Groton long point homes for sale

I was raised in a Young Earth Creationist environment and pretty much took it on (blind) faith that that was true. I wasn’t really even taught about evolution, other than that it was “wrong”; it practically felt like a “bad word” in my home. I attended a private Christian school for middle & high school that didn’t really even touch on evolution. However, lately I’ve resolved to finally question the things I’ve been taught, and the more research I do, it really does seem like there is way more evidence for evolution than I was ever led to believe.
And if humans have been around since way before the Garden of Eden story supposedly took place, I don’t see how that can possibly be an accurate retelling of history. And if that’s not an accurate story, then when exactly was the fall of man, into sin? It seems pretty apparent at this point that “humans” were killing animals and each other long before the fall supposedly occurred; which humans did Jesus die for, anyways? Just Homo sapiens? Did God not love Homo habilis or Homo erectus or Homo neanderthalensis?
Plus, if evolution is true, then it would have occurred so slowly over time that there would have never really been a true/obvious “first” Homo sapiens… So even if God only loves Homo sapiens and only sent Jesus to die for us, then what was the official cutoff point between our ancestors and the first Homo sapiens? I see some Christians argue that God must have put a “soul” in Homo sapiens… but Homo sapiens were apparently anatomically the same for a long time before the Genesis account supposedly took place. Which means they had the same brain capacity for intelligence (and presumably remorse and guilt and every other emotion that we as humans experience). Which means that they would have biologically been able to feel bad for what was later called “sinning,” way before they ever were given a soul or the “knowledge of good and evil.” I suppose Christians could argue that the soul must have therefore been given to man as soon as they could experience those things (so, way before the biblical account of Adam and Eve), and that sin has been around much longer than 6,000 years ago. But then the problem I see with that take is, doesn’t the Bible heavily imply a literal Adam and Eve, considering the fact that Adam is mentioned as a real historic person and even Jesus’ genealogy is traced back to him? If there was no fall of man, then there is no need for a savior...
Idk, so many questions, and not very many good answers.

I know this story has been told a million times, and it never ended well, but I don't know what to do anymore. Three years ago, I met a girl on Instagram. We bonded over our love for videogames and quickly became friends. We talked every day for months and started playing video games together in voice calls since we couldn't meet up too much due to COVID. Eventually, I developed feelings for her, and I mustered the courage to tell her. To my surprise, she confessed that she had feelings for me too. Perfect, right? Well, things didn't work out as smoothly as expected. She wasn't ready for a relationship yet, still recovering from an abusive breakup she experienced six months earlier.
Despite our mutual feelings, we couldn't make it work. Her mind was preoccupied, and though she claimed to like me, she wasn't fully present. After a year of navigating this complicated situation, we agreed to remain friends since we were already close. I hesitated at first, knowing it would be painful for me, especially if she started dating someone else. However, she insisted, and I reluctantly agreed with the condition that if I started getting hurt, we would have to reconsider our friendship.
A few months later, I moved to a different city, and naturally, our communication dwindled. I had new challenges and distractions to deal with. However, my circumstances in the new city didn't pan out, and I returned home after three months. We reconnected, and we even hung out once with our old group of friends. That night, after a long day of spending time together, she surprised me with a kiss. That single kiss reignited the dormant feelings I had for her, and they've lingered ever since.
The next day, we had a heart-to-heart about the kiss, acknowledging that it was a momentary lapse of judgment since she still wasn't ready for a committed relationship. Despite this, we continued hanging out because I was back in town. I even became part of her close-knit group of friends, and we all started spending weekends together, including her.
And now, here I am. My closest friend of three years, the person I spend every weekend with, and play videogames with every day, doesn't feel the same way about me. I can't simply end our friendship because it means the world to me, and we share the same group of friends. If I were to cut ties with her completely, I would end up feeling utterly alone.
I've managed to hold on for so long because, during this time, she only was interested in one person romantically. It made me jealous, but the other girl ghosted her, and nothing significant happened. However, she's now interested in a guy who shares her passion for videogames. They've been talking for a few weeks, and the similarities between their budding connection and what we had are hard to ignore. I'm at a loss. I can't bear being around her, especially knowing she is interested in someone else. But at the same time, I can't bring myself to end our friendship because we are too close now and we have the same circle of friends. I have no idea what to do.
TL;DR: Met a girl on Instagram, became close friends over videogames. Confessed feelings, but she wasn't ready for a relationship. Tried to be more than friends, didn't work. She kissed me, reignited my feelings, but she's now interested in someone else. Can't end friendship due to shared friend group.

My toddler was discharged from the hospital last week from very scary asthmatic episode (his first ever) that sent him into respiratory distress. He was given a very significant dose of steroids and then followed up with oral steroids at home this week. My pediatrician warned me that typically heightened anger is seen in toddlers with this medicine but at the time I really didn’t care because i was just so happy to see him breathing. Now I’m at a point beyond my breaking point. I have two black eyes and probably 10 bruises on my body. My daughter (22 months) has 3 bruises too. My son has insanely unhinged and unprovoked anger right now. He is throwing, punching, hitting, biting, and pushing at a level i am so unaccustomed too. Im a single mom and unfortunately the week he was hospitalized I was also trying to finish moving into our new rental. It’s a lot of change for the poor kid and a big traumatic experience. I’ve been trying coregulating, time outs, trying to attempt activities to let his big emotions out in a healthy way ( out door play, gardening, digging, big splashes in the tub and water table). At this point though I’m just so beat up. Physically and mentally. I’m at a loss how to control him and his anger and just am at a desperate level of trying to protect my daughter and I. Not happy about it, and i really regret it, but i gave him his first spank two days ago after he continued to throw toy cars at my daughter and I. I had put him into time out, doing deep breaths. But after the tenth time I told him if he throws or punches again I will have to give him a spank. He slapped his sister on the face and I that’s when i held his hand ( to keep him from hitting her) and I gave him a little tap. Now I’ve been threatening one and it’s been enough to keep him at bay but i feel so sick about it. I never ever wanted to use discipline like that and i feel horrible. I just want tips to keep us safe. I don’t really think this should even be disciplined because it’s so far from his normal disposition. I’m just so at loss and beyond broken. I feel like I’ve been failing both my kids as a a mother and I’m desperate for any kind of help or advice.

For context, I'm 32, he's almost 60, I live with him because he wants me to live here because pooling our resources makes it really cheap for both of us, and it's going to allow me to save up to buy us a house to live in so we're not throwing away money in rent anymore.
The only problem is I can't stand to be around him, I don't want to live with him, I don't like anything about him, we don't have anything in common, in fact we're exact opposites on basically everything. I have nothing to talk about with him, and even if I did, he's always drunk, like 'seesawing back and forth, slurring, asking toddler-level questions but not being able to understand or remember the answers' drunk, every single day, without fail. He's not violent or mean or anything so I know I shouldn't complain since it could always be worse, but it's embarrassing, I don't want to live around it, and dealing with it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and it literally ruins my night every night that I talk to him. He starts drinking as soon as he gets home from work, or if it's his day off, he starts drinking as soon as he's done with any driving errands he has to do, so basically mid-afternoon. He has absolutely positively no interest whatsoever in quitting drinking, as we've argued about it several times and I've told him more times than I can count that I don't think of him as a person when he's drunk and that we can't really have a relationship if I can't talk to him like a human being.
I should probably explain what I mean by that; It's kinda like how he felt when he had to take care of his mom who recently died of dementia, it's like you're talking to someone's body, but their brain really isn't in there at all, they don't remember anything you say, they don't have their mental faculties, they can't process simple information, they don't understand what's going on around them, they get extremely emotional at the drop of a hat over nothing, and they tell you the same thing over and over again every night, sometimes multiple times in a row. Did I just describe my drunk dad or his mom dying of dementia? Both. It's exactly the same behavior, except he only had to go through it with his mom for a year before she passed, and I've been going through this with him every day since I started making conscious memories.
It just makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I'm only able to give short quick irritated answers that go nowhere because I don't want to talk to him in that state, and there's no reason to go anywhere with it because he's not really in there and he's not really hearing me anyway, and he's definitely not capable of having a normal conversation. Like, tonight for example; I get off work at the same time every day. I usually go to my friend's house to hang out with him after work until my dad passes out so I don't have to talk to him. Tonight, though, as usually happens at least once or twice a week, my friend was already asleep, so I went straight home. So then I have to answer the same stupid questions that I've already answered before, over and over, from my dad; "How'd you get here so early!" -'my friend was asleep' "....yeah but it's still early..." -'I got off work at the same time I always do, I just usually go hang out with him first' "Okay man well hell what's wrong?" (visibly irritated because I'm shortening this, it's a lot more repetitive in real life, but I respond trying to be as nice as possible) -'nothing's wrong, I'm just tired, I just got off work man'. "Alright. Well what's that?" -'a nintendo switch (he's seen it a million times before)' "Alright.... so what's that?" -'a game for the switch, thanks for getting it out of the mailbox for me'. And then he just shuffles off into the other room when he finally figures out I got nothing to say to him and that he wouldn't understand any of it if I did.
And I know you're probably feeling sympathetic right now, like "Well at least he's trying to have a relationship with you and he's actually trying to reach out, cut him some slack, it could be way worse" and that would be true and fair enough, but that doesn't account for the fact that every single person including myself and my mom, who left him, has asked him to stop drinking if he really wants to have a relationship with us, and he outright refuses, and so we just treat him like a stupid old fool, because he always drinks himself into a drunken stupor every single day and so that's exactly how he acts. He just gets emotional when he's drunk, and that's when he wants to reach out, and that's alright I guess, but how about reaching out when you're sober and when I can actually kinda talk to you a little bit? How about use the one brain cell you have before you start drinking and try to figure out that you're an absolute burden and an old loser who needs to get his shit together, and could've had his shit together decades ago if you'd just fucking listen to every single person around you in your entire life who tells you to stop drinking? How about rub a couple of brain cells together when you're sober and realize you're the reason that your kids are losers too because you're our role model? How about a little give and take, especially when it's for your own good? That's what a relationship is, and that's what responsible adults do. But he refuses.
We're talking about the type of person who doesn't know any of their own usernames, passwords, or even his own email address. Because he never sat down and logged into any online service for himself ever, because he can't remember what a username and password even is. So every time he needs anything, which is all the time because he's always so drunk he can't understand what the english words on the TV screen are trying to tell him, I gotta come do the whole forgot your password rigamarole for every single account he has just so I can log into it again and figure out whatever issue he's having. Last shit I want to do after working a 10 or 12 hour shift, I just want to chill. And I have to do it for him because he acts like a helpless baby, and he's drunk and dumb as hell so I mean he can't do it for himself anyway even if he did give it a try. The type of person who looks at a screen that says a simple one-sentence message and an "okay prompt", takes five minutes to read it, and then turns to me and asks "Should I click okay?" It's just so annoying because I've told him about a million times that if he just stopped drinking and tried to practice using technology while he was sober, he would get the hang of it, and that if he made his own accounts and passwords instead of having people do it for him and tell him what they picked for him when he's drunk and forgets, that he wouldn't have any of these problems logging into stuff to begin with, because it'd be burned into his memory like it is for the rest of us normal people who do our own things for ourselves. And he says okay, but then he just never does it. In one ear and out the other. Just like when I asked him all those years ago again and again to stop drinking so we could have a decent relationship, in one ear and out the other.
We're talking about the type of person who was 100% behind and invested in Trump to the point where he even bought a few hats and regularly made ridiculous, racist, and braindead pro-republican propaganda posts on facebook. To the point where he'd get himself banned all the time and then come tell me about how he's in facebook jail again for trying to spread the truth. Or, well he used to, before I just started reacting with straight up anger and hatred towards conservatism every time anything political came up, and explained to him about a million times why it's not okay to support awful people, and now he's gone from "Trump 2020" to "well I never liked politics anyway and I suggest you stop paying attention to it or talking about it too because I'm a lot happier now that I don't". So it's like, the only victory I can get with this man, is "I give up and you should too". And that's a reflection of his entire life. He gave up a long time ago and I just want it to be over for him and for me, because that would be easier than telling him that what I really want is to just move across the country and never see or hear from him again, not buy a house where I gotta live with him and keep dealing with this shit until he dies. This doesn't even address any of our personality clashes, like how I'm quiet and he's loud, I hate dumb shit but he literally cranks up the most low-intellect brain dead dadrock unironically because that's what speaks to him, I like to read and think and he can barely read and barely think, all he wants to do is not pay taxes on his mom's inheritance that he's going to get soon and buy a boat and a truck to haul it so he can sit on the water and drink beer, all I want is to be financially responsible and pay my bills and taxes and be fucking quiet and do the right thing, and maybe raise a kid that has respect for me.
I'm angry and bitter and I've probably said some very mean things here, but it's just how I feel. I've brought up all of this to him in person several times in explicit detail, and he just doesn't have the brainpower or memory or willpower, or simply doesn't care enough to address any of it. I'm at a loss as to how I should engage with this. Thanks in advance for any help, and yes, I know I'm an asshole. I'm sorry. I'm just not happy.
TLDR: My dad started drinking when he was 17 and hasn't been sober a day since, I personally think his brain is mush even when he's sober but it's especially bad when he's drunk, and he's not violent or mean or anything it's just like dealing with a slobbering toddler and it annoys the piss out of me for several reasons, and because it's my dad, I'm obligated to take care of him and even buy a house where he's going to continue to annoy the piss out of me doing literally everything I hate about humanity right within my earshot and line of sight until he dies a messy death that I have to clean up. Any tips on how to deal with this without just hating my own father? I believe there's a good person somewhere underneath the alcohol, as he's somewhat coherent when I see him in the morning before work, and he has a job so they must think he's coherent as well, but as soon as he gets home and the not-bud-light (because it's gay now) gets cracked open, the brain flies out the window and it's back to braindead loud redneck wrestling and rock music and old shit he's seen a million times that wasn't even good back in the day, and hollering for me to come take a look at it, when I literally can't even hear my own TV over his (across the house) and I hate the shit and have no interest in it anyway.

For a little while now, I have been meaning to install a program called "ExoPlaSim", which is in the most basic terms, a GCM (global climate model) used primarily for exoplanets. Some folks have been using it for worldbuilding purposes (creating feasible fictional worlds). This is something I am wanting to achieve also.
I have close to zero experience in coding, though I have followed this fairly in-depth tutorial on how to install it and get it running: https://worldbuildingpasta.blogspot.com/2021/11/an-apple-pie-from-scratch-part-vi.html
I am at the point to where the installation process is mostly finished, though whenever I try to run the command python3 program.py (in my case, it would be python3 exo.py), I am met with the following:
mkdir: cannot create directory ‘/home/KajanAvas303/mymodel_testrun/’: File exists
Checking for /home/KajanAvas303/.local/lib/python3.6/site-packages/exoplasim/plasim/run/most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x....
PRODUCING: -r4 -o most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x
Writing resmod.f90.....
rm: cannot remove 'plasim.x': No such file or directory
rm: cannot remove '../bin/most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x': No such file or directory
rm: cannot remove '../run/most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x': No such file or directory
cp: -r not specified; omitting directory '../src/specs'
Writing makefile...
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make: *** No rule to make target '.f90', needed by '.o'. Stop.
cp: cannot stat 'plasim.x': No such file or directory
cp: cannot stat '../bin/most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x': No such file or directory
cp: cannot stat '/home/KajanAvas303/.local/lib/python3.6/site-packages/exoplasim/plasim/run/most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x': No such file or directory
Mean Molecular Weight set to 28.9703 g/mol
rm: cannot remove '/home/KajanAvas303/mymodel_testrun/plasim_restart': No such file or directory
/bin/sh: mpiexec: command not found
Command '['mpiexec -np 8 most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x']' returned non-zero exit status 127.
mkdir: cannot create directory ‘/home/KajanAvas303/mymodel_crashed’: File exists
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "/home/KajanAvas303/.local/lib/python3.6/site-packages/exoplasim/__init__.py", line 807, in _run
subprocess.run([self._exec+self.executable],shell=True,check=True)
File "/uslib64/python3.6/subprocess.py", line 438, in run
output=stdout, stderr=stderr)
subprocess.CalledProcessError: Command '['mpiexec -np 8 most_plasim_t21_l5_p8.x']' returned non-zero exit status 127.
​
During handling of the above exception, another exception occurred:
​
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "exo.py", line 4, in
mymodel.run(years=5,crashifbroken=True)
File "/home/KajanAvas303/.local/lib/python3.6/site-packages/exoplasim/__init__.py", line 391, in run
self._run(**kwargs)
File "/home/KajanAvas303/.local/lib/python3.6/site-packages/exoplasim/__init__.py", line 889, in _run
self._crash() #Bring in the cleaners
File "/home/KajanAvas303/.local/lib/python3.6/site-packages/exoplasim/__init__.py", line 1731, in _crash
raise RuntimeError("ExoPlaSim has crashed or begun producing garbage. All working files have been moved to %s_crashed/"%(os.getcwd()+"/"+self.modelname))
RuntimeError: ExoPlaSim has crashed or begun producing garbage. All working files have been moved to /home/KajanAvas303/mymodel_crashed/
​
Running the same command a 2nd and 3rd time yields the same results. A read on the official documentation (https://exoplasim.readthedocs.io/en/latest/index.html?highlight=error#most-common-error-modes) states that it is likely a "configuration error", though it is incredibly vague what exact configuration error occurred. There also doesn't seem to be a lot of documentation on this issue happening.
Further details are as follows:
- This is done on a VM.
- I am using Notepad++ to compile the python scripts.
- This is being run on OpenSUSE Leap 15.4.
- Dependencies for this program include the following:
python3-pip
netcdf
python3-devel
gcc-fortran
gcc-c++
make
openmpi
openmpi-devel
netcdf-devel
​
If there are any ideas as to what I can try to troubleshoot this issue, I would massively appreciate it. Thanks! :)

If using cash to book a Hyatt stay, is there any benefit to using the Hyatt card for this or am I better off using a Chase Reserve? My understanding is regardless of card, I'll get 5x base points as long as I book through Hyatt. But the 5x + 4x is only for spending AT the hotel correct?
Hyatt card to book: 5x Hyatt points just for booking through Hyatt?
Chase reserve to book: 5x Hyatt points booking through Hyatt + 3x Chase points?

I have suffered from migraines for most of my life, just like almost everyone else in my family. Yesterday I had to get blood work which caused a lot of stress for me since needles terrify me and as soon as I got home, I noticed the aura I usually get in my vision.
I slept well that night, happily without any pain, and woke up with a runny nose, nausea, light sensitivity, and a killer headache.
It’s night now and I’m suffering in my dark bedroom with my phone brightness as low as it goes, mostly writing this to focus on something else. I’m tired but I can’t fall asleep even though it’s nearly 2 am because no matter how many times this happens, I always think ‘well, what if it’s something different this time?’
Despite my doctor telling me that they’re migraines and despite having all the symptoms that point towards this being a migraine, I get worried that it’s actually not and I’m actually actively dying or something. Migraines just make my anxiety act up a lot. And then anxiety also causes my migraines so it’s like a cruel cycle
I’m glad it’s the weekend so I can sleep in as long as I want when I finally get over this fear

Hello everyone, I just want to preface this by saying I am a little emotional right now...
To make a very very long story short, around a year ago my brother started to show symptoms of psychosis. It got to the point where he was convinced that our uncle was some sort of God of Destruction and my brother was convinced he had to kill him in order to save the world. After hearing that (despite ignoring a lot of the previous warning signs which is 100% on me) I took him to a psych ward to get help. When we were there, he initially agreed to get help but before we were admitted he calling himself an uber. I told him that I did not take him there against his will and he did not have to call and uber and that if he wanted to leave we could just go right now. He agreed and we left but during the car ride home, he became very aggressive. Telling me how he is now a God and that he could kill me right now, etc... I am usually (not anymore. if i am being honest he has killed every patient bone in my body and i am almost always irritatible) a very patient person. So I let him go on his rant until we reached home. I told him that I wanted to talk to him in my room and he agreed. We were in there and he was explaining to me how he was God and he put himself on earth in order to save the world, etc... I told him that it was actually me that was trying to help him get his life back together (worth noting that this bout of psychosis happened right before he was supposed to graduate college and ended up failing all his classes. turns out when he was going to class he would just sit in the back of the room and yell shit like "I AM GOD" to the class or play very loud Buddhist/Hindu chats until he got kicked out of every single one of his classes). After I told him this, I saw a sort of evil look in his eye and he got out and walked out of my room. This was around 4AM and I was exhausted but I knew from the look he gave me that this wasn't over. Around 5 minutes later he barges back into my room and just punches me in the face as hard as he can. Since the bout of psychosis my brother has not been eating at all or working out etc so I instantly recovered from the punch and took him down and held him down in a headlock. (I still sometimes fear what if he was stronger than me, would he have stopped after the initial punch? or what if the punch was strong enough to knock me out, I was standing over my desk and had I gotten knocked out I would have surely fell and cracked my head. I know none of this was his fault but it still is something that I have to contemplate going forward)
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Eventually he calmed down and apologized and he told me that he was taking an UNGODLY amount of shrooms. He showed me the doses he was taking and it was almost 10-15x the normal dosage. He told me that he never thought he would hurt someone but him hurting his own brother broke him. He cried and tried to apologize to me every day. I would not have it because of pure anger. I could not believe that I spent every minute of the last almost year trying to help this guy and the first thing he did when he got mad was attack me. However, I eventually accepted his apology on the terms that he would never take shrooms again and he agreed.
​
After that my brother was fine for almost a year. He went back to school and changed his major (out of shame of having to retake the classes where he made a fool of himself). He got an internship at a pretty good accounting firm etc... All was well for a while. However, during the start of May I went on a trip to turkey for 2 weeks and when I came back my brother was the same. I did not know anything of it because my parents did not want to stress me out during my vacation but when I came back he was even worse than before. This time he is being much more aggressive. When things do not go his way he starts to smash things etc... and honestly... as fucked up as it sounds I am tired of dealing with this. He has become an insane financial burden to me and my family. We already struggle as is (we live on section-8 housing etc...) and this guy regularly breaks things. We found out that he went to the bank and gave away ALL his money because it's "God's job to help people". Turns out he failed all his classes again, etc... However, I figured we could weather the financial burden but recently his behavior has gotten more erratic. I won't go into too many details but literally just 30 minutes ago my brother was sitting downstairs going on his usual rant about how he's God and can control the elements or something but then he stepped outside for a second. This is nothing unusual as he usually goes on these walks to calm himself and comes back in a much better mood but before he steps out he tells me that he's going to the neighbors house.
​
Keep in mind that we do not have ANY relations with our neighbor and they are total strangers to us. And when he means "going" to their house he literally meant breaking into their house because he "wanted to talk" to them. I tried to reason him out of it but he just kept walking towards their house until he reached their porch and I literally grabbed him and threw him on the ground. I asked him what he thought he was doing and he claimed he was "going to see his children". I told him that I will NOT let him go into these peoples house (and honestly this is out of FEAR for my brothers safety. I mentioned we live in a very bad neighborhood. If my neighbor saw my brother trying to even walk into his house he would literally stomp my brothers face in and this is not an exaggeration. He is a very over protective guy from Afghanistan and he would not take kindly to some stranger trying to break into his house with his 4 daughters there). I brought my brother back inside and he tells me that "you stopped me this time but will you be around everytime?" and I don't know if I should take this as a threat or what?
​
Honestly, at this point I am completely fed up with this guys behavior. He has been an insane financial burden to my family to the point where my 70 year old dad who is sick with a very serious heart condition has started doing Uber and working at a gas station to help pay for all the nonsense he gets himself in. I work and chip in as much as I can but I can only make so much money and I cannot alone support my entire family. In addition to that he has on multiple occasion put my little siblings lives at risk, has threatened to attack people, etc... At what point can I draw the line? I have tried to get him medical attention on MULTIPLE occasions and it never works either 1) the doctor makes us wait 5 hours and my brother gets fed up and leaves 2) the doctor comes and my brother can act normal for 15 minutes and the doctor doesn't take us serious 3) the doctor prescribes us medicine that my brother does not take 4) the doctor is just unhelpful from the start. and 5) we can't afford a fucking real doctor
​
I am literally at a loss for what to do. Every night I worry for my siblings and parents. I wonder if this guy is going to go into their room and hurt them (worth nothing that on multiple (I'm talking at least 30 or 40 times) I have woken up at 4 or 5AM to my brother in my room just sitting on the floor staring at me). Note that the stories I have told do not even begin to scratch the surface of this guys lunacy and aggressiveness. I am going to assume that my opinion will not be well received here but I do not know how much longer I can coddle a 25 year old man. I have a life of my own and it has been halted for the past 2 years because of him. I think it's unfair that there are people who struggle with psychosis naturally and this guy despite having everything given to him on a silver fucking spoon STILL finds a way to ruin his life by constantly taking drugs and self inducing psychosis.

I also had a dream back in April warning about mixing darkness with light too, pertaining to me. But that's a bit too long, I also had another warning either in April in May too, but it wasn't scary like the other one I had or long. In that one I heard sirens and thought "Oh no, is Jesus coming back?" and I was staring at the sky which was a soft pink yellow sunset and a huge white cross started forming in the sky and I heard a voice softly and gently say "It is important to obey God", so I've been pondering since what that means for a bit and I understood that was Jesus' voice.
After awhile in May I had 2 dreams. The first one (which is a dream) I left my grandmas house because I was severely depressed and wanted to kill myself badly and it was night so I was aimlessly walking around and despairing thinking what ways to do it but I had the thought in my dream to talk and pray to God instead and I did, and God answered me back but telepathically and He told me He made sure that I never went too far to actually kill myself and that everything is all in His hands and everything that has happened was for a purpose, and some other things too but I can't exactly remember. Maybe for others they would be mad at hearing that but I was relieved that my pain isn't all for nothing, and glad He told me that. At this point in my dream that part walking around was actually a dream and I woke up in my dream and I was back at my grandmas though I think I came back inside the house and two family members were gossiping about stuff and I tried to tell them but they were too busy. They were people who treated me badly growing up and into adulthood and neglected me but it didn't bother me (it bothered me for years, gave me PTSD because of the neglect and other stuff) but I thought it was okay they didn't care because God cared.
Now my other dream I don't remember a lot of it but it was similar to my other one. I remember I was thinking about God, and maybe God was speaking to me. Anyway in my dream I started running down the street, I felt estatic and full of joy, because I remembered I could always turn to God and He's always there for me and as I was running down the street waves of water started thrashing over me higher and higher until it went over my whole body and I remember it was crashing into me like in a storm but the water was clear and a pretty blue and I never fell or stumbled, and I remember the sky was bright and it looked like the sidewalk or grass was made of gold. I kept running with all my might until I saw these black dogs growling at me and started chasing me, I got scared and forgot God and was bracing for them to hurt me but they didn't touch me and left and I remembered God and was thankful for Him that they didn't touch me either in my dream or when I woke up because I woke up soon after.

Hi not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this but I’m going to try and hope I can get a few answers. I really want to get a bamboo steamer. I enjoy making dim sum at home but it takes so long sometimes as I can only steam one thing at a time with the current metal steamer I have. I have a few questions about them however: 1) Can you stack as many as you need on one stack or is it better to get multiple steamers going? 2) Is it best to line the bottom with store bought steamer liners or is cabbage best? 3) is there a “best” brand for bamboo steamers or are all of them about the same quality? Thank you all so much!

A little bit context here, my family moved to the US not too long ago, and so we aren't too accustomed to the wedding traditions and parties as we are Southasian. My sister is a nightmare to be around. She constantly compares me and nothing I do is ever good enough for her. My entire family is so tired of her behavior as she constantly throws tantrums and blames everyone for things going wrong, even when we aren't involved.
In our tradition, we do not have a MOH, and duties associated with being an MOH. However Southsians born and raised in the US have MOH's that do their duties. The wedding is going to be held in Southasia.
My sister, got mad at me due to "not doing traditional MOH duties" like throwing a bridal shower or bachelorette party for her. I, however, do not have any experience with these things. She doesn't have any friends in the US and takes it out on me and my younger sibling. My aunts' (born and raised here), knowing that we don't have any previous experience of such things, arranged a bridal shower for her, and I helped them as much as I could (like to the point I was physically exhausted that it was dangerous due to my health as I had a life-threatening event happen not too long ago) along with juggling university. It went beautifully.
But she got mad at me saying I didn't do enough, and that I should have at least said a speech or emcee'd at the bridal shower. My aunts' did the emcee. I told her that I didn't know about such things because I actually didn't. She blamed me saying the sister is supposed to do everything and I admit, partly it was my fault, but I didn't do it purposely.
Additionally, she told me that I am supposed to throw her a bachelorette party. But the issue is, the party is planned to be in Southasia. I know nothing about how anything works there as we were born and raised in the Middle East. I am aware of what a bachelorette party is, but it involves alcohol and parties, none of which I am even allowed to do because I am underage. She told me I can do it if I wanted to since information can be found on the internet and I told her it's not the same, as you use it to get decor and other ideas (which I did well for her bridal shower).
She is doing everything this way because she wants to post on the internet and show other people about her wedding. She forces me, my siblings and cousins to post her and her events on social media so certain people can see it. I don't post much at all on social media. She told me I should just tell her if I don't want to be the MOH. The thing is, I told her yes because I had no choice as she had no other close friends and she would throw a tantrum if I said no. I texted her and told her that she can make someone else the MOH after she told me how unhappy she was because of me at her bridal shower, and she asked me why I didn't say it earlier. I told her that I didn't know she was this unhappy with me. Tbh, I am so tired of this. I couldn't care less about this wedding because she has been treating my parents, siblings and me like crap for a few years. She's constantly complaining saying we don't seem "excited" and we aren't posting her enough.
Another thing to note is she never communicates with me. I am just expected to know how she feels. My aunts' thought my siblings and I didn't want to help, but I didn't even know as they were only talking to my sister and she would tell us none of it. She doesn't tell us anything and gets mad when we don't know. I had to text my aunts' from time to time so they would tell me anything at all because my sister has painted the picture that we do absolutely nothing.
But I need some advice on if I am wrong at all. I know I am partially, but this is physically affecting my health so much. Also any other advice on how to handle someone that doesn't listen and constantly gaslights and guilt-trips would be much appreciated. I apologize for the long post.

I made it back to Austin on May 1st, 2023, and am having a difficult time finding weird people like me😀. This may come to nothing, but I thought I'd give a shot at creating a safe space for single witches of every path to drop in and say hello to one another. To often, we become comfortable in our tight little circles and miss the amazing gift that others can be if we just knew who they were. If you come here propagating organized religion and disrespecting our beliefs, of course I will block you (if that's possible here), but more than this, my magick REALLY WILL find you and upend your existence. I am no beginner, and I follow the Left Hand Path though I do not identify as a 'satanist' or some kind of 'devil worshiper'. To me, that is merely the angry polar opposite of the Christian mythos, and the TRUTH of the Old Ways both predates and transcends the quiltwork patchjob of ancient pagan philosophies/mythologies that modern Christianity is. So save it. It is both unwelcome and unwanted, and will not be tolerated here. That said, the TRUE Left Hand Path adheres to the earliest understandings of god/goddess, which is both creative AND destructive: Creative when it is fitting, destructive when it is called for. And you sow the seeds of your own crop, which YOU WILL eventually feast on (whether you like it or not). Inside every true Witch, there are two people: A King/Queen, and a damned fool! The one you talk to is the one you get. So he respectful here. Be REAL. And if you are phishing and trying too hustle others so you can steal from them by your emotional terrorism, I will warm you only ones: For times since I have been in Austin someone had attempted to play me online. For times I smelled it coming a thousand yards out, called them on it, and TOLD them the things that at midnight I would unleash in their lives. One made not reply that evening, none at all; three mocked. Within 72 hours every single one of them were blowing up my phone, apologizing, and begging me to make it stop. Two of them offered ME money if I would just recall what I had done. Their money can rot with them. Amy of my brothers and sisters that shows up here--- leave them alone! They are my Family, and I get REAL FIUCKNG SERIOUS when people abuse my Family. You have been warned.

NOW: For my Family who are led to this place, I bid ye welcome. Merry Meet! I look forward to getting to know you. My Path here in Austin is being blessed beyond my most hopeful expectations. But I am absolutely alone here, and it stands to reason I am not the only one. So, here we are. I am anxious to make dinner friends. But, despite what most would conclude about someone following the darker path, I believe in complete transparency in ANY relationship, including friendship. So before you choose to say hello, there are a couple things you have a right to know up front: I was raised by and with outlaws. 

Real one percenters. I just thought that was what I was supposed to be. In a nightmare of a night in 1989, in the throws of a nervous breakdown after putting my firstborn 5 year old child in a hole in the ground (ending his year and a half long agonizing experience with lymphoma cancer), and three quarters of Him Beam in for the day, a 44 year old man attempted to kill me and leave with both families bags of goodies. I won. And for it, because of my family and the guys I was known to ride with, the state of Texas took me down hard, going I would roll over on all of them. When I wouldn't, they railroaded me with a 35 year sentence of which they made me do 30 flat. Everytime I called up for parole, the Federal Marshals and within a week they Texas Rangers would come and "interview" me, threatening me AGAIN with parole of I didn't talk. When I let loose with whatever creative things I had came up with for that time fire them to do with their parole papers, they would indeed see to it that I was once more denied parole. I did not waste my time down there. Well, I suppose I wasted the first 11 years being angry, and young & stupid 🙄 (I was only 24 when all of this occurred). But in 2002 the Old Ways saved my life. I had practiced for years, but having grown up in an unspeakably abusive home, I carried so much repressed anger and hurt (that I had no clue how to deal with) that I wasn't worth knocking in the head. Returning to the Path of my ancestors, for the first time in my life, I found true peace. I struggled for a while to keep a promise I made to my mom that at least once in my life I would give her religion (Christianity) am honest try--- and I did. With all of my heart. But honestly, there is only emptiness there for me. And I eventually returned to the ways of the Old World where I had found Me, really found Me. I am 57, in great shape, got my education while I was down there; took every self help class and did every positive course I could get into while there as well, and have been free at last for next two and a half years now. Years which I have wasted trying to mend familial fences and help loved ones that don't really want any help (mostly meth addicts). In April, I gave up and returned to Austin, my favorite places in Texas since I first moved here in 1981. I am from Livingston, Texas originally. But when I was 16 my metal bands picked up a producer in Houston and we made a splash in the pond. We moved to Austin (the band), and the months later had a manager from LA, who moved us there, and the rest is history. But I was unable to outrun the psychological damage done, primarily, by my mom as I was growing up, I couldn't hide from Me. And I was SO frigging broken. I was never an alcoholic or a drug addict. I did my share of everything back then, but I had seen it all swallow people I had known and loved, and I had NO intentions of being another statistic for that shit. Within a few years, two of the guys in my hand were full blown addicts, so my brother and rhythm guitarist, Mike, and I (who had to handle the lion's share of the workload alone) the in the towel and came back to Texas. That was about the time we found out my son was sick, and it all went downhill from there. When the mental torment would get too much, I would lose myself in a whiskey bottle to keep from putting a . 44 slug through my skull before daylight. It was on one of these days that a bro called me and asked me to make a drop. It was an emergency for him and it was already set up. But that evening he'd been told his little 19 year old college student, straight laced, awesome little sister had been killed here in Austin in a traffic accident on the loop, and her needed to go be with his family. Though I had pulled up on ANYTHING illegal when my daughter had been born a year and a half earlier, I said yes to him under the circumstances just that once. And the guy we had done business with for a decade decided, I guess, since it was this cute kid that showed up he would make a come up. He'd BEEN told about me numerous times. I was dangerous when I was young. But his arrogance won the conversation in his head and he tried to end me. And what pathetic excuse for a life that I had at that point was destroyed, and his own ended. If I could undo it, I would. If I could trade places with him, I would. But we can't unring a bell. There are consequences for the things we do. Sometimes they are severe. They were for me. But I made it through, somehow. And here I am. Hoping to make some friends. Have an amazing rest of your day. So Mote It Be! 🌹

Does anyone else after so long of breaking through get negative thoughts? Like when I breakthrough and keep taking more hits to sustain the trip, a entity of some sort tells me in my head, hey you’ve been in here for too long. Almost as if it’s their home and I’ve overstayed my welcome you know? They seem to get angry and even the hallucinations tend to get violent, like for example the other day I did this and I closed my eyes and everything was good until everything I was seeing morphed into knives and just came at me super fast and freaked me out. It’s not even something I’ll be thinking myself, so I’m curious if anyone else experiences this? Talking about strictly the freebase form of DMT.

Di kalakihan sinasahod ko, around 30k a month lang and 20k dito ang sinesave ko so bale 10k a month budget.
Nagseshare ako sa bahay 5k and ako nagbabayad ng kuryente and tubig. May natitira naman sakin 3k a month for my own, just staying at home kasi nga wala naman ako paggagastusan, WFH.
Now gusto ko magtravel, shopping or get a new phone (S22) out of my savings pero di talaga mawala sa utak ko yung treshold na 10k a month lang dapat gastos ko and ayaw ko bawasan savings. 😭🤣
I also have this thing na I'd rather pay something installment (as long as mababa interest) than makita mabawasan laman ng bank ko. That's why I'm also paying 1.5k a month lang naman sa CC, 0% interest so good deal.
Kayo, how do you balance it? I mean di naman ako stressed sa work kasi sobrang gaan ng workload ko pero parang pinapahirapan ko sarili ko para makapag-ipon.

If I had to recap my whole life, it would be a very long, confusing, but yet an emotional book.
It all started at Methodist Hospital. I was born into a world I never thought would be this horrific.
At a young age, I learned that independence was key. I did everything myself because that’s how it went. I thought asking for help and seeking help was me being dependent on something I would never get. I was born into a religion I never understood. The women were the lower class of all people. They were under men, the “leaders” of the world. I grew up only knowing I was not better than any man I laid my eyes unto.
As I aged, I found out I would never be able to look like the other girls, the pants wearing, crop top wearing, short hair, normal girls. I was always the outcast of the girl groups, only because I didn’t fit in with their beliefs. I always tried to fit in, but no matter what, I was never the right puzzle piece.
Going to school was always something I kind of had trouble with. Not anxiety, no, nothing like that. Just afraid that I was going to be made fun of because of my clothes. That’s whenever I kind of found out I was developing anxiety.
I made it throughout K-3, then a big change happened in my life that I never thought would’ve happened. I never really noticed my mother and father’s issues they were having until that very night. It was after school, my father, me, and my brother were going to go get ice cream and I just sensed something was off because my mother wasn’t coming with us. I was only 7 at the time so I really didn’t expect something to happen, all I knew was that we were going to get ice cream.
I was in the back seat of my father’s truck. Sirens started going off behind us, red and blue lights appeared in the front mirrors. I was confused about what it was, I looked in the back window and noticed, It was a police car. Why? Why was a Police car behind us? We weren’t speeding?
I looked at my dad as he stared into my eyes, his eyes flooded with tears. I was confused and scared. Was he getting arrested? That’s the only thing that went through my mind. As the police officer approached the window, I couldn’t hear what he was saying to my father. When he got done speaking to him, he let up the window and turned the truck around. Why was he turning around? Weren’t we getting ice cream?
I asked why we were turning around, he only looked at me with an emotionless face. Then he smiled and told me it was going to be all okay. But still, he never answered my question. Where were we going?
As we turned around I noticed this was the way back to our home. We were going home?
Why?
We pulled into our driveway and the officer was behind us. We drove up to our house and my grandmother was standing outside. We all stepped outside of the car, but my dad started walking to the officer. I asked my grandmother what was happening, she only looked at me and smiled, she didn’t respond to my question. Why was everyone being so quiet? No one responded to what I was saying?
She had the gatogolf cart parked in front of the garage and told us to hop on and that we were going on a ride around the house. I was still so confused on why my dad had just walked off to the end of the driveway to meet the officer? Why was the officer here in the first place?
As I looked at my grandmother, tears drowned her eyes. I looked at my brother, we were both so confused. I finally got a response out of my grandma, but it still wasn’t the response I was looking for. It was only a, It’ll all be okay.
But I knew it wasn’t going to be all okay. I knew that my mother and father were having some issues before all of this but I didn’t expect it to lead to this.
I finally got informed on what was going on, my mother and father were getting a divorce. At the time I didn’t understand what that word meant. Until it was explained to me. For the whole night I was blank, I cried all night and was so confused. My father wasn’t allowed to be around me and my brother. Why? Isn’t he my father though? Why are they keeping him away?
I never understood why until it was all explained to me. He abused my mother. He hurt her verbally, mentally, I didn’t know who to believe. Believe my mother or my father..?
I got one last goodbye hug from my father before we had to leave to go to my aunts for the night. I really wasn’t used to being far away from him, neither was my brother. I cried all night at my aunt’s house. I just didn’t understand why.
The next morning I found out I had to leave to go to my mom’s mother’s house. I was still so confused on why I couldn’t see my father. I wasn’t used to being this far away from him for this period of time.
My mother came to pick me up. I asked her everything, and she told me that her and my father were just done. I honestly just went blank. I don’t remember anything else I said or did that whole entire day.
The whole week at my mom’s mother’s house was just kind of weird for me. But it felt like me and my mom made a huge bond though. I had never worn a pair of jeans in my life, but one day, I finally felt what it was like. I felt so different. When me and her went to get me a pair I was kind of nervous but she helped me through it. My mother had already cut her hair and started wearing jeans, I had never seen this side of her. I kinda liked this “new” side of my mother. I was just still kinda in shock.
My mom looked so relieved and free. I felt happy for her, I always noticed she wasn’t very happy when she and my father were together, but I never understood why until one day. My mother and father were arguing in the dining room and I remember just looking at both of them, asking them to please stop arguing. I finally told my dad to go upstairs and my mom to go to the bedroom. They listened to what I said, which surprised me. But it helped settle both of them. I knew the divorce was kind of a good idea, they needed to get away from each other. But most of all, my mother needed to get away from him. I never noticed how much of a manipulative, narcissistic, abusive man he was because I never saw that side of him, but my mother did and all she was doing was trying to get help.
Me and my mom would dance in the bathroom to songs she would download on her phone, and I remember those being my most cherished memories of all time. When me and my mom had time to ourselves, it felt like I was living a whole different life. At first I was a daddy’s girl, but I later found out that for the rest of my life I’d be a momma’s girl.
As I got older, things took some hard turns. Later in my life I started developing a lot of depression and anxiety out of this world. My mother married someone and I’ll never mention his name ever again. He ruined her life, even when he knew my mother was already torn up from a past abusive marriage. He was such a narcissist. He acted like he loved me and my brother, but he never truly did. He proposed to her in the kitchen of our apartment. He cheated on my mother not long after he proposed. After my mother found out he had cheated on her he left, but he came back. We were living in an apartment at the time. One night I got called into her bedroom and there he sat, on the bed. Why was he back I wondered. I wasn’t disappointed in my mother, I was just so confused on why she wanted a man that cheated on her again. He hurt her. At this time, I found out that I legitimately hated men. They ended up dating again and I didn’t really know what to think. I had such mixed feelings about him. When he tried talking to me in the bedroom the night he came back, I didn’t say anything back so of course he wanted to leave because he said I didn’t want him there, which was the truth. I hated him, he hurt my mother just like my father had done to her.
Finally we moved into our home we still live in! I was so excited to finally live in a home, I was happy in the apartment but I was happy to leave those horrible memories behind me.
Him and my mother got married finally a little while after we moved in. I didn’t really know what to think about it, but as long as my mother was happy, I would be happy too.
I finally got used to him being here, me and him kinda built a bond. I mean he was my stepdad.
But everything changed, again. One night, me, him, my mother, and my brother all went to rookies downtown. I was furious at my father, and I don’t even remember why..
I was kind of influenced to call him and give it all to him, but half of me wanted to do it also, so I did it.
When we got home I took my mother's phone and called him. I was nervous but ready. I told him how I felt about having to wear skirts and how I had to pretend to be something I truly wasn’t. My father had never heard me cuss so it took him by surprise when he heard that. He didn’t even care about how I felt, he only cared about the one cuss word I had let out.
I knew no matter how much I fought to stay with my mom forever, it would never happen. I tried everything, CPS, Court, everything in my power, but nothing worked. I hated my dad, I hated him so much. I didn’t want to even consider him my father anymore. I hated my father so much.
I wanted to only be with my mother forever.
But then another divorce happened. My step dad and mother got a divorce because of everything he had done to her. He had done worse things to her than my father had done. I hated him so much. I still do with everything with me. I wish I could hurt him more than he hurt my mother. She didn’t deserve any of this. She just wanted love and loyalty, but all she got was dishonesty and pain in the end. Why won’t anyone just treat my mother right?
I felt like every man that would step into the house I would make a strong bond with. Then they would just disappear forever. That’s why I just can’t stand men. I’m not a feminist, but I just want to protect my mom forever.
Everyone has their own issues, but mine are just different. I feel like no matter how much help I try to get, nothing ever works. I’ve tried therapy, journaling, the rubberband method, and nothing helps. Medication is what I thought would help me, but it didn’t help at all. I love to be alone, but sometimes it doesn’t help. The only person that is really keeping me alive right now is my mother. If I didn’t have my mother here, I would have no point in living anymore. I love her, she deserves so much better. I would do anything to make her life better. I hate seeing her cry, stress, and just anything that makes her feel horrible. I would work in the desert, cut every single part of my body, pour salt in the cuts for her. I would put myself through so much for that woman. She just deserves so much more. There is no one else I would do that for. She’s the woman that felt me inside her, gave birth to me, and still has me. I will always be here for her. There will never be a time that she’ll be alone. No one can love her like I do. She’s like an egg, she’s so fragile. I don’t want anything happening to her.
But my life is so hard to deal with. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone, because as the saying goes, “Hurt people, will hurt people”. I just don’t want anyone hurting her. She’s such a special and loving woman. Through all the hell she has been through, she still will always be the strongest woman I’ve ever met and the only mom I will ever love. No one will ever beat my mother.
I’m so glad I have her. She taught me everything I know, how to tie my shoes, how to do my hair, my fashion ways. I just want her to myself. I don;t want anyone else to have her, ever. Just me and her is all I want for the rest of my life.
As we can see, my life has been full of ups and downs, but no matter what..I know I’ll always have that one special person by my side, her.

• Eva Gilford 23’

bby pic of me and my gorgeous mother.

THIS IS NOT A SERUS SITUATION BTW. I don’t know how to tell my mother that her attitude makes me want to be in foster care. The foster care stuff is besides the point right now. Mind you that I’m a 17F. My mother is the biggest pessimist you’ll ever meet. She’ll tell strangers all of our bad characteristics and how we didn’t do this or that. Basically airing out all of our dirty laundry. Sometimes about how she wishes that we weren’t so much of a failure in life or how we spend our money. Little stuff like that. She grew up in a household where parties and fights were a huge thing. She never wanted that life for us and here her son is like that. My brother has kidney failure and has issues with his heart. My mom hates mental health where she doesn’t understand or makes the comment “back in my day mental health didn’t exist because we weren’t weak”. My parents are in their 50s so born in the 60s. Yeah I understand that she was mentally strong because of her living situation but she puts so much pressure on us about mental health not existing. She kicked out all of my older siblings except my 2 brothers and my younger sister. She has the expectation that all of us aren’t good enough. Well today she got mad at me and yelled loud and cussed at me. She wanted a pop and my phone was resting on the 6 pack of pop. I made a small sigh and she got mad saying that she didn’t do that to me when I was a little baby. Lately she’s been saying stuff like that. “If I knew you were gonna be like that when you got older then I wouldn’t have taught you your abc’s or numbers. I should’ve just sighed when you cried or when you wanted to talk to me. Your attitude is just shittier than hell. Go home this is my house not yours.” This type of saying varies due to the current conversation or situation. When she says it to my my siblings, she tells them to leave. I stay up at night and think of every time she says that to me. I cry because I’m her rainbow baby and sometimes wish that my brother survived instead of me. Her saying that makes me feel like she regretted having me. It sometimes makes me want to leave but I’m not a legal adult. DONT WORRY IM NOT GONNS DO ANYTHING. It’s funny because her dad had anger issues and she does too. She passed it down to her kids. My father is very kind hearted and sometimes misses my mom when they first fell in love. He said that she’s not the woman she used to be. She’s been horribly pessimistic for about 10 years but lately it’s been worst. I don’t want to say this but I’m waiting for this to catch up to her and to see her downfall. Yes I still love her but what goes around comes around. I don’t like therapists because I live in a small town and gossip travels quickly. I cry about every night and don’t know how to cope with the yelling and bringing down. please help me cope. Very much appreciated and thanks for reading 🫶 I love all of you and hope you have a nice day ❣️

⚠️Content warning: unaliving ideation ⚠️
Hey, I'm a trans woman, living alone, struggling with treatment-resistant depression. I can't stand living alone anymore, being unemployable, below poverty line, and unable to really figure stuff out. My cognition isn't what it used to be. I can barely remember details of yesterday or the past week. Even just talking to my best friend the other day, I kept stumbling on details of events I went to and when they happened... and I really feel unable to function anymore and I just don't figure what the point of living as a disabled trans woman where the US is turning against us... and it's becoming more and more of a dystopian nightmare for disabled, poor folks. I just don't feel like there's ever gonna be a solution for me to be happy and I should just end it. I've been thinking that for a long time.
Idk something in me also doesn't wanna die but I get urges to do it that I worry I won't be able to keep at bay anymore. Often when I'm walking down the street, I wanna jump in front of traffic.. or when I'm on a higher story of a building, I get the urge to jump out. I've been resisting these types of urges but I do really feel they're getting harder and harder. And yes, I've used Trevor Project a lot but it's just not enough. I feel like I need to not be alone and to be supervised. But the prospect of being put into a male ward terrifies me because I'm already 8 months on HRT and have breast developed and I... really don't wanna be around a bunch of men in a psych hospital. I'm scared of what might happen to me
So please, if anyone has any info for southern California on what inpatient treatment options there are that would be trans-friendly, let me know. I'm really desperate and I don't know what to do anymore

How do I (30yo f) get my soon to be husband (30 year old male) to plan date nights without constantly having to ask? We have two kids one full time and the other every other weekend. I and my child moved to a new town to move in with my fiancé about year ago. And although my son (7 year old) has made friends at school and through sports, I haven’t made any friends. The one I made is constantly fighting with her boyfriend and it’s just not enjoyable. So Im lonely and I fall back to my partner being my only adult interaction. I work part time at a shelter and being socially awkward and constantly anxious about how to respond to people makes making friends a little more difficult. Typically my day starts early, I go to work I get off work and get my son from my fiancé then I either take my son to a play date or we hang out at home. They only texts, the only calls i get is from fiancé. I barley talk to my old friend since I lived because I don’t know what to talk about anymore since I’m not at the same job or town anymore. I do most of the cleaning, cooking, scheduling, while my fiancé just works long days but I feel like I’m working two jobs one four days a week the other seven. If my son comes home and had a bad day I’m the comforter, same for my fiancé. His kid comes then I am also his comforter. The kids ask me to do or to help before the ask him. And the only time he’ll plan a freaking date night is after I have lost my freaking mind on him. Like I feel like I am doing more for this family and this household, and you can’t plan a simple date night. He gets two weekends a year where he goes hunting with his guy friends while I stay home with kids, again doing the job of two. I am home every weekend, week night. Heck everyday. I haven’t even lived in this house as long as him but I bet I’ve stayed here more. I don’t know how not be resentful that he gets two weekends a year away from home to do something he enjoys with friends and I barely get a date night let alone a whole weekend away from him and kids. Yes I know go out by myself… how is that not more lonely?

This is an idea I've had for a long time so I wanted to share it.
As you can probably guess from the title that this will be a story set in the near future of the current timeline, about 20 years or so after Midoriya and the others defeat Shigaraki and All for One. This story will focus on a new group of students all fighting for their own reasons and trying to become heroes.
My story will have one central character as its focus but will venture into the lives of every character I create. I plan to have the original heroes make several appearances but have the teachers be original heroes I create as well.
Now, each post I make from here on out will be one of the students that will be in my new class 1-A.
But first, a little background.
Story: Twenty years have passed since the defeat of the deadly League of Villains, Shigaraki, and the legendary All for One. The Heroes who faced these threats have now gone on to not only graduate from UA but have also become heroes in their own right. Midoriya Izuku, now known as the Pro Hero Deku, has accepted his legacy as the last holder of One for All and takes his mentor All Might's place as the new Number One Hero along with his friends becoming established heroes in their own right.
Deku found the love of his life in his wife Ochaco, Todoroki has taken over his father's agency, Bakugo stays alongside Deku as the Number two hero and even found a wife for himself, Iida has successfully fallen into his role as Ingenium, and the other members of Class 1-A, 1-B, the support group, and business classes have all become successful heroes.
Now it's a new day, a new year, and a new group of young hopefuls try their hardest at becoming the heroes of tomorrow. This is their story.
Class 1-A: Seat 1
Dante Kazama
Age: 16
Appearance: Dark brown skin, almond-shaped silver-gray eyes, black hair tied into cornrows, muscular build, black tattoos wrapping around his right arm and shoulder.
Clothing: Black jeans, short-sleeved dark blue shirt, black vest, dark brown boots, a blue and gold beaded necklace around his neck, and leather wristbands on both wrists.
Personality: Strong-willed, kind, supportive, loving, family-oriented, determined, dedicated, loyal, and smart.
Quirk: Windstorm. Dante's Quirk allows him to manipulate and generate intense silver wind around him in a variety of ways. Whenever he uses his Quirk the wind around him becomes silver and his eyes glow. Dante uses his Quirk in a number of ways, such as using it to levitate himself off the ground, ride the wind like a scooter, fire off blasts of condensed wind, summon blades of wind that can slice through concrete, and even levitate small objects into the air. When Dante concentrates, he can even shape his wind into different forms such as weapons and animals.
Quirk Drawbacks: Dante is only able to manipulate the wind in a certain vicinity around him and can only perform well when he has a constant stream of oxygen flowing into his body. If his airway is blocked in any way and he can't send oxygen throughout his body then his Quirk will be weaker. He is also weak to fire attacks.
Quirk Supermoves:
Cyclone Bow: Dante creates a silver bow in front of him along with various wind arrows trhat he uses to fire at different targets.
Cyclone Spear: Dante summons a long wind spear that he can either use for close combat or launch from a distance.
Blade Rain: Dante summons wind around him and shapes into several small blades that he rains down on his target.
Wild Wolf Windstorm: Dante creates an entire pack of wolves around him that he can uses to attack or track.
Falcon Tornado: Dante creates numerous falcons out of wind that he uses to circle and entrap his target before dive bombing them.
Howling Wind Dragon: Dante creates an Asian Lung Dragon and has it circle around him before he launches it at his target.
Hero Name: The Silver Wind Hero: Fujin
Hero Costume: Dark green pants trimmed with silver, wind-like designs, black boots that have vents on the bottom which aid Dante in his mobility, short-sleeved black and dark green shirt with the image of a face-up tornado over his chest, a sleevless black and silver hoodie, silver forearm protectors, black fingerless gloves, silver belt holding up black and green waist armor, green eye mask, and a set of wind bearers he holds on his waist which help Dante focus and harden the wind around him so he can create wind weapons a lot easier.
Background: Dante and his family moved to Musutafu to get away from a toxic enviornment they were surrounded in back in their home town in Louisiana. After they moved to the country, Dante's parents opened up a small cafe with a conbini attached to it. It wasn't a luxurious life by any means but Dante and his family lived happily and safely, away from the hardships and dangers they were surrounded by back in the States. One day during a typical night for the family, a group of robbers broek into the conbini and held Dante's mother at gunpoint. Just as they were about to do something horrendous to the woman, Dante sprung into action and took the robbers down. After seeing the kinds of danger that the people he cares about could be in, even in a new country, Dante began to train to become a hero. Following after the great heroes that saved the country twenty years ago, Dante plans to become just like them and save others that need it.