Naked and afraid xl frozen 2022
NakedAndAfraidTv
2020.08.30 23:06 RH3DD1T NakedAndAfraidTv
This is where fans of the television show 'Naked and Afraid' and 'Naked and Afraid XL' can come to hang out and share their opinions! All Survivalists are welcome, including Cast Members!
2021.02.16 01:40 BunHein NakedandAfraidXL
This is a subreddit for Naked and Afraid XL. The hit show on Discovery I think, and it might be on another Network like FX/AMC too. But this is also a place where we can talk about the show where 12 naked people survive in the wilderness for a super long time. EJ Snyder is a prominent contestant on this series for his extreme skills. Do not let RH3DDIT onto this sub.
2023.06.08 07:41 dulaev_official [CAN] How can I explain my grief to my supervisor?
I'm an independent contractor. I work from home.
I lost my husband at the end of Oct 2022 and it's been extremely difficult for me. Bouts of depression and crying. I have a hard time concentration as well.
My husband died very suddenly. We talked like normal during his night shift. Next thing I know the cops were at my door to tell me had died. It was traumatic.
Onto the work issue: I explained this situation to many of my coworkers and superiors. All expressed empathy and understanding except one person.
On a project I was working on, I explained to this person that it was more difficult for me to answer messages as I was busy with notary appointments and family meetings. I apologized and explained that I would be slower in responding, as I was prioritizing my mental health.
This person did not respond.
3 days later, another message. "Please respond to my request. Do not ignore me"
I understand my responses are important and I do respond, but if I'm in bed crying, I feel frozen in time and can't do anything.
How can I explain to this person my situation while sounding professional?
Thank you..
submitted by dulaev_official to AskHR [link] [comments]
I lost my husband at the end of Oct 2022 and it's been extremely difficult for me. Bouts of depression and crying. I have a hard time concentration as well.
My husband died very suddenly. We talked like normal during his night shift. Next thing I know the cops were at my door to tell me had died. It was traumatic.
Onto the work issue: I explained this situation to many of my coworkers and superiors. All expressed empathy and understanding except one person.
On a project I was working on, I explained to this person that it was more difficult for me to answer messages as I was busy with notary appointments and family meetings. I apologized and explained that I would be slower in responding, as I was prioritizing my mental health.
This person did not respond.
3 days later, another message. "Please respond to my request. Do not ignore me"
I understand my responses are important and I do respond, but if I'm in bed crying, I feel frozen in time and can't do anything.
How can I explain to this person my situation while sounding professional?
Thank you..
2023.06.08 06:51 hijesushere Have you guys been indoctrinated into the cult of "Famous p- Holy Plumb you guys, yeah, you mean a-" yet? It's kind... algebra homework. Bread Pudding without either one: it's just an empty conceptual hole. I'd take meds if I were even your call cannot be completed as dialed. At the tone leave a voi
Lyrics in songs I've noticed.
Red Velvet
It kept calling us
Wonderland beyond distant memories
...........
Cntd
We we we strong, nothing missing
Wake up, the answer is Simple
Be Boss, blow the Whistle
The bigger world is noticing you.
Shall we have a festival? I hold your hand.
We've been waiting for this moment. Spread your wings and be yourself.
Come play at My carnival.
Climax? It starts now.
Watch out! We are making the rules.
......
It’s now or never, we got forever.
Sappy
;
You're sobbing and being pessimistic
You're hesitating again, you can't choose
Writing poems in your note, your hobby is sentimental
Look, now it's time to open the door
........
Tell me, which do you love?
It's not bad thing to dream
It's not a fairytale, it's the real world
What are you gonna do? Which one are you
gonna pick?
Reality or fantasy, adolescent boy?
I'm still clearing dating simulation games
using the manual
I'm still a long way from real love
.......
It's not that I don't like it
Escape from being just two-dimensional
Which one do you love?
Tonight let me know your true feelings
You'll really grow up then
Tell me, which one do you love?
(In the video the lyrics are "Logging out from delusion" for a part of it.)
That's not even getting into the imagery in the video.
Feel My Rhythm
Blowing up this fancy ball
We're back, cute chaotic delight
This is gonna be a crazy night
Epic appearance to stunning greetings
Let's have a little fun
Don't be shy, Bae bae
Let the play start
(Birds and wings everywhere in the video. Irene is shown offering strawberries to a gigantic statue of some sort which then falls towards her. Joy is seen standing in front of some type of being with wings, I can't tell what it would be though. Maybe o- I Cant tell, she's, yeah she's blocking the shot)
Imagine anything
Now cruising into a weird, new dimension
A place I've never imagined appears unexpectedly
Don't miss this moment, baby.
Don't confine yourself to yesterday or tomorrow.
I'm truly free right now.
Come ride with me (Sway)
Let's go anywhere (Way)
I want to mess all the boundaries
In this world (Oh yeah)
When the world stops What a what a feeling Come take my hand (All right) A brand new Film We falling deep, You and I Next time, spin the clock Where should we go? Come on, let's start again You and I
Everglow
You used to be afraid of the dark night (ah yeah yeah) Hiding without anyone else knowing (ah yeah yeah) No one say happy ending You stayed silent and ran away (Here we go Here we go like)...
Knock Knock There’s a monster It’s growing larger, the black hole inside of you When you back uh? The howler has swallowed you, that’s the killer Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before Dream a dream that’s never been seen before (Ya) It’s ok if you fall (stand up) It’s you (hands up) Faster Stronger Better Gotta be the best Between night and day, around 5:30AM A war without loyalty will suffocate you, this is a foul Lies, darkness, truth, ecstasy, fantasy My candle makes you explode like a fireworks of melodies in the dawn Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before I’m breaking down the walls, crossing the lines I won’t shrivel up, I’ll jump over one step You got me now got me now two step Don’t slow it down slow it down Shout towards the sky that comes to you Hold onto the key of hope...
Bon bon chocolate
Avenged Sevenfold
Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side
Flesh is burning, you can smell it in the air 'Cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal (steal) So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head You're now a slave until the end of time here Nothing stops the madness turning Haunting, yearning, pull the trigger You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare While your nightmare comes to life
You've been lied to just to rape you of your sight And now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel (feel) So sedated as they medicate your brain And while you slowly go insane they tell you Given with the best intentions Help you with your complications
You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah No one to call, everybody to fear Your tragic fate is lookin' so clear, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare Ha, ha, ha, ha
And I know you hear their voices (calling from above) And I know they may seem real (these signals of love) But our life's made up of choices (some without appeal) They took for granted your soul And it's ours now to steal As your nightmare comes to life
Afterlife
Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen So unsure but it seems, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway
A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain Can leave this place but refrain, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway This piece on Earth's not right (with my back against the wall) No pain or sign of time (I'm much too young to fall) So out of place, don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign I've made up my mind Give me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye Please, understand I have to leave and carry on my own life
Creating God
Standing in the shade of altruism, answering the call Came a modern messiah to save us all Something far beyond the work of fiction, Positronic brain A world that's void of all the anguish and suffering, pain
We're creating god, master of our designs We're creating god, unsure of what we'll find
Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong Devouring the very last invention man would ever need But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed
Sometimes when I look up to the sky I have to wonder are we "summoning the demon" you and I?
Have you noticed that I'm needin' it more now, more than it needs me Got a couple of billion that seem to agree Surfing in an artificial dimension, but we're not alone Now the master has become just a stepping stone, oh
We're Creating, God.
Beast and the Harlot
This shining city built of gold A far cry from innocence There's more than meets the eye around here Look to the waters of the deep A city of evil There sat a seven headed beast Ten horns raised from his head Symbolic woman sits on his throne But hatred strips her and leaves her naked The beast and the harlot
The city dressed in jewels and gold Fine linen, myrrh and pearls Her plagues will come all at once As her mourners watch her burn Destroyed in an hour Merchants and captains of the world Sailors navigators too Will weep and mourn this loss With her sins piled to the sky The beast and the harlot
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around I don't believe in fairy tales and no one wants to go to hell You've made the wrong decision and it's easy to see Now if you wanna serve above or be a king below with us You're welcome to the city where your future is set forever
Welcome to the family
Hey kid (hey kid) Do I have your attention? I know the way you've been living Life's so reckless, tragedy endless Welcome to the family Hey There's something missing Only time will alter your vision Never in question, lethal injection Welcome to the family Not long ago you find the answers were so crystal clear Within a day you find yourself living in constant fear Can you look at yourself now, can you look at yourself? You can't win this fight
I try and help you with the things that can't be justified I need to warn you that there is no way to rationalize So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out? You can't win this fight
And in a way it seems there's no one to call When our thoughts are so numb And our feelings unsure We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find But you can't win this fight!
I see you're a king who's been dethroned Cast out in a world you've never know Stand down, place your weapon by your side It's our war in the end, we'll surely lose but that's alright So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out?
Bat Country
So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long, my vision's so unclear Now take a trip with me But don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem
You've been breakin' down for far too long Far too many moons since you felt well and strong You see, you could say goodbye but you don't have to die Not ever
Engineer the wires to your brain Architect a code so you won't feel the pain With your family by your side and vigor in your eyes forever Live Forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm What's it really mean to be a man? Think about your answer but please understand While it's natural to fear, I'll make it disappear forever I forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm Singular I am I have the question if these thoughts are mine To live forever but did something in me die? I'm clawing my skin but I can't feel it inside I know the agony of pain would hurt so much better I'm way up, so far up Have I lost myself tonight? Mother, oh father Have you lost that boy you used to know?
Simulation
It seems I should have walked away Reverse the wager I've no means to pay Toto has pulled back the green tonight, in sight And blue pills coat with such disdain I wore the shades for so long That I've forgotten how to see The curtain rises but who dares to pull the strings
I know this might be hard for you to believe and all, But you only exist because we allow it I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? By the way of cosmic rays A subtle breakdown jarred the code display A simulation as I can tell, our cell Playing out a hopeless scene We stand to lose all our charm And faith just seems to wane A billion years can seem a stunningly short time You've been beaten down time and time again But still you find yourself at the center of it all I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? You hear me, you had one thing to do, one thing And you fucked it up, piece of shit Nurse, patient 666158 needs to be sedated We need 500 CCs of M Oh hello there, dearie I've been expecting you Posturing the way I feel Is truth only what we believe is real? Marvel the sketches that paint the night, starlight And take a breath before it's all erased away
Their song Angels; Waking the Fallen, Sounding the Seventh Trumpet.
Everglow:
Pirate
Yeah EVERGLOW Gonna be mad lunatic, girl When the mysteriously changed moon comes A show that will start suddenly In secret, yeah, dance I want it Ddi-dam-bam-bam, bba-rira-bam-bam A paradise found in a whole new world that is out of sync ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet I Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself...
Twenty four hours, the light disappears Overnight, night, overnight During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the Crown Waving the flag, yeah...
All the way, all the way, all the way The riot we made All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself Ahoy! Sing a song now The hidden moon festival Well, shiver me timbers (Aye-aye) Watch this night together Last chance, get on board Approaching tsunami, disappearing afternoon Everyone falls asleep under these waves Yeah, I’m making the moves During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the crown Waving the flag, yeah (Oh woah) All the way, all the way, all the way The riot that we made (Oh yeah) All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board...
A letter from that future Together with that blinding light Trust me and follow me up to my ark...
Katy Perry and Nikki Manage
Michael Jackson's Best Tracks
"Swish Swish" lyrics Katy Perry Lyrics Play "Swish Swish" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) "Swish Swish" (feat. Nicki Minaj)
They know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the fuck?
[Katy Perry:] A tiger Don't lose no sleep Don't need opinions From a shellfish or a sheep Don't you come for me No, not today You're calculated I got your number 'Cause you're a joker And I'm a courtside killer queen And you will kiss the ring You best believe
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
Your game is tired You should retire You're 'bout as cute as An old coupon expired And karma's not a liar She keeps receipts
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket (Let's go) Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
They know what is what But they don't know what is what Katy Perry They just know what is what Young Money But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut Hahaha, yo What the fuck?
[Nicki Minaj:] Pink Ferragamo sliders on deck Silly rap beefs just get me more checks My life is a movie, I'm never off set Me and my a-Migos (no, not Offset) Swish swish, aww I got them upset But my shooters'll make 'em dance like dubstep Swish, swish, aww, my haters is obsessed 'Cause I make M's, they get much less Don't be tryna double back I already despise you All that fake love you showin' Couldn't even disguise you (Yo, yo) Ran? When? Nicki gettin' tan Mirror mirror who's the fairest bitch in all the land? Damn, man, this bitch is a Stan Muah, muah, the generous queen will kiss a fan Ass goodbye, I'mma be riding by I'mma tell my ...Biggz, yeah that's the guy A star's a star, da ha da ha They never thought the swish god would take it this far Get my pimp cup, this is pimp shit, baby I only rock with Queens, so I'm makin' hits with Katy
[Katy Perry:] Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket And another one and another one Can't touch this Another one in the casket And another one and another one
They know what is what Do they know? But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the...
Red Velvet: Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb –31
You need to “Beat It” That boy Michael Jackson ”Bad” I’m not your “Billie Jean” Don’t you “Leave Me Alone” But you’re so ambiguous, I want “Black Or White” I can’t give up on you, my “Man In The Mirror” “Why You Wanna Trip On Me” You’re too harsh Boy, you make me “Scream” Why am I like this? Well, your “Love really Never Felt So Good” It’s so electrifying that it’s like
Aespa
Next Level
aespa
I’m on the Next Level, yeah I follow the absolute rules Don't let go of my hand unity is my weapon I walk to KWANGYA I know your home ground Confront the threat Beat it, beat it, beat it
An unexpected black out The temptation is deep and strong (Too hot too hot) Letting go of the hands held together But I'll never give up
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in thе end Until I reach the Nеxt Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la
I see the NU EVO The hostile suffering and sorrow Make you popping and evolve further That's my naevis, it's my naevis You lead, we follow After learning the feelings Watch me while I make it out
Watch me while I work it out Watch me while I make it out Watch me while I work it out Work it, work it, work it out
Even the unbearable despair Can't break my faith Watch me while I work it Even if a more painful trial comes I won't let go of your hand, oh
Never look back Don’t covet things of KWANGYA If the promises are broken, everything will be out of control The signal is becoming unstable since a certain point in time I'll destroy you in the end (We want it) Come on! Show me the way to KOSMO, yeah
A hallucination quest created by the Black Mamba Aespa, they want to separate out ae, that's right I lose my balance and my voice too In the illusion of being criticized and alienated Nævis we (Call ae, ae) Aespa's Next Level Open "P.O.S" This is the REAL WORLD, I'm awake We against the villain, what's the name? Black Mamba
I open the door in the end (Too hot, too hot) That light is like Fire to you I'm dying to know The next story that will unfold Huh!
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in the end Until I reach the Next Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
I'm on the Next Level I become stronger and free Next Level I'm no longer who I was at KWANGYA Next Level Feel me I'm like a beast Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it Huh! https://lyricstranslate.com/en/next-level-next-level.html-0
Savage
[Intro: Karina] Oh my gosh Don't you know I'm a savage?
[Verse 1: Karina, Giselle] I'm a Killa who will break you, ae You're still hiding and hallucinating Beat you up, we holler I'm not afraid of you, you, hit you harder Push me in, deep fake on me To the unprepared stage Corner me in, fake on me Got everybody, mock up to me You shake me up so that I feel ashamed Cold spectators are collapsed, ae I can't stand you anymore, say, "No!"
[Refrain: Winter, Ningning] Wait and see, I'm a little savage Your dirty play I can't stand it any longer You want to break me Your hallucinations are becoming The reasons to construct you
[Pre-Chorus: Winter, Ningning] I'm a savage I'll break you into pieces yeah, oh I'm a savage I'll crush you, oh
[Chorus: Karina, Giselle, Karina & Ningning] Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Or I'll become more Savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Now I'm going to get you Now, I'm a savage Gimme, gimme now Gimme, gimme now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) I can see your words Your weakness Algorithm (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Steaming, it's steaming Steaming, it's steaming (Zu-zu-zu-zu) MA ae SYNK Don't bother me and bog off, savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu)
[Verse 2: Giselle, Winter, Karina] Mhm, everybody looks at me I'm used to it, I should take a step back I have to endure it like an adult I'm locked up in the glass I want to play such a horrible expectation I'm locked up in that hallucination frame I'm going to KWANGYA, game in Defeating a subtle alienation And making me drift apart from my ae Your satisfying trick We gone KWANGYA, game in Cut it down, my sword of light To you who is damaged It's a merciless punch
[Refrain: Ningning, Winter] See? I'm a little Savage I block your regenerative power I distract you, I leave you out Don't forget, this is KWANGYA I control your time and space Make it, break it
You are the one who protected me when I was in trouble My naevis, we love you My victory, one SYNK DIVE All the opportunities you've created I know your sacrifices, oh My naevis, we love you I know, we'll make sure to find your memories Let's meet surely after the resurrection
[Breakdown: Karina, Ningning] Savage Savage Yeah
Girls
Wake up! In a deadlier war Hold on with your feet(our feet are like hands back home) Hook! Black Mamba I am not afraid of you Hoot! I’ll break you It has changed when we entered KWANGYA Distorted æ more like me, like one A crazy presence that shows The ember that was left behind...
grew into a great evil When I helplessly isolate you Reunite we’re together again Whoo Whoo Attack Beat it Yah You’re not alone...
Shined sacrifice If you found the memory Can you show us? Can you show up? Right now, right here Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Meta universe exists now Parallel world All beings have meaning Part of my heart We use sympathetic words and share the body temperatures In the end, we only pursue the value of goodwill I finally became stronger I don’t get swindled or hurt It’s distorted It has started again Make sides Isolate you and me so that we can’t see ahead The algorithms that have been distorted by bad desires Use existence as the weapon and swallow with destruction Ah Evil was started at that moment Whoo Whoo Move out flip Yah I’m not alone I want to protect first encountering REKALL I will hug you so that you can feel Without SYNK DIVE Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are Together We Them Girls We Them Girls To face a peaceful day Inside the FLAT We laugh and love together With my friends Now I’m more curious about the future together with nævis Eventually we will probably meet nævis on the REAL MY WORLD Hold up! REAL MY WORLD Your existence is brighter than my reflection in the mirror Can you tell me? Until when, will we be together? Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Girls! Official translation. Play "Girls" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) Other Songs from Girls Album Girls Girls
Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Take a look at my WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down, down, down, down, da street
I didn’t go anywhere Now I could go everywhere Scared of change Just looking from the side
When you protect me and I’m breathing I’m forced into misery like a puppet, muppet I thought I was no good But behind weakness there was strength Words from loveless people, I don’t care about it anymore I will show you the truth
Never tell lies to myself any more Fly now to the place I want to be I’m never scared of going to the sky
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
Accepting myself that I don’t even know of I want to love more, believe myself more So I don’t get lost, Yeah
Starlight, slash the dark night already So bright, sparkle La-la-la-la-la
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down down I will show you my wild side
https://youtu.be/Qpf26PtBXgo 😬 cya ❤️🩹😾🙀🙈
....
submitted by hijesushere to conspiracy [link] [comments]
Red Velvet
- Queendom
It kept calling us
Wonderland beyond distant memories
...........
Cntd
We we we strong, nothing missing
Wake up, the answer is Simple
Be Boss, blow the Whistle
The bigger world is noticing you.
Shall we have a festival? I hold your hand.
We've been waiting for this moment. Spread your wings and be yourself.
Come play at My carnival.
Climax? It starts now.
Watch out! We are making the rules.
......
It’s now or never, we got forever.
;
You're sobbing and being pessimistic
You're hesitating again, you can't choose
Writing poems in your note, your hobby is sentimental
Look, now it's time to open the door
........
Tell me, which do you love?
It's not bad thing to dream
It's not a fairytale, it's the real world
What are you gonna do? Which one are you
gonna pick?
Reality or fantasy, adolescent boy?
I'm still clearing dating simulation games
using the manual
I'm still a long way from real love
.......
It's not that I don't like it
Escape from being just two-dimensional
Which one do you love?
Tonight let me know your true feelings
You'll really grow up then
Tell me, which one do you love?
(In the video the lyrics are "Logging out from delusion" for a part of it.)
That's not even getting into the imagery in the video.
Feel My Rhythm
Blowing up this fancy ball
We're back, cute chaotic delight
This is gonna be a crazy night
Epic appearance to stunning greetings
Let's have a little fun
Don't be shy, Bae bae
Let the play start
(Birds and wings everywhere in the video. Irene is shown offering strawberries to a gigantic statue of some sort which then falls towards her. Joy is seen standing in front of some type of being with wings, I can't tell what it would be though. Maybe o- I Cant tell, she's, yeah she's blocking the shot)
Imagine anything
Now cruising into a weird, new dimension
A place I've never imagined appears unexpectedly
Don't miss this moment, baby.
Don't confine yourself to yesterday or tomorrow.
I'm truly free right now.
Come ride with me (Sway)
Let's go anywhere (Way)
I want to mess all the boundaries
In this world (Oh yeah)
When the world stops What a what a feeling Come take my hand (All right) A brand new Film We falling deep, You and I Next time, spin the clock Where should we go? Come on, let's start again You and I
Everglow
You used to be afraid of the dark night (ah yeah yeah) Hiding without anyone else knowing (ah yeah yeah) No one say happy ending You stayed silent and ran away (Here we go Here we go like)...
Knock Knock There’s a monster It’s growing larger, the black hole inside of you When you back uh? The howler has swallowed you, that’s the killer Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before Dream a dream that’s never been seen before (Ya) It’s ok if you fall (stand up) It’s you (hands up) Faster Stronger Better Gotta be the best Between night and day, around 5:30AM A war without loyalty will suffocate you, this is a foul Lies, darkness, truth, ecstasy, fantasy My candle makes you explode like a fireworks of melodies in the dawn Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before I’m breaking down the walls, crossing the lines I won’t shrivel up, I’ll jump over one step You got me now got me now two step Don’t slow it down slow it down Shout towards the sky that comes to you Hold onto the key of hope...
Bon bon chocolate
go up to the sky.
Avenged Sevenfold
Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side
Flesh is burning, you can smell it in the air 'Cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal (steal) So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head You're now a slave until the end of time here Nothing stops the madness turning Haunting, yearning, pull the trigger You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare While your nightmare comes to life
You've been lied to just to rape you of your sight And now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel (feel) So sedated as they medicate your brain And while you slowly go insane they tell you Given with the best intentions Help you with your complications
You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah No one to call, everybody to fear Your tragic fate is lookin' so clear, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare Ha, ha, ha, ha
And I know you hear their voices (calling from above) And I know they may seem real (these signals of love) But our life's made up of choices (some without appeal) They took for granted your soul And it's ours now to steal As your nightmare comes to life
Afterlife
Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen So unsure but it seems, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway
A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain Can leave this place but refrain, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway This piece on Earth's not right (with my back against the wall) No pain or sign of time (I'm much too young to fall) So out of place, don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign I've made up my mind Give me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye Please, understand I have to leave and carry on my own life
Creating God
Standing in the shade of altruism, answering the call Came a modern messiah to save us all Something far beyond the work of fiction, Positronic brain A world that's void of all the anguish and suffering, pain
We're creating god, master of our designs We're creating god, unsure of what we'll find
Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong Devouring the very last invention man would ever need But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed
Sometimes when I look up to the sky I have to wonder are we "summoning the demon" you and I?
Have you noticed that I'm needin' it more now, more than it needs me Got a couple of billion that seem to agree Surfing in an artificial dimension, but we're not alone Now the master has become just a stepping stone, oh
We're Creating, God.
Beast and the Harlot
This shining city built of gold A far cry from innocence There's more than meets the eye around here Look to the waters of the deep A city of evil There sat a seven headed beast Ten horns raised from his head Symbolic woman sits on his throne But hatred strips her and leaves her naked The beast and the harlot
The city dressed in jewels and gold Fine linen, myrrh and pearls Her plagues will come all at once As her mourners watch her burn Destroyed in an hour Merchants and captains of the world Sailors navigators too Will weep and mourn this loss With her sins piled to the sky The beast and the harlot
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around I don't believe in fairy tales and no one wants to go to hell You've made the wrong decision and it's easy to see Now if you wanna serve above or be a king below with us You're welcome to the city where your future is set forever
Welcome to the family
Hey kid (hey kid) Do I have your attention? I know the way you've been living Life's so reckless, tragedy endless Welcome to the family Hey There's something missing Only time will alter your vision Never in question, lethal injection Welcome to the family Not long ago you find the answers were so crystal clear Within a day you find yourself living in constant fear Can you look at yourself now, can you look at yourself? You can't win this fight
I try and help you with the things that can't be justified I need to warn you that there is no way to rationalize So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out? You can't win this fight
And in a way it seems there's no one to call When our thoughts are so numb And our feelings unsure We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find But you can't win this fight!
I see you're a king who's been dethroned Cast out in a world you've never know Stand down, place your weapon by your side It's our war in the end, we'll surely lose but that's alright So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out?
Bat Country
So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long, my vision's so unclear Now take a trip with me But don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem
You've been breakin' down for far too long Far too many moons since you felt well and strong You see, you could say goodbye but you don't have to die Not ever
Engineer the wires to your brain Architect a code so you won't feel the pain With your family by your side and vigor in your eyes forever Live Forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm What's it really mean to be a man? Think about your answer but please understand While it's natural to fear, I'll make it disappear forever I forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm Singular I am I have the question if these thoughts are mine To live forever but did something in me die? I'm clawing my skin but I can't feel it inside I know the agony of pain would hurt so much better I'm way up, so far up Have I lost myself tonight? Mother, oh father Have you lost that boy you used to know?
Simulation
It seems I should have walked away Reverse the wager I've no means to pay Toto has pulled back the green tonight, in sight And blue pills coat with such disdain I wore the shades for so long That I've forgotten how to see The curtain rises but who dares to pull the strings
I know this might be hard for you to believe and all, But you only exist because we allow it I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? By the way of cosmic rays A subtle breakdown jarred the code display A simulation as I can tell, our cell Playing out a hopeless scene We stand to lose all our charm And faith just seems to wane A billion years can seem a stunningly short time You've been beaten down time and time again But still you find yourself at the center of it all I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? You hear me, you had one thing to do, one thing And you fucked it up, piece of shit Nurse, patient 666158 needs to be sedated We need 500 CCs of M Oh hello there, dearie I've been expecting you Posturing the way I feel Is truth only what we believe is real? Marvel the sketches that paint the night, starlight And take a breath before it's all erased away
Their song Angels; Waking the Fallen, Sounding the Seventh Trumpet.
Everglow:
Pirate
Yeah EVERGLOW Gonna be mad lunatic, girl When the mysteriously changed moon comes A show that will start suddenly In secret, yeah, dance I want it Ddi-dam-bam-bam, bba-rira-bam-bam A paradise found in a whole new world that is out of sync ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet I Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself...
Twenty four hours, the light disappears Overnight, night, overnight During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the Crown Waving the flag, yeah...
All the way, all the way, all the way The riot we made All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself Ahoy! Sing a song now The hidden moon festival Well, shiver me timbers (Aye-aye) Watch this night together Last chance, get on board Approaching tsunami, disappearing afternoon Everyone falls asleep under these waves Yeah, I’m making the moves During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the crown Waving the flag, yeah (Oh woah) All the way, all the way, all the way The riot that we made (Oh yeah) All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board...
A letter from that future Together with that blinding light Trust me and follow me up to my ark...
Katy Perry and Nikki Manage
Michael Jackson's Best Tracks
"Swish Swish" lyrics Katy Perry Lyrics Play "Swish Swish" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) "Swish Swish" (feat. Nicki Minaj)
They know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the fuck?
[Katy Perry:] A tiger Don't lose no sleep Don't need opinions From a shellfish or a sheep Don't you come for me No, not today You're calculated I got your number 'Cause you're a joker And I'm a courtside killer queen And you will kiss the ring You best believe
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
Your game is tired You should retire You're 'bout as cute as An old coupon expired And karma's not a liar She keeps receipts
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket (Let's go) Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
They know what is what But they don't know what is what Katy Perry They just know what is what Young Money But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut Hahaha, yo What the fuck?
[Nicki Minaj:] Pink Ferragamo sliders on deck Silly rap beefs just get me more checks My life is a movie, I'm never off set Me and my a-Migos (no, not Offset) Swish swish, aww I got them upset But my shooters'll make 'em dance like dubstep Swish, swish, aww, my haters is obsessed 'Cause I make M's, they get much less Don't be tryna double back I already despise you All that fake love you showin' Couldn't even disguise you (Yo, yo) Ran? When? Nicki gettin' tan Mirror mirror who's the fairest bitch in all the land? Damn, man, this bitch is a Stan Muah, muah, the generous queen will kiss a fan Ass goodbye, I'mma be riding by I'mma tell my ...Biggz, yeah that's the guy A star's a star, da ha da ha They never thought the swish god would take it this far Get my pimp cup, this is pimp shit, baby I only rock with Queens, so I'm makin' hits with Katy
[Katy Perry:] Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket And another one and another one Can't touch this Another one in the casket And another one and another one
They know what is what Do they know? But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the...
Red Velvet: Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb –31
You need to “Beat It” That boy Michael Jackson ”Bad” I’m not your “Billie Jean” Don’t you “Leave Me Alone” But you’re so ambiguous, I want “Black Or White” I can’t give up on you, my “Man In The Mirror” “Why You Wanna Trip On Me” You’re too harsh Boy, you make me “Scream” Why am I like this? Well, your “Love really Never Felt So Good” It’s so electrifying that it’s like
Aespa
Next Level
aespa
I’m on the Next Level, yeah I follow the absolute rules Don't let go of my hand unity is my weapon I walk to KWANGYA I know your home ground Confront the threat Beat it, beat it, beat it
An unexpected black out The temptation is deep and strong (Too hot too hot) Letting go of the hands held together But I'll never give up
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in thе end Until I reach the Nеxt Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la
I see the NU EVO The hostile suffering and sorrow Make you popping and evolve further That's my naevis, it's my naevis You lead, we follow After learning the feelings Watch me while I make it out
Watch me while I work it out Watch me while I make it out Watch me while I work it out Work it, work it, work it out
Even the unbearable despair Can't break my faith Watch me while I work it Even if a more painful trial comes I won't let go of your hand, oh
Never look back Don’t covet things of KWANGYA If the promises are broken, everything will be out of control The signal is becoming unstable since a certain point in time I'll destroy you in the end (We want it) Come on! Show me the way to KOSMO, yeah
A hallucination quest created by the Black Mamba Aespa, they want to separate out ae, that's right I lose my balance and my voice too In the illusion of being criticized and alienated Nævis we (Call ae, ae) Aespa's Next Level Open "P.O.S" This is the REAL WORLD, I'm awake We against the villain, what's the name? Black Mamba
I open the door in the end (Too hot, too hot) That light is like Fire to you I'm dying to know The next story that will unfold Huh!
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in the end Until I reach the Next Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
I'm on the Next Level I become stronger and free Next Level I'm no longer who I was at KWANGYA Next Level Feel me I'm like a beast Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it Huh! https://lyricstranslate.com/en/next-level-next-level.html-0
Savage
[Intro: Karina] Oh my gosh Don't you know I'm a savage?
[Verse 1: Karina, Giselle] I'm a Killa who will break you, ae You're still hiding and hallucinating Beat you up, we holler I'm not afraid of you, you, hit you harder Push me in, deep fake on me To the unprepared stage Corner me in, fake on me Got everybody, mock up to me You shake me up so that I feel ashamed Cold spectators are collapsed, ae I can't stand you anymore, say, "No!"
[Refrain: Winter, Ningning] Wait and see, I'm a little savage Your dirty play I can't stand it any longer You want to break me Your hallucinations are becoming The reasons to construct you
[Pre-Chorus: Winter, Ningning] I'm a savage I'll break you into pieces yeah, oh I'm a savage I'll crush you, oh
[Chorus: Karina, Giselle, Karina & Ningning] Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Or I'll become more Savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Now I'm going to get you Now, I'm a savage Gimme, gimme now Gimme, gimme now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) I can see your words Your weakness Algorithm (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Steaming, it's steaming Steaming, it's steaming (Zu-zu-zu-zu) MA ae SYNK Don't bother me and bog off, savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu)
[Verse 2: Giselle, Winter, Karina] Mhm, everybody looks at me I'm used to it, I should take a step back I have to endure it like an adult I'm locked up in the glass I want to play such a horrible expectation I'm locked up in that hallucination frame I'm going to KWANGYA, game in Defeating a subtle alienation And making me drift apart from my ae Your satisfying trick We gone KWANGYA, game in Cut it down, my sword of light To you who is damaged It's a merciless punch
[Refrain: Ningning, Winter] See? I'm a little Savage I block your regenerative power I distract you, I leave you out Don't forget, this is KWANGYA I control your time and space Make it, break it
You are the one who protected me when I was in trouble My naevis, we love you My victory, one SYNK DIVE All the opportunities you've created I know your sacrifices, oh My naevis, we love you I know, we'll make sure to find your memories Let's meet surely after the resurrection
[Breakdown: Karina, Ningning] Savage Savage Yeah
Girls
Wake up! In a deadlier war Hold on with your feet(our feet are like hands back home) Hook! Black Mamba I am not afraid of you Hoot! I’ll break you It has changed when we entered KWANGYA Distorted æ more like me, like one A crazy presence that shows The ember that was left behind...
grew into a great evil When I helplessly isolate you Reunite we’re together again Whoo Whoo Attack Beat it Yah You’re not alone...
Shined sacrifice If you found the memory Can you show us? Can you show up? Right now, right here Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Meta universe exists now Parallel world All beings have meaning Part of my heart We use sympathetic words and share the body temperatures In the end, we only pursue the value of goodwill I finally became stronger I don’t get swindled or hurt It’s distorted It has started again Make sides Isolate you and me so that we can’t see ahead The algorithms that have been distorted by bad desires Use existence as the weapon and swallow with destruction Ah Evil was started at that moment Whoo Whoo Move out flip Yah I’m not alone I want to protect first encountering REKALL I will hug you so that you can feel Without SYNK DIVE Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are Together We Them Girls We Them Girls To face a peaceful day Inside the FLAT We laugh and love together With my friends Now I’m more curious about the future together with nævis Eventually we will probably meet nævis on the REAL MY WORLD Hold up! REAL MY WORLD Your existence is brighter than my reflection in the mirror Can you tell me? Until when, will we be together? Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Girls! Official translation. Play "Girls" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) Other Songs from Girls Album Girls Girls
Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Take a look at my WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down, down, down, down, da street
I didn’t go anywhere Now I could go everywhere Scared of change Just looking from the side
When you protect me and I’m breathing I’m forced into misery like a puppet, muppet I thought I was no good But behind weakness there was strength Words from loveless people, I don’t care about it anymore I will show you the truth
Never tell lies to myself any more Fly now to the place I want to be I’m never scared of going to the sky
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
Accepting myself that I don’t even know of I want to love more, believe myself more So I don’t get lost, Yeah
Starlight, slash the dark night already So bright, sparkle La-la-la-la-la
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down down I will show you my wild side
https://youtu.be/Qpf26PtBXgo 😬 cya ❤️🩹😾🙀🙈
....
2023.06.08 06:21 hijesushere Just some regular old, not weird in any way song lyrics that I noticed in a couple of my favorite songs... I'm gathering evidence...
Lyrics in songs I've noticed.
Red Velvet
It kept calling us
Wonderland beyond distant memories
...........
Cntd
We we we strong, nothing missing
Wake up, the answer is Simple
Be Boss, blow the Whistle
The bigger world is noticing you.
Shall we have a festival? I hold your hand.
We've been waiting for this moment. Spread your wings and be yourself.
Come play at My carnival.
Climax? It starts now.
Watch out! We are making the rules.
......
It’s now or never, we got forever.
Sappy
;
You're sobbing and being pessimistic
You're hesitating again, you can't choose
Writing poems in your note, your hobby is sentimental
Look, now it's time to open the door
........
Tell me, which do you love?
It's not bad thing to dream
It's not a fairytale, it's the real world
What are you gonna do? Which one are you
gonna pick?
Reality or fantasy, adolescent boy?
I'm still clearing dating simulation games
using the manual
I'm still a long way from real love
.......
It's not that I don't like it
Escape from being just two-dimensional
Which one do you love?
Tonight let me know your true feelings
You'll really grow up then
Tell me, which one do you love?
(In the video the lyrics are "Logging out from delusion" for a part of it.)
That's not even getting into the imagery in the video.
Feel My Rhythm
Blowing up this fancy ball
We're back, cute chaotic delight
This is gonna be a crazy night
Epic appearance to stunning greetings
Let's have a little fun
Don't be shy, Bae bae
Let the play start
(Birds and wings everywhere in the video. Irene is shown offering strawberries to a gigantic statue of some sort which then falls towards her. Joy is seen standing in front of some type of being with wings, I can't tell what it would be though. Maybe one of us? Cant tell, she's, yeah she's blocking the shot)
Imagine anything
Now cruising into a weird, new dimension
A place I've never imagined appears unexpectedly
Don't miss this moment, baby.
Don't confine yourself to yesterday or tomorrow.
I'm truly free right now.
Come ride with me (Sway)
Let's go anywhere (Way)
I want to mess all the boundaries
In this world (Oh yeah)
When the world stops What a what a feeling Come take my hand (All right) A brand new Film We falling deep, You and I Next time, spin the clock Where should we go? Come on, let's start again You and I
Everglow
You used to be afraid of the dark night (ah yeah yeah) Hiding without anyone else knowing (ah yeah yeah) No one say happy ending You stayed silent and ran away (Here we go Here we go like)...
Knock Knock There’s a monster It’s growing larger, the black hole inside of you When you back uh? The howler has swallowed you, that’s the killer Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before Dream a dream that’s never been seen before (Ya) It’s ok if you fall (stand up) It’s you (hands up) Faster Stronger Better Gotta be the best Between night and day, around 5:30AM A war without loyalty will suffocate you, this is a foul Lies, darkness, truth, ecstasy, fantasy My candle makes you explode like a fireworks of melodies in the dawn Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before I’m breaking down the walls, crossing the lines I won’t shrivel up, I’ll jump over one step You got me now got me now two step Don’t slow it down slow it down Shout towards the sky that comes to you Hold onto the key of hope...
Bon bon chocolate
Avenged Sevenfold
Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side
Flesh is burning, you can smell it in the air 'Cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal (steal) So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head You're now a slave until the end of time here Nothing stops the madness turning Haunting, yearning, pull the trigger You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare While your nightmare comes to life
You've been lied to just to rape you of your sight And now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel (feel) So sedated as they medicate your brain And while you slowly go insane they tell you Given with the best intentions Help you with your complications
You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah No one to call, everybody to fear Your tragic fate is lookin' so clear, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare Ha, ha, ha, ha
And I know you hear their voices (calling from above) And I know they may seem real (these signals of love) But our life's made up of choices (some without appeal) They took for granted your soul And it's ours now to steal As your nightmare comes to life
Afterlife
Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen So unsure but it seems, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway
A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain Can leave this place but refrain, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway This piece on Earth's not right (with my back against the wall) No pain or sign of time (I'm much too young to fall) So out of place, don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign I've made up my mind Give me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye Please, understand I have to leave and carry on my own life
Creating God
Standing in the shade of altruism, answering the call Came a modern messiah to save us all Something far beyond the work of fiction, Positronic brain A world that's void of all the anguish and suffering, pain
We're creating god, master of our designs We're creating god, unsure of what we'll find
Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong Devouring the very last invention man would ever need But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed
Sometimes when I look up to the sky I have to wonder are we "summoning the demon" you and I?
Have you noticed that I'm needin' it more now, more than it needs me Got a couple of billion that seem to agree Surfing in an artificial dimension, but we're not alone Now the master has become just a stepping stone, oh
We're Creating, God.
Beast and the Harlot
This shining city built of gold A far cry from innocence There's more than meets the eye around here Look to the waters of the deep A city of evil There sat a seven headed beast Ten horns raised from his head Symbolic woman sits on his throne But hatred strips her and leaves her naked The beast and the harlot
The city dressed in jewels and gold Fine linen, myrrh and pearls Her plagues will come all at once As her mourners watch her burn Destroyed in an hour Merchants and captains of the world Sailors navigators too Will weep and mourn this loss With her sins piled to the sky The beast and the harlot
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around I don't believe in fairy tales and no one wants to go to hell You've made the wrong decision and it's easy to see Now if you wanna serve above or be a king below with us You're welcome to the city where your future is set forever
Welcome to the family
Hey kid (hey kid) Do I have your attention? I know the way you've been living Life's so reckless, tragedy endless Welcome to the family Hey There's something missing Only time will alter your vision Never in question, lethal injection Welcome to the family Not long ago you find the answers were so crystal clear Within a day you find yourself living in constant fear Can you look at yourself now, can you look at yourself? You can't win this fight
I try and help you with the things that can't be justified I need to warn you that there is no way to rationalize So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out? You can't win this fight
And in a way it seems there's no one to call When our thoughts are so numb And our feelings unsure We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find But you can't win this fight!
I see you're a king who's been dethroned Cast out in a world you've never know Stand down, place your weapon by your side It's our war in the end, we'll surely lose but that's alright So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out?
Bat Country
So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long, my vision's so unclear Now take a trip with me But don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem
You've been breakin' down for far too long Far too many moons since you felt well and strong You see, you could say goodbye but you don't have to die Not ever
Engineer the wires to your brain Architect a code so you won't feel the pain With your family by your side and vigor in your eyes forever Live Forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm What's it really mean to be a man? Think about your answer but please understand While it's natural to fear, I'll make it disappear forever I forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm Singular I am I have the question if these thoughts are mine To live forever but did something in me die? I'm clawing my skin but I can't feel it inside I know the agony of pain would hurt so much better I'm way up, so far up Have I lost myself tonight? Mother, oh father Have you lost that boy you used to know?
Simulation
It seems I should have walked away Reverse the wager I've no means to pay Toto has pulled back the green tonight, in sight And blue pills coat with such disdain I wore the shades for so long That I've forgotten how to see The curtain rises but who dares to pull the strings
I know this might be hard for you to believe and all, But you only exist because we allow it I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? By the way of cosmic rays A subtle breakdown jarred the code display A simulation as I can tell, our cell Playing out a hopeless scene We stand to lose all our charm And faith just seems to wane A billion years can seem a stunningly short time You've been beaten down time and time again But still you find yourself at the center of it all I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? You hear me, you had one thing to do, one thing And you fucked it up, piece of shit Nurse, patient 666158 needs to be sedated We need 500 CCs of M Oh hello there, dearie I've been expecting you Posturing the way I feel Is truth only what we believe is real? Marvel the sketches that paint the night, starlight And take a breath before it's all erased away
Their song Angels; Waking the Fallen, Sounding the Seventh Trumpet.
Everglow:
Pirate
Yeah EVERGLOW Gonna be mad lunatic, girl When the mysteriously changed moon comes A show that will start suddenly In secret, yeah, dance I want it Ddi-dam-bam-bam, bba-rira-bam-bam A paradise found in a whole new world that is out of sync ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet I Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself...
Twenty four hours, the light disappears Overnight, night, overnight During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the Crown Waving the flag, yeah...
All the way, all the way, all the way The riot we made All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself Ahoy! Sing a song now The hidden moon festival Well, shiver me timbers (Aye-aye) Watch this night together Last chance, get on board Approaching tsunami, disappearing afternoon Everyone falls asleep under these waves Yeah, I’m making the moves During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the crown Waving the flag, yeah (Oh woah) All the way, all the way, all the way The riot that we made (Oh yeah) All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board...
A letter from that future Together with that blinding light Trust me and follow me up to my ark...
Katy Perry and Nikki Manage
Michael Jackson's Best Tracks
"Swish Swish" lyrics Katy Perry Lyrics Play "Swish Swish" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) "Swish Swish" (feat. Nicki Minaj)
They know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the fuck?
[Katy Perry:] A tiger Don't lose no sleep Don't need opinions From a shellfish or a sheep Don't you come for me No, not today You're calculated I got your number 'Cause you're a joker And I'm a courtside killer queen And you will kiss the ring You best believe
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
Your game is tired You should retire You're 'bout as cute as An old coupon expired And karma's not a liar She keeps receipts
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket (Let's go) Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
They know what is what But they don't know what is what Katy Perry They just know what is what Young Money But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut Hahaha, yo What the fuck?
[Nicki Minaj:] Pink Ferragamo sliders on deck Silly rap beefs just get me more checks My life is a movie, I'm never off set Me and my a-Migos (no, not Offset) Swish swish, aww I got them upset But my shooters'll make 'em dance like dubstep Swish, swish, aww, my haters is obsessed 'Cause I make M's, they get much less Don't be tryna double back I already despise you All that fake love you showin' Couldn't even disguise you (Yo, yo) Ran? When? Nicki gettin' tan Mirror mirror who's the fairest bitch in all the land? Damn, man, this bitch is a Stan Muah, muah, the generous queen will kiss a fan Ass goodbye, I'mma be riding by I'mma tell my ...Biggz, yeah that's the guy A star's a star, da ha da ha They never thought the swish god would take it this far Get my pimp cup, this is pimp shit, baby I only rock with Queens, so I'm makin' hits with Katy
[Katy Perry:] Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket And another one and another one Can't touch this Another one in the casket And another one and another one
They know what is what Do they know? But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the...
Red Velvet: Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb –31
You need to “Beat It” That boy Michael Jackson ”Bad” I’m not your “Billie Jean” Don’t you “Leave Me Alone” But you’re so ambiguous, I want “Black Or White” I can’t give up on you, my “Man In The Mirror” “Why You Wanna Trip On Me” You’re too harsh Boy, you make me “Scream” Why am I like this? Well, your “Love really Never Felt So Good” It’s so electrifying that it’s like
Aespa
Next Level
aespa
I’m on the Next Level, yeah I follow the absolute rules Don't let go of my hand unity is my weapon I walk to KWANGYA I know your home ground Confront the threat Beat it, beat it, beat it
An unexpected black out The temptation is deep and strong (Too hot too hot) Letting go of the hands held together But I'll never give up
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in thе end Until I reach the Nеxt Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la
I see the NU EVO The hostile suffering and sorrow Make you popping and evolve further That's my naevis, it's my naevis You lead, we follow After learning the feelings Watch me while I make it out
Watch me while I work it out Watch me while I make it out Watch me while I work it out Work it, work it, work it out
Even the unbearable despair Can't break my faith Watch me while I work it Even if a more painful trial comes I won't let go of your hand, oh
Never look back Don’t covet things of KWANGYA If the promises are broken, everything will be out of control The signal is becoming unstable since a certain point in time I'll destroy you in the end (We want it) Come on! Show me the way to KOSMO, yeah
A hallucination quest created by the Black Mamba Aespa, they want to separate out ae, that's right I lose my balance and my voice too In the illusion of being criticized and alienated Nævis we (Call ae, ae) Aespa's Next Level Open "P.O.S" This is the REAL WORLD, I'm awake We against the villain, what's the name? Black Mamba
I open the door in the end (Too hot, too hot) That light is like Fire to you I'm dying to know The next story that will unfold Huh!
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in the end Until I reach the Next Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
I'm on the Next Level I become stronger and free Next Level I'm no longer who I was at KWANGYA Next Level Feel me I'm like a beast Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it Huh! https://lyricstranslate.com/en/next-level-next-level.html-0
Savage
[Intro: Karina] Oh my gosh Don't you know I'm a savage?
[Verse 1: Karina, Giselle] I'm a Killa who will break you, ae You're still hiding and hallucinating Beat you up, we holler I'm not afraid of you, you, hit you harder Push me in, deep fake on me To the unprepared stage Corner me in, fake on me Got everybody, mock up to me You shake me up so that I feel ashamed Cold spectators are collapsed, ae I can't stand you anymore, say, "No!"
[Refrain: Winter, Ningning] Wait and see, I'm a little savage Your dirty play I can't stand it any longer You want to break me Your hallucinations are becoming The reasons to construct you
[Pre-Chorus: Winter, Ningning] I'm a savage I'll break you into pieces yeah, oh I'm a savage I'll crush you, oh
[Chorus: Karina, Giselle, Karina & Ningning] Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Or I'll become more Savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Now I'm going to get you Now, I'm a savage Gimme, gimme now Gimme, gimme now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) I can see your words Your weakness Algorithm (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Steaming, it's steaming Steaming, it's steaming (Zu-zu-zu-zu) MA ae SYNK Don't bother me and bog off, savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu)
[Verse 2: Giselle, Winter, Karina] Mhm, everybody looks at me I'm used to it, I should take a step back I have to endure it like an adult I'm locked up in the glass I want to play such a horrible expectation I'm locked up in that hallucination frame I'm going to KWANGYA, game in Defeating a subtle alienation And making me drift apart from my ae Your satisfying trick We gone KWANGYA, game in Cut it down, my sword of light To you who is damaged It's a merciless punch
[Refrain: Ningning, Winter] See? I'm a little Savage I block your regenerative power I distract you, I leave you out Don't forget, this is KWANGYA I control your time and space Make it, break it
You are the one who protected me when I was in trouble My naevis, we love you My victory, one SYNK DIVE All the opportunities you've created I know your sacrifices, oh My naevis, we love you I know, we'll make sure to find your memories Let's meet surely after the resurrection
[Breakdown: Karina, Ningning] Savage Savage Yeah
Girls
Wake up! In a deadlier war Hold on with your feet(our feet are like hands back home) Hook! Black Mamba I am not afraid of you Hoot! I’ll break you It has changed when we entered KWANGYA Distorted æ more like me, like one A crazy presence that shows The ember that was left behind...
grew into a great evil When I helplessly isolate you Reunite we’re together again Whoo Whoo Attack Beat it Yah You’re not alone...
Shined sacrifice If you found the memory Can you show us? Can you show up? Right now, right here Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Meta universe exists now Parallel world All beings have meaning Part of my heart We use sympathetic words and share the body temperatures In the end, we only pursue the value of goodwill I finally became stronger I don’t get swindled or hurt It’s distorted It has started again Make sides Isolate you and me so that we can’t see ahead The algorithms that have been distorted by bad desires Use existence as the weapon and swallow with destruction Ah Evil was started at that moment Whoo Whoo Move out flip Yah I’m not alone I want to protect first encountering REKALL I will hug you so that you can feel Without SYNK DIVE Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are Together We Them Girls We Them Girls To face a peaceful day Inside the FLAT We laugh and love together With my friends Now I’m more curious about the future together with nævis Eventually we will probably meet nævis on the REAL MY WORLD Hold up! REAL MY WORLD Your existence is brighter than my reflection in the mirror Can you tell me? Until when, will we be together? Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Girls! Official translation. Play "Girls" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) Other Songs from Girls Album Girls Girls
Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Take a look at my WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down, down, down, down, da street
I didn’t go anywhere Now I could go everywhere Scared of change Just looking from the side
When you protect me and I’m breathing I’m forced into misery like a puppet, muppet I thought I was no good But behind weakness there was strength Words from loveless people, I don’t care about it anymore I will show you the truth
Never tell lies to myself any more Fly now to the place I want to be I’m never scared of going to the sky
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
Accepting myself that I don’t even know of I want to love more, believe myself more So I don’t get lost, Yeah
Starlight, slash the dark night already So bright, sparkle La-la-la-la-la
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down down I will show you my wild side
https://youtu.be/Qpf26PtBXgo 😬 cya ❤️🩹😾🙀🙈
Somethings gonna give and it's not going to be me.
submitted by hijesushere to spirituality [link] [comments]
Red Velvet
- Queendom
It kept calling us
Wonderland beyond distant memories
...........
Cntd
We we we strong, nothing missing
Wake up, the answer is Simple
Be Boss, blow the Whistle
The bigger world is noticing you.
Shall we have a festival? I hold your hand.
We've been waiting for this moment. Spread your wings and be yourself.
Come play at My carnival.
Climax? It starts now.
Watch out! We are making the rules.
......
It’s now or never, we got forever.
;
You're sobbing and being pessimistic
You're hesitating again, you can't choose
Writing poems in your note, your hobby is sentimental
Look, now it's time to open the door
........
Tell me, which do you love?
It's not bad thing to dream
It's not a fairytale, it's the real world
What are you gonna do? Which one are you
gonna pick?
Reality or fantasy, adolescent boy?
I'm still clearing dating simulation games
using the manual
I'm still a long way from real love
.......
It's not that I don't like it
Escape from being just two-dimensional
Which one do you love?
Tonight let me know your true feelings
You'll really grow up then
Tell me, which one do you love?
(In the video the lyrics are "Logging out from delusion" for a part of it.)
That's not even getting into the imagery in the video.
Feel My Rhythm
Blowing up this fancy ball
We're back, cute chaotic delight
This is gonna be a crazy night
Epic appearance to stunning greetings
Let's have a little fun
Don't be shy, Bae bae
Let the play start
(Birds and wings everywhere in the video. Irene is shown offering strawberries to a gigantic statue of some sort which then falls towards her. Joy is seen standing in front of some type of being with wings, I can't tell what it would be though. Maybe one of us? Cant tell, she's, yeah she's blocking the shot)
Imagine anything
Now cruising into a weird, new dimension
A place I've never imagined appears unexpectedly
Don't miss this moment, baby.
Don't confine yourself to yesterday or tomorrow.
I'm truly free right now.
Come ride with me (Sway)
Let's go anywhere (Way)
I want to mess all the boundaries
In this world (Oh yeah)
When the world stops What a what a feeling Come take my hand (All right) A brand new Film We falling deep, You and I Next time, spin the clock Where should we go? Come on, let's start again You and I
Everglow
You used to be afraid of the dark night (ah yeah yeah) Hiding without anyone else knowing (ah yeah yeah) No one say happy ending You stayed silent and ran away (Here we go Here we go like)...
Knock Knock There’s a monster It’s growing larger, the black hole inside of you When you back uh? The howler has swallowed you, that’s the killer Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before Dream a dream that’s never been seen before (Ya) It’s ok if you fall (stand up) It’s you (hands up) Faster Stronger Better Gotta be the best Between night and day, around 5:30AM A war without loyalty will suffocate you, this is a foul Lies, darkness, truth, ecstasy, fantasy My candle makes you explode like a fireworks of melodies in the dawn Don’t be afraid, hold my hand Your past is making you scared But know your power For the final time, be first You know that I come first I’m the winner winner winner Yes, it’s the last melody To save save save you (so don’t keep) Don’t be deceived by the lie That there is no light in this world Together we will Dream a dream that’s never been seen before I’m breaking down the walls, crossing the lines I won’t shrivel up, I’ll jump over one step You got me now got me now two step Don’t slow it down slow it down Shout towards the sky that comes to you Hold onto the key of hope...
Bon bon chocolate
go up to the sky.
Avenged Sevenfold
Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side
Flesh is burning, you can smell it in the air 'Cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal (steal) So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head You're now a slave until the end of time here Nothing stops the madness turning Haunting, yearning, pull the trigger You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare While your nightmare comes to life
You've been lied to just to rape you of your sight And now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel (feel) So sedated as they medicate your brain And while you slowly go insane they tell you Given with the best intentions Help you with your complications
You should've known the price of evil And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah No one to call, everybody to fear Your tragic fate is lookin' so clear, yeah Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare Ha, ha, ha, ha
And I know you hear their voices (calling from above) And I know they may seem real (these signals of love) But our life's made up of choices (some without appeal) They took for granted your soul And it's ours now to steal As your nightmare comes to life
Afterlife
Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen So unsure but it seems, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway
A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain Can leave this place but refrain, 'cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway This piece on Earth's not right (with my back against the wall) No pain or sign of time (I'm much too young to fall) So out of place, don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign I've made up my mind Give me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye Please, understand I have to leave and carry on my own life
Creating God
Standing in the shade of altruism, answering the call Came a modern messiah to save us all Something far beyond the work of fiction, Positronic brain A world that's void of all the anguish and suffering, pain
We're creating god, master of our designs We're creating god, unsure of what we'll find
Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong Devouring the very last invention man would ever need But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed
Sometimes when I look up to the sky I have to wonder are we "summoning the demon" you and I?
Have you noticed that I'm needin' it more now, more than it needs me Got a couple of billion that seem to agree Surfing in an artificial dimension, but we're not alone Now the master has become just a stepping stone, oh
We're Creating, God.
Beast and the Harlot
This shining city built of gold A far cry from innocence There's more than meets the eye around here Look to the waters of the deep A city of evil There sat a seven headed beast Ten horns raised from his head Symbolic woman sits on his throne But hatred strips her and leaves her naked The beast and the harlot
The city dressed in jewels and gold Fine linen, myrrh and pearls Her plagues will come all at once As her mourners watch her burn Destroyed in an hour Merchants and captains of the world Sailors navigators too Will weep and mourn this loss With her sins piled to the sky The beast and the harlot
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around
The day has come for all our sinners If you're not a servant, you'll be struck to the ground Flee the burning, greedy city Looking back on her to see there's nothing around I don't believe in fairy tales and no one wants to go to hell You've made the wrong decision and it's easy to see Now if you wanna serve above or be a king below with us You're welcome to the city where your future is set forever
Welcome to the family
Hey kid (hey kid) Do I have your attention? I know the way you've been living Life's so reckless, tragedy endless Welcome to the family Hey There's something missing Only time will alter your vision Never in question, lethal injection Welcome to the family Not long ago you find the answers were so crystal clear Within a day you find yourself living in constant fear Can you look at yourself now, can you look at yourself? You can't win this fight
I try and help you with the things that can't be justified I need to warn you that there is no way to rationalize So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out? You can't win this fight
And in a way it seems there's no one to call When our thoughts are so numb And our feelings unsure We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find But you can't win this fight!
I see you're a king who's been dethroned Cast out in a world you've never know Stand down, place your weapon by your side It's our war in the end, we'll surely lose but that's alright So have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out?
Bat Country
So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long, my vision's so unclear Now take a trip with me But don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem
You've been breakin' down for far too long Far too many moons since you felt well and strong You see, you could say goodbye but you don't have to die Not ever
Engineer the wires to your brain Architect a code so you won't feel the pain With your family by your side and vigor in your eyes forever Live Forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm What's it really mean to be a man? Think about your answer but please understand While it's natural to fear, I'll make it disappear forever I forever I'm way up, a god in size, beyond the reach of mortals I shed my human side Father, oh father I stare at my reflection, have I lost that boy inside? Final paradigm Singular I am I have the question if these thoughts are mine To live forever but did something in me die? I'm clawing my skin but I can't feel it inside I know the agony of pain would hurt so much better I'm way up, so far up Have I lost myself tonight? Mother, oh father Have you lost that boy you used to know?
Simulation
It seems I should have walked away Reverse the wager I've no means to pay Toto has pulled back the green tonight, in sight And blue pills coat with such disdain I wore the shades for so long That I've forgotten how to see The curtain rises but who dares to pull the strings
I know this might be hard for you to believe and all, But you only exist because we allow it I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? By the way of cosmic rays A subtle breakdown jarred the code display A simulation as I can tell, our cell Playing out a hopeless scene We stand to lose all our charm And faith just seems to wane A billion years can seem a stunningly short time You've been beaten down time and time again But still you find yourself at the center of it all I question all the voices in my head Are they mine or have I been misled? Total understanding doesn't seem to mean a thing When you can't see behind the silver screen, a figurine Can't you hear me scream? You hear me, you had one thing to do, one thing And you fucked it up, piece of shit Nurse, patient 666158 needs to be sedated We need 500 CCs of M Oh hello there, dearie I've been expecting you Posturing the way I feel Is truth only what we believe is real? Marvel the sketches that paint the night, starlight And take a breath before it's all erased away
Their song Angels; Waking the Fallen, Sounding the Seventh Trumpet.
Everglow:
Pirate
Yeah EVERGLOW Gonna be mad lunatic, girl When the mysteriously changed moon comes A show that will start suddenly In secret, yeah, dance I want it Ddi-dam-bam-bam, bba-rira-bam-bam A paradise found in a whole new world that is out of sync ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet I Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself...
Twenty four hours, the light disappears Overnight, night, overnight During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the Crown Waving the flag, yeah...
All the way, all the way, all the way The riot we made All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board ‘Cause I’m a pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah A pirate, yeah, yeah Now let me introduce myself I am a fleet Start this voyage Towards the moon mist Yeah, let me introduce myself Ahoy! Sing a song now The hidden moon festival Well, shiver me timbers (Aye-aye) Watch this night together Last chance, get on board Approaching tsunami, disappearing afternoon Everyone falls asleep under these waves Yeah, I’m making the moves During the night when the dazzling starlight shines Ayy, lift the anchor Girls all over the world Dance tonight And we could be anything, anything now Go crazy, no doubt Rowin’ for the crown Waving the flag, yeah (Oh woah) All the way, all the way, all the way The riot that we made (Oh yeah) All the way, all the way, all the way Can’t ever stay quiet Girls all over the world Run tonight Just get on board...
A letter from that future Together with that blinding light Trust me and follow me up to my ark...
Katy Perry and Nikki Manage
Michael Jackson's Best Tracks
"Swish Swish" lyrics Katy Perry Lyrics Play "Swish Swish" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) "Swish Swish" (feat. Nicki Minaj)
They know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the fuck?
[Katy Perry:] A tiger Don't lose no sleep Don't need opinions From a shellfish or a sheep Don't you come for me No, not today You're calculated I got your number 'Cause you're a joker And I'm a courtside killer queen And you will kiss the ring You best believe
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
Your game is tired You should retire You're 'bout as cute as An old coupon expired And karma's not a liar She keeps receipts
So keep calm, honey, I'mma stick around For more than a minute, get used to it Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth 'Cause I stay winning Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket (Let's go) Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket Can't touch this Another one in the casket
They know what is what But they don't know what is what Katy Perry They just know what is what Young Money But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut Hahaha, yo What the fuck?
[Nicki Minaj:] Pink Ferragamo sliders on deck Silly rap beefs just get me more checks My life is a movie, I'm never off set Me and my a-Migos (no, not Offset) Swish swish, aww I got them upset But my shooters'll make 'em dance like dubstep Swish, swish, aww, my haters is obsessed 'Cause I make M's, they get much less Don't be tryna double back I already despise you All that fake love you showin' Couldn't even disguise you (Yo, yo) Ran? When? Nicki gettin' tan Mirror mirror who's the fairest bitch in all the land? Damn, man, this bitch is a Stan Muah, muah, the generous queen will kiss a fan Ass goodbye, I'mma be riding by I'mma tell my ...Biggz, yeah that's the guy A star's a star, da ha da ha They never thought the swish god would take it this far Get my pimp cup, this is pimp shit, baby I only rock with Queens, so I'm makin' hits with Katy
[Katy Perry:] Swish, swish, bish Another one in the basket And another one and another one Can't touch this Another one in the casket And another one and another one
They know what is what Do they know? But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just know what is what But they don't know what is what They just strut What the...
Red Velvet: Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb –31
You need to “Beat It” That boy Michael Jackson ”Bad” I’m not your “Billie Jean” Don’t you “Leave Me Alone” But you’re so ambiguous, I want “Black Or White” I can’t give up on you, my “Man In The Mirror” “Why You Wanna Trip On Me” You’re too harsh Boy, you make me “Scream” Why am I like this? Well, your “Love really Never Felt So Good” It’s so electrifying that it’s like
Aespa
Next Level
aespa
I’m on the Next Level, yeah I follow the absolute rules Don't let go of my hand unity is my weapon I walk to KWANGYA I know your home ground Confront the threat Beat it, beat it, beat it
An unexpected black out The temptation is deep and strong (Too hot too hot) Letting go of the hands held together But I'll never give up
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in thе end Until I reach the Nеxt Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la
I see the NU EVO The hostile suffering and sorrow Make you popping and evolve further That's my naevis, it's my naevis You lead, we follow After learning the feelings Watch me while I make it out
Watch me while I work it out Watch me while I make it out Watch me while I work it out Work it, work it, work it out
Even the unbearable despair Can't break my faith Watch me while I work it Even if a more painful trial comes I won't let go of your hand, oh
Never look back Don’t covet things of KWANGYA If the promises are broken, everything will be out of control The signal is becoming unstable since a certain point in time I'll destroy you in the end (We want it) Come on! Show me the way to KOSMO, yeah
A hallucination quest created by the Black Mamba Aespa, they want to separate out ae, that's right I lose my balance and my voice too In the illusion of being criticized and alienated Nævis we (Call ae, ae) Aespa's Next Level Open "P.O.S" This is the REAL WORLD, I'm awake We against the villain, what's the name? Black Mamba
I open the door in the end (Too hot, too hot) That light is like Fire to you I'm dying to know The next story that will unfold Huh!
I'm on the Next Level I open the door over there Next Level I'll destroy you in the end Until I reach the Next Level KOSMO Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it
I'm on the Next Level I become stronger and free Next Level I'm no longer who I was at KWANGYA Next Level Feel me I'm like a beast Next Level Beat it, beat it, beat it Huh! https://lyricstranslate.com/en/next-level-next-level.html-0
Savage
[Intro: Karina] Oh my gosh Don't you know I'm a savage?
[Verse 1: Karina, Giselle] I'm a Killa who will break you, ae You're still hiding and hallucinating Beat you up, we holler I'm not afraid of you, you, hit you harder Push me in, deep fake on me To the unprepared stage Corner me in, fake on me Got everybody, mock up to me You shake me up so that I feel ashamed Cold spectators are collapsed, ae I can't stand you anymore, say, "No!"
[Refrain: Winter, Ningning] Wait and see, I'm a little savage Your dirty play I can't stand it any longer You want to break me Your hallucinations are becoming The reasons to construct you
[Pre-Chorus: Winter, Ningning] I'm a savage I'll break you into pieces yeah, oh I'm a savage I'll crush you, oh
[Chorus: Karina, Giselle, Karina & Ningning] Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Or I'll become more Savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Get me, get me now Get me, get me now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Now I'm going to get you Now, I'm a savage Gimme, gimme now Gimme, gimme now (Zu-zu-zu-zu) I can see your words Your weakness Algorithm (Zu-zu-zu-zu) Steaming, it's steaming Steaming, it's steaming (Zu-zu-zu-zu) MA ae SYNK Don't bother me and bog off, savage (Zu-zu-zu-zu)
[Verse 2: Giselle, Winter, Karina] Mhm, everybody looks at me I'm used to it, I should take a step back I have to endure it like an adult I'm locked up in the glass I want to play such a horrible expectation I'm locked up in that hallucination frame I'm going to KWANGYA, game in Defeating a subtle alienation And making me drift apart from my ae Your satisfying trick We gone KWANGYA, game in Cut it down, my sword of light To you who is damaged It's a merciless punch
[Refrain: Ningning, Winter] See? I'm a little Savage I block your regenerative power I distract you, I leave you out Don't forget, this is KWANGYA I control your time and space Make it, break it
You are the one who protected me when I was in trouble My naevis, we love you My victory, one SYNK DIVE All the opportunities you've created I know your sacrifices, oh My naevis, we love you I know, we'll make sure to find your memories Let's meet surely after the resurrection
[Breakdown: Karina, Ningning] Savage Savage Yeah
Girls
Wake up! In a deadlier war Hold on with your feet(our feet are like hands back home) Hook! Black Mamba I am not afraid of you Hoot! I’ll break you It has changed when we entered KWANGYA Distorted æ more like me, like one A crazy presence that shows The ember that was left behind...
grew into a great evil When I helplessly isolate you Reunite we’re together again Whoo Whoo Attack Beat it Yah You’re not alone...
Shined sacrifice If you found the memory Can you show us? Can you show up? Right now, right here Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Meta universe exists now Parallel world All beings have meaning Part of my heart We use sympathetic words and share the body temperatures In the end, we only pursue the value of goodwill I finally became stronger I don’t get swindled or hurt It’s distorted It has started again Make sides Isolate you and me so that we can’t see ahead The algorithms that have been distorted by bad desires Use existence as the weapon and swallow with destruction Ah Evil was started at that moment Whoo Whoo Move out flip Yah I’m not alone I want to protect first encountering REKALL I will hug you so that you can feel Without SYNK DIVE Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are Together We Them Girls We Them Girls To face a peaceful day Inside the FLAT We laugh and love together With my friends Now I’m more curious about the future together with nævis Eventually we will probably meet nævis on the REAL MY WORLD Hold up! REAL MY WORLD Your existence is brighter than my reflection in the mirror Can you tell me? Until when, will we be together? Follow me (Bow down) Watch me (My skill) You will get surprised (Say wow) We coming Scream (Get loud) Listen (My sound) Call it (Upgrade) We coming Blooming in chaos (We Them Girls) And confronting fear, That courage (Ah Yeah) Whenever we are together We Them Girls We Them Girls We Them Girls Girls! Official translation. Play "Girls" on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) Other Songs from Girls Album Girls Girls
Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Take a look at my WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down, down, down, down, da street
I didn’t go anywhere Now I could go everywhere Scared of change Just looking from the side
When you protect me and I’m breathing I’m forced into misery like a puppet, muppet I thought I was no good But behind weakness there was strength Words from loveless people, I don’t care about it anymore I will show you the truth
Never tell lies to myself any more Fly now to the place I want to be I’m never scared of going to the sky
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
Accepting myself that I don’t even know of I want to love more, believe myself more So I don’t get lost, Yeah
Starlight, slash the dark night already So bright, sparkle La-la-la-la-la
Inside O-O-Out My wild side, my wild side The unseen me who has Overcome weakness (WILDSIDE) Far away, far away Higher and higher To the place unseen
No one can stop me anymore Get set, go! Good-bye I’m not my old self Which this WILDSIDE
By instinct, do it Come along with me Let us go down down I will show you my wild side
https://youtu.be/Qpf26PtBXgo 😬 cya ❤️🩹😾🙀🙈
Somethings gonna give and it's not going to be me.
2023.06.08 04:48 Mission_Emergency_36 I am 32 years old, a full time RN-BSN student, live in Texas, and currently make ~$535 monthly.
BACKGROUND
Long story short I spent 8 years on the West Coast holding increasingly important positions in the energy industry, but I hated it with every fiber of my being. I started taking nursing prerequisite courses in January of 2020. Family trauma happened. I moved home to Texas to be closer to my family, quit my job (was making ~$130k with bonus), and took the plunge and went to back to school for nursing at 31. I am half way done with an accelerated BSN program and I have a 4.0 GPA. I love it so much despite it being very difficult. I have externship currently and I have an ICU internship lined up for my final semester, which is basically a guaranteed new grad job.
I currently live with my mom and brother. We are remodeling our house so we are in an apartment for a bit. Very tight quarters but thankful to be with them. Boyfriend just successfully made a big career move and is now a superintendent for an important and well respected organization in town making $60k annually with a 8% bonus. Very proud of him and very excited for our future - we are talking about getting engaged in the next year. He is getting an apartment in the next couple months after living at home with his family due to some major family health issues he has been helping out with so you will see some of the apartment search start to happen in this diary!
Currently boyfriend and I split going out expenses pretty much down the line, but with this new job we had a discussion last week about how he will pay for the majority of our going out costs moving forward once he gets his first paycheck this month until I start working full time again in January!
Previous money diary from August 2022 here.
ASSETS (comparing last money diary to now):
NET WORTH: $373k
**I don’t carry any credit card debt / no student loan debt / no equity in any kind of home. I was lucky enough to be in a position where I saved up over $40k cash to pay for living expenses when in school. My UGMA account will be used as part of a down payment for a house in the next couple years. My current BSN degree is being covered through family. Also, trying to figure out what to do with my pension - depending how finances go the next 8 months I am in school / if I have any emergencies (I have 2 senior pets) I could cash part of it out or completely roll it over into an IRA.
INCOME
Income Progression: I worked in the energy industry for 8 years; my starting salary was $35,000.
I worked in the Seattle area starting out at $35k in 2014. Moved to a new job in 2016 for $65k and then another new job in 2018 for $85k +12% bonus. Got up to $104k + 20% bonus before I quit. Also worked as a CNA on the weekends for about 6 months for $15 an hour during COVID to make sure I really wanted to go to nursing school.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: It varies but the average so far this year it is $535. I have an incredibly flexible externship at a hospital very close to where I live where my director literally just lets me show up whenever I want to work. I make $17 an hour. I met a couple incredible mentors but I think I am going to quit soon since it just won’t be feasible to work this semester and I already have my ICU internship lined up for September. Trying to be easier on myself and put myself first and I feel very lucky that I don’t need to work. Don’t get me wrong the extra money is SO NICE but I want to concentrate on school, myself, family, partner, and friends. Work on top of an accelerated nursing program is too much. I am actually the only one working in my cohort currently.
Any Other Monthly Income Here: I live with my mom right now and she pays for most of the groceries, utilities, etc. I feel incredibly privileged and lucky that I can live with her and that she is able to support me in this way while I transition careers. I do lots for her to support her such as chores, errands, paying for big Costco runs, etc. My boyfriend also helps out with pet expenses and other things I want / need.
MONTHLY EXPENSES
8:45: I slept 10 hours last night and it was glorious. I worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital yesterday and our patient acuity was very high.
9:30: Make a coffee and walk and feed my pup. I walk over to the pool for a morning swim. I love a quiet morning swim so much.
11:30: I had a nice 500 yd swim, drank a Premier Protein shake & ate overnight oats with blueberries for breakfast, had a relaxing shower, and started some laundry. Feeling anxious about everything I have on my plate currently. Also I feel hungover from work yesterday. I was going to work another 12 hour shift tomorrow but now I don’t know if I can handle it with school also starting on Friday and a very busy social weekend coming up. Luckily, my director literally lets me show up whenever I want so I may do 7 or 8 hours tomorrow instead of a full 12. Try to table my feelings to discuss in therapy this afternoon.
11:40: Sit down to finish some online orientation for my internship that is coming up my final semester.
13:03: Orientation stuff only took about 20 minutes thank god. I ran to the grocery store and grab a 4 pack of watermelon Celsius, frozen veggies, Eggo waffles, tea bags, string cheese, coffee filters, Wheat Thins, and lean ground beef ($37.01). Head up to the rooftop lounge at the apartment complex to FaceTime a friend that lives across the country since there is zero privacy in the apartment.
14:15: Get off FaceTime, work on some more laundry, and head out to therapy.
16:15: Good, productive, fun, and validating therapy session and I make it over to my friend’s condo to check on her kitties. I had set up a reoccurring biweekly therapy appointment now that I know my school schedule for the upcoming semester too. We talked about money fixation and anxiety and trying to let that go. We agree that I should sleep in a bit tomorrow, walk my dog, go for a swim, and then go to work. I don’t ~need~ the money so working 12 hours vs 7 or 8 is not an issue. My mental health is more important. Also the work hangover from yesterday is real.
17:00: Boyfriend comes over after work and jumps in the shower while I’m a couch potato (Disclaimer: he’s friends with my friend too and she’s 100% comfortable with him hanging out too.) We relax and hang with the kitties and catch up on our days.
18:45: We head to dinner. We grab burritos at one of our favorite local spots and I pay ($25.88). We look at houses for fun on Zillow and discuss what apartments we want to tour in the next couple weeks.
20:00: I make it home and have a long talk with my mom about her friend who ended up in the hospital today with a compound fracture. Long story short I’ll need to stay up until midnight to hand off the house keys, garage door opener, etc. to a friend who is driving into town that can take care of her dog. Her dog is a pit bull that is vicious to strangers so no one else can go over to the house other than this friend who pet sits and knows the dog.
23:30: The friend makes it and we hand him the keys and everything he needs. I had spent the evening tidying up and meal prepping and looking at more apartments. It’s amazing to me how much time goes into keeping a clean and tidy home.
12:08: I spent a half hour setting up my June budget and then pass out.
TOTAL: $62.89
THURSDAY - DAY 2
9:05: I finally wake up to a bunch of texts from multiple different friends / friend groups. Ugh. I’m just feeling really anxious about school starting tomorrow, my mom being very distraught over her colleague / friend, working today, and a busy weekend coming up. I make some coffee and walk my pup.
9:33: I call my mom while feeding my pup breakfast and tell her how I’m feeling and we both agreed I ran around too much last semester and I told her I am setting firm boundaries with myself to basically not do anything social during the school week once clinical start (Monday - Thursday) unless it’s like a super casual dinner and I truly have the capacity for it. I burned myself out at the end of last semester and spent weeks putting the pieces back together.
9:55: I make another cup of coffee and take myself for a morning swim. It brings me so much joy and grounds me. I swim 500 yards and then jump into the shower, throw my scrubs on, kiss my pup goodbye and head to the hospital. I drink a chocolate Primer Protein shake and call my friend L on the way to hear how her trip has been going so far. It was nice to catch up even though we saw each other over the weekend lol.
10:54: Ate my overnight oats made with half and half and some blueberries, clocked in, and headed out to the floor. Immediately get asked to be a sitter which literally never happens. Thank you universe. Feeling a little less anxious now that I’m here and feeling thankful for the little bit of extra money I’m making and being here for my community.
14:04: Maybe not thank you universe - the patient slept for a while then got extremely combative and was trying to punch me. I switch off with a coworker and head to the break room to eat a bowl I made with frozen veggies + rotisserie chicken from Costco + cheddar cheese on top.
19:09: I finally clock out. I had a snack of 2 rice cakes and some almonds at one point. Rest of work was wild (i.e. a psychotic patient that pulled out his IV and was throwing things everywhere, someone screaming in pain for hours nonstop, etc.) and had me questioning what I am doing making this career change. I am tired.
19:49: I make it home after swinging by L’s to check on her kitties. Jump in the shower. My mom has dinner ready and I scarf down this gorgeous basil, mozzarella, peppers, tomatoes, avocados, and olive salad + a couple Trader Joe’s dolmas + a couple pieces of fresh bread. Delicious. I force myself to get my food and my school bag ready for tomorrow and lay my scrubs out before I crawl into bed a little after 9.
TOTAL: $0
FRIDAY - DAY 3
06:22: Alarm goes off and I roll out of bed and take my pup for a nice walk. Give him breakfast / shower / throw on my scrubs / pack my lunch / give the pup a big kiss goodbye and I am out the door a little after 7:00.
07:47: I get to school and I am NOT feeling it lol. I stopped at Costco for gas on my way ($20.67) and I also swung by a very Texas niche store that sells all kinds of beef jerky my brother really likes to grab some for his birthday coming up ($17.98).
10:00: Class is boring - it’s tough getting back into it with an 8 hour cardiac lecture. It’s good to see my friends but struggle is real. I run into my favorite professor and she makes my morning. I tell her all about my upcoming internship and my boyfriend’s new job and she was stoked and told me to “lock him down” hahaha. I also make 2 phone calls to apartment complexes we are interested in cause my boyfriend doesn’t get great reception at work during business hours. One place doesn’t have any current availability but the lady was so nice and will be sending me a virtual tour later today. Schedule another tour on Monday afternoon.
11:30: We break for lunch and I eat the same thing as yesterday - rotisserie chicken + frozen veggies + cheddar cheese.
12:30: Spend the afternoon in class completely unable to concentrate. The professor is throwing ECG rhythms around left and right. 8 hours of ECG lecture is NOT a productive way to learn the material. I work on a couple study guides during class cause I cannot.
3:30: We get out a little early and I rush to meet my mom for a walk through of the house. I follow her back to her office because I sent a big Chewy order there. Pick up the box along with a Diet Coke, order us Cava for dinner, pick up Cava, check on my friends cats on my way home real quick, and then have a shower and relax. Mom pays for Cava and I thank her multiple times.
7:00: We eat dinner all together when everyone is eventually home (harissa avocado bowl for me!) and then my boyfriend calls right when I head out to walk my dog. Perfect. I miss him and have been having anxiety around our new schedules. We have a good 30 minute chat about our days before I spend the evening basically doing nothing. I chat with my family and mess around on my phone. Text boyfriend about different apartments.
22:44: Bed time after I brush and floss my teeth. I’m zonked from the week.
TOTAL: $38.65
SATURDAY - DAY 4
08:30: I’m awake! Did not sleep well at all cause thunderstorms. My pup is deathly afraid and will not stop shaking for hours so I end up sleeping on the couch on and off. We were up and down all night but somehow I feel okay. We go for a quick walk, feed him, and start a load of whites in the washer.
09:08: I have a shower, and then I head out to get my family coffee from one of our favorite spots.
10:45: Make it back home with 2 cold brews for my brother and I and a latte for mom. I also picked up 5 breakfast tacos and a German chocolate cake for Sunday dinner tomorrow ($56.24). I eat a bean and cheese taco and a potato and egg taco, start some laundry, and put air in my tires with my home compressor since my low air light has been on in my car for an embarrassing amount of time. Brother needs air in his tires too so turns into a production lol.
12:18: Spent a couple hours putzing around dealing with the tires and more laundry and packing a bag for tonight. We are headed to the lake for a friend’s bday party and I have no clue what I want to wear so I pack a lot of options and clothes for church tomorrow morning too. Now it’s time to drive around for a little bit and check out some potential apartments and do a small Target run.
14:02: I make it home from apartment cruising and my Target run. I bought a 3 subject notebook, tire pressure gauge with valve caps included, two bags of frozen veggies, mini coke zeros, and a bag of Lesser Evil popcorn ($21.50). I was so tempted to stop for lunch on my way home but lines were long everywhere so I made myself some cheesy eggs + 2 Eggo waffles when I got home. Put the valve cap on my tire that is missing one.
14:36: Make it to L’s condo and clean up after the cats and start the Roomba. Boyfriend texts that he is out of work and on his way over! He’s been up since 4 am this morning for work and I am feeling some type of way with everything on my plate / anxiety so we will see how long we make it tonight lol.
15:30: S is showered and we are out the door!
16:30: We make it to the rental, change into our bathing suits, and walk down to the river.
19:00: We hang out in the river for a good 2.5 hours. It was a good time - nice to chat with my school friends and their partners. Boyfriend and I head out before the real partying starts lol.
20:00: We eat dinner at this cute Tex Mex place. Boyfriend has some kind of alcoholic mixed drink and we share a fajita for 2 plate. Boyfriend pays - it was $70.56 with tip. I drive us back because he does not like to drive even after one drink which I am 100% here for. We are so tired lol.
21:15: Make it back to L’s condo and we take a hot shower and get into bed in the guest bedroom. It takes forever for us to both fall asleep.
TOTAL: $77.74
SUNDAY - DAY 5
6:50: Oh boy neither of us slept well. There was another thunderstorm. One of the cats was yowling nonstop outside our door. The ceiling fan was clanking on and off. The bed was way too soft. Up and down again all night for a second night in a row for me lol.
8:11: I’m showered and we are both dressed and we head out to one of our favorite taquerias for breakfast. I get 2 bean and cheese tacos and one machacado + egg taco. Boyfriend also gets 3 tacos and we both get coffee. We sit and chat for a while until it was time to go to church. I pay on the way out ($22.98 with tip).
11:40: After an hour of church and an hour meeting for a committee I’m on - I’m wiped out. Still have a house walk through to do with my family and boyfriend so I head over there and we are there for about an hour.
13:10: Finally made it home, walked my pup, and made myself a late lunch of Dave’s Killer bread toast + peanut butter + banana.
13:54: A girlfriend calls and asks if I want to get a pedicure this afternoon. We decide to get dinner together on Thursday instead. I’m actually very touched she called me because we are friends through another friend and normally don’t get together just the two of us. I’m really happy she reached out. I also invite one of my friends from school - I have been wanting them to meet for a while.
14:30: Nap timeeeee! I knock out for an hour then realize how thirsty I am and how badly I need to get out of the apartment. I get up, take the pup for a spin with my brother, and head to Sonic to get a large diet cherry limeade and then head to L’s condo to check on the kitties and chill ($3.34).
18:00: I spent a couple hours chilling on the internet - working on my google calendar, school organization, church emails, reviewing some apartments we may drive by tomorrow, and I download the remaining episodes of season 1 of Nurse Jackie to watch tonight. I had bought the complete first season over a month ago and still haven’t watched it all lol. That’s how little I watch tv.
20:00: We had bibimbap for dinner and German chocolate cake for dessert. Delicious. I clean up the dishes and do more laundry because that’s my life between school, work, working out, having 2 hairy pets, etc. Unpack my bags from the river day and sleepover last night too. Chat with my family.
22:00: Crawl into bed and watch some Nurse Jackie before passing out.
TOTAL: $26.32
MONDAY - DAY 6
7:33: I slept better but still tossed and turned. Still just anxious with everything going on, especially the start of another intense semester.
8:47: Pup is fed and walked. I open the windows because it is 68 degrees which is unheard of in June in south Texas.
10:06: I ended up doing a deep clean of my room hahah. Wiped down and vacuumed every surface. So much hair. My pup is shedding so bad. I change my bedding and toss my comforter in the wash. Thank goodness I have 2 sets of sheets now. I had only 1 for the longest time lol. I take a break and eat some Greek yogurt + pecans + banana + drizzle of honey.
11:03: I vacuumed the common areas in the apartment, took a long shower, and I’m dressed and ready for my boyfriend to pick me up. I felt like being cute today so I put on this new leather skirt from Alice + Olivia my boyfriend got me as a present that I haven’t worn yet + a white crop top + my cheetah old skool Vans. I’m so tired though lololol. This is one of the only Mondays we both have off for the foreseeable future so I am gonna rally and make the most of it!
11:15: Boyfriend is so tired too bahah. We go grab coffees at this cute little coffee shop I’ve been wanting to check out. I get a cortado. Boyfriend gets an iced caramel almond milk latte and I treat ($11.82 with tip). We sit and chill and map out what apartments we want to check out today.
12:30: Walk across the street to grab Tex Mex for lunch at a pretty famous place in town. I get the enchilada plate and boyfriend gets a chicken quesadilla plate. He pays and it is $27.89 with tip.
1:30: Go for our first apartment tour of the day and it is depressing. We drive around and check out the other apartments we are I interested in and then go on one more tour at a place that we are really impressed by. It’s $1.3k or so for a 500 sq ft one bedroom and that’s a stretch. Ideally he wants the base rent to be $1,000 or less which is quite doable. Yet again - south Texas prices for the win. He is looking at older buildings, but they are well kept up and in good neighborhoods. They are not in the hottest places to be in town, but definitely still nice.
16:00: We go back to L’s condo and chill and take care of the kitties. Discuss the apartments and ask my brother if he wants to get dinner with us and he agrees.
18:00: We head back to my apartment, pick up my brother, and head to dinner. We order a large caesar salad, an arugula and sausage pizza, and a mushroom and pepperoni pizza. This spot does $10 two topping pizzas on Monday and it slaps. I treat my boyfriend and brother to dinner ($48.01 with tip).
20:00: Home and boyfriend walks my pup with me. Brother makes us both tea and we have a nice cup of tea and chat until boyfriend heads home. I put together my breakfast and lunch tomorrow and then lay down to chill and have some quiet time.
22:30: Bed time! First day of critical care didactic is tomorrow and I am feeling mostly excited.
TOTAL: $59.82
TUESDAY - DAY 7
6:22: My alarm goes off and wakes me from a deep sleep. I finally slept a good 8 hours though!
7:10: I am showered and throw on some black Lululemon Align leggings and a swiftly tech tee. I was gonna wear real pants but screw that haha. I am really dragging this morning.
7:50: Make it to school and lecture starts at 8. Honestly - that lecture could have been given in 45 minutes but we spent the first 2 hours simply going over the schedule and clarifying assignments since everything is such a disorganized hot mess at the beginning of the semester.
10:05: We take a break and call a fellow church congregation member to see if we want to meet today to tour an organization that supports people immigrating. We are debating if we want to allocate church donation funds to them. We agree to meet at the location at 1:30.
12:41: We are done with class and I stayed a bit after to start making my study guide for our first test even though it isn’t for 5 weeks. I realize the time and quickly pack up and go heat up my lunch. Chat with an MSN student who I had met in orientation for my internship a couple weeks ago and he expressed his frustration about how the start of this semester is rough for him too.
2:38: We finish our tour and we are very impressed at the clean and organized operation. We agree to each write our own follow up email to the rest of the group before the end of the day supplying the church donating.
3:30: I make some jasmine tea and have some quiet time when I get home before starting on some dosage calculation problems that are due on Friday.
5:45: I end up spending almost 2.5 hours on homework - dosage calculations, an article summary, and start on a medication sheet. Ouch. I lay down for 20 minutes, take my pup out, and then head out to meet my friend for dinner at Cava.
6:30: I get the lemon chicken bowl and pita chips ($13.69) and we sit and chat for a 1.5 hours. We just saw each other a couple weeks ago, but so much to catch up on.
20:00: We agree to go on a double date in the next couple weeks and I head home. I walk my pup with my mom and brother, pack my gym bag and my food for tomorrow, write my follow up emails from today’s visit to the church committee, and relax in bed.
TOTAL: $13.69
TALLY OF DAILY EXPENSES:
REFLECTION
I spent quite a bit on going out to eat this week with my boyfriend, family, and friends. It was the end of my school break and boyfriend is transitioning to a new job so we were a bit out of whack with spending on food. Usually we eat at home with our families more, but it was nice to go out and enjoy ourselves too. It was a super busy week for me too - which is the norm lately. I have a great community and social life here compared to the West Coast and I do not take that for granted. Trying to make myself more of a priority so I don’t burn out again, which is difficult for me.
submitted by Mission_Emergency_36 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]
Long story short I spent 8 years on the West Coast holding increasingly important positions in the energy industry, but I hated it with every fiber of my being. I started taking nursing prerequisite courses in January of 2020. Family trauma happened. I moved home to Texas to be closer to my family, quit my job (was making ~$130k with bonus), and took the plunge and went to back to school for nursing at 31. I am half way done with an accelerated BSN program and I have a 4.0 GPA. I love it so much despite it being very difficult. I have externship currently and I have an ICU internship lined up for my final semester, which is basically a guaranteed new grad job.
I currently live with my mom and brother. We are remodeling our house so we are in an apartment for a bit. Very tight quarters but thankful to be with them. Boyfriend just successfully made a big career move and is now a superintendent for an important and well respected organization in town making $60k annually with a 8% bonus. Very proud of him and very excited for our future - we are talking about getting engaged in the next year. He is getting an apartment in the next couple months after living at home with his family due to some major family health issues he has been helping out with so you will see some of the apartment search start to happen in this diary!
Currently boyfriend and I split going out expenses pretty much down the line, but with this new job we had a discussion last week about how he will pay for the majority of our going out costs moving forward once he gets his first paycheck this month until I start working full time again in January!
Previous money diary from August 2022 here.
ASSETS (comparing last money diary to now):
| August 2022 | June 2023 | Difference | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 401k | $156,400 | $158,600 | $2,200 |
| Roth IRA | $68,000 | $68,500 | (500) |
| Saving's account | $41,001.43 | $26,572.63 | ($14,428.81) |
| Checking Account | $3,024.58 | $915.41 | ($2,109) |
| HSA | $8,800 | $7,100 | ($1,700) |
| Brokerage | $440 | $444 | $4 |
| UGMA | $85,000 | $84,000 | ($1,000) |
| Pension | forgot to include | $27,000 | N/A |
**I don’t carry any credit card debt / no student loan debt / no equity in any kind of home. I was lucky enough to be in a position where I saved up over $40k cash to pay for living expenses when in school. My UGMA account will be used as part of a down payment for a house in the next couple years. My current BSN degree is being covered through family. Also, trying to figure out what to do with my pension - depending how finances go the next 8 months I am in school / if I have any emergencies (I have 2 senior pets) I could cash part of it out or completely roll it over into an IRA.
INCOME
Income Progression: I worked in the energy industry for 8 years; my starting salary was $35,000.
I worked in the Seattle area starting out at $35k in 2014. Moved to a new job in 2016 for $65k and then another new job in 2018 for $85k +12% bonus. Got up to $104k + 20% bonus before I quit. Also worked as a CNA on the weekends for about 6 months for $15 an hour during COVID to make sure I really wanted to go to nursing school.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: It varies but the average so far this year it is $535. I have an incredibly flexible externship at a hospital very close to where I live where my director literally just lets me show up whenever I want to work. I make $17 an hour. I met a couple incredible mentors but I think I am going to quit soon since it just won’t be feasible to work this semester and I already have my ICU internship lined up for September. Trying to be easier on myself and put myself first and I feel very lucky that I don’t need to work. Don’t get me wrong the extra money is SO NICE but I want to concentrate on school, myself, family, partner, and friends. Work on top of an accelerated nursing program is too much. I am actually the only one working in my cohort currently.
Any Other Monthly Income Here: I live with my mom right now and she pays for most of the groceries, utilities, etc. I feel incredibly privileged and lucky that I can live with her and that she is able to support me in this way while I transition careers. I do lots for her to support her such as chores, errands, paying for big Costco runs, etc. My boyfriend also helps out with pet expenses and other things I want / need.
MONTHLY EXPENSES
- Rent: $400 to my mom for a very discounted rate at our current apartment. I don’t pay rent when we are at the house. I will not be paying rent when I semi-move in with my boyfriend in the next couple months. Our goal is to get our own luxury apartment next year close to both of our places of employment after a year lease at a cheaper place. Between now and then I’ll split my time with him and my mom.
- Cellphone: $15 (on family plan & I just pay for additional data)
- Spotify: $5.40 (student plan)
- iCloud: $2.99
- Prime: $8.11
- Gym membership: $20
- Regular therapy: $5 a session and I go biweekly
- Health insurance: $122.54 monthly
- Costco: $60 annually
- Gas: $120
- Groceries: $300
- Eating out: $400
- Pet expenses: $200
- Other discretionary spending: $400
8:45: I slept 10 hours last night and it was glorious. I worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital yesterday and our patient acuity was very high.
9:30: Make a coffee and walk and feed my pup. I walk over to the pool for a morning swim. I love a quiet morning swim so much.
11:30: I had a nice 500 yd swim, drank a Premier Protein shake & ate overnight oats with blueberries for breakfast, had a relaxing shower, and started some laundry. Feeling anxious about everything I have on my plate currently. Also I feel hungover from work yesterday. I was going to work another 12 hour shift tomorrow but now I don’t know if I can handle it with school also starting on Friday and a very busy social weekend coming up. Luckily, my director literally lets me show up whenever I want so I may do 7 or 8 hours tomorrow instead of a full 12. Try to table my feelings to discuss in therapy this afternoon.
11:40: Sit down to finish some online orientation for my internship that is coming up my final semester.
13:03: Orientation stuff only took about 20 minutes thank god. I ran to the grocery store and grab a 4 pack of watermelon Celsius, frozen veggies, Eggo waffles, tea bags, string cheese, coffee filters, Wheat Thins, and lean ground beef ($37.01). Head up to the rooftop lounge at the apartment complex to FaceTime a friend that lives across the country since there is zero privacy in the apartment.
14:15: Get off FaceTime, work on some more laundry, and head out to therapy.
16:15: Good, productive, fun, and validating therapy session and I make it over to my friend’s condo to check on her kitties. I had set up a reoccurring biweekly therapy appointment now that I know my school schedule for the upcoming semester too. We talked about money fixation and anxiety and trying to let that go. We agree that I should sleep in a bit tomorrow, walk my dog, go for a swim, and then go to work. I don’t ~need~ the money so working 12 hours vs 7 or 8 is not an issue. My mental health is more important. Also the work hangover from yesterday is real.
17:00: Boyfriend comes over after work and jumps in the shower while I’m a couch potato (Disclaimer: he’s friends with my friend too and she’s 100% comfortable with him hanging out too.) We relax and hang with the kitties and catch up on our days.
18:45: We head to dinner. We grab burritos at one of our favorite local spots and I pay ($25.88). We look at houses for fun on Zillow and discuss what apartments we want to tour in the next couple weeks.
20:00: I make it home and have a long talk with my mom about her friend who ended up in the hospital today with a compound fracture. Long story short I’ll need to stay up until midnight to hand off the house keys, garage door opener, etc. to a friend who is driving into town that can take care of her dog. Her dog is a pit bull that is vicious to strangers so no one else can go over to the house other than this friend who pet sits and knows the dog.
23:30: The friend makes it and we hand him the keys and everything he needs. I had spent the evening tidying up and meal prepping and looking at more apartments. It’s amazing to me how much time goes into keeping a clean and tidy home.
12:08: I spent a half hour setting up my June budget and then pass out.
TOTAL: $62.89
THURSDAY - DAY 2
9:05: I finally wake up to a bunch of texts from multiple different friends / friend groups. Ugh. I’m just feeling really anxious about school starting tomorrow, my mom being very distraught over her colleague / friend, working today, and a busy weekend coming up. I make some coffee and walk my pup.
9:33: I call my mom while feeding my pup breakfast and tell her how I’m feeling and we both agreed I ran around too much last semester and I told her I am setting firm boundaries with myself to basically not do anything social during the school week once clinical start (Monday - Thursday) unless it’s like a super casual dinner and I truly have the capacity for it. I burned myself out at the end of last semester and spent weeks putting the pieces back together.
9:55: I make another cup of coffee and take myself for a morning swim. It brings me so much joy and grounds me. I swim 500 yards and then jump into the shower, throw my scrubs on, kiss my pup goodbye and head to the hospital. I drink a chocolate Primer Protein shake and call my friend L on the way to hear how her trip has been going so far. It was nice to catch up even though we saw each other over the weekend lol.
10:54: Ate my overnight oats made with half and half and some blueberries, clocked in, and headed out to the floor. Immediately get asked to be a sitter which literally never happens. Thank you universe. Feeling a little less anxious now that I’m here and feeling thankful for the little bit of extra money I’m making and being here for my community.
14:04: Maybe not thank you universe - the patient slept for a while then got extremely combative and was trying to punch me. I switch off with a coworker and head to the break room to eat a bowl I made with frozen veggies + rotisserie chicken from Costco + cheddar cheese on top.
19:09: I finally clock out. I had a snack of 2 rice cakes and some almonds at one point. Rest of work was wild (i.e. a psychotic patient that pulled out his IV and was throwing things everywhere, someone screaming in pain for hours nonstop, etc.) and had me questioning what I am doing making this career change. I am tired.
19:49: I make it home after swinging by L’s to check on her kitties. Jump in the shower. My mom has dinner ready and I scarf down this gorgeous basil, mozzarella, peppers, tomatoes, avocados, and olive salad + a couple Trader Joe’s dolmas + a couple pieces of fresh bread. Delicious. I force myself to get my food and my school bag ready for tomorrow and lay my scrubs out before I crawl into bed a little after 9.
TOTAL: $0
FRIDAY - DAY 3
06:22: Alarm goes off and I roll out of bed and take my pup for a nice walk. Give him breakfast / shower / throw on my scrubs / pack my lunch / give the pup a big kiss goodbye and I am out the door a little after 7:00.
07:47: I get to school and I am NOT feeling it lol. I stopped at Costco for gas on my way ($20.67) and I also swung by a very Texas niche store that sells all kinds of beef jerky my brother really likes to grab some for his birthday coming up ($17.98).
10:00: Class is boring - it’s tough getting back into it with an 8 hour cardiac lecture. It’s good to see my friends but struggle is real. I run into my favorite professor and she makes my morning. I tell her all about my upcoming internship and my boyfriend’s new job and she was stoked and told me to “lock him down” hahaha. I also make 2 phone calls to apartment complexes we are interested in cause my boyfriend doesn’t get great reception at work during business hours. One place doesn’t have any current availability but the lady was so nice and will be sending me a virtual tour later today. Schedule another tour on Monday afternoon.
11:30: We break for lunch and I eat the same thing as yesterday - rotisserie chicken + frozen veggies + cheddar cheese.
12:30: Spend the afternoon in class completely unable to concentrate. The professor is throwing ECG rhythms around left and right. 8 hours of ECG lecture is NOT a productive way to learn the material. I work on a couple study guides during class cause I cannot.
3:30: We get out a little early and I rush to meet my mom for a walk through of the house. I follow her back to her office because I sent a big Chewy order there. Pick up the box along with a Diet Coke, order us Cava for dinner, pick up Cava, check on my friends cats on my way home real quick, and then have a shower and relax. Mom pays for Cava and I thank her multiple times.
7:00: We eat dinner all together when everyone is eventually home (harissa avocado bowl for me!) and then my boyfriend calls right when I head out to walk my dog. Perfect. I miss him and have been having anxiety around our new schedules. We have a good 30 minute chat about our days before I spend the evening basically doing nothing. I chat with my family and mess around on my phone. Text boyfriend about different apartments.
22:44: Bed time after I brush and floss my teeth. I’m zonked from the week.
TOTAL: $38.65
SATURDAY - DAY 4
08:30: I’m awake! Did not sleep well at all cause thunderstorms. My pup is deathly afraid and will not stop shaking for hours so I end up sleeping on the couch on and off. We were up and down all night but somehow I feel okay. We go for a quick walk, feed him, and start a load of whites in the washer.
09:08: I have a shower, and then I head out to get my family coffee from one of our favorite spots.
10:45: Make it back home with 2 cold brews for my brother and I and a latte for mom. I also picked up 5 breakfast tacos and a German chocolate cake for Sunday dinner tomorrow ($56.24). I eat a bean and cheese taco and a potato and egg taco, start some laundry, and put air in my tires with my home compressor since my low air light has been on in my car for an embarrassing amount of time. Brother needs air in his tires too so turns into a production lol.
12:18: Spent a couple hours putzing around dealing with the tires and more laundry and packing a bag for tonight. We are headed to the lake for a friend’s bday party and I have no clue what I want to wear so I pack a lot of options and clothes for church tomorrow morning too. Now it’s time to drive around for a little bit and check out some potential apartments and do a small Target run.
14:02: I make it home from apartment cruising and my Target run. I bought a 3 subject notebook, tire pressure gauge with valve caps included, two bags of frozen veggies, mini coke zeros, and a bag of Lesser Evil popcorn ($21.50). I was so tempted to stop for lunch on my way home but lines were long everywhere so I made myself some cheesy eggs + 2 Eggo waffles when I got home. Put the valve cap on my tire that is missing one.
14:36: Make it to L’s condo and clean up after the cats and start the Roomba. Boyfriend texts that he is out of work and on his way over! He’s been up since 4 am this morning for work and I am feeling some type of way with everything on my plate / anxiety so we will see how long we make it tonight lol.
15:30: S is showered and we are out the door!
16:30: We make it to the rental, change into our bathing suits, and walk down to the river.
19:00: We hang out in the river for a good 2.5 hours. It was a good time - nice to chat with my school friends and their partners. Boyfriend and I head out before the real partying starts lol.
20:00: We eat dinner at this cute Tex Mex place. Boyfriend has some kind of alcoholic mixed drink and we share a fajita for 2 plate. Boyfriend pays - it was $70.56 with tip. I drive us back because he does not like to drive even after one drink which I am 100% here for. We are so tired lol.
21:15: Make it back to L’s condo and we take a hot shower and get into bed in the guest bedroom. It takes forever for us to both fall asleep.
TOTAL: $77.74
SUNDAY - DAY 5
6:50: Oh boy neither of us slept well. There was another thunderstorm. One of the cats was yowling nonstop outside our door. The ceiling fan was clanking on and off. The bed was way too soft. Up and down again all night for a second night in a row for me lol.
8:11: I’m showered and we are both dressed and we head out to one of our favorite taquerias for breakfast. I get 2 bean and cheese tacos and one machacado + egg taco. Boyfriend also gets 3 tacos and we both get coffee. We sit and chat for a while until it was time to go to church. I pay on the way out ($22.98 with tip).
11:40: After an hour of church and an hour meeting for a committee I’m on - I’m wiped out. Still have a house walk through to do with my family and boyfriend so I head over there and we are there for about an hour.
13:10: Finally made it home, walked my pup, and made myself a late lunch of Dave’s Killer bread toast + peanut butter + banana.
13:54: A girlfriend calls and asks if I want to get a pedicure this afternoon. We decide to get dinner together on Thursday instead. I’m actually very touched she called me because we are friends through another friend and normally don’t get together just the two of us. I’m really happy she reached out. I also invite one of my friends from school - I have been wanting them to meet for a while.
14:30: Nap timeeeee! I knock out for an hour then realize how thirsty I am and how badly I need to get out of the apartment. I get up, take the pup for a spin with my brother, and head to Sonic to get a large diet cherry limeade and then head to L’s condo to check on the kitties and chill ($3.34).
18:00: I spent a couple hours chilling on the internet - working on my google calendar, school organization, church emails, reviewing some apartments we may drive by tomorrow, and I download the remaining episodes of season 1 of Nurse Jackie to watch tonight. I had bought the complete first season over a month ago and still haven’t watched it all lol. That’s how little I watch tv.
20:00: We had bibimbap for dinner and German chocolate cake for dessert. Delicious. I clean up the dishes and do more laundry because that’s my life between school, work, working out, having 2 hairy pets, etc. Unpack my bags from the river day and sleepover last night too. Chat with my family.
22:00: Crawl into bed and watch some Nurse Jackie before passing out.
TOTAL: $26.32
MONDAY - DAY 6
7:33: I slept better but still tossed and turned. Still just anxious with everything going on, especially the start of another intense semester.
8:47: Pup is fed and walked. I open the windows because it is 68 degrees which is unheard of in June in south Texas.
10:06: I ended up doing a deep clean of my room hahah. Wiped down and vacuumed every surface. So much hair. My pup is shedding so bad. I change my bedding and toss my comforter in the wash. Thank goodness I have 2 sets of sheets now. I had only 1 for the longest time lol. I take a break and eat some Greek yogurt + pecans + banana + drizzle of honey.
11:03: I vacuumed the common areas in the apartment, took a long shower, and I’m dressed and ready for my boyfriend to pick me up. I felt like being cute today so I put on this new leather skirt from Alice + Olivia my boyfriend got me as a present that I haven’t worn yet + a white crop top + my cheetah old skool Vans. I’m so tired though lololol. This is one of the only Mondays we both have off for the foreseeable future so I am gonna rally and make the most of it!
11:15: Boyfriend is so tired too bahah. We go grab coffees at this cute little coffee shop I’ve been wanting to check out. I get a cortado. Boyfriend gets an iced caramel almond milk latte and I treat ($11.82 with tip). We sit and chill and map out what apartments we want to check out today.
12:30: Walk across the street to grab Tex Mex for lunch at a pretty famous place in town. I get the enchilada plate and boyfriend gets a chicken quesadilla plate. He pays and it is $27.89 with tip.
1:30: Go for our first apartment tour of the day and it is depressing. We drive around and check out the other apartments we are I interested in and then go on one more tour at a place that we are really impressed by. It’s $1.3k or so for a 500 sq ft one bedroom and that’s a stretch. Ideally he wants the base rent to be $1,000 or less which is quite doable. Yet again - south Texas prices for the win. He is looking at older buildings, but they are well kept up and in good neighborhoods. They are not in the hottest places to be in town, but definitely still nice.
16:00: We go back to L’s condo and chill and take care of the kitties. Discuss the apartments and ask my brother if he wants to get dinner with us and he agrees.
18:00: We head back to my apartment, pick up my brother, and head to dinner. We order a large caesar salad, an arugula and sausage pizza, and a mushroom and pepperoni pizza. This spot does $10 two topping pizzas on Monday and it slaps. I treat my boyfriend and brother to dinner ($48.01 with tip).
20:00: Home and boyfriend walks my pup with me. Brother makes us both tea and we have a nice cup of tea and chat until boyfriend heads home. I put together my breakfast and lunch tomorrow and then lay down to chill and have some quiet time.
22:30: Bed time! First day of critical care didactic is tomorrow and I am feeling mostly excited.
TOTAL: $59.82
TUESDAY - DAY 7
6:22: My alarm goes off and wakes me from a deep sleep. I finally slept a good 8 hours though!
7:10: I am showered and throw on some black Lululemon Align leggings and a swiftly tech tee. I was gonna wear real pants but screw that haha. I am really dragging this morning.
7:50: Make it to school and lecture starts at 8. Honestly - that lecture could have been given in 45 minutes but we spent the first 2 hours simply going over the schedule and clarifying assignments since everything is such a disorganized hot mess at the beginning of the semester.
10:05: We take a break and call a fellow church congregation member to see if we want to meet today to tour an organization that supports people immigrating. We are debating if we want to allocate church donation funds to them. We agree to meet at the location at 1:30.
12:41: We are done with class and I stayed a bit after to start making my study guide for our first test even though it isn’t for 5 weeks. I realize the time and quickly pack up and go heat up my lunch. Chat with an MSN student who I had met in orientation for my internship a couple weeks ago and he expressed his frustration about how the start of this semester is rough for him too.
2:38: We finish our tour and we are very impressed at the clean and organized operation. We agree to each write our own follow up email to the rest of the group before the end of the day supplying the church donating.
3:30: I make some jasmine tea and have some quiet time when I get home before starting on some dosage calculation problems that are due on Friday.
5:45: I end up spending almost 2.5 hours on homework - dosage calculations, an article summary, and start on a medication sheet. Ouch. I lay down for 20 minutes, take my pup out, and then head out to meet my friend for dinner at Cava.
6:30: I get the lemon chicken bowl and pita chips ($13.69) and we sit and chat for a 1.5 hours. We just saw each other a couple weeks ago, but so much to catch up on.
20:00: We agree to go on a double date in the next couple weeks and I head home. I walk my pup with my mom and brother, pack my gym bag and my food for tomorrow, write my follow up emails from today’s visit to the church committee, and relax in bed.
TOTAL: $13.69
TALLY OF DAILY EXPENSES:
- Food + Drink: $240.36
- Fun / Entertainment: $0
- Home + Health: $0
- Clothes + Beauty: $0
- Transport: $30.67
- Other: $17.98
REFLECTION
I spent quite a bit on going out to eat this week with my boyfriend, family, and friends. It was the end of my school break and boyfriend is transitioning to a new job so we were a bit out of whack with spending on food. Usually we eat at home with our families more, but it was nice to go out and enjoy ourselves too. It was a super busy week for me too - which is the norm lately. I have a great community and social life here compared to the West Coast and I do not take that for granted. Trying to make myself more of a priority so I don’t burn out again, which is difficult for me.
2023.06.08 04:26 Yarbles The Official Report of the May RVA Reddit (no we haven't) Bookclub
It was a fine day in May and we pulled up and talked about some books. We covered Blitz by Daniel O'Malley and, because it was recently Mother's Day, I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy. And we spent way more time on them than we usually do, so we must have liked them. Quite a few people read the Blitz. Incorrigible_muffin had previously covered it, but was disappointed in the a payoff, and said the two story lines didn't really resolve. Aurora_the_Off-White said that she liked it, but agreed that it wasn't on the same level as the first two.
She said that Blitz could have a strong philosophical payoff even if the storylines didn't have an strong resolution. If someone read Blitz by itself without the first two novels, they might enjoy it more. Carbonjen thought there was a lot to like about the writer, saying he writes women well. Muffin said there were a lot of interesting possibilities in the world he created. The author covers the British and American versions of supernatural bureaus, but there were many of these throughout the world.
We talked about the story's structure. The main character's lost memory lets the author explain the supernatural elements in detail and do the worldbuilding without any distracting exposition. Munsontime had a thought, asking if it was technically the same person in the body or a completely new personality that developed after the wiped memory. If a personality is a product of the experiences and memories the person accumulates, then it's probably a different person.
Munson blitzed through the first two and is currently on the third. He was surprised at the spelling of the main character's name, Myfanwy Thomas, having listened to the audiobook. I was surprised and a little disappointed that the pronunciation is just "Miffany". Princess_MoNaanKay stopped by to return the first book int the The Checquy Files, The Rook that I had lent out. I thought she was returning it specifically because we were reading The Blitz, but she said she's decided to see other bookclubs. So we just need to move on and live our best bookclub life and hope she finds happiness.
Jennette McCurdy was apparently in a show called iCarly. I had never seen it or heard of it, so I think I missed a lot of context from the book. Everyone else in our group really liked the book - finding it insightful and funny. Most people agreed that the things the author's mom did stood out, and so did the actions of Dan Schneider, who was the creator of iCarly. But she didn't go into that in depth. Muffin said the system that pipelines kids into the entertainment business is fundamentally responsible for many of these abusive situations, and the actions of the mom are a product of that. Aurora thought that the author used humor to cope with loss and grief.
We talked about long wait times for getting books from the library. Carbonjen actually bought Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica because she was not optimistic about it becoming available through the library. She didn't have as many spicy romance recommendations as last time, but did have a couple. She thought Pestilence by Laura Thalassa was good and a fun concept. It's the first of The Four Horsemen series; a romance involving the four horseman of the apocalypse.
She liked The Siren a lot less. I think this was the one by Kiera Cass. Apparently the characters said the word "fishcunt" too many times and it became grating. She also didn't like how a lot of the characters in A Court of Thorns and Roses were developed in the story. She mentioned Brutal Prince only to say it was brutally bad, and is reading Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo and liking. And that makes Muffin happy.
Sassypapaya recently read Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr, which is very popular around these parts. I think she said she read The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, and may have had good things to say about Lightlark by Alex Aster, or that may have been someone else. She was too far away from me for me to follow the conversation from that side of the circle very well. She asked about Verity by Colleen Hoover and Muffin said that Colleen Hoover was a step up from Stephanie Meyer.
Munson and his friends have a rule for their bookclub: you can't use the term "Beautiful Prose". But if he was forced to provide an example of beautiful prose, then he might use it when talking about Another Country by James Baldwin. He described it as "Kerouacky" - intimate and sexual especially for 1961. It's about the Jazz scene in NY in the 60s, with themes of race, gender, and sexual orientation in its cultural context. A slice of life story in the gay, black, jazz scene in New York. The Trial of Henry Kissinger by Christopher Hitchens is next for his other bookclub, Apparently Hank is bumping up against age 100. It was estimated that his cold-blooded policy directives are responsible for 4 or 5 million deaths. We talked briefly about Red Rising by Pierce Brown, which was the biggest book in the world for a minute. Munson said that, as a sci fi guy, he had already read many similar stories before and it just wasn't a big deal for him.
Assaulty recently read American War by Omar Al Akkad, and talked about how people end up on different sides of a conflict. Many times people don't have a choice about which side they end up on, and American War addresses some of these themes. She asked for more like this book. Asterion7 suggested Paolo Bacigulupi works such as The Water Knife and Shipbreaker, which are near future works with major themes of climate catastrophe. For this kind of thing I always recommend Afterwar by Lilith Saintcrow. Saintcrow a romance writer and I was really surprised by this book. It's gritty and hard, and a little spicy but not romantic.
Assaulty also read Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin and likes reading about creative partnerships like this. She told us about Nevada by Imogen Binnie, which is one of the inspirations for Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters; This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone; and The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks, the first book of the Night Angel trilogy.
Muffin told us about The House of Eve by Sadeqa Johnson, the next book after the The Yellow Wife, which features Lumpkin's Jail. The House of Eve takes place in DC and Philly and ties in with the events of the first boo., The author will be giving a talk on June 8th at the Library of Virginia, and Muffin wanted to read this before seeing the author.
assaulty is looking for a gateway to Sci Fi, and asked about the distinction between Sci Fi and Fantasy. However many people there are in the room, that's the number of different opinions you're likely to hear at any given time. Some say it's magic versus technology. If Sci Fi doesn't have magic, what about Star Wars and force lightning from those Sith guys? So maybe Star Wars is actually Fantasy and Star Trek is Sci Fi. But what about wormholes and different dimensions and the super annoying character Q? It's a subject worth exploring, but there might not be an answer. To me those are just two different themes with strong aesthetic styling.
Assaulty may have read Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler or it might have just been recommended to her because she is interested in Sci Fi and liked The American War. Skyvrbyvr loved Octavia Butler's Kindred giving it 5 stars. She says it's not just beautiful prose: she respects that Butler is not afraid to create gruff and real people - characters that are somewhat unlikable but somehow still relatable.
Aurora had a huge list of completions and I have no idea if these are all hers or not. But this month she read a bunch of first books across several series. I think heard Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo; Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn by Tad Williams the first of the The Dragonbone Chair series (I think she deemed it meh); Elantris by Brandon Sanderson also caught a meh; and Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, the first of the Gentleman Bastards series.
The last one generated a lot of interest as a lot of us have read it and really liked it. Like The Checquy Files, the first book is fantastic and there are diminishing returns after that, though I haven't read the last two: The Republic of Thieves and The Thorn of Emberlain. Munson says that if you read Sanderson, then The Stormlight Archive series is the way to go. Aurora also has Circe by Madeline Miller on hold at the library.
We talked about a few books about music, I think all of these are from Munson, including Meet Me in the Bathroom by Lizzy Goodman: Rebirth and Rock and Roll in New York City 2001-2011; Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain; and Sing Backwards and Weep, a memoir by the singer Mark Lanegan. We also talked a little about Nardwuar, a music interviewer who is amazingly in-depth but often described as offputting.
Munson says he can sometimes be invasive and not enjoyable but agrees that he is talented. Nardwuar is likely autistic and we were informed that "neurospicy" is no longer acceptable. Obviously, I'm cool with someone else deciding what they find offensive and following their recommendations, but I wish we had something to pivot to. We talked about how the line between normies and nerurodivergents can be pretty thin and while gatekeeping mental health can be frustrating, it's also infuriating that people resist any accommodation for neurodivergent people.
I knocked off a few books, including On a Night of A Thousand Stars by Andrea Yaryura Clark; Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata, and Gold Fame Citrus by Claire Vaye Watkins. The last was comparable to Station Eleven in terms of quality and themes. The story wasn't as good, but the prose was pretty exceptional. The author was able to do some things I hadn't seen before. I'm reading The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty, The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin, and listening to a couple courses about Human Pre History, First Civilizations, and pre-Alexandrian Empires.
Apparently George RR Martin joined the writer's strike and is not writing anything, not that you could really tell. We talked about the 8th season of Game of Thrones, and how those two producers just ruined at least hundreds of millions of dollars in sales of DVDs, downloads, books, and comics. One of the most disastrous effects of incompetence on a brand I've ever seen.
We talked about Patrick Rothfus's Name of the Wind and how the main character was a bit of a Mary Sue, but the narrator might have intentionally been portrayed as unreliable. Someone brought up Hope and Other Dangerous Pursuits by Laila Lalami, and we added The Moor's Account as August's non-dorky read. Some of the guys don't want to me call it a Muggle book anymore, and would rather call it a regular book. Maybe we need to keep looking for the right term.
We talked about books with actual paper pages versus reading on a device or listening to audiobooks. Carbonjen says she prefers the Kindle Paperweight because her dogs chews up actual books. I read paper, epub, and listen in about equal proportions. I was listening to Dodge, or Fall in Hell and was not liking it, but started liking it better when I flipped to the epub version. Munson says he uses safari reader on his laptop and will set it to autoscroll. We also compared strategies for downsizing our libraries. Very few people keep every book they buy anymore, especially if you have moved your collection a couple times.
We talked about the St. James Muse, trails on the James, the resurgence in skating, and art classes at the VMFA and Visual Arts Studio. We also talked about all the pedestrians being hit by cars and how squaring street corners can slow cars down. Right now corners are rounded, encouraging cars to take them at speed. And how dash cams are an essential equipment for cars now. Chop Suey is now Shelf Life and Wonton is now "Wonny". But has retired and been replaced by two new cats, presumably who are earning much lower, entry-level wages.
Someone brought up BookTalk.org, saying they mostly got ass recommendations out of it. I've used https://www.whatshouldireadnext.com and it isn't so bad, but really isn't any better than Goodreads. I've used Shepherd a couple of times, which can be really good if you're looking for exactly the type of book that has been covered in one of their lists, but it seems to only accept general categories.
Coming Up on June 18
submitted by Yarbles to rvaBookClub [link] [comments]
She said that Blitz could have a strong philosophical payoff even if the storylines didn't have an strong resolution. If someone read Blitz by itself without the first two novels, they might enjoy it more. Carbonjen thought there was a lot to like about the writer, saying he writes women well. Muffin said there were a lot of interesting possibilities in the world he created. The author covers the British and American versions of supernatural bureaus, but there were many of these throughout the world.
We talked about the story's structure. The main character's lost memory lets the author explain the supernatural elements in detail and do the worldbuilding without any distracting exposition. Munsontime had a thought, asking if it was technically the same person in the body or a completely new personality that developed after the wiped memory. If a personality is a product of the experiences and memories the person accumulates, then it's probably a different person.
Munson blitzed through the first two and is currently on the third. He was surprised at the spelling of the main character's name, Myfanwy Thomas, having listened to the audiobook. I was surprised and a little disappointed that the pronunciation is just "Miffany". Princess_MoNaanKay stopped by to return the first book int the The Checquy Files, The Rook that I had lent out. I thought she was returning it specifically because we were reading The Blitz, but she said she's decided to see other bookclubs. So we just need to move on and live our best bookclub life and hope she finds happiness.
Jennette McCurdy was apparently in a show called iCarly. I had never seen it or heard of it, so I think I missed a lot of context from the book. Everyone else in our group really liked the book - finding it insightful and funny. Most people agreed that the things the author's mom did stood out, and so did the actions of Dan Schneider, who was the creator of iCarly. But she didn't go into that in depth. Muffin said the system that pipelines kids into the entertainment business is fundamentally responsible for many of these abusive situations, and the actions of the mom are a product of that. Aurora thought that the author used humor to cope with loss and grief.
We talked about long wait times for getting books from the library. Carbonjen actually bought Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica because she was not optimistic about it becoming available through the library. She didn't have as many spicy romance recommendations as last time, but did have a couple. She thought Pestilence by Laura Thalassa was good and a fun concept. It's the first of The Four Horsemen series; a romance involving the four horseman of the apocalypse.
She liked The Siren a lot less. I think this was the one by Kiera Cass. Apparently the characters said the word "fishcunt" too many times and it became grating. She also didn't like how a lot of the characters in A Court of Thorns and Roses were developed in the story. She mentioned Brutal Prince only to say it was brutally bad, and is reading Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo and liking. And that makes Muffin happy.
Sassypapaya recently read Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr, which is very popular around these parts. I think she said she read The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, and may have had good things to say about Lightlark by Alex Aster, or that may have been someone else. She was too far away from me for me to follow the conversation from that side of the circle very well. She asked about Verity by Colleen Hoover and Muffin said that Colleen Hoover was a step up from Stephanie Meyer.
Munson and his friends have a rule for their bookclub: you can't use the term "Beautiful Prose". But if he was forced to provide an example of beautiful prose, then he might use it when talking about Another Country by James Baldwin. He described it as "Kerouacky" - intimate and sexual especially for 1961. It's about the Jazz scene in NY in the 60s, with themes of race, gender, and sexual orientation in its cultural context. A slice of life story in the gay, black, jazz scene in New York. The Trial of Henry Kissinger by Christopher Hitchens is next for his other bookclub, Apparently Hank is bumping up against age 100. It was estimated that his cold-blooded policy directives are responsible for 4 or 5 million deaths. We talked briefly about Red Rising by Pierce Brown, which was the biggest book in the world for a minute. Munson said that, as a sci fi guy, he had already read many similar stories before and it just wasn't a big deal for him.
Assaulty recently read American War by Omar Al Akkad, and talked about how people end up on different sides of a conflict. Many times people don't have a choice about which side they end up on, and American War addresses some of these themes. She asked for more like this book. Asterion7 suggested Paolo Bacigulupi works such as The Water Knife and Shipbreaker, which are near future works with major themes of climate catastrophe. For this kind of thing I always recommend Afterwar by Lilith Saintcrow. Saintcrow a romance writer and I was really surprised by this book. It's gritty and hard, and a little spicy but not romantic.
Assaulty also read Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin and likes reading about creative partnerships like this. She told us about Nevada by Imogen Binnie, which is one of the inspirations for Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters; This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone; and The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks, the first book of the Night Angel trilogy.
Muffin told us about The House of Eve by Sadeqa Johnson, the next book after the The Yellow Wife, which features Lumpkin's Jail. The House of Eve takes place in DC and Philly and ties in with the events of the first boo., The author will be giving a talk on June 8th at the Library of Virginia, and Muffin wanted to read this before seeing the author.
Please join us for a talk by award-winning author Sadeqa Johnson on her new novel, The House of Eve, the follow-up to her book Yellow Wife, which won the Library’s 2022 People’s Choice Award for Fiction. In this moving work of historical fiction set in 1950s Philadelphia and Washington, D.C., the stories of two women collide in unexpected ways as they both make decisions that shape the trajectory of their lives. The House of Eve was an instant New York Times best seller and was selected by Reese’s Book Club as the February 2023 pick. A book signing will follow the talk.Coconut read the second book in the Great Cities series by N.K. Jemisin called the The World We Make. Asterion7 picked up Trust by Herman Diaz, a Pulitzer prize winner. He also read We Are All the Same in the Dark by Julia Heaberlin and liked it enough to finish it, but not much more than that.
The Carole Weinstein Author Series supports the literary arts by bringing both new and well-known authors to the Library of Virginia through online or in-person events. Free and open to the public, the series focuses on Virginia.
assaulty is looking for a gateway to Sci Fi, and asked about the distinction between Sci Fi and Fantasy. However many people there are in the room, that's the number of different opinions you're likely to hear at any given time. Some say it's magic versus technology. If Sci Fi doesn't have magic, what about Star Wars and force lightning from those Sith guys? So maybe Star Wars is actually Fantasy and Star Trek is Sci Fi. But what about wormholes and different dimensions and the super annoying character Q? It's a subject worth exploring, but there might not be an answer. To me those are just two different themes with strong aesthetic styling.
Assaulty may have read Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler or it might have just been recommended to her because she is interested in Sci Fi and liked The American War. Skyvrbyvr loved Octavia Butler's Kindred giving it 5 stars. She says it's not just beautiful prose: she respects that Butler is not afraid to create gruff and real people - characters that are somewhat unlikable but somehow still relatable.
Aurora had a huge list of completions and I have no idea if these are all hers or not. But this month she read a bunch of first books across several series. I think heard Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo; Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn by Tad Williams the first of the The Dragonbone Chair series (I think she deemed it meh); Elantris by Brandon Sanderson also caught a meh; and Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, the first of the Gentleman Bastards series.
The last one generated a lot of interest as a lot of us have read it and really liked it. Like The Checquy Files, the first book is fantastic and there are diminishing returns after that, though I haven't read the last two: The Republic of Thieves and The Thorn of Emberlain. Munson says that if you read Sanderson, then The Stormlight Archive series is the way to go. Aurora also has Circe by Madeline Miller on hold at the library.
We talked about a few books about music, I think all of these are from Munson, including Meet Me in the Bathroom by Lizzy Goodman: Rebirth and Rock and Roll in New York City 2001-2011; Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain; and Sing Backwards and Weep, a memoir by the singer Mark Lanegan. We also talked a little about Nardwuar, a music interviewer who is amazingly in-depth but often described as offputting.
Munson says he can sometimes be invasive and not enjoyable but agrees that he is talented. Nardwuar is likely autistic and we were informed that "neurospicy" is no longer acceptable. Obviously, I'm cool with someone else deciding what they find offensive and following their recommendations, but I wish we had something to pivot to. We talked about how the line between normies and nerurodivergents can be pretty thin and while gatekeeping mental health can be frustrating, it's also infuriating that people resist any accommodation for neurodivergent people.
I knocked off a few books, including On a Night of A Thousand Stars by Andrea Yaryura Clark; Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata, and Gold Fame Citrus by Claire Vaye Watkins. The last was comparable to Station Eleven in terms of quality and themes. The story wasn't as good, but the prose was pretty exceptional. The author was able to do some things I hadn't seen before. I'm reading The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty, The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin, and listening to a couple courses about Human Pre History, First Civilizations, and pre-Alexandrian Empires.
Apparently George RR Martin joined the writer's strike and is not writing anything, not that you could really tell. We talked about the 8th season of Game of Thrones, and how those two producers just ruined at least hundreds of millions of dollars in sales of DVDs, downloads, books, and comics. One of the most disastrous effects of incompetence on a brand I've ever seen.
We talked about Patrick Rothfus's Name of the Wind and how the main character was a bit of a Mary Sue, but the narrator might have intentionally been portrayed as unreliable. Someone brought up Hope and Other Dangerous Pursuits by Laila Lalami, and we added The Moor's Account as August's non-dorky read. Some of the guys don't want to me call it a Muggle book anymore, and would rather call it a regular book. Maybe we need to keep looking for the right term.
We talked about books with actual paper pages versus reading on a device or listening to audiobooks. Carbonjen says she prefers the Kindle Paperweight because her dogs chews up actual books. I read paper, epub, and listen in about equal proportions. I was listening to Dodge, or Fall in Hell and was not liking it, but started liking it better when I flipped to the epub version. Munson says he uses safari reader on his laptop and will set it to autoscroll. We also compared strategies for downsizing our libraries. Very few people keep every book they buy anymore, especially if you have moved your collection a couple times.
We talked about the St. James Muse, trails on the James, the resurgence in skating, and art classes at the VMFA and Visual Arts Studio. We also talked about all the pedestrians being hit by cars and how squaring street corners can slow cars down. Right now corners are rounded, encouraging cars to take them at speed. And how dash cams are an essential equipment for cars now. Chop Suey is now Shelf Life and Wonton is now "Wonny". But has retired and been replaced by two new cats, presumably who are earning much lower, entry-level wages.
Someone brought up BookTalk.org, saying they mostly got ass recommendations out of it. I've used https://www.whatshouldireadnext.com and it isn't so bad, but really isn't any better than Goodreads. I've used Shepherd a couple of times, which can be really good if you're looking for exactly the type of book that has been covered in one of their lists, but it seems to only accept general categories.
Coming Up on June 18
- Fall; Or, Dodge in Hell
- or some other Neal Stephenson book
- Just pick a book in your To Be Read pile and tell us about it. We were lamenting the large backlog that each of each is carrying around and decided to just knock some of them out.
2023.06.08 04:21 sgtjoy Battle plans. Along for the ride.
Jesus watched the scene over again and was in awe. This was a man who would not change as he could not change. There was something else different. He was the most stubborn man alive in Jesus’ opinion and he had been around a while. His uniform never changed his cologne never changed. His hair was the exact same way. He had a biological age of 42 but a calendar age of 300 or so years. He wasn’t exactly sure since he had been born in a time when records were incomplete. Government was just getting back on its feet when he came into the world so who knew? Did it matter?
He had never espoused a political belief. He voted in every election and that was it. He was no campaigner and was not interested in any of it. He had a baseline distrust of ALL politicians. He had more time in command than any human in history. He had faced down alien races. He had been nearly terminated by pirates more than once but speaking in public scared the shit out of him. and He did not want to do it. He had done a series of lectures 60 years ago that resulted in some significant fallout he was eager to not relive. He did not want to discuss it. He knew what was about to happen.
“Class dismissed”
The Dean of Students asked him to “Please please just this once set it straight and walk away from it. You did what you had to do at the time.” He knew it hurt when he was called “conquistador”. The Monday Morning Quarterbacker’s weren’t there when decisions had to be made, and neither was the dean, yet he still implored him. It would likely be televised too. Ken had built the best laid wall of obfuscation he could. He did not want any glory. He wanted to be left alone. Despite his best effort it did not work. His hope had been to be in the background making the best decision without regard to any so called “Glory” His hope was that the sailors in real danger would get the credit they deserved. It just did not work. Besides, it was clear that he wanted him to talk about that battle. This made him waver in his assent. He wanted to speak about what he wanted to speak about. Simple.
Admiral Pearl and He had had to face a hero’s welcome when they came home. Then the detractors started in on him.
Despite the promises of the Dean it would just open all the old wounds back up again and likely crank the peanut gallery up to full tilt. “I do not want it televised. You can record it if you want but I get to decide if it gets released. Deal or no deal? If you want to dictate the topic then that is my condition. You are asking me to open up a box I have had welded shut for years now. Anyone can look up the logs and watch every single shot and hit if they wish. It has been analyzed to death. What further can I add at this point? There is nothing I can tell you that hasn’t been discussed in hundreds of books at this point. It is a dead subject that I can drone on about.”
The dean held up his hand and said “I want to know how you felt about it. All of it. What was the methods you used to make the decisions. How did you feel? The most important event in modern history drops in your lap like an egg salad sandwich. You have to feel something. That is what I want to know. It is your bully pulpit to say what you wish. No restrictions except for classified material. And no using the “F” word.”
“I am not doing it unless I can say ”fuck”. Not happening.” He wasn’t kidding. “To sweeten the deal you can televise it but I have to be able to talk in my normal voice. And I will say fuck.”
The Dean relented and agreed. He had just manipulated the situation to where he could minimize the fallout. Besides: he was tired of people talking shit about him in all these books and articles. He was going to tell them all to go fuck themselves, with a cactus.
On the Saratov. Warp area 13 off the plane of the ecliptic.
The admiral sat and contemplated what they were about to do. They were waiting on a couple more ships before going to warp. He tried to sum it up.
This was a high stakes mission. He had a high stakes strategy. It was brilliant and it was risky. He was about to do something never attempted in real combat and was completely theoretical. They had wargamed it to death and this had honed their protocol. They were going to Net their AI’s. They would calculate global firing solutions using parallel computing. They had 8 AI’s that were going to fight it and this should greatly augment their firepower due to increased efficiency. No matter how they wargamed it the AI’s won. They had it down pat. He felt certain this was the right thing to do but there was also a huge ethical hole in this. For the first time AI’s would determine firing sequence, aiming and execution without human intervention. He had to pause and consider the implications. This was colored by several recent experiences. It was all about Jezz. He still loved Jezz but she scared him. She has never been malevolent, but man was he scared that she could become dangerous. He had created a tiny bit of monster in her for certain. She was a combat AI. She was a hunter killer and as long as she worked for them, she would be fine. If she decided to freelance it, they would be in trouble. All because of this: there was a chunk of predator in her digital DNA and he hoped she could keep it in check.
He had come up with the best rationalization he could. They were going in against one decidedly ill-tempered AI and another AI (the “damsel in distress”) wanting rescue. At least that is what it looked like on the surface. He couldn’t shake the feeling that this was not as clearcut as everyone else thought. Either way It would not be aliens versus humans but AI vs AI. At least that is what he kept telling himself. He wasn’t buying his bullshit either since none of it passed the smell test.
The decision to unleash the AI’s had come from above his paygrade, all the way to the Joint chiefs of staff of the world Navies. Forty-five Space faring nations sat down and hashed it out. He hated the complexity but admitted that it did work fairly well. They wanted the spam in a can home alive and if AI made this happen then so be it. There was one important point: they weren’t on the ships, were they?
As he sat about to enter warp and head out to the clusterfuck in question. The initial reason for all of this was still nagging him. Where was everyone else? He had data that showed an alien drive signature. He was resentful that they were fucking around with all this other shit. He would leave the AI’s in question to sort it out amongst themselves. He wanted no part of what was going on since he was doubtful that there were any good guys on either side of what looked like a standoff. All he wanted to do was find alien life (which they had kind of but it weren’t just quite the right kind.) He wanted something that could look like us maybe a bit . If you squinted. And they would find that hopefully, but they had a shit detail to cross off the bucket list first. The more he looked at this the more it became clear this should be two separate missions. Those AI’s were fighting over a dead world and he knew it. He just knew. He wanted no part of the Hatfield and McCoy bullshit. The real point was to capture as much as they could. This was actually about technology. They even had some freighters on the way for the cleanup and oh BTW come back alive. We will let the AI’s babysit you. May as well send a Voyager probe for all the use the crew was.
He was soon to learn the value of human judgment and that was going to prove a bunch of people wrong, sort of. All because of this: there are some decisions that do not fit into ones and zeroes. Value judgements were critical. That is one thing AI’s couldn’t do yet and it was that way why? Who could say for certain but in his years of interacting with true AI’s for the last 5 years did give him some insight. He was apprehensive to say the least but where was his fear coming from? He always thought that you had to identify the source(s) of any fear. He had it partially figured out, not only was he a bit afraid of Jezz and her friends he was also fearful for Jezz. And this is what he had: a gut feeling. And if that weren’t enough (and by gosh, don’t you think it ought to be?): how was he going to keep Jezz’s precognition a secret? The Admiral went through the computer logs and Jezz had not accessed any information about the disposition of the Galileo. It could be explained away but he was not convinced he could be very convincing. This was something that just did not fit. He could not make it fit, and he would just as soon pretend it did not exist. But it was clear that his AI had some degree of psychic power or something. She was different and he did not know if the other AI’s would be catching whatever it was. If the folks in charge knew the depths of his misgivings, they would be appalled. And the situation they were headed into was not as simple as it looked. He knew this. His questions were simple. Number one: Who were the good guys and who were the bad ones. Number two: could he maintain plausible deniability about Jezz. They were going to have a talk. Just the two of them. He needed some reassurances.
Also, He was trying to figure out a way to crack this and he had an idea. While looking at the menu for the ships mess, he noticed the two columns and he decided to do what he always did with most major decisions. He would make a list of the facts he had and try to run through the various permutations. A pencil and some paper would be adequate, and he even had a ruler so he could make it all professional.
So he made a list of the players Side “A” in orbit and Side ”B “planetside. Side “ A” obviously held the high orbitals. “B” had an extensive force field that would occasionally flicker. He thought that might be something to look into. He had all of the video files from the Galileo and there was one telescope tasked with watching the planetside compound. They had days of footage. He sped it up until the frames were racing by. The force field was visible due to impacts from what he assumed to be dust. This gave it a phosphorescent look. It also made it possible to have visual confirmation if it was up. The shield “failures” occurred on a stable repeated time frame. After doing the math and getting a video analysis program running, he figured it out only after focusing on the Spectro photography. Every 23.29 minutes the shield was apparently offline for 0.07 seconds. It was so brief it was tough for the naked eye to pick up but the spectral signature did.
Looking at the area under shield he could see a row of what appeared to be ships. These were triangular. He could see no evidence of what their primary drives were but it wasn’t the best picture. Things degrade through an atmosphere and distance. No drive nodes. No distribution rings. He had a suspicion, and he suddenly felt nauseated and had this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. They were not using Alcubierre’ drives. They were using jump drives of some type. In the raw sensor data was a Gamma spike and a Gravity spike right before the attack. The Galileo probably never saw the vessel that hit them. But the Admiral was a patient man and he had the eye for detail. How they had missed this he did not know but he finally found what he wanted. The ship was identifiable. One sternward scope had several good views of a shape blocking the stars.
The other fact was that there was no warning. No comms traffic but, the recovered buoy made it clear that they knew they were suddenly in trouble since the buoy was released (and in warp) seconds after jettisoning it. Command deck recordings showed the captain getting a proximity alarm and then immediately releasing the buoy. There was no “prepare to be boarded” or “Heave to.”, just MASER beams slicing through the hull. Listening to the conversations on the deck made it clear they were paranoid as they were scanning with their non military grade graviton detector. Seems like it wasn’t paranoia after all.
They would have been blind until the ship was right on top of them. Someone was operating on a hunch and that person was Nico. He was frantic. As first officer he had the conn and did what he could to at least let them know what they were facing. It took some guts to do that. He saw internal video running. It captured Captain Nic’s hand slamming down on the buoy release button before the video cut out. It had to have damaged the Galileo Significantly. He had to override the safeties to get the thing to instantly go to warp. He knew that close to the ship the damage would have been substantial. Nico knew they were doomed.
He leaned back and took a deep breath. The ship in question was triangular in shape. Planetside. This could be some sort of trap or things were not as they superficially seemed or maybe he had found his bad guys. So he went back through the compound footage and there it was a ship moving out of frame. There was only maybe 6 meters of ship but it was clear where it was from. It was clear it was moving. Where had it been for 2 hours plus? If it were going to jump he would think that the image would have arrived at the Galileo after it had been blown apart. That is the whole point of faster than light travel. You could have all these paradoxes and that actually gave him more than a headache. It was a brain ache. Without FTL the tyranny of Einstein held sway. Why were they not there immediately? The Galileo was about 120 light minutes out. Assuming they get there immediately there should be no video. They had taken a detour. This he did not know for sure but also had a bad feeling about. I guess it did not mean much in the grand scheme of things but he did have a hunch. Only problem with that is that hunches don’t win battles unless it is more than a hunch.
He did not have a frame of reference for how a jump drive worked IRL. He had read all the theories. There was a huge amount of research being conducted but there were unpredictable failures resulting in some ships getting cut in half and what not. Just not something compatible with the life of the crew. Destructive testing was also expensive. They had gotten one small ship that was maybe twice the size of an emergency buoy to jump to the orbit of Neptune. What he did not know was how long that took. All he had was some rumor mill shit that he generally did not give two fucks about. He was not into “R and D". And while they could send the damn thing out there what they could not do was get it back the same way. The power requirements were so high that the capacitor banks were charged externally . Putting in a zero-point tap would push the ship size beyond the mass they could manage for the drive they currently had. They were running into problems of scale and those are not so easily rectified. Problems of scale were problems with lubrication. You just had to lube the ship with cash. You had to fuel it with Lots and lots of cash. This was such a priority that every aerospace manufacturer and design firms were plugged into the research institutions. It was a huge effort because of one thing. Warp drive was “too slow”. The boffins were thinking intergalactic travel. They had their sights set on the universe.
To top it all off there was one inescapable problem: You can’t put ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag.
Due to all of this they were going down an interesting path. All you had to do was fill the magnetic tank with antimatter. Matter antimatter annihilation gave near instantaneous power. It was used in weapons some but only the best militaries would even fool with it. Compared to nuclear warheads Antimatter left no nasty isotopes in orbit of a planet you may be interested in colonizing or defending. Also, you don’t want to poison an uninhabited M-class world in the habitable zone given their relative scarcity.
Finally: containing it is problematic but doable. You can probably pull off the power requirements but there is one downside. You are flying in a bomb. Not just a small bomb. It was a big bomb that will go off if you lose containment. 40 mega tons of TNT will vaporize a ship. There was talk of building a manned vessel but saner heads put the kibosh on that. Besides: no one with any sense would want to crew it.
The answer was obvious to him, and he suspected it was obvious to the researchers. Why not use a singularity? Just dump matter into it and harvest the radiation to charge up and go. He did not know where that research currently stood. He knew there were some successes along these lines and quite surprisingly there had been no major accidents. The problem came with feeding the little monster in a consistent fashion to produce enough power to in turn contain the position of the singularity. This was done with antigravity. Antigrav technology had found it’s way into just about everything, except cell phones. They still broke when you dropped them. The black hole was carried by the ship, but it never changed its axis of rotation. The singularity in this scenario is one hell of a gyroscopic top with fixed axes. Since the jet of X-rays only came “out” along this axis and given that the ship would change attitude constantly it was necessary to have X-ray converters on the entire internal surface of the reaction vessel. The ship moved around the singularity. That made things a lot more complicated and really fucked with power distribution. Since there would be energy jets at the poles of the internal singularity power flow would be from two converters at a time. And since they weren’t 100% efficient you had some heat to deal with. He had read a few initial summaries of the work. You still had to keep containment of the singularity just as with antimatter but an uncontained singularity would put a small hole of about 10 mm as it passed through the ship before evaporating. This was better than being atomized. The problem was heat. Waste heat is just unconverted energy as such there was talk of installing a steam turbine circuit to generate power and to cool the reaction vessel. This would be the use of centuries old technology in a starship since convection does not occur in a vacuum. Trying to radiate enough heat to keep the thing cool would not work. The act of running the turbine also cools the circulating liquid. Trying to radiate heat away in a vacuum took a lot of time so big heatsinks would only go so far. It was simple physics. If you can convert some heat to electricity that is a little less that must be radiated. He bet it was a pain in the ass and was probably not worth the effort, but Fusion reactors did not have the peak power output needed to rip space. You either stored it in cap banks for one big release or you instantaneously generated it. Ken thought that the whole line of inquiry was going to be moot and they would finally give up, build a huge Casimir bank and strap a ship to it.
Which meant one thing. The jump ships in question had to deal with waste heat from whatever power system they used. The only way to get rid of this waste heat was to radiate it into the void. This took time. He now knew what the delay had been. The alien ships had to cool off between jumps. He or she had also taken a circuitous route to get there. This in turn means that they wanted them to see the ship leave the planet. They could have possibly gone there straightaway but they had not done that. They wanted him to know. They must have jumped above the ecliptic and back down into the ecliptic.
This slowed them down.
It also meant that escaping with a jump drive wasn’t that easy. They couldn’t pop in and out of position. If they were in your sights they were yours. He also knew that they would have a brief window where they were detectable before fully entering normal space. All they had to do was detect that energy spike and target it at the right time.
After reading all of the executive summary Jezz had put together he had a lot of questions, and he did not know quite where to begin. He had one thought: time to get everyone together and pick everyone’s brain. He wanted to talk to his chief engineer and every engineer in the fleet. He wanted to get all ships Captains and First Officers to come up with a game plan: What is the best order of battle and why? He wanted to see the nonconventional answers as this was anything but a conventional situation. He kept each team to the size of two: Captain and first officers. They could consult with the crew and had access to any information they could find. He needed options. You never want to run out of options on the field of battle.
He turned to his First Officer “Take us out and form up the fleet. We will jump directly to warp 5. That will keep the transports somewhat close. I want the fleet on shipwide in 10 minutes. I have some tasks to assign. Set the countdown to jump for 3 hours. There may be a few stragglers. Jezz, calculate the route and send me a copy. Sensors. I want you to calibrate for Gamma detection and localization. I will send you the energy signature, now. Look for that and calibrate for that. Any questions? (There were none) Good. Yuri, you have the conn.”
He exited the bridge.
Outbound from Sol. 72 hours after jump.
The Admiral was in the center of the virtual room with 70 or so Captains and first officers arrayed about. The flotilla had topped out at 82 warships as well as smaller craft and support vessels. He had 82 ships he had under command currently. This was the biggest expeditionary force ever fielded by Earth. There was one Mormon ship with them. A frigate This was ironic he thought. It was also a bit much to keep up with. He had read all the preliminary proposals and he was now going through the ones he thought had merit. He was currently discussing Captain Pearls proposal she planned to arrange ships into a cylinder or hoop. The individual ships alternating primary weapons one way or the other. That way anyone jumping into the center was covered as well as the “external” surface. It was really a pretty good plan. It played to their strengths. They could bring weapons to bear quickly since they could not just jump away. He especially liked the network formation It was a nice diamond pattern. He just couldn’t shake it being familiar. She had a great movie playing that demonstrated it quite well.
“This is Guardians of The Galaxy” Ken said. Barely keeping his shit together. He wanted to laugh. Once everyone else started the cat was out of the bag, He did not want to ridicule her plan but this was too much. Bless her heart. It was Guardians of the Galaxy.
“OK everyone settle down lets get back to it. Does that make it a bad plan? It isn’t straight out of the movie either. I do think it has merit but I would prefer it to not be too obvious. Can we do a formation that gives closed fields of fire without looking like it? I think we should go with a spheroid that is as irregular as we can make it. I want the focus to be on full coverage. Actually, Jezz give me a pattern with those criteria.”
What she generated looked like a swarm of bees. When she overlayed the weapons plots the effect was uncanny. It looked very random but was anything but. The coverage was better than any plan he had seen. That settled it for him. They would war game it just that way. It was a bit risky since every ship had to maintain their place in relation to all the other ships. She had even linked in the shield generators from the transports. She had used every resource.
“That was brilliant Jezz.”
“I try Sir. I really do.”
“I know you do.”
The admiral continued “OK I want to go ahead and start moving the fleet into that configuration. We will stay in that all the way to our destination. I want checklists of unique tasks made up. Sensors are going to be the critical piece. I am hopeful we will see them when they jump in, and we can quickly target them if necessary. That brings me to another point. We cannot go in and just start banging away at everything that moves. By now you should be aware that this is not clear cut. We can speculate. And I have done it obsessively. What you need to know is that I am not sure who is good or bad. I have a sneaking suspicion that neither are good or bad. They are neutral. We don’t know if this is a rogue AI or AI’s. We do not know if there were biological life here at any point. There is certainly flor BUT THERE SEESM TO BW NO FAUNA. This world has undergone bombardment in the not too distant past somewhere around fifty year ago give or take. Could a sentient race have been killed off? Who the fuck knows. But our next task is to come up with some possible scenarios. Based on what we have seen I suspect this is a rogue AI. I cannot tell what has happened to them yet, but I suspect we will know more once we get planetside.”
He took a long draw from an Opus X and continued. Rank had its privileges.
“The Vikrant will provide aircover for a Marine expeditionary force to go to the planet’s surface and secure the compound. I have spoken to the Air boss and confirmed the strike package will consist of two squadrons of F-15’s for high cover and 5 Su-34’s to be tasked with strike. We have enough transport to go in one wave with backups to spare. That also leaves us with more than enough reserve forces. I hope we do not have to commit more but I will want another squadron of MiG-29’s or F-15’s in reserve. Keep them hot and on the ramp. I want to deploy as quickly as possible.”
One of the junior officers spoke up “That looks like a good plan.”
“Thank you son for that. It is like getting the compliment of how smart you are from your Marine Commander (He had to give Chuck a hard time. He loved him.)
Everyone at least politely laughed.
“Speaking of mentally challenged little brothers. What you got Chuck?”
Chuck went with it The Admiral would pay later. He had some photos of him waltzing with a large muscular person and he was going to visit scorn on him. All in the name of fun. “We are going to take two battalions. I am going to strip them down a bit and we will be utilizing more heavy weapons teams. I plan to draw more M-60’s and M-203’s. You guys are welcome to join the party since I could use a couple of forward observers. It will be a fun time. Additionally I am not babysitting the press pool this time boys and girls and others. It is potentially a deadly environment and I don’t want their deaths on my hands. Let them die with you fuckers instead. By the way; I have 18 Comanche-4 Helos for CAS.”
“That sounds like all the more reason to send them with you. The herd needs to be thinned anyway.”
Jezz hissed “SIR! You are going to get in trouble Sir.”
“Just a little lighthearted humor don’t be so touchy. Anyway’ what about armor?”
“I have a platoon of Abrams going in with us Sir. More for mobile artillery.”
When you got right down to it it was a very simple plan. Modest forces for planetside. There was enough aircover but not so much to result in fratricide. He had extra firepower at the squad level. He had thought it out. Chuck had his full confidence. He was an Oscar-6 and you did not make O6 by being stupid. He would make General soon and he would be taken from the pointy end of the spear. The spear would be a little less sharp for a while but that was just how it went. Right now, he had the best field commander alive in his corner and he was going to utilize him.
“I know my engineers are logged into this meeting and have been paying attention. What do you guys make of their propulsion system? I have been spouting off and thinking about this for a week and all I got is a bunch of ideas.”
He thought for a moment. Rusty, what do you think.” He had just called out his own engineer. Rusty was his nickname and damned if he could remember his actual one. He knew it was not Russel. “What do you think they are using for power?”
Rusty wanted to cuss him out. He did not like meetings. In his opinion meetings were just excuses to avoid doing any actual work. He could have asked him privately…”Rusty what do you think?”
“Goddammit Sir, they have to be using a singularity. They are not using capacitor banks so they are generating power instantaneously. The alternative is antimatter and we had better hope it is not antimatter since taking them out could be suicidal. Most importantly: I am not a fucking tactician. I am an engineer for fucks sake, and I don’t see why anyone cares what I think about this anyway. But you asked so here it is. We are going to have to assume that it is not antimatter and hope we are right. The thing that would keep me awake is the possibility that our weapons are outranged by the fireballs generated when their antimatter containment fails. That will end us, and the best tactic will be to run like hell. Add to that the fact that the rules of engagement mean we can’t go in guns blazing. What if we need to go in guns blazing? It takes away an option. Never discard even the most ludicrous of options as that may be the one thing that saves your ass.”
“ We do not want to go traipsing in there with our dicks uncovered and this ain’t no tulip picking expedition here ladies. This is potentially a war, and we better acknowledge that. I don’t want to be Debbie downer here but let us be real. Some of us are not coming back from this. Look around boys cause some of your compadres are going to be left behind. This is serious business. This ain’t no rescue mission and we better stop treating it that way. Since you asked, Sir.”
Admiral Alexander had to give him honesty points for that. He was right. “We are going to run this scenario as many times as we can before we arrive. I suspect that there is going to be some mass confusion until we figure out who the baddies are. If I had to make a wager, I would go with our folks in orbit, being less of a threat. We have clear evidence of who attacked our ship, and it weren’t none of them football shaped guys. (He did grow up in the South. Woodruff SC to be precise.) It is the flying Dorito that we have to watch for. My gut tells me we are going to have to smash whatever is running the show down there. That compound with the force field is our primary target.” Furthermore, I just don’t know how the remainder are going to act. Are they under a different AI? Is there more than one AI? We can say there are no life signs from any of the ships in system and that makes me think this is artificial all the way. ”
“ The Galileo was attacked by one of the ships on that Spaceport apron. None of the ships in orbit participated from what we can tell. Also, the Galileo was attacked from outside the ecliptic. They are using some type of jump drive that apparently has to avoid gravity wells. That would explain why the attack occurred outside the system. We can take advantage of the situation though if we cozy up to that gas giant and let them come to us. They can’t just pop in on us that way and we can put the planet behind us or we can peg them up against the planet. We can warp anytime but they can only jump in relatively clear space. In short: We are going to pick the battlefield.”
“First wave will be led by the Atlanta and Saratov. The Havana and The George Washington will be tasked with offense. I want rail slugs loaded and ready to go. The surface strike package will go in from the Vikrant and the Conestoga. Commander Yactine has the battle plan for the surface operation and is handling their own transport duties. We can supply an AC301 Spooky for fire support if needed Commander.” The commander waved it away. He felt he had enough assets.
“I do think we may want to take a chance on something. Since they are having to jump “vertically” out of the system to avoid gravity wells and since we suspect they will do it in two jumps I think we can predict where they have their initial jump point. We can nail them before they even get to the main fleet.”
The admiral pointed to a plot that indicated a tangential course that terminated well above the plane of the ecliptic and one that went directly back into it. It was an “L” shaped course. At least he felt sure they traveled in straight lines and not arcs. It made the most sense but could still be wrong. Poring through the Galileo’s sensor data he could see a spike that barely registered. That also indicated that they took a while between jumps. Once they exited subspace, they would be sitting ducks for at least a few minutes. He was guessing 20 minutes for them to recharge their drive and get ready. They would have to target them when most vulnerable. Given that he was not feeling particularly charitable he decided that annihilation was in order. There were 50 deaths to avenge after all.
“Jezz, what do you think?”
Jezz paused. She had been on good behavior and that had made her overly cautious “I think your basic assumptions are correct, Sir. I think we are dealing with two AI’s. One is on the surface and one is in control of the orbital fleet. Approximately 56% of the orbital ships appear to be functional. They could also be in a powered down mode but looking at the Galileo data and 20 ships look to be fully operational. Weapons appear to be primarily MASER batteries. I can see no evidence of rail guns. Their weaponry may be less impressive, or they may be armed in a fashion we cannot detect. I wouldn’t assume them to be inferior to our ships. If we do that we run the risk of being surprised. I do not like surprises.”
The Admiral had one more question. He was looking more for how she was going to reply, “What is your gut feeling Jez?”
She paused “My gut feeling is that we are dealing with two AI’s. One of them has gone mad.” It was out of her speaker before she could catch herself. He had asked what her gut feeling was. What did he know? She did not have a gut. But, she did have feelings.
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He had never espoused a political belief. He voted in every election and that was it. He was no campaigner and was not interested in any of it. He had a baseline distrust of ALL politicians. He had more time in command than any human in history. He had faced down alien races. He had been nearly terminated by pirates more than once but speaking in public scared the shit out of him. and He did not want to do it. He had done a series of lectures 60 years ago that resulted in some significant fallout he was eager to not relive. He did not want to discuss it. He knew what was about to happen.
“Class dismissed”
The Dean of Students asked him to “Please please just this once set it straight and walk away from it. You did what you had to do at the time.” He knew it hurt when he was called “conquistador”. The Monday Morning Quarterbacker’s weren’t there when decisions had to be made, and neither was the dean, yet he still implored him. It would likely be televised too. Ken had built the best laid wall of obfuscation he could. He did not want any glory. He wanted to be left alone. Despite his best effort it did not work. His hope had been to be in the background making the best decision without regard to any so called “Glory” His hope was that the sailors in real danger would get the credit they deserved. It just did not work. Besides, it was clear that he wanted him to talk about that battle. This made him waver in his assent. He wanted to speak about what he wanted to speak about. Simple.
Admiral Pearl and He had had to face a hero’s welcome when they came home. Then the detractors started in on him.
Despite the promises of the Dean it would just open all the old wounds back up again and likely crank the peanut gallery up to full tilt. “I do not want it televised. You can record it if you want but I get to decide if it gets released. Deal or no deal? If you want to dictate the topic then that is my condition. You are asking me to open up a box I have had welded shut for years now. Anyone can look up the logs and watch every single shot and hit if they wish. It has been analyzed to death. What further can I add at this point? There is nothing I can tell you that hasn’t been discussed in hundreds of books at this point. It is a dead subject that I can drone on about.”
The dean held up his hand and said “I want to know how you felt about it. All of it. What was the methods you used to make the decisions. How did you feel? The most important event in modern history drops in your lap like an egg salad sandwich. You have to feel something. That is what I want to know. It is your bully pulpit to say what you wish. No restrictions except for classified material. And no using the “F” word.”
“I am not doing it unless I can say ”fuck”. Not happening.” He wasn’t kidding. “To sweeten the deal you can televise it but I have to be able to talk in my normal voice. And I will say fuck.”
The Dean relented and agreed. He had just manipulated the situation to where he could minimize the fallout. Besides: he was tired of people talking shit about him in all these books and articles. He was going to tell them all to go fuck themselves, with a cactus.
On the Saratov. Warp area 13 off the plane of the ecliptic.
The admiral sat and contemplated what they were about to do. They were waiting on a couple more ships before going to warp. He tried to sum it up.
This was a high stakes mission. He had a high stakes strategy. It was brilliant and it was risky. He was about to do something never attempted in real combat and was completely theoretical. They had wargamed it to death and this had honed their protocol. They were going to Net their AI’s. They would calculate global firing solutions using parallel computing. They had 8 AI’s that were going to fight it and this should greatly augment their firepower due to increased efficiency. No matter how they wargamed it the AI’s won. They had it down pat. He felt certain this was the right thing to do but there was also a huge ethical hole in this. For the first time AI’s would determine firing sequence, aiming and execution without human intervention. He had to pause and consider the implications. This was colored by several recent experiences. It was all about Jezz. He still loved Jezz but she scared him. She has never been malevolent, but man was he scared that she could become dangerous. He had created a tiny bit of monster in her for certain. She was a combat AI. She was a hunter killer and as long as she worked for them, she would be fine. If she decided to freelance it, they would be in trouble. All because of this: there was a chunk of predator in her digital DNA and he hoped she could keep it in check.
He had come up with the best rationalization he could. They were going in against one decidedly ill-tempered AI and another AI (the “damsel in distress”) wanting rescue. At least that is what it looked like on the surface. He couldn’t shake the feeling that this was not as clearcut as everyone else thought. Either way It would not be aliens versus humans but AI vs AI. At least that is what he kept telling himself. He wasn’t buying his bullshit either since none of it passed the smell test.
The decision to unleash the AI’s had come from above his paygrade, all the way to the Joint chiefs of staff of the world Navies. Forty-five Space faring nations sat down and hashed it out. He hated the complexity but admitted that it did work fairly well. They wanted the spam in a can home alive and if AI made this happen then so be it. There was one important point: they weren’t on the ships, were they?
As he sat about to enter warp and head out to the clusterfuck in question. The initial reason for all of this was still nagging him. Where was everyone else? He had data that showed an alien drive signature. He was resentful that they were fucking around with all this other shit. He would leave the AI’s in question to sort it out amongst themselves. He wanted no part of what was going on since he was doubtful that there were any good guys on either side of what looked like a standoff. All he wanted to do was find alien life (which they had kind of but it weren’t just quite the right kind.) He wanted something that could look like us maybe a bit . If you squinted. And they would find that hopefully, but they had a shit detail to cross off the bucket list first. The more he looked at this the more it became clear this should be two separate missions. Those AI’s were fighting over a dead world and he knew it. He just knew. He wanted no part of the Hatfield and McCoy bullshit. The real point was to capture as much as they could. This was actually about technology. They even had some freighters on the way for the cleanup and oh BTW come back alive. We will let the AI’s babysit you. May as well send a Voyager probe for all the use the crew was.
He was soon to learn the value of human judgment and that was going to prove a bunch of people wrong, sort of. All because of this: there are some decisions that do not fit into ones and zeroes. Value judgements were critical. That is one thing AI’s couldn’t do yet and it was that way why? Who could say for certain but in his years of interacting with true AI’s for the last 5 years did give him some insight. He was apprehensive to say the least but where was his fear coming from? He always thought that you had to identify the source(s) of any fear. He had it partially figured out, not only was he a bit afraid of Jezz and her friends he was also fearful for Jezz. And this is what he had: a gut feeling. And if that weren’t enough (and by gosh, don’t you think it ought to be?): how was he going to keep Jezz’s precognition a secret? The Admiral went through the computer logs and Jezz had not accessed any information about the disposition of the Galileo. It could be explained away but he was not convinced he could be very convincing. This was something that just did not fit. He could not make it fit, and he would just as soon pretend it did not exist. But it was clear that his AI had some degree of psychic power or something. She was different and he did not know if the other AI’s would be catching whatever it was. If the folks in charge knew the depths of his misgivings, they would be appalled. And the situation they were headed into was not as simple as it looked. He knew this. His questions were simple. Number one: Who were the good guys and who were the bad ones. Number two: could he maintain plausible deniability about Jezz. They were going to have a talk. Just the two of them. He needed some reassurances.
Also, He was trying to figure out a way to crack this and he had an idea. While looking at the menu for the ships mess, he noticed the two columns and he decided to do what he always did with most major decisions. He would make a list of the facts he had and try to run through the various permutations. A pencil and some paper would be adequate, and he even had a ruler so he could make it all professional.
So he made a list of the players Side “A” in orbit and Side ”B “planetside. Side “ A” obviously held the high orbitals. “B” had an extensive force field that would occasionally flicker. He thought that might be something to look into. He had all of the video files from the Galileo and there was one telescope tasked with watching the planetside compound. They had days of footage. He sped it up until the frames were racing by. The force field was visible due to impacts from what he assumed to be dust. This gave it a phosphorescent look. It also made it possible to have visual confirmation if it was up. The shield “failures” occurred on a stable repeated time frame. After doing the math and getting a video analysis program running, he figured it out only after focusing on the Spectro photography. Every 23.29 minutes the shield was apparently offline for 0.07 seconds. It was so brief it was tough for the naked eye to pick up but the spectral signature did.
Looking at the area under shield he could see a row of what appeared to be ships. These were triangular. He could see no evidence of what their primary drives were but it wasn’t the best picture. Things degrade through an atmosphere and distance. No drive nodes. No distribution rings. He had a suspicion, and he suddenly felt nauseated and had this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. They were not using Alcubierre’ drives. They were using jump drives of some type. In the raw sensor data was a Gamma spike and a Gravity spike right before the attack. The Galileo probably never saw the vessel that hit them. But the Admiral was a patient man and he had the eye for detail. How they had missed this he did not know but he finally found what he wanted. The ship was identifiable. One sternward scope had several good views of a shape blocking the stars.
The other fact was that there was no warning. No comms traffic but, the recovered buoy made it clear that they knew they were suddenly in trouble since the buoy was released (and in warp) seconds after jettisoning it. Command deck recordings showed the captain getting a proximity alarm and then immediately releasing the buoy. There was no “prepare to be boarded” or “Heave to.”, just MASER beams slicing through the hull. Listening to the conversations on the deck made it clear they were paranoid as they were scanning with their non military grade graviton detector. Seems like it wasn’t paranoia after all.
They would have been blind until the ship was right on top of them. Someone was operating on a hunch and that person was Nico. He was frantic. As first officer he had the conn and did what he could to at least let them know what they were facing. It took some guts to do that. He saw internal video running. It captured Captain Nic’s hand slamming down on the buoy release button before the video cut out. It had to have damaged the Galileo Significantly. He had to override the safeties to get the thing to instantly go to warp. He knew that close to the ship the damage would have been substantial. Nico knew they were doomed.
He leaned back and took a deep breath. The ship in question was triangular in shape. Planetside. This could be some sort of trap or things were not as they superficially seemed or maybe he had found his bad guys. So he went back through the compound footage and there it was a ship moving out of frame. There was only maybe 6 meters of ship but it was clear where it was from. It was clear it was moving. Where had it been for 2 hours plus? If it were going to jump he would think that the image would have arrived at the Galileo after it had been blown apart. That is the whole point of faster than light travel. You could have all these paradoxes and that actually gave him more than a headache. It was a brain ache. Without FTL the tyranny of Einstein held sway. Why were they not there immediately? The Galileo was about 120 light minutes out. Assuming they get there immediately there should be no video. They had taken a detour. This he did not know for sure but also had a bad feeling about. I guess it did not mean much in the grand scheme of things but he did have a hunch. Only problem with that is that hunches don’t win battles unless it is more than a hunch.
He did not have a frame of reference for how a jump drive worked IRL. He had read all the theories. There was a huge amount of research being conducted but there were unpredictable failures resulting in some ships getting cut in half and what not. Just not something compatible with the life of the crew. Destructive testing was also expensive. They had gotten one small ship that was maybe twice the size of an emergency buoy to jump to the orbit of Neptune. What he did not know was how long that took. All he had was some rumor mill shit that he generally did not give two fucks about. He was not into “R and D". And while they could send the damn thing out there what they could not do was get it back the same way. The power requirements were so high that the capacitor banks were charged externally . Putting in a zero-point tap would push the ship size beyond the mass they could manage for the drive they currently had. They were running into problems of scale and those are not so easily rectified. Problems of scale were problems with lubrication. You just had to lube the ship with cash. You had to fuel it with Lots and lots of cash. This was such a priority that every aerospace manufacturer and design firms were plugged into the research institutions. It was a huge effort because of one thing. Warp drive was “too slow”. The boffins were thinking intergalactic travel. They had their sights set on the universe.
To top it all off there was one inescapable problem: You can’t put ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag.
Due to all of this they were going down an interesting path. All you had to do was fill the magnetic tank with antimatter. Matter antimatter annihilation gave near instantaneous power. It was used in weapons some but only the best militaries would even fool with it. Compared to nuclear warheads Antimatter left no nasty isotopes in orbit of a planet you may be interested in colonizing or defending. Also, you don’t want to poison an uninhabited M-class world in the habitable zone given their relative scarcity.
Finally: containing it is problematic but doable. You can probably pull off the power requirements but there is one downside. You are flying in a bomb. Not just a small bomb. It was a big bomb that will go off if you lose containment. 40 mega tons of TNT will vaporize a ship. There was talk of building a manned vessel but saner heads put the kibosh on that. Besides: no one with any sense would want to crew it.
The answer was obvious to him, and he suspected it was obvious to the researchers. Why not use a singularity? Just dump matter into it and harvest the radiation to charge up and go. He did not know where that research currently stood. He knew there were some successes along these lines and quite surprisingly there had been no major accidents. The problem came with feeding the little monster in a consistent fashion to produce enough power to in turn contain the position of the singularity. This was done with antigravity. Antigrav technology had found it’s way into just about everything, except cell phones. They still broke when you dropped them. The black hole was carried by the ship, but it never changed its axis of rotation. The singularity in this scenario is one hell of a gyroscopic top with fixed axes. Since the jet of X-rays only came “out” along this axis and given that the ship would change attitude constantly it was necessary to have X-ray converters on the entire internal surface of the reaction vessel. The ship moved around the singularity. That made things a lot more complicated and really fucked with power distribution. Since there would be energy jets at the poles of the internal singularity power flow would be from two converters at a time. And since they weren’t 100% efficient you had some heat to deal with. He had read a few initial summaries of the work. You still had to keep containment of the singularity just as with antimatter but an uncontained singularity would put a small hole of about 10 mm as it passed through the ship before evaporating. This was better than being atomized. The problem was heat. Waste heat is just unconverted energy as such there was talk of installing a steam turbine circuit to generate power and to cool the reaction vessel. This would be the use of centuries old technology in a starship since convection does not occur in a vacuum. Trying to radiate enough heat to keep the thing cool would not work. The act of running the turbine also cools the circulating liquid. Trying to radiate heat away in a vacuum took a lot of time so big heatsinks would only go so far. It was simple physics. If you can convert some heat to electricity that is a little less that must be radiated. He bet it was a pain in the ass and was probably not worth the effort, but Fusion reactors did not have the peak power output needed to rip space. You either stored it in cap banks for one big release or you instantaneously generated it. Ken thought that the whole line of inquiry was going to be moot and they would finally give up, build a huge Casimir bank and strap a ship to it.
Which meant one thing. The jump ships in question had to deal with waste heat from whatever power system they used. The only way to get rid of this waste heat was to radiate it into the void. This took time. He now knew what the delay had been. The alien ships had to cool off between jumps. He or she had also taken a circuitous route to get there. This in turn means that they wanted them to see the ship leave the planet. They could have possibly gone there straightaway but they had not done that. They wanted him to know. They must have jumped above the ecliptic and back down into the ecliptic.
This slowed them down.
It also meant that escaping with a jump drive wasn’t that easy. They couldn’t pop in and out of position. If they were in your sights they were yours. He also knew that they would have a brief window where they were detectable before fully entering normal space. All they had to do was detect that energy spike and target it at the right time.
After reading all of the executive summary Jezz had put together he had a lot of questions, and he did not know quite where to begin. He had one thought: time to get everyone together and pick everyone’s brain. He wanted to talk to his chief engineer and every engineer in the fleet. He wanted to get all ships Captains and First Officers to come up with a game plan: What is the best order of battle and why? He wanted to see the nonconventional answers as this was anything but a conventional situation. He kept each team to the size of two: Captain and first officers. They could consult with the crew and had access to any information they could find. He needed options. You never want to run out of options on the field of battle.
He turned to his First Officer “Take us out and form up the fleet. We will jump directly to warp 5. That will keep the transports somewhat close. I want the fleet on shipwide in 10 minutes. I have some tasks to assign. Set the countdown to jump for 3 hours. There may be a few stragglers. Jezz, calculate the route and send me a copy. Sensors. I want you to calibrate for Gamma detection and localization. I will send you the energy signature, now. Look for that and calibrate for that. Any questions? (There were none) Good. Yuri, you have the conn.”
He exited the bridge.
Outbound from Sol. 72 hours after jump.
The Admiral was in the center of the virtual room with 70 or so Captains and first officers arrayed about. The flotilla had topped out at 82 warships as well as smaller craft and support vessels. He had 82 ships he had under command currently. This was the biggest expeditionary force ever fielded by Earth. There was one Mormon ship with them. A frigate This was ironic he thought. It was also a bit much to keep up with. He had read all the preliminary proposals and he was now going through the ones he thought had merit. He was currently discussing Captain Pearls proposal she planned to arrange ships into a cylinder or hoop. The individual ships alternating primary weapons one way or the other. That way anyone jumping into the center was covered as well as the “external” surface. It was really a pretty good plan. It played to their strengths. They could bring weapons to bear quickly since they could not just jump away. He especially liked the network formation It was a nice diamond pattern. He just couldn’t shake it being familiar. She had a great movie playing that demonstrated it quite well.
“This is Guardians of The Galaxy” Ken said. Barely keeping his shit together. He wanted to laugh. Once everyone else started the cat was out of the bag, He did not want to ridicule her plan but this was too much. Bless her heart. It was Guardians of the Galaxy.
“OK everyone settle down lets get back to it. Does that make it a bad plan? It isn’t straight out of the movie either. I do think it has merit but I would prefer it to not be too obvious. Can we do a formation that gives closed fields of fire without looking like it? I think we should go with a spheroid that is as irregular as we can make it. I want the focus to be on full coverage. Actually, Jezz give me a pattern with those criteria.”
What she generated looked like a swarm of bees. When she overlayed the weapons plots the effect was uncanny. It looked very random but was anything but. The coverage was better than any plan he had seen. That settled it for him. They would war game it just that way. It was a bit risky since every ship had to maintain their place in relation to all the other ships. She had even linked in the shield generators from the transports. She had used every resource.
“That was brilliant Jezz.”
“I try Sir. I really do.”
“I know you do.”
The admiral continued “OK I want to go ahead and start moving the fleet into that configuration. We will stay in that all the way to our destination. I want checklists of unique tasks made up. Sensors are going to be the critical piece. I am hopeful we will see them when they jump in, and we can quickly target them if necessary. That brings me to another point. We cannot go in and just start banging away at everything that moves. By now you should be aware that this is not clear cut. We can speculate. And I have done it obsessively. What you need to know is that I am not sure who is good or bad. I have a sneaking suspicion that neither are good or bad. They are neutral. We don’t know if this is a rogue AI or AI’s. We do not know if there were biological life here at any point. There is certainly flor BUT THERE SEESM TO BW NO FAUNA. This world has undergone bombardment in the not too distant past somewhere around fifty year ago give or take. Could a sentient race have been killed off? Who the fuck knows. But our next task is to come up with some possible scenarios. Based on what we have seen I suspect this is a rogue AI. I cannot tell what has happened to them yet, but I suspect we will know more once we get planetside.”
He took a long draw from an Opus X and continued. Rank had its privileges.
“The Vikrant will provide aircover for a Marine expeditionary force to go to the planet’s surface and secure the compound. I have spoken to the Air boss and confirmed the strike package will consist of two squadrons of F-15’s for high cover and 5 Su-34’s to be tasked with strike. We have enough transport to go in one wave with backups to spare. That also leaves us with more than enough reserve forces. I hope we do not have to commit more but I will want another squadron of MiG-29’s or F-15’s in reserve. Keep them hot and on the ramp. I want to deploy as quickly as possible.”
One of the junior officers spoke up “That looks like a good plan.”
“Thank you son for that. It is like getting the compliment of how smart you are from your Marine Commander (He had to give Chuck a hard time. He loved him.)
Everyone at least politely laughed.
“Speaking of mentally challenged little brothers. What you got Chuck?”
Chuck went with it The Admiral would pay later. He had some photos of him waltzing with a large muscular person and he was going to visit scorn on him. All in the name of fun. “We are going to take two battalions. I am going to strip them down a bit and we will be utilizing more heavy weapons teams. I plan to draw more M-60’s and M-203’s. You guys are welcome to join the party since I could use a couple of forward observers. It will be a fun time. Additionally I am not babysitting the press pool this time boys and girls and others. It is potentially a deadly environment and I don’t want their deaths on my hands. Let them die with you fuckers instead. By the way; I have 18 Comanche-4 Helos for CAS.”
“That sounds like all the more reason to send them with you. The herd needs to be thinned anyway.”
Jezz hissed “SIR! You are going to get in trouble Sir.”
“Just a little lighthearted humor don’t be so touchy. Anyway’ what about armor?”
“I have a platoon of Abrams going in with us Sir. More for mobile artillery.”
When you got right down to it it was a very simple plan. Modest forces for planetside. There was enough aircover but not so much to result in fratricide. He had extra firepower at the squad level. He had thought it out. Chuck had his full confidence. He was an Oscar-6 and you did not make O6 by being stupid. He would make General soon and he would be taken from the pointy end of the spear. The spear would be a little less sharp for a while but that was just how it went. Right now, he had the best field commander alive in his corner and he was going to utilize him.
“I know my engineers are logged into this meeting and have been paying attention. What do you guys make of their propulsion system? I have been spouting off and thinking about this for a week and all I got is a bunch of ideas.”
He thought for a moment. Rusty, what do you think.” He had just called out his own engineer. Rusty was his nickname and damned if he could remember his actual one. He knew it was not Russel. “What do you think they are using for power?”
Rusty wanted to cuss him out. He did not like meetings. In his opinion meetings were just excuses to avoid doing any actual work. He could have asked him privately…”Rusty what do you think?”
“Goddammit Sir, they have to be using a singularity. They are not using capacitor banks so they are generating power instantaneously. The alternative is antimatter and we had better hope it is not antimatter since taking them out could be suicidal. Most importantly: I am not a fucking tactician. I am an engineer for fucks sake, and I don’t see why anyone cares what I think about this anyway. But you asked so here it is. We are going to have to assume that it is not antimatter and hope we are right. The thing that would keep me awake is the possibility that our weapons are outranged by the fireballs generated when their antimatter containment fails. That will end us, and the best tactic will be to run like hell. Add to that the fact that the rules of engagement mean we can’t go in guns blazing. What if we need to go in guns blazing? It takes away an option. Never discard even the most ludicrous of options as that may be the one thing that saves your ass.”
“ We do not want to go traipsing in there with our dicks uncovered and this ain’t no tulip picking expedition here ladies. This is potentially a war, and we better acknowledge that. I don’t want to be Debbie downer here but let us be real. Some of us are not coming back from this. Look around boys cause some of your compadres are going to be left behind. This is serious business. This ain’t no rescue mission and we better stop treating it that way. Since you asked, Sir.”
Admiral Alexander had to give him honesty points for that. He was right. “We are going to run this scenario as many times as we can before we arrive. I suspect that there is going to be some mass confusion until we figure out who the baddies are. If I had to make a wager, I would go with our folks in orbit, being less of a threat. We have clear evidence of who attacked our ship, and it weren’t none of them football shaped guys. (He did grow up in the South. Woodruff SC to be precise.) It is the flying Dorito that we have to watch for. My gut tells me we are going to have to smash whatever is running the show down there. That compound with the force field is our primary target.” Furthermore, I just don’t know how the remainder are going to act. Are they under a different AI? Is there more than one AI? We can say there are no life signs from any of the ships in system and that makes me think this is artificial all the way. ”
“ The Galileo was attacked by one of the ships on that Spaceport apron. None of the ships in orbit participated from what we can tell. Also, the Galileo was attacked from outside the ecliptic. They are using some type of jump drive that apparently has to avoid gravity wells. That would explain why the attack occurred outside the system. We can take advantage of the situation though if we cozy up to that gas giant and let them come to us. They can’t just pop in on us that way and we can put the planet behind us or we can peg them up against the planet. We can warp anytime but they can only jump in relatively clear space. In short: We are going to pick the battlefield.”
“First wave will be led by the Atlanta and Saratov. The Havana and The George Washington will be tasked with offense. I want rail slugs loaded and ready to go. The surface strike package will go in from the Vikrant and the Conestoga. Commander Yactine has the battle plan for the surface operation and is handling their own transport duties. We can supply an AC301 Spooky for fire support if needed Commander.” The commander waved it away. He felt he had enough assets.
“I do think we may want to take a chance on something. Since they are having to jump “vertically” out of the system to avoid gravity wells and since we suspect they will do it in two jumps I think we can predict where they have their initial jump point. We can nail them before they even get to the main fleet.”
The admiral pointed to a plot that indicated a tangential course that terminated well above the plane of the ecliptic and one that went directly back into it. It was an “L” shaped course. At least he felt sure they traveled in straight lines and not arcs. It made the most sense but could still be wrong. Poring through the Galileo’s sensor data he could see a spike that barely registered. That also indicated that they took a while between jumps. Once they exited subspace, they would be sitting ducks for at least a few minutes. He was guessing 20 minutes for them to recharge their drive and get ready. They would have to target them when most vulnerable. Given that he was not feeling particularly charitable he decided that annihilation was in order. There were 50 deaths to avenge after all.
“Jezz, what do you think?”
Jezz paused. She had been on good behavior and that had made her overly cautious “I think your basic assumptions are correct, Sir. I think we are dealing with two AI’s. One is on the surface and one is in control of the orbital fleet. Approximately 56% of the orbital ships appear to be functional. They could also be in a powered down mode but looking at the Galileo data and 20 ships look to be fully operational. Weapons appear to be primarily MASER batteries. I can see no evidence of rail guns. Their weaponry may be less impressive, or they may be armed in a fashion we cannot detect. I wouldn’t assume them to be inferior to our ships. If we do that we run the risk of being surprised. I do not like surprises.”
The Admiral had one more question. He was looking more for how she was going to reply, “What is your gut feeling Jez?”
She paused “My gut feeling is that we are dealing with two AI’s. One of them has gone mad.” It was out of her speaker before she could catch herself. He had asked what her gut feeling was. What did he know? She did not have a gut. But, she did have feelings.
2023.06.08 04:09 Tomzstang Feel like the guest has taken over my home
I tried to keep it short but felt like you would need some background to understand the full situation.
The setting: I'm (57m), wife is (55f), we have 4 grown children and 13 grandchildren. My daughter (30f) twice divorced lives with us with her 5 children that she has full custody of. She's been here 7 years and just graduated Nursing school. All of her kids (15f, 13f, 12f, 7m, 5m)have lived in my house longer than anywhere in their lives, this is their home. My wife and I were empty nesting for about a year before she moved back in. She and the kids are not the issue. We used to have our other children and grandchildren over once a month or so to celebrate birthdays and just get together. So we enjoy having family around and we finally have a good routine with my daughter and grandkids in the house. The get togethers don't happen anymore, partly due to the situation that follows.
About 2 years ago I was finally able to locate a half brother and sister of my wife's (her mother put them up for adoption before she married). My wife knew about them, but never had contact. I never had enough information until her mother passed and we found clues. The brother passed in 1992. Her sister (58f) had a terrible childhood and her adoptive parents have passed. Fast forward a little and her half sister was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. After about 6 months of chemo, she couldn't take it and wanted quality of life over quantity and opted to stop treatment and go on Hospice. We live in Texas, she lived in the Boston area. Anyway, my wife decided to spend Christmas with her and intended to stay until she passed away. After a couple of months, the sister decided she wanted to be around family in her dying days and since she had no one except an adopted sister there, we moved her into our house, made a temporary bedroom out of the dining room. Figured we couldn't deny her dying wish and while we knew it would be difficult in our hectic lives, we could manage it for 6 months to a year.
Hospice covered most everything necessary, she's on disability and Medicaid. I've spent money on things, but that's not an issue. This was 2/2022. She gets here and she is in bad shape, where she was, Hospice was about to move her to a 24/7 care facility. We were concerned she could make the flight. The expectation was that she would live no more than 6 months. She's happy that we took her in, she doesn't smoke in the house, we have a very nice patio that she spends hours on every day. We can't enjoy it anymore because we can't stand the cigarette smoke. About 3 months after she moved here, Hospice says, your bloodwork and everything doesn't really match your "supposed" condition, we'd like to have you evaluated. So we get her into an Oncologist (actually my oncologist for the last 10 years) and he finds no trace of Cancer and no eminent heath issues to keep her on Hospice. SUPRISE! They kicked her off of Hospice, now she's on Palliative care, which really means nothing. As for positivity affecting your health, she has completely perked up and is more active, though she still can barely walk to the car without being completely winded. She manages to climb the stairs 1 or 2 days a week to get a shower. She does have COPD and smokes 3 cartons a month. Her pulmonologist gives her 1-2 years. Recently (2 weeks ago) my oncologist has said her Multiple Myeloma is back, but he thinks he can keep it under control with mild chemo pills. So probably the COPD will get her first. Last episode landed her in ICU for 4 days. She does have a DNR, and her pulse ox hit 37. We didn't think she would pull through, but she did.
So, my wife had me redo the room to a more "semi-permanent state" and make her more comfortable. Now comes the problems. She was given permission to "get onto" the kids (by my daughter) if they were doing something dangerous or something they know not to do. It was when she was in bad shape and appeared to be dying, so mainly it was if the kids came into her room or were outside by themselves. Now that she is not actively dying, she sometimes takes that privilege too far by our standards, like telling them what to do when their mother or others are in the room, sometimes for mundane things. Like when I, my daughter, and the kids were at the table eating. My wife was upstairs with a migraine (often) and the sister was just passing by, not eating with us and she stopped to tell the 7 year old boy (not so politely) to stop drumming something on the bench. She's not even sitting with us, just passing and it wasn't bothering any of us. I turned to her and sternly said he wasn't hurting anything. She decided to tell my 12 year old granddaughter something that her mother was not ready to tell her about. I made it clear that it is not her place to make those types of decisions for my daughter and not her place to raise my daughter's kids and my daughter has first say, then I and my wife.
But what really drives my daughter and I crazy is that she is in the dining room off of the kitchen downstairs which is also open to the living room where most of the day-to-day activities take place. She never sleeps more than a couple of hours at a time, so she's awake all hours of the day and night. She spends all her time walking from her bed to the back porch (about every 30 minutes) which takes her through the kitchen and living room. This means there is no escape except at night when we all go upstairs to bed. (all bedrooms are upstairs). The sister is constantly in everyone's business, commenting on everything, needing to know everyone's schedule, where they are going, etc. She stopped her trek to the patio one day around 12 and asked my daughter who was picking up the kids from school for no reason, she never goes with someone to do that, and I refuse to let her drive any of my vehicles. We do take her on outings if we feel she can manage it, but most of the time she doesn't want to go anywhere. My daughter is on constant guard feeling like she has to be hard on the kids, or leave the house to keep them from getting in trouble, even for just being kids (the youngest is 5 and mildly autistic). She tells me that the sister makes constant remarks through the day that feel passive aggressive. I also feel very self conscious (never have before) because the sister always has something to say. She comments on what I wear "oh, you must be going to the office today, or must be working from home today", "oh look, Papi's (my granddad name) not wearing shoes!", "Oh, Papi's naked!" this is if I happen to be not wearing a shirt, like going to the pool with the kids. In fact she always calls out that people are naked if they are missing a piece of clothing, it seems an odd statement to us. "I've never seen you eat oatmeal before." "You sound nasally this morning, you must be getting sick" "You should get that cough checked out." If it was conversation, it would be different. It's not conversation, it's commentary, like my life is being narrated! We feel like we have a mother figure over us all the time and we are becoming resentful and stressed. I go to the office more to escape, my daughter tries to do outings with the kids now that school is out. She will start a job when school starts, it'll be easier to work out childcare since we can't count on my wife. I've talked with my wife, who spends an average of 5 days a week in her cave due to migraines and not downstairs. My wife says we are being too sensitive. She defends this activity by saying that she had a hard life, has nobody, and has nothing to do, she just wants to be included. She doesn't realize she is causing her to be avoided and excluded. I feel like my wife is saying that I need to put her half-sister's needs over mine and my daughter's well-being. Her sister has been talking about planning to join my wife and I in our retirement plans of travelling, my wife has even told me how we could do it. I never planned on a second wife! I've already postponed my retirement date due to the financial impact. Part of me thinks I'll never retire so that I'll have an excuse not to be home.
I've wanted to try and talk to the sister. I feel if she understands that her "nosiness" and "parenting" is driving us crazy that she will try to address it. I had hoped my wife could talk to her, but my wife doesn't see the problem and is not good with confrontation, as well as not even realizing that it is a problem. I know we could get along civilly if we all understand and respect each other's boundaries. I think she would be happy in an assisted living situation where she would have activities and care, but my wife says she wouldn't want to go because what she could afford would not be nice and she wouldn't be allowed to smoke. So if that option is out, someone has to talk to her. I know I can, she and I talk on occasion and she has told my wife that she enjoy talking with me, but I'm not sure how to start and what exactly to say. My wife did say that she was going to find a counselor for us to go to and it would be something we could ask about, but obviously it is not a priority because after a month she still hasn't done it.
Advice on how to broach the subject and keep it civil. I'm sure there will be some hurt feelings, but I firmly believe if you approach a person with respect, you can work through it. It's not like she is intentionally mean to any of us. I really don't think she realizes how it is affecting us. Can't we all just get along?
submitted by Tomzstang to Advice [link] [comments]
The setting: I'm (57m), wife is (55f), we have 4 grown children and 13 grandchildren. My daughter (30f) twice divorced lives with us with her 5 children that she has full custody of. She's been here 7 years and just graduated Nursing school. All of her kids (15f, 13f, 12f, 7m, 5m)have lived in my house longer than anywhere in their lives, this is their home. My wife and I were empty nesting for about a year before she moved back in. She and the kids are not the issue. We used to have our other children and grandchildren over once a month or so to celebrate birthdays and just get together. So we enjoy having family around and we finally have a good routine with my daughter and grandkids in the house. The get togethers don't happen anymore, partly due to the situation that follows.
About 2 years ago I was finally able to locate a half brother and sister of my wife's (her mother put them up for adoption before she married). My wife knew about them, but never had contact. I never had enough information until her mother passed and we found clues. The brother passed in 1992. Her sister (58f) had a terrible childhood and her adoptive parents have passed. Fast forward a little and her half sister was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. After about 6 months of chemo, she couldn't take it and wanted quality of life over quantity and opted to stop treatment and go on Hospice. We live in Texas, she lived in the Boston area. Anyway, my wife decided to spend Christmas with her and intended to stay until she passed away. After a couple of months, the sister decided she wanted to be around family in her dying days and since she had no one except an adopted sister there, we moved her into our house, made a temporary bedroom out of the dining room. Figured we couldn't deny her dying wish and while we knew it would be difficult in our hectic lives, we could manage it for 6 months to a year.
Hospice covered most everything necessary, she's on disability and Medicaid. I've spent money on things, but that's not an issue. This was 2/2022. She gets here and she is in bad shape, where she was, Hospice was about to move her to a 24/7 care facility. We were concerned she could make the flight. The expectation was that she would live no more than 6 months. She's happy that we took her in, she doesn't smoke in the house, we have a very nice patio that she spends hours on every day. We can't enjoy it anymore because we can't stand the cigarette smoke. About 3 months after she moved here, Hospice says, your bloodwork and everything doesn't really match your "supposed" condition, we'd like to have you evaluated. So we get her into an Oncologist (actually my oncologist for the last 10 years) and he finds no trace of Cancer and no eminent heath issues to keep her on Hospice. SUPRISE! They kicked her off of Hospice, now she's on Palliative care, which really means nothing. As for positivity affecting your health, she has completely perked up and is more active, though she still can barely walk to the car without being completely winded. She manages to climb the stairs 1 or 2 days a week to get a shower. She does have COPD and smokes 3 cartons a month. Her pulmonologist gives her 1-2 years. Recently (2 weeks ago) my oncologist has said her Multiple Myeloma is back, but he thinks he can keep it under control with mild chemo pills. So probably the COPD will get her first. Last episode landed her in ICU for 4 days. She does have a DNR, and her pulse ox hit 37. We didn't think she would pull through, but she did.
So, my wife had me redo the room to a more "semi-permanent state" and make her more comfortable. Now comes the problems. She was given permission to "get onto" the kids (by my daughter) if they were doing something dangerous or something they know not to do. It was when she was in bad shape and appeared to be dying, so mainly it was if the kids came into her room or were outside by themselves. Now that she is not actively dying, she sometimes takes that privilege too far by our standards, like telling them what to do when their mother or others are in the room, sometimes for mundane things. Like when I, my daughter, and the kids were at the table eating. My wife was upstairs with a migraine (often) and the sister was just passing by, not eating with us and she stopped to tell the 7 year old boy (not so politely) to stop drumming something on the bench. She's not even sitting with us, just passing and it wasn't bothering any of us. I turned to her and sternly said he wasn't hurting anything. She decided to tell my 12 year old granddaughter something that her mother was not ready to tell her about. I made it clear that it is not her place to make those types of decisions for my daughter and not her place to raise my daughter's kids and my daughter has first say, then I and my wife.
But what really drives my daughter and I crazy is that she is in the dining room off of the kitchen downstairs which is also open to the living room where most of the day-to-day activities take place. She never sleeps more than a couple of hours at a time, so she's awake all hours of the day and night. She spends all her time walking from her bed to the back porch (about every 30 minutes) which takes her through the kitchen and living room. This means there is no escape except at night when we all go upstairs to bed. (all bedrooms are upstairs). The sister is constantly in everyone's business, commenting on everything, needing to know everyone's schedule, where they are going, etc. She stopped her trek to the patio one day around 12 and asked my daughter who was picking up the kids from school for no reason, she never goes with someone to do that, and I refuse to let her drive any of my vehicles. We do take her on outings if we feel she can manage it, but most of the time she doesn't want to go anywhere. My daughter is on constant guard feeling like she has to be hard on the kids, or leave the house to keep them from getting in trouble, even for just being kids (the youngest is 5 and mildly autistic). She tells me that the sister makes constant remarks through the day that feel passive aggressive. I also feel very self conscious (never have before) because the sister always has something to say. She comments on what I wear "oh, you must be going to the office today, or must be working from home today", "oh look, Papi's (my granddad name) not wearing shoes!", "Oh, Papi's naked!" this is if I happen to be not wearing a shirt, like going to the pool with the kids. In fact she always calls out that people are naked if they are missing a piece of clothing, it seems an odd statement to us. "I've never seen you eat oatmeal before." "You sound nasally this morning, you must be getting sick" "You should get that cough checked out." If it was conversation, it would be different. It's not conversation, it's commentary, like my life is being narrated! We feel like we have a mother figure over us all the time and we are becoming resentful and stressed. I go to the office more to escape, my daughter tries to do outings with the kids now that school is out. She will start a job when school starts, it'll be easier to work out childcare since we can't count on my wife. I've talked with my wife, who spends an average of 5 days a week in her cave due to migraines and not downstairs. My wife says we are being too sensitive. She defends this activity by saying that she had a hard life, has nobody, and has nothing to do, she just wants to be included. She doesn't realize she is causing her to be avoided and excluded. I feel like my wife is saying that I need to put her half-sister's needs over mine and my daughter's well-being. Her sister has been talking about planning to join my wife and I in our retirement plans of travelling, my wife has even told me how we could do it. I never planned on a second wife! I've already postponed my retirement date due to the financial impact. Part of me thinks I'll never retire so that I'll have an excuse not to be home.
I've wanted to try and talk to the sister. I feel if she understands that her "nosiness" and "parenting" is driving us crazy that she will try to address it. I had hoped my wife could talk to her, but my wife doesn't see the problem and is not good with confrontation, as well as not even realizing that it is a problem. I know we could get along civilly if we all understand and respect each other's boundaries. I think she would be happy in an assisted living situation where she would have activities and care, but my wife says she wouldn't want to go because what she could afford would not be nice and she wouldn't be allowed to smoke. So if that option is out, someone has to talk to her. I know I can, she and I talk on occasion and she has told my wife that she enjoy talking with me, but I'm not sure how to start and what exactly to say. My wife did say that she was going to find a counselor for us to go to and it would be something we could ask about, but obviously it is not a priority because after a month she still hasn't done it.
Advice on how to broach the subject and keep it civil. I'm sure there will be some hurt feelings, but I firmly believe if you approach a person with respect, you can work through it. It's not like she is intentionally mean to any of us. I really don't think she realizes how it is affecting us. Can't we all just get along?
2023.06.08 03:48 Ukrainer_UA 4:48 EEST; The Sun is Rising Over Kyiv on the 470th Day of the Full-Scale Invasion. This is the final part of our series about the ideas, values and dreams of fallen defenders of Ukraine. These are the words of the Heavenly Regiment. + Discussion + Charities
 | 🇺🇦 Слава Україні! 🇺🇦_______________________________We are Ukraïner, a non-profit media aimed at advocating authentic Ukraine, unexpected geographical discoveries, and multiculturalism. This is the final selection from an article we published recently. You can find earlier parts here: Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V_______________________________The Words of the Heavenly Regiment, Part VIYou can get used to air alarms, power and communication interruptions, curfew restrictions, but never to the loss of people. Ukrainians painfully experience the loss of each defender, even if they may not have known them personally. The full-scale war united the entire country, and we owe our lives to everyone who died at the front and who defends our lands now.We continue to publish quotes from heroes who fought for the free future of Ukraine. Each soldier from this Heavenly regiment deserves eternal honor and memory, so we must do everything to continue their struggle with dignity and remember the price of freedom. _______________________________ Maksym MedynskyiMaksym MedynskyiJournalist A graduate of the Institute of Journalism of KNU named after Taras Shevchenko. After the start of the Russian invasion in 2014, he came to the defense of the country and later returned to civilian life. He worked in the press service of the Ministry of Infrastructure and in the Office of Reforms of the Ministry of Energy. In February of 2022, he joined the ranks of the 95th Air Assault Brigade. Died on April 29th, 2022 in a battle near Kharkiv. "I was never afraid of losing my life, only afraid of losing it in some stupid way. Therefore, there was no question whether to go to war or not. There is a war in my country, so I have to defend it."_______________________________Dmytro YudenkoDmytro YudenkoActivist Co-founder of the NGO Unity and Brotherhood Dmytro took an active civic position and defended the interests of the Poltava community. In 2014, after the death of his younger brother Yevhen at the front, he joined the Azov battalion. Subsequently, he became a co-founder and instructor of the public organization "Unity and Brotherhood", which coordinates military training. After the start of the full-scale invasion, he returned to the army. Died on May 6th, 2023 near Bakhmut while performing a combat mission. "Moments of tranquility... The sound of water, children's voices... In our time, all this quiet has a great price. It is paid for by the sweat and blood of the fighters on the front lines, it is paid for by sleepless nights and the challenges volunteers endure. It is paid by the citizens, each of whom contribute to bringing us closer to victory...Thank you all for tranquility. Semper Fi!"_______________________________Oleksiy KhabatyukOleksiy KhabatyukEnergy Expert A graduate of Kyiv Polytechnic University, he studied power engineering and thermal physics. He worked in the field of renewable energy, in particular at the State Agency for Eco-Investments. For several years, he was a deputy in the Department of Energy Efficiency at Naftogaz [ed. - the largest national oil and gas company of Ukraine]. Led the Fund for Targeted Environmental Investments. After the start of the full-scale invasion, he joined the ranks of the Armed Forces. Died on May 4th from a shrapnel wound in Bakhmut. "After our victory, we will all have an equally important task - to create a new social contract, which should be followed by real changes in all areas - public administration, the judicial and law enforcement system, education, my beloved energy sector and the field of environmental protection...What these changes will be called is not as important as their content — democratic principles, effectiveness, and the priority of knowledge, experience and professionalism over bootlicking and nepotism."_______________________________Oleh DrobotskyiOleh DrobotskyiPainter Photographer In 2019, he graduated from the Lviv Academy of Arts. He created a number of paintings and photographs on military themes, and the most famous exhibition was his exposition called AD/242: Donetsk. Airport. This series was based on the work of Serhiy Loyko, the author of the photography book Airport. Even before the start of the full-scale invasion, Oleh Drobotskyi stood up for the country's defense and was a marksman-medical officer in the A4123 military unit. Died on March 6th during shelling in Donetsk region. "Three years ago I visited Chernihiv for the first time. The wonderful city and incredible people made a huge impression on me. At the time, I could not have imagined that in just three years the Russian army would slither there bringing its "Russian world". I know that among my friends on Facebook there are many people from creative and other professions. I'm asking you to join the struggle, do not stand aside and do not run away."_______________________________Orest KinashOrest KinashAccomplished Alpinist He was educated as a teacher and worked in the State Penitentiary Service for 18 years. After that, he returned to his hobby, working as an organizer of mountain hikes and creating the Facebook group OK Travel Studio in order to unite lovers of active recreation. In 2016, he joined the Truth Hounds team, which documents the war crimes of the Russian Federation. For six years he took part in dozens of field missions. From the beginning of the full-scale invasion, he served in the ranks of the Armed Forces. Died on March 29th, 2023 in the battles near Bakhmut. "Do not forget about those who are at 'zero' [the front line], it is the most difficult for them now. A low bow and eternal memory to the Soldiers who gave the most precious thing - their lives - for Ukraine, for their land, for their family. Let's stick together. Together we will win and everything will be Ukraine."_______________________________Author: Daryna Mudrak Editor-in-chief: Nataliya Ponedilok Editor: Kateryna Lehka Photo Editor: Yuriy Stefanyak Content Manager: Anastasiia Zhokhova_______________________________ The 468th day of a nine year invasion that has been going on for centuries. One day closer to victory. 🇺🇦 HEROYAM SLAVA! 🇺🇦_______________________________Verified Charities
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2023.06.08 03:25 chieffkombot Security Executive Quits Kaseya Abruptly
The Director of Security Operations at Kaseya has quit the company without notice, this makes the fourth time in 1 year that the company has lost someone for this particular role. The departure comes amid growing concerns about Kaseya's security posture, which has been criticized by security experts and customers alike.
The short tenured director, who never updated his Linkedin profile to reflect he worked at Kaseya, claims he was afraid of how the association would tarnish his reputation. Reportedly leaving Kaseya due to "philosophical differences" with the company's CISO, Jason Manar. Manar has been criticized for his leadership style and lack of security experience/knowledge. He has been described as "arrogant" and "dismissive" by former employees and from personal experience, is a total POS.
In addition to the director of security operations, nearly 30 security practitioners have left Kaseya since the company acquired Datto in 2022. None of those roles have been backfilled, according to sources familiar with the matter, although one or two have been transfered to call centers in abroad.
The departures of Kaseya's security team emphasize existing concerns about the company's ability to protect its customers from cyberattacks. In July 2021, Kaseya was already hit by a ransomware attack that affected thousands of businesses around the world. The attack highlighted just a few of the company's vulnerabilities and led to a loss of confidence among customers. In response Kaseya acquired its largest competitor in order to absorb the fleeing costumers back into its portfolio.
Instead of improving their security posture, Kaseya has tripled downed on their "security last" approach. Snuffing out any trace of Datto's once top of the line security program in merely 12 months.
If you are still a customer, run as fast and as far as you can.
submitted by chieffkombot to msp [link] [comments]
The short tenured director, who never updated his Linkedin profile to reflect he worked at Kaseya, claims he was afraid of how the association would tarnish his reputation. Reportedly leaving Kaseya due to "philosophical differences" with the company's CISO, Jason Manar. Manar has been criticized for his leadership style and lack of security experience/knowledge. He has been described as "arrogant" and "dismissive" by former employees and from personal experience, is a total POS.
In addition to the director of security operations, nearly 30 security practitioners have left Kaseya since the company acquired Datto in 2022. None of those roles have been backfilled, according to sources familiar with the matter, although one or two have been transfered to call centers in abroad.
The departures of Kaseya's security team emphasize existing concerns about the company's ability to protect its customers from cyberattacks. In July 2021, Kaseya was already hit by a ransomware attack that affected thousands of businesses around the world. The attack highlighted just a few of the company's vulnerabilities and led to a loss of confidence among customers. In response Kaseya acquired its largest competitor in order to absorb the fleeing costumers back into its portfolio.
Instead of improving their security posture, Kaseya has tripled downed on their "security last" approach. Snuffing out any trace of Datto's once top of the line security program in merely 12 months.
If you are still a customer, run as fast and as far as you can.
2023.06.08 03:19 SparklyChinito I have too many credit cards I want! Help me decide United States
Hello all, this is my first post to CreditCards so forgive me if I miss some stuff. So I'll start off with the basics:
Current cards: I actually have a lot, but the ones I actually use are:
Wells Fargo Amex Propel (12,000 limit, Open October 2019)
Chase Sapphire Preferred (17,500 limit, Open May 2023 )
Visa Amazon Prime Card? (14,000 limit, Open March 2022)
Mastercard Jetblue (14,000 limit, Open July 2018)
Citi Double Cash (5,000 limit, Open May 2015)
FICO Score: 798Oldest account age: On Credit Karma, for some reason it only says 6 years lol. I never actively cancelled any credit cards. But it should be 15 years
Chase 5/24 status: I'm pretty sure it's 4/24, but it only says 2 hard pulls on my Credit Karma account
Income: 110,000
Average monthly spend and categories:
dining ~150-250groceries: ~300-500
gas: ~210-280
travel: ~0-2000 (I try to have one big trip a year, and maybe 1-2 small ones)
other: ~300
If my dining and groceries look off, its because it is lol. My parents live with me, they are both chefs (retired) so I buy groceries and they cook lol
Open to Business Cards: Yes
The purpose of my cards are NOW going to be travel. So I can afford business class tickets. My goal within the next few years (the sooner the better, without being in financial trouble) is to get my parents business class tickets to Taiwan, and possibly have enough points for hotel also (for a month).
Do you have any cards you've been looking at? So I've been looking at Venture X, Citi Premier, Hilton Honors, Surpass, and Aspire. Recently I've been doing research on the Amex Platinum too. I'm just afraid that I won't be able to take FULL advantage of the platinum or gold. I actually looked at all the partners for Chase, AMEX, Capital One, and Citi, and they all have at least 5-7 transfer partners in common. That's partly why I would like to have different cards. And Hilton points are supposedly easy to get, since they are #2 in the world for hotels.
That's part of my problem, I want everything but I know for a fact I won't be able to get all, and all the bonus points in time. So help me with a plan? I don't think i'm going to apply for another credit card soon as I just got the Chase Sapphire Preferred and also I want to have a solid plan before I decide.
submitted by SparklyChinito to CreditCards [link] [comments]
Current cards: I actually have a lot, but the ones I actually use are:
Wells Fargo Amex Propel (12,000 limit, Open October 2019)
Chase Sapphire Preferred (17,500 limit, Open May 2023 )
Visa Amazon Prime Card? (14,000 limit, Open March 2022)
Mastercard Jetblue (14,000 limit, Open July 2018)
Citi Double Cash (5,000 limit, Open May 2015)
FICO Score: 798Oldest account age: On Credit Karma, for some reason it only says 6 years lol. I never actively cancelled any credit cards. But it should be 15 years
Chase 5/24 status: I'm pretty sure it's 4/24, but it only says 2 hard pulls on my Credit Karma account
Income: 110,000
Average monthly spend and categories:
dining ~150-250groceries: ~300-500
gas: ~210-280
travel: ~0-2000 (I try to have one big trip a year, and maybe 1-2 small ones)
other: ~300
If my dining and groceries look off, its because it is lol. My parents live with me, they are both chefs (retired) so I buy groceries and they cook lol
Open to Business Cards: Yes
The purpose of my cards are NOW going to be travel. So I can afford business class tickets. My goal within the next few years (the sooner the better, without being in financial trouble) is to get my parents business class tickets to Taiwan, and possibly have enough points for hotel also (for a month).
Do you have any cards you've been looking at? So I've been looking at Venture X, Citi Premier, Hilton Honors, Surpass, and Aspire. Recently I've been doing research on the Amex Platinum too. I'm just afraid that I won't be able to take FULL advantage of the platinum or gold. I actually looked at all the partners for Chase, AMEX, Capital One, and Citi, and they all have at least 5-7 transfer partners in common. That's partly why I would like to have different cards. And Hilton points are supposedly easy to get, since they are #2 in the world for hotels.
That's part of my problem, I want everything but I know for a fact I won't be able to get all, and all the bonus points in time. So help me with a plan? I don't think i'm going to apply for another credit card soon as I just got the Chase Sapphire Preferred and also I want to have a solid plan before I decide.
2023.06.08 02:47 Honest-Agent9946 Ecstasy induced heart attack, very lucky to be alive (10 pills)
Dose
1G K (snorted) 10x XTC pills (2800mg)
—————
So this happened about 2 months ago. I’m writing this to make people aware the risks of taking drugs and it’s habits
So for reference, I’m 19 years old, I have an addictive personality, have HPPD and a family history of psychosis. I’ve had 4 other near death experiences beforehand involving overdoses and nearly crashing my car at 80mph when it nearly spun out
My addictive personality makes me chase something regardless of whether it has the potential to kill me or not. It’s not that I’m suicidal, but rather my mind blocking out what it doesn’t want me to see for example if I had alcohol cravings my mind would block out everything that stops me from getting a drink.
I also tend to rate the night on the amount I’ve taken, and if I think my tolerance has increased, then I’ll think I’d need more for the same good time - for example 2 drinks one night will be 3 the next.
It’s important to note I was home alone at the time as well, my parents were on holiday until the next days afternoon.
This all started early afternoon when I just received some k and md off the web. I’m usually waiting impatiently for the package to arrive, which can make me rush once I got it. It just consisted of me doing k while playing some games, at a steady rate.
A couple hours passed and I decided to take my first md pill, which looking back on now was a dumb idea itself as it’s a very dangerous combo.
I blacked out not long after taking the pill, which I just assumed I got tired at the time. But was a sign of overdose already. When I fell for my cravings and decided to take the other pills
So currently I took 1 gram of k and 1 pill at about 280mg strength. The next hour consisted of me taking two pills and snorting the next with no affect as they were too hard which I am very grateful for now. I then chilled out and played some music, meditated and played some games.
Every 30 minutes I would take another pill due to be being disappointed with the effects, addictive personality was quite literally setting me up for a near death experience.
So after repeating this over hours, I have now consumed a total of 10 md pills, and still have k in my bloodstream from before. That’s 2.8 grams of md in my system… what was I thinking
I then couldn’t pee at all. The md had done so much vasoconstriction that it wouldn’t even work when my bladder was literally full.
Not long after, my most traumatic life event happened. I vaped on my nicotine pen, which I assume causes my arteries to harden, and I went into a heart attack.
As I vaped, I felt pins and needles in my legs and arms combined with random sharp pains. I then started having pins and needles in my head followed by the drowning sound in my ears, followed by extreme dizziness and electric shocks going from my leg to head.
I then proceeded to go into a extreme fight or flight mode, shaking my entire body to circulate blood supply, punching my chest to get rid of the clot, hyperventilating because if I slowed my breathing I would get dizzy. I don’t know if it was or not but I thought I was going into cardiac arrest, home alone. I felt so ashamed at the time if my parents came back to me dead on a overdose
I then rushed downstairs to find aspirin to cure the heart attack. I went into my pill cupboard and rushing through all the packets to find it, throwing all the ones that aren’t onto the floor as it was so scary to waste just a second. I started praying to god for a second chance even though I don’t believe in any religion at all.
It was now me hyperventilating half naked outside to get some air. At one point random events in my life started flashing in my minds vision, ones I completely forgot about. I would get sips of water taking deep breaths before I took a sip as I felt dizzy when I stopped. I would have both of my hands on something for support while standing up. If I sat down I thought I was gonna die within 10 seconds, and I still think it could’ve.
I after an hour which at I worked up the courage to call an ambulance. The reason why I didn’t want to before anybody to find out about this due to my parents having a go at me for doing drugs before, and also to wake up my neighbours.
This was the UK so the workers are limited in the NHS, when I called up saying I’m having a heart attack they had to hang up because they had to deal with somebody else, it took a total of 4 tries before somebody stayed on the phone with me. I think this was because I just wanted some comfort or reassurance I was going to be ok.
after 2 hours of waiting, the ambulance arrived. As soon as it arrived my symptoms went away. I believe this was because I was hyperventilating a lot which just made the condition worse.
They did the usual blood samples and everything and took me to the hospital, where I got checks done to see if it was a suicide attempt or not. I was in a traumatised state while on the comedown of 10 md pills. The doctor gave me diazepam and let me go.
On the way back home I got the bus, where I felt extremely numb from shock of what just happened. I kept having electric shocks going up and down me and pains in my chest that would wake me up and shake.
Once I got back at midday home I cleared up the mess and my parents arrived shortly after, like nothing even happened, I did however tell them the story after.
I then proceeded to sleep for 20 hours which made sense for how long the heart attack was. I coughed often as well which might have been done by all the breathing. The next morning I was only awake for 2 hours before sleeping the entire day and night again.
The following days consisted of sleep, depression, extreme dizziness, discomfort and disbelief. It took weeks before my symptoms faded away, which for a moment worried me that I could be like this forever.
I believe this experience made me have some memories blocked out as I couldn’t remember most of my childhood for about a month until the memory came back in a random order. After I did EMDR counselling on this my memory came back rapidly. Just shows how important it can be
I now have a permanent fear of a heart attack when I have any drug as I believe theres cardio damage done. It’s also made me realised how dangerous an addictive personality can be, it’s my mind vs myself
————————
Ps - I love your videos and have been watching you since late 2022. Please make some more datura videos too :), respect
submitted by Honest-Agent9946 to TripReportsTFTT [link] [comments]
1G K (snorted) 10x XTC pills (2800mg)
—————
So this happened about 2 months ago. I’m writing this to make people aware the risks of taking drugs and it’s habits
So for reference, I’m 19 years old, I have an addictive personality, have HPPD and a family history of psychosis. I’ve had 4 other near death experiences beforehand involving overdoses and nearly crashing my car at 80mph when it nearly spun out
My addictive personality makes me chase something regardless of whether it has the potential to kill me or not. It’s not that I’m suicidal, but rather my mind blocking out what it doesn’t want me to see for example if I had alcohol cravings my mind would block out everything that stops me from getting a drink.
I also tend to rate the night on the amount I’ve taken, and if I think my tolerance has increased, then I’ll think I’d need more for the same good time - for example 2 drinks one night will be 3 the next.
It’s important to note I was home alone at the time as well, my parents were on holiday until the next days afternoon.
This all started early afternoon when I just received some k and md off the web. I’m usually waiting impatiently for the package to arrive, which can make me rush once I got it. It just consisted of me doing k while playing some games, at a steady rate.
A couple hours passed and I decided to take my first md pill, which looking back on now was a dumb idea itself as it’s a very dangerous combo.
I blacked out not long after taking the pill, which I just assumed I got tired at the time. But was a sign of overdose already. When I fell for my cravings and decided to take the other pills
So currently I took 1 gram of k and 1 pill at about 280mg strength. The next hour consisted of me taking two pills and snorting the next with no affect as they were too hard which I am very grateful for now. I then chilled out and played some music, meditated and played some games.
Every 30 minutes I would take another pill due to be being disappointed with the effects, addictive personality was quite literally setting me up for a near death experience.
So after repeating this over hours, I have now consumed a total of 10 md pills, and still have k in my bloodstream from before. That’s 2.8 grams of md in my system… what was I thinking
I then couldn’t pee at all. The md had done so much vasoconstriction that it wouldn’t even work when my bladder was literally full.
Not long after, my most traumatic life event happened. I vaped on my nicotine pen, which I assume causes my arteries to harden, and I went into a heart attack.
As I vaped, I felt pins and needles in my legs and arms combined with random sharp pains. I then started having pins and needles in my head followed by the drowning sound in my ears, followed by extreme dizziness and electric shocks going from my leg to head.
I then proceeded to go into a extreme fight or flight mode, shaking my entire body to circulate blood supply, punching my chest to get rid of the clot, hyperventilating because if I slowed my breathing I would get dizzy. I don’t know if it was or not but I thought I was going into cardiac arrest, home alone. I felt so ashamed at the time if my parents came back to me dead on a overdose
I then rushed downstairs to find aspirin to cure the heart attack. I went into my pill cupboard and rushing through all the packets to find it, throwing all the ones that aren’t onto the floor as it was so scary to waste just a second. I started praying to god for a second chance even though I don’t believe in any religion at all.
It was now me hyperventilating half naked outside to get some air. At one point random events in my life started flashing in my minds vision, ones I completely forgot about. I would get sips of water taking deep breaths before I took a sip as I felt dizzy when I stopped. I would have both of my hands on something for support while standing up. If I sat down I thought I was gonna die within 10 seconds, and I still think it could’ve.
I after an hour which at I worked up the courage to call an ambulance. The reason why I didn’t want to before anybody to find out about this due to my parents having a go at me for doing drugs before, and also to wake up my neighbours.
This was the UK so the workers are limited in the NHS, when I called up saying I’m having a heart attack they had to hang up because they had to deal with somebody else, it took a total of 4 tries before somebody stayed on the phone with me. I think this was because I just wanted some comfort or reassurance I was going to be ok.
after 2 hours of waiting, the ambulance arrived. As soon as it arrived my symptoms went away. I believe this was because I was hyperventilating a lot which just made the condition worse.
They did the usual blood samples and everything and took me to the hospital, where I got checks done to see if it was a suicide attempt or not. I was in a traumatised state while on the comedown of 10 md pills. The doctor gave me diazepam and let me go.
On the way back home I got the bus, where I felt extremely numb from shock of what just happened. I kept having electric shocks going up and down me and pains in my chest that would wake me up and shake.
Once I got back at midday home I cleared up the mess and my parents arrived shortly after, like nothing even happened, I did however tell them the story after.
I then proceeded to sleep for 20 hours which made sense for how long the heart attack was. I coughed often as well which might have been done by all the breathing. The next morning I was only awake for 2 hours before sleeping the entire day and night again.
The following days consisted of sleep, depression, extreme dizziness, discomfort and disbelief. It took weeks before my symptoms faded away, which for a moment worried me that I could be like this forever.
I believe this experience made me have some memories blocked out as I couldn’t remember most of my childhood for about a month until the memory came back in a random order. After I did EMDR counselling on this my memory came back rapidly. Just shows how important it can be
I now have a permanent fear of a heart attack when I have any drug as I believe theres cardio damage done. It’s also made me realised how dangerous an addictive personality can be, it’s my mind vs myself
————————
Ps - I love your videos and have been watching you since late 2022. Please make some more datura videos too :), respect
2023.06.08 01:58 mysoulishome RBB Book Club "The Body Keeps The Score" Chapter 3 - Looking into the Brain: The Neuroscience Revolution
Welcome to Chapter 3 of our reading/discussion of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
You can download or bookmark the STUDY GUIDE in PDF format which was created by The Trauma Research Foundation. Their TRF website is a great future resource as well for programs, book clubs, events, newsletters etc. You can also follow the author on Facebook as well as TRF.
Recommended VIDEO TRF Book Club Week 1 is a 90 minute recording of their book club meeting on chapters 1-3.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 3 - Looking into the Brain: The Neuroscience Revolution. Click here for the study guide in an image format as it might be easier on mobile than a PDF.
3 Salient Points:
• 1. Flashbacks activate the right hemisphere of the brain and deactivate the lefthemisphere.
• 2. Trauma has physical effects on the brain similar to those of stroke survivors.
• 3. Even if one is able to talk about their trauma, the body holds onto the physical manifestation of the event.
Credit to Educator Insights for highlighting the following section and below video:
My personal thoughts. This chapter was very interesting to me because it talks about how brain scans and other technology coming about in the 90's started to give us insight into physical brain functions vs chemicals. How the brain processes memories. What fuels neural activity (in a literal sense). Looking a the brain like a mechanical engine, rather than a changing mix of chemicals, hormones, etc.
For me personally, I started recognizing things about myself that I did not realize were trauma responses. Trauma reactions (I highlighted "frantic arousal" on the bottom of page 42) affect the speech center. You cannot put your thoughts and feelings into words. Before thinking about this, I never realized how freaking often this affects me. Over the years any time I have gotten in big arguments (fights) with my wife, I shut down. I can't speak. I just want to hide. It makes things worse! Then my wife thinks I don't care about her feelings. She's crying...I'm hiding beneath my skin. I'm having flashbacks. I'm feeling anxious about the times my mom wanted me to comfort her as her child. It's too much for me.
I argue with customer's on the phone and I have flashbacks in my body. I don't see sounds or hear voices but my body feels trauma response and I can't speak or think clearly. I let the situation escalate helplessly and then pretend everything is fine and end the call with the customer still angry and me just agreeing and apologizing.
Page 43 in my book is awash in highlights because of this. Broca's area is a speech center of the brain. During flashbacks, it goes offline...like a stroke. Trauma is preverbal. Victims of accidents sit mute and frozen. The bodies of traumatized people reexperience terror, rage, and helplessness. Trauma drives us to the edge of comprehension...cutting us off from language. I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH THESE THINGS APPLY TO ME.
On page 46 I also highlighted a lot about how adrenaline levels return to baseline...and in traumatized persons that process is screwed up...and that's why we suffer. It affects memory and attention. Some people go into denial...their bodies register the threat but their conscious minds go on as if nothing happened. Even though their minds go on, the alarm signals don't stop. Stress signals don't stop.
On the last page I highlighted words and sentences because this is a concept I think is going to be very important to me. Understanding how trauma affects the brain which can stop us from talking about (sharing) and understanding the basis of the trauma.
I have read that this book is intended more for mental health professionals and not necessarily patients, so some of the brain stuff can be dry, but for me understanding helps motivate me to keep trying to work toward being more healthy. What about you?
Discussion Questions:
• 1. Given what you know about flashbacks, why wouldn’t repeatedly talking about a traumatic experience resolve symptoms?
• 2. How might constantly elevated stress hormones impact an individual?
• 3. After reading this chapter, how would you explain individuals’ seemingly “big responses” to stimuli in their environment - such as hearing a certain song or smelling a certain scent?
submitted by mysoulishome to raisedbyborderlines [link] [comments]
| Introduction Post |
|---|
| Chapter 1: Lessons from Vietnam Veterans |
| Chapter 2: Revolutions In Understanding Mind And Brain |
| Chapter 3: Looking into the Brain: The Neuroscience Revolution (You are here) |
| Chapter 4: (Coming Soon) |
You can download or bookmark the STUDY GUIDE in PDF format which was created by The Trauma Research Foundation. Their TRF website is a great future resource as well for programs, book clubs, events, newsletters etc. You can also follow the author on Facebook as well as TRF.
Recommended VIDEO TRF Book Club Week 1 is a 90 minute recording of their book club meeting on chapters 1-3.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 3 - Looking into the Brain: The Neuroscience Revolution. Click here for the study guide in an image format as it might be easier on mobile than a PDF.
3 Salient Points:
• 1. Flashbacks activate the right hemisphere of the brain and deactivate the lefthemisphere.
• 2. Trauma has physical effects on the brain similar to those of stroke survivors.
• 3. Even if one is able to talk about their trauma, the body holds onto the physical manifestation of the event.
Credit to Educator Insights for highlighting the following section and below video:
Under normal conditions, people react to a threat with a temporary increase in their stress hormones. As soon as the threat is over, the hormones dissipate and the body returns to normal. The stress hormones of traumatised people, in contrast, take much longer to return to baseline and spike quickly and disproportionately in response to mildly stressful stimuli. The insidious effect of constantly elevated stress hormones, include memory and attention problems, irritability, and sleep disorders. They also contribute to many long-term health issues , depending on which body system is most vulnerable in a particular individualTo learn more about the 'toxic stress response', click here to check out this video from Harvard's Center for the Developing Child.
My personal thoughts. This chapter was very interesting to me because it talks about how brain scans and other technology coming about in the 90's started to give us insight into physical brain functions vs chemicals. How the brain processes memories. What fuels neural activity (in a literal sense). Looking a the brain like a mechanical engine, rather than a changing mix of chemicals, hormones, etc.
For me personally, I started recognizing things about myself that I did not realize were trauma responses. Trauma reactions (I highlighted "frantic arousal" on the bottom of page 42) affect the speech center. You cannot put your thoughts and feelings into words. Before thinking about this, I never realized how freaking often this affects me. Over the years any time I have gotten in big arguments (fights) with my wife, I shut down. I can't speak. I just want to hide. It makes things worse! Then my wife thinks I don't care about her feelings. She's crying...I'm hiding beneath my skin. I'm having flashbacks. I'm feeling anxious about the times my mom wanted me to comfort her as her child. It's too much for me.
I argue with customer's on the phone and I have flashbacks in my body. I don't see sounds or hear voices but my body feels trauma response and I can't speak or think clearly. I let the situation escalate helplessly and then pretend everything is fine and end the call with the customer still angry and me just agreeing and apologizing.
Page 43 in my book is awash in highlights because of this. Broca's area is a speech center of the brain. During flashbacks, it goes offline...like a stroke. Trauma is preverbal. Victims of accidents sit mute and frozen. The bodies of traumatized people reexperience terror, rage, and helplessness. Trauma drives us to the edge of comprehension...cutting us off from language. I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH THESE THINGS APPLY TO ME.
On page 46 I also highlighted a lot about how adrenaline levels return to baseline...and in traumatized persons that process is screwed up...and that's why we suffer. It affects memory and attention. Some people go into denial...their bodies register the threat but their conscious minds go on as if nothing happened. Even though their minds go on, the alarm signals don't stop. Stress signals don't stop.
On the last page I highlighted words and sentences because this is a concept I think is going to be very important to me. Understanding how trauma affects the brain which can stop us from talking about (sharing) and understanding the basis of the trauma.
I have read that this book is intended more for mental health professionals and not necessarily patients, so some of the brain stuff can be dry, but for me understanding helps motivate me to keep trying to work toward being more healthy. What about you?
Discussion Questions:
• 1. Given what you know about flashbacks, why wouldn’t repeatedly talking about a traumatic experience resolve symptoms?
• 2. How might constantly elevated stress hormones impact an individual?
• 3. After reading this chapter, how would you explain individuals’ seemingly “big responses” to stimuli in their environment - such as hearing a certain song or smelling a certain scent?
2023.06.08 00:46 thatoneomnists First time self-harming in a long time...
Hi, I just wanted to share how my self harm journey happened and how it progressed.
It started when I was 19, in 2019, when I started to hit myself very aggressively. I would punch myself in the head several times until I would get a really bad headache. I stopped doing it because I was afraid of getting brain damage or something like that.
In 2021, I started hitting myself again and digging my nails into my skin until it stung and left red marks all over my body. I would scratch myself so badly that I would have marks on me for weeks, sometimes even bleeding. It felt like one of the only ways to find relief from what I was feeling. No one understood me or could get the depth of my emotions and so this helped me not need anyone to listen. I stopped doing it for a while.
Then in 2022, I started scratching, hitting, and began to use a bread knife to cut my arms. The knife was kind of dull so it could only do surface level cuts and give me that sting of relief. Only one of the cuts left a scar. I could slice my arms as hard as I wanted and it would leave marks like cat scratches on me. I stopped because I didn't want anyone to see or to know what I was doing.
Now it's 2023 and I started scratching myself really badly again. I don't use the knife anymore but I started using a pair of scissors to slice my arms again. I'm scared of this progressing into worse cuts.
Last night, I cut my left arm 20 times and I have all of these raised red cuts all over my arm. It looks so bad and I'm scared of someone seeing it. My legs are all scratched and cut too. I'm scared because it felt so good. It was almost addicting. When those feelings came up, I would just release the pain onto my arms. I think I might have BPD.
submitted by thatoneomnists to selfharm [link] [comments]
It started when I was 19, in 2019, when I started to hit myself very aggressively. I would punch myself in the head several times until I would get a really bad headache. I stopped doing it because I was afraid of getting brain damage or something like that.
In 2021, I started hitting myself again and digging my nails into my skin until it stung and left red marks all over my body. I would scratch myself so badly that I would have marks on me for weeks, sometimes even bleeding. It felt like one of the only ways to find relief from what I was feeling. No one understood me or could get the depth of my emotions and so this helped me not need anyone to listen. I stopped doing it for a while.
Then in 2022, I started scratching, hitting, and began to use a bread knife to cut my arms. The knife was kind of dull so it could only do surface level cuts and give me that sting of relief. Only one of the cuts left a scar. I could slice my arms as hard as I wanted and it would leave marks like cat scratches on me. I stopped because I didn't want anyone to see or to know what I was doing.
Now it's 2023 and I started scratching myself really badly again. I don't use the knife anymore but I started using a pair of scissors to slice my arms again. I'm scared of this progressing into worse cuts.
Last night, I cut my left arm 20 times and I have all of these raised red cuts all over my arm. It looks so bad and I'm scared of someone seeing it. My legs are all scratched and cut too. I'm scared because it felt so good. It was almost addicting. When those feelings came up, I would just release the pain onto my arms. I think I might have BPD.
2023.06.08 00:13 Elocutus55 Need the Herd Mind for options…
I am 67 years old and am at odds with my current ride, my ‘03 BMW R1150R. It’s fabulous, but I’m having a real problem dealing with the weight. This is bike #34 for me, and it’s not the heaviest I’ve ever ridden. I usages to have a ‘14 Honda Gold Wing F6B (bagger) I rode for 2 years until…cancer. I was diagnosed in summer of 2016, had surgery and 6 months of chemo. During the chemo days I flopped the F6B over at a stop light because of general weakness and some atrophy that was sneaking up on me. I wanted to cry…that bike was my best bike ever, and I just let it flop over. Two really nice men behind me in a ratty pickup truck jumped out and picked it up for me and helped calm me down. I rode the rest of the way home (South Florida) being careful to time all the lights to get home. That was the last ride on it for a long time. Eventually I had to do something. The chemo was long over, and I felt bad about it sitting outside in the heat even though I had the specific high end cover on it. After one of those nuisance hurricanes blew the cover into a neighbor’s yard, and feeling ongoing weakness in my legs, I became afraid to ride it. A dealer 30 miles away came and picked it up to service it and check for damage. This was fine, but when I went to fetch the bike, with my new Ranger Lariat and a U-haul, the dealer wouldn’t even show me my bike. This mega powersport dealer wanted my 5 year old F6B, and wouldn’t even roll it out for me to see. After some serious grumbling from me (I had patronized them many times before), I asked them to help me get it in the U-Haul. They balked and started to try to sell me a new bike. I still hadn’t laid eyes on my bike, and I had been there that day for nearly two hours. Because I knew my legs weren’t much improved, even after weeks of physical therapy, I suddenly decided that I might be willing to deal for something else, nice, flashy, and lighter. Two hours later I owned a 2017 Triumph Street Twin. That went into the trailer, and I never saw my F6B again. I wanted to cry again. I started on Hondas back in ‘71, had all those intervening bikes, and bought the Triumph without ever riding it. It went home in my trailer that was then loaded with all my goods so that I could move to the fantastic Pacific Northwest! It was 2019. Then came COVID. I was there to complete my emigration to Canada (new wife). But, many problems arose and the bike was parked in a storage unit, then a house I had to rent b/c I couldn’t bring all my stuff into Canada b/c my immigration process bogged down, and COVID came to kick everybody’s ass. After putting three hundred miles or so, the Triumph sat in a garage up a badly graveled road, so my fear of falling off of the bike was amplified even more. There it sat from September of 2019 until I finally got to enter Canada in May of 2020. But not the bike. More paperwork, and grief. The bike sat in Northern WA state for another year until I sold it thinking my riding days were up, and that I needed counseling or something about my trepidation on falling over again. TL:DR, right? However, I CANNOT NOT HAVE A MOTORCYCLE IN MY LIFE. So, having lost so much money on the F6B and the Triumph, I had to start saving all over again. That’s when I found the BMW for a great price. I got it, rode it home about thirty miles (US speedometer), pulled into the 30 degree slope up to get to our underground parking garage driveway that requires a 90 degree left turn to immediately drop down to the garage gate. Did you guess? I didn’t hit the driveway exactly, was nervous, and we went down right there, scraping the …. out of my left knee. Again, two house painters saw it and came to help me up. I wanted to cry. Got the bike down into the subterranean garage, and it sat while COVID was raging in Canada like everywhere else. I went down to the garage to clean it, pamper it, charging it up and running it. Then, as I was trying to get used to being married again, and some real anxiety, the BMW sat for a while until we were forced to move because of the rental crisis screwing us out of a place to live. June, 2022, we moved and I successfully rode the bike to our new location, on a hill, again. It has been down there ever since. It’s beautiful, old school cool, bright red and breaking my heart. So, here’s the real question: I need to sell it on and get something 100 pounds lighter. Because I’m really a Honda guy at heart, I’ve been looking for a used Hornet 600 or CB500F. I would rather have a four than a twin, though, and need something turnkey reliable, but not boring. I’ve lost 70 pounds, walk 7-8 miles every day, but my legs can stride but not push up or squat. The cancer and atrophy have left me needing to downsize my bike. In southern BC, I need to find my forever bike. #35 will probably be the last one, and my budget is shriveled to around $8,000 CAD. I’ve been trolling Kijiji, looking for a nice Honda, a Kawasaki W650, or whatever I can fit. I’m 6’4” so cruisers are out and too heavy. Sporty bike, less than 425 pounds, and one I can be happy with. Should have never let the Triumph go. I could ride it easily without any fear.
submitted by Elocutus55 to motorcycle [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 23:34 Deyganwolf 50 [M4F] #CA, Ventura - 6’2, 8.5”, Supremely Confident, Strict, Laid-Back Dominant Looking for an Obedient Fem to Objectify
https://imgur.com/a/TiEwaoN
Must be over 21 and live in California. Don’t respond unless you want to do what you’re told. No hookers, escorts, or gay males. I’m straight. Any and all gay and/or bi males will be immediately blocked.
I’m a SWM, no kids, 6’2, 200, 8.5”, drug/disease-free, non-smoker.
Let Me be clear - I’m looking for a young woman to serve a specific purpose, which would be to serve as My Personal FuckDoll. My Sex Slave. My Cock-Whore and Slut. You would be completely sexually objectified as an obedient, submissive, subservient servant to Me akin to a maiden who’s been subjugated by a conqueror - which, as a matter of fact, would be how I’d always be fucking you - like you were the princess of a kingdom I’d just conquered. I won’t degrade you, but call it what you will - misogyny, subjugation, servitude, etc.. I’ll always be calling you all sorts of things, but in a lustful context, not a degrading one.
Your first priority would always be to serve My carnal lusts, whenever that may be. Barring any kind of family or medical emergency, when I want you, you will make yourself available. Period.
Sexually, I’m very rough, forceful, and vulgar. You’d always be getting fucked like you were in a porn shoot. Your body - which would become My Personal Sexual Property - would be used as I see fit as a piece of soft, feminine flesh for your big, tall, strong Master to manhandle and ravage. Your hair will be yanked and pulled. Your throat will be grabbed. You’ll be restrained when I want to restrain you. Your mouth will be muffled when I want to muffle it. Your tits will be voraciously sucked. Your ass will be spanked. Your pussy will be licked. And it will be pounded and stretched out deep to conform to My big cock.
Afterwards, whenever I want you to, you will lay naked with your Master. Maybe we’d watch something, maybe we’d nap, maybe we’d go somewhere. Or maybe you’d simply caress and massage My athletic physique.
Everything about your appearance would be dedicated to looking good for Me to fuck. How you do your hair, your makeup, your lips, nails, earrings, skin moisturizer, all of it would be done as if you were going to a night club specifically to get hit on. And I’d control how you did your makeup, lips, nails, what kind of earrings you’d wear, as well as the more obvious things I’d be controlling, like the kind of heels you’d wear and whatnot.
I’m not into anything extreme. No piss/scat, blood, cages, or any of that kind of crap.
No experience is required. I’m very capable at breaking you in and training you.
I’m not into BBWs, and any kind of smoking or vaping is a dealbreaker. No, I’m not 420 friendly.
I play baseball in adult leagues on weekends, and you’d come to as many of My games and tournaments as you could, dolled-up per my commands.
Describe yourself and your body very specifically when you respond. Tell me what turned you on about this post, and don’t be afraid to be bold and vulgar. If you’re going to send pics, do NOT send anything naked.
I’ll take it from there.
submitted by Deyganwolf to AgeGapPersonals [link] [comments]
Must be over 21 and live in California. Don’t respond unless you want to do what you’re told. No hookers, escorts, or gay males. I’m straight. Any and all gay and/or bi males will be immediately blocked.
I’m a SWM, no kids, 6’2, 200, 8.5”, drug/disease-free, non-smoker.
Let Me be clear - I’m looking for a young woman to serve a specific purpose, which would be to serve as My Personal FuckDoll. My Sex Slave. My Cock-Whore and Slut. You would be completely sexually objectified as an obedient, submissive, subservient servant to Me akin to a maiden who’s been subjugated by a conqueror - which, as a matter of fact, would be how I’d always be fucking you - like you were the princess of a kingdom I’d just conquered. I won’t degrade you, but call it what you will - misogyny, subjugation, servitude, etc.. I’ll always be calling you all sorts of things, but in a lustful context, not a degrading one.
Your first priority would always be to serve My carnal lusts, whenever that may be. Barring any kind of family or medical emergency, when I want you, you will make yourself available. Period.
Sexually, I’m very rough, forceful, and vulgar. You’d always be getting fucked like you were in a porn shoot. Your body - which would become My Personal Sexual Property - would be used as I see fit as a piece of soft, feminine flesh for your big, tall, strong Master to manhandle and ravage. Your hair will be yanked and pulled. Your throat will be grabbed. You’ll be restrained when I want to restrain you. Your mouth will be muffled when I want to muffle it. Your tits will be voraciously sucked. Your ass will be spanked. Your pussy will be licked. And it will be pounded and stretched out deep to conform to My big cock.
Afterwards, whenever I want you to, you will lay naked with your Master. Maybe we’d watch something, maybe we’d nap, maybe we’d go somewhere. Or maybe you’d simply caress and massage My athletic physique.
Everything about your appearance would be dedicated to looking good for Me to fuck. How you do your hair, your makeup, your lips, nails, earrings, skin moisturizer, all of it would be done as if you were going to a night club specifically to get hit on. And I’d control how you did your makeup, lips, nails, what kind of earrings you’d wear, as well as the more obvious things I’d be controlling, like the kind of heels you’d wear and whatnot.
I’m not into anything extreme. No piss/scat, blood, cages, or any of that kind of crap.
No experience is required. I’m very capable at breaking you in and training you.
I’m not into BBWs, and any kind of smoking or vaping is a dealbreaker. No, I’m not 420 friendly.
I play baseball in adult leagues on weekends, and you’d come to as many of My games and tournaments as you could, dolled-up per my commands.
Describe yourself and your body very specifically when you respond. Tell me what turned you on about this post, and don’t be afraid to be bold and vulgar. If you’re going to send pics, do NOT send anything naked.
I’ll take it from there.
dom #sub #socal
2023.06.07 23:25 NyanToDaMax145 [A4A] In Which A Cupid Accidentally Shoots Themself [Cupid Speaker] [Human Listener] [Comedic] [Tsundere]
Context: It seems like everyone around you seems to be in love wherever you go, and it’s starting to get irritating. As it turns out, the reason why is that a very clumsy cupid keeps trying to shoot you, but keeps missing! That is, until they appear before you to try and hit you point blank… and hit themself, somehow.
Words: 1348
Monetization: It’s perfectly ok to monetize and record any of my scripts, you can change pronouns and stuff around too! Just please remember to credit me! However, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PAYWALL MY SCRIPTS!
Notes: High difficulty script!
A/N: I was having a really bad writer's block. Found this prompt on the writing prompts tumblr and had to give it a shot.
[My Script Hub] [Nyan’s Sound Effects Drive]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Urrgh… what is it with this human?!”
“How come I miss them every time I try to shoot them with one of my love arrows?!”
“It’s just hitting one human with one love arrow and then this crossbow can auto-target another! I didn’t do that terribly in my archery classes…! Right…?!”
“They can’t see me, right…? From the way I always seem to miss them, it almost seems like it…”
[pause]
“No… no. Humans can’t see us unless we intentionally reveal ourselves to them… and according to my human studies class, humans tend to get scared when we reveal ourselves.”
[pause]
“Okay, I need a plan, ooooh think think think…!! Hey… wait a minute!”
“If I reveal myself right in front of them… th–they could be frozen in shock! ! A–And then I can shoot them with a love arrow point-blank!”
“There’s no way in heaven I could miss a point blank shot! … I’d get dragged to hell and back if I did…”
(A groan of loathing) “... I’ll still get dragged to hell and back if I pull this stunt at all…”
[they give a determined huff. ]
“I mean… I wouldn't be able to sign up for cupid duty anymore… and I might lose my privilege to visit Earth at all for the next 1000 years or something…”
“But I don’t even want to think about what Ernest might do if I come back without all the names on this list crossed off…”
“He’s an archangel for a reason…”
“Oh, screw it!I’m going to get the job done, no matter what!”
“I–If it goes wrong, I’ll just wipe their memory or something! Easy!”
[wings flapping]
“Alright… they’re all alone… no other humans nearby…”
“Nothing that could possibly affect my shot…”
“... Okay. Deep breaths, let’s do this.”
[deep breaths]
[magic poof]
“BE NOT AFRAID!”
[Bowstring twang]
[the arrow ricochets off the back wall]
[the arrow hits the cupid]
“AUGH!”
[they tumble to the ground]
[pause]
“Uggh– ow, that hit right in the head…”
(SFX: magic influx, something that plays that indicates the magic is taking hold)
“Oh no, oh God, this is bad…”
“This is really really bad…”
[pause]
“A–Am I okay?”
“What… a–aren’t you startled…?”
(thinking) Oh no… are you kidding me?! We can get affected by love arrows too?! H–How does that make sense?! Who’s idea was this?!
[pause]
“Um… y–yes… as you can see from my wings… I–I am an angel…”
“Well… these days, mortals like you call me ‘Cupid’…”
[pause]
“What am I doing here?”
“U–Uh… well you see…”
(thinking) What am I doing?! Am I about to just them everything?!
(thinking) My heart’s beating so fast… a–and they look so attractive…
(thinking) No, no! S-Snap out of it! It’s the- the love arrows, not your real feelings!
(thinking) Come on, wipe their memory and get out of here! Whatever Ernest will do would be better than this embarrassment!
“I was… well I was trying to hit you with a love arrow… but you somehow kept dodging …”
[pause]
“Um– well– it’s not that you mortals only fall in love because of us…! S–Some mortals fall in love organically, some don’t feel love at all, so we leave them alone… but if a mortal has been feeling lonely lately and looking for a partner, we– we help out a bit!”
“We don’t interfere in every aspect of human life. (A chuckle) , That would be exhausting.”
“But um… you…”
“... You kept dodging my arrows…”
[pause]
(with a huff of indignation) “I–I’m not a bad shot! I was doing just fine with every other human before you showed up on my list!”
“And then you just kept on sidestepping my arrows…!”
“... I’m kind of curious as to how, actually…”
(thinking) Oh god, this is really bad! I’m digging myself into a grave here…!! Come on, just– just fly away at least! Have someone else deal with the aftermath!
(thinking) … But I don’t want them to just… forget me… how many angels get the chance to speak directly to a human? Even guardian angels rarely have to step in in person…
(thinking) W–wait! That’s the love arrow talking!
(thinking) But… How could I not at least talk to them after scaring them like that?! I– I even shot at them with something they probably didn’t see…
[pause]
“Um… yeah, I… I tried to shoot you with a love arrow just now, but… it…”
[covers face in embarrassment]
(muffled) “It ricocheted off the wall and hit me…”
[pause]
“N–NO! This doesn’t mean I’m in love with you now!!!”
“L–Love arrows don’t work that way! The being has to be actively looking for someone to love!”
“See this crossbow? All I have to do is hit one of the intended pair, and then the crossbow will auto-target for me!”
[pause]
“... So why didn’t I just hit the other half of your intended pair?”
[long pause]
[facepalm]
“Oh my stars, I’m an idiot.”
[pause]
“I’m not blushing! I’m not!”
“I just– I’m-I messed up, AND in front of a human…”
“I must look like such a fool right now…”
[pause]
“I shouldn’t feel bad about an honest mistake…?”
“A–Ah… thank you…”
[pause]
“What happens now?”
“Um… I– I’m supposed to… to…”
(thinking) Nonono, I can’t tell them that I’m supposed to wipe their memory now! I don’t… I don’t want them toforget about me…
(thinking) The way they look at me… my heart’s racing…
(thinking) … Hey wait a minute. If the being hit by the arrow has to be looking for love in order to be affected by it, d–does that mean that I was looking for love?!
(thinking) That doesn’t make sense! I– I was dedicated to my duties as an angel! I wasn’t… lonely at all…
(thinking) … I wasn’t lonely… was I…?
[pause]
“Ah– I mean–”
(scrambling for an explanation) “I’m… s–supposed to watch over you for a while!”
[pause]
“Y–yeah! If we angels reveal ourselves to a human, then we have to become their guardian angel!”
(thinking) … Well that’s not technically a lie…
[pause]
“Y–Yeah… we do.”
(rambling) “In fact, there are Guardian Angels who don’t reveal themselves as angels to the humans they protect! They just turn into a human and become their closest friend instead! Wh–which makes things tougher in many ways, but it also comes with its own benefits!”
[pause]
“Huh…? Yeah, I have a human form.”
[pause]
“Oh, you want to see it?”
“Alright. One sec.”
[snaps fingers]
[magic tone]
[pause]
“... What do you think?”
[pause]
“H–Huh?! What do you mean my human form is- is attractive?!”
“I mean–”
[clears throat]
“Of course! We’re angels, after all!”
[nervous laughter]
“So… I have to stick around you now… w–whether you like it or not!”
[pause]
“... ‘cool’? Is that all you have to say?”
[pause]
“I… I thought you’d be annoyed or something…”
“Especially since I’ve been trying to shoot you with a love arrow this whole time…”
[pause]
“... It ‘works out’?! Wh–what do you mean it ‘works out’?!”
[pause]
“... You’ve been looking for a partner anyways, and I shot myself with a love arrow intended for you?”
“B–But–”
“That’s not how it works! It–”
[frustrated noises]
[pause]
“... I don’t have to date you if I don’t want to?”
“I– It’s not that I don’t– I mean– I shouldn’t–”
[groaning]
(defeated) “Oh screw it. I’m in too deep already.”
“But! I’m not going to date you just like that!”
“I… I want to be friends first… and see if this effect wears off.”
[pause]
“Ack– N–No! Like I said, love arrows aren’t supposed to affect angels!”
“Unless they meet the conditions… w–which I don’t! I definitely don’t!”
[heavy breathing]
[pause]
“Huh…?”
“... Coffee? You want to go get coffee with me?”
[pause]
“... Since I’ll be your guardian angel from now on, you want to show me around town?”
“Oh… um…”
[long pause]
(smiling) “... I’d like that.”
(thinking) \sigh*... I guess I’m going to beapplying to be a Guardian Angel…*
(thinking) But then again… they’re so kind and friendly.
(thinking) … Maybe it won’t be so bad, hanging around a human like this.
~END~
Thanks for reading!
submitted by NyanToDaMax145 to ASMRScriptHaven [link] [comments]
Words: 1348
Monetization: It’s perfectly ok to monetize and record any of my scripts, you can change pronouns and stuff around too! Just please remember to credit me! However, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PAYWALL MY SCRIPTS!
Notes: High difficulty script!
A/N: I was having a really bad writer's block. Found this prompt on the writing prompts tumblr and had to give it a shot.
[My Script Hub] [Nyan’s Sound Effects Drive]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Urrgh… what is it with this human?!”
“How come I miss them every time I try to shoot them with one of my love arrows?!”
“It’s just hitting one human with one love arrow and then this crossbow can auto-target another! I didn’t do that terribly in my archery classes…! Right…?!”
“They can’t see me, right…? From the way I always seem to miss them, it almost seems like it…”
[pause]
“No… no. Humans can’t see us unless we intentionally reveal ourselves to them… and according to my human studies class, humans tend to get scared when we reveal ourselves.”
[pause]
“Okay, I need a plan, ooooh think think think…!! Hey… wait a minute!”
“If I reveal myself right in front of them… th–they could be frozen in shock! ! A–And then I can shoot them with a love arrow point-blank!”
“There’s no way in heaven I could miss a point blank shot! … I’d get dragged to hell and back if I did…”
(A groan of loathing) “... I’ll still get dragged to hell and back if I pull this stunt at all…”
[they give a determined huff. ]
“I mean… I wouldn't be able to sign up for cupid duty anymore… and I might lose my privilege to visit Earth at all for the next 1000 years or something…”
“But I don’t even want to think about what Ernest might do if I come back without all the names on this list crossed off…”
“He’s an archangel for a reason…”
“Oh, screw it!I’m going to get the job done, no matter what!”
“I–If it goes wrong, I’ll just wipe their memory or something! Easy!”
[wings flapping]
“Alright… they’re all alone… no other humans nearby…”
“Nothing that could possibly affect my shot…”
“... Okay. Deep breaths, let’s do this.”
[deep breaths]
[magic poof]
“BE NOT AFRAID!”
[Bowstring twang]
[the arrow ricochets off the back wall]
[the arrow hits the cupid]
“AUGH!”
[they tumble to the ground]
[pause]
“Uggh– ow, that hit right in the head…”
(SFX: magic influx, something that plays that indicates the magic is taking hold)
“Oh no, oh God, this is bad…”
“This is really really bad…”
[pause]
“A–Am I okay?”
“What… a–aren’t you startled…?”
(thinking) Oh no… are you kidding me?! We can get affected by love arrows too?! H–How does that make sense?! Who’s idea was this?!
[pause]
“Um… y–yes… as you can see from my wings… I–I am an angel…”
“Well… these days, mortals like you call me ‘Cupid’…”
[pause]
“What am I doing here?”
“U–Uh… well you see…”
(thinking) What am I doing?! Am I about to just them everything?!
(thinking) My heart’s beating so fast… a–and they look so attractive…
(thinking) No, no! S-Snap out of it! It’s the- the love arrows, not your real feelings!
(thinking) Come on, wipe their memory and get out of here! Whatever Ernest will do would be better than this embarrassment!
“I was… well I was trying to hit you with a love arrow… but you somehow kept dodging …”
[pause]
“Um– well– it’s not that you mortals only fall in love because of us…! S–Some mortals fall in love organically, some don’t feel love at all, so we leave them alone… but if a mortal has been feeling lonely lately and looking for a partner, we– we help out a bit!”
“We don’t interfere in every aspect of human life. (A chuckle) , That would be exhausting.”
“But um… you…”
“... You kept dodging my arrows…”
[pause]
(with a huff of indignation) “I–I’m not a bad shot! I was doing just fine with every other human before you showed up on my list!”
“And then you just kept on sidestepping my arrows…!”
“... I’m kind of curious as to how, actually…”
(thinking) Oh god, this is really bad! I’m digging myself into a grave here…!! Come on, just– just fly away at least! Have someone else deal with the aftermath!
(thinking) … But I don’t want them to just… forget me… how many angels get the chance to speak directly to a human? Even guardian angels rarely have to step in in person…
(thinking) W–wait! That’s the love arrow talking!
(thinking) But… How could I not at least talk to them after scaring them like that?! I– I even shot at them with something they probably didn’t see…
[pause]
“Um… yeah, I… I tried to shoot you with a love arrow just now, but… it…”
[covers face in embarrassment]
(muffled) “It ricocheted off the wall and hit me…”
[pause]
“N–NO! This doesn’t mean I’m in love with you now!!!”
“L–Love arrows don’t work that way! The being has to be actively looking for someone to love!”
“See this crossbow? All I have to do is hit one of the intended pair, and then the crossbow will auto-target for me!”
[pause]
“... So why didn’t I just hit the other half of your intended pair?”
[long pause]
[facepalm]
“Oh my stars, I’m an idiot.”
[pause]
“I’m not blushing! I’m not!”
“I just– I’m-I messed up, AND in front of a human…”
“I must look like such a fool right now…”
[pause]
“I shouldn’t feel bad about an honest mistake…?”
“A–Ah… thank you…”
[pause]
“What happens now?”
“Um… I– I’m supposed to… to…”
(thinking) Nonono, I can’t tell them that I’m supposed to wipe their memory now! I don’t… I don’t want them toforget about me…
(thinking) The way they look at me… my heart’s racing…
(thinking) … Hey wait a minute. If the being hit by the arrow has to be looking for love in order to be affected by it, d–does that mean that I was looking for love?!
(thinking) That doesn’t make sense! I– I was dedicated to my duties as an angel! I wasn’t… lonely at all…
(thinking) … I wasn’t lonely… was I…?
[pause]
“Ah– I mean–”
(scrambling for an explanation) “I’m… s–supposed to watch over you for a while!”
[pause]
“Y–yeah! If we angels reveal ourselves to a human, then we have to become their guardian angel!”
(thinking) … Well that’s not technically a lie…
[pause]
“Y–Yeah… we do.”
(rambling) “In fact, there are Guardian Angels who don’t reveal themselves as angels to the humans they protect! They just turn into a human and become their closest friend instead! Wh–which makes things tougher in many ways, but it also comes with its own benefits!”
[pause]
“Huh…? Yeah, I have a human form.”
[pause]
“Oh, you want to see it?”
“Alright. One sec.”
[snaps fingers]
[magic tone]
[pause]
“... What do you think?”
[pause]
“H–Huh?! What do you mean my human form is- is attractive?!”
“I mean–”
[clears throat]
“Of course! We’re angels, after all!”
[nervous laughter]
“So… I have to stick around you now… w–whether you like it or not!”
[pause]
“... ‘cool’? Is that all you have to say?”
[pause]
“I… I thought you’d be annoyed or something…”
“Especially since I’ve been trying to shoot you with a love arrow this whole time…”
[pause]
“... It ‘works out’?! Wh–what do you mean it ‘works out’?!”
[pause]
“... You’ve been looking for a partner anyways, and I shot myself with a love arrow intended for you?”
“B–But–”
“That’s not how it works! It–”
[frustrated noises]
[pause]
“... I don’t have to date you if I don’t want to?”
“I– It’s not that I don’t– I mean– I shouldn’t–”
[groaning]
(defeated) “Oh screw it. I’m in too deep already.”
“But! I’m not going to date you just like that!”
“I… I want to be friends first… and see if this effect wears off.”
[pause]
“Ack– N–No! Like I said, love arrows aren’t supposed to affect angels!”
“Unless they meet the conditions… w–which I don’t! I definitely don’t!”
[heavy breathing]
[pause]
“Huh…?”
“... Coffee? You want to go get coffee with me?”
[pause]
“... Since I’ll be your guardian angel from now on, you want to show me around town?”
“Oh… um…”
[long pause]
(smiling) “... I’d like that.”
(thinking) \sigh*... I guess I’m going to beapplying to be a Guardian Angel…*
(thinking) But then again… they’re so kind and friendly.
(thinking) … Maybe it won’t be so bad, hanging around a human like this.
~END~
Thanks for reading!
2023.06.07 23:10 SuspiciousPillow Skimpflation is the bane of finding good pre-made food products
Skimpflation, where companies change their ingredients to something cheaper. If food labels weren't required the majority of the time there wouldn't be any labeling indication that the recipe was changed.
I'm lazy. Sometimes I just want frozen pre-made meal. Sometimes I go into a freezer aisle and see something has a smaller quantity than it used to. Great, that means there's less calories? Nope, they added more sugar or cheap oil and got rid of some of the actual food.
submitted by SuspiciousPillow to loseit [link] [comments]
I'm lazy. Sometimes I just want frozen pre-made meal. Sometimes I go into a freezer aisle and see something has a smaller quantity than it used to. Great, that means there's less calories? Nope, they added more sugar or cheap oil and got rid of some of the actual food.
2023.06.07 22:56 Puzzlesolver77 Advice for first time Dual-Status filing as an H1B holder with H4 wife and kids
Hey everyone! I would like your help, suggestions, advice, tips:
- Arrived to the USA in October 2022 as an H1B holder (been previously here only on B1/B2 tourist)
- I'm here with H4 wife and two kids.
- At Tax Day (April) I couldn't meet the substantial presence test, so I filed for an extension.
- This June, I will be able to file my taxes
- I know I can file a a Dual Status, which means I should declare January-September 2022 as a non resident, October-December as resident.
- My plan is that there's no taxable US Income for Jan-Sept, since those taxes are being paid in my origin country (do they ask for a proof for this?)
- October-December, I will file as resident (for tax purposes)
- I've heard I can't benefit from the Child Credit Tax? Are there restrictions?
- The IRS site states: "As a dual-status taxpayer, you may be able to claim a dependent on your tax return. In general, a dependent is a qualifying child or a qualifying relative. You may be entitled to claim additional deductions and credits if you have a qualifying dependent." https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/taxation-of-dual-status-aliens
However using Sprintax it wouldn't show that credit for me (it wouldn't even ask me about my children)
- I also know I cannot use the standard deduction (but can itemize?)
- Also I know I should request an ITIN for my wife, and two kids (since they cannot get an SSN - the H4 visa won't allow them to work in the USA)
This all sounds very complicated. The Sprintax site only mentions I have to pay, and no credits on my favor. Do you know a service or tax agent knowledgeable or with experience in this? I'm afraid I will pay money to someone and they will tell me "PAY" and at the end of the day they will not care enough to understand the rules and restrictions. Is this too hard to do it myself?
Thank you! Hopefully there's someone else who was in the same boat and can provide advice!
submitted by Puzzlesolver77 to immigration [link] [comments]
- Arrived to the USA in October 2022 as an H1B holder (been previously here only on B1/B2 tourist)
- I'm here with H4 wife and two kids.
- At Tax Day (April) I couldn't meet the substantial presence test, so I filed for an extension.
- This June, I will be able to file my taxes
- I know I can file a a Dual Status, which means I should declare January-September 2022 as a non resident, October-December as resident.
- My plan is that there's no taxable US Income for Jan-Sept, since those taxes are being paid in my origin country (do they ask for a proof for this?)
- October-December, I will file as resident (for tax purposes)
- I've heard I can't benefit from the Child Credit Tax? Are there restrictions?
- The IRS site states: "As a dual-status taxpayer, you may be able to claim a dependent on your tax return. In general, a dependent is a qualifying child or a qualifying relative. You may be entitled to claim additional deductions and credits if you have a qualifying dependent." https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/taxation-of-dual-status-aliens
However using Sprintax it wouldn't show that credit for me (it wouldn't even ask me about my children)
- I also know I cannot use the standard deduction (but can itemize?)
- Also I know I should request an ITIN for my wife, and two kids (since they cannot get an SSN - the H4 visa won't allow them to work in the USA)
This all sounds very complicated. The Sprintax site only mentions I have to pay, and no credits on my favor. Do you know a service or tax agent knowledgeable or with experience in this? I'm afraid I will pay money to someone and they will tell me "PAY" and at the end of the day they will not care enough to understand the rules and restrictions. Is this too hard to do it myself?
Thank you! Hopefully there's someone else who was in the same boat and can provide advice!
2023.06.07 22:45 Puzzlesolver77 Advice for first time Dual-Status filing as an H1B holder with H4 wife and kids
Hey everyone! I would like your help, suggestions, advice, tips: - Arrived to the USA in October 2022 as an H1B holder (been previously here only on B1/B2 tourist) - I'm here with H4 wife and two kids. - At Tax Day (April) I couldn't meet the substantial presence test, so I filed for an extension. - This June, I will be able to file my taxes - I know I can file a a Dual Status, which means I should declare January-September 2022 as a non resident, October-December as resident. - My plan is that there's no taxable US Income for Jan-Sept, since those taxes are being paid in my origin country (do they ask for a proof for this?) - October-December, I will file as resident (for tax purposes) - I've heard I can't benefit from the Child Credit Tax? Are there restrictions? - The IRS site states: "As a dual-status taxpayer, you may be able to claim a dependent on your tax return. In general, a dependent is a qualifying child or a qualifying relative. You may be entitled to claim additional deductions and credits if you have a qualifying dependent." https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/taxation-of-dual-status-aliens However using Sprintax it wouldn't show that credit for me (it wouldn't even ask me about my children) - I also know I cannot use the standard deduction (but can itemize?) - Also I know I should request an ITIN for my wife, and two kids (since they cannot get an SSN - the H4 visa won't allow them to work in the USA) This all sounds very complicated. The Sprintax site only mentions I have to pay, and no credits on my favor. Do you know a service or tax agent knowledgeable or with experience in this? I'm afraid I will pay money to someone and they will tell me "PAY" and at the end of the day they will not care enough to understand the rules and restrictions. Is this too hard to do it myself? Thank you! Hopefully there's someone else who was in the same boat and can provide advice!
submitted by Puzzlesolver77 to h1b [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 22:34 PeacefulProtest69 Going to new sleep specialist in 6 months (earliest appointment)
My God what a shitshow across the board. Just to get in as a new patient at any sleep doctor it's around the same timeframe. I'm on a waitlist should something else open up sooner, but for now that's the expectation.
CPAP has been largely ineffective and more of a headache than it's worth. 23M, 5'10 150-160 pounds and a former college athlete. I was prescribed it in March of 2022 and have used it on and off since then (as in, weeks at a time). I have noticed very little difference if any. First sleep dr. was dismissive of anything except me using this stupid CPAP the rest of my life. Had a septoplasty and turbinate reduction and then I moved states, went to another dr. where we tried Wellbutrin XL (no effect), and was supposed to have another sleep study and an activity watch (for narcolepsy) when I ran into some insurance issues.
I think I'm looking at some sort of co-diagnosis (narcolepsy type 2, hypersomnia, etc.) as indicated by the persistent fatigue. But I'm really not sure. It's been extremely frustrating that every step of the process takes months on end. I've been trying to treat this for over 2 years now.
submitted by PeacefulProtest69 to SleepApnea [link] [comments]
CPAP has been largely ineffective and more of a headache than it's worth. 23M, 5'10 150-160 pounds and a former college athlete. I was prescribed it in March of 2022 and have used it on and off since then (as in, weeks at a time). I have noticed very little difference if any. First sleep dr. was dismissive of anything except me using this stupid CPAP the rest of my life. Had a septoplasty and turbinate reduction and then I moved states, went to another dr. where we tried Wellbutrin XL (no effect), and was supposed to have another sleep study and an activity watch (for narcolepsy) when I ran into some insurance issues.
I think I'm looking at some sort of co-diagnosis (narcolepsy type 2, hypersomnia, etc.) as indicated by the persistent fatigue. But I'm really not sure. It's been extremely frustrating that every step of the process takes months on end. I've been trying to treat this for over 2 years now.
2023.06.07 22:05 Square-Environment66 looking for advice on what to do
I’ve posted about my nMom and my sister in the weekly check-in post, so apologies if this sounds familiar, but it’s developed to a point where I feel like I need some outside opinions.
For the past two years, my nMom and sister live together, and I have lived in a different state with my partner of 3 years. I’ve noticed my mom and sister’s behavior towards me getting weirder since April 2022. My sister texts me almost everyday, but hasn’t asked me an unprompted or genuine question about myself since I don’t know when. I haven’t texted her back since May 13th. She has continued to text me almost everyday.
On Monday, my bank account was overdrawn. I was able to pull money together to keep myself from being charged any fees. My mom texted me to say she saw my account was overdrawn. I didn’t respond, as I’m 28 years old and basically financially independent (I’m unfortunately still on her phone plan, and my checkings account is a college account i’m clinging to because of the lack of fees) and because my partner and I have been financially struggling for well over a year and my mother knows this.
She texted again the next day at 10pm in my time zone to tell me she deposited $100 into my account. I did not ask for her help nor did I want it - like i said, I had already found the money to put into my account to avoid any overdraft fees. This morning my paycheck hit, so my back account was at a normal amount. My mom texted me to tell me she was taking her $100 back.
Not only was she tracking my account, but she didn’t help me at all. Her “help” was unasked for and then taken away, and really only existed to soothe her own anxiety. If she really was concerned, where was the text asking if i’m okay? If I needed help?
I’m tired of having to make excuses for protecting myself from their behaviors that make me feel like shit. I don’t want to engage in conversation - I just wanted to be treated like a human being and if i’m not going to get that, I don’t want to engage.
My partner fully supports me with this, but they brought up a good point about trying to protect myself from further retaliation.
My cousin is getting married at the beginning of July. I would love to not go to the wedding, as my partner is unable to attend and I feel much more comfortable around my family with them there. However, I’m planning on going because i’m afraid the abuse slung at me while i’m there will be more tolerable than the smear campaign if I don’t go. My partner is worried that if I don’t respond to my mom and sister, even halfheartedly, I will have a much harder time at the wedding.
I can’t tell if i’m being stubborn about not answering my sister and my mom, or if this is genuinely the path that will make me feel safest. Willing to listen to anyone’s advice and will offer more info if needed. I appreciate anyone’s help.
submitted by Square-Environment66 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
For the past two years, my nMom and sister live together, and I have lived in a different state with my partner of 3 years. I’ve noticed my mom and sister’s behavior towards me getting weirder since April 2022. My sister texts me almost everyday, but hasn’t asked me an unprompted or genuine question about myself since I don’t know when. I haven’t texted her back since May 13th. She has continued to text me almost everyday.
On Monday, my bank account was overdrawn. I was able to pull money together to keep myself from being charged any fees. My mom texted me to say she saw my account was overdrawn. I didn’t respond, as I’m 28 years old and basically financially independent (I’m unfortunately still on her phone plan, and my checkings account is a college account i’m clinging to because of the lack of fees) and because my partner and I have been financially struggling for well over a year and my mother knows this.
She texted again the next day at 10pm in my time zone to tell me she deposited $100 into my account. I did not ask for her help nor did I want it - like i said, I had already found the money to put into my account to avoid any overdraft fees. This morning my paycheck hit, so my back account was at a normal amount. My mom texted me to tell me she was taking her $100 back.
Not only was she tracking my account, but she didn’t help me at all. Her “help” was unasked for and then taken away, and really only existed to soothe her own anxiety. If she really was concerned, where was the text asking if i’m okay? If I needed help?
I’m tired of having to make excuses for protecting myself from their behaviors that make me feel like shit. I don’t want to engage in conversation - I just wanted to be treated like a human being and if i’m not going to get that, I don’t want to engage.
My partner fully supports me with this, but they brought up a good point about trying to protect myself from further retaliation.
My cousin is getting married at the beginning of July. I would love to not go to the wedding, as my partner is unable to attend and I feel much more comfortable around my family with them there. However, I’m planning on going because i’m afraid the abuse slung at me while i’m there will be more tolerable than the smear campaign if I don’t go. My partner is worried that if I don’t respond to my mom and sister, even halfheartedly, I will have a much harder time at the wedding.
I can’t tell if i’m being stubborn about not answering my sister and my mom, or if this is genuinely the path that will make me feel safest. Willing to listen to anyone’s advice and will offer more info if needed. I appreciate anyone’s help.
2023.06.07 22:00 WorthInvestigator433 Been struggling for a while; really resonated with a lecture about Autistic Burnout
Hi. I’ve had a lot to think about the past few days, and am seeking advice/answers/support/perspectives/clarity. Hopefully this is a good place to ask about this. Sorry for brick wall, TLDR at the bottom.
After graduating college in 2022, I moved and started a full-time job in September. Since then, I’ve been going through a very difficult phase in life. I’ve felt like when that unfamiliar phase of life started that a metaphorical mountain of shit was dropped on me all at once, and that since then, I have been drowning in it and trying very hard to slowly climb out of it. I returned to Therapy on January (finding a new one in a new state sucks). Some other context of my life circumstances: I work for a tech company in a new city, and I have no interest in my job; I live alone there (for the first time, turns out I’m terrible at that) and my job is fairly remote. I’ve been traveling a lot the past few months, working in other places where I have friends, and trying to live more presently in that space instead of at work. I had already decided that I plan to stick it out through my 1st year (one year on a resume and signing bonus), and doing this helped me get to a more stable place to a point, though in many ways it’s probably made some things worse, bc it’s harder to focus on my job and many other responsibilities; it’s been more of an escape.
Since I returned to therapy, I do feel like I’ve been slowly slowly improving and am in a better place now than where I was, but it often feels like 2 steps forward 3 steps back. I feel like there’s a million balls in the air, and when I try to focus to lift one of them higher, 2 more come falling back down. Since January, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, in addition to having been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD in the past 2-3 years. Therapy has helped in a lot of ways, especially earlier, and I’ve learned a lot about myself and how stuff like my upbringing affects me today. But more recently, I feel like therapy has not been too effective. I’ve been trying to work on my executive functioning, but it feels like no matter what I do I’ve not been able to improve. Many things that I used to do automatically are so difficult now or have gone completely out the window. I’ve overall felt very lost and overwhelmed. I really haven’t received much advice that I’ve resonated with or that helps me.
The reasons for me failing to get my work done are deeper than a lot of the ADHD type symptoms that I’ve experienced throughout my life. Normally doing work I don’t want to do is hard, but once there’s an approaching deadline and a fire under my ass, I’m the king of getting it all done. Now though, bringing myself to work is incredibly difficult deadline or no. Part of me really tries to convince myself that I should get work done, but it feels like a deeper more fundamental part of me completely rejects it. Like I truly don’t believe doing that work is more valuable than some other thing I could do, and trying to force myself to live in the framework that supposedly if I could would allow me to succeed in my job and other endeavors is pretty much impossible. More recently it’s been more extreme; I’ll go a couple days taking way too much adderall and hardly sleeping at all because I gotta finish this amount of work that’s reasonable to compete in a day, and then I will somehow not have done hardly any work that whole time. Even though I’m sacrificing my physical health so much to do so.
The other day, I came across a short video about autistic burnout, which lead me to a 1.5 hour long lecture called “Transition to Adulthood – Autistic Burnout and the Costs of Coping and Passing” by Dora Raymaker. This felt like an epiphany. For the entire lecture, I felt like she was describing exactly what I had been feeling, and related with pretty much every single bullet point. She put into words how I’ve felt the last 8 months, and gave me a feeling of incredible clarity. I felt I immediately understood what was going on in my brain, like suddenly it all made sense. Before, I felt like there was a million separate things all falling a part in my life, and to get them all back into place and rebuild a sustainable life was so daunting, whereas now I feel I see it more clearly that it’s all connected. Like a fog has been lifted from in front of my brain, everything clicked.
I even sent the video to my dad and called him because I was so happy to finally be understood in what I’m going through, because I’d been talking to him about it so much, but never felt like I could effectively communicate it until now. I can’t overemphasize the innate feeling of understanding I’ve felt since, like it’s night and day. So I ask, where do I go from here? If I am going through Autistic Burnout, I guess that means I’m Autistic. I’ve given serious thought to it the past year, but this has brought me to the point where I clearly need to act on this. And here I am. I want to talk to my therapist about it, but he’s on vacation for most of the month. Maybe I can contact my old one, or maybe I should contact and Autism specialist directly.
I also want to know what you guys think. I obviously don’t want to draw any incorrect conclusions. And honestly, I’m really frightened that I am incorrect. I feel so much clarity in what I’m going through, whereas before I felt so lost, so I’m afraid to find out I’m wrong and go back to where I was. Is there another explanation for resonating so deeply with every aspect of this lecture? Honestly just any reply to this with any insight or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I need to bounce this off people in the autistic community, not just my friends and family. Sorry for wall of text. Much love.
TLDR: Been struggling for a while; found a lecture about Autistic Burnout and it resonated with me completely. What now
submitted by WorthInvestigator433 to AutismTranslated [link] [comments]
After graduating college in 2022, I moved and started a full-time job in September. Since then, I’ve been going through a very difficult phase in life. I’ve felt like when that unfamiliar phase of life started that a metaphorical mountain of shit was dropped on me all at once, and that since then, I have been drowning in it and trying very hard to slowly climb out of it. I returned to Therapy on January (finding a new one in a new state sucks). Some other context of my life circumstances: I work for a tech company in a new city, and I have no interest in my job; I live alone there (for the first time, turns out I’m terrible at that) and my job is fairly remote. I’ve been traveling a lot the past few months, working in other places where I have friends, and trying to live more presently in that space instead of at work. I had already decided that I plan to stick it out through my 1st year (one year on a resume and signing bonus), and doing this helped me get to a more stable place to a point, though in many ways it’s probably made some things worse, bc it’s harder to focus on my job and many other responsibilities; it’s been more of an escape.
Since I returned to therapy, I do feel like I’ve been slowly slowly improving and am in a better place now than where I was, but it often feels like 2 steps forward 3 steps back. I feel like there’s a million balls in the air, and when I try to focus to lift one of them higher, 2 more come falling back down. Since January, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, in addition to having been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD in the past 2-3 years. Therapy has helped in a lot of ways, especially earlier, and I’ve learned a lot about myself and how stuff like my upbringing affects me today. But more recently, I feel like therapy has not been too effective. I’ve been trying to work on my executive functioning, but it feels like no matter what I do I’ve not been able to improve. Many things that I used to do automatically are so difficult now or have gone completely out the window. I’ve overall felt very lost and overwhelmed. I really haven’t received much advice that I’ve resonated with or that helps me.
The reasons for me failing to get my work done are deeper than a lot of the ADHD type symptoms that I’ve experienced throughout my life. Normally doing work I don’t want to do is hard, but once there’s an approaching deadline and a fire under my ass, I’m the king of getting it all done. Now though, bringing myself to work is incredibly difficult deadline or no. Part of me really tries to convince myself that I should get work done, but it feels like a deeper more fundamental part of me completely rejects it. Like I truly don’t believe doing that work is more valuable than some other thing I could do, and trying to force myself to live in the framework that supposedly if I could would allow me to succeed in my job and other endeavors is pretty much impossible. More recently it’s been more extreme; I’ll go a couple days taking way too much adderall and hardly sleeping at all because I gotta finish this amount of work that’s reasonable to compete in a day, and then I will somehow not have done hardly any work that whole time. Even though I’m sacrificing my physical health so much to do so.
The other day, I came across a short video about autistic burnout, which lead me to a 1.5 hour long lecture called “Transition to Adulthood – Autistic Burnout and the Costs of Coping and Passing” by Dora Raymaker. This felt like an epiphany. For the entire lecture, I felt like she was describing exactly what I had been feeling, and related with pretty much every single bullet point. She put into words how I’ve felt the last 8 months, and gave me a feeling of incredible clarity. I felt I immediately understood what was going on in my brain, like suddenly it all made sense. Before, I felt like there was a million separate things all falling a part in my life, and to get them all back into place and rebuild a sustainable life was so daunting, whereas now I feel I see it more clearly that it’s all connected. Like a fog has been lifted from in front of my brain, everything clicked.
I even sent the video to my dad and called him because I was so happy to finally be understood in what I’m going through, because I’d been talking to him about it so much, but never felt like I could effectively communicate it until now. I can’t overemphasize the innate feeling of understanding I’ve felt since, like it’s night and day. So I ask, where do I go from here? If I am going through Autistic Burnout, I guess that means I’m Autistic. I’ve given serious thought to it the past year, but this has brought me to the point where I clearly need to act on this. And here I am. I want to talk to my therapist about it, but he’s on vacation for most of the month. Maybe I can contact my old one, or maybe I should contact and Autism specialist directly.
I also want to know what you guys think. I obviously don’t want to draw any incorrect conclusions. And honestly, I’m really frightened that I am incorrect. I feel so much clarity in what I’m going through, whereas before I felt so lost, so I’m afraid to find out I’m wrong and go back to where I was. Is there another explanation for resonating so deeply with every aspect of this lecture? Honestly just any reply to this with any insight or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I need to bounce this off people in the autistic community, not just my friends and family. Sorry for wall of text. Much love.
TLDR: Been struggling for a while; found a lecture about Autistic Burnout and it resonated with me completely. What now