So a few weeks ago i relapsed, it was on the fourteenth. A date that is not only the one we started dating on, but the one we broke up on. And in retrospect, this one was not different from the many other 14th’s i’ve had since then, but the thought hit me that on this day, it had officially been longer since the breakup than the time we spent together.
And that is one of the things i hate most about relationships that end, you’re inevitably forced to remember them for longer than you knew them.
It bugs me, i had finally started to make progress in moving on, i had finally started to allow myself to heal. But that single thought brought me back, and not only did it push me a few steps back in my healing progress, it made me relapse after 1 year-ish of not cutting, burning and hitting myself.
I sat there staring at my arm for awhile until i started laughing, how ironic. This is me, this is how i am, this is how i feel, while he’s happily in another relationship, not sparing me a single thought. And i’m happy for him, i really am, i would never want him to feel the same pain i have. Sure i could have been a little happier if his new girl wasn’t the same one that was my best friend at one point, but i’m glad he seems to be doing well. I only wish the best for him.
But regardless of that, how can i not find it unfair? Of course none of it is his fault, but i really wish things were different. I wish it was as easy for me to move on and that these small things weren’t so overwhelmingly big for me.
There really is nothing worse than having to watch the person you love with all your heart live happily without you.

As the title says it can be rough finding new friends as an adult (at least for me). It seems almost all my friends are work friends. I spend too much time at work as it is so I’d like to make some new friends separate from my work life. I hoping to meet some new genuine people… so I came to reddit.. call me naive if you must lol
Here’s a little about me and some of my hobbies/interests so you can see if you think we’d click or not:
I’m what I’ve been told is called an ambivert which is basically and extroverted introvert lol. I enjoy spending time with people, going out and doing things but I also need my me time and equally enjoy being alone doing my own thing. I’ve been told I’m a good listener and I have a decent amount of life experience so if you need someone to talk to I can be your guy. I love to laugh and have a fairly dark sense of humor. I’m a fairly open person and don’t get offended easily so I’m open to talking about mostly anything.
As far as hobbies/interests go….I’m basically a nerd who also likes outdoor activities. I enjoy video games, D&D, Star Wars, LOTR, some Anime, Marvel, DC and various other fandoms. I also play guitar, write a little of my own music for fun, cooking going to the gym/running, hiking, kayaking and camping.
Thanks for reading all that I hope to hear from you! :)

So, been a while since I posted. Pretty much eroded all relationships by drunk texting family and friends and acting like a lunatic. Spent the Winter planning to end it all. Made it to Spring.
To recap, long term somewhat functional drinker. Got cancer during Covid (breast from alcohol), kept drinking, drank even more since I took a leave from working, partner left me last fall and picked up with someone 15 years younger. He had every reason. I was abusive when I was blacked out and that was often. He enabled which got very complicated in my head. Kept drinking.
At this point, I have few friends or family. No job. My housing is about to be sold. Rent will double. I will probably lose my dream dog. I miss my partner every day and it makes my physically sick at the good man and future I lost. At 46, I feel like my life is over before I started it.
Talked with a friend today who lost much and managed to come out the other side. Sparked a little bit of hope. I’d still like a decent life. Any thoughts appreciated. Thank you.

Hello! About 2 weeks ago I've taken surgery for a bimalleolar fracture on my left leg. I ended having a metal plate with 4 screws over my lateral malleolus (fibula bone) and a fifth screw crossing horizontally through my lateral malleolus and medial malleolus. Earlier I was standing in bed and when I tried to lift myself I slipped a little and ended up stepping on my broken foot. I didn't put full weight on my foot but I felt some pain. Now, 30 minutes later after the incident my foot feels completely fine. I don't feel any pain and I can move it a little. But the thing is that my doctor told me that I'm strictly forbidden to put my foot down until the screw that crosses through my both malleolus is removed because that screw could crack under weight. My concern is: Is that screw so sensitive? Did I just f' myself and cracked the screw? Should I be worried? My foot feels the same as before and I'm thinking that I should have felt something, some kind of pain minutes after the incident if I had broken/cracked that screw. I don't ask for a medical advice but my anxiety is going through the roof right now. This is my first time having a broken foot + surgery and I'm constantly worried by the process. This never happened before. So please, if anyone could answer to my concern, I would very much appreciate. Thank you kindly!

Hi everyone, I'm going to audition for Berklee this summer. My prepared piece is a classical guitar piece and I am afraid that the sound would be a little messy on a video call and that it would mess up with the dynamics and characteristics of the sound of the instrument. It's a bit difficult for me to go to a in person audition as this summer they are only doing auditions either in Boston or online and I live in Europe. Does anyone know if the online audition could affect my chances of getting a scholarship?
Thank you so much!

My second Bingo, feels like I'm getting the hang of it! Last year I tried to write some small reviews, but that escalated completely and I had to break it down into various review posts. This year I really try to make it as short as possible and fit it all in 1 post. Yeah, worked great. No idea how to make them short enough to fit 25 reviews in one post and not create a wall of text no one's ever going to read…
Anyway here's the card so far and some mini reviews.
First my personal star rating explained:

• 0* DNF (Well obviously can't happen for Bingo)
• 1* I hated every page, I don't know why I finished, whish I gave up early.
• 2* There are a few things that redeem it, but mostly I didn't enjoy it. If it's a series I'll stop after that book, and probably will be cautious before reading something else from the author.
• 3* Not great, not terrible. If it's a series I'll maybe read on, won't look active for the author but also won't shy away in the future.
• 4* Really good book, there were small things bothering me, will definitely read the next book if it's a series or will look for more from the same author.
• 5* I love it. If asked, I wouldn't be able to name any major problems. Give me more!

5* range:

The library at mount Char by Scott Hawkins [5*]
I'll copy shamelessly my original review:

Just finished The library at mount char. Hahaha, WTF did I just read? 5*. Recommended if you want something weird… The first half reads like some mix between something out of a fever dream and someone watching an 80s action B movie, high, and taking only the weirdest things they come across. Even more remarkable in the end the different things come together and actually make sense. Somewhat. And the mix between really disturbing stuff, hilarious characters and laugh out loud moments was also, unexpected I guess?

Now after some books in between, I can say that I remember the weird first half far better than the second and some of the most memorable characters from the whole bingo sheet (so far) are out of this one.
Tags: weird; dark; well no clue how to tag that book properly
Bingo squares: Horror(h), Bookclub or read along

4* range:

Forge of the high mage (Path to ascendancy 4) by Ian C. Esslemont [4,5*]
Probably my favorite Esslemont Malazan book so far. I don't think I have to say much more, this is the 4th sequel in a prequel series for a "spin off" series. If you reach this book, you are probably already addicted. Just a small heads up, if you didn't like Kellanveds Reach, this book improves everywhere. spoiler free review
Tags: Malazan; MultiPOV; Action oriented
Bingo squares: Sequel(h), released 2023, Coastal/Island setting(h), Title with a title(h)
The infernal Battalion (The shadow campaigns 5) by Django Wexler [4*]
I started reading this series last year for Bingo Review book 1 and finished for this years. And while the military focus from book 1 stays prominent it also adds some politics in later books. But the most outstanding thing is something about characters. It's hard to find authors who write good opposite sex characters, but this is probably the only male author I read who made all his female characters so much more realistic than the males. I could name 2 male characters with a somewhat filled out past and motivation and characterization that goes above "good at his job, villain, comic relief, etc" (and with 2 I'm already generous). But I could easily name half a dozen female characters with a rich history, believable agendas and a satisfying character arc. Overall a solid 4* series, with book 2 the weakest and 3 and 4 my favorites.
Tags: Flintlock fantasy; French Revolution inspired; LGBTQ POV
Bingo squares: Sequel(h), angels and demons (maybe?)
Jade legacy (Greenbone saga 3) by Fonda Lee [4*]
Another series which I started last years bingo and finished this year. Yeah I even use it for the same square, call me lazy ;) Review book 1, since then nothing really changed, all my points from book 1 are still valid in the last one, solid 4* series overall.
Tags: Godfather meets fantasy; family; Asian inspired setting; 20th century setting
Bingo squares: Sequel, Coastal or Island setting, POC author, Mundane job(h) (one protagonist is a doctor)
Prosper's Demon by K. J. Parker [4*]
The world is full of demons. 72936 to be exact ( theydidthemath ), are looking for hosts. And while They can't die, extracting Them from their victim hurts Them. A lot. Only downside, it can also damage the vessel. So you need a special kind of person for the job.
We follow an exorcist (who is definitely not a nice person) on his personal vendetta, visit the court and meet Prosper (and his title-giving demon) who is some kind of universal genius. The story is witty (or sometimes outright funny) and I wouldn't have thought it possible to write about bronze sculpture casting in such an interesting way. Oh, and I really liked the ending…
Tags: First person single POV; unreliable narrator
Bingo squares: novella, angels and demons,

3* range:

The steel remains (A land fit for heroes 1) by Richard Morgan. [3,5*]
Review. I now also finished book two and the trend continues. A lot of focus on characters and world building, but still not much happening.
Tags: Dark fantasy; Gay/lesbian POV (2 out of 3); Fantasy/Sci-fi mix
Bingo squares: published in the 2000s, alternate realities (h)
Qube (Die Welt der Hologrammatica 2) by Tom Hillenbrand [3*]
Like the first one, this was more a tech thriller with Sci-fi elements than full science fiction. It was an easy and fast read, but when I finished no characters and nothing in the plot left a lasting impression. Like in book 1 people still struggle with AI but this book adds nothing new. The interesting theme from the first book [what happens, when people upload their brains in quantum computers and can change bodies without problem, to our relationships, because who do you love when a person is today an 18 year old girl, tomorrow a 80 year old dude and next week an elf], is completely gone here. Instead we get humanity's hunt for immortality. But instead of exploring what that would mean for humankind we get a McGuffin everyone is looking for. And we get a weird out of touch fantasy side plot, that may make sense in the end but felt completely useless overall. So this book didn't add anything interesting to the world created in book 1.
Tags: Tech thriller; AI; No English translation
Bingo squares: Sequel, Queernorm setting, Mundane job (journalist, CEO, E-gamer, UNO agent)

2* range:

The long way to a small angry planet by Becky Chambers [2,5*]
Just not my cup of tea, neither the characters nor the story ever really clicked with me and in an extremely character focused story that's probably the worst that can happen. Here we follow a new crew member on a spaceship and learn more about the rest of the crew in a nearly episodic way (it felt we get a very detailed focus on each member of the crew one after another) while the ship is on its way on a deep space mission.
Tags: space opera; found family; LGBTQ
Bingo squares: Queernorm setting, bookclub or read along, Mundane job(h) (I mean, she's hired as a clerk)

1* range:

Ha, nothing so far. Overall the start wasn't to bad, with nothing catastrophically bad....
So now, while I have some more squares planned and some are just super easy to fill, I struggle to find something for: * Elemental magic * Druid
If anyone has some "must reads" for those squares, I'm more than willing to give them a try. Bonus points if it's a novella and stand alone. (I don't want to start so many new series for bingo, because last year added so many + those I read already outside of bingo...)

I recently got engaged and things have started to be a little unusual im 21 and its like my first ‘serious’ relationship i dont want to ruin things but all these things are new for me like how I should be with my fiancé and his family (expressing , communication) sometimes it gets too awkward …previously i have masked myself by imitating others actions but i dont recall anyone being in this situation which i can follow by culturally acceptable norms
Things are getting so difficult for me constant anxiety low self esteem I dont know what I should do i feel alone despite of being in a relationship.

I F25 dated my ex Will M28 for about 3 years. During that time, I met his best friend, D (M28).We all got very close and starting hanging out together. This was a long distance relationship and my ex and his friend lived on the opposite coast. When things started splintering between me and Will, D tried to stay out of the issue and tried to not pick sides but was equally supportive to both of us separately. When my ex and I broke up, D and I continued to be friends. We used to call each other sometimes but mostly texted. I hadn’t seen him for 3 years in person but he won a free vacation to a state near me. I told him that I wanted to see him and he was equally excited. There’s always been a flirty undertone with us but I know that he is still friends with Will and I didn’t want to assume that something would happen, even though I hoped it did.
In the background of this story, I have been FWB with one of my closest friends Joel M27 for a year. We dated for one. When I told him about this trip, he freaked out. He told me that I’m a terrible person and D is equally as bad. He said we shouldn’t have continued being friends after me and Will broke up and that I’m going to end up sleeping with D on this trip. The fact that we still spoke behind my ex’s back made this a betrayal and the fact we planned to see each other in his eyes - made it worse. He said that if I go on this trip, we wouldn’t be friends when I’m back.
So, I went on this trip. I ended up sleeping with him. I tried to make amends with my friend but he didn’t want to hear it. I’ve been torn myself, between wondering if I should have gone considering the cost but also the fact that I slept with someone who is the best friend of my ex. My ex obviously doesn’t know we talk let alone saw each other. However, as I say we broke up three years ago. My friends said that since me and Joel were noncommittal it didn’t matter and that three years passing and the fact that I’ve liked him/it wasn’t some grand plan to get back at the ex made it okay. Joel said he can never trust me again and that what I did was horrible.
Did I really do something horrible here or is he just jealous? Can I fix this?

Good Afternoon! 😊
Just looking for a few people who want to play games in a small group setting. We are open to a ton of different games, as well as general nerdy chat, tabletop gaming, card games, music, and more.
It’s so much more fun to have a small group where there’s always someone around to hang out and chat with, so please reach out and let me know if you’d be interested in joining and tell me a little about you! NA only :)

I (22M) regret staying local for college so much. So many factors came into play regarding my choice to stay and they made sense at the time but I wish I could go back and force myself to try out college far away first. I don’t feel like transferring is an option now but I’m so miserable. I only have 1 year left but every day I wake up and wish I was somewhere else.
Here’s my timeline
Fall 2019: start community college Fall 2021: apply for transfer Spring 2022: take a semester off bc I finished my units Fall 2022: attend a UC briefly, have to drop out because of reasons I will list below Spring 2023: continue education at local state school in order to still graduate on time
Reasons I left the UC: •my financial aid was stripped last minute, leaving me with a ridiculous amount of loans I’d have to take •I was unsure in my major (film), and I didn’t want to take more loans to figure that out •my dad was being forced to sell the house due to external circumstances, and if I came back I’d be able to help him keep it (without this house I’d be homeless) •felt I may have better opportunities at the state school instead of the UC
Fast forward to now, I just finished my first semester at the local state school under what I feel is a better major (Creative Media), but I feel so empty. I’m taking units at an accelerated rate to graduate on time but it doesn’t feel worth it. Everyday I’m either at school or doing nothing. I commute from home because money is tight but I’d rather go into debt than live here any longer. Which is weird because I have a perfect home life. I can do whatever I want whenever I want, i buy my own groceries and have my own freedoms, but I still crave a change.
I want to be an actor but I can’t find any auditions or classes near me that I haven’t already taken. I know I fucked up bad staying here and it feels like I’m just letting my life slip away. I’m almost 23 and stuck here until I turn 24 and whenever I remember that it makes me wanna die.
I know “the grass is always greener”, but I genuinely feel like I’d be so much happier living away from home. Because even if it was worse at least I’d be experiencing something new. Every time I drive around this town it feels like I’ve done everything here.
I’ve talked to a therapist about this but I don’t feel like much progress has been made. Mainly I’ll just forget I feel this way for a few weeks and then I’ll remember and get depressed again.
I am such an outgoing person so being locked in house with no reason to leave drains me so bad. I need to get out of here no matter what it takes, but I don’t want to drop out of college either. I don’t know what I can do.
I know I’m just a guy who tried desperately to cling onto the past, but it feels so unfair that I have to pay for it with 2 years of my life. I’ve felt this way since January, which is past when applications are due so if I wanted to transfer I’d have to apply in the fall and then wait until next fall, which by that point I’ll already be graduated from the state school.
TLDR: chose to go to school far away, but when I left my family had to sell our house so I came back to help and go to college locally. House got kept but now I’m miserable living in it and feel like I may have been better off letting them sell it and not coming back.

Hi everybody,
please excuse me if there are some terms Idk because English isn't my first language.
My daughter is 10 weeks and I developed PPD because she won't regularly eat for more than 2 weeks. It started with her screaming at my breasts not wanting to eat at all one day, went to irregular amounts a day and was the worst this weekend when she wouldn't eat at all if my breasts weren't already leaking milk.
I hope to find a lactation specialist asap but it feels so discouraging and hopeless and I just want to quit the breastfeeding and pump + bottle feed her. But I heard pumping can be even more stressful..
Little one has still issues with her colics and we wonder if that's what's bothering her to eat or if she's confused by her pacies and my nipples not being as hard as them?
Can anyone tell me if they had such breastfeeding problems too and if it just got better over time or did you try something new that helped?
Thanks for reading and your help

35f, 135lbs, 5’3, no medications.
I noticed this area of discoloration as I was passing the mirror this afternoon. It’s painless, wasn’t there yesterday, not raised, doesn’t itch or anything else. Its located near where the thigh and butt meet. No recent or previous injury to the area.
Picture https://imgur.com/a/16rdwaT
For context, I’ve had odd health issues going on for some time. Lymphadenopathy, lumps in my legs, behind me knee and in the crease of my elbow. As well as generalized itching without known cause, but gp and rheumatology haven’t found a cause.

Im a 22 year old woman, and I confidently say that the past three years have influenced my decision to no longer be a girls girl.For anyone who doesn’t know, a ‘girls girl’ is typically a girl who puts female friendships before relationships, will help a random girl out in the bathroom, will message a girl to tell her that her boyfriend sent me a flirtatious message etc. All acts which result in empowering other women, instead of being in competition with them.I was thinking to myself the other day, that most of my ‘downfalls’ have happened in the presence of another woman. For example:

1. Every job interview I have failed, the interviewer was female. Every interview in which I got a job offer, the interviewer was male. I just feel like my experience with female interviewers can’t be a coincidence. Especially when it includes condescending comments, cattiness, and little feedback.
2. All the drama I have had in the past few years, where I have gotten really upset, evolved around female friendships. That includes ghosting, bullying, being alienated and essentially kicked out of friendships. I haven’t had this type of upset with men (in terms of dating or speaking to) which either went really well or dissolved respectfully.
3. Finally, I have had awful interactions with other women in public. I use to work at a bar, and the worst interactions I had was with older women. That includes being screamed at, filmed, threatened, objects thrown at me, and being made fun of by a group of Karens. Don’t get me wrong, men have been rude too, but it never escalated further than a huff and puff, before they walk away and return with an apology on their next round (and sometimes a tip).

In the past, I would go above and beyond in my female friendships, and would be the first to help and befriend another girl. But this has really bitten me in the back multiple times. I just think that people are so insecure in society, no matter how much you support them, they’ll always see you as competition.Im done with being expected to prioritise and support other girls just because we have the same gender identity. Particularly when most female friendships I’ve had have ended really bitterly.
The final straw was when one of my best friends messaged me to tell me that I was not invited to her birthday ‘because there isn’t room on the table’. I had been there for that girl emotionally and financially for two years. I remembered getting two buses across town to take care of my other close friend, after she was distraught upon finding out that her boyfriend cheated. I ended up stranded at her house, having to pay for an expensive taxi to take me home, but I didn’t care because of course I would be there for my best friend at a time of need. A month later, she texts me to admit that she matched with a guy I was in an on/off relationship with on tinder and proceeded to message him. Knowing far well that I would never do that to her. Other examples include being ghosted, alienated out of friendship groups, blocked out of nowhere by my previous female ‘friends’.
Why should I adhere to the expectation to put other women first when this is the reality of female relationships?

I (43F) have been with my (45M) husband for over 27 years. Together since 1995 (I was15) and married 22 yrs. He was not my first but I was sexual very young. We split when I was 20 and I was with one other man for a few months.
We love each other. We are a great team. We are both very attracted to one another, have tons of fun together, and we are very intimate in and out of the br. Much of our marriage was difficult. He travelled a lot for work and I was a SAHM. He was a bad alcoholic when he was actually home but he was an amazing provider and a truly good man. He just kind of was a bad husband and father. He put us first by taking care of us financially but he had anxieties and other demons he wouldn’t deal with which led him to just not being a part of the family, and when he was it wasn’t healthy for any of us. It was hard feeling like a single mom. It was hard how his actions made me feel like I wasn’t enough no matter what I did. As far as household I did 100% housework, raised/disciplined kids (health, school, sports) my parents were also very helpful so I wasn’t completely on my own it was just all my responsibility to deal with it), I took care of all bills and where finances went, all shopping and anything else that made a family and home work besides making the money. I did manage to earn a little to help with stuff and contribute financially sometimes.
End of 2019 to beginning 2020 a ton of things changed. He came off the road and started a business minutes from home. Way less stress for him and more time for everything in general. I turned 40, our oldest moved out, the youngest soon got her license and needed me less. I had already been working part time for close to a year at this point. My main identity wasn’t just mom any longer. At first it was difficult to get him to do much now that he was home. He wouldn’t go to therapy or try medication for anxiety. I finally asked if we could open the relationship so I could find others to do more with me. He did a huge 360°. He did a little therapy and tried some meds. He started picking me wild flower bouquets on way home from work. He would tell me how beautiful and sexy I was and started helping a ton around the home. We do tons of fun stuff together and just simply enjoy each other more than we ever have. He has been working on his relationship with our girls too. He’s wonderful and perfect and I love him and how he treats me now
I still want an open relationship. Our entire life together I have always gotten crushes on others but just focused on being wife/mom. I connect super easily with people just in general. I always maintain close, family like level, friendships. I genuinely love people and the ways I bring something new to their lives and they mine. I learn something new about myself with each friendship/relationship. I’m also very sexual and want to explore with others but it’s truly not just about sex. Over the last few years when I felt he was trying to Understand me and working through it all it made me soooo hot for him. Sexually and I just wanted to make him happy more so than usual in an way possible. I’ve been open with him and friends about my wants. I’m a very open person in general. When I feel like he wants to allow me this trust and freedom I feel so alive, flirty, sexy, powerful, and appreciative of him. When talks go bad and I realize this is never going to happen I feel numb and broken. I feel like a flame inside me has been blown out. I seriously question possibly leaving what I consider to be an amazing marriage, a good, kind, loving man, and a future growing old together. Then, I feel ridiculous that I would throw that away over what I want…..but then I realize how empty I feel over the thought of never being intimate with anyone ever again. Sexually I have opened up in so many ways after being honest with my husband and my self esteem has sky rocketed. I feel more me.
Why do I feel like a very important part of me disappears when the reality hits me that I will never be able to explore nonmonagmy?

Was spending time with my gf today and after domming her for a little then talking and chilling I said something that she latched on to and helped me down into my subby space.
For context we are both switches but I've always been way more dommy than her and it's been a while since she's dommed me.
She was so good, guiding me perfectly into my subspace where I just wasn't even movigg without her permission. Following her orders perfectly. I won't go into the full style of what we did cos it's a little out there and it feels really personal to my identity but she hit all my little kinks perfectly. I was enraptured by how good it felt. It got to the point where I was still locked perfectly still for her but I was just being overwhelmed by my love for her and good and right I felt in her control that I actually felt my mind start to fracture and I had to safe word so I could just hold her and cry.
She just let me cry it out and kept reassuring me and made sure I knew it was OK that I get overwhelmed by emotions like this sometimes.
I just needed to share because I am still overcome with love for this girl. She is so good to me and I am so glad I get to make her happy too.