to bed with zero expectations – none-too-fondly recalling the old eBay days where someone would jump in and outbid you at the last minute, so I was genuinely shocked to wake up to an email that I’d actually won.
It didn’t take long for me to realize I was in way over my head. The excitement I’d felt over owning a place of my own dissolved the moment I saw the tall grey structure looming above me on the horizon. The picture on the website had shown the quintessential red and white striped lighthouse with turquoise waters and the deep blue sky as a backdrop, this building was a stark grey pitted stone tower, sitting atop a windowless cement base. I checked the paperwork, this was the correct address – I tried the code on the lockbox, it worked. I emailed the contact information from the website, but I wasn’t sure what else to do while I was waiting, other than check out the inside. As I walked the narrow and winding path to the door, I couldn’t help but notice how the beach grass and flowers that dotted the rest of the landscape stopped abruptly at the beginning of the pathway; seabirds too, stayed far away.
Walking in, I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I could tell that the place was going to need – it was even worse than the pictures had indicated. Paint had long peeled off, revealing large patches of discoloration on the walls and ceiling. Doors from the small rooms had been taken off their hinges and used to board up the entrance to the cement cylinder that served as the base.
There was a sort of heaviness I felt the moment I stepped over the threshold. At the time, I chalked it up to buyers' remorse from seeing the level of disrepair it had fallen into.
I've since come to believe that when a place is exposed to centuries of death, loneliness, and madness – it becomes as much part of it as the floors, or walls, or roof.
The company replied, they seemed as confused as I was about the pictures and apologized for the mix up – it seemed like an innocent mistake.
It probably should’ve deterred me, but I was still caught up in the high of owning my own land – picturing moving out of my apartment, not having a rent or mortgage.
Well, I was right in a way, I certainly won’t need to worry about rent again. Or a mortgage. Or anything else outside of this place, for that matter.
I’d reached out to several contractors, trying to line up repairs. Floors, walls, doors, stairs – you name it, there was something wrong with it.
Most had straight up turned me down when they heard where the job would be – some politely but nervously declined, others just hung up on me. It took me weeks to finally find someone, from two towns over, that was willing to come out and even take a look.
He was a friendly guy that introduced himself as Joey and offhandedly mentioned he was surprised to see the place with another new owner so soon. Before I could ask any follow up questions to that, he was off measuring, and jotting down notes, and then disappeared up the stairs.
As the sun began to set, I realized it had been hours since I’d last seen him. I saw his pickup, still sitting outside, and called around for him. I walked up to the very top, careful to avoid the missing step – taking in the briny air while searching the perimeter. I checked each of the small rooms with their peeling paint and stained floors, I went to the bottom – and then reluctantly to the only place I hadn’t looked yet – the cement cylinder at the base. I’d stuck my head down there the very first day after removing the barricades and immediately decided it was a place I’d prefer to never visit again. It was made up of a series of narrow and dark concrete tunnels, stained with rust and filled with a dank mildewy smell. Without windows or power, it was pitch black there even during the brightest of days.
I opened the door and called out for him, but my own voice echoing back at me was the only response. Reluctantly, I descended, shining my flashlight around the interior of the tunnels and trying to convince myself that I definitely could find my way back and probably wouldn’t be trapped down there forever.
At the end of one of the passageways, I saw something that surprised me – a set of ancient looking stairs that led downwards. I was confused, because the cylinder was at the very bottom, anything below it would’ve been solid rock, and eventually the ocean. I found my palms sweating so profusely at the thought of going down those stone steps that I nearly dropped my flashlight.
I called his name weakly but heard nothing. It was unnervingly quiet – a sort of thick silence that was heavy on the air. I hesitated – part of me just longed to be in the lighted interior of my car, doors locked, on the way back to my crappy apartment. It would’ve been easy enough to get lost down there, and the thought of otherwise abandoning someone else to the darkness encouraged me to fight through my own fears and continue onward.
I took a deep breath and cautiously took the first step, the tunnels just a dark blur behind me. The stairs formed a spiral downwards and as I descended, it felt as if the pitted walls began to close in around me as I continued down what seemed like an endless amount of stone steps. I knew I had to have been impossibly far down, at least ten stories below the ground level. I still saw no sign of Joey – my voice had long since stopped echoing, as the space around me had narrowed.
Every so often I’d come across graffiti, drawings, tally marks scribbled or scratched into the walls. At the top of the stairs, someone had started in the middle of a long and rambling letter to a loved one that wrapped along the ever-narrowing walls in cramped handwriting. The further I continued downwards, the content devolved into nonsense – words were written on top of each other and strung together to form meaningless sentences, and then eventually stopped altogether. Different handwriting had picked up where it left off and had simply said ‘they are waiting’. Others seemed to have underlined and circled the phrase in agreement as they too walked by. After I passed an ‘I’m not ready yet’ that looked to have been written in blood, I decided that I was done reading graffiti and that I’d focus strictly on the stairs.
The darkness, the narrowing walls – the slick steps – I paused at one point and wondered why I was still going, but besides the guilt if I gave up, I felt compelled to, eager almost.
Just as the space became so tight that the stone painfully scraped against my shoulders, the stairs sharply stopped at a small platform that opened into a tiny room – the first I’d seen since I’d been down here. The walls were covered with apologies, good-byes, confessions, love letters – some written, some carved into the stone. Of those that were still legible, some were written in anguish, others with fear, some were just pure madness, but not one of them expressed hope.
Someone had written EXIT HERE in large, disjointed letters, with a crudely drawn arrow pointing downwards to a hatch on the floor.
I hesitated for a moment – knowing there was nothing below us but rock and ocean – and I should’ve hit those hours ago, but decided I’d come all this way, I might as well keep going.
It led to even more stairs, but this time the steps were that of a tight iron spiral staircase, one step missing. I felt a sudden stale breeze as I descended. There were windows around me that opened into the pitch-black night – it was so dark outside that I hadn't even realized they were windows at all at first.
I froze – confused – I wasn’t sure how I managed to get myself so utterly turned around – I knew I’d been walking downwards the entire way. I was certain of it. Yes, I was tired, it was dark, but I knew up from down.
I heard a sound from below – a whirring, and thought I’d finally found Joey – or somehow, some sort of exit. Something. Anything but more stairs. Relieved, I decided to continue downwards – upwards – the direction I’d been going.
At the bottom, was a ladder leading to another hatch on the floor. I climbed down, opened it, and – to my utter confusion – found myself standing at the top of the lighthouse.
I grasped for the railing to orient and brace myself against the strong, stinging wind. I couldn’t see the moon, stars – any light reflecting on the water around me. It was somehow darker outside than it had been in the tunnels and unlight stairwell – darker than I had previously thought possible.
The choppy black waters of the sea were indistinguishable from the sky, the land, even with the steady flash of the strangely tinted automated light – the whirring I’d heard – I could see very little. At first, I felt a wave of relief at seeing Joey’s car was gone – he’d made it out – but it was short lived when I realized that mine was gone too. The shore, the beach houses in the distance – everything was gone. The wind had picked up – instead of the light and briny sea air it was heavy in my lungs and had a smell – earthiness mixed with something else that I couldn’t place at the time.
Although I couldn’t see much of anything beyond the railing when the light above flashed, I could just make out pale, nearly translucent forms being tossed along in the black water far in the distance.
When I finally managed to look away from the hypnotizing motion of whatever was floating in the waves, I realized the slick floor was littered with items – Joey’s shoes, notepad, and toolbelt. A woman’s purse, leather peeling from the constant barrage of the black water – piles and piles of neatly folded clothes.
I panicked, opened the hatch I’d come down – up?– through.
I was relieved to see steps leading down. I rushed back down the metal stairs, slipping from the dark water that had splashed against my shoes, before making it back to the platform.
I ran as fast as my tired legs would allow, past the hundreds of additional ‘They are waiting’ messages I had missed the first time. It wasn’t until I reached the top of the stone steps that I paused for the first time, and I took deep gulping breaths in relief – until I saw it.
EXIT HERE, the arrow pointing upwards.
I told myself I must have missed that on the way down. I laughed, even, chiding myself for my forgetfulness as I reached for the opening to the hatch, eager to return to the dank interior of the cement cylinder. I never would’ve thought I’d be happy to see that pitch black series of tunnels again.
My laughter turned to misery.
I think I sobbed that first time, when the fetid breeze hit my face – bringing with it that smell of old things. Welcoming things. My phone said it was 6:45 AM, but it never got any lighter outside. The pale things in the sea below moved along with the waves, their tangled limbs just a bit clearer in the closer proximity.
I opened the hatch and climbed back down, but slowly that time, wobbly with exhaustion. When I descended and reached the platform and little room again, EXIT HERE pointing downwards at the hatch – I didn’t even bother opening it for the longest time. Eventually, I knew I needed to. Just in case. I needed to see.
I started to lose track of how many times I made that fruitless journey that always ended the same way – with me stepping outside into the endless night. I didn’t start my own tally marks right away, but it’s been forty trips since I started counting.
By the 7th recorded time I had stepped out into the darkness, I was laughing. I needed to see the water. I had to breathe in that air – it was an urge that I could not fight. The pale forms in the dark waters moved with the current – closer, further away, closer, further. Closer. Closer. Closer still.
I've been trying to conserve my phone battery ever since I've found I have a faint signal in the exact middle of the stairs. I've been so tempted to call for help – an overwhelming urge that is still hard to fight, even though I know I'd be dooming them as well.
According to the date, I've been stuck here for a week with no food or water. At one point I tripped and smashed my head on the stone steps – based on the sound and the blood, an injury that should have been fatal. Even death refuses to grant me reprieve.
I’ve memorized every ‘They are waiting’ written along the walls, every word of each confession.
I’ve even written a few messages of my own.
One is on the wall with the others, short, streaky, and written in the only medium I could find, for whomever is unfortunate to follow in my footsteps – and this post. A warning to others that may also be tempted to accept a deal that seems too good to be true.
Although much of it is illegible, I do think the graffiti was right about two things.
That out into the stale air, into the embrace of the dark sea – that is truly the exit, the only way out.
And, judging by the slap of wet footsteps on the hatch above my head, they are waiting for me.

Stand Name: 「Fly Me Into the Moon」
Namesake: "Fly Me To The Moon"_By Frank Sinatra
Localized Name: 「Slam Me Into the Moon」
--Speedwagon Foundation Document--
--Subject: Moon is Crash--
--Agent Designation: G3--
Isn't it odd that despite naming every other moon, we have yet to name our own? I mean, some theories towards how it was formed give it names, such as Theia. But it itself doesn't have any name other than "Moon" or the name of a Moon god/goddess. But I digress, my team was tasked with investigating recent sightings of bizarre occurrences.
These occurrences were located near Abberant Woods. These occurrences include: finding animals with stone body parts (otherwise fleshy), a line of partially petrified trees, and a destroyed generator surrounded by stone and metal fragments. After arriving, we fanned out. Agent Happy had his murder of crows scout the south side of the forest. Agent Milk joined him for ground support and backup. Robert and I search the north side of the forest, eventually finding and following a second line of partial petrification. It was strange to see, as shrapnel both wood/bone and stone littered the ground. I had to stop Robert from eating a dead bird as he was on the clock. Additionally, many of the trees hit looked to be sagging slightly, as if they weren't big enough for the space their roots carved into the earth.
Then we noticed something else, something small and minor in size, glowing orange and radiating extreme heat. (Note: if you see something glowing you objectively shouldn't touch it) I poked it with a stick, it seemed like a giant, very burnt marshmallow, with cracks of orange within it. When I pulled the stick back, the tip was melted off and the rest of it was starting to catch fire. So I threw it on the ground and stomped it out. By now, all the orange cracks had dulled, so I grabbed another stick to poke the object with, this time, it was rock solid. Not just that, but it was a rock. Which would mean the orange stuff was magma. Which would normally be impossible as the location wasn't near anything that could produce lava, let alone in such a small and remote dosage.
Robert then alerted me to a weird glow on the horizon, a lake if I remember correctly. When I approached a blistering wave of heat flew at me. Resisting it I pulled myself to the ledge to look at the lake below. It was completely normal, except for the frogs, fish, and magma orbiting around a truck-sized rock. That was when I noticed the truck sized rock had an eye. I called it in and took some pictures with my secondary phone. But then the "eye" shifted in the body to look at me before it began to raise into the sky before disappearing as the sun broke the horizon.
All the changes made still remained even if the stand didn't. And after cleaning up the area and setting up a few lower ranking agents to look over the area, we considered the investigation finished (the stand did not show up again the next night.) The following is the profile I have gathered from the investigation.
User: Unknown
Stand Type: Sentient? Long Range Bound Stand
Stand Appearance: 「Fly Me Into the Moon」 seems to be primarily made of rocks similar to those found on the moon, its main body is a rough, oval-like shape. 3/4 of the way up, is its singular eye, cut into the rock (like Roggonrola but actually an eye instead of an ear) the outer part of the eye appears to be made of magma with the inner part appearing to be iron (but not magnetic). This eye can freely move around the body. It is easily able to levitate. It is about the size of a pickup truck.
Stand Ability:「Fly Me Into the Moon」 has one ability.
Impact Theory: When 「Fly Me Into the Moon」 makes contact with another target, part of its "armor" will be shattered off, the target will also shatter into pieces. The shattered pieces will orbit around 「Fly Me Into the Moon」 like debris. 「Fly Me Into the Moon」 will then pull some of the shattered pieces towards itself, increasing its "body" mass. Meanwhile, the target will quickly reform with some of it replaced by the rock-like material that makes up 「Fly Me Into the Moon」. The target will somewhat smaller, but will otherwise function the same. For mechanical things with moving parts, being replaced with "moon rocks" may have an impact on how it functions due to the material difference. Pieces of living targets replaced by "moon rocks" will no longer function. They are functionally petrified. The material attached to 「Fly Me Into the Moon」 will slowly turn into the rocky material it composes itself of, in whatever state the target material it absorbed was in. The target will be left spinning even after they reform. Living targets will not die from being shattered.
Stats:
Power: A
Speed: E (The ability has a B in speed, but the stand itself is slow)
Range: A
Persistence: A
Precision: E
Development Potential: E
As a note, the stand may also be resigned to act only during night time, but as we do not yet have full confirmation, I will leave that speculation here. As to who or what its user is, I do not know. But my gut is telling me it may be the second of those.
---
If I win, I'll keep my current flair and ask for the next theme to be arachnids.

After posting many of my ideas for the prequels on this sub, Ive decided to begin writing it in earnest. My versions are written as if I am George in the 90s, so the EU exists but plays second fiddle to the film cannon, there is no clone wars or Mandalorian, or any other lore post prequels.
Also, I've decided to go with four films, I think there is enough material to flesh out without any filler. However, this does mean that Eps IV, V and VI would need to be renumbered, but I think looking back, it would definitely have been possible for George to achieve such a thing.
Here is my high level overview, full rewrite is underway.
Episode I 'Attack of the Droids'
-Set Up and Context- (This is not the opening crawl, this will be revealed to the audience in the crawl and exposition throughout.)
The Trade Federation are in dispute with workers in their hyperdrive fuel factory on Alderaan. King Prestor Organa, who has historically been favourable to the TF, is mysteriously unwell. The TF responded to the striking workers by deploying 'security' droids to the scene, this then escalated the dispute to an armed conflict, with workers taking up weapons to defend themselves, and seize the refinery. His heir, Princess Padme Organa and her younger Brother Prince Bail Organa are keeping the peace, while Padme attempts diplomacy through their Senator, Bail has led the Royal Guard, the only permitted militia on the planet, in between the refinery and the security droids, resulting in a standoff on all sides. The Chancellor has asked the Jedi to investigate, the secretive order dispatched Jedi Knight Obi Wan Kenobi to heed the call, he must hurry though, impatient and expecting results, the TF have begun building a blockade around the planet to force an intervention in their favour.
Note: The galaxy is demilitarised. The only permitted forces are private militias who serve a specific purpose, such as defending a royal family, or a squad of troops assigned to a star freighter to protect the goods from piracy.
-Overview-
This film begins with an assassination attempt on Padme and Bail. This successfully kills Bail, but Obi Wan's presence saves Padme's life, he then whisks her off planet, but he is badly injured, and their ship is badly damaged. On Tattoine, Anakin is introduced like Rey, but the ships he's scrapping aren't Star Destroyers, and he dosent live in an ATAT, we see him save parts for his podracer rather than trade them for food and water, share his limited rations with his poorly mum Shmi, and work on his Pod. Above, the Alderanian ship can no longer maintain lightspeed travel, and the ship is ejected from hyperspace, crash landing on Tattooine. Anakin races to the wreck, and agrees to save the badly injured Obi Wan in exchange for all the parts of their ship he can salvage. Padme agrees. Shmi uses her indigenous practices to connect with the force and save Obis life. (For more on this, see my post history). This shows us how the Jedi and Sith don't have a monopoly on use of the force in the galaxy. The next day they head for the pod race, Anakins only hope of a better life, on the way they see TF activity at a mine, we learn they replaced all the workforce with droids, which hollowed out all the communities and left nothing but ghost towns. Old West style. Beru, Shmi's sister, and her boyfriend Owen meet with the party to help them travel to the race. Owen lost his job to TF droids, and has a gambling problem. The podrace itself is essentially a Burning Man festival for the sons and daughters of the Galactic upper classes, where untold amounts of credits are bet over a weekend on working class and slave racers, many of whom die in the process for the chance at a better life. We see glimpses of Jabba, water barons, and hints of the rich and famous. Not quite as explicit and beat-you-over-the-head as The Last Jedi's casino, but similar, the point is, the people betting on these races are far, far removed from the people racing in these races. Anakin is given a quick 'trust in the force' talk by Obi Wan, and a good luck kiss on the cheek from Padme, who we have seen be more and more flirtatious with Anakin over their time in the desert. Padme is usually surrounded by the prim and proper, and is relishing the chance to literally and figuratively let her hair down, she gifted her royal clothes to Shmi as thanks for their hospitality on their way away, Shmi earlier gave Obi and Padme tattoine peasants clothes. Our group then seperate as one tries to find a way off world.
Meanwhile, on Alderaan, the TF is panicking about the Jedi and Padme reaching the senate, and begin a network wide search across multiple planets. Darth Maul is revealed to be a liason between the TF and a mysterious benefactor. We finally get an understanding of what the TF are truly up to as they reveal their clone of Bail. They attempt to take command of the Royal Guard and planet more generally by quietly killing the King and installing the Bail clone, but it is not entirely successful as their attempt is complicated by Padme being the true heir, and some of the lords object to confirming Bail as King.
We see Owen bet on Sebulba secretely, while telling Beru he has bet on Anakin. Meanwhile Obi and Padme are spotted by the senator for Correlia, who's engaging in a bit off partying and gambling while on the job. Correlia is a technocracy, and all of their elite have Deus Ex style transhuman alterations thag make them half cyborg. This senator initially proposes a marriage between Padme and their Prince, we get this sense this is something that has been brought up many times before. Padme rejects the offer, but Obi counters with one he cannot refuse. Transport to Corruscant, and his backing of an emergency motion in the senate on the situation on Alderaan, in exchange for a winning tip. He looks them up and down, decides to trust Obi, and bets big against a rival TF Viceroy, to sweeten the deal. (Correlia want this marriage so they have access to Alderaan hyperdrive refineries and deny the TF, their rivals, access.) At the last moment, Owen has a change of heart, suddenly he believes in Anakin, he heads to the bookie, but needs more cash, so he grabs Padme's dress. The bookie accepts and asks his minion to appraise it.
Anyway, Anakin wins, he decides to join Obi to become a Jedi, much to Owens protest, they leave tatooine, Shmi hands Ani a necklace with a carved khyber crystal, it matches her own, then kisses her son goodbye.
The Alderaan senator recieves a request to verify the heritage of an item, he sees the hologram of Padme's dress, blood stained becuase of the help she gave Obi on the ship whole he was badly injured, and believes Padme is dead. He uses this as evidence to make the lord's ratify clone Bail as king. Bail then immediately orders the attack on the refinery. Nute Gunray's now chipper attitude is cut dry by a stoic Darth Maul, who continues to meditate, and suggests cryptically that he should not be so sure she is dead. Throughout the film he has simply made smug yet cryptic comments and weirded out the TF guys, appearing to be all knowing, but letting nothing slip. (For more on my version of Darth Maul, see my post history.)
On board the senator's ship, Obi attempts to comfort Anakin over his mixed feelings of leaving his family, but struggles to relate die to his indoctrination into the Jedi, he dosent even remember his family. The moment is interrupted by Padme seeing the news of her own death on the holonet. The senator tries to follow-through on his promise to raise an emergency motion, but the motion is denied due to the Alderanian senator refusing to agree to it. Padme attempts to appear in the senate directly, after all, surely all she would need to do now is show her face for the senate to see the issue, but she's told the senators would be more offended by the improper following if parliamentary procedures than what's going on in Alderaan. So, frustrated, she says she'll call for a motion of no confidence in the chancellor, but it's unlikely to succeed, the TF have their money in the pockets of a huge chunk of the senate, any vote will go their way. Upset and out of options, Padme storms out.
On Alderaan, we see the attack begin. Union leader Saw Gurrera leads his terrified workers into the defence of the refinery against the droids. Think of the scene in Miras Tirith where Aragorn notes none of the men are soldiers.
Obi Wan reflects on the situation, and all he's witnessed throughout the day, for once his faith in the system, the senate and the order is shaken. He's been insisting throughout the film to trust the process, the system works. Now however, he feels he must confide in Padme. He tells her that he was tasked with testing Padme for force abilities, if he found none, he was to falsify a result and recruit her to the order, she would ultimately fail to become a Jedi, but since she'd have already denounced her right to the throne and titles, she would be able to serve the order in other ways. His superiors saw this as an acceptable solution to maintain peace, as they saw it, Padme would never find accord wkth the trade federation, but her younger brother likely could be convinced. At this, Padme snaps, she marches back into the bridge and tells the senator to hail his prince. Padme agrees terms for a royal marriage between the houses of Organa and Correlia in a no nonsense 'cut the crap' speech. She sets her terms, including a fair deal for refinery workers, protection against automation by droid, and the liberation of Alderaan from TF control. Correlia accept the terms. We see their ship exits hyperspace, gravity assist around a star to turn around, and re enter hyperspace.
In the third act, we're taking Alderaan back. We get a glimpse of the power of the Jedi as Obi and Anakin sneak on board one of the TF ships to deactivate the shield. Then, the Correlian forces attack Rogue One style. The battle for the refinery turns as the air support arrives, ships land, and Padme makes herself known to the royal guard, they realise what's happening and stop fighting for clone bail, then the plant is taken.
The remaining workers join forces with the RG, and Correlians to retake the city. It becomes a full scale revolt, with Padme making an inspiring speech over hologram, decrying her 'brother' as a tyrant and illegitimate king. When the palace itself is breached, droidekas are dispatched and it becomes a much tougher fight, we lose minor characters we have come to know in the film here. This is the moment Darth Maul finally reveals himself. Obi ignites his lightsaber for what looks like a one on one, and Maul says thank you for bringing what he wanted all these years directly to him, Obi looks at Padme, but Maul begins to pull Anakin towards him. "The Sifo-Dyas reborn", Obi reacts quickly and tries to pull anakin himself. (See my post on Dooku, Maul and the Jedi, but suffice to say in my rewrite the Sifo-Dyas is the Jedi messiah, the prophecy foretells of his second coming, and Maul sees himself as not a sith, but the onky true Jedi, to the point that his tattoos are actually Jedi scripture.), The tension rises as maul creeps closer and closer, he ominously quotes scripture, the prophecy of the second coming. Sure enough, it fits the anakin we have seen so far, but not quite the darth Vader we know he becomes. Note, I haven't written this yet, but it will include something like "Son of two Sons (Suns)", the prophecy tells that the second Sifo-Dyas will destroy both the Sith and the Jedi, but one will rise to destroy him, and lead the faithful into a golden age. (it's luke).
As Maul is about to strike, believing he will be the one, Padme break the force pull lock by blasting the shit out of maul with a blaster, forcing him to deflect her shots, and causing anakin to be yeeted into Obi's arms. He turns to attack Padme, but Anakin body tackles him to protect her. Obi force pulls anakin yet again, then faces his saver towards Maul. It's here that we get the double saber reveal. Anakin lifts his blaster and Obi pushes him back like Dooku did to Qui-Gon in TOTJ...back behind the red shields. I think I'm going to have the palace and refinery be connected to make that make sense. (I need the refinery to be far enough away that the standoff then siege of the droids can happen, but close enough that we can have the Darth Maul showdown after they reach the palace, and still in the epic setting it happens in the film.) We hear radio chatter indicating that clone bail has been located, Padme says come on to Anakin, but he stays.
Anyway the fight progresses, it's epic of course, but the twist comes with Obi being injured, the fight seems over, Maul has won. I never liked the hanging off the edge thing, so let's have Obi be injured seriously for the second time this film. Then have an Viper vs the Mountain dynamic, Maul is taunting him, he turns his focus to Anakin, gloating over his victory and the downfall of the false Jedi Order. He opens the shield, Anakin is clearly terrified, but raises his blaster, filmed in close up, cut to Maul, who smirks and ignites his saber. Obi in the meantime has crawled along the floor towards them, and slices Mauls legs off. Obi, exhausted, passes out, but the big pit begins to fire one of the blue lasers, and Maul rolls into it. (This is part of the hyper drive production process, and we establish during the crash scene that when this blue laser stuff escapes containment, anything it touches falls into and out of hyperspace. So Maul has literally just been yeeted across the galaxy in a random direction. Will he survive? It's nearly impossible, nearly.)
The Alderaan plotline then wraps up. The throne room is stormed, clone bail is apprehended, the TF leaders are arrested, the blockade is broken as the ships flee into hyperspace, they discover the body of real bail, and a clone Padme in storage, which was the original plan if the assassination attempt went to plan.
The film wraps with three scenes, one being the funeral of real bail, attended by the characters of the film, including clone bail, and public, so we see that the info about bail bring a clone is common knowledge. (Alderaan will transition from a direct Monarchy to a democracy with a ceremonial Monarchy who serve only a diplomatic purpose, like the UK. This won't be exposed in the films explicitly, it's a bit of expanded lore)
The second being Anakin being nervous about facing the Jedi Council, he plays with his khyber crystal, the one from Shmi, before hiding it swiftly as Obi Wan approaches. 'They're ready for you. As we discussed, be truthful, and the order will allow you to begin training with me.', anakin smiles, still unsure, and he enters the chamber, we don't see any more.
The last scene is Nute Gunray in prison, he recieves his meal in his cell while on a call with his TF colleagues/lawyers about a public inquiry set up by the senate to investigate their activity in replacing heads of planets wkth clones. It seems his wealth has bought him a cushy time in prison. He takes a bite of the food and then dies foaming at the mouth. Somebody dosent want the truth to come out.
To tease the remaining saga, my titles are: - Episode II: The Guardians of Peace - Episode III: The Clone Wars - Episode IV: Revenge of the Sith

With 10th edition right around the corner and with its focus on the Nids. I thought it be fun to showcase the Swarmlords various battles and try and get a good idea where he should stand as threat. Since he can comeback stronger every time, I hope we get to see him fight someone like Trajann Valoris. If the nid are going to invade Terra that is.
BATTLES:

• Vs Calgar: Couldn't find a quote, however it comes from "Codex Tyranid (5th & 6th edition)". At "the Battle of Cold Steel Ridge" on Macragge the Swarmlord directed Hive Fleet Behemoth to defeat every one of Marneus Calgar's tactics. Calgar himself was almost killed by the Swarmlord, but managed to escape alive with the help of his Honour Guard while Swarmy killed the Commander of the Guard Aloyseus. The Swarmlord led the attack on the polar fortresses of Macragge defended by Captain Invictus of the Ultramarines' elite 1st Company. In the end, the entire 1st Company was killed and official Imperial reports listed the Swarmlord as slain at that time. Calgar has a rematch with Swarmy in Ichar IV. With Calgar evening the score by killing the Hive Tyrant.

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• Vs Ortan Cassius: Couldn't find a quote, however it comes from "Space Marine Legends: Cassius". He killed the Swarmlord & his Tyrant guard with the assistance of a squad of like 10 marines. However, the only reason he managed to pull it off is because, the Swarmlord wanted to end the fight quickly. So, he resorted to a psychic attack. Unfortunately for Swarmy Cassius had been training with Tigurius on his psychic resistance. So, while the Swarmlord had his back on him. Cassius manage to recover quickly, and surprise attack Swarmy. He hit Swarmy's head with a powered crozius. The Swarmlord's head was then doused with fire from Cassius' combi-bolter's flamer and was forced onto its knees. There Cassius' squadmates pumped its vital organs full of Hellfire rounds while the Chaplain repeatedly beat its head with his powered Crozius. This continued for a few minutes until Swarmy died.

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• Vs Prince Yriel: to be honest not much of a fight. Swarmy kinda just gets one-shot by Yriel using a Crone-Sword. - (Valedor):

”He landed lightly upon the gory corpse of a fallen giant. Before him the swarmlord loomed, taller than a wraithknight and greatly more massive. Its eyes glittered at him with malign intelligence.
‘Great Dragon!’ Yriel called, holding aloft the Spear of Twilight. ‘I come to slay you, as my forefather Ulthanash slew the wyrm Draoch-var with this very blade!’
Three huge creatures lumbered at Yriel, directed by the psychic command of the leader-beast, but he leapt aside from their swipes, the spear granting him unparalleled reflexes. One and then another fell, pierced by the pin point lance beams of the prince’s followers as he bounded closer to his prey. Roaring, the swarmlord attacked, driving down a claw twelve paces long at Yriel. He back-flipped, the wind of its passing stirring his hair. The tip of the claw slammed down into a carcass, slowing the hive tyrant for the merest heartbeat as it tugged it free, but it was enough. The prince landed on his feet. Smoothly he drew back his arm and cast the spear of Ulthanash at the creature. The spear screamed a polyphonic wrath-song as it hurtled through the air, passing in an eyeblink to pierce the jaw of the swarmlord, drive up through the soft mouth into the swollen brain case, and emerge, gleaming, from the top of the armoured skull.
The swarmlord toppled, lifeless. Yriel yelled in exultation, feeling more alive than he had in many cycles. He had become jaded by his life as a corsair. But this! This was the theatre of life full in the round!

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• Vs 3 Custodes: Fought three Custodians, killing two and was fighting on par with their Shield Captain. - (Duty Unto Death):

”A single pod cut through the toxic fumes and the burning sky, hammering into the centre of the plain and the milling confusion of the alien horde. There was an instant realignment, like constellations suddenly clarified in the heavens. The army turned as one, unified by singular purpose once more. The thing which tore itself free from the spore-pod was immense, the pinnacle of genetic mastery and a paragon of inhuman might. The greatest bio-scholars of Terra could not decide whether it was a consciousness in its own right, or an immune response of the hive mind – brought into being when the tide was set against it.
The swarmlord raised its head and bellowed as it rushed forward to meet them.
iIt closed the distance in what seemed like moments. A blur, the storm given form. Blades scissored down against the Custodians. They blocked, even their movements too slow. Bio-electric fields warred with the power fields of their weapons in a whine of feedback and a shower of sparks. It forced Varamach to his knees, and the great cleaver blade descended, burying itself in the armour of his neck. There was a spasm and a gout of blood, and he had only a moment to drive his spear up and into its flesh before he fell. Another loss, too massive to countenance. Natreus ducked under its guard and slashed across its chest, but the swarmlord brought all four of its blades to bear. It pinned Natreus, blades barely containing him as he struggled, blood coating them in furious smears. The Custodian’s spear fell from his grasp, and the swarmlord cast him to the dust.*
Only Tamerlain remained. He broke into a run, swinging his axe as he advanced. The heavy castellan blade impacted against one of the boneswords, chipping it. There was no surprise in its dead eyes, only a snarl of alien hate.
‘This is His domain,’ Tamerlain said, not caring whether or not it could hear or understand. ‘I am His servant, and you shall not end me with my duty yet undone.’ He moved beneath its dance of blades, feeling them scrape against his armour – turned aside by angle, speed and the armour’s inherent strength. It snarled, dripping venom as it stabbed down at him. He dropped to his knees, his hand finding Natreus’ spear. ‘Forgive me,’ he whispered, and drove the unpowered blade up with such force that it cracked the monster’s armoured sternum. It slammed one of its blade limbs into his side, and he brought his axe up again. An arm flew free in a gush of sour fluid, and it batted him aside with the flat of another blade.
They were evenly matched. Opposites. Mirrors. One the pinnacle of human genetic mastery, the other a crescendo of accelerated hyper-evolution. One was golden, the other base.
They fought down the burning slopes, even as the tyranid swarm wove around them in a tightening noose. By-blows obliterated swathes of brood organisms. The swarmlord did not care as it scythed through its own, as it drove Tamerlain back. He fought with every century of his experience behind him. He could feel the names carved into his armour, pressed against his flesh. Each carried a burden.
He moved as fast as he was able, raising his axe to block and parry or to cut and slash. Their melee devolved into a grinding brawl, drawn out and bitter. He tensed as he fought, feeling the dull ache of fatigue. He struck for its thorax, cleaving it open even as it brought two of its blades round.
It pincered him in place. He felt something break in his armour’s systems, his gauntlet clenching in palsy. He closed his eyes and focused. It was more gruelling and more intense than any Blood Game he had run in the service of the Throne, more pressing than any battle of his long years. He felt his fingers close, finally, around the hilt of his misericordia dagger, and pulled it free. He pushed it up and drove it into the thing’s snarling visage. Dissonator spirits engaged with a flare and the blade blazed golden for a glor­ious instant as it sank through flesh and chitin. The beasts screamed, every last one of them howling in animal agony.
Tamerlain kicked out his leg and drove the dying monster back. Behind him, the world roared again – in sympathetic victory.

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• Vs Dante: - (Devastation of Baal):

" Fifty yards away was the largest hive tyrant Dante had ever seen. Upon backward-hinged legs it stood taller than a Dreadnought. Red spore clouds pumped from the chimneys on its high back. Bonded to its fists were four matched boneswords, with heavy ends as square and brutal as cleavers. He had heard of this thing, the galaxy’s bane, the hive mind personified.
Commander Dante faced the Swarm Lord.
His perception coalesced around the monster. Reality reasserted itself, his visions driven off by the sheer physicality of the hive mind. The past gave way to the present. The sounds of battle returned, albeit muted. The horde was broken into pieces. The howling of his blood-mad warriors was scattered, so isolated there could only have been a few of them left.
In the monster’s eyes glimmered an ancient and powerful intellect. As old as he was, Dante felt like a newborn babe compared to the intelligence staring at him through that unblinking gaze. He sensed that there were two beings looking at him. The monster, and the being that controlled it. They were separate, yet one. A sense of crushing psychic might emanated from it, so great its grasp encompassed galaxies. There was sophistication there, and terrifying intelligence, but all were outweighed by its bottomless, eternal hunger.
For the moment that the man and the monster stared into one another’s souls, Dante pitied it. The hunger of the hive mind made the Red Thirst trivial by comparison.
A rumble sounded in the monster’s throat. Muscle fibres exposed by gaps in its chitinous armour contracted; that was all the warning Dante received. There was no threat display, no roar to intimidate, it simply hurled itself into the attack. The hive mind was nothing if not efficient.
Despite its size, the Swarm Lord moved with staggering speed. Its alien anatomy made its attacks difficult to predict, and Dante found himself fending off a blur of jagged bone. Crystal veins glittered in the blades, generating a shimmering energy field like none Dante was familiar with.
The Swarm Lord’s weapons met the Axe Mortalis with a thunderous boom. Dante reeled back from the blow, letting out a brief blast from his jump pack to steady himself, dodging narrowly to the right to avoid a return strike from the Swarm Lord’s two left-hand swords. He ignited his jump pack fully, making a short leap backwards as the swords from the right smashed into the desert where he had been standing. The energy field encasing the blade exploded the sand.
As the beast slammed down its weapons he snapped off a quick shot with the perdition pistol. His aim was honed by centuries of practice. The meltabeam cut a roiling line through the air, connecting with the Swarm Lord’s lower left elbow joint. An explosion of steam carried the smell of broiled meat out towards Dante, and the thing’s arm went limp.
It made no cry of pain. As it moved forward, its useless arm snagged on the ground. With an total lack of human emotion, it severed the crippled limb with a sword blow and moved in to re-engage. Dante leapt again, jets on full burn. He swooped low, darting in to strike and withdraw. His fuel indicators plummeted, but Dante remained aloft, soaring away from bonesword strikes with expertly timed exhaust bursts. His blows left a dozen smoking scars in the Swarm Lord’s carapace. It responded with a buffeting storm of psychically generated terror that had no effect on the Space Marine lord, so deep in the thirst was he. The thirst grew in Dante until he stood on the brink of the Black Rage, a pit he could never climb from. He resisted the urge to finally throw himself in. The strength this last surrender would grant him would be formidable, but his mind would be gone for good, and so he would perish. Not until this thing was slain would he abandon his last shreds of self-control. He had to know that it was dead.
He focused on his hate, on his desire to kill, on his need to rip this interloper’s head from its shoulders and cast it to the sand.
The Swarm Lord’s armour was thickest on its shoulders, head and back. They duelled for long minutes, Dante landing so many blows that the edge of his fabled axe dulled, and its power unit vented black smoke. All his skill could draw but a little blood. The Swarm Lord snapped and swung at him with undiminished might.
Dante needed a decisive blow soon. The Swarm Lord’s endurance would outlast his own, and one lucky strike from the beast’s weapons could end the fight long before exhaustion set in. So Dante dived in again, axe held low in the manner of a cavalryman stooping in the saddle to strike with his sabre. Jinking through swinging boneswords and into the spore cloud issuing from the Swarm Lord’s chimneys, he raked the blade of his weapon across the leader beast’s face, catching it across one eye. He was momentarily blinded by the swirl of red microorganisms belching from its back, and forced to touch down.
The two combatants wheeled to face each other. The chitin around the Swarm Lord’s right eye was cut down to a gleam of bone. Ichor and humours from its ravaged eye wet its cheek.
Dante smiled coldly. ‘I shall take your other eye, and then I shall kill you.’ In return the leader beast shrieked, a psychic assault that channelled the polyphonous voice of the hive mind into a concentrated mental blow. Dante reeled under the combined sonic-psionic blast. Something gave inside him. He tasted blood at the back of his throat. His mind suffered more than his body, and he staggered back, dazed, his axe dragging through the sand.
The Swarm Lord seized the opportunity and ran at the commander again. Dante blasted backwards, but even as it charged the Swarm Lord assailed Dante with fresh psychic attacks, sending out a lance of psionic energy that cut through his armour into his leg and knocked Dante wheeling from the air. He slammed into the ground with bone-jarring force. His face slammed into his helm, breaking his nose. The terror field halo around Sanguinius’ golden mask buckled and gave out in a skittering crawl of psychic energy. His iron halo’s energy field failed with a bang.
The thing screamed again. Dante’s being was deadened from the soul outward. His vision swam. The energy his thirst gave him was stolen away. The Swarm Lord thundered at him, head down, three swords back, ready to strike. Dante regained enough of his wits just in time, activating his jump pack while he was still on his back. The jets sent him scraping across the ancient rockcrete and sand of the landing fields at high speed, drawing a shower of sparks from his armour. Alarms wailed from every system of his battleplate.
A second, brain-rattling impact shook him as he connected with the wreck of a Land Raider. The systems diagnostics for his jump pack wailed at high alert, red danger runes blinking all over his helmplate. With a thought, he jettisoned his jump pack, rolling free of the stuttering jump unit as the Swarm Lord barrelled into the tank wreck with such force it lifted from the ground. The Swarm Lord turned on him quickly, grinding Dante’s jump pack into a pool of fire and sundered metal under its broad hooves. The Land Raider slammed back down.
More alarms rang in Dante’s helm. On standard battleplate, a jump pack took the place of a Space Marine’s reactor pack, replicating most of its functions as well as providing limited flight capability. Without it, Dante was left in a suit of armour with only residual power.
He had seconds left of combat effectiveness at the most. Emergency battery icons clamoured for his attention, bars sliding quickly down to red emptiness.
The Swarm Lord screamed. Psychically induced horror buffeted Dante’s mind, tormenting him with dread. Dante roared back, unafraid.
‘I am of the Lord of the Blood,’ he said, as he broke into a run, the alarms of his dying armour wailing in his ears. ‘What I do, I do for he who made me. No personal ambition is mine. No glory do I seek. No salvation for my soul or comfort for my body. No fear do I feel.’ The Swarm Lord swung at Dante hard. Dante retaliated with a counter blow, shattering the bone sabre. Thick alien fluids pumped from the broken blade. The eye set into its hilt rolled madly, and it began to shrill. ‘By his Blood was I saved from the selfishness of flesh.’
The Swarm Lord was unmoved by the death of its symbiotic blade. The stroke continued downward, the remains of the sword catching Dante below his breastplate and penetrating his plastron. A combination of Dante’s impetus and the Swarm Lord’s immense strength punched the bone fragment deep into his body, penetrating his secondary heart, scraping on his spine, and exiting the other side of his torso.
The creature snarled in what would have been triumph in any other species. Dante’s formidable progress was arrested. Hissing deeply, the Swarm Lord lifted Commander Dante off the ground, armour and all. Warm blood ran down inside Dante’s bodyglove. Toxins leaked from the Swarm Lord’s weapon, sending spiders of agony crawling along his nerves.
‘By his Blood was I elevated.’ It was over. He began the Mors Votum. The Swarm Lord lifted him high, screaming in victory, and swung its arm down to flick Dante from the blade’s shard so it might finish him on the sand.
Reactive foams bubbled from Dante’s armour, bonding him firmly to the remnants of the Swarm Lord’s blade.
‘By his Blood do I serve.’
The beast hesitated, only for a fraction of a second, but it was enough. As it was raising its remaining two blades to cut Dante in two, the commander raised the perdition pistol. His armour died on him, its systems starved of power, growing heavier with every second as his life ran from his body. His aim did not waver.
‘My life I give to the Emperor, to Sanguinius, and to mankind,’ he intoned. The Swarm Lord’s face was reflected in the dulled metal of Dante’s mask.
Sanguinius’ face shouted silently at the hive mind.
Dante disengaged the weapon’s failsafes with a flick of his thumb.
‘My service is done. I give thanks. My life is finished. I give thanks. Blood returns to blood. Another will take up my burden in my stead. I give thanks.’
He fired the perdition pistol at point-blank range into the Swarm Lord’s face. Its flesh liquefied and boiled off as superheated steam. Its first bonesword bounced from Dante’s armour, ripping long scratches into its decoration. Bloodstones fell from their mounts. Still Dante held his aim true. The pistol’s power pack grew so hot with thermal feedback it blistered his skin through his ceramite. Still he did not relent. The fusion beam bored through the creature’s organic armour. Thermic biogels bled from cavities in the chitin, but they could not stay the perdition pistol’s beam. The weapon glowed with white heat. The Swarm Lord reared backwards. Its cries became gurgles as its tongue cooked in its head. Desperate to be free of Dante, it severed its own wrist with a clumsy strike. Dante blacked out for a moment from the pain of the bone shard jarring his organs as he hit the floor. When he came to he was lying on the ground. The Swarm Lord slumped to its knees alongside him. Its movements were feeble. Keening quietly, it fell forward, chest heaving. Air whistled through its breathing spiracles, then ceased. Dante rolled his head to one side. One of the boneswords lay close to his face. The eye set into its hilt stared hatred at him before dimming. The pupil dilated. The sword, too, was dead.
Dante took a painful breath. Fluid bubbled in his lungs. His body ached all over from the tyranid’s poison.
He was dying."

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• Vs the Overfiend: Couldn't find a quote, however it comes from "War Zone Octarius, Book 2: Critical Mass". The Swarmlord face the second largest ork in the galaxy twice. The first time he charged at the Overfiend, battleling for hours nonstop. However, the Overfiend after getting a shot off at the Swarmlord's midriff, decapitated swarmy. Swarmy angrily was rebirth in a bioship ready for round 2. In said round the Swarmlord bid his time. Only jumping into the fight after the Overfiend had been wounded by a carnifex. He then uses his agility to evade the Overfiend's attacks, in an attempt to tire him. The Overfiend however never relented nor slowed down yet in the midst of a swing the Swamrlord found an opening. Which he use to cut the cable of the Overfiends power-claw. With his power-claw now slowing him down the Swarmlord made quick work out of him. Eating his brains in the process.

[FIRST] / [PREVIOUS] / [NEXT]
Memory Transcription Subject: Chief Internal Review Officer Shesh
Date [standardized human time]: 31 August 2137

“Shesh, no. We are not tearing down the Central Intelligence Agency.”

Digit was already turning back to his ATV, parked in the depths of these woods, as I continued pleading to him. This particular location was selected due to being out of sight of potential prying eyes, so that we could talk more discretely than I feared my office would allow.

“You, yourself, know what they do. Torture, murder, concealment of egregious conspiracies, let alone those that they were directly involved in. For almost two centuries.”
“Then you would know that, as much as we hate what they do, that’s relatively tame. Hell, Jonah would get a chuckle out of the idea of distributing freebase cocaine in krakotl settlements. Plus, if we want to get rid of Federation holdovers in foreign governments, we still need them.”

It was almost as if I was talking to a different person altogether. This self-proclaimed “old, antiauthoritarian, ex-commando loon” was all of a sudden in support of a subversive intelligence group infiltrating and manipulating politics of alien worlds from behind the curtain?

“…This seems rather anachronistic, compared to the beliefs you’ve espoused in our previous discussions.”

He paused for a moment, then turned to me. The only real expression that I could glean from him was a cocked eyebrow, which wasn’t telling me much. Even beyond the species barrier, it was hard to get a read on him.

“Yeah, well, that was back when my country was the top dog and not keen on playing by the rules it sets out for others. Now, not only is that not the case for my country, but for my species, as well. With proven threats as we have now, we have to do what it takes to survive. Frankly, if other species are so keen on wiping us out for such petty reasons as where our eyes are, what our teeth look like, yadda, yadda, yadda, then frankly, it’s fair game.”
“How slippery does that slope sound to you, Digit?”

He rolled his eyes with a sharp nasal exhale, turning fully back to me and stepping forward.

“…We’ve had too many similar discussions for me to not know that we’re not really going to tread over the same grounds and pretend they’re new. This isn’t just about the injustice for you, is it?”

For as stoic as I usually tried to portray myself, this insinuation caused me to waver for a moment, sharpening my breath before I recomposed myself. He continued.

“…So after offing Hecat, you’re realizing that after Briare, you don’t have much left to look forward to. With one life-consuming hate obsession gone, you’re trying to find a new one.”

My composure was becoming more and more difficult to maintain as he started striking close to my emotional core. As he continued, he turned to look at the ground, forlorn.

“I can’t blame you. Had a bit of a… similar problem after the satellite wars.”

I finished calming myself down as he began his diatribe.

“Now, my son, Mike, he was in the air force. Got good marks and everything. The war in the Philippines starts, and he gets shipped off to fight. His division wins one battle, and another, and another, but on the fourth? The fourth, he gets shot down, has to eject, finds a nice open patch to parachute back down. He gets captured by the locals, and let me tell you: there were some ‘leftover sentiments’ from the Philippine-American war back in the early twentieth century.
“I was called in for a stealth mission, one on an enemy prison camp. I didn’t know anything going in – that was the point of me going, to get intel. I was going through their systems when I see… I see Mike. Last I saw him, he was the pinnacle of fitness, but here, he was nothin’ but skin and bone, covered in bruises and scars.
“I lost control. I carved a bloody path to him, only for him to end up dying in my arms. And because of that, I gave them the opportunity to leave with valuable information that would’ve ended the war months in advance.
“I held onto that anger for almost the entire time, until on a later mission, I came across a dossier. One of them sons of bitches actually managed to hack into CIA databases, and I was there to plug the leak. In that dossier was a list of known US forces held as prisoners of war by the enemies. It was over a year old. And he was on it. Mike.”

Where my anger had been calmed for a good while by this point, his was just begin to bubble up from the surface, tears welling in his eyes. It was hard for mine not to do much of the same as his voice shook and broke at times, and he continued with his story, fingers and hands and arms pointing and waving all over the place.

“They wanted me to see him, knowing that my orders didn’t involve actually freeing anyone! They wanted me to be just too late! Just to put me in the mindset that I was… I was doing all of this… I got towns burned to embers, all because of those lies of theirs! I sent that dossier to the press, myself. I defied direct orders, I sought asylum on foreign soil, and in the end? The UN was formed, and one of their first acts was to force the US to disband their CIA.”

I… I didn’t know what to say, I just… stood there in awe.

“But that whole time I was hiding, I always had to watch over my shoulder. Four times, I was stopped by passersby on the streets of a country I was a stranger to, and they tried to kill me. When the CIA was investigated, every single one of them was guided by them. One was paid off, another was blackmailed, another radicalized, and another was just one of them in disguise. Each of them another nail in their coffin when the UN made their decision.
“And then, when we first found the Venlil, when we first heard of the Federation? Of their practices? And of you? One of the first things they did was to organize a new CIA in secret. Not US. UN.
“Most of the carryover were old heads from the previous one – Calhoun and Shephard – you met with them a few days ago certainly were. By then, though, the old office was old and out of practice, so what we have now are the new blood. This new blood, though? They can do better.
“What I’m saying is, you’re right to hate them. I have more reason to hate them than most. That ‘tough shit’ they were spouting there? That’s just how they spook you. That’s how they try to provoke you into acting. Same shit as always. They know you’ll start going after them, and they just need that to justify going after you. I don’t care what you do, just don’t fall for their bait. Don’t let them get to you.
“But at the end of the day? The best thing you can do is to… let it go. Let it go – I cannot stress that enough. They had their victory over me, and I had mine over them. Hecat had his victories over you, and now, you have yours over him. You need to sit down and appreciate that. Lord knows you deserve it.”

He looked my stunned form over and gave me a nod before turning back to his vehicle. He grabbed his water flask and poured some out into his hands before rubbing it into his face, and then he crawled into his ATV and drove off.
His words bounced around in my head, and, well… I could not truly argue with them. As I returned to my own transport, I continued to ponder to myself. This whole time, with this new Internal Review Office, most of my plans did, in fact, focus around how to tear down Betterment, but now? Now, I needed to focus on, well, internal affairs. Both my own and for our new governing body. Yes, Briare was still a priority, but he shouldn’t be the only priority.
…Of course, I wasn’t going to not enjoy bringing him down, but that was just a perk of the job.
- - - - -
Shesh... Put your pipe bomb away, Shesh. The Industrial Revolution and its consequences haven't been entirely disastrous for humanity, Shesh.

When you're rich enough, you get perks you can only dream of. Literally. But somehow, my paradise turned into hell.
And now I'm paranoid.
Have you ever had a dream so amazing, you wished you could relive it? Explore it? Relish it? Well, when you're rich enough, you don't have to wish. It's a reality thanks to dream banks. You may have heard of them and their pricy services, which include recording, saving, and projecting dreams.
For example, if you'd like a dream recorded, you can book one of their luxurious suites for the night, where the dream techs will fit you with a special helmet, offer you a sleep-friendly snack, and leave you to rest. The next morning, they'll replay the recorded dream for you via the helmet and ask if you want to shell out the extra bucks to save it. If you don't, they'll delete it and you can pay to book for another time to try again.
If you do decide to save it, you must select an item within the dream that will act as the exit key. (This will come in handy during projections.) While still wearing the helmet, you must touch the item, and the dream techs will label those electric signals as the key.
Afterwards, everything is saved under your name, and you can now relive your dream at any time by booking a suite for three, five, or eight hours. Unlike recordings, during projections, you don't have to wait for sleep to come. After you enjoy a snack of your choice, the helmet is fitted and you're immediately transported to your dream, where you have free will and can enjoy it at your leisure. And if you ever need to leave early, this is when you touch the key, which will shut down the helmet right away.
In my case, the key is the stegosaurus leather rug I have hanging on the wall of my throne room. I never have a reason to touch it otherwise, making it a perfect key. I've also never had to touch it. Experiencing life as an all-powerful, worshipped being who lives on my own planet and hunts dinosaurs in my spare time, I relished my dream to the last second.
Yes, the fees are exorbitant, but at the time, I felt it was worth it. The techs were skilled, the system was sleek, and the dreams were private. Each could only be unlocked by the unique brainwaves of the dreamer.
Or so I thought.
My literal nightmare began when I booked a five-hour projection on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. After taking a sip of champagne to wash down the cranberry brie bites, I settled into the cool silk sheets with a smile. My usual dream tech smiled back as she fastened my helmet, and the last thing I heard was her wishing me pleasant dreams before I was plunged into darkness.
I waited for the split-second adjustment from reality to the dream world, and my confusion grew when I didn't find myself on my throne surrounded by fawning gods and goddesses.
Instead, I found myself in the middle of an endless street. Alone. There were no cars, no life, not even wind. Towering street lamps lined the sidewalk as far as I could see, arcing over the road and tinting everything an eerie red. Behind them, identical buildings stood side by side, silent, their dark, narrow windows hollow.
My pulse spiking, I whipped around. The other direction was just as endless. Uneasy confusion prickled beneath my skin. This had to be someone else's dream. The techs must have made a mistake. I didn't know how it was possible, but there was no other explanation.
My unease piqued as my situation sank in. I was in a stranger's dream and I didn't know the key. I was stuck here until my five hours ran out. Or until the techs realized their mistake. I was ready to rip them a new one once I was out, but until then, I had no choice but to wait.
I studied my surroundings with a frown before I walked over to the curb and sat down, and that was when I noticed I couldn't feel anything. I also noticed I was naked. It didn't matter. There was no one here, and none of this was real anyway.
Time passed, and I tried to distract myself from my nettled offense by humming, but no sound came out. Sitting up, I took a deep breath and screamed. Not even a squeak was heard. I slapped my hand against the ground. Nothing. This place was like a black hole of the senses.
Sighing, I lay down on my back and stared at the red light above me, wondering if I could fall asleep in a dream. I tried, but the more I wished to escape this silent, crimson prison, the more it seemed to come into focus. Soon, the utter lack of noise and movement grew from slightly unnerving to completely intolerable.
There was no way I could wait. I'd go insane. I had to get out of here. I had to find the key.
Jumping up, I ran to the nearest building and wrenched open the door, and a pitch black void greeted me. I gasped, and gasped again as it felt like my very breath was being suctioned out of my lungs. Panicking, silent wheezes rattled in my chest as I struggled to yank myself out of the vacuum, jerking my limbs and bucking my body until I toppled over backwards on the sidewalk.
Gulping in fitful breaths, I scrambled to my feet and ran down the road without looking back, my wide eyes scanning the horizon for salvation. I just wanted out of here, but the hellish path stretched on forever, making me feel like I was running in place as every identical building and street lamp mocked me. Even my silent stomping and mute panting served to draw insanity closer.
And then, a person showed up.
There, in the distance.
With my hope spurred, I raced towards them, desperate. I didn't care who they were. I needed to break this monotony.
As I got closer, hope morphed to confusion, and then to despair. The person was me. It was a mirror, propped up across the entire street.
Sweat-soaked, I slowed down to a jog before I stopped right in front of my reflection. It was me alright, naked, exhausted, and frustrated. But the eyes, something was off about the eyes. With an anxious frown, I stepped closer, staring into them, and they stared back …
… until they glanced behind me.
I gasped and jumped away, and so did my reflection … before it glanced over my shoulder again.
A chill trickled down my spine. My reflection had nothing behind it but the empty street, so I gulped and turned around, and my mouth fell open in a silent scream as a lovecraftian behemoth barrelled its way towards me. With its slick shell gleaming red beneath the lights, it slammed down one spiny tentacle after the other as its five mouths bared their dripping, concentric fangs.
Drenched in undiluted horror, tremors gripped my body as I stumbled away until my back was against the mirror. I knew death was a foolproof key in a dream, but I didn't know if this creature would kill me right away or leave me to suffer in agony until my five hours were up.
With it only inches away, I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed myself into the mirror, and my stomach flipped as I fell backwards. I opened my mouth to gasp, but there was nothing for me to draw in. Floating in an airless void, I flailed and thrashed, my wild eyes scanning the darkness for answers as I began to spin around.
Although death would free me, one of my greatest fears was suffocating. On one of my weightless rotations, a red, glass cube passed me by, and I grabbed it, hoping it was a breathing device. I brought it close to my face, and I gawked at what it held within.
Me.
Surrounded by identical buildings and red street lamps while a lovecraftian behemoth tore me apart.
Horrified, I threw the cube as far as I could and increased my efforts to escape this void. Yet all the flailing and thrashing was for naught as the darkness revealed no end. My eyesight began to go red as my lungs spasmed, and I clawed at my throat as my pulse stuttered in my chest.
The red kept growing and growing until it engulfed my entire vision, and I gave up. There was nothing to do but face my fears and die. With my straining heart lumbering, I let myself go limp as I stared at the red and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I wasn't dying.
In fact, I could breathe just fine.
Frowning, I opened my eyes, and intense unease spread through my core. Above me, a red moon had taken up the entire sky, each one of its craters crystal clear, like eyes watching me. I turned my head away, and I realized I was in a park, laying down on the grass. Sitting up, I blinked in surprise at the pond right beside me, its opaque water reflecting the moon's red light. Ducks were swimming in a circle across its surface, their movements smooth with nary a splash.
Trees surrounded us, so dense I couldn't tell when one began and the other ended. It was mind-numbingly quiet here as well, and I still couldn't feel anything or make any noise, but at least the ducks were moving. This place seemed more tolerable than the last, and I was willing to wait out my five hours here. I hoped at least an hour had passed already, but with dreams, one never knew. All I knew was that I was too exhausted to search for the key. And too scared. I didn't know whose dream this was, but they had to be masochistic if they saved this nightmare.
Curling up beside the pond, I worked on calming myself down as I watched the ducks swim in their systematic circle over and over and over. I tried counting the rotations the way one would count sheep, but that still didn't lull me to sleep. I wished I'd chosen the three-hour projection, but at least I hadn't chosen the eight-hour one.
Distorted circus music crackled around me and I jolted up, my heart ricocheting in my chest. There was finally sound, but the last thing I wanted to hear was a cliche horror movie soundtrack. Gulping, I looked around. The music was coming from the trees, and my stomach dropped when I spied a shadow behind one of them. Then another. And another. They emerged into the crimson moonlight, and my blood turned to ice.
Clowns.
I whipped around, trembling to the rhythm of my frantic pulse. They were surrounding me. Dozens of them. As classic as any clown could be. Colorful clothes, big shoes, silly hair, exaggerated makeup. I wasn't scared of clowns, as long as they were where they belonged. And they didn't belong here, staring at me with empty eyes and toothy grins.
I tried to convince myself that they weren't dangerous since they didn't have weapons and didn't seem monstrous, but when they took a step closer in unison, I jumped back, nearly falling into the pond. The ducks remained oblivious, still swimming in their circle. The distorted circus music got louder, and my hair stood on end when I saw the grass ripple in front of each clown. They were sending something my way through the ground.
Panicking, I jumped into the pond, and I screamed as I sank right in. There was no bottom. There was no water either. The pond was filled with red, translucent spheres, each the size of a tennis ball. Still able to breathe, I began swimming through the spheres with clumsy breast strokes, just hoping I could end up as far away from the clowns as possible.
After swimming for what felt like enough time, I tried to swim up, until I realized I had no idea which direction I was facing. Remember a trick for those stuck in avalanches, I spat, but my glob of saliva just hovered in front of me. Before panic could set in, I noticed what looked like an office desk floating amidst the spheres in the distance. After blinking a few times to make sure it was really there, I swam towards it, desperate for any change in my situation.
It was an office desk, a wooden one with carved borders and locked drawers. Tucked beneath it was a stool, and the moment I pulled it out and set it under my ass, an office replaced the red spheres.
I grunted as gravity returned, and I looked around in bewilderment at the cluttered bookshelves and grimy floors. Dust was floating everywhere, highlighted by the red light filtering in through the blinds behind me. I jumped as a clock hanging on the wall chimed. Its glass was too dirty for me to tell the time, but I was glad I could hear. I coughed at the dust. And I could make noise. I dusted my hands. And I could feel. I could even smell, which I now wished I couldn't as I wrinkled my nose at the faint stench of rot.
After failing to read the spines of some of the books on the shelves, I studied the shadowy corners of the room. A slack-jawed skeleton hung in the far end, and a faded poster with anatomical diagrams curled off a cupboard. This had to be a doctor's office. Was the creator of this dream a doctor?
A silhouette slid in front of the frosted glass door, and I gulped as the knob began to turn. A hand reached in, gripping the edge one finger at a time, and my heart dropped as I knew this horror cliche was only going to be followed by another. Having no time to think, I slid off the stool and crouched beneath the desk, my hand over my mouth as cobwebs clung to me.
Praying spiders wouldn't swarm me, I peeked through a small slit in the wood, and I froze when an emaciated nurse walked in the room. Layers upon layers of blood coated her scrubs, so much so that I couldn't even tell what color they originally were. She had no shoes. No feet either. Just ankle stubs, and my stomach turned as I heard bone clunk against the tiles.
A surgical mask covered her face, as bloodstained as her scrubs, and grimy lab goggles obscured her eyes. I was grateful, because judging by the pus leaking out of her scabbed, balding scalp, I didn't want to know what her face looked like. The closer she got, the stronger the stench of rot became, and I struggled to keep myself from retching.
She stopped halfway into the room, and I gawked at her hands. They were transforming. Her fingers elongating into razor-edged blades. She then began to hunch over, and I cringed as her spine cracked and popped until she was as bent as a candy cane, her face staring at her pelvis.
As if that wasn't unsettling enough, her head creaked as it spun around 180 degrees, now facing the front, upside down. Right after, her arms shot to the ground, and I watched with increasing dread as she bent them at the elbows and wrists so they flanked her head like distorted T-Rex arms.
She spread her fingers out and took a few more steps towards me, and I held my breath, hoping she couldn't hear my rabid heart or smell my fear. Her ankle bones clicked and clacked against the tiles as she made her way around the desk, and I cowered as my frantic eyes searched for a weapon. I found none, but I did spy a brass button beside my head.
With her legs now an arms distance away, I had nothing to lose as I jammed my thumb into the button. The back of the desk flung open, and I scrambled to my feet and dashed out from my hiding place, screaming in response to the nurse screeching behind me. Bursting through the door, I held up my fists and began punching like a maniac in fearful anticipation of a horde of nurses swarming me.
Except I was no longer in a hospital. I was in an outdoor parking lot. Alone. And judging by the roiling red clouds, a storm was brewing. After a second to collect my bearings, I dove into the closest car, thankful it was unlocked. The moment I slammed the door shut, lightning blinded me as thunder cracked and the downpour began. Sighing in relief, I tried to shake away my adrenaline, but the bloodshot eyes in my rearview mirror reignited my panic.
Before I could react, a belt snapped over my neck, pinning my head back against the headrest. With a frightened wheeze, I clawed at the leather, and I flinched as hot, heavy breath wafted across my ear. Gagging at the putrid smell, I reached over, desperate to scratch my strangler's face or poke their eyes out.
I felt their hair and tried to pull it, but my fingers refused to hold on. I tried again and again, but the strands just kept slipping out of my weak grip. Shifting focus, I tried to claw at their eyes, but it felt as though I was moving through molasses as my hand slid down their face. Even when I felt a wet, bulbous eye, I didn't have enough strength to do anything.
My frustration clashed with my terror and I tried to punch them, but my arm swung back in slow motion and merely prodded a stubbly cheek. Tears welled in my eyes as I writhed and gasped, my strangler's laugh adding insult to injury. Despite knowing death will set me free, fear and self-preservation rummaged through my mind, searching for a solution. And they found one.
Hoping I had enough grip and energy, I reached down and found the reclining lever. Wrapping my fingers around it tight, I jerked it up and heaved my body back, and I gulped in a deep breath as I fell backwards, the belt now slack. Not at all prepared to face my attacker, I slipped out from beneath the belt, flung open the door, and zoomed out into the storm.
Sheets of rain obscured my vision, but not enough for me to see that the keys were left inside a red convertible. After making sure no one was hiding in the back, I jumped in, started the engine, and took off, the wheels squealing through the puddles. A sole street curled down a hill, and I took it, adrenaline pumping in waves through my quivering body.
This rush was a confusing mixture of exhilaration and apprehension. I wanted out, but I wasn't giving up. I made it this far, and I was going to survive every cliche this masochist dreamed up. Spiders? Snakes? Zombies? Bring it on. And afterwards, I was going to detail every single trial and tribulation I went through as I sued the dream bank for all the trauma they caused me.
Up ahead, the road curved, and I gasped as it ended in a cliff. I slammed the breaks, but they didn't do anything. Breaking out in a cold sweat, I slammed them again and again as I yanked the hand break as far as it would go. The car refused to slow down, and I cursed myself for not anticipating this cliche. In a move of desperation, I swerved, but it wasn't enough as the car careened over the edge and took me with it.
My heart hung in my throat as I hung on to the steering wheel, my knuckles white, my screams frozen in my lungs, the raindrops like needles. An endless body of water spread below me, and I knew sharks were my next challenge. I screwed my eyes shut as I awaited the inevitable plunge …
… and I gasped as a gentle hand woke me up.
I sat up, my pyjamas plastered to my damp skin, the silk sheets soaked. The tech gave me a sympathetic smile and asked me if I wanted to review the dream or if I wanted to delete it right away, since she could sense it was a nightmare.
I stared at her in furious disbelief as I yelled and cursed, accusing them of misconduct, and she gave me a confused frown. She said I had booked a recording session, not a projection one. After I called her a liar, management got involved, and they showed me my file with proof that I'd booked and paid for a recording session.
I told them they must have mistakenly charged me for a recording session, but I was one hundred percent sure I went through a projection session. I asked for five hours on a Tuesday afternoon. Not eight hours on a Tuesday evening. I had champagne and cranberry brie bites, not chamomile and honey-glazed almonds.
Their concern increased as they told me I was wrong. They said it was Wednesday, I'd slept the entire night, and they had my recorded dream to prove it. I demanded to skim through it, and they obliged. There it was, every scene of that nightmare. But it wasn't mine. It couldn't be. Could it? I hated scary movies. I also rarely had nightmares unless it involved me going broke. Why would I dream of an amalgamation of every horror cliche?
For a second, I was afraid I was still in the dream. This nightmarish scenario would fit right in with the others, taking it to Inception levels. But everything seemed real. I could hear, feel, and speak. No one was growing tentacles or blades. Nothing smelled pungent. Nothing glowed red.
I groaned and buried my face in my hands, confused and uncomfortable. I didn't know what the truth was anymore. One tech reminded me it was impossible for dreams to be projected to anyone but their creator. Another tech gently touched my shoulder and suggested I see a doctor if I continued to get spells of confusion like this. Not knowing how to reply, I paid them to save the nightmare before I got dressed and left.
Back home, I talked to family and friends, nothing seemed suspicious. Nothing seemed ready to kill me. I'm typing here on Reddit, and I'm sure I'll get replies. I'm out of the dream. I'm certain of it. But that leaves two other options.
Either I really did book a recording session and had my own nightmare, in which case I should take the tech's advice and see a doctor because my memory doesn't add up …
… or something sinister is going on at the dream banks, and they're using their clients as guinea pigs. Perhaps they're planning on branching out and creating a mental house of horrors where clients can get a near-realistic experience without fear of death. But why wouldn't they ask for volunteers instead of traumatizing loyal customers?
So I have to ask, have any of you experienced something similar? I know the odds of finding another multimillionaire who frequents dream banks is slim on Reddit, but even one other account can help my case.
SR

Welcome to Camp Redwood!
Are you ready to fight to the death with age regressed forty year olds with the faces of adorable little kids?
How about coming to terms with your entire life, or at least five years of it, being one big fucking lie?
We are so excited to announce our 2018 group! Where you will undoubtedly FIND yourself here. Your true self.
The self you did not know existed.
SO, jump in that military bunker, grab that blunt object to fight against our little campers disembowelling our counselors, and get yourself down to CAMP REDWOOD. WHERE WE START EVERY DAY WITH A CAMP REDWOOD SMILE.
Apply now!
Application end date: 05/02/2018.
…
It’s been a tough few days.
So, I think I will be posting this update in two chunks so I can get everything down and clear my head. I am alone right now.
Yes. I am the last survivor of Camp Redwood 2023 (?). I’ve been unsure how to start this and end this because I really just want to get into the meat of what has been going on.
But… I must ask. I have to.
What year is it?
That doesn't matter right now. I'll continue where I left off.
Teddy did leave us alone in the end. But his screams were still haunting me hours after the thing with his voice had left. I don’t even think I could call it his voice.
It sounded like him but there were pieces of him missing. Like someone had reached into the boy’s mind and pulled out the skeleton of his consciousness, the bare bones of his being—and cruelly stuffed him into a metal shell.
That is what Teddy sounded like.
He sounded like a wounded animal, confused why he was alive. Terrified. I now know what he is the product of. Teddy is a victim of horrifying, unethical experiments our campers have been forcing on kidnapped counselors after taking over the camp. Have you ever heard of the sound of crying which isn’t human?
That is Teddy. He is the product of forcing life into the dead, and leaving it to suffer with its consciousness. Which, in my opinion, is a fate far worse than death.
You’re probably wondering where my two companions are.
Well, that is why I am writing this.
I want to tell you what happened so I can wrap my head around it myself, and choose between killing all of us and sending these psychopaths to hell, or coming to terms with our truth and fighting back. Well, it’s their truth. I wouldn’t say it’s mine. It took us three whole days to get the guts to risk leaving Allison’s secret bunker inside her cabin, and attempting to find a way out of this hell-hole. Harry and I were the ones to do it, leaving a still-not-completely-himself Rowan to guard our safehouse. I didn’t want to leave him alone for a multitude of reasons but due to Harry actually having a soul and a semblance of empathy, I was overruled.
Despite being heavily under the influence of age-regressing animal crackers which had mentally turned him into a toddler, Rowan was still himself to a degree. Which meant he was back to being our leader. I was sceptical at first, because no matter how many times he insisted he was in fact okay, I couldn’t seem to shake off the feeling that the childish parts of him, the warped parts of his mind which had turned him into a child, were still there.
Even if they were very subtle. I caught him doodling on his clipboard, and much later on, singing to himself with an odd smile on his face he had successfully gaslit Harry and I into believing it was just a coping mechanism. Say what you want about Rowan Atlas, he is damn good at swaying your opinion. Even when we were 100% sure Rowan was not his original self, the guy we had both met at the start of camp.
It was almost like him having two minds. The mind of a child, and the mind of a teenager.
For example, he still ordered us around and attempted to take back his role of leader— which had at least secured some normality back into our lives. But he also hated loud noises, and freaked out every time one of the littles tried to get in. There was also the incident we had agreed not to talk about, because talking about it meant facing the fact that our friend was no longer himself.
It was a hours after Teddy left us in peace. Harry was sleeping, and I was on the cusp of slumber, slipping through more files. Rowan had been oddly quiet. Which wasn’t a Rowan thing. Whether he was mentally a child or a teenager, he was still being loud and obnoxious. I sat up to find him cross-legged, playing with something.
I thought it was a worm at first, but no. It was exactly like what I found at the start of this, an eye attached to a nerve. But this time it was undoubtedly human, and now Rowan’s plaything. When I questioned him, he said he was “studying” it. Though there was definitely a difference between studying something and playing with it. The scary thing was, he saw no wrong in it, holding it in his hands and stripping off the metallic pieces cruelly attached to it.
In the end, I took it from him and stamped on it. Rowan didn’t have the reaction I was expecting. Because he was still hiding behind the façade that his mind hadn’t been warped by de-aging animal crackers.
If that wasn’t bad enough, Eleanor Summers had given me a 24 hour deadline to hand over the boys, and we were well over the limit so an ambush was likely imminent.
I still had so many questions. Why were Rowan, Harry and Carmel so important while the rest of us were seen as nothing but spare parts?
That is what the little bitch said. Now physically eleven years old with the mind of a deranged forty year old scientist, Eleanor told me I was nothing to them but spare parts. God, it’s so weird calling her what she is after looking after her kid self, her fake self, for weeks.
Little Eleanor with her golden pigtails and obsession with teddy bear picnics was in fact a complete fucking sociopath. That much of one in fact, that her and her equally psychotic colleagues who engaged in these experiments had been regressed into little kids inside a rehabilitation camp (Nicknamed: Project Spearhead) which was supposed to fix them and had failed spectacularly. Because they’ve taken over. And this time? We’re the fucking lab rats.
The counselors here at Redwood.
I had seen her adult self being interviewed by mysterious Agent Lemrac, a face behind Project Spearhead, the girl who was far too young to be an agent, and have that kind of authority. Also, someone with a soul—who had a clear biased opinion against the experiments.
Part of me wondered if Lemrac still existed. Maybe she was behind the odd phone calls we kept receiving on an old fashioned rotary phone. With Eleanor’s deadline in mind, the two of us made our journey quick. It wasn’t hard to leave the camp itself. There were guards in the form of Callen and Olive, brainwashed and turned into the kid’s muscle, but they were easy enough to get past as long as we distracted them with something shiny.
They were mentally six-years-old so literally anything grabbed their attention.
I quickly realized my mistake once we managed to escape the camp—Harry in front of me, with me lagging behind. We moved slowly, ducking behind trees and throwing ourselves into the dirt. Very cloak and dagger. It didn’t take us long to slip into the woods. Just past the lake were the exit gates to Redwood which led to a road.
Not exactly civilisation, but I would take it over having my body taken apart for “parts” in these so-called experiments.
When we got to the gate, however, I realized I had given the adults too much fucking credit.
Whoever was in charge of Spearhead clearly did not care about lingering survivors, as long as they were successfully cutting us out from the outside world. And that’s what the giant wall I found myself staring at was, an impossible foot monster towering over us and cementing my earlier thoughts. We were screwed. The woman on the phone had made it clear we were being abandoned, and yet some of me naively held onto them maybe still rescuing us.
“Fuck.” I didn’t know what to do, but kicking the damn thing felt like the right thing. I did, and then regretted it half a second later.
This thing was impenetrable. Impossible to climb unless we had a fucking death-wish.
Blinking at it through fraying sunlight blinding me, the thing almost resembled a mirage. It stood under the sun, a giant roadblock completely blocking us from any form of help.
The sun wasn’t helping, scorching through my shirt. I swiped at my sweaty forehead, unable to resist a frustrated scream I had to muffle-gag with my hand. I risked a look behind us. Thankfully, we were around ten minutes away from the main camp. The lake was nearby glittering under a late afternoon sun, and all I wanted to right then was to wade into the shallows and let the murky water swallow me up. The little shits couldn’t swim, maybe I’d be safe.
“Fuck!”
“This is bad.” Harry Carlisle broke the silence after my frustrated cry. With his eyes glued to the wall, he took off his hat and ran a hand through dark brown curls which were catching the light of the sun, setting strands alight across his forehead. None of us were in great shape after spending days hunkered down in a secret bunker. Harry was no exception.
His short sleeved camp Redwood shirt was still covered with vomit, discoloured with days’ worth of sweat stains and lack of showers.
He bent over, grasping hold of his knees. “What do we do?” I could tell by the tone of his voice he was freaking out, and I didn’t blame him. But Harry was still on my mind.
His signature was undoubtedly all over every Project Spearhead file, despite him repeatedly insisting he had nothing to do with it. At that moment, I could almost believe him. The boy looked exhausted and frustrated, pained.
He surprised me by slipping to his knees and burying his head in the dirt and screaming into rough soil. I was struck, then, by the sudden memory of flames. I had been sitting around campfires for weeks at Redwood, but this one didn’t feel like it took place at camp.
Instead, it felt more personal. I could almost see it, flickering orange sparking at the backs of my eyes and the sour taste of beer in my throat. Like the memory was trying to push itself to the surface. This moment felt nostalgic and yet close—as if it had happened yesterday. Like both the past and present had entangled in one.
If I concentrated I swore I could hear the murmur of voices, phantom laughter in my head and a cool night breeze grazing my cheeks.
“Earth to Josie?”
I snapped out of it quickly. “You’re asking me?” I kicked the dirt again. “I thought Rowan was our camp leader.”
Harry lifted his head after a moment, his eyes flicking to me. “You know he can’t make rash decisions right now.”
“Exactly.” I said. “We both know he’s not back to his normal self. He’s both right now. A little kid, and a teenager.” I shuddered. “I’m sorry, did I forget to mention our so-called head counsellor was playing with a human eye like a fucking cat?”
“Mm."
“Well, why aren’t you taking it seriously?”
Harry’s gaze skated the horizon, cotton candy colored clouds blurring into twilight. “Becauuuse the sun is going to your head.”
I could practically hear his eyes rolling. Harry took three strides towards the wall and pressed his face into rough brick. “So, this is it, right?” He muffled into rough cement. “We are really going to die at fucking summer camp.”
“I’m going to die,” I corrected him. “They want you two and Carmel because apparently you’re special.”
Harry made a scoffing noise into the wall. I was starting to think he was setting up camp there, planning to tell all of his grievances to the cement. “Oh yeah, because that’s a good thing? You’ve seen—no—heard what they’ve done to Teddy and the others, and you think them wanting us for something else is special?” his voice broke a little. “I’d rather have your fate.”
The boy’s words made me realize how little I was compared to the others. While they and Carmel were part of some grand, psychotic scheme, I was just needed for extra bulk. “Why don’t you talk to your friends?” I said, after letting the boy throw several punches into the soil. I wasn’t going to comment on his hits being surprisingly strong enough to shake the ground.
Harry didn’t look at me after calming down, resorting to tracing the earth with the toes of his shoe. “Who?”
"The CIA."
I was surprised by his retort, even if it was equally sarcastic. “Oh, you think I’m in the CIA?” He stepped closer to me, his breath in my face. “In case you haven’t noticed, this is bigger than the CIA. Whoever is in charge of this project is way higher up.”
“So, you’re admitting you’re a sleeper.”
“No, that’s not what I—”
“Then what?” I demanded, cutting him off. “Why are your fingerprints quite literally all over this?”
Harry folded his arms, his expression darkening. "You're still talking about this?" He groaned. “Josie.” He planted his hands on my shoulders. “I am not a spy, okay? Yes, my writing being on those documents was weird, but we’re also dealing with animal crackers which turn us into littles.” His lips curved into the slightest of smirks. “I’m pretty sure it would be easy for a group of scientists to use my writing as some kind of red herring. They’re trying to turn us against each other, obviously. And that’s not going to happen.” He squeezed my shoulders and I felt momentary comfort. I was so tired.
I hadn’t slept properly in days in fear of Eleanor coming to smoke us out—and the urge to just sink into the boy’s chest was suddenly overwhelming. Luckily, I had self-control. I took a step back, and he dropped his arms. “That's sobering, yes,” I said. “But I’m still going to try waking you up with those trigger phrases we found.”
When he tried to speak, I shook my head.
“Like it or not, you’re our only way out.”
I had made it clear several times to the two of them that I had no intention to use the trigger phrases we found taped to the back of the door in the bunker, when searching for more intel. But the more I was really thinking about it, if there were sleeper agents capable of taking down a group of forty-year-old tweens, I had no choice but to at least try. Because it was either that, or I gave the littles what they wanted. The boy’s. Whatever they needed, Rowan, Carmel, and Harry were the keys to their plan.
We needed a miracle, and those trigger phrases were our best shot.
Harry, of course, was against this idea.
He did that thing he always did when he scrunched up his nose and curled his lip. It reminded me of a toddler not getting their way. I saw it exclusively when the littles were taking advantage of his piggybacking service. “Josie, I’m not a fucking spy!”
"You could be." I said stiffly. "And until we figure out what is going on with you, I don't trust you. You said it yourself. Your writing was all over the kid's files, so at some point, regardless of you remembering or not, you have been part of this project.”
“So, why did you bring me out here?” He inclined his head. “You don’t trust me and yet you bring me on your little mission to find an exit.”
I shrugged. “I was partly hoping we would be attacked and your natural instincts would kick in.”
“So, I’m your lab-rat?”
“Partially.”
Harry did the scrunchy-nose thing again. “What the fuck, dude?!”
He looked like he was going to argue before deciding against it. Instead, he slipped on his raybans and gestured behind me with a sigh.
"We should probably get going before those little freaks come looking for us and realize we’ve left our safehouse.” I didn’t know how to explain and put into words that to survive we had to try everything—and if there was a slither of a chance that Harry really was some kind of sleeper agent, I was going to take advantage of that. I hadn’t forgotten about Carmel, Callan, and Olive. Rowan too, no matter how screwed up he was. I was counting on getting all of us out. I turned on my heel and started to head back to camp. I didn’t look at him because doing that would make me weak.
“Right. Let’s go.”
There was something going at the camp when we got back. I was startled by an intense blue light illuminating from the lunch cabin, and I had half a mind to turn and run. Then the screams started. Just like Teddy, they sounded both human and not, a horrifying mix of man and machine wailing for death. I found myself paralysed, crouched behind Cassie’s cabin, their phantom screams rattling my skull sending my thoughts into overdrive. “Josie.” I felt warm fingers wrap around my elbow and pull me back. Harry was thankfully there, dragging me away before I could expose us. It was enough to snap me out of it. Enough to drive me into fight or flight.
When we made it back to Allison’s cabin, Rowan was sleeping. He had conked out halfway through a pack of gummy worms. I spent the next few hours going through each trigger phrase written on the yellow sticky note we found taped to the door. I figured if we were going to try and wake Harry up, he would have to be restrained in case he was triggered to hurt us or even himself. “Is this really necessary?”
“Yes.” I said, squinting at the third trigger phrase. The two of us were sitting cross-legged in front of each other. Harry, breathing heavily, and me, trying to make myself calm. Harry pulled gingerly at the jump-rope restraints we had managed to loop around his wrists. I was expecting something out of him, but all I got were his wide eyes staring back at me.
The latest phrase was twisting my brain. It sounded like a kid’s book. I took a deep breath.
“Green Tigers Do Not Live Independently.”
Harry didn’t move, making a deal of blinking rapidly back at me. “No, I mean,” he gestured to his arms pinned behind his back. “Why did you have to make them so tight?"
“Because you’re a spy, dude.” Rowan had woken up, intrigued by my attempts to wake up a possible sleeper. He was pretending to go through the Eleanor Summers footage again, but the boy was clearly invested in what we were doing. Sitting slumped in the spinning chair, he leaned his fist on his chin. There were various things about Rowan I wanted to point out, but I was too scared to. The tips of his fingers were still stained red, and I had no idea if it was new or old. Rowan Atlas used to be the one guy at camp I used to think looked older than he was—and acted older than he was.
Instead of taking part in camp activities, he chose to sit on a branch and read pretentious classics. Yeah. He was one of THOSE guys. The slight stubble on his chin would definitely get him served alcohol, and his intelligence and quick-thinking would easily sway you if you were sceptical. Now he was the complete opposite. Maybe I was imagining things, but he had definitely gotten younger in the face, even if it was just a year or two.
I am not talking about his appearance, however. Rowan’s mentality was drastically different from the guy who held crisis meetings and ordered all of us around like we were his own children. This guy had a certain childish twinkle in his eye when I happened to catch it, a twitch in his lips which was constantly a wide smile like he was constantly seeing butterflies. Before being force-fed animal crackers, the guy had maintained his hair and hygiene no matter what happened. Now, he looked like he’d been dragged through a forest. Literally. There was still grass and leaves caught in his sandy hair, his camp Redwood shirt torn in odd places.
He yawned, curling up on the chair, apparently getting comfy. “No hard feelings, but we gotta keep you under investigation. Like Josie said, your name was all over those shady documents.”
Even his voice was different. I couldn’t call it a squeak, but it was close enough to one.
“I’m not a spy,” Harry grumbled, ducking his head. “I think I would know if I was—what, some kind of government agent?”
“That’s the whole point of them,” Rowan, still with lingering childish traits, winked at him. “They don’t know either.” He raised his hand and mimed the finger guns, protruding them into his temples and pretending to pull the trigger. Adapting a storytelling tone, he lowered his voice to a whisper. Like he was talking to the kids.
“They can live their whole lives without realizing.” I could tell from his tone he was getting excited with the idea of sleeper agents. Maybe it was a kid thing. Rowan sat up straight with wide eyes. “Cruelly brainwashed by a secret organisation at a young age and turned into super soldiers, these guys have no family. No friends.” His gaze flicked to Harry, his lips twitching into a teasing grin. “Only the insatiable urge to kill and follow orders. They don’t have brains to feel or emotions. And that?”
He did a dramatic spin on the chair. I could tell he was revelling in the look of horror on Harry’s face. “That is the most dangerous thing about them. The inability to have free will. Because what happens when they come face to face with people they used to love? People from their old life?”
With both of us enthralled in his speech, the boy smirked. “They kill them. Family members and friends. With one simple order? BAM.” Harry jumped, and I am ashamed to say I did too. Rowan blew his imaginary finger guns. “With one single and yet perfect headshot, it’s allll over. There’s blood EVERYWHERE. There’s brains!” He giggled. “Brains! And it’s like, sooo gross.”
With the way he kept adding to his story, getting progressively more excited and practically vibrating in the chair, the boy was reminding me more and more of my little sister. Which terrified me. Because if this was him back to himself, was this his new normal?
“Rowan, stop.” It took every ounce of my being not to yell at him. “You’re acting like a fucking child.” I was frowning at a sign on the wall warning us to ‘mind our head’. It wasn’t even a low ceiling, and yet that was the fourth time I had seen that sign.
Harry looked mildly horrified. Usually, he was the one who told the ghost stories. I could tell even he was questioning his own identity at that moment, and I paused interrogating him with phrases. “I’m sorry, but who out of us ate our weight in animal crackers?”
“Against my will.” Rowan yawned again, doing another spin on the chair. I had to turn around and shoot him a glare. “That’s the second time you’ve thrown me being turned into a kid in my face. Which is not fair. Did I ask to be stuffed full of poison?"
“Well, you didn’t exactly fight against Eleanor.”
“I was tied up, asshole—and I’m pretty you were in la-la land at that point.”
“I’m allergic to peanut butter, so no,” Harry rolled his eyes. “I snapped out of it when my body reminded me.”
“That sounds like a you problem, dude.”
Harry groaned, tipping his head back. “Holy shit, Rowan. You used to be cool and now you’re like an annoying little brother.”
“Touché.”
“Shut up. Both of you.” I found my voice, grabbing a pen and scribbling out the first line of trigger phrases which were a no-go.
“Rowan, annoyingly, is right.” I said, ignoring the guy’s noise of glee. If he kept spinning around on that chair, I was going to kill him.
The blur of movement at the corner of my eye was driving me mad. Focusing on Harry, I took a break from the trigger phrases for a moment, poking him in the cheek. It was supposed to be light-hearted, but the guy looked offended.
“For the third time, we can’t ignore that at some point you have signed off on all of those files, which means you were part of Spearhead.” I shrugged. “I’m not saying you are, but we have to be smart if we’re going to survive against a group of deranged scientists.”
Rowan chuckled. “What she saiiiiiid.”
"Why aren't we paying attention to the guy who clearly has allegiance to those freaks?” Harry stuck out his tongue at Rowan, which was surprising on multiple levels. Wasn’t he supposed to be the normal one? “Aren't you their favorite counselor?"
"I was literally mind controlled by preservatives, asshole," Rowan shot back. "And I'm not the only one. You and Carmel are on their radar too."
"Yeah, but we’re not the ones playing with eyes.”
"I'm too tired to argue with you." The boy responded in a yawn, cuddling into the chair armrest like a cat. “Also… you’re a noodlehead.”
“Ignore him.” I told Harry. “Just focus on me, alright? You have to look at me.”
“I am!”
“It’s time to make the donuts.” I articulated it perfectly.
Harry surprised me with a laugh. “That one can’t be real.”
“It is. Shush.” I cleared my throat. “The strawberry moon will rise in July.” When nothing happened, I frowned. “Maybe I’m not saying them right.” I peered at the next one, mentally speaking it and then muttering it to myself to get an idea of the tone.
“Or,” Harry shrugged, pulling at his restraints. “I’m just spit-balling here, but maybe I’m NOT a secret government sleeper agent after all?”
“Be mindful of the deep ravine.” This time I practically shouted it in his face, only to get his wide smile in return.
“Josie, this isn’t working.”
“It will.” I was growing increasingly more frustrated. “Just try and listen to them, okay? Don’t push them out.”
I tried one more time, leaning close and scrunching up the sticky note in my hand. Harry’s expression stayed stoic, though from the contortions in his forehead and the twitch in his lips he was trying so hard not to laugh. “It looks like it will rain tonight.”
I was surprised, then, when Rowan jolted in the chair suddenly. He lifted his head, his eyes wide. I was seeing him back to his usual self for the flicker of a second, his expression contorted with fright, lips curling into a scowl. “Do you guys smell that?”
“Smell what?” I sniffed the air, but there was nothing which was out of the ordinary. I had grown used to the combined stink of our body odour.
Rowan wrinkled his nose. He sat up straighter. “That.” He whispered. “It smells like… burning.”
I opened my mouth to ask what he meant before Harry went stiff suddenly. I sensed his entire body seem to brace itself. His eyes hardened. “Untie me.” He said in a croak.
When my shaking hands went to the boy’s restraints, his were balled into fists. I glimpsed muscles bulging through the back of his shirt and forearms. His demeanour reminded me of an animal growing territorial. “Something is… wrong,” he said in a sharp breath. Harry’s frightened eyes found mine. “Wrong.” He said again, blinking rapidly. “Something is...wr–wrong. ” When I pulled the last of the rope from his arms, Rowan shocked me with a piercing cry which sent him tumbling off of the chair, his trembling hands planted over his ears, lips carved into an O.
His eyes were wide with terror, with agony I couldn't understand. Childish terror. Which catapulted him back to his real age.
Before I could hesitate, I was crawling over to him, attempting to snap the boy out of it. But he was inconsolable, his eyes almost unseeing, his body contorting with every shriek. It took me a moment to realize Harry was the same. But instead of a piercing shriek of a scream, he was wailing into his knees, as if to escape something.
His body seemed to jolt left and right, like he was being electrocuted. When I saw glimpses of sharp red pooling between his fingers and down the back of his neck, something sickly crept up my throat. Rowan was somehow worse, his whole face contorting like it was it's own separate being, rivulets of intense red dripping from his nose and mouth, and staining his hands desperately pressed over his ears.
It was a synchronised cry, I realized, after concluding that no matter what I did, I couldn't save them.
It was a sound only they could hear, a high-pitched screech like a dog-whistle which was only affecting them. It was the kids, I thought. Surely. If they could disembowel counselors, I was sure they would have no problem engineering a sound which would only affect certain people.
Stumbling back, I had two choices. I could either try and help them, try and block out this phantom noise slowly killing them-- or I could leave them and find a safer place. With that choice in my mind, I barely noticed the phone begin to ring under Allison's desk.
That same old fashioned trilling rang in my head, and I managed to reach under and grab the receiver, my heart in my throat. "Please." I managed to squeak out, trying to ignore Harry, who was trying to rip out his hair, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. I saw the whites, blood vessels popping one by one.
When he crumpled to the ground, I thought he was dead. But his wails continued into the floor, and I wanted them to stop. I wanted him to die because I couldn’t stand hearing him screaming for help which wasn’t coming. I couldn't help them, and it was killing me. The kids were clearly trying to smoke us out, this time targeting the boy’s. Still though, I had my secret weapon. The Spearhead project.
"There are three of us left," I panted down the phone. "You have to help us. I am at Camp Redwood. You need to get us out of here. Do you hear me? You need to get us out–"
“Attempts to fix the current situation have been unsuccessful, Miss Greenfield," the woman with the British accent's voice came through in a rush of static, cutting me off. Her voice was monotone, and I wondered if she was in fact a programmed bot.
"All efforts for manual activation have failed from the disaster zone. The signal appears to have been sabotaged. I repeat. The E.485 frequency has been sabotaged. Designated models 0115, 0116, and 0118 are now officiated as being faulty and are no longer needed for protocol 9AXC5. Please stand by for standard protocol deactivation. Thank you for your service. Agent Salta. Agent Elsilrac. Agent Lemrac.”
My grip loosened on the phone, and I felt my legs started to give-way. "You're the one doing this to them?”
When Rowan dropped to his knees, blood dripping from his nose, my stomach jumped into my throat. There was no way. I figured it was an attack from the kids, but I was wrong. Instead, this sound, this frequency, was coming from the phone.
I thought back to the video footage. Agent Lemrac interviewing Eleanor Summers. Harry's signature on the paperwork. “Can you… say that again?” I heard myself say in a breath. But the dead ringing tone was already clanging in my skull, a robotic countdown laced within the static. I grabbed the pen I had been writing with, scribbling those names down, my hands shaking.
“Preparing emergency shutdown protocol. Thank you for your service, Agent Salta, Elsilrac, Lemrac.” The voice continued, which was just another stab in the gut. I heard Salta before. I heard Lemrac. But writing them down, I realized what they meant.
Salta.
Elsilrac.
Lemrac.
I was a fucking idiot. No wonder the littles wanted them and Carmel— why they were so important to their plan. Slowly, I could feel myself start to crumble. The phone slipped from my clammy hands, but I could still hear the woman beginning an emergency shut down.
I didn’t feel the impact when my knees hit the ground, but I did start to sense something twisted and sour tickling the back of my nose and throat. By the time I had noticed it, it was already choking the bunker. But somehow, I didn’t care about the stars in my eyes or my own blood being projected onto my hands with every wet sounding cough exploding from my lungs. I could still hear their names, and every time I said each of them, more and more of me shattered.
Atlas.
Carlisle.
Carmel.
“18…”
“17…”
“16…”
“15…”
Laying on my back while my head spun, I was partially aware the boy’s screaming had cut off.
Instead, they were just sitting there, eyes wide and unseeing, the blankest I had ever seen them. There was so much blood running down their faces, and I imagined something rooted inside of them tearing their minds apart from the inside. Letting out another strangled cough, which was definitely biological warfare courtesy of the kids (not enough to kill, but definitely a warning not to fuck with them) my gaze flicked across the bunker, taking everything in. The paperwork we had been going through. The chair Rowan had been spinning around on. The ropes Harry’s arms had been entangled in. I was frowning at the walls, and then the ceiling.
“Please mind your head when you step down the stairs.”
Drinking in the words slowly, my cotton candy thoughts imploding into one blurry mess.
But then I was a little more awake, this time turning my gaze to the wall where the same sign had been taped to the wall. Please mind your head when you step down the stairs. And… there it was again, taped to the desk, and underneath the laptop. Hidden in plain sight. It had been there all along, and yet I only realised when I wasn't thinking about it, when my mind was being suffocated. Something seemed to snap inside of me, and I sat up, driven by pure adrenaline. With one hand pressed over my mouth and nose, I forced myself into a sitting position and dragged myself to Harry, whose head was lolled at an unnatural angle, his eyes closed.
Part of me wanted to smash up the phone, knowing what these bastards had done to their sleeper agents now they were no longer usable. The boy almost resembled a doll. Was this the so-called sleeper which had been planted inside Redwood? Empty eyes, empty everything. He was like a shell with a human face. No better than Eleanor's experiments.
When I grabbed hold of his arms, I had to hold him steady, his body cut from these puppet strings which had held him. “Harry.” I could barely speak, my voice more of a croak. I knew he was awake and aware, but a singeing, almost burning smell was coming from directly inside his head as blood ran from his nostrils in shades of red and pink. Now I knew what the burning was when I pressed my face against his and sucked in a lungful of poisoned air. It was him. He was a defect being set alight from the inside. “You need to look at me, okay?”
When he didn’t, instead crumbling in my arms, I struggled to hold him upright. Twisting my head to Rowan, he seemed in a better state—kind of. At least he was still sitting straight.
My last words were barely audible. “Please mind your head when you step down the—” no sooner had the words left my mouth before the sounds of footsteps coming from above, the unmistakable murmur of giggling getting closer and closer. Harry dropped to the ground like he had been severed from his puppet strings.
I wasn’t aware when I slipped to the floor, whatever had filled my lungs finally taking its toll. Through flickering eyes, I could see our barricade being blown through, the ground rumbling beneath me, throwing me into something warm.
Rowan.
His body was curled up against the wall, haemorrhaging from the ears.
It was only when I was truly taking in the stink curling in the back of my nose and throat as Eleanor Summer’s mechanical grin popped out of nowhere, when I realized I had smelled it before. I had choked on it before. The circle of kids looming above me let out a shrill squeak of, “Found you!” while I found the dark, and beyond that, a memory I thought was a dream.
Firelight flickered in the backs of my eyelids. The blur of orange and shadowy smoke was mesmerising. I stared real hard at the fire like I was told to, at smouldering shades of yellow and orange colliding, thick black smoke billowing into the air while our faces illuminated the circle. I tightened my grip on my beer, swallowing another mouthful. It was cheap shit, but had just enough burn to get me tipsy. I felt good at that moment. Relaxed.
My head was starting to spin, but it was the good spinning, like I was going round and around on a carousel. I wasn't sure why I felt apprehension at the moment.
It was just a game, right? So, why did I want to jump up and go home? Why did I want to squeeze my eyes shut? Milo's words rattled in my skull as I squinted into the fire. "Come forth, those who are no longer with us." Ghosts weren't real, I thought dizzily. They couldn't be.
Not when science and logic existed. However, when the flames began to grow increasingly more erratic, I couldn't resist leaning forward, and... there. Something warm crept its way up my throat.
There was a shadow twisted in the smoke, a very human-like thing stepping directly from the trees, from the hollowed darkness I had been too scared to fully take in-- finding solace in flickering and illuminated sparks spitting from the fire. The others started to murmur to each other as the thing took a step out of the trees. Clea shuffled back with a cry, and Milo and JJ turned twin shades of sickly pale. It was a guy.
Older, by maybe a year. Shaggy reddish hair tied into a loose ponytail. His clothes were a simple leather jacket and jeans, but looking at his face, he was bruised, every part of him exhausted and battered. His eyes, when I caught them, were nothing but twin pools of oblivion glaring back at us.
"Holy fuck." Milo hissed out. “I didn't think that would actually work!" Downing his beer, he whooped. "Alright! Name, age, occupation, and..."
His lips quirked into a grin. "How you died, man!”
The guy inclined his head, his mouth curling into the start of an amused smile. "I'm not a ghost, Jackass."
His British accent was jarring.
"And?" Milo leaned back, crossing his legs. "Play along, bro. Or I call the cops and tell 'em a grown ass man is fucking with some minors."
"But he looks our age," Clea hummed. "And he's kinda cute."
"I don't give a fuck," Milo's eyes were hard. "State your truth, or I get my dad on the line."
The guy rolled his eyes, raising both arms like he was surrendering. "Samuel Joseph Wilder," he surprised me by responding. Now that I looked at him, this guy definitely was not dead. Unless dead people carried a gun latched to their belt, and a cheap iPhone sticking from their jeans pocket. "Nineteen years old." He shrugged. "I guess you could say I'm an ex-student."
He paused, and I caught emotion flicker across his face, his hands balling into fists. "I was killed– no, murdered, by my town."
Milo leaned back, cracking open another beer and taking a sip. Clea leaned closer to him, her eyes wide. “Playing along, huh? I like it. State your truth."
The guy nodded, lowering his arms. His dark eyes flicked to each of us, drinking all of us in. “I just escaped from a secret government facility doubling as a summer camp which has converted half of my town’s kids into mindless super soldiers.”
There was a pause, before Clea burst into nervous giggles. Milo cocked his head. “I said state your truth, not plagiarise The Hunger Games.”
Ignoring Milo, the guy turned his eyes to me. "Josie Greenfield?" He took a step forward before seemingly deciding against it. I didn't move or speak, my heart in my throat. I didn't have to reply. This strange boy continued, his lips curling. "You're going to die tonight, Josie."
At that moment, I realized why I had been feeling nauseous all night. Why my mind had been anticipating something all day, and why, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't brush off his words. Maybe part of me was expecting this.
The stranger's tone was too cold to ignore, the state of him too real to brush off as a joke.
Suddenly, it was just me, him, and fate itself glaring down on us, my life as I knew it exploding into nothing in the charred remains of the dying fire.
His voice echoed in my head, collapsing into white noise, when I noticed how truly inhuman he looked. I fully took him in, illuminated in firelight. "If you don't get the fuck out of this town, you are going to have the same fate as me."
…
I’m going to go out on a whim and say it’s… not 2018 and I’ve been at Camp Redwood for way longer than I realized?

Other stories by TheMaskedOne2807:The Oil Chapter 1 (Getting Back)
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“It is beautiful, is it not,” Solk said in a chipper yet slightly, almost Infinitesble sad tone of voice. “I am not surprised you are not the first to have been awestruck beyond measure at the slightest sight of this.”
Solk walked closer to Kenneth, presenting the object that fully had Kenneth’s attention.
Of all the things Solk could have brought with him, a painting was the last thing he expected.
Even in the light of many candles, Kenneth could see the beautiful dark wood frame expertly carved with what appeared to be illustrations of, as far as Kenneth knew, blue flowers all interconnected by one stem.
However, it was not the dark wooden frame or the pattern carved into it nor the solid gold plack at the very bottom center of the painting that filled Kenneth with a burning rage.
NO.
It was the person in the painting.
A black-furred Aki with a white-tipped tail wielding a giant shield, not unlike those of the roman people during Julius caesars time, as she charged into battle.
In her other hand, she was wielding a long sword against what Kenneth recognized to be a black Nok with a spear who charged at her. Thrusting its weapon with all its might against her shield.
“Jasha,” Kenneth muttered so silently. He barely managed to stave off his primary instinct to strike the very illustration before him.
“Huh? Did you say something?” Solk asked.
Kenneth quickly snapped out of his trance and relaxed his body.” No, I said nothing.”
“Are you sure I could have sworn you said… well, never mind,” Solk said dismissively as he let the painting rest on one of the floor juices barrels. “So, are you interested?”
‘If you only knew,’ Kenneth thought as he restrained himself from acting like he normally would whenever he saw Jasha.
“It is quite something,” Kenneth said in a fake cheery tone of voice. “Just out of curiosity, what was the other item you thought I would be interested in?”
“Some of the slaves,” Solk said casually.
‘Remember, you just need the vinegar,’ Kenneth told himself, not wanting to ever be a slaver as he stared down the painting.
“Forget I said anything, and let's talk about the masterpiece here,” Kenneth said.
“It is one of my most prized possessions,” Solk said proudly with only the slightest hint of something else in his voice.
“Well, it’s just if it is so prized, why would you have brought it to trade with me?” Kenneth asked, unsure if he asked because he wanted to know or just looking for an excuse to get it out of his sight, even though he just wanted to get the vinegar and be done with everything.
Solk lowered his gaze slightly, letting out a sigh. “It is not an easy thing to trade, but to keep it in my family would be an insult to my brother once I eventually meet him again.”
“How so?” Kenneth asked.
“Do-does the words engraved on the gold plack confuse you?” Solk asked.
As Kenneth took a closer look for the first time, he noticed some engravings in the gold plack. They seemed like letters, but none Kenneth had truly ever seen nor in any way understood.
“Sorry, but I can’t read that,” Kenneth responded.
“Really,” Solk exclaimed slightly. “But you seem like a learned man, one who’s been taught like us royals.”
“I can read; I just can’t read your langue,” Kenneth clarified.
“My langue. Does that mean you speak another aside from this?” Solk questioned curiously.
“Yes,” Kenneth answered.
“I see. Well, the engraving reads as follows,” Solk said, clearing his throat. “Perfection gifted to me by the gods to be created by mortal hands so we may witness the closest thing to perfection Aki-kind will ever achieve. ”
“Well, the painting is undyingly beautiful and so life-like,” Kenneth complimented while adverting his eyes a little away from Jasha. “But I don’t see how the words would confuse me.”
“Really. It doesn’t strike you as odd that the gods would give my brother a vision of the past just so he could paint this thing,” Solk said, slightly spiteful.
Solk became a little quiet after that. The only thing Kenneth heard for a little while was his breathing. It was calm, but at times it would slightly get louder.
“The value of this painting is quite hard to measure,” Solk suddenly said. “ Not only is it more detailed than any other I know of, but the sentimental value is equally hard to measure.”
“In truth, I have had others who have offered vast sums of gold for it, but it always seemed too cheap to me.”
“Cheap,” Kenneth repeated. “I must admit I don’t quite follow you. If you think vast sums of gold are too cheap, then why would you trade with me? I only have some unique items and blue flowers.”
Solk looked at Kenneth for a short while silently before he started to chuckle.
“Did I say something funny?” Kenneth asked.
“No,” Solk answered, letting his chuckling naturally subside. “your words simply reminded me of something similar to what I said many summers ago.”
Kenneth raised an eyebrow.
“I apologize for asking this, but would you let an old man tell you a story of the past and why no gold would ever be enough for me to trade this painting?” Solk asked.
“Sure, just go ahead,” Kenneth responded, feeling strangely intrigued by what Solk had to say.
“As kids, my brother and I were always close to one another. We used to play from the moment Ki appeared in the sky to the moment he was going to trade places with Di,” Solk started as he looked at the painting slightly fondly.
“However, as we got older, I started to notice he’d space out more often, looking into nothingness with a dull expression. He’d look at trees, furniture, buildings, even just mud, and dirt,” Solk sighed.
“Sometimes he’d even just hold a stick or rock and drag them on the ground.”
“Even as a child, I had heard some rumors of what happened to those who were misshapen, and I was worried my brother might be as well. I did my best hiding it from my father, mother, and sister as well as the servants.”
“At times, some noticed it to some extent, but a few lies here and there about him being tired seemed to work just fine.”
Solk then lowered his head and said in a somber voice. “Being that young, I truly believed I could keep my brother safe forever, but eventually, while I was sleeping, he wandered out of his room and started to act like he always did.”
“Even now, I clearly remember the feeling of pain I felt in my body when I learned my father had commissioned a local healer to healer my brother.”
“Soon thereafter, my brother was gone. I searched every nook and cranny of the house, but I never found him.”
“And worst of all,” Solk growled slightly. “When I confronted him and my mother about it, they played the fool. Denying his existence as if he was never even born.”
“After that, I hated my father with all my hearts. I wanted to get revenge no matter the cost, and I knew just how,” Solk said in a slightly menacing tone.
“His pride and life’s work was being a trader traveling to outpost selling and trading merchandise. I knew if I wanted to make him suffer, I needed to ruin it all.”
“Summer after summer, I pretended to be the perfect son, the one who wasn't misshapen, who listened to him when he explained and taught me about the family business all the while I waited for my chance.”
“And that day eventually came when my father fell ill just before his next trip to all the outposts. With his blessing, I traveled to each one of them, letting myself be the fool. Selling any and all items for almost worthless sums of coins and items.”
“I knew my father wasn’t going to get any better, and I just wanted him to know how he’d failed before he died.”
Solk took a deep breath as he let the painting down and turned around. “Even as I walked into his bedroom, I could barely contain my smile, but what I was met with was not my ill father, but my mother, sisters, and a healer.”
“If I had run, I would have made it, but I didn’t, and so my father died believing his life’s work and pride would be in safe hands.”
“He was my father, so it was expected of me to be sad, but unlike so much of my life, I didn’t lie or hide my feelings.”
“My life’s goal. The one moment I had been working toward. Gone snatched from my hands in the final moments.”
“His death left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I knew I would get everything I wanted once I met him again.”
“ However on, one night, when I was just relaxing in my room, my mother brought me a letter. It was my father's last words if he died before I got home.”
“I expected it to contain his finale words like how I would do great things for the family or that I had to remember the family and marry a god, royal woman.”
“But when I read it, I was in shock. My father confessed to me that all those summers ago, when my brother was taken away, he hadn’t been killed. He had was brought to a secret facility made only for misshapen royal children.”
“At a moment’s notice, I forgot about my plan to destroy the family business, and I spent no small amount of time and coins to find out where the facility was and get him out.”
“I was overjoyed to see him once more again, but he was different. Quieter than I remembered, and he spaced out more often.”
“He only talked to me and only stayed in his room, but one day when I arrived in his room, I found that on one of the walls, he, with the use of cutlery, had drawn an image of us when we were still together.”
“He was a true marvel to behold when he got to work. He was no longer spacing out, not while he was painting.”
“He was more focused than even some swordsmen in a fight, and his paintings alone were so beautiful that all the work I had done to ruin the family business just dispersed and was forgotten by all after just selling one of his works.”
“However, the good times didn’t last forever as eventually, my brother grew dissatisfied with selling his paintings.”
“He said to me, gold is too cheap a price to pay when you could share it with all, high and lowborn alike, instead of locking it away forever.”
“Of course, I laughed at this and reminded him that his work was too good for the eyes of a low-born. He grew angry with me after that and locked himself in his room.”
“For a long time then, I can remember we didn’t talk, but he still painted, and of course, I showed them off and sold them.”
“However, after so long of not talking with each other, my brother burst out of his room yelling, the gods have shown me perfection.”
“I was confused, but before I even had a chance to ask anything, he started to paint working while Ki and Di traded places many times.”
Once they had traded places for the third time, I grew very worried and got some of the servants to force the door to his room open.”
“All I remember after that,” Solk said in a saddened tone of voice. “Was him lying on the floor as servants lifted him up on his bed and rushed out to get a healer.”
“I didn’t move or react. I only watched as my brother slowly died, saying his last words, the ones I’ve engraved in his final work.”
“Wow… I…. that was kind of heavy,” Kenneth said, not knowing what else to say.
“Do you now understand why it’s hard to sell?” Solk asked as he turned around and picked up the painting. “My brother wanted his work to be seen and not just sold off and hidden away.”
“I get it,” Kenneth said, crossing his arms. “You can’t just trade it for gold like all the others he made, but at the same time, you can’t just keep it hidden away.”
“I don’t know If I’m the ideal person to buy this painting, but I’ll try to honor the memory of you, brother.”
“I truly hope you’ll do better than I have,” Solk said shamefully.
Kenneth walked along the street, passing whispering Aki after whispering Aki while holding the panting.
There had been a little haggling but nothing worth mentioning.
Kenneth wasn’t truly sure how to feel about anything that had happened lately, but he did know one thing. He was tired and just wanted a break.
With that in mind, he just walked straight home and threw himself on his bed, but of course, not before carefully placing the painting he’d bought on the floor.
He wasn’t too tired to actually sleep, so he just let himself relax and think about stuff like how many times people have tried to behead him and other such fun things.
Kenneth wasn’t sure how long he stayed in bed, but eventually, the door to the living room swung open.
Kenneth opened one eye and saw it was Nya.
“There you are,” She said. “You know how hard it is to find you?”
“I can imagine,” Kenneth responded.
“So, how does it feel?” Nya asked teasingly.
“How does what feel?” Kenneth asked back as she sat down on her bed.
Oh, I don’t know,” Nya said sarcastically. “Perhaps healing the burning death, a feat, mind you, only Uloko and the combined fortitude of a hundred healers have ever managed to do.”
“I… suppose it feels good,” Kenneth answered in a bored tone of voice.
“You could sound a little more excited, you know,” Nya chuckled, her tail swinging from side to side as she lay on her side. “Do you even know what the people of the outpost are saying?”
“Let me guess,” Kenneth said, his deep voice even deeper and sounding almost like a frog's ribbit in a strange way. “Oh, finally, the abomination is leaving. I hope I’m the one who gets to burn down the wagon he’s in.”
“Well, yes, there was a little of that in the beginning,” Nya admitted. “But after that, every time Ki and Di traded placed, more and more of that kind of talk died down and was replaced with questions.”
“Why isn’t the wagon getting burned yet? The abomination is probably only buying time, right? You don’t really think it can do it, right? Why is the food tasting so good now with the abomination gone?”
“Now everyone is talking about how you healed the burning death and that the party tonight is only because of you,” Nya said in a happy tone of voice.
“Oh really,” Kenneth responded, only really half listening.
“Wait, what party,” Kenneth said, bewildered, sitting up.
“Yes, not too long ago, the merchant said he’d throw a party in honor of his son's health and good fortune,” Nya said happily as she rolled in bed excitedly, her mouth getting wetter at the thought of floor juice.
“If I hadn’t said before, I’ll say it now. Thanks, I didn’t think I’d get something good to drink this year.”
“Errrrr… don’t mention it,” Kenneth said, slightly confused.
For a moment, he thought about what he’d just been told, and he could help but chuckle, “That sly old fox.”
“Did you say something?” Nya asked as she sat up.
“It was nothing,” Kenneth responded, still chuckling.
“Oooooooooooooooookay,” Nya responded.
Kenneth thought it was strang how she said it and looked over, but as he did, Nya fell on her knees.
“Nya, are you okay!” Kenneth yelled as he jumped out of bed.
She didn’t respond; she only pointed straight ahead and seemed to try and say something but couldn’t.
Kenneth followed the finger and saw it was the painting she was pointing at.
“Oh, that,” Kenneth said, relieved. “I bought it from Solk, the merchant.”
“I-I-I-I… so…” Nya stuttered, unable to say anything coherent.
“Noktato,” Nya eventually uttered in her somewhat dazed state.
“Who?” Kenneth asked.
“You don’t know who Noktato is!” Nya exclaimed as she looked at him as if he was brain-dead until she remembered who she was talking to. “Oh, for a moment, I forgot you aren’t. Never mind.”
“Noktato is the biggest heretic of them all, bigger than even Silvaka. Do you even know what this painting depicts?” Nya said, her tail and her ears moving almost independently of her body.
“Can’t say that I do,” Kenneth said, sitting back on the bed. “Kind of been teaching more than I’ve been taught.”
“Well, then, how about I educate you,” Nya said as she got off her knees. “This painting depicts the beginning of the end. Or the first major battle in the four-hundred-year war on the flatlands.”
“More precisely, it depicts the battle between the two champions, Noktato, the accursed spear, and the blessed Akina, the mighty shield.”
“Akina!” Kenneth uttered in surprise.
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(Patreon): Three chapters early access and artwork. Also, a 100+ page story I wrote prior to the posting of The Plague Doctor for all members.

“Rule #1: Guns don’t do jack.”
All the others vary, but this is always the #1 rule at every park in the country.
Personally, I would have added precisely four extra letters to it, but upper brass insists we need to uphold at least some modicum of professional decorum. Still, there are no words to describe just how frustrated it makes me every single time I see some jagoff standing there gormlessly unloading his magazine into some unfathomable nightmare creature who obviously isn’t going to feel a thing. Once I even saw someone run empty and then try to reload, instead of just, I don’t know, running away. I was almost glad to see him get exsanguinated.
Many folks have attempted to get creative with it. You name it, they’ve tried it. Silver bullets, 50 caliber high explosive incendiary ammunition, shotgun slugs cased in gold carved out from the Ark of the Covenant and pumped full of aglaophotis and blessed by the pope himself… and nothing. Nada. Zilch. As far as I know, throughout the entire history of the NPS, not a single bullet we’ve fired has even lightly tickled any of God’s half-finished rejects that stalk the wilderness.
I guess we just have trouble coping with the fact that our generation’s favorite hammer doesn’t work on this particular nail. In all fairness, though, there’s a psychological benefit to holding a gun, even knowing this foremost rule. It’s a lot more bearable to weave through trees in the pitch black wood miles from civilization when you have ol’ Remington’s gift to humanity gripped in your shaking hands. Venturing out with just your bare fists feels like you may as well give up, drop trou, bend over, and hope the thing with forty thousand eyes is feeling romantic.
I have to admit, even I keep my trusty old 1911 on my hip, even knowing it’d be absolutely useless for anything but putting a round through my own brain stem in case I get cornered by any of the things you really don’t want capturing you alive.
“Rule 2: Handheld UV lights are required when bushwhacking after midnight so fluorescent spider silk may be seen and avoided. If caught by a strand, or if you feel the earth beginning to part beneath you, throw down a circle of salt, recite the Gayatri Mantra, and clap exactly thrice.”
I’m sure you’ve wondered how we even come up with the really elaborate and specific rules like this one. The answer’s simple: a little bit of occult research, and a hell of a lot of deadly trial and error.
Sure, sometimes we get lucky and somebody else does our homework for us. For example, up at Isle Royale, an Ojibwe elder was kind enough to provide us with a few rules that help greatly when dealing with… well, you-know-what. Sorry, but never referring to them by name was one of the rules. In general, though, if you see a rule emphasizing that you have to clap exactly thrice, you can bet it’s because some poor bastard tried clapping two times or four times and ended up paying the ultimate price for it.
In this case, it was Annemary, or ‘Crazy Anne’. I worked by her side for twenty years, at least. She was a hell of a woman, the kind who made everyone hush into a terrified silence whenever she walked into a room. Still, even she wasn’t as scary as that spider-thing that kept her alive for a week in his web while he extra-orally digested her. He was a right bastard, and for a while I worried we’d have to write off Shenandoah as a lost cause… but since this rule was put into place, the evil cunt has been more or less left to starve. I consider it my magnum opus.
We only pulled it off because of you, Anne, you crazy diamond. Once you’ve conquered Hell, save a spot for me beside your throne, okay?
“Rule 3: If approached by a man with the head of a deer, offer to make him tea. He likes it strong with milk and two sugars. Sit with him as he drinks, and respond to him with absolute politeness and good manners at all times. Never ask him his name.”
You’ll be pleased to know that not every strange thing that lurks in these parks is the sort that yearns to tear your intestines out through your arsehole while you cry for mommy. Just like real wild animals, a vast majority of them just want us humans to leave ‘em alone… and a few even like us.
We’ve got a swell arrangement worked out with this peculiar deer-man who manifests in front of rangers on graveyard shift every once in a while. That 10 foot tall sonuvabitch has got the body of a man but the head of a stag with a rack any hunter would drool over, the digitigrade legs of a wolf, and he wears these flowing robes which look to be made of the night sky, glimmering stars and all. He talks all cryptic and posh, but all he asks us for is some tea time. In return, he opens that third eye on his forehead and glimpses into the future, giving us a few hints as to what sort of trouble might be brewing in the next few weeks. From our encounters, he seems like a nice enough fellow.
We only tell you not to ask his name because it’s beyond pronunciation and will just leave your ears bleeding. You know how it is.
“Rule #4: If you hear the wailing of an infant in the woods steadily drawing closer to the park office, open the red lockbox with code 0681. There is a living fetus inside on a bed of satin; pierce its heart with one of the provided golden pin needles until the noises cease.”
Another complicated mess of a rule we had to bring in a Goetic daemonologist to help cook up. I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, sure, if we knew more about these things, we could probably pare these rules down some more, come up with something simpler, easier. But the point is that the rules we have now have weathered the test of time and have been proven to keep us safe consistently. Once we’ve achieved that consistency, a rule pretty much never changes, since any propositions to study alternatives are always shut down by the question of “what happens if your hypothesis doesn’t work?”
Oh yeah, by the way. You recall how I mentioned there are certain entities out here you really don’t want to get taken alive by? This is definitely one of those. Cutting up that fetus is never very pleasant, but trust me, it’s worth the trouble.
But if you want to trail blaze and stake your life testing out some theory you cooked up… be my guest.
“Rule #5: When staying at the old barracks, always cover every mirror in a room before turning out the lights, and never remove or break-“
“Wait. Slow down a second.”
I had not even made it through five rules before the rookie sitting across from me at the cabin rudely interrupted. He was a young man who’d look more at home in Hollywood or Los Angeles than out here in the woods, his immaculately groomed jet black hair slicked to the side like all the posh celebs are doing it. I didn’t have a very good first impression of him, but hell, I always hated when I had to babysit a newbie through a night. Patience was never my strong suit.
“Can I ask why these are all so… infuriatingly vague?” He continued. “Like, what do I do if forgot to cover a mirror? What happens if I don’t clap three times or whatever?”
“Because there’s fifteen rules even just here in Shenandoah. That might not sound like a lot, but when you’re fighting fer your life ‘gainst something with more mouths than you have teeth, it’s a hell of a lot to remember. Got to keep details sparse, y’see. Make sure to drill in the important bits. And it wouldn’t help you none to know what happens if you break a rule - it’d only scare ya,” I explained. “Now shut your yapper while I finish reminding you of ‘em all.”
He groaned. “I’ve already heard them far too many times. At least a thousand today.”
I stared daggers through him. “There’s no such thing as ‘too many’ in this case, boy. People died to write these rules, and they’ll save your life.”
“With all due respect: how, exactly, are these supposed to protect me? Like… how is clapping and throwing salt around supposed to ward off anything? It’s complete nonsense!”
We got a lot of these types of guys: the “rational skeptics” who don’t believe in your silly rules. It’s either that or the fools with more muscle than brains who think they can kill a creature who can make your heart pop with a single thought. Usually, they get filtered out and fired quick. Usually. I made a mental note to beat the ass of whoever decided that this smarmy, cocksure rookie was ready for the graveyard shift. But it was too late to send him home; he wouldn’t make it out of the park alive, if he tried to traipse off through the woods at this hour.
“It doesn’t have to make sense. These things don’t work by our logic.” But I knew I couldn’t convince these types with words alone, so I stood. “C’mere, boy. Let me show you something.”
I led him to the huge window pane on the cabin’s wall, overlooking the forest down below, and checked my watch - only 20 minutes til the show started. It was a pain convincing him to shut up and wait, but that big mouth of his snapped closed the instant he realized something was emerging from the bushes down there.
It was a raccoon - not an unusual sight out here, if not for the fact that it was walking upright. And not the clumsy waddling on hind legs you expect from animals, but it seemed to stroll bipedally with all the grace of a man, as if its body had been unnaturally twisted and deformed to befit a style of movement that was never meant for it. It moved with purpose, crab walking across a mossy field with its upper body rigid as a statue’s would be, one ‘arm’ pointing towards the sky and the other to the ground below. It plodded along its set route for a minute before disappearing back into the shrubbery without ceremony.
He was baffled, slack-jawed. “What the hell was that?”
“Exactly what it looked like,” I told him. “If you’re lookin’ for a logical explanation, there ain’t any. Some places on earth, they aren’t run by our logic. They’ve got a different basis for their rules entirely.”
“And what’s that?”
“Symbolism,” I replied, as if it were obvious. “In our world, everything’s got to follow the laws of cause-and-effect. For what you’ve seen to have happened, two raccoons must’ve fucked at some point to birth the one we saw. Then somebody, probably me, would’ve had to surgically or genetically mutilate it in ways beyond current medical science, tame and train the wretched thing, and set it up to perform this exact routine at this exact time… and all for what? To mildly confuse a rookie ranger? Explaining it would require so much contrivance, so much pulling assumptions out your ass, that it would laugh in the face of Occam’s razor. For our logic, it is unexplainable. Impossible.”
“But symbolically, it made perfect sense. That creature don’t need a backstory or a cause - it prolly just came into existence a few minutes ago, and will pop out of existence once it’s sent its message. Its gesture was the hermetic mantra ‘as above, so below’ - reminding us that everything that everything that happens on the surface world is mirrored in the underworld. It happens every morning at 1:33 AM because that’s the exact time the Witch of Woodbridge killed ‘erself to become the intermediary between the two here in Shenandoah. And it’s a raccoon because...” I paused. “Well, actually, I haven’t really figured that part out yet.”
My words failed to comfort him. In fact, the more I spoke, the more horrified he seemed, eyes widening in confusion and horror as if I’d just sat down and told him that the voices in my head command me to lick the dandruff off of camels. “Oh my God. You’re crazy. You’re actually insane.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Tell ya what. Think of, for an example you’d be familiar with, a voodoo doll. You use a strand of their hair or a toenail or something so that the doll comes to symbolize their physical vessel. By hurting the doll, you’re symbolically hurting their actual body, so the damage happens to both. That’s how the supernatural works.”
He blinked. “Voodoo dolls work?”
“In places like this, they do.” I raised a brow. “Does that surprise you?”
Suddenly, he stood and threw up his hands, as if realizing he’d been made the victim of some sick prank. “You know what? Screw this. I don’t know if this is some kind of hazing thing or what, but I feel like continuing this line of conversation would just leave me as batty as you are.”
My heart lurched with terror as he stomped to the front door and began undoing the numerous slide locks and dead bolts. “Wait! Hell are you thinkin’, boy?”
He’d only barely opened the door a crack before I’d wrapped him in a chokehold, but it’d been enough. He let out a startled yelp as I started violently pulling him across the cabin, practically clobbering him just to keep him from wrestling out of my grip. I was no spring chicken, and the younger man probably could have bested me, but I had the element of surprise on my side, plus a blow to the head that had left him drowsy.
I tossed him headlong through a hatch, down into a crawlspace under the cabin where sage burners and dried tobacco and protective talismans were waiting. I slammed the hatch shut behind him, restraining the squirming rookie with my weight and clapping a hand over his mouth to silence his protests. His face was twisted by confusion and rage, and he was just about to throw me off of him, but then he froze… eyes widening, as we both heard the unmistakable sound of… something walking in through the ajar cabin door.
We’d made it into the crawlspace just in the nick of time.
There was the heavy click-clack of hooves against the wood floor above us, interspersed with quieter thuds. It took him a moment, but I could tell when he’d figured it out. With one pair of legs, the creature walked with normal hooves… with the other, it walked on the knuckles of human hands. And as it stalked the house, knocking over plates and bookshelves, it growled and hissed and groaned not out of one maw, but three: one sounding high and avian, one low and reptilian, and another letting out the soft bleating of a sheep, all in unison like some unholy choir.
Just when it seemed like it couldn’t get any worse, a fourth maw must’ve opened up, for a new sound filled the room “Daddy?” Came a little boy’s voice, desperate and whimpered, sniffling in a way that made me feel sorry for it even despite knowing better. “Why did you leave me out in the woods, daddy? It was so dark… and I was so scared. Please, daddy. I thought you loved me. Where are you?” The child’s voice devolved slowly but pitiful begging to outright sobbing and inconsolable weeping, downright screaming itself hoarse as the clock neared 2 and the creature’s searching grew frantic.
But the very instant the clock struck 2 o’clock, all the sounds ceased, all at once. We waited there for a moment, in that deafening silence… until I smacked the rookie across the back of the head. “Rule 11, you smug prick. You never open the door at this hour of the night. That… thing takes it as an invitation.” My voice made it obvious I was desperately holding back my simmering fury. I’ve beaten folks half to death before, and I’m not afraid to do it again. “If you want to get yourself killed tonight, have at it. But I am not letting you take me down with you.”
Once the nightmare had left, his brain had an opportunity to register what had just happened… which quickly escalated into a full-bore panic attack. “Fuck this, man. What in the hell was that!? Oh God, oh God, oh God, I can’t take this man, no, no, no, I’m not cut out for this, I need to go home, I need to, I can’t-“
I watched nervously as he jumped up and started frantically pacing the cabin. He was acting erratically, sloppily. This couldn’t end well. “Snap out of it, boy! No sense in braving the woods this late at night. Ya won’t be able to see more than a foot in front of your face. Just wait here until sun-“
He swung at me when I tried to restrain him again, almost breaking my nose. “No, man! I can’t take an entire night of this! I need to go! Jesus, let me go, you crazy bastard!”
I didn’t want to admit it, but this one was looking like a lost cause. There was no way I’d be able to overpower him again once he inevitably did something else stupid. Call me selfish, but at this point, my only concern was making sure he didn’t get me killed.
“Alright! God, fine! If it’s really so important to ya… you can go. Your shift’s officially over, rookie. But I ain’t goin’ out there with ya. You’ll have to brave it on yer own. As long as you follow the rules, you should be able to make it back to your car in one piece. You hear me? The rules!”
He pouted like a child being lectured by an overbearing father. “Yeah, yeah, Christ, old man, I get it! I’ll follow the damn rules!”
In my defense, I did furnish him with every single thing he’d need to survive out there. UV flashlights, salt boxes, obsidian talismans, volcanic ash, the dried and shrunken head of a lamb, and more… not that he appreciated any of it. He was just whining at me to hurry up, ignoring all my attempts to remind him of the rules, like he was in a rush to get out there and die horribly. Eventually, I just gave up, shrugged, and let him hike off into that pitch blackness.
To his credit, he made it farther than I’d expected. Twenty minutes of silence passed, and I started to wonder if he’d actually pulled it off after all.
That was about when the screaming started.
I’d heard it too many times before: the distinctive wailing of a man realizing everything he’d done and accomplished in his life had all just been leading up to this moment when a shambling abomination saw fit to deliver him to the afterlife kicking and screaming and missing a few body parts. It didn’t surprise me in the slightest, really, but it was still unpleasant to listen to.
Judging from what little of it was intelligible, he was crying about something pulling out his eyes. Must’ve broken rule 13. Poor, stupid bastard. That one’s so easy, you’d almost have to be breaking it on purpose.
I remember the first time somebody broke a rule and got themselves killed under my watch. It almost broke me. I blamed it all on myself, then. Sent me into a depression for months. But now, after all these decades… I’m just numb.
After all, my only job is to write the rules.
If they don’t want to follow them, well… it’s their funeral.

F21 here and I'm finishing university soon, in the field social science and politics. I was pushed to go study this particular field cuz none of my parents ever went to university so essentially im forced to fulfil their dreams. If I'm being honest, all I got from 3 years in university was encounters with professors full of unresolved superiority complexes, competitive narcissistic kids, snitches, and genuinely not being rewarded for the time and effort I put into my studying or project preparation. I wont even go to the mental health and anxiety part... Overall not worth it for me
Secondly, we have a family business which my father had been shouldered since he was in his early 20s (he is nearly 60 now). And for some reason, he has this mentality that working for someone else is the worst thing that could happen to you/the biggest shame on planet earth and that being independent in your own thing is always the best. Which I dont necessarily disagree with, but he had the ground all ready and set from my grandfather’s generation- he just had to navigate the boat all along. There's nothing self-made about him, he just boasts about not having anyone else giving him headaches or bossing him around. He thinks that by me studying socia/political science I will have the best position in politics making thousands per month by sitting on a chair doing absolutely nothing... Which is completely and utterly delusional of him and shows how he's never been in the outside world besides what he has been doing all these years.
Thirdly, he frowns upon me when I say I wanna go to work and do something the average person my age would do. He’ll become passive aggressive saying things like “I didn’t send you to such university to be behind a bar serving the Brits and washing dishes”. And it makes me wonder: as a parent, are you happy seeing your kid being lazy and have no work ethic? Like, I genuinely feel ashamed of myself even typing this…Shouldn’t you encourage them to hustle, earn a living?At the same time, he is also the type to call me lazy and worthless, talentless and with nothing to offer. I'm studying something that is theory and endless study materials only, with zero practical experience of what life is like in the real world... I wanna struggle, I wanna develop a work ethic, I wanna contribute, be someone, do something. He raised us to be spoiled af and I seriously find it sooo problematic. I'd much rather hustle, see what it is like working as a waitress, in retail, in hospitality, I wanna see what it's like to practically WORK. And he is being ironic, making fun of those who wash dishes, about cleaning rooms etc. I come from an island that is heavily reliant on tourism, airBnB, hospitality and these jobs appear way more practical and useful than Marx theories and writing endless research papers in 4 walls on hypothetical scenarios that barely ever apply to reality.
I have this internalised shame within me for money and for watching my peers have regular jobs (even if they dont earn massive salaries, simply for the work ethic they have). I admire them for doing something and contributing to their independence (housing, tuition fees, holidays). Everyone does SOMETHING and here I am feeling terrible, hating myself. I feel unworthy, undeserving of the things I have, overall terrible…Nobody loves waking up at 6am, but ive been raised being spoiled and I hate it at this point. My dad would never accept this though, he views the world in absolutes, he will consider me a failure if I dont get in the field he wants and I genuinely feel bad for how held back I feel. I wanna experience the world, I wanna try and fail myself, I wanna carve a path of my own. He expects me to earn big after a bachelor's in political science at 21, as if financial success is a given when it comes to university degrees…
tldr; What are your thoughts on this? What do I do?

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Recapping 2022

2022 was a dangerous year to be a Vikings fan, especially if you have a pre-existing heart condition. While a season of 13 wins -- tied for the most since 1998 -- may seem like the team is in a position to make a Superbowl push, the actual quality of the team is a lot more... well, mediocre.
The 2022 Vikings ranked 19th in offensive EPA per play, 25th in defensive EPA per play, 27th in Overall DVOA, and 15th in Pythagorean Wins (with 8.4 expected wins). Kevin O'Connell always preached the performance of the team in priority situations. The team finished 12th in 3rd down conversion rate and 8th in red zone conversion rate. And the team led the league -- by far -- in the number of 4th quarter comebacks and game winning drives. When it was time to put up or shut up, the team put up hard. Except for in the playoffs.

2023 Offseason

All of that made the future of the Vikings tough to read. But Kwesi Adofo-Mensah and the rest of the front office told us what they thought of the team with their free agency moves. In a league where teams are trading the farm for Hall of Fame QBs and giving $20M/Year deals to nose tackles and guards, the Vikings' big free agent splash were a one year deal on an injury-prone DE and a good-not-great corner that doesn't even crack the top 20 highest AAVs at the position. Concurrently, the team parted ways with half of the team's 2022 captains to try to get under the cap. All of this while the team is not done with transactions -- Dalvin Cook still presents as a cut candidate due to his age and contract structure.
Notable Departures:

• WR Adam Thielen ($6.4 Saved / $13.5 Dead)
• LB Eric Kendricks ($9.5 Saved / $1.93 Dead)
• CB Patrick Peterson (Unrestricted Free Agent)
• DT Dalvin Tomlinson (Unrestricted Free Agent)
• EDGE Za'Darius Smith (Post-draft trade)

Notable Arrivals:

• CB Byron Murphy (2Y / $17.5TOT / $8.1GTD)
• EDGE Marcus Davenport (1Y / $13TOT / $10GTD)
• TE Josh Oliver (3Y / $21TOT / $8.2GTD)
• DT Dean Lowry (2Y / $8.5TOT / $4.2GTD)

Other Notable Transactions:

• Re-Signed C Garrett Bradbury (3Y / $15.75TOT / $5.15GTD)
• Re-Signed RB Alexander Mattison (2Y / $7TOT / $6.35GTD)
• Re-Signed FB CJ Ham (3Y / $5.6TOT / $3.3GTD)
• Re-Signed All-Pro LS Andrew DePaola (3Y / $4.025TOT / $1.515GTD)

The other major change that influenced how the team addresses the draft was the shift from Ed Donatell's Cover 2 shell defense to Brian Flores's aggressive man defense. Compared to the 2022 Vikings, Flores's 2021 Dolphins blitzed over twice as often and played with light boxes at roughly half the rate. On top of the front seven, one of the biggest changes in scheme is the Cover 2 alignment, which Donatell employed on nearly half of all defensive snaps compared to just 12% for Flores's 2021 Miami team. With one crop of rookies and free agents brought in to play in a Fangio style scheme, the defense would have to undergo a massive shift to succeed in a scheme that can only be described as the complete opposite of what was run in 2022.

Draft Needs

Cornerback - Arguably the Vikings' biggest need, the team was without a true CB1. Byron Murphy comes aboard as the most experienced player. Pegged a slot-only player through his first three years, Murphy spent most of his time in 2022 outside and had a career year. After that, the team looked to rely on improvements from their 2022 draft class with Andrew Booth and Akayleb Evans, two players that combined for fewer than 300 defensive snaps last season primarily due to injury. You can see how KAM and crew, confident in their scouting ability, are betting on health to affect the secondary for the better. But taking another bet on a young player is a smart move at a position where depth is always a good thing.
Interior Defensive Line - The loss of Dalvin Tomlinson -- who played 551 snaps last year and compiled 14 pressures -- leaves issues next to Harrison Phillips. Jonathan Bullard was third on the IDL with 319 snaps last season and returns on a one year deal. Tonga and Lynch had some flashes, and the team brought in Lowry. The rotation (optimistically) can get to competent. But finding a true winner on the inside of the line was viewed by many as a priority.
Wide Receiver - The Vikings starting personnel at WR heading in to the draft was Justin Jefferson (stud), KJ Osborn (decent), and... Jalen Nailor? Brandon Powell? Oh dear Lord don't tell me it's Jalen Reagor. The loss of Adam Thielen was expected, but nevertheless leaves a gaping hole next to JJ and KJ in the lineup. Keenan McCardell is arguably the best WR coach in the league, and playing with Jefferson would give one-on-one opportunities for any receiver. But having somebody that can actually win those one-on-ones remains a question.
Inside Linebacker - Eric Kendricks's jersey change marks the true end of an era at LB. Kendricks struggled in Donatell's scheme last season, as did most players. But he was a longtime leader on the defense and a valued community member. Jordan Hicks, Brian Asamoah, and Troy Reeder sit atop the depth chart. Hicks can be solid and Asamoah had flashes, but counting on this group as every down players is a risk to say the least.
Offensive Guard - Ed Ingram was one of the worst starting guards in the league last season. But he's a rookie. Maybe he gets better in year 2. Maybe he stays terrible. Even if you're optimistic there, Ezra Cleveland is entering a contract year at left guard. Adding interior offensive line depth is always smart.
Quarterback - This offseason, reports surfaced that the team and QB Kirk Cousins could not finalize a contract extension. That means for the first time in his Vikings tenure, Cousins is entering a contract year. Cousins has been an above average QB during his time in Minnesota. Last year saw him finish 4th in yards, but he was painfully mediocre at efficiency stats like TD percent (17th), ANY/A (18th), and ADOT (20th). Entering his age-35 season, it would be wise to look for a successor even if the team plans on retaining Cousins past 2023.

The Draft

*Indicates measure is taken from Pro Day
1.23 WR Jordan Addison, USC
Profile: Jr 5'11 173lbs 31.5 Arm\ 8.75 Hand 75.125 Wing* 4.49 40 1.57 10 34 VJ 10'2 BJ 4.19 SS* 7.05 3c 5.95 RAS*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 59 Rec 875 Yds 8 TD 2 Drops
Steve Smith Sr: "Addison has one of the highest ceilings among WRs in this draft due to his blend of route running chops and his all around athleticism. He is a three level route runner: intermediate, deep, and short... The way he can get in and out of his breaks is so natural. He uses leverage. And he manipulates the DB consistently"
Addison -- a Biletnikoff Award winner during his Pitt days -- is one of the highest floor players in the class. He is a route running technician with proven dominance playing inside and outside. He had more than 3 yards per route run in two different offenses. He understands how to marry his athleticism and quickness with the breaks in his routes. He finds the DB's blind spot and forces them to lose. Addison is a bit on the small side, but not abnormally so given this draft class. He does have some concerns with his hands -- his drop rates as a freshman and sophomore were 14% and 10%, respectively -- but he showed improvement in this as a junior.
The need here is clear. As mentioned earlier, the WR depth past JJ and KJ is abysmal. Even with Thielen and Osborn on the roster in 2022, the Vikings needed juice in the WR room. The 2022 Vikings had one top 5 WR in yards per route run (Jefferson). There was no other receiver in the top 100. Teams were not worried about Thielen or Osborn. Teams could put two or three defenders on Jefferson without any fear of what anyone else might do to their defense. Hockenson fixed this a bit down the stretch, but an outside playmaker was still needed.
The real question here is why the team opted not to go for CB Joey Porter Jr, who filled what many considered to be the team's biggest need and was a higher ranked prospect for Lance Zierlein, PFF, Danny Kelly, Matt Miller, and Dane Brugler. The answer here -- if I can take a guess and stretch my logic a bit -- is that the need at WR2 was greater than the need at CB. Patrick Peterson was the biggest loss in the secondary, and the team brought in Byron Murphy to try to fill that role. On offense, Minnesota had not brought in a replacement for Adam Thielen. The depth chart past Jefferson and Osborn was filled with bodies that might not make a 53-man roster on a lot of teams.
Trade: SF gives 3.87 to MIN for 3.102, 5.164, 7.222

	Jimmy Johnson	Rich Hill	Fitzgerald-Spielberger	Harvard
Total give	155	48	737	115
Total get	117.7	45	1334	197
Absolute Diff	-37.3	-3	+597	+82
Percent Diff	-24%	-6%	+81%	+71%

The biggest thing to consider when evaluating this trade is that the Vikings came into the draft with 5 picks, only two of which were in the top 100. In my biased opinion, this was a home run trade, even if the traditional charts disagree. To take three swings at the bat instead of one is a humble and wise strategy, especially for a team with limited draft capital. The move looks even better in hindsight because there were no CBs taken between 87 and 102.
3.102 CB Mekhi Blackmon, USC
Profile: 6Sr 5'11" 178lbs 31" Arm 9.25" Hand 74.625" Wing 4.47 40 1.47 10 36 VJ 10'5" BJ 11 Bench 7.44 RAS
2022 Stats: 14 Gm 66 TKL 2 TFL 1 FF 15 PD 3 INT
Brett Kollman: "Feisty, physical press corner who definitely has to play more under control in the NFL to avoid flags, but he has all the competitiveness you want to see from a potential CB1 at the next level. Never backs down from anyone. Has easy gas to stay in control of a route from top down, even against true burners. Legit 4.4 speed and gets up to it quickly. Outstanding ball production... Held up extremely well despite being targeted often. Battle tested, aggressive, and confident... Very similar to Desmond Trufant."
An unrecruited high school positionless player out of high school that signed with JuCo San Mateo, Blackmon followed up four seasons at Colorado with a breakout 2022 campaign as one of the best defenders on the USC defense. The Trojans played a man-heavy scheme, which let Blackmon shine. He has great anticipation and instincts. His production this year says as much. He plays bigger than his size, and he has inside-outside versatility. He will have to clean up some of his physicality to avoid flags at the next level. He will also have to refine his technique to stay with the more complex routes he'll see. But he is a strong culture and scheme fit for what Brian Flores is bringing to the defense.
The need at CB was obvious even before hiring Flores. The Vikings ranked 31st in passing yards allowed, 26th in Passing DVOA, and 24th in EPA allowed per pass attempt. Bringing in Byron Murphy helps. So do the healthy returns of Booth and Evans. But Murphy has not yet shown that he can be a consistently great player (or at least not markedly better than what we got out of Patrick Peterson last year). And Booth and Evans are unproven. Blackmon -- taken with the last pick on Day 2 -- is not expected to come in and be Jalen Ramsey or Sauce Gardner. But in a shift to a more aggressive man-coverage defense with a thin CB room, Blackmon is an upside player that will have every chance to take a starting spot on a porous defense.
Trade: MIN gives 4.119 to KC for 4.134, 2024 5th\*

	Jimmy Johnson	Rich Hill	Fitzgerald-Spielberger	Harvard
Total give	56	24	578	88
Total get	58.4	24	898	133
Absolute Diff	+2.4	0	+320	+45
Percent Diff	+4%	0%	+36%	+34%

On top of entering the weekend with a mere 5 draft picks in the current year, the Vikings also entered with a mere 5 draft picks in the 2024 class (3rd rounder traded for Hockenson, 5th rounder traded for Reagor). Dropping 15 picks in a relatively flat part of the draft while adding a mid-Day 3 pick is good business given this team's lack of capital.
*Here we assume a future pick in round n is valued at the middle pick of round n+1, not accounting for compensatory picks. In this case, a 2024 5th is equated to pick 176.
4.134 S Jay Ward, LSU
Profile: Sr 6'0.5" 188lbs 32.5" Arm 8.25" Hand 76.875" Wing 4.55 40 1.54 10 34.5 VJ 11' BJ 4.35 Shuttle\ 7.31 3c 16 Bench 6.70 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 60 TKL 2.5 TFL 5 PD 1 INT 2 FR TD
Nate Tice: "A ton of fun. I just like this fit because of Brian Flores's defense. Just picture all of those mixture guys that the Patriots have used over the years... Jay Ward can be that"
A three year starter with reps at safety, slot, and outside CB, Ward is one of the most versatile players in the class. He possesses excellent length and movement skills. His experience at CB make him a fluid player in coverage. In the run game, Ward's size is a concern. His 188lbs Combine weight puts him in just the second percentile for safeties. This translates to issues with taking on blocks. He is a very aggressive player, beelining to the ball as soon as it's out. But his size coupled with his impatient playstyle lead to a lot of missed tackles. He was also flagged seven times last season.
In his final season in Miami, Flores was extremely creative with how he employed his safeties. Jevon Holland had the 2nd most blitzes in the league at the position. The number 1 player? His teammate Brandon Jones. With the defense taking on Flores's amoeba identity, an aggressive player with experience at multiple positions has the potential to find a role early on. The defense will look to utilize him similar to how Jevon Holland was used as a rookie. And with Harrison Smith well into the twilight of his career, Ward is a timely pick as the team attempts to thread the needle in their competitive rebuild.
Trade: MIN gives 5.158, 6.211 to IND for 5.141

	Jimmy Johnson	Rich Hill	Fitzgerald-Spielberger	Harvard
Total give	32.4	13	722	103
Total get	36	15	492	74
Absolute Diff	+4	+2	-230	-29
Percent Diff	+10%	+13%	-47%	-39%

It's a bit strange to see Adofo-Mensah move away from the analytics charts in favor of the traditional ones, but the value swap here is not absurd. The real question with this trade will be if Roy ends up being a true contributor.
5.141 NT Jaquelin Roy, LSU
Profile: Jr 6'3" 305lbs 32.75" Arm 10.125" Hand 78.125" Wing 5.13 40\ 1.82 10* 26" VJ* 8'5" BJ* 5.00 Shuttle 8.01 3c 30 Bench 3.72 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 49 TKL 3.5 TFL 0.5 SCK
Lance Zierlein: " The more you watch, the more you like the way Roy plays the game... Despite limited starting experience at LSU, he already displays signs of a rush plan and the athletic talent to execute it. Roy is an ascending talent with the potential to become a quality starter. "
After a 30 tackle, 1.5 sack campaign as a rotational player in 2021, Roy shifted from a penetrating 3T position to more of a traditional nose tackle under new HC Brian Kelly. This transition let Roy shine as a run stuffer. He eats space and is incredibly tough to move from his spot. He averaged almost 52 snaps a game in 2022 and his motor never let up. He has some work to do if he wants to be a three down player, particularly as a pass rusher. His bend and balance in this front are especially lacking.
The Vikings' front office seems to be a lot more comfortable with the current IDL room than I am. Harrison Phillips is a plus starter. Past that, the roster is filled with unproven youth or proven subpar players. As a 5th round pick, Roy has an uphill battle to separate himself from that group. But he's a good lottery ticket at this price. His positional versatility ensures that the defense can simply put their best players on the field.
5.164 QB Jaren Hall, BYU
Profile: RSr 6'0" 207lbs 39.75" Arm 9.5" Hand 71.875" Wing 4.63 40\ 1.59 10* 4.19 Shuttle* 7.06 3c* 7.96 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 248 Comp 376 Att 66% Comp 3171 Yds 31 TD 6 INT 86 Rush 789 Rush Yds 9 RUsh TD
Kwesi Adofo-Mensah: "We added a really talented player that has a ton of upside... The ability to make decisions, throw the football accuracy, deal with conflict when it comes his way, and sometimes try to make a play outside the framework of the playcall. He does all those things at a really great level... That's an outstanding young man. I'd like to see him lead my team or any organization I'm a part of."
Despite being the third oldest prospect in the QB class, Hall only has 24 starts under his belt due to two years on religious mission and one year with a hip injury. But when Hall took over for Zach Wilson in 2021, he hit the ground running. BYU went 10-3 in that first year with Hall compiling a 4:1 TD:INT ratio. He is a two time team captain, and all reports of his character are off the charts.
Hall is a poised pocket passer capable of extending plays and picking up yardage on the ground. He was only sacked 12 times in 2022, which is a testament to both BYU's offensive line and Hall's ability to create under pressure. There are conflicting opinions on Hall's upside and arm strength, with Lance Zierlein calling his arm "unimpressive" while Kyle Crabbs claiming that hall has a "live arm with the ability to throw with juice off platform". Where there was near-universal agreement was in his understanding of the scheme, as Hall operated BYU's RPO-heavy offense like a machine. He has a clean release and quickly gets into a rhythm. His largest universal concerns are his age (he turned 25 in March) and his injury history (missed 20 games in the last 4 years). He also has ball security issues with 13 fumbles over his career.
I expected the Vikings to draft a QB in this class. The only question was if it would have been via a trade up on Day 1 or a flyer on Day 3 (or a falling Will Levis). With his age, size, and injury history, there are plenty of questions about what Hall can be. He will have a year in practice to put together his audition tape to be Kirk Cousins's replacement -- it's certainly a viable path for this team to take a RiddeHowell/Mills-esque year to evaluate Hall while they continue retooling the defense. But the more likely path is that Hall becomes a long-term backup for the team. Cousins has been the model of health, but that doesn't mean that QB2 is an unimportant position. Sean Mannion, Kellen Mond, and Nick Mullens have manned that position to various degrees over the past few years. None has shown that they can be a competent plug-in player if needed. There is some hope that Hall -- who operated the BYU offense with a mechanic efficiency -- can be that player.
7.222 RB DeWayne McBride, UAB
Profile: Jr 5'10" 209lbs 30.625" Arms 9.5" Hands 73.125" Wing 20 Bench\*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 233 Att 1713 Yds 19 TD 7.4 Y/A 2 Rec 10 Rec Yds
Dane Brugler: "Overall, McBride is unproven as a pass catcher and blocker, which might restrict his NFL role, but his contact balance, vision and lateral agility are among the best this running back draft class has to offer"
In an era of advanced metrics and Combine showmanship, perhaps the trait that has gone underappreciated more than any other in RB scouting is balance. McBride may have the best balance in the entire RB class outside of Bijan Robinson. He comes from a heavy outside zone scheme at UAB, where he led the FBS in yards per game and set school records for single-game and single-season rushing. McBride absorbs contact like a sponge. His short area burst is strong, and he makes defenders miss with power and finesse. McBride has ideal size and toughness. His concerns are simple. He was not utilized as a receiver in college, and he had more career fumbles than catches in that time. McBride profiles as a two-down player at the next level. Although Adofo-Mensah has voiced his belief that McBride's passing game usage was a product of scheme rather than ability, McBride still has to prove that he is more than just a short yardage runner in the NFL.
After spending a pick in back to back years on RB and re-signing Mattison to a modest contract, RB was a bit of an unexpected pick for this regime. Dalvin Cook still seems to be movable (a likely cut candidate at this point), which would make this pick more logical. Chandler struggled with injuries as a rookie, but both he and Nwangwu profile more as speedy scatbacks than true between-the-tackle runners like Mattison. Even Mattison has never been a true three-down back. McBride plays much more similarly to Mattison than the other backs on the team. He will try to carve out a role behind him as the future thunder to the lightning provided by Chandler and Nwangwu.

UDFA

FB Zach Ojile, Minnesota Duluth
Profile: 6Sr 6'0" 241lbs 31.5" Arms 8.5" Hands 75.5" Wing 4.78 40\ 1.79 10* 31" VJ* 9'1" BJ* 4.40 Shuttle* 31 Bench* 4.15 RAS*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 12 Rush 53 Rush Yds 3 Rush TD 25 Rec 289 Rec Yds 5 Rec TD
A Twin Cities native, Ojile was a late addition to the roster, joining after a May rookie minicamp tryout. Ojile played LB, QB, FS, and RB in high school but found a role as an H-Back at UMD. He served as a team captain the past two seasons and finishes his collegiate career with over 1100 total yards and 24 total TDs. He was an All-Conference player for the DII NSIC Bulldogs. Whether Ojile participates at FB or TE, he'll need to prove his versatility to beat out the veterans on the depth chart. Working in his favor is Kevin O'Connell's shift to a more base-heavy offense in 2023.
WR Cephus Johnson, Southeastern Louisiana
Profile: 6Sr 6'4" 223lbs 33.25" Arm\ 8.5" Hand* 78.625" WIng* 4.57 40* 1.59 10* 36.5" VJ* 10'1" BJ* 4.39 Shuttle* 7.25 3c* 18 Bench* 9.48 RAS*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 184 Pass Att 65% Comp 1354 Pass Yds 10 Pass TD 5 INT 89 Rush 488 Rush Yds 5 Rush TD
Johnson is making the fulltime switch from QB to WR as he attempts to latch on to an NFL practice squad. He earned the starting role for South Alabama as a redshirt junior before transferring to SE Louisiana, where he took some snaps at WR in spring games. Johnson's stats were unimpressive as a starting QB, notching just 1354 yards and a 2:1 TD:INT ratio in 11 starts. He has good size and instincts as a runner, but he has basically no experience playing WR.
WR Lucky Jackson, W Kentucky / XFL DC Defenders
Profile: RSr 6'0" 179lbs 9.624" Hand\ 32.25" Arm* 75.875" Wing**
2023 Stats: 10 Gm 36 Rec 572 Yds 5 TD 1 Fmb
Jackson last put on a college uniform before the pandemic for Western Kentucky, where his 2019 season saw him put up over 1100 yards on 94 receptions. Following his college days, Jackson spent time in the CFL and the Spring League before joining the XFL's DC Defenders and becoming an All-XFL receiver.
WR Malik Knowles, Kansas St
Profile: RSr 6'2" 196lbs 32.25" Arm 8.75" Hand 77.625" Wing
2022 Stats: 14 Gm 48 Rec 725 YDs 2 TD 8 Rush 164 Rush Yds 3 Rush TD 23 KR 592 KR Yds
Knowles is a vertical threat with good size and length. He offers value as a kick returner and leaves Kansas State with a top 5 rank in all-purpose yards. Knowles is an undeveloped route runner that struggles with quick change-of-direction. He also has trouble with press coverage. He'll need to prove his value on special teams, where he has plenty of collegiate experience as a kick returner.
WR Grant Maag, North Dakota
Profile: 5Sr 6'4" 206lbs 9.25" Hand\ 31.875" Arm* 77.625" Wing* 4.49 40YD* 1.60 10YS* 40.5" VJ* 10'5" BJ* 4.34 Shuttle* 6.90 3c* 8.50 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 41 Rec 540 Yds 5 TDs
Maag was brought in following the announcement of Ben Ellefson's retirement. He is an Inver Grove Heights native and a graduate of St Croix Lutheran in St Paul. He leaves North Dakota with over 2000 yards over his five years and served as a team captain the past two seasons. His size gives him an advantage with a shorter WR group ahead of him, but Maag is a far cry from a roster lock.
WR Thayer Thomas, NC State
Profile: 6Sr 6'0" 198lbs 9" Hand\ 30.125" Arm* 73.5" Wing 4.56 40* 1.63 10* 37" VJ* 10' BJ* 4.03 Shuttle* 6.93 3c* 15 Bench* 7.85 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 57 Rec 642 Yds 4 TDs 2 Rush Att 44 Rush Yds 1 Rush TD 17 PR 128 PR Yds
A multisport athlete that was drafted by the Red Sox in 2019, Thomas walked onto the Wolfpack football team and got onto the field any way he could. In 2018, he saw work as a receiver, punt returner, and passer. Thomas has good hands (a career drop rate of 4%) and a high work ethic, but he is an undeveloped route runner that struggles to create much after the catch. He will need to prove his worth on special teams if he wants to make the roster.
TE Ben Sims, Baylor
Profile: RSr 6'4" 250lbs 33.125" Arm\ 9.5" Hand* 80.125" Wing* 4.58 40YD* 1.56 10YS 36" Vert* 10'2" Broad* 4.41 Shuttle* 7.46 3c* 15 Bench* 8.40 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 31 Rec 255 Yds 3 TDs 2 Drops 1 Rush TD
Sims projects as a blocking tight end with limited ability as a receiver. He's a patient run blocker with good balance and toughness, but he is still cleaning up some technique. He isn't a creator with the ball in his hands and his tape fails to demonstrate the explosiveness that his testing suggests.
OL Alan Ali, TCU
Profile: RSr 6'4" 301lbs 32.875" Arm 9.5" Hand 77.625" Wing 5.23 40\ 1.89 10* 26.5" VJ 8'5" BJ* 4.91 Shuttle* 7.94 3c* 3.80 RAS*
A 5 year starter for TCU and SMU, Ali is a fundamentally sound center prospect with good body control and core strength. He has experience playing at all 5 OL positions but spent most of the past 4 years at center. His lack of athleticism and length are likely the reason he went undrafted.
OT Jacky Chen, Pace
Profile: RSr 6'5 1/4" 299lbs 10" Hand\ 34.5" Arm* 80.75" Wing* 5.41 40* 1.81 10* 29" VJ* 8'10" BJ* 4.74 Shuttle* 7.90 3c* 24 Bench* 5.39 RAS*
It's hard to find very much information on an undrafted lineman from a DII school whose toughest opponent was the University of New Haven. Chen is an OT prospect that is viewed as a ball of clay. Chen's 40 yard dash and 3 cone were underwhelming to say the least, but he was an above average tester in burst and explosiveness drills. That combined with his length make him an interesting project.
EDGE Andre Carter II, Army
Profile: Sr 6'6.5" 256lbs 9.375" Hand 33.275" Arm 81 Wing 4.91 40\ 1.65 10* 30" VJ 9'1" BJ 4.36 Shuttle 6.97 3c* 11 Bench 6.29 RAS*
2022 Stats: 10 Gm 41 TKL 7 TFL 3.5 SCK 2 PD
The highest profile UDFA signing of the class, Carter was getting 1st round buzz this time last year. At that time, Carter was coming off an 18.5 TFL / 15.5 sack season. However, Carter struggled to repeat his production as a senior, notching just 3.5 sacks. Carter finished out the draft cycle with lackluster testing, failing to run under a 4.90 in the 40 yard dash and weighing in at a mere 256 lbs -- a big concern given his 81 inch wingspan and towering stature. Carter has a ton of upside, but he doesn't have the frame to be a real NFL player right now. After 4 years training to be an officer in the US Army, he will need at least one season (maybe more) in an NFL weight room where he can focus on building muscle mass. He'll look to follow the mold of fellow Army player Alejandro Villanueva, who added 43 lbs to his 277 lbs frame entering the league before becoming a 7-year starter. Luckily, he joined the team with one of the best training facilities in the league.
EDGE Junior Aho, SMU
Profile: 6'2" 260lbs 9" Hand 33.875" Arm 79.875" Wing 4.58 40\ 1.66 10* 33.5" VJ* 10'3" BJ* 4.90 Shuttle* 7.38 3c* 9.38 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 23 TKL 2 TFL 2 SCK 1 FF
Quite simply, Aho is an athletic freak that should find his way onto the team thanks to the International Player Pathway roster spot. He takes pride in his speed and athleticism, but he also understands the limitations to his game. Aho was a solid rotational player for SMU. He will look to follow in the footsteps of other International Pathway players like Efe Obada and Jordan Mailata.
DT Calvin Avery, Illinois
Profile: RSr 6'1" 343 lbs 10" Hand\ 32.5" Arm 81.87" Wing 5.37 40* 1.84 10* 30.5" VJ* 8'5" BJ* 8.01 3c* 31 Bench* 3.12 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 23 TKL 2 TFL 1 PD
Avery is a former four star recruit out of Texas, earning snaps in 12 games as a true freshman. He started 12 games in 2022, primarily at nose tackle. He has a wide, large frame that makes him hard to move. However, he is an underwhelming athlete to say the least, and his statistical production is nearly non-existent.
LB Abraham Beauplan, Marshall
Profile: RSr 5'11" 241 lbs 9.25" Hand 31.75" Arm 77 1/4" Wing 4.62 Shuttle 35.5" VJ 9'9" BJ 7.33 3c 22 Bench 4.52 RAS
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 66 TKL 6.5 TFL 1 SCK 3 PD
Beauplan started the draft process by making an appearance on Bruce Feldman's Freaks List, reportedly squatting as much as 565 lbs and benching as much as 285. The few reports that exist on Beauplan suggest he's an urgent, downhill run defender that will look to carve out a role on special teams early on.
LB Wilson Huber, Cincinnati
Profile: 6Sr 6'4" 241lbs 9.75" Hand 32.375" Arm\ 80" Wing* 4.70 40* 1.66 10* 35" VJ* 10'4" BJ* 4.45 Shuttle* 6.91 3c* 18 Bench* 8.34 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 54 TKL 6.5 TFL 1 SCK 1 PD
A 3 star recruit out of Indiana, Huber started his career at Cincinnati as a TE. He played a hybrid role in his first 2 non-redshirt seasons, earning snaps on offense, defense, and special teams. He made a full role switch to the defensive side of the ball in 2020 and eventually earned the team captain moniker in 2022. Huber had some solid testing despite profiling as more of a thumper.
LB Ivan Pace Jr, Cincinnati
Profile: Sr 5'10.5" 231lbs 30.25" Arm 9.5" Hand 72" Wing 4.59 40\ 1.70 10* 35" VJ 9'8" BJ* 4.40 Shuttle * 7.18 3c* 22 Bench* 5.71 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 137 TKL 21.5 TFL 10 SCK 3 FF 4 PD
Ranked the 11th best LB for Daniel Jeremiah, 9th for Dane Brugler, and 7th for PFF, many thought Pace could have gone as early as Round 3. Pace was a one year starter for the Bearcats after transferring from Miami (Ohio), and he hit the ground running. He led the AAC in tackles and TFLs. He is a smaller player (although not abnormally so in today's game) that plays with his hair on fire. He gives tremendous effort on every play and is always around the ball. Pace is a super tough player that loves to tackle. His size is a concern; he gets washed out of plays too easily. He is also lacking in coverage skills, struggling to stay connected in man coverage. Still, it's incredible that Pace went undrafted. He's an easy special teams projection as a rookie with the upside to be put in position to win under Flores.
CB CJ Coldon, Oklahoma
Profile: 6Sr 5'10" 186lbs\ 8.375" Hand* 31.125" Arm* 75.125" Wing* 4.60 40* 1.58 10* 37 1/2" VJ* 10'5" BJ* 4.24 Shuttle* 7.31 3c* 3.92 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 42 TKL 2 TFL 4 INT 6 PBU
Coldon is an instinctual football player that relies on his feel to create ball production. He spent 5 years at Wyoming before transferring to Oklahoma and leading the team in INTs and PBUs. In zone, Coldon watches the QB and looks for the right cue to understand when and where the ball is headed.
CB NaJee Thompson, Georgia Southern
Profile: 5'10" 200lbs 9.125" Hand 32.75" Arm 76.625" Wing 4.57 40\ 1.63 10* 32" VJ* 9'8" BJ* 4.56 Shuttle* 7.40 3c* 13 Bench* 1.59 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 37 TKL 1 TFL 11 PD 1 INT
Thompson's love for the game is undeniable. After struggling to latch onto the Georgia Southern WR room, Thompson approached his head coach asking to be exclusively a special teams player. He relishes being a gunner on punts. He eventually got moved to CB in 2021, logging 557 snaps at the position in 2022. He's undeveloped at the position, but his special teams prowess gives him a good shot at the roster.
CB Jaylin Williams, Indiana
Profile: RSr 5'9" 184lbs 9.125" Hand 29.875" Arm 71.75" Wing 4.43 40\ 1.58 10* 34.5" BJ* 9'11" BJ* 4.20 Shuttle* 7.01 3c* 13 Bench* 5.54 RAS*
2022 Stats: 10 Gm 40 TKL 2.5 TFL 7 PD 1 FR 1 BLK
A longtime role player for the Hoosiers before becoming a fulltime starter in 2019, Williams's 6 career INTs were the most amongst active players on the team last season. He earned second team All-Confernece honors in 2020 and was an honorable mention in 2021.
K Jack Podlesny, Georgia
Profile: RSr 6'0" 195lbs 29.25" Arms 9" Hands 74.75" Wing
2022 Stats: 31 Att 26 Made 50 Long 109 Kickoff 72 Touchbacks 74 PAT Att 73 PAT Made
Ranked as Dane Brugler's 4th kicker and Lance Zierlein's 3rd kicker, Podlesny enters Vikings camp following a career that saw him walk on to Georgia's football team and finish with an 82% hit rate. He hit all but one extra point last season for the national champion Bulldogs. A concern with Podlesny is his leg strength. His accuracy beyond 40 yards falls to just 54%. His clutchness may also come into question as he missed two kicks in the national championship semifinals against Ohio State.

Projected Depth Chart

Pos (Projected 2023 Rostered Count / 2022 Rostered Count): Starter, Rookie, Cuts
QB (2/2): Kirk Cousins, Jaren Hall, Nick Mullens
RB (4/4): Alexander Mattison, Kene Nwangwu, Ty Chandler, DeWayne McBride, Dalvin Cook
FB (1/1): CJ Ham, Zach Ojile
WR (5/5): Justin Jefferson, KJ Osborn, Jordan Addison, Jalen Nailor, Brandon Powell, Trishton Jackson, Jalen Reagor, Blake Proehl, Thayer Thomas, Cephus Johnson, Malik Knowles, Lucky Jackson, Garrett Maag
TE (3/3): TJ Hockenson, Josh Oliver, Johnny Mundt, Nick Muse, Ben Sims
OL (9/10): Christian Darrisaw, Ezra Cleveland, Garrett Bradbury, Ed Ingram, Brian O'Neill, Chris Reed, Austin Schlottman, Oli Udoh, Blake Brandel, Josh Sokol, Vederian Lowe, Alan Ali, Jacky Chen, Sam Schlueter
DT (7/6): Harrison Phillips, Dean Lowry, Jonathan Bullard, James Lynch, Esezi Otomewo, Jaquelin Roy, Khyiris Tonga, Ross Blacklock, Sheldon Day, TJ Smith, Calvin Avery
EDGE (4/5): Danielle Hunter, Marcus Davenport, Pat Jones II, DJ Wonnum, Luiji Vilain, Curtis Weaver, Benton Whitley, Kenny Willekes, Andre Carter II, Junior Aho
ILB (4/4): Jordan Hicks, Brian Asamoah, Troy Reeder, Ivan Pace Jr, Troy Dye, William Kwenkeu, Abraham Beauplan, Wilson Huber
CB (5/6): Byron Murphy, Andrew Booth, Akayleb Evans, Mekhi Blakmon, Joejuan Williams, Kalon Barnes, Tay Gowan, John Reid, CJ Coldon, Najee Thompson, Jaylin Williams
S (5/4): Harrison Smith, Lewis Cine, Jay Ward, Josh Metellus, Camryn Bynum, Theo Jackson
K (1/1): Greg Joseph, Jack Podlesny
P (1/1): Ryan Wright
LS (1/1): Andrew DePaola
KR: Kene Nwangwu
PR: Brandon Powell

2024 Needs

Starters Needed: QB, OG, EDGE, DT -- Whether due to expiring contracts (Cousins, Cleveland, Davenport, Hunter) or overall suckitude (Ingram, Lowry), we need to find new starters at this positions in 2024. Could we go on with average-level free agents? Maybe. Should we? Maybe not.
We'll see how the group plays: CB, LB, RB -- These are positions where the front office is counting on young players (Booth, Evans, Asamoah) to fill the roles of departed starters. If those players take that step up, these positions drop on the needs list. Otherwise, we're in for a rough season.
Depth needed: WR -- The depth after Jefferson, Osborn, and Addison is not great. And Osborn is entering a contract year. Unless Keenan McCardell works some magic with Jalen Nailor or Trishton Jackson or Thayer Thomas, this should be a position we add to next year.

Final Thoughts

Versatility. When we look at this Vikings draft class, that's the first word that comes to mind, and it comes in big bold letters. Addison has inside-outside versatility. So does Mekhi Blackmon. Jay Ward is the most versatile of the group, capable of playing every DB position plus some spot snaps at LB. Roy has been productive everywhere from 0T to 4i. And the team has talked about how much they believe McBride can contribute as a pass catcher on top of his bruiser mindset as a between-the-tackles runner.
On offense, this shift seems to stem from a philosophical change following the TJ Hockenson acquisition last year. O'Connell's unit went from trying to copy-paste Sean McVay's outside zone scheme (largely a 3WR offense) to Kyle Shanahan's outside zone scheme (largely a TE-FB offense). And in that mold, O'Connell was looking for players he could use to create the illusion of complexity. That is, how can we employ versatile players to present defenses the threat of multiplicity?
On defense, the answer is a lot simpler. By bringing over Brian Flores, the team is hoping for a jolt in tenacity and an overall move to a hybrid amoeba scheme. You can look historically at how Bill Belichick has utilized flexibility in his defenses to maximize his gameplan for whatever offensive scheme is next on the menu. You can look at players on the line of scrimmage that have experience in both 43 and 34 schemes (Hunter, Phillips, Lynch, Bullard). And in the secondary, look no further than the selection of Jay Ward as an attempt to clone players like Jevon Holland and Kyle Dugger.
As Adofo-Mensah has repeatedly said, he approaches his job with humility. He listens to those around him and he finds the point where stories marry data to make informed decisions. And in O'Connell, he found someone who shares that mentality. With the emphasis on versatility, that mindset can now be applied on a weekly (and play-by-play) basis to opponents. We'll see how successful that strategy is as the team continues to straddle the line between competitive and rebuilder, but there is certainly an energy around the fanbase with the continued success of the offense and the addition of Brian Flores.

The war has raged for millennia.
Its been long forgotten how the war started, speculation is that we stumbled across the Vizan while exploring uncharted space in the outer galactic core. Nobody remembers exactly who among our Galactic Community first made contact, some say it was the Jukrim, others say it was the Drass, yet more say it was the Zy'ph. All of which are long extinct, consumed by the Vizan. One could say an uncountable number have lost their lives in this never ending war for survival, except for the tomb world of Gosrat. The names of every soldier, citizen, child, planet, and system that has fallen to the Vizan can be found. Carved into near indestructible monoliths that have been dropped from orbit onto the completely irradiated surface scoured clean of any life long ago.
Out of all 131 discovered sentient species 47 have been consumed by the Vizan 16 of which fell before the GC ever even had a chance to uplift them. The remaining 84 species of the GC have been fully militarized against the Vizan, those whos homeworlds are closest to Vizan space doing the bulk of the fighting while those further away focus on logistics/R&D.
Over 2,000 inhabited systems all against a single enemy and we, are losing.
Granted it hasn't been an easy victory for the Vizan, but short of glassing whatever planet or ship they manage to crash into once established they have been near impossible to stop. Unlike every other sentient being that has been discovered and joined us in the stars the Vizan is a parasitic virus. Being unable to survive outside a living host and only being able to spread by injection doesn't stop them from using the dead. If a lone Vizan is in contact with any available biomass living or dead, it can slowly manipulate the molecular structure of them both to consume the biomass and grow larger, swap functional organs, or with enough biomass become a 'Spawn pile'. The smallest hosts called Leaches that have been documented come from these. They look like a deformed cuttlefish no bigger than your fist with a random number of segmented crab legs coming from the 'head' and tentacles around Leach like jaws meant to latch onto a new host to begin flooding their bodies with Vizan. Once infected it takes roughly 30-50 seconds for the individual to experience brain death and another minute for the Vizan to begin manipulating the molecular structure of their host turning them into, disfigured, twisted, warped, bloated, sickly green, mindless monsters.
Well almost mindless, there has never been documented communication with the Vizan and all attempts have been met with infection.
A lone Vizan is little more than a zombie that will chase anything that can be sensed by the host body with the intention to infect or kill the target. In small groups of Vizan basic tool use can be seen as well as basic coordination by the group. In larger groups of Vizan tool use is common and some strategic planning can be seen like traps and fakes.
Once the Vizan reach what we have classified as a Horde things get really weird. Advanced tool use even to the point of active creation of fleshy tools instead of just picking them up can be seen. Fleshy amalgamations of hosts in various sizes have been documented with different purposes on and off the field of combat moving amongst the horde of partially mutated Vizan. Almost tactical level planning and even 'Farming' of any available creature for more biomass, including sentients. It is better to die than be taken alive by a horde.
This was the fate of all 'extinct' sentients whos homeworlds or colonies were consumed by the Vizan. Even though these species are not entirely gone there is no way for the GC to step in and rescue them from the farming operations.
A hosts reproductive system is left unchanged so that more hosts can be breed from those already consumed by the Vizan. Any hosts that die and can be recovered by the Vizan get taken to a Spawn pile to have whatever biomass left consumed and turned into Leaches. Outside of glassing whatever world they land on in their fleshy spacecraft, incineration is the only guarantee that the body of a Vizan can no longer be a threat. With each world and race they consume a new mutant of an old friend is brought to the battlefields.
With the war raging for more than a millennia we have perfected our countermeasures to the point where only once every 100 standard cycles will the Vizan get past our planetary defenses making planet fall to create a new foothold on one of our inhabited worlds. Even then we have never been able to push them off a world once a foothold is established all it takes is two of the same host for the Vizan to begin breeding more.
The best we have done is on planet Ho'vat, a Goshran Hive coloney. Of the panets 2 continents the larger has been completely overrun by Vizan but the stalemate for the second continent has been held for over 250 standard cycles with neither side making any headway.
On every other front we were slowly losing ground. Until we weren't?
It was sudden but one day the hords and flotillas thinned almost imperceptibly but enough that all across the front we stopped losing ground. Ho'vat even saw its first reclaimed foothold on the larger continent. The first bit of reclaimed territory from the Vizan it was a momentus occasion!
What we found when we did though, was the stuff of nightmares. Great sickly green flesh mounds stuck to surfaces as if growing off them. Every assortment of limb from all races and fauna sticking out at random angles. Long slimy tentacles that drag any unaware being back to the fleshy mass to be consumed!
We learned that a Horde wasn't the largest form of Vizan possible. That we had barely begun to know what they could do.
What gave us this opportunity?
In over a millennia of constant expansion why all of a sudden have their lines stopped?
Why did their numbers thin?
Where did those troops go?
We didn't for a second think that the Vizan had slowed production. Our Spy satellites in Vizan space showed flotilla movement in the opposite direction of GC space!
Was this a build up for some kind of new trick?
Have they discovered life outside the GC and are trying to take it before we can step in?
The council couldn't just do nothing though and ramped production into overtime for intercepter fleats, expedited troop training, began development of our most advanced spy ship ever created.
The first Void class spy ship, 'Black Spot' was the cutting edge of GC combined technology. She and her crew were launched from our forward most shipyard, immediately set to trail an outbound Vizan Flotilla
The Black Spot traveled deeper into Vizan space and further into the outer Galactic core than any ship had ever been able to before. Tailing behind a flotilla they passed through Vizan space and out the other side towards one of the Galactic arms!
Scanning for life signs or signals the Black Spot followed the flotilla through two still 'hot' nebulae. It was at the third nebula that something had pinged! An unknown wreckage as vast as our largest carriers floated through the cloud broadcasting an untranslated recording. With no life signs detected and nothing salvageable the Black Spot took the recording. Sending it back to be analyzed and continued after the flotilla into void space of the galactic arm.
Something that must be understood is that conventional science considers the outer galactic arms to be devoid of life. Having stars to far apart for the life giving light to reach and warm the surfaces of the planets that orbit the stable gas giants that protect from the solar wind and gravitational forces. Having very thin habitable zones because of the lack of nearby stars these systems were considered to cold for life to form. With only 'small' rocky terrestrial worlds being close enough to their stars for life to form on their orbiting planet, they lack the strong magnetic shielding that is needed. Even the Vizan only ever inhabited the planets that revolved around a gas giant, for no rocky world has ever been found with life. Gravity is too strong, solar radiation, shifting orbit, unstable tidal forces, extremely dense atmospheric pressure, rouge asteroid strikes, all of these are just the tip of the scientific communitys consensus on why a terrestrial world will never evolve complex life.
The message turned the scientific community of the GC on its head. When a translation was finally done and the whole recording played properly what we saw and heard was before unimaginable.

 —STATIC— 

"Hello. If you are receiving this, this is Capt. Fos of the USSF Nutcracker."
A video came to life displaying a new sentient! One that we haven't seen on the Vizan front, meaning they have yet to lose a world to them! They were pink with a patch of black fur atop their head, standing upright on what appeared to be two legs, and having two manipulating appendages hanging at their sides.
"I am a human, and our United Systems of 14 species are under attack by an unknown threat. If found please, bring this message to my family on Earth."
Co-ords attached
Hey everybody!
Thank you for reading. I've never done any kind of creative writing before and this will be my first post. I have loved reading most of my life and decided to take a swing at it. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. I don't know if this will become a regular thing or not and I don't have a timeline for when the first chapter will drop but I do want to expand on the groundwork done here. Not sure if this belongs more here or in humansarespaceorcs, kind of both I guess. I know this was an info dump things will slow down and become clearer in later chapters.

I'm from EU,so GAMES SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES - games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in TF2 keys,CSGO cases or ANY other virtual currency
BUYER covers the FEES (if outside EU,EU F&F only)
My Steam account so you don't offer me something I own
My Wishlist
My SGSRep
My IGSRep
​
​
Only looking for Steam games - so don't offer origin,uplay,rockstar,bnet or ANY other launcher
100% of my games keys are bought by me from official stores & I expect the same in return,so don't offer me keyshop games or game keys you got in a trade as I will decline
I retain the right to ask for proof of ownership for ANY game I want - just like YOU have the right to ask me the same
​
​
List of games I have:
Also have the Earthquake Relief bundle but reddit wont let me write all the games cause my topic would be too big - just ask
7 Billion Humans
8Doors Arum's Afterlife Adventure
10 Second Ninja X
60 Seconds!
112 Operator
140
198X
911 Operator
A Case Of Distrust
A Year Of Rain
Absolver
Aeolis Tournament
Age Of Wonders III
Ageless
Airport CEO
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
Aliens Vs Predator Collection
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive
Amnesia A Machine For Pigs + The Dark Descent (1 key for both games)
Amnesia Fortnight 2012
Amnesia Fortnight 2014
Amnesia Fortnight 2017
Amnesia Rebirth (X2)
Among Us (X2)
Ancestors The Humankind Odyssey (EU & Africa lock)
Aragami (X2)
Archamon
Army Men RTS
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automobilista
Aven Colony
Avernum 3 Ruined World
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Back 4 Blood (EU region lock)
Backbone
Band Of Defenders
Banished
Baseball Riot
Batora Lost Haven
Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
Behind The Frame Finest Scenery NEW
Beholder 2
Bendy And The Dark Revival (X2)
Bendy And The Ink Machine
Betrayer (delisted)
Between The Stars (X2)
Beyond Eyes
Beyond The Wire
Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blasphemous
Bloodstained Ritual Of The Night
Bohemian Killing
Book Of Demons
Bomber Crew Deluxe
Borderlands 3 + Director's Cut (ask about region locks)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition NEW (ask about region locks)
Boreal Blade
Broken Age (X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons (X2)
Builder Simulator NEW
Butcher
Call Of Juarez
Call Of The Sea (X2)
Call To Arms Basic Edition
Call To Arms Gates Of Hell Ostfront
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Chenso Club
Chernobylite Enhanced Edition
Cities In Motion 2
CivCity Rome
Clone Drone In The Danger Zone
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffin Dodgers
Cook Serve Delicious 3
Company Of Heroes Complete Edition
Control Ultimate Edition
Corridor Z
Cosmic Osmo And The World Beyond The Mackerel
Crash Drive 3
Creatures Inc
Crookz The Big Heist
Crossbow Bloodnight
Crusader Kings Complete
Crying Suns
Dagon The Eldritch Box
Danger Scavenger
Day Of Infamy
Dead Age
Dead In Vinland
Deadly Premonition Director's Cut
Deadbeat Heroes (X2)
Dear Ester Landmark Edition
Death Stranding Director's Cut
Death Squared
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deep Sky Derelicts
Demon Turf
Deployment
Desert Child
Destiny 2 Beyond Light NEW
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dicey Dungeons (X2)
Dimension Drifter
Distraint 2 + Soundtrack
Divekick
Dog Sled Saga
Double Fine Adventures Complete Series Deluxe
Downwell
Drawful 2
Draw Slasher
Dreadlands
Dread X Collection
Driftland The Magic Revival
Dry Downing
Duke Nukem Forever Collection
Dungeon Marathon
Dungeon Of The Endless
Dungeons 2
Dungeons 2 Complete
Dungeons 3
Dusk
Dwarfs!?
Eador Imperium
EarthX
Eastside Hockey Manager
ECHO
Edge Of Eternity
Effie
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elden Path Of The Forgotten
Embr
Emily Is Away
Empyrion Galactic Survival
Epic Manager
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn (X2)
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evergarden
Expeditions Viking
F1 2018 (delisted)
Family Man
Fantasy Blacksmith
Fantasy Versus
Farmer's Dynasty
Farming Simulator 17
FIA European Truck Racing
Figment (X2)
Finding Paradise
Fire Ungh's Quest
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling To The Finish
Fluffy Horde
Fobia St. Dinfna Hotel
Forgive Me Father
Framed Collection (X2)
Friday the 13th: The Game
Fun With Ragdolls The Game
Fury Unleashed (X2)
Gang Beasts
Garage Bad Trip (X2)
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gas Station Simulator
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW
Ghostrunner
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams + Rise Of The Owlverlord
Gloria Victis NEW
GNOG
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Goat Of Duty
Goetia (X2)
Going Under (X2)
Golden Light
Golf Gang
GoNNER
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Greak Memories Of Azur
Gremlins Inc.
Grip Combat Racing + Cygon + Nyvoss + Terra + Vintek DLC (X2)
Guts And Glory (X2)
Hack'n'Slash
Haiku The Robot (X2)
Hamilton's Great Adventure
Hammerfight
Headlander
Heal
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Let Loose
Hellblade Senua's Sacrifice
Hello Neighbor
Hellbound
Hero Defense
Hero's Hour (EU region lock)
Hexologic
Hidden & Dangerous Action Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2 Courage Under Fire
Hive Jump (X2)
Hiveswap Act 2
Hiveswap Friend Sim (X2)
Hollow Knight
Homeworld Deserts Of Kharak
Hotshot Racing
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hover (X2)
Human Resource Machine
Hurtworld
I Am Bread
I Am Not A Monster First Contact
Ice Lakes
If Found...
Ikenfell
Impact Winter (delisted)
In Between
Industria
Inexistence Rebirth
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris (delisted)
Influent
Inmost
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Intruder
Ion Fury
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Jack Axe
Jalopy
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Jurassic World Evolution
Just Die Already
KartKraft
Kathy Rain Directors Cut
Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes (X2)
Killing Floor 2 Digital Deluxe NEW
Kill To Collect
Kingdom Classic (X2)
Kingdom New Lands
Kingdoms Of Amalur Re-Reckoning Fate Edition
King Oddball
Labyrinthine
Last Oasis
Last Tide
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Lead And Gold Gangs Of Wild West (X2)
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion (delisted)
Legend Of Keepers Career Of A Dungeon Master
Leisure Suit Larry Retro Bundle (1 to 7)
Lethal League Blaze
Liberated (GOG key)
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Light Fall
Little Big Workshop
Lone Fungus
Lost Planet Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust For Darkness
Lust From Beyond M Edition
Magicka
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Maid Of Sker
Main Assembly (X2)
Mars Horizon
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Max Payne 3 (Rockstar Launcher)
Mega Man Legacy Collection
Midnight Ghost Hunt NEW
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
Miscreated (X2)
Monster Crown
Moon Hunters
Morbid The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Motorsport Manager
Mount And Blade Warband
My Lovely Daughter
Naruto To Boruto Shinobi Striker
Nascar Heat 5 Ultimate
Nebuchadnezzar
NecroVisioN Lost Company
NecroWorn
Neighbours Back From Hell
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
NeuroVoider
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl (X2)
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
No Time To Relax
Northgard NEW
Not Tonight
Obduction
Observation
Octahedron
Odyssey The Story Of Science
Of Orcs And Men
Old School Musical
OlliOlli World Rad Edition
On Rusty Trails
One Finger Death Punch 2
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Tango NEW
Orbital Racer
Orcs Must Die 2 Complete
Original War
Orwell Ignorance Is Strength
Out Of Reach Treasure Royal
Overlord II
Overpass
Override Mech City Brawl
Oxenfree
Pacer
Paint The Town Red
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradise Lost
Path Of Giants
Paw Paw Paw
Payday 2 + Big Mike mask
Peaky Blinders Mastermind (delisted)
Penarium
People Playground (X2)
Perfect Heist 2
PGA Tour 2K21 (X2)
Phoenix Point Year One Edition
Pikuniku
Pine
Pinstripe
Pixplode
Plane Mechanic Simulator
Poöf
Popup Dungeon
Post Void
Pound Of Ground (X2)
PowerSlave Exhumed
Prehistoric Kingdom
Primal Carnage Extinction (X2)
Project Cars GOTY (delisted)
Project Hospital
Project Warlock
Propnight
Pulsar The Lost Colony NEW
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date
Quest Of Dungeons
RAD (X2)
Radio Commander
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Railroad Tycoon 2
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railway Empire
Raji An Ancient Epic
Rebel Cops
Rec Center Tycoon
Red Faction Armageddon
Red Solstice 2 Survivors
Redeemer Enhanced Edition
Redout Enhanced Edition
Re-Legion
Remothered Broken Porcelain
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retrowave
Reventure
Revita
Ring Of Pain
Rings Of Saturn
Riot Civil Unrest
Rise Of Industry
Rise Of Insanity
Riven The Sequel To MYST
Roarr! The Adventures Of Rampage Rex
Roboquest
Rogue Heroes Ruins Of Tasos
Rogue Lords
Rogue Stormers
Rover Mechanic Simulator
RPG Maker VX
Rustler
Sable
Salt And Sanctuary
Satellite Reign
Satisfactory
Saturday Morning RPG
Say No! More
SCP 5K
SCUM (X2)
ScourgeBringer
Serious Sam 2
Serious Sam BFE (X2)
Serious Sam Classics Revolution
Serious Sam Double D XXL
Serious Sam HD The First & Second Encounter (1 key for both)
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Legend Of The Beast
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Serious 8
Serious Sam Kamikaze Attack
Serious Sam The Random Encounter
Serious Sam Bogus Detour
Shadow Tactics Aiko's Choice
Shady Part Of Me
She Remembered Caterpillars
She Will Punish Them
Shing!
Shock Troopers
Shogun's Empire Hex Commander
Shuyan Saga
Sid Meier's Civilization VI
Sid Meier's Railroads
Simulacra Collection
Skeletal Avenger
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Skully
Slime Rancher
Slinger VR
Smoke And Sacrifice (X2)
Sniper Elite V2 Remastered
Sniper Elite 4 Deluxe + Season Pass
SOMA
Song Of Iron
Soulblight
Spacebase DF-9
Space Hulk Ascension (delisted)
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spellcaster University
Spelunx And The Caves Of Mr. Seudo
Spiritfarer Farewell Edition NEW
Stacking
Starsand (X2)
Star Wars Jedi Knight Jedi Academy
Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic
Stasis
State Of Decay 2 Juggernaut Edition
State Of Mind
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game (X3)
Stories Untold
Streets Of Fury EX
Strider (X2)
Struggling
Stubbs The Zombie
Styx Shards Of Darkness
Submerged Hidden Depths
Suchart Genius Artist Simulator
Super Indie Carts
Super Magbot
Supraland
SurrounDead (X2)
Surviving The Aftermath
Suzerain
Swag And Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Swords And Souls Neverseen (X2)
Syberia II
Syberia 3 Deluxe Edition
Syberia The World Before
Syndrome
System Shock Enhanced Edition
Table Manners The Physics-Based Dating Game
Tabletop Playground
Tacoma
Take On Helicopters
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation (delisted)
Tales Of Monkey Island Complete
Talisman Digital Edition + City,Frostmarch,Sacred Pool (trading only as a bundle)
Talisman Origins
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Telefrag VR
Teleglitch Die More Edition
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour (X2)
Tesla Force
Tesla Vs Lovecraft
Tharsis (X2)
The Amazing American Circus
The Ambassador Fractured Timelines
The Adventure Pals
The Battle Of Polytopia Moonrise Deluxe
The Blackout Club
The Citadel
The Count Lucador
The Free Ones (delisted)
The Golf Club 2019 featuring PGA Tour
theHunter Call Of The Wild (X3)
The Invisible Hand NEW
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King Of Fighters 2002 Unlimited Match
The Last Blade
The Life And Suffering Of Sir Brante
The Long Dark Survival Edition (X2)
The Manhole Masterpiece Edition
The Mims Beginning
The Mortuary Assistant
The Night Of The Rabbit
The Serpent Rogue
The Signifier Director's Cut
The Textorcist The Story of Ray Bibbia (X2)
The Uncertain Last Quiet Day (X2)
The USB Stick Found In The Grass
The Walking Dead Season 1 + 400 Days
The Wild Eight (X2)
They Bleed Pixels
Think Of The Children
This War Of Mine
Thronebreaker The Witcher Tales
THOTH
Through The Darkest Of Times
Timeshift
Time Recoil
Titan Quest Anniversary
Toejam & Earl Back In The Groove
TOEM
Tohu
Tools Up
Tooth And Tail (X2)
Torchlight (X2)
Total Tank Simulator
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
Toto Temple Deluxe
Tower Of Time (X2)
Tower Unite
Townscaper (X2)
Townsmen A Kingdom Rebuilt
Toybox Turbos
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator (X2)
Tropico 4
True Fear Forsaken Souls Part 1
Tyranny Deluxe Edition
Unexplored
Unloved
Unmetal
Unshaded
Vambrace Cold Soul
Vane
Velocibox
Verdun
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard
Visage
Volcanoids (X2)
V Rally 4
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
Warhammer 40K Chaos Gate Daemonhunters NEW
Warhammer End Times Vermintide
Warhammer Vermintide 2 NEW
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warpips
Warsaw
Wasteland 2 Director's Cut
We Are The Dwarves
We Should Talk
Western Press
We Were Here Together
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
Where The Water Tastes Like Wine
While True: Learn() Chief Technology Officer Edition
White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
Windjammers 2 NEW
Wooden Sen'SeY
Worms Rumble + Legends DLC
Wrath Aeon Of Ruin (X2)
XCOM Complete Pack
Xenoraid The First Space War
X Morph Defense + European Assault + Last Bastion + Survival Of The Fittest (1 key for all)
XIII Classic
Xuan-Yuan Sword The Gate Of Firmament
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Yoku's Island Express
Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair
Zack 2 Celestine's Map
ZIC Zombies In City
Zombie Army Trilogy

I'm from EU,so GAMES SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES - games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in TF2 keys,CSGO cases or ANY other virtual currency
BUYER covers the FEES (if outside EU,EU F&F only)
My Steam account so you don't offer me something I own
My Wishlist
My SGSRep
My IGSRep
​
​
Only looking for Steam games - so don't offer origin,uplay,rockstar,bnet or ANY other launcher
100% of my games keys are bought by me from official stores & I expect the same in return,so don't offer me keyshop games or game keys you got in a trade as I will decline
I retain the right to ask for proof of ownership for ANY game I want - just like YOU have the right to ask me the same
​
​
List of games I have:
Also have the Earthquake Relief bundle but reddit wont let me write all the games cause my topic would be too big - just ask
7 Billion Humans
8Doors Arum's Afterlife Adventure
10 Second Ninja X
60 Seconds!
112 Operator
140
198X
911 Operator
A Case Of Distrust
A Year Of Rain
Absolver
Aeolis Tournament
Age Of Wonders III
Ageless
Airport CEO
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
Aliens Vs Predator Collection
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive
Amnesia A Machine For Pigs + The Dark Descent (1 key for both games)
Amnesia Fortnight 2012
Amnesia Fortnight 2014
Amnesia Fortnight 2017
Amnesia Rebirth (X2)
Among Us (X2)
Ancestors The Humankind Odyssey (EU & Africa lock)
Aragami (X2)
Archamon
Army Men RTS
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automobilista
Aven Colony
Avernum 3 Ruined World
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Back 4 Blood (EU region lock)
Backbone
Band Of Defenders
Banished
Baseball Riot
Batora Lost Haven
Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
Behind The Frame Finest Scenery NEW
Beholder 2
Bendy And The Dark Revival (X2)
Bendy And The Ink Machine
Betrayer (delisted)
Between The Stars (X2)
Beyond Eyes
Beyond The Wire
Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blasphemous
Bloodstained Ritual Of The Night
Bohemian Killing
Book Of Demons
Bomber Crew Deluxe
Borderlands 3 + Director's Cut (ask about region locks)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition NEW (ask about region locks)
Boreal Blade
Broken Age (X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons (X2)
Builder Simulator NEW
Butcher
Call Of Juarez
Call Of The Sea (X2)
Call To Arms Basic Edition
Call To Arms Gates Of Hell Ostfront
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Chenso Club
Chernobylite Enhanced Edition
Cities In Motion 2
CivCity Rome
Clone Drone In The Danger Zone
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffin Dodgers
Cook Serve Delicious 3
Company Of Heroes Complete Edition
Control Ultimate Edition
Corridor Z
Cosmic Osmo And The World Beyond The Mackerel
Crash Drive 3
Creatures Inc
Crookz The Big Heist
Crossbow Bloodnight
Crusader Kings Complete
Crying Suns
Dagon The Eldritch Box
Danger Scavenger
Day Of Infamy
Dead Age
Dead In Vinland
Deadly Premonition Director's Cut
Deadbeat Heroes (X2)
Dear Ester Landmark Edition
Death Stranding Director's Cut
Death Squared
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deep Sky Derelicts
Demon Turf
Deployment
Desert Child
Destiny 2 Beyond Light NEW
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dicey Dungeons (X2)
Dimension Drifter
Distraint 2 + Soundtrack
Divekick
Dog Sled Saga
Double Fine Adventures Complete Series Deluxe
Downwell
Drawful 2
Draw Slasher
Dreadlands
Dread X Collection
Driftland The Magic Revival
Dry Downing
Duke Nukem Forever Collection
Dungeon Marathon
Dungeon Of The Endless
Dungeons 2
Dungeons 2 Complete
Dungeons 3
Dusk
Dwarfs!?
Eador Imperium
EarthX
Eastside Hockey Manager
ECHO
Edge Of Eternity
Effie
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elden Path Of The Forgotten
Embr
Emily Is Away
Empyrion Galactic Survival
Epic Manager
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn (X2)
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evergarden
Expeditions Viking
F1 2018 (delisted)
Family Man
Fantasy Blacksmith
Fantasy Versus
Farmer's Dynasty
Farming Simulator 17
FIA European Truck Racing
Figment (X2)
Finding Paradise
Fire Ungh's Quest
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling To The Finish
Fluffy Horde
Fobia St. Dinfna Hotel
Forgive Me Father
Framed Collection (X2)
Friday the 13th: The Game
Fun With Ragdolls The Game
Fury Unleashed (X2)
Gang Beasts
Garage Bad Trip (X2)
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gas Station Simulator
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW
Ghostrunner
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams + Rise Of The Owlverlord
Gloria Victis NEW
GNOG
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Goat Of Duty
Goetia (X2)
Going Under (X2)
Golden Light
Golf Gang
GoNNER
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Greak Memories Of Azur
Gremlins Inc.
Grip Combat Racing + Cygon + Nyvoss + Terra + Vintek DLC (X2)
Guts And Glory (X2)
Hack'n'Slash
Haiku The Robot (X2)
Hamilton's Great Adventure
Hammerfight
Headlander
Heal
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Let Loose
Hellblade Senua's Sacrifice
Hello Neighbor
Hellbound
Hero Defense
Hero's Hour (EU region lock)
Hexologic
Hidden & Dangerous Action Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2 Courage Under Fire
Hive Jump (X2)
Hiveswap Act 2
Hiveswap Friend Sim (X2)
Hollow Knight
Homeworld Deserts Of Kharak
Hotshot Racing
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hover (X2)
Human Resource Machine
Hurtworld
I Am Bread
I Am Not A Monster First Contact
Ice Lakes
If Found...
Ikenfell
Impact Winter (delisted)
In Between
Industria
Inexistence Rebirth
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris (delisted)
Influent
Inmost
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Intruder
Ion Fury
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Jack Axe
Jalopy
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Jurassic World Evolution
Just Die Already
KartKraft
Kathy Rain Directors Cut
Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes (X2)
Killing Floor 2 Digital Deluxe NEW
Kill To Collect
Kingdom Classic (X2)
Kingdom New Lands
Kingdoms Of Amalur Re-Reckoning Fate Edition
King Oddball
Labyrinthine
Last Oasis
Last Tide
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Lead And Gold Gangs Of Wild West (X2)
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion (delisted)
Legend Of Keepers Career Of A Dungeon Master
Leisure Suit Larry Retro Bundle (1 to 7)
Lethal League Blaze
Liberated (GOG key)
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Light Fall
Little Big Workshop
Lone Fungus
Lost Planet Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust For Darkness
Lust From Beyond M Edition
Magicka
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Maid Of Sker
Main Assembly (X2)
Mars Horizon
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Max Payne 3 (Rockstar Launcher)
Mega Man Legacy Collection
Midnight Ghost Hunt NEW
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
Miscreated (X2)
Monster Crown
Moon Hunters
Morbid The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Motorsport Manager
Mount And Blade Warband
My Lovely Daughter
Naruto To Boruto Shinobi Striker
Nascar Heat 5 Ultimate
Nebuchadnezzar
NecroVisioN Lost Company
NecroWorn
Neighbours Back From Hell
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
NeuroVoider
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl (X2)
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
No Time To Relax
Northgard NEW
Not Tonight
Obduction
Observation
Octahedron
Odyssey The Story Of Science
Of Orcs And Men
Old School Musical
OlliOlli World Rad Edition
On Rusty Trails
One Finger Death Punch 2
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Tango NEW
Orbital Racer
Orcs Must Die 2 Complete
Original War
Orwell Ignorance Is Strength
Out Of Reach Treasure Royal
Overlord II
Overpass
Override Mech City Brawl
Oxenfree
Pacer
Paint The Town Red
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradise Lost
Path Of Giants
Paw Paw Paw
Payday 2 + Big Mike mask
Peaky Blinders Mastermind (delisted)
Penarium
People Playground (X2)
Perfect Heist 2
PGA Tour 2K21 (X2)
Phoenix Point Year One Edition
Pikuniku
Pine
Pinstripe
Pixplode
Plane Mechanic Simulator
Poöf
Popup Dungeon
Post Void
Pound Of Ground (X2)
PowerSlave Exhumed
Prehistoric Kingdom
Primal Carnage Extinction (X2)
Project Cars GOTY (delisted)
Project Hospital
Project Warlock
Propnight
Pulsar The Lost Colony NEW
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date
Quest Of Dungeons
RAD (X2)
Radio Commander
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Railroad Tycoon 2
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railway Empire
Raji An Ancient Epic
Rebel Cops
Rec Center Tycoon
Red Faction Armageddon
Red Solstice 2 Survivors
Redeemer Enhanced Edition
Redout Enhanced Edition
Re-Legion
Remothered Broken Porcelain
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retrowave
Reventure
Revita
Ring Of Pain
Rings Of Saturn
Riot Civil Unrest
Rise Of Industry
Rise Of Insanity
Riven The Sequel To MYST
Roarr! The Adventures Of Rampage Rex
Roboquest
Rogue Heroes Ruins Of Tasos
Rogue Lords
Rogue Stormers
Rover Mechanic Simulator
RPG Maker VX
Rustler
Sable
Salt And Sanctuary
Satellite Reign
Satisfactory
Saturday Morning RPG
Say No! More
SCP 5K
SCUM (X2)
ScourgeBringer
Serious Sam 2
Serious Sam BFE (X2)
Serious Sam Classics Revolution
Serious Sam Double D XXL
Serious Sam HD The First & Second Encounter (1 key for both)
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Legend Of The Beast
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Serious 8
Serious Sam Kamikaze Attack
Serious Sam The Random Encounter
Serious Sam Bogus Detour
Shadow Tactics Aiko's Choice
Shady Part Of Me
She Remembered Caterpillars
She Will Punish Them
Shing!
Shock Troopers
Shogun's Empire Hex Commander
Shuyan Saga
Sid Meier's Civilization VI
Sid Meier's Railroads
Simulacra Collection
Skeletal Avenger
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Skully
Slime Rancher
Slinger VR
Smoke And Sacrifice (X2)
Sniper Elite V2 Remastered
Sniper Elite 4 Deluxe + Season Pass
SOMA
Song Of Iron
Soulblight
Spacebase DF-9
Space Hulk Ascension (delisted)
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spellcaster University
Spelunx And The Caves Of Mr. Seudo
Spiritfarer Farewell Edition NEW
Stacking
Starsand (X2)
Star Wars Jedi Knight Jedi Academy
Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic
Stasis
State Of Decay 2 Juggernaut Edition
State Of Mind
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game (X3)
Stories Untold
Streets Of Fury EX
Strider (X2)
Struggling
Stubbs The Zombie
Styx Shards Of Darkness
Submerged Hidden Depths
Suchart Genius Artist Simulator
Super Indie Carts
Super Magbot
Supraland
SurrounDead (X2)
Surviving The Aftermath
Suzerain
Swag And Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Swords And Souls Neverseen (X2)
Syberia II
Syberia 3 Deluxe Edition
Syberia The World Before
Syndrome
System Shock Enhanced Edition
Table Manners The Physics-Based Dating Game
Tabletop Playground
Tacoma
Take On Helicopters
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation (delisted)
Tales Of Monkey Island Complete
Talisman Digital Edition + City,Frostmarch,Sacred Pool (trading only as a bundle)
Talisman Origins
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Telefrag VR
Teleglitch Die More Edition
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour (X2)
Tesla Force
Tesla Vs Lovecraft
Tharsis (X2)
The Amazing American Circus
The Ambassador Fractured Timelines
The Adventure Pals
The Battle Of Polytopia Moonrise Deluxe
The Blackout Club
The Citadel
The Count Lucador
The Free Ones (delisted)
The Golf Club 2019 featuring PGA Tour
theHunter Call Of The Wild (X3)
The Invisible Hand NEW
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King Of Fighters 2002 Unlimited Match
The Last Blade
The Life And Suffering Of Sir Brante
The Long Dark Survival Edition (X2)
The Manhole Masterpiece Edition
The Mims Beginning
The Mortuary Assistant
The Night Of The Rabbit
The Serpent Rogue
The Signifier Director's Cut
The Textorcist The Story of Ray Bibbia (X2)
The Uncertain Last Quiet Day (X2)
The USB Stick Found In The Grass
The Walking Dead Season 1 + 400 Days
The Wild Eight (X2)
They Bleed Pixels
Think Of The Children
This War Of Mine
Thronebreaker The Witcher Tales
THOTH
Through The Darkest Of Times
Timeshift
Time Recoil
Titan Quest Anniversary
Toejam & Earl Back In The Groove
TOEM
Tohu
Tools Up
Tooth And Tail (X2)
Torchlight (X2)
Total Tank Simulator
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
Toto Temple Deluxe
Tower Of Time (X2)
Tower Unite
Townscaper (X2)
Townsmen A Kingdom Rebuilt
Toybox Turbos
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator (X2)
Tropico 4
True Fear Forsaken Souls Part 1
Tyranny Deluxe Edition
Unexplored
Unloved
Unmetal
Unshaded
Vambrace Cold Soul
Vane
Velocibox
Verdun
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard
Visage
Volcanoids (X2)
V Rally 4
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
Warhammer 40K Chaos Gate Daemonhunters NEW
Warhammer End Times Vermintide
Warhammer Vermintide 2 NEW
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warpips
Warsaw
Wasteland 2 Director's Cut
We Are The Dwarves
We Should Talk
Western Press
We Were Here Together
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
Where The Water Tastes Like Wine
While True: Learn() Chief Technology Officer Edition
White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
Windjammers 2 NEW
Wooden Sen'SeY
Worms Rumble + Legends DLC
Wrath Aeon Of Ruin (X2)
XCOM Complete Pack
Xenoraid The First Space War
X Morph Defense + European Assault + Last Bastion + Survival Of The Fittest (1 key for all)
XIII Classic
Xuan-Yuan Sword The Gate Of Firmament
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Yoku's Island Express
Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair
Zack 2 Celestine's Map
ZIC Zombies In City
Zombie Army Trilogy

I'm from EU,so GAMES SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES - games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in TF2 keys,CSGO cases or ANY other virtual currency
BUYER covers the FEES (if outside EU,EU F&F only)
My Steam account so you don't offer me something I own
My Wishlist
My SGSRep
My IGSRep
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Only looking for Steam games - so don't offer origin,uplay,rockstar,bnet or ANY other launcher
100% of my games keys are bought by me from official stores & I expect the same in return,so don't offer me keyshop games or game keys you got in a trade as I will decline
I retain the right to ask for proof of ownership for ANY game I want - just like YOU have the right to ask me the same
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List of games I have:
Also have the Earthquake Relief bundle but reddit wont let me write all the games cause my topic would be too big - just ask
7 Billion Humans
8Doors Arum's Afterlife Adventure
10 Second Ninja X
60 Seconds!
112 Operator
140
198X
911 Operator
A Case Of Distrust
A Year Of Rain
Absolver
Aeolis Tournament
Age Of Wonders III
Ageless
Airport CEO
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
Aliens Vs Predator Collection
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive
Amnesia A Machine For Pigs + The Dark Descent (1 key for both games)
Amnesia Fortnight 2012
Amnesia Fortnight 2014
Amnesia Fortnight 2017
Amnesia Rebirth (X2)
Among Us (X2)
Ancestors The Humankind Odyssey (EU & Africa lock)
Aragami (X2)
Archamon
Army Men RTS
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automobilista
Aven Colony
Avernum 3 Ruined World
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Back 4 Blood (EU region lock)
Backbone
Band Of Defenders
Banished
Baseball Riot
Batora Lost Haven
Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
Behind The Frame Finest Scenery NEW
Beholder 2
Bendy And The Dark Revival (X2)
Bendy And The Ink Machine
Betrayer (delisted)
Between The Stars (X2)
Beyond Eyes
Beyond The Wire
Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blasphemous
Bloodstained Ritual Of The Night
Bohemian Killing
Book Of Demons
Bomber Crew Deluxe
Borderlands 3 + Director's Cut (ask about region locks)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition NEW (ask about region locks)
Boreal Blade
Broken Age (X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons (X2)
Builder Simulator NEW
Butcher
Call Of Juarez
Call Of The Sea (X2)
Call To Arms Basic Edition
Call To Arms Gates Of Hell Ostfront
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Chenso Club
Chernobylite Enhanced Edition
Cities In Motion 2
CivCity Rome
Clone Drone In The Danger Zone
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffin Dodgers
Cook Serve Delicious 3
Company Of Heroes Complete Edition
Control Ultimate Edition
Corridor Z
Cosmic Osmo And The World Beyond The Mackerel
Crash Drive 3
Creatures Inc
Crookz The Big Heist
Crossbow Bloodnight
Crusader Kings Complete
Crying Suns
Dagon The Eldritch Box
Danger Scavenger
Day Of Infamy
Dead Age
Dead In Vinland
Deadly Premonition Director's Cut
Deadbeat Heroes (X2)
Dear Ester Landmark Edition
Death Stranding Director's Cut
Death Squared
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deep Sky Derelicts
Demon Turf
Deployment
Desert Child
Destiny 2 Beyond Light NEW
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dicey Dungeons (X2)
Dimension Drifter
Distraint 2 + Soundtrack
Divekick
Dog Sled Saga
Double Fine Adventures Complete Series Deluxe
Downwell
Drawful 2
Draw Slasher
Dreadlands
Dread X Collection
Driftland The Magic Revival
Dry Downing
Duke Nukem Forever Collection
Dungeon Marathon
Dungeon Of The Endless
Dungeons 2
Dungeons 2 Complete
Dungeons 3
Dusk
Dwarfs!?
Eador Imperium
EarthX
Eastside Hockey Manager
ECHO
Edge Of Eternity
Effie
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elden Path Of The Forgotten
Embr
Emily Is Away
Empyrion Galactic Survival
Epic Manager
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn (X2)
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evergarden
Expeditions Viking
F1 2018 (delisted)
Family Man
Fantasy Blacksmith
Fantasy Versus
Farmer's Dynasty
Farming Simulator 17
FIA European Truck Racing
Figment (X2)
Finding Paradise
Fire Ungh's Quest
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling To The Finish
Fluffy Horde
Fobia St. Dinfna Hotel
Forgive Me Father
Framed Collection (X2)
Friday the 13th: The Game
Fun With Ragdolls The Game
Fury Unleashed (X2)
Gang Beasts
Garage Bad Trip (X2)
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gas Station Simulator
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW
Ghostrunner
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams + Rise Of The Owlverlord
Gloria Victis NEW
GNOG
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Goat Of Duty
Goetia (X2)
Going Under (X2)
Golden Light
Golf Gang
GoNNER
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Greak Memories Of Azur
Gremlins Inc.
Grip Combat Racing + Cygon + Nyvoss + Terra + Vintek DLC (X2)
Guts And Glory (X2)
Hack'n'Slash
Haiku The Robot (X2)
Hamilton's Great Adventure
Hammerfight
Headlander
Heal
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Let Loose
Hellblade Senua's Sacrifice
Hello Neighbor
Hellbound
Hero Defense
Hero's Hour (EU region lock)
Hexologic
Hidden & Dangerous Action Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2 Courage Under Fire
Hive Jump (X2)
Hiveswap Act 2
Hiveswap Friend Sim (X2)
Hollow Knight
Homeworld Deserts Of Kharak
Hotshot Racing
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hover (X2)
Human Resource Machine
Hurtworld
I Am Bread
I Am Not A Monster First Contact
Ice Lakes
If Found...
Ikenfell
Impact Winter (delisted)
In Between
Industria
Inexistence Rebirth
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris (delisted)
Influent
Inmost
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Intruder
Ion Fury
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Jack Axe
Jalopy
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Jurassic World Evolution
Just Die Already
KartKraft
Kathy Rain Directors Cut
Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes (X2)
Killing Floor 2 Digital Deluxe NEW
Kill To Collect
Kingdom Classic (X2)
Kingdom New Lands
Kingdoms Of Amalur Re-Reckoning Fate Edition
King Oddball
Labyrinthine
Last Oasis
Last Tide
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Lead And Gold Gangs Of Wild West (X2)
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion (delisted)
Legend Of Keepers Career Of A Dungeon Master
Leisure Suit Larry Retro Bundle (1 to 7)
Lethal League Blaze
Liberated (GOG key)
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Light Fall
Little Big Workshop
Lone Fungus
Lost Planet Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust For Darkness
Lust From Beyond M Edition
Magicka
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Maid Of Sker
Main Assembly (X2)
Mars Horizon
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Max Payne 3 (Rockstar Launcher)
Mega Man Legacy Collection
Midnight Ghost Hunt NEW
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
Miscreated (X2)
Monster Crown
Moon Hunters
Morbid The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Motorsport Manager
Mount And Blade Warband
My Lovely Daughter
Naruto To Boruto Shinobi Striker
Nascar Heat 5 Ultimate
Nebuchadnezzar
NecroVisioN Lost Company
NecroWorn
Neighbours Back From Hell
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
NeuroVoider
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl (X2)
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
No Time To Relax
Northgard NEW
Not Tonight
Obduction
Observation
Octahedron
Odyssey The Story Of Science
Of Orcs And Men
Old School Musical
OlliOlli World Rad Edition
On Rusty Trails
One Finger Death Punch 2
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Tango NEW
Orbital Racer
Orcs Must Die 2 Complete
Original War
Orwell Ignorance Is Strength
Out Of Reach Treasure Royal
Overlord II
Overpass
Override Mech City Brawl
Oxenfree
Pacer
Paint The Town Red
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradise Lost
Path Of Giants
Paw Paw Paw
Payday 2 + Big Mike mask
Peaky Blinders Mastermind (delisted)
Penarium
People Playground (X2)
Perfect Heist 2
PGA Tour 2K21 (X2)
Phoenix Point Year One Edition
Pikuniku
Pine
Pinstripe
Pixplode
Plane Mechanic Simulator
Poöf
Popup Dungeon
Post Void
Pound Of Ground (X2)
PowerSlave Exhumed
Prehistoric Kingdom
Primal Carnage Extinction (X2)
Project Cars GOTY (delisted)
Project Hospital
Project Warlock
Propnight
Pulsar The Lost Colony NEW
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date
Quest Of Dungeons
RAD (X2)
Radio Commander
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Railroad Tycoon 2
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railway Empire
Raji An Ancient Epic
Rebel Cops
Rec Center Tycoon
Red Faction Armageddon
Red Solstice 2 Survivors
Redeemer Enhanced Edition
Redout Enhanced Edition
Re-Legion
Remothered Broken Porcelain
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retrowave
Reventure
Revita
Ring Of Pain
Rings Of Saturn
Riot Civil Unrest
Rise Of Industry
Rise Of Insanity
Riven The Sequel To MYST
Roarr! The Adventures Of Rampage Rex
Roboquest
Rogue Heroes Ruins Of Tasos
Rogue Lords
Rogue Stormers
Rover Mechanic Simulator
RPG Maker VX
Rustler
Sable
Salt And Sanctuary
Satellite Reign
Satisfactory
Saturday Morning RPG
Say No! More
SCP 5K
SCUM (X2)
ScourgeBringer
Serious Sam 2
Serious Sam BFE (X2)
Serious Sam Classics Revolution
Serious Sam Double D XXL
Serious Sam HD The First & Second Encounter (1 key for both)
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Legend Of The Beast
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Serious 8
Serious Sam Kamikaze Attack
Serious Sam The Random Encounter
Serious Sam Bogus Detour
Shadow Tactics Aiko's Choice
Shady Part Of Me
She Remembered Caterpillars
She Will Punish Them
Shing!
Shock Troopers
Shogun's Empire Hex Commander
Shuyan Saga
Sid Meier's Civilization VI
Sid Meier's Railroads
Simulacra Collection
Skeletal Avenger
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Skully
Slime Rancher
Slinger VR
Smoke And Sacrifice (X2)
Sniper Elite V2 Remastered
Sniper Elite 4 Deluxe + Season Pass
SOMA
Song Of Iron
Soulblight
Spacebase DF-9
Space Hulk Ascension (delisted)
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spellcaster University
Spelunx And The Caves Of Mr. Seudo
Spiritfarer Farewell Edition NEW
Stacking
Starsand (X2)
Star Wars Jedi Knight Jedi Academy
Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic
Stasis
State Of Decay 2 Juggernaut Edition
State Of Mind
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game (X3)
Stories Untold
Streets Of Fury EX
Strider (X2)
Struggling
Stubbs The Zombie
Styx Shards Of Darkness
Submerged Hidden Depths
Suchart Genius Artist Simulator
Super Indie Carts
Super Magbot
Supraland
SurrounDead (X2)
Surviving The Aftermath
Suzerain
Swag And Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Swords And Souls Neverseen (X2)
Syberia II
Syberia 3 Deluxe Edition
Syberia The World Before
Syndrome
System Shock Enhanced Edition
Table Manners The Physics-Based Dating Game
Tabletop Playground
Tacoma
Take On Helicopters
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation (delisted)
Tales Of Monkey Island Complete
Talisman Digital Edition + City,Frostmarch,Sacred Pool (trading only as a bundle)
Talisman Origins
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Telefrag VR
Teleglitch Die More Edition
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour (X2)
Tesla Force
Tesla Vs Lovecraft
Tharsis (X2)
The Amazing American Circus
The Ambassador Fractured Timelines
The Adventure Pals
The Battle Of Polytopia Moonrise Deluxe
The Blackout Club
The Citadel
The Count Lucador
The Free Ones (delisted)
The Golf Club 2019 featuring PGA Tour
theHunter Call Of The Wild (X3)
The Invisible Hand NEW
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King Of Fighters 2002 Unlimited Match
The Last Blade
The Life And Suffering Of Sir Brante
The Long Dark Survival Edition (X2)
The Manhole Masterpiece Edition
The Mims Beginning
The Mortuary Assistant
The Night Of The Rabbit
The Serpent Rogue
The Signifier Director's Cut
The Textorcist The Story of Ray Bibbia (X2)
The Uncertain Last Quiet Day (X2)
The USB Stick Found In The Grass
The Walking Dead Season 1 + 400 Days
The Wild Eight (X2)
They Bleed Pixels
Think Of The Children
This War Of Mine
Thronebreaker The Witcher Tales
THOTH
Through The Darkest Of Times
Timeshift
Time Recoil
Titan Quest Anniversary
Toejam & Earl Back In The Groove
TOEM
Tohu
Tools Up
Tooth And Tail (X2)
Torchlight (X2)
Total Tank Simulator
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
Toto Temple Deluxe
Tower Of Time (X2)
Tower Unite
Townscaper (X2)
Townsmen A Kingdom Rebuilt
Toybox Turbos
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator (X2)
Tropico 4
True Fear Forsaken Souls Part 1
Tyranny Deluxe Edition
Unexplored
Unloved
Unmetal
Unshaded
Vambrace Cold Soul
Vane
Velocibox
Verdun
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard
Visage
Volcanoids (X2)
V Rally 4
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
Warhammer 40K Chaos Gate Daemonhunters NEW
Warhammer End Times Vermintide
Warhammer Vermintide 2 NEW
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warpips
Warsaw
Wasteland 2 Director's Cut
We Are The Dwarves
We Should Talk
Western Press
We Were Here Together
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
Where The Water Tastes Like Wine
While True: Learn() Chief Technology Officer Edition
White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
Windjammers 2 NEW
Wooden Sen'SeY
Worms Rumble + Legends DLC
Wrath Aeon Of Ruin (X2)
XCOM Complete Pack
Xenoraid The First Space War
X Morph Defense + European Assault + Last Bastion + Survival Of The Fittest (1 key for all)
XIII Classic
Xuan-Yuan Sword The Gate Of Firmament
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Yoku's Island Express
Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair
Zack 2 Celestine's Map
ZIC Zombies In City
Zombie Army Trilogy