How many episodes of f4 thailand

I’ve been on a decade+ long FIRE journey, specifically meeting and talking to people in real life also pursuing/reaching FIRE. After attending two FinCons, listening to hundreds of hours of FIRE podcasts, attending ChooseFI meetups, and reading several FIRE/personal finance books, here's what I think is not often being discussed. I'm in early 40s with wife + kids, and am approaching FIRE with $4M. Below are some of my reflections that might help others with the caveat that everyone's journey is different.

• Many of us, especially those who are employees rather than business owners, are likely burnt out. FIRE or what we perceive as FIRE is an escape hatch for a job filled with high stress, long hours, or more emotional challenges. FIRE professionals/adherents skew risk-adverse, and may perceive reaching their "FI" number as permission to do X (i.e. take a sabbatical, change their job, change their career, move across the country, work part time).
  
• 90%% of readers/posters are pursuing FIRE but have not achieved it. We're excessively focused on the FI number, because we think that it will unleash our dreams of X. Most of us probably do not know many who have actually achieved FIRE in real life, and thus have no idea what it is like after the transition (i.e. how do you spend the rest of your life of 30-50 years).
  
• The reality is that most working professionals who have achieved some level of FIRE, particularly if you have children, particularly if you live in a high cost of living area, will likely continue to DO something. There is an excessive focus on the Retire Early part of FIRE, as opposed to the financial independence part. Those who have sprinted so hard within their careers will likely find the void of quiet nothingness of retirement, a bit boring/stagnant, and after a while will seek the "next."
  
• The question is whether that "next" is merely another financial goal, a couple more million. If money solves problems, would more money solve more problems? And then comes the realization that money is like oxygen. When you don't have oxygen, you can't think of anything else but money. But when you have an abundance oxygen, more oxygen, like money, becomes irrelevant. It's then time to move onto something else to focus on.
  
• Time will become more important than money: Then one realizes that what is actually important, and MORE important than money, is the limited amount of time on the planet. Would you trade places with billionaire Warren Buffet if you had to be 90? Almost no one would trade places with him, because our remaining time is really the most critical thing. A billion when you are in a retirement home at 90 doesn't bring lavish vacations with skydiving, it just means a nicer retirement home.
  
• Here's the point: For other achievement motivated people, FIRE is not an achievement, it's a journey. No one gives you a trophy at the end of it, and your only "reward" is to live life however you find most meaningful and spend your time however you would like. If you care about maintaining your friendships, you will probably shut up about FIRE, as discussing it may alienate you from others. So the FIRE that you have "achieved" is merely a life transition, one that really no one cares about and involves no recognition.
  
• Financial independence is about creating optionality (e.g. to do more of what we want with the time that we have). FIRE is a journey, not a point of arrival, even after you reach FIRE. How you might spend that time will evolve. You might decide that they want to use that freedom to become semi-nomadic, go part-time, or go back to work.
  
• 80-90% of those who actually reach their FIRE number continue to do something, but they are doing it on their own terms, and not merely to maximize income. That something might be a less intensive job that is more aligned with their purpose. For example, a divorce attorney who transitioned to being a part-time mediator because bringing families to some mutual settlement paid less but was more meaningful towards creating a workable co-parenting relationship. Other FIRE friends have lived abroad or become nomadic.
  
• Give more time/effort to thinking not about money. Financial independence, and money generally, is a tool to live our fullest lives with our limited time on the planet. Be grateful for your high earning potential, living in one of the wealthiest countries, during one of the most economically prosperous times in history, with the longest lifespans. The real things that bring a rich life have nothing to do with money. It's about saying you have enough, that you have done enough, that you are enough, and being at peace with that.
  

Hi everyone,
I was on a walk around my neighbourhood yesterday and was walking along a bike path. Most people walk this path and it is a very common area for people to walk their dogs as it is off-leash. I walked past a man as we were walking opposite directions and he had his off-leash dog trailing somewhat far behind him. When I was about to pass the dog, it seemed very excited and ran right up to me and bit my elbow . Not sure what breed it is but it was a medium to large sized dog. I stepped back, panicked, and the dog did let go but was still eyeing me. I'm not really sure how much of this interaction the owner saw as he was not that close by but I took out my headphones (which are completely noise cancelling) out after the dog let go of me and I heard the owner yelling "What are you doing? Come here!". The dog hesitated for a moment but ended up obeying the recall and left. I don't know if the owner apologized since I couldn't hear but they did not come check on me. Thankfully, the bite did not break or scratch the skin but just left it a bit red for maybe 15-20 minutes after and today it is mildly sore. The whole interaction left me a bit frazzled as I have walked this path many times and have only ever encountered friendly dogs or dogs that act like I'm not even there. My mistake was immediately walking away after but since the dog did not bite me hard enough to actually injure me and it seemed more playful than aggressive, I didn't want to make a big deal of the situation. Looking back, I should've asked the owner for information just in case. I know chances are low but I'm a bit concerned about rabies since I do not know this dog's vaccination record. I live in Canada (specifically Alberta) where rabies in dogs is quite rare, so I'm sure its likely fine especially since it didn't break skin.. but does anyone have any suggestions on how to proceed? I feel like it is nothing to worry about but I'm a natural worrier! I also have no clue how I would find the owner of this dog to ask for information.

My best friend is in the second abusive relationship & I don't know how to deal with it anymore.
So, yeah, that's basically the point of it. My best friend (f 28), after finally getting out of her last abusive relationship, is caught in another.
We're friends for well over 7 years now. We've met when she was still in the relationship with the other guy (they have a kid together). I didn't really interfere too much in that relationship, besides a once in a while, carefully placed "don't you think you deserve better?".They were together since 4 years, before I even met her, so i always felt like it's not really my place to judge.
Since I know her they would break up & get back together again almost every other month... After multiple escalating incidents (him hitting her & apparently the kid too), she finally left him for good.
It was a hard time for her, but after months or so she finally agreed that it was for the better.
She was single for a while, like a year or 1 1/2 until she met her current... I don't even want to call him "partner"... Anyways. The first time I met him I already knew, I don't like him, he's not good for her, she'll end up in a similar situation. So I told her. " I don't think this is a good idea." She AGREED WITH ME!! So I didn't think about it anymore, because he'd be gone in no time, right? Wrong!! A few weeks later she tells me "oh, were together now". That was the second time I told her "I don't think this is a good idea".
But who am I to tell her what to do and don't do. So I left it at that. When I visited her, I anyways tried to be nice, even though I hated his guts.
November last year, I get the message of her hand with A RING ON IT!! Nothing else. Just the photo. That was the first time I sent her a looong message, telling her WHY I don't think it is a good idea & that I really don't like him. I was so afraid that my message would destroy our friendship..!!
She was quite stunned, but we got over it, talked about it and got back to how it was before, besides the fact that she now KNEW I really don't like him & why. With many things she even agreed with me!!!
A month ago she called me, crying, telling me they broke up. I didn't even hesitated & drove down to her (it's a roughly 5 hour car ride for me) to support her. She told me a lot about what happened, for example that she ALREADY KICKED HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE 4 (!!!) TIMES in the last half year!!! But he's basically guilt tripping her into letting him come back. She agrees with me, and yet can't find the strength to kick him out for good. Because she is so terrified of being alone. I lend her money, she "owed" him, so he wouldn't have that as a reason to stay in touch.
Today i found out (she didn't even tell me) that they are back together again. (So i asked for my money back, from him. But this whole rant is not even about the money, it's just an additional puzzle piece)
Anyway, I really don't know what to do at this point anymore. I am shocked how much this effects me, as my heart rate goes up, when I just hear his fucking name! My boyfriend just tells me "don't worry too much, it's not your relationship". And I know he is right, but still, this is just getting out of hand. Why does this bother me SO MUCH. It's this normal? Or is this already unhealthy? & how should I deal with it??
For everyone reading this whole paragraph, thank you! For everyone sharing their thoughts on it, an even bigger thank you!

I just re-started my rewatch, and HOLY GUACAMOLE are things different in the pilot than they are from the season finale.
It got me thinking: what is the duration of time from the first scene of the first episode of Logan peeing in his room in the middle of the night, to the final shot of Ken looking sad over the Hudson (?) River?
ALSO! Fun fact: In Roman’s first scene of the pilot, one of his last lines was “This is all bullshit!” (Or something like that.)
So many fun things I’m seeing in this rewatch, but just in case we start the official rewatch thread, I’ll keep it to myself and save it for that discussion!

Hi all.
I'm very new to the game and have several questions about the game.
1) What items to keep? i know it's way too general but...i have 1 build (actually as of today, 2 builds) and whenever i max out my inventory i have no idea what's worth keeping for maybe some other build i might need. so i end up putting everything in recalibration library and then dismantling everything else for materials but i'm not sure if that's correct strategy.
2)How does optimization work? So let's say i have backpack in library with max crit chance (6%?). I tried getting my backpack that had 3% CHC and used optimization, but it literally only went to 3.2%. Is it just "luck" how many times you're gonna need to use it to max it out or? Not sure how exactly that works.
3) Today i finished some beginner level Heartbreaker build. Every guide said to use acs12 shotgun to build up stacks so i assume every pellet from the shotgun counts as a stack (so it would be like 4-5 per hit?) but my heartbreaker bar fills so slowly that i'm not even sure if that's how it works. Also i think that build requires skill because i'm playing on challenging and getting my ass handed to me.
4) What is this number i see on agent profiles (attached pic)? First number is SHD level, but i don't recognize 2nd number anywhere.
Thanks for the answers!
https://preview.redd.it/o0ehmvjay14b1.png?width=466&format=png&auto=webp&s=67a469a102b061cc1daa3585a134e6e9d03d0cc1

I’ve found that I cheat the start of a colony with dev commands and Prepare Carefully a fair amount. I’ve always felt ashamed, but it’s fun when I set the goal of doing some late game stuff without waiting late game time to do it.
Now I don’t go crazy adding stacks on stacks of resources or healing pawns, but I am not afraid to edit the starting map. I delete sections of mountains, place soil where marshes once were. Add some water here and there to make things prettier. I’ll even move the anima tree if I’m starting as tribals. Using prepare carefully I’ll sometimes go in with 5 crash landed colonists with good traits. Hell, I’ll even throw a few bionics in there every now and then if it fits the RP.
How many of you are cheesing your runs?

My heart is shattered, writing this here bc she asked me to leave her alone. So me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year and a half and i was so sure that she is my soulmate, she was my first everything, ive spent my life alone before her and i never even really had friends which was one of the many reasons i got so attached to her, she was my only one, she was my first hug first kiss first sexual partner and most importantly she was my first real best friend. she made me feel safe, i come from a very physically and mentally abusive family and she was the only safety ive ever known.
We used to do everything together and i never laughed with anyone the way i did with her. I fell in love with her and i built my whole future with her as we started talking about getting married and how we’re gonna spend our whole life together, we literally planned our whole life together.
And she changed. Maybe i did too but, she started getting cold and being careless. She stopped caring about me and the way she talks to me changed completely. She used to make me feel safe and now when i talk to her its like im talking to a robot. She is never reassuring and she talks to me like im literally her enemy especially when we argue. And when we do argue or fight she is NEVER wrong, and i mean literally never, i sat her down like a 3 months ago and told her do you think it makes sense that its been over 9 months since you admitted that youre the one who was wrong or took accountability for your actions in a fight? Obviously no one is perfect and she knows that so she said “yeah i never said im perfect and yes surely i was wrong sometimes” and what happened after that? She still never admits that shes wrong ever.
No matter how big and fucked up what she did was i end up apologizing and fixing shit because i would be scared of breaking up, the day i wont be the one who apologize after a fight is the day we will break up and that was proven so many times. And we have been fighting and arguing a lot and she gets completely heartless when those happen. I am literally pathetic. She made me feel less. I lost my self confidence. I begged her not to leave me. I am lost and i am losing my mind i truly wish i was dead. I have never experienced this before i am completely heart broken and i dont know what to do. I am so lost.

“I stared into the void, and stared back.” I’ve always liked that saying, very versatile in its uses. It can be a metaphor for a primal fear of the unknown, the great infinite of space perhaps, or even for staring death in the face. In my case it is the latter, I just know that I am so fucking dead and it hurts so god damn bad. Back to earlier however is probably a better place to get started.
So I was just minding my own damn business in my truck on the way home from a job interview in the city with the windows down and the smells of the forest in my face, pretty nice if I say so myself. When suddenly a flash out shinned the sun by about a factor of a hundred or so appeared, blinding, but not quite enough to do permanent damage. I slammed on my brakes filling my nose with burning rubber and my ears with that unholy sound, note, I was not going slow. I grunted in pain as I held my eyes shut with a hand over them, tears streaming out and I had that damn effect in my sight, like when you stare at a light bulb too long. After a minute or two letting my eyes recover the air was filled with a different noise, a slow building electric sound and after a few seconds the most earth shattering boom replaced it, the explosion was so powerful I felt winds whipping through my open windows and felt my teeth chattering. By this point I was able to open my tear filled eyes again as I frantically began looking around to see what the hell was going on, then I spotted it, a ship so colossal that it can only be described as biblical in proportion, as if it threatens to swallow the sky itself. I then look down the mountain to see the city I had just come from with huge pillars of black smoke streaking into the sky, like fingers grasping towards the alien craft in the sky, which had now begun falling apart? No those were shuttles, black oval shapes with streaks of blue contrasting the orange sky of the setting sun “... Fucking what?” was all I could say as the sight lay before me, all I could think is that this wasn’t real, there is no way that this could be happening it’s far to cliche, I mean come on a giant alien ship shows up with a flash of light and starts shooting fucking lasers, with god knows how many smaller craft descending upon the earth. Yet… Here I was, so I needed to run, or rather drive, as fast as I could back home, so that’s exactly what I did, wiping the water from my eyes. I punched it much to the protest of my old truck. As I picked up speed I stare into the rearview mirror trying to get a better view of the massive ship, it’s blocky in a vaguely rectangular shape with the middle being wider and falling in sizes by blocks as it moved to both sides with many reflective surfaces at the end of barely visible barrels, and various random glowing lights dotted around the ship. I soaked up as much of the sight as I could before the trees blocked my view of the sky as I sped faster and faster into the forest towards home.
A short drive normally now felt like eons to reach my home in the forest, it wasn’t deep in the woods but it wasn’t just on the border either. I slowed down as I spotted the old rusted mailbox in my gravel driveway before making a sharp left. As I heard the stones crunch beneath me I looked in the mirrors in attempts to spot any strange hunk of metal following me, much to my relief I saw nothing but trees and bugs. As I parked the truck I sat for a second, catching my breath and continuing to look around, my small one story house was tucked in the woods with only 20 feet between it and the tree line and with how the driveway turned there was no way you could see it from the road. I took one last breath and held it for a few seconds before swinging the truck door open and jumping out before running for my fucking life towards my front door, I heard the gravel crushing beneath my shoes and that's it, normally there's at least one bird or the beginning of a cricket’s chorus, but nothing. I came to a halt and quickly jammed my key in the front door, fumbling a couple times but getting it in eventually, it didn't help that my hands were sweating profusely and shaking. I flung the door open and myself inside making sure to relock the heavy ass door, before sprinting like a mad man for my room on the left side of the house. But then I heard it, the sound not too dissimilar to a hurricane outside, looking out the window through the kitchen I saw one of those pods I saw swarming down from the mothership, the body was vaguely oval shaped with a cockpit raised up front through a 45 degree incline, it also had deployed its landing gear and a large door on the left had opened. There was no fucking way I was going to make it to my room, open the safe, load the gun and fire, so I made a horrible decision, I lunged into my kitchen and grabbed the handle of my biggest knife with my left hand while I heard a small explosion at my front door. As I unsheathed the knife from the block I heard things being knocked over in my hallway, but no footsteps strangely. I turned and ran back into my hallway as I heard yelling in some strange language. I looked to my right and saw what can only be described as lamia’s in sci-fi armor pointing a big ass gun at me, the face unseen behind its visor, her visor? It has boobs, but maybe the males of the aliens have boobs and higher voices too. A loud crack and the most horrible pain in my left shoulder and time begins to slow down, and that's where I am now.
Adrenaline is quick to act in dulling pain, but not instant as I learned in this moment. As I look at the creature I see that it is at least 8’ 2’’ and god knows how long with its winding tail. My head is agonizingly slow as I turn to look left, all I see is red, my red spilling from the open wound, blood, that’s the word blood, my blood is spilling out of me in liters. I reach over to the wound and begin grabbing for the stump, there is yelling in the background, I cannot find something that obviously feels like my bicep so I just grab something, falling to my knees. It's hard to breathe now. Something is rising and falling in the wound, wait, that’s my lung, I release it as a horrible taste enters my mouth, I can taste my spleen, that's not good, I think as I slowly turn my head to my murderer. Fear, fear is all I can feel, fear, agony, and rage. There are two of them, maybe more, one is screaming its own lungs out at the one who shot me. I wait there for what feels like years before a third alien shoves both of them aside and slithers up to me, the air is cold now, I swear it was 90 just an hour ago. I fall on my ass as I try to back away from the thing approaching, I try to push away from it but I lack the blood in my body to move my muscles. It turns to the other two and screams at the fighting pair, it then turns to me and lowers its voice in a soothing manner talking to me. It’s hard to keep my eyes open, maybe death will be warmer than here. It opens a large white package and scoops blue goop out of it, I have not the strength to resist as it slathers the stuff all over the gaping hole in my ribcage. The substance makes contact and is unexpectedly warm, but it stings worse than any wasp. Time begins to make its way back to reality, seconds slowly feel like minutes before returning to their former perception. I turn to see my wound and am stopped by a gentle hand and a kind voice speaking an unknown tongue. I slowly close my eyes, surely this is the end, I am dying now, all turns to black as I feel tears I didn’t know I cried, roll down my cheek.

Hey you,
I see you.
Relationships may be difficult for you. You probably find yourself in the same pattern over and over and you wonder why you always end up with someone who criticises you and wants more, or someone who ends up pulling away and shutting down and feels emotionally unavailable to you.
You wonder if you will ever land in a relationship that feels good right off the bat. If you will ever find someone who gets you without letting them get too close to the “real” you but someone who you can share who you really are and not be afraid that they will leave you. Someone who you can finally get off of the emotional rollercoaster. Someone who you can feel stable, grounded, and safe.
I know how hard it is when you aren’t feeling connected to your partner. I understand how easy it is to move into a place where you start to wonder if you made a big mistake. I get how quickly you slide into doubt and criticism and start to find every little thing wrong with the relationship, and it adds up to some big things. How your self-protective mode just seems to show up, without you even having to try.
I think it’s lonely there, but it’s better than getting hurt all the time, right? I can relate to shifting to a place where you start to consider what it might be like to leave, to start over again, to release yourself from the old patterns and the baggage that has accumulated. It can feel really exhausting to think about how to fix after all this time. To wonder if maybe it’s not worth trying relationships anymore. To consider just being alone, because maybe that’s what you deserve.
I’m so sorry that you hurt me and that I hurt you before. I know it’s painful to not be seen. To be treated as if your needs don’t matter. I want you to know that they matter a lot.
We had different needs and we didn’t respect our boundaries, and I clearly I see that.
And you know what? We are not broken.
We had the responses we did in relationships for a reason. And those reasons are almost always painful, or at the very least, lonely.
I want you to know how much I valued you. I wish you hadn’t done that, but I know that we don’t get a choice sometimes. I’m so sad you had to experience what you did. But I am able to see the ways you have grown and changed your life because of what you went through.
I want you to know, for reference, I was always right there. I was not afraid to dive into this with you. I know it felt scary. I know it’s overwhelming. But we could have taken it one step at a time. Together. I would have paid attention to you. I would have noticed when you needed some more support, or a little bit of space. I wouldn’t have let you get to a place where it feels like too much or you can’t handle it. You should have just told me. You know you could have told me. I believe in your ability to become your better self. And I can’t wait to see what your life looks like once you make the choice, for you. It’s going to be so incredibly beautiful. In so many ways, it already is.
I have so much love in my heart for you. For your human experience. For your pain. For your joy. For all of your potential. For the ways you love, even when it’s hard, even after everything you have experienced. For your courage.
You are so resilient. I honour that in you.
I know you were afraid, but you were safe here. You got to be who you are.Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for taking the risks you did. Thank you for waking up every day and trying.
It didn’t work. That’s ok. I finally feel the peace I needed to move on. Chapter closed! I am actually happy I got to experience you. :)
Love,Trash Raccoon

TLDR; my long distance gf wants so many gifts for her birthday, but she won’t let me give them to her physically. I have to keep everything with me, and it’s really weird. It’s like I’m buying myself gifts. But she acts like it’s being given to her. It feels like playing an RPG dating game. But we’ve been together for two years, she won’t meet me in person, won’t tell people about us and won’t let me give her the gifts. But still asks me for them all of the time. I haven’t given her money, she never asked anyway. And I wouldn’t. But it’s about the gifts. It’s a very weird situation, and I feel used and unwanted and sad. I don’t think she knows I feel this way. She’s so expensive.. and she gives me nothing, no companionship, no time spent together. She doesn’t even seem that into me but when I pull away she clings to me. I’m confused
My (27m) girlfriends (26f) birthday is next week, and our relationship has been weird lately. We’ve been together for two years, but she isn’t ready to meet me even though we live two states apart.
But she always wants gifts, wants money spent on her, always, the thing is… never actually GIVEN to her. I have to keep all of the gifts with me, she isn’t ready to give me her address and doesn’t want people to know about us yet, so I have to keep the gifts “safe” with me at my house.
It’s getting overwhelming, because she keeps wanting so much for her birthday. I’ve spent 500$ for her birthday already on stuff that I have to keep here…. And I have a small space, I can’t just have all of this stuff. But I always did it in the thought that I’d be able to send it to hegive it to her when we meet. But … I don’t know.
I feel like she doesn’t appreciate it, she expects it now and it’s just so expensive. She even sometimes makes me feel bad about buying her stuff, but when I say no she gets really sad and says “pleeeeeasee” but then when I do it she kind of jokes about how much I spend on her.
Again, I’ve never given her money, and she refuses to let me GIVE her the gifts. It’s almost like I’m buying myself all of these girly things. I think my roommates are catching on that something is weird because I seemingly have this new obsession with stuffed animals from their pov.
Anyway. For her birthday I wanted to get her stuff that she could actually have…. So I got a digital things, a gift card to buy a game, a cameo, things like that. Because I got sick of having all of this physical stuff… when she keeps giving me mixed signals as to when we will meet.
She also has me buying baby cloths for her and I since she says we will have a family together.
Anyway. Things have been weird between us. She says we are in love but we never spend time together anymore. I basically begged her to FaceTime me the other day as we haven’t in forever. So we did FaceTime for like …5 minutes. It was nice. But then still, she never has time to hangout with me.
And my birthday was two months ago. She put no thought into it. Not at all. She simply sent me paragraphs of messages telling me she loves me and happy birthday, but didn’t even do even the smallest gesture for me. But expects the world of me for her birthday. I was hurt. But I keep thinking.. it’ll get better. Because each time I pull away she tells me how much she loves me and to please never leave her.
It’s a very weird situation and I’m just really strained. Are all relationships this expensive?
I’ve never had a girlfriend urge me to spend so much money on her like this before, while also not giving me any sort of companionship at all. No bonding. Nothing. I feel like a cheap fantasy sugar daddy and I’m sad because I don’t think she knows that she makes me feel that way.
What do I do? It’s giving me so much stress.
I don’t mind buying gifts for her birthday. Making her happy. But it’s the fact she urges me to do this while also giving me no interest in our relationship. I don’t feel wanted

My husband (41M) and I (34F) have been together since we were young. My husband helped support me through my degree, and by the time we could afford for him to go and get his own degree, he wasn't really interested.
Since we have been together, my husband has always worked minimum-wage jobs. He is an excellent employee, very loyal, reliable, and skilled, and has had opportunities for promotion, but has always said no to the promotions as he isn't interested in managing others. I make far more than he does, but his salary does still help us financially quite a bit.
His current place of work is re-locating to a place where the commute will likely be not feasible for our family. Although this relocation is over 6 months away, I don't want to be left with us panicking, so I want to start figuring out the next steps for my husband.
Here's the issue: In the past, when my husband has been looking jobs, he won't apply to very many. He won't apply to anything unless he is overqualified for the job. His number one requirement is for the job to be something that is enjoyable for him. While I agree that you shouldn't be miserable at work, it isn't like I LOVE my job. In the end, I work to support the kind of lifestyle we want.
Can I have some say in the positions he applies for, and if so, how much say? Specifically, can I ask him to start applying for new jobs now? Also, can I push for him to try for jobs that pay more than minimum wage, even if those are his first choices, or is that unfair of me to ask?
Thanks for any advice and perspective!

Granted, she doesn't really have any "full body pics", so its not like she was intentionally deceptive, but I was a little surprised.
we've been chatting for a few days, she's really sweet - and even in person, she's great. But she appeared pretty tiny on the photos and I was taken aback by the fact that she's pretty on the chubby side.
Now, im a pretty fit guy, i take care of my health and body shape - and i expect something similar from my partner, but I'm no saint. I'm a smoker and I often enjoy one too many beers - as does she. Im just not sure whether it's reasonable from me to make the call. How do i bring this up without being rude? DO i even bring this up? I dont wanna be an asshole, and apart from the surprise weight, i feel like we'd get along just fine. She's got a very similar personality to mine and we have many similar experiences, we laughed a lot, played on monkey bars like two kids and went on an "art date", drawing doodles, swapping the paper every 5min and we're both interested in seeimg each other more.
Is this something i gotta accept at face value, should i express that, idk how to react? Last thing i wanna do is be an ass about her weight - especially after the first date. I was just surprised.
Tl;dr: Tinder date was chubbier than expected. How do i bring this up, and is it even something i SHOULD bring up?

There have been budget cuts, layoffs, restructuring, etc in so many companies. So I was wondering, how’s the marketing team handling it? And what’s the situation internally (or on the client side, if you work at an agency)?
I’ll go first
Company category: Mar-tech startup, (series A funded). Country: India Industry: B2B SaaS Situation: Were doing extremely well until mid 2022. Since then, the company’s vision and mission keeps changing. Had layoffs recently and current marketing team morale is really low with the CMO themself confused and not sure of what the strategy is for the next quarter.
How’s it going in your company?

I love my husband. I have been with him since I was 15 years old and we have had many great years together. We have always supported each other and been there through thick and thin. COVID hit him really hard as a teacher and I feel like there was a new dynamic that has shifted between us since then. He comes to me constantly for support for every little insecure thought that pops in to his head and it’s killing my opinion of him. He’s not the confident fun guy I married. I’m not the 25 year old he married either but before this we always grew together. For example. Today he is stressed about work and has spent the entire day having me talk him through how to handle it. It’s just before 4 pm here now and I finally just lost it on him. He’s a teacher, he has the whole summer off while I get 2 shitty week’s vacation and I just can only support him for so long emotionally. I literally just said he can suck it up and survive the next two weeks. He’s done it for the last 10 years he will make it through these two weeks before summer. Based on that I am unsupportive even after I have been verbally rubbing his back for the last 6 hours. All he had to do today was take our son to baseball and he made that my problem by not watching the time and then called me on the way home to tell me how stressed he was. How can I tell him his never ending requirement for constant emotional support is starting to make me want to run in the opposite direction when I see him coming. He spoke to a counseler about a year ago and decided I was not validating enough. I feel like he needs to go back but if I broach the subject that he may be a bit depressed then I am told I am wrong. TLDR- my husband needs constant emotional support and I am exhausted from it. How do I tell him this needs to stop?

Hi everyone! :) For the past few months my car (Volkswagen Jetta 2009) has been cranking and not starting, eventually after a couple tries it will start up (it’s the same even if i press on the gas while starting or not). This week I used cruise control for the first time in many many years, it worked fine. The next time I went to start up the car the EPC (electric power control) light came on and then a few seconds later the exhaust light came on, following that the external light issue came on. When driving the car after all those lights came on, as I would accelerate there was no acceleration into the throttle body. Does anyone know what could’ve happened? I’m not sure how serious of an issue this is, I need to get back to my home state tomorrow and would prefer to get it fixed at my home mechanic. Thanks in advance for the help!! :)

So, yeah, that's basically the point of it. My best friend (f 28), after finally getting out of her last abusive relationship, is caught in another.
We're friends for well over 7 years now. We've met when she was still in the relationship with the other guy (they have a kid together). I didn't really interfere too much in that relationship, besides a once in a while, carefully placed "don't you think you deserve better?".They were together since 4 years, before I even met her, so i always felt like it's not really my place to judge.
Since I know her they would break up & get back together again almost every other month... After multiple escalating incidents (him hitting her & apparently the kid too), she finally left him for good.
It was a hard time for her, but after months or so she finally agreed that it was for the better.
She was single for a while, like a year or 1 1/2 until she met her current... I don't even want to call him "partner"... Anyways. The first time I met him I already knew, I don't like him, he's not good for her, she'll end up in a similar situation. So I told her. " I don't think this is a good idea." She AGREED WITH ME!! So I didn't think about it anymore, because he'd be gone in no time, right? Wrong!! A few weeks later she tells me "oh, were together now". That was the second time I told her "I don't think this is a good idea".
But who am I to tell her what to do and don't do. So I left it at that. When I visited her, I anyways tried to be nice, even though I hated his guts.
November last year, I get the message of her hand with A RING ON IT!! Nothing else. Just the photo. That was the first time I sent her a looong message, telling her WHY I don't think it is a good idea & that I really don't like him. I was so afraid that my message would destroy our friendship..!!
She was quite stunned, but we got over it, talked about it and got back to how it was before, besides the fact that she now KNEW I really don't like him & why. With many things she even agreed with me!!!
A month ago she called me, crying, telling me they broke up. I didn't even hesitated & drove down to her (it's a roughly 5 hour car ride for me) to support her. She told me a lot about what happened, for example that she ALREADY KICKED HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE 4 (!!!) TIMES in the last half year!!! But he's basically guilt tripping her into letting him come back. She agrees with me, and yet can't find the strength to kick him out for good. Because she is so terrified of being alone. I lend her money, she "owed" him, so he wouldn't have that as a reason to stay in touch.
Today i found out (she didn't even tell me) that they are back together again. (So i asked for my money back, from him. But this whole rant is not even about the money, it's just an additional puzzle piece)
Anyway, I really don't know what to do at this point anymore. I am shocked how much this effects me, as my heart rate goes up, when I just hear his fucking name! My boyfriend just tells me "don't worry too much, it's not your relationship". And I know he is right, but still, this is just getting out of hand. Why does this bother me SO MUCH. It's this normal? Or is this already unhealthy?
For everyone reading this whole paragraph, thank you! For everyone sharing their thoughts on it, an even bigger thank you!

So.
Mineru and Rauru are supposed to be the last of the Zonai.
Rauru is supposed to be the first King of Hyrule and married Sonia, a Hylian.
The Ancient Hero who fought Calamity Ganon is a Zonai, but has ears like a Hylian and a more noticeable tail.
The implication seems to be that at least some of Rauru and Sonia’s progeny became a new generation of Zonai.
This tracks with how the Zonai are said to have suddenly disappeared a few thousand years ago, which is long after the Calamity tapestry.
Also worth noting that many of the structures in the Zonai Kingdom of Hyrule had yet to become the Sky Islands when Zelda became a dragon.
The implication seems to be that the Sky Islands being raised into the sky + the disappearance of Zonai civilization happened a good while after Rauru’s death.
For that first bit?
I have a sneaking suspicion that the raising of the sky islands happens during the events of the tapestry, and this is the war for the Triforce against Demise.
I think that Demise is potentially ultimately just another “Ganon”, a phantom projection of the Demon King Ganondorf’s malice, acting in his stead while he remains dormant.
A phenomenon that, at the time it happened, may not have been named “Ganon” yet.
The inhabitants of Hyrule get evacuated to what becomes Skyloft while Hylia, the Zonai, and the Sheikah wage war against Demise on the surface with the aid of various tribes.
Eventually the events of Skyward Sword happens, and the Hylians return to the surface to re-establish the Kingdom of Hyrule and form the “modern” Hyrule.
This could also explain the origins of the “dragons” Eldin, Lanaryu, and Faron, as well as why the Silent Realm’s guardians look like Rauru. It’s all Zonai.
As for the second.
It’s worth noting that an in-universe rumor is that the “Barbarians” for the Barbarian set were actually the Zonai. This raises numerous questions.
Why would the descendants of the first king of Hyrule be branded “Barbarians” by the Hylians, and why did they disappear when they had such advanced tech?
I think that a power struggle might have broken out between the Zonai and Hylian descendants of Rauru and Sonia over who gets claim to the surface.
A civil war between the Zonai and the Hylian/Sheikah factions over the Triforce and the claim to the Hyrulean Throne that results in the Zonai losing.
This would explain how the Zonai and their tech lost, as the would have been going up against the equally if not more advanced Sheikah tech.
This would also explain why the royal family ordered the Sheikah to abandon their tech, as the potential of a similar uprising would have been too much of a threat.
A means of proving their loyalty to Hylia’s lineage, and not Rauru’s other descendants. Might have been seen as necessary since the Sheikah seem to have based their mark off of Rauru’s third eye.
Seeing as Zelda was apparently surprised to discover the Zonai lineage of the Hyrulean Royal Family, I think it’s safe to say that the Zonai got mostly scrubbed from history.
Would also explain the heavy emphasis on maternal lineage with the “goddesses” in Hyrulean myth and legend, as the kingdom might have wanted to emphasize Hylian lineage, as a contrast with the Zonai “barbarians”.
In that sense, the discovery of Sheikah tech and Zonai lineage by the current generation of Hyrule would be a rediscovering of lost history, and a major recontextualization of past events both inside and outside of the game.
So then, assuming I’m on the right track, the question is what happened to the Zonai after they lost?
I think they became the Twili.
Calling the Zonai descendants of Rauru interlopers and barbarians would be a great way to delegitimize their history and claim to the throne and scrub it from the books.
This would explain why Twili magic/tech shares so many similarities with the Zonai. Intricate stone structures and complex circuitry patterns with a green glow.
This would also explain why the Zonai suddenly disappeared, as they as “interlopers” would have been banished to an entirely different plane altogether.
It would also bring a new meaning to the title “Twilight Princess” and whatnot. If the Twili are the lost Zonai descendants of Rauru, that would make Midna a princess of a Hyrule and a lineage that has faded into twilight.
TL;DR
I have a sneaking suspicion that TOTK is simultaneously the first and last games in the timeline due to time travel shenanigans, and that either the next game or TOTK’s DLC will go deeper into this stuff.

I was doing some light coding for fun this evening, and I thought of somthing. Though not by a large margin, it is more efficient to sort scenarios in order of likelihood using if and else statements. But is it good practice to have blank if statements? For example, let's assume we have a counter k, and we want to know how many numers up to 2,000,000,000 are divisible by 5. Obviously, we could just divide this number by 5 and find out, but pretend, for the sake of the example, that we can not. Also obviously, a number will be divisible by 5 in only 20% of the cases. So, would a code (written in C) like this
for (int i = 1; i <= 2000000000; i++) (
if (i % 5 != 0);
else k++;}
​
be better (for efficiency, readability, whatever) than this:
for (int i = 1; i <= 2000000000; i++)
if (i % 5 == 0) k++;
​
It's something that might seem insignificant, but I often find myself wondering stuff like this, and I couldn't find a thread online asking this exact question, anywhere.

Looking for help identifying an animated series I watched as a child in the early to mid-80s. The story revolved around some children, the main character was a girl. I think they were orphans living in an orphanage, at least for some part of it. I think she was white, but the visual style resembles anime, and I remember Für Elise was the main musical score for it.
I was very young and remember little of the overall plot, we watched on VHS tapes and probably missed a bunch of episodes, and I have no idea how many there were.
When I say it resembles anime I need to say that I had no clue about anime back then (and still don’t know much about it), but as an adult that’s the feeling I get. Something about the eyes and how they animated things like tears. It wasn’t supernatural as I recall, but rather a drama, I think maybe they searched for her or their parents or family or something like that.
It’s definitely pre 1990, most likely before 1986 but possibly even older.
Any help appreciated, thanks.

The writer has made use of many techniques and devices to describe Ugwu's impressions of the city.
Firstly, the author has utilised hyperbolic verbs to describe Ugwu's impressions ofㅓㄷ the city. The author writes, 'too choked with expectation' , 'itched to lay his ch eek.' The use of verbs like 'choked' and 'itched' are used by the author to greatly exaggerate Ugwu’s emotions of ecstasy and excitement, they serve as a method of telling the reader that Ugwu has positive impressions of the city.
Secondly, the author has excluded conjunctions in the first part of the extract. 'Ugwu did not believe…the back of his neck.' The author excluding conjunction[s] creates the impression that Ugwu is so amazed by the city as asyndeton heightens pace and excitement.
Thirdly, the author has made use of parataxis to show Ugwu's positive impressions of the city. 'But he did not mind. He was prepared to walk more in even hotter sun.' The use of short sentences places emphasis on Ugwu’s shock of the conditions of the city.
Finally, the author has made use of similes to convey Ugwu's amazement. The author writes 'like polite well-dressed men' ; ' like tables wrapped with leaves.' The use of similes with positive connotations, 'well-dressed', conveys the idea that Ugwu only has positive thoughts about the city, [this is supported by an absence of information stating otherwise].
_____
0 4
Focus this part of your answer on the second part of the source, from line 20 to the end. A student said, ‘From the moment he arrives at Master’s compound, the writer portrays Ugwu’s feelings of pure excitement, but by the end it seems that he may be very disappointed.’
To what extent do you agree?
In your response, you could:
• consider your own impressions of Ugwu’s feelings
• evaluate how the writer describes Ugwu’s feelings by the end
• support your response with references to the text.
[20 marks]
One way the author has conveyed this impression is through the way they ended the story. At the end of this extract they wrote 'Ugwu stood by the door, waiting,' this contrasts to the previous 'choked with expectations.' In the end it seems Ugwu’s expectations were grossly inflated which may in the end lead to him becoming very disappointed.
On the other hand, there are moments where it is possible that Ugwu may have been emotionally neutral. The author has written quite vaguely, not allowing the reader to truly know whether Ugwu was disappointed or not, however, judging as Ugwu’s expectations are based off of his imagination and greeness, it is likely that he isn't disappointed but instead shocked and as a result putting on a more realistic mindset. Ugwu is constantly amazed, although, his master doesn't seem very welcoming 'faintly distracted expression,' 'oblivious that he had just asked people in.' It has little to no relation to his expectations, ' something sweet,' 'good fortune,' 'like a necklace,''never seen a room so wide.' Ugwu still only being amazed shows that he as a matter of fact isn't disappointed.
Another reason he may not be disappointed is because of the reason for his excitement. Ugwu is excited to to be in a place so different from where he is from ,'thatch roof,', the author has portrayed Ugwu as not excited for for the job or for the master, but, for the new experience, this is evident throughout the extract, 'the lawn glistened,' 'shaped like slender hills,' the use of similes being used to compare the setting places emphasis on the idea that it is not the master or the job that excites Ugwu, meaning that he can't be disappointed with for having a lackluster master[, or for something he doesn't seem very keen on in the first place].
It could also be said however, that Ugwu is disappointed. Whilst this isn't said or *noticed* in the extract it can be inferred from the extract. This inference could be made from Ugwu’s master's response to him which almost demeaned Ugwu, 'the child?,' 'remember something more important.' The use of the comparative 'more important' means that the Master doesn't view Ugwu as anything important, and so the reader infers that in response to that Ugwu feels depressed and slightly disappointed as things might not be as 'sweet' as he had previously thought.
In conclusion, I do agree with the student's statement as the sudden juxtaposition/change in mood has led me to believe that before he was cheery and after he was disappointed or melancholic.
​
---
Q2
If there are few moments in life that come as clear and as pure as ice, when the mountain breathed back at her, Zoe knew that she had trapped one such moment and that it could never be taken away. Everywhere was snow and silence. Snow and silence; the complete arrest of life; a rehearsal and a pre-echo of death. She pointed her skis down the hill. They looked like weird talons of brilliant red and gold in the powder snow as she waited, ready to swoop. I am alive. I am an eagle.
How does the writer use language here to describe Zoe’s feelings?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.
[8 marks]
The writer to describe Zoe’s feelings has made use of a variety of language devices and techniques. How the author has done so will be explored in this 8 mark question.
Firstly, the author has made use of a perspective switch to describe her feelings. The author writes 'she waited, ready to swoop. I am alive. I am an eagle.' The noun 'eagle' has connotations of of freedom and exhilaration. The author has switched the perspective to place emphasis on these connotations, saying that Zoe feels free and exhilarated,[additionally,] another way emphasis is placed on this is the switch to the first person perspective which personalises Zoe’s situation for the reader making it easy to understand that perhaps Zoe does feel free.
Secondly, the author has described Zoe’s feelings through the use of repetition. The author writes 'every where was snow and silence.' The repetition of 'snow' and 'silence' places emphasis on the idea that snow was all there was for her creating an impression of total serenity, making the reader think that Zoe is at total peace.
Lastly, the author has made use of parataxis and asyndeton. The author writes 'snow and silence; the complete arrest of life; a rehearsal.' The use of asyndeton and parataxis both create excitement and increase the pace of the story which may have been included by the author to replicate Zoe’s feelings, namely that of excitement.

Hey reddit, let me start out with an apology for any errors I make, I'm dyslexic, this is my first time posting here, and I'm still really anxious and upset about everything going on, in particular as I have diagnosed PTSD and G.A.D. It also is probably appropriate to give a trigger warning for just about anything one could be sensitive too, from assault, to cancer, to death, because my life has had it all lately.... This is the very long winded story of how my neighbor couple, who are a toxic combination of entitled and addicted to some kind of uppers, are trying to make my life a living hell, and, how I am not retaliating and it's somehow making them even more hateful...
Relevant backstory about me/my home situation- I (36F) bought my house all by myself (yah!) in 2016 before everything got super expensive. I am a career musician, but because what I make performing in an indie band and in royalties varies WILDLY from year to year, I also am proud to be the primary child care provider for my niece, and three other long time family friend's children who are now between the ages of 5 and 7 but have come to my home for daycare and even over nights and weekends sometimes since they were infants we're all like a little extended family. I live alone other than my little pets and the children who are often here.
In June 2022 I was misdiagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (most deadly kind of breast cancer) and spent 6 weeks helping my parents and the kids and my friends get ready to help me... then lose me basically, before it was determined it was NOT inflammatory breast cancer (yah!) I just had Regular old precancerous tissue being made to look even worse than it was because the tissue had also developed an antibodic-resistant infection allll over the tissue under my breast. Ultimately good news except the very next day one of the moms in our little childcare group died instead. Like some kind of nasty joke God was making that wasn't funny and I'm still not over. Then, my insurance company decided to fight me over surgery to have the tissue and infection removed while cycling me through endless rounds of antibiotics and more invasive (but cheaper for my insurance) treatments. I did the best I could to keep up with my home and life and still help with the kids but I was *really really* sick until February of this year (2023) when I finally got my surgery, and I'm still really struggling with the lose of my friend both for myself and her son. I also have no money or savings or anything of a safety net left anymore. I had to access it all while I was sick and paying for my surgery/medical care (so you now know I'm American I suppose).
Now, onto the neighbors...
In August 2022, this couple moved in nextdoor and have been single handedly changing the block vibe from "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood where a few of the parents smoke weed here and there" to "Nightmare on Elm Street featuring Crack" and I am not sure that I have ever seen so up close and personal the inner workings of.... sociopaths? Or whatever the correct name for people who are habitual lairs and take pleasure in causing harm to others (and maybe each other?). They are heavy drinkers, heavy cannabis users (no shade, I got my med card before surgery and with edibles I didn't even need other prescription pain meds!! but anything can be a problem for some people), and most unfortunately they do some kind of pills or something that make them very "up". While the wife is typically too "out of it" to maintain work, the husband works from home as some type of an accountant and seems to keep it together, and make just enough money, to maintain their "lifestyle" which basically means they do a lot of drugs and super weird addict things, but with an aura of entitlement. It's a toxic combination.
The couple, who I will call Sackie (44F) and Jam(41M), originally presented themselves as an older couple with Sackie in particular having many health issues.... and I will admit I first mistook her for being older and originally assumed her manner of speaking (a bit low, mumbled and slurred, without a good awareness to social cues or appropriateness, like trying to talk to me about how her brother molested her but her mom payed off the law to make it go away or how later she started a business with said mom, but her mom started having an affair with Jam's boss and that's how they met... in front of the children and/or in maybe my second conversation with her) for some kind of stroke. It was only after many awkward rambling conversations with Sackie that I realized they were actually not much older at all, and her many health issues (more on this later) were fictional or simply from withdrawals/drug use. I did learn, however, that Jam and Sackie have a long, sorted, unpleasant history, with just about everyone they'd ever met... and somehow, it was always they who were the victims.
Now, I try very hard not to victim blame and I know from personal experience that sometimes good people have strings of unfortunate events in their lives-- but Sackie's recounts of events were often hard to understand, or contradictory to previous stories she had told, sometimes even within the same conversation. So I knew almost right away she wasn't a reliable narrator, but, with our houses being located about 12 feet apart, my original misinterpretation of them as an older couple, and with Sackie intentionally lying about some things to get my sympathy.... I had no idea how bad they both really were or what I was in for...
I first spoke with Sackie more than just saying hi in passing sometime around Thanksgiving (American Thanksgiving) when she knocked on my door to ask if she and Jam could give me an extra out door Christmas ornamental they had. I thought they were just being Christmasy and kind. I didn't have the kids at my house that week and Sackie smelled the cannabis I had been enjoying on my couch (a rarity honestly) and said, "oh is that what I think it is?" Paranoid that she was offended I blurted out, "oh yes I have a cannabis prescription, this is probably TMI but if you notice me home and slagging a lot it is because I am waiting for breast surgery."
Sackie's face lite up, "Thats not TMI, I'm waiting for breast surgery too! I had uterine cancer and now I'm waiting for a double mastectomy. And don't worry I'm a medical user too" Now, I have since learned this to be a lie, but at the time it definitely made me feel sorry for her and I was just relieved I hadn't been "caught" by a neighbor who was offended by cannabis.
However, once Sackie learned I had weed.... well, she wanted to be my best friend. In fact, she almost invented a fantasy friendship with me. Asking for my number in case they needed someone to look in on their pets during the holidays to quickly turned to her calling and texting pages and pages of messages-- about how Jam abused her, and was cheating on her, how she had nobody and was so scared approaching her (fake) upcoming double mastectomy, how he'd made sure her name wasn't on the house when they bought it and he'd locked her out of all their money... and could she please have some weed because she was so sick? Oh she had a seizure because she was so sick could she please have some weed?? It went on and on, always about wanting weed, rides places, confusing pages of texts about how she was watching "dead to me" and how it was so unfair she didn't have a friend like those characters?? Could I be that friend??
It was intense. And I didn't handle it well. I did my best to just respond to her slower and slower apart and just be nice but short and say no that I didn't have or couldn't do XYZ for her.
Her begging and neediness intensified rapidly, sometimes she would come to my door and knock and ask for weed and I would feel obligated to give it to her just to get her away. She was always on something a lot more intense than weed when she'd knock. It was scary and sometimes the kids were here. She started texting me asking if I had "anything stronger" than weed and when I was understandablely like "no I don't do those things" she sent me about four pages about how she just meant "xanxa" because she used to have a standing prescription for xanxa and it helped her so much but she had "quit all her medicine except good ol weed and seeing a chiropractor" and was doing oh so much better now but just needed some but it was okay because she found another friend to give it to her.
This was the first time I expressly told her no and not to ask me about that type of thing and where she started to turn her fantasy friendship into me into a fantasy feud.
Shortly after she sent me another page long text saying, "not to be a bitch but I'm done with our one sided friendship." I responded that I understood, at this point it was Dec 22nd (2022) and I was just trying to spend time with my family. I said something like, "I understand, I have some health problems that make it hard for me to make new friends or even keep up with my current friends, but I will see you around as a neighbor." And hoped to never hear from her again.
Oh, how short that hope was. Several days later I started getting pages of frantic apologies, but also trying to make me feel guilty, and more frantic apologies, and letting me know that Jam is not cheating on her and evil and leaving her with nothing, and they're both such great people and always here if I need anything!!!
It's honestly hard to explain how unstable even her "nice" texts would sound and I'm not sure if we can post screen shots in this sub, but trust me, this woman and her husband are just constant, intense, invasive drama. While she and Jam both made me uncomfortable, almost like watching for when I would first let my dogs out in the morning or when a friend left my house and texting me about it... waiting on their front porch chain smoking for me to come outside then rushing over to talk-block me into conversations about other neighbors they hated, Jam's bosses affair with Sackie's mom, to tell me how sick they were, about how Sackie had to quit multiple jobs because her bosses would always sexually harass her... And stupid me would just try to kinda smile and nod and get out of the conversation.
I was so uncomfortable and somewhat scared of them because of the way they would talk about other people and each other and... its hard to describe but if anyone has even been close with someone using something like meth, you know how crazy their behaviors can be, even if they are being "nice." But until April 2023, they were just a bother, not a danger.
April was when Sackie's fantasy friendship with me turned into a full blown fantasy feud...
In early April, I was supposed to be recovered enough from surgery that I could work again so I to started to watch the children every week again, and apply for music gigs again... but unfortunately got a staph infection in my left breasts wound. I ended up being in a lot of pain and back on antibiotics and pretty out of it on my couch for a few days, though I managed not to be hospitalized again (yah!).
During the few days I was pretty much out of it during the infection, Jam and Sackie decided it would be a good time to get really "uppered" to rip up all the ornamental ivy in our shares breezeway (fine) but also OFF THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE AND OUT AROUND MY FRONT PORCH. They pulled down wires on the side of my house and did this during rainy season meaning they exposed my homes foundation to massive amounts of water no longer protected by plants and top soil.
I was in total shock. They hadn't asked permission, or even mentioned disliking the ivy, and they were clearly on something and STILL trying to rip up things around my front porch.
My kind, 70 year old father was over on April 14th, to help me do some weatheseason appropriate yard work I was struggling to do one my own because of the staph infection and we decided we had to try to say something to them about it, because at this point they were out front talking about what they were going to do AROUND MY FRONT PORCH. But again, wanting to keep peace my dad and I went outside and my dad just politely asked Sackie about what they were doing and, said something along the lines of, "well okay, just please don't do anything else on our side because we are going to take care of that ourselves..." and before he could even finish Sackie suddenly, in her slurred speech, yells "Do you think I'm fucking Stupid??" at my dad.
Now, at this point I can't take it anymore. My father thought he was going to have to change my diapers while I DIED this year. He does not deserve to be yelled at by some methed out neighbor. So I said, "Sackie, don't speak to my father that way, he is just looking out for me."
At which point Sackie LOSES IT and starts hollering to Jam and possibly just herself about how my dad and I are "so rude and trashy" and how they can do whatever they want because, they want things to look nice, etc etc, at which point I was just like, "come one dad let's go inside."
My dad and I worked on some chores in the back yard, then he was like, "I know we didn't do anything wrong, but let's go apologize because you don't want to have neighbor issues."
However, when we went back out front Sackie was literally pacing back and forward in the breezeway ranting to herself about how she had every right to do whatever she wanted with what I can only describe as a look of pure and total unhinged insanity. You know how when actors play their first role on screen after doing stage acting for years and so their movements come across as completely over the top? That's a lot how Sackie looked that day stalking up and down alley talking to herself, like a director had just told her, "act really nuts!" Except Sackie wasn't acting. My dad said, "okay, well, we tried, some people just want to be upset," to me, and we went back to working on my house.
Keep in mind, I was still on heavy duty antiboditics and fighting a staph infection at this time, and was trying to get the house in shape for my kiddo who's mom had passed away to be able to sleep over at my house that night to give his dad a little break. I figured Sackie would bitch about me to Jam and whoever else she could get to listen (like how she would speak about others to me) but eventually get over it and go back to trying to have her fantasy friendship with me, because after all, she was able to nag me into giving her free weed occasionally, and all my dad and I had done was ask her not to do anything else on my property, right? How mad could she be?)
Well, apparently, something I have now learned, is when someone addicted to uppers decides you are their fixation, they are as addicted to causing you hell.
The following day Sackie (and Sam according to her texts) sent me pages and pages of texts, again I'm not sure on the character limits or screen shot policy here, but basically she sent me about 10 text pages about how my dad and I were so rude and disgusting and she and Jam had the right to do anything they wanted as the breezeway is "their's " (again, that is their property on that side but only up until a foot and half or so away from my house, and definitely not around my front porch) and how she and Jam have always been so nice to me and I'm just such a terrible person, and "YOU'RE WELCOME " for how that side of my house will look?
She used a lot more curse words and details than that, many of which were not even truthful and were hard to understand, and kept bringing up a Tupperware container and a cloth canvas bag that she had left some kind of soup she made for my friend (my friend who Sackie also made extremely uncomfortable but would try to be polite to her when she was outside smoking) when my friend had to stay with me for a few weeks after she had to get a hysterectomy and needed help recovering, and saying "and just throw out that Tupperware I gave you, you have no idea the kind of niceness I've constantly given to you!" (remember friends, even this major pushover knows-- kindness done with the expectation of something in return is just manipulation) Like, somehow this unwanted soup she'd left my friend when she was recovering here in March 2023, made it okay for her to do whatever she wanted on my property?
This also feels like an appropriate time to add that it was when my friend was recovering at my house that I learned the extent of Sackie's lies about her health. Remember how I said she'd gained my sympathy by pretending she had breast cancer and was waiting on a double mastectomy? Her story was that she had found out she had uterine cancer after a miscarriage and she'd had to have a full hysterectomy and the cancer had spread and so she needed a double mastectomy now but she was having trouble with her insurance and her husband, that is why she wanted to mold me into her "Dead to Me" friend, right?
Nope. Apparently not. As, she told my friend that, "she knew exactly what she was going through because she had just terrible, terrible, periods and has endometriosis too, just like my friend, but she hasn't been able to get the hysterectomy she needed yet because she didn't have a doctor because she didn't do Western Medicine anymore, all she needed was a chiropractor and weed... oh and the hysterectomy for her terrible endometriosis just like my friend." She also said something that implied her husband was getting her a boob job, for cosmetic reasons, and there had never been cancer at all. I have no idea if the miscarriage was a lie too or not, and it isn't really relevant other than to stress, that Sackie and her husband really have a hard time with the truth.
Anyway, after her round of nasty texts after the ivy incident, I sent her back an extremely polite and short text, saying I was sorry she felt so offended by my dad and I asking her not to do anything else on my property, and I was very happy to respect their wishes for us not to communicate and I wished them well.
The next two weeks or so, until April 29th 2023, Sackie and Jam made me uncomfortable but were manageable. They did things like intentionally stacking hay against my fence, talking loudly to each other about how "trashy" I was, and at one point in time even pretending to do yard work but actually just smashing the side of my house with shovels! They even had someone else over at some point they were intentionally loud explaining too about how disgusting the ivy was and what a favor they were doing "cleaning it up".... but honestly I didn't even really care.
My paralegal friend recommended I start documenting things though, because she said some of the worst people she's seen in court are functional, entitled, drug addicts and I should not assume they would return to reason, and that it would be a good idea if I let the Neighborhood Stabilization Officer know what was going on, start documentation, and draft up a cease and desist to send if they did anything else and man, she was right, so right in fact, we didn't even have time to send the cease and desist.
On April 24th, out of nowhere, she sent me another several pages of unhinged texts, once again talking about how I should thank her for ripping up my ivy, throw away her Tupperware, how I was a terrible person and she and her husband and everyone think I'm on the Spectrum (hey man, autism is highly under diagnosed in women and that isn't the insult they think it is, but I could tell she thought she was calling me the R word), and just nasty absurd abusive things.
I sent her a text simply saying "Do not communicate with me or anyone at my house or threaten me or my pets again."
I found that dumb Tupperware and canvas bag she kept bringing up like it was gold, and put them on a porch along with another letter saying the same as in my text.
Jam responded this time, by smashing the Tupperware and leaving it back on my porch....
Now on April 29th, while I was hosting a sleep over for 3 of the children, and, as bad as this couple had been, I honestly believed they weren't bad enough to cause me trouble when the children were here with me. Looking back, I can't tell you why I gave them that kind of credit. Sackie self published a childrens book in her early 30's, and spoke of volunteering at children's libraries, at least according to her, and I suppose I thought that meant she'd have a respect for kids even if they did not have respect for me.... once again, I was wrong.
Around 5 or 6pm, the kids and I went out onto my front porch to bring our pizza inside at the same time as Sackie was getting out of getting out of her drug dealers car with him, she began screaming profanities at me, saying I was disgusting, threatening the pets, and other things I couldn't really understand fully due to her slurred speech once again but verbally assaulting me but this time, in front of the children was the last straw I had.
I quickly got the kids inside, away from her, and served them the pizza. I told them not to worry about the neighbor, that she was a kind of sick that made people yell when they shouldn't sometimes and they should just ignore her. I made sure they were content talking amongst themselves and eating pizza and strawberries- and went to call the police and finally told them about all the ongoing harassment, threats, begging, drug use, and now screaming and profanities in front of the children and asked for help.
Then I got ahold of one of the other moms who came and picked up all three of the kids, and we just pretended that we decided it was a better idea for them have a sleep over at her friend's house than mine. The kids were fine, but as soon as they left I lost it. Just big gut crying. The months of being nagged for weed, rides, and favors, getting passive aggressive texts about not being Sackie's new insta best friend, feeling like I was being watched constantly, worrying about Sackie saying inappropriate things in front of the children, dealing with Jam's creepy stares and used car sales man persona, the past weeks of their new upper fueled obsession with my property line and being the new fixation of their abuse, trying to be kind to them even as I struggled with my breast disease and Sackie trying to me as an emotional punching bag and free weed. I was finally crying so so so hard, my neighbors on my other side (a lovely couple my age) heard and rushed out and had me come wait inside and were so so so nice to me while I looked insane (did I forget to mention I'd let the kids 'do' my make up, meaning they'd painted my whole face with eye shadow including giving me a sparkly beard?) until the police arrived.
Now I live in a really nice neighborhood, but I am in one of the highest crime cities in America and our politicians and police staff are internationally questioned, so I was actually really impressed that the police came, cared, and, that somehow in my state, I *still* apparently looked less insane than Sackie and Jam.
They responded fairly quickly, and patiently looked over the wild texts from Jackie, my accounts of her and Jam passively terrorizing me, and checked out the side of my yard which they had originally ripped up the ivy and started this whole insane fantasy fight with me over.
They very much believed me and said I should have called them sooner, which surprised me. Sackie refused to come out and speak with the police but Jam came out to speak to the police via using his back door so Sackie could keep hiding.
The police came back and let me know that if Jam was the lesser of my two issues that I needed to becareful because they couldn't do anything on "hear say" but that Sackie had refused to speak with them and Jam reeked of alcohol. They said they told them to leave me alone, and that I had already agreed to do the same, and to just leave me alone, but that if they did anything I needed to call them because of how bad Jam, the lesser of the two, looked.
They left, I thanked them and my kind neighbors and felt like, it must be over right? Because if you do things like send pages of rambling violent, threatening texts, destroy property, and take so many drugs that your speech is slurred 24/7, and the cops come and tell you stop bothering your neighbor, you'd be scared right?
Again, I was mistaken to assume that Sackie and Jam's line of thinking would be at all on the side of logic, even in terms of simple self preservation. As soon as the cops left, Sackie and Jam came into my front yard and began to loudly talk about how disgusting I was to each other again. At this point I have both of their numbers blocked on my phone, but Sackie must has used one of those apps that allows you to text people who have blocked you and messaged me... "Have a great weekend"
So I go ahead and call the police who again, I am both pleased, and surprised, and a little scared by how quickly they return because my city is very high crime and for them to pay any attention to my calls means they must have clocked the neighbors as actual threat.
Sackie and Jam did go inside before the police came back though, and this time they both simply refused to open the door to the police. I imagine they had done many more drugs at this point.
The police said that they couldn't do anything since technically nothing had a record yet, but suggested that I file for a restraining order and provided all of the information I needed to do so. I was still sort of wishy washy about having a legal issue with my neighbors, but after talking it over with a few close girlfriends, one of them messaged me passionately outside of our little group chat about how much this couple, Sackie in particular, was behaving like a lot like her mother, a meth addict with a sense of entitlement who made her neighbors and everyone around hers life hell, obsessing over property lines and turned down begging, until eventually went to prison for 13 years for stabbing my friends dad. He lived thankfully.
But she was right, and my earlier mentioned paralegal friend helped me put together my paper work and evidence for a restraining order which we filed that Monday (April 30th).
They were served their papers on May 4th and thankfully, that *did* scare them into leaving me alone. Jam and Sackie would still intentionally talk badly about me to each other outside when they knew I could hear, and I imagine Sackie was trying to tell anyone who would listen what a bitch I was, but as long as myself and the children were unbothered I felt fine.
The court date came and I made the mistake again of assuming court mediation would be enough. Sackie showed up using a cain and pretending to be feeble, sickly and older, like she had done to me when we first met. Jam still looked creepy but wore a suit. My lawyer, who is also my middle school boyfriends father as an aside, was pretty confident I could get a full restraining if we went to court, but they agreed to restraining order terms as long as it stayed off their record for the purposes of background checks.
The way this works in my city is if they violate the terms it then automatically becomes a full order of protection-- but if they don't it gives them a chance to keep their records clean. It also would save me some money, because even though my lawyer was handling things at friend prices he couldn't do it for free. So I agreed to that. They were to stay away from me, my guests, not contact me on any platform, not harm me or my pets, it all seemed pretty fair and reasonable to me.
But alas, Sackie and Jam are not reasonable people. Literally the moment they got home from court Jam began working on some kind of project in his back yard, cursing about me to himself and clearly back on some kind of upper, he assembled and drilled this... strange tarp thing to my fence ???? Yes, my fence, and yes, this is illegal but I didn't have any luck getting the police to come out this time.
It has continued on this way. Them trying to do everything they can to harass me as much as possible without technically violating the order.
They're still trying to make my life hell, and, I am pretty sure my only option is to wait for them to physically harm me, on camera, for anything to happen.
So yes. That is how I kept trying to give my neighbors the benefit of the doubt, and in exchange, they're making my life hell. As I type this now Jam is out in the front yard, hovering on our property line, watering the grass, breathing heavy, grunting, and giving my ring camera dirty looks.
I don't have a good way to wrap this up, but, it felt good writing it all out to share anonymously. Thankyou reddit.
neighborsfromhell