As the title says I tried to use onedrive to have all my uni work from my laptop. It then begins to try sync my entire desktop (YEARS OF STUFF) onto my Uni one drive i'm trying to stop it. its only for up to 24 hours I was confused. I was unable to move it and it just was messing around with my PC. Online on the microsoft website it just says to delete the thing you don't want in one drive. I decided to delete it despite all the permanent deletion warnings. I've now lost my entire desktop my important uni work is kind of safe but all of this shit on my desktop was like 7 years of my life. If there is no way to get it back please give it to me hard.

When I am driving in FH5, and I have the accelerator pedal down for 5 minutes or more, it just decelerates, and I need to release the pressure off the pedal and press it again.
I have probably done about 1,000 hours on it to date over the last 8 months.
Suggestions?

We’ve been together for almost two years. We only see each other on the weekends bc he lives in another state rn for work but will be moving home at the end of the year. We spend as much time as we can together.
For a while he had started making passive aggressive comments towards me so I brought it up as a conversation and we talked about it. I’ve been going through a lot recently (psychosis, mental health) and he understands but sometimes he feels like I talk about it too much and he has enough on his plate without me overloading him too, I totally get that. Burnout is a real thing and I explained to him that he could always let me know that and that I was sorry. I told him I would be more conscious of it and also that I’d like for us to set boundaries about what he feels comfortable hearing about and when, so I know how to not overstep in no uncertain terms. I also added I’d start asking before I vent or talk about my brain problems. He decided the best thing would be to just tell me when it’s too much, and ask for us to change the subject or not talk during that time. I agreed. The past week we worked on that.
Then this weekend rolled around. We were supposed to be going to his aunts house for a “small” get together to drink and play cards. My bf was just going to have a couple beers and I was only going to have one bc we don’t really drink. It was after I’d gotten off work from both my jobs (I worked 8-4 at the bank where I work and 5-close at a store where I work, I’m also a full time student but wasn’t doing any school that day). I was exhausted but excited to come. I was also a little emotional bc I just started an antipsychotic three days before and it affected my mood.
I pulled up to the get together and there were a TON of cars. I thought it’s be a small gathering. It wasn’t. I left immediately and texted him I was tired and changed my mind about coming because the amount of people was overwhelming. He said he understood but would miss me.
I started feeling sad because I have a big family and knew I wouldn’t get any peace and quiet at my house either, and just wished I had somewhere else to go where I could lay down and rest without being kept awake all night after working the full day. I expressed this to him and he offered to buy me a hotel but I declined because I wanted him to save money. We started talking about random things but then I started mentioning that I missed him and kinda got in my feels again. He asked if I would come over since everyone was leaving (hours later). I agreed but he said he would be asleep and to let myself in. I was 15 minutes away and didn’t know why he wouldn’t wait up for me. I told him I wasn’t coming if he wouldn’t wait up.
I asked if we could call but he said no and then later mentioned he was on the phone with his best friend and his best friend was coming to get him. I asked why he wouldn’t let me call if he’d talk on the phone to his best friend and he sent a weird response that didn’t make sense. I later found out his aunt had been texting me because he was “too drunk” to text but at the time I didn’t even know he was drunk. Until I called him.
When I finally called him and asked why he seemed angry at me, he said he wasn’t, though pretty much yelling. I told him he obviously was and he hung up on me. I called back and told him we need to talk but he started on a tangent of chewing me out. I tried to interrupt him after like seven minutes but he said I am to listen and not interrupt so I hung up. Then I called back and he hypocritically claimed, “If you ever EVER hang up on me again we will never speak again for until the end of time.” I started crying hysterically at this point because I was so confused. He kept saying he’s not going to be tested by me, and that he’s done playing my little games. He said if I have problems and want his help then I need to ask for his help or tell him I don’t know what I need and not to make it a guessing game for him to figure out. He said he doesn’t give a f*** about my problems outside of if he can help and if he can’t then I need to leave him out of it. He said I’m NOT going to take jabs at his character and act like he doesn’t care because that’s not him. He said my safety isn’t his problem, the shorty situations I get myself into aren’t his responsibility, and I need to figure it out my damn self if he can’t help because it’s not his problem and I have to stop making it his problem. He said he loves me and he cares about me but he doesn’t care about all that other stuff and it’s not his to deal with. I was hyperventilating by this point about to wake up my own family just trying to breathe but I didn’t want to hang up because he said we’d never speak again. He kept telling me to calm down and that he’s there and he knows I’m just crying because I’m finally realizing how much he loves me and cares about me. But that I BETTER NOT EVER MAKE HIM LOOK BAD by making it out like he doesn’t care. The yelling was making me cry worse. I finally told him I had to hang up but I didn’t want to and to please let us talk again soon. He called back a while later and I heard him telling everyone who was leaving the party that he was on my way house to kidnap me because I miss him. I told him no not to come over because I wouldn’t come outside, but then his best friend pulled up and i heard him telling him to drive over to my place. I texted the best friend not to come and thankfully he talked my bf out of it and said they’d see me tomorrow.
My bf didn’t remember it the next day but I did. He remembers letting his aunt text me which I def was a huge invasion of my privacy and wrong because I thought I was texting him, but he doesn’t remember the phone call. He remembers having it but nothing he said. I told him what happened and he felt guilty and apologized a lot but I don’t know how to feel. I’ve been feeling like he doesn’t care for a long time but never this much. I think that’s how he really feels but he insists it’s not. He wants us to stay together and get married like we planned. He said he wants me forever and wants to help me however he can. I don’t want to be a burden to him and i also dont want to be with someone who thinks im a burden, but I love him and want to believe when he says I’m not. I haven’t always had psychosis and mental health issues and I know I won’t have them forever but I wanna know he’d love me either way and right now I think he doesn’t. I’ve been working hard to not let it impose on him anymore and I guess I failed in that.
I can’t move past the words from that night. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. Any advice is welcome. He said he won’t drink anymore, usually he doesn’t anyway but he said he got drunk because he was sad I didn’t come.
TL/DR: my bf apologized for the harsh things he said while drunk but I think he meant them and I don’t know how to deal with that.

In October, I was driving at 11am when a driver hit me head on. The repairs took over 2 months and with the cost of the rental and repairs it was about $18,000 billed to the insurance. I felt they should have totaled the car seeing how close it was the the value of it. I have top of the line Liberty Mutual insurance. I have been a policy holder for a decade, zero accidents or claims and not even a ticket on my record. My insurance policy covered accidents of uninsured drivers.
At the scene of the accident he admitted fault and gave insurance info.
It turns out he did not have insurance. I did a background check after his insurance policy said he was dropped. The guy had 13 criminal charges, including DUIs, resisting arrest, drug charges etc.
I have a Chevy Tahoe LT 2015 valued at around $20-25k prior to the accident. I could not find a comparable vehicle under $24k.
We have dealt with NINE different customer service claims managers at Liberty Mutual. It changes every month and there has been zero follow through. It has never been made clear who exactly is in charge and handling the claim. I have asked many times and pleaded for someone to call me to assist me with the issues and can never get through with them.
When they returned the car in Dec, I had to send it back immediately two times. They made some errors at the body shop that needed to be fixed (took of the appliques and forgot to put it back on) and then when it moved to the dealership for internal things, they apparently did a thorough check and we personally paid $2300 to just be done and move on. I had zero issues prior to the accident. Within one day of them returning the car, there were several electronic alerts going off, the air conditioner was not working and the brakes were making a funny noise. I returned it immediately and they said these issues had nothing to do with the accident and must have happened in the 2 hours and it was just random. I said there is no way. One week later I returned again for more issues. They wanted $1500. I said this was just checked last week and we paid $2300. Surely we cannot pay any more. They argued and then finally agreed it was their error and fixed it for $200. We paid for the part of something they apparently did not catch.
I am a stay at mom and do not commute so have driven perhaps 1000 miles or less since the accident. Within the last month, my car has broken down 3 times. I was stranded with my toddler 2 times while my husband was out of town. Triple A was able to get it one time but then again the next day. It is back at the dealership repair shop that was selected by insurance and they want $1800 to get the auto theft malfunction working. It is not even drivable and completely dead.
At this point, I cannot drive the car. It is unsafe. It has hugely diminished in value due to being in a major accident (they wanted to give me a diminished value claim of $1000). I do not want to pay $1800 and have it towed as a trade in I won't even receive HALF of the $25k it was worth the day before the accident. I cannot keep this car. What are my options at the point of suing the insurance company?
The reason they are screwing us is because they have no one to go after so they are giving us as little as possible. All I want is a fair situation where I am compensated somewhere in the ballpark of what my car was worth prior to being hit by this drunk driver. I have been quoted $6-7k due to all the issues. I believe they should have totaled the car immediately and given me a check. I do not find it acceptable to have an undrivable car returned to me. PLEASE HELP!!

Hey y’all my girls godfather wants me to bring him some sausage back to New Orleans. Any suggestions for something that will last an 8 hour drive in an ice chest?
Thanks

I was with ATT but now I’m with Verizon, for now. Wife and I had 12s paid off. Saw the ad switch and get 14 and iPads/watches on us! You know a dream.
March 11th - Bring our 12s in and say we’re interested in switching. They say “3 of the 4 would be free with credits on trade in, pro max would be $2.77/mo/ea. extra.” We took the plus’s as we never had the “bigger phone”. Add on 2 iPads and off we go.
March 12th - bring the 12s back to trade in / shipped out. Employee informs me the plus’s are not apart of that promotion and said I got a great deal at $10/mo/ea and I get to keep my 12s!…. My 12s are worthless to me, hence the trade in - not worth my time to sell. I don’t have my wife’s phone with me so I can’t really do much but argue so I left to talk it over with my wife.
Talked to CS during the week, get no where.
March 16th - we decide, screw it - splurge on pro max’s for $2.77/mo/ea. return the plus’s and officially trade in the 12s. The pro max’s are about a $600 difference, I ask what’s the damage on the tax? He comes back “we owe you 0.01”. That makes no sense I said and I get “crazy tax laws.” Asks me to wipe the plus’s - I ask don’t I need it to sync? Nope he said, you can do that from the cloud now. Ok…. Wiped em. Get home start my phone up and last step of setup “we’ve sent a 6 digit code to your old phone.” “FU**.” I drive back to the store - pissed - stores closed, it’s 5:20pm. Drive to my moms and use her phone - mine don’t work - call customer service and after 90-120min he finds a solution to get on their towers and get the code sent to both pro max’s.
March 18th - curiously looked at my bill on the app, I have a $417 credit. I owe nothing on my 1st bill and have $21 leftover. Call cs, they see nothing wrong and basically tell me don’t worry about it - it’s free!…. I live in America, nothing is free lol. I’m like where did it come from? They couldn’t see. Another hour gone. Poof.
Today I go into a different store and just ask them to pull up my information and the manager turns ghost. “They just gave you pro maxs, assigned them to you/your account. But never charged you.” They’re still in that store’s inventory. They made me an appointment to go to the store. I called customer service and they confirmed it shows they’re mine and I can cancel my plan and just return the iPads and keep the phones. She did say she has no idea on any retaliation. Put me on hold for 5 minutes and said to go to the store and I get $100 credit.
What should I do? I’m not a scumbag and I don’t feel the phones are “mine” as I didn’t pay for them but this is complete negligence on the stores part imo and I did all the work in my eyes by asking these questions. $100 ain’t worth my time.

to give a little back story, me and him started dating in 2020 (i was 15, he was 17). 3 months in, my mom got sick, basically paralyzed from brain cancer and he moved in to help. something that was supposed to be temporary, ended up being permanent and now we've been living together for 2 1/2 years. he watched me grieve my mom who i lost at 16 and on top of it i suffer with bipolar 1 and bpd, sp he's watched me go through that too.
6 months into him living with me, we were fighting every single day. sometimes over stupid things and sometimes over me grieving my mom and feeling like he wasn't there for me. it would get better and then it would get bad again. we've been boiling over since August last year. i went in a manic episode and stopped taking my meds and day by day he was getting more and more tired of me.
last week, he screamed at me that he feels trapped and controlled because i have "taken him away from all of his friends" but he leaves out the part where HE was the one that would talk shit about them constantly and MADE it a problem in our relationship (would tell me they talk shit about me). he does this with a lot of things where he completely leaves out his part leading up to my actions. he then told me he needs to think on the relationship. then, that night, he left to go to our friends house because apparently he was overwhelmed and stressed because i was crying about us breaking up. he told me that we should both think about what we want and that night, i did. i cried and cried until i felt my heart collapse and made a whole spreadsheet on how we could do better. do you know what he did? ignored my texts all night and slept. oh and let's not forget the fact that i set a boundary that i don't want him to hang out with him alone because WE HAD A THREESOME WITH HIM AND HE EXPRESSED THAT HE WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HIM ALONE.
it's also important to mention that i am the only one making money right now, he has no job, and no license. he says he feels controlled, but how would you like more freedom? i take him everywhere. we go on drives everyday, wherever he wants to go. i am the only one paying rent, he doesn't have to do anything except find a job and that's all i've asked of him.
i feel like i'm going crazy. i know i can be a little controlling but like that? i don't think so. i'm not abusive either. i don't manipulate. and i'm not saying i haven't done bad things in this relationship, but his part is being completely left out of it. i feel like he's getting more and more annoyed with me everyday and i feel like a burden in MY OWN HOUSE. him and the friend he left with were going to have a sleepover last weekend. i told him i would rather have him for the weekend and that i don't feel comfortable with him staying the night. he starts yelling that he doesn't need my permission and he's "going to hang out with his friend" which i thought was funny because he's talked HEINOUS shit about him. he then went on to call me controlling and isolating. my other problem with this is i am the only one with a car, the friend lives about an hour away, and he doesn't have a job so no gas money.
i also feel like i'm being gaslit. i feel like my bad actions were due to me literally losing my mom, having to watch her deteriorate in front of me for 8 months, my awful mental health, and the book of trauma i've endured. they're not excusable by any means but i'm just not going to be told that i'm abusive for it. i feel as though i deserve some grace here, or am i also crazy for that? i even told him that and he tells me "all i've given you is grace" but the "grace" he gives me is fighting with me and then when i try to get my side out, he cuts me off and tells me to drop it and then we don't really talk about it. i feel like i can't talk to him. every time i get upset he tells me that i'm "going around in circles" and "the conversation is not going productively." i know i can be harsh with my words and i know i can get jumbled and unstable but do i really need to be told that in a time where i need him the most? i feel like i am just screaming for him to LISTEN TO ME and instead i just get a dead stare.
i just don't understand because things weren't always like this. yes, we had our really terrible moments but i thought we were coming out stronger. yes, these last few months i have been a bad girlfriend, but he's been a bad boyfriend too. he told me that we shouldn't have started dating and my heart fucking shattered. i am the only one who's confident in us, at least that's what it feels like. i don't know why he gets so annoyed with me. i think my conversation is pleasant, i'm smart, i'm funny, i'm kind, i'm passionate in every single thing i do, i care so much about people (even to the point where random strangers feel comfortable talking to me about their divorces), i'm incredibly helpful, and on top of all of that, i'm beautiful.
why is he acting like this and how do i fix it?
i know i'm young and a lot of you are thinking "just break up with him, you have your whole life"- i know that. but this is what i want at the moment so that's what i'm going to try.
also: there is so much more to the story so if you have questions, i'll reply with answers

I (24F) been seeing a guy (26M) for 3 weeks. He’s kind, attentive, and hard working. He is blue collar and we live an hour apart and he will work 12 hour shifts and drive an hour to my house afterwards to see me. The first week we met we went to his town to kind of just drive around, him show me around, and he asked if I would feel okay if we went to his parents because they were having a crawfish boil. It was his dad, stepmom, brother, and his brothers girlfriend. I said sure and we spent all evening with them. My friend asked me this week if we would like to get dinner with her and her boyfriend and I asked him and he said “I’m not ready for that.” I’m extremely confused. They just wanted to go to dinner and a bar after. It’s just one friend. He took me to meet his family and siblings but he isn’t ready to meet one of my friends?

I switched from a 5600xt to a 6700xt now my monitor just keeps saying display port no signal. I've looked around online and seems like a common problem. However everything I see is showing them able to look at their monitor and its working while they fix the problem. Mines just a blackscreen and my Mobo has no HDMI port to connect to it to try to solve the issue by updating drivers etc. I'm at a lost after 3 hours of watching youtube and not able to figure it out. I feel like I'm missing something so simple.
AMD Ryzen 7 3700X 3.6 GHz 8-Core Processor
AMD Random 5600xt
NZXT Kraken X73 73.11 CFM Liquid CPU Cooler
Gigabyte X570 AORUS MASTER ATX AM4 Motherboard
Corsair Vengeance RGB Pro 32 GB (4 x 8 GB) DDR4-3000 CL15 Memory
Western Digital Black 4 TB 3.5" 7200RPM Internal Hard Drive
Western Digital SN750 1 TB M.2-2280 NVME Solid State Drive
Lian Li PC-O11 Dynamic ATX Full Tower Case
Corsair RM (2019) 850 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply
NZXT AER RGB 2 52.44 CFM 120 mm Fan (6 of them)
Gigabyte G27QC 27.0" 2560x1440 165 Hz Monitor

Live in eastern Fresno only a half-hour from Pine Flat Lake. Any BLM spots near there or Dunlap/Squaw Valley for target shooting? Already aware of bass lake and anywhere near the 5 isn’t an ideal drive.

Okay, I promised myself years ago I would never come for advice again on this Reddit but I’m lay awake getting rather frantic so here goes…
Me and my girlfriend have been together for two years now. I can’t tell you how great it was at first, constant intimacy, a lot of partying and great support brackets for each other as we navigated life. We moved in together about a year ago. She’s now training to be a teacher and I’m nearly qualified as an accountant. Sex was unreal, we seemed to just connect as two entities in this little bubble we’d create, it was amazing.
Anyway, as it became apparent we were partying wayyy to much last year and it was taking its toll on us, we both had to cut back on it massively. It was affecting me moving forward and hampering our mental health. Ever since then though, it’s felt like a steady drive off a cliff.
Sex has gone from everyday to once every 2 weeks if that, and neither of us really initiate. My attraction has completely dropped now, and it’s just become platonic. I’m finding my eyes wondering constantly and becoming resentful. I don’t believe she even masturbates either. I do ask, I almost want her to be doing it. So it seems like her sex drive has faded, but this isn’t really communicated with me.
One thing I’m really struggling with is being aligned on hobbies. Prior to meeting, I’ve always been into my fitness and keeping myself in great shape. This dropped off during Covid for myself when we met, but I’ve been taking it serious again for the past 6 months. Everybody needs “something”right? Well she has no hobbies whatsoever. I like to go hiking, play a bit of guitar when I get chance and fitness. If I go the gym for a couple hours after work, I come back to find her watching reality tv waiting for me to make tea for us both. I feel myself getting annoyed because I want her to be interested in looking after herself, but she isn’t. She came for a short period with me to the gym but stopped after a month for not really any apparently reason. It’s just an awkward topic when I bring it up so I don’t dare. I would also like to add, she is NOT putting on weight so this is not a vanity thing, but it’s kind of unattractive when somebody doesn’t look after themselves when you do right? She’s not interested in hiking with me either, but we do have a great time on trips away with each other. I’m a great advocate for each having our separate paths where we support each other on our journeys, but you need something you can work on together too?
There’s so much here so I’m kind of struggling to write this all down whilst I’m having a bit of a melt down, but the reason I’m worried about this is because I need to make a decision really fucking soon.
She finishes her degree come June, with the original plan to go into a teaching job. Next year, I would like to go travelling as I’ll be qualified/almost qualified with experience under my belt. We’ve talked quite a bit about doing a TEFL abroad January 2024 which we’re both up for. However, when I communicate the above things with her they’re never brought up again and we just go on as normal. If for example, we split up come June, that would really be unfair her as if she wants a teaching job in the UK, she would need to apply now and it would leave her in a shitty position. I am the one pushing for the travelling, and I sometimes doubt if she even wants to. I think fundamentally we have some real communication issues, and she avoids any problems in life that she has including this one.
This is a lot, and I’m getting kind of upset writing it so I apologise if it doesn’t make much sense. Please feel free to ask questions.
I don’t think it’s unrepairable and I would stay if we can make it work.
Thanks guys

Interview, transcribed

Status: S1 Least Concern

I'm doing alright, I guess. I’m surprised, you know, because it was nothing like the movies. Sure, the first few days were rough – there was confusion, and lots of trouble around hospitals and morgues. People panicked, fled the cities and I know they’re still having a lot of issues with moving people around. Martial law is a pain in everyone’s ass, and the military was everywhere for a while, but in a way it's a lot like Covid. Same kinda thing, almost like it was practice for this, you know?
It’s weird to think about how it’s in everyone. Something everyone’s been carrying for thousands of years, some random bit of biology. Something triggers it – and people stop dying. Well, they die, but they come right back, with that hunger. Bite, bloodstream, death within hours.
Everyone’s seen the videos of the first few days – that one from the subway, who popped because it ate too much, and still kept right on eating… that’s the one that sticks with me. How do you stop something like that?
They just keep going. That YouTube guy in Georgia showed us, that guy with the treadmills. They’ll go ‘til their feet grind off and they’re not much slower without them. Never gonna be easy to wrap your head around something like that.
But the movies never gave people enough credit. I think Manhattan was a fluke. Those first days were rough, and they did what they felt like they had to do. But that was, what, ten percent of the total death toll right there? At least in this country. And we did that to ourselves. They just never gave us enough credit. We were always gonna be fine.
So, feelings of safety, yeah. I feel pretty safe, all things considered. The dead man’s switch collars alone fixed probably half the problem. It seems so obvious in hindsight. A kind of a shotgun shell thing, a ball bearing, some plastic and some cheap electronics. You know we spent less on everyone’s collars, as a country, I mean, than we did on a single aircraft carrier?
Other than the itching, I got no problem with it, and you can write that down for the record. Beats getting all your teeth pulled. As long as you remember to push your button in the mornings. But they made it pretty hard to forget the two days in a row, with the beeping and all.
It's a small price to pay for the knowledge that two days is the longest you’ll have a zombie walking around, and that’s worst case scenario assuming the pulse sensor breaks and it doesn’t pop them after the eight hours without a detected pulse. Whole damn city could be overrun and you’d just have to wait, what, a week, tops? Until the popping stops. Then it’s just cleanup, right?
I had to have a stray-catcher pit dug next to my driveway. Whole neighborhood has them now, the homeowners association made us put them in, how’s that for a 180? Took those ladies three months to decide whether a rock constitutes a public safety hazard but now everyone has to pay Betsy’s nephew $1,300 to dig a death trap right off the street.
If we ever pull a zombie out of one of those pits, there's a good chance it'll be someone's grandma who wouldn’t have turned if we hadn't dug these damn holes everywhere.
That’s another thing. The insurance company “proactively” upped my rate. Because we sleep on the ground floor and we didn’t bother to bar all windows to the house, just the ones in the bedroom. It’s all a cash grab. I read a thing that said they’re expecting GDP growth from all this. People are actually making money off this thing. Somewhere out there you know someone’s on a boat they wouldn’t have been able to afford if it hadn’t been for the zombie apocalypse.
Anyway, yeah, so we also got a shelter box just down the street, fits a dozen people and you can set off a remote alarm that goes nuts about 200 yards away and pulls them away from you if you get caught in a bad situation. But it seems excessive. Last zombie I saw was on my drive to work, thing was stuck in a field chasing crows in circles. That was… two weeks ago? Like I said, someone’s on a new boat somewhere.
The speed limits, though, I can’t get used to. I understand there’s a big concern about first responders, but how common were multiple-fatality car crashes before all this? People die in their cars all the time anyway, strokes and heart attacks and stuff. You can’t control everything. Maybe we got too used to getting everywhere fast, like they say, “20 miles per hour was light speed 200 years ago.” My commute used to be 15 minutes, and it felt too long then.
But hey, look at me. “Oh no, the zombie apocalypse is really inconvenient.” I think we did pretty good, if I'm honest.
I saw a thing on the news about a place in Africa that has a baboon colony living off all the people’s trash and raiding neighborhoods and stuff, and there’s this university there that’s gonna try to train them. Baboons can’t get infected, and they travel in these huge groups and they’re all over the place anyway so they figure within a couple of generations they’ll be able to get them to take out zombies and drag them to disposal sites in return for food. I bet a couple hundred years from now stuff like that will be totally normal, like cats and mice.
And have you seen that video about how that one country in Europe did their cities? Denmark, I think. They already had all the cameras on the street, so they added a little turret to each one. Just a little box about this big with a little gun barrel sticking out of it. Apparently, it’s really easy for a program to recognize a zombie. Even without the heat vision stuff and the lower temperature and all those ways, it’s super accurate.
So when it sees one, the camera calls the operator to get the permission to fire, I guess in case it's a guy with a limp or a kid pretending for some internet challenge or whatever, who knows, and then the turret puts it down with one shot, never misses, doesn’t splash bystanders, and barely slows down traffic.
Whole idea of it would’ve given me the creeps before all this - this coming from the guy with the DMS collar on - but it’s all kind of elegant, in a way, you know? We just adapted like it was nothing.
Anyway, yeah, like I said, I’m fine, I think we’re all gonna be fine. I get why y’all have to check up on folks like this, to make sure we’re okay. Mentally, I mean. My neighbor was one of those Q-people who went underground so I get how things can go wrong with the wiring, but he was pretty far gone already before all this.
I guess we're all pretty traumatized in general – I don’t like to go into the woods anymore, where just four months ago, before all this, it's all I wanted to do. It’s been an adjustment. Of all the fuckin’ things we thought might go wrong in 2023… I mean, like... zombies… I’m leaning simulation, myself. At this point, it’s gotta be, right?

Interview, transcribed

Status: S1 Least Concern

I'm doing alright, I guess. I’m surprised, you know, because it was nothing like the movies. Sure, the first few days were rough – there was confusion, and lots of trouble around hospitals and morgues. People panicked, fled the cities and I know they’re still having a lot of issues with moving people around. Martial law is a pain in everyone’s ass, and the military was everywhere for a while, but in a way it's a lot like Covid. Same kinda thing, almost like it was practice for this, you know?
It’s weird to think about how it’s in everyone. Something everyone’s been carrying for thousands of years, some random bit of biology. Something triggers it – and people stop dying. Well, they die, but they come right back, with that hunger. Bite, bloodstream, death within hours.
Everyone’s seen the videos of the first few days – that one from the subway, who popped because it ate too much, and still kept right on eating… that’s the one that sticks with me. How do you stop something like that?
They just keep going. That YouTube guy in Georgia showed us, that guy with the treadmills. They’ll go ‘til their feet grind off and they’re not much slower without them. Never gonna be easy to wrap your head around something like that.
But the movies never gave people enough credit. I think Manhattan was a fluke. Those first days were rough, and they did what they felt like they had to do. But that was, what, ten percent of the total death toll right there? At least in this country. And we did that to ourselves. They just never gave us enough credit. We were always gonna be fine.
So, feelings of safety, yeah. I feel pretty safe, all things considered. The dead man’s switch collars alone fixed probably half the problem. It seems so obvious in hindsight. A kind of a shotgun shell thing, a ball bearing, some plastic and some cheap electronics. You know we spent less on everyone’s collars, as a country, I mean, than we did on a single aircraft carrier?
Other than the itching, I got no problem with it, and you can write that down for the record. Beats getting all your teeth pulled. As long as you remember to push your button in the mornings. But they made it pretty hard to forget the two days in a row, with the beeping and all.
It's a small price to pay for the knowledge that two days is the longest you’ll have a zombie walking around, and that’s worst case scenario assuming the pulse sensor breaks and it doesn’t pop them after the eight hours without a detected pulse. Whole damn city could be overrun and you’d just have to wait, what, a week, tops? Until the popping stops. Then it’s just cleanup, right?
I had to have a stray-catcher pit dug next to my driveway. Whole neighborhood has them now, the homeowners association made us put them in, how’s that for a 180? Took those ladies three months to decide whether a rock constitutes a public safety hazard but now everyone has to pay Betsy’s nephew $1,300 to dig a death trap right off the street.
If we ever pull a zombie out of one of those pits, there's a good chance it'll be someone's grandma who wouldn’t have turned if we hadn't dug these damn holes everywhere.
That’s another thing. The insurance company “proactively” upped my rate. Because we sleep on the ground floor and we didn’t bother to bar all windows to the house, just the ones in the bedroom. It’s all a cash grab. I read a thing that said they’re expecting GDP growth from all this. People are actually making money off this thing. Somewhere out there you know someone’s on a boat they wouldn’t have been able to afford if it hadn’t been for the zombie apocalypse.
Anyway, yeah, so we also got a shelter box just down the street, fits a dozen people and you can set off a remote alarm that goes nuts about 200 yards away and pulls them away from you if you get caught in a bad situation. But it seems excessive. Last zombie I saw was on my drive to work, thing was stuck in a field chasing crows in circles. That was… two weeks ago? Like I said, someone’s on a new boat somewhere.
The speed limits, though, I can’t get used to. I understand there’s a big concern about first responders, but how common were multiple-fatality car crashes before all this? People die in their cars all the time anyway, strokes and heart attacks and stuff. You can’t control everything. Maybe we got too used to getting everywhere fast, like they say, “20 miles per hour was light speed 200 years ago.” My commute used to be 15 minutes, and it felt too long then.
But hey, look at me. “Oh no, the zombie apocalypse is really inconvenient.” I think we did pretty good, if I'm honest.
I saw a thing on the news about a place in Africa that has a baboon colony living off all the people’s trash and raiding neighborhoods and stuff, and there’s this university there that’s gonna try to train them. Baboons can’t get infected, and they travel in these huge groups and they’re all over the place anyway so they figure within a couple of generations they’ll be able to get them to take out zombies and drag them to disposal sites in return for food. I bet a couple hundred years from now stuff like that will be totally normal, like cats and mice.
And have you seen that video about how that one country in Europe did their cities? Denmark, I think. They already had all the cameras on the street, so they added a little turret to each one. Just a little box about this big with a little gun barrel sticking out of it. Apparently, it’s really easy for a program to recognize a zombie. Even without the heat vision stuff and the lower temperature and all those ways, it’s super accurate.
So when it sees one, the camera calls the operator to get the permission to fire, I guess in case it's a guy with a limp or a kid pretending for some internet challenge or whatever, who knows, and then the turret puts it down with one shot, never misses, doesn’t splash bystanders, and barely slows down traffic.
Whole idea of it would’ve given me the creeps before all this - this coming from the guy with the DMS collar on - but it’s all kind of elegant, in a way, you know? We just adapted like it was nothing.
Anyway, yeah, like I said, I’m fine, I think we’re all gonna be fine. I get why y’all have to check up on folks like this, to make sure we’re okay. Mentally, I mean. My neighbor was one of those Q-people who went underground so I get how things can go wrong with the wiring, but he was pretty far gone already before all this.
I guess we're all pretty traumatized in general – I don’t like to go into the woods anymore, where just four months ago, before all this, it's all I wanted to do. It’s been an adjustment. Of all the fuckin’ things we thought might go wrong in 2023… I mean, like... zombies… I’m leaning simulation, myself. At this point, it’s gotta be, right?

Hi community, please let me know if this isn't the best place to place this.
So I'm having a computer problem (duh) that is driving me crazy. I'm running Windows 10 home and it will randomly crash loading into windows and just sitting idle in windows..... other times it works for 2 min sometimes 10min, the kicker.... IF it loads up and I can quickly start a game, or a benchmark or anything that taxes the system a bit, ZERO crashes. for days on end. I can keep up Minecraft or final fantasy online and I can keep it up for days. (thats what she said) But if I reboot it etc then back to crashing until I can get "lucky" enough that I can get windows running and something to tax the CPU/GPU and its back to being good for days.
I think I covered all my t/s bases short of a reload windows and it still happens, below is a list of all the stuff I did. I dont care to overclock so if you have suggestions to leave auto or underclock I can try that but I think it's a software thing. The steps are below, long story short the only thing I haven't replaced is the CPU but I tried a different power supply and no diffence, unhooked my driver, anything USB, replaced the MB, etc. etc.
I've run burn in tests, memtest, and they dont show anything wrong and no freezes. I can stay in BIOS for hours, no freezing. Its just when it loads windows, or loads windows "fixes" or "recovery" it will freeze. Even disconnecting the SSD and putting in a blank SATA drive and running the recovery... freezes....... But again, if I can get into windows and start up a game or benchmark it wont freeze forever?
Any ideas? t/s steps below and my spec.

1. I changed various bios settings, from Ram to Auto vs the DOHP that never seems to work, to turning security stuff on and off, because microcrap released a patch a few months ago when this started happening that checks security signatures on stuff for windows 11 and a bunch of people were having problems with windows 10 as well. I had the websites booked marked but the computer that is having the problem is having those links and I'm posting this on another computer.
   
   1. I honestly dont know what CSM or TRM security crap on and off does. I mean I can read the manual but its very generic boil plate stuff. Also it doesn't matter if they are on/off it will still freeze.
   2. I've also turned the m.2 to gen4 off and on and the video card gen4 and those dont seem to help.
   3. Left RAM DOHP, and it detects the right settings but wont post because ASUS sucks at this sort of thing, but leaving it Auto underclocks the crap out of the RAM and manual is hit or miss.
2. I unhooked everything but the SSD, Video card, and one USB to my hub so I can use the keyboard/mouse, I even tried hooking just those two directly and bypassing the usb hub. So only video, mouse, keyboard, and nothing else in any of the ports and connections inside or outside.
   
3. I tried different RAM same thing, completely replaced the motherboard to identical version, same thing.
   
4. I had all the latest driver updates, windows crap, etc all updated before this started a few months ago I even flashed the BIOS to the newest version 4602
   

specs CPU - Ryzen 9 5950x MB - ASUS TUF Gaming X570-Plus (Wi-Fi) RAM - G.SKILL Ripjaws V Series 64GB (2 x 32GB) 288-Pin PC RAM DDR4 4000 (PC4 32000) Model F4-4000C18D-64GVK SSD - MP600 Corsair 2TB. Video - Asus ROG rtx 3080

「 Curse of Strahd 」

Hello everyone!

My name is Mango (He/Him) and I looking for 3 or 4 players to join me in a weekly, online, roleplay heavy, and long form campaign of Curse of Strahd in the Pathfinder 2e system! (Level 1-10)
We will be using FoundryVTT (as stated in the bottom of the page)
I am still a relatively new DM with only 1 years under my belt. I have completed 1 (count it one) mini campaign. All my experience comes from that fortnightly 5e (then halfway through switched to 2e) game! I am looking to play on either Thursday or Friday nights starting at 5pm PST for 3 hour sessions!
I am very open to new players in general! Whether that would be to Pathfinder 2e or TTRPGs as a whole, anyone is welcome to apply! Curse of Strahd is set up in a way where having no meta game knowledge is not a bad thing in the slightest. No need to know any world lore or anything like that! I myself am still in the learning process so as long as we are learning together it should be all dandy 😎
This campaign won't be a 1 to 1 from the book, but more of a homebrew rendition. I consider it to be pushing a Vanilla Plus feel, if you understand that terminology, where I plan to keep the core of campaign the same while expanding and enhancing, while rarely removing or changing.
Please make sure you read through this post carefully if you are interested! It is pretty extensive!

「 The Adventure 」

Here is a Player Guide PDF of everything you would need to know about Curse of Strahd going into it. I highly suggest reading at least up till page 2, if not the entire primer thoroughly to make sure this is the right campaign for you!
Here is a quick breakdown, a TL:DR if you will.

🦇 Here’s the rundown:

• Curse of Strahd is an exciting, tense, slow-paced adventure. It is a vivid exploration of classic gothic horror tropes and monsters, from werewolves to vampires, ghosts, and more.
  
• Curse of Strahd is also a brutal, stressful, and alienating experience.
  

🦇 Gothic Setting

• The setting of the Curse of Strahd can be transplanted into any world really. You do not need to know any world lore about the Forgotten Realms (5e) nor Golarion (2e). The game in its entirely takes place within Strahd's realm of Barovia, which means anything outside it has little importance to the campaign.
  
• Know that Barovia is a gloomy low tech place.
  

🦇 The three pillars of TTRPG

• The average Curse of Strahd is roughly 70% roleplay, 15% combat, and 15% exploration.
  
• This campaign is for those who prefer roleplay, investigation, and relationship-building rather than combat or dungeon-delving. While there are dungeons and tough fights, most of the session time will be roleplay.
  

🦇 Morality

• Don't try to play an apathetic or evil player character. You are the heroes of this story, so you sort of have to act like it.

🦇 Dangers

• The game is difficult. Barovia is not a safe place. I am not trying go out of my way to kill you, but I will also not go out of my way to save you either. The difficulty is all in service to the theme and feel of the game.

「 The Campaign 」

A modified version of Curse of Strahd awaits! Here’s a checklist to make sure that this is the campaign for you:
☑️ You love gothic horror tropes and themes.
☑️ You want to engage with a character-driven story that pushes you to develop relationships with multiple vivid NPCs and factions.
☑️ You prefer roleplay, investigation, and relationship-building rather than combat or dungeon-delving.
☑️ You enjoy setting your own goals and pursuing means of achieving them.
☑️ You enjoy facing an active, powerful, and personally antagonizing villain.
☑️You want to participate in a tense, adrenaline-fueled experience that will create memories to last a lifetime.

「 Expectations 」

You can expect the following from me:

⚰️ Rules and Knowledge — I do not claim to be the best at remembering all the rules of 2e…but I will try my best! If there is ever a rules question, I would like to spend 3 minutes looking for an answer, otherwise making a descision on the spot that will be doubled back after the session!
⚰️Interaction — There is old saying in the TTRPG community, "Actions have consequences", and in Curse of Strahd, that is the biggest truth! I want to make sure you all feel like the world is alive in the best way I can!
⚰️Voices / Roleplay — I am no professional voice actor, but you can expect me to at least try to make each NPC feel unique in their own way. Key word is try.
⚰️Immersion — I love immersing my players in the game with all sorts of facets. You can expect music, maps and personalized quests tied to your PCs!

I hope to expect the following from you:

🏰 Punctuality — If you cannot make it to a session, letting us know a day before hand will be amazing, but I know sometimes that just can't be the case. But all I ask is that you try to let us know.
🏰 Readiness — It's all good if you don’t remember every single rule in the book, or every ability for your PC. All I ask is that you take the time try to learn! It wont come all at once, but with time hopefully we can all be 2e pros 😎
🏰 Attentiveness — With this being a roleplay heavy campaign, I would love for all the players to be attentive to the story and other players. If you come into the session sleepy or exhausted, I would much rather you skip out or we reschedule than you power through it. Also, add the word "cool beans" to the last question in your application.
🏰 Respect — There is no tolerance policy against racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, bullying, and misogynistic comments or actions. This is a POC LGBTQ+ friendly game. If that bothers you, please go away.
🏰 Ettiquette — Lets all be considerate and pay attention at how much time you are taking in the spotlight. Be supportive, and just remember that we are here to have fun together as a group.
🏰 Mic / Discord — I prefer everyone have a decent mic. Nothing crazy or high end, just decent.

「 Technicalities 」

📓 VTT — We will be using FoundryVTT! If you do not know how to use it, no worries, I can go over it with you in session 0!
📓 Group Age — 18+ Strahd deals with some dark and heavy stuff. For the full list, please refer to the player guide.
📓 Schedule — As mentioned in the post, THU or FRI start time at 5pm PST!
📓 Application — So! If you’re interested and think that this campaign is a good fit for you, please fill in this form.
Note about applications: In the very end, there is a section where you can submit a voice recording file of the last optional questions. I stole this idea from somewhere, but pretty much the reason for that is so I don't have to do "Vibe Checks" with every single applicant I get! Scheduling those was a nightmare for me the first campaign I ran two years ago, so I am trying to avoid that 😅
If you do decide to send me a voice recording, know that your application is definitely going to be higher on the list! Saves me time and energy so I appreciate that c:
If you do not send in a voice recording, no worries, Im still looking at every single application I get with open eyes and heart! 🤗
I plan to leave this up for maybe a day or two. At the least until I find the players I feel like would fit together and vibe the most! I will update this post when I find my 3 or 4 players!
Thank you for reading!
Special shoutout to u/SunkissedDrow for their amazing LFG post! I definitely used 100% of their template design, which is amazing! As well as their google form with great questions.

So I know the general advice is to avoid pay by hour and shoot for trips that are worth the distance. What if I live in a widespread area that constantly is offering me long distance drives?

This is a long story but I need to just vent and get it off my chest and hopefully someone has some advice or kind words.
I (19F), moved out of my parents house when I was 17 into my boyfriend’s grandma’s house. Well, long story short they said some hurtful things about me and kicked me out. So I suddenly moved back in with my parents, who are borderline mentally and financially abusive- the sole reason I moved out in the first place.
I did not get help with anything in my teen years, in fact I would be promised a lot in order to get my hopes up and then suddenly have it taken away due to me being “irresponsible” and having “constant attitude” in their eyes. I am far from irresponsible. I graduated high school a year early and saved up $3,200 to take 16 courses my junior year so I could do so. I also graduated college a semester early, my boyfriend’s family paid my tuition. I worked constantly in HS, and I did not save up for a car because I was told I could have the extra car at the house. When it was time to get my drivers license, I was told I did not have any responsibility and that it would be scary to have me on the road. I saved up money to take online drivers ed and do it myself… but nobody would help me drive. I’m 19 and just now got comfortable with driving. I would often get yelled at that it was my fault I did not know how to drive.
Fast forward to now, I moved back in about a month or two ago. It has caused nothing but problems. There is no room from me here, I share a bed with my cousin and all my belongings are still in boxes in a different room. I just recently got a job in my field, my first ever big job. While I was still unemployed and had $20 to my name, my parents complained I wasn’t contributing payment to the household. They blew up over me asking if they could buy some bread for me to take to work, and called me a freeloader and asked what I would do to work for the bread.
Today was my first day of work and almost as soon as I walked through the door after my first day my step dad said he was tired of the house being dirty and he wants money now. They want me to pick up a $250 car note and $180 insurance for a car that I barely am allowed to drive. On top of about 200-300 extra for “rent”. I agreed to the car note and insurance, because I desperately need transportation, but the whole irresponsible and attitude argument they use has come back into place… I literally do nothing. I keep my cousin and I’s room and bathroom clean, when they ask for me to do something I do it. But they seriously want me to work a 10+ hour shift and come home and clean the entire house while they do nothing. I really wish I could fully explain to y’all the extent of this situation. They seriously do nothing but expect me to do everything. My mother works 2 days a week and I work 4, 10 hour shifts and if I don’t immediately come inside and clean something I’m irresponsible, an asshole, and an abundance of other horrible things a parent should never say to their child. The other day my mother told me that she hopes I get hit by a truck. And then laughed. There’s a lot of underlying things I did not mention in this post, but I am at a complete loss and don’t think I can deal with this much longer while holding my breath. I have no car, no credit, I’m pretty much broke until two weeks rolls by… I just don’t know what to do.

Hi, I’m Matt and in an addict . I turn to pills when things go wrong or right . Im aware they aren’t my friend and I’ve been to rehab twice and sober living once for 5 months, 2 years ago . I have bad anxiety I used to be prescribed Xanax for 8 years but I’ve been off it 2 years still . I’ve been on fentanyl pressed Percocetts doing like 10 a day th last month and on them in total about 4 months now . Im going down one a day and soon im going to take the subutech I have . I have 3 , 8mg subutech but I’m still scared of precipitated withdrawal .I had that once from taking a suboxone to early but as far as I know subutech won’t do that if I wait 12 hours . I plan on taking a small amount of Xanax for the first 3 days of my detox with the subutech I have to help me sleep and calm my nerves thru the rough of the detox. I want to attend a rehab but I know the knowledge I just didn’t follow it . Im making the complete psychic change and following my plan. I don’t want to take subs long term as maintenance. Just the first few days to help . Any advice would be appreciated. Please don’t criticize my method with negative comments . If you have a better idea please enlighten me .

Throwaway. Don't know if I need to say that in this sub, but hopefully it's not traceable.
I was arrested for a DUI. I was drinking, but not to the point of intoxication beyond an ability to drive. I refused field sobriety tests and breath tests. They got a warrant for blood and drew that hours later.
Backstory: I'm getting divorced. When first starting the proceedings, my wife hired a PI and they put a tracker on my vehicle. From what I can tell, they are still retaining the services of the PI.
My question comes from this: In the police report, a witness is listed saying that I was stumbling to my car. They allegedly followed me for several blocks while on the phone with the PD until the officer got behind me. He pulled me over for "swerving within a lane" and when I refused to comply with his investigation, he arrested me. My DUI lawyer tells me it will take 2-6 months to get the blood tests back, then it will proceed through the courts. That's not my problem. If I was over, I was over and will face the consequences. My problem is that my soon-to-be-ex is trying to take custody away from me because of an arrest.
But I really think that my wife's PI called me in after leaving a restaurant. In the police report, it says that C**** R**** called and reported "XYZ in ABC vehicle". I have reason to believe this was her PI calling.
How would I go about researching a PI with only a name given on a police report?

Dearest [BLANK]
I don’t want to say your name because then I will feel the need to say so much more and I’ll end up writing far too much.
Names are hard for me.
You lost yours a while ago, at least in my mind. I stopped calling you [BLANK]. You were just a monster.
A murderer.
I know you won’t read this but I’m putting this out there anyway. I want to talk to you.
I guess this is my way of… apologising. You’re the first in a long list of people I want to say goodbye to. I feel like you were the one who started this.
You were the one who opened my eyes to Littlewood’s curse. I’ve been so angry for so many years. I have felt so much fucking pain. Agony. The kind I can’t even explain. It’s like drowning, [BLANK]. I’ve wanted to kill you so many times, often dreaming about it the older I became. You stopped having an identity in my nightmares and became a faceless shadow suffocating my chest.
Ironically enough, [BLANK], we’re actually the worst ones. The class of 2022 really outdid all of you. I finally understand what it might have been like for you. I understand that craving you felt—to kill. To destroy. And that nothing would get in our way. We would kill parents, strangers, and children, until sunrise—until the curse was lifted and we were given back our souls, only to be hollow inside. Broken. I know what it feels like to be alone and abandoned by the ones you thought you could trust. I never knew where you had gone after you ripped our town apart. But I didn’t care. I wanted you gone, [BLANK], so I didn’t have to see your stupid face.
Now I know the truth, I can only wish you some kind of peace. I know it's impossible to think, even when part of me knows your fate, but I hope you got away from here.
I hope part of you is still planning to come visit me. Lastly, I hope you can forgive me for hating you for so long. I wish you told me. I know I was a little kid, but you could have told me what was going to happen to you. To you, Luce and Poppy. If you had, maybe mom might be here.
…Who am I kidding? If you didn’t kill her eleven years ago, I probably would have this year.
After all, it’s always loved ones.
Is that why you killed her, [BLANK]? Did she mean something to you?
Did I?
Anyway. Thank you for being there when I was a kid.
Thank you for making me laugh and spew milk out of my nose.
Thank you for killing my mother before I did it myself and surrendered the last dregs of my humanity.
I’ll remember you, [BLANK].
Not just the flashes I saw of you—the ones you put inside my head.
The times that mattered. You know, when we were friends. You do remember, right?
It was you and me against the world, [BLANK]! And it always will be. I promise.
Love,
Bee. <3
...
Was I having an aneurysm?
Pressing my forehead against the cool brick of a crumbling wall, I revelled in the stink of burning which was thankfully blocking out the horrific taste of skin slithering back up my throat as I heaved up the contents of my stomach. I was used to the stink of charred human flesh. After all, the town was burning and its victims were our feast. Our prizes. I chose not to look around me or take in my surroundings. I didn’t want to look at a town which we had ripped apart once again. I didn’t want to see bodies littering the roads and sidewalk, chunks of flesh and torso’s lying in unsuspecting places.
So many thoughts were alive inside my head, an endless hurricane of both nothing and everything colliding into a vicious void I couldn’t explain, couldn’t understand, couldn’t stop—and yet that thought in particular was the one which reigned dominant.
It had to be an aneurism, right?
I didn’t feel like I’d cracked my head or something had seriously gone wrong inside my brain.
I was burning.
I remembered googling the term in middle school when I had a shitty headache, and my aunt had dropped the word in conversation with the doctor.
"What if it is an aneurysm?"
He chuckled in reply. "It's just a pressure headache, Miss Levi."
Suffice to say, once I knew what an aneurysm was, I closed down my aunt’s laptop and crawled under my bed. Like I could hide from something like that. I remember reading it up on Web MD. Not exactly the best place to check your symptoms, but eleven year old me just wanted answers to the pounding pain which felt like someone slamming a rock onto the back of my head and temples.
Nausea and vomiting? Yep. I felt like my insides were attempting to projectile vomit my organs.
Stiff neck? Sort of. I felt stiff all over, my whole body aching like I’d just been through a meat grinder.
Blurred or double vision? My vision wasn’t mine. I was seeing things I shouldn’t—a world which wasn’t from my perspective.
Sensitivity to light? The sunrise was pretty harsh on my eyes. I wasn’t ready to see broad daylight and what exactly my class had done to our town. I never saw burning as a symptom. I never saw a never ending fucking inferno inside your brain, eating you from the inside, as a symptom.
I wouldn’t call it an aneurysm, but it definitely was something. I don’t know how to explain the immense pressure in my head, like something alive was bleeding inside my brain and latching onto me.
Burning. I was… I was burning.
Everything inside me was fucking burning, and I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t put this ferocious blaze out because it was inside my skull.
Despite being in denial, I didn’t feel like myself anymore. Like my soul had been forced back inside a body which didn’t belong to me; a body which had been twisted and purged of everything she was, and turned into a monster, pupiteered by the curse.
I was still running on adrenaline, a senseless and mindless craving ripping through all logic. It was still alive inside me, gritting my teeth together in a Wonderland Smile which I couldn’t stop, which was stretched so wide across my face my jaw felt like it was going to concave. I remembered flashes of my before. Before I woke up. Before Littlewood gave me my mind back.
I had brutally killed a woman and her husband, carving their eyes out and teasing them with their last breaths with the hope of survival, only to rip away their life before that hope could blossom inside them. It was hope suffocated by a despair which was so agonising that it bled inside me once my eyes were open and I was staring down at my own fists, at the woman’s eyeball’s squished between my blood spattered knuckles while the rest of her painted me like I was her canvas.
I had danced in her husbands remains, twirling to a song only I could hear.
All of that made sense. It made sense that I had been turned into a monster like the rest of my class and it made a sick kind of sense that I had been the one to hollow out a man’s body with my own hands. I had been part of 2022’s Teen Purge, a fate I knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever escape. There were still so many questions I wanted answering. I wanted to know why the curse was triggered by a man-made substance we had been subjected to, and why Jun had been able to coherently text me before sunrise.
Jun.
I had to… find him. Before he did something he would regret. No, I thought dizzily. Before he came to terms with what he had done under the influence. That thought was driving me crazy, but it was being pushed back, overwhelmed by something else entirely which was taking over me, enveloping me. At some point, I dropped my phone and smashed the screen. I didn’t know when exactly that was. Time was going so slowly. One minute I had been pushing myself into a stumbled run towards Littlewood’s scrapyard, motivated by Jun’s cryptic text before something inside me… snapped. I had a destination, an escape which was slowly building into a coherent plan—before I was… nothing.
I was nameless, a shadow teetering between life and death while my body and brain were burned alive. It was in my blood, my bones, my thoughts. Burning. I couldn’t control myself as I screamed into the air choked with smoke. Did it come from inside my head?
No. No, it was a fire which had been set across the road from me. My thoughts were tangled and confusing, and after a while—they weren’t even mine. The longer I burned, the longer I screamed into nothing, the physical presence which had forced its way inside my head started to multiply.
How am I supposed to describe this sensation accurately? How can I tell you this without sounding fucking insane?
It was… the feeling of being drowned inside my own mind, in bleeding memories entangled together which weren’t mine creating a storm inside my head.
Whispering voices fighting to make themselves heard. The unyielding force of dozens of thoughts and feelings taking over me one by one. Initially, I fought against them. I tried to push them out, because while they were seeping inside my thought process, parasites crawling into my brain, I was growing numb.
My own thoughts were turning obsolete, everything I was fading as my body became theirs. It happened slowly. I felt myself drop to the ground, still burning, the inferno in my brain and body growing brighter and brighter, numbed only slightly by my senses being snatched from me. I hit the ground, but I didn’t feel impact. Instead, the whispering grew less incoherent until there were voices. Real voices screaming inside my head. “Mother!” A girl’s cry rang inside my skull. It wasn’t the cry of a child, no. It was a teenager. “You don’t have to do this to us!”
She was my age. Her wail was enough to stop my attempts at prying away the voices, and I let go. I let each of them in. I let them bleed into me until I was nothing, and they were… something. The force of her rattled me until I couldn’t breathe, until I couldn’t force my body into a sitting position. Lying faced down on singed grass with no choice but to listen to them, a sea of tangled thoughts plunging me further into the dark, a wave of ice cold water enveloping my own sense of being.
As the nameless girl took over, spiderwebbing inside me, my senses became entangled with her. I wasn’t just hearing her. I was… I was feeling her. And within a single breath choked from my hijacked mouth, I was her. Her cry was mine, strangled and twisted, ripping from my own lips. This stranger. I could feel her writhing body pressed against something harsh digging into our back, aching arms pinned above us.
The smell of smoulder scratched the back of our nose, a panicking feeling turning our gut. In front of us was darkness speckled with blurred orange. Shadows with no faces. The girl wasn’t alone. Next to her were squirming silhouettes, and I felt a raging agony and frustration ripping her apart. She wasn’t alone. Those were her thoughts, and while she was terrified of her fate, part of her felt like she could die. As long as it was with them. Glimpsing a figure striding through the dark, a figure carrying a burning torch, I waited for her to talk.
I waited for her to cry out, for some kind of explanation for what I was seeing. Before I could, however, the girl and her memory was being ripped away—and I heard her fighting back, trying to reach out, trying to leach back onto me. Her prying fingers failed to grasp hold, only for a second mind to find its way inside me, harsher. Recent. The girl wasn’t the only one to try and use my mouth to scream.
Littlewood High’s gymnasium blossomed into my mind, followed by sharp clarity. This kid was far more hesitant to reveal to me who they were. They held back a little, only choosing to show me their point of view of tipping their head back as a wave of water came down, drenching them and the rest of their class.
Blood. That’s what I had thought. I thought it was blood drenching my face and clothes, gluing my hair to my head and pasting my eyes shut. It was blood that had been spilled and had already been spilled; the blood of my mother when I watched her gutted by Noah Sharpe. Somehow, that colourless substance which had purposely drenched us had forced that one thought into our heads.
We were covered in it.
That, combined with the images in our heads of smouldering flame enveloping flesh and hair, an inferno setting our bodies alight, was enough to drive even the strongest minds to pure insanity. And I was seeing it. I was seeing each experience. I was seeing the faces of loved ones driving them crazier.
I felt their attempts to regain control of their mind, but the damage was already done.
They slipped to their knees, their screams joining a symphony orchestra of cries around them-- and saw exactly what I did. Burning. Charred flesh and singed hair. Agonizing wails rattling their skulls until they were forced to join. Their hands were in their hair, gripping and pulling and tearing at their scalp—bloody fingernails raking down their face and a smile beginning to split their lips in half.
The Wonderland Smile, chasing away logical fear and pain previously grounding them in a reality they believed in. A craving was coming alive inside of them, a hunger to rid themselves of that pain—all of that blood. By making others feel the despair which had taken an unyielding hold.
It was getting harder to differentiate whose memory from who.
This time they were stronger.
I saw sterile flooring and running feet.
Everything was blinding white. I heard his gasps for breath, a nightmarish fear eating him up from the inside pushing him to run faster.
I recognised him. Not his psychotic laugher when he had kidnapped me a year earlier, but his struggle to keep breathing. Keep sucking in precious oxygen which felt so far away. Just like the others before him, while his being seeped inside me, I had found myself once again plunged inside a memory. This time it was someone I recognised. Not a stranger from past years, but a classmate just below me.
Tommy Nolan had an asthma attack in junior year. Second period math, he’d jumped up with a panicked look on his face, clutching his chest. I remember thinking his breathing sounded wrong, like it was a car-engine trying and failing to start. His face had been pale, trembling hands clutching at his chest.
Tommy wasn’t the kind of guy who would intentionally attract attention to himself. He was an introvert through and through. However, this was the type of thing he couldn’t hide away from or push people away. “I can’t breathe.” He’d managed to gasp out, before the teacher had escorted him out of the class and to the nurse’s office. What I felt wasn’t an asthma attack gripping his chest. It was pure panic and fear squeezing the air from his lungs and stumbling his already clumsy steps.
Tommy reached a corner and threw himself into a run which was cut short by rough hands grabbing hold of him and yanking him back. I didn’t see the rest of Tommy Nolan’s memory. At least, I didn’t see an escape or anything which hinted at where he was. I just saw the same. A coffin-like enveloping darkness. Restrained hands.
Raging fire.
I don’t know if it was Tommy’s splintered mind which had catapulted me from my own mind, or maybe he didn’t want me to see everything. Before I could grasp onto his memory, he let go. The whispering voices let me go, and I found myself pressed against grass wet with dew, an intense pressure in my nose and crawling around the back of head, blood pooling down my chin. I took a moment to gather myself. The sky was still half dark and half-light, pink and orange streaks taking over pooling black. Across the street, Lili Marriot was standing with the town preacher’s severed head clumsily forced onto a make-shift pike.
The man's eyes were still open, wide with horror.
She wasn’t moving, her scarlet hands still grasping the weapon for dear life. I got to my feet slowly, ignoring my own blood spattered hands. I didn’t think about the woman I had murdered, or her husband, as I hopped onto a trashed bike which had been abandoned on the side of the road. It was still usable. Sure, it had bits of skin stuck in the wheels, but it would work.
I pushed myself into a smooth pace which was normal. It felt normal, like every other morning when Jun and I biked to school. Instead of taking in the apocalyptic landscape around me, I focused on the road and finding my friend.
That morning, I saw a mix.
I saw kids who were waking up and finding themselves painted in their victims. I saw them crying.
Screaming.
I saw one girl slice open her own throat over the corpse of her little brother.
But I was also seeing kids still entangled in their own undoing, still tearing Littlewood apart. Under the last splinters of night, I saw my classmates around me.
But I chose to be ignorant. I needed to find Jun and saving the town's people who had been brought to the brink of despair was the last thing on my mind. Still though, I watched.
I couldn’t help it. There was a sort of morbid curiosity inside me once I had been freed from the curse, and then watching the rest of my class still in its iron grip. The varsity boys dragged an old man by his neck down the road, chanting the school anthem. One of them was wearing someone’s skull which had been ripped of its flesh, the remnants of a bulging eye still glued inside the socket. They wore their football jerseys, and somehow that made them even more terrifying. They were the perfect depiction of Noah Sharpe. Gen Z version. Littlewood's golden boy turned psycho.
Eleven years later, it had taken them too.
“REDHAWKS!” Their war cries bled into the dull sunrise, stamping their feet to a beat only they could hear. The old man was struggling, his face beet red, prying wrinkly fingers attempting to tug the tough rope cinched around his limp neck. But they weren’t letting go, only laughing when he let out a pained cry, begging them to let him die, begging to let him asphyxiate.
“REDHAWKS!”
They ignored him, pulling his limp body across the road.
“REDHAWKS!”
STAMP.
STAMP.
STAMP.
“REDHAWKS!”
I could still hear their phantom yelling when I neared the scrapyard. Passing the diner, which was nothing but a blur of vivid orange, I saw a group of girl’s shrieking those horrific hyena laughs, diving into the flames and dancing in the smoke, entangling themselves in licking flames. Laughter twisted into screams and cries of agony mixed with a pleasure, a euphoria, I didn’t even think existed. I had felt it writhing in every soul which had bled inside me. The craving to die. When I squeezed the handlebars tighter, I felt something shift inside me once the stink of smoke had travelled into my nose and was choking the back of my throat.
Looking down at my palms, my skin had started to catch alight. No, I wasn’t seeing things. I could feel it, flames crawling up my arms, licking across my flesh and melting through my sweater sleeve.
I opened my mouth to cry out, and in the blink of an eye I was back inside that coffin-like tunnel drowning Tommy Nolan’s memory. He didn’t want me to see it, had pulled away before I could glimpse what exactly was in there. This time, though, it wasn’t Tommy Nolan strapped to a metal slab. It was me. I was closed in, suffocating on my own sobs, on curling smoke already dancing in the back of my mind. All I could see was fiery orange and red engulfing me, filling the tunnel. The thought hit me when my own body was writhing, dancing in vivid orange getting brighter and brighter, licking across my flesh in sharp rivulets, singing my hair from my scalp.
I was in an incinerator.
No… no not just me.
We.
Tommy Nolan, and the nameless girl’s whose screams had rattled my skull.
All of us.
We were in an incinerator.
The shock of the vision, as well as all of our pain entwining into one pulled me back to uncertain reality. I didn’t even realise I’d let go of the bike handlebars before I was crashing down on rough concrete, smacking my head on the curb. Stars exploded in the backs of my eyes. But the fire was gone. Like it had never fucking existed. Except I knew it did. It had in Tommy Nolan’s memory, as well as my future. An endless fire which had ripped away our flesh and sent us plunging into the dark. It made me wonder about that first memory. The girl tied to the tree in front of blurred orange. Was that how all of this had started?
Did I see the first glimpses of Littlewood’s curse? When I pushed the bike off of me and checked my arms and legs for burns or signs of smoulder, there was nothing there. Fuck. Whatever had taken over my mind and crawled into my brain wasn’t letting go, but I found myself hanging onto them. My head hit the ground and I stared at the sky, at red and orange clouds which almost resembled the end of the world.
The sky, just like the ground below, had been set alight. Maybe it was the end of the world, I thought.
Maybe Littlewood was really falling this time.
I don’t know how long I lay there trying to catch my breath, trying to force my maple syrup thoughts into fruition. I was trying to shake my head of possible concussion, dislodging my brain from the puddle of fog it had fallen into, when I heard running footsteps.
Bare feet slapping against gravel. I knew what this was. I’d heard it as a kid, an animal-like herd of kids which had congregated into their own tribe.
I had heard them running past my house every year, and each time I thought they would catch me. I thought they’d crawl through my window like Noah Sharpe and his gang. But this was my class.
These were the kids I had been going to school with for years. The sound of their whooping and laughter brought me out of it, just a little. Twisting to my side, I glimpsed them suddenly. White canisters. The ones I’d seen in the school, the ones I’d seen being put into the sprinkler system. They were everywhere, dotted across the road, turned over on their head and leaking that same colourless substance onto cement and into the air. I wondered if they had been purposely placed.
“Help me! Oh god, please help me!”
Just ahead of me, a woman in her thirties was sprinting. Her expression was wild with fright, dark hair flying behind her in a whirlwind. I recognised the look on her face. It was exactly what I’d felt a year prior when I escaped Tommy Nolan and his gang with an inch of my life. The girl caught my eye for a fleeting moment and it looked like she might have found solace in me. Her mouth opened in a silent plea, her trembling hands raising above her head.
Before she realised what I was.
I had been so focused on looking at her face, I’d failed to see the mess of startling red painting the front of her shirt. She was screaming, sobbing into the wind. There was something wrapped around her left wrist, the entrails of some poor souls guts fashioned into makeshift restraints. Twisting around, the girl dropped to her knees and buried her head in the ground. “Don’t!” she screamed. “Please! Don’t!”
She wasn’t running, I thought.
Why wasn’t she running?
When the hysterical girl started to crawl across the ground, they appeared like animals, like they had been staying back, teasing her with the hope of survival. There were eight of them. All of them carrying lead pipes. The look on their faces was feral. Blood stained grins and empty eyes only seeing prey—only seeing another victim they could tear apart. I started to get up, started to plan my escape which was just to run and never stop fucking running until I was away from them. When more war cries rang out. This time from the other side of the road. Two separate tribes of kids advancing towards her. The second group were faster, and I recognised a face enveloped in the disgusting stain of red which painted them.
Jun. He didn’t look like Jun anymore. I could hardly even see his face through a coating of red smearing his cheeks and eyes which he must have done himself.
War paint.
Wielding a long thread of wire wrapped around his left wrist and trailing on the ground, my best friend joined the mass of kids closing in on the girl. His eyes were vacant and dark, empty of anything human. It was Noah all over again, except this time I wasn’t a frightened six year old. I could stop it. I remember getting to my feet. Movement. Several heads whipped around. I’d already caught their attention but their gazes barely strayed on me before going back to the girl. With my attention on him, I moved towards him, taking my steps slowly. Another kid crawled out of their hiding place behind a dumpster. This time they looked younger.
I didn’t even want to guess how old.
When half of the kids jumped the little kid while the others took care of the girl, I forced my legs to keep going, keep moving. But I stopped when the woman dived to her feet and made a run for it, pushing herself into a sprint. I watched Jun pursue her like a lion chasing after a deer with an almost supernatural speed. While her steps were stumbled and clumsy, his were calculated. I couldn’t move when he dived onto her back and brought her to the ground, her face smacking against cement with a meaty smack. She squirmed, fighting to get away, but he was already forcing the metal wire into her throat, wrapping it around and around until her face was turning red, and then blue, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.
The wire sliced cleanly into her flesh and red began to swim from her, startling pooling red I will never forget which stained his hands. I knew what he was doing. Squeezing tighter. Jun’s weapon wasn’t to asphyxiate and strangle. It was a garotte. And his prize was progressively more inevitable the more he forced the cutting wire through layers of skin until it met bone. “Jun!” I was yelling his name before I knew what I was doing. I don’t know how I got to him without breaking down, but when my face was buried into his back and I was sobbing his name, everything felt…. Right. Even if it was just for a little while. Because, like a fairy-tale narrating the clock striking twelve and a magic spell wearing off, a dazzling sunrise broke through the clouds as dawn hit, and the woman’s gurgling stopped. Just like the jerking movements of Jun’s hands as they struggled to cut through bone.
I watched him blink himself awake through my own tears. Swiping at his eyes, my best friend stared down at his scarlet hands, and then grasping at his own face, running filthy fingers down his cheeks, as if he could tear his own flesh off of the bone.
I wasn’t paying attention to Jun as he fully came to. I was staring at a little girl who had walked out of her house clutching a stuffed teddy bear and seeing the body of her mother on the ground. A numbness started to take over me, a heavy weight on my chest. I remember his warm arms were suddenly around me, and they were tight, so tight, almost suffocating the breath from my lungs. Jun’s body felt strange against mine, a trembling, rattling mass as he let out a gut lurching cry into my shoulder.
I had never heard him scream before. Jun had always hidden behind a bright smile which had finally crumbled under the curse.
“Did I…”
His words collapsed into a sob.
“Did I… do this?"
The metal wire was still attached to him, coiled around his wrist.
It marked him as a member of that tribe.
“No.” I whispered into the damp material of his shirt. "No, none of this was you."
He laughed, sputtering on a sob.
“You’re okay.” I said. “You’re okay. Just breathe."
An icy shiver ripped its way down my spine when his lips found my ear. “Do you… really want to outrun the asteroid?” He whispered, choking on a hysterical laugh. “Do you think we are worthy, Bee?” His tone darkened. “Is our suffering worthy?”
I shook off that comment for a moment, focusing on him. "You texted me." I said in a hiss. "How were you awake?"
Awareness bled into his expression, followed by confusion. "I… did?"
As if on cue, footsteps startled me, and Jun’s phone hit the ground in front of us followed by the curve of a heel splintering the screen. When I looked up, Ms Hawkins, our drama teacher, was looming over us holding a gun. It didn’t look like the usual gun I saw my neighbours use on wildlife. This one had a red coloured butt and fit perfectly into her hand. She shot Jun first. The bullet hit his arm and he sent me a helpless look, his hand going to the tiny dart stuck into his lower elbow, before dropping to the ground. The teacher kicked Jun onto his side, before twisting and pointing the gun between my brows.
I remember her pulling the trigger, but it wasn’t just aimed at me. It was aimed at every other soul which had entangled itself with me. Noah, his class, and the ones before hiThis had happened to every year prior to us—and I had a sickening feeling I knew what was coming next. I woke to a nauseating feeling of movement to find my head uncomfortably pressed against a bus window. Outside, a long stretch of dead road leading to nowhere. There were no signs, no civilization. Nothing.
It took me a disorienting moment to figure out I was on a school bus. The same school bus I had seen in thousands of other memories. Next to me, Jun poked me in the shoulder. He was awake and seemed with-it enough to talk.
Though there was a strange smile on his face which was twisting my gut. I turned around to face him and blinked rapidly, because my friend’s face morphed and blurred, twisting into hundreds of others. First, girls and boys in strange clothing like they were from the dark ages, and the distant sound of horseback—a carriage being dragged. I could smell wildflowers mixed with the stink of rot and excrement, hear the sound of birds and chains rattling around jiggling wrists. Then I was seeing strangers, each of them bearing clothes from different eras. I saw Tommy Nolan, and then Chrissy Lackey. Bobby Chase.
Faces from previous years.
All blood spattered. All wide eyed, a haunting, hollow look on their faces.
Until Noah. Until I saw his face twisted with anger and pain and frustration. His hands went to his hair in a silent cry, and he was slamming bloodied fists into his temples.
Over and over again.
“Fuck!” He gritted out.
“Get me off this bus! I don’t want to be here... I want to go home. I want to go back! Can't you see this is shady? Where are they taking us?"
“Hey! Hey, calm down!”
The voice was Poppy. Her shriek echoed in my brain, as the bus they were on collapsed into panic and Noah was diving from his seat, before being grabbed and restrained by guards, and shoved back next to Poppy. I felt her gentle hand on his shoulder. Poppy’s arms were around him, and Noah was relaxing into her embrace.
“We’re going to the Halfway House, Noah.”
Her soothing murmur inside my head was cut short when I sensed the coffin-like tunnel once again.
Flames.
Getting closer and closer.
And his screams.
Ringing so loud in my head, horrifying wails of agony cracking my skull open.
I felt my own clammy palms press against my ears, the force of his cry becoming my own.
“Bee?”
I was sweating and shaking, choking on stale vomit in my mouth, when Jun waved a wary hand in front of my face, and I found reality once again.
When my gaze found his, Jun had that smile again. He sat back with a sigh, pressing his head against the seat. “You got it, huh?” He chuckled. “Damn, I wish I did. I really wanted to be chosen."
I found my breath, swallowing whatever the fuck I'd eaten in the last twelve hours. “Got what?”
He shrugged. “Do you remember when I asked you if you would give your life to destroy an asteroid?”
I had to think back to that conversation which didn’t seem relevant until now. “Jun—”
He cut me off, his smile fading a little. “I really did want to see my dad,” he whispered. As he spoke, I found my gaze wandering and finding our classmates who were either asleep or staring into an oblivion only they could see. Jun sighed. “I imagined all of these scenarios in my head. That we would all come to the halfway house and heal and get better like all the other kids before us, and I’d jump on a plane and go and visit dad.” I noticed his hands were trembling in his lap. “But I’m a fucking idiot. I'm naïve.” He turned to me. “We’re just kids, right? What do we know?"
I was losing my patience with his cryptic words. “What are you talking about?”
“I was kidnapped like you,” He said softly. “Last year, the night of the Teen Purge. I never told you about it, because I didn't want there to be a time when I would have to," Jun pulled a face. "I forgot to close our gate so I rushed out to lock it up before I brought attention to our house. But I was too late. They were waiting for me outside. The bastards knocked me out with a bat, and I woke up on the roof of the school.” He dug his hands in his lap, choking out a hiss.
“I was the only one left, Bee. When I woke up, I was staring at the people she had pushed to their deaths. My hands were tied behind my back so I couldn’t move, or try to get away and this girl…” He trailed off, his gaze going to a stray raindrop on the window, “this girl was dangling me over the edge. Like I was bait over a shark tank. It was fucking freezing and I was only in my pyjamas, and I remember wondering if I was actually going to die.” The bus went over a bump, and I grabbed onto his hand, squeezing it as tight as I could. “I waited for it,” Jun whispered. “I waited for her to kill me, but she wrenched me back. And her eyes... her eyes were pitch black. Hollow.” His eyes filled with tears. “She was smiling. Smiling like it would thrill her to watch me fall like the ones before me. And she would have no fucking mercy.”
As if his words were a narration, I was seeing the vision for myself, like somewhere inside my head, the girl lingered. I could see it. I could see pooling darkness, a long way down. Jun, his arms tied behind his back, a single strip of duct tape over his mouth— while arms were wrapped around his waist, dangling him teasingly as he twisted and struggled in her arms.
Like I was seeing it through her POV, I glimpsed tangled blonde curls in front of my face, a carving knife slick red clenched in my fist. She held him tight, squeezing the breath from him.
“Long way down, huh?” Her voice was a cackle clanging in my skull.
“Mmpphh!”
I could see his wide eyes, petrified as she pushed him closer and closer to the edge.
Jun continued in a low murmur. “But… this girl didn’t push me. She didn't kill me. Instead, she… she pulled me close. I could… I could smell her rotting breath. But through all the black, whatever had possessed her... I could see that there was still something there. It was weak, but still alive. Before I knew it, I was on my knees and she was in front of me like she could see right through me. Like she could reach into my head and pull out every memory I've ever had." His voice trembled. "She asked me a question. And I’ll never forget it, Bee. Because it was what changed my way of thinking. Instead of being scared to die, I felt like I could finally embrace it.”
His words sent my gut galloping into my throat.
I saw it. I saw her yanking him back onto his knees and pulling him close.
"Jun Sato," Her voice from the memory echoed in my mind. "Would you like to hear something cool?"
“What?” I whispered presently, shaking away the vision. The girl was insistent on shoving her memory onto me.
Jun’s eyes found mine, and for the first time in the 17 years of the Teen Purge, I saw the Wonderland Smile in broad daylight. I saw insanity brewing in eyes which had been darkened far before Littlewood’s curse had snatched his mind.
It had been hours since the curse had let us go, and there it was, splitting my best friend’s mouth apart into a cheshire cat grin. It was exactly what I’d seen on Noah Sharpe’s face before he sliced my mother’s throat open and gutted her. But while Noah's expression had been a blank slate, a monster, I only saw tragic hope lighting up my best friend's eyes. But it wasn’t real hope. Real hope was wanting to survive. It was forcing yourself to keep going no matter what. What I saw was that craving I’d felt when I’d woken up covered in blood, the one emitting from every voice inside my head.
The overwhelming pleasure which came with the thought of dying—giving yourself up.
"She asked me if I wanted to save the world.” He said, his eyes twinkling. “How cool is that?”
I was losing him.
“What did you say?” I asked stiffly.
He smiled. “I said yes. What else could I say? She got this weird look on her face, this smile, which was both maniacal and yet unbelievably sad, it made me feel like I would feel it too. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” Jun turned towards the window, this time, like he was refusing to admit it to my face. “She told me I will. Just like her, and the kids before her. That’s what the siren inside her head said. At that point I hoped I’d be able to save the world, and then visit my dad. I really thought it was as easy as that.” His lips twisted, eyes lighting up.
“But… then I understood what she meant. I finally understood, and I wasn’t scared anymore. How could I fear my own fate? She didn’t mean me saving the world, Bee. She meant me, and you, all of us in the past and present and future giving our lives for seven billion others. The world."
I had to stop myself from slapping him across the face. He was really choosing now to go off the deep end?
Whatever this girl had fed him was her own personal idea of death, which sounded like rainbows and cotton candy.
Jun turned to me with almost cartoon-like eyes.
“You can hear them,” he murmured. “the girl had that exact same look in her eyes.”
Swallowing hard, I fought to breathe. “What do you mean?”
“Haunted.” Jun said. “They’re telling you exactly what happened to them, and you can’t stop it. You want to pull them out of your head, but you can’t. They’re like a parasite taking over. They keep singing and you're ignoring them. But you need to listen. She told me to listen. If I was chosen."
I didn’t reply.
“Can you tell me?” His voice was small. “How does this end?"
Lying on a metal slab and staring at pooling black while flames licked across my flesh and set my hair alight, my body smouldering. Burning bright. That was how it was going to end. Like Noah and every year before us, we were going to burn.
And it made sense… right? Why wouldn’t a town permanently get rid of their youth tainted by a curse?
But it still felt like I was missing something.
And that something was getting closer as we approached the Halfway House.
"Bee?" Jun murmured. "Are you okay?"
Instead of responding, I pressed my face into his shoulder and squeezed my eyes shut. But closing my eyes was somehow worse. Like I was giving in to this supposed fate. Blinking them open, I turned to the window. Outside, Fall was taking over nature, and for the first time in a while I took a moment to take it in, breathing in the smell of wet mildew and crushed leaves drifting through the window and marvelling beautiful decay.
It's crazy how much you start to notice about the world around you when you know your time is running out. I don't think I'll ever look at a tree the same again. Jun was staring forwards, his eyes vacant, a small curl of a smile on his lips. I didn't trust it was his. Whoever this girl was had buried her way into my friend's mind, sending him into a trace. When I shoved him, Jun still turned to me and blinked, and it was still him. I had no doubt about that.
But it almost felt like he was looking through me, and what was inside my head.
Some psycho bitch had fucked with his head, and my first priority was snapping him out of it and bringing him back down to earth. Whether he liked it or not. In my cotton candy thoughts still half asleep from the tranquilliser, though, I was slowly conducting a plan to get the fuck out of there.

Does anybody know of any good spots to go rockhounding for gems, minerals or fossils near Memphis? I'm thinking approximately a 2 hour radius from Memphis. I saw a post for something similar on Meetup a while back, but tried looking for it again, and couldn't find it. Any information would be greatly appreciated, and if you're interested in going, I could probably drive.