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2011.08.05 03:44 TheRapAsshole MFDOOM
Remember ALL CAPS when you spell the man name.
2014.05.12 12:45 MasterMirage Love Live! ラブライブ!
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2009.10.28 21:34 HarryMuffin radio reddit: Where the listeners are in control
/radioreddit is the subreddit for the radio reddit online streaming radio station featuring 100% original music created by thousands of redditors. The live streams are algorithmic and controlled 100% by listener votes. Tune in now at http://radioreddit.com/listen You can upload your original music for airplay at http://www.radioreddit.com/uploading For Talk radio reddit, visit /talkradioreddit.
2023.06.03 20:30 FunOverall Thinking of trying this team
 | What do you guys think? submitted by FunOverall to fut [link] [comments] |
2023.06.03 20:29 evandav13 Gilberto Perez on STEAMBOAT BILL, JR.
From The Material Ghost: Films and Their Medium (1998).
"The situation of being out of one's element recurs throughout Keaton's films. In Steamboat Bill, Jr. he plays a college student from Boston who seems to have done pretty well in that environment but whose father, a steamboat captain down South whom he goes to visit after a long separation, regards him as a sissy. Here again Buster finds himself having to cope with demands he hasn't encountered before. In Steamboat Bill, Jr. his predicament is compounded by the coincidental presence in the Southern river town of his girlfriend from Boston, whose notions of what he should be like run exactly counter to his father's. The overriding demands of a cyclone that sweeps the town are easier for Buster to meet than those of his father and his girl, and enable him to vindicate himself in their eyes by rescuing them both from drowning. Yet it takes those tempestuous circumstances for him to gain the approval they both denied him under normal conditions. Perhaps more vividly than in any other Keaton film, we get the sense in Steamboat Bill, Jr. that it's a difficult business to live up to what's expected of one.
"As soon as he's done with the rescuing, Buster wordlessly dives back into the river, and for a moment both the father and the girl suppose, to their chagrin, that he wants no more to do with either of them. We are amused by their reaction, thinking that it would serve them right if he just got away. Although he promptly returns, bringing with him a clergyman in a life preserver to conduct a wedding on the spot, we've been led to question why he should stick by a girl and a father who've made such trouble for him. Buster here, in his eagerness to settle his triumph, entertains no second thoughts; but we do.
"There's a gag in Steamboat Bill that plays on appearing and disappearing, this time not by an inanimate object, in accordance with the laws of motion, but by the girl, in accordance with her emotions. This occurs when Buster runs into her while on his way to take the next train back to Boston; having alienated both her and his father, he's concluded there's nothing to keep him in the river town. On meeting her, however, he pauses and begins to give her an explanation, diffidently, with his eyes turned downward, assuming that she would listen. So he doesn't see that she chooses to snub him, walks right past him and into a building. The next time he looks, no sign of her is to be found. Puzzled, he proceeds on his way and now cannot see that, behind his back, she's come out of the building and follows him steadily from a distance, no longer wishing to ignore him but hesitating to address him. He doesn't know that she's behind him, and in front of him, moreover, something unexpected happens that takes his mind away from any further pondering of her whereabouts: his father is thrown into jail. Deciding under the circumstances not to leave town but to stay and help his father, Buster turns around to head for home, and the girl behind him, at a loss for what to do, turns around too, so, as it looks from his perspective, she has reappeared out of nowhere with her back to him and briskly walking away. The girl's psychology is as clear to us as the physics of the railroad car, but in both cases the governing mechanism is hidden from Buster, and we can appreciate his perplexity in confronting the manifestations discernible to him. A sense is conveyed of that perplexing process, that generally hidden mechanism, by which things come to be as they appear before our eyes.
"In a visual strategy typical of Keaton's style as a director, the entire progress of the sidetracked car, how it runs parallel to the main line and then rejoins it, is shown in the background of an uninterrupted traveling shot, with Buster in the foreground all the while, too busy stoking his engine to mind anything else. This use of deep focus, even as it simultaneously reveals both the car's trajectory and the reason for Buster's inattention, yet conveys the feeling that it's terribly easy for any of us to miss what's important in our environment. The car is right there, visible to us behind him, and if only he'd known to look, a mere turning of the head would have sufficed to apprise him of the situation. Furthermore, the car, though clearly visible in the shot, is pretty far in the background and near the edge of the screen, barely within our field of vision: we feel that we too might easily have missed that crucial detail with only a slight shift in the camera angle. By a similar use of deep focus in Steamboat Bill, the girl covertly following Buster appears in the background of the shot and he in the foreground, his attention again otherwise engaged. In neither case does Keaton cut to reveal to us what's hidden from his character; instead he shows it taking place in the same shot, rather as if the camera had picked it up by happenstance. A cut to a closer view either of the car or of the girl would have been like a nudge signaling to us that this is privileged information, made available for our benefit as spectators while the character remains in the dark; that would have tended to encourage in us a comfortable feeling of omniscience, of our superiority over Buster in being given access to all the pertinent facts unknown to him. As it is, we see more than he does but are kept aware of the difficulty, which we generally share with him, in looking where we need to look, seeing what needs to be seen.
"A device that emphasizes the act of looking is the shots of Buster staring straight into--or just past--the camera. Perhaps the most striking of these frontal shots is the one in Steamboat Bill, Jr. that shows Buster changing hats. Brought to a haberdashery by his father, who disapproves of the beret he's been wearing and aims to get him a proper hat, he stands before a mirror while variegated hats are tried on him in succession, each making him seem different, as if he were rapidly donning and discarding a succession of identities, all of them imposed on him from the outside, none of them consonant with the inside we perceive through his forlorn eyes. Here his eyes are fixed on the camera for the longest stretch of all, since no cuts are needed to show us what he's looking at: the camera takes the place of the mirror, and Buster stares at it as at his own reflection. In each of these frontal shots, it must be stressed, the object of Buster's gaze is clearly established as something specific in his environment, so that his eyes appear directed not at the camera itself but at some point past it that claims his attention. We never get the feeling that he's looking at us: the effect, instead, is of our looking into him.
"Before the mirror in Steamboat Bill, however, the object of his attention happens to be his own image, and that shot has the quality of an introspective monologue, an apprehensive meditation on his own condition. Literally his view of himself, that shot becomes an epitome of Keaton's view of the self as a foreign entity in the world, a visitor forever having to borrow the world's uniforms, and uncomfortable in any of them. The collegiate outfit that Buster affects at the beginning of this film was the fashion in Boston, but in a Southern river town his father is appalled to encounter an arriving son in a beret and a little mustache who is playing a ukulele and singing and dancing to it. (Buster is trying to pacify a baby he accidentally caused to cry, but his father doesn't know about the baby, and concludes that his son is in the habit of breaking into song and dance in the street.) The steamboat captain proceeds to strip away an outfit he finds offensively effeminate: the beret must be replaced, the mustache he has a barber shave off, the ukulele he crushes under his foot. More than these particular items, the principles on which Buster has based his life till now are thrown into question. At the haberdashery, without the trappings of a Boston collegian, he stares into the mirror and sees for the first time the hopeless discrepancy between his inner being and any of the roles he may have to assume in his dealings with the external world. "
submitted by evandav13 to blankies [link] [comments]
"The situation of being out of one's element recurs throughout Keaton's films. In Steamboat Bill, Jr. he plays a college student from Boston who seems to have done pretty well in that environment but whose father, a steamboat captain down South whom he goes to visit after a long separation, regards him as a sissy. Here again Buster finds himself having to cope with demands he hasn't encountered before. In Steamboat Bill, Jr. his predicament is compounded by the coincidental presence in the Southern river town of his girlfriend from Boston, whose notions of what he should be like run exactly counter to his father's. The overriding demands of a cyclone that sweeps the town are easier for Buster to meet than those of his father and his girl, and enable him to vindicate himself in their eyes by rescuing them both from drowning. Yet it takes those tempestuous circumstances for him to gain the approval they both denied him under normal conditions. Perhaps more vividly than in any other Keaton film, we get the sense in Steamboat Bill, Jr. that it's a difficult business to live up to what's expected of one.
"As soon as he's done with the rescuing, Buster wordlessly dives back into the river, and for a moment both the father and the girl suppose, to their chagrin, that he wants no more to do with either of them. We are amused by their reaction, thinking that it would serve them right if he just got away. Although he promptly returns, bringing with him a clergyman in a life preserver to conduct a wedding on the spot, we've been led to question why he should stick by a girl and a father who've made such trouble for him. Buster here, in his eagerness to settle his triumph, entertains no second thoughts; but we do.
"There's a gag in Steamboat Bill that plays on appearing and disappearing, this time not by an inanimate object, in accordance with the laws of motion, but by the girl, in accordance with her emotions. This occurs when Buster runs into her while on his way to take the next train back to Boston; having alienated both her and his father, he's concluded there's nothing to keep him in the river town. On meeting her, however, he pauses and begins to give her an explanation, diffidently, with his eyes turned downward, assuming that she would listen. So he doesn't see that she chooses to snub him, walks right past him and into a building. The next time he looks, no sign of her is to be found. Puzzled, he proceeds on his way and now cannot see that, behind his back, she's come out of the building and follows him steadily from a distance, no longer wishing to ignore him but hesitating to address him. He doesn't know that she's behind him, and in front of him, moreover, something unexpected happens that takes his mind away from any further pondering of her whereabouts: his father is thrown into jail. Deciding under the circumstances not to leave town but to stay and help his father, Buster turns around to head for home, and the girl behind him, at a loss for what to do, turns around too, so, as it looks from his perspective, she has reappeared out of nowhere with her back to him and briskly walking away. The girl's psychology is as clear to us as the physics of the railroad car, but in both cases the governing mechanism is hidden from Buster, and we can appreciate his perplexity in confronting the manifestations discernible to him. A sense is conveyed of that perplexing process, that generally hidden mechanism, by which things come to be as they appear before our eyes.
"In a visual strategy typical of Keaton's style as a director, the entire progress of the sidetracked car, how it runs parallel to the main line and then rejoins it, is shown in the background of an uninterrupted traveling shot, with Buster in the foreground all the while, too busy stoking his engine to mind anything else. This use of deep focus, even as it simultaneously reveals both the car's trajectory and the reason for Buster's inattention, yet conveys the feeling that it's terribly easy for any of us to miss what's important in our environment. The car is right there, visible to us behind him, and if only he'd known to look, a mere turning of the head would have sufficed to apprise him of the situation. Furthermore, the car, though clearly visible in the shot, is pretty far in the background and near the edge of the screen, barely within our field of vision: we feel that we too might easily have missed that crucial detail with only a slight shift in the camera angle. By a similar use of deep focus in Steamboat Bill, the girl covertly following Buster appears in the background of the shot and he in the foreground, his attention again otherwise engaged. In neither case does Keaton cut to reveal to us what's hidden from his character; instead he shows it taking place in the same shot, rather as if the camera had picked it up by happenstance. A cut to a closer view either of the car or of the girl would have been like a nudge signaling to us that this is privileged information, made available for our benefit as spectators while the character remains in the dark; that would have tended to encourage in us a comfortable feeling of omniscience, of our superiority over Buster in being given access to all the pertinent facts unknown to him. As it is, we see more than he does but are kept aware of the difficulty, which we generally share with him, in looking where we need to look, seeing what needs to be seen.
"A device that emphasizes the act of looking is the shots of Buster staring straight into--or just past--the camera. Perhaps the most striking of these frontal shots is the one in Steamboat Bill, Jr. that shows Buster changing hats. Brought to a haberdashery by his father, who disapproves of the beret he's been wearing and aims to get him a proper hat, he stands before a mirror while variegated hats are tried on him in succession, each making him seem different, as if he were rapidly donning and discarding a succession of identities, all of them imposed on him from the outside, none of them consonant with the inside we perceive through his forlorn eyes. Here his eyes are fixed on the camera for the longest stretch of all, since no cuts are needed to show us what he's looking at: the camera takes the place of the mirror, and Buster stares at it as at his own reflection. In each of these frontal shots, it must be stressed, the object of Buster's gaze is clearly established as something specific in his environment, so that his eyes appear directed not at the camera itself but at some point past it that claims his attention. We never get the feeling that he's looking at us: the effect, instead, is of our looking into him.
"Before the mirror in Steamboat Bill, however, the object of his attention happens to be his own image, and that shot has the quality of an introspective monologue, an apprehensive meditation on his own condition. Literally his view of himself, that shot becomes an epitome of Keaton's view of the self as a foreign entity in the world, a visitor forever having to borrow the world's uniforms, and uncomfortable in any of them. The collegiate outfit that Buster affects at the beginning of this film was the fashion in Boston, but in a Southern river town his father is appalled to encounter an arriving son in a beret and a little mustache who is playing a ukulele and singing and dancing to it. (Buster is trying to pacify a baby he accidentally caused to cry, but his father doesn't know about the baby, and concludes that his son is in the habit of breaking into song and dance in the street.) The steamboat captain proceeds to strip away an outfit he finds offensively effeminate: the beret must be replaced, the mustache he has a barber shave off, the ukulele he crushes under his foot. More than these particular items, the principles on which Buster has based his life till now are thrown into question. At the haberdashery, without the trappings of a Boston collegian, he stares into the mirror and sees for the first time the hopeless discrepancy between his inner being and any of the roles he may have to assume in his dealings with the external world. "
2023.06.03 20:28 RafflesiaArnoldii Reactivity III: Seeing it coming
Reactivity III: Seeing it coming
Welcome to this episode of ‘I read Enneagram Literature so you don’t have to’.
So one of the first things they tell you about deescalating conflict situations is that the number 1 thing to do is to make youre that you don’t get triggered & escalated yourself.
According to the so-called Law of Requisite Variety, the person who is the most flexible has the greatest chance to influence the outcome of a situation, and firing off your habitual pattern is the opposite of flexibility – its the best way to end up in the exact same argument with your spouse that you’re always in and that kind of feels like its the same one you had with all your exes and maybe even your parents because it’s hitting all those olf familiar pain points and fault lines.
So, how do we avoid this? The more set off you get the harder it becomes, after all these darn patterns are quite entrenched for many years with the punch of many past hurts behind them.
So one thing that’s been suggested is to try to spot your reactivity in its early stages, when it’s just starting to get going.
For this, it helps to try to note & then learn to recognize the specific emotional state and physical sensations that precede things going sideways, so that when you start feeling it you can take a deep belly breath, pause, Mindfully Observe (TM), interrupt/distract yourself with something random or whatever works for you to stop going into the usual loop.
Thus I want to note that to effectively do this you’d have to get a feel for what it feels like for you specifically, and probably on the first attempts you will only notice sort of in hindsight after you’ve already fired off – you’ve got to connect the words to the actual sensations that is meant by it & it’s more important to hone in on what ticks off you specifically than to be a perfect example specimen of your type, this is more helpful if its more individual.
That said, the book author has recorded some general tendencies based on what his clients report, so here are some general pointers of what to look for at least to start with, before you get a grasp on your individual ‘answer’ & can let that take precedence.
Maybe before you keep reading, try to stop & come up with an answer yourself first. What are you usually feeling before you get in a situation where you just react? What particularsituational cues set you off? Can you pinpoint what physical sensations this is usually accompanied by?
Maybe your being setoff or triggered looks like on of the following:
1
Chances are it concerned something that is flagrantly wrong that needs mentioning and correcting, or it might have something to do with unfairness, a lack of accountability or irresponsibility.
At some point, you might have launched into some kind of unrelenting, unforgiving condemnation of it. The judgement seems absolute; You feel rife with conviction. You can viscerally feel how wrong or disgusting it is.
Physically, you might have taken on a constricted, rigid stance, you might notice a tension in your face, body and jaw. Underneath it, that tension might be a long time’s worth of pent-up anger and resentment straining against its binds.
But your feelings, or anyone else’s, for that matter, are probably not on your radar, just the automatic, unshakeable judgement you have passed.
At some point, you’ve slipped into relating to the other person from a superior position, delivering the obvious, inarguable truth to them like the voice of the metatron.
2
It probably started as situation where you were expecting to get that good feeling of being able to help others or receive a positive reaction from them, but then it didn’t happen.
You might have been holding your breath, bracing for the others’ reaction, waiting to exhale when you would finally get the satisfaction of a job well done, but something’s in your way.
One moment youre relishing in that good feeling you get when you know just what the best thing to do is and will get to show your care & affection, and then you’re just left with this sense of tightness and anxiety in your heart.
Maybe there is what you perceive to be some frustrating impediment that kept you from helping, or, you feel that your goodwill has gone unappreciated.
It hurts. Its distressing.
Maybe to escape an underlying feeling that you’ve been rejected, humiliated or found dispensible, you slip into a kind of superior position of someone who did everything right but was unfairly slighted: You bring all this goodwill, nice intentions & dedication, and in return, you get hurt like this??
And when you feel that pain, and sense of being faced with ingratitude, you feel very much justified and rightfully entitled to react, to call out the other on all you did for them whiley they didn’t return it. At some point the attention shifted from whater intentions you had regarding the other person’s emotions to your own: Your hurt, your distress, your wounded feelings.
For once you feel justified in your ispleasure and in expressising it openly for everyone to see, because after all its the other person who wronged you, and after all you did for them...
3
The straw that broke the camels back was probably a situation where you saw the path to accomplishing your tasks and goals clearly before you, as a satisfying straight line from A to B… and then something got in the way. Or, you have done the thing and no one’s noticed. The approval or admiration that you’ve been expected just didn’t materialize. Or perhaps it’s a smaller obstacle, you are trying to work your charme on someone but you’re not suceeding at making the impression you were going on.
Whatever it was, at that point you probably launched yourself into some sort of impatience, agitation or frustration.
There might be a blinders-like effect when you’re focussed on the desired result. You’ve got to keep pushing, with the ellbows if necessary, and you have to come out looking good and having it under control.
Feelings and heartfelt receptivity that you might otherwise have featured in take the backseat for now in the name of competitive experience.
But underneath it all, this sweep of reactivity may be fueled by an anxious, distressed sense of impatience that is felt in your chest, and perhaps a bit of feeling unseen, ignored, not approved of.
But you don’t got time for this, or anybody else’s feelings, you gotta keep pushing, faster, harder, relentlessly, until the deed is done.
4
You’ve probably just been dissapointed. Again.
You don’t know how you allowed yourself to believe that this time, you might finally have been getting close to what you were looking for, but now you’ve fallen from the clouds and whatever moud you were in has abruptly and suddenly taken a plunge to miseryland.
You can’t help but notice everything that should be here but isn’t, everything that’s missing, that’s not enough, all the ways that you or others have fallen short.
Everything is terrible, it has always been terrible and always will be terrible, everything is just made of revolting terribleness.
What sparked this off was maybe a sharply felt realization of how your woes were going unheard, how you were going unseen once again, overlooked, dismissed or offensively disregarded.
Maybe you lash out and let them all hear about it and lambast them mercilessly in your spite and disgust, or you’ve stormed out, slamming the door behind you – or perhaps you’re just sitting there & sulking, marinating in your lamentations and your picking apart of yourself, the other people involved, and everything else in sight that just repulses and offends you, but in the end, when the fire has burned itself out and you’re left with the ashes, you’re left with the mournful yearning for your crushed, impossible dream that has once again slipped out of reach, longing for, and feeling yourself far from that which really matters, cut off from the ignorant bliss that everyone else seems to get to wade in.
5
Most likely, you are feeling hounded, pressured or put-upon.
It’s beginning to look like you may not be able to hold onto to all of your time, privacy or independence.
Or, someone’s come bargin into your personal space with jarring suddenness, is pelting you with invasive questions and/or and unloaded a bunch of demands on you that you feel inadequate to anticipate, let alone live up to.
Another common trigger is having your attempt to contribute some information blown off, (“no one wants to hear that nerd stuff!”) which on some level might register as a personal rejection.
The response is tendentially to pull away or disengage. You don’t care about all of this crap anyway and want nothing more to do with it. You need out, now. You can’t seem to get far away enough from any other living being, you can’t stand it if there’s so much as someone looking at you.
It might be felt as a sort of contracting sensation in your chest, a desire to hide, to shrink away to some corner, or into yourself if there’s nowhere else to go.
Under that there might be a lowkey panic of what you’re going to have to lose or give up, which is of course going to put you into a counterproductive defensive stance, some assumed script where you’re some tiny flimsy thing incapable of resisting and they’re going to devour you.
Others might then interpret this as you pushing them away or playing hard to get.
6
A common sign here that you’re going off is concern with an over-focussed magnification of something: A perceived discrepancy or incongruity, a possible danger, a nagging little doubt… whatever it is, you probably can’t stop thinking about it, thinking up pessimistic scenarios or fixating on your lack of preparedness.
Either way your thoughts are dominated by this preoccupation and the longer this goes on the more you work yourself into a frenzied state of being on-edge.
On the physical side this comes with all the symptoms of an adrenaline rush, emotionally it might be experienced as caution, anxiety, hostililty, suspicion, frustation or an explosive cocktail of all of these just waiting to ignite.
Sometimes you might touch the kindling off yourself by provoking or testing the other, confronting them with accusation or trying to take control of the situation.
(Note: Interestingly, this type 6 blogger wrote a whole article on the phenomenon of overfixating on details when worked up & her journey of trying to get from that to what she labels ‘productive thinking’ – usingStabile’s terminology here)
7
For 7 the characteristic reactivity is quintessentially a flight response, and as such set off by a sense of constriction, limitation, being trapped.
In an animal you might see this when there’s a concrete something to run away from but in us humans with our newfangled abstract thinking it can be caused by anything we see as trapping, caging or restraining us – such as unwanted feelings, unwelcome facts, infringements on our freedom, and what we consider part of living an unrestrained, unburdened live such as our sense of bouyancy, being able to stay positive, flexible, upbeat, stimulated, farseeing, having all the options & possibilities etc.
This includes when another person comes to you as a bearer of bad news and expresses or brings up feelings that you don’t want to engage with.
Underlying is often some anxiety about missing out & getting stuck in deprivation, sadness, boredom, helplessness, inferiority etc.
Experientially this might register as sense of anxious frustration, some constriction around the solar plexus and an influx of jittery, restless energy and heat as your body lowkey prepares to run for the hills. You might actually feel some urge to move, go do something else, change the topic, get out of the conversation etc. back to the ‘safety’ of what’s okay and positive. At this point your focus is mostly going to be on yourself and how you will avoid being caught by the figurative tiger and there is going to be far less mental bandwith to worry about the needs of anybody else.
8
What set you off was probably some kind of perceived violation: Someone has overstepped your boundaries and needs to be put back in line, or they are trying to overpower you and make you dance to their tune.
Another trigger might be things going against your will on your ‘turf’ – eg. someone doing the overpowering or violating to someone you care about, doing something on your watch that they’re not supposed to be doing, or otherwise going against your personal sense of justice, truth or fairness, right in from of your salad.
Physically this might feel like an intense rush of energy and heat. Sometimes there can be an outright exuberant or thrilling quality to it, a sense of relishing in the fight. Other times it’s pure survival and the response happens without thinking at all.
Either way the reaction is very fast and the resulting action almost immediate: Ready, aim, fire.
Once fired up, the effect is a bit like that of blinkers on a racehorse:
Your going to get your way and shut down what you don’t want, making use of whatever leverage you have in this situation or the weak points you might notice about your adversary (and there’s definitely a shift to an adversarial mindset) – often people don’t expect pushback and buckle right away, though this can be seen by others as steamrolling, intimidating or even domineering.
9
As a 9, your reactivity probably rather takes the form of inertia, of digging in your heels to stay in place rather than an activating force that gets you marching off to tear someone a new one, as many of the other types might. You’ve probably launched yourself into some kind of stubborn resistance because you feel you’re being pushed into action or forced into conflict when you don’t want it. Maybe you feel like you’re being pushed around, or that something that is really important to you personally is not being considered, that you’te being overlooked while no one seems to notice or care & just letting you & your interests be trampled underfoot.
It’s not rare for such a moment to have been preceded by situations where you had previously decided that it wasn’t worth stating your needs, asking to be included & considered & didn’t take any steps to ensure you’re on people’s priority list. You figured that it wasn’t worth it or you didn’t mind, but then something happened that really rubbed the salt in, or touched near some priority that you really don’t want to give up.
On the physical level this might be felt as a sense of leaden heavyness in your body; feelings wise you might experience despair, resignation, apathy and defeat. In any case it’s probably going to extinguish whatever motivation, vibrancy or vitality you might otherwise have had going on.
submitted by RafflesiaArnoldii to Enneagram [link] [comments]
Welcome to this episode of ‘I read Enneagram Literature so you don’t have to’.
So one of the first things they tell you about deescalating conflict situations is that the number 1 thing to do is to make youre that you don’t get triggered & escalated yourself.
According to the so-called Law of Requisite Variety, the person who is the most flexible has the greatest chance to influence the outcome of a situation, and firing off your habitual pattern is the opposite of flexibility – its the best way to end up in the exact same argument with your spouse that you’re always in and that kind of feels like its the same one you had with all your exes and maybe even your parents because it’s hitting all those olf familiar pain points and fault lines.
So, how do we avoid this? The more set off you get the harder it becomes, after all these darn patterns are quite entrenched for many years with the punch of many past hurts behind them.
So one thing that’s been suggested is to try to spot your reactivity in its early stages, when it’s just starting to get going.
For this, it helps to try to note & then learn to recognize the specific emotional state and physical sensations that precede things going sideways, so that when you start feeling it you can take a deep belly breath, pause, Mindfully Observe (TM), interrupt/distract yourself with something random or whatever works for you to stop going into the usual loop.
Thus I want to note that to effectively do this you’d have to get a feel for what it feels like for you specifically, and probably on the first attempts you will only notice sort of in hindsight after you’ve already fired off – you’ve got to connect the words to the actual sensations that is meant by it & it’s more important to hone in on what ticks off you specifically than to be a perfect example specimen of your type, this is more helpful if its more individual.
That said, the book author has recorded some general tendencies based on what his clients report, so here are some general pointers of what to look for at least to start with, before you get a grasp on your individual ‘answer’ & can let that take precedence.
Maybe before you keep reading, try to stop & come up with an answer yourself first. What are you usually feeling before you get in a situation where you just react? What particularsituational cues set you off? Can you pinpoint what physical sensations this is usually accompanied by?
Maybe your being setoff or triggered looks like on of the following:
1
Chances are it concerned something that is flagrantly wrong that needs mentioning and correcting, or it might have something to do with unfairness, a lack of accountability or irresponsibility.
At some point, you might have launched into some kind of unrelenting, unforgiving condemnation of it. The judgement seems absolute; You feel rife with conviction. You can viscerally feel how wrong or disgusting it is.
Physically, you might have taken on a constricted, rigid stance, you might notice a tension in your face, body and jaw. Underneath it, that tension might be a long time’s worth of pent-up anger and resentment straining against its binds.
But your feelings, or anyone else’s, for that matter, are probably not on your radar, just the automatic, unshakeable judgement you have passed.
At some point, you’ve slipped into relating to the other person from a superior position, delivering the obvious, inarguable truth to them like the voice of the metatron.
2
It probably started as situation where you were expecting to get that good feeling of being able to help others or receive a positive reaction from them, but then it didn’t happen.
You might have been holding your breath, bracing for the others’ reaction, waiting to exhale when you would finally get the satisfaction of a job well done, but something’s in your way.
One moment youre relishing in that good feeling you get when you know just what the best thing to do is and will get to show your care & affection, and then you’re just left with this sense of tightness and anxiety in your heart.
Maybe there is what you perceive to be some frustrating impediment that kept you from helping, or, you feel that your goodwill has gone unappreciated.
It hurts. Its distressing.
Maybe to escape an underlying feeling that you’ve been rejected, humiliated or found dispensible, you slip into a kind of superior position of someone who did everything right but was unfairly slighted: You bring all this goodwill, nice intentions & dedication, and in return, you get hurt like this??
And when you feel that pain, and sense of being faced with ingratitude, you feel very much justified and rightfully entitled to react, to call out the other on all you did for them whiley they didn’t return it. At some point the attention shifted from whater intentions you had regarding the other person’s emotions to your own: Your hurt, your distress, your wounded feelings.
For once you feel justified in your ispleasure and in expressising it openly for everyone to see, because after all its the other person who wronged you, and after all you did for them...
3
The straw that broke the camels back was probably a situation where you saw the path to accomplishing your tasks and goals clearly before you, as a satisfying straight line from A to B… and then something got in the way. Or, you have done the thing and no one’s noticed. The approval or admiration that you’ve been expected just didn’t materialize. Or perhaps it’s a smaller obstacle, you are trying to work your charme on someone but you’re not suceeding at making the impression you were going on.
Whatever it was, at that point you probably launched yourself into some sort of impatience, agitation or frustration.
There might be a blinders-like effect when you’re focussed on the desired result. You’ve got to keep pushing, with the ellbows if necessary, and you have to come out looking good and having it under control.
Feelings and heartfelt receptivity that you might otherwise have featured in take the backseat for now in the name of competitive experience.
But underneath it all, this sweep of reactivity may be fueled by an anxious, distressed sense of impatience that is felt in your chest, and perhaps a bit of feeling unseen, ignored, not approved of.
But you don’t got time for this, or anybody else’s feelings, you gotta keep pushing, faster, harder, relentlessly, until the deed is done.
4
You’ve probably just been dissapointed. Again.
You don’t know how you allowed yourself to believe that this time, you might finally have been getting close to what you were looking for, but now you’ve fallen from the clouds and whatever moud you were in has abruptly and suddenly taken a plunge to miseryland.
You can’t help but notice everything that should be here but isn’t, everything that’s missing, that’s not enough, all the ways that you or others have fallen short.
Everything is terrible, it has always been terrible and always will be terrible, everything is just made of revolting terribleness.
What sparked this off was maybe a sharply felt realization of how your woes were going unheard, how you were going unseen once again, overlooked, dismissed or offensively disregarded.
Maybe you lash out and let them all hear about it and lambast them mercilessly in your spite and disgust, or you’ve stormed out, slamming the door behind you – or perhaps you’re just sitting there & sulking, marinating in your lamentations and your picking apart of yourself, the other people involved, and everything else in sight that just repulses and offends you, but in the end, when the fire has burned itself out and you’re left with the ashes, you’re left with the mournful yearning for your crushed, impossible dream that has once again slipped out of reach, longing for, and feeling yourself far from that which really matters, cut off from the ignorant bliss that everyone else seems to get to wade in.
5
Most likely, you are feeling hounded, pressured or put-upon.
It’s beginning to look like you may not be able to hold onto to all of your time, privacy or independence.
Or, someone’s come bargin into your personal space with jarring suddenness, is pelting you with invasive questions and/or and unloaded a bunch of demands on you that you feel inadequate to anticipate, let alone live up to.
Another common trigger is having your attempt to contribute some information blown off, (“no one wants to hear that nerd stuff!”) which on some level might register as a personal rejection.
The response is tendentially to pull away or disengage. You don’t care about all of this crap anyway and want nothing more to do with it. You need out, now. You can’t seem to get far away enough from any other living being, you can’t stand it if there’s so much as someone looking at you.
It might be felt as a sort of contracting sensation in your chest, a desire to hide, to shrink away to some corner, or into yourself if there’s nowhere else to go.
Under that there might be a lowkey panic of what you’re going to have to lose or give up, which is of course going to put you into a counterproductive defensive stance, some assumed script where you’re some tiny flimsy thing incapable of resisting and they’re going to devour you.
Others might then interpret this as you pushing them away or playing hard to get.
6
A common sign here that you’re going off is concern with an over-focussed magnification of something: A perceived discrepancy or incongruity, a possible danger, a nagging little doubt… whatever it is, you probably can’t stop thinking about it, thinking up pessimistic scenarios or fixating on your lack of preparedness.
Either way your thoughts are dominated by this preoccupation and the longer this goes on the more you work yourself into a frenzied state of being on-edge.
On the physical side this comes with all the symptoms of an adrenaline rush, emotionally it might be experienced as caution, anxiety, hostililty, suspicion, frustation or an explosive cocktail of all of these just waiting to ignite.
Sometimes you might touch the kindling off yourself by provoking or testing the other, confronting them with accusation or trying to take control of the situation.
(Note: Interestingly, this type 6 blogger wrote a whole article on the phenomenon of overfixating on details when worked up & her journey of trying to get from that to what she labels ‘productive thinking’ – usingStabile’s terminology here)
7
For 7 the characteristic reactivity is quintessentially a flight response, and as such set off by a sense of constriction, limitation, being trapped.
In an animal you might see this when there’s a concrete something to run away from but in us humans with our newfangled abstract thinking it can be caused by anything we see as trapping, caging or restraining us – such as unwanted feelings, unwelcome facts, infringements on our freedom, and what we consider part of living an unrestrained, unburdened live such as our sense of bouyancy, being able to stay positive, flexible, upbeat, stimulated, farseeing, having all the options & possibilities etc.
This includes when another person comes to you as a bearer of bad news and expresses or brings up feelings that you don’t want to engage with.
Underlying is often some anxiety about missing out & getting stuck in deprivation, sadness, boredom, helplessness, inferiority etc.
Experientially this might register as sense of anxious frustration, some constriction around the solar plexus and an influx of jittery, restless energy and heat as your body lowkey prepares to run for the hills. You might actually feel some urge to move, go do something else, change the topic, get out of the conversation etc. back to the ‘safety’ of what’s okay and positive. At this point your focus is mostly going to be on yourself and how you will avoid being caught by the figurative tiger and there is going to be far less mental bandwith to worry about the needs of anybody else.
8
What set you off was probably some kind of perceived violation: Someone has overstepped your boundaries and needs to be put back in line, or they are trying to overpower you and make you dance to their tune.
Another trigger might be things going against your will on your ‘turf’ – eg. someone doing the overpowering or violating to someone you care about, doing something on your watch that they’re not supposed to be doing, or otherwise going against your personal sense of justice, truth or fairness, right in from of your salad.
Physically this might feel like an intense rush of energy and heat. Sometimes there can be an outright exuberant or thrilling quality to it, a sense of relishing in the fight. Other times it’s pure survival and the response happens without thinking at all.
Either way the reaction is very fast and the resulting action almost immediate: Ready, aim, fire.
Once fired up, the effect is a bit like that of blinkers on a racehorse:
Your going to get your way and shut down what you don’t want, making use of whatever leverage you have in this situation or the weak points you might notice about your adversary (and there’s definitely a shift to an adversarial mindset) – often people don’t expect pushback and buckle right away, though this can be seen by others as steamrolling, intimidating or even domineering.
9
As a 9, your reactivity probably rather takes the form of inertia, of digging in your heels to stay in place rather than an activating force that gets you marching off to tear someone a new one, as many of the other types might. You’ve probably launched yourself into some kind of stubborn resistance because you feel you’re being pushed into action or forced into conflict when you don’t want it. Maybe you feel like you’re being pushed around, or that something that is really important to you personally is not being considered, that you’te being overlooked while no one seems to notice or care & just letting you & your interests be trampled underfoot.
It’s not rare for such a moment to have been preceded by situations where you had previously decided that it wasn’t worth stating your needs, asking to be included & considered & didn’t take any steps to ensure you’re on people’s priority list. You figured that it wasn’t worth it or you didn’t mind, but then something happened that really rubbed the salt in, or touched near some priority that you really don’t want to give up.
On the physical level this might be felt as a sense of leaden heavyness in your body; feelings wise you might experience despair, resignation, apathy and defeat. In any case it’s probably going to extinguish whatever motivation, vibrancy or vitality you might otherwise have had going on.
2023.06.03 20:27 UmbryKane Want to protect my grandmother from scams
So my grandmother is 81, she's been hit a few times from scammers due to being very naive and not wanting to listen to anyone. She loves her ipad and enjoys shopping with it and other things. She's now telling me how she can now open her email and click on the store email and go straight to whatever store she wants.
Is there a way or any app or anything or settings on the ipad i can install or put up to keep her safe.
A few things she's fallen for: Check scams, gift card scams (even yelled at a cashier at target for not letting her buy any). She also believes that it's illegal for people to impersonate another company*, so she falls victim to phishing.
*i mean it is illegal but she doesnt understand that scammers dont care and most of them arent US based.
Edit: i do not live with her, she lives with her husband whom she does not listen to either
submitted by UmbryKane to Scams [link] [comments]
Is there a way or any app or anything or settings on the ipad i can install or put up to keep her safe.
A few things she's fallen for: Check scams, gift card scams (even yelled at a cashier at target for not letting her buy any). She also believes that it's illegal for people to impersonate another company*, so she falls victim to phishing.
*i mean it is illegal but she doesnt understand that scammers dont care and most of them arent US based.
Edit: i do not live with her, she lives with her husband whom she does not listen to either
2023.06.03 20:27 Best_Club_In_America Food for thought: was Epstein communicating in code when he said he was "calling his mother" the day before he was found in his cell?
 | https://preview.redd.it/iz8s4s61iu3b1.png?width=826&format=png&auto=webp&s=ac44fb0e09753096f96568e1c96ddb897f1f9435 submitted by Best_Club_In_America to Epstein [link] [comments] https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10236091/How-Epstein-lied-said-calling-mother-killing-hours-later.html Epstein's final phone call: Pedophile lied to jail guards and asked to call his mom (who died in 2004) but actually spoke to his Belarus girlfriend, 30, hours before killing himself, NYTimes report reveals
More than 2,000 pages of Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP) records recently obtained by The New York Times - just days before Epstein's alleged co-conspirator Ghislaine Maxwell is set to start trial - have revealed Epstein was a con artist up until his last day. On the evening of August 10, 2019, Epstein was assisted by a unit manager at the Manhattan Detention Center in making a 'social' phone call, The Times reported. The call was not properly logged and the unit manager said that when he asked Epstein who he was calling, the prisoner said it was his mother. Epstein's mother has been dead since 2004. The call was actually to his Belarusian girlfriend Katyna Shuliak, 30, and lasted about 15 minutes, records show. Epstein helped put Shuliak through dental school. He gave no indication during the call that he was going to commit suicide, according to the newspaper. It fits with the remainder of the unclassified pages - including a clinical intervention report - which were uncovered after The Times filed a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit. The report was filed on July 11, 2019 stated that Epstein 'continues to deny any suicidal ideation, intention or plan.' 'I have no interest in killing myself,' the disgraced financier told a prison psychologist, according to the BOP documents. He also said he was a 'coward' and did not like pain. 'I would not do that to myself,' he added. During another psychological evaluation just days after arriving at the prison Epstein told a psychologist that 'being alive is fun'. He also reportedly requested to speak with his lawyer, brush his teeth and have a shower and the psychologist noted that Epstein was polite and even had a sense of humor. The psychologist wrote: 'He was future-oriented,' and noted that he denied having ever sexually abused anyone and believed he would be released after his renewed bail hearing. But less than a month later, on August 10, the financier hanged himself with a bedsheet, according to the medical examiner. He was pronounced dead while awaiting trial on sex-trafficking charges and was facing 45 years in prison if convicted. Epstein was tossed into the the federal jail in Lower Manhattan on July 6, 2019, after he was arrested aboard his private jet at Teterboro Airport in New Jersey following his return from Paris. Two years after Epstein's suicide the embattled federal jail closed down. The BOP cited crumbling security measures and infrastructure at the facility, which was once considered one of the most secure detention centers in the country. The 233 inmates at the prison when it closed were transferred to the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn, where Maxwell has also been staying. An indictment stated that Epstein had recruited dozens of teenage girls throughout the 1990s and early 2000s to engage in sexual acts with him and his billionaire friends at his mansion in Manhattan, estate in Palm Beach and private island in St Thomas. In exchange he would pay the young women hundreds of dollars in cash, according to the indictment. After the loss of his freedom, the 66-year-old spent a lot of time in conference rooms with lawyers to avoid his dirty cell and spent the days leading up to his death meeting with psychologists to discuss his mental health, The Times reported. Here, Epstein reminisced about his star-studded social circle and even offered psychologists and other inmates investment advice. He also complained that he was 'upset about wearing an orange jumpsuit and being treated like "a bad guy" when he did not do anything wrong in the prison'. He asked why he had to wear the brightly-colored jumpsuit 'due to his being housed in SHU' - also known as Special Housing Units and 'the hole' - which is where the Federal BOP segregates prisoners by disciplinary action. Epstein 'requested that he be placed in a brown uniform during his legal visits,' and 'was told his concerns would be addressed in the SHU meeting'. The report also revealed that Epstein complained about the running toilet in his cell, his difficulty sleeping, numbness in his right arm, 'feeling cold in his cell (and) not having enough water in attorney conference'. According to The Times, the report failed to prove any conspiracy theories that Epstein's death was not a suicide, or that he was assisted in killing himself, to be true. However, they detailed how Epstein consistently lied to correctional officers and reassured those who interacted with him during his 36 days of detention that he had much to live for. The court document noted that 'he did not appear to be in any distress at this time' and even said that he was living a 'wonderful life' despite being on suicide watch. The BOP, which The Times sued in order to access the documents, had created a task force reportedly committed to strengthening its suicide prevention program. One month later, Epstein was found unconscious after hanging himself in his jail cell, leading then-US Attorney General William Barr to blame his death on a 'perfect storm of screw-ups,' according to The Times. Barr said there were 'serious irregularities' at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, and although he failed to elaborate, a 15-page psychological report of the billionaire's death compiled by bureau officials five weeks after Epstein died said that his identity 'appeared to be based on his wealth, power and association with other high-profile individuals,' according to The Times. An intake screening also falsely described Epstein as a black male and noted that he had no prior sex offense convictions - yet he was a registered sex offender in Florida with two convictions in 2008 for solicitation of prostitution and procurement of minors to engage in prostitution, according to The Times. He was sentenced to just 13 months following his guilty plea in 2008. It was also revealed that phone calls he made were also not recorded, logged or monitored, which was against the detention center's policy. Epstein lied to jail officials up until the night he killed himself to get a moment alone, which was not allowed considering Epstein was monitored around the clock and was supposed to be assigned a cellmate. He said he wanted to call his mother, who had died in 2004 but instead phoned his 30-year-old girlfriend Karyna Shuliak, from Belarus. Call logs showed that Epstein called Shuliak on July 30, too. She was one of the largest beneficiaries of several trusts that Epstein set up over the years, according to The Times. Epstein reportedly helped put Shuliak through dental school and people aware of the phone conversation the night before Epstein's suicide noted that he gave no indication that he had a plan to kill himself. The post-mortem report added that therefore, 'likely factors contributing to Mr Epstein's suicide' included 'the lack of significant interpersonal connections, a complete loss of his status in both the community and among associates, and the idea of potentially spending his life in prison'. The BOP declined to comment on Epstein's time at the Metropolitan Correctional Center but wrote in a statement that 'the safe, secure and humane housing of inmates is BOP's highest priority,' according to The Times. The bureau had previously rejected The Time's public-records requests on multiple occasions, which Judge Paul A Engelmayer of Federal District Court in Manhattan later called a 'high-profile epic failure'. 'It certainly does raise a concern' Engelmayer said, adding that 'the wagons are being circled'. Thanks to the settlement between the BOP and The Times the agency handed over internal memos and emails, visitor logs, handwritten notes from inmates and the psychological reconstruction of Epstein's death. The Times reported that some documents were heavily redacted while others remained classified - including records associated with Epstein's earlier suicide attempt. High-profile inmate After being arrested at New Jersey's Teterboro Airport, Epstein was placed in general inmate population, where the jail's security is the most lax. According to one of the 2,000 released According to one of the 2,000 released documents, then-acting director of the BOP Hugh Hurwitz later sent an internal email attributing Epstein's placement into general population as an oversight by the US Marshal Service (USMS). 'Apparently USMS did not indicate that he was a high-profile inmate, and staff were unaware that he was coming so no plans had been established,' he wrote, as reported by The Times. A facilities assistant later noted that Epstein was in cell looking 'distraught, sad and a little confused' in an email sent to three jail officials. 'He seems dazed and withdrawn,' the assistant added. She wrote: 'Just to be on the safe side and prevent any suicidal thoughts, can someone from Psychology come and talk with him?' But according to the records, no one did at first and a day after he was arrested, on July 7, 2019, the center's warden Lamine N'Diaye finally identified Epstein as 'high-profile' and had him moved to SHU, which was located on floor nine of 12. N'Diaye cited 'concerns for his personal safety in general population'. The next morning at 9.30 was Epstein's first psychological evaluation and he was scheduled to make his first court appearance that afternoon. The psychologist anticipated Epstein's bail denial and wrote, according to one of the unclassified documents: 'Inmate Epstein will likely be receiving bad news in court today, and has multiple risk factors for suicidality as identified by BOP statistics. 'Let’s be proactive.' After his hearing Epstein was moved to the less-restrictive 'psychological observation' cell where fellow inmates were tasked with monitoring the disgraced financier in his cell and report his actions every 15 minutes. On July 9, a psychologist confirmed that suicide watch was not necessary for Epstein and he should only be placed on psychological observation 'out of an abundance of caution'. According to The Times, Epstein asked for his own cell but was told he could not be alone 'for safety and security reasons'. On July 10 it was documented that Epstein smirked and asked a psychologist: 'Why would you ever think I would be suicidal? I am not suicidal and I would never be.' Inmates continued to observe Epstein instead and their notes were often lackluster and read: 'Epstein is drinking water at the sink.' On July 18 Judge Richard M Berman denied Epstein's renewed bail request and nearly one week later, on July 23, Epstein made his first suicide attempt. The post-mortem psychological reconstruction seemingly blamed the failed suicide attempt on the denial of bail as a 'significant disappointment' for Epstein, which 'likely challenged his ability and willingness to adapt to incarceration'. The report also noted that a 'psychologist should have assessed Mr Epstein’s mental status upon his return to the institution,' but they did not. He was removed from suicide watch 31 hours after his attempt and placed back on psychological evaluation, according to The Times. A July 29 entry said: 'Epstein is sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in the palm of his hands.' During this time he also consistently complained about the running toilet in his cell, which made him grow increasingly frustrated. A psychologist noted that Epstein told them he would sit in the corner and hold his ears, speculating that he might have autism because of this aversion to noise. Some inmates briefed conversations they had with the jailed social lite, and one said: 'Esptein is talking about celebs he knows.' The entry didn't specifically name any A-listers. Another inmate, whose name was redacted from the bombshell documents, detailed how the two talked about 'prison life and etiquette' for hours and into the early morning. At 2.35am the inmate wrote: 'Class is over' and recorded that Epstein was asleep 10 minutes later. Among the other documents obtained by The Times was an orange-colored sign that read: 'MANDATORY ROUNDS MUST BE CONDUCTED EVERY 30 MINUTES ON EPSTEIN #76318-054 AS PER GOD!!!!' The word 'mandatory' was misspelled and underlined in red pen with a question mark written after it. No records explained why the sign was included in the files and the BOP denied to answer questions about it. It remains unclear when the sign was made, who made it or why. Epstein was put back in SHU on July 30 with cellmate Efrain Reyes, who was serving time for assisting the government in a drug distribution conspiracy case. Epstein had complained that Reyes's talking kept him up at night - at least until August 9, when Reyes was transferred out of the Manhattan jail. That day Epstein also met with lawyers as a federal appeals court released about 2,000 pages of previously classified documents to use in a defamation lawsuit against Maxwell, according to The Times. At 6.30am the next day, Epstein would kill himself. He was pronounced dead an hour later and officials would later predict that the graphic details uncovered in those documents 'further eroded' his mental state. According to The Times, the report failed to prove any conspiracy theories that Epstein's death was not a suicide, or that he was assisted in killing himself, to be true. However, they detailed how Epstein consistently lied to correctional officers and reassured those who interacted with him during his 36 days of detention that he had much to live for. The court document noted that 'he did not appear to be in any distress at this time' and even said that he was living a 'wonderful life' despite being on suicide watch. The BOP, which The Times sued in order to access the documents, had created a task force reportedly committed to strengthening its suicide prevention program. One month later, Epstein was found unconscious after hanging himself in his jail cell, leading then-US Attorney General William Barr to blame his death on a 'perfect storm of screw-ups,' according to The Times. Barr said there were 'serious irregularities' at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, and although he failed to elaborate, a 15-page psychological report of the billionaire's death compiled by bureau officials five weeks after Epstein died said that his identity 'appeared to be based on his wealth, power and association with other high-profile individuals,' according to The Times. An intake screening also falsely described Epstein as a black male and noted that he had no prior sex offense convictions - yet he was a registered sex offender in Florida with two convictions in 2008 for solicitation of prostitution and procurement of minors to engage in prostitution, according to The Times. He was sentenced to just 13 months following his guilty plea in 2008. It was also revealed that phone calls he made were also not recorded, logged or monitored, which was against the detention center's policy. Epstein lied to jail officials up until the night he killed himself to get a moment alone, which was not allowed considering Epstein was monitored around the clock and was supposed to be assigned a cellmate. He said he wanted to call his mother, who had died in 2004 but instead phoned his 30-year-old girlfriend Karyna Shuliak, from Belarus. Call logs showed that Epstein called Shuliak on July 30, too. She was one of the largest beneficiaries of several trusts that Epstein set up over the years, according to The Times. Epstein reportedly helped put Shuliak through dental school and people aware of the phone conversation the night before Epstein's suicide noted that he gave no indication that he had a plan to kill himself. The post-mortem report added that therefore, 'likely factors contributing to Mr Epstein's suicide' included 'the lack of significant interpersonal connections, a complete loss of his status in both the community and among associates, and the idea of potentially spending his life in prison'. The BOP declined to comment on Epstein's time at the Metropolitan Correctional Center but wrote in a statement that 'the safe, secure and humane housing of inmates is BOP's highest priority,' according to The Times. The bureau had previously rejected The Time's public-records requests on multiple occasions, which Judge Paul A Engelmayer of Federal District Court in Manhattan later called a 'high-profile epic failure'. 'It certainly does raise a concern' Engelmayer said, adding that 'the wagons are being circled'. Thanks to the settlement between the BOP and The Times the agency handed over internal memos and emails, visitor logs, handwritten notes from inmates and the psychological reconstruction of Epstein's death. The Times reported that some documents were heavily redacted while others remained classified - including records associated with Epstein's earlier suicide attempt. High-profile inmate After being arrested at New Jersey's Teterboro Airport, Epstein was placed in general inmate population, where the jail's security is the most lax. According to one of the 2,000 released According to one of the 2,000 released documents, then-acting director of the BOP Hugh Hurwitz later sent an internal email attributing Epstein's placement into general population as an oversight by the US Marshal Service (USMS). 'Apparently USMS did not indicate that he was a high-profile inmate, and staff were unaware that he was coming so no plans had been established,' he wrote, as reported by The Times. A facilities assistant later noted that Epstein was in cell looking 'distraught, sad and a little confused' in an email sent to three jail officials. 'He seems dazed and withdrawn,' the assistant added. She wrote: 'Just to be on the safe side and prevent any suicidal thoughts, can someone from Psychology come and talk with him?' But according to the records, no one did at first and a day after he was arrested, on July 7, 2019, the center's warden Lamine N'Diaye finally identified Epstein as 'high-profile' and had him moved to SHU, which was located on floor nine of 12. N'Diaye cited 'concerns for his personal safety in general population'. The next morning at 9.30 was Epstein's first psychological evaluation and he was scheduled to make his first court appearance that afternoon. The psychologist anticipated Epstein's bail denial and wrote, according to one of the unclassified documents: 'Inmate Epstein will likely be receiving bad news in court today, and has multiple risk factors for suicidality as identified by BOP statistics. 'Let’s be proactive.' After his hearing Epstein was moved to the less-restrictive 'psychological observation' cell where fellow inmates were tasked with monitoring the disgraced financier in his cell and report his actions every 15 minutes. On July 9, a psychologist confirmed that suicide watch was not necessary for Epstein and he should only be placed on psychological observation 'out of an abundance of caution'. According to The Times, Epstein asked for his own cell but was told he could not be alone 'for safety and security reasons'. On July 10 it was documented that Epstein smirked and asked a psychologist: 'Why would you ever think I would be suicidal? I am not suicidal and I would never be.' Inmates continued to observe Epstein instead and their notes were often lackluster and read: 'Epstein is drinking water at the sink.' On July 18 Judge Richard M Berman denied Epstein's renewed bail request and nearly one week later, on July 23, Epstein made his first suicide attempt. The post-mortem psychological reconstruction seemingly blamed the failed suicide attempt on the denial of bail as a 'significant disappointment' for Epstein, which 'likely challenged his ability and willingness to adapt to incarceration'. The report also noted that a 'psychologist should have assessed Mr Epstein’s mental status upon his return to the institution,' but they did not. He was removed from suicide watch 31 hours after his attempt and placed back on psychological evaluation, according to The Times. A July 29 entry said: 'Epstein is sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in the palm of his hands.' During this time he also consistently complained about the running toilet in his cell, which made him grow increasingly frustrated. A psychologist noted that Epstein told them he would sit in the corner and hold his ears, speculating that he might have autism because of this aversion to noise. Some inmates briefed conversations they had with the jailed social lite, and one said: 'Esptein is talking about celebs he knows.' The entry didn't specifically name any A-listers. Another inmate, whose name was redacted from the bombshell documents, detailed how the two talked about 'prison life and etiquette' for hours and into the early morning. At 2.35am the inmate wrote: 'Class is over' and recorded that Epstein was asleep 10 minutes later. Among the other documents obtained by The Times was an orange-colored sign that read: 'MANDATORY ROUNDS MUST BE CONDUCTED EVERY 30 MINUTES ON EPSTEIN #76318-054 AS PER GOD!!!!' The word 'mandatory' was misspelled and underlined in red pen with a question mark written after it. No records explained why the sign was included in the files and the BOP denied to answer questions about it. It remains unclear when the sign was made, who made it or why. Epstein was put back in SHU on July 30 with cellmate Efrain Reyes, who was serving time for assisting the government in a drug distribution conspiracy case. Epstein had complained that Reyes's talking kept him up at night - at least until August 9, when Reyes was transferred out of the Manhattan jail. That day Epstein also met with lawyers as a federal appeals court released about 2,000 pages of previously classified documents to use in a defamation lawsuit against Maxwell, according to The Times. At 6.30am the next day, Epstein would kill himself. He was pronounced dead an hour later and officials would later predict that the graphic details uncovered in those documents 'further eroded' his mental state. However, Virginia Giuffre, one of Epstein's most vocal accusers, will not be testifying at the trial despite naming names of those who took part in the billionaire's alleged trafficking ring. It is not yet clear why she is not being called to testify. The now-38-year-old has described Maxwell as 'pure evil,' saying: 'Epstein was a sick pedophile but Maxwell was the mastermind.' Another alleged victim said: 'We thought she [Maxwell] was Mary Poppins because she acted like she was our friend and had that lovely English accent. 'But she turned out to be a monster in designer clothing. She lured us in. She knew exactly what she was doing. I hope she rots in hell.' Giuffre has claimed in media interviews and various depositions that Epstein - together with Maxwell - trafficked her to powerful men. They include Prince Andrew; Alan Dershowitz; former New Mexico governor Bill Richardson; former Democratic Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell; the late MIT computer scientist Marvin Minsky; and MC2 model agency cofounder Jean-Luc Brunel. All of the men have consistently and strongly denied the allegations. |
2023.06.03 20:26 Omniquery Musical Sorcery and The Cruffatin
The music video of "Witness (1 hope)" by Roots Manuva is an example of a cruffatin: "A word of unknown origin ingeniously used in the hip-hop song "Witness" (artist: Roots Manuva) - referring to a man-made hidden meaning, probably a South London word-mix of prophet and crocheting. Meaning: to make up a vision of the future and tell people about it without revealing everything at once by only feeding them encrypted information."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TkmpeYOUYI
The cruffatin is that Roots Manuva had originally came in last place in an elementary school triathalon in 1982. As an adult, after becoming a successful rapper, he visited his old school to offer a large trophy to this year's winner of the competition. However he didn't tell anyone that he would be participating until the day of the competition. As he is a grown adult and did previous training, he easily outcompetes the small children and receives the trophy given to himself from the past by virtue of self-fulfilling prophecy.
The song Witness (1 hope) became a sensation in the UK and European hip-hop scene, and made Roots Manuva wealthy and famous - so the song itself was an effective representation of the same methodology it describes.
This is a related musical performance that is actually a magical ritual, a summoning for an entity called "The Next Movement":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qm7Xt2Qsjcg
The ritual starts out with a purification rite: "You are now in tune to the sounds of the legendary Foundation." The chorus is literally a request for the audience to join in the summoning: "Hey you listeners stop what you doing and set it in motion, it's the next movement."
submitted by Omniquery to sorceryofthespectacle [link] [comments]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TkmpeYOUYI
The cruffatin is that Roots Manuva had originally came in last place in an elementary school triathalon in 1982. As an adult, after becoming a successful rapper, he visited his old school to offer a large trophy to this year's winner of the competition. However he didn't tell anyone that he would be participating until the day of the competition. As he is a grown adult and did previous training, he easily outcompetes the small children and receives the trophy given to himself from the past by virtue of self-fulfilling prophecy.
The song Witness (1 hope) became a sensation in the UK and European hip-hop scene, and made Roots Manuva wealthy and famous - so the song itself was an effective representation of the same methodology it describes.
This is a related musical performance that is actually a magical ritual, a summoning for an entity called "The Next Movement":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qm7Xt2Qsjcg
The ritual starts out with a purification rite: "You are now in tune to the sounds of the legendary Foundation." The chorus is literally a request for the audience to join in the summoning: "Hey you listeners stop what you doing and set it in motion, it's the next movement."
2023.06.03 20:26 toddles84 Brain Cancer and The Alcoholic Caretaker
It started during Covid like I’m sure it has for many others, but I think the seeds of my alcoholism and depression were planted well before then. Covid just gave me the opportunity to realize and reflect that my life is headed nowhere except, perhaps, to an early grave.
The story starts about a year into what has been the longest relationship of my life. We met in April 2018 and I fell in her love with her, and I still feel the same, but something’s changed within me that’s not allowing me to find happiness anymore in my life. I could probably write a novel about my experience of being a caretaker to someone with brain cancer, but I’ll try to spare you of all the details as this will already be lengthy.
When we met, we were in our early thirties. Well, she was in her early thirties. I was in my mid-thirties. We were young, at least younger than we are now. We were vibrant and full of energy. She told me early in the relationship that she had what’s called an anaplastic ependymoma, a rare type a brain cancer. It was obviously important to her to let me know that she had this medical condition, as I’m sure it would scare off some romantic partners. Now at the time and on the surface, you wouldn’t have been able to tell she had cancer. But it didn’t scare me away as I simply asked, “Well, you’re not going anywhere, are you?” She said no and that was enough for me to continue with the relationship.
She moved into my house about 5 months into the relationship and about a month later I got a phone call while I was on a business trip telling me that the tumour had grown and that she was going to receive a procedure called a laser ablation. Up until that point in my life when she first told me, cancer was very foreign to me in the sense that I hadn’t experienced living with a loved one that had any form of cancer.
Over the years, we’ve endured so many surgeries. I couldn’t even count the amount she’s had anymore. We went through laser ablations, craniotomies, stereotactic radiosurgeries, compounded with treatment after treatment, chemotherapies, and immunization therapies.
In December 2019, she again had a reoccurrence. The Oncology and Neurosurgeon teams advised that another craniotomy was the best route to go. Unfortunately, after this one, she lost mobility on the left side of her body rendering her hemiplegic because of where the little fucking bastard grows. She spent about a little over a month recovering in an inpatient rehab facility. I would often stay the night to keep her company and sleep on what I would describe as the stiffest and starchiest couch I have ever sat on in my life. When she was released, we returned home and she began outpatient rehab therapy and, we as the supportive couple that we are, really focused in on getting her able to walk again and eating healthy. Of course, by this time Covid brought the whole fucking world to a screaming halt and I had ample time to assist in her recovery.
And wouldn’t you know it! We accomplished our goal. She never has, nor will she ever again have full mobility, but with the assistance of an AFO (Ankle/Foot Orthotic) she was able to walk well enough, but not very fast or very long distances. So we planned a trip to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and it was spectacular! Even though it wasn’t always easy getting around, we managed and created some of the happiest moments of my life together. I think my favourite was pulling her around Mackinaw Island using a rickshaw. However, right before our trip, she went in for an MRI. Once again, the fucking asshole had to rear its ugly little head back into our lives, not that it ever left, but it would have been nice to have kept it from growing again so fast. So we set an appointment for yet another craniotomy to be performed in June 2020.
And I think that this was the time when things started to get really, really bad for me. I just remember coming home after the surgery while she recovered in the ICU with a 12 pack of Two Hearted Ale and just started crying and I couldn’t stop. For hours and hours on end, I just cried. Anyway, there were setbacks, but not quite on the same level as the December 2019 surgery. She returned home and continued with outpatient rehab and, some short time after, we learned about a clinical trial being performed at the NIH in Bethesda, MD.
Here we go! Hopefully, this is our golden ticket, and we can be rid of this thing once and for all. Due to Covid, I had the time on my hands to accompany her back and forth to the NIH, however, for her to receive the treatment, we would have to travel 3 weeks a month, every month until the completion of the trial.
I remember my eyes welling up from the commitment we had to make and thinking, ‘this is my life now.’ And that may sound selfish to you. And you might be right, but I knew in that moment, I had lost control of my own life knowing that I would have to sacrifice my wants, needs, and desires for someone else who just simply wants to live. The experience was mentally, emotionally, and financially draining, but it was worth it in the end to keep that hope alive. My girlfriend became friends with another girl there. She really makes friends everywhere she goes. Her new friend had Acute Myeloid Leukemia and, unfortunately, she passed away and I know that was especially hard. So from July 2020 to December 2020, we travelled back and forth to Maryland until the clinical trial was deemed a failure. All the while, I’m drinking more and more, and my mood and behaviour is becoming increasingly more erratic.
From 2021 through 2022, not much had changed. That is to say - it was more of the same. Doctors; surgeons; beer cans are piling up. She did get three elective surgeries. Two for a club foot release and a tendon release on her wrist, which are residual side effects from the number of surgeries she has had on her brain. In October 2022, another laser ablation.
Now we’re in January 2023. The surgical scar from the ablation did not heal properly. The skin on the top of her scalp had been stretched so thin that you could see the titanium screws implanted in her head. The Neurosurgeon team told us that when hardware is visibly exposed as in this case, they must treat it as if there were an infection. The plan of action is to, once again, perform surgery in the form of a skin graft removing all the hardware, cleaning up the infection, and replacing it with unaffected hardware. It was close to a 12 hour surgery and all I could think about was escaping to get a beer.
We currently learned that there’s been regrowth once again. Due to the elective surgeries and the skin graft procedure, she’s been off any form of treatment for some time now, so it really didn’t come as a surprise to us. However, instead of surgery, the Oncologist recommends she returns to treatment by means of chemotherapy and a drug called Avastin, which is an anti-angiogenic that targets the source of tumour and in theory cuts off the blood supply feeding the little fucker. However, my girlfriend feels she wants to continue with another surgery on her foot because of the discomfort, which would prevent her from going on treatment and would result in another craniotomy. And over the past week, this sent me over the edge.
I understand that this is her choice. However, the route she’s decided to take has caused me so much stress and anxiety. I mean just scheduling an MRI causes me to have PTSD. I told her that I cannot handle another surgery. We went through 5 surgeries in 8 months including the skin graft operation.
And this is the part that sucks. I think we’re finished. There’s too many stressors in my life that’s causing me to repeat a vicious cycle. I’m tired of pretending to be strong while crying in shadows. Do I get help from anyone? Not as much as her immediate family should. The father lives out of state and the mother thinks she’s a martyr for buying her a $7 gyro. As much as I love her and will always love her, I can’t do it anymore. I’ve sacrificed my happiness for her health and it’s honestly going to kill me. She told me I should go to therapy. I didn’t listen. I should have gone to therapy because now all I feel is regret, disgust, and resentment.
submitted by toddles84 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
The story starts about a year into what has been the longest relationship of my life. We met in April 2018 and I fell in her love with her, and I still feel the same, but something’s changed within me that’s not allowing me to find happiness anymore in my life. I could probably write a novel about my experience of being a caretaker to someone with brain cancer, but I’ll try to spare you of all the details as this will already be lengthy.
When we met, we were in our early thirties. Well, she was in her early thirties. I was in my mid-thirties. We were young, at least younger than we are now. We were vibrant and full of energy. She told me early in the relationship that she had what’s called an anaplastic ependymoma, a rare type a brain cancer. It was obviously important to her to let me know that she had this medical condition, as I’m sure it would scare off some romantic partners. Now at the time and on the surface, you wouldn’t have been able to tell she had cancer. But it didn’t scare me away as I simply asked, “Well, you’re not going anywhere, are you?” She said no and that was enough for me to continue with the relationship.
She moved into my house about 5 months into the relationship and about a month later I got a phone call while I was on a business trip telling me that the tumour had grown and that she was going to receive a procedure called a laser ablation. Up until that point in my life when she first told me, cancer was very foreign to me in the sense that I hadn’t experienced living with a loved one that had any form of cancer.
Over the years, we’ve endured so many surgeries. I couldn’t even count the amount she’s had anymore. We went through laser ablations, craniotomies, stereotactic radiosurgeries, compounded with treatment after treatment, chemotherapies, and immunization therapies.
In December 2019, she again had a reoccurrence. The Oncology and Neurosurgeon teams advised that another craniotomy was the best route to go. Unfortunately, after this one, she lost mobility on the left side of her body rendering her hemiplegic because of where the little fucking bastard grows. She spent about a little over a month recovering in an inpatient rehab facility. I would often stay the night to keep her company and sleep on what I would describe as the stiffest and starchiest couch I have ever sat on in my life. When she was released, we returned home and she began outpatient rehab therapy and, we as the supportive couple that we are, really focused in on getting her able to walk again and eating healthy. Of course, by this time Covid brought the whole fucking world to a screaming halt and I had ample time to assist in her recovery.
And wouldn’t you know it! We accomplished our goal. She never has, nor will she ever again have full mobility, but with the assistance of an AFO (Ankle/Foot Orthotic) she was able to walk well enough, but not very fast or very long distances. So we planned a trip to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and it was spectacular! Even though it wasn’t always easy getting around, we managed and created some of the happiest moments of my life together. I think my favourite was pulling her around Mackinaw Island using a rickshaw. However, right before our trip, she went in for an MRI. Once again, the fucking asshole had to rear its ugly little head back into our lives, not that it ever left, but it would have been nice to have kept it from growing again so fast. So we set an appointment for yet another craniotomy to be performed in June 2020.
And I think that this was the time when things started to get really, really bad for me. I just remember coming home after the surgery while she recovered in the ICU with a 12 pack of Two Hearted Ale and just started crying and I couldn’t stop. For hours and hours on end, I just cried. Anyway, there were setbacks, but not quite on the same level as the December 2019 surgery. She returned home and continued with outpatient rehab and, some short time after, we learned about a clinical trial being performed at the NIH in Bethesda, MD.
Here we go! Hopefully, this is our golden ticket, and we can be rid of this thing once and for all. Due to Covid, I had the time on my hands to accompany her back and forth to the NIH, however, for her to receive the treatment, we would have to travel 3 weeks a month, every month until the completion of the trial.
I remember my eyes welling up from the commitment we had to make and thinking, ‘this is my life now.’ And that may sound selfish to you. And you might be right, but I knew in that moment, I had lost control of my own life knowing that I would have to sacrifice my wants, needs, and desires for someone else who just simply wants to live. The experience was mentally, emotionally, and financially draining, but it was worth it in the end to keep that hope alive. My girlfriend became friends with another girl there. She really makes friends everywhere she goes. Her new friend had Acute Myeloid Leukemia and, unfortunately, she passed away and I know that was especially hard. So from July 2020 to December 2020, we travelled back and forth to Maryland until the clinical trial was deemed a failure. All the while, I’m drinking more and more, and my mood and behaviour is becoming increasingly more erratic.
From 2021 through 2022, not much had changed. That is to say - it was more of the same. Doctors; surgeons; beer cans are piling up. She did get three elective surgeries. Two for a club foot release and a tendon release on her wrist, which are residual side effects from the number of surgeries she has had on her brain. In October 2022, another laser ablation.
Now we’re in January 2023. The surgical scar from the ablation did not heal properly. The skin on the top of her scalp had been stretched so thin that you could see the titanium screws implanted in her head. The Neurosurgeon team told us that when hardware is visibly exposed as in this case, they must treat it as if there were an infection. The plan of action is to, once again, perform surgery in the form of a skin graft removing all the hardware, cleaning up the infection, and replacing it with unaffected hardware. It was close to a 12 hour surgery and all I could think about was escaping to get a beer.
We currently learned that there’s been regrowth once again. Due to the elective surgeries and the skin graft procedure, she’s been off any form of treatment for some time now, so it really didn’t come as a surprise to us. However, instead of surgery, the Oncologist recommends she returns to treatment by means of chemotherapy and a drug called Avastin, which is an anti-angiogenic that targets the source of tumour and in theory cuts off the blood supply feeding the little fucker. However, my girlfriend feels she wants to continue with another surgery on her foot because of the discomfort, which would prevent her from going on treatment and would result in another craniotomy. And over the past week, this sent me over the edge.
I understand that this is her choice. However, the route she’s decided to take has caused me so much stress and anxiety. I mean just scheduling an MRI causes me to have PTSD. I told her that I cannot handle another surgery. We went through 5 surgeries in 8 months including the skin graft operation.
And this is the part that sucks. I think we’re finished. There’s too many stressors in my life that’s causing me to repeat a vicious cycle. I’m tired of pretending to be strong while crying in shadows. Do I get help from anyone? Not as much as her immediate family should. The father lives out of state and the mother thinks she’s a martyr for buying her a $7 gyro. As much as I love her and will always love her, I can’t do it anymore. I’ve sacrificed my happiness for her health and it’s honestly going to kill me. She told me I should go to therapy. I didn’t listen. I should have gone to therapy because now all I feel is regret, disgust, and resentment.
2023.06.03 20:26 hey-mr-broke Is Goldman running low on funds?!?
Hey Mods, this is the source => https://www.wsj.com/articles/apple-savings-account-customers-say-its-hard-to-get-their-money-out-of-goldman-sachs-bd8b9ccb
Nathan Thacker, who lives outside Atlanta, had been trying to transfer $1,700 from his Apple account to JPMorgan Chase since May 15. Each time he called Goldman’s customer service department, he said, he was told to give it a few more days.
The money arrived in his Chase account Thursday morning, he said, after The Wall Street Journal contacted Goldman about his and other customers’ experiences.
Others said they also had trouble transferring money from their new Apple accounts. Customer service representatives at Goldman, which holds the deposits, sometimes gave differing responses about what to do, they said. Sometimes, their money appeared to have simply vanished, not showing up in their Apple account or in the account they were trying to move it to.
Goldman said it couldn’t comment on specific customers, but added that “we take our obligation to protect our customers’ deposits very seriously.”
“The customer response to the new savings account for Apple Card users has been excellent and beyond our expectations,” the bank said in a statement. “While the vast majority of customers see no delays in transferring their funds, in a limited number of cases, a user may experience a delayed transfer due to processes in place designed to help protect their accounts.”
An Apple spokeswoman declined to comment.
On brand-new accounts, like Apple’s, transfers that make up a large share of the overall balance can trigger anti–money-laundering alerts or other security concerns that require additional review, according to people in the AML field. Those delays usually last five or so days, they said.
submitted by hey-mr-broke to Superstonk [link] [comments]
Apple Customers Say It’s Hard to Get Money Out of Goldman Sachs Savings Accounts
Some say it has taken weeks to withdraw their money and that the bank’s instructions have differed
Apple’s savings account, a partnership with Goldman Sachs, launched in April to great fanfare. Some customers say it has been hard to get their money out.Nathan Thacker, who lives outside Atlanta, had been trying to transfer $1,700 from his Apple account to JPMorgan Chase since May 15. Each time he called Goldman’s customer service department, he said, he was told to give it a few more days.
The money arrived in his Chase account Thursday morning, he said, after The Wall Street Journal contacted Goldman about his and other customers’ experiences.
Others said they also had trouble transferring money from their new Apple accounts. Customer service representatives at Goldman, which holds the deposits, sometimes gave differing responses about what to do, they said. Sometimes, their money appeared to have simply vanished, not showing up in their Apple account or in the account they were trying to move it to.
Goldman said it couldn’t comment on specific customers, but added that “we take our obligation to protect our customers’ deposits very seriously.”
“The customer response to the new savings account for Apple Card users has been excellent and beyond our expectations,” the bank said in a statement. “While the vast majority of customers see no delays in transferring their funds, in a limited number of cases, a user may experience a delayed transfer due to processes in place designed to help protect their accounts.”
An Apple spokeswoman declined to comment.
On brand-new accounts, like Apple’s, transfers that make up a large share of the overall balance can trigger anti–money-laundering alerts or other security concerns that require additional review, according to people in the AML field. Those delays usually last five or so days, they said.
2023.06.03 20:25 DeltaBot Deltas awarded in "CMV: Third trimester abortions are impossible to argue for"
Below is a list of the deltas awarded in this post.
Please note that a change of view is not necessarily a reversal, and that OP awarding a delta doesn't mean the conversation has ended.
For a full explanation of the delta system, see here.
submitted by DeltaBot to DeltaLog [link] [comments]
Please note that a change of view is not necessarily a reversal, and that OP awarding a delta doesn't mean the conversation has ended.
For a full explanation of the delta system, see here.
Deltas from OP MostDownvotedOnRebbi
- 1 delta from OP to clearlybraindead for ">What you’re saying is that as long as someone is dependent on you to live, not providing the nut..."
Deltas from Other Users
None yet.2023.06.03 20:24 GrumpyOldBear1968 Indeed scam or ID theft attempt? local Canadian company, I was contacted by a third party in the US. more below
I applied on indeed for an entry level medical receptionist job at a local clinic. I heard back within an hour of applying (a little weird) asking what shifts I would prefer. ok...
The email address is from a person living in the USA, and is a "career director" found on Linkedin
so far, I am thinking third party hired to do this? maybe? so I emailed back....and got this. Credit checks, screenshots, and such.
Thank you again for taking the time to apply for this role. I may need to look at your background history and credit scores, which will also include your criminal records. Because the data and other information we will provide you is costly, the company cannot take any chances. Visit www.QuickCreditcheck.com "It doesn't cost, don't worry." When you are done with the reports, please send me your report screenshot, your resume, and your contact number in one email.
credit background checks are not done for this type of job and would have been mentioned up front, same with criminal record checks, they would be talked about at the interview.
Also, my resume was submitted on indeed when applying.
Is this an attempt at identity theft? its a very odd response.
should I email the local clinic about this? any advice?
submitted by GrumpyOldBear1968 to Scams [link] [comments]
The email address is from a person living in the USA, and is a "career director" found on Linkedin
so far, I am thinking third party hired to do this? maybe? so I emailed back....and got this. Credit checks, screenshots, and such.
Thank you again for taking the time to apply for this role. I may need to look at your background history and credit scores, which will also include your criminal records. Because the data and other information we will provide you is costly, the company cannot take any chances. Visit www.QuickCreditcheck.com "It doesn't cost, don't worry." When you are done with the reports, please send me your report screenshot, your resume, and your contact number in one email.
credit background checks are not done for this type of job and would have been mentioned up front, same with criminal record checks, they would be talked about at the interview.
Also, my resume was submitted on indeed when applying.
Is this an attempt at identity theft? its a very odd response.
should I email the local clinic about this? any advice?
2023.06.03 20:24 itsjojocircuss I watched her live while at work and 👀
I am at work and listening to her and Erik ramble on live and thought I’d give you guys some cliff notes :)
(If I got something wrong or missed something please correct me/clarify or add it! I did this while working and I am still at work thank you thank you)
*She said she confirmed Erik was talking to people about shit and does not care
*Erik said “mistakes were made” and “he fed into things”
*Erik said something about how people twist things to fit their narrative and when it doesn’t work out their way they freak out. Idk the exact wording I was helping a customer.
*A bunch of people were asking if their relationship is okay and she said if it wasn’t she wouldn’t be on live.
*She stressed MULTIPLE TIMES she will not be defending herself bc it is pointless. “They” (I am assuming she means us) will screen record her and take her words out of context.
*She may not be defending herself but she sure is down to shit talk the “theys” previously mentioned.
*I tried to ask her multiple questions about the dogs to see if she meant that she didn’t want to talk about it but she ignored my questions and answered everyone shit talking instead. I asked questions again later in the live and she finally answered but barely talked about the dogs. I think it’s bc she doesn’t recognize my user name? Idk whatever she’s fake as hell and a shity pet owner those babies deserve better.
*Erik was very chatty today. They seem to be really pushing the we are a united team narrative.
*The first live got reported so she had to restart. This happened right as she almost ashed her cig on Kane :(
*She’ll be back to posting videos tomorrow. She said she’ll be doing more sub only lives and maybe sub only videos bc of the trolls.
*Someone asked her is she’s bisexual and she said no but she’s been with women. Her first video back is going to be a pride look. She doesn’t know how else to come back I guess idk.
*Anxiously chain smoking the whole time per usual but omg she was outside this time!
*Another exciting announcement she’s not a druggie so we should shut up about it according to her.
I got busy at work and she stopped talking about anything relevant so I had to hop off the live. I just typed this up. I’ll try and hop back on. If anything else of relevance blurts from her pie hole I’ll add it.
submitted by itsjojocircuss to exposemakeupqueenn30 [link] [comments]
(If I got something wrong or missed something please correct me/clarify or add it! I did this while working and I am still at work thank you thank you)
*She said she confirmed Erik was talking to people about shit and does not care
*Erik said “mistakes were made” and “he fed into things”
*Erik said something about how people twist things to fit their narrative and when it doesn’t work out their way they freak out. Idk the exact wording I was helping a customer.
*A bunch of people were asking if their relationship is okay and she said if it wasn’t she wouldn’t be on live.
*She stressed MULTIPLE TIMES she will not be defending herself bc it is pointless. “They” (I am assuming she means us) will screen record her and take her words out of context.
*She may not be defending herself but she sure is down to shit talk the “theys” previously mentioned.
*I tried to ask her multiple questions about the dogs to see if she meant that she didn’t want to talk about it but she ignored my questions and answered everyone shit talking instead. I asked questions again later in the live and she finally answered but barely talked about the dogs. I think it’s bc she doesn’t recognize my user name? Idk whatever she’s fake as hell and a shity pet owner those babies deserve better.
*Erik was very chatty today. They seem to be really pushing the we are a united team narrative.
*The first live got reported so she had to restart. This happened right as she almost ashed her cig on Kane :(
*She’ll be back to posting videos tomorrow. She said she’ll be doing more sub only lives and maybe sub only videos bc of the trolls.
*Someone asked her is she’s bisexual and she said no but she’s been with women. Her first video back is going to be a pride look. She doesn’t know how else to come back I guess idk.
*Anxiously chain smoking the whole time per usual but omg she was outside this time!
*Another exciting announcement she’s not a druggie so we should shut up about it according to her.
I got busy at work and she stopped talking about anything relevant so I had to hop off the live. I just typed this up. I’ll try and hop back on. If anything else of relevance blurts from her pie hole I’ll add it.
2023.06.03 20:24 AutoModerator Here's Where To [WATCH] The Little Mermaid (2023) Full Movie Online AT Home For Free ReddiT
Animated Film! Here are options for downloading or watching The Little Mermaid streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch Disney’s latest live-action adaptation movies at home. Is The Little Mermaid 2023 available to stream? Is watching The Little Mermaid on Peacock, Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service.
➤➤Stream Now ➡ The Little Mermaid” Online Watch**FREE for reddiT
➤➤Stream Now➡Watch**FREE The Little Mermaid At Reddit
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What is The Little Mermaid About?
The official synopsis for The Little Mermaid by Walt Disney Studios read:
“The Little Mermaid” is the beloved story of Ariel, a beautiful and spirited young mermaid with a thirst for adventure. The youngest of King Triton’s daughters and the most defiant, Ariel longs to find out more about the world beyond the sea, and while visiting the surface, falls for the dashing Prince Eric. While mermaids are forbidden to interact with humans, Ariel must follow her heart. She makes a deal with the evil sea witch, Ursula, which gives her a chance to experience life on land, but ultimately places her life – and her father’s crown – in jeopardy.There is not much mystery in The Little Mermaid’s plot. As seen in Disney’s many other live-action remakes, it is anticipated that the film’s plot will largely stick to the original. With the well-known song “Part of Your World,” in which Ariel sings about her wish to be a part of the world beyond the water, i.e., the human realm, the teaser already alluded to Ariel’s fascination with the human world. Fans will get to see Ariel and Prince Eric’s romance as they deal with the challenges posed by their differences
You’ve also both been part of projects with color-conscious casting before, but this one elicited some particularly ugly feedback online. How was it watching Halle Bailey walk through that, the reaction to a Black mermaid?
DIGGS: Halle is, I am convinced, the only person in the world who could have played this part. To watch her navigate the world post the announcement — that would’ve probably broken me, particularly at her age. I mean, so much excitement is already one thing, and then also that kind of intense racism just being fired towards you, it’s insane. But I think her performance is so undeniable. The best way to silence a hater is to just be great.
The movie does seem to evoke some really powerful reactions, because of all the attachments to it.
AWKWAFINA: People have told me that they were crying from like, the second that Halle started singing “Part of Your World,” then never really stopped.
DIGGS: I am one of those people. I was right behind you, trying not to cry audibly.
AWKWAFINA: I think the really cool thing about the best kinds of adaptations is that they truly do bring people back to whatever their relationship with the movie is. When I was young, it taught me so many themes about life and storytelling and character that still really hold true in this new one.
submitted by AutoModerator to TheLittleMermaidQQ [link] [comments]
➤➤Stream Now ➡ The Little Mermaid” Online Watch**FREE for reddiT
➤➤Stream Now➡Watch**FREE The Little Mermaid At Reddit
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“The Little Mermaid” is a movie that can be enjoyed by people of all ages. It is a charming story about a young mermaid who falls in love with a human prince and must make a difficult decision between staying true to her family or following her heart. The movie has some great messages about staying true to yourself and being brave enough to follow your dreams. “The Little Mermaid” is a timeless classic that is sure to bring a smile to your face. There are a few ways that you can watch “The Little Mermaid” movie free online streaming at home. One way is to sign up for a free trial of a subscription service like Netflix or Hulu. This will give you access to a library of movies and TV shows that you can watch at your convenience. Another way to watch “The Little Mermaid” free online streaming is to find a website that offers the movie for free. These websites typically stream movies from their own servers, so you will need a good internet connection to watch the movie. Finally, you can also rent or purchase “The Little Mermaid” from a digital retailer like iTunes or Amazon.
What is The Little Mermaid About?
The official synopsis for The Little Mermaid by Walt Disney Studios read:
“The Little Mermaid” is the beloved story of Ariel, a beautiful and spirited young mermaid with a thirst for adventure. The youngest of King Triton’s daughters and the most defiant, Ariel longs to find out more about the world beyond the sea, and while visiting the surface, falls for the dashing Prince Eric. While mermaids are forbidden to interact with humans, Ariel must follow her heart. She makes a deal with the evil sea witch, Ursula, which gives her a chance to experience life on land, but ultimately places her life – and her father’s crown – in jeopardy.There is not much mystery in The Little Mermaid’s plot. As seen in Disney’s many other live-action remakes, it is anticipated that the film’s plot will largely stick to the original. With the well-known song “Part of Your World,” in which Ariel sings about her wish to be a part of the world beyond the water, i.e., the human realm, the teaser already alluded to Ariel’s fascination with the human world. Fans will get to see Ariel and Prince Eric’s romance as they deal with the challenges posed by their differences
You’ve also both been part of projects with color-conscious casting before, but this one elicited some particularly ugly feedback online. How was it watching Halle Bailey walk through that, the reaction to a Black mermaid?
DIGGS: Halle is, I am convinced, the only person in the world who could have played this part. To watch her navigate the world post the announcement — that would’ve probably broken me, particularly at her age. I mean, so much excitement is already one thing, and then also that kind of intense racism just being fired towards you, it’s insane. But I think her performance is so undeniable. The best way to silence a hater is to just be great.
The movie does seem to evoke some really powerful reactions, because of all the attachments to it.
AWKWAFINA: People have told me that they were crying from like, the second that Halle started singing “Part of Your World,” then never really stopped.
DIGGS: I am one of those people. I was right behind you, trying not to cry audibly.
AWKWAFINA: I think the really cool thing about the best kinds of adaptations is that they truly do bring people back to whatever their relationship with the movie is. When I was young, it taught me so many themes about life and storytelling and character that still really hold true in this new one.
2023.06.03 20:23 MatthewFish404 Free Audible Codes for a Parody Travel Guide
Hello! My latest release finally found a narrator who was willing to put up with a completely ridiculous satirical travel guide to Illinois. It's a short, about 2 hours, listen but I think people might find it fun. I know some people were interested in more books like "Einstein and the Nuclear Space Dolphins Vs. The Terrorist Comet Armageddon" and this is essentially in a similar style.
Let's F*cking Visit Illinois by Matthew Fish - Audiobook - Audible.com
Also, I have three credits and I am about to suspend my account as my backlog is around 60 books, if anyone would like something gifted to them, I would be happy to part with the three I have. If you are interested in my book, please let me know if you are US or UK. Thanks so much and I hope everyone is doing well!
submitted by MatthewFish404 to audible [link] [comments]
Let's F*cking Visit Illinois by Matthew Fish - Audiobook - Audible.com
Also, I have three credits and I am about to suspend my account as my backlog is around 60 books, if anyone would like something gifted to them, I would be happy to part with the three I have. If you are interested in my book, please let me know if you are US or UK. Thanks so much and I hope everyone is doing well!
2023.06.03 20:22 kubikdrva Boys, can we do it?
 | submitted by kubikdrva to chess [link] [comments] |
2023.06.03 20:22 TheSneedles What the fuck is up with your real estate? Why is nobody talking about it?
Florida man(born raised) trying to escape and got a job offer that paid more in Milwaukee. I put in multiple offers on homes from Waukesha, Delafeild, to Merton.
Yesterday I put in an offer for https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/N89W28370-Getaway-Ln-Hartland-WI-53029/40656826_zpid/
For 540k, not even contingent on my own home sale. And I didn’t get it. That is 80k OVER. Okay? That is at least 2iwice as bad as Florida ever was.
2 short years ago seemingly everyone and their mom wanted to live in Florida and offered vital organs to get them. Now rates at 7% and only 10% of homes in my neighborhood are going above ask, and the DOM is over 50 for the first time in like a decade.
I’m done looking for a home in your state, I will stay in Clearwater. And it’s none of your fault but what the fuck is happening? Does the cheese cure cancer? I wouldn’t have bid 80 racks over if I didn’t want to live there.
submitted by TheSneedles to wisconsin [link] [comments]
Yesterday I put in an offer for https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/N89W28370-Getaway-Ln-Hartland-WI-53029/40656826_zpid/
For 540k, not even contingent on my own home sale. And I didn’t get it. That is 80k OVER. Okay? That is at least 2iwice as bad as Florida ever was.
2 short years ago seemingly everyone and their mom wanted to live in Florida and offered vital organs to get them. Now rates at 7% and only 10% of homes in my neighborhood are going above ask, and the DOM is over 50 for the first time in like a decade.
I’m done looking for a home in your state, I will stay in Clearwater. And it’s none of your fault but what the fuck is happening? Does the cheese cure cancer? I wouldn’t have bid 80 racks over if I didn’t want to live there.
2023.06.03 20:22 AutoModerator Iman Gadzhi Courses (Complete)
Contact me if you are interested in Iman Gadzhi Courses by chatting me on +44 759 388 2116 on Telegram/Whatsapp.
I have all Iman Gadzhi courses (Agency Navigator, Agency Incubator, Copy Paste Agency).
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Reddit DM to u/RequestCourseAccess
Email: silverlakestore[@]yandex.com (remove the brackets)
submitted by AutoModerator to ImanGadzhiUnion [link] [comments]
I have all Iman Gadzhi courses (Agency Navigator, Agency Incubator, Copy Paste Agency).
Iman Gadzhi’s courses are one of the best products on how to start a marketing agency and how to grow it.
Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator includes over 50 hours of step-by-step training covering EVERY aspect of building an agency from scratch. This is almost a plug & play system with enough success stories to back it up! Signing clients, running Facebook ads, building out your team, on-boarding clients, invoicing, sales... this course has everything covered for you.
The courses of Iman Gadzhi include the following:
- Agency Navigator course Core Curriculum
- Financial Planner, Revenue Calculator, Outreach Tracker & More Tools
- Websites Templates, Funnels, Ads & More
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- Starting Your Agency
- Finding Leads
- Signing Clients
- Getting Paid
- Onboarding Clients
- Managing Client Communication...
...and much, much more!
If you are interested in Iman Gadzhi’s courses, contact us on:
Whatsapp/Telegram: +44 759 388 2116 (Telegram: multistorecourses)
Reddit DM to u/RequestCourseAccess
Email: silverlakestore[@]yandex.com (remove the brackets)
2023.06.03 20:22 Weary_Consideration8 Beautiful checkmate tactic
 | Check out this #chess game: Rescu69 vs creeperman55 - https://www.chess.com/live/game/79555193106 submitted by Weary_Consideration8 to HikaruNakamura [link] [comments] |
2023.06.03 20:21 autotldr Tens of thousands gathered on Saturday for the fifth anti-government protest this month in Belgrade after two back-to-back shootings that killed 18 people, half of them children. The "Serbia against violence" protests are some of the largest rallies since the fall of Slobodan Milosevic
This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 49%. (I'm a bot)
Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: protest#1 rally#2 Belgrade#3 opposition#4 government#5
Post found in /worldnews.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.
submitted by autotldr to autotldr [link] [comments]
Belgrade - Tens of thousands gathered on Saturday for the fifth anti-government protest this month in Serbia's capital Belgrade after two back-to-back shootings that killed 18 people, half of them children.
The "Serbia against violence" protests have evolved into some of the largest rallies since widespread demonstrations triggered the fall of strongman Slobodan Milosevic over two decades ago.
The demonstrations have tapped into simmering anger at the ruling party over what protesters say is a culture of violence fanned by the government and the media outlets they control.
"I'm here for all of us, especially my children. So they don't need to protest, but work and live in their country like they should," 33-year-old mathematician Bojana Popovic told AFP during the rally.
The rallies were quiet at first, but transformed into a fully-fledged anti-government protest after their demands were met with fierce rebuttals from the president and his allies, who mocked the rallies and hurled insults at the participants.
Vucic dismissed the protests as a "Political" stunt, and peddled conspiracy theories about foreign powers allegedly orchestrating the rallies.
Post found in /worldnews.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.
2023.06.03 20:20 darkIvor The Chiim
Chiim
Claim mapSustenance: Mix of Farmers(Joiim) and Pastoralists(Neiim)
Info Page
Origin:
Migration PathPrior to the formation of the Chiim, the horse peoples of Xanthea migrated south into Horea. The most common source for Neiim is from the coastal route. The last migration performed by the Xantheans was into the region now where the Chiim lives. The Xantheans only arrived a few decades before the formation of the Chiim. When the Xantheans took over, they let the old agricultural infrastructure fail, while they established themselves as the new ruling class in the region.
Decades later, the region was struck by a severe monsoon. Because the Xantheans had been unprepared for the disaster, whole villages were destroyed. However, in one village, a woman by the name Chiim told the Xanthean chief that the agriculturalists could save the village(but not how), in return for equal power. The desperate chief agreed. The old agriculturalists then repaired the infrastructure during the monsoon. The village which adopted this equal power survived the monsoon. Following the monsoon, nearby villages adopted the same trait to prepare for future monsoons, creating a whole culture.
Over time, the Xantheans and the agriculturalists have merged, in a culture known as the Chiim.
Structure:
Subgroups of the ChiimWhile the Chiim have merged, there exists a verbal tracking of heritage.
The Adventurer Tribe is for anyone who tracks heritage from the Xanthean migrants. While they no longer use their horses for migration, they instead employ them to enrich their villages. Most notably, wood is a sparse resource, and has to be gathered from the Gorgonean basin. The Chiim horses are specialized in making this journey across the steppes. Additionally exotic gifts from far beyond are also appreciated. It is not uncommon for these adventurers to form groups to perform raids.
The Administrative Tribe is for anyone who tracks heritage from the agriculturalists. They have achieved their equality and manage the religion of the Chiim. In addition they create products and build the villages while the Adventurer Tribe does everything outside the villages.
Note that these tribes are for the elite, in reality the common people are the ones doing the work. That said, the lines between elite and common people are blurry. While for some life is too hard to properly track heritage, others simply do not care to track their heritage. Similarly not everyone in the elite is a part of a tribe.
When it comes to marriage, the Neiim and Joiim are very careful when marrying across the groups. A destructive divorce could lead to a scandal for either group. Instead, they prefer to marry the Chiim, creating the possibility for an upward path from no heritage to heritage within a generation.
Religion:
SpiritsThe chiim follow a simple religion of animal spirits, but there is plenty of room to grow once the religion becomes organized.
The good spirits, the horse, the bee and the butterfly, represent the 3 elite groups. The horse for the Neiim. The constructive bee for the Joiim and the Butterfly for the (He) Chiim. In addition, each good spirit has a negative counter. The red horse is a symbol for the original migration, which left the region devastated. It represents the disasters which may strike the Chiim.
The spirits themselves are represented as statues. Most commonly of stone, atop stone piles. In the steppes they function as markers to guide adventurers. In the villages, there might be multiple statues together on multiple piles, if the village is flourishing enough.
When a Chiim dies their body is burned, since they believe fire to be the real spirits. If a Chiim favored a certain animal, their body is burned next to a stone pile with said animal.
Agriculture and Animals:
The villages grow sunflower, sorghum, grapes and hemp. The villages also host herds of horses, although usually managed by the Adventurer Tribe. In addition wild bison exist on the steppes.Transportation:
The Chiim employ horses for any longer travels. The Adventurer Tribe has common campsites on popular paths. As said earlier, stone piles with animal figurines function as markers to guide adventurers to the nearest village or camp.Tech:
Key
- Tanning (To use the entirety of the horse)
Main
- Cloth Saddles (Comfortable transportation)
- Granaries (Food safety)
Minor
- Horse specialization (CourieMessenger horse)
- Basic Carpentry (Village construction)
- Shovel (To counter monsoons)
- Chisel (Tool to cut figurines)
- Stone Dressing (To cut figurines)
2023.06.03 20:19 Ok-General-4805 WIBTA for going NC without explaining anything?
TLDR: Was raised in an abusive household, parents and culture disagree it was abusive, I want to cut contact, WIBTA for going NC without explaining anything?
I (39F) was raised in an "abusive but with good intentions" household, where my culture and parents still don't think anything was abusive at all. My family was relatively wealthy, so I was extremely privileged, and I will forever be grateful for the fact that they did raise me the best way they knew how, considering they weren't taught how to regulate emotions themselves.
Yesterday, I had a discussion with my dad (~70M) about his mentality that emotions are choices. As a child, whenever I came complaining to him about something, he would tell me, "It's your choice to be sad about it. If you want to wallow, that's okay. It's also your choice to move on and be happy." Of course nobody wants to choose to be sad, so I got really good at pretending to "choose to be happy" instead.
When I had depression in my 30's, I didn't understand why I was constantly sad. I thought I just wasn't choosing to be happy hard enough. Finally, I got into therapy, and two years in, I can proudly say that I've made tons of progress. I'm doing it because I have two young kids and don't want them to go through what I did.
I was mostly speaking in hypotheticals when I was trying to explain to my dad that his mentality on emotions being choices was harmful. My dad kept insisting he was right, even when my sister stepped in to support me with more evidence. Finally, as a last ditch effort, I earnestly explained that his mentality contributed to MY poor emotional and mental health as an adult, and that I would really appreciate it if he stopped advising it.
My dad was my hero for as long as I can remember. I used to think he was the smartest, most understanding person in the world. I honestly would have just disengaged from the conversation a long time ago if I didn't care about him. I really thought he would listen to his daughter if I made myself vulnerable like that. Shockingly, he said he was sorry I blamed him for my issues (I don't, so he can't be sorry about that), but that he wasn't sorry for raising me the way he thought was best (so I guess he's not sorry for anything). I explained that I didn't blame him, and that I very much appreciated that they tried their very best. I said that I was simply trying to give a real case study of the way his words and mentality are harmful to show why he needs to please stop advising it, regardless of what he believes to be true.
Unfortunately, he doubled down on stance, emphasizing that we can't control what others say but can control what we choose do about it. I had no idea my dad was this prideful. My sister followed up by saying that if someone told her what I just did, she hopes her response would be more along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I didn't know. Thanks for telling me, that must have been hard. How can we move forward together?" And he just "liked" what she said.
At this point, it's clear to me that he values being right more than he values my feelings or well-being. I can't control what he says, but I can choose to stop listening and being around this toxicity. I've lived in constant fear and anxiety of my physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially abusive narcissistic mom (she was our primary caregiver while my dad worked) for 39 years; I've been thinking of going NC with her as a birthday present to myself for my 40th birthday this year. I just didn't know how to go about it while still trying to see my dad.
After yesterday's revelation though, I'm thinking it probably isn't worth it to continue seeing someone who doesn't value my feelings either, even though it's my ex-hero. It would probably be easier to just cut them both off at the same time. Going NC is unheard of in my culture and I'm sure I will get a lot of grief from their relatives and friends about how the Ten Commandments say to honor your mother and father or I'll regret it and all that stuff. They're going to think it was just over this one argument, when it's really about the missing missing reasons for nearly 40 years. Family therapy might be an option but I really don't want to spend another ounce of energy on them, nor do I think they deserve it or are entitled to it. I also don't want to have to explain any of this to them because again, I don't want to waste any more time or energy on them after nearly 40 years.
WIBTAH for just blocking them on everything without explaining anything?
What do I tell my kids who adore my dad?
What do I do if/when they just show up at my door for Christmas because they think they are entitled to my time whenever they want (they live in a different country and already have tickets without discussing anything with us)?
submitted by Ok-General-4805 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I (39F) was raised in an "abusive but with good intentions" household, where my culture and parents still don't think anything was abusive at all. My family was relatively wealthy, so I was extremely privileged, and I will forever be grateful for the fact that they did raise me the best way they knew how, considering they weren't taught how to regulate emotions themselves.
Yesterday, I had a discussion with my dad (~70M) about his mentality that emotions are choices. As a child, whenever I came complaining to him about something, he would tell me, "It's your choice to be sad about it. If you want to wallow, that's okay. It's also your choice to move on and be happy." Of course nobody wants to choose to be sad, so I got really good at pretending to "choose to be happy" instead.
When I had depression in my 30's, I didn't understand why I was constantly sad. I thought I just wasn't choosing to be happy hard enough. Finally, I got into therapy, and two years in, I can proudly say that I've made tons of progress. I'm doing it because I have two young kids and don't want them to go through what I did.
I was mostly speaking in hypotheticals when I was trying to explain to my dad that his mentality on emotions being choices was harmful. My dad kept insisting he was right, even when my sister stepped in to support me with more evidence. Finally, as a last ditch effort, I earnestly explained that his mentality contributed to MY poor emotional and mental health as an adult, and that I would really appreciate it if he stopped advising it.
My dad was my hero for as long as I can remember. I used to think he was the smartest, most understanding person in the world. I honestly would have just disengaged from the conversation a long time ago if I didn't care about him. I really thought he would listen to his daughter if I made myself vulnerable like that. Shockingly, he said he was sorry I blamed him for my issues (I don't, so he can't be sorry about that), but that he wasn't sorry for raising me the way he thought was best (so I guess he's not sorry for anything). I explained that I didn't blame him, and that I very much appreciated that they tried their very best. I said that I was simply trying to give a real case study of the way his words and mentality are harmful to show why he needs to please stop advising it, regardless of what he believes to be true.
Unfortunately, he doubled down on stance, emphasizing that we can't control what others say but can control what we choose do about it. I had no idea my dad was this prideful. My sister followed up by saying that if someone told her what I just did, she hopes her response would be more along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I didn't know. Thanks for telling me, that must have been hard. How can we move forward together?" And he just "liked" what she said.
At this point, it's clear to me that he values being right more than he values my feelings or well-being. I can't control what he says, but I can choose to stop listening and being around this toxicity. I've lived in constant fear and anxiety of my physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially abusive narcissistic mom (she was our primary caregiver while my dad worked) for 39 years; I've been thinking of going NC with her as a birthday present to myself for my 40th birthday this year. I just didn't know how to go about it while still trying to see my dad.
After yesterday's revelation though, I'm thinking it probably isn't worth it to continue seeing someone who doesn't value my feelings either, even though it's my ex-hero. It would probably be easier to just cut them both off at the same time. Going NC is unheard of in my culture and I'm sure I will get a lot of grief from their relatives and friends about how the Ten Commandments say to honor your mother and father or I'll regret it and all that stuff. They're going to think it was just over this one argument, when it's really about the missing missing reasons for nearly 40 years. Family therapy might be an option but I really don't want to spend another ounce of energy on them, nor do I think they deserve it or are entitled to it. I also don't want to have to explain any of this to them because again, I don't want to waste any more time or energy on them after nearly 40 years.
WIBTAH for just blocking them on everything without explaining anything?
What do I tell my kids who adore my dad?
What do I do if/when they just show up at my door for Christmas because they think they are entitled to my time whenever they want (they live in a different country and already have tickets without discussing anything with us)?
2023.06.03 20:19 JR_Ferreri Beautiful Landscape
My family and I have been back-and-forth across the country, to and through many states. We've been through Missouri a number of times on the way to California from Michigan.
Here are some gorgeous photos of Missouri living posted by a friend of mine.
https://www.reddit.com/useABritInMissouri/comments/vpagv1/my_little_corner_of_the_world_summer_and_winte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
submitted by JR_Ferreri to u/JR_Ferreri [link] [comments]
Here are some gorgeous photos of Missouri living posted by a friend of mine.
https://www.reddit.com/useABritInMissouri/comments/vpagv1/my_little_corner_of_the_world_summer_and_winte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
2023.06.03 20:19 Even-Mousse-9998 Programare pe limba romana, ne distram LIVE !
Tutoriale fără de arginți 📷 https://www.youtube.com/@tragdate/live 📷 https://www.twitch.tv/tragdate 📷 https://www.tiktok.com/@tragdate/live
Va astept sa ma crticati!
submitted by Even-Mousse-9998 to programare [link] [comments]
Va astept sa ma crticati!