Back in 2018, I was bullied by a bunch of asshole classmates. They created a fake account where everyone had access to the password. Later on I had to move to another city due to my father's job. A guy from the bully squad had approached me multiple times and told me how much he liked me but I turned him down despite his attempts. To seek revenge he befriended my friend from my current high school, made her fall in love then she went against me. He even instructed our mutual friends to send pictures of them holding hands to me even tho I don't care?
Despite knowing it all, my mom says I get very sensitive whenever I hear their names. They were very young so I should just forget about it. He really likes me. And sort of brings up their names whenever I am talking about any sort of issues?Even went as far as saying she would give my hand for marriage if he is the last guy on earth because he is not that bad. Also regularly stalks him on social media. I cried and begged to ask her to stop and she just doesn't stop. This is getting so annoying.

The following vent is much more of a general vent about my life and thoughts than a vent about a specific bad day or topic. I'm going to be writing quite a bit, so if you don't have the time I don't recommend trying to read it, because I feel you should only read it if you can make it to the end of my vent.
I'm posting this because I just wanna have all my thoughts spilled over a public page. For no particular reason. Maybe people may see this and some may give advice, and while I'd definetly appreciate it, getting advice is not the MAIN reason I am writing this here. I just need to have this sitting here because it's just what my brain is telling me to do.
I have been wanting to write this for maybe a month now, but just never got around to to it until now.
First, a lil' introduction:
I am a guy, I am 16 years old and I was born in Romania and been living here since.
Ok, now without further ado, I will begin listing off the 5 main topics that have been frustrating me for the past few years.

1 My Ethnicity and Its Bullshit

I am a gypsy. More specifically a "spoitor", one of the many subgroups of gypsies in Romania.
Now, I know what you may think when reading that, but no, I am not talking about racism.
I have never been made fun of or bullied for being a gypsy.
So it's not a racism problem. Rather, it's more about the gripes I have with my ethnicity's people myself. More specifically the dumb traditions and culture and how they affect me:
-Our traditions We have so many unnecessarily trashy aspects to our traditions, especially marital ones. So basically, in most cases at least, the groom and bride's parents choose their spouses for them, or at least heavily influence their decision. It usually goes like this: The groom's parents find a bride for their son. They pay the bride's parents money for their daughter's hand in marriage for their son. So the groom and bride end up together because the parents and maybe other relatives decided so, instead of just two people falling in love with eachother and deciding to get married. Although I see that many of the new weds among my close and distant relatives are seemingly happy with their spouses, so I'm not exactly sure about every aspect. But yeah, there's arranged marriage. Now, besides the arrangement of the marriage, I've also noticed many of the grooms and brides pairs are related to some degree, usually not to the point of first degree cousins though. Nonetheless, incest is not as frowned upon in our ethnicity as you'd hope. So there's that. Now besides the fact that many marriages are arranged, and there's a pretty high chance the espoused are somewhat related, most of these marriages occur when the weds are between the ages of 12-17. So, we also got a whole lotta teen marriage. And also, they usually have kids soon after their marriages, so teen pregnancy is also common. And besides their weird obsession with early marriage, they also put so much emphasis on virginity that there's a tradition where relatives will gather at an event where the groom and bride have to have sex for the first time while a white shirt is placed under them, and one of the old relatives (I can't remember exactly which) then takes that bloodied shirt and shows it off to the people at the event to demonstrate the bride's virginity. Oh, I forgot to mention that it's mandatory only for the bride to be a virgin at the time she marries her husband, but the groom could have as many bodies as he wants by then. Which brings me to my next point: Gender inequality. And overall overbearing gender roles you're expected to adhere to.
-Our culture It's really dumb and douchey. Who would have thought? There's a great emphasis on acting grander and richer than you are, excessive cockiness and flexing, unnecesarry conflicts, a lack of education, and overall being an ignorant, insensitive, close-minded and conservative douchebag. Most of our people are homophobic, racist and very judgemental in general. They are very loud and obnoxious towards people, and lack self awareness. They never bring facts to their arguments, instead they just bark at eachother and maybe eventually fight dirty using blades, swords or axes, and over the most stupid irrelevant shit. They also have unconventional, risky jobs. And they're also way more superstitious and guillible on average than non-gypsies. Also more likely to abuse things like alcohol/smoking, and to become beggars. Many of them have improper hygiene. And the kids want to grow up too fast. I could just go on and on. But that's not really culture, it's more of a general personality and way of living.
When it comes to things like music and fashion though, we don't fare much better. Although I do have to say things like that are subjective.
And in my subjective opinion, our music and fashion sucks ass.
The music spoitor gypsies (and gypsies in general) listen pretty much exclusively to is called "manele" (it's very popular with non-gypsy romanians in general too). It's kinda like a oriental type of music with whiny melodic vocals, and there's other variations of it in other balkanic neighbours and middle eastern countries. The drums are pretty much the same in all songs, most of the manele singers sound very similar, and just in general all manele songs sound like eachother. But yeah, I just don't personally fuck with this type of music, however it's pretty much the only music my parents and relatives listen to, so I constantly am bombarded with it. Therefore I've kinda started despising it, even though I'm expected to like it too.
Music aside, my people's sense of fashion sucks ass too. Again, in my subjective opinion.
It's basically tacky ass designs and patterns, slim fitting clothes, edgy text and things like Gucci/Versce type lions and gold prints and just a whole bunch of goofy shit. Also a lot of ugly designer clothes (usually fake). It's more about the brand than the look. But yeah, overall many ridiculous patterns, eyesore bright colors, childish matchy ass outfits and overall clothes that just scream "Give me attention!!!". And once again, I am expected to want to dress like that too. Which I don't.
And how do these things affect me? Well, I am constantly expected to like and embrace/adopt their culture and adhere to their traditions too, and frankly, that's just not who I am, and attempting to be like that just gives me identity crisises and a lack of self expression. Fuck that. Trashy ass culture. It's like you took many of society's flaws and dialed 'em up to 11.

2 My Loneliness and Lack of Connections

I don't have many friends. Outside of my cousins, I'm genuinely friends with only one dude at school. And we pretty much only see eachother at school. Now don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, spending time with him is nice, we have many common interests to discuss and similar moralities. However, I would really like to connect to more people, and have a group of friends I know I could depend on to have fun and hang out with.
I mean there are 2-3 other guys that I don't go to high school with but I went to middle school with. We were friends in middle school and hung out sometimes. I'm technically still friends with them, but we haven't really been seeing eachother. Maybe only once every few months. At this point we're more like acquaintances on good terms than friends. And I just... don't feel very connected to them anymore. Like when we hang out something doesn't feel right. There was this one dude whom me and my best (and only) friend used to be a trio with. But him and my friend got into a fight once and stopped being friends. Then I was basically split between hanging out with the two separately, and eventually I kinda stopped talking to the dude. We never told eachother officially that we're not friends anymore or something, we just kinda fell out of connection with eachother, and I remained friends with my current best friend.
Yet once again, even though I do have one great friend, and a couple of nice cousins I hang out with, it just doesn't feel like enough to me for some reason.
In general, in public at least, I'm a quiet, awkward and shy person, mostly with new people, which made it pretty hard for me to make other friends. I'm introverted too, so my social battery is pretty low. Yet I don't want to be alone, I just don't know how not to be. I've missed quite a few opportunities of meeting new people and meeting older acquaintanes again, yet I was kept away from it by my social anxiety.
I spend most of my time alone, but not necessarily always because I want to.
I desperately want to have a bigger, connected group of friends to hang out with on the daily. Play fun games and record silly videos with them. Discuss personal issues and encourage eachother. Look at the stars in the night sky together and relax. But it just isn't happening, and I don't know how to get over my social anxiety and awkwardness, and it feels impossible to achieve.
I cannot hold a proper conversation with someone if I haven't known them for a while already. I'm reluctant to speak to the staff at stores or tell people on the bus that I need to get off the bus, because I keep fearing people care more than they actually do, and am afraid of judgement. I am especially awkward when it comes to talking to girls.
I feel weirdly envious seeing people hang out in large groups or having a significant other, makes me feel so left out and pathetic, like I'm missing out. I can't help but blame myself, because what else am I supposed to do?
I hate having social anxiety and a lack of social skills. It's eating away at my happiness anytime I remind myself of it.
And when it comes to my parents, well, although I'd say we're on at least ok terms with eachother, their conformation to the previously mentioned gypsy culture they try to enforce on me sours our interactions on the daily, and we just kinda have nothing in common to hang out over. And whenever I try being my true self and express my interests to them they judge me for it. So my relationship with my parents always goes from pretty alright to ohmygodimgonnafuckingleavethishouse. And through it all, I can't help but feel disconnected from them, which is so weird and kinda sad, because I felt genuine love for them when I was younger.
And when it comes to siblings, I have none.
So yeah, I'm lonely and I hate it. But actually trying to interact with new people is scary and tiring, so I hate that too. It's like an endless fucking vicious cycle of feeling depressed due to loneliness and feeling anxious due to attempting to socialize.

3 My Insecurities and Unfortunate Circumstances

I have a major insecurity: I'm a short dude. 5'5 (165 cm). I know it's not something I can change, therefore not something I should waste time and energy focusing on, but I just can't help it. When I see younger people and girls my age taller than me and I feel so bitter. It's just how my brain works. I get fucking happy when I see dudes shorter than me, how fucked up is that?
Besides that, I'm a little chubby, but I've been working on it and I'm like 6 lbs (3 kg) away from reaching my ideal weight. So that's something I'll fix, but in the moment it's still kinda annoying.
That's where the physical insecurities stop. I consider myself somewhat average to even maybe handsome when it comes to my face, just depends on the day. And I don't have problems like acne or crusty skin.
But now come some inconvenient circumstances that make feel more insecure in other areas.
One of them is my parents not wanting to accept my personal style, the way I wanna dress and have my hair cut, and it makes me feel so restricted and like I can't truly be myself. Which by the way is one of the things souring our relationship. While dressing and doing my hair the way they want me to makes them pleased, it also makes me feel opressed and disingenuous.
Another is that I don't really have my own proper room. I mean yeah, there is this room I sleep in and spend most of my time in, but it's less my room, and more just the only bedroom in our house.
So basically, this is my grandpa's fault. He had quite a huge amount of money but was greedy with it, so when he got our house constructed he only built one bedroom for all three of us (me, my mom and my dad). I slept with my parents 'til pretty late because of this, as I only started sleeping alone at the age of 9, when my parents moved to sleep on an extendable couch that becomes a bed, in the living room.
But yeah, the room I sleep is just a bed and a TV, with a closet with my parent's clothes in it, while my clothes are in a closet in the living room, the room my parents sleep in. Confusing, I know. But basically it was like it was never planned for me and my parents to sleep separately, which in turn caused the design of our house to be very inefficent and badly thought out.
I just want a desk in my room, you know? Something to put my PC on. It's currently in the living room.
Speaking of my PC, this one is partially my fault, but after having a potato PC since I was 3, I finally upgraded to a new one 2 years ago. My main goal was of course to run games smoothly. But, because I did improper research and my dumb ass thought the amount of RAM was more important than the video card when it comes to games, I got an expensive PC with a good motherboard and 32 GB of RAM, but with a shitty video card since I didn't focus on it. So yeah, there I was, new PC, but games running just as badly as on the old one because I was stupid.
I mean, even if would've had a good PC now, since it sits in the living room as I mentioned earlier I would have possibly been judged by my parents for the games I played on it, even if there was nothing inherently wrong with them.
And yeah I guess having some self-expressive posters and stickers in "my room" would've been nice too, but that's also not a possibility.
But at least somehow I guess my family got the bigger end of the stick. One of my mother's sisters (my aunt ofc), with her 2 daughters and her husband still have to live with my grandparents AND another one of my aunts and her husband, while another aunt lives in a cheap dirty apartment.
So my grandparents made a lot of money, but refuse to use it, therefore my family and my other direct relatives' families have to live in these flawed ways.
But yeah, I can't wait for us to rebuild our house eventually, so I can have my own proper bedroom and so can my parents.

4 My Lack of Productivity

Since I spend most of my time alone, in a room with only a bed, TV and a closet, I end up spending like 85% of my time on my phone.
Thing is, I have a few interests: drawing, animation, music, writing and photo/video editing. It's just that the combination of a lack of a proper personal space and minimal social interaction make me unable to motivate myself to actually pursue any of these interests or practice them as hobbies. I do doodle sometimes on my phone, but that's about as far as it goes. And I don't even at least consume content that would add to my culture, like watching movies/tv shows, reading books/comics or listening to albums. I just either mindlessly scroll through the same 3 social media apps or watch some meaningless video on YouTube, maybe even while snacking on junk food. Or maybe rub one out to porn after spending too much time picking the video.
Oh, have I mentioned that I'm also doing more poorly than ever when it comes to school and my academic endeavors? Oh, I didn't? Well, now I did. I'm not failing my classes, I'm just not putting in as much effort as I could, because it feels meaningless, but this is such a lazy approach.
So I do nothing good with my free time because of the frustration I have with other things in my life. At best maybe I'll hang out with my cousins.

5 My Overthinking Brain

Honestly, my mind might just be my biggest enemy. Pretty much any second I don't distract myself with my phone, my mind is going all out worrying about the most stupid shit. From cringing at that one thing I did years ago, to having existential crises over wondering what comes after death. From panicking about my future job and career to being overly curious to try drugs. My brain is active all the time, yet it chooses to keep on teasing me with problems I shouldn't even worry about. While I may come off as excessively negative in this rant, I actually am a rather optimistic person a good portion of the time, I just have this inconsistent mood, swinging between depressed and hopeful out of nowhere.
It makes me sometimes wish I was just dumber. So I wouldn't have to overthink anything and lose so much time and so many opportunities.
Basically my actual life is very underwhelming and boring while inside my mind I am constantly overwhelmed by the amount of possibilities and things in this world. Sometimes I even thought about suicide, but never actually considered doing it.
At this point I don't know if I may have some mental illness, and I don't know if I'll find out because if I'd tell my parents I want to see a therapist they'd either probably laugh at me or scold me then bring me to church or some shit.
So yeah. Through all these things that make me so unsatisfied with my life, I can't help but think I'm overreacting. Most of these things are pretty insignificant (I think) but there's so many of them it adds up and makes me want to just cry. But I can't. I'm emotionally numb.
And I'm tired. So tired. Physically and mentally (especially).
Just.. Just tired.
I'm tired.

Rated for bilateral flat feet 50%, also 10% on each leg for shin splints. I have tried every remedy under the sun, physical therapy multiple times, orthotics from different doctors, braces, compression socks, etc. The daily pain sucks but is just something I’m used to now. I've accepted it and just deal with it knowing that it won’t go away.
Problem is I’ve been working an office job since I’ve been out and my depression and anxiety are flaring up to a concerning level. Working physical jobs in the past has always managed to help with that but I am afraid now that since I am rated for flat feet, the VA won’t allow me to do that type of work and keep my rating. Like I said before, the pain is just something I am used to and I know it won’t go away, so I wouldn’t mind doing something physical like police work, HVAC, or pest control in order to help with the much more pressing issue that is my mental health. Is there any way I can go about that though without the VA downgrading my flat feet rating?
Thank you all in advance for any advice.

Am I the only one who gets tired of seeing people all day long asking for modifications ?There was a strange and curious time when if we didn't like a game, a movie, or something else, we simply moved on because it wasn't meant for us. But now, customers want to twist all experiences to fit their own needs. People confuse "feedback" with "here's what I want"
But video game companies have forgotten something in recent years: "It is not the job of consumers to know what they want" (Steve Jobs), in favor of being solely driven by product-market fit.

Hi guys,
I just wanted to say I love this game. The game released on Friday morning at 8am in my country, so I set my alarm for 7:45, did the updates and was starting the game at 7:55.
I know there's a lot of mixed feelings about the gameplay, but honestly in these trying times, with no good recent games, Corona Virus, and everything else that's going on in the world, I'm glad to be able to even play this game.
The graphics and music are awesome, and although my necro build has been nerfed to the geound, I still enjoy playing. What use is having an endgame build right at the beginning anyways? Being able to farm and upgrade you character IS the point of the game. No need to min/max in my opinion, just play the build that you enjoy. I've recently started a fireball/hydra/nova/blizzard build just for the fun of it. Its a joy. Who cares if there are microtransactions, ALL you have to do is NOT spend your money. Easy as that.
In terms of build diversity and the way items are crafted, I think Blizzard did a superb job. I also think the story was highly enjoyable. So far, I have 0 regrets buying this game.
Just wanted to tell everyone to relax, and learn to smell the roses on your way to decapitating evil minions, because the amount of effort they put into this game is obvious and Im just thankful this game didn't end up like New World. :)

In January 2022, I (20M) was cucked by someone I thought was a good friend, and nobody I've told about it seems to be all too concerned about me or upset by it, so that tells me that maybe I really am a bad person or did something to deserve it. Maybe he really was a good friend and I'm just a jealous biatch with a grudge.
Long story short, my two coworkers (a female 6th grade teacher and male kindergarten teacher) at the elementary school I used to work at introduced me to this girl (about 8 years older than me) who they wanted me to smoke weed with because she's known for being emotional and stressing and feeling bad about herself. I would later learn that she has borderline personality disorder.
At first glance, I thought I was just being used for my weed, but then she never actually wanted to smoke my weed, so I figured maybe they just genuinely wanted to try and set us up. So I spent the next couple months slowly letting us get to know each other and get comfortable with each other. I brought her flowers a couple times when she was stressed out and going through things, we took each other to our work Christmas parties, and I even wasted $40 on silver earrings for her for Christmas.
Looking back on it, I was a loser simp who caught feelings way too fast.
Then she maybe pretended that she was having emotional stress over that 6th grade teacher I mentioned so she'd have an excuse to not wanna do anything to celebrate her birthday. (I heard from a different coworker that they were roommates during the 2019-2020 school year, and this girl wanted to hang out with this lady all the time like they were best friends, but when the lady's grandson moved in and she started dedicating more time to him, it became a triangle where she was unhealthily attached to this lady and needed to be told when to back off, so this girl ended up moving out and later left town that summer just before I started working at the school with the 2020-2021 school year, and then she came back in the summer of 2021 to work at a different school in town the following year).
I felt bad and wanted to try make her feel better and at least do something for her for her birthday, so I left a card and a couple flowers on her porch while she wasn't home, and then came over later that evening to find her drunk off her ass with that kindergarten teacher guy I mentioned earlier.
Looking back, it should have been clear to me that they were there together because she called him over to drink and fuck, and she didn't wanna drink and fuck me, I guess. But I hung out for a little bit watching someone I thought was this innocent, school teacher, sweet girl swearing and talking raunchy, fucked up shit. Normally, it would've been funny, but because of what happened with how she was stressing over that lady, it looked like legitimate unhealthy depression coping. And then she was talking on the phone with some dude from out of state in her contacts saying "if I had a boyfriend, he'd come over and fuck me", and that's when it happened.
If the dude had simply said "look, you're a nice kid, but we're kinda already here together doing our own thing and you're kinda being a third wheel here, can you please go?", all these problems could've been avoided.
But NO, he wanted to punk me and make me feel like a loser POS by lying and saying he needed to take her out for a drive to let her scream and get her energy out before he had a serious talk with her. How fucking LAUGHABLE that sounds looking back at it, I was A PATHETIC IDIOT for ever believing that bullshit. Everyone knows you NEVER EVER leave the girl you like alone with another dude like that, that's just asking to get cucked. He knew I gave her flowers and those earrings and shit and obviously had a thing for her, and he just wanted to punk me and make me a cuck loser.
And then the next day, this girl had a brusied shoulder and acted traumatized and claimed to have been blacked out (bitch, you were NOT passed out or incapacitated, you were walking around, talking, and also talking about wanting to fuck; I've never been drunk before, but I've been super stoned many times, so I know what intoxication is like). She claimed that they drove out to the beach and she took his joint and smoked it, and then they went home and she didn't know if she was taken advantage of or not.
The 6th grade teacher lady came to talk to me and see if I was alright, and said that 1) she might think she was a victim, but she was responsible for her own actions, and 2) that dude didn't have anything against me and I could still trust him without fear. Then I saw her whispering something in his ear and glancing over to me a minute later (probably saying "I took care of that little punk/losebitch, he's not gonna be a problem").
The only reason I continue to speak with these people today is because I'm still not 100% sure about what happened. I'm like 99% sure that all three of them played me for a fool, but there's still a part of me that believes that maybe she actually was blacked out and ended up in an unfortunate/regretful situation.
If it's the first one, I'm just a jealous loser with a grudge over a girl, and if it's the second one, I'm a misogynistic asshole who doesn't believe women when they claim to be blacked out and assaulted. I'm a POS in this scenario either way.
She had a half-birthday celebration with that lady and some of her coworkers six months later in July 2022, and that's when she flat out broke out crying in front of all of us and said something like "I shouldn't have done this celebration, I feel awful because I fucked someone on my birthday, and I thought it'd be a good idea to get drunk and high, and I woke up in the middle of it."
After that outburst, we all left, but the thing that got me though was that she said "I fucked someone", not "someone took advantage of/assaulted me", which implied to me that maybe she really did want to fuck that dude, but then she also mentioned waking up in the middle of it and I remembered her bruised shoulder, which only made me feel like even more of a POS (one viewpoint is jealous, the other is misogynistic, either way I'm a loser).
Ever since that day in January 2022, I felt like the world was conspiring against me and that people were talking bad about me and plotting/scheming to hurt/embarass me. I didn't know who to trust, my older stoner cousin was clowning on me with his friends (dude kicked me in the head, yelled my name in front of the cops when we were smoking weed, and threw spam and mangoes at my car), I felt like even my own mother and brother had grudges against me at times, I ended up arrested for the 2 oz of weed I had in my car, I lost the job I had working at the elementary school because I flipped someone who snapped at me and they all pretended to feel unsafe/fearful of my presence, kids and parents didn't seem as enthusiastic about seeing me as they used to, and I just felt like the worst person I knew.
I just felt like the universe just felt like karma the universe was telling me "see, you're a POS asshole who's also a pathetic loser, this is what the world thinks of you and this is how we're gonna treat you. You think ANY woman would want you, or man would respect you, you little bitch? Because I just feel like fucking you over right now, loser."

Hi! So I'm having a bit of a problem with trying to run local 13B models. I have 32 GB of RAM, an RTX 3070 with 8 GB of VRAM, and an AMD Ryzen 7 3800 (8 cores at 3.9 GHz).
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Since I do not have enough VRAM to run a 13B model, I'm using GGML with GPU offloading using the -n-gpu-layers command. Recently I went through a bit of a setup where I updated Oobabooga and in doing so had to re-enable GPU acceleration by reinstalling llama-cpp-python, over on this page: https://github.com/oobabooga/text-generation-webui/blob/main/docs/llama.cpp-models.md#gpu-acceleration
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Now, I was also getting an error with bitsandbytes saying it was installed without GPU support, however Oobabooga still said the GPU offloading was working. I had set n-gpu-layers to 25 and had about 6 GB in VRAM being used.
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With this setup, with GPU offloading working and bitsandbytes complaining it wasn't installed right, I was getting a slow but fairly consistent ~2 tokens per second. I also decided to do something about the bitsandbytes error, and I found this issue on github where a solution (using pip to install torch-2.0) was posted: https://github.com/oobabooga/text-generation-webui/issues/1969
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I followed the given solution and the bitsandbytes error was gone. Great! Except...now performance inside of Oobabooga is basically tanked. Outputs tend to be between 0.3 and 0.4 tokens a second, and on top of that, it takes up to a full minute or more before the replies even start generating. If I'm regenerating a response, then it's able to respond right away and goes at the ~2 tokens per second. However, as soon as I type something new and hit generate, the speed drops again and it sits there saying "is typing" forever.
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So, I'm wondering if I went wrong somewhere along the line, or if one of my settings is messed up. I'm using all default settings, aside from using 25 GPU layers, and the model I'm using is the 5_1 bit GGML version of Guanaco 13B. This is all happening on a fresh install, and I even tried to do a separate fresh install last night, but it's not fixing the problem and I'm stuck with the slow speed and response times.
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Any help is appreciated. :)

In January 2022, I (20M) was cucked by someone I thought was a good friend, and nobody I've told about it seems to be all too concerned about me or upset by it, so that tells me that maybe I really am a bad person or did something to deserve it. Maybe he really was a good friend and I'm just a jealous biatch with a grudge.
Long story short, my two coworkers (a female 6th grade teacher and male kindergarten teacher) at the elementary school I used to work at introduced me to this girl (about 8 years older than me) who they wanted me to smoke weed with because she's known for being emotional and stressing and feeling bad about herself. I would later learn that she has borderline personality disorder.
At first glance, I thought I was just being used for my weed, but then she never actually wanted to smoke my weed, so I figured maybe they just genuinely wanted to try and set us up. So I spent the next couple months slowly letting us get to know each other and get comfortable with each other. I brought her flowers a couple times when she was stressed out and going through things, we took each other to our work Christmas parties, and I even wasted $40 on silver earrings for her for Christmas.
Looking back on it, I was a loser simp who caught feelings way too fast.
Then she maybe pretended that she was having emotional stress over that 6th grade teacher I mentioned so she'd have an excuse to not wanna do anything to celebrate her birthday. (I heard from a different coworker that they were roommates during the 2019-2020 school year, and this girl wanted to hang out with this lady all the time like they were best friends, but when the lady's grandson moved in and she started dedicating more time to him, it became a triangle where she was unhealthily attached to this lady and needed to be told when to back off, so this girl ended up moving out and later left town that summer just before I started working at the school with the 2020-2021 school year, and then she came back in the summer of 2021 to work at a different school in town the following year).
I felt bad and wanted to try make her feel better and at least do something for her for her birthday, so I left a card and a couple flowers on her porch while she wasn't home, and then came over later that evening to find her drunk off her ass with that kindergarten teacher guy I mentioned earlier.
Looking back, it should have been clear to me that they were there together because she called him over to drink and fuck, and she didn't wanna drink and fuck me, I guess. But I hung out for a little bit watching someone I thought was this innocent, school teacher, sweet girl swearing and talking raunchy, fucked up shit. Normally, it would've been funny, but because of what happened with how she was stressing over that lady, it looked like legitimate unhealthy depression coping. And then she was talking on the phone with some dude from out of state in her contacts saying "if I had a boyfriend, he'd come over and fuck me", and that's when it happened.
If the dude had simply said "look, you're a nice kid, but we're kinda already here together doing our own thing and you're kinda being a third wheel here, can you please go?", all these problems could've been avoided.
But NO, he wanted to punk me and make me feel like a loser POS by lying and saying he needed to take her out for a drive to let her scream and get her energy out before he had a serious talk with her. How fucking LAUGHABLE that sounds looking back at it, I was A PATHETIC IDIOT for ever believing that bullshit. Everyone knows you NEVER EVER leave the girl you like alone with another dude like that, that's just asking to get cucked. He knew I gave her flowers and those earrings and shit and obviously had a thing for her, and he just wanted to punk me and make me a cuck loser.
And then the next day, this girl had a brusied shoulder and acted traumatized and claimed to have been blacked out (bitch, you were NOT passed out or incapacitated, you were walking around, talking, and also talking about wanting to fuck; I've never been drunk before, but I've been super stoned many times, so I know what intoxication is like). She claimed that they drove out to the beach and she took his joint and smoked it, and then they went home and she didn't know if she was taken advantage of or not.
The 6th grade teacher lady came to talk to me and see if I was alright, and said that 1) she might think she was a victim, but she was responsible for her own actions, and 2) that dude didn't have anything against me and I could still trust him without fear. Then I saw her whispering something in his ear and glancing over to me a minute later (probably saying "I took care of that little punk/losebitch, he's not gonna be a problem").
The only reason I continue to speak with these people today is because I'm still not 100% sure about what happened. I'm like 99% sure that all three of them played me for a fool, but there's still a part of me that believes that maybe she actually was blacked out and ended up in an unfortunate/regretful situation.
If it's the first one, I'm just a jealous loser with a grudge over a girl, and if it's the second one, I'm a misogynistic asshole who doesn't believe women when they claim to be blacked out and assaulted. I'm a POS in this scenario either way.
She had a half-birthday celebration with that lady and some of her coworkers six months later in July 2022, and that's when she flat out broke out crying in front of all of us and said something like "I shouldn't have done this celebration, I feel awful because I fucked someone on my birthday, and I thought it'd be a good idea to get drunk and high, and I woke up in the middle of it."
After that outburst, we all left, but the thing that got me though was that she said "I fucked someone", not "someone took advantage of/assaulted me", which implied to me that maybe she really did want to fuck that dude, but then she also mentioned waking up in the middle of it and I remembered her bruised shoulder, which only made me feel like even more of a POS (one viewpoint is jealous, the other is misogynistic, either way I'm a loser).
Ever since that day in January 2022, I felt like the world was conspiring against me and that people were talking bad about me and plotting/scheming to hurt/embarass me. I didn't know who to trust, my older stoner cousin was clowning on me with his friends (dude kicked me in the head, yelled my name in front of the cops when we were smoking weed, and threw spam and mangoes at my car), I felt like even my own mother and brother had grudges against me at times, I ended up arrested for the 2 oz of weed I had in my car, I lost the job I had working at the elementary school because I flipped someone who snapped at me and they all pretended to feel unsafe/fearful of my presence, kids and parents didn't seem as enthusiastic about seeing me as they used to, and I just felt like the worst person I knew.
I just felt like the universe just felt like karma the universe was telling me "see, you're a POS asshole who's also a pathetic loser, this is what the world thinks of you and this is how we're gonna treat you. You think ANY woman would want you, or man would respect you, you little bitch? Because I just feel like fucking you over right now, loser."

Technology Support Specialist

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The Global Technology Support Centre will be our new central point of contact for our local Aftersales teams regarding all technology related issues of our portfolio.
https://482jobs.com/job/technology-support-specialist/

This post is connected to the previous one about happiness, but it is not necessary to read it to understand.
As I talked about happiness, and my way of seeing things, I just thought about something really important that helped me : stop social medias.
For all the people born in the 2000's, we were born before social medias. We began to use it around our 15's. So we knew life BEFORE and AFTER social media, whereas people born in 2005/2010, knew social media for all their lives, so they cannot tell how strongly it impacts their lives. But it does.
//////
1 social media are anti social
When you use social media, you think you can connect with your friends, with the world. But this is the big mistake : it will do the exact opposite. On instagram for example, you'll gonna see people's life. And you gonna be either jealous or despising.
If they travel, have many friends, take really nice pictures, you'll be jealous. 'This girl piss me off.'
If they don't do much, take pictures that you consider ugly, or share things you think are stupid, you'll be despising. 'This is a poor girl, so dumb'
And for others social media like twitter, it's a bit diferent. Everybody insults each others. Simple. It's just a bunch of people full of hatred who discharge their hatred and sadness on others just because on internet you can be anonymous.
2 social medias want you to feel bad
When you use social media, you might think it's gonna help you becoming self confident. 'I'm gonna post nice photos, share nice things, and I'll feel nice !'
No no no, it's the contrary.
You'll see pictures of others. Of their lives, of their friends, their parties. People's life on social media seems to be so perfect. But your life is not perfect, you have problems you are not so beautiful, you don't do so much travel or parties. You'll start feeling wrong. Why people's life is so nice and mine sucks ? I have to post photos, things, to prove that my life too is good !!! ....
Of course, it's just an illusion. Nobody's life is perfect. And everybody think just like you. 'Why people's life is so nice and mine sucks ? I have to post photos, things, to prove that my life too is good !!! ....'
And because everybody feel this way, everybody keep on using social media. It's like a hell loop. Remember that your parents never felt the need to show their lives to the world. This need never existed before. Your parents did make some photo album, but not to show off, just to remember the past and nice moments. For themselves.
3 social media are a waste of time
TikTok, Instagram, Twitter... How many hours do you spend on it daily ? A lot, I'm sure.
But your time is precious. You should spend this time talking with family, friends, doing sports, reading, watching interesting movies, studying, listening music, create things, sing, play an instrument. Simply living.
Social media is killing your time. Time makes you learning things, knowing people, doing things. Social medias steal your time. Because of social medias, you don't have time anymore to just admire nature, appreciate your coffee, read a nice book. It really steal your time, and hence, your life.
4 social medias will give you depression
It is now proven that social medias will give you depression. Reals, short videos, give you multiple shot of dopamine. Dopamine is the hormone of happiness.
Before, you had dopamine by listening to bird singing, eating tasty fruits, having a pleasant conversation with your sister, gazing at the sky, watching a cool movie, etc. You had your shot of dopamine in a natural way, by just living and doing things.
Now, you see a TikTok video = shot of dopamine. Another one = another shot. And again and again and again and again and again. One day, you just won't be able to feel the hormone of happiness naturally. It's like a drug that you took too much time and now a little shot is not enough. You need 10 shot to feel it.
One day you feel nothing. Empty. Nothing surprises you anymore. You have no desire, no emotions, nothing makes you feel good. You're just like an electric cable who is burnt up because too much electricity has passed and now no electricity can pass anymore.
And this is depression. In the brain, nothing works. Life and natural things such as animals or landscapes or people : nothing can bring you alive anymore.
CONCLUSION
Everything has been done to make you dependent. Insta, Tiktok, etc, they know it. They know that you are addicted. They make money over your lack of confidence and your addiction. They don't want no good for you, they're just willing to make more money.
Why should we do then ? Suppress everything ?
It depends on the social media. TikTok, Insta, Twitter should all be deleted. It brings you nothing good. Facebook is too old, its system is not working, so it won't hurt you much. Pinterest is totally okay I think. And for reddit ?
It depends on what you'll do with it. Fundamentally, there is nothing that could really hurt you because reddit is careful with haters, posts, and stuffs. But you still gotta be careful : as for every social media, try not to spend too much on it.
If you want to be happy, enjoy life and simple things, just stop social media. You don't need to watch all these videos, just look around you. All you need is already around you, in the REAL life. Social media can make you feel like you are living in another world, like it's an escape, but this is just an illusion. You are just loosing time in the real world. And while you are focused on your mobile watching videos and posts and stuffs, the world is moving. And you're missing it.
Please take care.

Are you looking for a food consultant in Ahmedabad who can help you start or grow your food business? Whether you want to open a restaurant, cafe, bakery, catering service, food processing unit, or any other food-related venture, you need a professional and experienced food consultant who can guide you through the process.
A food consultant is someone who has knowledge and expertise in the food industry and can provide you with various services, such as:
​

• Market research and feasibility studies
• Business plan and financial projections
• Location selection and site evaluation
• Menu planning and recipe development
• Kitchen design and equipment sourcing
• Staff recruitment and training
• Marketing and branding strategy
• Quality control and hygiene standards
• Licencing and compliance
• Operational management and troubleshooting

A food consultant can help you save time, money, and resources by avoiding common mistakes and pitfalls that many food entrepreneurs face. They can also help you create a unique and competitive edge in the market by offering innovative and customised solutions for your food business.
If you are looking for a reliable and reputed food consultant in Ahmedabad, you can choose from the following options:
​

• Food Buddies 1: Food Buddies is a leading food consulting firm that offers end-to-end services for food product development, food industry implementation, food safety and quality management, food packaging and labelling, food marketing and distribution, etc. They have a team of qualified and experienced food technologists who can help you with your food business needs. You can contact them at https://www.foodbuddies.in/geo/ahmedabad/.
• WeServe2 : WeServe is an award-winning restaurant consultancy that specialises in cafe and restaurant setup, design, menu planning, kitchen design, staff training, marketing, and expansion. They have a creative approach to creating unique and profitable food concepts that cater to the customer’s preferences and expectations. You can contact them at https://www.weserve.co.in/.
• IMS Group 3: IMS Group is a recruitment consultancy that provides staffing solutions for the food industry. They have a database of skilled and experienced candidates who can fill various positions such as chefs, managers, waiters, bartenders, etc. They also offer training and development programmes for the existing staff to enhance their performance and productivity. You can contact them at https://indeed.com/q-consultant-food-l-ahmedabad,-gujarat-jobs.html.

These are some of the best food consultants in Ahmedabad who can help you with your food business goals. You can also search online for more options or ask for referrals from friends or family who have hired a food consultant before.
A food business consultant can be your partner in success by providing you with valuable insights, advice, and support throughout your food business journey. So don’t hesitate to hire one today and take your food business to the next level!

My whole life I was a musician. I was convinced that this path was the one for me, and no other. I knew it would be tough to find a job or “make it” but I didn’t care about roughing it because it’s my true passion (or so I thought).
When I started college, I was very passionate about being a film composer. Got a degree in it. Even though I didn’t have the best college experience, I still felt like music was my calling. I got a few gigs here and there during my college years and had a network of people that gave me work - work that I was excited about. I even managed to have a kind of successful online presence.
But, something in my senior year began to change. I became more disinterested. I have been depressed since I was 12 years old, so I know that this was different. I stopped caring as much about furthering my career and networking. My heart was slowly losing its grip on my passion for music, without me realizing it. Then, a few months before graduating, the pandemic happened. Obviously, everything dried up and I completely lost all interest in my classes. I didn’t give a single shit when I graduated.
I thought it would be temporary, but I never got that passion back. I lived in a very emotionally abusive household so I decided to move across the country to a city where I thought I could go chase my dream, but it was mostly to escape my family and be with my SO. I thought living in this city would rekindle that spark, but if anything, it’s done the opposite.
I have to be an adult now, find a job, pay bills, all that jazz and because it’s been impossible to find a job in the music industry, and I got sick of piecemealing part time music teaching jobs, I decided to say fuck it and started going for corporate full time jobs instead. Any job that pays.
And so that’s where I’m at.
For the last year I’ve run into nothing but absolute failure. First office job I got I actually enjoyed a lot - got laid off 2 months later. Couldn’t find a job for literally 6 months after. Got hired for another office job, the business was really shady and didn’t even give me a week before firing me. I then found a job at a bigger corporation in the hopes of a better opportunity - the job was extremely deceiving and not what they made it seem at all. I ended up getting hurt at the job, and with no way out, I was put in a position where I had to quit or keep hurting myself. I also now have no unemployment to support me.
I just don’t know what to do now. Part of me feels like life is telling me this isn’t the way, but I just don’t know what is. I can’t handle the constant grind and uncertainty of gig work I’ve realized, but every “stable” job I’ve run into leads me to failure. Even if I go back to gigging, I just don’t have that spark nor passion anymore. I feel absolutely nothing. No drive to create or play. If I gig, it’s just for money.
The idea of going back to school for some whatever certification feels like the obvious solution but there is nothing that I am interested in that would be viable for short term (which I need). I’m not interested in much at all either. I’m also honestly not interested in going back to school at all if I can help it. Obviously, I gotta eat so I’m open to doing it, but I’m not excited about it.
Nothing really appeals to me and I feel like I’m just going in circles between random meaningless jobs that don’t fulfill me and that I don’t care about. There is a part of me that feels pressured to be a creative but no drive to do it. I just don’t know what the fuck to do with my life right now. All advice and insight is appreciated. Success stories too if you’ve been in a similar situation.

My husband of nine years and I have a very unhealthy distancepursuer relationship dynamic. He tends to be aloof while I am a little needy. In our conflicts, I complain about my needs not getting met, and he takes it as criticism and shuts down, which causes me to feel worse, and the cycle continues. We have always been like this and have had a LOT of conflict because of this, but I thought he would never betray me and loved me deep down. However, one year ago I found out that he had been having an EA for the last four years.
After finding out, he cut off AP, but he was very passive about the recovery process as with everything else in our relationship. I did all the research about infidelity recovery and gave him a list of things to do including marriage counseling, an open phone policy, reading a book about infidelity, initiating regular discussions about my feelings, etc. He did none of those things, so I finally got fed up with him and we separated two months ago. He has been looking for an apartment and we have been going back and forth considering divorce. I have been asking him to at least do couple's counseling, but he keeps refusing, saying he doesn't think our dynamic will change, so there is no point.
Today he finally admitted to me the reason why he can't make efforts for affair recovery. His words were "As long as we are in a relationship, you will have more power over me because of what I did. I am just not confident to deal with those negative feelings on top of your negative feelings about other things like how you don't like my job, how I communicate, my habits, how I don't clean well enough, etc."
So I am now at a loss about what to do. As the BS I have a right to ask him to take steps to earn my trust back. If anything, he has actually lost my trust more since his EA because I've caught him lying about watching porn and he hid dinner plans with a different female friend from me after agreeing not to meet any women alone. All logic tells me to just dump this guy who has repeatedly lied to me and might just cheat on me again.
Aside from his affair, I have always felt unhappy with him because he isn't reliable in general, doesn't contribute equally to housework, has a low sex drive but watches porn regularly, has poor hygiene, and works a job with crazy overtime so I never get to see him and never feel prioritized.
On the other hand, I kind of understand his position. He has always felt criticized by me and felt like he has to try to meet my demands, and he dealt with it by placating me and then blowing off steam with AP. Now with his affair exposed, he has found himself with a losing hand. I have the trump card, and he can't win, so he doesn't want to play anymore.
I feel like the logical thing is to just end this relationship, but despite logic, I still love him, and the thought of losing him as my life partner feels absolutely devastating. We do have many happy memories together, many shared interests, and he has been a supportive and loving partner at times.
Since he has refused counseling, is there any way to actually deal with this situation? Is there anything I can do or say? Do I try to persuade him to stay? Do I just let him go? How do I know what is the best move here?

Fun fact: I can swim but I can't float. At least Sea of Thieves let's me live my dreams of treading water!
I am a pirate legend (I got it ages ago) but its been a hot minute since I last played. Anyone up for a quick game? I prefer the PvE to the PvP but I've been known to use drastic measures to win in any player altercations.
I have done a skeleton fort maybe one time, and I really enjoy the Tall Tales and campaigns, so if you need help or are just starting out, let me know.
I work and I am often busy. I'm free in the evenings and appreciate someone who understands if I can't play all the time. I live in the UK and play a bunch of other co-op games too, so maybe we can check out more.
Send a message if you can swim and you have Discord. Cheers!

You don't know what you don't know. You don't even know to ask in order to learn something to make your job easier. Usually, you have your methods that get the job done and not enough time to find better ways to do things.
Sometimes, you luck out and stumble across an extremely simplified solution to what seems to be a complex task, and it absolutely rocks your world with how easy the task just became.
Many times, these solutions are considered "common knowledge", and you scratch your head whenever someone around you has their mind blown.
The thing is, what you may think of as common knowledge is something that someone else in the same role as you has never heard of. Yet.
If you're like me, you've failed up into your current SysAdmin-ish role by pure random happenstance, tenacity, failing better (meaning that you fail, learn, and move on to the next more complex failure, learning again, and moving on... you get my drift), and turning a hobby into a career. You drink from a firehose your entire professional life and earn your scars through pure experience, frustration, and one or two nervous breakdowns. I'd spare anyone that last experience if I could.
Drop your wisdom in here so that others may benefit. It doesn't matter how simple you think it is. If it's something that changed how you perform a task, or it redefined a process, please share.

Please note, I'm seeking a serious relationship :)
_______________________________________________
Edit: pictures of myself are on my profile. Also, I had a few women reach out to me wanting to be just friends. I'm not looking for that, please only reach out to me if you are seeking a serious relationship.
Hello there! :p
I'll try to make this short, sweet and to the point.
Who am I looking for?
I'm looking for someone I can connect who shares in my passions and world views, someone I can enjoy life with, all its ups and downs, the sweet and the sour moments. As for more specific personality traits, I really adore someone that is caring, loving, kind, respectful and open-minded.
As for appearance wise, I am not sure what to say because it really all comes down to personality for me.
Who am I and what are my hobbies/passions?
I guess I am a bit of a nerd, at least that's what I've been called a few times. Though, honestly, I enjoy doing a whole bunch of things that bring me joy. Things like playing video games, football, board games with friends, running in the park, exploring, watching documentaries on YouTube, tinkering with computers, etc.
Actually, I'll note down some specifics here, too:
- Anime (The Seven Deadly Sins, SAO, Record of Grancrest War, Angel Beats!, The Dragon Prince, Legend of Korra, etc)
- Video games (Skyrim, Fallout, Dishonored, Sims, Pokemon, CoD Zombies, Borderlands, Mass Effect and more)
- Sports (football, badminton, tennis, squash, volleyball, running, riding on a bike)
- Movies (Marvel movies, DC movies, Matrix, Daredevil, Star Wars, The Lord of The Rings and more)
As for my passions, I feel passionate about gaming, animals, technology and football - particularly the Champions League - to put it all succinctly. I understand if you don't love football or tech, it's all good, I don't expect you or anyone to be into every single thing that I am into :)
What can I offer you?
Hmmm... I can be your personal tech support, I can be your fitness partner, I can be your chef if the need arises, I can be your essential boyfriend pillow you cuddle at night, just to name a few. But most importantly, I can be your special someone you can rely on and be there for you and support you because life is hard already as it is.
Though, back tracking a little bit, I admit that I don't know too many cooking recipes, but despite that, some of my everyday dishes are quite exquisite, like my delicious strawberry jam (or Nutella) pancakes - just wanted to clarify that :p
Any deal breakers?
I only have 3 deal breakers:
- Smoker
- Does not like animals/pets
- Not child-free
With that said, thank you for reading my post :)
P.S. Did you catch my Star Wars reference "Hello there" ?

I’m 22 and trying to figure out what I should do with my life. I want a job where I can take extended time off and work 2 weeks on / 2 weeks off or 2 months on / 2 months off. I’m leaning towards remote tech or merchant marine work.
What do you guys do that provides the income and time off to go backpacking and even take long trips? I suppose I could work somewhere in Colorado or Utah and go on the weekends but it would be cool to have extended time off and be able to take more frequent and more extended trips all over the world.

(Sorry this got a bit long but i have divided it into pointers)
Hi, so i had my first performance review today(completed over 8 months in the company), feedback shared with me by my manager. He showed his reviews and reviews from my other team members. It was great and even better than I expected. BUT when I asked what are the timelines for my promotion in my role because i mentioned it last week and was waiting on reviews first so I will have some basis to show when i ask. To which he completely acted clueless like i asked for kohinoor and he couldn't have seen it coming ever in his dreams and from his reaction i was speechless too. I have given most part of my day to this job, i am the only one handling my project independently and have performed well and have enough experience to deserve a promotion. i deserved that title even while joining in the first place.
​
Some background for context:

1. I had 3+yoe when i joined. 4 Yoe now.
2. Everyone with my experience has a senior title in my domain usually but not necessarily depending on company
3. There is another manager whom i interacted with during my interviews, i clearly mentioned it that I am looking for this specific title and asked what are the timelines at this company to grow in a role.

to which he responded and assured me -
- "you don't have to worry about it at all, you work 6 months and based on that we will definitely consider it. (not only did they not consider it, it was never even discussed among them that this candidate expects this in the future. i find it so unfair)"
- "we don't go with the normal 1 y 2 yr timelines for promotions, if you deserve it, you will definitely be rewarded for it."
​
And today my manager said these lines to me -
"you're doing great, better than what's expected of you"
"only thing you need to work on more is try to learn this but i understand that is not even part of your job role but would be great if you take out some time for it"
"you didn't notify me in advance or i would have targetted these reviews to start a discussion about your promotion"
"i was not aware you were expecting this and was promised a promotion after 6 months"
"let's talk about this again in next performance cycle after 6 months"
"i can mention this to my superiors but remember this you can only use your "wildcard" like this once, so use carefully"
"titles don't matter. some people with this title have 10 years of experience. but i also agree that you deserve it and years of experience do not matter here"
​
So these are the exact wordings i got but i felt it gave me a mixed vibe and not a clear answer. I mean if i deserve it then why do i have to ask for it and why are you people not talking amongst yourselves when you promise such stuff while hiring, and if i don't deserve it then where do i need to improve on to which i again didn't get anything my role-related.
Am i asking for too much? Should I just let this go and wait for another 6 months? It felt like he was trying to scare me as if mentioning this to upper management will backfire or something?? (bc he said, they could just have your coworker from another project handle yours too)(like why was i hired then?)
I had been looking forward to this for months, trying to give more than expected just to make sure and now even if i have great reviews, i still get nothing? what is the point of performance reviews then?
Am I overthinking this? Please let me know if it sounds like something i can ignore? because the company and work is not bad, coworkers are fine too. I don't want to think about quitting just yet because of this.