After reading a post on here yesterday, I decided to check the subreddit out, and Holy hell, it's the biggest crock of unhinged posts I've seen since qanon.
According to the subreddit:

1. The many people that attended the court trials, including the news reporter camera crew, the public spectators, the lawyers, attorneys, news journalists and the judge were all part of a fake show trial, and are in some kind of set up.
   
2. Most of the victims are actually alive, and the news reports and footage of body parts being removed from dahmers flat are fake and the body parts are made of sillicone.
   
3. Lionel dahmer has forced Jeff into confessing to these crimes, and the ENTIRE US GOVERNMENT is working with him to set up the whole thing.
   
4. Shari dahmer was a middle aged man in a wig.
   
5. Eddie Smith is a trans woman in a wig
   
6. Koneracks family didn't attend one of the trials because their son never existed
   
7. Konerack is actually somsack.
   
8. Jeff is still alive.
   
9. The victims families are in on the conspiracy.
   
10. The forensic unit for the milwaukee police department are in on the conspiracy as well, and have said the fake body parts are actually real.
    

The subreddit is problematic and disrespectful to the victims. Imagine your loved one being murdered and some imbecile on the Internet accuses you of being a liar, and calls your loved one a man in a wig.

I just saw Ashley’s rapid fire question interview and decided to watch the “There’s something wrong with with Diane” documentary. I have a few thoughts. And I’m aware many of them are pure speculation… What do you guys think about these? Sorry for any typos, just a little worked up after seeing this.
1) I think the husband knew more than he is letting on about Diane and her mental state - perhaps a fight, maybe her alcoholism, her mental health. And he internally feels so guilty that he’s willing to go these extravagant lengths to “find the truth” for the public so the public can just be on his side and feel bad for him. I think he’s so desperate for sympathy from the WORLD in order to suppress his inner guilt.
2) I do not think the husband or the sister in law on the documentary are sincere. AT ALL. They want to continually push a narrative that they were a perfect family with no problems. If I were to judge from my perspective, they seem to enjoy drinking and possibly smoking pot. I would definitely not see that being something surprising judging these people just from my limited perspective. And they aren’t being honest about it. Families do not have ZERO problems and they just keep pushing this narrative that they were perfect and they are desperately trying to dismiss themselves from any wrong doing. Like why are you desperate to prove to the world everything was perfect? That’s entirely unreasonable. I think this family has deep dark secrets and possibly a mob mentally to instantly get defensive and deny any wrongdoing. They are just sooo defensive and it makes them feel better about themselves. Did the husband even need to get an attorney immediately after it happened and start making public press conferences to say how perfect his wife was? Sus.
3) The husband lied about the absolute vodka bottle and kept changing his story. His honesty is instantly in question.
4) Her husband and friends and family constantly pushed a narrative about Diane that proved she was perfect and would never do this. But the reasons why they share have the exact opposite effect on me. They talk about how Diane was a super woman who got so much done. She was taking care of kids, working an incredibly high-paying stressful job, planning events for her children, creating photo albums, etc. The husband sounds like all he did was work and was not helpful with anything else. I know this is all speculation but that sounds like she was under a ton of pressure. Along with her trauma from childhood with the mother abandoning her and her being responsible for all the chores in the home starting at 9 years old… all of this just makes me believe more and more that this woman was at her breaking point. She probably felt trapped. There were likely family dynamics in this incredibly tight knit ride or die type family that she couldn’t escape from.
5) Her childhood friends state how Diane was always the life of the party, always fun, always making jokes and lifting everyone up. Meanwhile she had a hellish upbringing and lived in a very terrible home. She wouldn’t even talk about it with her husband. This is the type of person who deflects and suppressed all of their pain and just pushes a happy face for everyone else to see that she’s strong and she’s unbothered and she’s okay. That’s not sustainable and there is a breaking point.
6) The fact that the husband keeps saying she was the most perfect mother and wife and did not mention ANYTHING she struggled with or ANYTHING they struggled with together just says to me that either he didn’t know or didn’t care to know a single damn thing about her struggles (which would isolate her more and feel more stressed and more alone) or that she just entirely shut him off from that and struggled entirely by herself in a very very very deeply lonely place. They had problems like every married couple with children and he never says a word about it. Always a stoic front with a sad yet so innocent story.
7) The husband tried to sue his family member (?) because it happened in their car. HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU BE?! This is an obvious show of his frantic efforts to relinquish the blame off himself. I think he’s so desperate to escape his internal guilt of this situation and of what he is hiding that he slinging false desperate accusations against his own family members. Ew.
8) Part of me still believes that there is a possibly this woman kept her problems to deeply to herself and gave a perfect face to everything included the closest ones to her that she just completely snapped. She was under so much pressure and had so much trauma and kept everything to herself so deeply… I could be totally wrong about families sincerity… I just can’t imagine there were ZERO signs to suggest this therapy. This one is hard for me to be convinced of…

• Bold means the film received at least 1 Oscar nomination (47)
• Bold and italic means the film was only nominated in the Best International Feature category (17)
• Coin means the film won Best International Feature (7)
• Trophy means the film won Best Picture (1)

Year	Palme d'Or	Grand Prix	Jury Prize
1975	Chronicle of the Years of Fire	The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser
1976	Taxi Driver	Cría Cuervos 🪢 The Marquise of O
1977	Padre Padrone
1978	The Tree of Wooden Clogs	Bye Bye Monkey 🪢 The Shout
1979	Apocalypse Now 🪢 🪙The Tin Drum🪙	Siberiade
1980	All That Jazz 🪢 Kagemusha	My American Uncle	The Constant Factor
1981	Man of Iron	Light Years Away
1982	Missing 🪢 Yol	The Night of the Shooting Stars
1983	The Ballad of Narayama	Monty Python's The Meaning of Life	Kharij
1984	Paris, Texas	Diary for My Children
1985	When Father Was Away on Business	Birdy	Colonel Redl
1986	The Mission	The Sacrifice	Thérèse
1987	Under the Sun of Satan	Repentance	Shinran: Path to Purity 🪢 Yeelen
1988	Pelle the Conqueror	A World Apart	A Short Film About Killing
1989	Sex, Lies, and Videotape	🪙Cinema Paradiso🪙 🪢 Too Beautiful for You	Jesus of Montreal
1990	Wild at Heart	The Sting of Death 🪢 Tilaï	Hidden Agenda
1991	Barton Fink	La Belle Noiseuse	Europa 🪢 Out of Life
1992	The Best Intentions	The Stolen Children	Dream of Light 🪢 An Independent Life
1993	Farewell My Concubine 🪢 The Piano	Faraway, So Close!	The Puppetmaster 🪢 Raining Stones
1994	Pulp Fiction	🪙Burnt by the Sun🪙 🪢 To Live	La Reine Margot
1995	Underground	Ulysses' Gaze	Don't Forget You're Going to Die 🪢 Carrington
1996	Secrets & Lies	Breaking the Waves	Crash
1997	The Eel 🪢 Taste of Cherry	The Sweet Hereafter	Western
1998	Eternity and a Day	🪙Life Is Beautiful🪙	Class Trip
1999	Rosetta	Humanité	The Letter
2000	Dancer in the Dark	Devils on the Doorstep	Blackboards 🪢 Songs from the Second Floor
2001	The Son's Room	The Piano Teacher
2002	The Pianist	The Man Without a Past	Divine Intervention
2003	Elephant	Distant	At Five in the Afternoon
2004	Fahrenheit 9/11	Oldboy	The Ladykillers 🪢 Tropical Malady
2005	L'Enfant	Broken Flowers	Shanghai Dreams
2006	The Wind That Shakes the Barley	Flanders	Red Road
2007	4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days	The Mourning Forest	Persepolis 🪢 Silent Light
2008	The Class	Gomorrah	Il divo
2009	The White Ribbon	A Prophet	Fish Tank 🪢 Thirst
2010	Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives	Of Gods and Men	A Screaming Man
2011	The Tree of Life	The Kid with a Bike 🪢 Once Upon a Time in Anatolia	Polisse
2012	🪙Amour🪙	Reality	The Angels' Share
2013	Blue Is the Warmest Colour	Inside Llewyn Davis	Like Father, Like Son
2014	Winter Sleep	The Wonders	Goodbye to Language 🪢 Mommy
2015	Dheepan	🪙Son of Saul🪙	The Lobster
2016	I, Daniel Blake	It's Only the End of the World	American Honey
2017	The Square	BPM (Beats per Minute)	Loveless
2018	Shoplifters	BlacKkKlansman	Capernaum
2019	🪙🏆Parasite🏆🪙	Atlantics	Bacurau 🪢 Les Misérables
2021	Titane	Compartment No. 6 🪢 A Hero	Ahed's Knee 🪢 Memoria
2022	Triangle of Sadness	Stars at Noon 🪢 Close	The Eight Mountains 🪢 EO
2023	Anatomy of a Fall	The Zone of Interest	Fallen Leaves

• Bold means the actor received an Oscar nomination (23)
• Bold and italic means the actor was nominated in a non-acting category (1)
• Trophy means the actor won the Oscar (6)

Year	Best Actor	Best Actress
1975	Vittorio Gassman – Scent of a Woman	Valérie Perrine – Lenny
1976	José Luis Gómez – Pascual Duarte	Dominique Sanda – The Inheritance 🪢 Mari Törőcsik – Mrs. Dery Where Are You?
1977	Fernando Rey – Elisa, My Life	Shelley Duvall – 3 Women 🪢 Monique Mercure – J.A. Martin Photographer
1978	🏆Jon Voight – Coming Home🏆	Jill Clayburgh – An Unmarried Woman 🪢 Isabelle Huppert – Violette Nozière
1979	Jack Lemmon – The China Syndrome 🪢 Stefano Madia – Dear Father	🏆Sally Field – Norma Rae🏆 🪢 Eva Mattes – Woyzeck
1980	Michel Piccoli – A Leap in the Dark 🪢 Jack Thompson – Breaker Morant	Anouk Aimée – A Leap in the Dark 🪢 Milena Dravić – Special Treatment 🪢 Carla Gravina – La terrazza
1981	Ugo Tognazzi – Tragedy of a Ridiculous Man 🪢 Ian Holm – Chariots of Fire	Isabelle Adjani – Possession 🪢 Qaurtet 🪢 Elena Solovey – Faktas
1982	Jack Lemmon – Missing	Jadwiga Jankowska-Cieślak – Another Way
1983	Gian Maria Volonté – The Death of Mario Ricci	Hanna Schygulla – The Story of Piera
1984	Alfredo Landa 🪢 Francisco Rabal – The Holy Innocents	Helen Mirren – Cal
1985	🏆William Hurt – Kiss of the Spider Woman🏆	Norma Aleandro – The Official Story 🪢 Cher – Mask
1986	Michel Blanc – Ménage 🪢 Bob Hoskins – Mona Lisa	Barbara Sukowa – Rosa Luxemburg
1987	Marcello Mastroianni – Dark Eyes	Barbara Hershey – Shy People
1988	Forest Whitaker – Bird	Barbara Hershey 🪢 Jodhi May 🪢 Linda Mvusi – A World Apart
1989	James Spader – Sex, Lies, and Videotape	Meryl Streep – A Cry in the Dark
1990	Gérard Depardieu – Cyrano de Bergerac	Krystyna Janda – Interrogation
1991	John Turturro – Barton Fink 🪢 Samuel L. Jackson – Jungle Fever	Irène Jacob – The Double Life of Veronique
1992	Tim Robbins – The Player	Pernilla August – The Best Intentions
1993	David Thewlis – Naked	🏆Holly Hunter – The Piano🏆
1994	Ge You – To Live	Virna Lisi – La Reine Margot
1995	Jonathan Pryce – Carrington	Helen Mirren – The Madness of King George
1996	Daniel Auteuil 🪢 Pascal Duquenne – The Eighth Day	Brenda Blethyn – Secrets & Lies
1997	Sean Penn – She's So Lovely	Kathy Burke – Nil by Mouth
1998	Peter Mullan – My Name Is Joe	Élodie Bouchez 🪢 Natacha Régnier – The Dreamlife of Angels
1999	Emmanuel Schotté – Humanité	Séverine Caneele – Humanité 🪢 Émilie Dequenne – Rosetta
2000	Tony Leung Chiu-wai – In the Mood for Love	Björk – Dancer in the Dark
2001	Benoît Magimel – The Piano Teacher	Isabelle Huppert – The Piano Teacher
2002	Olivier Gourmet – The Son	Kati Outinen – The Man Without a Past
2003	Muzaffer Özdemir 🪢 Mehmet Emin Toprak – Distant	Marie-Josée Croze – The Barbarian Invasions
2004	Yūya Yagira – Nobody Knows	Maggie Cheung – Clean
2005	Tommy Lee Jones – The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada	Hanna Laslo – Free Zone
2006	Roschdy Zem 🪢 Bernard Blancan 🪢 Jamel Debbouze 🪢 Samy Naceri 🪢 Sami Bouajila – Days of Glory	Carmen Maura 🪢 Lola Dueñas 🪢 Blanca Portillo 🪢 Yohana Cobo 🪢 Chus Lampreave 🪢 Penélope Cruz – Volver
2007	Konstantin Lavronenko – The Banishment	Jeon Do-yeon – Secret Sunshine
2008	Benicio del Toro – Che	Sandra Corveloni – Linha de Passe
2009	🏆Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds🏆	Charlotte Gainsbourg – Antichrist
2010	Javier Bardem – Biutiful 🪢 Elio Germano – Our Life	Juliette Binoche – Certified Copy
2011	🏆Jean Dujardin – The Artist🏆	Kirsten Dunst – Melancholia
2012	Mads Mikkelsen – The Hunt	Cristina Flutur 🪢 Cosmina Stratan – Beyond the Hills
2013	Bruce Dern – Nebraska	Bérénice Bejo – The Past
2014	Timothy Spall – Mr. Turner	Julianne Moore – Maps to the Stars
2015	Vincent Lindon – The Measure of a Man	Emmanuelle Bercot – Mon Roi 🪢 Rooney Mara – Carol
2016	Shahab Hosseini – The Salesman	Jaclyn Jose – Ma' Rosa
2017	Joaquin Phoenix – You Were Never Really Here	Diane Kruger – In the Fade
2018	Marcello Fonte – Dogman	Samal Yeslyamova – Ayka
2019	Antonio Banderas – Pain and Glory	Emily Beecham – Little Joe
2021	Caleb Landry Jones – Nitram	Renate Reinsve – The Worst Person in the World
2022	Song Kang-ho – Broker	Zar Amir Ebrahimi – Holy Spider
2023	Kōji Yakusho – Perfect Days	Merve Dizdar – About Dry Grasses

• Bold means the film received at least 1 Oscar nomination in a corresponding category (9)
• Bold and italic means only the film was nominated, but the awarded filmmaker wasn't (8)
• Coin means the film won Best International Feature (4)

Year	Best Director	Best Screenplay
1975	Michel Brault – Orders 🪢 Costa-Gavras – Special Section
1976	Ettore Scola – Down and Dirty
1977
1978	Nagisa Ōshima – Empire of Passion
1979	Terrence Malick – Days of Heaven
1980		La Terrazza – Furio Scarpelli, Agenore Incrocci, Ettore Scola
1981		🪙Mephisto🪙 – István Szabó
1982	Werner Herzog – Fitzcarraldo	Moonlighting – Jerzy Skolimowski
1983	Robert Bresson – L'Argent 🪢 Andrei Tarkovsky – Nostalgia	Voyage to Cythera – Thanassis Valtinos, Theo Angelopoulos, Tonino Guerra
1984	Bertrand Tavernier – A Sunday in the Country
1985	André Téchiné – Rendez-vous
1986	Martin Scorsese – After Hours
1987	Wim Wenders – Wings of Desire
1988	Fernando Solanas – Sur
1989	Emir Kusturica – Time of the Gypsies
1990	Pavel Lungin – Taxi Blues
1991	Joel Coen – Barton Fink
1992	Robert Altman – The Player
1993	Mike Leigh – Naked
1994	Nanni Moretti – Dear Diary	Dead Tired – Michel Blanc
1995	Mathieu Kassovitz – La Haine
1996	Joel Coen – Fargo	A Self Made Hero – Jacques Audiard, Alain Le Henry
1997	Wong Kar-wai – Happy Together	The Ice Storm – James Schamus
1998	John Boorman – The General	Henry Fool – Hal Hartley
1999	Pedro Almodóvar – All About My Mother	Moloch – Yuri Arabov
2000	Edward Yang – Yi Yi	Nurse Betty – James Flamberg, John C. Richards
2001	Joel Coen – The Man Who Wasn't There 🪢 David Lynch – Mulholland Drive	No Man's Land – Danis Tanović
2002	Paul Thomas Anderson – Punch-Drunk Love 🪢 Im Kwon-taek – Painted Fire	Sweet Sixteen – Paul Laverty
2003	Gus Van Sant – Elephant	🪙The Barbarian Invasions🪙 – Denys Arcand
2004	Tony Gatlif – Exils	Look at Me – Agnès Jaoui, Jean-Pierre Bacri
2005	Michael Haneke – Caché	The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada – Guillermo Arriaga
2006	Alejandro González Iñárritu – Babel	Volver – Pedro Almodóvar
2007	Julian Schnabel – The Diving Bell and the Butterfly	The Edge of Heaven – Fatih Akin
2008	Nuri Bilge Ceylan – Three Monkeys	Lorna's Silence – Jean-Pierre, Luc Dardenne
2009	Brillante Mendoza – Butchered	Spring Fever – Mei Feng
2010	Mathieu Amalric – On Tour	Poetry – Lee Chang-dong
2011	Nicolas Winding Refn – Drive	Footnote – Joseph Cedar
2012	Carlos Reygadas – Post Tenebras Lux	Beyond the Hills – Cristian Mungiu, Tatiana Niculescu Bran
2013	Amat Escalante – Heli	A Touch of Sin – Jia Zhangke
2014	Bennett Miller – Foxcatcher	Leviathan – Andrey Zvyagintsev, Oleg Negin
2015	Hou Hsiao-hsien – The Assassin	Chronic – Michel Franco
2016	Olivier Assayas – Personal Shopper 🪢 Cristian Mungiu – Graduation	🪙The Salesman🪙 – Asghar Farhadi
2017	Sofia Coppola – The Beguiled	The Killing of a Sacred Deer – Yorgos Lanthimos, Efthymis Filippou 🪢 You Were Never Really Here – Lynne Ramsay
2018	Paweł Pawlikowski – Cold War	3 Faces – Jafar Panahi, Nader Saeivar 🪢 Happy as Lazzaro – Alice Rohrwacher
2019	Jean-Pierre 🪢 Luc Dardenne – Young Ahmed	Portrait of a Lady on Fire – Céline Sciamma
2021	Leos Carax – Annette	🪙Drive My Car🪙 – Ryusuke Hamaguchi, Takamasa Oe
2022	Park Chan-wook – Decision to Leave	Boy from Heaven – Tarik Saleh
2023	Tran Anh Hung – The Pot-au-Feu	Monster – Yuji Sakamoto

• Bold means the film received at least 1 Oscar nomination (47)
• Bold and italic means the film was only nominated in the Best International Feature category (17)
• Coin means the film won Best International Feature (7)
• Trophy means the film won Best Picture (1)

Year	Palme d'Or	Grand Prix	Jury Prize
1975	Chronicle of the Years of Fire	The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser
1976	Taxi Driver	Cría Cuervos 🪢 The Marquise of O
1977	Padre Padrone
1978	The Tree of Wooden Clogs	Bye Bye Monkey 🪢 The Shout
1979	Apocalypse Now 🪢 🪙The Tin Drum🪙	Siberiade
1980	All That Jazz 🪢 Kagemusha	My American Uncle	The Constant Factor
1981	Man of Iron	Light Years Away
1982	Missing 🪢 Yol	The Night of the Shooting Stars
1983	The Ballad of Narayama	Monty Python's The Meaning of Life	Kharij
1984	Paris, Texas	Diary for My Children
1985	When Father Was Away on Business	Birdy	Colonel Redl
1986	The Mission	The Sacrifice	Thérèse
1987	Under the Sun of Satan	Repentance	Shinran: Path to Purity 🪢 Yeelen
1988	Pelle the Conqueror	A World Apart	A Short Film About Killing
1989	Sex, Lies, and Videotape	🪙Cinema Paradiso🪙 🪢 Too Beautiful for You	Jesus of Montreal
1990	Wild at Heart	The Sting of Death 🪢 Tilaï	Hidden Agenda
1991	Barton Fink	La Belle Noiseuse	Europa 🪢 Out of Life
1992	The Best Intentions	The Stolen Children	Dream of Light 🪢 An Independent Life
1993	Farewell My Concubine 🪢 The Piano	Faraway, So Close!	The Puppetmaster 🪢 Raining Stones
1994	Pulp Fiction	🪙Burnt by the Sun🪙 🪢 To Live	La Reine Margot
1995	Underground	Ulysses' Gaze	Don't Forget You're Going to Die 🪢 Carrington
1996	Secrets & Lies	Breaking the Waves	Crash
1997	The Eel 🪢 Taste of Cherry	The Sweet Hereafter	Western
1998	Eternity and a Day	🪙Life Is Beautiful🪙	Class Trip
1999	Rosetta	Humanité	The Letter
2000	Dancer in the Dark	Devils on the Doorstep	Blackboards 🪢 Songs from the Second Floor
2001	The Son's Room	The Piano Teacher
2002	The Pianist	The Man Without a Past	Divine Intervention
2003	Elephant	Distant	At Five in the Afternoon
2004	Fahrenheit 9/11	Oldboy	The Ladykillers 🪢 Tropical Malady
2005	L'Enfant	Broken Flowers	Shanghai Dreams
2006	The Wind That Shakes the Barley	Flanders	Red Road
2007	4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days	The Mourning Forest	Persepolis 🪢 Silent Light
2008	The Class	Gomorrah	Il divo
2009	The White Ribbon	A Prophet	Fish Tank 🪢 Thirst
2010	Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives	Of Gods and Men	A Screaming Man
2011	The Tree of Life	The Kid with a Bike 🪢 Once Upon a Time in Anatolia	Polisse
2012	🪙Amour🪙	Reality	The Angels' Share
2013	Blue Is the Warmest Colour	Inside Llewyn Davis	Like Father, Like Son
2014	Winter Sleep	The Wonders	Goodbye to Language 🪢 Mommy
2015	Dheepan	🪙Son of Saul🪙	The Lobster
2016	I, Daniel Blake	It's Only the End of the World	American Honey
2017	The Square	BPM (Beats per Minute)	Loveless
2018	Shoplifters	BlacKkKlansman	Capernaum
2019	🪙🏆Parasite🏆🪙	Atlantics	Bacurau 🪢 Les Misérables
2021	Titane	Compartment No. 6 🪢 A Hero	Ahed's Knee 🪢 Memoria
2022	Triangle of Sadness	Stars at Noon 🪢 Close	The Eight Mountains 🪢 EO
2023	Anatomy of a Fall	The Zone of Interest	Fallen Leaves

• Bold means the actor received an Oscar nomination (23)
• Bold and italic means the actor was nominated in a non-acting category (1)
• Trophy means the actor won the Oscar (6)

Year	Best Actor	Best Actress
1975	Vittorio Gassman – Scent of a Woman	Valérie Perrine – Lenny
1976	José Luis Gómez – Pascual Duarte	Dominique Sanda – The Inheritance 🪢 Mari Törőcsik – Mrs. Dery Where Are You?
1977	Fernando Rey – Elisa, My Life	Shelley Duvall – 3 Women 🪢 Monique Mercure – J.A. Martin Photographer
1978	🏆Jon Voight – Coming Home🏆	Jill Clayburgh – An Unmarried Woman 🪢 Isabelle Huppert – Violette Nozière
1979	Jack Lemmon – The China Syndrome 🪢 Stefano Madia – Dear Father	🏆Sally Field – Norma Rae🏆 🪢 Eva Mattes – Woyzeck
1980	Michel Piccoli – A Leap in the Dark 🪢 Jack Thompson – Breaker Morant	Anouk Aimée – A Leap in the Dark 🪢 Milena Dravić – Special Treatment 🪢 Carla Gravina – La terrazza
1981	Ugo Tognazzi – Tragedy of a Ridiculous Man 🪢 Ian Holm – Chariots of Fire	Isabelle Adjani – Possession 🪢 Qaurtet 🪢 Elena Solovey – Faktas
1982	Jack Lemmon – Missing	Jadwiga Jankowska-Cieślak – Another Way
1983	Gian Maria Volonté – The Death of Mario Ricci	Hanna Schygulla – The Story of Piera
1984	Alfredo Landa 🪢 Francisco Rabal – The Holy Innocents	Helen Mirren – Cal
1985	🏆William Hurt – Kiss of the Spider Woman🏆	Norma Aleandro – The Official Story 🪢 Cher – Mask
1986	Michel Blanc – Ménage 🪢 Bob Hoskins – Mona Lisa	Barbara Sukowa – Rosa Luxemburg
1987	Marcello Mastroianni – Dark Eyes	Barbara Hershey – Shy People
1988	Forest Whitaker – Bird	Barbara Hershey 🪢 Jodhi May 🪢 Linda Mvusi – A World Apart
1989	James Spader – Sex, Lies, and Videotape	Meryl Streep – A Cry in the Dark
1990	Gérard Depardieu – Cyrano de Bergerac	Krystyna Janda – Interrogation
1991	John Turturro – Barton Fink 🪢 Samuel L. Jackson – Jungle Fever	Irène Jacob – The Double Life of Veronique
1992	Tim Robbins – The Player	Pernilla August – The Best Intentions
1993	David Thewlis – Naked	🏆Holly Hunter – The Piano🏆
1994	Ge You – To Live	Virna Lisi – La Reine Margot
1995	Jonathan Pryce – Carrington	Helen Mirren – The Madness of King George
1996	Daniel Auteuil 🪢 Pascal Duquenne – The Eighth Day	Brenda Blethyn – Secrets & Lies
1997	Sean Penn – She's So Lovely	Kathy Burke – Nil by Mouth
1998	Peter Mullan – My Name Is Joe	Élodie Bouchez 🪢 Natacha Régnier – The Dreamlife of Angels
1999	Emmanuel Schotté – Humanité	Séverine Caneele – Humanité 🪢 Émilie Dequenne – Rosetta
2000	Tony Leung Chiu-wai – In the Mood for Love	Björk – Dancer in the Dark
2001	Benoît Magimel – The Piano Teacher	Isabelle Huppert – The Piano Teacher
2002	Olivier Gourmet – The Son	Kati Outinen – The Man Without a Past
2003	Muzaffer Özdemir 🪢 Mehmet Emin Toprak – Distant	Marie-Josée Croze – The Barbarian Invasions
2004	Yūya Yagira – Nobody Knows	Maggie Cheung – Clean
2005	Tommy Lee Jones – The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada	Hanna Laslo – Free Zone
2006	Roschdy Zem 🪢 Bernard Blancan 🪢 Jamel Debbouze 🪢 Samy Naceri 🪢 Sami Bouajila – Days of Glory	Carmen Maura 🪢 Lola Dueñas 🪢 Blanca Portillo 🪢 Yohana Cobo 🪢 Chus Lampreave 🪢 Penélope Cruz – Volver
2007	Konstantin Lavronenko – The Banishment	Jeon Do-yeon – Secret Sunshine
2008	Benicio del Toro – Che	Sandra Corveloni – Linha de Passe
2009	🏆Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds🏆	Charlotte Gainsbourg – Antichrist
2010	Javier Bardem – Biutiful 🪢 Elio Germano – Our Life	Juliette Binoche – Certified Copy
2011	🏆Jean Dujardin – The Artist🏆	Kirsten Dunst – Melancholia
2012	Mads Mikkelsen – The Hunt	Cristina Flutur 🪢 Cosmina Stratan – Beyond the Hills
2013	Bruce Dern – Nebraska	Bérénice Bejo – The Past
2014	Timothy Spall – Mr. Turner	Julianne Moore – Maps to the Stars
2015	Vincent Lindon – The Measure of a Man	Emmanuelle Bercot – Mon Roi 🪢 Rooney Mara – Carol
2016	Shahab Hosseini – The Salesman	Jaclyn Jose – Ma' Rosa
2017	Joaquin Phoenix – You Were Never Really Here	Diane Kruger – In the Fade
2018	Marcello Fonte – Dogman	Samal Yeslyamova – Ayka
2019	Antonio Banderas – Pain and Glory	Emily Beecham – Little Joe
2021	Caleb Landry Jones – Nitram	Renate Reinsve – The Worst Person in the World
2022	Song Kang-ho – Broker	Zar Amir Ebrahimi – Holy Spider
2023	Kōji Yakusho – Perfect Days	Merve Dizdar – About Dry Grasses

• Bold means the film received at least 1 Oscar nomination in a corresponding category (9)
• Bold and italic means only the film was nominated, but the awarded filmmaker wasn't (8)

Year	Best Director	Best Screenplay
1975	Michel Brault – Orders 🪢 Costa-Gavras – Special Section
1976	Ettore Scola – Down and Dirty
1977
1978	Nagisa Ōshima – Empire of Passion
1979	Terrence Malick – Days of Heaven
1980		La Terrazza – Furio Scarpelli, Agenore Incrocci, Ettore Scola
1981		🪙Mephisto🪙 – István Szabó
1982	Werner Herzog – Fitzcarraldo	Moonlighting – Jerzy Skolimowski
1983	Robert Bresson – L'Argent 🪢 Andrei Tarkovsky – Nostalgia	Voyage to Cythera – Thanassis Valtinos, Theo Angelopoulos, Tonino Guerra
1984	Bertrand Tavernier – A Sunday in the Country
1985	André Téchiné – Rendez-vous
1986	Martin Scorsese – After Hours
1987	Wim Wenders – Wings of Desire
1988	Fernando Solanas – Sur
1989	Emir Kusturica – Time of the Gypsies
1990	Pavel Lungin – Taxi Blues
1991	Joel Coen – Barton Fink
1992	Robert Altman – The Player
1993	Mike Leigh – Naked
1994	Nanni Moretti – Dear Diary	Dead Tired – Michel Blanc
1995	Mathieu Kassovitz – La Haine
1996	Joel Coen – Fargo	A Self Made Hero – Jacques Audiard, Alain Le Henry
1997	Wong Kar-wai – Happy Together	The Ice Storm – James Schamus
1998	John Boorman – The General	Henry Fool – Hal Hartley
1999	Pedro Almodóvar – All About My Mother	Moloch – Yuri Arabov
2000	Edward Yang – Yi Yi	Nurse Betty – James Flamberg, John C. Richards
2001	Joel Coen – The Man Who Wasn't There 🪢 David Lynch – Mulholland Drive	No Man's Land – Danis Tanović
2002	Paul Thomas Anderson – Punch-Drunk Love 🪢 Im Kwon-taek – Painted Fire	Sweet Sixteen – Paul Laverty
2003	Gus Van Sant – Elephant	🪙The Barbarian Invasions🪙 – Denys Arcand
2004	Tony Gatlif – Exils	Look at Me – Agnès Jaoui, Jean-Pierre Bacri
2005	Michael Haneke – Caché	The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada – Guillermo Arriaga
2006	Alejandro González Iñárritu – Babel	Volver – Pedro Almodóvar
2007	Julian Schnabel – The Diving Bell and the Butterfly	The Edge of Heaven – Fatih Akin
2008	Nuri Bilge Ceylan – Three Monkeys	Lorna's Silence – Jean-Pierre, Luc Dardenne
2009	Brillante Mendoza – Butchered	Spring Fever – Mei Feng
2010	Mathieu Amalric – On Tour	Poetry – Lee Chang-dong
2011	Nicolas Winding Refn – Drive	Footnote – Joseph Cedar
2012	Carlos Reygadas – Post Tenebras Lux	Beyond the Hills – Cristian Mungiu, Tatiana Niculescu Bran
2013	Amat Escalante – Heli	A Touch of Sin – Jia Zhangke
2014	Bennett Miller – Foxcatcher	Leviathan – Andrey Zvyagintsev, Oleg Negin
2015	Hou Hsiao-hsien – The Assassin	Chronic – Michel Franco
2016	Olivier Assayas – Personal Shopper 🪢 Cristian Mungiu – Graduation	🪙The Salesman🪙 – Asghar Farhadi
2017	Sofia Coppola – The Beguiled	The Killing of a Sacred Deer – Yorgos Lanthimos, Efthymis Filippou 🪢 You Were Never Really Here – Lynne Ramsay
2018	Paweł Pawlikowski – Cold War	3 Faces – Jafar Panahi, Nader Saeivar 🪢 Happy as Lazzaro – Alice Rohrwacher
2019	Jean-Pierre 🪢 Luc Dardenne – Young Ahmed	Portrait of a Lady on Fire – Céline Sciamma
2021	Leos Carax – Annette	🪙Drive My Car🪙 – Ryusuke Hamaguchi, Takamasa Oe
2022	Park Chan-wook – Decision to Leave	Boy from Heaven – Tarik Saleh
2023	Tran Anh Hung – The Pot-au-Feu	Monster – Yuji Sakamoto

Bit of a rant, bit of a self help, bit of just “off my chest.”
I like the off my chest idea, because I’ve never honestly spoken or written this out before.
I love my wife. She’s funny, smart, and the kindest person at heart. Since we started dating, I always referred to her as “fire” because it’s like playing with fire. She’s smoking hot, but has such a quick wit you could easily be burned. That’s been great, and at times, not so great.
We’ve been together 10 years, married for 7. What I love about our marriage, we NEVER fight over big issues. Money isn’t a problem for us, bills get paid, we take vacations when possible, all of our major life ideologies like views on religion, politics, social issues, align 100%. She’s huge into family and loves my folks, and I have the greatest in-laws
She has a VERY stressful job [educator in the US, where teachers have become the enemy and kids get rewarded for bad behavior].
I had a very stressful career for a company that didn’t value employees, and I slaved away there for 13 years before finally leaving the industry and now have a terrific career at an amazing company making great money.
We paid for our wedding ourselves, paid for our vehicles, our home, everything we own, on our own. I’m super proud of that.
So that’s all great. Onto the real reason we’re all here: the dead bedroom.
Like everyone else, it didn’t start that way. When we started dating, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. She was a virgin when we met too. I’m pretty experienced, so we eased into things, making sure she was comfortable. She enjoyed sex. I loved sex. Sex was great.
As time went on, around when we got engaged, my work stress went into overdrive. I was putting in 7 days a week, 10-12 hr days. It was brutal. I was not fun to be around, and I know that. I did my best to keep calm and not bring work home. But here’s the thing; when you have a woman who is quick with what she thinks is a “funny” statement, which is actually quite condescending, it gets old. You get fed up with it. But you love them, so you just take it, and your anger and depression stew.
It was my fault in all honesty looking back. I stopped “dating” my wife. No more cute notes in her lunch box, no more movie nights, no more dinner dates. I was too tired, and after a week of little put downs, I honestly didn’t care. I didn’t think about it at the time the reason she has started going that way was because I wasn’t showing her any affection, so that’s how she coped. Sex obviously dwindled, down from a few times a week when we first dated, to once a week, and after a few years, once a month, then once every other month.
I’d give myself a pep talk in driving home from work, stop and get flowers randomly, give her a foot rub, really take the time to shut off my own brain and just listen to how her day was. “Be the husband she needs you to be dumbass.” She of course appreciated it all, but when I’d start giving cues later in the evening, I’d get a “Not tonight babe.” No problem. I DO NOT want her to feel like she has to be sexually into me, I do not want to guilt her into something. So I let it go.
On the bad days, when the “jokes” were a bit too close to home, I’d deal with it. I mean, I’d question why I’m putting up with it, lol, but whatever. I did finally, about 2 years ago tell her off one night. About how mean she can be at times. How if I dared say something in the same vein, she’d run off and cry and say I hate her. She genuinely replied with saying sorry, she’s just joking, so I told her flat out “Well maybe you just suck at being funny.” That struck a chord, and to her absolute credit, those types of condescending remarks totally stopped. She’s moderated herself there and I am so thankful.
Did any of that fix the Db? No. But are we doing much better, absolutely. We just had our kid, going on 9 months old. She’s an AMAZING mom. With my new career, my stress level hasn’t only gone down, I have a ton more time to be around, help out, and I feel like relationship wise, we’re closer than we’ve ever been.
Given other outside factors in life, in the last 10 months, we’ve had sex 1 and 1/2 times [1/2 because we had to stop halfway through before I finished. I always go down on her first before actual intercourse because I love giving oral and it’s a guaranteed way she can enjoy an orgasm].
Tried again last night after we put the kid to bed and did our weekly Friday night cleaning ritual [we like vacuuming, mopping, and doing laundry on a Thursday or Friday night so we can enjoy the weekends relatively chore free].
I’ll occasionally take pot for pain related to a really bad wreck I was involved in at the end of last year, totally another reason for the time gap in sex since I only started walking again about 2 months ago, that’s what I meant by outside factors. Last night I offered her some, and to my surprise she accepted. It was amazing. It was funny. She actually relaxed. I asked if she wanted to try getting frisky, she declined and was starting to get pretty tired at that point. So we went to bed cuddling.
And after all that, I think I’m okay. I have a very high libido, she has either lost interest in sex, or is still stuck in the rut of still not feeling lusted after that I created years earlier. I don’t think any action I take at this point could really undo that. And that’s on me. But we do have a great relationship, we’ve done well for ourselves, and I have no desire to change or lose any of that. She’s a great person and a wonderful partner.
I’m over trying to rattle my brain on how to possibly change the sexual aspect, I’m done being down about it. I created this, unbeknownst to me because I put work and my stress ahead of her, and I can’t blame her for the workload she takes on, how tired she is, or that she just maybe isn’t attracted to me sexually anymore [I wouldn’t blame her on the last bit, lmao.]
I can easily satisfy my sexual urges with masturbation. Do I wish things were different, of course. But I’m over blaming her, and I’m over having a self pity party now that I clearly see how we got here.
That’s life isn’t it. You can’t have everything, but you know what, I’m lucky for what I do have.

I have some heavy cream that’s about to expire and I want to make this recipe. Problem is I forgot to put it In the crock pot this AM. Instructions are basically mix corn starch and broth until no longer lumpy. Dump all in. Cook on low 6-7 hours.
Would I change much on the stove top other than time?
4 Large boneless, skinless chicken breasts 1½ cups chicken broth 3 tbsp corn starch 1 cup heavy cream 3 tsp garlic 1 tsp black pepper ½ tsp salt 1 tsp Italian seasoning ½ tsp paprika ½ tsp onion powder 2 tbsp butter (divided into fourths) ⅓ cup sun dried tomatoes (drained)

Shipping details:Date: 10.7.1998 to 6.8.1998 (by air to Antananarivo and then by all-terrain vehicle Mitsubichi Pajero)
Members of the expedition: Ivan Mackerle, Jiří Skupien, Danny Mackerle, Jaroslav ProkopecGuide and translator: Pascal Guy (Malgas living in the Czech Republic)Driver: Dada (Malagasy), Car: Mitsubichi Pajero 4x4
Expedition route:1st part (north) Antananarivo – Maevatanana – Mahajunga – (transport across the bay) – Mitsinjo – Ananalava – and back to Antananarivo (traveled 1920 km).
2nd part (South)Antananarivo – Ampitatresik (bridge) - Ifandana (rock) – Ambavala – Ifandana – Ihosy – Tulear – Androka – Reakaly – Ambovombe – Betroka – Ihosy - and back to Antananarivo (3090 km driven) Total 5010 km driven.
Expedition Objectives:To verify reports of the man-eating Tepe tree and find it. Find out if the elephant bird Aepyornis still survives there. Find outmore about the mythical creatures, dwarf kalonura .
​
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I have always been passionately interested in the monsters and monsters of the animal kingdom, hiding in the remote and unexplored parts of our country. I knew it was not at all easy to track them down, but I still tried many times. When I once read about a man-eating tree from the forests of Madagascar, unknown to science until now, which can trap a person in its branches and then gradually devour a person, I cheered. This is not an animal that can hide from me. After all, the tree always grows in the same place, so it cannot escape me. I was sure that this time I would solve the mystery and find this green monster.
In the eastern part of the valley, whose altitude was only about one hundred meters, lay a deep lake with a diameter of less than two kilometres. Its oily water flowed lazily into a reed-lined channel leading into the dark forest. The natives led us along a narrow path along the stream, right into a seemingly impenetrable wall of trees. My companion and interpreter, Hendrick, walked right in front of me, and at the end of the procession went the women and children. After a while, everyone stopped and started shouting, “Tep! Tepe!” The brook meandered here, and in one of its bends in a clearing stood the strangest tree I had ever seen in my life.
Its trunk, seemingly as hard as steel, looked like a two-and-a-half-meter-tall, dark cinnamon-colored pineapple. From a conical crown with a diameter of at least half a meter, eight stalk-like leaves resembling agaves, but about three meters long, bent down to the ground. At their thickest point, they were about two feet thick and almost a meter wide. They tapered towards the end to a sharp point like a cow's horn, but were slightly concave on the outside and convex on the inside. The surface of the concave side was covered with many hook-shaped thorns. The leaves hung limply, as if lifeless, even though there was great power hidden within them. It was dripping from the top of the tree sticky juice, and there were some two-meter hairy tentacles sticking out in all directions, still frozen. Above them, six white, almost transparent tentacles rose into the sky, constantly moving and vibrating like the bodies of snakes. The natives, grouped around the tree, suddenly began to scream and shout in loud voices. Hendrick explained to me that this was their hymn of sorts, singing the great devil tree. Singing incessantly, they surrounded one young woman, pushed her against a tree with spears and forced her to climb up the trunk to the crown. When the woman, with terror in her eyes, finally stood on the summit next to the quivering tentacles, they started shouting at her "Tsik! Tsik!” (Drink! Drink!). The poor woman bent down and began to lick the honey-like liquid that slowly oozed from the crown. At that the tree came to life. In a flash, the tentacles angled towards the woman, hovering above her head for a moment, then, as if driven by a demonic intelligence, wrapped around her neck. The desperate cry of the woman was immediately interrupted by the loud shouts of the excited natives. But the terrible theatre is not over yet. The hitherto stiff tentacles of the tree moved, and one by one they slowly curled towards their victim. She bound her like a ball of snakes with brutal force. And then slowly, like the arms of a crane began lift stiff leaves. They formed a sort of gigantic flower and silently closed around the struggling woman. With tremendous force, they pressed together tighter and tighter, and after a while, a trickle of red liquid began to flow down the trunk. It was a mixture of a woman's blood and the honey-like sap of a man-eating tree. The screaming natives were now crawling to the bloodied tree trunk, grabbing and licking the precious liquid. They pushed each other away and crowded around the trunk to taste the hideous drink. Excitement reached its peak and unimaginable orgies ensued. The leaves of the Tepe tree did not open until ten days later, and again bent gracefully down to the ground. Only the white skeleton that fell from them to the ground reminded of the horrible theater that had recently taken place here.
This is how the German traveller Karl Liche described his eyewitness in a letter to the Polish scholar dr. Omelius Fredlowski at the end of the last century. The letter was printed in several newspapers and magazines, and attracted a lot of attention. It was first published in 1878 by the popular magazine Gräfe und Walter in Karlsruhe, and the Indian Mail, published in Madras. The New York World and the Australian Register followed in 1880, and a year later the Antanarivo Annual and Madagascar Magazine, published by missionaries in Madagascar, reported the incident . However, no botanist or traveller went in search of the man-eating tree at that time, and it was gradually forgotten.

The search is on

A new wave of interest was sparked by an article in the Sunday supplement of the American newspaper American Weekly dated September 26, 1920. But he didn't bring any new information about the tree, he just dusted off and somewhat dramatized Liche's letter, adding a cartoon picture of a naked blonde hugging the thorny leaves of a horrible tree. This article inspired Michigan Governor Chase Salmon Osborne to travel to Madagascar to investigate this botanical mystery. Osborn travelled all over Madagascar, but unfortunately he couldn't find the tree anywhere. However, all the natives he met told him about the tree. The experiences of his trip were published again by the American Weekly in October 1924. And for the third time, the American Weekly returned to this topic in January 1925. In an article entitled Escape from the clutches of a man-eating tree described the expedition of the traveller WC Bryant to the island of the Philippines, where in the jungle he came across human skeletons in the branches of a strange unknown tree.
The reaction of botanists to these articles was sharp. "Carnivorous plants only hunt and consume insects up to a few millimetres in size," they fumed. "Man or a larger animal cannot by any means become their prey."American Botanist Science Magazine he concluded his unsparing criticism by saying: “Fields and forests certainly do not abound in poisonous plants and animals. They are much safer than the streets of most cities. If there is such a tree as described in some of the tabloids, we offer a reward of ten thousand dollars for its living specimen." It is difficult to say whether it was the sight of this reward or just a desire for adventure that led to the search for the man-eating tree in 1935 to the forests of Madagascar by former British army officer L. Hearst. Although he did not find natives of the Mkodo dwarf tribe who would lead him to their revered tree on the island, he was not completely unsuccessful. He met a black hunter who confirmed to him. that "devil trees" do grow there, and deep in the forests, religious ceremonies involving human sacrifices to these trees are still secretly practised today. Encouraged, Hearst spent four months searching the island and finally came upon the huge carnivorous plants. The revered man-eating Tepe tree was hidden from him by the natives, but Hearst brought back photographs of large lizards swallowing small rodents and pictures of some unknown trees, under which lay the skeletons of larger animals. Of course, he couldn't import live specimens of trees, he would need at least a truck for that. But scientists did not recognize his photos as evidence and suspected him of forgery. So Hearst went into the woods again, but this time he didn't come back. He died under mysterious circumstances somewhere in the groves of succulent harpagophytes in the southeastern region of the island. That's also where our search began. The revered man-eating Tepe tree was hidden from him by the natives, but Hearst brought back photographs of large lizards swallowing small rodents and pictures of some unknown trees, under which lay the skeletons of larger animals. Of course, he couldn't import live specimens of trees, he would need at least a truck for that. But scientists did not recognize his photos as evidence and suspected him of forgery.
We thought that there was a green impenetrable jungle waiting for us there, like in Africa, but the dry thorny bush we got into was perhaps even worse and more impassable. It is dominated by raffia palms, which tolerate drought well, and massive baobab trees, scattered among thickets of thorn bushes. The landscape looks completely unearthly. Prickly giants grow out of the sharp red sand, whether they are thorn bushes with thirty-centimetre thorns, or strange didiera trees, whose flexible branches are so covered with thorns that the leaves between them are almost not visible at all. Traversing this landscape with a machete is extremely difficult. The spines will immediately tear your clothes and injure your body. After walking a few tens of meters in this terrible vegetation, you have to come back covered in blood. That is why many unknown plants are still hidden here today. Indeed, carnivorous plants also grow here. They are mainly so-called pitcher plants with peculiar sac-like pots in which they trap their prey. It is attracted by the sweet nectar secreted on the lid and elsewhere on the surface of the tube, and as soon as it reaches the slippery surface, it falls into the tube from where there is no return. It drowns in a slimy liquid and is gradually broken down by the plant's digestive juices. However, the legs of the well-known Madagascar carnivores are a maximum of 30 cm long, so their usual prey is really only insects. What's more, the trapping system of these plants is only passive. However, the traveller was describing to Liche. that the man-eating tree Tepe was actively catching its prey. By its rapid capture by some growths and subsequent pinching of the leaves. Rather, it resembled carnivores from the family of flycatchers, or sundews. However, they also hunt only insects.

Surrounded by insidious thugs

In the south of the island, where the searcher of the man-eating tree Hearst mysteriously disappeared, but we can come across plants that are dangerous to larger animals and even to humans. Not that they will eat him, but they can bind him and trap him in their branches. They are very strange plants that cannot be found anywhere else in the world. They hide in the thorn bush that covers most of the area. They lurk among spiky house-sized cactus-like succulents and thickets with huge thorns and razor-sharp leaves. They really lurk because they need to sink their hooks into the skin of a living creature. I repeat, not to suck his blood like a vampire, but to disperse their seeds. One of them is the very rare plant Harpagophytum grandidieri. The natives call her andrindritra, or tree with claws. It has very long and flexible branches, hanging in a massive bunch down to the ground, at the end of which pods with seeds grow. The capsules are egg-shaped and have very sharp, reverse hooks. Unlike our thistles, which cling to clothes but do not injure the skin, harpagophyte pods easily pierce the skin as well. When the seeds are ripe, the pod easily falls off and the animal it attaches to carries it away. At the same time, he suffers a lot of pain, because the hooks mercilessly scratch his skin with every movement. But until the seeds are ripe, the pods hold firmly on the branches. If the branches are swayed by the wind, they can wrap themselves perfectly around a random animal or person. If the victim tries to free himself, he ends up like a fly in a spider's web. He gets even more tangled and more hooks get stuck in him. He is trapped in a painful grip and unless outside help comes he will perish.
However, we were looking for a tree that would not only imprison its victim, but also gradually devour it. When meeting the natives, we did not miss a single opportunity not to ask about him. But they just shrugged. Of course, "devil trees" dangerous to humans grow here, but they are mostly "fady". Fady is the Malagasy term for a taboo, i.e. a kind of restriction or prohibition, the violation of which is punished by means of supernatural forces. The place where such a tree grows is sacred and no white man is allowed to enter there. Fortunately, our Malagasy guide Pascal was university educated and not afraid of ghosts. He was very good with the local natives and often managed to skilfully extract valuable information from them.
Our jeep bounced along the tree roots and deep potholes of the narrow road in the middle of the forest. It was already dark and we were getting nervous. It was not very wise to enter the sacred territory of the natives at night. Despite the noise of the engine, we suddenly heard a sharp scream from outside. It sounded like a high-pitched woman's wail, but we already knew it was bad. It was the battle cry of the Antandroy tribe. We sharpened our attention and soon white shadows flashed between the trees. Immediately figures in white robes and spears in hand ran out onto the road. Our guide Pascal encouraged the Malagasy driver to drive faster, but the broken road did not allow it. Screaming figures ran alongside our car and two managed to jump onto the rear bumper. Through the back window we looked into their grinning faces. Fortunately, a straighter section of the road came, the driver increased his speed and our pursuers had to jump off. After a while they disappeared back into the darkness.
The sacred territory into which we penetrated without the permission of the natives was protected by one of the "devil trees". It was a tree, surrounded by many legends and worshipped by the natives in a wide area. Many years ago, the spirit of the former local king incarnated in his tribe and it is said that he still sometimes demands a human sacrifice. Inexplicable phenomena and even mysterious deaths occur with him. Isn't it the legendary "cannibal tree" that we've been searching for weeks in vain? After another quarter of an hour of driving through the dark forest, the trees thinned out a bit. And then we saw him. He was standing in the middle of the plain and looked truly spooky. Its dark forked silhouette with unnaturally twisted branches loomed against the moonlit sky. However, we immediately recognized that it was not a man-eating tree unknown to science, but an ordinary baobab. Although a rare tree, growing only here in Madagascar, but apart from its unusual appearance and ability to live to an incredibly old age, the tree is not at all mysterious. It is in no way dangerous to humans, let alone carnivorous. We explained the death of a man, whose body was recently found torn to pieces here, as an attack by the worshippers of the tree and the guardians of the sacred territory, who threatened us a while ago. It was getting close to midnight, and strange screams and voices started coming from the forest behind us. I guess it wasn't just harmless lemurs, because both Pascal and the Malagasy driver got nervous. They say it's high time to get out of here.
"Among the devil trees we worship here are some that can actually kill a person, and sometimes from a distance," a white-haired old man from a small village told us. "How is that possible?" we wondered. "Go to Kinkony Lake, there you will learn their secret," he replied with an enigmatic smile.
The journey there was horrible. Deep holes, boulders and incredibly steep climbs. In the village of Ananalava, consisting of a few huts with a reed roof, the villagers ran around us and dozens of black hands began to touch us curiously. There probably weren't many white people here before us. Pascal asked about the devil trees and the faces of the natives suddenly turned to stone. We took out the presents. Cheap jewellery, T-shirts, pens. After a while, everything was fine and the natives were talking again. The trees are called Kumanga and they are said to be very dangerous indeed. Although they do not eat people or animals, they are so poisonous that they can kill even from a distance. Especially when they are blooming. The layer of poisoned air from the flowers is said to reach quite far when there is no wind. Birds that sit among their leaves fall dead to the ground, and animals that want to hide in their shade immediately perish. Jirka Skupien, the photographer of the expedition, just smiled sceptically. The man standing right next to him noticed this and nodded his head: "Many unbelieving Thomases have already paid the price for their haughty carelessness. They sniffed heroically at the flowers and soon lost consciousness.” It occurred to me that perhaps the occasional discovery of the skeletons of people who had carelessly laid down in the shade of a poisonous tree had given some natives the idea that the tree had seized its victim, eaten it, and then thrown the skeleton out.
When we asked them to show us the way to the nearest Kumanga, they shook their heads telling us not to go there. It might not turn out well. We explained to them that it was because of these trees that we came here from a far country, and that we can protect ourselves from them. That was indeed true. Danny, the expedition's diver, decided to go close to the dangerous tree with a mask and breathing apparatus. We take out more gifts, and finally a young native gets into our car after all. He will lead us to the tree.
The sandy road twists and turns in dense green vegetation and we have to switch on the four-wheel drive a few times. The car bravely digs through the sand further and further, but in the end we still have to continue on foot. A few quick sips of warm water, bagels on the back and off we go. On the way, the native gives us one last lesson. When we are at the tree, we are not to drink or eat. Unfortunately, he doesn't know if the tree is currently blooming. He had not been with him for a long time. We are burning with impatience and we discuss again how we will proceed with the tree.
And then we are finally there. The green crown of the Kumanga peeks out from behind a group of palm trees. We probably wouldn't really recognize her ourselves. I pull out my binoculars and scan her branches. I don't see flowers anywhere. There is therefore no immediate danger. We approach cautiously and constantly sniff around. The air is clean, no hint of the slightest scent. The mask can remain in the bagel. Two bird carcasses are rotting under a tree, and a little further away lies the shell of a turtle with its spine peeking out. I would like to find skeletons of larger animals here, but no luck. I guess instinct warned them of the danger in time. The native bends the branch and shows us the large hard pods. These were recently deadly flowers. I tear one as a souvenir and store it in a microtene bag. All around is calm, no drama is happening. I expected us to be putting our lives on the line here. I was a little disappointed. We would have to wait a few months for the next flowers and deadly atmosphere. But even the natives themselves do not know exactly when the tree blooms. It is said to be irregular and depends on the rains. But Kumanga is fiercely poisonous even now. We have to be careful and not touch her too much. Not even on leaves. A year ago, cows from the village wandered here and grazed on the juicy leaves from the branches. They were dead in a few moments. The natives therefore decided to get rid of the murderous trees once and for all. They came to burn them. We saw the work of destruction with our own eyes in the adjacent clearing. Burnt, blackened logs stuck sadly up to the cloudless sky. Maybe we were some of the last white people who saw the legendary killer trees with our own eyes and filmed them. They don't grow anywhere else. Even here in Madagascar there are a few last specimens only in this area. And so we actually felt sorry for those dreaded "devils" in the end. And the man-eating tree? Maybe he met the same fate.
Ivan Mackerle
Fantastic Facts No. 1/99 and 2/99

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/imnotperfectsowhat in twoxchromosomes

trigger warnings: emotional, physical, and financial abuse, child endangerment
mood spoilers: hopeful ending

EXTRA REMINDER: Do not participate in the linked threads in any way or message the OOP. You could be banned by one or both subreddits.

 
Original Post - My husband parked his truck in front of my car, removed the car seats and refused to let me leave yesterday in twoxchromosomes - March 13, 2023

Editor's note: I created paragraphs for readability, but the text is unchanged. Also, OOP adds a lot of details in comments - buckle up.

All of this started because I accidentally deleted his meal when ordered food on an app yesterday morning. All of our 3 kids (and us) are very sick with croup and ear infections. My husband woke up in a rage from being sick, hungover and not having smoked any pot because I told him he has to stop smoking in front of the kids. He wanted “caffeine and food” so he could “function.” He put his order on the app and I then did my order and placed it for priority delivery. Unfortunately when I was deleting a meal that I decided I did not want- I deleted his meal off of the app. I didn't realize this had happened until the order had already been placed with priority delivery.
I worked up the courage to go and tell him. I said "I am so sorry please don't hate me but I accidentally removed your meal. I can go get in the car and drive to get you the food that didn't get on the order." He starts getting in a rage about the situation. Takes a look at the app and says "why is this so fucking expensive!? You are making us bleed money!" Again I say "I can go get you the order from the actual store, I have some cash in my wallet." He responds "oh YOU have cash in YOUR wallet?!" And laughs at me. He is getting more and more in a rage saying that all he fuckin needed was some caffeine and a stupid fucking broccoli cheddar bread bowl to make him able to function.
I have recently asked him to stop smoking pot and drinking in the morning so he can be more present so I'm sure this is partially my fault but also I recognize that this is his addiction issue and not mine to solve.. I have tried everything. I notice his signs of aggression setting in so I take the kids in another room. They're all screaming and crying clinging to me and he rips the baby gate off of the master bedroom door and throws it across the hallway. The master door is already ripped off halfway from him slamming it so many times. I'm in the room with the kids and I decide that croup and all we are not going to stay here with him acting like this. I pack 3 bags with the kids clothes and mine and plenty of diapers since all 3 are still in diapers. The order arrives- bell rings he doesn’t answer. Rings again. He says “GODDAMNNIT” opens door, says thanks, slams door and throws the food on table spilling the drinks.
He comes in and says "where are you going? You aren't leaving with my kids." Then he sees I'm packing the bags and says "oh you're packing day bags?! No fucking way." And goes to rip them out of my arms. He twists my wrist while pulling then gives up and drops the bag, and he grabs his keys, rips the car seats out of my Tahoe and throws them in the garage, parks his long bed truck in front of my Tahoe so I can't leave. When he left the house to do this I grabbed my phone and pressed record on voice memo because this is the 100th argument like this over his rage and he always says the worst shit to me about how he will ruin me and take the kids from me. I tell him if he does not move his truck I am calling the police and I have a right to leave. I dial 911 and say "Go move your truck and go put those car seats back in my car right now or I am calling the police. I have a right to leave with my children." He refused and said I am not going anywhere and we can sit here and work this out like adults. I tell him I am done, I want a divorce and I cannot live like this any more.
He said that if I divorce him he is going to take everything from me, I will have nobody, I will have no where to go, I will have no kids and I'll never see them again. He claimed to me good luck getting child support because he makes $250k but only claims $70k on his taxes. He said he has evidence against me to take my kids from me and I'll never see them again. He said he is allowed to smoke pot because it's decriminalized. He couldn't remember the last time he had been sober from alcohol just one fucking day when I inquired about it when stating that I want a divorce I've tried everything, I've shed every single piece of myself to make him happy instead of angry and help him be sober and it's never worked. I said "I do not want you. I used to want you, I used to think I could do it but I can't. I said I want an amicable divorce and he can have the kids as much as he wants. He has to be sober when he has them and if he isn't I'll document it. He said that is not how this is going to play out. I said well I don't know what to do but I'm done I cannot live in fear and anxiety any longer. He looked at me, said the typical "well this is a huge wake up call, I'm gonna throw away all the pot, I'll move the beers to the fridge and I'll get sober."
I don't remember what I said but I just stopped there and went back to my care tasks. I said I have to breastfeed the baby, she needs a nap please leave me alone. I shut the kids door and got her down for a nap and I didn't see him around, I think he was in the driveway putting the car seats back, but left his truck there. He took a hot bath and read a book called "Man in the Mirror" some Christian men's book I guess. He said it's helping him already. He got on the phone with his sober friend while rolling a joint for "a rainy day" he tried to give all the weed to the other dad across the street who smokes but he didn't want it because he's trying to quit. He left the house to "go buy paintbrushes" and came back intoxicated or high after 2 hrs gone. He started love bombing me, hugging me, touching me, kissing me wouldn't leave me alone I wanted to throw up from anxiety. He forced me to put the ring back on my finger. He drank beer and smoked before bed. I just want someone in my life to love me enough to be sober and kind. To love my kids enough to be sober. I don't want to ruin him, I don't want to destroy him. I just want some peace in my life because I deserve that. I am a mom who does EVERYTHING. if I don't- it won't get done. we have an autistic 4 year old, 2.5 year old and a one year old (today is her birthday).
I don't know what to do at this point. I'm broken, I have no job, $200 to my name, tons of bills and no degree. My parents aren't in my life because he made me think they were the problem and I shouldn’t be close with them. We have a beautiful, modest home in the best neighborhood within walking distance to the elementary school. I live on a cul-de-sac with 5 of the best neighbors I've ever had. I've invested so much time into this life with him that I'm thinking I can just stick around and hope for the best but maybe I'm just stressed and emotionally drained. Please help me because I don't know where to turn.

Relevant comments from OOP and others:

u/human-foi-gras gives their perspective

I grew up in a house just like this. Word for word you described my early childhood. The alcohol, drugs, uncontrollable rage and then weeping apologies and broken promises. My mom left just after my 4th birthday. All I remember is screaming, thrown plates and glasses and my dad beating my mother as she cowered over me to take it in my place. I am 35 years old and still in therapy. You need to get your children out. It is your job to put their needs first, and they need to be safe. They are not safe in this environment.

When asked if she can stay elsewhere, OOP replied

I can go stay with his mom about 4.5-5hrs away. It’s spring break but my son has to be back in school on Monday.
Well my son is actually truant and for 45 days he cannot miss any more school I recently also had to hire an autism advocate and get my son switched out of his class and into another class because of some laws regarding disability being not upheld. I’m really trying and at a bit of a breaking point

To which another redditor said

Part of the reason your son is doing badly is because he’s in a abusive, alcoholic, addict home. He won’t get better until he is out of this dire situation. You need to put your love for your kids first or they will end up as addicts in abusive relationships.

OOP seemed to be in denial about the situation:

• It just really sucks because I am sitting here feeling defensive over the entire situation and scanning my post for exaggerations but there just aren’t any. It’s really hard to hear my husband is abusive to me.
  
• I truly love him and honestly want a family life with him but I can’t do any more than I have done at this point I am broken and tired, empty
  
• He does not go to church but it’s part of his image
  
• Maybe I’m just used to it by now and he’s always gone. He’s home for a few hrs in the evening and leaves first thing every morning. I really really don’t want to change things for my oldest and we are all so so sick right now too. Maybe I can ask him to go leave and find somewhere to go until he is in a drug/alcohol program.
  
• I am not leaving my house. I am a primary caregiver to my 3 children who are 4, 2 and 1. I will not lose this residency and I have documented everything. I am pretending I am ok with his current resolutions, telling him to get into AA and stop the substances. If he has another outburst I am calling the police.
  
• I grew up with my dad choking my mom, slamming me against cabinets and pulling my hair out. This isn’t physical
  
• He’s always been angry when things don’t go right. This is the worst event we have had in our relationship I would say. Usually it’s just muttering under his breath and slamming doors really hard and screaming at me. But he’s always been able to go smoke or drink and uses that to calm down. He doesn’t have that any more and that is because of me putting my foot down and saying no more substances in the home.
  

Mini-updates from OOP's comments in the original post

• I called a neighbor and told her what’s going on. I called my brother and he’s removing the guns from the house. I called his mom and she knows what’s going on and is on my side. I called a domestic violence shelter and set up a place to go. I packed a bag ready to leave. I threw away all the pot and poured the beers down the sink. I told my husband that if he ever comes home high or drunk or smokes or drinks again to not come home and find somewhere else to live. I have documentation, I will call the police, people know what’s going on and I won’t back down. I am not going to let him act like that I will call the police and he will be arrested. Today is my last baby’s first birthday- I just want some peace today, to eat some cake and put them to sleep in their own beds. I’m not going to stay if things escalate.
  
• He did it again. He took all the car seats in his truck, shut off my phone and left me alone at the house. I called the police. I’m at my brothers. I have an appointment on Thursday with the shelter to get help. I am at a loss and I feel so so so guilty right now.
  
• I left. He took the car seats, put them in his truck k and left to fix a mistake I made on our daughters documents. He was so angry with me leaving because I told him to stop slamming things and screaming. He was searching frantically for my keys. He couldn’t find them so he took the car seats, turned my phone off, shut off the WiFi and then he left. I called the police. It took them an hour to show up. When they did show up he had already busted through the screen on a window and got back in the house. I told him I called the police and they were on the way. He became so so calm and went to try and get the car seats out of his truck and back into my car before they got here. I went to video record him and he stopped and pretended to take the trash out. They arrived- got me with the shelter on the phone, took a statement for today and Sunday’s event. The woman cop was so so so nice and helped me without telling me what to do but just giving me “the eyes”. She didn’t say “get the fuck out” verbally but I knew she meant it with the looks she gave me. I packed bags, went to my brothers. As soon as I left he cancelled all my card, drained the bank account and turned my phone off permanently. He’s been texting me to come back with his wife and kids. I got a notification he bought marijuana and had it delivered. I am broken. I have no money but just $200 but that doesn’t matter. The shelter people are gonna help me get food stamps and Medicaid and my kids will be ok. I am an idiot for thinking he was different. The people on the phone at the shelter said this is all typical and exactly what abusers do. I am numb and don’t know what the next chapter is but for now I am not being yelled at and my kids aren’t crying and screaming upset.
  

 
1st Update Post - I left my husband after he took the car seats in his truck. in twoxchromosomes - March 15, 2023

Editor's note: I tried to organize this information roughly in the order it was posted.

I know that I updated in a comment on my last post. But I just wanted to let everyone know that I am safe and away from my home. My husband again entrapped me. This time he took the car seats and put them in his truck and left the house. Then he shut off my cards, turned my phone off and shut down the WiFi. I called the police. After an hour and a half waiting for the cops- he showed up and I had locked the doors. He busted through the unlocked window screen and came inside the house that way. When I told him the cops were on the way he looked shockingly calm. Tried to go get the seats out of the truck but I was videoing him outside so he pretended to take trash out. The female officer took my statement and was so sweet and understanding. She didn’t tell me what to do but her eyes said it all. She got her phone so I could call the shelter and they got me scheduled for an appointment with the advocacy group on Thursday. I was able to pack my belongings, as much food as possible and get the fuck out of there. I forgot so much stuff. I was so anxious.
He came back inside because he asked to say goodbye to the kids. He was so dramatic and acting like I was psycho making comments like “why are you staring at me” and “dang that’s a lot of food to take for such a short trip.” I stayed calm and asked him not to shut my phone off again and not shut the cards down in front of the cops he agreed not to. As soon as I packed kids and left he drained our checking, made a new checking account, cancelled all of our cards, turned my phone off and texted me through iMessage saying he loves me and this will be a great reset button. About an hour later he had pot delivered to the house. I am so broken, so sad, I feel so stupid. I love this man so much but I have to divorce him. I cannot let him continue to treat me this way. I want some peace and happiness so badly that it hurts. Someone please comfort me with some resources and tips because I can’t sleep sitting here watching bluey way past when the kids went to bed. I am so sick to my stomach and my entire body is feeling the shock of todays happenings. Thank you so much to this community. I couldn’t have done it without y’all. I wouldn’t even be calling this abuse if I hadn’t made that post and heard from each of you. I want y’all to know i read each and every single comment and took it all to heart. Blessings to each of you women from the bottom of my heart. In 20 min it will be a new day here in Texas and my new life will begin.

Relevant comments from OOP

In response to a comment with steps on how to proceed safely, OOP replied

This is the best comment that I could’ve read right now. The actionable steps are helping me stay calm. I see a light on the other side of this comment. I will be ok. He is the one who is doing wrong right now.. not me. I took screenshots of our bank accounts emptied and how he made himself a new card and shut off all my cards and resources to money. It’s so sad that he would let our kids have no money and punish me rather than be a normal person and want me to have resources. I’m realizing he only wanted me to have these things if I was with him.

Mini-update from OOP in comments
Can everyone please help me? My husband just sent me this text and I am utterly confused at this point. He is such a smooth talker. I have absolutely no idea how he knows about the neighbors helping me. :/ “I saw that you brought by your mother and the neighbors yesterday afternoon… sorry that the house was a mess as I left early around 7:30 for work and really wasn’t in a mindset to pick up after everything the day before. I’m genuinely happy to see that this has brought you closer with your parents, it’s a silver lining out of this whole situation.
It is disappointing though to see you escalate this whole situation well beyond what is truly necessary with the cops and all of this drama when Marriage Counseling, Church and short term separation are logical progressions that we could’ve pursued. We always said that the best marriages handle their problems with eachother directly - so I really don’t understand why you have the desire to continually “air out dirty laundry” with the whole neighborhood/family when I only speak highly of you to others… some of the twisted truths that I’ve heard you tell people are just flat out lies, dark fabrications or embellished stories to portray the victim when we could all just be honest, forth coming in order to grow from the situation! There is so much potential in our relationship if we just joined together to grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually - but it seems like our growth has stalled by us not seeing eye to eye and carrying hurt from words that have been said in the past in difficult, trying moments. For that I really am sorry. I know that while I have never gotten even remotely physical and hardly raise my voice or call names - arguing or just having a conversation with me can be incredibly exhausting and tiresome. I love how you are emotionally the heart of the home - I really feel that you are my own pulse! But know that when you are frantically anxious, juggling the world on our plates feeling like it’s all going to collapse - I am here in the same boat as your copilot, I feel the same way and really just want to cling to you while trying to be the rock for this family (trying to keep the boat from sinking). As we both continue our paths to TRUE sobriety, I really feel like we will become more in tune with eachother, the kids and God. Daily I feel more present and in tune with my own needs and the needs of our family!
With no possibility of erasing the past, I am going to give you and the kids space and time while still providing in any way I can and working on myself…
I will maintain a clean house and pour myself into projects to make a real suitable home for our family, leaving an open door and always leaving a light on for any time you want to come and go as long as nothing vindictively gets stolen or goes missing. I will reconnect your phone as long as there are no further attempts to hack into our accounts, and as long as I receive at least a photo of each child every morning and night and at least one FaceTime call with just the children for ten minutes or more every day. I will provide payments, insurance and maintenance on you and the children’s main source of transportation in the Tahoe. I will establish your own separate checking account where I deposit $500 weekly specifically to be used for the children’s needs.
This is above and beyond the Texas MAXIMUM Child Support Limit of $2750 a month for three kids, but more than the money - I just don’t ever want any of you to suffer or be without.
I know that with this being a new thing and everything still being raw, that seeing eachother might be difficult at first - but please consider letting me see the children at least twice a week on Sunday’s and Wednesdays… I not only want to (and have the right to) maintain the relationship as their father but I really would like for you to start getting a break.
So disappointing that it seems like right when we were all on the cusp of things being great, I just seem to find a way to fuck things up - but I hope you know how much I want the best for you as I’m just hoping and praying that all of this is temporary…
You are my best friend, my wife and my life partner - I will always love you!
I will and I am going to be better.”
Like what the actual fuck man. :/

Other relevant comments from OOP

OOP finds that her husband has been tracking her

HELP I HAVE TWO APPLE AIR TAGS THAT JUST STARTED BEEPING HOW TO I DISABLE THESE

• Right now is the first moment I’m having today to calm down and center myself. I’m breastfeeding my last baby. I keep reminding myself that he’s the one who did this- not me. My kids are struggling to adjust. Lots of tears and my autistic son isn’t doing well right now coping without his routine and his space. Thank god for his favorite show SpongeBob and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I made sure to bring his special plate he always eats on. Today I waited for my family to come by and go with me to get a protective order, then a police escort to my house. While waiting for my family- I heard a beeping and realized an air tag was going off in my wallet. He located me. He immediately texted me saying the address where I am. Said he’s coming here if I don’t send pictures of the kids. I didn’t respond. Waves of panic and anxiety entire body trembling crying so scared.. I called the police. They showed up. Nothing he could do. He was looking at me like I was insane and just kept saying “I don’t know what you expect me to do.” He left. Family came and we went to courthouse to file order. They told me i can fill out 1.5 hrs of paperwork for a 2 year restraining order that is very difficult to obtain but encouraged me to take it to my meeting tomorrow with the shelter and they know what to do to help me get my safety in order. Immediately after leaving he texted me “what were you doing at the courthouse.” I called the shelter and they helped me disable any location services on my phone. I debated for hours if I should go get my stuff. I knew it was my last chance. He gets off at 7. At 2pm I showed up to my house- knocked on every door and told all my neighbors to please call the police if he pulls up. Two neighbors helped me grab every single stitch of my kids clothing, remove the magazine from the gun and get all my documents, clothes, food, toiletries and my VERY personal journals with my thoughts and feelings from the past years. I’m so numb. I’m so drained. But as I took the last load of dirty clothes in a hamper to my car and shut the door, I started laughing. I felt more proud of myself than anything I had ever done. I am safe- I won’t go back. I’m filing for divorce tomorrow.
  
• He must be a psychopath because I don’t know how what he did is legal whatsoever. I didn’t file a protective order and I’m regretting it because he can become so unhinged so quickly.
  
• I am really tough and have been through so much adversity in my life but I feel like this is absolutely crushing. Nothing has ever hurt like this. Thank God I come from a long line of really strong freaking women and had the power to just say “enough is enough” and go get the life I deserve. I’m leaving behind everything I’ve known- trapped inside 4 walls. I’m so attached to my house because it’s been my prison. But I’ll find roots somewhere new again soon.
  

After speaking with the DV shelter, OOP adds

• I spent 2 hrs giving my account of his abuse. They said in 3-5 business days I’ll get an advocate to help me get my life put back together, find a lawyer, file for divorce with full custody. They also gave me tons of pull ups and toiletries. I am so thankful. It’s so weird not paying for the stuff I felt really guilty because I used to have lots of money. I shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t have done this to us.
  
• I do have enough food because I am staying with my brother. I have 1/4 a tank of fuel and now I’m down to $170 left. I am so hopeful for the future right now. My brothers girlfriend put me on their phone plan but I’m not giving him this new number because there’s gonna be a protective order
  
• Thank you! Luckily I have a HUGE support system about 20 people deep. My neighbors bought diapers, my best friend got me a bra and she’s bringing groceries. I’m utilizing the services of the shelter too. I have my kids, shelter, clothes, food and peace. He only THOUGHT I didn’t have anyone. He said I would be fucked, poor and alone if I left him. I’m feeling happier and lighter than I have in a very very long time.
  

 
2nd Update Post - My husband put an air tag in my vehicle. The count is up to 3 air tags now. - March 17, 2023
Hello it’s me. I am safe. The kids are safe. My resources and support are here helping in anyway they can. Today CPS showed up to my place of shelter. They said my husband told them where I was when they could not contact me because he shut my phone off. They told me he put an air tag on my vehicle. I just did an entire interview with them. I was so scared when the process started - but after they left I felt so supported. They validated that everything he is doing is abuse- he is in the wrong. They told me DO NOT GIVE HIM THE CHILDREN. They said do not answer the door, do not go anywhere until your car has the air tag removed. My brothers girlfriend is taking it right now to the police station. I still haven’t got a protective order. I don’t know what the hold up is but I am so so scared. I listened to the recording of the Sunday fight again (it was so traumatizing all over again to relive that) in the recording when I said I want a divorce he said he is going to end my life. I’m picking up my new phone today with an entire new number. I am really scared everyone. He knows where I am, he knows now that I told CPS he is abusive. The principal of my child’s school is my husbands bosses wife. CPS said the domestic abuse advocates will have to use their attorneys to get my son in a new school right now. Everyone pray, send good vibes, cast a spell, whatever it is that you do… please do it for me right now. I am terrified and I don’t know how much more I can do than I have done. Let this be a lesson to all of the people with abusive partners- turn the “find my iPhone” off BEFORE you leave. Stash money back. Call the shelter. Make a plan. They will try to destroy you and any kids you have together when their image is threatened.

Relevant comments from OOP:

• We just found the air tag. It has his initials on it. We took a photo of where we found it. Crazy. I am in shock honestly.
  
• The person who took my car to the police station used an app to alert her. It did not alert her until she was back home. We found it, she pulled up the application and it showed a map of everywhere she went in my vehicle. One of those places was the police station - she took a screenshot of the map showing the locations being tracked. I hope this is enough evidence for court.
  
• He has no idea at all [about my Reddit username] and has no access to my email this is linked to. If he did- I think of this as just another way of documenting what’s happening on top of screenshots and written records.
  
• The second I got to my shelter I changed all passwords for socials like Snapchat and Reddit. (I deactivated my Facebook and instagram last year) I changed my email address password to a completely new one, made a new iCloud account, took the family iCloud off of my iPhone. When I got a new phone I made a new iCloud again that isn’t linked to him whatsoever. I’m hoping I covered all my bases. I’ve ran safety check like 10 times and I’m still paranoid he’s somehow able to know where I am. I hope all of this tracking and stalking stops soon. It’s sad to be cooped up in the house with the kids instead of going to the park and playing outside.
  
• But yes I do need protective order. I have no idea why they won’t get it to me ASAP and I have to keep waiting
  
• [My son] won’t go back to school until the protective order is in place. They are using attorneys to quickly help switching him schools
  
• I totally understand your question and I don’t think you are being insensitive. I’ve dealt with lots of insensitivity for the past 7 years. I think the most extreme is he would rip the kids from me somehow or physically harm me. But at the least he would come get all the car seats out of my car or steal my vehicle because he is on the title. I’m not sure how I can protect myself more than I have. I am really tired of being afraid though and my body needs a rest from the anxieties soon.
  

 
3rd Update Summary - March 19, 2023
OOP states that she is exhausted, but relieved to have left and that she is getting help from family and the DV shelter.
 
4th Update Summary - March 21, 2023
OOP was concerned that her husband's wealth would leave her helpless in the divorce and was feeling homesick. She also states she has a recording of her husband threatening to kill her if she called the police or tried to divorce him.

Relevant comments from OOP:

• I’m just scared I won’t find somewhere I can afford and I will displace the kids beyond repair. I keep feeling so guilty for leaving!! It’s so dumb to feel this way
  
• I have been out for 6 days. All the adrenaline has worn off and I’m just.. like really empty feeling besides my kids spot in my heart. He took up so much room.
  
• He didn’t threaten to kill himself he threatened to “end your life” as in my life.
  
• I talked to the detective today and I’m hopeful. He admitted to bugging my car and I have the recording of him threatening to end my life so hopefully it’s enough. For now I just feel scared and helpless to even file the divorce.
  
• That hits home so hard. I did come from an abusive home where I was a caretaker of my brothers and sometimes my parents. I think that I learned how to survive then and I’ve been surviving since. I hope to give my kids a better life
  
• And I am trying to be so kind to myself and figure out how to care for myself because I definitely didn’t have time or energy to care for me while taking care of him.
  

When someone asked how things are going otherwise, OOP replied

It went well. I have access to a ton of resources like therapy for myself and my kids, communications between CPS, my advocate and the police being streamlined so I don’t have to handle it all myself, food, clothes, shelter all that. Next week I meet to find a low cost or free attorney who can help me save my future. I also talked to the detectives today about assault and criminal stalking. I’m praying tomorrow the judge will approve the warrant and he will go to jail and I’ll get the protective order so my kids can be back in their own home and back to a routine. Can’t even take my oldest to school until this order is in place. It’s sad because he’s stopped making my Tahoe payments, going out and spending all his money on weird stuff that’s $500-$1,000. I believe he’s gonna hire the best attorney he can and try to say I’m mentally unstable. Which I’ve never been diagnosed with anything, never on medications nor had an “episode” of any sort.

 
5th Update Post - I’m here to update everyone who helped me last week! - March 24, 2023
Y’all. What a crazy week. There were many moments I wanted to give up, throw in the towel and go back to life with my husband. I decided to stay strong, celebrate the small wins I made for my kids and I and ultimately hand every bit of evidence over to the police, CPS and detectives. My husband was arrested yesterday for stalking. The kids and I have a 61 day protective order. My husband has to wear a GPS monitor. He was arrested AT WORK in front of everyone!! Of course he’s telling everyone I’m crazy… doesn’t even matter to me right now. I’m back home! (SUPER YAY!) My son got to go back to school, my little two are so much happier and I have a pantry/fridge full of food, plenty of diapers and more clothes than I had before because I ASKED FOR HELP. I didn’t “play the victim” like he said I am. I just told the truth, took care of myself and the kids and celebrated the small moments of happiness. My husband is telling police I’m bipolar, I physically abused him, I was stalking HIM (lol), I set up booby traps and planned this and that I only did all this because I was on my period. huge sigh This has been so insane and I keep telling myself “he did this, not me. He gave me no choice.” A quote that’s helped me a ton right now is “Women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men.”
Thank you thank you thank you to all of y’all!! Couldn’t have done it without this community!

Relevant comments from OOP:

• I am seeking a 1-2 year protective order with specific requirements for the kids and I and how we communicate. Right now I’m taking a little breather because it’s been a stressful week!
  
• Gotta do the most and hope for the best ya know. I have security at the home and I’m watching over my shoulder everywhere I go. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being scared but I have to try and be brave, cautious and calm right now.
  
• The police were doing the most they could. I took it to an officer, he made an hours worth of notes documenting all the stalking and threats, he made a report, two detectives took the case and they got a judge to sign off on an arrest warrant for stalking and PO for me and the kids. Any other women going through this- document EVERYTHING, get out, call the police, call the DA’s office. They WANT to arrest these people for breaking the law and they want to keep YOU safe.
  

 
6th Update Post - Hi, it’s been 2 months. - May 18, 2023
I’m not sure if many of y’all remember me. I was in an abusive marriage (technically still married) to a man and have 3 small children. This sub helped me to 1) identify I was being abused and in a toxic relationship. 2) figure out how to get out safely and securely 3) navigate the legal system for my safety.
Because this group helped me so much I wanted to give a small update and say that the EPO was issued 61 days. Before that expired I was assisted with a 2 year protective order from the DA’s office and he signed the order this week. The judge granted a restraining order for the kids and I until we can go through divorce and custody court. He has still not given me one cent, he is apparently in AA, going to battering prevention courses, going to church and “wants his family back.” Despite all of these things he “is doing.” I don’t care. I’m done with the relationship. I have never been more calm and less “crazy” as he loved to call me. My kids are ok and don’t seem really to have even noticed. This is really only super hard right now because I have no money and my parents have had to provide all my groceries and gas.
I worked with the women’s shelter and I’ve had so much help it’s really mind blowing. They assisted me in retaining an attorney, food stamps, food bank, diapers and wipes, therapy, childcare, crime victims compensation, police, getting in contact with the DA and many more things.
For anybody who needs help getting out of an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to call the hotline, let someone know or research (safely) what you can do to get out and be secure after leaving. I have my first court date where I will see him in less than 48 hrs so I just wanted to update and remember how I have a whole army of strong women who helped me get here that believe in me! Thank you again to everyone. I will always be so grateful that I got out at the very first point of wondering “is this a normal relationship?”

Relevant comment from OOP:

When I reconnected with my parents my mom had 6 months of therapy under her belt and they both have been sober for about 9 months now! I called my dad on the day we went in to shelter and my mom and grandmother came the very next day to help me with whatever I needed. I spend every weekend at my parent’s house and our relationship has never been better! It’s crazy how when you’re in a toxic relationship you sometimes think everyone else is the problem and can’t change just because your partner refuses to change and is the main problem in your life! I had lots of apologies and owning up to isolating myself from family that I had to do. I’m so much better with a support system of about 20 family members and 10 close friends than I was with one small, angry and abusive man as my “everything.”

 

Editor's note: Ever since her escape, OOP has been encouraging other women to seek help.

Reminder - I am not the original poster. Do not participate in the linked threads or message OOP.

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Chapter 8: Avalanche
The quiet interior of a cozy office is gently dimmed as a well-dressed man closes a set of blinds on a wide window, sealing out the harsh rays of the afternoon sun. He removes his glasses from his face and holds them in one hand while his other holds a small stack of papers. He squints as he paces in a small circle just behind his desk, putting the edge of the glasses frame to the corner of his lip as he reads over the document's contents.
He sits down on a padded leather chair behind his large wooden desk. Its surface is clean and tidy. On the polished dark wood sits only the stack of documents, a keyboard and monitor, and a nameplate that reads, “Issac Rayner, Ph.D.” in ornate, golden letters. A diploma in psychiatry, as well as one in neurology, decorates the cream-colored wall behind him. Rayner sighs as he rubs his temples. He runs a hand through his graying hair before placing his glasses back on his nose.
The ticking of a clock on the wall is interrupted by a tone from the doctor’s computer. Rayner sits up slightly as a woman’s voice emanates from the device.“Doctor, Andrea and Vivri are here.”
Rayner clears his throat before replying. “Good; send them in, please.”
With a click, the heavy wooden door on the other side of the room swings open. Rayner stands. ”Did you get it?”
Andy sets down two rectangular containers on the desk, placing them upright. They’re white, translucent boxes with small circular holes in the top. “Apparently, there are two different kinds, So I got both.
Rayner nods. “Good. Excellent. But I’ve been told either will work,” he mutters. He takes one of the boxes and marches it toward the door, handing it to his assistant outside before pacing back to his desk. “It’s on its way to the lab as we speak.” He places his hands on the desk and leans over slightly. He exhales before his eyes land on Vivri, who is nervously standing behind Andy. He smiles. “You must be Vivri.”
“Y-yes. Nice to finally meet you,” the Venlil stutters nervously.
“Pleasure’s all mine,” Rayner nods. “You and your brother are the first Venlil I’ve met in person. Though…I guess Vikri and I haven’t formally met just yet.”
“H-how is he?” Vivri asks nervously.
“He’s calm now, if… a little closed off. I’ll stop by to check in on him shortly.” He sits down, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk. “But until then, I was hoping to ask you two some questions.”
Andy and Vivri sit down as Rayner once again picks up the stack of papers on his desk. “Now I have the police report here, and I’ve read over it a few times. Problem is, there isn’t much information in here that I can use to help Vikri. My understanding of the incident is…superficial.” He straightens the papers before placing them to the side. “So I was hoping you two could shed some light on the whole ordeal. I understand both of you were there?”
Andy shuffles slightly. “I was only there during…you know…the end of it.”
“I was there the whole time,” Vivri breathes, looking down slightly.
Rayner places his hands on his desk, weaving them together, before leaning forward slightly. “Can you tell me what happened leading up to everything?” he asks in a soft, gentle voice.
Vivri takes a breath before meeting the doctor’s gaze. “Well…that morning, he got a call from our Mom.”
---
Memory transcription subject: Vikri, The Honey Badger
Date (standardized human time): May 18th, 2137
For a moment, I debated just letting the call fall through. If it was something important, she could leave a message. But why open up a relay call? She definitely wanted to talk, but this was the worst time for it.
Things with my family were always complicated after the battle, even with Vivri. The guilt I felt when I told them I wasn’t coming home over our first call still threatened to crush me to this day. So many people, Venlil included, never got the chance to come home after that day. Ever again. It plainly highlighted how much things had changed. I felt safer on a predator’s homeworld than in my own birthplace.
I hesitated before taking a deep breath and accepting the call. A short tone resonated in my translator before a brief moment of silence followed. My mental faculties were far too diminished to think of what to say. I heard a Venlil voice.
“Vikri?”
I lay there, mouth open slightly as I tried to summon the energy to reply. I’d almost forgotten what she sounded like. I swallowed before answering. “Yeah…Hey Mom.”
“H-how are you?” I could hear a persistent hesitation in her tone.
I stared blankly at the ceiling for a moment before answering. “Been better,” I sighed.
“Are you sick?”
I scanned the details of the ceiling fan as if I’d find the answer in them somewhere. “Y-yeah. Kind of.”
She took a deep breath. “Well…your doctor is still practicing here; maybe you should-”
“We’ve talked about this, Mom. Many times,” I interrupted.
“Son, Vivri mentioned you haven’t been sleeping.”
I rubbed one of my eyes, squinting as a burning sensation swelled under my eyelid. “And she would be correct,” I huffed.
“Vikri…” I didn’t need to see her to know that tears were coming. “Please. Just come home. I hate that I can’t do anything for you.”
I sighed. “I’m trying, Mom. I really am. But there are some things I need to sort out.” I scratched behind one of my ears. “Did you call because you heard I wasn’t sleeping?”
A brief pause followed. “Not quite. Your father is in the hospital again. This time it…doesn’t look good. Not at all. They’re getting ready to send him into surgery, so I wanted…I wanted you two to talk. In case he-” I heard her take a ragged breath that stabbed through the delirium and into my heart somewhere.
After a few seconds of silence, I took a deep breath. “I thought he didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”
“I managed to talk him into it,” she snickered. “He loves you, Vikri. He’s angry with you, sure, but he just wants you to come home. That’s all any of us want. He won’t admit it, but you get that stubbornness from him.”
It felt as though I got heavier. As if gravity was attempting to drown me in the murky abyss of what little consciousness I had left. I knew that I was far from prepared to talk to my father, even behind the safety of light years of distance.
But I may never see him again.
I could feel the first cracks forming, the small amounts of adrenaline leaking into my blood. I drew a ragged breath. “Alright. Put him on.”
The seconds that followed were agonizing. Somehow they were long enough for me to think back on my life before the battle. Growing up in the twilight, going to school every day with Vivri. Walking home under a glowing sky. I remembered counting down the days left before my Dad would come home from space. All the stories he would tell us about the sights he’d seen on stations all over Venlil space. I could still remember the story about the time a gravity generator suddenly shut down during maintenance, conveniently around the same time one of their colleagues took a restroom break.
He would always bring a model ship home for me whenever he was planetside. We’d spend hours putting those things together. I couldn’t help but think how much simpler things could have been if I’d never left. Never ran off to fight a war we had no chance of winning.
I rolled my head over to look at my desk. Pinned to the wall behind it was Carter’s drawing. The bright green words were plainly visible from where I lay. “Thank you for saving my home.”
My ears pressed back as I heard a steadily repeating tone over my translator. A heart monitor. My head snapped back toward the ceiling. I waited a few seconds.
“Dad?”
A weak voice replied. “Vikri.”
Anxiety began burning in my chest. It seemed like the first real sensation I’d felt in hours. I opened my mouth but hesitated slightly before I spoke. “How are you feeling?”
He took a pained, raspy breath. “I’ve been better,” he sighed coarsely.
My lip trembled as my eyes wandered across the canvas of the ceiling. I took a sharp breath. “I really am sorry, you know?” I choked.
“For what?” He asked plainly.
“For leaving…For not coming home,” I quivered. “I-I wish I could be there for you. For Mom.”
I heard him sigh as though he were right in front of me. “You’re sorry,” he grunted.
“Y-yeah,” I rasped. “I never…I never wanted to hurt you.”
“I told you not to go, Vikri,” he stated plainly. “Now look what’s happened to you. I know why you won’t come home. I’ve known for a long time, but it broke my heart too much to accept it.” My eyes narrowed as he continued.
“Because you died in that battle,” he breathed.
Tears started streaking down my face. “W-what do you-”
“They killed you,” he breathed. “The humans turned you into an animal.”
And that was it.
A chaotic shuffling sounded from his side. My Mom’s voice resonated from my translator, slowly fading to nothing in my mind. “Vikri, he doesn’t mean it. He’s just… in a lot of pain right-”
Her voice finally drowned in the abyss.
I hung up before sitting up in a flash. It felt like a crushing weight was bearing down on my ribcage as I struggled to take each breath. I noticed Vivri standing at the door, hugging the frame as she looked at me.
“V-Vikri? Are you alright?” She stuttered, her ears pressed back with worry.
“I…” I panted for a moment. “I need to get out of here.” I jumped up and marched past her, throwing my poncho over my shoulders as I hurried out the door.
Vivri followed behind. “W-wait, where are you going?!”
I wheezed as I fell onto my knees. My vision became dark and distorted. A painful ringing swelled in my ears before it all went silent at once.
It felt like I had blacked out. Like I’d fallen asleep, yet I was still in control of my body. Dream and reality became indistinguishable. The setting around me became entangled with the shapes dancing in my vision. The sky darkened as the trees swayed in the wind in a shadowy blur.
He’s right. That’s why I don’t recognize myself. I died as soon as I pulled that trigger.
The fog in my head seemed to manifest in reality, surrounding me in frigid, white mist. Vivri’s voice echoed all around me as she called my name. “Vikri! What are you doing?!”
“Just stay inside; I’m not losing you again!”
“What are you talking about?!”
A sound resonated from all around me, piercing through my very being from all directions. A thrumming that seemed to be coming from the air itself. A low drone that rose in volume with every passing second.
Another sound emanated in the distance that sent chills down my spine. Howling. Lots of it, echoing from the fields all around me, whipping back and forth between the mountains on the horizon. I took rapid, wheezy breaths as I frantically looked around. My eyes landed on the barn. I sprinted inside, nearly falling over in the loose dirt, and ripped a stool out from under the workbench, sending tools clattering everywhere. I moved it over to a shelf and climbed on top of it. I reached up and grabbed a long, black case from the top shelf and clumsily undid the latches. Inside was a wood-furnished rifle. The same one I’d shot just days ago with Garret.
I sloppily ripped it out of the case and fumbled the magazine in before racking the bolt, making extra sure to watch the round enter the breach. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
I marched outside, and the howling was now frighteningly close, just beyond the fog. Small snowflakes whipped around me in a vortex as the rumbling in my ears continued to rise, vibrating in my chest. Vivri called out once again, echoing as if I were surrounded by cliffs on all sides.
“Vikri! Stop! What are you doing?!” She pleaded.
“I told you to get inside, damn it!” I shrieked
I heard rustling from beyond the fence beside me. I took a few steps back and leveled the rifle toward the tall grass. I trembled as I stood there, waiting for any movement. I watched as the grass parted closer and closer to the fence. I placed a digit on the trigger, on the verge of hyperventilating. The rumbling became so loud that it replaced any thought in my mind. I felt a cold pressure weighing down on my entire body as though I’d been swallowed by a torrent of snow and ice. Finally, a creature emerged from the grass. A huge, black wolf with dagger-like fangs bared at me as it snarled. I took one final step back and began to squeeze before Andy’s voice cut through the fog like a bullet.
“Vick! You’re dreaming!”
Time seemed to stand still. The air froze in place. The fog vanished. The morning sun warmed my face on the horizon as the gentle singing of birds replaced the avalanche. In front of me was Lucky, standing just on the other side of the road, looking directly at me. Not a murderous predator, not a nightmare, but the only good thing to come out of the nightmare. My best friend.
An indescribable pain crackled through my mind. I was already depressing the trigger, and there was no way I could stop it. The best I could do in that split second was pull the muzzle of the rifle away from her as quickly as I could.
I felt a kick to my shoulder, and the wind was knocked out of me as Andy collided with me at full force, tackling me to the ground. A loud pop rang in my ears as the rifle fell out of my paws. The last thing I saw before I hit the ground and blacked out was Lucky stumbling over in the grass.
///////////////////////
I sat upright in a hospital bed. A thin, white blanket was tucked snuggly over my lower body. My ears swiveled periodically as the sound of voices and footsteps passed by outside the glass door to my room.
I was lost in a sensation eerily similar to the one I felt the day I lost Tenga. Dejected. Numb. Depressed. At the time, I saw it as my mind protecting me. Containing those emotions somewhere deep inside my brain. What good would falling apart do me now?
The only storm stirring in my head was worry. Worry that someone would walk through that threshold and tell me that I’d killed Lucky. What I would do if that were to happen, at this point, was a complete mystery to me. The strap binding my left paw to the bed frame indicated that no one else knew either.
The sound of footsteps approaching from the hallway pulled me out of the mire of my thoughts. An older human man walked in, holding a clipboard and a potted flower in his hand. His eyes met mine as he set the items on the table beside me. He nodded and smiled politely. “Hey, Vikri. I’m Doctor Rayner; we met briefly if you remember.”
He turned around as he spoke and paced to the other side of the room, sliding the door closed behind him before rolling a chair from the other side of the room over to my bedside. He leaned forward. “Do you remember?”
I studied his face briefly. “You…look familiar.”
He nodded. “I’ll take it,” he chuckled. “You were in quite a state when you got here. I was worried you’d never calm down.”
I inhaled a sharp breath as if snagging it out of the air. “Do you know anything about Lucky?”
Rayner clasped his hands together. “When I last called the vets, she was still in surgery.”
I looked down, taking a deep breath. Rayner rubbed his hands together before speaking. “I understand you’re very worried about her.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without her,” I quivered. “Even if she lives, how can I-” I choked before inhaling deeply. “How can I take her back, knowing I did that to her?
“I spoke with Andrea and Vivri,” Rayner said softly. “And from what they’ve told me, you weren’t quite yourself at the time.” In the right side of my field of view, I could see him looking down at me for a few seconds before continuing. “You’re very sick, Vikri, but we’re gonna help you, alright? One day at a time.”
I didn’t answer. I just didn’t see how anyone here could help me. Rayner could talk all he wanted, but he wasn’t talking me to sleep. If I couldn’t sleep, I knew things would only get worse. And the only drugs that could help me were lightyears away.
Rayner picked up the flower next to him. “And I do mean we, by the way. You have some very, very caring friends. Here.” He extended the potted plant toward me as I slowly turned my head. It was a vibrant blue flower with a sturdy, deep red stem. Its three petals curled downward toward its roots, colored in a gradient of blue; a deep azure at the center faded to a bright cyan at the edges. The strong, rigid stem and leaves contrasted the delicate, paper-thin flower it supported. I gently took the flower in my paws as I studied it.
“Look familiar?” The doctor asked, smiling slightly.
“It’s not from here,” I muttered, slowly rotating it in my paws.
Rayner chuckled. “You’re right; it’s native to Venlil Prime. But it happens to grow quite well in tundras and deserts here on Earth.” He took off his glasses, wiping the lenses with the sleeve of his suit jacket. “I’m surprised you’ve never heard of it. From the bit of research I did on it, you and your sister are named after it.”
I looked up at him, perplexed. “W-what do you mean?”
“Interestingly, it has two different names depending on where you get it. Sedniavikri and Sedniavivri. One’s found near the dark side of the planet, and the other’s found close to the deserts on the day side.” He placed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. “There are some minor differences between them, but they’re basically the exact same flower. Great name for twins.”
He leaned back in the chair. “So it seems that, in our language, you and Vivri are ‘Twilight’ and ‘Dawn’.” He smiled. “Pretty neat, huh?”
I stared at the flower. The pointed edges of its glowing petals brushed against my paw as I turned it some more. “Yeah,” I muttered. “It does look a little familiar, but I can’t remember why…,” I rasped, narrowing my eyes slightly. “I guess it makes sense I’d be the darker side.”
Rayner pursed his lips, studying my eyes for a brief moment. “Here on Earth, twilight is the beginning of a new day.” He leaned forward. “This flower is going to help you sleep. It contains compounds used in all kinds of Venlil sedatives. We’re going to replicate one of them here. I have a colleague on Venlil Prime who’s provided all the documentation we could need on it.”
I looked back up at him. “R-really? Where did you get this?”
Rayner chuckled. “I didn’t get it. I just found someone who happened to be growing it a few hours from here. Andrea’s the one who went and got it.”
“A-Andy?” I stuttered.
The doctor nodded. “That’s right. I believe her words when I told her this could help you were, ‘Say less.’” He smiled as he briefly flipped through the pages on the clipboard. “You’re very fortunate to have people who care so deeply for you, Vikri.”
The doctor stood up. “First order of business is putting you to sleep. Of course, curing the direct cause of your insomnia would be the most effective way, but it seems we’re out of time for that. Vivri tells me you haven’t slept in at least three days. And from what my colleague on Venlil Prime tells me, you’re risking brain damage already, and that episode was just the beginning. We have to get you to sleep as soon as possible.
I sighed and placed my head back against the pillows. Rayner pursed his lips. “I’ll keep you up to date with Lucky. Until then, don’t dwell on what happens after. Focus on getting better. That’s the best thing you can do for her right now,” he said softly before opening the glass door.
“W-wait, what about the flower?” I asked before he left.
“You can keep that one; Andy got two. That one’s Sedniavikri, by the way.” Rayner replied as he walked out the door and closed it behind him.
I was once again left in sterile silence. I stared blankly at the flower for what seemed like minutes. It was the first piece of home I’d seen since the battle. I wondered why my parents named us after it. That past seemed so far away, yet I was holding a piece of it in my paws. The irony was painful. To think that the last thing my father ever said to me might have been that I was dead to him, and yet he was the same one to name me after something so beautiful. Maybe, somewhere buried in all of that pain and anger, he really did care for me.
I took a deep breath and gently placed the flower on the table next to me. I stared at it blankly as numbness overtook me once again. I was desperate to finally get some sleep, but I feared what might be dwelling there in my subconscious.
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am I the only one who just ... can't with crockpots? it sounds so simple on paper. you throw the things in the crock pot. you turn the crock pot on. dinner is magically done by dinner time. except where I fall apart is the getting things in the crock pot in a timely manner. Its like I mess up before I even do the first step 😭.
I woke up this morning at 7 knowing FULL WELL when I should get the beef going and in the crock pot to be done by 5:30/6. did I do it. no! I got kiddo up, dressed, made a pediatric appointment, dropped him off at daycare, dropped the car off at the garage to get an oil changed, walked home, and started studying for interviews. Abruptly I realized its quarter to 11 and the beef and all that is still in the fridge.
its like this every time I try to do a crock pot meal. I just don't have that time in the morning or if I do my mind just ain't there in make-dinner-mode and I forget. The window feels frustratingly tiny. I don't know why I even bother. I'm so irritated I feel like chucking the crockpot in the trash except I do like it for warming soups at parties or something. stupid crock pot. I'm going away tomorrow for the weekend with LO and husband is staying behind so I can't do it tomorrow or whatever. I'm annoyed. I'll send the recipe to my husband, he's more than capable of doing it so he can have dinner though I won't be surprised if he just tosses the beef in the freezer and does takeout all weekend. both of us hate cooking if there's no one but us to cook for. so annoyed.

I while ago out of curiosity I tried out Chat GPT and asked it to make a cheese recipe for me. Does this recipe seem like it would work or are there any tweaks that I should make if I wanted to try making it?
Sure, I can give you a recipe for making a cheese with spicy peppers that is relatively easy to make, even for someone with little experience in cheese making.
Here's a recipe for a Spicy Pepper Jack cheese:
Ingredients:
1 gallon of whole milk
1/4 tsp of mesophilic starter culture
1/4 tsp of calcium chloride
1/2 tsp of rennet
1-2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped
1-2 serrano peppers, seeded and finely chopped
1 tsp of red pepper flakes
1 tsp of salt
​
Equipment:
Large pot
Thermometer
Cheese cloth
Cheese mold or colander
Cheese press (optional)
​
Instructions:

1. Heat the milk in a large pot over medium heat, stirring frequently to prevent scorching, until it reaches a temperature of 86°F.
   
2. Sprinkle the mesophilic starter culture over the milk and stir well. Add the calcium chloride and mix well.
   
3. Dissolve the rennet in 1/4 cup of cool, non-chlorinated water. Add the rennet to the milk and stir well for 1 minute.
   
4. Cover the pot and let it sit undisturbed for 45-60 minutes, or until the curd has formed and separated from the whey.
   
5. Cut the curd into small pieces and heat the pot to 100°F, stirring occasionally.
   
6. Add the chopped jalapeno and serrano peppers, red pepper flakes, and salt to the curd and mix well.
   
7. Line a cheese mold or colander with cheese cloth and pour the curd mixture into it, allowing it to drain for 12-24 hours.
   
8. Remove the cheese from the mold and place it in a brine solution made of 1/4 cup of salt per quart of water. Leave it in the brine for 4-6 hours.
   
9. Remove the cheese from the brine and pat it dry with a clean cloth or paper towel.
   
10. Place the cheese in a cool, dry place to age for 1-2 months, turning it over every few days to ensure even drying.
    
11. Once the cheese is fully aged, it can be sliced and enjoyed on its own or used in recipes that call for Spicy Pepper Jack cheese. This cheese has a deliciously spicy flavor with a creamy texture, making it perfect for snacking, topping burgers or sandwiches, or melting into dishes like quesadillas or mac and cheese.
    

prologue ^{[Can be skipped or read later.]}
Luna VI query: Set the source to the leaked files of the first reconnaissance operation of Irisa.
The leaked files of the first reconnaissance operation of Irisa consist of 7.56 exabytes of raw data originating from several distinct sources. Assimilation and training might take some time. Are you sure you want to proceed?
Luna VI query: Yes.
Request fulfilled! Processing time 27.92 seconds.
Luna VI query: Now tell me in detail the contents of the infamous briefing given by Colonel Jaxon Vega to the three selected pioneers from the POV of the survivalist Nathan Everett.
***
Wearing his radiation-resistant military-looking clothes that included a pair of rugged boots, Nathan was lying in bed as his green eyes moved about into the empty metallic ceiling.
For the average person, it might look like he had some sort of involuntary tic, but every other human currently inhabiting the Irisian/Terran recently constructed space station would undoubtedly know that the movement of his eyes was nothing more than a consequence of accessing the brain-IO interface.
The nanites integrated into basically every cell of his body were more than capable of giving him access to any content available in the local network of the station, but currently, his whole field of view was filled with only a countdown that seemed to be taking forever to complete.
0 days, 0 hours, 4 minutes, 43 seconds.
This countdown that had started with 25 days in it was not far from reaching zero, but, for Nathan, it looked like the last hour was taking longer to pass than the first whole day did.
0 days, 0 hours, 4 minutes, 10 seconds.
Those numbers were quite annoying to look at, but, if he really wished for them to disappear from his sight, they would have already done so on their own.
Just like he was doing now, in the numerous instances where Nathan had pondered about how this system could read his thoughts, not once his mind drifted toward the ins and outs of this technological marvel. But, instead, every time he thought about it, his train of thought lead him to the same conclusion – it was scary.
The picture of having a scenario where every single one of his surface thoughts, emotions, urges, and desires could be captured by a system he didn’t own or understood was scary per se. But given the fact that the owner of the system was no one other than Earth’s government, this only made things worse.
He signed in defeat.
That was the price he had to pay in order to possibly be the first human to set foot on Irisa.
At least there was the silver lining that governments tend to be good at hiding things, so it was unlikely that the file with his private thoughts would ever leak and end up on the internet.
0 days, 0 hours, 1 minute, 30 seconds.
Nathan jumped out of bed and stood by the viewing window of the door of his isolating room even though he knew there wouldn’t be anything new to see in there.
He and the other two humans representing their respective factions would soon be allowed to access this space for the last briefing, where Colonel Jaxon Vega would fill them in with the last details of their upcoming mission.
The Irisian/Terran Space Station had been designed to resemble an hourglass with the purpose of minimizing the points of failure and ensuring that the two bulbs that contained the human and the Irisian crew would function completely isolated from each other. The Irisians could not take chances given that most microorganisms that evolved on Earth would likely be a menace to themselves or the ecosystem of their planet.
The reverse was also true to some extent, but previous experiments showed that Earth’s mice had not much trouble dealing with the very worst Irisa had to offer in terms of microorganisms. So, in the end, the average human had little reason to be afraid, much less the representatives with the nanites in their bodies.
0 days, 0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds.
A sharp beep and a green light indicated that Nathan was free to enter the sterilized space.
In awe and excited, he quickly opened the door.
The space where the briefing would take place was by design unremarkable. Since it was totally possible that it would be used only once by the three explorers, no paint was applied to the metallic surfaces. There was no furniture, machinery, or loose objects anywhere in sight, and the only thing besides the doors that connect with the individual rooms of the representatives was a double glassed window on the adjacent wall.
Nathan also knew that there was supposed to be an elevator in there, but he forgot to look for it when he heard the other two other doors open.
“It’s been almost a month, hum.” Nathan was the first to speak. “I trust you two are faring well.”
“One month on a confirmed space with access to the local network was nothing.” Zara, from the O'neill Conglomerate, had the same unstoppable vibe as Nathan remembered from when they were introduced.
Zara Rayne was a woman of undeniable strength and confidence, her hair cropped close to her scalp framed her face with a sense of boldness. Her short hair accentuated her features, drawing attention to her captivating eyes. Chestnut in color, her eyes held a mesmerizing depth in them that contrasted nicely with her fair skin.
“Training was worse.” Ryo Hawthorne from the Martian Republic closed the door behind him and stood at attention without even taking a look around.
Of Asian ancestry, Ryo was a little shorter than Nathan, but he had a striking presence, with straight, jet-black hair that fell neatly above his brown eyes. Each strand glistened with a lustrous sheen, reflecting the light and accentuating the depth of its hue. His hair, perfectly styled, spoke of meticulous grooming and attention to detail.
Nathan was aware that Ryo had a military background, but he really found it hard to understand how so someone so well-dressed and handsome could be so serious.
“Attention, folks! Listen up!” A hoarse voice that seemed to be like that thanks to a bad speaker instead of a bad throat announced. “I’m Colonel Jaxon Vega, head of operations of the permanent outpost of the Solis Mine System. And as the only name that hasn’t been vetoed by your governments, you all will have to deal with me in person for the next few minutes.”
Contrasting to the high technology the representatives had in their bodies, there was a single speaker below the double-glassed window projecting Colonel Jaxon’s voice.
Colonel Jaxon Vega was a middle-aged man of warmed-toned skin whose posture alone would give away his military background.
“It’s a pleasure t-”
Nathan was cut off by Colonel Jaxon.
“Get closer to the window, the microphone on your side is terrible.”
Zara smiled at him as she capitalized on his mistake by taking the lead.
“Greetings, Colonel.”
Nathan cursed his lack of foresight, but he wasn’t taken aback in the slightest.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you in person, Colonel Jaxon.”
Ryo didn’t rush to the window but followed at his own pacing.
“Sir,” He was respectful. “Reporting for duty.”
“At ease, Sergeant, we don’t have a hierarchy here and I don’t serve the Martian Republic.” Colonel Jaxon raised an eyebrow. “Neither of you has been chosen for this mission due to your political skills, but a certain degree of political awareness is expected from you since you’ll be representing your people and humanity as a whole for an entire year in Irisa.”
“Sorry… er, Colonel Jaxon, old habits die hard.” Ryo was not tone tone-deaf to politics, he just found it hard to get used to people acting overly informal outside of Mars.
“That’s better, now let’s cut to the chase.” Jaxon pressed a physical button and three hidden drawers were reviewed below the double-glassed window. “Before I can proceed with the explanations, there’s a non-disclosure agreement you have to sign. Also, there is a backpack for each of you, you are not allowed to open it yet.”
“I’ve signed a non-disclosure agreement already!” There was a clause in his contract that kept Nathan from commenting on the details of the mission for the next three years.
Zara didn’t say anything, but her nodding made it clear that she was in the same situation.
“What both of you have signed is a private contract to represent your government as civilians, what you are going to sign now is a lifetime non-disclosure agreement that will be subjected to martial law.”
“I won’t sign anything. That’s ridiculous, I’m not a soldier.” Zara was outraged.
Though Nathan didn’t express his feelings, he pretty much agreed with Zara. He found it invasive enough to have his surface thoughts read, but at least he knew that this was only temporary.
Ryo, on the other hand, signed the agreement without flinching.
“As I said before there’s no hierarchy here and I can’t force you to sign anything. But it is within my power to inform your governments that you are not cooperating and I have no doubt they have someone else on standby to perform your role if you refuse to sign.”
“That’s… so unfair,” Complained Zara.
“Lifetime, hum.” Nathan squinted down to read the small clauses.
[…] Definition of Confidential Information: Specify what constitutes confidential information, including any specific details, data, documents, communication logs, or intellectual property related to the Irisa reconnaissance mission and its briefing.
Term: The NDA remains in effect from the moment of signature until earth’s government provides written notice to terminate or modify the agreement.[…]
The word lifetime was not present anywhere in the contract; Nathan noticed that Colonel Jaxon intentionally or unintentionally was putting things as they actually were and not trying to be deceiving.
But now that the cards were on the table, he had to make a choice.
To sign it and forsake even more of his freedom or give up Irisa.
“Fuck it.” Nathan pressed the NDA against the grass window and signed it.
He had always been the kind of guy who preferred living his adventures instead of telling tales about them anyways.
Ryo was indifferent to his action, but Zara threw him a piercing gaze as if he had stabbed her in the back.
Nathan pretended to not notice her gaze and decided to wait and see what she would do.
She threw an angry gaze at Colonel Jaxon as if he was the one who had decided this and said nothing for a moment.
“I hate this.” Hesitation was showing in her every move… but she relented. “So be it! I’m not losing to any of you.”
She signed the contract.
“Now with legal details out of the way, you can open your backpacks.” Colonel Jaxon announced.
Ryo opened his backpack right away, while Nathan went off on a tangent and started inspecting the quality of the material wondering if it was actually waterproof. Zara, on the other hand, was still acting indignant and was visibly displeased by how Colonel Jaxon had moved on to the next topic without even acknowledging her struggle to sign de NDA.
Ryo took a sealed container and a syringe out of his backpack; Nathan and Zara watched him handle his items with curious eyes instead of opening their own backpacks.
“I’m sure you are wondering what is this equipment, but let’s take it one step at a time.” Colonel Jaxon started with the less controversial of the items. “We can start with the add-on to your nanites. Our time here is short so grab the syringe if you haven’t yet.”
Nathan and Zara rushed to catch up with Ryo.
“One drop on each eye and you are good to go.”
“What does it do?” Nathan inquired.
This time even Ryo showed interest.
“It adds the infrared spectrum to your view modes.” Colonel Jaxon explained. “The camouflage of Irisians is remarkably good and they can even control their body temperature to match the environment for a while, but this technology will put you on a level playing field if you ever need it.”
Ryo nodded attentively as he started unscrewing the cap of the syringe.
Nathan was not in a hurry, but he found it reasonable to have a tool like that at his disposal.
“I don’t think we are going to need it but ok.” Zara was not looking excited.
Colonel Jaxon waited as the three of them applied a drop of the contents of the syringe into their eyes.
Before they could even read the message that popped up into their view referent to the add-on, Colonel Jaxon went on. “Next up you can open the container.”
They complied and what Nathan and Zara found inside was truly confusing. Just a bunch of pieces of plastic that looked like wouldn’t even fit together.
Ryo, on the other hand, saw something he was very familiar with and proceeded to assemble the pieces before anyone had asked him to. His hands moved with precision and speed as they expertly put the parts together. Every movement was deliberate and efficient, showcasing his well-honed skills.
He finished the assembly in less than fifteen seconds, and when he was done Nathan and Zara recognized the object with no trouble – a 3d printed revolver that looked like a toy but was the real deal.
“I wouldn’t expect any less from a Sergeant of the Martian republic.” Colonel Jaxon had leaned into the glass to watch Ryo’s skills from close. “The cartridges will be smuggled in the first shipment, but it’s likely that you’ll have to assemble them yourselves as well.”
“You gotta be kidding me!” Zara was fuming. “This is not a military operation. Bringing a gun into a diplomatic mission goes against the very principle of diplomacy. How can we expect to establish a bilateral relationship with the Irisians if we trust them so little that we go out of our way to bring a toy gun to their planet?”
As he disassembled the gun, Ryo replied to her outburst in an otherworldly calm tone. “Dying in there won’t be good for the bilateral relationship either.”
Nathan found himself agreeing with both arguments. As a botanist who had used his job as an excuse to travel to every corner of the earth, he had seen people both saving the day or ruining more than just their own lives by having a gun with them.
“We are not going die in there if we act with an open mind and avoid picking a fight.” Ryo’s calm demeanor got on Zara’s nerves. “I’m sure our chances of getting back alive will increase a lot if we leave behind the gun and the Asian guy who’s clearly using it to compensate for something.”
“Of course the girl who grew up in paradise won’t be the one doing something stupid to get us killed.” Ryo’s opinion on those rich enough to abandon the planets to live in their own private heaven was not something he minded sharing.
“Enough of this! I’m not in a position to give you orders, but as the only humans on Irisa sooner or later you’ll have to learn how to work as a team.” Colonel Jaxon knew that the gun would be a sensitive topic. “You haven’t been privy to all information on the Irisians yet, so allow me to share some facts that might convince you that things are more complicated than you think.”
“Like what?” Zara was skeptical. “They live in radioactive hell and they want us to help them save their planet from being destructed by their own star imminently going nova. How can it get more complicated than that?”
Nathan’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped at Zara’s revelation, but Ryo stayed indifferent.
“I see that the O'neill Conglomerate trusted you with some delicate information, that’s quite something.” Colonel Jaxon was amused. “But I bet they didn’t tell you all the details behind this piece of information.”
Zara raised and curved her brows, and even Ryo showed some annoyance by narrowing his eyes.
Seeing this, Nathan couldn’t help but have second thoughts regarding the mission given how much information Earth’s government had withheld from him.
“The Core Galaxy Alliance appointed the Irisians as our guide species claiming that having a race similar enough to us as intermediaries would facilitate communication.” Colonel Jaxon inhaled deeply to reveal the big secret. “But can you imagine the reactions of our ambassadors when the queen of the Irisians prostrated herself before them begging for help to saver her planet through the video channel when we attempted first contact with them?”
Nathan was doing his best not to curse Earth’s government in his thoughts. Having to deal with politics was not what he had in mind when he broke up with his girlfriend to apply for the job of exploring an alien planet.
“That doesn’t make sense, Colonel.” Ryo ignored Zara’s gaze and went on. “The Irisians are part of the alliance for more than a century, they should have access to better technology than we have.”
“Spot on! The Irisians claim the alliance promised to save their planet in exchange for a few years of work, yet the parliament always increases their price when is time to save them.” Colonel Jaxon was finally getting to the main point. “The alliance has its own version of this story, but to decide who is telling the truth and who is lying is the job of those up on the chain, all you need to consider is how these facts change the nature of your mission.”
“What do you mean by change?” Nathan was getting impatient.
“To put it bluntly, the big shots of our government struck a deal with the Irisians, a very good deal I might say.” Colonel Jaxon went on. “In exchange for an honest chance to prove that their planet is worthy of being saved, they agreed to share the details of every job they ever did to the alliance.”
“What? An honest chance to prove that their planet is worth being saved?” Nathan was confused. “What does that even mean?”
“Earth’s government is really stingy with information, aren’t they?” Zara interjected. “The Irisians believe that the alliance has never saved their planet because no other species has ever seen its beauty with their own eyes. They think that this only intensifies the stigma that comes with being the very definition of what the alliance calls a category four deathworld.”
“Our basic grasp of the alliance suggests most member species believe that not saving Irisa and giving them a better world is doing the Irisians a favor.” Colonel Jaxon clarified. “They consider the Irisians brutes who are too stubborn to see reason.”
“Oh, so the Irisians want to make a show out of our visit to their planet to shift the narrative of the parliament in their favor?” Nathan was starting to understand the situation, and he didn’t like it at all.
Ryo and Zara were unfazed by his speculation.
“I’d say that this is their primary goal, but we suspect that they might try everything to convince us to save their world in the alliance’s stead as well.”
An awkward silence took hold of the room and the three representatives discreetly gauged each other’s reactions.
“To save a planet from a star going nova… I don’t think we can do that.” Nathan broke the silence since no one else would.
Colonel Jaxon held his head high with a smirk at Nathans’s comment. “That’s beyond the scope of your mission, what is relevant to you is that the Irisians are desperate and they might try to use any means to sway us into helping them if they believe we are capable of doing so, to which extent their persuasion might go and the means they might use, we are not sure, and that’s why the gun.”
“Those are just conjectures based on scarce information and bold assumptions.” Zara put the container with the pieces of the gun back in the drawer together with the contract she had signed earlier and kept the backpack when she realized it was full of basic supplies. “You two can do whatever you want, but I won’t be taking a gun to a peaceful mission.”
Given that no one doubted whether Ryo was taking the gun, all gazes fell on Nathan.
Being put into the spotlight all of a sudden didn’t contribute to his decision-making ability in the slightest, but Nathan somehow managed to decide what to do within a few seconds.
“…It’s better to have it and don’t need it than to need it and don’t have it.” Nathan put the container into the backpack and left behind only the contract just like Ryo.
“Typical.” Zara’s sour expression told more of her opinion than the single word she uttered.
Colonel Jaxon sighed lazily, looking more like an underpaid space miner than a Colonel.
“That’s about it for the briefing. We better conclude it now before the higher-ups come up with another very important topic. Your training has covered more than just the basics, but any further questions you have can be addressed over the comms after you land on Irisa.”
“Thank you, sir… I mean Colonel Jaxon.” Ryo saluted.
Nathan almost went for a handshake before remembering the glass window and nodding awkwardly.
“Bye Colonel,” Said Zara. “By the way, where’s the elevator?”
They saw Colonel Jaxon smiling and his mouth moving, but no sound came out of the speaker.
For a moment Nathan thought the man had forgotten to press the speak button, but a sudden sharp metallic clang followed by a hissing sound of a sealed door opening beside the glass window gave it away that he was not speaking to them but to whoever was responsible for the elevator.
Ryo and Zara exchanged a tactic glance as they entered the elevator and stood as far apart as physics allowed in that tight space. With tangible tension steaming from the upcoming encounter and the current belligerence, Nathan swallowed hard and occupied the empty space in the middle.
They heard the hoarse voice of Colonel Jaxon through the speaker.
“I know that being the first nonnative to set foot in Irisa is impressive and all, but try to get back in one piece to the debriefing. Good luck!”
The hissing of the elevator’s door closing marked the end of the briefing.
***
This was an account of the briefing given by Colonel Jaxon Vega to the three selected pioneers from the POV of the survivalist Nathan Everett. Here are some questions that might interest you based on your recent queries:
• What is the reason behind the Core Galaxy Alliance not saving Irisa?
• Who are the parents of the baby?
• Why didn’t humanity offer their help to save Irisa?

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Best Overall, Runner-Up: Ninja 4-Quart Air Fryer
Best Large-Capacity: Instant Pot Instant Vortex Plus
Best Budget: Chefman 3.7-Quart TurboFry Air Fryer
Best Small-Capacity: Dash Compact Air Fryer
Best With Toaster Oven: Breville Smart Oven Air Fryer
Best With Pressure Cooker: Instant Pot Pro Crisp & Air Fryer 8-Quart Multi-Use Pressure Cooker and Air Fryer
Best Smart: Cosori VeSync Pro II Smart Air Fryer

Cuisinart Msc-600fr 3-In-1 Cook Central 6-Quart Multi-Cooker – Silver
Elite Platinum Mst-900d Maxi-Matic 8.5 Quart Digital Programmable Slow Cooker
All-Clad Sd700450 Programmable Oval-Shaped Slow Cooker
Black+Decker 7-Quart Digital Slow Cooker
Calphalon Digital Sauté Slow Cooker, Dark Stainless Steel
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Cuisinart Psc-650 Stainless Steel 6-1/2-Quart Programmable Slow Cooker
Crockpot Sccpvs600ecp-S Sccpvs600ecp, 6 Quart Silver
Hamilton Beach Professional Sous Vide Water Oven And Slow Cooker
Chefman Slow Cooker, All-Natural XL 5 Qt. Pot

I got my immediates yesterday after extracting what was left of my teeth. (I'm a 43 year old mom.) The car ride home was about 1.5 hours or so and I had so much blood spurting out of my mouth and bubbling out from under the immediates that the first thing I did when I got home was run to the bathroom to take them out and rinse out all the blood that was accumulating everywhere. I have young kids, the last thing I wanted was to scare them to death!
Anyway, the top came out fine, but the bottom... I was literally screaming and crying (actual tears of pain - I am not exaggerating here) as I tried to remove it. It felt as though it was held in with nails, super glue, and razor blades. All I can think is that I was so numb when she put them in and made me bit down that I didn't notice that they did not fit right. Needless to say, all of my attempts at putting that thing back have failed. I can even feel with my tongue spots on my gums that feel like they are now missing a layer of skin from when I removed them. I am convinced that this isn't me being a baby and that they do not fit. Not even close.
Some back story: I went in for a consultation around mid April. At that time I was missing only 3 molars in 2 different places. These have been gone for about a decade, so everything there has been healed for a long time. They did the impression for my immediates at this time.
I had to go somewhere else to have my remaining molars pulled (there were 6 of them). That was at the beginning of May.
Now yesterday, May 22, I had the rest (the front teeth) removed and these immediates put in.
I have been lurking here for a long time, I have been watching endless YouTube videos about this whole process, etc. I'm well aware that some discomfort and even pain is to be expected. I even purchased everything I thought I'd need way ahead of time (including Benzodent). The amount of pain I am experiencing if I even attempt to put these lowers back in is beyond excruciating, even if I try to use the Benzodent. Meanwhile the uppers have some discomfort for sure (even some pain), but nothing I'd ever call unreasonable considering the circumstances. I even had such rubbing on my gums last night that I went ahead and took them out, used the Benzodent, took some Tylenol and found near immediate relief).
I don't go in until next Tuesday to see how things are going. So, 7 more days of this crap. And even them I'm terrified they are not going to take me seriously and just tell me to deal with it.
I'm really frustrated and disheartened right now. I cannot even wear these lowers to get used to them or to at least attempt to eat some healthier foods... and these uppers make me look ridiculous! My mouth is definitely a bit smaller and these things hang WAY too low! I look like a chipmunk and to top if off they are even crocked! One side hangs way lower than the other! Right now I'd rather have my old black cracked POS teeth that made me feel like a monster every time I experienced joy and smiled over these crocked half gone Halloween horse teeth!
I thought I was prepared for things to be rough, especially for the first couple of weeks or so, but this is beyond what I thought. I broke out into tears 3 or 4 times yesterday... not typical behavior for me. I'm generally a pretty tough woman. I'm the one holding everyone else together, not the one who's losing it. :(
TLDR: Is it normal for these immediates to fit so poorly at first that you cannot even get one of them over your gums and the other is literally crocked?

Nobody really knows how to start writing these things, but I have a lot to tell you, and a million questions, so just read along, and drop out wherever you wish....
I am 52, divorced, and single, with (2) children who take up a fair amount, (but not all!) of my time. At 5-9, I have a very solid "Dad bod" although certainly not ripped nor fat. I run at least once a week, and walk everywhere, which is kind of NYC normal. (Lotta steps on those subways!) I don't expect you to be 100lb and eat like a bird, but I definitely wouldn't match with someone who avoids exercise and is larger than average. Just being honest here. Seeking anyone between 35-55. Too much older or younger would likely be a mismatch, but I am open.
The New York Times is a staple for me, I vote Dem 100% of the time, and have no patience for Conservatives or Republicans with their misogyny, racism, xenophobia and election denial. If you can't get behind women's rights or global warming, please don't reply. I read memoirs and non-fiction, but please give me your fiction suggestions, too.
This former golf teaching pro enjoys classic and hard rock music, leaning heavily to '70s and '90s staples like the Eagles, Who, Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, U2 and Incubus, and is someone that takes care to know definitively that the apostrophe comes BEFORE the 7 in 70s. :) Sadly, I know nothing about Star Wars or anime, if that's your gig
My daughter and I bake an amazing chocolate chip cookie, my Crock-Pot skills are always expanding, and I sear a delicious sirloin in my cast iron skillet with rosemary, butter, garlic, and kosher salt. Medium rare, always!! Anything more is destroying a beautiful piece of meat. Spinach? Yes, I'll sautée that in the butter and garlic remnants from the steak.
I'm witty, charismatic, articulate, and knowledgeable on many topics, (probably to my detriment,) willing to acknowledge my faults and shortcomings, lean very romantic and in favor of PDA's, very good at support and advice, and will throw down for a good game of "Uno" or catch or Frisbee. Happy to say "I'm sorry" and willing to admit I'm deficient in certain personality areas. I don't suffer fools well and could probably smile more. I am genuine and considerate and know who I am. Let's be outside as much as possible, and curl up with an amazing movie when it gets dark. I hate winter and snow despite hailing from a snowy, Upstate NY city.
Please reach out with a reply if any of this resonates. Ultimately, I want a LTR, and someone nearby Manhattan, 5 boroughs, preferably! However, any type of engaging chat would be nice as well.

Previously on Hell’s Kitchen…
The chefs participated in a wedding challenge, where they had to cook specific British food for the special guests. And once again, the blue team triumphed. At dinner service, Caleb served an undercooked risotto, under Ashley’s advice, but despite that, the blue team finished their service strong. But over on the red kitchen, it was a different story, with Claire’s miscommunication with Jamila on the meat station, and it led to raw meat. And Ty’s raw lamb, was the obvious choice the red team lost the service. They nominated Claire, Jamila, and Ty, but ultimately, it was Ty that lost his chance of becoming Head Chef at Hell’s Kitchen restaraunt in Glasgow. And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen…
Intro
While returning to the dorms, Claire was sad to see Jamila go hone, but she was relieved to survive, while Ty wondered what would have happened if he was eliminated instead of the former. However, Claire overheard that and got upset as it meant her team did not support her. Claire went into the blue woman's bedroom, complained that she hated working with women, and felt they didn't have her back. With Jamila gone, Claire felt it was her against the red team.
Challenge
The following day, both teams waited in the dorms, wondering what that day would bring, some even getting anxious. Ashley wanted to see what would happen even though she had struggled in most of the services, when she got moved into the blue team. Then, Ashley told Natalie how she was very calm and collective in the challenges. Then, Ramsay called the dorms and asked Matt to bring everyone downstairs. The chefs were shocked to see the dining room have a Korean background as Ramsay welcomed them to the Korean world. That pumped Michelle, as she grew up in the Phillippines and Korea, and knew that she would knock it out the park. There has also been an array of Korean street food on the tables, and for their next challenge, Chef Ramsay announced that they would be cooking Korean inspired food, but not typical Korean food. They had to bring a restaraunt quality fish.
Scoring
After 45 minutes of cooking, the Chefs got to present their dishes. Chef Ramsay also announced that before he was judging the dishes, he announced that he was only going to taste 3 dishes from each chef. The red team chose to send up Ty, Michelle and Claire, while the blue team chose Natalie, Larissa, and Jeff.
Joining Ramsay in the judging were Vinny Dotolo and Jon Shook of Animals. Their appearance made Jeff nervous as they were experts in game meat. Chef Ramsay also announced that they will be getting a rating of 3 stars from each judge. The first round was Ty going up against Natalie. Ty’s Korean inspired beef with noodles and shredded carrots, impressed the flavours, but Vinny and Jon found the beef to be extra chewy. Chef Ramsay gave his dish a 2, while the others gave his dish a 1, giving Ty a total of 4 points. The next round was Natalie, presenting her chicken Katsu. The dish worked very well with the flavours, receiving a 3 from Chef Ramsay, and Vinny, and a 2 from Jon, giving her a total of 8 points. The blue team lead 8 - 2. The next battle was Michelle going up against Larissa. Michelle went up first with her Korean pot roast. Her dish was found to be flavourless, and she scored 1 point from each judge, and felt that her dish was a big disapointment. The red team have 7 points. But Larissa‘s Korean spiced lamb with rice and green beans, also disappoints as she put a little too much spice on her lamb, giving her 2 points from Chef Ramsay and Jon, and 1 point by Vinny. The red team trail 13 - 7. But the red team made a big comeback with Claire’s take on Korean snapper with tomato broth and pickled vegetables, scoring a 3 from each judge, and the red team gets total of 16 points. However, if the blue team get 4 points, they win the challenge. It was up to Jeff and his Korean bbq pork chop with rice noodles and sautéed vegetables. The dish felt underwhelming, and the pork seemed to be undercooked. Jeff’s dish received a 1 from Chef Ramsay and Vinny, but got saved by a 2 from Jon, winning the challenge for the blue team, 17 - 16.
Reward
Chef Ramsay congratulates the blue team on another astonishing win, and tells them that they are in for a big surprise. Chef Ramsay announced that he was unavailable to get their reward ticket for South Korea, so instead, they will be going to Tokyo, Japan. He tells them to get ready to party as they will be heading to one of the best dance clubs in Tokyo, called Zeus Nightclub. They will also be feasting on Japanese street food. Larissa explained that she liked to dance, but was disappointed as she didn’t get to see South Korea. As the blue team headed off to the dance club, Ashley declared herself a natural dancer, and felt like she was the one not to mess with, while Caleb fell in love with the music. Dante was excited to eat nice Japanese food, while Ashley felt the red team was feeling unfair.
Punishment
Chef Ramsay tells the red team that for their punishment, they will be participating in trash sorting day. Michelle felt disappointed as she should’ve saved her punishment pass, and that her dish was a bad idea. As the red team sorted through trash, Ty mentioned that it was going to be a crappy day, and that they would throw up, while Hope felt that it was one of the worst punishments in Hell’s Kitchen history. Meanwhile, Claire was having a hard time keeping herself from throwing up, which annoyed Matt and Michelle, as Claire should be a team player, whether she wins or loses.
Cook For Your Life Challenge
Later that day, Matt and Claire talked about family, as the latter had a younger sister, who sadly passed away. Then, Matt revealed that she had a brother who was ten years older than him, as his parents had him when they were in their late 30s. Matt explained that his mom, had him unexpectedly, after being told they couldn’t have more children. This concerned Claire.
Then, the phone rang, and Ramsay told Natalie to have everyone come downstairs. As everyone went downstairs, Michelle wondered what Ramsay wanted as she thought of every possibility. Ramsay reminded the chefs that earlier, they made choices on which dish would be judged in the Korean Inspiration Challenge, and five of them dropped their dishes. As Ramsay told them not to let anything get in their way when the season began, he announced that Ty, Hope, Ashley, Caleb and Dante must compete in the Cook For Your Life Challenge. The loser of the challenge would be eliminated that night, making Ashley nervous on the inside as she might lose her chance at the grand prize. The remaining chefs were safe and sent back to the dorms to await their teammates. As the safe chefs went upstairs, Jeff was so scared, and didnt want Caleb to go home, due to their tight bond. The five chefs had forty minutes to cook an exceptional chicken dish that proved to Ramsay they belonged in the competition and were worthy of being his next Head Chef. Ashley planned on cooking her best and proving to Ramsay she belonged in the competition.
Elimination
Caleb went up first and presented his seared chicken breast with garlic mashed potatoes, caper broth and summer vegetables. Caleb felt confident that he had made a good dish and Ramsay praised the chicken's cooking for being juicy and deemed it a good effort. As Caleb went back in line, he said that if he were to go home, he at least went out with a bang. Ashley was up next, and she felt happy with her dish. Ashley’s baked Hawaiian chicken with papaya sauce, Hawaiian salad, and lemon Sherry vinaigrette was questioned by Ramsay regarding the hawaiian components, but she claimed it was inspired by her grandmother. However, Ramsay found the papaya sauce too thick due to Ashley adding flour, but he did find the chicken cooked well. Ashley tried to keep confident, but she felt her heart splitting up. After tasting the first two dishes, Ramsay sent Caleb back to the dorms, and he claimed he was not going anywhere. The other chefs greeted Caleb as he felt a new flame lit from the competition, and Caleb deemed himself a force to be reckoned with.
Back downstairs, Matt went up knowing his dish looked beautiful. Matt revealed his poached chicken stuffed with cream cheese and chives, and lobster fat cooked potatoes. Ramsay questioned the potatoes, and Matt thought the lobster fat worked with the potatoes. The chicken tasted nice, and the sides worked as well, but Ramsay had an issue as the fat tasted salty. Still, Ramsay deemed Matt’s dish better than Ashley’s, and the former returned to the dorms. Matt was relieved to survive and said he was holding his own against chefs who went to culinary school. Hope went up afterwards but felt her confidence was a 5 out of ten. Hope’s pan-roasted chicken breast with spiced eggplant purée and grilled zucchini was deemed crispy with an exceptional purée, and Ramsay sent the former back to the dorms. As Hope went up to the dorms, she called it the most scariest moments of her life and felt that she gave in.
The final chef to present their dish was Ty, who presented his roasted chicken breast with scalloped potatoes and Swiss chard. Ramsay asked Ty why his potatoes looked like a mess on the plate. While Ramsay praised the chicken for having a nice cook and the swiss chard tasting nice, he told Ty that he should have placed the scalloped potatoes in a mini dish. As Ramsay struggled to make a decision, Ashley felt her heart pounding as she represented everyone and did not want to go home. In contrast, Ty wondered if he was going home as he worked his way through the competition. In the end, Ramsay deemed Ty’s dish the better of the two and sent the latter back to the dorms. As Ty returned, he began tearing up as he fought for his life and succeeded. That meant Ashley was eliminated. Ramsay told Ashley that while her chicken was cooked beautifully, the thickness of the sauce destroyed all the good aspects of the protein. Still, Ramsay urged Ashley to keep going as the latter called it an honor to compete. During her exit interview, Ashley felt hurt leaving, but she was proud that she got to cook her heart out, and felt that she did make her whole family proud.
Ramsay’s comment: ”Cooking For Your Life is a game changer challenge. Some people can succeed, others fall to pieces. One overly thick purée got Ashley out the door”
18th: Camilo (Individual Challenge)
17th: Derek
16th: Josh
15th: Trish
14th: Rosemary
13th: Kristian
12th: Jamila
11th: Ashley (Cook For Your Life)