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2023.06.04 22:49 fearlessglitter13 Should I give my mentor a goodbye gift?

I’ve been working with a mentor for two years. We have been meeting once every month and she helped me tremendously with my career and personal life. She did that all for free and volunteered her time despite being busy and I appreciate it. Last year, she got herself a new house so I gave her a gift card to a home store.
This week we ended the mentorship because I got a job and she was having some health issues. I was thinking of sending her a thank you gift which is a plant because she helped me grow. And I’ve seen her have plants in her house. But I don’t know if it would be too much since I already gave her a gift card last year or if it is not a good idea I’m not sure.
submitted by fearlessglitter13 to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:48 Goldfish-91 Career switch to accounting or finance

Hello - my first ever post. I am in my late 40s, living in metro Atlanta and have been working in the IT industry for about 27 years now, currently with a job title as IT director. So no complaints regarding my job, current pay or savings. Have been a great ride so far.
However I have had this feeling for last few years to quit IT and switch to a field that I am really passionate about. I have always liked accounting and finance. Growing up I used to manage the accounts for my dad’s small business and have been a value investor for more than 25 years now. So I am confident I would do well in either of these fields and in fact I am about to complete my masters degree in accounting and finance.
My question is - given my background and my desire to find a career in finance or accounting fields, where do I start? I do not mind starting at a junior level, but at the same time would love to use my experience from my current job if possible, especially budgeting, managing vendor contracts, tracking and controlling costs etc.
Appreciate your inputs.
submitted by Goldfish-91 to Accounting [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:48 JadenKale I'm Finally in the 200's! (Progress Pics 12/2022-6/2023)

I'm Finally in the 200's! (Progress Pics 12/2022-6/2023)
That week before January 3rd 2022, I never would have believed any doctor that my 428lb self would be down 130lbs only a year and a half later. When I stepped on the scale on June 1st, I practically yelped with excitement.
Anyone who is skeptical about whether RNY or a Gastric Sleeve is for them and come across my post please let me offer some advice: 1. Don't just take one hospital/medical center's point of view. I can't tell you how many times I was told I wouldn't need surgery, I just needed to "try harder" on my own. If I hadn't already been trying harder, I wouldn't require more help, now would I? 2. Do your research. I can't emphasize this enough. If you think you need more guidance during your weightloss journey, I wouldn't suggest a quick flight to Mexico to have the surgery completed, where you have little to no support program. In my specific experience, I knew I couldn't take a trip to have a surgery performed outside of the country, and I have a need to understand and check in with someone throughout a process to make sure I'm on the right track or if I needed to tweak my food handling/habits. Luckily, there is a medical clinic in Washington state (part of one of the bigger hospital services in the state), that offers a specialized program for GBS with dedicated ARNP's and a live chat program to ask questions during your progress. As an added benefit, the surgeon who performed my surgery does it all robotically, which means no gasses blown into the body, which eliminated all the horror stories I heard from friends who had the surgery before me, complaining of the gas pain during immediate post-op recovery. This particular surgeon has won numerous awards for his usage of robotics in surgery, specifically relating to Gastric Sleeve and RNY surgeries. The research is half the battle of getting the right help (it also helps that my clinic did NOT require specific food to purchase. Suggestions were given so that we could tailor it to our budget and regular lifestyle so it would be easier to maintain). 3. Talk it over with people you trust. I couldn't have done this alone. In fact, I had been dreaming of doing this for years, but was always dismissed and told to just try harder by medical professionals (see 1.), as well as by family members. Had I still been living closer to my parents, this never would have happened (for me), and I'd still be dreaming of weighing less than what I was 12 years ago - I now weigh 40lbs less than in 2011 - before I left a toxic relationship (another story for another day). My current friends and my hubby have been very supportive in all I've accomplished throughout this process. 4. Expect the unexpected. If you decide to do this surgery (regardless if it's RNY or Gastric Sleeve) you're going to have a variety of unexpected things happen: You're going to feel colder due to the loss of fat/insulation. You're going to be both elated and frustrated by the way clothes fit and how fast you're going to need things, like new undergarments. You'll lose a lot of hair. It starts about 2 1/2 months after surgery and can last 3-4 months. You're going to have body dysmorphia to some degree during your progress. You're going to garner attention - possibly more than you're used to or comfortable with. Managing that additional attention is a battle for those of us who are, or have become, introverted over the years. You're going to have strong hormonal changes: you may get overly emotional out of the blue. Ladies: your doctor needs to warn you that it's not uncommon to become unexpectedly pregnant soon after the surgery, so extra precautions need to be taken if you're sexually active ( "GBS Babies" are a common giggle in the offices).
I still have a long road before me, but as I recently told my family: The average weight of a 5'2" person (based solely on medical charts) is approximately 131lbs. I am 5'2". I've lost one whole person so far: I've lost the person who was hurt by a toxic ex. I've lost the person afraid to sit at a party, worried I'd break furniture. I've lost the person afraid to even leave the house. I've lost the person embarrassed for simply existing. I'm tasting the beginnings of freedom from my own body, and it's better than any decadent sweet, or seconds at a buffet. And I want more of it.
submitted by JadenKale to GastricBypass [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:48 _zoro1012 Should I continue dating the person I met online?

So I (25M) met a girl(25F) on Hinge. We have been talking for more than a month, I have met her once in person and we are planning to meet again this weekend. Our calls last for hours. And I have clicked with this girl.
After some personal talks I came to realise that our goals and ambitions wont let us be together. She is in the city till the next job. And She is planning to move abroad for studies and then to settle over there. I am planning the exact opposite, I wanna settle in this city only.
Should I continue dating her if there is no future? Or Should I enjoy the present till it lasts?
submitted by _zoro1012 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 ensemble-learner Tech jobs in the area?

Recently graduated with a degree in Computer Science and Engineering at the University of California, Merced. I live in the area now, but it feels impossible to get a job in my field, even at my alma mater. Are there like any tech jobs in the area or should I just sit on my degree and find some other work in the area?

Side note, it sort of looks like nobody wants to hire me in the Bay Area and pay for relocation when there's plenty of engineers and scientists in the locality.
submitted by ensemble-learner to Merced [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 Master-Molasses420 Strand is awesome, I love Shackle grenades, I have put together some great builds. How often do you equip Strand?

When Strand first came out, and they interrupted our game play during the story missions to push us in to Strand, I was not too pleased. With all the time and effort they spent on airborne effectiveness, I expected to be swinging from skyscrapers while shooting my weapons. Thank god they don't have me swinging from the rooftops in Neomuna, sniping with Whisper for the seal, because I would suck. /s
Now, I love Strand. I equip it on all 3 characters most of the time. I take it into raids, dungeons, GMs, nightfalls, master story missions, master lost catch my drift.
I would say that Shackle grenades are probably the best grenades for general game play outside of boss DPS and certain/specific grenade builds. Probably the best for champions.
I like grapple grenades, but they cannot replace my shackle grenades. The only regret I have is that I cannot also use grapple grenades for better movement. I do not believe that I have used the threadling grenades other than a few times initially. If I could equip both grapple and shackle at the same time, that would have been great.
We can now put together plenty of good builds with the aspects and fragments they have given us. When they released the new aspect, I fully expected a grind on all 3 characters to unlock them. I finished the quest line on one character and went to pick it up on my second, and I could not find it. I went to the pouka pond and was able to buy it immediately on my 2nd and 3rd characters. An account-wide aspect unlock? That is new, after all the tasks we had to go through with Stasis. Awesome change, Bungie.
I have not seen other players comment on their Strand experiences. While we complain about Bungie for most anything, they hit it out of the park on this one and they should be commended.
submitted by Master-Molasses420 to DestinyTheGame [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 mitchconner89 I'm Nervous And Need Some Reassurance/Advice (Dog Incident)

So I was delivering a package to a house with a very long driveway. Their front door was open and I couldn't see or hear anything from inside the house. As soon as I took the picture of the package, a dog heard me, started barking, ran out from the house and began to chase me. As I was about halfway down the driveway, the dog was already at my feet. I quickly turned around and pepper sprayed the dog. The dog ran back into the house. I immediately called my dispatch and told them what happened. The customer then came outside very upset and said she was going to report me for spraying her dog. She got my name and took a picture of my van.
So I know I didn't do anything wrong but I'm curious, what's the worst that could happen? Anybody ever been in this situation? My dispatch told me not to worry about it and that they understood.
But I mean, it was either I get bit or kick the dog (which could've been worse or do permanent damage to the dog). Am I gonna get in trouble?
Also there were no "beware of dog" signs or paw print icon in the flex app, indicating there was a dog at this house.
submitted by mitchconner89 to AmazonDSPDrivers [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 KalatoBakala Dealing with suicidal thoughts

So for the last month or so I’ve been dealing with some pretty bad depression, and it’s recently turned into suicidal thoughts this past week. It’s been something I’m sadly accustomed to since I was 14 yrs old and it fluctuates quite a bit. I’ve tried getting and seeking help for it, and did manage to get some when I was in a dark place 5 or so yrs ago. I found out what was causing it, got support and honestly slowly got myself back on track.
However due to my financial situation as of late, it feels as if I’m falling back down that black hole. Just basically jumping from pay cheque to pay cheque just to make ends meet and surviving. Half the time I barely have enough to get myself groceries, and have needed help from my partner. Which just has me feeling guilty and as if I’m mooching off their generosity, which is not what I want to do.
I work in fast food and I’m looking to get out of the field, and into something that could pay just a little bit more. An extra $100 per pay could honestly help me so much, but everywhere I look you need a degree, or schooling to get something like that. Everything else is just fast food, fast food and more low income jobs. Which unfortunately is just affecting my mental more.
My partner has been amazingly supportive, being an ear to listen to my pains and worries , a shoulder to cry on and a place I can get away from when mine is to much(I currently live with my father and brother). They helped me so much this weekend and I just don’t want to be where I am mentally.
It just feels as if life’s to much, and I want the pain and hurt to stop. But when I think of them and my dog, it stops me from acting on these thought. I love them both to much to leave them behind, it sounds selfish but they’re the first two I think about. But I’m so mentally drained and tired of fighting and honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel stuck.
submitted by KalatoBakala to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 likethewitch6 Indiana- 1st violation

So as the title implies, I'm on probation. Back in March I was stupid and got a DUI when I only had 4 months left of probation at that time. The DUI was in a different county and has not even been filed yet. I self reported it to my PO per requirements to report any interaction with law enforcement. He said he doesn't want to see me go to jail because honestly I'm a very decent human being who went through a phase (like a lot of people in their 20s) I hold a rather prestigious job for my area.
Anyway, if you've made it this far, will they jusy continue my probation with basically a slap on the wrist? Or more than likely extend it? I should be off in August had I not violated with the DUI... that still isn't filed. But I am going to court in the county I am originally on probation with.
I have a lawyer, mf just barely speaks to me. So, fellow probationees, give me some insight!
And if it matters at all I'm a 27 y/o female
submitted by likethewitch6 to probation [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 cupcakeconstitution “Kindly” stop wasting everyone’s time with the job scams

Seriously how many times do we have to open remote “job offers” that are scams and every single one of them says to kindly input your information? At this point it’s laughable
submitted by cupcakeconstitution to RemoteJobs [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 karen_beck Considering Moving To Elliot Lake

Hey, everybody! I'm visiting Elliot Lake this weekend with the intention of looking to buy a house there shortly. I'm going to kind of get a feel for the area, maybe attend some open houses, and such... I've never even visited, but the price point is right on and I am desperate to find a place for my family as we're currently living with my aunt. I was hoping to get information from people who live there, have lived there, or have visited. It would be a huge help. Information about the housing market, good neighbourhoods to look at, schools, people there, fishing, job market, or anything like that would be extremely helpful to us right now!
submitted by karen_beck to northernontario [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:47 Guido_Cavalcante Grave Digging Scene and the Layers of the Metaphor

Just finished the show last night and WOW what a journey. I’m still reflecting on the opening of season 5 where they dig-up William Crandall, the scientist’s, body.
There are so many layers to the metaphor, and what it symbolizes for Philip and Elizabeth in that moment of their journey:
  1. ⁠P&E (and the others) are digging their own graves by continuing to engage in espionage; just like Crandall, who they’re excavating
  2. ⁠P&E are taking a chunk of flesh from Crandall’s corpse; a ‘pound of flesh’ is from Merchant of Venice and symbolizes the emotional price this work takes on their souls
  3. ⁠P&E digging up the grave of Crandall, a friend and colleague, evokes Hamlet and Horatio coming across the grave of Yorick (“Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well…”); the scene generally reflects how much time has past, and how people change over time, like P&E since their journey started
It’s such an important moment for Philip, especially, as he’s reckoning with the toll the job is taking on him. What an amazing show.
submitted by Guido_Cavalcante to TheAmericans [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:46 Linkman821 Halloween story

Yes I know. It’s no longer Halloween nor is it close to it. However i have a paranormal story that happened last Halloween. Let me share a bit of background. The year: 2022. It was Halloween and I was lucky enough to get a job at around the time of trick or treating. I was asked to immediately start work the next day. Place: Dollar tree. Now the location I work at is in a parking lot with other stores nearby and a very busy Main Street that leads out of the town I’m in. Across from it is a mall that is sadly dying. Now onto the story. One day I was scheduled to come in for a 4hr shift. 5-9 was my shift. Everything was normal. I was running register when people were waiting to cash out and doing recovery (basically grabbing items and putting them away) the time had hit around 7pm and I began restocking the stores mini soda coolers. Once I was done the time was around 8:55ish. About the normal time me and the assistant manager usually lock up. Nothing really happens during this time except for us counting down both our draws. After that we moved onto the safe and deposit count. We get through those pretty well and I sit down while I wait for the assistant manager to insert all the info into the computer. Time then was around 9:15. One set of lights had already shutoff. About 2-3 mins go by. And suddenly we hear a witches laugh. You know that, “keheheh” laugh? Yeah that one. Now no… this isn’t fiction. We were selling these little witch ornaments that made that noise. I say “what the heck?” In a confused tone and the Assistant Manager says that it’s weird. Now here’s the twist… no one was in the store besides us. The bigger twist? The decorations were motion activated. Spooky… some might say it’s a bug or something but let me say that they only did it once.
submitted by Linkman821 to ParanormalEncounters [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:46 InfoSec-Gardener Information Security Manager / Cyber Risk Management

I'm a fairly decent and qualified cyber security manager with a broad and deep background. I've worked on some fairly large and complex projects over the last 10 years and have some fairly niche skills in NIS RDSP legislation that I'm hoping to capitalise on as the new legislation comes out over the next 18 months.
I'm wanting to get into contracting and I'm doing market research before I take the jump, but there does not seem to be a depth of infosec management jobs going and the ones that do fit me all seem to be for down south, with myself being based near Newcastle.
From jobs that are up the day rates varying from £600-£850 and I'm confident I could do these standing on my head.
My questions: 1. Does anyone have any experience with IT / infosec contracting? And can you share your experience (good or bad) 2. Is this market controlled by agencies that I need to get closer with? 3. Do roles just come and go within days and is that why I'm perceiving a dry market? 4. Any general advice for someone who has not done contracting before.
submitted by InfoSec-Gardener to ContractorUK [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:46 Major_Pomegranate Just finished the OVA for the first time, and really loved the ending. For being an emotional episode, one thing did make me laugh.

Freakin Oberstein. Dude's been making enemies of everyone throughout the series as he ruthlessly works to strengthen the empire. Then comes the finale, with everyone gathered around Reinhard to say goodbye. All the admirals gather, with Oberstein quickly leaving. You know he's up to something, because of course he is. They still have to deal with the last of the Church, and there's not much time left, so how does this all resolve?
And of course Oberstein comes back into this emotional gathering to say "hey by the way, I invited our enemies here to try and kill us. Have fun with that." I just broke out laughing. All the admirals in the room already wanted an excuse to kill him, and here he is committing some light treason to tie up loose ends before the Kaiser passes. Of course he dies in the battle, but he goes out removing the last immediate threat to the Empire.
We don't know what happens to the Empire after this, but I imagine that for atleast the next couple of decades, things will be kept in order by Hilda and Mittermeyer. By the end I loved all the cast, especially the Imperial Admirals. Just a great series all around.
submitted by Major_Pomegranate to logh [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:46 sepheroni Drain Removal!

I got my drains out on Friday. The sensation was next to none, but I did almost pass out when the first drain was removed. Don't really know why besides it being nearly 100°F and having POTS so sometime my blood pressure likes to drop just for funnies. The most painful part was getting the stitches cut, but the nurse did make a comment about them being oddly tight. Other than that, I didn't even have an "odd sensation", and the second one came out with no issues at all.
Besides the BP drop, the other surprising thing was that the drain sites are almost immediately fine. Like all they used to cover it was Gauze and tape. They said I'd be good to have it uncovered the following day, which really surprised me. I ended up changing the Gauze for bandaid later that day just because they were so uncomfortable.
Two days later and there's no issues. The bandaid are still there just cause I didn't care to take them off and they're high quality.
submitted by sepheroni to TopSurgery [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:46 Cheap-Cut1783 AITA for not splitting my income with my husband?

My husband Seb 38 and I 37 have been together 8 years. I used to have a full time job, but after the twins 4M and 4F, I quit and became a SAHM. Seb gave me my own card, and I got an 'allowance' of his income while I stayed at home. Recently I thought about going to work as the kids are now in school, but I didn't want to miss out on being there for them, as Seb works as a surgeon and is on call most days. I decided to start a small business making cakes for some extra income and to occupy my time when the kids were gone. I have in the past made cakes for family/friend's events, so uploaded the pictures and created a social media account and through word of mouth got some orders. When Seb found out he was dismissive over my business, and I think he thought the cakes wouldn't sell, especially as I priced myself quite high for custom cakes. However, it has been a few months and I am making around 100-150 a cake. A customer had come to pick up the cake from our home and when Seb saw, he was genuinely suprised someone would pay that much for a cake. However, when I take out cost of supplies, heat and my own time (1 cake is 4-5 hours), I am not making a huge amount. My business was honestly for fun, and to occupy myself when the kids aren't at home. Seb is asking me to split the profits with me 50/50, as I am using ingredients and heat from an electricity bill he pays for. I told him no, and he is calling me TA. He will not speak to me, and I am not sure if I am completely in the right here. My sister thinks I am not TA, but she is biased so I thought I should post here to get someone else's opinion.
submitted by Cheap-Cut1783 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:46 AggressiveSpatula The skill ceiling in this game is ridiculous

My Dad taught me this chess when I was younger, and I'd play once every few months or so. I was decent at the game. I feel like most people know the rules of the game, and for people who played as much as I did, I tended to win. I was comfortably better than most people. I rarely 'stomped' people, but I won more than I lost. When I joined chesscom in graduate school, my rating was about 600 rapid. Think about that. "better than most people" equates to 600 rapid. I have been consistently playing for a bit over a year now, and I just broke 1400 yesterday. I am a good player. I'm not a great player, but I am a good player. According to the percentile I am better than 95.6% of the players on chesscom. This isn't being better than 95.6% of all people, this is being better than the 95.6% of people who were serious enough about the game to make an account (granted, that's not a high bar, but it's still a bar). I'm good. I stomp people now. If I played my 600 rated self I would decimated them (me?). I have a 700 rapid friend who I'll play without a rook and pawn, and I'll still beat her more often than not.

I am not *HALF* as good as the top players. There are people in this world who are consistently breaking 2800. That is ludicrous. I am more likely to lose to a 200 rated opponent in a fair game than I am to draw Fabiano Caruana if you gave me queen odds (worth 1100 according to chesscom). People like to make fun of Giri and Radjabov for being draw prone, but they are draw prone at the highest possible levels. Giri's peak rating is 2798, and Radjabov's peak is 2793. And those are FIDE ratings, which is way more competitive, not chesscom so it's not even a fair comparison. Hikaru memes around online and is still so good at this game that he literally does "Botez gambit speed runs" to the **grandmaster** level *for content.* In-freaking-sane. It blows my mind how good people are at this game. If I plug myself into an Elo odds calculator ( vs Fabiano Caruana The computer gives me 0.999999665 odds that Fabi wins, and 0.000000602 odds of a draw. If you put that into a calculator and add them together it comes out to a rounding error. Count the 9's on that bad boy, there are 6 of them. That is literally less than 1 in a million chance. Llyod from Dumb and Dumber is twice as likely to end up getting together with Mary. Here's a fun website showing other things that have a 1 in a million chance of happening I can name 7 famous people, go to wikipedia, hit "random article" and have a greater chance of immediately landing on one of those people than I do at having a chance of beating Fabi.
A 600 elo difference equates to about 1 in 100 odds, which we will call "stomping territory." So if we start with my original 600 rating which is *already better than most casual players.* Then a 1200 stomps a 600, an 1800 stomps a 1200, Gothamchess stomps an 1800, and Levy gets beaten by Magnus 93% of the time. Magnus playing my 600 rated self is like my boss's boss's boss's boss coming in and telling me I'm doing a bad job. The CEO of Walmart circumventing the regional, district and general mangers to fire the greeter at the local store.
Blows my mind. Hello to any super GM's reading this.
submitted by AggressiveSpatula to chess [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:45 No-Plantain-861 Neighbor asked me too many questions and IDK what to do.

Hi, I (20’s F) live on my own in this little comfy apartment. I live in a small town w no family and close friends nearby (they live in other city or another country, i am latina and grew up in latam). Few months ago a new guy moved into the apartment next to mine. Cool! From the few small interactions i have had w him before I learned he is not from the US either and he seemed pretty nice.
Last time i had a convo w him was on december when he asked for a favor which i was not able to do and asked me if my ring camera works well and i recommended it to him. Few nights ago he knocked on my door and I answered (my mistake) He told me he fixed the lightbulb on the hallway himself (I didnt even know it wasn’t working btw, he did it by his own and didnt call maintenance for that). He then started asking about me and my ethnicity/nationality, after I answered he asked me my age. This was when i felt weirded out and lied about my age. He then was like “cool, also i got a ring camera too as you can see, ok good night!” And he walked into his apartment.
I thought this was extremely weird and my friends agreed too after I sent them the video of my Ring camera recording that convo. Part of me wonders if being this friendly is part of his culture. As I mentioned, he moved freshly from another country to here for work. As someone who has had similar experiences I can understand how something that seemed normal in my country may not be as common in the US, so I wonder if this is the case here too and im just being judgemental.
I told my dad about this and he wants me to do a complaint to the admin in my apartment complex, saying that isnt normal at all. So idk what to think. Prior to this I really havent had weird interactions w this neightbor, we exchange numbers once just in case and we never have really texted. Only time after I spoke w him the first time (which was when he was asking me for a favor and i learned he was going to spend the holidays at his homecountry) he texted “Im at the airport now (I helped him w directions to get there and told him to lmk when gets there and/or if he needs help) thanks again! Will miss listening to your music” and that was the last time other than me sending the link for the Ring camera.
I’m always cautious and protrtive of myself since I really don’t have immadiste family nearby and my best friends also live far. My biggest fear is something happening to me and no one being able to immediately find out something is wrong. I do have friends in the area who would notice eventualy, but it is still hard and something that make me anxious and sad at the same time.
Part of me wants to let this go until something else weird happens. Is he also feeling alone as I do and is this his attempt to make friends? idk if im being naive or trying to be understanding or if i should be cautious about him and talk w admin? I dont want to talk to admin since that might be a reach, but idk. What should I do?
submitted by No-Plantain-861 to TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:45 Salty-Meal7651 HELP!!!!

y’all i fucked up 😭😭😭 So my glasses don’t stay on and are constantly slipping off. Yesterday i got tired of it and decided nail glue was the way to go (i have no idea why im an idiot) Anyways, obviously now theres nail glue on my glasses and idk what to do. Like an actual idiot before i consulted the internet I immediately tried nail polish remover. I have plastic frames 😐😐😐 so now they finish is ruined and theres still nail glue on them. I’ve tried every tutorial. Soaking, pledge, buffing and nothing seems to work. Any idea on how i can fix this?? Btw I can’t just replace them like that bc vision works takes like 2 weeks to ship out a replacement and I don't have the money nor the insurance for that
submitted by Salty-Meal7651 to glasses [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 22:45 AutoModerator [Download Course] Travis Stephenson – Simple Profit System (

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2023.06.04 22:45 reylomeansbalance Was Anne Boleyn a Victim of Sexual Harassment in the Workplace?
Karen Lindsey, author of Divorced, Beheaded, Survived: A Feminist Reinterpretation of the Wives of Henry VIII puts forth a very interesting opinion on the way we should view Anne Boleyn's time at court:
I was doing an article for Ms. about sexual harassment on the job and reading about Henry's wives in my free time, but it took a while to put together the fact that Ann Boleyn's position as lady-in-waiting to Henry's wife Catherine of Aragon was her job, and that, far from trying to lure Henry away from Catherine, she had spent over a year tactfully trying to repel his sexual advances.
Today, Henry’s approach to Ann would be instantly identifiable as sexual harassment. Ann however, had no social or legal recourse against a the man who ruled the country. She continued, as so many women before and since have done, to dodge her pursuer’s advances while sparing his feelings. It didn’t work.
It was a hellish position. Could she really tell the king to his face that she had no interest in him? She could reiterate her desire to keep her chastity and her honor, but clearly he didn’t respect that. She could ignore his letters and stay away from court, but he refused to take the hint. To offer him the outright insult he asked for would be to risk not only her own but her father’s and brother’s careers at court. She undoubtedly kept hoping he would tire of the chase and transfer his attentions to some newer lady-in-waiting.

But he didn't and she was trapped; there was no chance of her making a good marriage when every eligible nobleman knew the king wanted her.
Lindsey is correct that Katharine of Aragon's court was Anne's workplace. Service in a noble court was the 16th century's version of the corporate ladder. The world of the nobility was a system of intricate social stratification where everyone sought employment from the rank above. The Babee's Book laid out this chain of service in example:
Even the duke's son preferred page to the prince, the earl's second son attendant upon the duke, the knight's second son the earl's servant, the esquire's son to wear the knight's livery, and the gentleman's son the esquire's serving-man.
Those who were charming, talented, clever, or amusing, could be promoted with additional job duties and income, or move up to the household of a noble higher in rank.
The duty of service to one's betters was bound up in religious faith. The Tudors believed that God had ordained the social order of the world. A person's status was the position to which God had called them, and so service to their superiors was as service to God.
Only those of the highest pedigree and social connections could hope to find a job serving the king or queen. Anne Boleyn was not titled, but she was the granddaughter of a duke. Her father was a very wealthy and well-connected man who had served as the king's ambassador, and Anne's mother had served Elizabeth of York. Securing Anne a job as a lady in waiting to Queen Katharine was a boon for their family.
Anne was employed in a series of royal households from the time she was a very young child, learning the social graces that would entertain those who employed her. She could dance, play instruments, engage in witty conversation, and was well-read enough to debate on intellectual topics. She was the consummate professional in her work, and remained chaste while she waited for her father to arrange a good marriage for her.
At one point, Anne took the bull by the horns and tried to arrange her own marriage with the son of the Earl of Northumberland. The results were disastrous, as far as her career was concerned. Once it was discovered what she was doing, she was banned from seeing the young man again and sent home to Hever in disgrace. She was fired, in other words.
Her family must have been livid. The match her father had been working on - perhaps unbeknownst to Anne - fell apart. Some scholars believe it might have had something to do with Anne's failed betrothal, but no records exist to explain it. The Butler family may not have wanted the union in the first place, which might have been engineered by Cardinal Wolsey to resolve an inheritance dispute. In any case, Anne now had no job, and no prospects for a husband.
Anne returned to court about a year later. We know nothing of the next two years or so, except what fragments can be deduced from the memories of Thomas Wyatt, as related by his grandson.
There was, at this present, presented to the eye of the court the rare and admirable beauty of the fresh and young Lady Anne Boleigna, to be attending upon the queen. In this noble imp, the graces of nature graced by gracious education, seemed even at the first to have promised bliss unto her aftertimes. She was taken at that time to have a beauty not so whitely as clear and fresh above all we may esteem, which appeared much more excellent by her favour passing sweet and cheerful; and these, both also increased by her noble presence of shape and fashion, representing both mildness and majesty more than can be expressed.
She seems to have been very popular at court. Northumberland's son wasn't the only man who was attracted to Anne. Thomas Wyatt fell in love with her, according to his grandson's book, and several of Wyatt's poems seem to refer to Anne and his unrequited passion for her. But Anne was cautious of her reputation, and rejected Wyatt's advances.
King Henry seems to have noticed Anne in late 1525/early 1526. His favor came with a "promotion" offer for her: an appointment to serve his wife, Katharine of Aragon. Anne wrote the king a letter, thanking him for the appointment. But this promotion came with some drawbacks.
As Karen Lindsey notes, Anne was in a very delicate situation with Henry's favor. Having his interest meant her family's advancement, and indeed, her father and brother received a steady series of gifts, grants, properties and titles, including his long-desired title of Earl of Ormond. Anne herself was showered with gowns and jewels, and fawned over by the court, seeking her favor so she might help advance them as well. Rejecting the king outright would have cut off this flow, and perhaps even set the Boleyn family back to being worse off, if the king became angry about it.
In February 1526, Henry made a public declaration of his interest in Anne, hoping the fawning attention of the court would pressure her into giving into his advances. Anne was suddenly thrust into the international spotlight as Henry's love interest, and suddenly had dozens of new "friends" seeking her favor and trying to use her for their own advancement. And, of course, they encouraged her to accede to the king's wishes. But Anne held firm to her principles. She would not sleep with any man outside the bonds of holy matrimony.
Henry now spent more time in his wife’s quarters than he had in years, but it was to visit Anne where she couldn’t escape his attentions.
In May, it got so bad that Anne actually quit her job as a lady in waiting and retreated to Hever, where she refused to answer Henry’s letters and sent back his gifts. Henry’s letters to her at this point are full of pouting complaints that she won’t write back to him. He claims not to understand it.
I cannot sufficiently marvel at, because I am sure that I have since never done any thing to offend you, and it seems a very poor return for the great love which I bear you to keep me at a distance both from the speech and the person of the woman that I esteem most in the world...
Henry still wouldn’t take “no” for an answer and chased after her. He went to stay with a cousin of Anne, Nicholas Carew, whose house was a convenient distance from Hever so he could ride over at his leisure. Anne could not refuse to receive him at the house. She refused wherever she had agency, but in this she did not. No one could refuse the king admittance.
When Anne did return to court, she had to face a great deal of hostility. Those still loyal to Katharine of Aragon despised Anne for "luring" the king away from his wife. Anne had enemies she'd never even met, people who hated her for everything she represented, who twisted her words and spread malicious gossip about her throughout Europe. Courtiers who smiled at her and bowed whispered behind their hands. Families were divided as religious reformers sided with the Boleyn faction, and the conservatives sided with Katharine.
But the greatest problem was that no man would seek Anne's hand in marriage while the king was pursuing her, certainly, and not after he lost interest, either. Few people believed Anne was still a virgin, and her reputation was in tatters around Europe. Around the time the king decided he wanted to marry her, Anne may have realized herself that she would marry the king, or have to remain unwed, a burden on her family.
Thomas Boleyn has been portrayed as grasping and heartless, selling his daughters like a common pimp, but truthfully, he had little say in the matter, either. It wasn't only his fortunes at stake, but the entire future of the Boleyn family. If he'd had a choice, he probably would have wished Anne would give in and become the king's mistress, because Henry tended to find respectable husbands for the women he bedded once he was done. But Anne's religious convictions were too strong for that.
Anne was, indeed, trapped. She could not risk offending her "boss" and losing her job with her entire family's future at stake. Whether she liked it or not, she had to keep the king's favor. It was upward toward the throne or utter ruin. Anne Boleyn never really had a choice.
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