Touch free car wash near me

I (25f) started working a new job, this is my second month as an associate and it’s been really frustrating. For the context English is not my first language and it’s been really hard working trying to understand the accounting vocabulary and even more connecting with my coworkers since i have a tick accent I’ve asked multiple times to repeat what I’m saying which it’s really embarrassing and I don’t speak as fast as they do so it’s just hard to maintain a conversation with the them. I also feel like most of my supervisor are getting really frustrated at me for asking some many questions and asking for help way more times than the other associates I’m a scared this would affect their opinions towards me and maybe fired me. Sometimes I even feel they hired me to reach their diversity quota.
I told my bf(25m) about this and how it makes me feel multiple times but he just keeps insisting that I’m not putting an effort and that I need to study to catch up with my coworkers. I explain to him that I tried to do that many times but it just hard since I’m a full time associate and on top of that I’m also taking some of the accounting classes I need for the CPA so I barely have any free time for extra study.
Recently I had an issue at work. I was assigned to work on something specific and it was taking me to much time I asked for help multiple times and every time I was told something different so I was redoing and redoing the work. I ended up asking my supervisor if I could call him and tell him what I’m having issues with and show him my work but he told me that if I’m having issues understanding English I can ask him or anybody on my team to explain it to me . I did asked for help many times but I was getting incomplete directions and different procedures to do this work. After that called I just felt so overwhelmed and kind of ashamed and I needed to talk to somebody so I called my boyfriend.
I explained everything to him and how it made me feel while I was crying in my car and he just told me that I need to study and asked more specific questions for next time . I told him that I don’t need to be told to study and that I called him to talked about how I was feeling and just to talked to somebody about it . He told me to get over it and go back to work. After that I just hangup the call and haven’t talked to him in two days.
He’s been texting me and calling me but I just don’t want to listen to him telling me the same thing over and over again. I just think he doesn’t understand why I’m feeling this way and is not as easy as he thinks. I also wanted to talk about my struggles at work with my family but I don’t want them to think that I’m a failure. So AITA ?

I usually just wash the cars and wax it. Some detailers have told me I should check out clay bar.

We’ve known each other for about 10 years but have only been dating 3 months. We have a bit of a history. We dated two years ago (were briefly engaged for 2 months) We also dated when we were in middle school (although I don’t really count that as it wasn’t serious, we were still young) I go back and forth a lot about me wanting to continue to stay in this relationship and if I should continue to put in the effort. Sorry if this is long and I appreciate it if you took the time to read it all. I really care about this girl. I tend to make a lot of excuses for her because I understand there’s no such thing as anyone who is perfect. I also understand that I’m far from perfect. I believe part of the beauty of love and a relationship is being able to grow together. Which is why I make excuses and stick around. I don’t know if some of these things I am putting up with are valid I don’t know if I’m lying to myself. Which is why I come to the redditors for your advice. I want to start by saying that I do a lot for my girlfriend. At the moment I have a lot of free time until I start school late June. Which allows me to ultimately spend a lot of time with my girlfriend. I drive her to work everyday. I take her lunch. I’ve helped her organize her closet. I help her clean her room. Wash the bathroom. I make the bed. Without getting more into specifics. I help her a lot. I don’t mind it I always make an effort to make her life easier since she is a healthcare worker and puts in a lot of hours. Also I have the time. Here’s the negatives. I never expect anything in return for my generosity. I just wish she would stop being so rude and negative about everything. She often complains about me snoring, taking the blanket, chewing gum too loud, I was “staring” at her sisters boyfriend, I was “staring” at her brother, if I bend over to tie my shoes “why are you showing those people your a**” if I ask her something that she has previously told me “why are you asking me I already told you, I hate repeating myself” I tell her I’m sorry I forgot can you please remind me. “No I hate when you don’t pay attention” If she’s in a mood she tells me to go to my house for a few days. I go to my house then she calls me the next day “when are you gonna come back??” It’s like I can go on and on about everything but do you get what I’m saying? I feel like I’m starting to go crazy. Is this normal behavior? What is wrong? Am I being too picky or overthinking? Please give me some insight am I right for wanting to break up or should I stick around and work on this. Is this fixable? Also we have a non refundable 5k vacation to Hawaii in one week. Not sure if I should stick through it or be done with it.

Hi guys I am a Male23 so I’ve been dating this girl22 for over a month now everything seems fine but to start not a red flag it’s just she has 3 jobs now when we get to the weird things we usually only hangout at night when she is off work around 11pm she always tells me on her day off or when she has sometime we will hangout during the day we’ve only hung out once whiles it’s day out in over a month. We have only been together for a month and two weeks so here is where it gets weird she says very concerning things like I don’t have feeling for anything and gets very aggressive at times more recently for me when asking when she has off or I’m forgetting her schedule but it seems like she is just putting it off what concerns me is we are intimate and recently I’ve been dropping her off and when I leave I don’t go back that’s weird but I decided to head back that way one night after leaving and her car was gone at 1 am after I dropped her off at 1245am well some other times she has gone near her car but not without me slightly pulling away first and in the last two weeks she has started to ignore text messages from me am I being cheated on? I know their is red flags here but I’m not sure how I can fully prove that but I’m also starting to lose feelings for her as I believe she doesn’t care either and maybe using me as some backbone/shoulder to cry on.

Bhagat Kabir Ji's Gurpurab is seldom celebrated because his history is ambiguous. His heart touching poetry is inspiring and sobering. Some of his words:"My caste is laughed at by all but my caste is to be lauded if I worship the creator." Watching this video of my homeland Punjab's landscape and Architecture while listing to the singing made me homesick. Some of it was filmed near and in Jalandhar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1kOp1cwOaw

Hi, i’ll try to be short. i’m a female from birth (this matters) and i’m 24. I’ve tried to research some advice and rituals, but I can’t find anything online that feels valid for years.
I need a true to heart protection spell or ritual.
if you care about the reason feel free to read below or if your just want to put a protection spell, ritual, or advice in comments please do … Ever since I can remember I have had literal deathly bad luck, to the point people that aren’t superstitious notice it and say something to me about it. For example, a recent event is i bought a new car and within a month it’s totaled and i also crushed a bit of my spine. When i was able to walk and go to work i used my boyfriends car and that night i hit a deer and ruined the front end. things like this are constantly happening to me.
Also, my biggest problem in life is that women from the bottom of their hearts hate me. Including all women caregivers/family members i’ve ever had. it’s making being able to keep jobs or a relationship impossible. it’s making life impossible. its making me a terrible person. i love women and do not want to live in a world where i hate them. It’s literally supernatural; like every job, class, friends of friends and family members. it’s like something primitive in their soul locks in on me and they spend their time thinking of ways to destroy my life. When im in any room with a woman i can literally feel their gaze and negative energy projecting onto me, physically. I would post a picture of myself attached to this post but i’m worried you’ll feel it too lol and then i won’t get any real answers or help. I know you’re thinking “maybe you’re just a bitch”..”maybe you’re just abrasive and don’t realize it” “maybe you’re not self aware enough” “there’s no way you’re not the problem” “you’re probably full of yourself” i swear i can assure that i am not. i’ve tried to figure it out for years. i do way too much for people. I have had to take therapy to learn how to care about myself and how to stop being a pushover. When people are horrible to me to my face i can not stand up for myself and i don’t and for some reason i show them love and kindness and if i don’t i feel immense guilt; it’s torture and heartbreaking. i have moved 4 states to retry different tactics on forming better relationships with women and it’s all the same. For a long time i have felt like im cursed. i don’t have parents, i think the curse happened before i was born if that is the case, or maybe i really am paying for a past life’s sins
anyways someone please help me love y’all i’m sorry for this

Yeah, so we crashed in the hills in Kamala, and I felt the stone road guard scrape against my leg and arm as we drove next to it and next thing I Remember I was on the floor. I opened my eyes as my friend is kickstarting the moped and people gather round, saying ring Ambulance. My friend said hop back on as I hoped up and got on the back bleeding out. We drove to the nearest pharmacy. They treated my wounds and wrapped me back up for 1400 baht.
My friend didn’t wanna drive anymore so even though I was injured I drove back home. After I passed out in my bed as we got back and got Rks passport and emergency cash he told us to get for him.
I woke up and looked up and everyone from the community we stayed at was at the hanging in the door looking in after hearing about my injuries. I could barely move as I took the pills the pharmacist gave me for pain and passed back out.
I woke up after something told me to get up I thought about Rk. I went on Snapchat and saw his character moving closer to the house. I called him he said the police is dropping him home to get his passport and they want to see me with my passport.
I got up immediately as I realised I gave my passport for deposit in Patong for the moped. I got changed not even considering my injuries and wrapped my leg and arm as I ran for the ped. I drove to Patong. It took me 2 hours to find the moped company. I found it eventually. I called home protested that the police have Rk and my friend from home gave the money to my sister who was gonna transfer it but was gonna have to be the next day.
I told Rk he said come they just wanna talk. I went there with my passport and they took it away and said I have to pay 100000 baht to the rental company and 40000 to the driver we crashed into. And Rk had to pay 40000 for court fees and we had 1 day to pay the 40000 to the guy we crashed into.
Rk got released and stupid us to go party with the Thai lady stacy the one we crashed with. We got fucked and went bayhill celebrating rks release. Nothing too wild. No crashes since we learned to get cabs in Thailand. ( funnily I write this from bayhill.)
We got home as reality hit us and this would be our last night out for a while. We went home ringing everyone we knew trying to get money for the company’s. We didn’t know how long this would take.
We went to the police station to pay the guy we crashed into and for anyone that don’t believe this is a true story I have evidence of everything.
I’ll fast forward time 1 week we payed off the rental company. After we was penniless we had learned our lesson the hard way and we aren’t rich we had 3k English spending me and Rk and my other friend had 1k we were far from well off.
Once we paid off the company we walked past a few times after seeing they had 2 new cars and the other one we crashed was in repair. We realised we had been fully extorted for everything we had as they smiled and waved. I had no money at all at this point and my leg was infected I was treating it day by day as I walked round with a crutch.
Now we were trying to get home but no one had enough but my other friend,(who crashed)his mum was booking him a ticket. We went to extend our visa. I didn’t have enough money so I couldn’t extend my visa, I barely paid off the company, I needed help from friends. They got there visas done and my other friend only got a 3 day extension due to being Russian. He had to leave and we wanted to give him a good send off as it set into mine and rks brain that’d we’d be stuck here.
The last day my friend was here we went partying again for the first time since the night after the crash which was about 2+ weeks ago.
(Forgot to mention Stacy snitch to police on me about the whole crash we learned in them 2 weeks and Rk had her at the house for 2 weeks near enough and she hated me and didn’t try help me even though I couldn’t walk. We came to the decision she needed to leave.)
We went out like we usually did and partied and went bayhill after I was on xannax and barely rember anything but next thing I’m in a bush and Rk and my friend were speaking to 2 girls who said come back to there hotel. They told me and bring me I went back in bayhill to get me a girl. They left me after this without telling me properly and I went back to see them gone. I had a English sim and no credit or data. I sat outside bayhill as everyone was coming out asking if my friend had been seen. A girl told me to get on the back of her ped randomly and I had no other choice lol. She took me back hers we hugged you could say lol. I woke up she took me for food and dropped me back to my friends and she demanded I gave her what she spent on me. I just was shocked thinking she done it out of good heart. I gave her 1000 baht.
I met Rk after he dropped my other friend at the airport. It set in we have to move place Tommorow and we didn’t know where we were going. We got wasted and got cab back to our place with a girl who was rks.
I woke up to the air bnb owner telling us to get out. I packed my stuff as fast as I could. We got all our stuff together and got cab to Patong. We found a small hotel off bangala road called Acca. This would be the start to our new beginnings and a downgrade you could say from our last place.
Acca was a weird hotel, my visa had run out so I had to make excuses to why I couldn’t show my passport everywhere. I forgot the first couple days at Acca but we were struggling for money bad and calling home near enough everyday. There were few days we would have enough money to enjoy ourselves. And the days we didn’t we had to tell the hotel we were waiting for money.
Acca so many memories there, we had made a few friends there so we knew most things by this point (Thais and tourists). The famous person we met the night we crashed had a YouTube channel. So people who watched his videos had seen us on there and were coming up to us asking questions. We planned on doing YouTube but nothing for us goes to plan.
I still couldn’t go out in the day because my leg couldn’t go near the sun. I was trapped inside all day and Rk would go out and meet up with the friends he met there. We got messages from friends in london I had when I was 15. They were coming to patong for a holiday and wanted to meet up.
They came and booked our hotel (different room) and we all stayed together our room slowly turned into a mess as we would get ready and go out everyday and get xannyed, drink beer and smoke weed.
We thought they were gonna be help but it made it worse they loved xannax and had money so A lot of problems would arise.
Fast forward time, Stacy was stalking Rk and I forgot to mention, Stacy was a pro Muay Thai fighter who was the champion of a popular Thai island and when she was mentioned to any local girls they would be scared knowing what she could do.

Hi! I'm a hair stylist at a salon in Santa Barbara, Salon Patine. I've been trying to make inroads with the sororities and clubs at UCSB, and aside from AXO, I've had no luck.
The only contact info I can find for them is IG, and I already tried that, no luck. Short of my walking up to their door and knocking, which I don't want to do, I'm not sure how to get in touch with anyone in leadership. I know there are the Panhellenic sororities and the USFC sororities, and I've reached out to both Panhellenic and USFC, and still haven't been able to make inroads.
So here is where you can be of help. I will give you ANY hair service you like, for FREE, if you can put me in touch with someone in a leadership role, preferably the sorority president, for any of the Panhellenic and or USFC sororities at UCSB.
For everyone you put me in touch with (except for AXO), I will give you ANY service for FREE...color (highlight, balayage, etc), Brazilian blowout, haircut, etc. There are 16 total sororities if I'm not mistaken, you can get 16 different free services as you need them. This also goes for any club like dance team etc. Put me in touch with someone in leadership, you get free hair services.

We separated in Aug. 3kids. 17yrs. He moved in with her 7 days after announcing separation. Across the continent/country. She was a “high school friend”— whose connection he always downplayed. It’s been 9months of me working hard on going no-contact immediately after he walked out. Within 1 week of leaving he was pushing to settle the separation agreement. Rush, rush. Insulting, undermining. I was the stay at home parent for 17yrs. He was gone for 30-60days as a merchant sailor on big tankers. It has been a hard, contentious separation. My lawyer is struggling to get his lawyer to get him to release documents. It’s messy. It’s complicated. It’s document after document that has to be combed thru. Because of the complicated particularities — I’m trying to stay no contact to create emotional distance and keep my head lucid.
A week ago. I got this email from his new supply. I can’t do the mental gymnastics of her logic… I know I should NOT respond. I have managed to read this 3 times. None of my friends have gotten past one reading and giving up- plainly repeated the same thing. Don’t respond. English is not her first language. It’s like reading where I was when I first met him. It creeps me the F out. Advice? ————————-————————————— I hope life is full of light in the transition you face actually. I may have had a few tantrums of my own in the past 10 months but I know that love will win. I hope that's your feeling too. Charlie (not real name) is a giver and he will always look out for you and your childs. This is why this man is so stable; he never responds emotionally to attack, he always takes the time to let the other be in a safe space to communicate and make an offer.
As a teacher for neuroatypical students, a mother who separated recently, a woman with a personal trauma history, a yoga and breathwork facilitator, for the past 10 years, I know that when somebody tries to attack, this is just a response to personal trauma. Mine are not too far but I'm always aware when I'm blinded by them and I always work very hard to make them quiet, so I may have a lucid understanding of the situation. This is the way I settle my own separation. No violence; neither in my demands or in my position. So, my kids have the chance to live a healthy separation and a transition in a recomposed family full of love. Now, this experience makes them understand at a young age that adults can decide to separate and there is no spite. This is just another way to live the family concept, and this way gives them more options, more adults to model, to love, to grow with. So, I decide today, after 10 months in the life of Charlie as his lover, more than 25 years as his friend, and 20 years as his best-friend, to ask you to give him a break, and see him as he is, and as you know him: a generous and devote father and lover, always aware of how to be better, intelligent and grounded, full of emotives skills. Your kids know that, and they need to see their father happy, loved and free in a beautiful relationship. They need to experience what love is for real, without violence or manipulation. For my demand, I hope that the NVC model will help this message to be understood (I think you study a lot by yourself and I'm sure you know the best way too communicate, invented by Marshall Rosenberg, a Carl Rogers student, (https://www.amazon.ca/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X ) 1 - Observations : When I saw your demands and the way you treated the situation between you and Charlie, but also your childs ....2 - Feelings : I feel sad, powerless for your family...3 - Request : I need you to use your heart to look at the situation, for your childs, their mental health and their future.4 - Needs : These childs are more resilient and autonomous then most childrens I ever met, but sadness can break them forever, and it's not the fact that Charlie chose to be loved and to live in City Name, near to me and his family, that will make them sad. It's the guerilla inside which they are submerged. They need to have a beautiful life where they can make choices without conflict of loyalty. Your childs are intelligent and they know how to live this transition without any violence. LET THEM SHOW YOU THE WAY, not the opposite. Hope this request will be heard and understood as a love and non-violent demand. Peace

As the moderation team of /PlayerTwo, we have concerns about recent changes to Reddit.
A recent Reddit policy change threatens to kill many beloved third-party mobile apps, making a great many quality-of-life features not seen in the official mobile app permanently inaccessible to users.
On May 31, 2023, Reddit announced they were raising the price to make calls to their API from being free to a level that will kill every third party app on Reddit, from Apollo to Reddit is Fun to Narwhal to BaconReader.
Even if you're not a mobile user and don't use any of those apps, this is a step toward killing other ways of customizing Reddit, such as Reddit Enhancement Suite or the use of the old.reddit.com desktop interface.
This isn't only a problem for users: many subreddit moderators depend on tools only available outside the official app to keep their communities on-topic and spam-free.
Accordingly, the moderation team of /PlayerTwo is declaring its opposition to this API pricing change, and will be [shutting down the subreddit in solidarity for 48 hours on June 12th through the 14th/shutting down indefinitely beginning June 12th, until the tools to provide effective moderation are available once more.]
Find out what you can do to help at /Save3rdPartyApps- or, if you moderate a subreddit, its sister sub /ModCoord.
Now onto a personal note: I've been using reddit for quite some time, but I have been using RiF is Fun for damn near just as long. I paid for the platinum model as it's worth it for me and the support for the app has been nothing short of amazing. We all know reddit is going public. I know reddit is doing this to force everyone to use their shit apps because they want the ad revenue/user base that is non existent otherwise on their "Official" app. It's bullshit and it's infuriating knowing that this probably won't do much to "fix" this overall problem the site has. Unfortunately reddit will probably backtrack for a bit until the media dies down and in about 2-3 months they'll quietly implement their bullshit and catch 3rd party apps off guard and that'll be it.
If the apps go, I will probably follow suit. I know I haven't modded much in here, but to be honest, you all have done an amazing job at keeping it regulated as it should be. By you. Not by micromanaging mods. I think you'll be fine.
Thank you for getting this far. Thank you for building this sub into something way more popular than I ever anticipated.
Take care.

• Nate

For the past several years, my wife and I have attended a local church in our neighborhood. It's been a great way to connect with our neighbors, and we've built some really strong friendships. However, as great as the people have been, our church building is old and falling apart. The interior smells like mildew, and there are even some holes that small rodents have gotten into from the outdoors. It's really a great shame that the building has fallen into such disrepair.
This past Sunday after service, we were celebrating new members. A whole bunch of people decided to join at once, and a custom-made cake had been purchased to commemorate the occasion. We usually only have coffee and tea after the service, so food was a rare treat. I sat in the back of the sanctuary so that I could be among the first in line for cake, but when I walked out into the hallway, I noticed that a small bird had flown in. Even worse, it was crashing against the window near the cake, attempting to free itself. I knew that if it landed on the cake, all that money would have been wasted. I wasn't about to let that happen.
I took my shirt off and climbed up on the windowsill. I was hoping to capture the bird in my shirt and let it go outdoors. Overall, I thought it was a brave plan, but the windowsill couldn't hold my weight, and it gave way, allowing the bird to escape down a hallway. Worse still, when I hit the floor, I was unsteady on my feet and ended up careening onto the table, landing belly first onto the cake. I had crushed it. There were a few salvageable pieces on either end, and I put them on plates, but I was told that none of it would be served.
People were smirking at me, and I felt really awful. I think maybe some people thought I had done it on purpose. However, no one was angrier at me than my wife. She told me that I had embarrassed both of us and that I should have thought things through better. I told her that there wasn't any time to look for a ladder and that I was just trying to save the cake from being pooped on, but my wife was having none of it. It took me hours of scrubbing to get all the frosting out of my chest hair, and I'm also discovering small chunks of cake in the car every time I run an errand. It's like a constant reminder of what happened. Now I'm afraid that my pastor is going to yell at me and demand I pay for repairs on Sunday. This whole thing has become a big nightmare that I can't wake up from. AITA?

If I had to recap my whole life, it would be a very long, confusing, but yet an emotional book.
It all started at Methodist Hospital. I was born into a world I never thought would be this horrific.
At a young age, I learned that independence was key. I did everything myself because that’s how it went. I thought asking for help and seeking help was me being dependent on something I would never get. I was born into a religion I never understood. The women were the lower class of all people. They were under men, the “leaders” of the world. I grew up only knowing I was not better than any man I laid my eyes unto.
As I aged, I found out I would never be able to look like the other girls, the pants wearing, crop top wearing, short hair, normal girls. I was always the outcast of the girl groups, only because I didn’t fit in with their beliefs. I always tried to fit in, but no matter what, I was never the right puzzle piece.
Going to school was always something I kind of had trouble with. Not anxiety, no, nothing like that. Just afraid that I was going to be made fun of because of my clothes. That’s whenever I kind of found out I was developing anxiety.
I made it throughout K-3, then a big change happened in my life that I never thought would’ve happened. I never really noticed my mother and father’s issues they were having until that very night. It was after school, my father, me, and my brother were going to go get ice cream and I just sensed something was off because my mother wasn’t coming with us. I was only 7 at the time so I really didn’t expect something to happen, all I knew was that we were going to get ice cream.
I was in the back seat of my father’s truck. Sirens started going off behind us, red and blue lights appeared in the front mirrors. I was confused about what it was, I looked in the back window and noticed, It was a police car. Why? Why was a Police car behind us? We weren’t speeding?
I looked at my dad as he stared into my eyes, his eyes flooded with tears. I was confused and scared. Was he getting arrested? That’s the only thing that went through my mind. As the police officer approached the window, I couldn’t hear what he was saying to my father. When he got done speaking to him, he let up the window and turned the truck around. Why was he turning around? Weren’t we getting ice cream?
I asked why we were turning around, he only looked at me with an emotionless face. Then he smiled and told me it was going to be all okay. But still, he never answered my question. Where were we going?
As we turned around I noticed this was the way back to our home. We were going home?
Why?
We pulled into our driveway and the officer was behind us. We drove up to our house and my grandmother was standing outside. We all stepped outside of the car, but my dad started walking to the officer. I asked my grandmother what was happening, she only looked at me and smiled, she didn’t respond to my question. Why was everyone being so quiet? No one responded to what I was saying?
She had the gatogolf cart parked in front of the garage and told us to hop on and that we were going on a ride around the house. I was still so confused on why my dad had just walked off to the end of the driveway to meet the officer? Why was the officer here in the first place?
As I looked at my grandmother, tears drowned her eyes. I looked at my brother, we were both so confused. I finally got a response out of my grandma, but it still wasn’t the response I was looking for. It was only a, It’ll all be okay.
But I knew it wasn’t going to be all okay. I knew that my mother and father were having some issues before all of this but I didn’t expect it to lead to this.
I finally got informed on what was going on, my mother and father were getting a divorce. At the time I didn’t understand what that word meant. Until it was explained to me. For the whole night I was blank, I cried all night and was so confused. My father wasn’t allowed to be around me and my brother. Why? Isn’t he my father though? Why are they keeping him away?
I never understood why until it was all explained to me. He abused my mother. He hurt her verbally, mentally, I didn’t know who to believe. Believe my mother or my father..?
I got one last goodbye hug from my father before we had to leave to go to my aunts for the night. I really wasn’t used to being far away from him, neither was my brother. I cried all night at my aunt’s house. I just didn’t understand why.
The next morning I found out I had to leave to go to my mom’s mother’s house. I was still so confused on why I couldn’t see my father. I wasn’t used to being this far away from him for this period of time.
My mother came to pick me up. I asked her everything, and she told me that her and my father were just done. I honestly just went blank. I don’t remember anything else I said or did that whole entire day.
The whole week at my mom’s mother’s house was just kind of weird for me. But it felt like me and my mom made a huge bond though. I had never worn a pair of jeans in my life, but one day, I finally felt what it was like. I felt so different. When me and her went to get me a pair I was kind of nervous but she helped me through it. My mother had already cut her hair and started wearing jeans, I had never seen this side of her. I kinda liked this “new” side of my mother. I was just still kinda in shock.
My mom looked so relieved and free. I felt happy for her, I always noticed she wasn’t very happy when she and my father were together, but I never understood why until one day. My mother and father were arguing in the dining room and I remember just looking at both of them, asking them to please stop arguing. I finally told my dad to go upstairs and my mom to go to the bedroom. They listened to what I said, which surprised me. But it helped settle both of them. I knew the divorce was kind of a good idea, they needed to get away from each other. But most of all, my mother needed to get away from him. I never noticed how much of a manipulative, narcissistic, abusive man he was because I never saw that side of him, but my mother did and all she was doing was trying to get help.
Me and my mom would dance in the bathroom to songs she would download on her phone, and I remember those being my most cherished memories of all time. When me and my mom had time to ourselves, it felt like I was living a whole different life. At first I was a daddy’s girl, but I later found out that for the rest of my life I’d be a momma’s girl.
As I got older, things took some hard turns. Later in my life I started developing a lot of depression and anxiety out of this world. My mother married someone and I’ll never mention his name ever again. He ruined her life, even when he knew my mother was already torn up from a past abusive marriage. He was such a narcissist. He acted like he loved me and my brother, but he never truly did. He proposed to her in the kitchen of our apartment. He cheated on my mother not long after he proposed. After my mother found out he had cheated on her he left, but he came back. We were living in an apartment at the time. One night I got called into her bedroom and there he sat, on the bed. Why was he back I wondered. I wasn’t disappointed in my mother, I was just so confused on why she wanted a man that cheated on her again. He hurt her. At this time, I found out that I legitimately hated men. They ended up dating again and I didn’t really know what to think. I had such mixed feelings about him. When he tried talking to me in the bedroom the night he came back, I didn’t say anything back so of course he wanted to leave because he said I didn’t want him there, which was the truth. I hated him, he hurt my mother just like my father had done to her.
Finally we moved into our home we still live in! I was so excited to finally live in a home, I was happy in the apartment but I was happy to leave those horrible memories behind me.
Him and my mother got married finally a little while after we moved in. I didn’t really know what to think about it, but as long as my mother was happy, I would be happy too.
I finally got used to him being here, me and him kinda built a bond. I mean he was my stepdad.
But everything changed, again. One night, me, him, my mother, and my brother all went to rookies downtown. I was furious at my father, and I don’t even remember why..
I was kind of influenced to call him and give it all to him, but half of me wanted to do it also, so I did it.
When we got home I took my mother's phone and called him. I was nervous but ready. I told him how I felt about having to wear skirts and how I had to pretend to be something I truly wasn’t. My father had never heard me cuss so it took him by surprise when he heard that. He didn’t even care about how I felt, he only cared about the one cuss word I had let out.
I knew no matter how much I fought to stay with my mom forever, it would never happen. I tried everything, CPS, Court, everything in my power, but nothing worked. I hated my dad, I hated him so much. I didn’t want to even consider him my father anymore. I hated my father so much.
I wanted to only be with my mother forever.
But then another divorce happened. My step dad and mother got a divorce because of everything he had done to her. He had done worse things to her than my father had done. I hated him so much. I still do with everything with me. I wish I could hurt him more than he hurt my mother. She didn’t deserve any of this. She just wanted love and loyalty, but all she got was dishonesty and pain in the end. Why won’t anyone just treat my mother right?
I felt like every man that would step into the house I would make a strong bond with. Then they would just disappear forever. That’s why I just can’t stand men. I’m not a feminist, but I just want to protect my mom forever.
Everyone has their own issues, but mine are just different. I feel like no matter how much help I try to get, nothing ever works. I’ve tried therapy, journaling, the rubberband method, and nothing helps. Medication is what I thought would help me, but it didn’t help at all. I love to be alone, but sometimes it doesn’t help. The only person that is really keeping me alive right now is my mother. If I didn’t have my mother here, I would have no point in living anymore. I love her, she deserves so much better. I would do anything to make her life better. I hate seeing her cry, stress, and just anything that makes her feel horrible. I would work in the desert, cut every single part of my body, pour salt in the cuts for her. I would put myself through so much for that woman. She just deserves so much more. There is no one else I would do that for. She’s the woman that felt me inside her, gave birth to me, and still has me. I will always be here for her. There will never be a time that she’ll be alone. No one can love her like I do. She’s like an egg, she’s so fragile. I don’t want anything happening to her.
But my life is so hard to deal with. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone, because as the saying goes, “Hurt people, will hurt people”. I just don’t want anyone hurting her. She’s such a special and loving woman. Through all the hell she has been through, she still will always be the strongest woman I’ve ever met and the only mom I will ever love. No one will ever beat my mother.
I’m so glad I have her. She taught me everything I know, how to tie my shoes, how to do my hair, my fashion ways. I just want her to myself. I don;t want anyone else to have her, ever. Just me and her is all I want for the rest of my life.
As we can see, my life has been full of ups and downs, but no matter what..I know I’ll always have that one special person by my side, her.

• Eva Gilford 23’

bby pic of me and my gorgeous mother.

So this happened a few months ago. There was a girl in my office who liked me too much. She kept finding excuses to talk with me, be near me and so on. Touched me inappropriately sometimes. I didn't mind it as such, although I was not attracted to her and didn't want to date her. So, I kept ignoring it and didn't say anything, didn't want to hurt her feelings.
One day she came too close to me and touched me inappropriately. I felt uncomfortable and said "please stop" in a slightly louder tone. She became angry and started crying, she made the case that somehow I was the perpetrator and she was the victim.
This triggered me so much. Fortunately I had no fear of a fake PoSH case since my colleagues knew that she was into me and we had CCTVs all around. So I said loudly, "apni shakal aur body dekhi hai aaine me, teri jaisi ko to mai dekhu bhi na, chal cctv check karte hain..". And I started pointing out all the things on her body/face she was insecure about. I kinda body shamed her, which I shouldn't have done.
This made her cry and she was shaking with fear and shame. She said mujhe maaf kar do and ran away crying. She never came near me after that incident. There were only 3 other people who saw this incident. I requested all of them to keep it a secret as I was feeling really guilty and didn't want her to get further embarrassed, agar ye baat faili to.
She resigned after a few days and one month of notice period. Now that I think of it I feel very guilty as I body shamed her too much. I got triggered as she shifted the blame onto me and my emotions took over me. I regret this a lot. I am going to apologise to her for this incident. It has filled me up with a lot of guilt.
PS: I posted this as a comment in this sub that got deleted.

I am currently attending therapy and my work with them has made me more conscious of uncomfortable feelings that have led to a feeling of resentment and loss that stems from my childhood.
What follows Is my account of my experience, feelings, interpretations, memories. Whilst yours might be different, I am telling you mine and how it is real to me, sometimes from the perspective of the child that experienced these things where things are a lot more significant than they might be for an adult and not even register.
I get that some things might be remembered wrongly
i currently pay to attend psychoanalytic psychotherapy therapy 14 hours a week, 5 days a week. This is following a near lifetime of attending various other therapies, medications and being imprisoned by various coping mechanisms I learned to help me survive since childhood.
I feel you have already acknowledged that you have let me down. Yet you still wish to be connected with me. I would like to be connected with you too but I feel angry.
I want to connect with you both, my siblings, people in general and even myself but it seems I am deeply angry/resentful for being presented in my childhood with an environment where I felt scared and ashamed of expressing my needs and feeling deprived of emotional connection. My physical needs were taken care of but emotionally I think that people were not present and short of temper, time, attention and other resources.
I felt bad, guilty, ashamed for having needs and even felt fearful that my body would express a want for its needs to be fulfilled (e.g. crying).
I feel that I am expected to trust the excuses of the absences, the uncertainties, the short tempers, the half families and have learnt to feel shame/guilt to feel unsure, insecure and resentful of fully emotionally connecting.
I have curiosity about what the family/work secrets are, I don't need to know them but the message that family secrets have is that your loyalty sides with protecting these things at the expense of trust with your son as inherent in secrets is a lack of congruence. And with a lack of congruence you get gaslighting; you get a lack of trust in both the people you depend on for your survival and development (both personal and social) and emotional intimacy, connection cannot exist in that environment.
I feel that through various bits of information this caricature of you being some sort of James Bond/secret service/military/government (whatever) character has been allowed to be associated with daddy however all I have experienced of him is me feeling him being a tyrant in my childhood and being a broken man waiting for god whilst mummy waits on him in my adulthood. Of course I would like to see my father as James bond but he is a fictional/exceptional character that is unrealistic to try to emulate and the feeling of me having to live up to that has caused issues in it's own right. For me, nothing I can do is good enough as it is in the shadow of this fictional character. If I take away the fantasy (IE what I feel like I have been led to believe) and I just look at what I have experienced, I don't see a James Bond, I see a failed inventor with very childish defence mechanisms including using stories and the art of ambiguity (like poetic CV writing) and the idea that the threat of physical violence is the only way to assert ones strength.
I gave up trying to get a convincing account of various anomalies as the responses I get are very far fetched and just begat more questions, it's utterly hopeless. For example, I feel that whoever these half siblings are, whatever grandiose reasons there might be to justify doing things the way they have been done, they on the other hand are humans, apparently your children, who might be afforded more dignity than they have, especially in the light of finding out that the person they consider is their natural father is rather than dead, has actually been living with another family in the next city.
All during this, I have felt alone, not actually stood up for. When I brought all this to your attention previously I was told "we're sorry, we have let you down, but this is how we were brought up ourselves" as if to absolve yourselves of any responsibility for either the past, present or future.
I find it troubling that I cannot get myself to talk about this stuff, to express my feelings, to criticize or to enquire. I find it troubling that I would feel guilt, shame, fear to do so.
When bringing up my experience of things and it happens to not be in a favourable light, instead of acknowledging these things, 'the messenger is shot' and I am told I am ungrateful and 'only remember the bad stuff'
I remember receiving wonderful gifts, I loved playing with Lego etc. I wonder what was going on at the time I started to receive gifts that were more challenging than I could deal with yet didn't get help with completing them. I felt alone, unsupported. I felt it set me up for failure.
I am curious what was going on around 1990 when according to my doctors notes it was reported that I was having mood and behaviour problems. I don't know if it is because of the death of granddaddy, the move to a new school and city, the birth of Leah, the birth of a half sibling, me being stuck on a school coach vomit comet or something else that I was picking up subconsciously through whatever was going on in the environment I was being brought up in.
I wonder why for as long as I can remember, even before socialising with other children I was seen as polite (fawning/walking on egg shells) and I was shy.
I wonder what might have lead me to being anxious about vomit. It has been proposed that it is a fear of the act of involuntarily expressing something that I cannot digest. For example, being shamed for crying.
My coping mechanisms of stonewalling, ignoring could be interpreted as narcissistic behaviours. However, I do these behaviours out of anger, and fear, the combination or which would be resentment. I choose these behaviours because I am fearful of expressing my needs either aggressively or assertively. I fear this because as a child, I believed that physical violence, spanking, or much worse was always a potential.
I remember people, particularly daddy getting offended at things whether they were disrespectful, neutral or innocent. The safest thing for me was to just shut up and hide.
The sound of screaming, slamming doors, the feeling of the stonewalling made me feel frightened, shocked. The physical symptoms were very uncomfortable and I experience these same symptoms whenever I hear a door slam, whenever someone is short with me, whenever I'm in a car and countless other situations.
I feel that daddy's attempts to assert boundaries with Lyndsay (if that was what was going on... I don't actually have any idea what was going on other than perhaps this to explain Lyndsay's horrifying screaming) were undermined by mummy withdrawing and ignoring him (going to bed, sulking). This is mummy's way of expressing her anger and manipulating daddy and others into getting what she wants. This technique is used by people who are up against people who cannot fight physically as they are physically weaker than the other person and cannot communicate assertively in this situation for whatever reason. I have learnt to do this myself and have learnt that this is called passive aggressive behaviour and is often associated with narcissistic behaviour.
With my father being away for most of the time, both physically and mentally, it was left to my mother to bring me up. In this situation I have learnt to be protective of my mothers needs, to make her happy, often at the expense of me expressing my needs as this would have led to a painful drain on her limited resources. Daddy's way of asserting his strength through what I perceived as an unspoken physical threat taught me that masculinity is disgusting and 'not the way' that you ingratiate yourself to women and not a way that leads women to feel safe and treated with respect. This however has lead me to neglect to develop masculine traits and this affects me in all types of my relationships. I don't think I ever learnt to be assertive, I learnt that having needs met would lead to conflict and that conflict requires aggression and winning rather than discussion and perhaps compromise. Thus I have bizarrely become spoilt as I have never had my expectations questioned and not learnt to be happy with compromise. I instead sulk. The tragedy is that I am spoilt yet left with nothing.
I feel my mother should have been the source for nurturing and through unconditional love I would be given an innate sense that I am worthy of love no matter what the world says otherwise and my father for feelings of harnessing the world through my strength of assertiveness.
Instead I feel love (or in this case, approval, or just 'not being chastised') was on condition that I am mummy's rock, I please her, I fawn by not asking too much of her, whilst my sister demands everything, resulting in me being fed scraps.
I feel perhaps resentful of the general feeling of unease I have due to not being fully protected from what was going on in the family environment
I am frightened of every member of my family. The feeling of someone snapping at me cuts me deeply to this day.
The fact that I have felt that I am only comfortable to express all this with the distance of an email, at the age of 41 after decades of intensive therapy that I have been too ashamed to confess to having is very telling about the severity/enormity/entrenchment of my feelings.
The feeling as a child of waiting as if it was an eternity, wondering if my dad would ever come back to share some real connection knowing over time that I would only find when he did come back, he wasn't 'there'. he was in a violent stupor, the shrieking from my sister would start followed by the choking oppressive withdrawing from my mother; the 'performative' playing 'happy families' once daddy had sobered up as if nothing had happened (look again at those Christmas home videos, my smile is a grimace, and it still is. I suspect Lyndsay's is too. Poor Leah, floating around, I assume genuinely happy as she hasn't yet had things subconsciously filter in); only for the cycle to be gone through again and again.
This doesn't even touch the feeling that I have of Lyndsay acting out her frustrations on me.
I think self-diagnosing her with some sort of personality is a way of excusing yourselves from her childhood environment having an influence on her behaviour. It also condemns her to a lifetime of her being the way she is.
I felt like I could not depend on my parents for my security and development and had a sense of pride in being independent compared to my siblings yet have realised that I am just as dependent on others as my sisters are, in fact I am hiding the fact that I feel my needs would be too much for people (perhaps where me being afraid of puking comes from as I can't control it). we just have different ways of dealing with being dependent. Fortunately for my siblings that means they get to grab everything (I'm sure they have their pitfalls), yet for me it results in me shooting myself in the foot and I get scraps or nothing. I wait for attention, I get proof that I am loved by waiting for the person to give it and feeling resentful at the person for them not reading my mind.
That time when I was crying in my room and daddy asked me "if there was ever anything wrong you would tell me right?" And I said "no". That was an act of defiance. I was furious (for being absent; for being temperamental (triggered to snap at people and take things as a personal criticism whether they were or not); for not being an inspiration; for having the expectations of someone who was qualified/deserved the benefits of being a father without actually fulfilling his responsibilities of being a father) with you by then yet also terrified. I feel what you were asking was for me to emotionally connect with you so knowing that that's how I have power over you.
I do not intend for this to be a slagging match. I wish to just communicate my experience of things and how I feel. And honestly right now I feel ashamed, guilty and scared for any number of the "Four Horsemen" to have their input for having dared to express my needs or to have criticized. I probably won't pick up any phone calls or texts for now and will respond to an email when I feel ready in order to avoid an emotional interaction that, whilst I wish I could bare, I cannot.
The damage is done, no one can go back in time to fix this and I am not sure that I will see anyone putting in the amount of work into finally curtailing this intergenerational trauma, if that's what it is as much as I seem to have devoted my life to. I have experienced what I have experienced and had developed the methods of coping that I had available to me at the time and I now feel trapped by them. I don't know what to do for the future. Perhaps I need to go through some grieving process and develop the confidence that I will be able to express my needs, the acceptance that I will not always get what I want and no longer sulk. I have become aware of my feelings of anger and fear, I have been resentful, now I am attempting to express my feelings. What happens next might depend on the response I get but I will need to do things at my own pace. As for if you want to do anything, that's up to you. I feel safer to not be dependent on yourselves, or others in general however, like I said, despite this, I am dependent on people whether I like it or not. This area I am hazy with.
I am still working on myself, perhaps my feelings might change entirely. As for how things could work going forward, I don't yet know, I am yet to work it out, but maybe this is a step out of a cul-de-sac and towards somewhere closer than us just mutually switching our brains off and staring at the same corner of the living room and me 'performing'.
I need to learn to be comfortable expressing my feelings and needs, even if this means I am being critical. Then I need to let go of resentment and the idea that although you want connection with me I feel it is later than when I needed it.
I am preoccupied with a painful, discomforting sense of emptiness, a sense of deprivation, a hunger, a longing that I constantly, in one way or another seek to resolve or distract myself from. I would like to one day no longer feel this however I'm not even sure if I will be afforded such a luxury and finally get on with my life.

Hello everyone! Just a forewarning, this might be a long post. Writing is my way to get my thoughts and feelings out, and I tend to write a bit too much for everyone else's own good.
So, this is a weird one. I don't really know where to start. But, the friend in question (we'll call him... John) and I are in our freshman year of high school, though it is coming to an end. It's an exciting and stressful time in our lives, and the next couple of years are going to be essentially a free trial of actual adulthood.
Something that naturally comes from this period of growth is, of course, dating! Sometimes it seems like everyone's in a relationship. On social media you see couples all the time, and everyone is talking about asking someone out. It's hard to ignore it.
With that, my friend John has apparently been obsessed with this girl since the 4th grade. We'll call her... Abigail. I've personally never heard about this, but I thought that was fine. Turns, out he's been extremely anxious when talking, seeing, or even thinking about her. He's finally gathered the courage to try and talk to her, but there's some things that seemed off to me.
Now, I want to note I have no experience in this realm of life either, so I may be very, very out of touch as well. I hope I'm not, but it's a possibility.
With this newfound motivation, he's decided to start planning what he's going to do. Obviously, I would want to help with this! What type of friend would I be if I didn't help him with something if he asks? The thing is, I'm not sure the method he's set on is the best way of keeping both parties comfortable. I don't know how else to put that. Alongside that, selfishly, I just don't want to see him hurt if it doesn't work out.
Here's where things got a bit weird for me. First, he hasn't talked to Abigail since 4th grade. No contact. Not even mutual friends or anything until like a few months ago. Next, he wants to write a long, handwritten letter to her. That's not that bad, until I realized that he's going to enclose a bracelet his grandma gave him (for sentimental reasons) within the card. I've seen it. It's not cheap, that's for sure. Pretty sure it's pure sterling. It's no Tiffany & Co. bangle, but it was fancy, that's for damn sure. Last, he's done this before! He literally told nobody at all, but he did the same thing during Valentine's Day, to no response. Just an awkward laugh.
Frankly, I don't really know what to do. I want to tell him the truth. I think that it's a bad idea. I just don't want the girl to be uncomfortable or feel unsafe. If I was the recipient of this stuff, I would be really uncomfortable. He's a sensible and reasonable person, but he's just so into this right now that he's not realizing it.
What the fuck do I do? Sadly, I think it's likely he's going to be rejected, hard. This seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things, but I think this stuff is super important. Like I was saying in the beginning, this is our first real experience of... life. That stuff stings hard.
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I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. I can't give out too much info about this, but I genuinely need some mature people's opinions and advice. I really want to help my friend out here, but I don't want to overstep. I might ruin my multi-year long friendship with him if I really tell the truth.

Hi. I’m struggling with ketamine. I lost my mom and it’s been a difficult year. She was in a coma for a year and my dad has been a wreck. I used to ketamine for fun and I loved it as a social drug, it’s awesome way to connect to myself and my friends who are doing it with you. But now I’m getting cravings every night and I find myself calling my drug dealer to get it all the time. It’s expensive and I find myself irritable and nothing feels meaningful without it. Does anyone else feel like this?
The cravings come at night so I’m trying to fall asleep. I’ve notice if I take xanax, I fall asleep before I get the urge to do some or buy more. Is that healthy when I’m trying to get off of it? I don’t seem to have any other addictive substance abuse problems and I use drugs socially - ketamine just makes me feel more connected to myself and the people I’m with. I’m in therapy and my therapist isn’t too concerned but I think that’s because she knows I have an issue with shame and she’s building me up and trying to get me to be less hard on myself.
This is honestly really hurting my relationship, but it actually helps me feel more in touch and relaxed (high anxiety on regular basis). But I know this is an issue because I’m so uncomfortable without it. Not really sure what I’m asking for here - just would love to hear what others are going through and how they’ve coped. This isn’t sustainable and I want to be free of it. My partner is pretty supportive but he’s also very judgmental by nature and not super empathetic.
Thanks in advance for any advice or advice or words of comfort.

Hi! Huge thanks to the people in this sub. I'm nearly done with my setup to start my FIRE journey. Just created both Pearler and CMC accounts (I'm gonna go with whichever will verify my identity first, would love to know your thoughts between the two as well).
The strategy I'm looking at right now is maybe a VAS/VGS 50/50 split for like a year or two. Then will try to add NDQ and VGE. Make it 40/40/10/10 perhaps.
Now, I have a situational question for both Pearler and CMC users to fully get a grasp on which is the better situation for me.
Suppose I save $2k per month for ETFs.
Pearler:

• Auto-invest - will Pearler just put 1k to VAS and 1k to VGS assuming the 50-50 split? Will it also auto-rebalance for me? Given that, does this entail two separate $6.50 flat fees? (If yes, should I just look into all-in-one ETFs, like VDHG or DHHF, instead to save up on this flat fee?)
• When I get my dividends, can I configure in Pearler to reinvest it the next month right away with the same split?

CMC:

• I know there's no Auto-invest in CMC, but the community loves it due to its $0 fee for anything below $1000. Since I want to put into two ETFs, that assumes $1k each to VAS and VGS. Is this more economical for me given I'm spending $0 for my two ETF purchases each month?
• For those using CMC, do you do your own rebalancing? (assuming it's not a feature)
• When I get my dividends, can I access them in CMC so I could reinvest it the next month right away with the same split?

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Lastly, feel free to drop any insights.
LFG.TIA!