Starts off as a tack shooter.
Top:

1. Triple Shot (dart monkey) x3 projectiles
   
2. Double Shot (buccaneer) x2 projectiles
   
3. Quad Darts (Heli) x4 projectiles
   
4. Double Shot (Ninja) x2 projectiles
   
5. Sky Shredder (Plane) x4 projectiles
   

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Middle:

1. Robo Monkey (Super Monkey) x2 projectiles
   
2. Pre-emptive strike (sub) Only moab damage taken, not attack type.
   
3. Ultra-Juggernaut (dart monkey) Split into 6 and damage.
   
4. Bloonjitsu (Ninja) x5 projectiles
   
5. The Tack Zone (tack shooter) x4 projectiles and crazy attack speed
   

​
Bottom:

1. Airburst Darts (sub) Darts split into 3
   
2. Thorn Swarm (Druid) x2 projectiles
   
3. Sentry Gun (Engineer) Places down turrets that share the tower's projectiles.
   
4. Epic Range (Super Monkey) Stupid range
   
5. Grandmaster Ninja (Ninja) x8 projectiles
   

​
So, a 5-5-5 would have the damage of an ultra-juggernaut, MOAB damage of pre-emptive strike, range of Super Monkey with Epic Range, able to place turrets, has the attack speed of a Tack Zone, and has 983040 projectiles, which each split a total of 18 times. Broken.

Recently bought the AvatarTTRPG. I was excited to play but didn't really like the rules and the way the game played. I have been Dming D&D for over a decade, and was much more comfortable with the rules and gameplay, so I decided to homebrew some bender classes. Right off the bat, I'm concerned about balance with these, so I thought I'd post them here, to get some thoughts on what works and what should be changed.
Kind of a long post, so I don't mind if you only check out just one.
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Fire Bender
A smartly dressed man with pointed sideburns, aggressively walks forward as he relentlessly flings roaring hot bursts of fire from his fists.
As she is being surrounded, a woman with long jet black hairs sends out a great pulsing ring of flames from the palms of her hands, charring her enemies to ash.
A stoic disheveled man sits upon a mountaintop, mediating on the sounds of life around him. As each breath of air fills his lungs, a brilliant energetic cyclone of flame dances around his body.
Purveyors of passion and rage. Firebenders are excellent warriors, who can create beautiful works of art with their flames, or reap havoc and destruction across the world.
As a Fire Bender, you gain the following class features.
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d8 per Bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 8 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d8 (or 5) + your Constitution modifier per bender level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: Light armor and medium armor Weapons: Simple weapons and martial weapons. Tools: Choose one type of artisan’s tools or one musical instrument Saving Throws: Constitution, Charisma Skills: Choose two from insight, intimidation, Persuasion, Acrobatics, Athletics, perception, deception, stealth.
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• (a) two short swords (b) any simple weapon
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack
• A Pai Sho set

Fire Bending
BURST OF FLAME
Beginning at 1st level you can send small bursts of flame from your fingertips. This is a melee attack that does 1d6 damage + your charisma modifier and increases as you level up. It has a reach of +10 and you are proficient with it.
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level fire bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
Firebending Ability
Charisma is your Firebending ability for your firebending techniques. You use your charisma whenever you use your Chi to cast advanced firebending.
Spell save DC + 8+ Proficiency bonus + charisma Modifier
Spell Attack Bonus Proficiency bonus + Charisma Modifier
Beginner Fire Bending Techniques
You start off knowing a handful of basic firebending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following spells.
Control flames
Faerie fire
Produce flame
Create bonfire
Reckless Attack
Starting at 2nd level, you can throw aside all concern for defense to attack with fierce desperation. When you make your first attack on your turn, you can decide to attack recklessly. Doing so gives you advantage on rolls using charisma during this turn, but attack rolls against you have advantage until your next turn.
Source of Bending
At 3rd level, you decide on which emotion you get your firebending abilities from. Choose the Path of Rage or the Path of Life. This grants you features at 3rd, 5th, and 10th level.
Ability Score Improvement
When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th, and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.
Using the optional feats rule, you can forgo taking this feature to take a feat of your choice instead
Extra Attack
Beginning at 5th level, you can attack twice, instead of once, whenever you take the Attack action on your turn.
Intermediate Fire Bending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various firebending forms. You can now cast these spells using 2 Chi Points.
Flameblade
Heatmetal
Scorching ray
Fast Armored Movement
Starting at 5th level, your speed increased by 10 feet, while wearing light or medium armor.
Concise Bending
Starting at 7th level, you have gained concise control over your bending. You now have advantage on stealth checks that involve your bending. Additionally, you can change the temperature of liquids to any number you desire, without anyone noticing.
Brutal Critical
Beginning at 9th level, you can roll one additional damage die when determining the extra damage for a critical hit with an attack. This increases to two additional dice at 13th level and three additional dice at 17th level.
Expert Firebending Techniques
Starting at 11th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast expert level Fire bending techniques. These new techniques cost 3 chi points each.
Chain lightning
Flame strike
Wall of fire
Master Firebending Techniques
Starting at 15th level, you have honed your abilities to peak performance and are now able to cast master level Fire bending techniques. These new techniques cost 4 chi points each.
Firestorm
Delayed fireball
Fire Prodigy
Starting on 18th level, you can cast Meteor Storm once per long rest, it doesn't cost any chi points.
Jet Propulsion
Starting at 20th level, you can use your fire bending to fly. You gain a flying speed of 40 and your AC increases by 2 while you are moving in this way.
Fire Bending Source
Fire benders have long been fueling their bending with emotion. Passion, rage, envy, all have the capabilities of imbuing a firebenders chi with incredible power. Rage has been the dominant source of power for the last 200 years, but earlier records show that this wasn't always the case. Fire is life and energy, and the long forgotten ways of the Sun Warriors, relies on this as their own source.
Source of Rage
Rage
When you pick this Path at 3rd level, you can go into a RAGE.
In battle, you fight with primal ferocity. On your turn, you can enter a rage as a bonus action.
While raging, you gain the following benefits if you aren't wearing heavy armor:
• You have advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws.
• When you make a melee weapon attack using your FIRE BURST, you gain a +2 bonus to the damage roll. This bonus increases as you level.
• You have resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.
If you are able to cast spells, this includes spells using your chi points, you can't cast them or concentrate on them while raging.
Your rage lasts for 1 minute. It ends early if you are knocked unconscious or if your turn ends and you haven't attacked a hostile creature since your last turn or taken damage since then. You can also end your rage on your turn as a bonus action.
Once you have raged the maximum number of times for your barbarian level, you must finish a long rest before you can rage again. You may rage 2 times at 1st level, 3 at 3rd, 4 at 6th, 5 at 12th, and 6 at 17th.
Frenzy
Starting when you choose this path at 6th level, you can go into a frenzy when you rage. If you do so, for the duration of your rage you can make an additional attack as a bonus action on each of your turns after this one. When your rage ends, you suffer one level of exhaustion (as described in Conditions).
Mindless Rage
Beginning at 10th level, you can’t be charmed or frightened while raging. If you are charmed or frightened when you enter your rage, the effect is suspended for the duration of the rage.
SOURCE OF LIFE
This source of fire bending is the original form of fire bending. The polar opposite of the bending of today, this form of bending relies on energy, life, and the power of the sun. These fire benders are passionate and mindful.
Power of the Sun
At 3rd level when you adopt this source, you can choose to deal radiant damage instead of fire damage, at will. Additionally, your fire blast has a range of 30/60 feet.
Sun Chi
Starting at 6th level, you gain additional spells to use with your Chi points, these cost 2 points.
Investiture of flame
Sunbeam
Power of the Dragons
Starting at 10th level, you can change the color of your flame. This imbues your Fire Burst with additional properties. Choose one. And instead of doing an additional attack you add the property to your single attack. You can change the color of your flame everytime you take a long rest.
Yellow- the target must pass the charisma saving throw equal to your spell save DC or become confused.
Green-. You can heal, instead of doing damage.
White- the target must pass the constitution saving throw equal to your spell save DC or become blind.
Blue- the target must pass a constitution saving throw equal to your spell save DC or every attack against the target has advantage.
Black- The target must pass the constitution saving throw equal to your spell save DC or your flame can do necrotic damage. And prevent healing for 1 hour.
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Water Bender
A wrinkled woman with braided hair dressed in thick furs creates a giant wall of ice to block an incoming barrage of arrows.
A bearded man with shaved hair at the sides, rushes towards his enemies sending shards of ice to impale their bodies.
A long haired hooded figure twists his wrists, as his arm extends towards another person. They cry out in horror as they lose control of their bodies and start following his every command.
Wise, adaptable, and determined, water benders can harness their powers to heal their allies, or perform devastating attacks against their enemies.
​
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d8 per Bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 8 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d8 (or 5) + your Constitution modifier per bender level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: Light armor Weapons: Simple weapons Tools: Choose one type of artisan’s tools or one musical instrument Saving Throws: Wisdom, Intelligence Skills: Choose two from Insight, Persuasion, Stealth, Arcana, Survival, Perception, Nature.
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• any simple weapon
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack

WATER BENDING
WATER WHIP
Beginning at 1st level you can snap a long whip of water at your foes.
This is a melee attack that does 1d4 damage + your wisdom modifier. It has a reach of +5
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level Water bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
Natural Healer
Starting at 2nd level, waterbenders gain the unique ability of healing. You can heal yourself or an ally you can touch 1d4+wisdom modifier healing for every chi point you use.
Waterbending Ability
Wisdom is your Waterbending ability for your waterbending techniques. You use your Wisdom whenever you use your Chi to cast advanced waterbending.
Spell save DC + 8+ Proficiency bonus + wisdom Modifier
Spell Attack Bonus Proficiency bonus + Wisdom Modifier
Beginner Waterbending Techniques
You start off knowing a handful of basic waterbending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following spells.
Frostbite
Ray of frost
Ice knife
Lesser restoration
Water Bending Style
Starting at 3rd level, you decide which style of water bending you want to learn. You must choose either Northern Style, Southern Style, or Swamp Style.
Intermediate Waterbending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various Waterbending forms.
You are now able to cast the following spells using your chi. You must spend 2 Chi points to cast these spells.
Snowball storm
Mass healing word
Tidal wave
Water Walking
Starting at 7th level you gain the ability to walk on water. Additionally, you gain a swimming speed of 50 ft. and can breathe underwater.
Blood Bending
Starting at 9th level you gain the ability to control the blood inside people's bodies.
You can use 4 chi points to use any of these techniques, you can only use blood bending twice a long rest. You can completely control any beast with a challenge level ½ without using chi.
Geas
Dominate person
Expert Waterbending Techniques
Starting at 11th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast expert level Waterbending techniques. These new techniques cost 3 chi points each.
Wall of water
Control water
Watery sphere
Octopus Form
Starting at 13th level You can spend 8 chi points to sprout 8 limbs of water from your body. While in this form attacks have disadvantage against you. Additionally, you can attack twice with your water whip.
Master Waterbending Techniques
Starting at 15th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast master level Waterbending techniques. These new techniques cost 4 chi points each.
Mass cure wounds
Wall of ice
Tsunami
Advanced Blood Bending
Beginning at 17th level, You no longer can use blood bending only twice a day, additionally you can now cast power word kill using 10 chi points.
Armless Bending
Beginning at 18th level, you can now perform all bending techniques without the use of your limbs.
Cryogenic Ice Prison
Starting at 20th level, you can now use 20 chi points to incase an enemy in a sphere of cryogenic ice. The target must pass a strength saving throw against your spell save dc, on a fail they are imprisoned in the ice until released. They do not age or die while imprisoned.
BENDING STYLE
The Water tribes, while on opposite ends of the world, share similarities. However, being so far away from each other has caused their bending styles to dramatically differ. While the north focuses on defense and creative uses for buildings and art, the south must focus on the harsh nature of their environment, and offensive abilities.Then there are the swamp benders, who have found unique ways to bend the nature around them.
NORTHERN STYLE
Defensive Water
Starting at 3rd level you learn to naturally adapt to using waterbending as a defense, your ac increased by 1. Additionally you have resistance to fire damage.
Protector of the North
Starting at 6th level, You get access to additional waterbending techniques costing 3 chi points each.
Investiture of ice
Revivify
Ice Architect
Starting at 10th level, If you have access to snow or water, you can make houses out of snow. Anyone who takes a long rest in the house gains 15 temporary hit points, this increase to 20 at level 15 and 25 at level 20
SOUTHERN STYLE
Advanced Water Whip
When you choose this style at 3rd level, Your water whip becomes a ranged attack of 30/60 and now does 1d6+ wisdom modifier in damage.
Crushing Grip of Seas
When you choose this style, starting at 6th level, Your water whip becomes like an extension of your arm, you can pick up objects with it, and you can grapple enemies with it. The grapple done using the water whip uses wisdom instead of strength. When grappling in this way, you can spend a Chi point to make your enemy prone.
Aquatic Aggressor
Starting at 10th level, you gain additional Waterbending techniques, these cost 4 chi points to use. Additionally You can use Chi to perform a waterbender technique as a bonus action when you attack with your water whip.
Maelstrom
Ice storm
SWAMP STYLE
Plant Manipulator
Starting when you choose this style at 3rd level, you can manipulate the water that exists within plants. You can extend 3 Chi points to cast the following spells.
Plant growth
Grasping vine
Entangle
Tree stride
Land’s Stride
Starting at 6th level, moving through nonmagical difficult terrain costs you no extra movement. You can also pass through nonmagical plants without being slowed by them and without taking damage from them if they have thorns, spines, or a similar hazard.
In addition, you have advantage on saving throws against plants that are magically created or manipulated to impede movement, such those created by the entangle spell.
Nature’s Sanctuary
When you reach 11th level, creatures of the natural world sense your connection to nature and become hesitant to attack you. When a beast or plant creature attacks you, that creature must make a Wisdom saving throw against your Bender spell save DC. On a failed save, the creature must choose a different target, or the attack automatically misses. On a successful save, the creature is immune to this effect for 24 hours.
The creature is aware of this effect before it makes its attack against you.
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Air Bender
A bald monk in orange robes and glowing tattoos stands on a cliff, he sends a great spiraling tunnel of wind forward, hurtling his enemies against the hard rocks below.
A renegade mercenary with a rough beard and worn fatigues, twirls his wrist as his hand tightens into a fist. The person across from him grasps at his throat as he attempts to breathe, with no success.
A young energetic boy rides his glider across the sun. He laughs as he lets go and falls to the earth, sending out a great wave of wind as he lands.
Patient and understanding, Airbenders spend most of their lives in isolated meditation. They have strong bonds with the people they meet as they travel the world in order to understand the 4 nations. However, some break away from this lifestyle, and use their bending for evil, not good.
​
As an Air Bender, you gain the following class features.
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d6 per bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 6 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d6 (or 5) + your Constitution modifier per monk level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: None Weapons: Simple weapons, shortswords Tools: Choose one type of artisan’s tools or one musical instrument Saving Throws: Strength, Dexterity Skills: Choose two from Acrobatics, Athletics, History, Insight, Religion, and Stealth
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• (a) a shortsword or (b) any simple weapon
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack
• An airbending glider

Unarmored Defense
Beginning at 1st level, while you are wearing no armor and not wielding a shield, your AC equals 10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Wisdom modifier.
Air Bending
AIR BLAST
Beginning at 1st level, you can send out a blast of air at your foes.
This is a ranged attack that does 1d4 damage + your dexterity modifier. It has a range of 30/60
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level Air Bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
BEGINNER AIR BENDING TECHNIQUES
You start off knowing a handful of basic Airbending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following abilities.
Patient Defense
You can spend 1 Chi point to take the Dodge action as a bonus action on your turn.
Step of the Wind You can spend 1 Chi point to take the Disengage or Dash action as a bonus action on your turn, and your jump distance is doubled for the turn.
Gust
You can spend 1 Chi point to cast the spell Gust.
Unarmored Movement
Starting at 2nd level, your speed increases by 10 feet while you are not wearing armor or wielding a shield. This bonus increases when you reach certain bender levels, as shown in the Air Bender table.
At 9th level, you gain the ability to move along vertical surfaces and across liquids on your turn without falling during the move.
Deflect Missiles
Starting at 3rd level, you can use your reaction to bend a shield of air around you. You can deflect the missile when you are hit by a ranged weapon attack. When you do so, the damage you take from the attack is reduced by 1d10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Airbender level.
Ability Score Improvement
When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th, and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.
Using the optional feats rule, you can forgo taking this feature to take a feat of your choice instead.
Intermediate Air Bending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various Airbending forms, you can use your chi to cast the following spells. These spells cost 3 chi to cast.
Catapult Feather Fall Gust of wind
Glider Flight
Starting at 7th level, you can use your glider to fly. You have a flying speed of 60, and cost 1 chi point per hour to stay in the air.
Stillness of Mind
Starting at 9th level, you can use your action to end one effect on yourself that is
causing you to be charmed or frightened.
Expert Air Bending Techniques
You have gained the knowledge of most airbending forms. Starting at 11th level you can spend 4 chi points to cast the following spells.
Storm sphere
Control winds
Investiture of wind
Diamond Soul
Beginning at 14th level, your mastery of Chi grants you proficiency in all saving throws.
Additionally, whenever you make a saving throw and fail, you can spend 1 Chi point to reroll it and take the second result.
Master Air Bending Techniques
You have become a master airbender. Starting at 15th level, you can expend 5 chi points to cast the following spells.
Whirlwind Power word stun
Air Suffocation
Starting at 18th level, you can expend 10 chi points to create a sphere of air around your enemies head. If the target has fewer than 100 hp, you suffocate them, killing them instantly. If they have higher hp, they must make a constitution saving throw against your spell dc, on a fail they take 2d20 damage. You can choose to knock them out instead of kill.
Gliderless Flight
Starting at level 20, You no longer need a glider to fly. Your flying speed is double your movement speed, and you can attack while flying without penalty.
AIRBENDING STYLES
SKY WARRIOR
Slow Fall
When you choose this style at 3rd level, you can use your reaction when you fall to reduce any falling damage you would normally take, to 0.
Twinkle Toes
Starting at 6th level, when you use Step of the Wind, you can use your airbending to propel yourself around an area. When this ability is activated you have a flying speed of 30ft. This ends at the end of your turn.
Expert Flyer
Starting at 10th level, You can fly without using Chi points. You get a flying speed equal to double your movement speed, as long as you have your glider. Additionally, your ac increases by 1 while flying. You can attack from your glider at disadvantage.
PATIENT DEFENDER
Offensive Defender
Starting at 3rd level, you gain the ability to use another Air blast as a bonus action.
Evasion
Starting at 6th level, your instinctive agility lets you dodge out of the way of certain area effects, such as a blue dragon’s lightning breath or a fireball spell. When you are subjected to an effect that allows you to make a Dexterity saving throw to take only half damage, you instead take no damage if you succeed on the saving throw, and only half damage if you fail.
Wind Hand
at 10th level you can use your air bending to grab objects and move them, additionally you can use 4 chi points to use a Telekinesis spell. (The telekinesis is not true telekinesis, it is airbending. But the spell works mechanically the same.)
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Earth Bender
A tall wide shouldered woman, smirks as she levitates a rock, sends it downward, and crushes her opponent under its unrelenting weight.
A muscular man with a grayed beard rushes across a barren landscape, the earth below his feet molding to his movements and propelling him forward.
Earthbenders are strong, unrelenting, and stubborn. Their sheer power and tenacious will, make them fierce warriors.
​
As an Earth Bender, you gain the following class features.
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d10 per Bender level Hit Points at 1st Level: 10 + your Constitution modifier Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d10 (or 6) + your Constitution modifier per bender level after 1st
Proficiencies
Armor: All Armor, Shields Weapons: Simple weapons and martial weapons. Tools: none
Saving Throws: Constitution,Strength Skills: Choose two from Acrobatics, Animal Handling, Athletics, History, Insight, Intimidation, Perception, and Survival
Equipment
You start with the following equipment, in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• (a) chain mail or (b) leather armor,
• (a) a martial weapon and a shield or (b) two martial weapons
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack

Earth Bending
Stone Punch
Beginning at 1st level you can hurl chunks of rock at your enemies. This is a ranged 30/60 attack that does 1d8 damage + your Strength modifier and increases as you level up.
Chi Points
You also gain Chi points, which can be used to cast higher level Earth bending techniques. You Start off with 2 points and gain more as you level up. You regain chi points when you finish a long rest.
Earthbending Ability
Strength is your Earthbending ability for your earthbending techniques. You use your Strength whenever you use your Chi to cast advanced Earthbending.
Spell save DC + 8+ Proficiency bonus + Strength Modifier
Spell Attack Bonus Proficiency bonus + Strength Modifier
Beginner Earth Bending Techniques
You start off knowing a handful of basic earthbending techniques. You can spend one chi point to cast any of the following spells.
Mold Earth
Earth Tremor
Shield
Action Surge
Starting at 2nd level, you can push yourself beyond your normal limits for a moment. On your turn, you can take one additional action.
Once you use this feature, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again. Starting at 17th level, you can use it twice before a rest, but only once on the same turn.
Earthbending Style
Starting at 3rd level, you decide which style of Earth bending you want to learn. Choose either Sightless or Aggressor.
Ability Score Improvement
When you reach 4th level, and again at 8th, 12th, 16th, and 19th level, you can increase one ability score of your choice by 2, or you can increase two ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.
Using the optional feats rule, you can forgo taking this feature to take a feat of your choice instead.
Intermediate Earthbending Techniques
Starting at 5th level, you have gained experience with various Earthbending forms.
You are now able to cast these spells using your chi. You must spend 3 points to cast these spells.
Spider Climb
Erupting Earth
Stone Shape
Extra Attack
Beginning at 5th level, you can attack twice, instead of once, whenever you take the Attack action on your turn.
Stone Sculptor
Starting at 7th level, you gain the ability to mold stone to your liking. You can create stone weapons, furniture, and tools.
Stone weapons- You can make any simple weapon using this ability. These weapons count as magical.
Stone tools- Artisan or thieves, crowbar.
Stone Furniture- Beds, chairs, tables, and containers*
Land Boost
Starting at 9th level, you can spend 2 Chi point to mold the land beneath your feet, and surf along it as if it is water. Your speed is doubled for the duration and attacks have disadvantage against you. Additionally, you can use earth bending to boost you to points you would not normally be able to reach. If using this ability to travel, you must spend 1 chi point an hour to stay in this state.
Expert Earthbending Techniques
Starting at 11th level, you have honed your abilities to now be able to cast expert level Earthbending techniques.
Meld into stone
Investiture of stone
Move earth
Metal Bending
Starting at 13th level you gain the ability to mold metal along with earth, all of your techniques can also be applied to metal. Additionally, your Stone Punch now does double damage when used with metal instead of stone.
Master Level EarthBending
Starting at 15th level, you have become a master of earth bending. You can now spend 4 chi points to use the following spell.
Earthquake
Advanced Action Surge
Starting at 18th level you can use action surge twice.
Rock Bullet Rain
Starting at 20th level you can disintegrate a compressed rock, and shoot its shrapnel-like fragments with great speed. Roll 4d20 you can divy out that damage to any enemies you can see.
BENDING STYLE
Sightless
Keen Perception- Beginning when you choose this style at 3rd level, you can feel people approach when they are on the ground. You have advantage for any perception check dealing with the ground. You can’t be surprised.
Keen Insight- Starting at 6th level, you have a wonderful ability to tell when someone is lying. You have advantage on insight checks if the person is standing on the ground. You can always determine someone's heart rate.
Total Awareness- Starting at 10th level, your attacks ignore total cover, additionally, you do not have disadvantage when attacking invisible foes.
Aggressor
Improved Critical
Beginning when you choose this archetype at 3rd level, your Stone Punch scores a critical hit on a roll of 19 or 20.
Protection
When a creature you can see attacks a target other than you that is within 10 feet of you, you can use your reaction to impose disadvantage on the attack roll.
Stone Archer
You gain a +2 bonus to attack rolls you make with your Stone Punch and its range increases to 60/120.

I will be starting a part-time degree program and will need to commute 182mi (round trip), mostly highways, ~3 times per week for classes, so I am definitely looking to cut gas costs by riding instead. I'm looking for a bike with a decent range, that can at least make half the trip (91mi) and, of course, good mpg for a relatively affordable price, as I am a student. For context, I am a prospective rider and haven't taken any rider courses nor do I have an endorsement, but I am very motivated to get fully licensed by the end of the year.
That said, I'm currently looking at the Honda Rebel 300, and the Royal Enfield Meteor and Classic 350s. All of these run for less than $5,000 MSRP, which is pretty much my budget for a bike considering the cost of the licensing and all the gear I need, maybe I could stretch it to ~$6,000. My knowledge in this field is pretty limited, so I'm hoping to get some insight as to whether these are good options for my situation, and if you have any personal experience with these bikes, which one would be the best. I'm open to other suggestions as well but please note I am 5'5" and only weigh 120lbs so I'm also a bit limited to bikes that are easier to handle.

Context. I'm a closeted queer person and living with my very conservative parents for financial reasons. And with how much I make a month... If I were to move out I would need to find a place to rent for 1000 a month or cheaper... The only places I can find that match that are 30 minutes away from where I work. Which would result in an increase in my gas usage and quite frankly I don't want to drive that far to go to a place where I feel underutilized and underpaid just to drive 30 minutes back to collapse in bed and start over again in the morning. That's not for me. So that means I'm gonna need a new job, but I suck at interviews! Like my brain doesn't operate well when I have to be like "this is why you should hire me" like I got my current job because the place was desperate (but clearly not desperate enough to offer a livable wage) and I got my job before it because the place was desperate (though not desperate enough to hire another person so I wouldn't have to be squeezing oranges 5 days a week and that's why I quit that one) and the only job I had before that one was more or less an internship (DCP for those who know what that means) so of course it was temporary and at the end of it I didn't have the money I would need to move there to work full time (and of course now I wouldn't want to work desatan being a fucking fascist pig) and what do these companies do when they keep losing people and getting complaints from their employees about being stretched too thin? "Nobody wants to work anymore" bull fucking shit. More like people don't want to work in a dead end job where they can barely afford to keep themselves alive where they're not paid any extra for doing double or triple the work because they're short staffed and now one person has to do the job of 3 just to keep the place running! Why the fuck should I have to live with my parents just so you're corporate heads can go on extravagant vacations or whatever the fuck they're doing with that money they aren't paying down? And before any trolls who might come to this sub to be all high and mighty and say shit like "maybe you should get a real job meh meh meh minimum wage is for high schoolers meh meh meh" no! You don't get to say what is and isn't a real job. And minimum wage was created so every person in the workforce can have a livable wage. And if the wage I'm getting at my workplace is intended "just for high schoolers" then that places operating hours would reflect that. The store would have to open at 5pm and close at 9pm on weekdays. And to top it off I'm currently on the morning shifts working with people I don't feel safe talking to about my identity. One of the things I loved was having made friends on the night shift I could talk to openly but now our work schedules don't allow that and our days off aren't lining up so I've got no safe people to talk to at home, or at work, and I have no idea how to start up a social life outside of work. And even if I did there's the trouble of figuring out who is and isn't safe to talk to because I live in a relatively red town.
I fucking hate this capitalist, borderline fascist hellscape we live in.

Hellooo, looking for some build advice on a character I'm cooking up. I pretty much had him completed but I'm curious if I could get some more feedback. Slight Curse of Strahd spoilers.
Originally I had been running a character in CoS, Kenku Shepherd Druid, who had unfortunately perished moments before the campaign ended (not finished, was about around level 5 or 6.) I had made this new character as a replacement. I'm joining a new campaign now but still love the idea.
Backstory: Kenku druid attuned to the Gulthias Staff and succumbed to the hunger for power. After perishing, the staff was going to consume the Kenku and infuse the life of the vampire Gulthias into the perished body changing it into a more batlike creature. Thus born (or reborn) the vampire Gulthias, though incomplete due to the limited power of the staff. He is now set out to get revenge on the man who killed him.
So the build is as follows:

• Reborn Owlin
  • Owlin is a very bat-like race and reborn is an interesting way to not be a full vampire.
• Warlock Undead (1)/Rogue Mastermind(X)
  • The one level in Warlock is representative of the Gulthias Staff and shadow-touched feat I had on the Kenku. Taking create bonfire to assist in battlefield control but also it echoes the Druid's produce flame. This also gets around not having the Gulthias Staff in my next campaign.
  • The Mastermind ability to mimic speech echoes the Kenku's expert duplication and the ranged help action echoes the Druid's guidance.
  • Other spells include Booming Blade, Comprehend Languages, and False Life
• Starting with uncommon magic, free feat, and starting equipment
  • Goggles of Night
  • Sharpshooter
  • Light Crossbow, double daggers,
  • Background: Criminal

​
My main questions now are: - What class should I start with? - Any leveling suggestions? Which one first, how many levels? - Any better ideas for starting feat and magic item?
Open to suggestions based on the concept too!

I’m an 18 yr old female living with my mum [39] my older sister (20) and my two younger sister (13 and 5). My house does get quite messy due to a 5 year old running around and a 13 year old who doesn’t know basic hygiene yet, but nonetheless I clean up their mess everyday because I can’t stand sitting down and chilling out when the house is a mess. Cleaning includes the kitchen, sweeping, mopping, washing dishes, drying dishes, putting dishes away, wiping the sides, cleaning the oven, hoovering the entire house, clearing the table, picking up rubbish, taking dirty glasses into the kitchen, and even cleaning windows sometimes. I’m like a maid in my own home, I do not get money for any of this cleaning and I go to college so I’m not earning any money for myself. Anyway, I was planning on going to my boyfriends for the weekend so I cleaned the house prior to leaving and then when I came back the house was messy all over again, but no one cleaned up because I usually do it so they all leave it for me to clean. This time I cleaned the entire house EXCEPT the dishes, because I thought that considering I wasn’t there and I hadn’t used any of the cutlery I wasn’t going to clean it. My mum came home and I let her know that I will not be cleaning any of the dishes because they were hers and I hadn’t made the mess and she shouted at me, telling me I don’t work, I don’t give her money to live here and overall making me feel really bad about not cleaning the dishes. However I had cleaned the entire house but all she cared about was me refusing to do one chore that would’ve taken her 20 minutes to do? She also complained that she was the one paying for our gas, water, internet and even the roof over our heads and I’m great full for that but I feel like me being the only one who cleans is unfair. I explained to her she has another daughter who could clean up the mess, as it was her used dishes too. (Me and the 13 year old had been out for the weekend so it wasn’t anyone’s mess but theirs) but she said that my sister works and therefore shouldn’t have to clean up when she got back from work. About an hour after the argument she had disconnected me from the WiFi and when I tried to make food she would say things like “I pay for that gas you’re using right now, I pay for the food you eat. What do you pay for?” Patronising me. I ended up going to bed on an empty stomach. Should I have just cleaned the dishes?

Ty Alcaraz for letting us watch a bit of extra tennis <3
​

ATP Singles :

Rune vs Ruud :

Yes we’ve had fifth Rune vs Ruud on clay but what about sixth Rune vs Ruud on clay? This is quickly becoming a rivalry despite Casper leading the set count 10-3 and having only lost once. That’s how the conversation goes though when your opponent is younger. Every win they notch feels like a changing of the guard, and even if it isn’t you can be sure Yahoo Sports and the Daily Mail will pump out an article announcing it as such. Complaints about clickbait aside, Rune’s last (and only) win in Rome did feel like he was starting to solve the puzzle. Holger having a better backhand and his service game getting to even made it feel like Ruud would really have to do a lot to win in this matchup. Add in that this season has seen a peculiar lack of form from Ruud at times, and panic mode was somewhat engaged. This is a good chance for Casper to reset the discussion, but it also feels like a must-win.
Ruud beat Jarry in straight sets, which is a tall task for anyone right now. Jarry played great, but Ruud was patient and stubborn from the baseline, and his deep return position made it tough for Jarry to score quick points. The thing that really makes me point to Ruud winning his next match is how reliable he was on the big points. When he needed to, or wasn’t expected to, come up with a big shot, he did. His forehand is getting excellent height when he goes cross-court, and despite his backhand lacking some depth it’s been getting up high on his opponents. If Jarry at 6‘6” had a bit of trouble, it’s probably going to both Rune at 6‘2” (both these listed heights seem fudged in opposite directions). While Ruud was enjoying a return to form and a solid win, Rune was struggling physically in a marathon match against Cerundolo. Their match lasted just a minute under four hours, and despite looking physically fine during points, Rune’s play looked like someone who did not want to run anymore. Late in the fifth the dialogue with his box had started, and I was impressed that he managed to keep his head in the game and make some adjustments, but I was worried at how quick he was to try for return winners and quick infusions of offense. Rune should like himself against Cerundolo in a rally unless he’s struggling, and the recovery here will be an issue if they go deep. To Rune’s credit, he came to net a bunch in the 5th set tiebreak and that was the key to him winning. He applied pressure, and Cerundolo wasn’t able to come up with passes.
With Rune having a long match and physical fatigue, and Ruud having a straight set win, oddsmakers have set this at even odds. I’m inclined to agree. Rune has shown (in his Paris run) the ability to play at a breakneck pace and appear to put out a ton of energy, but still show up to compete the next round, so I don’t think this will be one-sided. I think he’ll be fine in the early-goings, but his willingness to play patient from the baseline will be essential here, and the quick unforced errors he displayed against Cerundolo can’t appear. Ruud plays less aggressive tennis than Cerundolo, and if you force the issue against him he’ll win. He also serves a bit more aggressively than Cerundolo, and is a bit more resilient about not letting changes in the scoreline affect his approach. Since they’ve been scheduled for the night match, and the colder conditions mean the ball really plays a bit slower, so I’m expecting this to be settled with frequent and extended rallies. Rune will win most of the backhand to backhand exchanges, but I think in these slower conditions it’ll be hard to hit through Ruud and physicality will become a factor. Ruud in 4-5.

Zverev vs Etcheverry :

The plot of Oceans 14 will be me getting fooled by Dimitrov one more time. Employing what is clearly the macro plan, Dimitrov has gone ahead and thrown in a few seasons of lackluster results and injury issues. Here, healthy, and playing his best tennis, he finally got me. I believed. Ouch did it hurt to watch this match. I don’t really like to drop negative things in here, but it really was a bad match. Dimitrov started off the match with two double faults, which I don’t even understand. The first few games your range might be off, but you should be firing on all cylinders after a day and a half of prep, and a thorough (these guys are preparing for hours) warm-up. He looked tentative throughout the affair, and it was pretty clear early on that he has a significant mental block against Zverev.
To Zverev’s credit, he did nothing. He hung behind the baseline, and just made it clear that it would take several shots to beat him. Dimitrov had two choices : play hyper aggressive and try to hit clean winners, or temper his offense and constantly hit to the open court because even though Zverev is quick, no one giving up that much space (behind the baseline) should be able to beat a professional tennis player in good form. Dimitrov chose neither. He constantly tried to come up with the next offensive shot, but swung tentatively as if he was assuming Zverev would get them. He had openings, but went safe and retreated back to the middle over and over. It was like watching someone play the role of a hitting partner for Zverev, but unfortunately they were nervous about the occasion and couldn’t keep the ball in the court. It was hard to watch, but I’m ready to get hurt again.
I expect Etcheverry will give Zverev the game that I thought Dimitrov would. Etcheverry and Nishioka was extremely close in the first set, and it felt like Nishioka would have equal chances if he could win the tiebreaker. What ensued was a really high level affair with most rallies being won with winners rather than errors. Etcheverry proved a bit more effective on serve though, and Nishioka appeared to aggravate an injury. He played out the match, which is a really nice gesture to the fans, but Etcheverry is through to his first major quarterfinals and it is well deserved. He has a great service delivery, doesn’t struggle with double faults, doesn’t back off his offense when he has control, and his backhand is very solid. This, I expect, will be Zverev’s to lose, but I think it will take some time to get there. Despite Zverev’s pre-injury passivity, he has shown some signs of life since his return. He’s hitting his forehand significantly better and seems to have (jinx) gotten rid of his deceleration issues. His backhand is still the most reliable shot for him, and he’s taking it down the line more often in this event which is causing extreme problems for his opponent. The double fault issues are there, but it’s a lot easier for me to expect his opponents to create break chances and scoreboard pressure while watching from home than it is to actually put balls in play off his powerful delivery. In short, Zverev is probably the pick to come out of the bottom draw, but this is his hardest test yet.
Etcheverry will not fold, unlike a certain someone whose texts are currently blocked (sorry Grigs but IT’S TOO SOON). His serving won’t falter as Dimitrov’s did, and he’ll be willing to ply his craft and test his offense against Zverev because unlike Dimitrov, he doesn’t have history against this opponent. Where I think he may struggle is returning serve. It can take a while to really read an opponent’s delivery, and since they’re playing in the daytime the ball should be moving a bit. Looking at some of the big servers he’s played, he beat Struff and Hanfmann, but he lost to Tiafoe twice. I am pulling for him, and I think his game will transfer well to grass and hardcourt, but this is probably the end of the road for him. Zverev really does have the next tier of ability in every department here, so only impatience and doubt are likely to send him home. Zverev in 4-5.

WTA Singles :

Haddad Maia vs Jabeur :

At the beginning of this tournament, I really only expected one of these players to be here. Ons Jabeur has had some slight injury issues, and just hasn’t seemed terribly motivated at every event. Her play every round here has improved though, and against Pera she broke out all the tricks. I really love her backhand dropshots down the line because she looks away from them. It mirrors the cross-court slice that some players employ overhand and even in my head I can feel myself starting to step to the left when she does it. Here Ons has her toughest opponent, but it’s one she’s played recently. These two met in Stuttgart, and Jabeur won 3,0. That’s a rough thing to overcome, but it was indoor tennis so Bella may fare better in these slower conditions.
Haddad Maia had a marathon against Sorribes Tormo, and the win meant a lot to her as SST has had her number for years. I think her serving will have to be at the next level here, as Jabeur was able to hold fairly easily in Stuttgart and is pretty fresh for this one. Haddad played for 3 hours and 51 minutes in her last round, and that makes three 3-set marathons in a row after her wins against Shnaider and Alexandrova. Those players had powerful offenses, but they aren’t as consistent or as solid defensively as Jabeur. It’s going to be hard to overcome Jabeur in these conditions, and fatigue is not on her side. Tremendous result for Haddad Maia, but Jabeur in 2.

Swiatek vs Gauff :

-1250 is what they’re suggesting is a fair price for Swiatek, but you will understand if I disagree. Lesia Tsurenko was unfortunately forced to retire in the first against Swiatek, but she was likely not going to put up much of a fight anyway. She’s a tricky player, but Swiatek was seeing the ball big and was applying a lot of pressure to Tsurenko’s serve. Lesia seemed to feel a bit faint, and told the physicians that she was having some trouble breathing. She’s had a fair bit of withdrawals this year (5), but with an illness removing Rybakina, and Tsurenko issuing some harsh sounding coughs during the treatment, she may have been dealing with a cold/flu of some sort which is unfortunate for the fans.
Gauff had a close first set with Schmiedlova, but she never really seemed in big trouble in her match. Gauff has struggled on her forehand wing in the past, but this week she’s been solid in every match and her game has gotten better as the match went on. That’s why I’m not sure how dominant of a performance Swiatek can turn in here. Similar to the Djokovic/Khachanov match, I know which player is better, but I don’t see an easy path for the victor because the deviation in level just isn’t there with Gauff. She’s going to defend well because she’s (I think) the fastest player on tour, and she’s going to hit the ball solid off both wings. Swiatek has shown that she struggles a little bit with errors when you take her time away, and Gauff’s ability to hang on the baseline and keep the ball low might represent a challenge similar to Rybakina’s. I don’t think her serve is anywhere near as reliable as Rybakina’s at creating setups though. Gauff has the potential to serve aces, but it’s more of a momentum thing it seems, or at times she mirrors Sakkari where on a huge point she can summon one, but most of the time she lands around 55% and doesn’t really get many aces.
After hyping up Gauff’s chances, my eyes drifted back over to the bad news. These two have met 6 times, and Gauff has yet to win a set. Swiatek won 3,1 at this event last year, and she’s gotten an entire day off so her arm will be fresher than Gauff’s. I’m expecting some thrilling rallies, but Swiatek’s return of serve in the last few rounds has looked really good. Swiatek in 2, one close and one bakery-esque.

Looking for 3rd Credit Card Suggestions/Recommendations

• Current cards:

Citi Double Cash - $9.2k line - opened Dec 2020
Capital One Platinum Secured - $500 line - opened June 2020

• FICO Score: 764
  
• Oldest account age: 3 yrs
  
• Chase 5/24 status: N/A
  
• Income: $75k
  
• Average monthly spend and categories:
  
  • dining $500
  • groceries: $200
  • gas: $100
  • travel: $100
  • other: $200
• Open to Business Cards: No
  
• What's the purpose of your next card?Cashback*/Rewards
  
• Do you have any cards you've been looking at? Chase Sapphire Preferred I have had my eye on
  
• Are you OK with category spending or do you want a general spending card? Either will work for me
  

Extra info: I’m in my early 20s with small expenses right now. I primarily spend money on dining, going out for drinks, and extra curriculars such as golf. I travel maybe once a year and often stay with family, so travel rewards might not be extremely useful. Looking for statement credits primarily with the occasional points for a once a year flight. I have had my eye on the CSP because of the 3x dining points opposed to the double cash back card. I currently use the citi double cash card for all my purchases. I’m looking for a card that will return me more benefits from primarily spending on dining and regular purchases. I’m open to any and all suggestions and recommendations.
Side note: I just got mail from Chase for the 80k points opening bonus for 4k spending on the CSP card. Thanks in advance.

Bonjour ! We have been waiting 2 years for the Legend Fred to return, and seeing as his resurrection seems to be permanently delayed, I have made the difficult decision to continue the legacy of Point Systems, Rankings, and Generally Scathing Commentary. Inspired by Fred's wit, charm, and heroic recaps, please remember that points are arbitrary but also 100% backed by facts and science.
ANYHOW - we start off with the usual blah blah opening sequence that only served to prove to us that the Love Island producers are trolls who reverse-catfish us with promo pictures. Seriously, its been a decade, please free us from the pain and nonsense !! (-50 points to the stinky producers)
We are then introduced to our first two islanders with a back shot of their bum bums. Jump scare ! Jess immediately asks Ruchee about her type, and Ruchee panders to the ugly men of the world by leading with personality (+5 points for being polite -5 points for lying). Blah blah blah height, blah fashion, Jess is a real one for her anti white skinny jeans platform (+15 points for proactively setting boundaries).
Ruchee has been single for four months which leads me to believe she was in a relationship while applying for LI which is a Textbook MAN MOVE so +15 points to Ruchee for breaking the glass ceiling. Her feet are very small and her shoes are very large (+4 points for fashion risks) .
Following this, a MAN shows up ?!? The girls haven't had a minute alone before being whacked in the face by a medium-tall man with veneers and red bottoms. Mitchell (Red Bottoms) is just as confused as the girlies & we (the viewers) seem to be, but OK good lad for running with the punches and taking it on the chin (+1 point for going with the flow). Jess & Ruchee are both from the SOE (south of England) and Red Bottoms sees this as an opportunity to let them both know he is NOT interested. Or maybe he's just negging them. Red Bottoms asks the girls if he has to pour the drink himself, and Jess reminds him that he is a man and should behave accordingly ( RB -10 points for thinking he's hot enough to be poured for, Jess +10 points for MILF behavior). Red Bottoms asks the girls to guess his job, and is offended that Jess & Ruchee assume he's a plumber. +30 points to Jess for knowing what a Gas Safety License is. In his VT Red Bottoms mentioned that he is a "nice guy" ???? Nice try buddy, you're not fooling anyone (-200 points for Fraudulent Behavior). Also he lives with his parents.
In walks another MAN, Andre, who, unlike Red Bottoms, IS hot enough for the girls to pour him a drink so +5 points for being hot and +5 points for being so hot that Ruchee spills the champagne while pouring. He is also 21 and owns a business which feels illegal but isn't. Andre does a double cheek kiss to let the ladies know that he respects women AND is Portuguese (+8 points for being smooth). Andre is a menace, and he outs himself as such by proclaiming that one of his top features in a woman is her "bum bum". ew. (- 9 points for 7th grade terminology, -3 points for making me miss the days of "BUNDA").
BOOM - Lily Rose De- I mean Ella, shows up. She looks like Lily Rose Depp. Blah Blah what's your type blah blah tall blah blah tan blah bla- did she just say DARSKIN??? +30 points for setting the world record for LIUK girls saying tall dark and handsome and MEANING IT. Red Bottoms basically punches Andres as if he didn't hear that himself (-40 points for violence). OK he didn't PUNCH him but that nudge/smack was very cringey. Andres is living his best life (+15 points for being hot). Ella's VT is fun because she forgets how old she is. Also her VT dress has elbow cutouts (iconic).
Blah blah whats your type blah blah personality (liar) blah blah he says Ella Rose Depp is his type (-4 points for calling her Madam). Maya comes in looking BOMB AS HELL (+50 points to her stylist). Maya explains that they're switching it up a bit, and Andres is outed for flirting w/ Ella Rose Depp. He is LOUD and PROUD about it ( +10 points to Andres for having no chill). Jess proclaims that she LOVES Turkey Teef (veneers) (+4 points for radical honesty).
Maya reveals that she's a JOKESTER because none of them are coupling up with each other, the days of gender isolationism are OVER and the new ERA has begun. Unfortunately the public voted again (sigh) and all agency is taken away from the Islanders (-100 points to the stinky producers for removing the harsh reality of the subs bench). Jess is PISSED but tryna be nice because Maya is there. George arrives (barf), proving once again that the stinky producers A. don't do any due diligence before casting nasty ass people or B. literally don't care (google is your friend and this recap is already long enough without going into details). -100000 points for his hateful language and treatment of people, -4 points because his mom calls him a casanova. George (barf) thinks that 40 year olds play bingo.
George (barf) is matched with Jess which is very sad for her. She is PISSED but Polite. Molly comes in and Red Bottom nearly faints bc she is also wearing Red Bottoms (and top and lipstick) which means that the stinky producers are nudging them to be #theoneswholast. Molly also lives at home and has a chicken (+3 points for owning a chicken). Molly (who owns a chicken) smiles so big and immediately sets her eyes on Red Bottoms. CATHERINE all caps enters the villa, she is so beautiful I could CRY (+5 points for being hot). Molly (who owns a chicken) is partnered with Red Bottoms (SHOCKER) and CATHERINE all caps is coupled up with Andres. +10 points to each of them for being hot.
Mehdi comes strolling in with a swing in his hips and a French Accent. He says "bonjour" to let everyone know that he's French. Ella Rose Depp is praying to the gods above that she is NOT matched w this man. Also, Mehdi looks like he EATS Kitty (+14 points for looking like a MUNCH expert). I just know this man LAYS pipe. Tyrique follows Mehdi and is a semi-pro footballer (- 3 points based on my own prejudice against semi-pro players) . This is good news as he has filled the square head athlete quota of the season. (+9 points to the stinky producers for giving the public what we want).
Mehdi is matched with Ruchee. She is PISSED. Tyrique is matched with Ella Rose Depp. Ella Rose Depp claims they've met and Tyrique doesn't remember??? Is he lying or is she overestimating her Impact? Only time will tell (+2 points to Ella Rose Depp for being Bold, -3 points to Tyrique for forgetting a girl he (probably) made out with). Tyrique has terrible posture so -2 points for his short neck hunch. Maya says "expect the unexpected" ! Scary !
The girls and boys make formal introductions and then Gender Isolationism commences with boys sitting on the U couch and girls sitting at the firepit. Girls chat about their couples, Molly (who owns a chicken) is SO HAPPY and Red Bottoms is ALSO happy (+1 point for true love). Mehdi is all smiles, loving that Ruchee is a brunette. Ruchee is PISSED because he's french and also not her type. Andres says bum bum again (-3 points) which is painful and cruel to the general public. Ella Rose Depp reiterates that she's met Tyrique before and accuses Tyrique of lying (-2 points for standing her ground because is it really that serious?). Jess is PISSED because George (barf) gives off bad vibes but says she's interested in Red Bottoms and Tyrique (+10 points for radical honesty). George (barf) makes a joke about being WD40 and that is very off putting. (-283 points do I really have to explain this)
The boys walk over to the girls and Jess is loud but in a good way. Molly (who owns a chicken) notices that her and Tyrique have matching lightning bolt tattoos behind their left ears. Tyrique is outed for his deaf ear and Molly is outed for picking her tattoo from a Pinterest board (+1 point to Molly for radical honesty). Red Bottoms is about to melt into the couch bc his girl has a matching tattoo with a semi pro footballer.
The crew enters the villa for the first time and everyone is blah blah soooo excited. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms lay in bed immediately. She is really pretty and also funny. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms role play that she is showering and he is peeking to take a look. Jess is still PISSED and George (barf) try to have a conversation but it's giving bland. Jess is very clear that she's playing the game (+13 points for radical honesty). CATHERINE all caps is FAWNING over Andres (deserved) and their eye contact is 10/10 they are so horny for romance.
Ella Rose Depp asks Tyrique if he's ever been further than "exclusive" with a girl (no). Tyrique brings up that they've never met and Ella Rose Depp is PISSED. Ella reveals that she did have blonde hair (-3 points because I checked her instagram and she definitely looks different). Tyrique pretends that he knows what she's talking about (he doesn't). Also he tells her she looks better now ????? nice try buddy but that's not exactly a compliment.
Mehdi and Ruchee sit on OPPOSITE ends of a U couch and he is giving her the eyes. He's into fiery girls and she's into men who put her in her place. She mentions that mannerisms (yikes) are v important but that he's growing on her. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms are having a good time and it's LAFS (love at first sight).
The crew gets ready for the night and Jess asks the girls if they find George (barf) attractive. George (barf) loves to brush his teeth (ZERO points for hygiene because that is simply expected). Jess does the toast and the dancing to no music commences (PS is it confirmed that they dance to silence??) Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms plan on coordinating outfits and also gaslighting the villa into thinking it's an accident (+3 points to each for scheming). CATHERINE all caps and Tyrique start chatting and he's checking her temperature bc he's ready to SLIP and SLIDE into her heart (at least for the moment). She clocks him as a life ruiner (to be confirmed). Andre joins Red Bottoms, Jess, and Ruchee to announce that he is VERY interested in CATHERINE all caps. Red Bottoms calls Ruchee and Jess pretty but also friend zones them by calling them "family".
Medhi turns on the charm with Ella Rose Depp and once again reminds us that he's ANTI blonde hair. He tells Ella that she's his type but is also realistic saying that him & Ruchee don't have a vibe YET. Ella Rose Depp does NOT tell him that he's her type.
Beer pong (sober) commences, reminding us of the long gone days of binge drinking on TV (RIP). Red Bottoms kisses Molly (who owns a chicken) and Jess and ALSO Ella Rose Depp. Ella is not about it and says he's a bad kisser (yikes). Jess takes any excuse to mug off George (barf) and makes out with Red Bottoms. Molly (who owns a chicken) is PISSED.
George (barf) proceeds to hit us with the ick heard round the world and demonstrates his org*sm (which involves falling over? weird). Molly (who owns a chicken) and Jess have a pushup competition and Molly wins (-5 points to Molly for not taking off her shoes). More of the usual commences, CATHERINE all caps kisses Andres and Tyrique, Tyrique's terrible posture is terribly distracting. Molly (who owns a chicken) bit Red Bottoms ear or wha'eva. -12 points to the stinky producers for messing up the cups and making Andres ride CATHERINE all caps like a horse. Ella Rose Depp has a dance off with Mehdi who takes it like a champ. -10 points to the stinky producers who EXPLICITY write that kisses have to be of the opposite gender. GAY RIGHTS!
SURPRISE!! Maya is in the building, and in a very transparent attempt to kick George (barf) out of the villa immediately, asks the girls who aren't happy in their couples to step forward (Jess and Ruchee immediately move away). These girls are ready to jump ship. Jess thinks George (barf) is ugly and Ruchee thinks Mehdi's mannerisms are a turn off. Is Ruchee mad that Mehdi isn't upset? We shall see.
Zachariah walks in and is a personal trainer, "drama follows me around", NOT shocking babes ! Jess's face lights up like it's christmas morning and she is no longer PISSED. Classic Love Island, he has 24hrs to pair up w a girl (and kick George (barf) out of the house.
Hope you enjoyed xoxo cloud_mom

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/6GGfLLw
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//////////////////////// ITEM(S): ////////////////////////
- Additional Pics of BCM+Aero+BRT 11.5" 5.56 1/7 Upper with BRT EZ Tune Gas Tube Upper - Tuned to work 100% unsuppressed and reduce gas to the face when suppressed: Around 100 Rounds of use on the uppebarrel. The BCG has seen around 200 Rounds.
Tip to Butt on the Upper:
Surefire CTN 5.56 Flash Hider
JP Enterprises Double Crush Washer
Black River Tactical Optimum Chrome-Lined 1/7 11.5" Car-Gas Barrel
Black River Tactical 0.073" EZ Tune Gas Tube
Black River Tactical .750 Gas Block (Pinned)
BCM MCMR-10 Handguard
Troy M4 Fixed Front Sight
Impact Weapons Components M-Lok Sling Mount
Haley Strategic Picatinny Sling Mount
Aero Precision AR15 Forged Upper Receiver
HM Defense Reinforced Cam Pin Hole AR15 BCG (Nitride)
Radian Raptor CH
Daniel Defense Fixed Rear Sight
Price Breakdown - Prices with strikethrough represent the price if you were to buy the item brand new, following that is what I am asking/Your Price:
Surefire CTN FH $155 $100 + Barrel with Gas Block Pinned $350 $250 + EZ Tune Gas Tube $65 $45 + BCM Handguard $172 $140 + Troy Front Sight $55 $40 + IWC M-Lok Sling Mount $18 $10 + Haley Pic Sling Mount $35 $22 + Aero Upper Receiver $70 $50 + HM Defense BCG $159.95 $80 + Radian Raptor CH $85 $65 + DD Rear Sight $98 $75
If bought new = $1,263 Total /// Your Total = $877 Shipped
- Additional Pics of OD Green AR15 Furniture Kit: Used, all in good condition.
Not splitting for now.
If you buy this New, prices are: MVG $20 + K2 Grip $20 + Safety $17 + FCD Tube $78.00 = $135 Shipped /// Your Total Price is $90 Shipped

TL;DR AT THE END
PREFACE: I'm likely not in the same position as a lot of you. I didn't need this part-time job. So naturally, I had more of a "I'm not taking your shit" attitude than most other people. BUT, because of that, and because of this sub in a lot of ways, I noticed some things that some of you might find valuable/interesting.
I'm going to type out some random bullet points, and try to bring this back together at the end.

• Constant security camera surveillance (not surprising, it's a gas station). However, we'd get calls from corporate (franchise) informing us that we were standing around et cetera. Like, they actually watched it from their phones while they sat at home. They admitted inasmuch, actually. They said it was "theft prevention", but never had a scenario. Just people calling the store asking why such and such is standing around. Which leads me to...
• No lunch breaks for legal adults, not even for full-time employees (this is legal in my state). So, after working 6-7 hours you'd think it would be okay to sit down for a few minutes.
• Completely unsanitary. I'll elaborate in a moment.
• They removed the prices on everything so you can't tell how much something is until you get to the register (I think we all hate that).
• Because I'm male I was excepted to do all the heavy lifting ie trash, cooler, et cetera. And no, I'm not a misogynist. I'm just not willing to do all that because I'm a guy. The older lady that works there doesn't count. She has trouble walking. The other 3 are more than able.
• The schedule for M-F was done on SAT or SUN. Which means, a lot of times, you never knew if you had to work Monday until the day before.
• Constant bigotry from the employees. I live in Conservative Fantasy Land (incase you couldn't tell already).

SO...I know a lot of you have worse problems than these, and I feel you man. This is just off the top of my head, and no, I'm not looking for advice.
What I REALLY want to do, is to sort of piggyback off the act your wage concept and take that further to the KNOW YOUR WORTH concept. There's a couple people at that gas station that really really need that job and they are GOOD people. And sometimes over the past couple months, I kind of seen your posts in their eyes if that makes any sense.
So, about this "shit I did". Let me give you an example of a conversation I had with the manager my second week there:
ME: Looks at schedule, sees 5 days on, only agreed to take the job for 2-3 days/wk max.
ME: "Uh, hey manager, what's up with the schedule?"
MANAGER: "What do you mean?"
ME: "I'm on for 5 days this week..."
MANAGER: "Ya we're short lol." (This is because of their turn over rate. I've been going to this gas station for 20 years. I've seen more new faces in that gas station in the past 3 years since they bought it compared to the past 20 years, not hyperbole.).
ME: "Not my problem. Pick 3 days, I'll work those, preferably in a row."
MANAGER: "Excuse me? These are the days you're scheduled."
ME: "Then we don't have a working relationship. I'll work 2-3 days a week, thats it. That's on my application, my resume, and was covered in the interview AND orientation. I have another job, and I'm not quitting that one. So is this going to be a problem (as I begin to take the store key off my key ring)?"
MANAGER: ".........no. WED, THURS & FRI then?"
ME: "Sure, awesome (smiles and walks away)."
She looked at me like she wanted to kill me, no joke.
So that might not sound like much at first glance. But holy crap I didn't realize the power I was wielding all because I have another job. And EVERY interaction with these people was like this.
Another example, I worked Easter (found out SAT btw). Me and the other person busted our ass all day. Busy as hell as most places where I live where closed. About 6-7 hours into the shift things calmed down and we sat on some milk crates for maybe 15-20 minutes. Next day our manager tells us we should stop standing around because they seen us last night. My response? I didn't say anything, instead I started talking to the camera saying all kinds of wild shit ie "You should put prices on this stuff because that's douchey as hell." "I can't believe it's 2023 and people out here acting like it's 1923 not giving people lunch breaks." "Yes yes I'm sitting down after 7 hours and taking a break. If you want to see what I did, watch the tape.". Just silly shit like that to troll em. I'd have employees tell me that I better not do that because they're watching and MAN could you see the fear on their face when they said it. Like it was their mom and they were 10 years old again. Pisses me off thinking about it.
Ya know what happened from all of that? Not, one, damn, thing. NOTHING was ever said to me again about the camera. Nothing.
I said I'd get to the sanitation, right? Well, it's a hub for a major delivery service. Not uncommon at all to see a packed parking lot with no free pumps from 5-8 PM. Just a bunch of delivery drivers parked behind one another waiting for a pump. Well, a whole bunch of those drivers pee in water bottles for one reason or another and throw them away in the trash cans. They leak, and so do the bins so the "piss-water" drains onto the parking lot night after night after night. And no one cleans it, no one. I'm not even going to get gas there anymore because it's fucking disgusting, and for perspective, I can see the gas station right now looking out my window. That's how close/convenient it is for me.
SO...would YOU change those liners without gloves? No? Well neither would I. And when I started taking gloves from the kitchen I was told, "Those aren't for you." I said, "Well then neither is that trash have fun lol." And ya you read that right. They make food there...
You get the gist. One last thing though, I don't mind work. I never have. I didn't slack off when I was there. It's just not in me. And I have great references, a letter of rec from the CEO of the last company I worked for for grad school (I'm a senior), and I don't mind going above and beyond. One of the people that works there is older and has trouble getting around. She walked to work. So ya, I'd clock out and give her a ride home and tell her to do things like leave the dishes I'll get them etc. And I'm no saint or anything (obviously). I'm just sayin.
I could go on and on, but I won't (I know I know I kinda did lol).
So what's different about me? Nothing, not really. I just have another job. It's all smoke screens and bullshit to keep the employees under their thumb. And nothing more.
What was happening, was people were tired of the shit and they'd call in or quit. I on the other hand knew every night I went in, I could just walk out. So, I never had a problem showing up. I never had a problem doing the job because I don't mind work. I had zero desire to make friends with the manager and her 2 friends that worked there who stared at their phones all day. I just did, not, give a shit...and I was "rewarded" for it, in a way.
Called corporate this morning to quit, they asked me to please stay. It's so strange. I would straight up talk shit about this company, to the customers, while the manager was standing right there...and they asked me to STAY...
TL;DR
I could elaborate on this a little more, but in summary, I'll say these 2 things:

1. My son is a young teenager and will be looking for part-time work in the next couple years. I'll be explaining this scenario to him and will be telling him to put another job on his application. Anything ie fiverr or just keeping a burner phone on me for a fake reference for him.

And you can say whatever the hell you want. I don't care. I'm going to teach my son that he needs to look out for himself because these employers won't.
2) Thank you workreform. I don't think I would've just rolled over about all this (I've never behaved like this at a job before), but I know I wouldn't have been as confident.
I know this won't help that many people. Some of you are dealing with some really fucked up shit. Sexual harassment, it's your only job, discrimination, etc. BUT, I know there's at least a few people out there who are just easy-going, non-confrontational, and stuck between a rock and a hard place.
All I have to say to you is:
-Please see #1. And...
-KNOW YOUR WORTH. Even if it might not seem like it, YOU, HAVE, WORTH. All you need to do is believe it yourself. Your employer sure knows it I can promise you that.
These companies cannot function without someone doing their job, and they know it. It's all bullshit from greedy control freaks. If this helps just 1 person, then it was worth the hour it took to type.
And again, you kings and queens dealing with that really super messed up nonsense, good luck man. But at least, well, here's a real life story of what it looks like when someone practices what YOU'VE preached ;)
Thank you for that. And my son doesn't know it yet, but he's grateful too. And if you help my son then you have a friend in me by default.
So take care friends!
edits grammar

Our Kenmore gas range all of a sudden no longer will turn on bake or broil. It’s only 5 years old. The control panel still works and for example it’ll say 100 degrees when you hit bake but inside the oven it never lights up. The stove top works just fine however.
Any clue on the possible issue? I did check the bake igniter and visually it looks fine but never ignites or tries to. Since broil also doesn’t work I’m assuming it’s not the igniters.
We’re planning to repair but may replace it if expensive. Thank you!

Our Kenmore gas range all of a sudden no longer will turn on bake or broil. It’s only 5 years old. The control panel still works and for example it’ll say 100 degrees when you hit bake but inside the oven it never lights up. The stove top works just fine however.
Any clue on the possible issue? I did check the bake igniter and visually it looks fine but never ignites or tries to. Since broil also doesn’t work I’m assuming it’s not the igniters.
We’re planning to repair but may replace it if expensive. Thank you!

Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 1,937,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:
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...................................
(Previous Part)
(Part 001)
...
Two hundred and fifty miles. A long walk under normal circumstances, and certainly not a distance any person would trek if they didn't have to. Today, such a voyage feels ten times worse for Hell's elites, given the situation that begins to arise.
Yardrat leads the Mephisto Assault Force competently. As a vice-leader of the strongest Hell, he is no slouch when it comes to killing or commanding others. Despite having his spatial powers heavily suppressed, he still presents a lethal cocktail of destruction, able to dish out ridiculous levels of damage by turning his unstable spatial abilities into destructive attacks aimed at the weak points of Glinch's aberrants.
The problem is, as the assault force begins to push toward the center of the Stitched Wasteland, they meet far heavier resistance than they anticipated.
Originally, Auger planned to have the assault force move slowly, picking off enemies, one by one. But unexpectedly, Glinch decides not to play by the rules, and his minions begin deliberately approaching the demon elites in twos and threes.
At first, this horrifies Yardrat and the others, but they quickly realize the creatures Glinch sends aren't all merely the strongest aberrants he's ever made. Instead, they represent a diverse set of skills, strengths, and weaknesses tailored to the hunting party.
The first two monsters they fought were the Brute and the Snakedra. The next three end up being creatures that even the Dukes in the party can deal damage to, somewhat, but they end up forced to split into three groups to deal with these new enemies.
"Glinch, that bastard!" Emperor Fae yells. "He's toying with us!"
"He's treating us like an experiment." Yardrat says coldly, as he, Crow, and Fae take turns whaling on the strongest of the three monsters. "This is little more than a game in his eyes."
At the same time, Bael, Dagon, and ten Demon Dukes battle a slippery gelatin-like monster that breaks apart when struck and melts together, as if made of slime.
"Gross!" Bael moans. "It keeps stickin' to Big Bonk like glue!"
Dagon blasts it with corrosive chemicals, causing it to melt and reform. "It won't stay dead!"
The third monster ends up being a replicator-type entity, a mid-level elite on the weaker end of the Emperor spectrum that Nymph, Kristoff, Serena, and Melody have to battle with their own complement of Dukes.
Serena uses her powers lightly on the Dukes around her, boosting them to the bottom of the Emperor tier, temporarily upgrading their abilities without straining their bodies too heavily. She also sends Soul Webs to the minds of the others, linking their thoughts so they can better coordinate their attacks on the creature.
The multiplying monster boasts a ridiculous regenerative capability on par with Beelzebub, as well as the power to occasionally split its body in half, with the new form possessing the same level of strength as its original form.
In this battle, Kristoff's two Dukes end up shining the brightest. Vespera, the Duke of Gloom, and Rhesus, the Duke of Predation, both of them upgraded to the lowest level of the Emperor hierarchy by Serena's magic.
Vespera. A vicious and violent demoness with powers somewhat reminiscent of not only Kristoff's fallen wife, Fenrir, but certain abilities that echo those of the once-mighty Emperor Lucifer. Able to summon legions of darkness-imbued minions, as well as the ability to lock enemy minds within prisons of nightmares, the Duke of Gloom is a person Kristoff has high hopes for, especially if she manages to ascend to the rank of Emperor.
Her appearance is quite seductive. She wears skimpy robes that only technically shroud her skin from sight, though their semi-transparent nature leaves little to the imagination. Most notably, one of Vespera's defining traits is her utter lack of the red skin characterized by most demons. Hers is light blue, for she is actually a Satyr, one of the few that still survive to the modern era. Were someone to try and make a move on Vespera, they might find that despite being beautiful, she is a cruel and blackhearted woman who enjoys tormenting the minds of lesser beings.
As for Rhesus, he is a demon who focuses purely on the brutal nature of killing and slaughter. As the Duke of Predation, he combines the features of vampires and werewolves into one body, allowing himself to gain power by devouring the blood, skin, and bones of his enemies. His strength might not match up to that of Emperors Belial or Crow, but his ability to take a beating and continue enduring grants him longevity in battles that would leave any other Duke dead. He proved this by surviving the battle against the Cherubiim while the rest of the Third Hell's Dukes perished.
Rhesus wears a set of finely crafted demonstone armor, plated with a thin layer of silver to give it a metallic sheen. His glowing red eyes speak to the hunger in his heart, and the Slaughter Blade affixed to his right gauntlet ensures he is always ready to end the lives of those he hates. Much like Emperor Wolfram, Duke Rhesus has an animalistic werewolf-like appearance, but unlike Wolfram, he also sports vampiric fangs, demonstrating that he is the offspring of two different demonic subspecies. Every movement Rhesus makes speaks to his killing nature.
Vespera, temporarily evolved to the rank of Emperor, conjures dozens of shadowy monsters to attack and bind the bodies of the Replicator aberrant. She attacks the creature with a giant halberd made of pure darkness, keeping out of its range to slash and cut it while infecting its wounds with corrosive miasma.
Rhesus, on the other hand, brawls up close and personal, taking on the same role as Crow and Bael in the other two parties. When the Replicator beats and batters him with its club-like fists, Rhesus only grins maniacally, biting at its shoulders and hips to rip off its limbs. He greedily devours whole chunks of the chimera's body, swallowing them to boost his own strength in the smallest ways.
"Delicious!" Rhesus roars. "High quality food for this Emperor!"
The aberrant silently snaps its fist at Rhesus, battering his head and knocking him back half a step. He immediately returns the favor with a brutal punch to the monster's stomach, doubling it over while running his single gauntlet-blade through its gut.
"Nice hit! Here's my retort!"
Rhesus sweeps his arm to the right, and then the left, slicing the creature in half. He pounces on its severed body, ripping it apart with his teeth and claws, spraying blood everywhere. As he greedily devours the monster, two more copies replicate and lunge at him from both sides.
"Rhesus, you glutton. Pay attention." Vespera says with a frown. She aims her palm at one of the newly replicated copies and fires a shockwave of darkness at it, sending it flying backward. The creature hits the ground headfirst and spins, landing in a sprawled-out heap.
As for the other copy, Rhesus leaps and rams his fist into its chin, uppercutting it into the air while also shattering its jawbone.
"Not today!"
Emperor Melody finds that, unlike the Brute from earlier, she can actually deal heavy damage and even kill this replicating aberrant, but no matter how fast she does, the creature always manages to copy itself multiple times from its other living selves, defying every law of energy conservation.
BOOM! BOOM!
Melody sends dual shockwaves of concussive force into the bodies of two Replicators, making them shudder and freeze, while allowing other Emperors to land killing blows. Nymph swings a giant log of magically hardened wood at the head of one monster, crushing it into meat paste. Kristoff rams his fingers into the other one's heart and sucks its blood dry, leaving behind only a desiccated husk.
"How does it keep conjuring so many clones?" Kristoff asks, bewildered. "And each one is as strong as the others! Is this aberrant secretly a Wordsmith?!"
He doesn't receive an answer. None of the others know. However, as they fight on, they become more attuned to one another through Serena's Soul Web. They move more in unison and adjust their teamwork to kill the Replicators faster than they can duplicate themselves.
Eventually, Melody delivers the final blow on the last remaining duplicate, blowing its body apart with a grenade-like explosion of sound, causing viscous chunks to splatter her comrades. To their utter relief, after killing more than a hundred of the duplicating freaks, no others appear.
Kristoff's squad rushes over to help finish off the other two deviants in Yardrat and Bael's squads, only to arrive just in time for both to kill off their respective foes.
"Whew!!" Bael exclaims, doubling over and gasping for air, every inch of his Matriarch Armor drenched in blood. "Oh, Satan the Devil! That was- aahhh... I need a breather, woo!"
He isn't the only Emperor out of breath. Sweat lines the foreheads of every single elite, except for Serena, whose support duties kept her out of the direct line of fire. Yardrat's body shakes from exhaustion. Crow's biceps pulse fiercely with adrenaline-fueled blood. Vespera's bloodshot eyes tell a story regarding how much mana she's expended.
"We've only killed five monsters!" Nymph exclaims, her beautiful red skin glistening with sweat. She conjures a handful of leaves to daintily dab and dry herself off. "Just five! How could Glinch's minions be so powerful?"
Bael lifts his head. He looks toward the distant center of the Stitched Wasteland.
"Woo... ho-boy, not gonna lie, fellas. I don't know how many more of those I've got in me."
"We have to keep pressing on." Yardrat says through gritted teeth. "Can't you feel the slow thickening of mana in the air? Mephisto's time to ascend must be arriving soon!"
The other elites grimace. They look toward the center of the Stitched Wasteland, fearing they won't have energy to make it there, let alone ultimately kill Mephisto.
"Let's take a five-minute breather." Kristoff suggests, recovering from his exertion a bit faster thanks to the vitality of his blood. "But keep on your guard. It's clear Glinch isn't going to make things easy for us."
The other elites nod. Nobody sits down, but they all stand in place, steadying their breathing and borrowing leaves from Nymph to dry their sweaty bodies off. Even Bael temporarily removes his armor to dab himself dry.
One demon is the exception, though.
Now reverted back to his Duke form, Rhesus greedily bites and chews at the corpses of Glinch's fallen monsters. He hungrily rips them apart like a wolf that hasn't eaten meat in ten years. Some of the more squeamish demons curl up their lips in disgust, while Vespera and Kristoff appear unmoved. They've long grown used to his ways.
Suddenly, Rhesus looks at Bael.
"Hey!"
Bael looks back at him. "What?"
Rhesus points to the corpse of the slime-creature Bael helped kill. "You gonna eat that?"
Bael slowly shakes his head. He nudges it toward Rhesus with his foot, then takes a step back. "Nah, bro. Uh, help yourself. I'm................... full."
"Great!" Rhesus yells, rushing over to chew and slurp up the slimey remains of the once-human-shaped creature Bael ultimately helped slay.
"Some fellas..." Bael murmurs, looking away.
As Rhesus takes these precious five minutes to ravenously devour Glinch's subordinates, Yardrat suddenly looks up in the sky. "Bloody hell! How long has that been there?!"
The others, except Rhesus, follow his gaze.
"What the-?!" Bael exclaims.
"What is it?" Melody asks.
Serena, unable to make out anything but a glowing mass of mana, blinks her unseeing eyes. "A physical description would be nice."
Nymph rests her hand on Serena's shoulder. "It's an... egg. A flesh-colored egg."
"By flesh-colored, you mean...?"
"Sorry. Demon-flesh-colored. Red." Nymph clarifies.
The egg hovers in the sky for only five seconds before suddenly rushing downward toward the demon elites. They quickly raise their fists and weapons, ready for battle, as it crashes into the dirt a hundred meters away.
The egg cracks open. Its shell explodes into fragments, spilling a disgusting green liquid all over the dirt, the stench of which makes many of the elites want to puke.
"Oh, that's awful!" Bael whines, before reactivating his Matriarch Armor so he won't have to suffer the foul odor.
As a cloud of thick green gas evaporates, a bipedal creature steps out of the crumbled egg's remains. Its sleek, moist body makes it resemble a fish. Its mottled green skin makes it appear as if it were born of the forest, a soil-based life-form coated in viscous fluids.
But strangely, its faceless head makes it feel... alien.
Upon seeing this new threat, one demon loses all their color.
Emperor Melody's pupils shrink to pinpricks. A cold chill sweeps across her skin as she immediately takes a step back. "No... no, no, no..."
The other Emperor glance at her in confusion, then back at the monster.
"What is it, Melody?" Kristoff asks quietly, as the creature remains standing in the distance, not yet moving toward them.
"P-P-Pla... Plague..." Melody whispers, a lump in her throat making it hard for her to speak. "That's- that's a- a- K-K-Kuh-Kolvax...ian..."
The temperature around the elites seems to plummet ten degrees. They look at the monster in horror.
"No.. Glinch wouldn't..." Yardrat whispers. "He'd never go this far..."
As the Emperors and Dukes remain standing, uncertain of what to do, the creature's head changes.
Its faceless facade morphs. A line spreads across the middle, where its nose would normally be. The Emperors become unsettled as a giant mouth begins to materialize, filled with shark-like teeth.
"Not....... Quite....." The 'Kolvaxian' says.
The voice that escapes the creature's mouth causes Yardrat to frown. He recognizes it immediately.
"Glinch? Is that you?"
The monster doesn't speak for several seconds.
When it does, it only utters one slow, halting word.
"........Yes."
"What is this?" Yardrat asks. "Did you... did YOU create the Kolvaxians?!"
The monster slightly cocks its head.
"No."
A pause.
"Pale. Imitation." It says.
"Imitation?" Yardrat repeats. "You're trying to copy the Kolvaxians? Why?!"
The creature once again remains motionless for several seconds. Emperor Serena frowns. She detects a faint microburst of mana rising from the ground, entering the monster's body.
"Because." The monster says, its voice still very much an eerie copy of Glinch's voice. "Curiosity."
It pauses.
"Must... Investigate. Many... Mysteries."
"Are you protecting Mephisto?" Yardrat asks. "Don't you see? If you let him ascend, he'll kill you! He's an enemy to all demonkind!"
The fake Kolvaxian 'smiles', its creepy, wide mouth curving up at the far corners.
"Enemy. Demons. Yes. Me? No. Insurance."
Abruptly, the Kolvax-clone leans forward, and a look of pain spreads over its face. Before the other demons can figure out what's going on, the creature makes a strange motion with its stomach.
"Gurr... gurrk... BLERK!"
It vomits green liquid all over the ground, and a hundred tiny marbles filled with mana land amidst the vomit, all of them glowing red visible to the naked eye.
The monster returns to its standing position, that same creepy smile on its face.
"Here. Present."
"What?" Kristoff asks, looking at those marbles of mana.
"Present." The Kolvax-clone says. "For. You."
"Whoaaa," Bael says, "you don't expect us to... eat those. Do you?"
"Beneficial." Glinch says. "Healing. Restoration."
"You're out of your mind." Serena says, narrowing her eyes. "You're mad, Glinch."
"No." Glinch says. "Not... Mad. Curious. Survive. Face... Me. Become... Stronger. Mephisto... Hungers."
The demons watch, stone-faced, as the pseudo-Kolvaxian begins to descend into the dirt, allowing the decrepit soil of the Stitched Wasteland to swallow it whole. It melts into the dirt in the same way as the Kolvaxians have always done, causing Melody's shivering to intensify.
"...can't just be a copy...." Melody mumbles, her shrunken pupils gazing in horror at the facsimile of the creatures that tore her Hell apart.
When it vanishes, all of the Emperors become quiet. Yardrat cautiously approaches the mana-infused pellets, then scoops them all up in his hands and walks back to the others.
Yardrat glances at the faces of the other demons. He holds the pills up, allowing them to look at the blood-colored beads of highly condensed mana.
"Well?" Yardrat asks. "Thoughts?"
Rhesus, having finished devouring the blood, skin, and bones of Yama's monsters, cracks his neck. "I don't know what those are. I'll pass."
"Serena?" Yardrat asks, looking at the Emperor of Soul Whispers.
"These pills are not harmful." Serena says, though her expression appears grim. "In fact, they're highly beneficial. They will restore our mana reserves and replenish our fighting capabilities quickly. There is no harm in taking one."
Despite the confidence in her statement, nobody moves to grab a single pill.
"The problem being?" Yardrat asks, still gazing at Serena.
"It should be obvious." Serena says, pressing her teeth together tightly. "Think of the message this sends us. Glinch doesn't take us seriously as a threat. He's worried we'll be defeated and die to his minions too easily. He wants us to fight in our optimal condition."
Kristoff sniffs the pellets. "There's more. These are infused with the blood of powerful monsters. They don't smell familiar to me. I bet Glinch obtained the blood through his Volgrim connections. The blood likely comes from exobeasts on Psion hunting worlds."
"Even I can guess what that means." Bael says. "These pills won't just bring us back to peak condition. They'll make us stronger."
"Especially the Dukes." Serena points out. "Glinch is... fattening us up."
"The fact he can create pills capable of uplifting demons is a statement in and of itself." Dagon says coldly. "It means he possesses an ability not unlike the Wordsmith's Belial Booster. He can create pills that will uplift lesser demons."
"This much should be expected." Kristoff retorts. "We've seen the strength of his minions. Pound for pound, each one is far stronger than any of us individual Emperors. He must have discovered a way to condense energy into these pills. If he wanted, he could... build an army."
"There's another player in the game." Yardrat mutters, glancing toward the center of the Stitched Wasteland. "He wants to compete with Auger."
"And Gorn." Serena says, glaring at Yardrat.
"Not so fast." Nymph says. "Aren't you guys forgetting? If Mephisto ascends, neither Auger nor Gorn will have the power to contend with him. In a galaxy where a Demon Deity reigns, Emperors will become mere minions. Glinch isn't telling us he wants to raise an army of loyal minions. He's never given a damn about ruling our people."
The other elites lower their heads, grimacing as they realize what she's saying.
"We're just... food." Vespera says quietly. "He intends to raise me and the other Dukes to Emperor... so Mephisto can... eat us."
As the elites stand around, no longer sure of what to do, Bael scratches his head.
"Welp! If you can't beat 'em, beat 'em off, that's what I always say! Gimme one of those pills!"
He snatches a a pill out of Yardrat's hand before the Emperor of the Void can react.
"Wait, Bael, we haven't determined-!" Yardrat starts to say, too slow to stop Bael.
"Nom!"
Bael casually removes his armor once again, pops the pill in his mouth, and swallows it. A second later, his demonic energy condenses, his fatigued body restores back to its pristine state, and his muscles bulge beneath his clothes.
"WOO! OH YEAH, BABY! That's that GOOD SHIT!"
A fire ignites in Bael's eyes. He roars to the sky and pumps his muscles, while steam pours from his nose.
"Oh MAN! WHOA! I could fight a bat! I could kick a dog! I feel AMAZING! You guys have GOTTA pop one of those bad boys!!"
Bael begins dancing around, full of hype. As he has the time of his life, the other demons frown.
"Is it just me, or..." Dagon mutters.
"Yeah." Yardrat says. "His breasts did get bigger."
Vespera blinks. "Give me a pill."
"Emperors first!" Fae exclaims.
While those two hastily grab themselves a pill, the other Emperors only decide to take theirs after seeing the effects of the pills on their comrades.
Emperor Serena glances at the spot where Glinch's fake Kolvaxian disappeared into the dirt.
This isn't a game. She thinks silently. We're balancing on the edge of a knife. One wrong move, and we'll fall to our doom.
....................................................
Artwork for Vespera!
Artwork for Rhesus!

Two hundred and fifty miles. A long walk under normal circumstances, and certainly not a distance any person would trek if they didn't have to. Today, such a voyage feels ten times worse for Hell's elites, given the situation that begins to arise.
Yardrat leads the Mephisto Assault Force competently. As a vice-leader of the strongest Hell, he is no slouch when it comes to killing or commanding others. Despite having his spatial powers heavily suppressed, he still presents a lethal cocktail of destruction, able to dish out ridiculous levels of damage by turning his unstable spatial abilities into destructive attacks aimed at the weak points of Glinch's aberrants.
The problem is, as the assault force begins to push toward the center of the Stitched Wasteland, they meet far heavier resistance than they anticipated.
Originally, Auger planned to have the assault force move slowly, picking off enemies, one by one. But unexpectedly, Glinch decides not to play by the rules, and his minions begin deliberately approaching the demon elites in twos and threes.
At first, this horrifies Yardrat and the others, but they quickly realize the creatures Glinch sends aren't all merely the strongest aberrants he's ever made. Instead, they represent a diverse set of skills, strengths, and weaknesses tailored to the hunting party.
The first two monsters they fought were the Brute and the Snakedra. The next three end up being creatures that even the Dukes in the party can deal damage to, somewhat, but they end up forced to split into three groups to deal with these new enemies.
"Glinch, that bastard!" Emperor Fae yells. "He's toying with us!"
"He's treating us like an experiment." Yardrat says coldly, as he, Crow, and Fae take turns whaling on the strongest of the three monsters. "This is little more than a game in his eyes."
At the same time, Bael, Dagon, and ten Demon Dukes battle a slippery gelatin-like monster that breaks apart when struck and melts together, as if made of slime.
"Gross!" Bael moans. "It keeps stickin' to Big Bonk like glue!"
Dagon blasts it with corrosive chemicals, causing it to melt and reform. "It won't stay dead!"
The third monster ends up being a replicator-type entity, a mid-level elite on the weaker end of the Emperor spectrum that Nymph, Kristoff, Serena, and Melody have to battle with their own complement of Dukes.
Serena uses her powers lightly on the Dukes around her, boosting them to the bottom of the Emperor tier, temporarily upgrading their abilities without straining their bodies too heavily. She also sends Soul Webs to the minds of the others, linking their thoughts so they can better coordinate their attacks on the creature.
The multiplying monster boasts a ridiculous regenerative capability on par with Beelzebub, as well as the power to occasionally split its body in half, with the new form possessing the same level of strength as its original form.
In this battle, Kristoff's two Dukes end up shining the brightest. Vespera, the Duke of Gloom, and Rhesus, the Duke of Predation, both of them upgraded to the lowest level of the Emperor hierarchy by Serena's magic.
Vespera. A vicious and violent demoness with powers somewhat reminiscent of not only Kristoff's fallen wife, Fenrir, but certain abilities that echo those of the once-mighty Emperor Lucifer. Able to summon legions of darkness-imbued minions, as well as the ability to lock enemy minds within prisons of nightmares, the Duke of Gloom is a person Kristoff has high hopes for, especially if she manages to ascend to the rank of Emperor.
Her appearance is quite seductive. She wears skimpy robes that only technically shroud her skin from sight, though their semi-transparent nature leaves little to the imagination. Most notably, one of Vespera's defining traits is her utter lack of the red skin characterized by most demons. Hers is light blue, for she is actually a Satyr, one of the few that still survive to the modern era. Were someone to try and make a move on Vespera, they might find that despite being beautiful, she is a cruel and blackhearted woman who enjoys tormenting the minds of lesser beings.
As for Rhesus, he is a demon who focuses purely on the brutal nature of killing and slaughter. As the Duke of Predation, he combines the features of vampires and werewolves into one body, allowing himself to gain power by devouring the blood, skin, and bones of his enemies. His strength might not match up to that of Emperors Belial or Crow, but his ability to take a beating and continue enduring grants him longevity in battles that would leave any other Duke dead. He proved this by surviving the battle against the Cherubiim while the rest of the Third Hell's Dukes perished.
Rhesus wears a set of finely crafted demonstone armor, plated with a thin layer of silver to give it a metallic sheen. His glowing red eyes speak to the hunger in his heart, and the Slaughter Blade affixed to his right gauntlet ensures he is always ready to end the lives of those he hates. Much like Emperor Wolfram, Duke Rhesus has an animalistic werewolf-like appearance, but unlike Wolfram, he also sports vampiric fangs, demonstrating that he is the offspring of two different demonic subspecies. Every movement Rhesus makes speaks to his killing nature.
Vespera, temporarily evolved to the rank of Emperor, conjures dozens of shadowy monsters to attack and bind the bodies of the Replicator aberrant. She attacks the creature with a giant halberd made of pure darkness, keeping out of its range to slash and cut it while infecting its wounds with corrosive miasma.
Rhesus, on the other hand, brawls up close and personal, taking on the same role as Crow and Bael in the other two parties. When the Replicator beats and batters him with its club-like fists, Rhesus only grins maniacally, biting at its shoulders and hips to rip off its limbs. He greedily devours whole chunks of the chimera's body, swallowing them to boost his own strength in the smallest ways.
"Delicious!" Rhesus roars. "High quality food for this Emperor!"
The aberrant silently snaps its fist at Rhesus, battering his head and knocking him back half a step. He immediately returns the favor with a brutal punch to the monster's stomach, doubling it over while running his single gauntlet-blade through its gut.
"Nice hit! Here's my retort!"
Rhesus sweeps his arm to the right, and then the left, slicing the creature in half. He pounces on its severed body, ripping it apart with his teeth and claws, spraying blood everywhere. As he greedily devours the monster, two more copies replicate and lunge at him from both sides.
"Rhesus, you glutton. Pay attention." Vespera says with a frown. She aims her palm at one of the newly replicated copies and fires a shockwave of darkness at it, sending it flying backward. The creature hits the ground headfirst and spins, landing in a sprawled-out heap.
As for the other copy, Rhesus leaps and rams his fist into its chin, uppercutting it into the air while also shattering its jawbone.
"Not today!"
Emperor Melody finds that, unlike the Brute from earlier, she can actually deal heavy damage and even kill this replicating aberrant, but no matter how fast she does, the creature always manages to copy itself multiple times from its other living selves, defying every law of energy conservation.
BOOM! BOOM!
Melody sends dual shockwaves of concussive force into the bodies of two Replicators, making them shudder and freeze, while allowing other Emperors to land killing blows. Nymph swings a giant log of magically hardened wood at the head of one monster, crushing it into meat paste. Kristoff rams his fingers into the other one's heart and sucks its blood dry, leaving behind only a desiccated husk.
"How does it keep conjuring so many clones?" Kristoff asks, bewildered. "And each one is as strong as the others! Is this aberrant secretly a Wordsmith?!"
He doesn't receive an answer. None of the others know. However, as they fight on, they become more attuned to one another through Serena's Soul Web. They move more in unison and adjust their teamwork to kill the Replicators faster than they can duplicate themselves.
Eventually, Melody delivers the final blow on the last remaining duplicate, blowing its body apart with a grenade-like explosion of sound, causing viscous chunks to splatter her comrades. To their utter relief, after killing more than a hundred of the duplicating freaks, no others appear.
Kristoff's squad rushes over to help finish off the other two deviants in Yardrat and Bael's squads, only to arrive just in time for both to kill off their respective foes.
"Whew!!" Bael exclaims, doubling over and gasping for air, every inch of his Matriarch Armor drenched in blood. "Oh, Satan the Devil! That was- aahhh... I need a breather, woo!"
He isn't the only Emperor out of breath. Sweat lines the foreheads of every single elite, except for Serena, whose support duties kept her out of the direct line of fire. Yardrat's body shakes from exhaustion. Crow's biceps pulse fiercely with adrenaline-fueled blood. Vespera's bloodshot eyes tell a story regarding how much mana she's expended.
"We've only killed five monsters!" Nymph exclaims, her beautiful red skin glistening with sweat. She conjures a handful of leaves to daintily dab and dry herself off. "Just five! How could Glinch's minions be so powerful?"
Bael lifts his head. He looks toward the distant center of the Stitched Wasteland.
"Woo... ho-boy, not gonna lie, fellas. I don't know how many more of those I've got in me."
"We have to keep pressing on." Yardrat says through gritted teeth. "Can't you feel the slow thickening of mana in the air? Mephisto's time to ascend must be arriving soon!"
The other elites grimace. They look toward the center of the Stitched Wasteland, fearing they won't have energy to make it there, let alone ultimately kill Mephisto.
"Let's take a five-minute breather." Kristoff suggests, recovering from his exertion a bit faster thanks to the vitality of his blood. "But keep on your guard. It's clear Glinch isn't going to make things easy for us."
The other elites nod. Nobody sits down, but they all stand in place, steadying their breathing and borrowing leaves from Nymph to dry their sweaty bodies off. Even Bael temporarily removes his armor to dab himself dry.
One demon is the exception, though.
Now reverted back to his Duke form, Rhesus greedily bites and chews at the corpses of Glinch's fallen monsters. He hungrily rips them apart like a wolf that hasn't eaten meat in ten years. Some of the more squeamish demons curl up their lips in disgust, while Vespera and Kristoff appear unmoved. They've long grown used to his ways.
Suddenly, Rhesus looks at Bael.
"Hey!"
Bael looks back at him. "What?"
Rhesus points to the corpse of the slime-creature Bael helped kill. "You gonna eat that?"
Bael slowly shakes his head. He nudges it toward Rhesus with his foot, then takes a step back. "Nah, bro. Uh, help yourself. I'm................... full."
"Great!" Rhesus yells, rushing over to chew and slurp up the slimey remains of the once-human-shaped creature Bael ultimately helped slay.
"Some fellas..." Bael murmurs, looking away.
As Rhesus takes these precious five minutes to ravenously devour Glinch's subordinates, Yardrat suddenly looks up in the sky. "Bloody hell! How long has that been there?!"
The others, except Rhesus, follow his gaze.
"What the-?!" Bael exclaims.
"What is it?" Melody asks.
Serena, unable to make out anything but a glowing mass of mana, blinks her unseeing eyes. "A physical description would be nice."
Nymph rests her hand on Serena's shoulder. "It's an... egg. A flesh-colored egg."
"By flesh-colored, you mean...?"
"Sorry. Demon-flesh-colored. Red." Nymph clarifies.
The egg hovers in the sky for only five seconds before suddenly rushing downward toward the demon elites. They quickly raise their fists and weapons, ready for battle, as it crashes into the dirt a hundred meters away.
The egg cracks open. Its shell explodes into fragments, spilling a disgusting green liquid all over the dirt, the stench of which makes many of the elites want to puke.
"Oh, that's awful!" Bael whines, before reactivating his Matriarch Armor so he won't have to suffer the foul odor.
As a cloud of thick green gas evaporates, a bipedal creature steps out of the crumbled egg's remains. Its sleek, moist body makes it resemble a fish. Its mottled green skin makes it appear as if it were born of the forest, a soil-based life-form coated in viscous fluids.
But strangely, its faceless head makes it feel... alien.
Upon seeing this new threat, one demon loses all their color.
Emperor Melody's pupils shrink to pinpricks. A cold chill sweeps across her skin as she immediately takes a step back. "No... no, no, no..."
The other Emperor glance at her in confusion, then back at the monster.
"What is it, Melody?" Kristoff asks quietly, as the creature remains standing in the distance, not yet moving toward them.
"P-P-Pla... Plague..." Melody whispers, a lump in her throat making it hard for her to speak. "That's- that's a- a- K-K-Kuh-Kolvax...ian..."
The temperature around the elites seems to plummet ten degrees. They look at the monster in horror.
"No.. Glinch wouldn't..." Yardrat whispers. "He'd never go this far..."
As the Emperors and Dukes remain standing, uncertain of what to do, the creature's head changes.
Its faceless facade morphs. A line spreads across the middle, where its nose would normally be. The Emperors become unsettled as a giant mouth begins to materialize, filled with shark-like teeth.
"Not....... Quite....." The 'Kolvaxian' says.
The voice that escapes the creature's mouth causes Yardrat to frown. He recognizes it immediately.
"Glinch? Is that you?"
The monster doesn't speak for several seconds.
When it does, it only utters one slow, halting word.
"........Yes."
"What is this?" Yardrat asks. "Did you... did YOU create the Kolvaxians?!"
The monster slightly cocks its head.
"No."
A pause.
"Pale. Imitation." It says.
"Imitation?" Yardrat repeats. "You're trying to copy the Kolvaxians? Why?!"
The creature once again remains motionless for several seconds. Emperor Serena frowns. She detects a faint microburst of mana rising from the ground, entering the monster's body.
"Because." The monster says, its voice still very much an eerie copy of Glinch's voice. "Curiosity."
It pauses.
"Must... Investigate. Many... Mysteries."
"Are you protecting Mephisto?" Yardrat asks. "Don't you see? If you let him ascend, he'll kill you! He's an enemy to all demonkind!"
The fake Kolvaxian 'smiles', its creepy, wide mouth curving up at the far corners.
"Enemy. Demons. Yes. Me? No. Insurance."
Abruptly, the Kolvax-clone leans forward, and a look of pain spreads over its face. Before the other demons can figure out what's going on, the creature makes a strange motion with its stomach.
"Gurr... gurrk... BLERK!"
It vomits green liquid all over the ground, and a hundred tiny marbles filled with mana land amidst the vomit, all of them glowing red visible to the naked eye.
The monster returns to its standing position, that same creepy smile on its face.
"Here. Present."
"What?" Kristoff asks, looking at those marbles of mana.
"Present." The Kolvax-clone says. "For. You."
"Whoaaa," Bael says, "you don't expect us to... eat those. Do you?"
"Beneficial." Glinch says. "Healing. Restoration."
"You're out of your mind." Serena says, narrowing her eyes. "You're mad, Glinch."
"No." Glinch says. "Not... Mad. Curious. Survive. Face... Me. Become... Stronger. Mephisto... Hungers."
The demons watch, stone-faced, as the pseudo-Kolvaxian begins to descend into the dirt, allowing the decrepit soil of the Stitched Wasteland to swallow it whole. It melts into the dirt in the same way as the Kolvaxians have always done, causing Melody's shivering to intensify.
"...can't just be a copy...." Melody mumbles, her shrunken pupils gazing in horror at the facsimile of the creatures that tore her Hell apart.
When it vanishes, all of the Emperors become quiet. Yardrat cautiously approaches the mana-infused pellets, then scoops them all up in his hands and walks back to the others.
Yardrat glances at the faces of the other demons. He holds the pills up, allowing them to look at the blood-colored beads of highly condensed mana.
"Well?" Yardrat asks. "Thoughts?"
Rhesus, having finished devouring the blood, skin, and bones of Yama's monsters, cracks his neck. "I don't know what those are. I'll pass."
"Serena?" Yardrat asks, looking at the Emperor of Soul Whispers.
"These pills are not harmful." Serena says, though her expression appears grim. "In fact, they're highly beneficial. They will restore our mana reserves and replenish our fighting capabilities quickly. There is no harm in taking one."
Despite the confidence in her statement, nobody moves to grab a single pill.
"The problem being?" Yardrat asks, still gazing at Serena.
"It should be obvious." Serena says, pressing her teeth together tightly. "Think of the message this sends us. Glinch doesn't take us seriously as a threat. He's worried we'll be defeated and die to his minions too easily. He wants us to fight in our optimal condition."
Kristoff sniffs the pellets. "There's more. These are infused with the blood of powerful monsters. They don't smell familiar to me. I bet Glinch obtained the blood through his Volgrim connections. The blood likely comes from exobeasts on Psion hunting worlds."
"Even I can guess what that means." Bael says. "These pills won't just bring us back to peak condition. They'll make us stronger."
"Especially the Dukes." Serena points out. "Glinch is... fattening us up."
"The fact he can create pills capable of uplifting demons is a statement in and of itself." Dagon says coldly. "It means he possesses an ability not unlike the Wordsmith's Belial Booster. He can create pills that will uplift lesser demons."
"This much should be expected." Kristoff retorts. "We've seen the strength of his minions. Pound for pound, each one is far stronger than any of us individual Emperors. He must have discovered a way to condense energy into these pills. If he wanted, he could... build an army."
"There's another player in the game." Yardrat mutters, glancing toward the center of the Stitched Wasteland. "He wants to compete with Auger."
"And Gorn." Serena says, glaring at Yardrat.
"Not so fast." Nymph says. "Aren't you guys forgetting? If Mephisto ascends, neither Auger nor Gorn will have the power to contend with him. In a galaxy where a Demon Deity reigns, Emperors will become mere minions. Glinch isn't telling us he wants to raise an army of loyal minions. He's never given a damn about ruling our people."
The other elites lower their heads, grimacing as they realize what she's saying.
"We're just... food." Vespera says quietly. "He intends to raise me and the other Dukes to Emperor... so Mephisto can... eat us."
As the elites stand around, no longer sure of what to do, Bael scratches his head.
"Welp! If you can't beat 'em, beat 'em off, that's what I always say! Gimme one of those pills!"
He snatches a a pill out of Yardrat's hand before the Emperor of the Void can react.
"Wait, Bael, we haven't determined-!" Yardrat starts to say, too slow to stop Bael.
"Nom!"
Bael casually removes his armor once again, pops the pill in his mouth, and swallows it. A second later, his demonic energy condenses, his fatigued body restores back to its pristine state, and his muscles bulge beneath his clothes.
"WOO! OH YEAH, BABY! That's that GOOD SHIT!"
A fire ignites in Bael's eyes. He roars to the sky and pumps his muscles, while steam pours from his nose.
"Oh MAN! WHOA! I could fight a bat! I could kick a dog! I feel AMAZING! You guys have GOTTA pop one of those bad boys!!"
Bael begins dancing around, full of hype. As he has the time of his life, the other demons frown.
"Is it just me, or..." Dagon mutters.
"Yeah." Yardrat says. "His breasts did get bigger."
Vespera blinks. "Give me a pill."
"Emperors first!" Fae exclaims.
While those two hastily grab themselves a pill, the other Emperors only decide to take theirs after seeing the effects of the pills on their comrades.
Emperor Serena glances at the spot where Glinch's fake Kolvaxian disappeared into the dirt.
This isn't a game. She thinks silently. We're balancing on the edge of a knife. One wrong move, and we'll fall to our doom.
....................................................
Artwork for Vespera!
Artwork for Rhesus!

https://fortune.com/2023/06/05/alt-right-economy-is-failing-real-performance-of-anti-woke-entrepreneurs-business-politics-sonnenfeld/
In commenting on Bob Iger’s defense of Disney’s values and brand in the face of threats from Florida Governor DeSantis, Nike CEO John Donahoe said, “I think Bob’s doing a great job at this. If it’s core to who you are and your values, then you stand up for your values.”
That spirit has been rewarded by the free market. Across many fronts, we have shown in quantitative analysis of business performance that doing good for society is not at the expense of doing well for shareholders, with clear examples ranging from Russian business exits to public engagement on voting rights.
Yet still, grandstanding political ideologues are using opportunistic attacks on iconic U.S. enterprises to showcase their own nascent anti-ESG businesses, and reportedly build a “parallel economy” catering to conservative constituencies. But far from flourishing, an objective review of the facts suggests these anti-wokester jokesters are financially foundering.
One little-known index fund provider, the American Conservative Values ETF (ACVF), recently received a flurry of media attention for boycotting Target over what they described as its “pandering to the woke agenda,” confidently declaring that their boycott of Target will ensure “Target stock’s long-term performance will suffer.”
Target stock is down, but in reality, the fund’s total holdings of Target amount to just $100,000–equivalent to the revenue that Target nets every 20 seconds. In fact, ACVF’s total assets under management are a rather measly $40 million–and many of their other “boycotted” companies–including iconic All-American enterprises such as Apple, Microsoft, Delta Airlines, American Airlines, Disney, Walmart, Coca-Cola, Salesforce, and JPMorgan–have performed quite well since being targeted by ACVF. Delta is up 10% this year, American is up 15% this year, Microsoft and Apple are both up over 40% this year and Salesforce is up 60%. Thanks in part to missing out on these top-performing stocks, ACVF is underperforming the S&P 500 by over 2% this year through June 1. No wonder even politically conservative investors stay away from these anti-woke ETFs.
ACVF’s struggles rather pale in comparison to those of its much larger and better-known rival, presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy’s Strive Asset Management. We have contacted both firms about our findings by phone and email, but their representatives directed us to figures published on their respective websites, which we checked–and double-checked.
The business models of both Strive and ACVF are similar: They construct exchange-traded funds, or ETFs, for mom-and-pop retail investors to passively track a basket of stocks, matching rather than trying to beat the broader market. Unlike hedge funds, these ETF providers do not care if the stocks go up, down, or sideways–rather, they get their money from fees charged on anyone who has their money in a Strive ETF. Most ETFs are very low-fee products–but the anti-woke ETFs come at a premium. BlackRock ETFs, for example, usually charge around 0.03% fees. Strive’s fees are comparatively higher at up to 0.41%–but nothing compared to ACVF’s 0.75% fee.
To survive over the long run, these nascent ETF providers need to continually attract new money from mom-and-pop investors. And that is exactly what it appears they are struggling to do. All the evidence, out in the open, shows that Strive has had a hard time attracting additional investor inflows beyond its original anchor investors after the launch of its ETFs last year. Its assets under management appear to have stagnated despite Ramaswamy’s loud media presence.
For example, its largest flagship ETF, the Strive US Energy ETF (DRLL), has almost exactly the same amount of assets under management (AUM) as of June 1, $320 million, that it did when it was launched in August/September 2022, and its AUM is down nearly 25% from the start of this year.
Fully half of Strive’s eight current ETF products–including the Strive 1000 Growth ETF, the Strive 1000 Value ETF, the Strive 1000 Dividend Growth ETF, and the Strive Small-Cap ETF–have less than $12 million assets under management each, which is microscopic relative to the industry standard–and less than the average compensation of a single major CEO at most companies.
Thus it is hardly surprising that some of the most admired CEOs are flippantly swatting away Strive’s attempts at “activism.” Ramaswamy has become the court jester of corporate governance. The mere mention of his name brings anything from smirks to outright gales of laughter amongst some corporate audiences.
One hopes that Strive is not on a path to fail as badly as some of Ramaswamy’s previous ventures, such as Axovant, a Ramaswamy-founded company whose stock price plunged from $200 to 40 cents, or Campus Venture Networks, Ramaswamy’s much-hyped undergraduate startup which, despite his self-aggrandizement, he apparently sold for just a few thousand dollars, if his tax returns are correct. Even one of Strive’s biggest financial backers, Bill Ackman, is apparently embarrassed and rushing to disavow Ramaswamy. Meanwhile, Strive is reduced to seeking “consulting contract” handouts from friendly politicos. Perhaps this helps explain why Ramaswamy is running his longshot Presidential campaign: Nothing turns around sagging business fortunes quite like a new burst of free publicity!
It is not only in high finance that these “parallel economy” startups are flailing. Attempts to build a new alt-right media ecosystem are similarly landing with a thud.
Perhaps most infamously, Donald Trump’s much-hyped Truth Social alt-platform has imploded in value, with its SPAC packaging (ticker DWAC) shares falling from $95 to $13 even as the former president flails away on this otherwise quiet platform. Alt-right social media rivals such as Gab and GabPay are struggling to gain traction, begging for donations through crowdsourced funding, while provocateur Alex Jones and his Infowars declared bankruptcy after a record $1 billion verdict for the Sandy Hook families. More prominently, One America News has now been dropped by every major cable operator, partially driven by low audiences, while its behemoth rival Fox’s struggles are just beginning after the record $787.5 million Dominion settlement–with its board reportedly becoming weary of deviating too far from the mainstream.
Efforts to expand the alt-right parallel economy across digital services and even physical goods are running straight into the ground as well. Virtually all major retailers from Bed Bath & Beyond to Walmart to Kohl’s to Costco have cut ties with Mike Lindell’s MyPillow, which just months ago closed its last in-person retail mall store while losing $100 million, according to Lindell himself. Former Trump personnel director Johnny McEntee’s project–an alt-right dating site, “The Right Stuff”–has been lambasted even by its core constituency, with its mostly men frustrated by the lack of women users, and its seed funding from Peter Thiel is reportedly scheduled to run out in the next few months.
To a hammer, everything looks like a nail; and the exertions of some anti-woke activists in extrapolating politicized rhetoric into the economy can stretch into caricature. Strangely, the struggles of the nation’s regional banks, such as SVB, Signature, and First Republic, were superstitiously blamed on “wokeism” and the facts–that these less diversified banks were unprepared for the Fed’s interest rate hikes and that larger, equally “woke” banks were better insulated from these interest rate swings–were ignored. This month, even the conservative New York Post was bewildered by the sudden ire this month of anti-wokesters targeting the privately owned, very spiritual, Christian values-guided restaurant chain Chick-fil-A because, years ago, they promoted a longstanding internal HR executive to oversee diversity and equal opportunity.
Despite positioning themselves as reverent guardians of free markets against government and social overreach, many anti-wokester jokesters seem to have forgotten the most basic requirement of capitalism: to make a profit. Ironically, the free market delivers the most condemning verdict of all. The favorite “woke” targets of anti-ESG activists continue to soar to record economic heights, effortlessly shrugging off anti-woke attacks.
Clearly, despite all the hype and drama, there is little financial threat to mainstream business posed by the anti-woke economy. It’s not a genuine parallel economy–these are scattered cases of ideological grifters and struggling entrepreneurs. Their real talent seems to lie in fast-talking media platforms into giving them an undeserved platform to unfairly target iconic pillars of U.S. enterprise. But as these anti-wokester jokesters struggle to gain financial traction, the numbers will continue to disprove their claims.