Oh my God was this list hard to rank 😅 I took about I would say at least 15 hours of my time into this and all of that was just to rank them at a certain level without much to say. First off we have about 8 Tiers from F,D,C,B,A,S,SS, and Premium though I barely put much into their. Remember this is just an opinion so don't take too harshly if your favorite episode isn't high on my list. For some episodes I may not say much or anything since this was too long originally.
F Tier, these are my least favorite episodes and most likely I have a vendetta against them in some way that made it hard for me to like them

1. S2 Ep 8 Nebraska- I hate Lori and I think this episode expresses it, most definitely a vendetta. I didn't exactly like the stuff with Hershel and recovering though it was okay, but lori made some questionable decisions to go off on her own to look for Rick even though she should know he's fine seriously. She wrecks a car and then barely dies from a walker, mind you she is pregnant and shouldn't do these things easily my least favorite episode.
   
2. S10 Ep 21 Diverged- I honestly forget this episode so much since it has nothing truly interesting or important to the story
   
3. S7 Ep 6 Swear- this episode feels slow paced and dull due to oceanside being not seen well for me and I feel like Tara put on the best performance she could for it.
   
4. S8 Ep 2 The Damned- this episode to me was just a lot of action and in the walking dead I don't want that. We see a couple of characters die (including Francine 🪦 I absolutely loved her character and hate how she died here :[ mindless) Erics death started here, but it just wasn't impactful enough.
   
5. S3 Ep 11 I Ain't a Judas- Andrea is a boring character in the show and I hate her in this episode. The focus should've been on the prison honestly and maybe If she killed the Governor I would've understood her more.
   
6. S10 Ep 20 Splinter- if most of the episode was real I would've loved it, but they weren't...
   
7. S3 Ep 5 Say the Word- Andrea just isnt much good in this episode and Rick going crazy wasn't a fun idea to me.
   
8. S8 Ep 3 Monsters- aside from the one fight with Rick I really didn't care much for it again for the fighting and having Morales return and die felt out of place.
   
9. S2 Ep 2 Bloodletting- the group searching for Sophia was okay for a concept, but this episode was okay and went slow paced for me until the end.
   

D Tier, moving on these episodes were for me mostly just forgettable or boring so I won't say much except they weren't all bad

1. S1 Ep 3 Tell it to the frogs- first off S1 won't be all high because I'm ranking EVERY episode, but this one felt slow in pace more as well compared to the last two. Shane was a badass though.
   
2. S11 Ep 3 Hunted- Forgettable... Not much to say.
   
3. S5 Ep 11 The Distance- Forgot entirely this was an episode, after rewatch still don't like it except for Aaron.
   
4. S2 Ep 9 Trigger finger- It was a bit better than Nebraska, mostly cause of the Randel scenes.
   
5. S7 Ep 14 The Other Side- Sasha somewhat makes a noble decision.
   

163-162. S11 Episodes 22 following 21- 22 had the Warden being uninteresting as a villain and 21 was boring as can be which is why they sit besides each other.

1. S8 Ep 7 Time for After- I don't like the plans they have to deviate from Rick and him going to Jadis again feels like a horrible decision on his part.
   
2. S9 Ep 8 Evolution- The ambience is the best part, though I hated Jesus' s death as it felt like a bad sendoff.
   

C Tier, These are a bunch of boring and hard to follow episodes that have some highs that keep it out of former tiers.

1. S2 Ep 1 What lies Ahead- I liked the RV scene with Andrea, but what follows is dull.
   
2. S11 Ep 4- The pope is somewhat average.
   
3. S7 Ep 12 Say Yes- The carnival was a nice scenery for TWD, but they had too many fake outs with the walker "shooting" at them and the deer fake out.
   
4. S9 Ep 7 Stradivarius- The Search for Eugene feels tiring to follow what's happening and I ended up watching the episodes once and never again because of it.
   
5. S2 Ep 4 Cherokee Rose- Watching the episode is fun because of the well, though I feel like it was stupid as an idea as the group should have more common sense before doing something dumb.
   
6. S2 Ep 3 Save The Last One- Shane was horrifying, but the rest was dull.
   
7. S8 Ep 14 Still gotta mean something- Rick felt unnecessarly cold hearted in this episode killing off the Saviors that helped him which I didn't like, though Jared got a well deserved death.
   
8. S4 Ep 9 After -It was okay watching Carl try to scavenge while Rick was injured and I liked the scene with his shoe being lost.
   
9. S7 Ep 5 Go Getters- the episode itself wasn't bad yet I never really enjoyed it too much aside from Maggie being a badass and the ending was pretty good.
   
10. S4 Ep 10 Inamtes- Inmates was a pretty well rounded episodes showing off some of the group which I liked seeing Tyreese the most.
    
11. S8 Ep 6 The King, The Widow, and Rick- the episode was pretty lackluster for me and I didn't really appeal to seeing the garbage people much in this or everyone going to attack the saviors which was a dumb move to do. Ezekiel was probably the most fun of the episode.
    
12. S3 Ep 16 Welcome to the Tombs- the finale for season 3 has always been horrible as it barely gives tension between the Governor and Ricks group, it just felt unfitting for a finale.
    
13. S11 Ep 8 For blood- it was a okay Mid Season finale to say the least (sorry, 1/3 season finale). I did like some of the parts in it with Maggie which is why it sits higher than others.
    
14. S5 Ep 7 Crossed- I thoroughly enjoyed the chase scene between the three officers and Ricks group, but that was about it.
    
15. S4 Ep 13 Alone- I liked watching the parts of the group split up, except for Maggie, Bob, and Sasha as they felt very uneventful to me. What makes this episode better had to be the part about Daryl and Beth with the ending of the introduction to Joe's group.
    
16. S7 Ep 10 New Best Friends- a lot of these parts I forgot about in this episode when it came to the Kingdom though after rewatching it I enjoyed those parts more than the Garbage people. I just honestly think Jadis's group is uninteresting and makes for no substance.
    
17. S10 Ep 15 The Tower- I sometimes forget about this episode and it's premise with Beta, but I think it holds up enough for a weird one and The stuff with princess was okay.
    
18. S9 Ep 3 Warning signs- I think the episode was okay, I just didn't like Season 9 A that much...
    

B tier, now we get to the episodes I could watch again in the past 6 months or binge through without skipping

1. S11 Ep 2 Acheron Part 2- this was close to being put into C tier since I really hated some parts about it like how they left Gage to die and still had to fight off dozens of walking regardless. The group in the first two episodes seem to switch off and on from good to bad.
   
2. S7 Ep 4 Service- for some reason people hate this episode and I can't see why except for the fact it mainly deals with Negan at Alexandria; in my opinion it was him and a couple other characters who saved season 7 and 8 for me.
   
3. S10 Ep 3 Ghosts- I forget the episode...
   
4. S10 Ep 7 Open Your Eyes- I thought the episode was fine as I don't hate Siddiq and all, though I liked and hated the ending as I loved the twist of Dante and hated that Siddiq had to die so early on.
   
5. S6 Ep 7 Heads Up- I didn't like the twist of Glenn and all, but I liked the suspicion with Carol and Morgan as well as the Ending being dramatic.
   
6. S8 Ep 11 Dead or Alive- it's not good to know when you remember an episode due to bad things. Daryl has been making more off decisions for the character and Tara seems to be completely Reckless now making me hate her moving forward.
   
7. S4 Ep 4 Indifference- The Scenes with Carol and Rick we're amusing with crude Humour as well as some more tense scenes in my opinion and I hated/liked when Rick told Carol she couldn't come back.
   
8. S3 Ep 6 Hounded- honestly I would've rather put this episode a little bit higher due to Merle (probably my favorite charcater which contributes to a lot of episodes being higher) being a badass while fighting Michonne and pulling out puns as well. The reason it doesn't get higher is still due to Rick and the phone situation being uneventful.
   
9. S11 Ep 9 No Other Way- Alden dies in this episode which I should've seen coming that sucks. The ending feels misleading a bit though everything else in the middle is pretty great.
   
10. S11 Ep 5 Out of the Ashes- literally the only reason I put this here was due to Lance so deal with it!
    
11. S4 Ep 11 Claimed- Rick had a pretty solid pair of scenes with the Claimers and I liked watching Glenn and Tara (Surprisingly).
    
12. S10 Ep 13 What We Become- I thought the flashbacks/hallucinations we're pretty good, but aside from that this episode was just mediocre.
    
13. S9 Ep 4 The Obliged- I liked watching Daryl and Rick fight each other over different views on how everything should be and the ending I thought was pretty suspenseful as well as the saviors and oceanside.
    
14. S11 Ep 15 Trust- Lance feels exactly like the Governor in some of these episodes which is what I like about him, and from here I start to enjoy Princess maybe because Mercer is around more xd.
    
15. S10 Ep 17 Home Sweet Home- I thought Maggie was a good enough concept for an episode with the reapers, though it didn't hit that hard watching again. It still Is most definitely better than the other 3 episodes of S10 part C but enough for A Tier.
    

A Tier, after this point complaints may start to stop, but that doesn't mean entirely. These episodes I enjoy watching over and over again with some good tension and comedy as well.

1. S1 Ep 5 Wildfire- For the episodes Jim was in I liked him and learning his backstory as well so this was a pretty fun episode.
   
2. S4 Ep 15 Us- the stuff with Abraham and their group was pretty wholesome to me and I liked Joe for the time being in here seeing how he is pretty fair to be honest giving things where they are due and trust to Daryl.
   
3. S6 Ep 11 Knots Untie- I somewhat feel like the episode drags due to there being too much at hilltop, but it is a new community so I can't truly argue. I remember enjoyably when Rick stopped the assassination attempt.
   
4. S8 Ep 9 Honor- the beginning with Carl I thought was good to showcase the events that unfolded before the decimation and Carl's death hit hard.
   
5. S5 Ep 4 Slabtown- I personally don't mind the hospital arc too much, yet it won't get all of it's episodes too high of course. I liked watching Noah and Beth converse and I thought this was a new era for the walking dead.
   
6. 10 Ep 1 Lines we Cross- the part with the Satellite was amusing to watch as it was a big change to see and I like that about the walking dead on occasions.
   
7. S9 Ep 6 Who are you now?- I liked learning of Luke's Group (you heard me, Luke's Group) and what they have been like learning of some of their past.
   
8. S10 Ep 8 The World Before- I liked mostly just watching two scenes, the beginning with Dante and Gabriel and Dante. I loved the fact no one even considered a Whisperer living amongst them and how he did some much devious stuff was mind boggling and amazing to watch. When Gabriel talks about forgiveness to Dante and kills him shows me how Gabriel has changed the past seasons.
   
9. S7 Ep 9 Rock in the Road- Rick gives off a good speech to Ezekiel and I liked seeing him and Morgan reunite again. The stuff with Gabriel wasn't too bad either.
   
10. S3 Ep 9 The Suicide King- the Governor finally seems to be starting to let things of him slip which I love to see. I also enjoyed watching Merle with Daryl as well too.
    
11. S11 Ep 11 Rouge element- I thought that the twist of Steph was pretty good and I don't mind the episode being a bit long and tedious for it's reveal.
    
12. S11 Ep 23 Family- I loved the fact Lydia got bit just because it shows us that people can still get bit and survive. It shows to me that in the finale no one could be truly safe even though Luke gets bit and still dies.
    
13. S11 Ep 17 Lockdown- Saving Sebastian was okay ig.
    
14. S8 Ep 10 The Lost and The Plunderers- Simon's character I think was made perfectly as he is a hotheaded person who is all about power and showing that off. Killing most of the Garbage people was terrifying to watch and showed how Negan could be more merciful than others.
    
15. S1 Ep 1 Days Gone Bye- I think for the pilot it did it's job well and showed off enough of what the show could be. Of course this doesn't mean it was all good but as pilots go it was pretty solid.
    
16. S11 Ep 1 Acheron Part 1- The only reason I put it this high was for the interrogation scenes especially when it came down to Ezekiel. Him and Mercer are honestly a great pair and I love his ending to the show as it's fitting.
    
17. S5 Ep 10 Them- after losing most of the group it seems like a fitting episode of despair and plays it perfectly.
    
18. S5 Ep 12 Remember- the first shown scenes of Alexandria was pretty good and I liked the interviews scene too. We also saw a lot of new character introductions.
    
19. S11 Ep 6 On The Inside- The ferals was a nice touch of horror that I never knew I could need. Making the people with the ferals Virgil and Connie made the most perfect sense as well.
    
20. S6 Ep 13 Not Tomorrow Yet- this episode shows off how our group is seeming to be the bad guys starting to kill people in their sleep. I like how Glenn and Heath have their first kills and show how they are changing.
    
21. S7 Ep 1 The day will come when you won't be- I like the title as it references Doctor Jenner, but for the episode I liked Negan and that's mostly it. Seeing two people die was horrible to me, but necessary and since I don't rank episodes for being bad due to deaths I can still rank them high.
    
22. S6 Ep 16 Last Day on Earth- Simon has a good introduction and I like them trying to get from point A to B, but what stands out to me most is probably Abraham and Eugene with his speech about him
    
23. S7 Ep 15 Something they need- Sasha was probably the highlight of the episode for me and I liked them and Negan's interactions. It Is a good effort to show that they aren't all monsters and I like seeing Eugene as well.
    
24. S3 Ep 7 When the Dead come knocking- Glenn and his interrogation with Merle was amazing and I liked seeing Glenn's true will shine.
    
25. S8 Ep 12 The Key- I don't like this episode much honestly if it wasn't for Negan and Ricks Speech as well as Simon and his deviousness.
    
26. S8 Ep 1 Mercy- the beginning I had to move up due to some good portions of it like Rick and Negan. I also liked the ending a lot even though I watched the trailer a lot and knew of Gabriel and Negan's interactions.
    
27. S9 Ep 1 a New Beginning- wow two series beginnings next to each other... Yeah it's weird but they weren't exactly S Tier Material. The beginning with them trying to get a horse accessory was great tension to watch and I already love Ricks Beard.
    
28. S10 Ep 18 Find me- okay so maybe I exaggerated My feeling towards Season 10 C a bit since I like some of the episodes a bit and others worse. The reason I put this here is mostly good plot lines and that was it.
    

Around here I wanted to say the reason for some episodes ranking higher is due to the fact the others are horrible and some of these have redeeming qualities. It's hard to put over 150 episodes ranked from horrible to greatness and know the points of interest.

1. S3 Ep 3 Walk With Me- Merle brings joy to me seeing him again and I love him from here on out. I like how the Governor seems to be innocent enough until the big reveal with the militia which is amazingly put.
   
2. S10 Ep 9 Squeeze- I hate Squeeze... There i said it. The cave sucks honestly and Id rather not watch it again because of that, but Negan is the only saving grace for this episode and if it wasn't for him I would never watch this episode again.
   
3. S8 Ep 13 Do Not Send Us Astray- Simon attacking the Hilltop was the most great action of this season that I never minded and it felt terrifying after Tobin's fate was sealed.
   
4. S3 Ep 12 Clear- I had to move it from S Tier, but nevertheless a great episode. Morgan's return was done perfectly and I felt like his character did a full 180 after this. Michonne and Carl's side story was also good.
   
5. S2 Ep 12 Better Anglels- Shane and Ricks final confrontation was amazingly executed and loved the difference from the Comics with Rick killing shane and Carl shooting his reanimated self; Shane and Randel was also good too.
   
6. S4 Ep 12 Still- Daryl and Beth make sense to pair together and I like seeing how we get a bit more back story to his character. They feel like the most perfect example to put for a mismatched pair.
   
7. S6 Ep Thank You- The journey with Glenn's group trying to get back was amusing to see even though the dumpster ending wasnt really the best, still horrible to see.
   
8. S10 Ep 4 Silence the Whisperers- Negan and Lydia have a good bond and I like how Negan defends her even though I hate how no one believes Lydia that Negan protected her.
   
9. S8 Ep 4 Some Guy- I still love watching Ezekiel and the Kingdom so I enjoy this episode and how he feels defeated the whole time. Jerry is the best bodyguard in my opinion as well as it is shown and Shivas death is heartbreaking.
   
10. S5 Ep 8 Coda- The reason I put this soo high was due to Rick and Bob. I did like the ending a bit even though I feel like Beth's death could've been avoided.
    
11. S3 Ep 14 Prey- originally this episode was C Tier for me, but I re-watched it and put it this high due to the Governor being a literal psycho and I love this side of him.
    
12. S11 Ep 20 What's been Lost- Lance felt underutilized as soon as he died, I really wished they could've made a difference with his exit on the show.
    
13. S8 Ep 8 How it's gotta be- Forgot about Natanias death.
    
14. S11 Ep 7 Promises Broken- Negan and Maggie had a good talk together about before.
    
15. S10 Ep 6 Bonds- Okay.. XD.
    
16. S6 Ep 10 The Next world- I thought the stuff with Rick, Daryl, and Jesus was goofy, but great.
    
17. S11 Ep 19 Varient- I do like the idea of evolving walkers though I feel like it was a bit late in the show.
    
18. S3 Ep 13 Arrow on the Doorstep- the meeting was just terrific to watch as the Governor is so sinister inside it with Milton and Hershel having a good talk as well with Martinez and Daryl having a good show off time. Merle and Glenn have some good times too.
    
19. S9 Ep 2 The Bridge- The log scene was amazing and Aaron had a good scene with the amputation.
    

S Tier, These episodes are some of my favorite to watch with a good glass of Tea and some snacks.

1. S7 Ep 7 Sing me a song- Negan and Carl were fun to watch as well as some more insight on the sanctuary as Daryl breaks free. Negan and Carl also Bond.
   
2. S10 Ep 10 Stalker- Daryl VS Alpha!!!
   
3. S11 Ep 16 Acts of God- Lance is very horrifying as to what his next move is and Leah's stuff was good.
   
4. S3 Ep 8 Made to suffer- it was a great Mid season finale as I enjoyed the fight with the Governor and Rick as well as the ending with Merle and Daryl.
   
5. S2 Ep 6 Secrets- Glenn has to deal with hiding multiple people's secrets and I feel like the comedy is pure gold here.
   
6. S1 Ep 2 Guts- The rooftops scenes were great as well as the parts where they wear guys to avoid the walkers, it always felt like a sense of panic in this episode.
   
7. S9 Ep 9 Adaptation- the introduction to Alpha was simple enough and I feel like it's a good episode.
   
8. S11 Ep 10 New Haunts
   
9. S11 Ep 12 The Lucky Ones- Carol finally feels a little bit like she's back to her old self in this community with Lance and their deals.
   
10. S4 Ep 1 30 days without and Accident- probably my second favorite of the beginning episodes as it demonstrates exactly how the group has got along since the recent events. Has a good story with the shopping market and the roof caving in was awesome.
    
11. S3 Ep 10 Home- this episode shows how Merle and Daryl are far apart which I can still keep watching Merle and be entertained as well as the fight scene at the end with the Governor being cocky as can be.
    
12. S9 Ep 16 The Storm- snow is a new but simple thing that I like along with Negan Earning trust with Michonne.
    
13. S10 Ep 2 We are the End of the World- Gamma saving Alpha is one of my favorite scenes of how it shows Alphas power towards the group and influence on it's people.
    
14. S6 Ep 8 Start to Finish- The walls coming down had an interesting story as well as many like the Wolf getting loose and Diana having a badass/amazing exit.
    
15. S9 Ep 11 Bounty- The Movie Theatre scene was pretty good as well as Alpha with and Lydia.
    
16. S5 Ep 2 Strangers- The uneasy feeling of Gabriel is pretty good to show the groups trust and I like how the ending is played out with the reveals.
    
17. S11 Ep 13 Warlords- The Complex is a pretty good place to see and I like seeing the evolution of Negan and Aaron.
    
18. S9 Ep 15 The Calm Before- The highlight is the end with the pikes though it made sense for the lesser characters. I hated seeing Henry and Enid die (Not with Tara).
    
19. S10 Ep 11 Morning Star- The start of the battle is ingenius with the tree sap fire scene and it makes for a suspenseful ending to the episode to come.
    
20. S9 Ep 5 What come After- The episode is meant to be a sendoff for Rick so I'll rank it about everything else instead. I did enjoy some of the sequences with Hershel and I loved seeing Shane again. He really puts perspective on some episodes like Season 5 which makes me enjoy watching those episodes more as well as Shane. Ricks exit was also done is a pretty good way.
    
21. S7 Ep 13 Bury me Here- I liked watching Morgan slowing go back into insanity which I believe is due to PTSD of some sort. The episode feels really well done and I like the ending to it with Richard Dying and Carol being told everything.
    
22. S9 Ep 12 Guardians- Alpha is great to watch in this episode and the way she kills the two whispering who challenge them is great!
    
23. S8 Ep 5 The Big scary U- the main focus is Negan and Gabriel which is an amazing talk between then two before settling their differences. I also like the unease at the sanctuary through betrayal.
    
24. S11 Ep 14 The Rotten core- the whole episode is one of If not my personal favorite to watch for the complex alone being a nice setting. I enjoy every bit of this episode as well as the side deal with Sebastian and how Mercer is revealed to be a pretty nice guy.
    
25. S5 Ep 15 Try- The whole episode feels like a decent into madness for Rick seeing everyone against him. I like how he goes into protective cop mode and try to defend the ones he lives as well as his speech at the end.
    
26. S11 Ep 18 A New Deal- The whole episode is average, but the ending just feels amazing to rewatch.
    
27. S2 Ep 11 Judge, Jury, Executioner- I personally like Dale a lot so I love this episode. It really shows how the group is starting to turn as they believe to do what is best for the group and not morals. Dales death is also very heartfelt to watch and showed off the walkers dangerousness.
    
28. S10 Ep 14 Look At The Flowers- Negan and Daryl make a good pair to watch though I enjoyed watching Beta and him struggling to get back on track after Alphas death and I love him so much more for this episode.
    
29. S5 Ep 5 Self Help- Daryl and Carol at the moments have some good episodes together so it's not surprise I'd love this episode. With Noah in the episode as well it feels like a amazing show of how the characters (Carol and Daryl) have changed morally.
    
30. S6 Ep 13 The Same Boat- Carol has been shown to be ruthless, but this episode shows her true colors as how she doesn't want this to be her life anymore.
    
31. S5 Ep 13 Forget- the episode itself has many great minisodes it felt like which was fantastic.
    

50 and 49. S4 Ep 6 Live Bait and 7 Dead Weight- I put these both here due to the fact of me loving the equally. The 6th episode feels like a showcase of how the Governor gets broken entirely and starts to get built back up positively showing what could have been and for a time it feels beautiful to me. The 7th though shows how some things can mess with his mind and make him go back to being a psychopath that kills everyone he sees.

1. S8 Ep 16 Wraith- The ending to season 8 was pretty eventful for the battles begin as Eugene saved everyone's asses from a cool trick with the bullets. I am happy that Rick decided to save Negan and I love the episode except for the ending being off-putting with Maggie.
   
2. S6 Ep 9 No way Out- The Wolf has a pretty interesting end that I enjoyed to see and aside from the the entire eoisode is the best part. You never feel that sense of boring to it as the action is nonstop great.
   
3. S5 Ep 5 Now- I liked small bits and pieces of this episode mostly revolving around Diana and her role starting to change. If she survived I don't doubt I would've loved to see her go through more of an arc.
   
4. S7 Ep 11 Hostiles and Calamities- I can see the hate for this episode, though I love it myself. Eugene in my opinion is at his best here and I love watching him here with Negan and their interactions. It was also great how Dwight had framed the doctor.
   
5. S5 Ep 6 Consumed- Abraham was one of my favorite characters not just for jokes but for this episode. His backstory is heartbreaking to learn about and relatable. When he falls down after beating Eugene in defeat I can feel his pain with him.
   
6. S9 Ep 13 Chokepoint- Daryl VS Beta!!!
   

SS Tier, after this point there is no bad things that the episodes could have drag it's down. These ones are my person favorites.
Around this time I also realized that it seems my numbers on the side aren't matching so I'm fixing it from here so skip 42- 38. Idk what happened but I messed up somewhere and went to fix it but couldn't find the problem.

1. S2 Ep 13 Besides the Dying Fire- The walkers attacking the farm was a great scene just as much as the Democracy speech was from Rick, though Lori is horrible to Rick in this episode. Also Rick tells the group "we're all infected"
   
2. S4 Ep 2 Infected- I love the scene where Patrick reanimates and the morning fight they have in the prison. So much stuff happens at once. The ending was Great with Tyreese and. The pig scene was sad to watch.
   
3. S6 Ep 6 Always Accountable- One time when I like Sasha is this episode with Abraham. Where to begin; The Rocket launcher scene was great, Abraham is great with quips, Daryl with Dwight is a good scene and I love the ending as well.
   
4. S6 Ep 14 Twice as Far- The Denise speech wasnt too bad and the death was great. I enjoyed Abraham and Eugene; I think my favorite scenes was with Abraham and Eugene with another one of his speechs towards him which was funny and heartfelt.
   
5. S4 Ep 16 A- The best part is when Joe's group comes along and how Rick bites out his throat signifying that he and Shane are now alike. I also like when Rick and Daryl talk as well as Rick figuring out this olace kidnaps people.
   
6. S2 Ep 7 Pretty Much dead Already- Shane is what I love about this episode, he and Dale had a really funny encounter and I feel like Shane makes me laugh and be serious at the same time with each scenes. I also like how Rick is more accepting towards Hershel.
   
7. S10 Ep 16 A Certain Doom- Beta was good in this episode and had some great parts, but the fights wee great especially the scene with the Music. Betas death felt odd, but that doesn't lower the episode.
   
8. S4 Ep 14 The Grove- I mean do I really have to explain? Carol is a savage here and I love when they finally talk about Karen and Davids death here. Nothing in this episode is a low note.
   
9. S2 Ep 5 Chupacabra- I love everything about Daryl's scenes in this that show how he is a badass and capable of holding his own. Also love his Hallucinations.
   
10. S11 Ep 24 Rest In Peace- certainly wasn't the best finale, but I felt like it did well enough for the episode. It tied up most loose ends for the show given its runtime and I feel like it is fitting enough.
    
11. S2 Ep 10 18 Miles Out- my favorite of Season 2 has Shane and Rick have the best battle I have seen even more than The Governor and Rick or Negan and Rick. This battle utilizes both of their strengths and weaknesses with some things that have never been done in the show much more like using your blood to attract walkers to other places. It was an amazing episode all in all.
    
12. S1 Ep 6 TS-19- idk what it is but I love watching this episode over and over again and I love it the more I watch it. It is probably because I like Doctor Jenner a bit more in each watching of his tragic backstory with his wife.
    
13. S9 Ep 14 Scars- The flahsback was an amazing one that told us something vital to the story about how they don't trust people coming in anymore. What Daryl and especially Michonne went through is tragic.
    
14. S5 Ep 3 Four Walls a roof- this episode is perfect for a number of reasons like Bob and his antics or Savage Rick, this was a turning point for the walking dead and this is where Rick gets some of his roots.
    
15. S1 Ep 4 Vatos- even though I love TS-19 I love Vatos more. This is unique to some episodes where you see a group just like Ricks that is trying to survive and this is where we realize the world is bigger than we thought still.
    
16. S7 Ep 16 The first day of the rest of your Life- The battle was amazing and I feel like this was the best it was going to get for the coming seasons, but season 9 and 10 surprised me.
    
17. S10 Ep 5 What it always Is- Negan with the Kid is the highlight I think, I could've honestly seen this going farther, if it wasn't for the former savior. I feel like this was fitting for an entire episode of, but we diverged a bit.
    
18. S4 Ep 3 Isolation- Hershel and Tyreese are the highlights for me with Tyreese going berserk and Hershel being a kind soul. This is a staple episode for why Season 4 is amazing and why Hershel is what made season 4 great.
    
19. S6 Ep 4 Here's not Here- I love learning about Eastman and Morgan in this one off. I love how it is somewhat told in the first person narrative to the Wolf and how Morgan changed back to who he was. Eastman shows how he and Morgan are pretty similar and why he should be like him.
    
20. S5 Ep 14 Spend- aside from Francine being here to be used as eye candy for me I loved how some of Alexandria like and dislike rick's group here. I do hate Noah dying as I feel like he could've been so much more.
    
21. S10 19 One More- I love havng the episode based on Aaron and Gabriel as they have came a long way since their beginnings. When they have few an encounter with Mays I felt like this was a testimony to who they are as people. We see how they care for each other and how Mays fails to make a point of who they are until Gabriel Kills him showing he has gone farther away from the light.
    
22. S7 Ep 3 Cell- Daryl is locked up and he is now being treated like shit. This episode feels great cause of how it feels like he is trying to break Daryl. Dwight also has a great mission on how he mercy kills a savior and shows he isn't as bad as you may think.
    
23. S6 Ep 1 First time again- I do enjoy the setting of the episode how we see the diverge in Alexandria and who listens or hears Rick out. The episode is a great example for staring episodes... But not the best at it.
    
24. S5 Ep 9 What Happened and what's going On- I loved Tyreese's character so to see him die was horrible for me. His episodes I feel like was a good send off since it is a test to who he is as a person who is confounded about the world around him.
    
25. S3 Ep 4 Killer Within- this episode was played perfectly and I feel like is a good sendoff for other characters as well like how I hate Lori. She is made just a bit better from her sacrifice and thought T-Dog went out in a good way as well. The prisoners also had a good show for their trust.
    
26. S4 Ep 5 Interment- this is where Hershel's best episode is as he is the best Samaritan Alive in the apocalypse. At the end where Rick and Carl fend off the walkers inside the gates in a great bond and I love the whole episode.
    
27. S6 Ep 3 JSS- it is well rounded and has good action as well as a lot of tension and suspense with Carol showing off her capabilities and Morgan with his philosophy.
    

Finally we cracked the top ten and into Premium Episodes. If you've made it this far you are are persistent as me... Well probably less since this took a long ass time but still. These are the episodes whee I cherish them and can watch more than once a month.

1. S8 Ep 15 Worth- Worth has what I want in an episode; good characters and story/plot. Eugene's parts are made more important seeing how he needed to stay at the sanctuary to save Alexandria and the other communities. I loved even more Dwight's part where I have without doubt the most suspense with him and Negan. Simon also had the most best arc death as it felt complete.
   
2. S5 Ep 16 Conquer- the episode has a lot of action and the ending was the pivet. I love the speech he has and how Diana let's Rick be in charge now was a sort of cliffhanging ending that signify's perfection.
   
3. S5 Ep 1 No sanctuary- both Season 5's beginning and finale are amazing and the way Rick and his group take down Terminus in one episode is amazing as they fight there way out and the scene with Judith was great. Morgan was just a sprinkle of wholesomeness to see.
   
4. S10 Ep 12 Walk With Us- The Episode had just enough action, good deaths and character interactions to make it here. First of the battle at hilltop was amazing. The second best thing was Earl and I feel very sad every time I watch this episode at his part. Then the best thing is the end with Alpha and Negan.
   
5. S3 Ep 1 Seed- The best beginning to a season it shows how the group has changed since Rick and the prison is a great example. The tombs are a great scenery and the ending was perfect for a cliffhanger as well as Conquer.
   
6. S3 Ep 2 Sick- the prisoner episode was pretty good to watch as a group of prisoners try to take on walkers. While some are good others would rather be assertive. Rick has definitely changed since season 2 and the group is played great here and much more human like.
   
7. S7 Ep 2 Well- what helps this episode is the last episode before it having a dark tone. This instead has a more uplifting one with the king and with Carol and Morgan being a great pair. The Kingdom seems to be a good community and seeing how Carol tries to smooth talk the king and how he tells whays her bullshit is an amazing scene.
   
8. S10 Ep 22 Heres Negan- We realize he was a kinda lousy husband that wasn't really too good to becoming a really supportive husband who cares deeply for his wife Lucille. The story before showed a lot of Negan and how he is and I love Lucille as a character from this episode trying to do whats best for Negan.
   
9. S4 Ep 8 Too Far gone- Honestly this IS the best episode, but I am bias so I had to put my own personal favorite above it not to say this isn't right behind it easily. Too far gone is what feels like a season finale but isn't. The Governors first encounter should've been this and I'm glad we got to see it unfold great. Rick has a great speech in it about not being too far gone yet and the Governor killing Hershel to start the best battle of the series. The Governors death feels fitting and the ending was sad and amazing.
   

Before I get to this last one I wanted to say a thank you in advance to whomever reads this as I really had a hard time making this and spending a lot of time to do this isn't easy. And remember this last episode is my very own person opinion entirely and in no way is it the best of the series definitively, without any furthermore, lets end this.

1. Season 3 Episode 15 This Sorrowful Life- Now what makes this episode so great to me? Well I'm totally biased towards the actor and the character in the show Merle Dixon. I could watch Merle all day which is what they episode feels like with the perfect duo of Michonne and Merle on their way to the governor. It has some of the most perfect comedy in the episode as well as having the best sacrifice redemption arc and ending. This episode made me laugh, smile, cry and more. There will never be a time when I ever change my opinion about this episode in existence.

Again another huge thanks to everyone and I hope this will satisfy everyones needs... Now I'ma go watch S3 Ep 15 Legit.

So, I’ve(F24, turning 25 in September) been seeing a new guy(M30) for the past two months or so. He’s nice and I’m attracted to him, for sure. The conversations we’ve had keep my attention and I do enjoy talking to him. He’s funny and makes me laugh, can hold great conversation, and he’s immensely charismatic. Seems to be a loving and engaged dad to his small son, he’s smart, as well. Handsome with such a nice body, too. My only downside with him is that he’s not the best communicator (ik, I just said he can hold great conversation, but lol let me explain) he’s a personal trainer and there are times he goes hours and hours without saying anything and then he just pops up outta nowhere to send me a text that asks how my day has been or how I’m feeling. On occasion, it gets to the point where the entire day has passed and then he’ll hmu in the middle of the night saying something like he’s hoping I’m sleeping well and he’s sorry we didn’t talk as consistently throughout the day as he would’ve liked. I’ve expressed him that i understand he’s busy, but it doesn’t take much time or effort to shoot a text that just tells me he’ll be busy and he can’t speak to me that often throughout the day bc he’s with clients and at the gym. We sort of “broke up;” we got into a somewhat argument bc it’s essentially been the same thing: he hasn’t been communicating that well with me and with the amount of attention I give him, it’s just not reciprocated. He says to me he’s trying, but he’s just busy and he doesn’t want me to feel this way, but if I do, he doesn’t know what to do about it. You know the, “I can’t change how you’re feeling” thing, kinda to deflect his behavior by pushing it on me. He’s calling me argumentative and how he doesn’t like to argue, but I apparently do. I express to him that I’m not arguing, I’m just trying to get him to understand where I’m coming from and how I feel. Afterwards, he apologetically tells me he’s sorry for how he made me feel, but maybe seeing one another wouldn’t work as he’s super busy and can’t maybe extend himself to me the way I would want to. He also says he’s growing tired of hearing me ask him for time and more effort when he’s trying to extend himself the best he can with all he has on his plate. I don’t know if he was trying to gaslight, manipulate, was being completely honest, or a combination of all three with his words. I tell him I’m sorry if he ever felt like I was nagging him, but it really wasn’t the case. I was attracted to him and wanted to see/talk to the man I’m attracted to more often. We ended things amicably, agreeing we both were attracted to the other, we enjoyed the conversations and were happy we met, it just seems like we’re on different pages and sometimes that’s just how stuff works out. No hard feelings.
…then, he reaches out the next day to say he’d like to make things work.
He’s sorry for his words, how he does wanna make things work, how he’s super attracted to me and wants to keep talking to me. “If we can get it together and you can be more patient with me, and I can just give you more of my time, I think we’d be together soon. I thought about it and you were right. You weren’t asking me for anything but just some attention. I’ll be more mindful of how I’m acting and how Im making you feel. I’m sorry for neglecting you.” I’m still trying to decide if it was stupid or not that I forgave him and accepted his words as sincere.
That was a couple of days ago. He’s been in steadier contact with me since then. Making more of an effort. Yesterday, He asks if he could come visit me so we can spend the afternoon together. He does and the afternoon is going well. We’re talking and enjoying each other’s company. He initiates a kiss. Then, we had sex. Twice. His phone is continuously going off with texts and I’m asking if he needs to get that. He does and scrolls through his phone for a few minutes, texting multiple different threads back. He tells me it’s his clients and from what I could see, I believed it was gym related people he was messaging. He starts complaining he doesn’t have any service (I live in a pretty rural area of the state whereas he lives inna more metropolitan, city like area). “I’m gonna head out. I got no service here. I need to make phone calls and make moves.” He immediately starts getting dressed. This is about ten minutes after we finished having sex. Im sitting on the edge of my bed, like ????? He asks to tell him what’s wrong because my “whole demeanor switched up. What’s wrong all of a sudden?”
I tell him I just didn’t like he was immediately leaving after we just had sex. I bring up how we were supposed to be spending the afternoon to maybe night together and after we get physical, he leaves. His phone had been buzzing the whole time and he seemed to be texting back. Why all of a sudden does he need to leave? He tells me his clients as a trainer is how he makes his money and how it’s important for him to be accessible to his phone, otherwise he’s losing this opportunity and that opportunity to make money. “You don’t make yourself that accessible to me and you want me to be your girlfriend???” Is what I tell him. This starts a mini back and forth. I understand all of his points, but I tell him I would’ve just liked more than three hours together when we haven’t seen one another in over a month. “If I had the service and was able to use my phone out here, then that’s a different story. I need my phone to get to my money.” He says. He gives me a hug and is going on and on with, “I can’t believe you’re upset right now. Can you understand why I gotta go? I don’t want to, but you can at least understand what I’m tryna say to you” In a “sweet” voice. I told him, yeah, but I don’t. And somewhere in the deep of my stomach, my intuition I guess, was telling me if I really mattered at all, I wouldn’t have had to ask for his attention, period and he would’ve cared to stay longer if it was really all about me. He asks to see me next weekend when he is free because he’d like to take me out and spend more time together. He leaves.
He texts me an hour after leaving, saying, “hey beautiful. I made it home” I text him back, “hi… I was just thinking about you. Glad you’re safe!” And he left it on read, but he’s updating all his socials left and right lol.
I’m just really confused. Feel kinda stupid and embarrassed I’m in this “situation” and don’t really know what to do or how to maneuver it. I’m stuck between listening to my head and listening to my heart.
lol dating sucks, seriously.

That episode was so bad, man. Aimless. Once again, Sam Levinson creates an environment for the sole purpose of filming chicks tits and ass. a certain “type” of girl he’s into, (models / actresses /singers, previously high schoolers) but since it’s set in bright sunny LA or wherever, “of course they would dress like that!”. “Of course they act like that!” In reality it’s just a cheap gimmick to get people watching (you already know this). it’s also easy foil for him to deflect all MeToo lasers that, in many cases would incinerate his whole career. But I see you Rain Man Jr.
So telling that the biggest euphoria names like Zendaya or Apatow would not do any of that shit. Or that girl Barbie the Ferrero who quit midway because Sam can’t write a teleplay to save his career and started hassling her to include her real life experiences of bullimia or whatever the fuck. All three of them he could not touch w a ten foot pole in this climate , but he sure milked as much as he could from Sydney’s Sweenies. And she wasn’t so “established” yet. Reminds me a bit of what’s happening now with Lily Rose Depp. Maybe im being too simple but it comes off as creepy as Weeknd’s character does. And they filmed it at his house?!! 🤣 dude
And I don’t wanna hear talk about the lame directing, the stupid lighting the heavy handed kind of Kanye-removed Mike Dean synth cumming everywhere (let alone him showing up later on in the show LMAO). Just so boring at his point what can I even say?Madonna is there for horny moms. carti is there only bc it’s trendy w stupid teenage boys (lure them in with Johnny depps smoking daughter ) I like carti but ofc his bitch ass WOULD be associated with this. And you know they’ll both probably show up. Waaaaack. I hope carti gets a scene with Jane adams at least
As a New Yorker this has cemented my absolut disgust of the west coast . Insecure homebred californians who wanna look as cool as they think they do in their heads. Sam realized he writes dialogue for normal people about as well as George Lucas, so he shifted gears to a world more familiar to him to ft tortured “im a great artist” porn. So any themes of “exploitation” here feel absolutely so ridiculous. The bdsm shit is fifty shades level fluff nonsense. Masquerading like it’s good. Many scenes feel disjointed in an inconsistent, bad sort of way. No flow. it was all just so fcking STUPID
rsp girls, guys, gays, MSSOM, 7DeadlyFetishes all of youse,I have a newfound belief that you all can achieve WHATEVER you want to do. I think every single one of you niggas could individually put your minds to something 1000x more compelling than this shit. In any avenue of expression .So go flood that creative market .Don’t shy away from what you think is good, special, valuable. Cos the bar is apparently so low you might just end up at Cannes lol. And I know you all say and read shit like that all the time, but this time, it’s real. It’s happening. You are the vibe shift, and now’s your chance

I'm just so emotional like crying. I don't know if this is normal experience.
I wanted another baby (I'm divorced and a single mother) and weeks before I found out I was crying how I was never going to have more kids and running out of time. Then I found out I was pregnant. And my fist thought was abortion and fear etc. it was with someone who I don't speak fo anymore, though I did tell him and he was kinda rude. I don't want to have two "baby daddy's" my ex husband and this jerk. Which it's fine to have that! I'm saying I don't want to deal with it personally. But as the weeks went on I got to thinking, I could make this work. I went to two baby appointments saw the ultrasounds. At one point I felt at peace with my choice. But I asked my son if he would want me to have more, he sometimes asks why I don't have more kids as his dad has 3, and he said he wouldn't be upset if I did. He even picked names out. This touched my soul. Being a mother was the best thing that's happened to me. Ever. It made me life have purpose. I feel so emotional today knowing this is my last day with my child. That I'm willingly doing this. Maybe I'm emotional bc I have another child and it makes me think of them. I don't know. Maybe because I'm so scared of the procedure itself. I do think of the what ifs. But I also know, it would be very stressful for me to keep up with everything. Raising a baby while working full time and having my six year old. And I want to give my son everything. And not fall down because I'm caught up on more responsibilities. I also would miss work which I wouldn't get paid for. I also go to my sons dads ( two hours away) every other week ended which would be a lot with a baby driving. I do not have a "village" either. Just me. I know I could do anything o put my like to, but it would be a lot of financial and mental stress.
I'm also scared of this procedure and the pain during and after. I'm not sure I will or can allow the doctor inside of me. Like, out of fear. So any advice would be great...

I know this question gets asked a lot around here, so apologies, but I think my circumstances are different enough to warrant a new post. I'm trying to figure out which camera is worth it for shooting video. Whether it's best to buy something I can afford now, save up and buy something better, or not buy a camera at all.
I'm in grad school studying documentary filmmaking, although when I break into the professional world I won't be limited to that genre. I have access to the school's cameras, which are incredibly nice and range from small DLSR cameras to the Canon C300 with a full stock of cinematic lenses. Typically on documentary shoots I use a Canon XF605.
Since the school has great cameras I wasn't going to purchase anything for myself, but there's a few drawbacks to this. First, since I have to checkout a camera every time I shoot I have to spend about a half an hour setting it up to my specs. Second, it's rare, but sometimes I need to go grab some B-roll or some other footage and it would be nice just to have my own camera and not go to campus, check one out, set it up, etc. Third, with the school's equipment I'm only allowed to work on school projects and I'm strictly forbidden from using it to make money, which means no freelance side hustles until I get my own gear. And before you ask, people have been caught doing this so somehow the school finds out.
So, after all that, what camera should I get? People seem to love the Lumix line, specifically the G7 which I could afford now. I was looking at the Canon R8, which seems really nice and I could afford it in a few months if I save up. Or should I save up for the remainder of my time in school and look into getting something like the C300 Mk II (used) and just use the school's equipment until then?
Of course, what I didn't mention along with all those cameras above is the cost of lenses, batteries, chargers, lights, mics...you get the idea.
So what do you think? Get something cheaper, but sooner? Wait a bit for something better? Or kick this can down the road for a couple years and get "professional" gear?

Im about to transfer to a community college from my 4 year with the hopes of transferring to a different 4 year next spring.
My only worry is how this will look to grad schools? Im leaving because the school environment made my depression insurmountable but i’m also getting a serious surgery for my physical disability and was planning on using that as justification for going to cc to avoid mentioning mental illness. luckily my gpa has remained unaffected through all this (abt 3.8x, i hope to get it to 3.9) I might have to enroll in 2 different CCs since i may be relocating this fall.
I have a certain unique grad program in the UK in mind but it’s selective so i’m worried this will ruin my chances. I don’t mean this in the neurotic redditor way, but i’d like to know if i should aim lower. I have 2 publications in great journals coming (will hopefully have more by senior year) & have done research since freshman year. Could this make up for it? Do grad programs largely even care at all?

This is the letter from Sullivan Ballou, to his wife, Sarah. He was a Union Major, who wrote this letter detailing is patriotism and his reassuring love to his wife. This is very sad, and I ask you research this from Ken Burns’s The Civil War for a great audio version.
https://www.pbs.org/video/civil-war-honorable-manhood/
My Very Dear Wife:
Indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days, perhaps to-morrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write a few lines, that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.
Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine, O God be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battle-field for any country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American civilization now leans upon the triumph of government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution, and I am willing, perfectly willing to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this government, and to pay that debt.
But, my dear wife, when I know, that with my own joys, I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with care and sorrows, when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it, as their only sustenance, to my dear little children, is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country.
I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death, and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country and thee.
I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in this hazarding the happiness of those I loved, and I could not find one. A pure love of my country, and of the principles I have often advocated before the people, and "the name of honor, that I love more than I fear death," have called upon me, and I have obeyed. Sarah, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables, that nothing but Omnipotence can break; and yet, my love of country comes over me like a strong wind, and bears me irresistibly on with all those chains, to the battlefield. The memories of all the blissful moments I have spent with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you, that I have enjoyed them so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up, and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our boys grow up to honorable manhood around us.
I know I have but few claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me, perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, nor that, when my last breath escapes me on the battle-field, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears, every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot, I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.
But, O Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth, and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you in the garish day, and the darkest night amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours always, always, and, if the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air cools your throbbing temples, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dear; think I am gone, and wait for me, for we shall meet again.

Hello everyone!
It's my first time in this sub, so don't hesitate to tell me if I do anything wrong (or if you don't understand what I write, English is not my mothertongue).
I think I should tell you a bit about my spiritual and religious background before I tell you what problem made me come here.
I was born in a family that has both christians and atheists. I don't know firsthand the christian milieu in America but where I live (France) bireligious families are very common and the coexistence is quite peaceful. My mom, once an atheist, converted in her 30s to protestantism (calvinist/lutherian church, very accepting and liberal, they did LGBTQIA+ marriages in the 90's/2000s). My parents let me explore my spirituality freely as I always felt a pull towards the unknown. I always had a strong interest about many traditions, had altars in my room as a child. I even pulled mock tarot card. After a long journey during my early formative years, I finally asked to be baptised in the same church as my mom at 19. Since then, I kept my spiritual practice quite open and hold no prejudice towards other traditions.
I share my apartment with roommates for 5 years now, and became friends with them. One of them, which I am very close to, pulls cards (tarot but mainly oracles) and says to have had experiences with spirits or dead people. She says she keeps her canal closed to keep her tranquility.
Anyway, it got me into tarot. After watching her pull the card regularly for 2 years, I bought a first oracle deck a year ago while feeling unwell mentally speaking (problems in a situationship, classic stuff to begin pulling the tarot ahah).
At some point after using the deck for a few month, I began to feel a strange and unfriendly presence in my flat and it was more present in my room. It made me not sleep well. I finally realized at some point that I got bad vibes from the deck in particular, so I heavily cleansed it (I drowned it in salt and left it under the moon and the rain for a whole week). A friend of mine whose grandmother is from a traveller's family (I don't know what is the appropriate term in English, I don't know her exact ethnia) but what's important is that she's a traditional practionner. He told me that apparently you should never cleansed anything with fire as it release the energy in the air for anyone or anything to take. So I usually use water, salt, crystals or the moon.
​
This year, I feel a lot better (thanks to therapy and personal growth) and in a attempt to work on my intuition and inner voices I purchased a new tarot deck. I bought at a local occultist shop a tarot from which I have good vibes from. I cleansed it first, and my first draws were very good (and made for self growth purpose). I always follow my intuition, stop the draw when I don't feel the vibe anymore and cleanse it after. I keep it in my room for it to take my energy.
The last time I pulled cards was on Saturday, the vibe was good and the night after too. But this night something really strange happened to me.
While I was doing my usual prayer (a standard Notre Père), my intuition or something told me quite sharply "it's not going where it should", so I stopped immediatly. A few moments later, when trying to fall asleep, I saw some king of dark figure (resembling a little demon or what) trying to crawl on my bed from where my deck is. I lit my light, and saw nothing. From then I kept having really bad vibes from my deck. It toned down a little when I placed my crystals (rose quartz and amethyst) on it, but I felt it wasn't enough. Luckily for me, it was the full moon so I placed the deck and my crystals on my window the whole night. I then placed salt at the four corners of my room, and even draw a line just beneath the window. The bad vibes were gone and I slept very soundly even though I was kinda spooked by the whole experience.
I also noticed that the plant I have the closer to me deck began to die, with no sign of a disease and I had it for years.
(I should precise that I don't have any mental health problem right now and that I am not afraid of the dark. As a child I used to chase ghosts and monsters in my room without putting the light on.)
Maybe I freaked out, but I thought I would ask you more experienced folks some advice. I read around in the tarot community but every one keep saying that decks, as the manufactured objects they are, can't summon stuff by themselves.
I asked my roommate, she said that maybe when I draw the cards I open a breach and I may need some protection. So I am wondering if tarot is really for me. I figure that if I open breaches each time I pull the cards it might get dangerous for me at some point? I might encounter something too powerful for me to cleanse at some point.
Maybe it's an old fear coming from my religious background?
I think something might be running in my family - my parents once saw ghosts, my mom heard voices that literaly saved my family from a car accident and she had spiritual visions while meditating. I wouldn't be surprise if my grandmother and great grandmother had stories to tell.
I would like to have a complementary practice besides Christianity, which I live more as an intellectual practice. I need something more coming from the gut. It happened that I used dance and meditation for that purpose. But I wonder if tarot and oracle are safe for me? My roommate stopped using pendulum because she had bad vibes and thought it was too dangerous.
Well that's quite a big chunk of text.
Thanks for all of you that read it! I hope you have a good day:

and i'll have the new moped (that i'll pay with my money anyway, through a loan) thanks to my parents; so i'll restart also rider's work, to the utmost of a month. i don't know if somebody can relate, obviously, it's the least amount of hours a week, like 3h, ill clean an office and a shop for the same corporation because there's not so much request of work around in my country... but they did a 3 months contract with the potential to be extended to indeterminate 🥹 (obviously i know hoe these things go... i won't put my faith in it. if it happens it's good, if it doesn't, i expected it.) "it ain't so much but it's my life" (cursing a bit the meme, cause actually, it ain't neither a hard one. 😅 it's a lot harder to bond with people as a work) ... i feel instantly relieved. i pass too much time on social, i think i need a mission to function well because otherwise i do short circuit in a vicious circle. without the moped i can neither stick properly to my workout program so i did it with my equipment in my homegym... but the resistance profile of free bars it's not the same, homegym works better for powerlifting. anyway don't know i anyone relate but.. voices were haunting me again, both while awake that when falling asleep that when waking up 🫥 and it's been terrifying. especially because now i can still distinguish them... but the step from sanity to insanity is close, and usually i'm not aware of being out of the border so i feared for the worst outcome. i yelled only like.. thursday, because the child insistently repeated every word i taped on the phone, i was drawing... i searched for an image to get ideas of the lines to reproduce a certain thing... the child repeated like a broke cassette the same browser research like 10 times and i howled (im not motherlanguage... but i mantained my voice deep and well spelled during all the vent, is it the right term for this kind of yelling?) blaspheme and i said "shitty children"... but i said only once. at a high volume. then i took big inhale-exhale because i was really tempted to pay her with the same card and howl for an hour, continuously, blasphemes and "shitty child!" giving it a melody like rap. but i stood silent and i contained myself. luckily, my parent's weren't home to hear this scene, and i also was at a single day of distance from therapy with the analyst... we're going little steps deeper to understand these mechanisms.
in short: signed new contract, ill restart having a mission,
"this house is clean babe, this hous is cleeean... am i who i think i aaam? ✨🌚 "
aaand i hope to stay better cause lately i even had fear to fall asleep: saturday i dreamed people who "cured" me during my e.d. mandatory treatment at eight, laughing as i fell off the bed, and staying around me on the floor in an actually threatening/ scary position, they had complete power on me, everything was tingling, fizzing, i couldn't move, like after the crash with the moped... they watch me and say "this is not an illness, nono..." in english. with melody. in a terrifying, both threatening and mocking way. and then i heared "dam" of system of a down... but i remembered "ginger". my conscious mind covered "dam" with "ginger", or something similar happened because hours after i woke up, it was ginger to sound again in my head, but at a first sight i wrote dam to my analyst. my problem with these songs is that they have a low low audio quality 😩 and i like them, but... it was like somebody put the phone at the highest volume possible, right in front of the hole of my fucking ear, and it's been terrifying especially because waking up there was no fucking body in the house, no fucking eventual people on the street with high volume music, no alarm from my phone at that hour, i was alone, it was blatant that i created everything on my own, and so because of that, even more scary.
... and also... last night, it was sunday... somebody whispered in my ear "you believe it, don't you?" but i actually don't know how to explain it in english... it was a sort of rethoric question, or a statement like "you believe it"... i am undecided how to interpret it, but it wasn't in good faith towards me. it was a sort of way to discourage me to think something i consciously believe, because it doesn't reflects the truth, apparently.
#apparently because sometimes unconscious tries to deviate investigation, so chances are is the straight opposite of what they state ... 🤕 what a mental gymnastic.
i'm sorry i need someone to tell this. 🫂🫂🫂 i hope for everyone to find their way to function because to me, having too much free time is a poison.

Hi Guys, just wondering if anyone can explain whats going on as I have yet to see anyone with a renal speciality, I am having to do most of the leg work.
24, Male, UK. 170lbs, 180cm.
Presented to A&E around 1 month ago with lower flank pain + fever. Blood test showed Creatinine at 130. I was admitted the next day as levels continued to rise for the next 2/3 days to 230 umol/L. These began to drop after treatment to 109 on discharge. I was diagnosed with AKI stage 2. They stated I probably wouldn’t need a renal biopsy as levels continued to fall and kidney function improved.
Fast forward 2 weeks I had a repeat blood test - these showed:
Serum Sodium: 141 mmol/L Serum Potassium: 4.4 mmol/L Creatinine: 119 umol/L eGFRcreat: 73 mL/min Serum area level: 5.4 mmol/L CKD Status: 2 (?????)
I have been contacted to repeat bloods in 4 weeks as blood was slightly haemolyzed + abnormal creatinine levels (I assume). I am particularly worried about the CKD status 2 part.
Apologies if I’ve totally missed the mark here - I have yet to speak to anyone who knows what they’re doing re: kidneys. For instance, the receptionist gave me my blood results & had to google what the word ‘haemolyzed’ meant whilst on the call + its quite a rural hospital I stayed in (without a renal dept), so all the Dr’s I had contact with were students/junior Dr’s.
Any info would be great. Thanks!

The following vent is much more of a general vent about my life and thoughts than a vent about a specific bad day or topic. I'm going to be writing quite a bit, so if you don't have the time I don't recommend trying to read it, because I feel you should only read it if you can make it to the end of my vent.
I'm posting this because I just wanna have all my thoughts spilled over a public page. For no particular reason. Maybe people may see this and some may give advice, and while I'd definetly appreciate it, getting advice is not the MAIN reason I am writing this here. I just need to have this sitting here because it's just what my brain is telling me to do.
I have been wanting to write this for maybe a month now, but just never got around to to it until now.
First, a lil' introduction:
I am a guy, I am 16 years old and I was born in Romania and been living here since.
Ok, now without further ado, I will begin listing off the 5 main topics that have been frustrating me for the past few years.

1 My Ethnicity and Its Bullshit

I am a gypsy. More specifically a "spoitor", one of the many subgroups of gypsies in Romania.
Now, I know what you may think when reading that, but no, I am not talking about racism.
I have never been made fun of or bullied for being a gypsy.
So it's not a racism problem. Rather, it's more about the gripes I have with my ethnicity's people myself. More specifically the dumb traditions and culture and how they affect me:
-Our traditions We have so many unnecessarily trashy aspects to our traditions, especially marital ones. So basically, in most cases at least, the groom and bride's parents choose their spouses for them, or at least heavily influence their decision. It usually goes like this: The groom's parents find a bride for their son. They pay the bride's parents money for their daughter's hand in marriage for their son. So the groom and bride end up together because the parents and maybe other relatives decided so, instead of just two people falling in love with eachother and deciding to get married. Although I see that many of the new weds among my close and distant relatives are seemingly happy with their spouses, so I'm not exactly sure about every aspect. But yeah, there's arranged marriage. Now, besides the arrangement of the marriage, I've also noticed many of the grooms and brides pairs are related to some degree, usually not to the point of first degree cousins though. Nonetheless, incest is not as frowned upon in our ethnicity as you'd hope. So there's that. Now besides the fact that many marriages are arranged, and there's a pretty high chance the espoused are somewhat related, most of these marriages occur when the weds are between the ages of 12-17. So, we also got a whole lotta teen marriage. And also, they usually have kids soon after their marriages, so teen pregnancy is also common. And besides their weird obsession with early marriage, they also put so much emphasis on virginity that there's a tradition where relatives will gather at an event where the groom and bride have to have sex for the first time while a white shirt is placed under them, and one of the old relatives (I can't remember exactly which) then takes that bloodied shirt and shows it off to the people at the event to demonstrate the bride's virginity. Oh, I forgot to mention that it's mandatory only for the bride to be a virgin at the time she marries her husband, but the groom could have as many bodies as he wants by then. Which brings me to my next point: Gender inequality. And overall overbearing gender roles you're expected to adhere to.
-Our culture It's really dumb and douchey. Who would have thought? There's a great emphasis on acting grander and richer than you are, excessive cockiness and flexing, unnecesarry conflicts, a lack of education, and overall being an ignorant, insensitive, close-minded and conservative douchebag. Most of our people are homophobic, racist and very judgemental in general. They are very loud and obnoxious towards people, and lack self awareness. They never bring facts to their arguments, instead they just bark at eachother and maybe eventually fight dirty using blades, swords or axes, and over the most stupid irrelevant shit. They also have unconventional, risky jobs. And they're also way more superstitious and guillible on average than non-gypsies. Also more likely to abuse things like alcohol/smoking, and to become beggars. Many of them have improper hygiene. And the kids want to grow up too fast. I could just go on and on. But that's not really culture, it's more of a general personality and way of living.
When it comes to things like music and fashion though, we don't fare much better. Although I do have to say things like that are subjective.
And in my subjective opinion, our music and fashion sucks ass.
The music spoitor gypsies (and gypsies in general) listen pretty much exclusively to is called "manele" (it's very popular with non-gypsy romanians in general too). It's kinda like a oriental type of music with whiny melodic vocals, and there's other variations of it in other balkanic neighbours and middle eastern countries. The drums are pretty much the same in all songs, most of the manele singers sound very similar, and just in general all manele songs sound like eachother. But yeah, I just don't personally fuck with this type of music, however it's pretty much the only music my parents and relatives listen to, so I constantly am bombarded with it. Therefore I've kinda started despising it, even though I'm expected to like it too.
Music aside, my people's sense of fashion sucks ass too. Again, in my subjective opinion.
It's basically tacky ass designs and patterns, slim fitting clothes, edgy text and things like Gucci/Versce type lions and gold prints and just a whole bunch of goofy shit. Also a lot of ugly designer clothes (usually fake). It's more about the brand than the look. But yeah, overall many ridiculous patterns, eyesore bright colors, childish matchy ass outfits and overall clothes that just scream "Give me attention!!!". And once again, I am expected to want to dress like that too. Which I don't.
And how do these things affect me? Well, I am constantly expected to like and embrace/adopt their culture and adhere to their traditions too, and frankly, that's just not who I am, and attempting to be like that just gives me identity crisises and a lack of self expression. Fuck that. Trashy ass culture. It's like you took many of society's flaws and dialed 'em up to 11.

2 My Loneliness and Lack of Connections

I don't have many friends. Outside of my cousins, I'm genuinely friends with only one dude at school. And we pretty much only see eachother at school. Now don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, spending time with him is nice, we have many common interests to discuss and similar moralities. However, I would really like to connect to more people, and have a group of friends I know I could depend on to have fun and hang out with.
I mean there are 2-3 other guys that I don't go to high school with but I went to middle school with. We were friends in middle school and hung out sometimes. I'm technically still friends with them, but we haven't really been seeing eachother. Maybe only once every few months. At this point we're more like acquaintances on good terms than friends. And I just... don't feel very connected to them anymore. Like when we hang out something doesn't feel right. There was this one dude whom me and my best (and only) friend used to be a trio with. But him and my friend got into a fight once and stopped being friends. Then I was basically split between hanging out with the two separately, and eventually I kinda stopped talking to the dude. We never told eachother officially that we're not friends anymore or something, we just kinda fell out of connection with eachother, and I remained friends with my current best friend.
Yet once again, even though I do have one great friend, and a couple of nice cousins I hang out with, it just doesn't feel like enough to me for some reason.
In general, in public at least, I'm a quiet, awkward and shy person, mostly with new people, which made it pretty hard for me to make other friends. I'm introverted too, so my social battery is pretty low. Yet I don't want to be alone, I just don't know how not to be. I've missed quite a few opportunities of meeting new people and meeting older acquaintanes again, yet I was kept away from it by my social anxiety.
I spend most of my time alone, but not necessarily always because I want to.
I desperately want to have a bigger, connected group of friends to hang out with on the daily. Play fun games and record silly videos with them. Discuss personal issues and encourage eachother. Look at the stars in the night sky together and relax. But it just isn't happening, and I don't know how to get over my social anxiety and awkwardness, and it feels impossible to achieve.
I cannot hold a proper conversation with someone if I haven't known them for a while already. I'm reluctant to speak to the staff at stores or tell people on the bus that I need to get off the bus, because I keep fearing people care more than they actually do, and am afraid of judgement. I am especially awkward when it comes to talking to girls.
I feel weirdly envious seeing people hang out in large groups or having a significant other, makes me feel so left out and pathetic, like I'm missing out. I can't help but blame myself, because what else am I supposed to do?
I hate having social anxiety and a lack of social skills. It's eating away at my happiness anytime I remind myself of it.
And when it comes to my parents, well, although I'd say we're on at least ok terms with eachother, their conformation to the previously mentioned gypsy culture they try to enforce on me sours our interactions on the daily, and we just kinda have nothing in common to hang out over. And whenever I try being my true self and express my interests to them they judge me for it. So my relationship with my parents always goes from pretty alright to ohmygodimgonnafuckingleavethishouse. And through it all, I can't help but feel disconnected from them, which is so weird and kinda sad, because I felt genuine love for them when I was younger.
And when it comes to siblings, I have none.
So yeah, I'm lonely and I hate it. But actually trying to interact with new people is scary and tiring, so I hate that too. It's like an endless fucking vicious cycle of feeling depressed due to loneliness and feeling anxious due to attempting to socialize.

3 My Insecurities and Unfortunate Circumstances

I have a major insecurity: I'm a short dude. 5'5 (165 cm). I know it's not something I can change, therefore not something I should waste time and energy focusing on, but I just can't help it. When I see younger people and girls my age taller than me and I feel so bitter. It's just how my brain works. I get fucking happy when I see dudes shorter than me, how fucked up is that?
Besides that, I'm a little chubby, but I've been working on it and I'm like 6 lbs (3 kg) away from reaching my ideal weight. So that's something I'll fix, but in the moment it's still kinda annoying.
That's where the physical insecurities stop. I consider myself somewhat average to even maybe handsome when it comes to my face, just depends on the day. And I don't have problems like acne or crusty skin.
But now come some inconvenient circumstances that make feel more insecure in other areas.
One of them is my parents not wanting to accept my personal style, the way I wanna dress and have my hair cut, and it makes me feel so restricted and like I can't truly be myself. Which by the way is one of the things souring our relationship. While dressing and doing my hair the way they want me to makes them pleased, it also makes me feel opressed and disingenuous.
Another is that I don't really have my own proper room. I mean yeah, there is this room I sleep in and spend most of my time in, but it's less my room, and more just the only bedroom in our house.
So basically, this is my grandpa's fault. He had quite a huge amount of money but was greedy with it, so when he got our house constructed he only built one bedroom for all three of us (me, my mom and my dad). I slept with my parents 'til pretty late because of this, as I only started sleeping alone at the age of 9, when my parents moved to sleep on an extendable couch that becomes a bed, in the living room.
But yeah, the room I sleep is just a bed and a TV, with a closet with my parent's clothes in it, while my clothes are in a closet in the living room, the room my parents sleep in. Confusing, I know. But basically it was like it was never planned for me and my parents to sleep separately, which in turn caused the design of our house to be very inefficent and badly thought out.
I just want a desk in my room, you know? Something to put my PC on. It's currently in the living room.
Speaking of my PC, this one is partially my fault, but after having a potato PC since I was 3, I finally upgraded to a new one 2 years ago. My main goal was of course to run games smoothly. But, because I did improper research and my dumb ass thought the amount of RAM was more important than the video card when it comes to games, I got an expensive PC with a good motherboard and 32 GB of RAM, but with a shitty video card since I didn't focus on it. So yeah, there I was, new PC, but games running just as badly as on the old one because I was stupid.
I mean, even if would've had a good PC now, since it sits in the living room as I mentioned earlier I would have possibly been judged by my parents for the games I played on it, even if there was nothing inherently wrong with them.
And yeah I guess having some self-expressive posters and stickers in "my room" would've been nice too, but that's also not a possibility.
But at least somehow I guess my family got the bigger end of the stick. One of my mother's sisters (my aunt ofc), with her 2 daughters and her husband still have to live with my grandparents AND another one of my aunts and her husband, while another aunt lives in a cheap dirty apartment.
So my grandparents made a lot of money, but refuse to use it, therefore my family and my other direct relatives' families have to live in these flawed ways.
But yeah, I can't wait for us to rebuild our house eventually, so I can have my own proper bedroom and so can my parents.

4 My Lack of Productivity

Since I spend most of my time alone, in a room with only a bed, TV and a closet, I end up spending like 85% of my time on my phone.
Thing is, I have a few interests: drawing, animation, music, writing and photo/video editing. It's just that the combination of a lack of a proper personal space and minimal social interaction make me unable to motivate myself to actually pursue any of these interests or practice them as hobbies. I do doodle sometimes on my phone, but that's about as far as it goes. And I don't even at least consume content that would add to my culture, like watching movies/tv shows, reading books/comics or listening to albums. I just either mindlessly scroll through the same 3 social media apps or watch some meaningless video on YouTube, maybe even while snacking on junk food. Or maybe rub one out to porn after spending too much time picking the video.
Oh, have I mentioned that I'm also doing more poorly than ever when it comes to school and my academic endeavors? Oh, I didn't? Well, now I did. I'm not failing my classes, I'm just not putting in as much effort as I could, because it feels meaningless, but this is such a lazy approach.
So I do nothing good with my free time because of the frustration I have with other things in my life. At best maybe I'll hang out with my cousins.

5 My Overthinking Brain

Honestly, my mind might just be my biggest enemy. Pretty much any second I don't distract myself with my phone, my mind is going all out worrying about the most stupid shit. From cringing at that one thing I did years ago, to having existential crises over wondering what comes after death. From panicking about my future job and career to being overly curious to try drugs. My brain is active all the time, yet it chooses to keep on teasing me with problems I shouldn't even worry about. While I may come off as excessively negative in this rant, I actually am a rather optimistic person a good portion of the time, I just have this inconsistent mood, swinging between depressed and hopeful out of nowhere.
It makes me sometimes wish I was just dumber. So I wouldn't have to overthink anything and lose so much time and so many opportunities.
Basically my actual life is very underwhelming and boring while inside my mind I am constantly overwhelmed by the amount of possibilities and things in this world. Sometimes I even thought about suicide, but never actually considered doing it.
At this point I don't know if I may have some mental illness, and I don't know if I'll find out because if I'd tell my parents I want to see a therapist they'd either probably laugh at me or scold me then bring me to church or some shit.
So yeah. Through all these things that make me so unsatisfied with my life, I can't help but think I'm overreacting. Most of these things are pretty insignificant (I think) but there's so many of them it adds up and makes me want to just cry. But I can't. I'm emotionally numb.
And I'm tired. So tired. Physically and mentally (especially).
Just.. Just tired.
I'm tired.

You finally did it, I knew that you could you defended yourself and tried to make him leave for good.
Yes I know he will always be in your heart, but I knew he was bad right from the start.
So many signs and red flags you surely ignored You kept giving the benefit of the doubt in all the possibilities you explored.
I realized his words like venom you had started to believe and at that point I knew I couldn't leave.
Just a call or text away only a few words you needed to say and little did I know it would be the next day.
That his words turned to action, his hands upon your face, fuck him I wish he'd disappear without a trace.
I've had it out with him before, afraid I was not, I gathered my strength and my face got hot. He made me show him exactly who I was, a tough and mighty woman who protects those she loves.
I may be small but I'm fearce, there's no fear in my eyesy voice and actions won't falter I'll always protect you and your daughter.
While waiting for them to find him and put him away I took your darling for a fun day of play. To forget the shit she's seen, be a kid, have some fun, to try and forget all that bad stuff he's done. We had dinner and cake, played and took a dip in the pool
When the fun was over and we started to bed, she looked with tears in her eyes and shook her little head. She wanted her mama, to fall asleep in your arms, for she knew now he was gone and could do no harm.
She was worried for you and needed your love so we headed back home, with songs on the ride, she's very brave but I could see the fear she tried to hide.
I told her I'd stay and protect you both, I know you ladies trust me the most. I told her I'd stay, keep watch all night, so you could sleep peacefully without all the fright. And awake I did stay just in case, the fucker got bail and decided to show his face.
It's now a quarter past 5 and we are all still alive. My mind has been racing with every noise and creak, I turn to look out the window, check the cameras and think.
Fuck him for his games manipulations and lies, oh how I wish my dear friend you had seen in his eyes, the evil I did and could have seen though his lies.
I don't know what the week will bring, but know this my friend, I'll be here to protect you until the end I'll change the locks, set the cameras and try and make you laugh, but if you ever move a crazy mother fucker in again, I will be kicking your ass.
I'll always be here with whatever I have and words of comfort to extend. I'll protect you and help you, I love you dear friend.
I make my final rounds and get settled to nap, it's almost time to wake and deal with more of this crap.
Just know you did the hard part, you're safe and sound, he will never return as long your support is around.
I'll scare him I'll shoot him, I'll bust his face in I'll do whatever I can to protecty family and friends.
So to the loser and woman abuser I'll leave you with this
I'm little and kind hearted, but fuck with me and you'll wish you never started. To rile up the beast I try so hard to keep asleep, but I'll wake it up for you, you no good fucking loser creep.
Your tears may work on her, but I've seen it all, I know how to react and and make big little men fall.
And that's all that you are little man what a joke For a real man would never, ever lay a hand on a woman, not even a poke.

Since we're nearing the one year anniversary of JWD release, I thought it was a good opportunity to share with you the ideas I had for a rewrite of the film. I grouped them in a detailed pitch which I will present this week in a series of five posts. Today's post is about the story's prologue and first act. Tomorrow's will about the second act and so on... This detailed pitch is divided scene by scene and is accompanied by a few notes. It's basically similar to something that someone would present in a pre-production meeting.
However, before you start reading that series of post, I'll suggest that first you check the foreword on this page (https://archiveofourown.org/works/47647999/chapters/120097705) and secondly that you carefully read the paragraph below, as it's about the connection between that JWD rewrite and my previous rewrites (don't worry, you don't have to read the entirety of my stories before this series of posts, just the information below).

Important notes on my AU:

1) For those who didn't read my previous stories
- The stories told in this AU have a darker tone and are more adult than those of the films. Thus don't be surprised by some character actions or events. If they were films, they would be unsuitable for children under 12 in Europe (and the limit would be probably higher in North America). Thus, I would say that the Read at your own risk rule applies here for the younger users of this subreddit. I'm not trying to be edgy or whatever. I'm just an adult writing from an adult perspective. Nothing more and nothing less.
- By the late 2010's and early 2020's, there is still a considerable population of de-extinct dinosaurs and pterosaurs in the Five Deaths. An UN-backed paramilitary organization, the Grey Guard, protects the archipelago and had troops on Nublar up until the fall of Jurassic World.
- The Jurassic World park had feathered dinosaurs and Owen's Achillobator quartet were among those.
- The Fall of Jurassic World happened in 2017 and the Lockwood estate incident in 2019. The Indominus' rampage and the Sibo's eruption happened at the same time while the Costa Rican incident which preceded that of the Lockwood estate happened in the mainland and not on Nublar. Those two incidents are told in Jurassic World: The Red Queen, my FK rewrite (and which we'll abbreviate as TRQ).
- Roberta and the mosasaur died after the Fall of Jurassic World. Thus, they are not in TRQ and The Hegemony of Biosyn. In those stories, Roberta's role is mainly filled by Acrocanthosaurus.
- Claire and Owen aren't exactly identical to their versions from the official film canon. In terms of look, Owen is closer to Jason Momoa than Chris Pratt and Claire, while still being a fair-skinned redhead, is a bit taller and more intimidating-looking than BDH.
- In this AU, Claire is a far more morally ambiguous character than Trevorrow's version. She's more outspoken, and has a the end justifies the means mindset. For a time, she had serious PTSD from the Fall of Jurassic World, during which she was mauled by the Indominus (which clawed her face and bit off one of her arms). She also didn't create the DPG in this AU (someone else did).
​
2) Spoilers of the end of The Red Queen necessary to better understand the context and plot of The Hegemony of Biosyn.
- The Dinosaur outbreak which resulted from the Lockwood estate incident is less severe than in Trevorrow's version. Dozens of dinosaurs still escaped into the Californian wilderness but by the beginning of The Hegemony of Biosyn, they hadn't the time to establish considerable wild populations (except perhaps for the smaller species) while the dinosaur alert is mostly restricted to western North America. Broad strokes, there is no "Dinosaurs are everywhere on Earth. We're in deep shit! You're wondering how? Shut up, it's magic!" at the start of this Dominion rewrite but more sporadic incidents here and there and only beginnings of biological invasions in some areas. Moreover, TRQ's epilogue insists more on the propagation of de-extinction technology.
- At the end of TRQ, Claire and Owen are hired as field agents by the World De-extinction Monitoring Centre (WDMC), a UN agency.
- Maisie isn't adopted by Claire and Owen. In TRQ, she even has limited interactions with them (she gets involved in the incident only when the Indoraptor enters her room) and Owen isn't her saviour in that story. After the incident, she stayed at the manor with the Lockwood estate employees and just before his death, Lockwood entrusted her to Wu.
- In the late 2010's, InGen's biggest rivals were Biosyn and Grendel. At the end of TRQ, a collapsing InGen is bought by Biosyn and Wu hired by the latter's R&D department.
- Wu and Claire became sworn enemies when she became park director of Jurassic World (this relation worsened during the park's fall following some revelations) and while she left him alone at the end of TRQ, she told him she'll show no mercy if he has a share of responsibility in another disaster.
3) Notable differences between The Hegemony of Biosyn and Colin Trevorrow's Dominion.
- Grant, Malcolm and Sattler are absent. I preferred to leave those characters in peace rather than mistreat them (and even after I finished THOB's detailed summary, I don't see how I could have integrated them in a pertinent way, and there is already many... many characters).
- Most of the fan-service towards the first Jurassic Park was flushed down in the toilets.
- Barry Sembène is absent too. Not only the reasons of his inclusion in Dominion's story didn't conviced them (how what seemed to be just an animal wrangler ends up being now a secret services agent?) but in this alternative universe, him and Owen had started to fall out during the fall of Jurassic World and at the beginning of The Red Queen, we learn that he went back to France. I originally intented to make him one of the main characters of a spin-off set in France (and after the events depicted in The Hegemony of Biosyn) and we would have saw him again only then (wishing to leave dinosaurs behind him, he took a zookeeper position in some zoo in Ile de France, where he works with birds of prey. But a crisis in another part of the country force another of the protagonists (a gendarme) to recruit him due to his experience in InGen's IBRIS program). Thus, the role he's having in Trevorrow's Dominion is given to other characters in The Hegemony of Biosyn.
- Some characters have a different fate.
- A longer story, sometimes similar to that of a political thriller.
- Additional characters and subplots. A hypothetical casting for the original characters is available on the Archive of Our Own page linked above.
​
Without further ado, let's dive in the story.
​

Prologue

The prologue is set in mid-2022, in a village of the Austrian Alps, near the Italian border. On the village's outskirts, a man is awakened in the middle of the night by the panicked bleating of his goats. After checking them, he is attacked and killed by a mysterious small predator while one of the goats, a black billy, runs away. Nothing is seen of the predator during that sequence but the two-toed tracks it leaves in the ground.

ACT I: The chessboard and the pawns

Drive-in
After the prologue in Austria, we move to North America and more precisely an Oregon wood where an Acrocanthosaurus (a species introduced in TRQ) is being chased by a Fish and Wildlife Service helicopter. It's basically the drive-in scene from Trevorrow's version except that Roberta is replaced by the Acrocanthosaurus.
News Montage
Soon, the drive-in incident is in the news and we have a news montage with the world situation three years after the Lockwood estate incident. We learn that:
- De-extinction technology is mastered by various organizations across the globe.
- Incidents involving loose de-extinct animals occur from time to time. The controversial Grey Guard, an UN-backed paramilitary organization based in the Five Deaths, has been solicited by various nations to help their authorities deal with those incidents. The USA are however among the nations who refuse to let them intervene on their soil and instead, the US government use the CIA's Dangerous Species Division (which recruited several former InGen employees like Doctor Kajal Dua).
- Mantah Corp fell during those three years while Grendel was considerably weakened after some deadly incidents in Cameroon and southern India (one of their consequence is the outbreak of a dinosaur-related encephalitis in Cameroon, quite similar to one which occurred in Costa Rica in the late 2010s), leaving Biosyn as the number one in the field of genetic engineering.
- All of its biggest rivals now out of the equation, Biosyn has a hegemony and is thriving more than ever despite heavy criticism by some people who bring out the corporation's past controversies (like a certain rabies vaccine test in Chile). In a conference scene, Zoe Murdoch, Biosyn's vice president presents their newest creations, which includes variants from species already introduced in the series (She compares InGen's tyrannosaur, original trilogy's Raptor, Triceratops, Compsognathus and Quetzalcoatlus to Biosyn's. The raptor is feathered, the rex and trike are more in line with modern scientific depictions, the Compy is feathered and docile enough to be sold as a pet, while the quetzal is more pleasant looking than InGen's flying abominations which massacred people during the Fall of Jurassic World). The report also precise that Biosyn created tailored and more docile dinosaurs and use the example of the pack of featherless raptors they made foloaned to motion picture company Europacorp for one of their action films, showing footage of featherless and boxy-headed raptors jumping from roof to roof during a film shooting, where they were handled as easily as trained big cats or even dogs (This use is possible partly because de-extinct creatures have less rights than modern animals).
- Biosyn is also contracted by several governments, including the US, to capture the loose dinosaurs. To their sanctuary and research facility in the Dolomites valley of Auronzo, they sent some of the escapees from Lockwood's estate and their offspring, the animals which escaped Grendel's facilities in Cameroon and India (A group of Nasutoceratops and a 2010's style Spinosaurus are seen during that part of the report), and others... The close ties between Biosyn and the US government are also mentioned (in addition to providing help to the FWS agents, Biosyn has also several important contracts with the government and some people within the Agriculture department and the Food and Drug Administration are former Biosyn employees).
- However, there are some rumours that the Cameroon and Indian incidents were actually triggered by Biosyn and incriminating proofs were brought before the US congress but the investigation commission, led by Senator Christine West, rejected them.
San Francisco
Shortly after this testimony, Guillaume Vuillier, the World De-extinction Monitoring Centre's general director, is seen in the agency's headquarters in San Francisco. Since the US government doesn't seem to be willing to act against Biosyn, he's afraid that the WDMC and its allies have to deal with Biosyn's case alone. After some incidents in the Alps along the border between Italy and Austria involving creatures they presume to be raptors due to the nature of the tracks found, the UN and the Italian and Austrian governments have imposed an inspection on Biosyn's Sanctuary in Auronzo Valley. Vuillier and others suspect that the attacks' perpetrators indeed came from the Sanctuary.
The Inspection
Vuillier travels to Venice, where he meets with Dougal Benett, one of his European field agents, and the rest of the inspection group, which includes Mario Viscontini, head of the AISI (Italy's internal intelligence agency), and Giovanni Pazzi, Minister of the Interior. The inspection group then heads to its rendez-vous point with Biosyn, meets Murdoch and Ramsay (both usually work at Biosyn's HQ in Cupertino, California), and then embark on a Biosyn helicopter which takes them to the Dolomites and the Citadel, Biosyn's research facility (Though it's not as pretty as the building from Trevorrow's vision and a little bit more austere-looking, it's still impressive) which overlooks the Sanctuary.
The group inspect the facility, with head of security Lucrezia Pellegrino explaining how the dinosaurs can't leave the valley (through control chips and invisible fence systems), and even get to meet Dodgson, who made sure to hide anything controversial and have everything look in order. Thus, the inspection group doesn't find anything suspicious and returns to Venice. But the WDMC employees and Viscontini weren't fooled by Biosyn's "Everyone is beautiful. Everyone is nice" presentation, Vuillier points out the Sanctuary's flaws (too small to let a huge number of animals roam it freely, climate is not ideal enough for dinosaurs...) and are aware that controversial, if not illegal research must be conducted in the Citadel's secret wings (as it's way more isolated and hard to access than Cupertino's HQ).
Dodgson is aware of their distrust and both he and Vuillier start moving their pawns on the chessboard.
The DSD
In the CIA's DSD headquarters in San Francisco, the division's leader Isaac Gibbon (and perhaps senator West. I'm not yet sure if I include her in this scene or not. She could be visiting the division about funding matters or something like this) attends a presentation made by one of his agents, Jessica Bigelow. The presentation's topic is Claire Dearing and after summarizing her life (with a few saucy anecdotes and pictures from Claire's youth and early years at JW), Bigelow shows how the fallen park director fascinate some people, especially online, and how she managed to put a part of the public opinion on her side in the recent years after being treated like a pariah in the couple of years that followed the fall of Isla Nublar (Being positively depicted in the DPG documentary Franklin Webb made back in 2019; occasionally making vlogs; appearing on Stephen Colbert's show without her mask and answering his questions with honesty and self-derision...). The CIA agents say that she's the WDMC's most surprising and promising element alongside her fiancé Owen Grady. Both are nicknamed Vuillier's Wolves by them as they, especially Claire, are tend to be ruthless with those who oppose them, especially in unofficial and borderline illegal missions Vuillier give them, consisting in spying and/or sabotaging nefarious de-extinction related organizations. Bigelow also mention that it's highly probable she's also The Ghost of Nublar, a mysterious figure who challenged the Indominus during the Invasion of Burroughs, when Isla Nublar fell.
The ranch
One night, somewhere in the western US (could be Nevada like in Trevorrow's version), a trio of people is seen breaking out in a ranch-like facility. Once they're in its heart, the group split up, with one of its members heading towards another building. The two others, revealed to be Zia Rodriguez and Franklin Webb from the Dinosaur Protection Group (which is led by Zia, as the organisation's founder resigned at the end of TRQ) enters a warehouse which contains rows of cages with baby ceratopsians. While Zia and Franklin film the evidences of the animals' mistreatment, we return to their mysterious companion, whose face is concealed by a balaclava. However, an attentive viewer can recognize her green eyes and her prosthetic hand: It's Claire, who's on an unofficial mission for the WDMC. After avoiding or neutralizing some guards, she breaks out in the facility's offices. There, she discovers documents which might contain indicate a connexion between the illegal dinosaur exploitation and Biosyn (who could be selling embryos, eggs or juveniles to those exploiters before denouncing or sabotaging them years later, being paid by the government for capturing the dinosaurs and finally sending them to their Sanctuary). After this infiltration segment, ensues an action scene where our protagonists have to escape the facility aboard a vehicle stolen by Claire. During this scene, she seriously injures or even kill one guard, something she doesn't care much about at the moment but which will have some consequences.
The following morning, Claire phones Peggy Zubiri (Guillaume Vuillier's assistant, who sometimes act as a "Mission control" person for Claire and her colleagues) to tell her that she has the evidences they were looking for. The former director of Jurassic World then has a discussion with the two DPG members in which Zia laments that despite all her organization's actions, it seems that things aren't evolving in the good direction for de-extinct animals and that the morale within the DPG is at its lowest. They then departs for San Francisco, where Claire has to give Peggy the documents she found before returning to her and Owen's cabin.
The wranglers and the thieves
We then cut to Owen, who's in the middle of a WDMC-US FWS joint operation somewhere in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, where they have to capture some dinosaurs (candidates could be Dryosauruses or juvenile Gallimimuses and Hadrosaurs, as wrangling adults on horseback is quite unrealistic to be honest). However, as they are leading the captured dinosaur(s) back to their base camp, our group has an encounter with Rainn Delacourt and his men. It plays out like in the extended version of Trevorrow's film, with Owen and his companions being forced to give the animal(s) to Rainn. However, just as Rainn's team are taking the dinosaur(s) away, Owen tells one of the FWS agents that this situation is only temporary, as Rainn will soon get a surprise...
Maisie
In Orick, Maisie Lockwood exits the estate to go biking in the area. A scene where she encounters some dinosaurs like in the film might be included here. O'Hara (the old lady who participate to her kidnapping in Trevorrow's film) is seen watching her. She returns to the manor just before the evening. The place is not as vibrant as before (it's almost a ghost manor. As it's the autumn, the place would even look ominous), with only a handful of employees remaining, including Theo Lomas, the man who saved her from the Indoraptor three years ago and who now works as the estate's guard. Officially, Henry Wu became Maisie's foster father when Benjamin died but the geneticist, who was assimilated by Biosyn when it bought InGen at the end of TRQ, now lives in the Dolomites facility and his visits to Orick are rare. Thus, Theo became Maisie's true foster father in addition to being the closest thing to a friend for her. He expresses his worries about her long excursions outside but as she's started to become a rebellious teenager, things are tense.
Vuillier's interview
We cut to an interview of Guillaume Vuillier on the French television set just a few days after the Dolomites Inspection. At first, the journalist ask questions about the inspection of Biosyn's complex and the incidents in the Alps before addressing the rumour which says that the masked individual who recently attacked illegal dinosaur breeders might be a WDMC agent, Claire Dearing to be precise (as the colleagues of the deceased guard(s) claimed the attacker was a woman with a prosthetic arm). The journalist brings out another case where Claire made veiled threats to a suspect while on an official mission (with said suspect declaring she almost acted like a Gestapo member or something like this), and as Claire is Vuillier's subordinate, the journalist ask if he intent to sanction her. Annoyed, Vuillier retorts that she acted on legitimate defence and that those people had the choice to cooperate but didn't. Having noticed strange in the journalist's attitude, he suspect that the French government (Due to certain events in TRQ I won't name to not spoil you, the latter has Vuillier and the couple in their radar) paid them and tried to discredit him through that topic. The interview makes some buzz, enough to attract the attention of Odegaard, Vuillier's boss and the leader of the UN environment programme (the character is mentioned but never seen).
Sightings map
We get several little family scenes with Claire, Owen and Sigurd, their four-year old son. One of those scenes shows Owen briefly looking at a map he pinned in their office, depicting California and the neighbouring states. On it, he put Blue's sightings. The last of those was in Yosemite area, where the Raptor Whisperer searched the Achillobator earlier in the autumn but to no avail.
In the meantime, we learn that Rainn was arrested after the authorities followed the tracking chip Owen put in the animal the poacher stole. With the animal seized by the FWS and him heavily compromised on a judicial standpoint, Rainn is raging.
Nyamu
Just after his return to San Francisco, Vuillier receives a video call from Lester Nyamu, a friend and colleague from the UN environment programme's HQ in Nairobi. After that interview in the French media, Nyamu tells Vuillier that Odegaard fears the bad publicity Claire might give to the WDMC and wants to send him to the US at the end of the winter and have him follow Claire in her missions, acting as an inspector. His inspection will decide if they can keep Claire as a field agent or not.
While on an official field mission, Claire is contacted by Vuillier, who tells her about the current controversy. He announces he is forced to send her back home and have her do teleworking and not participate to any field mission, official or not, until further notice.
Resonating Chamber
Stuck at home, Claire takes interest in raptors' behaviour and reads not only her fiancé's IBRIS stuff but also whatever the WDMC has on the topic, including reports from the scientists stationed in the Five Deaths and the testimonies and notes of Alan Grant and Billy Brennan. After watching a video where a group of WDMC scientists and grey guards stops a raptor attack on Sorna by using a resonating chamber identical to the one Brennan made back in 2001, she remembers Owen commissioned a similar one for Achillobators and finds it. She then start learning to use it.
The Palaeontologist
As Auronzo Valley has received its first snow falls, we are introduced to Biosyn Sanctuary's resident palaeontologist, the Scotsman Rod Drummond. Dodgson asked him to act as a tour guide for two teenage girls, the daughters of an investor with which he is negotiating, but they are not interested in the slightest about what's he is saying and are on their phones even though there's dinosaurs outside (a group of Stygimoloch is seen foraging in the snow). Short-tempered (the character is a bit like the lovechild of Gordon Ramsay and Westworld's Lee Sizemore), Drummond grab one of the phones and smash it against the nearest wall. The girls protest but Drummond gives a long rant in which he almost reveal the Sanctuary's true purpose, something he's really uncomfortable with. When they return, Dodgson ask the girls if they're okay (he has a soft spot for children) and yells at Rod but the palaeontologist ignores him and storms off to his office. Some minutes later, he receives the visit from the girls' father, Nathan Quinn. The investor apologies for his daughters' behaviours and tell Rod that he accepted Dodgson's offer in exchange of a seat in the board of directors.
Bailed out
Rainn is bailed out by a mysterious ally and once free, he plans his vengeance upon Owen. He receives a phone call from an unknown woman and first presumes it's her who bailed him out but it isn't the case. She tells him that she has a mission for him, consisting in capturing a particular dinosaur, a blue Achillobator. Having been told about the relationship Owen had with this animal, Rainn accept the mission, claiming he'll succeed where other poachers failed.
Achillobators
There is a time jump to the middle of the winter, just after the New Year. Claire and Owen recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of their meeting and the Raptor Whisperer is in their office, once again studying Blue's moves on the map, trying to discern a pattern or a trajectory. He ends up realizing that she's heading right towards the area where they live. As if to confirm his guess, there is a shot which shows an Achillobator in the snowy woods.
A few days later, Sigurd, Claire's and Owen's son, is playing in the snow when a young Achillobator with blue feathers steps out of the nearby woods. It's about to pounce on the child when its mother, none other than Blue, calls it back, recognizing the boy from the Orick incident (she nearly devoured him during it but changed her mind at the last second when she recognized Owen's smell on him). Owen rushes to grab his son and Blue stands before her young. Claire steps out of the cabin and while walking towards her fiancé and their child, she uses the resonating chamber. At first, it seems to calm Blue but the raptor then decides to retreat into the woods with her young. The family go back inside the cabin and the couple have a talk about what just happened and debate about what they should do with the two Achillobators as they can't be left in the wild, both for their own safety and that of the local animals and people. One of them think about telling the Fish and Wildlife Service but the other retorts that the FWS is likely to send Blue and her young in their complex in Pennsylvania, where the captured de-extinct animals are usually given to Biosyn and flown to Europe, and that they're not sure if Auronzo Valley's sanctuary is truly safe for them. An alternative is suggested, consisting in capturing them without telling anyone but a few trusted people and then bringing them to the local Wildlife Park Owen worked for between JW's fall and the 2019 incidents. This would only be a temporary solution (if Blue kills locals, they're afraid that the park will be targeted) while Claire would negotiate with Vuillier and one of her friends, Lord Francis Clayton, a British aristocrat who owns one of England's largest zoos and wanted to buy Blue during the 2019 auction InGen held at Lockwood estate (a legal one, unlike the one organized by Mills at the same moment). The couple indeed thinks that the two raptors will be safer in the United Kingdom than in the US, where Biosyn's influence is much stronger. During that scene, Owen also gives a name to Blue's young: Victoria, after Victoria Beckham (in TRQ, it's revealed that he originally wanted to name the raptor squad after the Spice Girls). (Thus, bye bye Beta)
The couple starts planning and organizing the capture operation, even asking the help of Zia as they need a veterinarian, but the news of two hunters mysteriously disappearing in the area reminds them of the situation's urgency. And hearing about this, Rainn Delacourt soon arrives in the area.
Wu's call
Wu calls Maisie, telling her he has something important to show her and he invites her and Theo to the Dolomites. As it's about her mother Charlotte, Maisie accepts.
Tragedy in the Sierra Nevada
Zia, Franklin and one or two other DPG members, along with a couple of people from the before mentioned wildlife park and one of the FWS agent from the wrangling scene, arrive at Owen's cabin, ready to offer their help in Blue's and Victoria's capture. The couple and their allies set off.
But Rainn and his men finds the raptors first and lure Victoria into a trap. Blue tries to free her and kills all those standing in her way but Rainn mortally wounds her and leaves with Victoria before Owen can stop him. During the skirmish, one of the DPG members and the FWS agent are also wounded and Claire and Franklin are forced to drive them to the nearest clinic while Owen, Zia and the others search for Blue. When they find her, they realize she's in agony and Zia tells Owen that this time, she can't save the Achillobator. With great difficulty, Owen takes the decision of putting an end to Blue's suffering. She is buried in a secret location deep in the woods and just before he, Zia and their colleagues departs, Franklin tells Claire that this failed mission was the final straw and that he'll leave the DPG and consider a job offer he recently received, arguing that when amateurs try to make things right, innocents gets hurt and that they should let those kind of issues to competent authorities.
Claire then informs Vuillier about the incident.
Leaving Orick
O'Hara, the Biosyn employee dispatched at Orick, picks up Maisie and Theo at the manor and they leave the estate.
​
End of Act I.
See you tomorrow for Act II.

(Any sentences or phrases wrapped with brackets "[ ]" are designated as inner monologue!)
Thank you to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this wonderful literary universe!
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Memory transcription subject: Lemva, Venlil Archeologist
Date [standardized human time]: July 13, 2165
The attendant, Harold, had told me that there would be another passenger boarding shortly several minutes ago, and since then I couldn't keep still wondering who I was going to meet.As I sat on the couch, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the conversation that Harold had just started with the other passenger. As I heard a new voice respond to Harold’s greeting my heart started beating faster. Wait, the voice sounded familiar…
My heart rate quickened as footsteps came closer down the hallway.A man wearing a black suit and indigo tie came walking around the corner and my heart fluttered a little as I looked up at his face.
“Lemva?”
“James?” I squeaked as I said his name. I jumped up off the couch and ran toward him, throwing my arms around him and nearly knocking him over. “Lemva!”
Looking up at him, I realized what I had just done, backing off slightly embarrassed. “James! I haven’t seen you in so long, what have you been up to?”
“Looking into ancient history, studying declassified documents, bringing back ancient history, that sorta thing.” James kneeled slightly and looked at me with a wide smile, I’d missed that smile so much. He opened his mouth to speak. “I wasn’t expecting to see you on this flight. It’s very good to see you!” “It’s good to see you too! So you’re one of the others that the UN’s invitation spoke of.” “It seems that way, yeah.” He chuckled slightly.
“I see you two are getting along well! I don’t even have to introduce you.” I realized Harold had been standing there watching the interaction the whole time. I straightened myself out, even more embarrassed than before. Harold chuckled. “Alright you two, we’re going to be taking off shortly. I’ll be in the cabin along with the captain. If you need me, press these buttons.” He handed us both a device with a singular blue button labeled “call”.
The man turned around and headed through the door leading to the cockpit. Leaving us alone. We both sat on a couch. James spoke, “So, do you know anything about the job being offered?” “I was going to ask you the same thing.” “Hmm, well we’re going to be in for a long flight, may as well catch up on some things.”
Me and James had known each other since we attended MIK, and had a lot of history. We met in the college’s history club, and quickly became friends. We both had a passion for learning about things that most others had forgotten, and theorizing about what life was like in ancient times. He didn’t know it but I had a huge crush on him at the time.
We stayed in contact long after we both got our doctorates, despite the large distances between us. Eventually James suddenly stopped contacting me, I never understood why. I had worried that it was something I did, that I had pushed him away. Then, after a while, he faded from memory, only existing in the back of my mind. I needed to know why. But not now, this was too soon.
“I know I already asked what you’ve been up to since we last spoke, but still. Discovered anything new?”
“Yeah, I got my hands on some recently declassified Fed info and artifacts around 8 months back. Studied them and found out they were ancient Gojid pottery, inscriptions described some sort of fertility god? Found some other inscriptions describing the site of an ancient Gojid city on The Cradle and got in contact with a dig team to go search there. Hit the motherlode and-” He spoke so enthusiastically about his findings. Just seeing him so happy about his work made me bloom, but thankfully he didn’t notice as he kept talking, waving his hands to emphasize his words. “-trying to find a museum that has the room for all of them.”
“Wow, that’s a lot more than what I’ve been doing.” “Really? Lemva hasn’t done anything interesting lately? I find that hard to believe.” James took on an amused expression. “Yes, really. I’ve been on vacation with my family for a little while, that’s all. It had been a while since I’d seen them.”
I could see his smile visibly lessen, he shifted his eyes, seeming to be deep in thought. Had I said something wrong? “Hey, are you okay?” I asked. “Yeah, I’m fine. Your mention of family brought back some… memories.” A singular tear formed below his left eye, before he looked away. I didn’t want to push, despite his failed attempt at hiding his sadness. “Oh, we can change the subject if you want.”
He wiped his eyes and shuddered, before straightening himself out. “No, it’s ok. You should probably know anyway. It’s part of the reason I haven’t talked to you in so long.” I was hoping to get some answers but now I didn’t know if I wanted to if it was making him this upset.
“A- alright, go ahead. You can stop at any time if you want to.” “Before I start I want to say how sorry I am for ghosting you.” He closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply. A somber expression filled his face as he opened his eyes. “Okay. You know my parents right? Bill and Angene?” “Yeah?” “A couple years back, I was doing a small job for a little town on Nishtal. Not much pay but that didn’t matter. This was during the time when the anti-human movement was in full effect.”
My heart stopped, I immediately knew where this was going.
“I wasn’t worried for them cause they were on Earth. I thought they would be away from the violence because the rioters would be too scared to be among so many ‘predators.’” His voice dripped with malice as he spat out the last word. He was always treated… differently from other people. Even so long after the war, “predator” hate was still common. He kept speaking. “Clearly I was wrong, or maybe one of those fucking rioters hated us too much to care about their own safety.” I only now noticed that he had been shaking as he spoke, but he suddenly stopped. He looked defeated, on the verge of a breakdown. “They were just bringing home groceries, that’s all. They were friendly and happy and polite and all they were doing was bringing home some things for dinner. But because they had committed the SIN of being born with forward facing eyes everyone hated them.” “On the phone the next day, I was told that my parents had been stabbed to death when walking home. I had to attend their funeral several days later, and that night the police took me in to meet their murderer. It took every ounce of energy that I could muster to not turn their disgusting little face to orange mulch.”
If anyone else had looked at James’ face at that moment, they would have seen nothing but a rabid animal looking for something to rip apart, but I didn’t see that. I saw a man that just wanted his parents back, a man that wished the world didn’t hate him. James crumpled over and started sobbing violently, and without thinking I got up and gave him the biggest hug my small arms could allow. He wrapped his muscular arms around me and buried his head into my wool, his sobs shaking my whole body. I stroked the back of his head in an attempt to comfort him, and tried doing those shushing sounds that human mothers do to calm down their children but ended up making a strange sputtering sound instead. I heard the sounds of giggling interspersed with the sobbing, leading into a fit of coughing from James. He lifted his face from my shoulder and stared into my eyes, still dripping tears but starting to smile now. He rested his chin back on my shoulder, and I gladly let him.
“I’ve missed you Lemva, you have no idea just how much I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry I left so quickly, I’m so sorry.” “I’ve missed you too James, and you don’t need to apologize, I understand. Why don’t we go drink some water and get some sleep, okay?” The man on my shoulder croaked out a hoarse “Okay” before slowly pulling himself off of me. We both got up and walked into the kitchen to grab some water. James chugged down several glasses before he was satisfied. We made our way to our separate bedrooms before saying goodnight to each other and closing our doors. I pulled the warm blankets over myself and laid my head down, exhausted from the short but intense emotional interaction. As thoughts floated through my mind, I drifted off into a deep sleep.
<<>>
I awoke to a familiar sensation, it felt as if I was standing in a shallow pool of oil. My eyes were met with black for as far as the eye could see, a seemingly endless floor of tar, and a distant orb of light. This sight had become less eerie and more frustrating the more times I had seen it. [Not this again…] I had been having this dream nearly every night for the past 3 weeks, ever since I had received the invitation from the UN. It was always the same. Endless void, endless black oil, a light always seeming within reach but always too far to catch. I decided to play along with the dream and walk towards the light, the faster I go through with this charade the faster I can wake up and talk to James again. My footsteps echoed into infinity as I waded through the sticky oil, the sensation was awful. I stopped and thought for a moment. [Know what? Fuck it, might as well do something different this time.] I turned around and walked away from the orb of light that had been taunting me for 3 weeks straight. As I walked, I could feel the texture beneath my paws slowly change. I looked down to notice that the tar floor I had grown accustomed to was now an endless field of silver sand. My paws were still sticky from the tar and were now covered with sand, great. As I stared down at the ground beneath me, it slowly started glowing brighter and brighter until it hurt my eyes. It was reflecting something.
I looked up to try to find the source of the light and stared in shock at the sight before me, despite the pain in my eyes. I could not turn away. [By the creator…]
Filling the darkness above me was a white dwarf, its brilliance seeming to burn away the darkness surrounding it. Burning streams of plasma buffeted sand in the distance, leaving only glass. I could feel it watching me, judging me. The air around me swirled and roared, picking up fragments of glass and flinging it against my face as I stood in awe. Clouds of silver shards swirled forever around me, scraping away my wool and flesh but I did not move. I could not turn away. The star seemed to fall toward me. I could not turn away. Instantly, the fury of the wind around me calmed, dropping mountains of the glittering sand onto the ground. The sands whispered to me, filling my mind with a single message.
“Find us. We await.”
<<>>
Date [standardized human time]: July 15, 2165
I stood alongside James near the airlock, we were finally here. It had been two days since I and James had boarded the ship, and we were finally on an approach to Aafa’s spaceport. I felt excited theorizing what job the UN had for us, but couldn’t help but notice a feeling of dread in the back of my mind. Aafa was the capital of the Federation before the UN Coalition began their occupation, and as a result there would probably be more xenophobia on the streets. Hopefully we wouldn’t have to stick around long enough to see it.
“Attention passengers, we are now breaking through the atmosphere, brace yourself on a nearby hand-rail or other stationary object until further notice.”
Me and James grasped the hand-rails tightly as the ship jostled through the turbulent atmosphere, the surface outside the airlock view-port slowly grew larger and larger as we descended. A beautiful city came into view as the clouds’ obfuscation subsided. I had been to Aafa twice in my life before and every time I saw its grand cities I felt a sense of wonder. I could feel the ship level out and slow down, we were almost docked. I felt a small jolt as the landing gear gently touched down on the landing pad.
Harold’s voice came through the PA system. “Alright you two, we’ve landed. I’ll be with you shortly to show you to your escort group.” James and I looked at eachother, I could see a glint of worry in his eyes. Though whether he was worried about the reactions of Aafa’s inhabitants or worried about his first impressions with such important UN personnel, I could not tell.
I heard the cabin door open far behind us and heard Harold’s footsteps make their way toward the airlock where we stood in wait. He stepped past us and took a position at the airlock door.“Welcome to Aafa.” Harold pressed a button and the blast-door slid open with a pneumatic hiss. “Follow me.” We walked down the ramp and onto the hangar bay floor. As my eyes wandered around the large room I noticed how much better kept this spaceport, or at least this hangar, was than the port on Venlil Prime or Earth. Harold took us through a door and into the main hall for this level.
As we made our way to the nearest elevator a kolshian man walked toward us, his gait taking on a menacing feel as he drew closer. When he saw me he smirked. “You sure you wanna keep walking with these predators, little lady? You’d be a lot safer with me instead of them.” I was astounded by how blatant this man was with his opinions. I tried to respond calmly to the man but couldn’t hide my offense. “No thank you, I’m perfectly fine walking with these “predators” thank you. Speak your xenophobia to someone who cares to listen.” The kolshian’s smirk disappeared as he walked toward me faster. Harold’s arm shot out in front of me, blocking the man from getting any closer, the chipper smile he usually displayed was gone from his face. “Please leave sir, we have things to attend to.” The kolshian’s angry expression intensified. “I’m not taking orders from any damn predator.” I could see the man pulling out an object from behind his back. Before I could react, I heard a sickening crunch as Harold’s fist connected with the kolshian’s face, and the man tumbled to the ground. I heard a sound as the knife we were about to be stabbed with clattered to the ground, the tentacle he had been using to wield it clutching his bleeding face. Harold in a swift motion kicked away the knife and put the kolshian in a choke hold while a group of UN security officers rushed over. Two officers cuffed the bleeding kolshian and another walked up to Harold most likely to ask for an explanation.
Harold put back on his usual cheerful expression as he turned to speak to us.“You two head down to the first floor, your escort group and the other 2 invitees will be waiting in the main lobby, they should be pretty obvious to spot. I’ll catch up soon but I have to explain the situation with security.” I turned to look at James as we hurried to the elevator. I could tell he was angry, but he had a glint of satisfaction in his eyes, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little similar. James scrolled down the list of floors on the screen and selected the number 1. The Aafa spaceport was easily the largest structure I had ever seen, I guess there wasn’t enough room for 400 buttons. As the elevator descended, James spoke.
“Hey Lem, you ok?” “Yeah, my heart’s beating pretty fast though. Who knows what would have happened if Harold wasn’t with us.” “Yeah, did you see how fast he handled that? Guy must be a veteran or something.” The idea brought a question to the surface of my mind that I had been pondering since I first received my invitation. “Yeah… I’ve been wondering why we’ve been treated so well ever since we got aboard the ship. I mean, we’re just a couple historians, why spend so much on the ship and all the protection? What could this job possibly be?” As I spoke, James stared past the transparent wall of the elevator and into the city skyline, he seemed to be deep in thought. “Yeah I’ve been thinking about that too… I don’t think we’ll have to theorize for much longer though, just a short drive and we can ask whoever invited us.”
My attention was brought back to reality as a DING sounded from the doorway, indicating that we were at the ground floor. The doors slid open silently and revealed a veritable swarm of people walking through the main hallway loop, several people of different species squeezed into the elevator we were just in as we walked out. James and I followed the signage on the walls for several minutes and entered into the main lobby, where we could see a group of humans with a Gojid in the middle. The humans wore black suits and sunglasses, I could also barely make out earpieces and microphones hidden among their clothing. They reminded me of the secret agents in the human spy movies I enjoyed watching. They must be our escort group.
We approached the menacing humans and they turned to look at us. Before I could speak up I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Harold catching up with us. “Sorry for leaving you alone for a bit. I’ll talk with your escorts.” Harold walked up to the closest escort and flashed a badge at them, turning around once the mysterious man nodded. The escort spoke something into his earpiece but I couldn’t quite make it out. “Well, I’d best be going to sort out matters with the captain. I’ll meet up with you later.” Harold handed us off to the mysterious entourage and walked back into the crowd.
One of the bodyguards spoke up. “Follow me and don’t stray off course, we’ll be taking you to the senate building.” As our guards escorted us to our vehicle, I spoke to the gojid accompanying us. “Hi, my name is Lemva, this is James. Are you one of the other people invited by the UN?” The gojid spoke up in a soft voice. “Yeah, though for what reason I do not know why. My name is Cayek by the way, nice to meet you. Do you mind if we get some introductions out of the way before we arrive at the senate building?” James responded first and stretched out his arm for a handshake. It took a second for Cayek to reciprocate. “Sure! As Lemva told you, my name is James. I was born on Earth and currently live on Venlil Prime. I’m a historian and got my doctorate at MIK, where I met Lemva. We’ve known each other quite a while. I like coffee and hate the ocean.” “Oh cool, I attended there too! Got my doctorate in linguistics. When did you attend?” “Sent in an application in 2140, as soon as it opened. Got accepted around a month later.” “Nice, that was around when I joined too. We must not have crossed paths often. Though your face does seem vaguely familiar.” Cayek looked at me and I began speaking. “My name’s Lemva, though I already said that. I attended MIK with James. Went there to get a doctorate in archeology. Was born on Venlil Prime and I’ve moved too many times to count, but my latest home is on Earth.”
I noticed that we had reached our ride. Our vehicle was a black limousine, it looked slightly larger than others I had seen, perhaps it was armored? One of the guards escorting us, who I could only assume was the one in charge, opened the side door and we all crawled inside. Cayek, James, and I settled in our seats and the guard closed our doors before entering through a door closer to the front to sit facing us. The guard sat unnaturally still, staring directly at us as the vehicle drew out of the underground parking area, making me feel uneasy. I looked over at James and Cayek, they seemed just as uncomfortable as I. The ride to the Senate building was silent.
I watched the buildings glide past us as we drove down Main, toward the Capitol. The large dome shaped building grew larger as we crept closer. Nervousness invaded my mind as I wondered what the task we had been chosen for was. Why did the UN spend so much to get us here? What’s with all the security? Why us? We had reached our destination. The limousine passed through several security gates and slowed to a halt at the entrance of the grand building. The guard that had been staring at us spoke, “We’ve arrived, please exit the vehicle and follow me. As you enter the building you’ll undergo several security checks to make sure you don’t have any weapons or banned items. Don’t worry, this is all standard procedure.” Two guards who had been waiting to the side of the entrance walked over to the car and opened the side doors, allowing us to crawl out. Though it had only been a 5 minute car ride, it felt like I had been stuck in that cramped vehicle for hours.
We walked toward the entrance of the titanic building, a large podium with a hologram of the Coalition logo orbiting an artistic depiction of our sector of the galaxy stood just before the doors. The first time I had gone to Aafa as a child, the podium had supported a large statue of Chief Nikonus, the president of the Federation at the time of the war. Good riddance. Our group stepped past the threshold of the senate building and submitted for the security checks that our escort had told us about. As soon as we were cleared, we were led to one of several large doors, it looked like an oversized elevator. Inside was a holographic display of the building showing us our current position, along with a small keypad to the side. I braced myself for the elevator to start ascending as our escort input some numbers into the pad but nearly fell over when it unexpectedly started moving sideways. James chuckled amusedly and I looked at him with a mock pouty face, my tail flicking in slight annoyance. Our escort tried to wipe a tiny smirk off his face as he helped me back to my feet. “We had these installed after a couple instances of people passing out trying to navigate around. Most Coalition species don’t have the amount of endurance humans do and this building is quite large.”
Several moments later the tram came to a halt and the doors slid open. The escort chaperoned us down a short hallway with a decently sized wooden door at the end. I braced myself for whoever would be behind it. Impressions were of utmost importance when meeting government officials. However, I was not prepared for who I would see as the door swung open.
Is that an Arxur?
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The maw of the moss-wolf chomped down on the treat, its partner patiently waiting its turn, an eye trained on the Human providing the sustenance. Joseph reached into the pouch, counting out what he had left and mentally setting a few aside for the raven-like birds that Scarlet had trained to bother him.
Well, ‘bother’ might be a strong word. They would whistle at him and wait for food. Upon getting their hard sought quarry, they would return to share it with the rest. Surprisingly cooperative, all things considered. Scarlet had apparently been getting them to associate certain short melodies with members of the pack, allowing her to send the avians after whoever she wanted for more snacks.
If they didn’t get any, then they would yell something not dissimilar to a caw until either food was procured, or they grew bored. Given that they had taken to humouring Violet in her attempts to be a mobile perch, that usually took a while.
It drove Nalah nuts, which seemed to be part of the reason the blond-furred female was included in the ritual at all. Harrow was apparently the favourite target of the nuisance when she was outside the base, but he couldn’t say why.
The tell-tale scratching had been somewhat muted since the shift in medium, but Violet’s writing was always something he kept an ear out for, his daughter presenting her tablet excitedly. [It blinked!]
He turned his head to the cow-looking thing, the unwavering stare held until he gave up. “I swear you guys are just messing with me.”
“Or we merely enjoy your suffering,” Sahari suggested with a smirk, the black-furred female standing taller than him for a moment as she stretched her legs out. Settling into a height that was level with him, she attempted to offer the wolves food. Receiving a fearful retreat instead, the black-furred female frowned, the two canines shifting in their enclosure to be closer to Joseph and Violet. “They still seem to distrust any but yourselves.”
He shrugged, taking the scrap from her and giving it to the young Atmo to pass along, her chittering laugh when the wolves accepted the morsel breaking the soft sound of trickling rain outside the barn. “Faye was the one who started this. I guess they treat her like an alpha of sorts, and seeing her bow to the two of us so often told them that she’s lower on the pole. That’s my guess, anyway.”
“That is….rather intelligent of them, if so,” Sahari commented pensively.
The Grand Hunter tipped his head in agreement. If anything, it was an understatement. The six-legged canines were remarkably receptive to taming, though he couldn’t say how much of that was due to Faye taking to his suggestion so seriously. He had only offered it as a passing thought, but she had set to it like their god had mandated it.
He fought back a sigh at the reminder of his placement in the whole thing, his foot kicking the ground to adjust the new sandals he was wearing until Pan finished proper shoes.
One day, he was a divorcee flirting with random women on a cruise ship so that the rejection validated his own self-esteem issues. The next, he was a guy in charge of a settlement nearing one hundred people and had become a manifestation of religion condensed into the form of some random moron.
He snorted at a morbid thought. How would Emma react to his ‘rise to fame?’ His acquisition of more than they had ever thought for themselves back on Earth?
Owning a territory? They could only manage a nice apartment that could fit several times over inside the base. Friends? Hell, he had a group of people who have helped him through some of the worst the planet had to offer. Kids...well, nothing could replace Violet. He doubted Emma would see it the same way, though.
A paw enclosed his shoulder, dragging his mind from more sombre thoughts. It had been quite a while since everything fell through and he had moved on, but it still stung every now and again.
“What ails your mind, Joseph?” Sahari asked with a concerned inflection. He looked over at her, a smile becoming easier after a moment.
“Just wondering how my ex-wife would react to seeing what I’ve turned into. What she’d say to all of this,” he admitted honestly with a wide gesture to everything. She patted his back, a small pride in her gaze.
“You continue to heal, Grand Hunter, but you are still scarred. Your previous mate would curse her decisions were she to see what you have accomplished.”
He snorted, a wide dry grin breaking out. “I’d love to see her face going back with two alien wives and this sweetheart as a daughter,” he teased, giving Violet a thorough rub on the head. She purred, chittering between breaths as she fought off the rough affection playfully while keeping her blades tucked for safety.
The black-furred female tilted her head and shifted her weight to her other foot. “You’ve mentioned that there is a specific procedure for binding the lives of your people, no?”
He blinked, his mind flickering to the two rings he had prepared, yet held some modicum of expectation around before he whipped them out. Not least of all was the foreign sensation of doing it again twice, nor finding an appropriate time to do it. It was hard to pick a picturesque moment when each day was paperwork, punching people in the face during spars, and orchestrating the well-being of such a large group. Given that the closest thing he could get to a romantic occasion was laying down on the grass while Nalah barked orders at the construction crews in the distance, he didn’t feel like it was ever a good time to ask. It was even harder picturing himself doing it to the two of them, as if it cheapened the gesture in some way.
Then there was the part of himself that feared rejection—as stupid as it sounded. They could deny the alien practice, not share the same sentiment, or any number of disagreements that would render him kneeling like an idiot. As unlikely as it was, it could even be too great a commitment for them, the implication of their entire lives being pledged solely to him being a crushing weight, rather than a promise of mutual loving dedication.
Sure, now they were speaking as if it was the case, but the circumstances as they were lent themselves to it being a product of necessity. Who was to say that it would remain the same once they got off this rock and—hopefully—in touch with their own people again. Would they still feel the same way with an entire species back on the table as possible romantic partners? Would he still be enough?
“Joseph,” Sahari called out with worry and irritation in equal parts. “You are making me anxious.”
“Hm? Oh, sorry,” he apologized sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he was reminded that more than one person could be afflicted by his emotional state. She placed a paw to her hip.
“Are the proceedings really such a means for strife?”
“Ah, no, it’s just…” He averted his eyes, offering Violet a token smile when she seemed to be concerned about him. He inhaled deeply. “It’s just…I have reservations about it.”
She raised a brow. “I need not a bond to know you care for them deeply enough to toss your life to the Void for them.”
His weak smile faltered further. “Well, yeah. They mean everything to me, but I cant help but remember how things went last time, I guess. There’s a million and one ways it could go up in smoke, and I…” He fell quiet for a moment, Violet pressing herself into his side in an attempt to cheer him up. He rested a hand against her back, the texture comforting in a way. “I want it to be an important moment in our lives, rather than some disposable token that they accept without thinking much. It’s not like they’re swimming in potential romantic partners here, so it feels like they’d be agreeing for lack of options.”
She stared at him with a hesitant expression, her cheek pinched between her teeth and eyes narrowed in thought. “Pan would sooner end her own life than be separated from you, and Tel would end any who so much as suggested such,” she stated finally. “To you, the mark upon your flesh is but a sting that fades. To them, it is their declaration that they have found their reason to live. A declaration that is shown to all others of our people the moment they draw near. Though Pan lacks the means to impart her own, she is rather pleased that another is able to in her stead and treats it as her own for all intents.”
She grabbed him roughly by the arm, pulling him into her breast as she stood to her full height, a surprised yelp stifled by soft clothing and fur.
“Unfortunately for you, openly voiced or not, we all feel as such. Though you bear not the mark of everyone in the den, I assure you that to be removed from you would leave us lesser, regardless of bond.”
He shut his mouth at the last addition. There was a weight behind knowing that people were likely to simply give up on living if you were away for too long. It put the relationship in front of a loaded gun for both parties. They couldn’t afford to break it off from him because existing would become a living hell, and he couldn’t change his mind for any reason because it would be the same as killing them.
What kind of marriage was one built upon such fragile pillars? How could they be happy when every fight was tempered by the threat of the end of everything? What about Sahari? Could she ever pursue her own life with Nalah when she had the bond shackling her to him? How long until that became a stinging poison, rotting away the veins and arteries of her psyche? How long until death became preferable to being around him?
A strong impact to his stomach winded him, though the unnoticed hyperventilating left him little to eject as he fell to his knees. Violet clicked in surprise, the wolves backing away at the unexpected violence.
He coughed, sputtering spittle as he fought the urge to evacuate his breakfast. A pained glance up revealed Sahari still clutching a fist, her expression just as hurt.
“You hear my words and twist them, Joseph,” she chastised softly, crouching to look at him better. “We pledged our lives to you. Not because we had no choice, but because we believed you to be our future. From that moment on, our desire was to remain with you.” Her voice grew weak, almost pleading. She placed her forehead to his, the contact an intimate touch. “Your experiences may suggest our bond a prison, but for us, it is an ambrosia for our soul. It completes us like no equal. Jax and Harrow care for you immensely, Nalah and myself owe you everything that we are, and your mates will fight the Hunt Mother herself if it would mean even one more sun with you.”
He found himself speechless, wading through the emotions behind her words a syllable at a time. The feeling of Violet pressing into his back in an embrace stung as much as soothed, his mind rejecting the idea, yet so desperate to accept it.
“Do not desecrate our affections because you had been scorned by one who did not see within you that which we covet,” she implored sombrely, raw emotion oozing through the confines of speech. “Though you doubt it, none would know how much value you place in the ‘mark’ of your people more than your mates. If merely thinking about the unlikely event that they refuse tortures you so deeply, than the elation they would share with you when they agree would likely see Pan unable to contain herself for many suns after.”
He stayed on his knees, the warmth surrounding him from both sides seeping within and thawing the frozen excuses he held onto to prevent exposing himself to potential rejection. Every step of the way since he had met them, it had made him fearful of losing their company. At first, the thought of being left alone to brave the planet was too much to bear, but he would try. Now? Now he felt like he understood where the minds of those bonded Lilhuns had been. Even considering being away from his new loved ones pulled at a primal part of himself, each tug stronger than the last, each suggestion fanning the flames barricaded behind morals—the depths he would trudge to see it never come to pass.
Sahari nuzzled into his neck for a moment before parting, a somewhat satisfied smile given towards the emotionally fragile Human they had taken to depending on. He returned his own, though it was tinted with a bit of embarrassment.
Violet stepped back to allow him room to stand, the extended joint of her blade asking to be held like he did with her adoptive mother. His expression softening, he did as requested, lightly rubbing the smooth surface with his thumb. It soothed a part of him to be holding his daughter’s ‘hand’ while they watched the wolves slowly approach the front of their enclosure again, now that the momentary intensity had faded.
With a self-deprecating roll of his eyes, he nodded, promising himself to follow through with his small wish the next time the chance revealed itself. It didn’t need to be perfect, but it would be nice if it was at least private. The dull ache in his stomach would be a reminder not to second guess himself anyway.
The wolves yipped, ignoring Sahari as they moved towards the other corner. Joseph glanced at where they were focused, his curious gaze replaced by surprise, then shock.
Raine supported Faye over her shoulder, the deep gold-furred female’s breath short as she rested her weight over her brown-furred counterpart, their black leather coats dripping water onto the floor as it wrapped tightly around them, concealing their armour. A steady trickle of blood flowed from a long gash on Faye’s leg, her free arm clutching across her breast to keep her coat closed.
Without waiting for either to speak, he ran to pick up the Wraith, slinging her across his shoulders and tearing off to the base. He could barely hear Sahari over the rain and his own blood pounding through his ears, his heart hammering in his chest. Though they had established something of a clinic for minor injuries that were sustained constantly, his singular focus was getting Faye into the medbay.
Pack members cleared the way, some jumping to the side as he barrelled through the sparely populated routes between home and workplace. More than one tripped over themselves in shock, the Human never having a reason to go at a full sprint before. He was slower than a Lilhun like this, but he could make it the full distance before them. He didn’t need to slow down.
Harrow pushed open the doors to the hub, her distant expression as she examined thin ironwood tablets perking, his rapid heavy footfalls telling of his arrival before she had the chance to see him. Her eyes lit up, her brows furrowed, and a hurried pull of the door kept it open for him, all in sequence. He didn’t have the spare breath to explain or thank her.
The orange-furred female bolted across the hub, slamming into the crash-bar installed into the facilities wing entrance to force it open, only barely outpacing the Grand Hunter in his rush. She staggered to her feet behind him, rushing to collect herself and assisting in tearing the pants off of the injured female when Joseph laid her on the bed.
Modesty being the least of his concerns, he braced an arm across her pelvis to stop her hips from bucking as Harrow wiped off any dried blood to see the extent of the damage on her thigh.
“What happened?”
He tightened his hold on Faye as his friend tentatively spread the wound to check for debris. “Don’t know. Didn’t ask. Saw her bleeding, rushed her here,” he answered through deep breaths, each strike of his adrenaline-fuelled heart pressing against his lung capacity.
Harrow frowned, grabbing some sterile water to pour over the wound and picking out a stray splinter of wood that looked to be from her missing leg armour. Faye let out a small whine, but didn’t have it in her to talk yet, signs of exhaustion and pain unfocusing her eyes.
The Head of Technology—and current medical expert in the room—pursed her lips against her muzzle. “We need to stitch it. It’s too big for just healroot.”
Joseph nodded, easing his weight off the Wraith and wiping his sweat from his brow. “Pan!”
Noticing the urgency in his voice, he could hear her throw the door to the sewing room wide open and jog to the medbay, her wide eyes steeling as she assessed the situation.
“Idee with you?”
She nodded, ears turned perfectly towards him.
“One of you boil off some palm string, the other sterilize the thinnest quill you can get away stitching a wound closed with. I don’t care who, but we need one of you to close this up.” He glanced at Harrow. “Grab some alcohol. I keep a bit in the closet in my room, next to the old crossbow prototypes. We need to flush this out and kill off anything that might have gotten in.”
The orange-furred female tipped an ear in confusion as Pan took off to do as he asked. “I thought you didn’t have medical-”
“I’ve been around enough workplace injuries, okay? Go!”
His shout jolted her into action, a few steps required to gain traction as she ran out the door. Applying solid pressure to the wound with one hand, he used the other to lightly tap Faye’s cheek.
“Faye? Faye, you with me?”
Her eyes languidly turned to him, slow blinks and meaningless mouthing ceased, a soft smile forming under her pained expression. “Hello, sir.”
He exhaled a relieved huff. “Welcome home, Faye. What happened?”
She seemed confused by his question, glancing down to her leg after a few seconds. With widened eyes, she struggled to sit up, Joseph forcibly pressing her to the bed.
“Stay.”
All resistance disappeared in an instant, her body complying despite the obvious urgency. He hardened his expression.
“What happened?”
She breathed deeper a few times before speaking. Each word was hesitant, as if the memory was hazy and diluted, though he couldn’t tell if it was due to blood loss or exhaustion. “A large grey beast…teeth, large mouth...attacked wolves...”
His brow knitted, Faye’s coat moving. A small whine came from her again…no. Not her.
A small yellow canine head freed itself from the confines of black leather, a weak keening produced from a tiny moss-wolf. Faye looked at him guiltily, a pleading look in her eyes given as she composed herself.
“It lost its parents…”
His protest died in his voice, a distant memory of a wolf being torn in two came to mind. The time before they had even moved to the pod, let alone met the Lilhuns, him and Violet checking snares shortly after his ankle had healed. A time so long ago, yet remained with him under the surface.
“You saved this little guy, huh?” he asked gently, wincing in tandem with her own when he leaned heavier on the massive gash in her thigh. She nodded, averting her eyes. “Did you get the ‘beast?’”
Faye shook her head. “Raine lured it away, but it still remains.”
“That’s fine. You’re back, that’s all that matters right now.”
Harrow bumped into the doorway, failing to shed all of her speed as she returned from fetching a smaller container that Joseph kept in case the rest of the pack burned through their stores of alcohol. Her eyes flicked to the wolf pup before disregarding it to hand him the ethanol. He lifted his hand, Harrow pouring some water to wash off the blood. Volta would be busy later, it seemed.
Gesturing for the orange-furred female to hold the leg down, he poured the alcohol into the wound, grimacing at Faye’s pained gasp. They didn’t have anything for her to bite into, but that would be a future consideration.
Pan and Idee entered the medbay, the former moving like a machine with purpose while the visiting seamstress took a moment to size up the situation. The Paw fetched a tray from the shelf, laying out several strings of softened palm and a few thin quills, threading one and passing it to Idee. The light brown-furred female accepted it, Harrow making room as she stood next to Joseph.
Pan handed him a tough leather strip as wide as his palm. Seems like she saw the problem before he did.
“Open up,” he prodded, placing the leather between Faye’s teeth. “This is going to fucking suck. We don’t have anything to numb you, so you need to stay as still as possible, okay? I’ll be here the whole time.”
The Wraith nodded, staring at him for a moment before closing her eyes in acceptance, her grip on the pup firming.
“Want me to take the wolf?”
She lightly shook her head, him exhaling hesitantly in response. Idee readied herself, looking to him for confirmation, Pan holding Faye’s ankle flat to the bed.
“You’re good,” he responded, pressing an arm to Faye’s chest and hips to hold her down.
The deep gold-furred female managed a quiet muffled groan of pain as the quill pierced her flesh.
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He entered the hub, dropping himself on the couch and ignoring the sweat on his brow. He had only just managed to get the blood off of his hands after Idee finished, but it was still staining his clothing. Pan was off to rinse it out of her fur while Faye slept off her exhaustion. As far as they could tell, she had avoided any infection thanks to Raine half-dragging the female back to them as quickly as she did. The wolf pup was staying with her for now, since—even in her sleep—she refused to let it go. The little guy didn’t seem to be complaining, so they just left it where it was comfortable. Ferra would be by later to check it out, apparently, and he didn’t see a reason to complain; she was their animal expert.
Scarlet offered him some tea, the warm liquid whetting his pallet that had since dried. Sahari had checked on them during the process, leaving to keep anyone who had questions in the loop. Given that half the damn pack either saw or heard about the Grand Hunter running like a bat out of hell, pretty much everyone was worried. Either about some urgent threat that might befall them, or about one of the quiet servants they had grown used to seeing around.
Looked like the Wraiths had taken to offering small services and assistance to people who needed it when they didn’t have anything better to do, so the pack was curious about what had happened. It was a small blessing that the usual armour they wore when ‘on duty’ was covered by the cloaks, otherwise he would have more questions coming that he didn’t want answered.
Raine stood a few paces in front of him, her bowed posture holding a hint of fear under his unwavering stare. He waited for whoever else was going to show up for the report, Tel and Pan insisting that they be involved. Harrow followed behind the two entering from the facilities wing, either because she had gotten wrapped up in the whole thing, or because she wanted to be included.
Pan sat to his left, Tel taking a place behind him to remain standing. Harrow surprised him, her recently elusive presence firmly displaced as she dropped onto the couch to his right, her tail curling around his calf—not that she seemed to notice.
Given that both Tel and Pan trapped a limb or two with their tails regularly, he didn’t stop to put thought into it, the encapsulating appendage crossing him as a common occurrence.
“I don’t know how accurate it was, since she’s still pretty out of it, but Faye said one of those grey bear-deathtraps attacked some wolves before she stepped in to save the pup,” he opened, glancing at Scarlet. The almost black red-furred female was maintaining a surprisingly commanding presence, her attention laser-focused on Raine. The brown-furred Wraith kept her gaze fixed to the floor, too ashamed or nervous to move it.
“I apologize for her error in her stead,” she announced, the slightest of grip in her folded paws digging her claws into her skin. “The fault is also mine for not preventing her misstep. I will accept any punishment for our mistake.”
He exhaled heavily. “I’m not mad that you guys had an original thought, Raine. I’m worried about those iron-maiden-looking fucks being around again, and I’m concerned about you getting hurt.”
“Of course, sir. Forgive me for the arrogance of assuming your priorities.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, Pan squeezing his thigh in support. Tel rested her head on his, the weight somehow comforting despite the grin at his annoyance. “We can talk about not getting yourselves killed later. Are you injured at all?”
Raine’s ear twitched. “No, sir. I am whole.”
“Good,” he sighed, nodding lightly. “That’s good. Faye’s patched up for now, but she’ll be under observation to keep on top of any possible infection. How did the ‘mission’ go?”
The Wraith perked up a bit, the conversation moving away from her perceived failure. She produced a satchel, pulling a rather thick stack of tablets from it and passing them to Scarlet, the latter ferrying them to Harrow. He thought it was an odd choice, but the orange-furred female started giving him an abbreviated translation of the text.
Line after line of transactions. What was offered and received, any debts and who owed them, as well as small notes about what should be brought next time. It was a comprehensive copy of the ledger that the trading caravan kept. His brows raised at the sheer density of information, and for them getting it from something he was only partially sure existed.
“You managed to get this much?” he asked in disbelief. “Jesus. Were you caught?”
Raine shook her head. “If we were to be seen by them, we would be nothing more than a stain against our Blademaster.”
Compliment or boasting, doing this much was damn impressive. Especially with just the two of them.
“Shit. Well, good fucking job, I guess,” he managed, still reeling a bit from the unintended scope of the task. Harrow continued to dig through the report, though stopped voicing it aloud. Joseph turned his attention back to the Wraith. “Anything else of note? Rumours?”
The Wraith grew pensive. “Though we returned partially through their return trip to Grand Hunter Pernel, we did overhear some conversations. There were discussions of other packs simply no longer occupying their settlements.”
He leaned forward in his seat, dislodging Tel as his elbows rested against his knees. “What do you mean?”
“Some of their usual trade locations were purportedly burned down, others merely abandoned. A few were apparently littered with corpses,” she explained more steadily. “From what we could gather, the reason they came to trade with our settlement at all is that the others along the way were in such states. It seems they intended to restock and head back out immediately to accommodate the loss in trading partners.”
He bit his lip as he thought about it, letting himself fall back against the couch.
“What do you guys think of it?” he asked with a glance to his mates. Pan seemed to be mirroring his own apprehension openly, while Tel kept a more serious expression.
“I believe there is something larger happening,” Tel concluded, taking a few seconds before returning to using him as a headrest. Pan nodded her agreement, but didn’t have much to add to it otherwise.
“It would explain how desperate they were for food,” he mused aloud, raising a brow when Harrow shifted to lean against him, one foot placed on the edge of the seat forcing the posture. “Any details of interest, Harrow?”
The orange-furred female jolted, only just stopping from moving her foot back to the floor before committing to using him as a backrest. She turned back-on fully, stretching her legs over the remainder of the seat and placing tablets she had finished with on her lap.
“It didn’t take very long for the methods you sold to propagate,” she responded, holding up a few of the tablets before laying them in their own pile. “Looks like Pernel has been spreading it around by buying some from places that have bows and snares to sell where they don’t.”
“Supply and demand, or arming people with the tools that would help them survive?”
“Hard to trade with the dead,” Harrow commented dryly, starting a new pile. He nodded in exaggerated fashion.
“What about the Atmo?”
She tapped the small stack she just started. “I’m trying to separate these by inventory type. Give me a bit.”
Deciding to trust the woman in charge of managing this kind of thing while she was on the ship, he glanced back to Raine, the female easily mistaken for a statue if not for the subtle sway of her breathing. “The grey-bear-thing. How far away is it?”
“Too close,” she responded firmly. “We did not get a chance to verify their numbers, but there was evidence of at least that singular beast making our territory its hunting ground.”
“Fuck,” he muttered through gritted teeth. “We’re going to need to hunt that thing down.”
Pan looked worried at the prospect, Harrow stiffened in her sorting. The Wraiths were the only ones who seemed completely at ease with the suggestion, Tel not so much as twitching. Harrow laid down the tablets she had yet to categorize, her gaze aimed at her lap.
“Joe, don’t think that taking one out is easy.”
“We have ranged weapons and more than a few people who can use them,” he pointed out with a breath. “Ideally, we go as a larger hunting party and take the damn thing down through sheer volume of fire.”
“Their skin is tough,” Harrow replied with a shake of her head, her ears pivoting back towards him. “I don’t know if our bows could pierce it as easily as we might like.”
He furrowed his brow. “So, what? Let it close in until it eats everything and starves us out? Until it thinks we look tasty?”
“I don’t know. I’m just saying that this won’t be as simple as firing a few arrows and patting ourselves on the back for a job well done.”
Joseph felt the stiffness of his brow start to hurt from how tight they were knitted. A deep breath centred his thoughts. “We’ll arrange an armoured hunting party soon. Better to take it down before it becomes an issue.”
The orange-furred female nodded, quickly leafing through the remaining tablets and only pulling two more out for the pile she indicated earlier.
“Here,” she said, tapping the stack. “These are records for trading Atmo.”
He suppressed the sigh when he genuinely tried to read the mess they called a language. “How many? Who bought them?”
She hesitated, reforming the copy of the ledger—sans the relevant tablets—and placing it on the floor. The remainder in paw, she held them up over her shoulder, Tel accepting it and going over the contents with an interested tilt of her head.
“From what I can see here, Pernel traded two hundred.”
“Two…” he squeaked, his eyes wide. “Two hundred?”
She nodded, pacing around the couch to stop in front of Pan. “It seems others heard of his willingness to barter for them. He accepted quite a few deals before selling them off again.”
“To who?”
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The door to the ship closed with a hiss, Willin shaking his head at Nav’s questioning gaze. “Nothing.”
Tech removed her CARDs, storing them in the weapons locker before shrugging off her AMR to place in its own unit. “Nothing living, anyway.”
“That bad?” Nav asked, deflating after yet another failed attempt to contact a settlement. The dark green-furred male stored his rifle, seating it into its receptacle with a click.
“Tell Comms to add another eighty to the count.”
“Four hundred eighty-two,” the purple-furred female supplied as she walked past Nav to enter the ship proper. Willin followed after, hanging his pistol holster on the side of his chair as he dropped into it.
“Thirty were covered in wounds, twenty or so were executed, twenty-five looked to have died of accumulated trauma, and the rest were found with singular cuts to the throat.”
“Not quite,” Tech remarked, interfacing with the systems. “Only eight of the ‘executed’ seem to have been done up close.”
“Sniper?” Comms asked as he entered the room, nodding his greetings and taking a seat at his station. Nav crossed their arms and leaned against the doorway as Tech Ops ran some numbers on her screen.
“Wounds are consistent with Anti Material Rifles, and debris suggest they took the ‘material’ part into consideration with their shots. There were a few holes in the buildings that didn’t quite get removed by the fires.”
“Covering evidence?” Willin mused aloud, receiving a thoughtful shake of her head.
“No, I don’t think so. My guess is that the buildings were already on fire when they did it, based on the splinters around the exit holes.”
Comms’ eyes widened in surprise. “Shooting through a burning building? That is rather impressive.”
“Blades?” Nav suggested. “Avalon is required to act against those who break the treaty, no?”
“Maybe,” Tech allowed tentatively. “If it was them, then that would explain the lack of targets.”
Willin scratched at his ear, furrowing his brow as Comms ran another scan for any communications being made. Though a few suns had passed since they had unwittingly agreed to involve themselves in what was likely the first case of war that this planet had ever seen, nothing was being sent anywhere. Regardless, the male kept the scans regular, just in case.
Nav switched the foot they were resting on. “Why not just dispose of everyone breaking the treaty?”
“Maybe they did,” Comms commented, turning back to the conversation as the program ran in the background. “Blades typically function under strict conditions. If they removed anyone who was commanding the hostile action, then they did as required of them. The moment the attack stopped, they completed the terms of the treaty.”
“Or if the Grand Hunter here surrendered and allowed their pack to be subsumed,” Willin proposed, the others glancing at him in curiosity. He waved a paw dismissively. “If everyone in the conflict becomes a single pack, then any fighting from those who still disagree with it is now an internal dispute, thus outside of the purview of the Blades. Check the notes on Grand Hunter Toril and High Hunter Bratik.”
Tech’s eyes unfocused for a moment as she accessed the system. “Avalon is forbidden from interfering with internal politics. Toril was sheltered by Bratik. Since Bratik was from outside of Toril’s pack, it counted as acting against their right to manage their own affairs. Hasen was given a perfect reason to take over, and it forced Grand Hunter Trill to exile the both of them to adhere.” She looked around the room aimlessly as she thought, her eyes snapping to Willin when he spoke.
“And a perfect loop-hole to exploit. Toril loses his supporters, Trill loses a member of his command structure, and Hasen rises in power while leaving Avalon to grit their teeth.” He shook his head, both impressed and disgusted. “Once he attacks another pack, he just forces a vassalage and subsequently executes the new High Hunter for whatever reason he wants. The Blades can’t act on a technicality.”
“So Grand Hunter Pernel….”
Willin nodded at Comms' unfinished question. “In the count.”
“There was a bit of a weird holding area,” Tech added after a moment. “Seemed like somewhere to hold livestock, but even then, it was a bit big. I’m not sure what used to be there, but tracks suggest carts left with whatever it was not long before everything went down, so probably a trade caravan.”
“Well, at least someone made it out,” Nav sighed, pushing off the wall to resume their station. “Where are we going next?”
Willin toyed with the odd silver tablet in his paw, the two unrecognizable scripts curious and alien. “The only pack left before we see what all the fuss is about. Let’s pay a visit to Grand Huntress Sunundra. Hopefully she knows something we don’t.”
Next
A/N: Been a while since we’ve had a proper A/N, huh. Welp, here’s this one. Patreon is currently set to ‘per post’ because i made the account ages ago. Waiting on support to help me switch it to monthly, then I’ll post the Silva render i have. RR is at 30k views and 100 followers.
Figured I’d ask how you guys are liking this arc, hows Willin’s team coming across, etc.
Final note: I’m thinking about rewriting the first ‘book’ so i can get it edited and published! Problem: i have no fucking clue where to cut book 1, and editors are expensive. Where should book 1 end? All i know is that I’d prob end up adding extra chapters to it, as well as lengthening the OG chaps. RR is a ‘touch-up’, not a final product, so those don’t count!

Hi Reddit,
This probably looks like a dumb question on the surface but I'm (29F single living alone) very serious in asking: how do you keep your place tidy?
I'm an inherently messy person so I've always struggled with it. On top of that, I've been battling severe chronic depression since 16. I'm sure some of you have heard of depression clutter; that's been a big problem all of my life.
I've rounded off therapy last year and am phasing out my medication in collab with my doctor right now, so I'm heading back to "normal" life. Therapy's been great and very helpful in a lot of different areas in my life. The only thing we weren't really able to tackle as much as I would have liked, is household habits.
I'm not afraid to work hard. I work hard at work, I have a busy social life, I work out in the gym. I'm not a quitter. I've worked in hospitality for a huge portion of my life, as a servewaitress, a trainecoach, a floormanager, et cetera, and even worked in a nursing home as a non-medical caretaker (meaning cooking, cleaning, entertaining). Working in hospitality means cleaning all day, bussing the tables, tending and cleaning the bar. I'm not afraid of tidying and cleaning and I know how to do it very well - at other places. At work or at friends - just not my own home.
I know the answer "just do it" might be very tempting and I promise I am not trying to make excuses. When I see my home in a disorderly state I get unhappy and I want to clean it. My brain tells my body to do it, go do it, go clean, pick up the trash, wash the dishes - and my body in response just seizes up. I can manage bits at a time until the house becomes too overwhelming and ripe for a feature on TLC - and then I just let it go.
I'm wondering if people are familiar with that paralyzing feeling - in themselves or with others they know - and how they deal with it. If there are common techniques or 'hacks' to keep things manageable. To prevent the house from getting to an overwhelming state. To improve upkeep, all those things.
I've been trying so hard to become a normal person capable of doing regular household chores but I just feel like an incompetent teenager all the time at home and I'm absolutely at my wits end.

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I have a part-time nanny that is also a grad student. We’ve been waiting to hear what her schedule is for the upcoming fall semester and i’m starting to get really nervous.
I had approached the conversation with her a month ago and she said she didn’t know/was going to follow-up with the director on when they’d share it. I haven’t heard anything yet. My husband thinks we should wait until the end of the month to ask her again. Essentially he’s nervous we’re going to annoy her but i’m nervous the news isn’t good. It’s going to impact my job if she resigns and isn’t available/if I can’t find a replacement. We’ve essentially exhausted our back-up care (grandparents) bc we had gaps in-between finding her.
She is the absolute perfect fit for our family (after 3 different nannies were either no-shows, not great fits, etc). I had mentioned that we could be flexible if the days needed to switch. We try to make her really happy and comfortable in our home/pay competitively for our area/offer GH/PTO.
I’m really not sure what to do but a lot is kind of riding on knowing her availability.