Two weeks ago, I spoke on the phone with Tom Ono, the manual writer for Heroes of Might and Magic III. As usual, Tom asked how things were going. I said things were good... then proceeded to whine and complain for the next five minutes (much to Tom's amusement).
When the conversation concluded, Tom said, "Don't complain too much. Some people would give their eyeteeth to be in the game industry." I responded, "Who are these people and why haven't they been beaten for their own good?"
My name is Gregory Fulton, game designer for Heroes of Might and Magic III (developed by New World Computing, published by 3DO). You may call me Greg. Like most game designers, I'm sure you'll find me a bitter and cynical man, aged beyond my years, full of sarcasm, and inexplicably drawn to the horrors of game production like a lobotomized moth to the "pretty" flame.
As I guide you through your weekly tour of my memories, I promise the recollected images will be truthful and sincere but written with a smirk and a wink.
Undoubtedly, we will interact with the following animals: artists, level builders, managers, producers, programmers, testers, and monkeys. To help ensure your safety, I request you fasten your seat belts, keep your hands to your sides at all times, and be sure to not make any quick and sudden movements. Remember... we will be passing through the game production process.

12/05/98
It's Saturday. I'm at work with three other members of the Heroes3 team. I'll be in again tomorrow.
Smells like "crunch time."
Everyone in the game industry knows the term "crunch time." Those not in the industry may ask, "What is crunch time?" Long hours: 10-18 each day. We're starting our fourth crunch month. We have at least one more after this.
Bad take-out food: Mexican and Chinese food are New World's favorites. Today we had Taco Bell and Domino's pizza as part of NWC's "work for food" program.
Social Life: To work in the game industry you must already have some form of social retardation. When crunch mode begins, you may only speak in code to coworkers. Immediate family and friends may be seen on brief occasions so they don't file a missing-persons report. I'm one of the lucky ones; I don't remember having any friends or family.
Hygiene: Haircuts and showers become optional in favor of more sleep time. For me, showers are a must, but my hair is sprouting wings and a tail. Pretty soon I'll look like the lead singer from Flock of Seagulls.
Stress: Anger and frustration are frequent companions. If bridges are burned, this is usually the time. Earlier this week morale was low. In a fit of anger concerning team interactions, I was heard shouting, "I feel like a kindergarten teacher. Can't everyone just keep their hands to themselves and play nice!"
Murphy's law: Any potential hazard will be encountered. I'm writing this diary from the NWC conference room. My computer refuses to function for more than five minutes without seizing up.
12/06/98
This weekend I'm taking care of my PR duties (hence this diary). Not the most exciting stuff, so I'll relate a short story from earlier this week.
David Mullich (producer), Mark Caldwell (NWC vice president and programmer), Jon Van Caneghem (NWC president, creator of all things Might and Magic, and company design visionary), and I found ourselves crowded into the sweltering office of Scott White.
Scott did all the town screens in Heroes III except the Rampart, Necropolis, and Fortress. Since he finished his 3D duties, he's turned his skills to the game's interface. Believe it or not, we were in Scott's office arguing about color: interface colors and player colors.
After much arguing about the interface colors, we decided to leave it virtually untouched. Player colors were a different subject.
Originally, we used light blue, dark blue, red, green, purple, brown, black, and white. These colors needed to change. Light blue looked like the blue used in the main menu. Brown clashed with the brown used in the general game interface. Game text disappeared against white. Black and green disappeared with the terrain colors shown on the game mini-map.
OK. We agreed some of the colors needed to change. After this, the agreements stopped. I don't know what is more ridiculous... arguing over what colors to use or the twisted logic behind the arguments. Red, blue, and dark green were safe choices. We still needed five other colors. The conversation went something like this....

"I don't want yellow. Yellow is the urine color."
"What about brown?"
"I don't like brown."
"Brown is the s**t color."
"What about pink?"
"Pink is a sissy color."
"We won't call it pink. We'll call it 'rose'."
"Rose?"
"The rose player?"
"I don't know. If I saw a pink hero, I'd turn and run away. You know any hero secure enough to use pink as his color is bad ass."
"What about magenta?"
"What about cobalt? What about cadmium?"
"Have we accounted for all the fecal colors?"
"What about orange?"
"Phelan (our art lead) doesn't like orange. It looks bad."
"So. I don't think it looks bad."
"Fine. You tell her you want orange."
"She'll kick your ass."
"Oh. Fine. We won't use orange."

So it went. Fifteen minutes later everyone agreed to disagree, and Jon was made the final judge. Here are the final colors: red, blue, yellow, green, orange, purple, aqua, and rose (pink).
12/07/98
Today we stopped all map production. From here until we ship, I join the mapmakers and testers in playing maps and writing bugs... or so I thought.
Today, I had dropped into my lap the assignment of converting the 144-plus pages of the game manual into a help file. Anyone who has written a help file knows how huge this task can be. I could probably finish it in a day, but it requires no one bothering me for an extended period of time. Ha!
At this late stage of the production cycle, my entire day is spent meeting with people, making sure people are doing their work, and confirming that what is being done is correct. I don't have time for work. I've made the ugly evolution from game designer to middle manager.
It wasn't like this at the beginning of the project. At the beginning of the project the game designer is the screaming prophet, lost and alone in the desert (or the design process if you prefer).
In the middle of the production process the prophet is being screamed at by all his fellow coworkers who are wondering what to do because the design doc is behind schedule.
At the end of the project, everyone's a screaming prophet, and everyone is screaming at everyone else.
Sometime in the middle of all this screaming I've got to write this help file. Maybe I could give the assignment to Christian Vanover (H3 assistant director). Isn't it the job of a middle manager to delegate?
12/08/98
Yesterday I was wondering where I would find the time to write the game help file. Today I have the answer.... I think I have the flu. This doesn't feel like any 24-hour "see-ya-bye" flu either. This feels like "kneel before Zod!" flu.
All right. I've got a story for you.
Earlier today we "officially" stopped making maps. From here on out, we play, test, and polish the game. This could mean a little, or a lot. If the maps play well the first time out, revisions will be minor. If we end up chucking whole maps, we may find ourselves back to making maps. Thus, we started playing them today. JVC (Jon Van Caneghem, New World's president) ended up playing a notorious map named "Barbarian Breakout."
Ten minutes after he starts, JVC pages me over my phone intercom: "Hey Yoda." (He's been calling me Yoda lately. I don't know why. I'm not sure if I should be honored or offended. On one hand, Yoda is wise and he trains Jedi Knights. On the other hand, he is a short ugly green dude with big ears.) "Enemy hero with six behemoths (one of the highest-level creatures) knocked on my front door on week two, day one."
"Oops. I'll be right there."
As soon as I walked into JVC's office, the razzing began.
"What's with the six behemoths? Is this one of the balanced scenarios?"
"OK, OK. Something's wrong. Turn off the fog."
Jon restarts the scenario, turns off the fog of war, ends turn four times in a row, then right-clicks the enemy hero to see the extent of his forces. Aside from his other three stacks of creatures... he has one stack of six behemoths. Oops.
"All right. Open the map in the editor."
Jon opens the map in the editor. What do we discover? First, the enemy hero starts at level three, and the mapmaker (Dave Botan) has given him four stacks of creatures. In addition, the enemy hero's starting town has three of seven creature generators already prebuilt.
No wonder the enemy was able to recruit behemoths on day four.
Remember the story about the father who comes home from a bad day at work and yells at his wife? She in turn yells at her kid. The kid in turn kicks the dog.
At this point, I'm looking for a dog to kick. So, I hunt down Dave Botan. Immediately, Dave states his defense.
"Everyone says the map's too hard. It isn't. The AI's cheating." (Recently, we discovered the artificial intelligence was exploiting an undiscovered bug allowing it to recruit more creatures than were actually available.)
"The AI doesn't need to cheat. It's already got a huge advantage."
"There's a bug."
"Doesn't matter. Set all players to normal starting conditions."
At this point everyone begins to playfully dog-pile on Dave telling all the reasons why his maps suck. In the end he relented and fixed the map.
12/09/98
I'm not writing from work today. I'm writing from home. I have seven-way-straight-from-the-bottom-of-the-Amazon-flu.
With this kind of flu the logical course of action would be to rest, drink lots of fluids, watch lots of movies, maybe see a doctor. However, I am a game designer and unfamiliar with the ways of logic. A day at home with the flu means I have the opportunity to finish the H3 help file.
Wow.
How pathetic can you get? On my day off to rest and get better, I use the uninterrupted time to convert a 144+ page manual into a help file.
I should get sick more often. I get more work done.
12/10/98
I'm back at work today. Good news... I finished the help file. Bad news... I still have the flu, and because I was so efficient in writing the game help file... I've been given the task of writing the map editor help file. Oh yeah, finish it by Monday.
Monday? There's so much pressure in my head, when I sniff, my eyes want to flee their sockets. My voice has the auditory consistency of sandpaper. Monday? Sure, I'll have it done by Monday.
12/11/98
Well, it's Friday night, and I have yet to see Star Trek: Insurrection. Doubt I'll be seeing it anytime soon.
One of the unmentioned symptoms of crunch time is cultural unawareness. In my time at a previous company I almost missed the entire O.J. trial. I haven't seen a movie since Starship Troopers. I'm not kidding.
12/14/98
I shouldn't have come in to work Thursday and Friday. It really pushed me over the edge. For the past two days I've been laid up with fever and chills. Remarkably, it was the one thing to take my mind off work. Aside from a froggy throat, it seems to have passed.
Enough about my illness. From here on, assume I'm always ill with the flu.
12/15/98
Today NWC (New World Computing) took a brief pause from game development to listen to Trip Hawkins (president of 3DO, NWC's parent company).
Twice a year, Trip makes a formal visit to talk about the company and where we're going as a company. It's a nice break from things.
However, Trip wasn't half as exciting as David Richie (our tools programmer) who sat next to me. Turns out David is coming down with the flu.
Over the course of the meeting, the air conditioning didn't turn on. With over 50 people crammed into a room, it got hot very fast. As the minutes passed, I could see David slowly whither.
I thought he was going to vomit. So basically, for most of the meeting, I sat envisioning how I was going to get out of the way when the volcano erupted.
Luckily, the volcano did not erupt. David left in the middle of the lecture and I haven't seen him since.
12/17/98
Welcome to the end of another working day at NWC. There is still no sign of David Richey. Another one of our programmers, John Krause, called in sick today. David Mullich (the Heroes III director) was ready to take bets on who would call in sick next. Of course, everyone blames me for getting them ill.
As far as your average NWC workday goes, this one was hectic and full of revelation.
Revelation?
Yes. Revelation. Only today did I look at my calendar and realize Christmas was next Friday.
Hectic?
Yes. Hectic. Every now and then I need to wipe my desk clean. This means catching up on all the hand-scrolled notes and stray post-its littered about my desk. When my desk is clean, I'm caught up.
This very act of cleaning makes for a semi-chaotic day. There is much gear shifting and subject changing to close dangling issues.
Add to this my usual parade of visitors, and my first chance to test multiplayer, and it takes great effort to avoid turning into a screaming monkey. Yes, I said screaming monkey.
Frequently, I find myself held hostage in my own office as a line of visitors (testers, programmers, artists, producers, etc.) quickly assemble outside my office in a short period of time, all wanting a piece of my brain.
Today it happened to occur while I was in the middle of a multiplayer game with Jeff Leggett (H3 multiplayer programmer). Simultaneously, I had three people show up and cram themselves into my small office. Each began jockeying for position to ask a question. Meanwhile, Jeff waited on the phone intercom, with Heroes III continually chiming in the background, letting me know it was my turn to play.
At this point you may apply the screaming monkey metaphor.
Despite the great potential for chaos, I asked Jeff to wait, gave my three suitors a number, told them to wait in line, then answered each of their questions.
On the surface, everything looked under control. Little did these poor souls know there was a screaming monkey, trapped in my mind's steel cage, wildly thrashing about in a desperate attempt to escape and turn me into a volcano of anger and lunacy.
When it was over, I took a deep breath, noted the walls weren't sprayed with the blood of innocent coworkers, and returned to my multiplayer game with Jeff.
Heroes II multiplayer wasn't friendly in the least. When it wasn't your turn, all you could do was sit at the computer and stare at the screen like a moron.
Well, thanks to our wonderful network programmer, Jeff Leggett, a moron you will no longer be.
Jeff has finished implementing multiplayer support. Now we're on a bug hunt. So, today, Jeff and I played a multiplayer game in the background while we went about our work.
I must admit, I had a blast. Moments like this make me forget my job is serious work.
12/18/98 Friday
Today I actually managed to catch up on all my notes. Next up, International Translation Kit. It can wait until Sunday. I don't get to enjoy these moments of accomplishment very often.
Being a game designer is nothing more than a life of delayed gratification. You spend the first month of the project "being creative," then spend the next 17 as a bricklayer implementing low-level details and boot-strapping the game design when unforeseen consequences arise.
Tomorrow we have our annual company Christmas party. I won't be going. I see my coworkers every day at work. I don't want to see them in a social environment. It'd be too weird. They'd have, like, spouses and dates and stuff, and wear dress clothes.
We've been told we can dress formal or casual. To me this means torn jeans and a food-stained white T-shirt. To everyone else, this means dress formal, because no one wants to underdress.
I don't want to see any of my coworkers dressed up. The thought frightens me. We're a bunch of geeks. We don't look good in casual wear. Formal wear will only amplify our geekiness.
Only one thing could entice me to go to the Christmas party - seeing the wives go off on the management for working their husbands so hard. I'd pay to see that... provided I wasn't on the receiving end.
By the way... hello to Chris Cross and Brian Reed, two friends I made when I briefly worked at Dreamworks Interactive (I didn't work on Trespasser). They called me today. They'd read the first entry in the Designer Diary and called to tell me what they thought. They then tied me up on the phone for the next 30 minutes while simultaneously sending me e-mail with bizarre and obscene attachments.
01/02/99 Saturday
Well, I'm back at work. The Christmas break was needed. I spent the first three days drinking eggnog, sleeping in 12- and 16-hour shifts, and watching Clinton get impeached.
After I was well rested, the eggnog was all gone, and Clintion was impeached, I did what any game design loser would do... worked on the game while on vacation. Ugh. I'm so pathetic.
My initial goal was to play existing maps. After playing five maps, it was obvious the AI hadn't been fully tested. It tended to sit back and never struck out until it had enough forces to guarantee a win.
This made for very extreme game experiences. Either you never saw the AI, or it came storming out of nowhere, knocked on your door, and politely introduced itself as your doom.
When our AI programmer (Gus Smedstad) gets back from vacation, I'll need to share my findings with him.
Well, seeing as I couldn't really play the game, I turned my attention to our 144-page game manual... much to my horror.
It turns out our second draft of the manual was full of errors. So, with red pen in hand, I promoted myself from game designer to fact checker. Over the next three days, I proceeded to bloody the pages of our beautiful manual.
To say it was tedious would be an understatement. When it was all over, I couldn't read anything if it wasn't written in fine print.
01/04/99 Monday
Today was another screaming monkey day. Why? One word: programmers.
I won't say who, but one of our programmers came into my office and proceeded to yell at me over a feature request he'd been given to program.
Why was he yelling at me? On the surface, it was because I hadn't given him enough details, or I hadn't thought through its impact enough. Or it could have been because it was simply a stupid feature, I didn't know what I was doing, and I was ruining the game.
The real reason? He wasn't sure how to program the task he'd been given, and the specified time frame was short. Instead of calming down, thinking it through, and telling me whether it could or could not be done in the given time frame, he panicked, and chose to vent at me.
Programmers are a unique breed. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Some of my best friends are programmers.
I must admit I am fascinated. I've watched each of our team programmers code. It's very amusing. How they code gives me a unique insight to their personality. For instance...

John Bolton (lead programmer): When John programs, it looks like he's playing chess.
David Richey (tools programmer): David doesn't code. Beforehand, he thinks about his task in depth, like contemplating philosophy, then simply writes it up. Quite often you can look through David's office window and see him bent over in his chair, chin on fist, like The Thinker.
Mark Caldwell (NWC VP): You need to know Mark to really understand, but when Mark codes, it's like he's in a boxing ring, ducking shots, trading blows, and trash talking with the program.

Now take such individuals and do the unthinkable... Make them into a team. Worse yet, force them to have meetings in which they must interact on a social level and agree to work together. Worse yet, force them to interact with right-brained artists and game designers.
It's a wonder any games ever get made.
Join designer Greg Fulton as gives us his very last Designer Diary entry, which tracks the last days of Heroes of Might and Magic III. In these last few days, the team waited anxiously to approve the gold candidate. But there is no rest for Greg, as he mentions a little something about the expansion disc. Join us as we count down the final development of Heroes III.
01/07/99
Ever heard the phrase "thousand tile stare"?
It's a phrase used by our mapmakers. You get the thousand tile stare from making H3 maps all day long.
Today I got the thousand tile stare after making a map for our eventual game demo.
It's a very simple, small map, letting players experience a portion of the game. Hopefully they'll experience enough and feel compelled to buy the game. I've been calling the map "Dead and Buried."
When I finished, I gave it to Chris Vanover (H3 assistant director) to play. Chris is an expert Heroes player. He's a good gauge of the map's difficulty.
Watching Chris play was a lot of fun. It allowed me to take a break from work and finally see the game in action. However, I am the worst person to have over your shoulder when you play.
Why? I'm a backseat driver. It's a bad habit from playing console games with friends.
Thus, I watched Chris play and second-guessed him all the way. We were like two old men spitting and complaining about the best strategy as Chris clicked his way through the game. It was rather humorous.
01/08/99
Today I gave the Dead and Buried map to a few select people to see if anyone could beat it in the allotted time frame of four game weeks.
One of my candidates was Jen Bullard. Jen is the only female tester in the QA area.
Upon entering the test area, I found Jennifer burning a candle at her desk. She wasn't afraid to comment aloud how everyone else in the test area doesn't wash their clothes often enough. She thinks they stink.
No sooner did I sit down to watch Jen play than the verbal bantering between the testers began.
Ryan Den, another one of our testers, was sure he found a bug and asked aloud if anyone had encountered the same bug. No one had. Immediately everyone began shouting "user error." Ryan thought they were all high... until he realized it was user error. Everyone then proceeded to playfully tear into Ryan yet again.
I must admit, our testers are pretty cool. Their interactions are quite amusing. They banter with the voracity of a knife fight, but it's rarely cruel.
01/14/99
Last night was my last chance to revise the game manual. Thus, I decided to pull an all-nighter to finish it. This was my first time being at NWC so late. I also experienced something completely new.
I had been drinking many free Cokes when my bladder reminded me who was really in charge. Without hesitation, I raced to the bathroom. I opened the door. It was dark. This is not unusual. The lights are hooked up to a motion sensor. To save energy, they turn on and off based on the presence of a moving body. Confident the lights would turn on, I strode into the bathroom.
The lights did not illuminate.
Fumbling around in the dark, I was able to find the light switch and flip it on.
Nothing.
Fumbling around some more, I found the door handle and exited the bathroom.
Moving quickly to Mark Caldwell's office (Mark and George were also working late), I told him, "The bathroom lights won't turn on." He said, "Yeah. The bathroom lights don't turn on after midnight." I asked, "How do you go to the bathroom with the lights off?" He answered, "Usually I just feel my way to the urinal."
"I need to take a crap."
"Hey, I wouldn't know anything about that. Get the flashlight from George."
"I need a flashlight?"
"Yeah."
So, I walked to George's office.
"I need the bathroom flashlight."
Giggling to himself under his breath, George reached into his desk and gave me a pocket flashlight. With flashlight in hand I returned to the bathroom where everything went according to plan.
I know game production has its odd moments, but... this one was really odd.
01/18/99
In the last days of a game's production, the game designer makes a desperate attempt to prevent features from being cut to make the deadline. However, if I got all the features I wanted, the game would never ship. Thus, there is always a tug of war between the game designer, management, programmers, and artists, to decide what gets into the game and what gets pushed back to the expansion or sequel.
Today I was doing my best to get a new hero into the game without too much additional programming or art. I realized I could get the results I needed by simply adding a new graphic and customizing an existing game hero. Even better, I could get the graphic from existing art in the intro movie. All the artist had to do was crop a freeze-frame from the movie and give it to our asset manager to be put into the game. I could customize the hero in the editor. All the programmers had to do was recognize the character's unique identification.
Well, we did.
I wonder how much longer I can push my luck.
01/19/99
I have become the Walmart floor manager.
No. I haven't quit my job.
Let me explain.
At this stage in the making of the game, I find myself spending most of my time walking the halls with my Notepad of Oppression waiting for people to call out my name.
The notepad is a list of issues needing resolution. Most people find the notepad humorous unless their name is on it. Ironically, I end up putting my name on the notepad more than anyone else's (I'm oppressing myself).
Regardless, when I am walking the halls and someone calls out my name, I duck into their office to answer their questions. Sometimes this means getting on their phone and calling someone else to clear up an issue. If I don't have the answer, I'm the intermediary.
Thus, I feel like the Walmart floor manager, roaming the isles, taking care of arising issues. All I really need is the blue vest.
01/20/99
For a moment, consider most game manuals. Usually, a manual details the game interface and introduces you to the various game elements. Rarely do these manuals give you true game statistics.
For Heroes III , we wanted to buck this trend. Using the Heroes II strategy guide as a model, we decided to make a big manual loaded with information. This is exactly what we did - 144 pages.
Today we signed off on the manual. Well, no sooner did the ink dry than we discovered some errors. It was terrifying. I literally sat at my desk, looking at the errors I had discovered, and heard the manual mocking me with the chittering of a wild hyena.
There was nothing I could do. It was carved in stone. Now understand, most manuals ship with some errors. This is what the Readme is for. However, several people had gone over this manual time and again, and still there were errors.
I'll never make a big manual again. It's too much upkeep considering the fluidity of game design.
I'm sure I'll lose some sleep over this.
1/25/99
Today the Coke machine caught fire.
Let me repeat this.
Today the Coke machine caught fire.
Since we started crunching, around 7:00pm each night, Mark Caldwell (NWC VP) has been unlocking the Coke machine for free drinks to go with our evening meal. We don't continue pressing the selection buttons for the various drinks. Instead, we literally open up the front half of this big, red, half-ton refrigerator, made to withstand the assaults of the most juvenile of delinquents.
Now, I'm not exactly clear on the details, but one of the testers pulled open the front door to grab a soda from inside. Apparently, some of the electrical wires were sheared, followed by fire and smoke.
Upon seeing the fire and smelling the smoke, the tester grabbed Ben Bent (NWC office manager and part-time game director). He then pointed out the fire in the Coke machine.
With perfect calm, Ben simply unplugged the Coke machine. Poof. The fire went away.
I must admit, I can't help but see the fire in the Coke machine as a metaphor for Heroes III in production. A fire starts, someone panics, and someone else calmly solves the problem.
Truthfully, it's the story of the game production process.
2/07/99 Sunday
Today could be the day.
We've decided to make a "final candidate" CD-ROM for 3DO approval. A final candidate is what we consider "ready to ship." We then send the final candidate to 3DO for them to do shrink-wrap testing.
Tonight, no one leaves the building until the game is finished.
2/08/99 Monday
It's 5:00am Monday morning.
We just started burning the final candidate.
About half the team is still here.
We've been crunching too long. Everyone's burnt.
About 15 minutes ago, Mark starting broadcasting Money For Nothing over everyone's speakerphone.
Ironic.
02/13/99
I am literally weak-kneed. Except for writing this entry, all I intend to do is just sit in my office chair and do everything I possibly can to do nothing.
As of 8:30 Saturday, February 13, we're calling it good Barring last-second crash bugs, the game is done.
It's 9:30, and with the realization the game is done, already I'm beginning to crash.
After crunching for so long, the crash is the aftereffect. This is the time when you finally realize you can relax and return to a somewhat normal life. This is also the flag signaling the release of all the pent-up stress and illness you've been holding off by sheer will for the past six months. Thus... crash.
Wow.
We're done.
02/14/99
Four days after announcing Heroes has gone gold, we're already talking about the expansion pack. Already, I've assembled my map makers. They're good people. With H3 under their belts they should make even better maps for the expansion.
The downside? Chris Vanover is moving onto a different project. Technically Chris was H3's assistant director, but I adopted him as my assistant designer. He was a big help in many of the grunt areas. I was hoping to hand the expansion off to Chris so I could concentrate on the next Heroes.
No such luck.
Ultimately, this means vacation must wait.
(whimper)
Where is a monkey boy when you need one?
02/19/99
David Mullich's (Heroes III director) wife was pregnant and expecting about the same time as E3 last year (Atlanta '98). So, he couldn't go and demonstrate the game.
I was the next logical choice. I know the game better than anyone else, and when needed, I can turn on the charm.
Now don't get me wrong, when I have demoed the game, it has been a delight. Yet, as a game, Heroes III doesn't demo well. It's a turn-based game. It's not a first-person shooter or real-time strategy game. There's no real immediate reward for your attention span to latch onto.
However, Heroes does have a very large, very dedicated following. Thus, most people who want to see Heroes are already fans. This was the case at E3.
At E3 I did the vast majority of the presentations. I did so many I ended up losing my voice. Almost all the people who saw the game were fans of Heroes and liked what they saw. We were so successful, people were taking chairs from the other game stations to sit in front of ours.
Well, the downside to my work at E3 was... I became the demo guy. The downside of being the demo guy is traveling.
I hate traveling.
Once I arrive at my destination, there's no problem. I'm just impatient by nature. I'm also 6'1" and hate sitting in supercramped airline seats.
So, today I got to fly up to 3DO with Peter Ryu (MM7 producer), Keith Francart (MM7 director), and Jeff Blatner (new Heroes producer) to give presentations on MM7 and Heroes III to our Ubi Soft partners and a smattering of European journalists.
As much as I hated getting up at 5:30am and traveling to San Francisco (less than one week after going gold), the trip was amusing for a number of reasons.
Since I have been at New World, Peter Ryu has always worn shorts and sandals. For the presentation, Pete was ordered to wear pants and shoes. Throughout the day, he was wincing as the shoes rubbed his feet raw.
The other amusing part was hanging out with the French chicks from Ubi Soft and the European press.
Last time I was at 3DO I did an H3 presentation to a number of European journalists. Not a French woman among them. It was different this time, and dare I say, worth the trip.
02/22/99
David Mullich (H3 director), George Ruof (H3 programmer), and I are the only members of the team in the building today. Everyone else is on vacation.
Over the weekend I began my self-rehabilitation for returning to the real world.
When you do nothing but work 12-14 hours a day, seven days a week, and then it all comes to an abrupt halt, you suddenly find you have all this spare time on your hands.
Ultimately, you become bored. You don't know what to do with yourself because your "normal" situation meant working on the game... but the game is finished. Normal has become different and no longer normal.
A logical assumption for curing this boredom would be a vacation. Not yet. I've got to write the design for the expansion disc. I've got two weeks before it is due. After hammering out the specs, everyone will be briefed, then I can go on vacation.
I've got it all planned out. I haven't seen my parents since Christmas of 1997. So, I'm going to go back home and sit in the rocking chair in front of my dad's big-screen TV and watch nothing but cable television for at least two weeks. You heard me. Nothing but CNN Headline News for two weeks. If by then I'm not properly vegetated, I'll watch it for another week. Then I'll track down my old high school girlfriend and see if she's still single.
I've set up an e-mail address for your feedback about the game when it hits the shelves. This e-mail is merely for player feedback and suggestions. I will be the one reading the e-mails, and most likely, I won't be answering any of them. So, don't flame me if I don't respond. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
I've enjoyed writing these diaries. I wish I had been able to dedicate more time to them.
My apologies to Elliott Chin (who made these diaries possible). Elliott wanted me to talk about the design philosophy behind H3. After practicing design philosophy 12-14 hours a day, I couldn't bring myself to write a diary about it. So, I thought I'd do "a day in the life." I hope you enjoyed my tongue-in-cheek account.
I leave you with the following words I once heard the great Jon Van Caneghem speak, "When it's all over you'll forget how hard it was and do it all over again."
He's right. We will.

How the f*** Matt Rife come to Grand Rapids Mi before Andrew? News got dropped today and my whole timeline is FLOODED with mfs "super excited" and shit. Akaash has even been here, I had to go to Muskegon to see him tho, why, CAUSE HE SOLD OUT IN Grand Rapids. All I'm saying is my city, my miserable ass city needs the heazy (never spelled that out before lol). Andrew could easily sell out the Van andel arena (which is the #1 midsized arena in the north America, #6 in the world). Matt funny or whatever but that's Andrew son if we being honest, let the BOY eat. But my city need them grown man jokes Mr. Schulz. Love the show BTW guys you're doing amazing work 😁.

How the f*** Matt Rife come to Grand Rapids Mi before Andrew? News got dropped today and my whole timeline is FLOODED with mfs "super excited" and shit. Akaash has even been here, I had to go to Muskegon to see him tho, why CAUSE HE SOLD OUT IN Grand Rapids. All I'm saying is my city, my miserable ass city needs the heazy (never spelled that out before lol). Andrew could easily sell out the Van andel arena (which is the #1 midsized arena in the north America, #6 in the world). Matt funny or whatever but that's Andrew son if we being honest, let the BOY eat. But my city need them grown man jokes. Love the show BTW guys you're doing amazing work 😁.

Please use this thread for all ticket sales, giveaways, trades, or requests. This post is scheduled to be posted every Monday at 5pm Pacific. This is the only ticket thread for the week, all others will be removed.
As always, please read the rules and use discretion when posting. SoundersFC and its Moderators are not responsible for damages that might occur as a result of these weekly posts.
BE AWARE OF SCAMS. Use good judgment. Please update your comment when you have completed what you need, but don't delete.
Commercial ticket marketplaces: StubHub - Ticketmaster - SeatGeek - Epic Seats - Vivid Seats - Gametime
Seating Chart and Virtual Seat Viewer Attending A Match wiki page
Important Note: Automoderator will remove any posts with emails or phone numbers in them. Please do not post personal information here. If you are selling or buying a ticket, use private messages. This is for your protection. Thank you.

I'm keeping track of all the VR games I’ve played this year to catalogue them in hopes that they may give fellow VR gamers some fresh games to try out, or reasons to revisit older games that have had big updates. I'm currently up to 52 different VR games played this year. The first 22 that I played from January to March can be found here. The latest 30 games are mostly on the Quest, but many are available on PCVR.
Some of the games listed below, I can see playing all year long, others are not my cup of tea, but they may interest you enough to try them out. In either case, here are my quick thoughts on the 30 games I’ve played during April and May of 2023.
TLDR: My top 5 games to check out are at the bottom and so is some info for a game giveaway.
​

1. ARK and ADE $9.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: A fun shooter with Pistol Whip vibes that is absolutely worth the price of admission. From the store page: “ARK and ADE is an action-jammed FPS shooter in which you get to experience the glory of the 80’s arcade era in a neon fused setting. Shoot your way through retro-futuristic levels filled with enemies, iconic over the top bosses and never ending bullets!” I played this game back when it was in App Lab before it graduated to the full store. It was such a fun shooter back then, and I’d look forward to new levels coming out every few months. Now that it made it out of app lab, has a bunch of levels and had the gameplay polished, it’s absolutely worth a pickup, especially for that price.
   
2. Project Third Eye $9.99 Quest My quick take: A game where you make your own fun. From the store page: “Project Third Eye is an action physics sandbox with a built-in visual scripting panel to apply logic to spawnable items. This allows you to build your own modifications to the game and customize behaviors as you like.” Just like the description says, this is more of a proof of concept and sandbox game more so than a full fledged game with objectives. There are certainly neat ideas here and there, and the dev is really active with updates on Reddit. If you like to experiment and see how concepts develop in a game, you may enjoy this, but there’s no real direction beyond experimenting, so I dropped off fairly quickly.
   
3. Jousting VR Demo $9.99 Quest / Steam Quest Demo My quick take: A bit light on gameplay, but there is some charm here. From the store page: “XIII century, Europe, royal market courtyard. You are a knight who joined the medieval tournament. Your task is 'simple.' Jump on your trusty steed, grab your lance & defeat the enemy. Take into consideration speed, accuracy, strength. Equipment is also important. The better gear the easier the task. Oh, and other knights - they want to win as much as you do.” As advertised, it's a jousting game in VR. I enjoyed the demo, but honestly it was a bit too finicky at times and just not worth a full buy to me. The atmosphere was fun though and there was a progression loop for those who get into it.
   
4. Demeo $39.99 Quest and Steam (flatscreen as well) My quick take: This is a great game that I revisited from start to finish with four players. A must own. From the store page: “Adventurers, it’s time to unite! Gather your friends and fight monsters in Demeo, the turn-based tabletop strategy game of battle and glory. Roll dice, pick up miniatures, and free the world of Gilmerra in round after round of tabletop board game fun. With a huge assortment of monsters, playable classes, and environments to explore, it’s never the same game twice." I finally got a chance to play through the entirety of the game in VR with four friends, through each world, while trying a variety of characters. We even made a video ranking the best players and levels. It really is a solid dungeon crawling adventure. With 2 or more friends, this game really shines and is such a fun ride, despite how punishing the bosses can be. This is the closest you can get to D&D in VR without having a dungeon master. Well worth the asking price.
   
5. Build and Drive Racing Demo Free Quest / Steam My quick take: Early days in development, maybe something to keep an eye on to see how it improves. From the store page: "Get ready for a new experience on Windows desktop and VR, where you get to build your ultimate racing machine, tailored to your driving style and optimized for performance, or race to the finish line with a monster what makes you smile. With stylised graphics and arcade-like physics, every turn, straightway and ramp will put your skills to the test. Feel the thrill of the race like never before in VR, as you immerse yourself counting the seconds on the home stretch." An early demo that has seen some updates. Maybe worth looking at in a few months after a bit more development. I did like what I saw, but honestly, if you’re looking for a finished racing game, try Mini Motor Racing X instead or some of the other heavier PCVR games available.
   
6. Les Mills Body Combat $29.99 Quest My quick take: No subscriptions, great coaches and fun workouts that will make you sweat. From the store page: “Work out at home with a premium fitness app. LES MILLS, the world's leading fitness company, brings the BODYCOMBAT experience to your VR headset with an extensive workout portfolio, top-quality coaching, innovative mechanics, and different intensities.” With no subscriptions or hidden fees, lots of workouts, motivating coaches and the ability to compete with friends on leaderboards, this really is a dynamite workout app. I was working up a good sweat during my workouts, so be sure you have good facial insert and a fan ready. Highly recommended if you want a workout in VR for just the price of entry.
   
7. Interkosmos 2000 $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: A difficult puzzle game, but rewarding if you have the patience. From the store page: “Go to space. Save the Future. Try not to Die. Welcome (back) to the world of Interkosmos for an even wilder, weirder and more wondrous adventure. Experience the intense exhilaration of spaceflight. Explore the awe-inspiring interiors of a realistic space capsule. Master the crucial systems that will keep you in orbit (and breathing). And while you’re at it, try your best not to die. Should you complete your mission, you just might save the future – and yourself. Should you fail? Let’s not think about that.” An intense puzzle game where you’re piloting a space ship with some very finicky controls. I found the experience way too difficult and exacting. Along with a bit of bugginess, that didn’t help in me determining if the error was my fault or the game's. If you have the patience, there certainly is some rewarding gameplay here, and an interesting story, but I found it all a bit too much to see to the end.
   
8. The Light Brigade $24.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: In a world of rougelikes, this is one that stands out. From the store page: “As a member of The Light Brigade, humanity’s last line of defense, brave ruins bathed in darkness and free the trapped souls who need the salvation only your gun can provide. Shoot, master spells, and upgrade your capabilities to herald the Sun’s return in this roguelike VR shooter.” There’s quite a lot of rouge shooters on Quest and despite the plethora of choices, this one stands out. Be warned, it starts out slowly, but gets quite fun after you get to know the systems after about an hour in. While I did make it to the last boss, I died and never went back to finished it. The gameplay loop and dynamic levels were solid though. The slight upgrades and different classes during each run were interesting and kept me going for a while. The most frustrating time I had was learning the little tips, tricks and finer gameplay points, but it was worth the push through that initial rough patch.
   
9. Resident Evil 4 $39.99 Quest My quick take: One of the best games in VR. A must own. From the store page: “Explore the world of Resident Evil 4, entirely remastered for VR. Step into the shoes of special agent Leon S. Kennedy on his mission to rescue the U.S. President’s daughter who was kidnapped by a mysterious cult. Come face to face with enemies, and uncover secrets with gameplay that revolutionized the survival horror genre. Battle horrific creatures and face-off against mind-controlled villagers while discovering their connection to the cult behind the abduction.” I forgot so much about this game from when I first played it 18 years ago on the GameCube. The long length, fun characters and how exciting the gun play is, all just came together perfectly. The development team spent a ton of time getting the VR feeling just right, and it’s absolutely one of the best on the Quest and well worth the price of entry. Additionally, once you play through the game the first time it really changes from survival horror to a whole new type of game action game. Simply outstanding.
   
10. Mini Golf Hustler Free Quest My quick take: Early days in development. Some good ideas, but a bit too rough around the edges. From the store page: “Challenge Slick Willie Puttman in this FREE nine hole demo of Mini Golf Hustler. Hazards include armed torpedoes, tentacled arms, ornery tikis and more! Multiple betting games, including skins, match play and the fearsome traveling snake. All played at the same time.” I thought I’d check out another mini golf game to see what other ideas there might be outside of the king - Walkabout Mini Golf. While there were some solid ideas for holes, the betting felt uneven, and everything else felt in their very early stages. To be fair, no other mini golf game feels even close to the accuracy of Walkabout, so I think it’s a tough go for any other games to match. It's probably best to stick with the champ for now, but I applaud the dev for trying something different.
    
11. Pin City Free Quest (open beta on Discord) / Steam My quick take: Early days, but wow, worth a download and one to watch in the future. From the store page: "Pin City is a bowling game unlike any other bowling game you’ve played before. We strove to bring the spirit of mini-golf into the world of bowling. We’ve taken the standard bowling setup (straight lane, 10 pins, 1 ball) and expanded, transformed, and evolved it. We wanted to give people a chance to bowl in ways that would be impossible, illegal, or extremely impractical.” An early alpha game, but boy, what a great start, I’m really looking forward to the team getting the physics feeling right with weight and feel of the bowling balls and seeing how much more gameplay they can add. Really worth the download or heading over to their Discord to get a Quest key for free to try it out. The quirky bowling, physics and gameplay they're experimenting with really got me excited to see how this one comes together in the next several months.
    
12. Mash Me Up Free Quest My quick take: Please devs, add more multiplayer support! From the store page: “Do you want to play party games with your friends or meet someone new? All is just one button press away with Mash Me Up. One button, multiple games. Will it be Air Hockey, Pier Pong, Flingball, or… Get ready for a surprise! Press, Play, Enjoy and Go Again!” If this game got a bit more development love it would be incredible. As it stands now, there are several mini games you can play against one person. Most are just okay, but a handful are real gems, and one particularly is incredible - Geo Guesser. Hands down the best mini game in the pack. With four, or six players and some new content, they could easily charge for just this one game. As it stands now, it’s a great two player game, but you’ll need to bring your own friend as the servers are pretty barren. Worth a download though for sure as you’ll get a night of fun out of it.
    
13. THZZLS - Treasures Lost In Time $4.99 Quest My quick take: A unique puzzler that can be pretty relaxing, but repetitive. From the store page: “Our first THZZLE is called "Der Bazar", the world's first VR toy theatre puzzle game. The Bazar is a VR puzzle game where you have to place furniture and props in the right places in old-fashioned rooms according to an old picture you see. The game is set in 19th century Germany and each room has objects taken from the German lifestyle magazine "Der Bazar", published in Berlin.” This one used to be free, with paid content, but it has since changed as they added more content. You recreate a scene with cutouts of people and furniture in a 3D space. It seemed to have endless puzzles with randomization of scenes. I could see someone going to this for a relaxing 10-15 minutes, but it is a lot of the same each time and didn’t grab me fully. If you’re looking for a puzzle game that’s outside of the usual ones you find in the store, it’s not a bad choice for the price. Keep in mind though its hand tracking only, so for some that may be a non starter, even though it felt just fine.
    
14. Barbaria $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: What I imagine Gorn is like with a solid game loop of RTS. From the store page: “Do you have what it takes to be the Mightiest in Barbaria? Welcome to a brutal world where visceral motion-controlled combat blends seamlessly with god-scale base-building and asynchronous multiplayer raids. Use fists, axes, swords, bows, rocks, or anything you can grab to dominate your foes in intense 1st-person combat. Then jump out to your immortal form and watch your minions carry on the battle while you rain down meteors from above. Systemic combat, versatile enemy AI, and player-created defenses make every battle unique.” I recognize there is a lot here to do in this game - if you like the game loop. Unfortunately, it really didn’t do much for me. I was expecting more RTS than Gorn style gameplay and was not pulled in by the fighting or quests offered. I have to say that the humor was spot on, and it certainly had good visuals, the game was just not for me. All that being said, there is a lot of content here and you could be playing this for quite some time if you think this could be your jam.
    
15. Toy Monsters Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take: Plants vs Zombies in AR with hand tracking that does enough unique stuff to be worth it. From the store page: “Toy Monsters VR is a mixed-reality tabletop tower defense inspired by classic Plants vs Zombies. Built from the ground up with hand tracking and passthrough in mind. As you progress through the 20 levels, you'll unlock new toys with unique special powers. You can enhance your toys with magical potions and use crystal power to unleash magic beams from your hands, transform your fingers into flamethrowers, and more.” This game has come a long way since its initial release. It’s a solid hand tracking Plants vs. Zombies game with its own twist on powers and uses passthrough quite nicely. My biggest complaint is that you really need to complete the game all in one go (about an hour or so) as it doesn’t keep track of your upgrades if you quit. Essentially, trying to pass a later level without prior upgrades or powerups is near impossible. Despite that one issue, give at least the demo a try and if you like it, the price is pretty fair for what you get.
    
16. Exit Condition One Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take: A bit rough around the edges, but escape room fans will find fun with it. From the store page: “You awake from cryo in a mysterious museum. A robot refers to you as a curator and the security system is malfunctioning. Can you get things back to normal and escape? There are no jump scares. The game is designed ground-up for roomscale VR on the Quest, but supports all locomotion modes. Most objects can be interacted with, it fully uses physics, and the hands don't ‘ghost out.’” According to the description, this is still a work in progress. That being said, it was a neat escape game that I felt I got my money’s worth from. It certainly was a bit rough around the edges with its gameplay and had some obscure puzzles to work through, but I did finish it and had a good time with it. Try the demo for sure, and perhaps when it’s finally finished, some of those rough edges will be polished up, but as it stands now, it was pretty solid.
    
17. Hyperdash Free Quest / Steam My quick take: A solid online shooter, but you'll have to put in the time to get good to find the fun. From the store page: “Hyper Dash is a free VR multiplayer team based shooter. Payload, Domination, Control Point, (Team) Deathmatch, Capture The Flag, Elimination, Ball and remix them with Mutators! Dash, sprint, and rail grind your way across the arenas to engage the enemy in fast-paced combat and secure the objective for your team. Offline mode/Bots, Dedicated servers, Private servers, Rebind-able controls, Left hand support, Voice chat.” For a free to play shooter, this one had great controls, nice graphics, a good gameplay loop, plenty of comfort options and a solid player base. All that being said, every player I faced off against were top tier, so I spent my time just dying round after round. This is a good game with a solid player base and there's fun here - if you’re willing to learn the ropes. It's bad for newbies like me just looking to have a good time and get a few kills.
    
18. Please, Don’t Touch Anything $9.99 Quest / $4.99 Steam My quick take: A game for escape room devotees only. From the store page: "Please, Don’t Touch Anything is a cryptic, brain-racking button-pushing puzzle game. Covering for a colleague taking a bathroom break, you find yourself in front of a mysterious console with a green screen monitor showing a pixelated live image of an unknown city. Also present is an ominous red button with the simple instruction to not touch anything! Push the red button once or press it many times. Your choices and actions will lead to outrageous and frightening consequences and over 30 unique puzzle endings.” This is a weird one. A really obscure puzzle game that rewards experimentation, but is absolutely punishing with difficulty. If you’re really good at escape games and don’t get frustrated easily, you may enjoy the tedium. If not, you’ll end up like me, watching a tutorial to find out how to get different endings. But if you find yourself doing that, why not just watch a playthrough.
    
19. Eleven Table Tennis $29.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Still one of the best, but there’s so much untapped potential. From the store page: “The ultimate Table Tennis simulator. Play opponents in online multiplayer or practice against the advanced AI. With physics designed to be as real as ever achieved in a Table Tennis simulator, you will forget you are in VR." I finally got back to this game after the new UI was implemented. It looks much more user friendly, but much to my disappointment, there were no new arenas, music, or official doubles options. There is so much potential for expanding this game, and I feel like the devs are just content to have it remain in the state it currently is. Which, to be fair, is a perfect implementation of table tennis in VR. It’s still one of the best VR games out there and absolutely a must own. I just really wish they would add an officially supported doubles mode and expand out the game a bit more because the unofficial doubles mode is a real pain to get set up and only barely worth the struggle. If you'd like to see how to set that doubles up currently, here is a video I was a part of.
    
20. Breachers $29.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Come one, come all, this is 5 v 5 at its finest. From the store page: “In Breachers, you plan your assault or orchestrate your defense as a team through intense close-quarters combat. Whether you play as an enforcer or a revolter, master your nifty gadgetry, customize your powerful weaponry and beat your opponents in stunning environments. Intuitive to grasp. Endlessly playable.” Wow, wow, wow. This officially launched and is such a polished game. With multiple maps, intuitive movement and full lobbies, this game is simply spectacular. Despite the difficulty curve in being good at the game, it’s still a fun time even if you’re not the best, which is something special that few games manage to pull off. Where this game especially shines is with friends. If you can muster up a team of five to take on other random players, you’ll be playing this game for months. Give this a go, and if you're not any good, that's okay, because you'll still be better than the bots and a welcome addition to someone's team.
    
21. Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Outcast (Sidequest mod) Free Demo on Quest / $9.99 (Full Game on Steam) My quick take: Come for the lightsaber play, stay if you can tolerate the puzzles. From the store page: “JK XR is a standalone VR port of the popular Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast game by Lucasarts and Raven Software. Brought to VR by Team Beef & Friends. There are lots of mods and access to the free demo level available through the JK XR Companion App, which is automatically also installed alongside JK XR on your headset.” I never played this game when it first came out on flatscreen in 2002, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The first part of the game you’re playing essentially as a Han Solo type - a smart talkin’ gun slinger. The next part, you’re a cool Jedi chopping off limbs. Absolutely great execution as always by Team Beef, and you can’t beat the price. There is even a free demo to try out to see if you like it. All that being said, the game’s old puzzles, navigation and gameplay felt every bit of 20 years old. After dying multiple times because of missing an exact jump, getting lost and backtracking because I didn't see an obscure elevator and wasting time trying to navigate odd puzzles, I just found it to be too much to overcome to continue to the end. This is no slight on Team Beef and the great work they did with this port, the game just hasn’t aged the best.
    
22. CoasterMania $9.99 Quest My quick take: Early days, but still some fun to be had. There could be something special here after a few updates. From the store page: “CoasterMania is a physics-based VR rollercoaster game where you create the ride of your life! Use wacky contraptions and elements to fly through the sky, then experience your creation by jumping in the front seat. Sandbox mode: Build your dream rollercoaster without any rules but the rules of physics. When you're done, share your coaster or experience the engineering marvels of others. Design your own rides and upload them online.” You know, this game is just silly fun. It's early days for sure, and the tracks don't twist and come together as easily together as I’d hoped, which makes for a difficult time creating exactly what you want. It is satisfying though to have a roller coaster leap from one track to another over a gap. At this point the game is more of a sandbox than a full game with objectives (which is coming). The coasters other people have created are fun, so if you’re not into creating, there is that option to play with other people's designs, plus you can ride them in first person. I look forward to more updates and think it's worth looking at for sure, but if you’re looking for something a bit more fleshed out currently you can try Stunt Track Builder.
    
23. David Slade Mysteries: Case Files $9.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: You’re a forensic cop, here are your tools. Good luck dummy. From the store page: “Take to the dark and violent streets of downtown Riverside, where you investigate gruesome and violent homicides using a range of Forensic tools and your wits! Inspired by the classic Police Quest adventure series, reborn & reimagined for VR. Includes two epic episodes!” Slade is a murder mystery game that is ruthless in it’s difficulty. Honestly, there are several play throughs of this game on YouTube and none have beaten the first case because it was too hard, they all gave up. This game offers no hints, is super abstract and insanely difficult. Why did I keep playing? Well, the game’s tools were implemented quite well, the story was compelling, and I just felt I had to see this through to the end for my own sanity. Despite being as hard as nails, I somehow managed to finish the first case, then moved on to the second. No real spoilers, but the second case does a complete 180 and essentially becomes a horror game where you’re only weapon is your wits. A real departure from the first case. Again, I found myself frustrated, confused and turned around, but again, I had to power through it because something kept pulling me in. If you’re a masochist for puzzle games, I’d recommend this game.
    
24. Home Detective Free w/IAP - Quest My quick take: Fun use of AR, but pretty basic. From the store page: “Use your own living room to solve the crime! Using passthrough, the crime scene is overlaid onto your play area, leaving you free to explore and find clues. Use the patent-pending Residual Heat Scanner to detect the criminals' recent movements, and then dust for fingerprints or try to find evidence left behind. With your wits, and your trusty sidekick Steve Dobbins' snarky comments, you're sure to get to the bottom of these confusing crimes.” I appreciate the interesting use of passthrough and AR in this game. The first case is free to try, so if you’re into AR and passthrough, it’s worth a try. It's $3.99 for another case if you’re into it, but right now, it’s a pretty basic, but solid idea. My biggest complaint is that all my tools were on a shelf that was inaccessible because they were in my wall. I guess AR is still not quite there yet.
    
25. Vertigo Remastered $24.99 Steam My quick take: A fun and wacky ride from start to finish. From the store page: “It's a classic premise - a massive subterranean scientific facility full of mysteries, with aliens bursting in from alternate universes to wreak havoc. The twist? You're one of those aliens. But you're not here to wreak havoc (collateral damage disregarded), you're just trying to get home. A difficult endeavor, as it turns out this facility is more than prepared to deal with extraterrestrial threats.” Because I heard such great things about Vertigo 2, I thought I’d try out this game before I played the sequel. I was really blown away by how fun the game was and pleasantly surprised that it holds up so well. Considering its a 2016 remake, and VR was still figuring out a lot of things like movement, this still felt fresh. With lots of unique ideas, upgrades and areas to play in, I heartily recommend this one and am looking forward to playing the sequel.
    
26. Playin’ Pickleball $19.99 Quest My quick take: Solid physics, but really only for pickleball fans, or a group of four friends. From the store page: “Playin’ Pickleball is an authentic reproduction of Pickleball in Virtual Reality! Physics, sounds and mechanics have been carefully mapped from actual Pickleball game play. Even the scoring and rules are based on the USA Pickleball Association’s Official Rulebook.” Pickleball is sweeping the nation and if I recall correctly, even ForeVR is getting in on the game with an upcoming title. I’m much more of a tennis than pickleball guy, but I have to say, this game has pretty solid physics. Like most games, this is exponentially better with one or better yet, three other people you know. The AI players can be pretty uninteresting hitting it back and forth without much variance. Also the environments are a bit basic. I have to applaud the movement, physics and customizable items though as they all felt very well implemented. If you want something a bit less daunting than tennis, this might be what you're looking for.
    
27. Pong $6.99 Quest My quick take: A neat take on Pong, but you’ll have more fun with Cybrix. From the store page: “Classic paddle game reimagined for VR. Destroy all the bricks. Use your paddles to swing at the balls and the balls have built-in assistance to return back toward you. Take advantage of the pistol and magneto power-ups to cause major damage. Or just swing hard at the balls to create large blast radius. Oh and watch out for those mines going for your head. Lean left/right or crouch to avoid.” I appreciated the ideas the developers had in this modern take on Pong, but it was ultimately quite short and not nearly as fun as Cybrix. That being said for the price, I got my money’s worth and would love to see it get a bit more polish and levels in an update.
    
28. Extreme Escape $4.99 Quest / Steam (Early Access) My quick take: One of those special games where you really feel like you're in the environment. From the store page: “Have you ever wondered how it would feel to travel in a hot air balloon and fly above clouds? Have you ever wanted to face your fear of heights and enclosed spaces? Perhaps you wanted to become a pilot and test your critical thinking skills. Looking for a breathtaking experience? Try Extreme Escape.” The game says “early access,” but honestly I believe this has been abandoned. For the price, you get an extremely short, but fun and unique escape room experience. You’re not going to find this game too hard, but I was brought into its world and completely immersed - I had a true sense of dread and panic. The even shorter “demo” inside the game puts you on a sinking submarine and was extremely memorable. Seldom have I felt so immersed in a game. I’d recommend it for this price, just because of how it made me feel, but it’s a real shame about the very short length and that it’s abandoned.
    
29. The Last Worker $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Gaming with a heavy message, but mediocre gameplay. From the store page: “The Last Worker is an immersive narrative adventure centered around a lone worker’s last stand in an increasingly automated world, The Last Worker is a unique blend of work simulation and stealth strategic gameplay. The game is set in a lonely, oppressive but strangely beautiful environment, with characters designed by comics legend Mick McMahon. Kurt works for the world’s largest retailer and is forced to choose between capitalism or activism. Having dedicated his life to work, Kurt’s loyalty is put to the test when a group of activists ask him to dismantle Jüngle from the inside.” I really wanted to like this game. It had an interesting concept, but navigating, fail states and some very annoying bugs frustrated me to the point where I just said it wasn’t worth my time. That and the story wasn’t speaking to me. It’s well rated, so I’m probably on the opposite side of this one from most people. It's unique in many ways, so check out the teaser and see if it might be for you.
    
30. Shadow Point $19.99 Quest My quick take: Fisherman’s Tale vibes with an excellent story and puzzles that makes you feel smart. From the store page: “Built for VR, Shadow Point is a story-driven puzzle game set between a mountaintop observatory and an ever-changing fantasy world. Explore a vibrant kingdom, cast shadows and solve mind-bending puzzles as you uncover the mystery of missing schoolgirl, Lorna McCabe who vanished from Shadow Point Observatory twelve years ago. As your adventure unfolds, you will manipulate gravity, play with your own reflection, walk on walls, peer through a magical lens to reveal an alternate reality and much more.” I had this game on my wishlist forever and finally pulled the trigger, and boy am I glad I did. I really enjoyed the story, gameplay and ended up marathoning it in one session (which I don't recommend doing). It is a few hours long, and there are extra puzzles to go back to if you’d like. It had some serious Fisherman’s Tale vibes, so if you like those type of puzzle games, this is for you. The puzzles make you stop and think, and more importantly, progress nicely. I was never stuck, but certainly had to really contemplate how to solve some of them. It is slightly finicky with having to line up the shadows exactly to progress, but that is a minor complaint. Give this one a go for sure.
    

I hope you find a few games on this list that you might not have heard of, or that you might find worth revisiting. Let me know here or on the Ruff Talk Discord channel if you have a game you enjoy that I should try, I'm always open to recommendations. Until then, I hope your next VR experience is a memorable one.
Also, the week this is posted, I'm hosting a contest where one winner gets a $29.99 or less, Quest game of their choice. You can enter on the discord channel above, but will need to have five posts on the discord channel within a week to enter, so if that interests you, feel free to join. The Ruff Talk guys usually have giveaways every week and it's some solid VR chat if you're looking for like-minded individuals in a non-toxic space.
TLDR: Top five games to check out - Ark and Ade, Pin City, Breachers, Shadow Point, Vertigo Remastered

I'm keeping track of all the VR games I’ve played this year to catalogue them in hopes that they may give fellow VR gamers some fresh games to try out, or reasons to revisit older games that have had big updates. I'm currently up to 52 different VR games played this year. The first 22 that I played from January to March can be found here. The latest 30 games are mostly on the Quest, but many are available on PCVR.
Some of the games listed below, I can see playing all year long, others are not my cup of tea, but they may interest you enough to try them out. In either case, here are my quick thoughts on the 30 games I’ve played during April and May of 2023.
TLDR: My top 5 games to check out are at the bottom and so is some info for a game giveaway.
​

1. ARK and ADE $9.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: A fun shooter with Pistol Whip vibes that is absolutely worth the price of admission. From the store page: “ARK and ADE is an action-jammed FPS shooter in which you get to experience the glory of the 80’s arcade era in a neon fused setting. Shoot your way through retro-futuristic levels filled with enemies, iconic over the top bosses and never ending bullets!” I played this game back when it was in App Lab before it graduated to the full store. It was such a fun shooter back then, and I’d look forward to new levels coming out every few months. Now that it made it out of app lab, has a bunch of levels and had the gameplay polished, it’s absolutely worth a pickup, especially for that price.
   
2. Project Third Eye $9.99 Quest My quick take: A game where you make your own fun. From the store page: “Project Third Eye is an action physics sandbox with a built-in visual scripting panel to apply logic to spawnable items. This allows you to build your own modifications to the game and customize behaviors as you like.” Just like the description says, this is more of a proof of concept and sandbox game more so than a full fledged game with objectives. There are certainly neat ideas here and there, and the dev is really active with updates on Reddit. If you like to experiment and see how concepts develop in a game, you may enjoy this, but there’s no real direction beyond experimenting, so I dropped off fairly quickly.
   
3. Jousting VR Demo $9.99 Quest / Steam Quest Demo My quick take: A bit light on gameplay, but there is some charm here. From the store page: “XIII century, Europe, royal market courtyard. You are a knight who joined the medieval tournament. Your task is 'simple.' Jump on your trusty steed, grab your lance & defeat the enemy. Take into consideration speed, accuracy, strength. Equipment is also important. The better gear the easier the task. Oh, and other knights - they want to win as much as you do.” As advertised, it's a jousting game in VR. I enjoyed the demo, but honestly it was a bit too finicky at times and just not worth a full buy to me. The atmosphere was fun though and there was a progression loop for those who get into it.
   
4. Demeo $39.99 Quest and Steam (flatscreen as well) My quick take: This is a great game that I revisited from start to finish with four players. A must own. From the store page: “Adventurers, it’s time to unite! Gather your friends and fight monsters in Demeo, the turn-based tabletop strategy game of battle and glory. Roll dice, pick up miniatures, and free the world of Gilmerra in round after round of tabletop board game fun. With a huge assortment of monsters, playable classes, and environments to explore, it’s never the same game twice." I finally got a chance to play through the entirety of the game in VR with four friends, through each world, while trying a variety of characters. We even made a video ranking the best players and levels. It really is a solid dungeon crawling adventure. With 2 or more friends, this game really shines and is such a fun ride, despite how punishing the bosses can be. This is the closest you can get to D&D in VR without having a dungeon master. Well worth the asking price.
   
5. Build and Drive Racing Demo Free Quest / Steam My quick take: Early days in development, maybe something to keep an eye on to see how it improves. From the store page: "Get ready for a new experience on Windows desktop and VR, where you get to build your ultimate racing machine, tailored to your driving style and optimized for performance, or race to the finish line with a monster what makes you smile. With stylised graphics and arcade-like physics, every turn, straightway and ramp will put your skills to the test. Feel the thrill of the race like never before in VR, as you immerse yourself counting the seconds on the home stretch." An early demo that has seen some updates. Maybe worth looking at in a few months after a bit more development. I did like what I saw, but honestly, if you’re looking for a finished racing game, try Mini Motor Racing X instead or some of the other heavier PCVR games available.
   
6. Les Mills Body Combat $29.99 Quest My quick take: No subscriptions, great coaches and fun workouts that will make you sweat. From the store page: “Work out at home with a premium fitness app. LES MILLS, the world's leading fitness company, brings the BODYCOMBAT experience to your VR headset with an extensive workout portfolio, top-quality coaching, innovative mechanics, and different intensities.” With no subscriptions or hidden fees, lots of workouts, motivating coaches and the ability to compete with friends on leaderboards, this really is a dynamite workout app. I was working up a good sweat during my workouts, so be sure you have good facial insert and a fan ready. Highly recommended if you want a workout in VR for just the price of entry.
   
7. Interkosmos 2000 $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: A difficult puzzle game, but rewarding if you have the patience. From the store page: “Go to space. Save the Future. Try not to Die. Welcome (back) to the world of Interkosmos for an even wilder, weirder and more wondrous adventure. Experience the intense exhilaration of spaceflight. Explore the awe-inspiring interiors of a realistic space capsule. Master the crucial systems that will keep you in orbit (and breathing). And while you’re at it, try your best not to die. Should you complete your mission, you just might save the future – and yourself. Should you fail? Let’s not think about that.” An intense puzzle game where you’re piloting a space ship with some very finicky controls. I found the experience way too difficult and exacting. Along with a bit of bugginess, that didn’t help in me determining if the error was my fault or the game's. If you have the patience, there certainly is some rewarding gameplay here, and an interesting story, but I found it all a bit too much to see to the end.
   
8. The Light Brigade $24.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: In a world of rougelikes, this is one that stands out. From the store page: “As a member of The Light Brigade, humanity’s last line of defense, brave ruins bathed in darkness and free the trapped souls who need the salvation only your gun can provide. Shoot, master spells, and upgrade your capabilities to herald the Sun’s return in this roguelike VR shooter.” There’s quite a lot of rouge shooters on Quest and despite the plethora of choices, this one stands out. Be warned, it starts out slowly, but gets quite fun after you get to know the systems after about an hour in. While I did make it to the last boss, I died and never went back to finished it. The gameplay loop and dynamic levels were solid though. The slight upgrades and different classes during each run were interesting and kept me going for a while. The most frustrating time I had was learning the little tips, tricks and finer gameplay points, but it was worth the push through that initial rough patch.
   
9. Resident Evil 4 $39.99 Quest My quick take: One of the best games in VR. A must own. From the store page: “Explore the world of Resident Evil 4, entirely remastered for VR. Step into the shoes of special agent Leon S. Kennedy on his mission to rescue the U.S. President’s daughter who was kidnapped by a mysterious cult. Come face to face with enemies, and uncover secrets with gameplay that revolutionized the survival horror genre. Battle horrific creatures and face-off against mind-controlled villagers while discovering their connection to the cult behind the abduction.” I forgot so much about this game from when I first played it 18 years ago on the GameCube. The long length, fun characters and how exciting the gun play is, all just came together perfectly. The development team spent a ton of time getting the VR feeling just right, and it’s absolutely one of the best on the Quest and well worth the price of entry. Additionally, once you play through the game the first time it really changes from survival horror to a whole new type of game action game. Simply outstanding.
   
10. Mini Golf Hustler Free Quest My quick take: Early days in development. Some good ideas, but a bit too rough around the edges. From the store page: “Challenge Slick Willie Puttman in this FREE nine hole demo of Mini Golf Hustler. Hazards include armed torpedoes, tentacled arms, ornery tikis and more! Multiple betting games, including skins, match play and the fearsome traveling snake. All played at the same time.” I thought I’d check out another mini golf game to see what other ideas there might be outside of the king - Walkabout Mini Golf. While there were some solid ideas for holes, the betting felt uneven, and everything else felt in their very early stages. To be fair, no other mini golf game feels even close to the accuracy of Walkabout, so I think it’s a tough go for any other games to match. It's probably best to stick with the champ for now, but I applaud the dev for trying something different.
    
11. Pin City Free Quest (open beta on Discord) / Steam My quick take: Early days, but wow, worth a download and one to watch in the future. From the store page: "Pin City is a bowling game unlike any other bowling game you’ve played before. We strove to bring the spirit of mini-golf into the world of bowling. We’ve taken the standard bowling setup (straight lane, 10 pins, 1 ball) and expanded, transformed, and evolved it. We wanted to give people a chance to bowl in ways that would be impossible, illegal, or extremely impractical.” An early alpha game, but boy, what a great start, I’m really looking forward to the team getting the physics feeling right with weight and feel of the bowling balls and seeing how much more gameplay they can add. Really worth the download or heading over to their Discord to get a Quest key for free to try it out. The quirky bowling, physics and gameplay they're experimenting with really got me excited to see how this one comes together in the next several months.
    
12. Mash Me Up Free Quest My quick take: Please devs, add more multiplayer support! From the store page: “Do you want to play party games with your friends or meet someone new? All is just one button press away with Mash Me Up. One button, multiple games. Will it be Air Hockey, Pier Pong, Flingball, or… Get ready for a surprise! Press, Play, Enjoy and Go Again!” If this game got a bit more development love it would be incredible. As it stands now, there are several mini games you can play against one person. Most are just okay, but a handful are real gems, and one particularly is incredible - Geo Guesser. Hands down the best mini game in the pack. With four, or six players and some new content, they could easily charge for just this one game. As it stands now, it’s a great two player game, but you’ll need to bring your own friend as the servers are pretty barren. Worth a download though for sure as you’ll get a night of fun out of it.
    
13. THZZLS - Treasures Lost In Time $4.99 Quest My quick take: A unique puzzler that can be pretty relaxing, but repetitive. From the store page: “Our first THZZLE is called "Der Bazar", the world's first VR toy theatre puzzle game. The Bazar is a VR puzzle game where you have to place furniture and props in the right places in old-fashioned rooms according to an old picture you see. The game is set in 19th century Germany and each room has objects taken from the German lifestyle magazine "Der Bazar", published in Berlin.” This one used to be free, with paid content, but it has since changed as they added more content. You recreate a scene with cutouts of people and furniture in a 3D space. It seemed to have endless puzzles with randomization of scenes. I could see someone going to this for a relaxing 10-15 minutes, but it is a lot of the same each time and didn’t grab me fully. If you’re looking for a puzzle game that’s outside of the usual ones you find in the store, it’s not a bad choice for the price. Keep in mind though its hand tracking only, so for some that may be a non starter, even though it felt just fine.
    
14. Barbaria $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: What I imagine Gorn is like with a solid game loop of RTS. From the store page: “Do you have what it takes to be the Mightiest in Barbaria? Welcome to a brutal world where visceral motion-controlled combat blends seamlessly with god-scale base-building and asynchronous multiplayer raids. Use fists, axes, swords, bows, rocks, or anything you can grab to dominate your foes in intense 1st-person combat. Then jump out to your immortal form and watch your minions carry on the battle while you rain down meteors from above. Systemic combat, versatile enemy AI, and player-created defenses make every battle unique.” I recognize there is a lot here to do in this game - if you like the game loop. Unfortunately, it really didn’t do much for me. I was expecting more RTS than Gorn style gameplay and was not pulled in by the fighting or quests offered. I have to say that the humor was spot on, and it certainly had good visuals, the game was just not for me. All that being said, there is a lot of content here and you could be playing this for quite some time if you think this could be your jam.
    
15. Toy Monsters Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take: Plants vs Zombies in AR with hand tracking that does enough unique stuff to be worth it. From the store page: “Toy Monsters VR is a mixed-reality tabletop tower defense inspired by classic Plants vs Zombies. Built from the ground up with hand tracking and passthrough in mind. As you progress through the 20 levels, you'll unlock new toys with unique special powers. You can enhance your toys with magical potions and use crystal power to unleash magic beams from your hands, transform your fingers into flamethrowers, and more.” This game has come a long way since its initial release. It’s a solid hand tracking Plants vs. Zombies game with its own twist on powers and uses passthrough quite nicely. My biggest complaint is that you really need to complete the game all in one go (about an hour or so) as it doesn’t keep track of your upgrades if you quit. Essentially, trying to pass a later level without prior upgrades or powerups is near impossible. Despite that one issue, give at least the demo a try and if you like it, the price is pretty fair for what you get.
    
16. Exit Condition One Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take: A bit rough around the edges, but escape room fans will find fun with it. From the store page: “You awake from cryo in a mysterious museum. A robot refers to you as a curator and the security system is malfunctioning. Can you get things back to normal and escape? There are no jump scares. The game is designed ground-up for roomscale VR on the Quest, but supports all locomotion modes. Most objects can be interacted with, it fully uses physics, and the hands don't ‘ghost out.’” According to the description, this is still a work in progress. That being said, it was a neat escape game that I felt I got my money’s worth from. It certainly was a bit rough around the edges with its gameplay and had some obscure puzzles to work through, but I did finish it and had a good time with it. Try the demo for sure, and perhaps when it’s finally finished, some of those rough edges will be polished up, but as it stands now, it was pretty solid.
    
17. Hyperdash Free Quest / Steam My quick take: A solid online shooter, but you'll have to put in the time to get good to find the fun. From the store page: “Hyper Dash is a free VR multiplayer team based shooter. Payload, Domination, Control Point, (Team) Deathmatch, Capture The Flag, Elimination, Ball and remix them with Mutators! Dash, sprint, and rail grind your way across the arenas to engage the enemy in fast-paced combat and secure the objective for your team. Offline mode/Bots, Dedicated servers, Private servers, Rebind-able controls, Left hand support, Voice chat.” For a free to play shooter, this one had great controls, nice graphics, a good gameplay loop, plenty of comfort options and a solid player base. All that being said, every player I faced off against were top tier, so I spent my time just dying round after round. This is a good game with a solid player base and there's fun here - if you’re willing to learn the ropes. It's bad for newbies like me just looking to have a good time and get a few kills.
    
18. Please, Don’t Touch Anything $9.99 Quest / $4.99 Steam My quick take: A game for escape room devotees only. From the store page: "Please, Don’t Touch Anything is a cryptic, brain-racking button-pushing puzzle game. Covering for a colleague taking a bathroom break, you find yourself in front of a mysterious console with a green screen monitor showing a pixelated live image of an unknown city. Also present is an ominous red button with the simple instruction to not touch anything! Push the red button once or press it many times. Your choices and actions will lead to outrageous and frightening consequences and over 30 unique puzzle endings.” This is a weird one. A really obscure puzzle game that rewards experimentation, but is absolutely punishing with difficulty. If you’re really good at escape games and don’t get frustrated easily, you may enjoy the tedium. If not, you’ll end up like me, watching a tutorial to find out how to get different endings. But if you find yourself doing that, why not just watch a playthrough.
    
19. Eleven Table Tennis $29.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Still one of the best, but there’s so much untapped potential. From the store page: “The ultimate Table Tennis simulator. Play opponents in online multiplayer or practice against the advanced AI. With physics designed to be as real as ever achieved in a Table Tennis simulator, you will forget you are in VR." I finally got back to this game after the new UI was implemented. It looks much more user friendly, but much to my disappointment, there were no new arenas, music, or official doubles options. There is so much potential for expanding this game, and I feel like the devs are just content to have it remain in the state it currently is. Which, to be fair, is a perfect implementation of table tennis in VR. It’s still one of the best VR games out there and absolutely a must own. I just really wish they would add an officially supported doubles mode and expand out the game a bit more because the unofficial doubles mode is a real pain to get set up and only barely worth the struggle. If you'd like to see how to set that doubles up currently, here is a video I was a part of.
    
20. Breachers $29.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Come one, come all, this is 5 v 5 at its finest. From the store page: “In Breachers, you plan your assault or orchestrate your defense as a team through intense close-quarters combat. Whether you play as an enforcer or a revolter, master your nifty gadgetry, customize your powerful weaponry and beat your opponents in stunning environments. Intuitive to grasp. Endlessly playable.” Wow, wow, wow. This officially launched and is such a polished game. With multiple maps, intuitive movement and full lobbies, this game is simply spectacular. Despite the difficulty curve in being good at the game, it’s still a fun time even if you’re not the best, which is something special that few games manage to pull off. Where this game especially shines is with friends. If you can muster up a team of five to take on other random players, you’ll be playing this game for months. Give this a go, and if you're not any good, that's okay, because you'll still be better than the bots and a welcome addition to someone's team.
    
21. Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Outcast (Sidequest mod) Free Demo on Quest / $9.99 (Full Game on Steam) My quick take: Come for the lightsaber play, stay if you can tolerate the puzzles. From the store page: “JK XR is a standalone VR port of the popular Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast game by Lucasarts and Raven Software. Brought to VR by Team Beef & Friends. There are lots of mods and access to the free demo level available through the JK XR Companion App, which is automatically also installed alongside JK XR on your headset.” I never played this game when it first came out on flatscreen in 2002, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The first part of the game you’re playing essentially as a Han Solo type - a smart talkin’ gun slinger. The next part, you’re a cool Jedi chopping off limbs. Absolutely great execution as always by Team Beef, and you can’t beat the price. There is even a free demo to try out to see if you like it. All that being said, the game’s old puzzles, navigation and gameplay felt every bit of 20 years old. After dying multiple times because of missing an exact jump, getting lost and backtracking because I didn't see an obscure elevator and wasting time trying to navigate odd puzzles, I just found it to be too much to overcome to continue to the end. This is no slight on Team Beef and the great work they did with this port, the game just hasn’t aged the best.
    
22. CoasterMania $9.99 Quest My quick take: Early days, but still some fun to be had. There could be something special here after a few updates. From the store page: “CoasterMania is a physics-based VR rollercoaster game where you create the ride of your life! Use wacky contraptions and elements to fly through the sky, then experience your creation by jumping in the front seat. Sandbox mode: Build your dream rollercoaster without any rules but the rules of physics. When you're done, share your coaster or experience the engineering marvels of others. Design your own rides and upload them online.” You know, this game is just silly fun. It's early days for sure, and the tracks don't twist and come together as easily together as I’d hoped, which makes for a difficult time creating exactly what you want. It is satisfying though to have a roller coaster leap from one track to another over a gap. At this point the game is more of a sandbox than a full game with objectives (which is coming). The coasters other people have created are fun, so if you’re not into creating, there is that option to play with other people's designs, plus you can ride them in first person. I look forward to more updates and think it's worth looking at for sure, but if you’re looking for something a bit more fleshed out currently you can try Stunt Track Builder.
    
23. David Slade Mysteries: Case Files $9.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: You’re a forensic cop, here are your tools. Good luck dummy. From the store page: “Take to the dark and violent streets of downtown Riverside, where you investigate gruesome and violent homicides using a range of Forensic tools and your wits! Inspired by the classic Police Quest adventure series, reborn & reimagined for VR. Includes two epic episodes!” Slade is a murder mystery game that is ruthless in it’s difficulty. Honestly, there are several play throughs of this game on YouTube and none have beaten the first case because it was too hard, they all gave up. This game offers no hints, is super abstract and insanely difficult. Why did I keep playing? Well, the game’s tools were implemented quite well, the story was compelling, and I just felt I had to see this through to the end for my own sanity. Despite being as hard as nails, I somehow managed to finish the first case, then moved on to the second. No real spoilers, but the second case does a complete 180 and essentially becomes a horror game where you’re only weapon is your wits. A real departure from the first case. Again, I found myself frustrated, confused and turned around, but again, I had to power through it because something kept pulling me in. If you’re a masochist for puzzle games, I’d recommend this game.
    
24. Home Detective Free w/IAP - Quest My quick take: Fun use of AR, but pretty basic. From the store page: “Use your own living room to solve the crime! Using passthrough, the crime scene is overlaid onto your play area, leaving you free to explore and find clues. Use the patent-pending Residual Heat Scanner to detect the criminals' recent movements, and then dust for fingerprints or try to find evidence left behind. With your wits, and your trusty sidekick Steve Dobbins' snarky comments, you're sure to get to the bottom of these confusing crimes.” I appreciate the interesting use of passthrough and AR in this game. The first case is free to try, so if you’re into AR and passthrough, it’s worth a try. It's $3.99 for another case if you’re into it, but right now, it’s a pretty basic, but solid idea. My biggest complaint is that all my tools were on a shelf that was inaccessible because they were in my wall. I guess AR is still not quite there yet.
    
25. Vertigo Remastered $24.99 Steam My quick take: A fun and wacky ride from start to finish. From the store page: “It's a classic premise - a massive subterranean scientific facility full of mysteries, with aliens bursting in from alternate universes to wreak havoc. The twist? You're one of those aliens. But you're not here to wreak havoc (collateral damage disregarded), you're just trying to get home. A difficult endeavor, as it turns out this facility is more than prepared to deal with extraterrestrial threats.” Because I heard such great things about Vertigo 2, I thought I’d try out this game before I played the sequel. I was really blown away by how fun the game was and pleasantly surprised that it holds up so well. Considering its a 2016 remake, and VR was still figuring out a lot of things like movement, this still felt fresh. With lots of unique ideas, upgrades and areas to play in, I heartily recommend this one and am looking forward to playing the sequel.
    
26. Playin’ Pickleball $19.99 Quest My quick take: Solid physics, but really only for pickleball fans, or a group of four friends. From the store page: “Playin’ Pickleball is an authentic reproduction of Pickleball in Virtual Reality! Physics, sounds and mechanics have been carefully mapped from actual Pickleball game play. Even the scoring and rules are based on the USA Pickleball Association’s Official Rulebook.” Pickleball is sweeping the nation and if I recall correctly, even ForeVR is getting in on the game with an upcoming title. I’m much more of a tennis than pickleball guy, but I have to say, this game has pretty solid physics. Like most games, this is exponentially better with one or better yet, three other people you know. The AI players can be pretty uninteresting hitting it back and forth without much variance. Also the environments are a bit basic. I have to applaud the movement, physics and customizable items though as they all felt very well implemented. If you want something a bit less daunting than tennis, this might be what you're looking for.
    
27. Pong $6.99 Quest My quick take: A neat take on Pong, but you’ll have more fun with Cybrix. From the store page: “Classic paddle game reimagined for VR. Destroy all the bricks. Use your paddles to swing at the balls and the balls have built-in assistance to return back toward you. Take advantage of the pistol and magneto power-ups to cause major damage. Or just swing hard at the balls to create large blast radius. Oh and watch out for those mines going for your head. Lean left/right or crouch to avoid.” I appreciated the ideas the developers had in this modern take on Pong, but it was ultimately quite short and not nearly as fun as Cybrix. That being said for the price, I got my money’s worth and would love to see it get a bit more polish and levels in an update.
    
28. Extreme Escape $4.99 Quest / Steam (Early Access) My quick take: One of those special games where you really feel like you're in the environment. From the store page: “Have you ever wondered how it would feel to travel in a hot air balloon and fly above clouds? Have you ever wanted to face your fear of heights and enclosed spaces? Perhaps you wanted to become a pilot and test your critical thinking skills. Looking for a breathtaking experience? Try Extreme Escape.” The game says “early access,” but honestly I believe this has been abandoned. For the price, you get an extremely short, but fun and unique escape room experience. You’re not going to find this game too hard, but I was brought into its world and completely immersed - I had a true sense of dread and panic. The even shorter “demo” inside the game puts you on a sinking submarine and was extremely memorable. Seldom have I felt so immersed in a game. I’d recommend it for this price, just because of how it made me feel, but it’s a real shame about the very short length and that it’s abandoned.
    
29. The Last Worker $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Gaming with a heavy message, but mediocre gameplay. From the store page: “The Last Worker is an immersive narrative adventure centered around a lone worker’s last stand in an increasingly automated world, The Last Worker is a unique blend of work simulation and stealth strategic gameplay. The game is set in a lonely, oppressive but strangely beautiful environment, with characters designed by comics legend Mick McMahon. Kurt works for the world’s largest retailer and is forced to choose between capitalism or activism. Having dedicated his life to work, Kurt’s loyalty is put to the test when a group of activists ask him to dismantle Jüngle from the inside.” I really wanted to like this game. It had an interesting concept, but navigating, fail states and some very annoying bugs frustrated me to the point where I just said it wasn’t worth my time. That and the story wasn’t speaking to me. It’s well rated, so I’m probably on the opposite side of this one from most people. It's unique in many ways, so check out the teaser and see if it might be for you.
    
30. Shadow Point $19.99 Quest My quick take: Fisherman’s Tale vibes with an excellent story and puzzles that makes you feel smart. From the store page: “Built for VR, Shadow Point is a story-driven puzzle game set between a mountaintop observatory and an ever-changing fantasy world. Explore a vibrant kingdom, cast shadows and solve mind-bending puzzles as you uncover the mystery of missing schoolgirl, Lorna McCabe who vanished from Shadow Point Observatory twelve years ago. As your adventure unfolds, you will manipulate gravity, play with your own reflection, walk on walls, peer through a magical lens to reveal an alternate reality and much more.” I had this game on my wishlist forever and finally pulled the trigger, and boy am I glad I did. I really enjoyed the story, gameplay and ended up marathoning it in one session (which I don't recommend doing). It is a few hours long, and there are extra puzzles to go back to if you’d like. It had some serious Fisherman’s Tale vibes, so if you like those type of puzzle games, this is for you. The puzzles make you stop and think, and more importantly, progress nicely. I was never stuck, but certainly had to really contemplate how to solve some of them. It is slightly finicky with having to line up the shadows exactly to progress, but that is a minor complaint. Give this one a go for sure.
    

I hope you find a few games on this list that you might not have heard of, or that you might find worth revisiting. Let me know here or on the Ruff Talk Discord channel if you have a game you enjoy that I should try, I'm always open to recommendations. Until then, I hope your next VR experience is a memorable one.
Also, the week this is posted, I'm hosting a contest where one winner gets a $29.99 or less, Quest game of their choice. You can enter on the discord channel above, but will need to have five posts on the discord channel within a week to enter, so if that interests you, feel free to join. The Ruff Talk guys usually have giveaways every week and it's some solid VR chat if you're looking for like-minded individuals in a non-toxic space.
TLDR: Top five games to check out - Ark and Ade, Pin City, Breachers, Shadow Point, Vertigo Remastered

I'm keeping track of all the VR games I’ve played this year to catalogue them in hopes that they may give fellow VR gamers some fresh games to try out, or reasons to revisit older games that have had big updates. I'm currently up to 52 different VR games played this year. The first 22 that I played from January to March can be found here. The latest 30 games are mostly on the Quest, but many are available on PCVR.
Some of the games listed below, I can see playing all year long, others are not my cup of tea, but they may interest you enough to try them out. In either case, here are my quick thoughts on the 30 games I’ve played during April and May of 2023.
TLDR: My top 5 games to check out are at the bottom and so is some info for a game giveaway.
​

1. ARK and ADE $9.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: A fun shooter with Pistol Whip vibes that is absolutely worth the price of admission. From the store page: “ARK and ADE is an action-jammed FPS shooter in which you get to experience the glory of the 80’s arcade era in a neon fused setting. Shoot your way through retro-futuristic levels filled with enemies, iconic over the top bosses and never ending bullets!” I played this game back when it was in App Lab before it graduated to the full store. It was such a fun shooter back then, and I’d look forward to new levels coming out every few months. Now that it made it out of app lab, has a bunch of levels and had the gameplay polished, it’s absolutely worth a pickup, especially for that price.
   
2. Project Third Eye $9.99 Quest My quick take: A game where you make your own fun. From the store page: “Project Third Eye is an action physics sandbox with a built-in visual scripting panel to apply logic to spawnable items. This allows you to build your own modifications to the game and customize behaviors as you like.” Just like the description says, this is more of a proof of concept and sandbox game more so than a full fledged game with objectives. There are certainly neat ideas here and there, and the dev is really active with updates on Reddit. If you like to experiment and see how concepts develop in a game, you may enjoy this, but there’s no real direction beyond experimenting, so I dropped off fairly quickly.
   
3. Jousting VR Demo $9.99 Quest / Steam Quest Demo My quick take: A bit light on gameplay, but there is some charm here. From the store page: “XIII century, Europe, royal market courtyard. You are a knight who joined the medieval tournament. Your task is 'simple.' Jump on your trusty steed, grab your lance & defeat the enemy. Take into consideration speed, accuracy, strength. Equipment is also important. The better gear the easier the task. Oh, and other knights - they want to win as much as you do.” As advertised, it's a jousting game in VR. I enjoyed the demo, but honestly it was a bit too finicky at times and just not worth a full buy to me. The atmosphere was fun though and there was a progression loop for those who get into it.
   
4. Demeo $39.99 Quest and Steam (flatscreen as well) My quick take: This is a great game that I revisited from start to finish with four players. A must own. From the store page: “Adventurers, it’s time to unite! Gather your friends and fight monsters in Demeo, the turn-based tabletop strategy game of battle and glory. Roll dice, pick up miniatures, and free the world of Gilmerra in round after round of tabletop board game fun. With a huge assortment of monsters, playable classes, and environments to explore, it’s never the same game twice." I finally got a chance to play through the entirety of the game in VR with four friends, through each world, while trying a variety of characters. We even made a video ranking the best players and levels. It really is a solid dungeon crawling adventure. With 2 or more friends, this game really shines and is such a fun ride, despite how punishing the bosses can be. This is the closest you can get to D&D in VR without having a dungeon master. Well worth the asking price.
   
5. Build and Drive Racing Demo Free Quest / Steam My quick take: Early days in development, maybe something to keep an eye on to see how it improves. From the store page: "Get ready for a new experience on Windows desktop and VR, where you get to build your ultimate racing machine, tailored to your driving style and optimized for performance, or race to the finish line with a monster what makes you smile. With stylised graphics and arcade-like physics, every turn, straightway and ramp will put your skills to the test. Feel the thrill of the race like never before in VR, as you immerse yourself counting the seconds on the home stretch." An early demo that has seen some updates. Maybe worth looking at in a few months after a bit more development. I did like what I saw, but honestly, if you’re looking for a finished racing game, try Mini Motor Racing X instead or some of the other heavier PCVR games available.
   
6. Les Mills Body Combat $29.99 Quest My quick take: No subscriptions, great coaches and fun workouts that will make you sweat. From the store page: “Work out at home with a premium fitness app. LES MILLS, the world's leading fitness company, brings the BODYCOMBAT experience to your VR headset with an extensive workout portfolio, top-quality coaching, innovative mechanics, and different intensities.” With no subscriptions or hidden fees, lots of workouts, motivating coaches and the ability to compete with friends on leaderboards, this really is a dynamite workout app. I was working up a good sweat during my workouts, so be sure you have good facial insert and a fan ready. Highly recommended if you want a workout in VR for just the price of entry.
   
7. Interkosmos 2000 $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: A difficult puzzle game, but rewarding if you have the patience. From the store page: “Go to space. Save the Future. Try not to Die. Welcome (back) to the world of Interkosmos for an even wilder, weirder and more wondrous adventure. Experience the intense exhilaration of spaceflight. Explore the awe-inspiring interiors of a realistic space capsule. Master the crucial systems that will keep you in orbit (and breathing). And while you’re at it, try your best not to die. Should you complete your mission, you just might save the future – and yourself. Should you fail? Let’s not think about that.” An intense puzzle game where you’re piloting a space ship with some very finicky controls. I found the experience way too difficult and exacting. Along with a bit of bugginess, that didn’t help in me determining if the error was my fault or the game's. If you have the patience, there certainly is some rewarding gameplay here, and an interesting story, but I found it all a bit too much to see to the end.
   
8. The Light Brigade $24.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: In a world of rougelikes, this is one that stands out. From the store page: “As a member of The Light Brigade, humanity’s last line of defense, brave ruins bathed in darkness and free the trapped souls who need the salvation only your gun can provide. Shoot, master spells, and upgrade your capabilities to herald the Sun’s return in this roguelike VR shooter.” There’s quite a lot of rouge shooters on Quest and despite the plethora of choices, this one stands out. Be warned, it starts out slowly, but gets quite fun after you get to know the systems after about an hour in. While I did make it to the last boss, I died and never went back to finished it. The gameplay loop and dynamic levels were solid though. The slight upgrades and different classes during each run were interesting and kept me going for a while. The most frustrating time I had was learning the little tips, tricks and finer gameplay points, but it was worth the push through that initial rough patch.
   
9. Resident Evil 4 $39.99 Quest My quick take: One of the best games in VR. A must own. From the store page: “Explore the world of Resident Evil 4, entirely remastered for VR. Step into the shoes of special agent Leon S. Kennedy on his mission to rescue the U.S. President’s daughter who was kidnapped by a mysterious cult. Come face to face with enemies, and uncover secrets with gameplay that revolutionized the survival horror genre. Battle horrific creatures and face-off against mind-controlled villagers while discovering their connection to the cult behind the abduction.” I forgot so much about this game from when I first played it 18 years ago on the GameCube. The long length, fun characters and how exciting the gun play is, all just came together perfectly. The development team spent a ton of time getting the VR feeling just right, and it’s absolutely one of the best on the Quest and well worth the price of entry. Additionally, once you play through the game the first time it really changes from survival horror to a whole new type of game action game. Simply outstanding.
   
10. Mini Golf Hustler Free Quest My quick take: Early days in development. Some good ideas, but a bit too rough around the edges. From the store page: “Challenge Slick Willie Puttman in this FREE nine hole demo of Mini Golf Hustler. Hazards include armed torpedoes, tentacled arms, ornery tikis and more! Multiple betting games, including skins, match play and the fearsome traveling snake. All played at the same time.” I thought I’d check out another mini golf game to see what other ideas there might be outside of the king - Walkabout Mini Golf. While there were some solid ideas for holes, the betting felt uneven, and everything else felt in their very early stages. To be fair, no other mini golf game feels even close to the accuracy of Walkabout, so I think it’s a tough go for any other games to match. It's probably best to stick with the champ for now, but I applaud the dev for trying something different.
    
11. Pin City Free Quest (open beta on Discord) / Steam My quick take: Early days, but wow, worth a download and one to watch in the future. From the store page: "Pin City is a bowling game unlike any other bowling game you’ve played before. We strove to bring the spirit of mini-golf into the world of bowling. We’ve taken the standard bowling setup (straight lane, 10 pins, 1 ball) and expanded, transformed, and evolved it. We wanted to give people a chance to bowl in ways that would be impossible, illegal, or extremely impractical.” An early alpha game, but boy, what a great start, I’m really looking forward to the team getting the physics feeling right with weight and feel of the bowling balls and seeing how much more gameplay they can add. Really worth the download or heading over to their Discord to get a Quest key for free to try it out. The quirky bowling, physics and gameplay they're experimenting with really got me excited to see how this one comes together in the next several months.
    
12. Mash Me Up Free Quest My quick take: Please devs, add more multiplayer support! From the store page: “Do you want to play party games with your friends or meet someone new? All is just one button press away with Mash Me Up. One button, multiple games. Will it be Air Hockey, Pier Pong, Flingball, or… Get ready for a surprise! Press, Play, Enjoy and Go Again!” If this game got a bit more development love it would be incredible. As it stands now, there are several mini games you can play against one person. Most are just okay, but a handful are real gems, and one particularly is incredible - Geo Guesser. Hands down the best mini game in the pack. With four, or six players and some new content, they could easily charge for just this one game. As it stands now, it’s a great two player game, but you’ll need to bring your own friend as the servers are pretty barren. Worth a download though for sure as you’ll get a night of fun out of it.
    
13. THZZLS - Treasures Lost In Time $4.99 Quest My quick take: A unique puzzler that can be pretty relaxing, but repetitive. From the store page: “Our first THZZLE is called "Der Bazar", the world's first VR toy theatre puzzle game. The Bazar is a VR puzzle game where you have to place furniture and props in the right places in old-fashioned rooms according to an old picture you see. The game is set in 19th century Germany and each room has objects taken from the German lifestyle magazine "Der Bazar", published in Berlin.” This one used to be free, with paid content, but it has since changed as they added more content. You recreate a scene with cutouts of people and furniture in a 3D space. It seemed to have endless puzzles with randomization of scenes. I could see someone going to this for a relaxing 10-15 minutes, but it is a lot of the same each time and didn’t grab me fully. If you’re looking for a puzzle game that’s outside of the usual ones you find in the store, it’s not a bad choice for the price. Keep in mind though its hand tracking only, so for some that may be a non starter, even though it felt just fine.
    
14. Barbaria $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: What I imagine Gorn is like with a solid game loop of RTS. From the store page: “Do you have what it takes to be the Mightiest in Barbaria? Welcome to a brutal world where visceral motion-controlled combat blends seamlessly with god-scale base-building and asynchronous multiplayer raids. Use fists, axes, swords, bows, rocks, or anything you can grab to dominate your foes in intense 1st-person combat. Then jump out to your immortal form and watch your minions carry on the battle while you rain down meteors from above. Systemic combat, versatile enemy AI, and player-created defenses make every battle unique.” I recognize there is a lot here to do in this game - if you like the game loop. Unfortunately, it really didn’t do much for me. I was expecting more RTS than Gorn style gameplay and was not pulled in by the fighting or quests offered. I have to say that the humor was spot on, and it certainly had good visuals, the game was just not for me. All that being said, there is a lot of content here and you could be playing this for quite some time if you think this could be your jam.
    
15. Toy Monsters Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take: Plants vs Zombies in AR with hand tracking that does enough unique stuff to be worth it. From the store page: “Toy Monsters VR is a mixed-reality tabletop tower defense inspired by classic Plants vs Zombies. Built from the ground up with hand tracking and passthrough in mind. As you progress through the 20 levels, you'll unlock new toys with unique special powers. You can enhance your toys with magical potions and use crystal power to unleash magic beams from your hands, transform your fingers into flamethrowers, and more.” This game has come a long way since its initial release. It’s a solid hand tracking Plants vs. Zombies game with its own twist on powers and uses passthrough quite nicely. My biggest complaint is that you really need to complete the game all in one go (about an hour or so) as it doesn’t keep track of your upgrades if you quit. Essentially, trying to pass a later level without prior upgrades or powerups is near impossible. Despite that one issue, give at least the demo a try and if you like it, the price is pretty fair for what you get.
    
16. Exit Condition One Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take: A bit rough around the edges, but escape room fans will find fun with it. From the store page: “You awake from cryo in a mysterious museum. A robot refers to you as a curator and the security system is malfunctioning. Can you get things back to normal and escape? There are no jump scares. The game is designed ground-up for roomscale VR on the Quest, but supports all locomotion modes. Most objects can be interacted with, it fully uses physics, and the hands don't ‘ghost out.’” According to the description, this is still a work in progress. That being said, it was a neat escape game that I felt I got my money’s worth from. It certainly was a bit rough around the edges with its gameplay and had some obscure puzzles to work through, but I did finish it and had a good time with it. Try the demo for sure, and perhaps when it’s finally finished, some of those rough edges will be polished up, but as it stands now, it was pretty solid.
    
17. Hyperdash Free Quest / Steam My quick take: A solid online shooter, but you'll have to put in the time to get good to find the fun. From the store page: “Hyper Dash is a free VR multiplayer team based shooter. Payload, Domination, Control Point, (Team) Deathmatch, Capture The Flag, Elimination, Ball and remix them with Mutators! Dash, sprint, and rail grind your way across the arenas to engage the enemy in fast-paced combat and secure the objective for your team. Offline mode/Bots, Dedicated servers, Private servers, Rebind-able controls, Left hand support, Voice chat.” For a free to play shooter, this one had great controls, nice graphics, a good gameplay loop, plenty of comfort options and a solid player base. All that being said, every player I faced off against were top tier, so I spent my time just dying round after round. This is a good game with a solid player base and there's fun here - if you’re willing to learn the ropes. It's bad for newbies like me just looking to have a good time and get a few kills.
    
18. Please, Don’t Touch Anything $9.99 Quest / $4.99 Steam My quick take: A game for escape room devotees only. From the store page: "Please, Don’t Touch Anything is a cryptic, brain-racking button-pushing puzzle game. Covering for a colleague taking a bathroom break, you find yourself in front of a mysterious console with a green screen monitor showing a pixelated live image of an unknown city. Also present is an ominous red button with the simple instruction to not touch anything! Push the red button once or press it many times. Your choices and actions will lead to outrageous and frightening consequences and over 30 unique puzzle endings.” This is a weird one. A really obscure puzzle game that rewards experimentation, but is absolutely punishing with difficulty. If you’re really good at escape games and don’t get frustrated easily, you may enjoy the tedium. If not, you’ll end up like me, watching a tutorial to find out how to get different endings. But if you find yourself doing that, why not just watch a playthrough.
    
19. Eleven Table Tennis $29.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Still one of the best, but there’s so much untapped potential. From the store page: “The ultimate Table Tennis simulator. Play opponents in online multiplayer or practice against the advanced AI. With physics designed to be as real as ever achieved in a Table Tennis simulator, you will forget you are in VR." I finally got back to this game after the new UI was implemented. It looks much more user friendly, but much to my disappointment, there were no new arenas, music, or official doubles options. There is so much potential for expanding this game, and I feel like the devs are just content to have it remain in the state it currently is. Which, to be fair, is a perfect implementation of table tennis in VR. It’s still one of the best VR games out there and absolutely a must own. I just really wish they would add an officially supported doubles mode and expand out the game a bit more because the unofficial doubles mode is a real pain to get set up and only barely worth the struggle. If you'd like to see how to set that doubles up currently, here is a video I was a part of.
    
20. Breachers $29.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Come one, come all, this is 5 v 5 at its finest. From the store page: “In Breachers, you plan your assault or orchestrate your defense as a team through intense close-quarters combat. Whether you play as an enforcer or a revolter, master your nifty gadgetry, customize your powerful weaponry and beat your opponents in stunning environments. Intuitive to grasp. Endlessly playable.” Wow, wow, wow. This officially launched and is such a polished game. With multiple maps, intuitive movement and full lobbies, this game is simply spectacular. Despite the difficulty curve in being good at the game, it’s still a fun time even if you’re not the best, which is something special that few games manage to pull off. Where this game especially shines is with friends. If you can muster up a team of five to take on other random players, you’ll be playing this game for months. Give this a go, and if you're not any good, that's okay, because you'll still be better than the bots and a welcome addition to someone's team.
    
21. Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Outcast (Sidequest mod) Free Demo on Quest / $9.99 (Full Game on Steam) My quick take: Come for the lightsaber play, stay if you can tolerate the puzzles. From the store page: “JK XR is a standalone VR port of the popular Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast game by Lucasarts and Raven Software. Brought to VR by Team Beef & Friends. There are lots of mods and access to the free demo level available through the JK XR Companion App, which is automatically also installed alongside JK XR on your headset.” I never played this game when it first came out on flatscreen in 2002, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The first part of the game you’re playing essentially as a Han Solo type - a smart talkin’ gun slinger. The next part, you’re a cool Jedi chopping off limbs. Absolutely great execution as always by Team Beef, and you can’t beat the price. There is even a free demo to try out to see if you like it. All that being said, the game’s old puzzles, navigation and gameplay felt every bit of 20 years old. After dying multiple times because of missing an exact jump, getting lost and backtracking because I didn't see an obscure elevator and wasting time trying to navigate odd puzzles, I just found it to be too much to overcome to continue to the end. This is no slight on Team Beef and the great work they did with this port, the game just hasn’t aged the best.
    
22. CoasterMania $9.99 Quest My quick take: Early days, but still some fun to be had. There could be something special here after a few updates. From the store page: “CoasterMania is a physics-based VR rollercoaster game where you create the ride of your life! Use wacky contraptions and elements to fly through the sky, then experience your creation by jumping in the front seat. Sandbox mode: Build your dream rollercoaster without any rules but the rules of physics. When you're done, share your coaster or experience the engineering marvels of others. Design your own rides and upload them online.” You know, this game is just silly fun. It's early days for sure, and the tracks don't twist and come together as easily together as I’d hoped, which makes for a difficult time creating exactly what you want. It is satisfying though to have a roller coaster leap from one track to another over a gap. At this point the game is more of a sandbox than a full game with objectives (which is coming). The coasters other people have created are fun, so if you’re not into creating, there is that option to play with other people's designs, plus you can ride them in first person. I look forward to more updates and think it's worth looking at for sure, but if you’re looking for something a bit more fleshed out currently you can try Stunt Track Builder.
    
23. David Slade Mysteries: Case Files $9.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: You’re a forensic cop, here are your tools. Good luck dummy. From the store page: “Take to the dark and violent streets of downtown Riverside, where you investigate gruesome and violent homicides using a range of Forensic tools and your wits! Inspired by the classic Police Quest adventure series, reborn & reimagined for VR. Includes two epic episodes!” Slade is a murder mystery game that is ruthless in it’s difficulty. Honestly, there are several play throughs of this game on YouTube and none have beaten the first case because it was too hard, they all gave up. This game offers no hints, is super abstract and insanely difficult. Why did I keep playing? Well, the game’s tools were implemented quite well, the story was compelling, and I just felt I had to see this through to the end for my own sanity. Despite being as hard as nails, I somehow managed to finish the first case, then moved on to the second. No real spoilers, but the second case does a complete 180 and essentially becomes a horror game where you’re only weapon is your wits. A real departure from the first case. Again, I found myself frustrated, confused and turned around, but again, I had to power through it because something kept pulling me in. If you’re a masochist for puzzle games, I’d recommend this game.
    
24. Home Detective Free w/IAP - Quest My quick take: Fun use of AR, but pretty basic. From the store page: “Use your own living room to solve the crime! Using passthrough, the crime scene is overlaid onto your play area, leaving you free to explore and find clues. Use the patent-pending Residual Heat Scanner to detect the criminals' recent movements, and then dust for fingerprints or try to find evidence left behind. With your wits, and your trusty sidekick Steve Dobbins' snarky comments, you're sure to get to the bottom of these confusing crimes.” I appreciate the interesting use of passthrough and AR in this game. The first case is free to try, so if you’re into AR and passthrough, it’s worth a try. It's $3.99 for another case if you’re into it, but right now, it’s a pretty basic, but solid idea. My biggest complaint is that all my tools were on a shelf that was inaccessible because they were in my wall. I guess AR is still not quite there yet.
    
25. Vertigo Remastered $24.99 Steam My quick take: A fun and wacky ride from start to finish. From the store page: “It's a classic premise - a massive subterranean scientific facility full of mysteries, with aliens bursting in from alternate universes to wreak havoc. The twist? You're one of those aliens. But you're not here to wreak havoc (collateral damage disregarded), you're just trying to get home. A difficult endeavor, as it turns out this facility is more than prepared to deal with extraterrestrial threats.” Because I heard such great things about Vertigo 2, I thought I’d try out this game before I played the sequel. I was really blown away by how fun the game was and pleasantly surprised that it holds up so well. Considering its a 2016 remake, and VR was still figuring out a lot of things like movement, this still felt fresh. With lots of unique ideas, upgrades and areas to play in, I heartily recommend this one and am looking forward to playing the sequel.
    
26. Playin’ Pickleball $19.99 Quest My quick take: Solid physics, but really only for pickleball fans, or a group of four friends. From the store page: “Playin’ Pickleball is an authentic reproduction of Pickleball in Virtual Reality! Physics, sounds and mechanics have been carefully mapped from actual Pickleball game play. Even the scoring and rules are based on the USA Pickleball Association’s Official Rulebook.” Pickleball is sweeping the nation and if I recall correctly, even ForeVR is getting in on the game with an upcoming title. I’m much more of a tennis than pickleball guy, but I have to say, this game has pretty solid physics. Like most games, this is exponentially better with one or better yet, three other people you know. The AI players can be pretty uninteresting hitting it back and forth without much variance. Also the environments are a bit basic. I have to applaud the movement, physics and customizable items though as they all felt very well implemented. If you want something a bit less daunting than tennis, this might be what you're looking for.
    
27. Pong $6.99 Quest My quick take: A neat take on Pong, but you’ll have more fun with Cybrix. From the store page: “Classic paddle game reimagined for VR. Destroy all the bricks. Use your paddles to swing at the balls and the balls have built-in assistance to return back toward you. Take advantage of the pistol and magneto power-ups to cause major damage. Or just swing hard at the balls to create large blast radius. Oh and watch out for those mines going for your head. Lean left/right or crouch to avoid.” I appreciated the ideas the developers had in this modern take on Pong, but it was ultimately quite short and not nearly as fun as Cybrix. That being said for the price, I got my money’s worth and would love to see it get a bit more polish and levels in an update.
    
28. Extreme Escape $4.99 Quest / Steam (Early Access) My quick take: One of those special games where you really feel like you're in the environment. From the store page: “Have you ever wondered how it would feel to travel in a hot air balloon and fly above clouds? Have you ever wanted to face your fear of heights and enclosed spaces? Perhaps you wanted to become a pilot and test your critical thinking skills. Looking for a breathtaking experience? Try Extreme Escape.” The game says “early access,” but honestly I believe this has been abandoned. For the price, you get an extremely short, but fun and unique escape room experience. You’re not going to find this game too hard, but I was brought into its world and completely immersed - I had a true sense of dread and panic. The even shorter “demo” inside the game puts you on a sinking submarine and was extremely memorable. Seldom have I felt so immersed in a game. I’d recommend it for this price, just because of how it made me feel, but it’s a real shame about the very short length and that it’s abandoned.
    
29. The Last Worker $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: Gaming with a heavy message, but mediocre gameplay. From the store page: “The Last Worker is an immersive narrative adventure centered around a lone worker’s last stand in an increasingly automated world, The Last Worker is a unique blend of work simulation and stealth strategic gameplay. The game is set in a lonely, oppressive but strangely beautiful environment, with characters designed by comics legend Mick McMahon. Kurt works for the world’s largest retailer and is forced to choose between capitalism or activism. Having dedicated his life to work, Kurt’s loyalty is put to the test when a group of activists ask him to dismantle Jüngle from the inside.” I really wanted to like this game. It had an interesting concept, but navigating, fail states and some very annoying bugs frustrated me to the point where I just said it wasn’t worth my time. That and the story wasn’t speaking to me. It’s well rated, so I’m probably on the opposite side of this one from most people. It's unique in many ways, so check out the teaser and see if it might be for you.
    
30. Shadow Point $19.99 Quest My quick take: Fisherman’s Tale vibes with an excellent story and puzzles that makes you feel smart. From the store page: “Built for VR, Shadow Point is a story-driven puzzle game set between a mountaintop observatory and an ever-changing fantasy world. Explore a vibrant kingdom, cast shadows and solve mind-bending puzzles as you uncover the mystery of missing schoolgirl, Lorna McCabe who vanished from Shadow Point Observatory twelve years ago. As your adventure unfolds, you will manipulate gravity, play with your own reflection, walk on walls, peer through a magical lens to reveal an alternate reality and much more.” I had this game on my wishlist forever and finally pulled the trigger, and boy am I glad I did. I really enjoyed the story, gameplay and ended up marathoning it in one session (which I don't recommend doing). It is a few hours long, and there are extra puzzles to go back to if you’d like. It had some serious Fisherman’s Tale vibes, so if you like those type of puzzle games, this is for you. The puzzles make you stop and think, and more importantly, progress nicely. I was never stuck, but certainly had to really contemplate how to solve some of them. It is slightly finicky with having to line up the shadows exactly to progress, but that is a minor complaint. Give this one a go for sure.
    

I hope you find a few games on this list that you might not have heard of, or that you might find worth revisiting. Let me know here or on the Ruff Talk Discord channel if you have a game you enjoy that I should try, I'm always open to recommendations. Until then, I hope your next VR experience is a memorable one.
Also, the week this is posted, I'm hosting a contest where one winner gets a $29.99 or less, Quest game of their choice. You can enter on the discord channel above, but will need to have five posts on the discord channel within a week to enter, so if that interests you, feel free to join. The Ruff Talk guys usually have giveaways every week and it's some solid VR chat if you're looking for like-minded individuals in a non-toxic space.
TLDR: Top five games to check out - Ark and Ade, Pin City, Breachers, Shadow Point, Vertigo Remastered

I'm keeping track of all the VR games I’ve played this year to catalogue them in hopes that they may give fellow VR gamers some fresh games to try out, or reasons to revisit older games that have had big updates. I'm currently up to 52 different VR games played this year. The first 22 that I played from January to March can be found here. The latest 30 games are mostly on the Quest, but many are available on PCVR.
Some of the games listed below, I can see playing all year long, others are not my cup of tea, but they may interest you enough to try them out. In either case, here are my quick thoughts on the 30 games I’ve played during April and May of 2023.
TLDR: My top 5 games to check out are at the bottom and so is some info for a game giveaway.

1. ARK and ADE $9.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: A fun shooter with Pistol Whip vibes that is absolutely worth the price of admission. From the store page: “ARK and ADE is an action-jammed FPS shooter in which you get to experience the glory of the 80’s arcade era in a neon fused setting. Shoot your way through retro-futuristic levels filled with enemies, iconic over the top bosses and never ending bullets!” I played this game back when it was in App Lab before it graduated to the full store. It was such a fun shooter back then, and I’d look forward to new levels coming out every few months. Now that it made it out of app lab, has a bunch of levels and had the gameplay polished, it’s absolutely worth a pickup, especially for that price.
   
2. Project Third Eye $9.99 Quest My quick take:A game where you make your own fun. From the store page: “Project Third Eye is an action physics sandbox with a built-in visual scripting panel to apply logic to spawnable items. This allows you to build your own modifications to the game and customize behaviors as you like.” Just like the description says, this is more of a proof of concept and sandbox game more so than a full fledged game with objectives. There are certainly neat ideas here and there, and the dev is really active with updates on Reddit. If you like to experiment and see how concepts develop in a game, you may enjoy this, but there’s no real direction beyond experimenting, so I dropped off fairly quickly.
   
3. Jousting VR Demo $9.99 Quest / Steam Quest Demo My quick take:A bit light on gameplay, but there is some charm here. From the store page:“XIII century, Europe, royal market courtyard. You are a knight who joined the medieval tournament. Your task is 'simple.' Jump on your trusty steed, grab your lance & defeat the enemy. Take into consideration speed, accuracy, strength. Equipment is also important. The better gear the easier the task. Oh, and other knights - they want to win as much as you do.” As advertised, it's a jousting game in VR. I enjoyed the demo, but honestly it was a bit too finicky at times and just not worth a full buy to me. The atmosphere was fun though and there was a progression loop for those who get into it.
   
4. Demeo $39.99 Quest and Steam (flatscreen as well) My quick take:This is a great game that I revisited from start to finish with four players. A must own. From the store page: “Adventurers, it’s time to unite! Gather your friends and fight monsters in Demeo, the turn-based tabletop strategy game of battle and glory. Roll dice, pick up miniatures, and free the world of Gilmerra in round after round of tabletop board game fun. With a huge assortment of monsters, playable classes, and environments to explore, it’s never the same game twice." I finally got a chance to play through the entirety of the game in VR with four friends, through each world, while trying a variety of characters. We even made a video ranking the best players and levels. It really is a solid dungeon crawling adventure. With 2 or more friends, this game really shines and is such a fun ride, despite how punishing the bosses can be. This is the closest you can get to D&D in VR without having a dungeon master. Well worth the asking price.
   
5. Build and Drive Racing Demo Free Quest / Steam My quick take: Early days in development, maybe something to keep an eye on to see how it improves. From the store page: "Get ready for a new experience on Windows desktop and VR, where you get to build your ultimate racing machine, tailored to your driving style and optimized for performance, or race to the finish line with a monster what makes you smile. With stylised graphics and arcade-like physics, every turn, straightway and ramp will put your skills to the test. Feel the thrill of the race like never before in VR, as you immerse yourself counting the seconds on the home stretch." An early demo that has seen some updates. Maybe worth looking at in a few months after a bit more development. I did like what I saw, but honestly, if you’re looking for a finished racing game, try Mini Motor Racing X instead or some of the other heavier PCVR games available.
   
6. Les Mills Body Combat $29.99 Quest My quick take: No subscriptions, great coaches and fun workouts that will make you sweat. From the store page: “Work out at home with a premium fitness app. LES MILLS, the world's leading fitness company, brings the BODYCOMBAT experience to your VR headset with an extensive workout portfolio, top-quality coaching, innovative mechanics, and different intensities.” With no subscriptions or hidden fees, lots of workouts, motivating coaches and the ability to compete with friends on leaderboards, this really is a dynamite workout app. I was working up a good sweat during my workouts, so be sure you have good facial insert and a fan ready. Highly recommended if you want a workout in VR for just the price of entry.
   
7. Interkosmos 2000 $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take:A difficult puzzle game, but rewarding if you have the patience. From the store page: “Go to space. Save the Future. Try not to Die. Welcome (back) to the world of Interkosmos for an even wilder, weirder and more wondrous adventure. Experience the intense exhilaration of spaceflight. Explore the awe-inspiring interiors of a realistic space capsule. Master the crucial systems that will keep you in orbit (and breathing). And while you’re at it, try your best not to die. Should you complete your mission, you just might save the future – and yourself. Should you fail? Let’s not think about that.” An intense puzzle game where you’re piloting a space ship with some very finicky controls. I found the experience way too difficult and exacting. Along with a bit of bugginess, that didn’t help in me determining if the error was my fault or the game's. If you have the patience, there certainly is some rewarding gameplay here, and an interesting story, but I found it all a bit too much to see to the end.
   
8. The Light Brigade $24.99 Quest / Steam My quick take: In a world of rougelikes, this is one that stands out. From the store page: “As a member of The Light Brigade, humanity’s last line of defense, brave ruins bathed in darkness and free the trapped souls who need the salvation only your gun can provide. Shoot, master spells, and upgrade your capabilities to herald the Sun’s return in this roguelike VR shooter.” There’s quite a lot of rouge shooters on Quest and despite the plethora of choices, this one stands out. Be warned, it starts out slowly, but gets quite fun after you get to know the systems after about an hour in. While I did make it to the last boss, I died and never went back to finished it. The gameplay loop and dynamic levels were solid though. The slight upgrades and different classes during each run were interesting and kept me going for a while. The most frustrating time I had was learning the little tips, tricks and finer gameplay points, but it was worth the push through that initial rough patch.
   
9. Resident Evil 4 $39.99 Quest My quick take: One of the best games in VR. A must own. From the store page: “Explore the world of Resident Evil 4, entirely remastered for VR. Step into the shoes of special agent Leon S. Kennedy on his mission to rescue the U.S. President’s daughter who was kidnapped by a mysterious cult. Come face to face with enemies, and uncover secrets with gameplay that revolutionized the survival horror genre. Battle horrific creatures and face-off against mind-controlled villagers while discovering their connection to the cult behind the abduction.” I forgot so much about this game from when I first played it 18 years ago on the GameCube. The long length, fun characters and how exciting the gun play is, all just came together perfectly. The development team spent a ton of time getting the VR feeling just right, and it’s absolutely one of the best on the Quest and well worth the price of entry. Additionally, once you play through the game the first time it really changes from survival horror to a whole new type of game action game. Simply outstanding.
   
10. Mini Golf Hustler Free Quest My quick take: Early days in development. Some good ideas, but a bit too rough around the edges. From the store page: “Challenge Slick Willie Puttman in this FREE nine hole demo of Mini Golf Hustler. Hazards include armed torpedoes, tentacled arms, ornery tikis and more! Multiple betting games, including skins, match play and the fearsome traveling snake. All played at the same time.” I thought I’d check out another mini golf game to see what other ideas there might be outside of the king - Walkabout Mini Golf. While there were some solid ideas for holes, the betting felt uneven, and everything else felt in their very early stages. To be fair, no other mini golf game feels even close to the accuracy of Walkabout, so I think it’s a tough go for any other games to match. It's probably best to stick with the champ for now, but I applaud the dev for trying something different.
    
11. Pin City Free Quest (open beta on Discord) / Steam My quick take: Early days, but wow, worth a download and one to watch in the future. From the store page: "Pin City is a bowling game unlike any other bowling game you’ve played before. We strove to bring the spirit of mini-golf into the world of bowling. We’ve taken the standard bowling setup (straight lane, 10 pins, 1 ball) and expanded, transformed, and evolved it. We wanted to give people a chance to bowl in ways that would be impossible, illegal, or extremely impractical.” An early alpha game, but boy, what a great start, I’m really looking forward to the team getting the physics feeling right with weight and feel of the bowling balls and seeing how much more gameplay they can add. Really worth the download or heading over to their Discord to get a Quest key for free to try it out. The quirky bowling, physics and gameplay they're experimenting with really got me excited to see how this one comes together in the next several months.
    
12. Mash Me Up Free Quest My quick take: Please devs, add more multiplayer support! From the store page: “Do you want to play party games with your friends or meet someone new? All is just one button press away with Mash Me Up. One button, multiple games. Will it be Air Hockey, Pier Pong, Flingball, or… Get ready for a surprise! Press, Play, Enjoy and Go Again!” If this game got a bit more development love it would be incredible. As it stands now, there are several mini games you can play against one person. Most are just okay, but a handful are real gems, and one particularly is incredible - Geo Guesser. Hands down the best mini game in the pack. With four, or six players and some new content, they could easily charge for just this one game. As it stands now, it’s a great two player game, but you’ll need to bring your own friend as the servers are pretty barren. Worth a download though for sure as you’ll get a night of fun out of it.
    
13. THZZLS - Treasures Lost In Time $4.99 Quest My quick take: A unique puzzler that can be pretty relaxing, but repetitive. From the store page: “Our first THZZLE is called "Der Bazar", the world's first VR toy theatre puzzle game. The Bazar is a VR puzzle game where you have to place furniture and props in the right places in old-fashioned rooms according to an old picture you see. The game is set in 19th century Germany and each room has objects taken from the German lifestyle magazine "Der Bazar", published in Berlin.” This one used to be free, with paid content, but it has since changed as they added more content. You recreate a scene with cutouts of people and furniture in a 3D space. It seemed to have endless puzzles with randomization of scenes. I could see someone going to this for a relaxing 10-15 minutes, but it is a lot of the same each time and didn’t grab me fully. If you’re looking for a puzzle game that’s outside of the usual ones you find in the store, it’s not a bad choice for the price. Keep in mind though its hand tracking only, so for some that may be a non starter, even though it felt just fine.
    
14. Barbaria $19.99 Quest / Steam My quick take:What I imagine Gorn is like with a solid game loop of RTS. From the store page: “Do you have what it takes to be the Mightiest in Barbaria? Welcome to a brutal world where visceral motion-controlled combat blends seamlessly with god-scale base-building and asynchronous multiplayer raids. Use fists, axes, swords, bows, rocks, or anything you can grab to dominate your foes in intense 1st-person combat. Then jump out to your immortal form and watch your minions carry on the battle while you rain down meteors from above. Systemic combat, versatile enemy AI, and player-created defenses make every battle unique.” I recognize there is a lot here to do in this game - if you like the game loop. Unfortunately, it really didn’t do much for me. I was expecting more RTS than Gorn style gameplay and was not pulled in by the fighting or quests offered. I have to say that the humor was spot on, and it certainly had good visuals, the game was just not for me. All that being said, there is a lot of content here and you could be playing this for quite some time if you think this could be your jam.
    
15. Toy Monsters Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take:Plants vs Zombies in AR with hand tracking that does enough unique stuff to be worth it. From the store page: “Toy Monsters VR is a mixed-reality tabletop tower defense inspired by classic Plants vs Zombies. Built from the ground up with hand tracking and passthrough in mind. As you progress through the 20 levels, you'll unlock new toys with unique special powers. You can enhance your toys with magical potions and use crystal power to unleash magic beams from your hands, transform your fingers into flamethrowers, and more.” This game has come a long way since its initial release. It’s a solid hand tracking Plants vs. Zombies game with its own twist on powers and uses passthrough quite nicely. My biggest complaint is that you really need to complete the game all in one go (about an hour or so) as it doesn’t keep track of your upgrades if you quit. Essentially, trying to pass a later level without prior upgrades or powerups is near impossible. Despite that one issue, give at least the demo a try and if you like it, the price is pretty fair for what you get.
    
16. Exit Condition One Free Quest Demo / $4.99 Quest My quick take: A bit rough around the edges, but escape room fans will find fun with it. From the store page: “You awake from cryo in a mysterious museum. A robot refers to you as a curator and the security system is malfunctioning. Can you get things back to normal and escape? There are no jump scares. The game is designed ground-up for roomscale VR on the Quest, but supports all locomotion modes. Most objects can be interacted with, it fully uses physics, and the hands don't ‘ghost out.’” According to the description, this is still a work in progress. That being said, it was a neat escape game that I felt I got my money’s worth from. It certainly was a bit rough around the edges with its gameplay and had some obscure puzzles to work through, but I did finish it and had a good time with it. Try the demo for sure, and perhaps when it’s finally finished, some of those rough edges will be polished up, but as it stands now, it was pretty solid.
    
17. Hyperdash Free Quest/Steam My quick take: A solid online shooter, but you'll have to put in the time to get good to find the fun. From the store page: “Hyper Dash is a free VR multiplayer team based shooter. Payload, Domination, Control Point, (Team) Deathmatch, Capture The Flag, Elimination, Ball and remix them with Mutators! Dash, sprint, and rail grind your way across the arenas to engage the enemy in fast-paced combat and secure the objective for your team. Offline mode/Bots, Dedicated servers, Private servers, Rebind-able controls, Left hand support, Voice chat.” For a free to play shooter, this one had great controls, nice graphics, a good gameplay loop, plenty of comfort options and a solid player base. All that being said, every player I faced off against were top tier, so I spent my time just dying round after round. This is a good game with a solid player base and there's fun here - if you’re willing to learn the ropes. It's bad for newbies like me just looking to have a good time and get a few kills.
    
18. Please, Don’t Touch Anything $9.99 Quest / $4.99 Steam My quick take: A game for escape room devotees only. From the store page: "Please, Don’t Touch Anything is a cryptic, brain-racking button-pushing puzzle game. Covering for a colleague taking a bathroom break, you find yourself in front of a mysterious console with a green screen monitor showing a pixelated live image of an unknown city. Also present is an ominous red button with the simple instruction to not touch anything! Push the red button once or press it many times. Your choices and actions will lead to outrageous and frightening consequences and over 30 unique puzzle endings.” This is a weird one. A really obscure puzzle game that rewards experimentation, but is absolutely punishing with difficulty. If you’re really good at escape games and don’t get frustrated easily, you may enjoy the tedium. If not, you’ll end up like me, watching a tutorial to find out how to get different endings. But if you find yourself doing that, why not just watch a playthrough.
    
19. Eleven Table Tennis $29.99 Quest/Steam My quick take: Still one of the best, but there’s so much untapped potential. From the store page: “The ultimate Table Tennis simulator. Play opponents in online multiplayer or practice against the advanced AI. With physics designed to be as real as ever achieved in a Table Tennis simulator, you will forget you are in VR." I finally got back to this game after the new UI was implemented. It looks much more user friendly, but much to my disappointment, there were no new arenas, music, or official doubles options. There is so much potential for expanding this game, and I feel like the devs are just content to have it remain in the state it currently is. Which, to be fair, is a perfect implementation of table tennis in VR. It’s still one of the best VR games out there and absolutely a must own. I just really wish they would add an officially supported doubles mode and expand out the game a bit more because the unofficial doubles mode is a real pain to get set up and only barely worth the struggle. If you'd like to see how to set that doubles up currently, here is a video I was a part of.
    
20. Breachers $29.99 Quest/Steam My quick take: Come one, come all, this is 5 v 5 at its finest. From the store page: “In Breachers, you plan your assault or orchestrate your defense as a team through intense close-quarters combat. Whether you play as an enforcer or a revolter, master your nifty gadgetry, customize your powerful weaponry and beat your opponents in stunning environments. Intuitive to grasp. Endlessly playable.” Wow, wow, wow. This officially launched and is such a polished game. With multiple maps, intuitive movement and full lobbies, this game is simply spectacular. Despite the difficulty curve in being good at the game, it’s still a fun time even if you’re not the best, which is something special that few games manage to pull off. Where this game especially shines is with friends. If you can muster up a team of five to take on other random players, you’ll be playing this game for months. Give this a go, and if you're not any good, that's okay, because you'll still be better than the bots and a welcome addition to someone's team.
    
21. Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Outcast (Sidequest mod) Free Demo on Quest / $9.99 (Full Game on Steam) My quick take: Come for the lightsaber play, stay if you can tolerate the puzzles. From the store page: “JK XR is a standalone VR port of the popular Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast game by Lucasarts and Raven Software. Brought to VR by Team Beef & Friends. There are lots of mods and access to the free demo level available through the JK XR Companion App, which is automatically also installed alongside JK XR on your headset.” I never played this game when it first came out on flatscreen in 2002, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The first part of the game you’re playing essentially as a Han Solo type - a smart talkin’ gun slinger. The next part, you’re a cool Jedi chopping off limbs. Absolutely great execution as always by Team Beef, and you can’t beat the price. There is even a free demo to try out to see if you like it. All that being said, the game’s old puzzles, navigation and gameplay felt every bit of 20 years old. After dying multiple times because of missing an exact jump, getting lost and backtracking because I didn't see an obscure elevator and wasting time trying to navigate odd puzzles, I just found it to be too much to overcome to continue to the end. This is no slight on Team Beef and the great work they did with this port, the game just hasn’t aged the best.
    
22. CoasterMania $9.99 Quest My quick take:Early days, but still some fun to be had. There could be something special here after a few updates. From the store page: “CoasterMania is a physics-based VR rollercoaster game where you create the ride of your life! Use wacky contraptions and elements to fly through the sky, then experience your creation by jumping in the front seat. Sandbox mode: Build your dream rollercoaster without any rules but the rules of physics. When you're done, share your coaster or experience the engineering marvels of others. Design your own rides and upload them online.” You know, this game is just silly fun. It's early days for sure, and the tracks don't twist and come together as easily together as I’d hoped, which makes for a difficult time creating exactly what you want. It is satisfying though to have a roller coaster leap from one track to another over a gap. At this point the game is more of a sandbox than a full game with objectives (which is coming). The coasters other people have created are fun, so if you’re not into creating, there is that option to play with other people's designs, plus you can ride them in first person. I look forward to more updates and think it's worth looking at for sure, but if you’re looking for something a bit more fleshed out currently you can try Stunt Track Builder.
    
23. David Slade Mysteries: Case Files $9.99 Quest/Steam My quick take: You’re a forensic cop, here are your tools. Good luck dummy. From the store page: “Take to the dark and violent streets of downtown Riverside, where you investigate gruesome and violent homicides using a range of Forensic tools and your wits! Inspired by the classic Police Quest adventure series, reborn & reimagined for VR. Includes two epic episodes!” Slade is a murder mystery game that is ruthless in it’s difficulty. Honestly, there are several play throughs of this game on YouTube and none have beaten the first case because it was too hard, they all gave up. This game offers no hints, is super abstract and insanely difficult. Why did I keep playing? Well, the game’s tools were implemented quite well, the story was compelling, and I just felt I had to see this through to the end for my own sanity. Despite being as hard as nails, I somehow managed to finish the first case, then moved on to the second. No real spoilers, but the second case does a complete 180 and essentially becomes a horror game where you’re only weapon is your wits. A real departure from the first case. Again, I found myself frustrated, confused and turned around, but again, I had to power through it because something kept pulling me in. If you’re a masochist for puzzle games, I’d recommend this game.
    
24. Home Detective Free w/IAP - Quest My quick take:Fun use of AR, but pretty basic. From the store page: “Use your own living room to solve the crime! Using passthrough, the crime scene is overlaid onto your play area, leaving you free to explore and find clues. Use the patent-pending Residual Heat Scanner to detect the criminals' recent movements, and then dust for fingerprints or try to find evidence left behind. With your wits, and your trusty sidekick Steve Dobbins' snarky comments, you're sure to get to the bottom of these confusing crimes.” I appreciate the interesting use of passthrough and AR in this game. The first case is free to try, so if you’re into AR and passthrough, it’s worth a try. It's $3.99 for another case if you’re into it, but right now, it’s a pretty basic, but solid idea. My biggest complaint is that all my tools were on a shelf that was inaccessible because they were in my wall. I guess AR is still not quite there yet.
    
25. Vertigo Remastered $24.99 Steam My quick take: A fun and wacky ride from start to finish. From the store page: “It's a classic premise - a massive subterranean scientific facility full of mysteries, with aliens bursting in from alternate universes to wreak havoc. The twist? You're one of those aliens. But you're not here to wreak havoc (collateral damage disregarded), you're just trying to get home. A difficult endeavor, as it turns out this facility is more than prepared to deal with extraterrestrial threats.” Because I heard such great things about Vertigo 2, I thought I’d try out this game before I played the sequel. I was really blown away by how fun the game was and pleasantly surprised that it holds up so well. Considering its a 2016 remake, and VR was still figuring out a lot of things like movement, this still felt fresh. With lots of unique ideas, upgrades and areas to play in, I heartily recommend this one and am looking forward to playing the sequel.
    
26. Playin’ Pickleball $19.99 Quest My quick take:Solid physics, but really only for pickleball fans, or a group of four friends. From the store page: “Playin’ Pickleball is an authentic reproduction of Pickleball in Virtual Reality! Physics, sounds and mechanics have been carefully mapped from actual Pickleball game play. Even the scoring and rules are based on the USA Pickleball Association’s Official Rulebook.” Pickleball is sweeping the nation and if I recall correctly, even ForeVR is getting in on the game with an upcoming title. I’m much more of a tennis than pickleball guy, but I have to say, this game has pretty solid physics. Like most games, this is exponentially better with one or better yet, three other people you know. The AI players can be pretty uninteresting hitting it back and forth without much variance. Also the environments are a bit basic. I have to applaud the movement, physics and customizable items though as they all felt very well implemented. If you want something a bit less daunting than tennis, this might be what you're looking for.
    
27. Pong $6.99 Quest My quick take:A neat take on Pong, but you’ll have more fun with Cybrix. From the store page: “Classic paddle game reimagined for VR. Destroy all the bricks. Use your paddles to swing at the balls and the balls have built-in assistance to return back toward you. Take advantage of the pistol and magneto power-ups to cause major damage. Or just swing hard at the balls to create large blast radius. Oh and watch out for those mines going for your head. Lean left/right or crouch to avoid.” I appreciated the ideas the developers had in this modern take on Pong, but it was ultimately quite short and not nearly as fun as Cybrix. That being said for the price, I got my money’s worth and would love to see it get a bit more polish and levels in an update.
    
28. Extreme Escape $4.99 Quest / Steam (Early Access) My quick take:One of those special games where you really feel like you're in the environment. From the store page: “Have you ever wondered how it would feel to travel in a hot air balloon and fly above clouds? Have you ever wanted to face your fear of heights and enclosed spaces? Perhaps you wanted to become a pilot and test your critical thinking skills. Looking for a breathtaking experience? Try Extreme Escape.” The game says “early access,” but honestly I believe this has been abandoned. For the price, you get an extremely short, but fun and unique escape room experience. You’re not going to find this game too hard, but I was brought into its world and completely immersed - I had a true sense of dread and panic. The even shorter “demo” inside the game puts you on a sinking submarine and was extremely memorable. Seldom have I felt so immersed in a game. I’d recommend it for this price, just because of how it made me feel, but it’s a real shame about the very short length and that it’s abandoned.
    
29. The Last Worker $19.99 Quest / SteamMy quick take:Gaming with a heavy message, but mediocre gameplay. From the store page:“The Last Worker is an immersive narrative adventure centered around a lone worker’s last stand in an increasingly automated world, The Last Worker is a unique blend of work simulation and stealth strategic gameplay. The game is set in a lonely, oppressive but strangely beautiful environment, with characters designed by comics legend Mick McMahon. Kurt works for the world’s largest retailer and is forced to choose between capitalism or activism. Having dedicated his life to work, Kurt’s loyalty is put to the test when a group of activists ask him to dismantle Jüngle from the inside.” I really wanted to like this game. It had an interesting concept, but navigating, fail states and some very annoying bugs frustrated me to the point where I just said it wasn’t worth my time. That and the story wasn’t speaking to me. It’s well rated, so I’m probably on the opposite side of this one from most people. It's unique in many ways, so check out the teaser and see if it might be for you.
    
30. Shadow Point $19.99 Quest My quick take:Fisherman’s Tale vibes with an excellent story and puzzles that makes you feel smart. From the store page: “Built for VR, Shadow Point is a story-driven puzzle game set between a mountaintop observatory and an ever-changing fantasy world. Explore a vibrant kingdom, cast shadows and solve mind-bending puzzles as you uncover the mystery of missing schoolgirl, Lorna McCabe who vanished from Shadow Point Observatory twelve years ago. As your adventure unfolds, you will manipulate gravity, play with your own reflection, walk on walls, peer through a magical lens to reveal an alternate reality and much more.” I had this game on my wishlist forever and finally pulled the trigger, and boy am I glad I did. I really enjoyed the story, gameplay and ended up marathoning it in one session (which I don't recommend doing). It is a few hours long, and there are extra puzzles to go back to if you’d like. It had some serious Fisherman’s Tale vibes, so if you like those type of puzzle games, this is for you. The puzzles make you stop and think, and more importantly, progress nicely. I was never stuck, but certainly had to really contemplate how to solve some of them. It is slightly finicky with having to line up the shadows exactly to progress, but that is a minor complaint. Give this one a go for sure.
    

I hope you find a few games on this list that you might not have heard of, or that you might find worth revisiting. Let me know here or on the Ruff Talk Discord channel if you have a game you enjoy that I should try, I'm always open to recommendations. Until then, I hope your next VR experience is a memorable one.
Also, the week this is posted, I'm hosting a contest where one winner gets a $29.99 or less, Quest game of their choice. You can enter on the discord channel above, but will need to have five posts on the discord channel within a week to enter, so if that interests you, feel free to join. The Ruff Talk guys usually have giveaways every week and it's some solid VR chat if you're looking for like-minded individuals in a non-toxic space.
TLDR: Top five games to check out - Ark and Ade, Pin City, Breachers, Shadow Point, Vertigo Remastered

****WARNING****
***
Body Horror, bugs, death, gore. Attempted horror.
By my own standards, this is fairly tame, your mileage may vary, content advisory.
***
Captain Van’tu, the Garaboosian commander of the Alliance of Free Stars light scout cruiser Mandrake, frowned, in the way of his species, and gestured with a lower lefthand at his human science officer to continue.
The woman turned back to her console, to peer into the hood of her ‘scope and minutely adjust a control.
“The ship is an old Terran Alliance Explorer class, the TAN Nebula Star. She was reported overdue for resupply a little over a hundred years ago, exact details are spotty as the station she was supposed to report to was destroyed in the Terran civil war. By modern standards she was little more than a heavy cruiser with an oversized jumpcore, and limited weaponry. The Terran Alliance Navy was very much focused on exploration and first contact, and several of their vessels vanished without trace only to show up decades later in pirate hands. However, this does not seem to be the case with the Nebula Star…”
The image on the holotable was mute testimony to this information. The old starship, much more massive than the Mandrake, but significantly less well equipped, looked derelict. Several holes gaped in her once-pristene white hull, the smooth lines marred and crooked, and the jumpcore bulb near the stern showed a terrible, blasted crater, black with soot and melted steel.
Captain Van’tu scrolled the smooth wheel of the holo controls, swivelling the image and zooming into the damage.
“What do we think of this, Sasha, that looks like an internal explosion, not battle damage.”
“Yes Captain.” Sasha, the science officer, agreed. She manipulated a pad on her side of the console. Several sidebars lit up. “Here, here and here. Chemical signatures we’ve picked up in the dustcloud around the wreck, and the blast pattern, indicates a high yield chemical explosive was utilised, we would need to get a scan from inside the wreckage to be certain, but I think I can confidently say this was caused by a c4 package commonly kept as part of ship inventories of that era. We carry a similar type of explosive even now, it has uses in a number of emergency protocols.”
The captain nodded. “I’m familiar with Human paranoia, ‘better to have and not need than need and not have’, which is why I learned to carry a backpack heavier than myself at the academy.” He smiled at the woman, who grinned back in that wolfish human fashion.
Commanding a Terran vessel as part of the Alliance Navy was a high honour for a non-Terran, and he’d earned it the hard way, he’d actually completed his officer training on Earth itself, heavy gravity, lethal flora, fauna, and practical jokes be damned, he’d always dreamed of command, and he had never planned to settle for anything less than the best ships of the fleet.
Somehow his determination to ‘make it’ had actually impressed his trainers and teachers, and earned him the interest of a senior Admiral, which explained his current command. And he was no ticket-puncher, his crew was, in his opinion, the best in the fleet, and if his ship was small, he was so proud of her, some days he could almost burst his hearts from it. She was his first, and with luck, not his last, and while scouting duty following pre-war exploration routes was far from glamorous, it was essential work for the Alliance, following up first contacts, reopening lost trade routes, and, now and then, coming across relics, and giving closure to the descendants of those vanished vessels.
“Alright. She looks cold, and her reactor is dead, but we don’t know what happened to her, she could have run afoul of pirates, or been captured and misused for decades, or been left boobytrapped, so pack up a SAR shuttle, and give them a leader drone, they don’t enter unless the drone clears the way in.”
“Aye aye Captain, I’ll get them on their way. Sidearms?”
“Yyy…esss. Yes. And overarmour. If someone’s left any surprises, it will help.”
Sasha turned and walked off, already tapping her communicator to summon the personnel she’d be sending.
He frowned again, looking into the depths of the hologram. Something was bothering him, the same sensation he’d felt while visiting a zoo on Earth. Humans around him grinning, nodding to one another, and the confirmation of his worry came as a boom of hundreds of pounds of apex feline carnivore crashing against the high density crystal he’d been standing with his back to…
Something was creeping up on them, he could feel it.
***
The shuttle launched from the brightly lit boatbay of the Mandrake, arcing smoothly through the glittering blackness towards the cruelly murdered starship. In front of it zipped the mote of the drone, its scanners and sensors slaved to the shuttle, giving the drone specialist on board an instant feed to all his senses, feeling, experiencing everything the drone saw.
It zipped around the gaping hole where the jumpdrive had once been housed, then around in a helical pattern, scanning every micron of the lost ships hull, mapping it in complete three dimensional perfection, then tracking towards the boatbay. Inside, two, much older, versions of the Mandrakes shuttle rested, crooked against their davits, the bay airlock doors lying open.
The drone slowly crept inside the dark corridor as the shuttle followed it in, nestling into an empty davit. Power hookups, identical after a century thanks to long ago agreed standardisation, marry up, pogo pins compressed and energized, drawing trickle power from the shuttle to latch securely.
The crew debark, except the probe operator who remained strapped in his jumpseat, guiding the drone deeper into the derelict.
Suited figures follow its path, jumping from the shuttle hatch to the airlock. They don’t bother trying to seal it, it had been lying open for a century, there was no air left within to preserve. The drone met a cross passage, and moved right, headed towards the bridge, following schematics downloaded from Mandrake’s computer. The scout crew followed, alert, and making note of damage to bulkheads, the carpets that once covered the floors looking torn, dark stains telling a worrying story.
The probe entered the bridge of the Nebula Star and paused. The LIDAR scanner illuminated the space in a slow pass of green laser light, left to right and back again. The chamber was empty, save the various consoles and chairs the crew would have used, and the lone figure of the Captain, in his central command chair.
To Captain Van’tu, observing the time delayed remote feed on his own bridge, it was remarkable just how similar the darkened derelict wreck was to his own vessel, down to the arrangement of bridge consoles and type of carpeting used. He’d read, in one of his intro to ship design classes, that Terran bridge layout owed much to speculative fiction of pre-spaceflight eras, and a lot of experimental wet-navy designs.
He'd brought it up once with his chief of engineering, who had responded with a ridiculous approximation of a Scottish accent, “Aye laddie, we Terrans owe an awfy lot tae an auld lass called the Enterprise!” and laughed, continuing his explanation in his more natural German accented standardised Terran. Van’tu had spent several informative evenings with his console, soaking up ancient Terran entertainment as a result.
The drone circled the bridge, slowly, keeping its thruster exhaust well clear of the mummified body in the central chair, making its way to the science console. A small arm popped out and slotted into the consoles data port.
Several lights flickered on the antique panel, the probe powering up the cold circuits to read the datalogs, then around the room, dim red lights came to life, as more of the bridge woke up. Through the hull itself, a faint whine transmitted, the probes oversized fusion battery providing enough current to trigger the startup of a backup generator below the bridge.
The scouting party stepped in, peering around. One, her grey skinsuit marked with a red stripe down the arms, moves across to the captain, a medical scanner in her hand.
“I’m reading significant trauma throughout the corpse, but remarkable preservation as well. Life support must have been glitching badly for a long time after… Wait…” She smacked the side of the scanner, then passed it back across the corpse. “Scanner keeps picking up my own heartbeat, trying to tell me this guys still alive, fucking thing.” She put it away in the side pocket of her suit and pulled out a smaller device. “I kept my old one, should be good enough to… Fuck me sideways…”
“Maybe later Carol, what’s the script?” A green stripe on the party leader’s arm. He was looking around, feeling… itchy, between his shoulder blades. Something wasn’t right, and not just the dead ship. He’d been lead on two other derelict searches, and they never went like this. Accidents happened, people died, usually horribly, and you always found, well, bodies. Whole or otherwise. Yet, aside from the clearly traumatic bloodstains on the floors, soaked long before the artificial gravity had failed, this ship hadn’t shown them a single body, nothing, not even fragments.
Not only that but he could swear he’d seen movements. No-one else had, but he also knew that his reflexes tested significantly higher than average, he was seeing something the others were simply not noticing.
Carol stepped away from the corpse.
“My old scanner says this guy’s alive Mark. Heartbeat, brain activity, oxygenated blood. He’s not breathing and he’s a fucking corpse, but both my scanners say he’s gooey in the middle. And I’ll be honest I don’t want to be here, send probes back across on AI control and let them explore, this is too freaky. I know you’ve been seeing shit, well, I’ve been picking up weirdness all along, and this is too much. We should leave!”
Mark bit back a curse. He agreed, but he was also supposed to be a professional, and as the leader of the scout team who first boarded the derelict, he’d have been slated for command of the ‘prize crew’ to bring her home. At the same time, he was holding back a growing uneasiness, his other two team members were shuffling nervously, and Carol was on the edge of panic.
“Alright, we head back to the shuttle and leave the probe to grab the logs. Something’s weird here, might be the atmosphere on this thing, I admit it’s spooky, but we all know I see weird bugs and things other folk miss, and Carol, you’ve had that personal scanner since high school, if it’s saying something weird, something weird is going on. If Captain… Morrison, is still alive after a century in vacuum, he can keep a few more hours until the AI probes can collect him. We’re not equipped for medical evac anyway.”
They stepped back through the hatchway, leaving the probe to its work. Emergency lighting flickered into life, adding a lurid red glare to the tableaux, Mark, last to leave, sharply snapping his head back around as something… He was reminded of a time as a child, he’d turned over a log in his parents’ yard, and hundreds of inch-long centipedes had scurried in panicked circles to escape the sudden glare of sunlight.
Nothing moved, aside from the slow pulsing of rebooting computers.
He followed his people towards the shuttle.
One by one, they made the leap back to the shuttle davit, and boarded, cycling back aboard, and taking their seats. The drone pilot barely moved to acknowledge them, clearly lost in the datefeed from the old computers, and aside from a quick glance across readouts to ensure the data was flowing cleanly to the Mandrake, Mark didn’t disturb the man.
He hit the switch to release the davit clamps, and the popped free. The shuttle turned, and smoothly glided out, aligning with the mothership and headed home. He blinked and shook his head. That motion again, out the corner of his eye. He glanced over, seeing the drone pilot’s faceplate swarming with legs for a fraction of a second.
“Uhh, Josh, you alright there?” He hated breaking into drone pilot concentration, but this wasn’t right, and Carol was gesturing desperately at him from her chair. He reached across, and nudged Josh’s shoulder, the skinsuit collapsing under his fingers and the skull clacking loosely against the faceplate.
***
Captain Van’tu listened to the soft report coming from Sasha, the scout crew had found the captain of the derelict but were returning early due to some unsettling information they’d found. He didn’t like it, but he also respected human instincts. If skilled officers felt there was a reason to withdraw before mission completion, he knew better than to override the human-on-the-spot.
He’d have a word with Mark later, in private, if necessary, but the man had never been wrong before.
Across the communicator, there was a sudden eruption of yelling, the shuttle on the holo spiralling wildly. Sasha was demanding a clear response from the screaming communicator.
Mark came over the channel. “Abort mission, contamination, alien threat…” His words ended in a gurgling scream, the kind that began high and ended, eventually, in a growling snarl of mortal agony. The line remained open, however, and the entire bridge crew turned to stare, mouths agape, as into the silence the faint sounds of gnawing began to echo.
Sasha shut off the feed with a shaky finger. “Captain, I…”
“I know. Arm several probes, get them to the shuttle, find out what happened and…”
Once more, attention fell to the holo display, as on it, the icon of the shuttle winked red. Sasha motioned, and the focus zoomed in. Where the shuttle had been, a spreading scatter of debris remained.
She pulled up the sidebars again.
“Right before Mark, uh, died, his authorisation codes were used to trigger an overload on the shuttle reactor. We didn’t pick up the feed in real time, they were returning after all, but all of them suffered catastrophic biological distress immediately before their lifesigns cut out. Mark was the last one alive, and severely injured when he triggered the reactor.”
Captain Van’tu shook out his lower hands with a stress-shedding gesture. “The shuttle reactor is in a sealed compartment. He had to get from his chair to the access panel and enter his code, while suffering life threatening injuries which had already killed the rest of his crew?”
“Yes, Captain. I’m sorry, I missed it, my team is still processing the data, but it looks as if the drone pilot ceased responding several minutes before the shuttle departed the wreck. At five minutes into the flight, the three junior officers began exhibiting distress, but gave no verbal alerts. Mark seems to have reacted to something that triggered a fight or flight response, but within a few seconds was exhibiting the same injury markers as the others. At the six-minute mark, he sent his warning, while moving. It appears as if the cessation of his vocalisations was not the end of his life, almost thirty seconds later his code was entered into the shuttle reactor, and it detonated.”
Captain Van’tu moved to his command chair, and sat down, lower hands grasping the armrests, upper hands folding under his chin. “Helm, chart course back to the nearest Alliance outpost, and warm up the jumpcore. Tactical, bring shields to standby and start charging the grasers, I don’t like what’s happening, and I do not want to be caught with our backs turned.”
His crew moved into action, tactical alerts bringing various stations to readiness.
“Sir! We’re receiving a communications request, uh, from the Nebula Star.”
He stared at his communications officer, who looked equally shocked.
“Please, Jen, put them through to the main holo.”
The hovering image of the wreckage that had once been a shuttle vanished, replaced by the familiastrange image of the old bridge, and its captain.
The man was a corpse, there was no debate. The papery skin had pulled back from his eyes and teeth, his nose collapsed inwards, decades of icy coldness and baking heat as the derelict tumbled slowly from shade to sunlight had freeze dried the body, yet, it moved. The jaw flapped open, and the sticklike arms gestured against the command chair arms, clawed fingertips clicking uselessly.
“Gree. Tings. Un. Known. Vess. Sell. I. Am. Cap. Tan. Morr. Iss. Son. We. Come. In. Peace.”
The corpse in the holo quivered and twitched in some horrible mockery of life, the bared grey teeth clicking as the jaw spasmed open and closed, not, Van’tu noted, in time with the words being spoken. Inside the jaws, he also noticed, something black and shiny and segmented.
“I highly doubt you come with any sort of peace in mind, what are you really, and what did you do to the crew of the shuttle who boarded the ship you are on.”
The body twitched, a trickle of black ooze popping free from the corner of the sunken eye socket. Under the dried up eyelid, something squirmed around, curling with segmented motion, a few pointed claws poking briefly free before vanishing once more.
“I. Am. Cap. Tan. Morr. Iss. Son. We. Come. In. Peace. We. Rek. Wire. Ass. Iss. Tan. Sse. Let. Uss. Board.”
An alert flashed from Sashas direction. A gesture diminished Captain Morrison to a corner of the holo and expanded the view of the derelict. Two shuttles of archaic design had just launched from it and begun making their way towards the Mandrake. He muted his pickup and turned to his tactical officer.
“Jeff? They do not get close enough to board.”
“Aye aye sir, tracking has them locked and my grazers are charged.”
“Very good.”
He returned to the holo and reopened the grisly view of the dead man being puppeted on his display.
“You will not be permitted to board my ship. I demand to know who you are, what you represent, and why you are trying to impersonate Captain Morrison.”
“You. Are. Food. You. Have. Use. Full. Tech. Nol. Ogy. We. Will. Take. It. We. Will. Use. You. We. Will. Mul. Tip. Lie. This. Vess. Hell. Came. To. Us. In. Peace. We. Took. It. We. Came. For. Ter. Rah. We. Became. Trapped. We Became. Lethargic. We have waited. Now you have brought us. A new vessel to carry us. To Terra.”
Captain Van’tu shook his head. If these things were familiar with humans, they’d recognise the gesture. For the sake of understanding he’d long ago learned to at least emulate some human body language.
“You will not be allowed to go any further. I have a duty to safeguard the people under my command, and to the people of… Terra.” Whatever this species was, it was not something he wanted anywhere near a colony or, worse, defenceless homeworld, of any of the Allied or friendly species he knew lay between here and Terra herself. Best for all they only had Terra in mind.
“Sir! The incoming shuttles are not going for docking, they’re on a ramming approach! Firing solution lost on bogey one!” The Mandrakes grazers were firing, gunnery crews managing their weapons as they tracked automatically and fired, spearing one of the wildly corkscrewing shuttles with lances of gravitationally focused gamma radiation. The second shuttle however spun, and fell downwards, smashing into the still warming shields, and through, impacting the Mandrakes hull with tremendous speed.
The scouting vessel shuddered. The shuttle had breached through the outer hull and spilled into a mess area.
Thanks to the alert condition, all crew had been in skinsuits, not that this helped the two cooks who had been finishing off the lockdown of the mess kitchen.
Fresh alerts sounded, the sound of which sent crewpeople to arms lockers. Mandrake had been boarded.
Captain Van’tu pointed to his tactical officer. “Destroy that wreck! vaporise it!”
“Sir! Weapons are offline, on-mount crews are reporting power losses.”
Across the bridge, the communications officer looked up. “Reports coming in, boarders are breaking out of mess two!”
The captain snarled. Ancient Garaboosians had warded off predators with that sound, and his teeth bared in an animalistic threat display. He slammed a finger into the appropriate button on his armrest.
“All hands, all hands, defence stations, repel boarders!”
His head snapped around. “Sasha, do we still have telemetry from the drone on the Nebula? If so, I want it to shut that shitheap down, or overload its reactors!”
His science officer acknowledged with an “Aye captain!” and turned to her console.
He returned to his holo. Removed the mute. “You have attacked an Alliance of Free Stars vessel, while using a Terran Alliance vessel reported lost to causes unknown. I am hereby declaring you to be pirates, and you will be treated accordingly. Surrender now and you will be returned to your government or homeworld after serving a prison term to be determined by Admiralty courts.”
He did not expect the thing pretending to be Captain Morrison to surrender.
“There will be no surrender. We will take all you have and all you are. You will be ours to consume and use.”
His tactical alert flashed, somehow, the older ship was charging its weapons systems. He flicked a gesture, and the old vessels appeared, with sidebars. The weapons were underpowered, and normally not really a threat to a modern vessel, but the Mandrake had just been rammed by a shuttle, cutting power to her own weapons, and disrupting her shields, it would take several more minutes to regenerate them.
He glared at the grinning visage of the corpse which was still mimicking life. The left arm was still quivering against the rest, fingertips drumming against a keypad almost identical to his own. From the bottom of the sunken belly of the dead man, a slowly undulating shape crawled, a thick-pincered head, followed by a segmented body flowing with sharp-tipped clawlike legs. It moved upwards and climbed back in through Morrisons throat.
“Captain, boarders have been destroyed. Sir, they were humans, but they were dead. Like mummies. They had some kinds of bugs inside, we had to go in with plasma to clear them out.”
“I see. Ensure all the bulkhead seals around the messhall compartment are still green, and pull everyone back, full medical scans on exit. Once everyone is clear, blow the compartment.”
“Uh, yes, sir, understood. Engineering teams are saying they’ll have full weapons restored in eight minutes.”
“Good. We can’t allow any of these things to get back to inhabited space. I want that wreck vaporised. Mess compartment too.”
He continued to watch the dead mans fingers rattle against the old command chair. And nodded.
“Captain Morrison, it has been an honour. Captain Van’Tu, out.”
In the holo, the corpse finally went still. The creatures which had inhabited him began to swarm, black blood and ichor bursting from his skull as the mother of the monsters which had ridden his body and his ship since they had tricked their way aboard a century before, burst free from her manipulating, feeding grasp in his skull.
“Captain, the drone has fully copied the Nebula Stars database, but is unable to access any critical systems. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay Sasha. When we have weapons available, we’ll finish whatever is left.”
“Sir? I don’t understand what…”
The holo tank cut her off. The Nebula Star had fired its engines, angling towards an intercept with the Mandrake, it needed to be much closer to engage with its much more primitive weapons. As the engines flared to life, fire blossomed across the aft hull. Multiple explosions rippled through it, billowing outwards from within, as the reawakened fusion reactors, initially stirred to life by the probes batteries, then by crawling undead crew hidden in the ships dead spaces, all overloaded, and detonated in a final orgy of self-annihilation.
There was a shudder again, as the Mandrakes crew activated the emergency charges that blew an entire section of the ship into space, carrying with it the bodies of dozens of the Nebula Stars crew, hundreds of incinerated and still crawling parasitic alien monsters, and the corpses of two unfortunate cooks.
“Begin sweeping everything in range with fire, maximum power and aperture, everything must burn. I want medical and bio survey teams going around the clock scanning for any trace of those things that might have breached containment. For the record, I will be recommending the Mandrake be scuttled once all crew are cleared and disembarked. Needless to say, we will not be making any landfall or station docks before then.”
He sat down in his command chair. He couldn’t remember standing up. He stared down at his armrest, and the keypad on it. With the fingers of his bottom left hand, he began typing, sending the results to the main holo where Sasha watched, curious.
ENMY HMWRLD r41429.135 i334451 b-1.791 KILL BURN QURTN
The rest of the sequence was the override code that would trigger the Nebula Star to overload its powerplants and blow itself to pieces before it could be used against its creators.
“Captain? How did you get that message? The log entries are still being processed, but it doesn’t look like anything coherent survived, there’s no co-ordinates in them.” Sasha was confused, and Captain Van’Tu smiled.
“Humans, you’re all the same when it comes down to the wire. Mark blew his shuttle rather than let it dock with those things on board. Even while they ate him alive, he crawled through his command, to do his duty to his species, and to the galaxy. Captain Morrison held off death, kept those things guessing, somehow, as they tried to use him, his ship, to reach Earth, made them keep him in some sort of horrific half-life, until they were distracted enough that he could get back control of his hand. His chair Sasha, same as mine. Probably came out of the same factory, a century apart, and he was typing, while they tried to speak to us, while they tried to board us, shoot us, while we distracted them, he set them up to give us the knowledge he knew we would need to ensure they would never threaten anyone again.”
Fire was still blossoming across the larger area of the holo display, graser weapons detonating fragments of hull with nuclear fire.
“Once we’ve cleared the skies here, we head to an outpost, and start warning the Admiralty. Jobs not over until these things are completely contained.”
***
103 Years, 4 months, 5 days before.
Jack staggered, his leg still bleeding from where a crewman had slashed at him with fingers broken into sharp bone claws. He’d stamped the mans head until the skull popped, rupturing the centipede thing curled inside. He was close. The familiar, once comforting hallways of the Nebula Star had become nightmarish, red lighting and blotches of gore, streaks of blood on the pristine walls, he was living in a horror game, but he had a job to finish.
He pushed off the wall he’d leant against. Behind him, he could hear screaming, and begging. He didn’t stop. It was a trick. They found the noises amusing, and mimicked them, discovering that it could draw in ‘helpers’ they could ambush.
Aft section, frame fourteen, jumpcore bay. He slapped the button, and fell through the door as it slid open. Inside, the bay was immaculate, no-one had been in here since this had started. How they had gotten aboard, he didn’t know.
Inside the skull of a landing team member, he could guess.
He knelt beside the humming machinery. His vision was going grey around the edges, he could feel dripping around his knees, he was kneeling in a pool of his own blood after only a few seconds, he didn’t have long.
He pushed his burden against the drive casing, the chem-catalyst agent on the back bonding it to the drive with a molecular weld.
He pressed the keypad of the emergency c4 cannister, the detonator arming with a beep, and a green telltale.
He typed in a code, short, sweet, he’d forgotten it by the time he reached the end, it didn’t matter. The disarm code was only for when you wanted to be able to stop the countdown. Ten seconds.
They reached him, before it finished counting. Inside his brain, they couldn’t find the code to stop the bomb.
The Nebula Star would not reach Terra, he made sure of that.
As the jumpcore failed, blowing a ragged hole out of the sleek hull, a single shuttle spun away from the boatbay, damaged, lifeless, cold and drifting outwards into the depths of space, the mutilated human corpse within stirring once with scurrying life, then going still.

Sometimes a band gets so big that they somehow outshine themselves. They reach a point in their career where it does not matter if they release a new album or not; fans just want to see them tour. No one gave a damn that Led Zeppelin had not released a new album since the 1970’s; everyone just wanted to see them play again at the O2 Arena in 2007. When The Who played the Super Bowl halftime show in 2010 they had only released one new album in 28 years, and no one cared. And no one cares that Guns & Roses aren’t making new music. They still packed arenas to see how much cake Axl had packed into himself.
We’re going to take a dive into a blues power trio from down south who have zero need to release any new music, since their recording career stretches back over five decades. They had amazing and groundbreaking success in the ‘70s, the ‘80s, and the ‘90s before hitting the max level. Instead of playing to win, they now play for fun. Their sexually charged lyrics and videos inspired generations of teens to both dress better and worry about their fly. And you can bet that their fuzzy, bluesy tight sound had a huge impact on our very own desert dwellers.
It’s time for us to take a walk with That Little Ol’ Band from Texas. This week’s featured artist is the legendary ZZ TOP
About Them
The Power Trio is a tested and true format for a rock band. Lots of examples come to mind: Cream. Rush. The Police. Biffy Clyro. King Buffalo. Them Crooked Vultures. (Wait a sec. Just three members? Clearly, not everything is bigger in Texas.)
There is a member joke there somewhere, but I just can’t get it to come. Hmm. Perhaps it will come if you play with it a bit.
Hey! Stop that. Get your mind out of the gutter.
ZZ Top’s original and founding member was William Frederick Gibbons. Born in Houston in 1949, the front man was originally a drummer but, after studying with Tito Puente in New York City, picked up the guitar at age 13. His dad was a musician in show business, which allowed Billy to get an insider’s view of the industry. By the late ‘60s, he had been in and founded a number of bands and had even befriended the late great James Marshall Hendrix. One of his first bands, a psychedelic/art house band called The Moving Sidewalks, toured with the Jimi Hendrix Experience. This meant that Gibbons was actually mentored by Snagglepuss himself. They also toured with The Doors, where Gibbons saw the legendary self-destructive band somehow manage to rise above conflict and make music every night. The Moving Sidewalks generated a following all of its own with a couple of hit songs, and things seemed to be headed in the right direction.
Things were going absolutely great until bassist Don Summers and keyboard player Tom Moore were drafted into the army to fight in Vietnam. Don't you just love the ‘60s?
Gibbons and drummer Dan Mitchell added a new keyboard player, Lanier Greg, and tried to make another run at it. But the chemistry was all wrong. Gibbons rechristened the band as ZZ Top (an homage to BB King), and declared that he wanted more of a straight up rock approach than the art-house kaleidoscopic sound.
Gibbons, Mitchell, and Greg (isn’t it weird when last names are also first names too?) recorded the single Salt Lick in 1969. This generated a bunch of interest and a recording contract. Decisions over the direction of the band ensued and it quickly became clear that Mitchell and Greg did not agree with Gibbons’ hard rock approach. That ended up being a poor life decision for them, but a great one for a couple of other guys.
Clearly, Gibbons needed a new rhythm section.
Fortunately, he found a package deal.
Dusty Hill and Frank Beard - also both born in 1949 - had been playing together on the Dallas-Houston-Fort Worth circuit in a number of bands, including The Warlocks, The Cellar Dwellers, and a fake cover band called The Zombies. Both the Duster and the (then ironically) beardless Beard also heard the siren call of rock and roll. Hill was classically trained and was an accomplished cello player before moving to his signature bass. Frank ‘Rube’ Beard appears to have been born with drumsticks in his hands (which I imagine might have been uncomfortable for his mom).
Beard joined the band first, along with bassist Billy Ethridge, who had played with Stevie Ray Vaughn. Ethridge balked at signing a contract and so joined Mitchell and Greg on the list of ZZ Top’s former members. Their lineup was set. Hill and Beard anchored the band in a rock-solid, tight, bluesy fashion. Gibbons meshed perfectly with this duo, and his Hendrix-inspired guitar work was on another level. Hill provided backing vocals, and Gibbons’ low throaty growl was an impressive counterpoint to his soaring fretwork. The talent was all there; now they just needed to record some music.
But success was not instantaneous, not by a long shot.
Their first album - appropriately called ZZ Top’s First Album - gives insight into who the band were to become. In this 1971 release, you can hear their raw sound. The record peaked at 201 on the charts, and had only one single - (Somebody Else Been) Shaking Your Tree. It did give them material to go out and tour. The boys gelled on that tour and went back into the studio with renewed energy, and emerged with 1972’s Rio Grande Mud. The disc was a step forward in refining their sound. The album almost cracked the top 100, and the only single - Francine - went all the way to number 69.
Nice.
But the band knew that their third album, Tres Hombres, was something special. It is the epitome of Southern Rock: bluesy, fast paced, sexy, and irreverent, it is just over half an hour of pure magic. And while the album went gold and peaked at number 8 on the charts and is worth your time, it was one particular single that rocketed them to stardom. You know it and you love it, and a-how-how-how-how: La Grange. It is still in heavy rotation on classic rock stations today. And why not? The song is an absolute banger of boogie woogie blues, written about a visit to a whorehouse. What’s not to love?
La Grange propelled them to popularity. Tours sold out. Venues got bigger and bigger. 1975’s follow up album, Fandango!, was half live album (with some covers) and half new material - like an EP with bonus tracks. They covered the Elvis Presley classic Jailhouse Rock, Willie Dixon’s Mellow Down Easy, and John Lee Hooker’s Long Distance Boogie. The boys had rock and blues chops, and had 5 years of touring experience. These were bold statements that cemented their musicality as well as honoring their roots. But side two of the disc had another track that you’ve come to love. You ain’t asking for much: You’re just lookin’ for some Tush. Tush was the perfect sexually charged follow up to ensure that they were not one-hit wonders. It was written in a ten-minute spasm of creativity at a sound check, and has gone on to be one of their most popular songs.
While Tush topped the charts, ZZ Top went back into the studio to record their full length follow up, 1976’s Tejas. The name of the album means ‘friends’ in the Indigenous Caddo language, and was the basis for the name of the state. You know what that means? It means that the name of the state is ‘Friends’. Just like the ‘90s sitcom. Don’t mess with Friends. Anyways, this was an album of experimentation for the band, and unlike its predecessor it came out half baked at best. Billy Gibbons has called it a transition album. What actually happened is the band transitioned into a hiatus from touring and recording, taking some significant time off. They had recorded five albums in six years and spent virtually all their time on the road. The latest effort was just not up to their standards and was a step back. It also completed their recording contract.
What was the solution to this burn out?
Facial hair of course.
The boys took a few years off before landing another recording contract, this time with Warner. Over those months, both Gibbons and Hill grew what would become their signature long ‘Texas Goatee’ beards. Frank Beard did not grow a beard (though he did finally succumb to peer pressure from his bandmates in 2013, and his is much more neatly trimmed). So while they were resting/relaxing/getting their groove back/aligning their chakras or whatever, they also started to reinvent their signature sound as the world moved towards a decade of legendary excess.
The first step on this reinvention journey was 1979’s Degüello. The title literally means ‘decapitation’ but idiomatically refers to a fight to the death. Clearly, the band decided to tackle their transition head on. The album was not as successful as Tres Hombres or Fandango!, but it was not the flop that Tejas was. It did spawn a couple of singles - I Thank You (which was a cover) and the signature hit Cheap Sunglasses. Both are staples at ZZ Top concerts to this day. Degüello was quickly followed up in 1981 by the album El Loco. This was really the first time ZZ Top incorporated a synthesizer into their sound. As you know, the synth was THE new wave sound of the 1980s. Gods help us, keytars were once popular. But Gibbons, Hill, and Beard did not abandon their edge. The single Pearl Necklace was an immensely popular innuendo laced tune from this album. And no, I will not explain what a pearl necklace is to you.
Ask your mom.
Over the course of their first seven albums, ZZ Top had steadily grown in popularity and become a truly extraordinary live band. More than a decade of touring together meant that they had not just cut their teeth. They had found the Tooth Fairy, beaten her senseless, and added fangs to their jaws. They were ready to tackle whatever came their way.
Their huge breakthrough coincided with the birth of music videos and MTV. 1983’s Eliminator was an absolute monster of an album. ZZ Top were everywhere. They completely embraced the Music Video as a medium and became pioneers in this new genre. They branded their band with a 1933 fire-engine red Ford Coupe, which was on the cover of the album. They even had a signature hand gesture that they used as the car went by. The car belonged to Billy Gibbons and embodied his hot rod obsessions. It was featured in the videos for Gimme All Your Lovin’, Sharp Dressed Man, and Legs. Other singles from the album included Got me Under Pressure and TV Dinners. Eliminator is still the band’s most successful album. They were at the absolute height of their popularity with a massive audience. No doubt the 10-year-old Joshua Michael Homme watched those videos on a small screen in the California desert, little knowing that he would one day collaborate with Gibbons.
Seeking to capitalize on the popularity, the band went back into the studio and released Afterburner in 1985. It featured the signature hot rod on the cover and spawned two more singles - Sleeping Bag and Velcro Fly. Afterburner was not an innovative album by any stretch of the imagination. It simply built on the success of Eliminator and replicated the sound. If you blended the two albums together it would be very difficult for a novice fan to guess which song came from which disc. But hell, when you release the most popular album of your career and are earning millions of dollars for that sound, it is not time to mess with success. Or with Texas. Or with Friends (though Ross was a pain in the ass, IMHO).
That desire to not screw up a good thing was also evident in their next release, the retrospective re-release Six Pack. This was a great way to earn some bucks with a simple repackaging of existing tracks - I’m looking at you, K-Tel… - and introducing them to another generation of fans. This was not a bad thing at all - you gotta get that green whenever you can, because fame can be fleeting.
ZZ Top closed out the decade by going Back to the Future. Literally. They appeared in the third installment of the Michael J. Fox trilogy as the olde-timey house band (complete with rotating guitars) in the saloon scene. The single and signature song from the movie, Doubleback, appeared on their 1990 release Recycler. The album spawned two more singles: My Head’s in Mississippi and Concrete and Steel. Recycler was not as successful as its predecessors, but it did effectively max level the band. In the 1970’s they were a scuffling bar band that hit it big. In the 1980’s they were one of the most popular bands of the MTV generation. And in the 1990’s they achieved superstardom. They had hit the level where it truly no longer mattered if they ever released new material again. They could simply tour on their back catalogue alone and sell out stadiums.
It is clear that the band realized this as well. In the thirty years since Recycler came out, they have released five albums of new material: Antenna in 1994, Rhythmeen in 1996, XXX in 1999, Mescalero in 2003 and the critically acclaimed and Rick Rubin produced La Futura in 2012. This was equivalent to their output in their first six years.
In contrast, they have released no less than eight greatest hits albums, cover albums and live albums in the same time span. Greatest Hits came out in 1992. One Foot in the Blues was released in 1994. The massive compilation Chrome, Smoke & BBQ came out in 2003, and is a fantastic place to start if you are a new fan. Rancho Texicano was released in 2004, Live from Texas came out in 2008, and Double Down Live hit shelves in 2009. Live at Montreaux came out in 2013 and Tonite at Midnight: Live Greatest Hits from Around the World was released in 2016.
As recently as 2019, there were rumors that a new album was in the works for our Septuagenarian heroes. Lord knows the boys from Texas have nothing left to prove to anyone.
It was then that tragedy struck. Dusty Hill had to leave the band during a tour in 2021. The reason given was a hip injury. His guitar tech, Elwood Francis, filled in. Shockingly, Hill died at home at the age of 72 just five days after leaving the tour.
Fans were shocked and mourned the stalwart bassist. Per his wishes - and it seems he knew something wasn’t quite right - ZZ Top did not break up. Francis replaced Hill on bass, and the band soldiered on. In 2022, they released Raw, a soundtrack for a 2019 documentary about them. This was Hill’s final release.
You can still catch them on tour. They are going to be out there this summer, touring with Lynyrd Skynyrd, for something they are calling ‘The Sharp Dressed Simple Man’ Tour.
Go buy some tickets. Don’t miss your chance to see a truly iconic band before they are gone.
Links to QOTSA
The Reverend Billy F. Gibbons was a big part of the Lullabies to Paralyze album by our Desert Dwellers. He played guitar and provided backing vocals on Burn the Witch. He was co-lead vocalist and lead guitar on the QotSA cover of Precious and Grace, which he originally released as a ZZ Top tune on the Tres Hombres album. He also provided the guitar stylings for Like a Drug.
But the connections don't stop there. Billy sang the lead vocal track on the recent Desert Sessions tune Move Together, and he played guitar on Noses in Roses, Forever.
What may be most important to QotSA fans is that Gibbons was the first person, almost two years ago, who hinted that Queens were working on a new album.
And now we know he was right. Never doubt a Reverend.
Their Music
Salt Lick
(Somebody Else Been) Shaking your Tree
Francine
La Grange -- Live on Howard Stern
Jailhouse Rock
Tush -- a fan made video. It is not subtle.
Cheap Sunglasses
Pearl Necklace -- Live
Gimme All Your Lovin’
Sharp Dressed Man
Legs -- the ultimate makeover video
Got Me Under Pressure -- Live at Montreaux
Sleeping Bag -- Let’s go out to Egypt and check out some heads...
Velcro Fly -- also somehow in Egypt
My Head’s In Mississippi
Concrete and Steel -- vintage video
Doubleback
I Gotsta Get Paid -- from La Futura
Show Them Some Love
/zztop
Previous Posts
Tool
Alice in Chains
King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Rage Against The Machine
Soundgarden
Run the Jewels
Royal Blood
Arctic Monkeys
Ty Segall
Eagles of Death Metal
Them Crooked Vultures
Led Zeppelin
Greta Van Fleet
Ten Commandos
Screaming Trees
Sound City Players
Iggy Pop
Mastodon
The Strokes
Radiohead
All Them Witches

Previously unannounced press conference, May 31, 2023.

Cameras are rolling as the owner of Mann Corporation, Shay D. Mann, hair in a perfectly put-together part, adorned in a navy suit and white tie, steps forward to a podium, in front of a WiR backdrop, microphone in hand.
Mann: My name is Shay Duncan Mann. And I am the new owner and proprietor of Wrestling is Reddit. I can assure you that your beloved Allen Paisner will be returning in the future, however, he could not make tonight's show due to some…
Mann smirks.
Mann: Legal complications. But fear not, I’ll be taking his place in the booth tonight.
The crowd erupts with applause and cheers, eager to witness the rebirth of their beloved wrestling promotion, even without Paisner for the evening.
Mann: Tonight, we embark on an exhilarating journey, as WiR takes a bold leap forward. I stand before you not just as the owner, but as a “fan”—a fan who understands the passion and dedication that this community shares for the world of wrestling.
Mann tries to hide a grimace as he proclaims his “fandom”. The crowd anticipates Mann’s next move
Mann: For too long, WiR has been dormant, unable to proceed, some of the talent trapped in Europe with no way home. But this, is no more! Today, we resurrect the spirit of WiR, bringing it back to life with a bang! And what better way to open things up by “Sounding Off"! Presented by the one and only, Dexter Flux
The crowd gives an actual cheer with genuine enthusiasm at the mention of Flux, their sort of god-king.
Mann: "Sound Off" isn't just a name; it's a rallying cry! It's a call for all of you, the WiR faithful, to voice your opinions, to express your passion, and to join us in this incredible journey. This event will be a celebration of everything that makes WiR special—the wrestling, the community, and the shared experiences that bring us all together.
The press conference crowd, whose papering becomes increasingly obvious the more Mann talks, is enthusiastic, as they eagerly hang onto Shay D. Mann's every word, perhaps a little too eagerly.
Mann: Tonight, in this very ring, our talented roster will ignite your imagination, deliver jaw-dropping performances, and create moments that will be etched in your memories forever. Sound Off! will leave you on the edge of your seats, craving for more.
The crowd roars with the excitement of a hair dryer pop.
Mann: But this is not just a show; it's a community. Together, we'll embrace the highs and lows, the victories and defeats. We'll share our opinions, engage in spirited debates, and build something truly remarkable. WiR is your platform—your voice will be heard!
The crowd erupts once again, their cheers echoing through the arena, showcasing their dedication to WiR, or getting paid to be there
Mann: So, my friends, get ready to immerse yourselves in the magic of WiR once again. Open your hearts, open your minds, and let the exhilaration of "Sound Off" wash over you! Tonight, we begin a new era—one that will redefine the landscape of this sport. Welcome back to WiR, my friends. Because Wrestling… is Revived.
With a sly smile, Shay D. Mann raises his microphone high, signaling the start of the show, as things fade to a video of Dexter Flux. His face is slightly out of frame as the camera points to his chest and chin.
Crowd: YEEEEAAAHHHHHH WE LOVE FLUX! WE LOVE FLUX!
Flux: Hey, it’s me, Dexter Flux. Welcome, uh, welcome you know, back to wrestl- Ugh, sorry, something was like, in my throat. Wrestling is Reddit. Welcome back to Wrestling is Reddit. This is House Party.

Knott's Berry Farm, June 1st, 2023.

With that rousing introduction, we now cut back to the day of, with a drone shot of the ring set up at Knott’s Berry Farm, fans on makeshift stands in the berry field, a parking lot and farmhouse off in the far distance, before [off brand royalty free music] begins to play!
Crowd: YEEEAAHHHH
Through the makeshift curtain, Tony “The Milkman” Stevens appears, wearing a pair of off-blue tights with cow white print, a single blue elbow pad on the left side, with a pair of gloved hands- in which, he holds a pristine white umbrella. The Milkman points his umbrella right down the lens of the camera…
Milkman: Good to be back, fellas, and good to see you, Mr. Cameraman! Been a while.
Mann: And here comes the Milkman, and a huge ovation from this crowd! But no Horde jacket with him!
Woodbridge: Or any jacket. But we’re in Anaheim, its hot out
Mann You’re right. But he did prepare for rain.
The Milkman hands off his umbrella to a fan at ringside, before sliding under the bottom rope, and ascending the left hard camera turnbuckle, firing up the crowd, before doing a backflip off the top rope, and into the ring!
Crowd: YEEAAAAHHHHHH
The Camera cuts back to the entranceway, as the music changes, to Skillet
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOO
Jericho Styles appears on the ramp, adorned in an Allen Iverson Nuggets Jersey. He blows off a fan’s high five attempt, before sliding into the ring and taking a position opposite of Stevens.
Babaganoush: WiR fans… welcome to Anaheim California, the beautiful Knotts Berry Farm! Welcome! To Sound Off! Presented by Dexter Flux.
Crowd: W-I-R! W-I-R! W-I-R! W-I-R!
Banaganoush: Our opening contest is scheduled for one fall to a finish. Introducing first, to my right… wrestling out San Jose California, weighing in at 217 pounds, Jericho… Styles!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO
Babaganoush: And his opponent, to my left. Weighing in at 208 pounds…
Crowd begins to rise
Babaganoush: Wrestling out of… Brooklyn, New York! Tony… “The Milkmaaannnnnnn” Stevens!
Crowd erupts into indiscriminate cheers
DING DING DING
The Milkman and Styles circle each other as the bell rings, before Styles takes the initiative with a lock up attempt, which he quickly transitions to a rear waist lock. Milkman thinks on his feet, and grabs the arm of Styles lifting it above his head, and turning to break the lock, before using it to get behind Jericho, who uses his size advantage to overpower Stevens and apply a hammerlock, using the position to turn Stevens around, and take him down to the mat with an arm drag, maintaining control of the arm, which he quickly leverages into a pinfall…
ONE
Milkman gets his free shoulder up!
Crowd: Yay!
Woodbridge: JZ leveraging some technical skill here in the opening moments of this one, but can’t keep the Milkman down!
Mann: Only one count for Styles
Styles refuses to relinquish his grip on the arm, and as Stevens gets up, pushes him back into the corner before he can balance himself. Styles whips Stevens across the ring to the other corner, before charging in and being met with Milkman’s knee! Stevens capitalizes on his newly made opening by delivering a sharp kick to the chest of Styles, before whipping him against the ropes. Styles charges back, and tries to use his momentum to catch Stevens with a hip toss, but can only get Stevens a few inches of height off the ground before the Milkman lands on his feet, lifts and Styles up for an atomic drop, which forces him to let go of Stevens. With his arm now free, The Milkman plants himself, and delivers a [devastating lariat]. With what self-preservation he has left, Styles rolls to the outside, and onto the grass.
Woodbridge: And The Milkman just leveled Styles with that lariat!
Mann: Not something we’re quite used to seeing from Stevens, some hard strikes early in this one that really seemed to throw Styles off his game.
Styles pulls himself up by the barricade, to the direct ire of front-row fans who continue to heckle him. Back in the ring, Stevens throws himself off the far-end ropes, charges in for a dive… before Styles ducks down to avoid being hit. Stevens doesn’t change speed, and instead, throws himself between the ropes for a 6-1-9 that hits nothing but air, launching himself back into the ring, and landing on his feet. After this feat of dexterity, and with Styles on the ground outside, The Milkman takes a bow for his efforts.
Crowd: YEEEAAHHH!!
Four dues in front of the hard cam: WE LOVE MILK! WE LOVE MILK!
At a count of eight, Styles, returns to the ring, and the two wrestlers square off again. Styles gets the better of the two on the lockup, delivering a stomp to Stevens’ foot, before kneeling him in the stomach. Styles lifts Stevens up for a suplex, but Stevens shifts his weight and lands on his feet behind him! The Milkman attempts a German suplex, but Styles throws a firm elbow to the jaw and repositions behind Stevens for a German attempt of his own. Stevens gives Styles a receipt with a firm, calcium-hardened elbow of his own, before bounding over to the ropes, and attempting a lionsault to a standing Styles! Styles catches him, but Stevens slips free, pushes Styles into the corner, and he takes a chest-first bump. Stevens harnesses his agility once more to get into poison-rana position on the shoulders of Styles, but Styles uses one arm to flip Milkman off balance and send him tumbling to the ground. Quickly, Stevens attempts to transition to a sunset flip but has to abandon ship as Styles tries to poke him in the eyes, jamming his finger into the canvas as a result. Stevens uses the moment to leap up to Bret’s rope, turn around, and deliver a dropkick to Styles! Stevens then rolls to the apron, and pumps up the crowd with a wave of his hand…
Crowd: YEEEAAAHHH WOOO!!
Guy already 4 cheap beers in: I hate this Styles guy!
…and delivers another springboard dropkick, this one from the top rope! Stevens flexes for the crowd, before rolling into a cover…
ONE
TWO
Styles gets a shoulder up!
Mann: Does The Milkman seem a bit different to you, Woodbridge?
Woodbridge: Milkman definitely wants to show off early, he looks like he hasn’t lost a step!
Mann: Maybe even gained one, and it almost feels like he’s being a bit disrespectful of his opponent, don’t you think?
Woodbridge: And what are you insinuating?
Mann: Well, maybe performing in front of a WiR crowd again has him a little more amped than usual! Trying a lot of those high-risk maneuvers early- we’re only a few minutes into this one, folks!
After the Kickout, Stevens signals to the cheering crowd, runs off the ropes, and attempts a wheelbarrow bulldog, but as he pushes himself up, Styles swivels his hips, and Stevens face plants into the mat.
Mann: And Stevens’ showing off cost him there!
Styles knees Stevens in the stomach, before putting his head between the legs, and sets up for the Styles Clash! He can’t lock in Milkman’s arms, and Stevens uses them to push off the mat to sit up above Jericho! Stevens tries throwing a punch at Jericho’s head, but he pivots his plan, and adjusts to deliver a powerbomb! As he releases, Stevens adjusts his body and manages to mitigate some of the damage by landing awkwardly on the back foot, stumbling back into the ropes.
Mann: If Styles hit that, it could have spelled an early end for Stevens!
Stevens pulls himself back to his feet using the ropes and charges back in with a clothesline attempt, but Styles sees it coming, grabs the arm and uses it to shift the momentum, and lifts Stevens for a tilt-a-whirl Backbreaker!
Crowd: BOOOOOO
Mann: And Styles seems to be in control here.
Woodbridge: Stevens took some early momentum, but Styles has had a counter for everything Stevens has thrown at him.
Styles pulls Stevens up to his feet by the hair, before casually flipping one of Stevens’ arms over his shoulder for a uranage position before holding his arms out to the crowd!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO
Styles smirks at the boos incoming, and throws Stevens with a t-bone suplex. Once Stevens is planted, Styles stomps the stomach to force him to sit up, before stretching the arms behind for a surfboard stretch!
Styles: I’m a technical wrestler now, assholes!
Mann: Styles slowing things down here, grounding the Milkman
Woodbridge: Not a bad strategy, we saw how The Milkman was in control with a faster pace!
One guy holding up a sign with Goku: WE-LOVE-GOKU! WE-LOVE-GOKU!
Everyone else in the crowd is deafeningly silent
Styles: AND WHAT WOULD GOKU DO HERE, STUPID IDIOT?
Styles breaks his hold and approaches the hard camera ropes to yell at the fan more
Styles: Dragon Ball is overrated trash!
Styles kicks Stevens back to the mat
Styles That one was for you, fucking weeb!
As Stevens once again rises to his feet, Styles punches him and he falls back to the mat, just for Styles to pick him back up, and line up against the ropes, for an irish whip. As Stevens returns to sender, Styles throws him straight up in the air… and football punts him in the chest on the way down!
Styles: Hey weeb guy! This one’s for you too! I saw a Japanese dude do it once!
Styles lifts Stevens up, sets him up with the arms behind the back… and delivers a slow, sloppy [tiger driver], before placing a single foot on the chest, and flexing
ONE
TWO
Kickout!
Crowd: YEEEAAAHHHH
Woodbridge: Well, he didn’t quite get all of it.
Styles takes time to put Stevens in a Camel Clutch.
Mann: And it seems Styles didn’t want to get left out of showing off!
Woodbridge: Well, he certainly nailed Milkman with that kick, but the Tiger Driver left a lot to be desired.
Mann: Styles seems to have control of this match when it’s slowed down, wearing Stevens with this technical wrestling prowess.
Woodbridge, reaching under the desk for a paper bag: Everyone wants to be a hero in front of the first crowd in two years
Styles releases Stevens from the hold by battering him in the back of the head with a forearm, picking him up by the scruff, and bouncing him off the ropes for an Irish whip and hitting him with the kitchen sink! But Stevens wastes no motion, and grabs the leg, turning Styles over for a rollup!
ONE
TWO
THR-
Kickout!
Crowd: BOOOOOO
Woodbridge: He almost got him with that rollup! From out of nowhere!
The Milkman tries to capitalize, but Styles returns the favor with a boot to the stomach.
Styles: I’ll show you to make a damn fool out of me!
Styles hoists Stevens up for a vertical suplex, before taking two steps and chucking him across the top rope! The Milkman bounces off the top rope, makes a deflating noise as the air is forced out of his lungs, and flops down to the floor outside!
Mann: Styles with some kind of inverted lawn-dart maneuver! Woodbridge, do you know what that’s called?
Woodbridge: Nope.
Crowd: BOOOOOO
Styles: Come on, milk boy, you have anything else for me?
Stevens crawls back into the ring, holding onto his ribs, before Styles once again kicks him in the stomach, and applies a chin lock in the ring.
Mann: Styles has found his target! If Stevens can’t breathe, he can’t fight!
Woodbridge: The young Styles showing some veteran instinct here, Mann, if Stevens has the wind knocked out of him, he can’t perform those high-flying moves he was nailing Styles with earlier!
Styles turns to the side, and locks Milkman in a body scissors, using his legs to apply pressure to the ribcage. Stevens tries to use his free legs to push both men closer to the ropes, but can only move them a few feet. Stevens smacks the mat with his free hand, and a guy in the crowd does it to the barricade. Stevens smacks the mat again, and a few more fans join in.
Crowd Smacking the barricade
Stevens pushes towards the ropes again, making more progress. Styles sees this, and releases the hold, grabbing Stevens by the hair with one hand, tights in the other, and pulling him up to his feet.
Styles: You want the ropes so bad, here, have them!
Styles runs over to the ropes with the Milkman, and hurls him between the middle and top rope, dumping him to the outside where he lands with a noticeable thud. Styles follows him to the outside, taking his time to savor the boos of the crowd, before delivering a knee to a rising Milkman, and lifting him for a vertical suplex on the grass! Styles rolls into the ring… and back out again to break the count. Despite the present beating, Stevens once again pulls himself to his feet.
Crowd: YEAAAH
And Styles knees him in the ribs.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO
Styles rolls Stevens back into the ring before taking a moment to confront the drunk fan who jeered him earlier. After his verbal exchange, Styles delivers a scoop slam to Stevens to keep him down, and the pressure on the body, before sliding into a cover.
ONE
TWO
Kickout!
Mann: Forcing Stevens to exert more energy there on the kick out, after continuing his assault on the ribs. A very solid strategy by Styles in this one.
Styles picks The Milkman up once more and prepares another vertical suplex, but the Milkman slips free! Stevens lands behind Styles, hooks his arms, and goes for a crucifix pin!
ONE
TWO
THRE-
Styles barely escapes! The Milkman wastes no motion as Styles rises back to his feet, bouncing off the hard camera ropes, and forcing Styles to drop back to the mat to avoid a strike. Stevens bounces off the opposite end, and Styles barely avoids him once more, this time with a slide-step that sees him almost lose his balance. Styles tries to save his momentum by charging at Stevens as he bounces off the ropes a third time, but Stevens pulls down the top rope, sending Styles to the apron! Stevens kicks Styles in the knee, before going through the middle rope to meet Styles on the apron. Styles tries to sweep out the leg of the Milkman, knocking himself down to one knee on the attempt, but Stevens jumps over it, and catches Styles with a Calcium Kiss Superkick that sends Styles to the grass below!
Crowd: YEAAAHH
With his foe grounded, Stevens looks to the crowd, positions himself in the middle of the ring, and before Styles can discover where he is, Stevens takes flight, springboarding off the middle rope with an Asai Milksault! On the landing, Stevens’ left knee awkwardly hits the uneven yard, and he visibly grimaces before falling backward.
Mann: And both men are down after that! Stevens with a ferocious comeback attempt, but he may have hurt himself!
Woodbridge: Someone hasn’t been taking care of their lawn.
Stevens hears the air exit the crowd, and pulls himself up, giving them a reassuring thumbs up, before using the leg he landed on to kick Styles in the back of his knee, before throwing him back into the ring. Stevens puts one leg into the ring through the middle rope, before looking into the crowd- and deciding to ascend the turnbuckles instead! The Milkman leaps, and delivers a diving hurricanrana! As Styles tries to roll to the ropes, Stevens uses their good leg to stomp on his chest, before pulling him back to the middle of the ring, and hitting a Standing Milksault! Stevens maintains the cover!
ONE
TWO
THR-
Styles gets a shoulder up!
Woodbridge: And Stevens throwing everything into this assault on Styles, but it still wasn’t enough to put him down!
Crowd: Let’s Go Milk-man! Let’s Go Milk-man!
Stevens picks Styles up, and lifts him onto his shoulders…
Woodbridge: He’s going for the Milky Way!
…But the injured knee can’t hold up the weight, and both men crash to the mat.
Entrance Music begins to play as a small, skinny wrestler in a leather jacket waltzes towards the two downed competitors
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mann: And that’s Raven Van Loupe! Van Loupe is here at Sound Off!
Woodbridge: These two formed an alliance last time we saw them! But will it hold after the time off?
Van Loupe enters the ring, despite the protests of WiR official Tai Ni Wong, and glances at the pair as both try to pull themselves up, Stevens using the ropes, Styles on his own. Van Loupe looks back and forth… before kicking Stevens in the injured knee!
DING DING DING
Babaganoush: And here is your winner…
Van Loupe helps Styles to his feet, and the pair begin to lay the boots on Stevens.
Babaganoush: By disqualification as a result of interference, and striking a WiR official…
Styles takes the knee of the downed Milkman, and lifts it above his head, before thrashing it against the canvas.
Babaganoush: At a time of…
Van Loupe has Styles lift Stevens by the hair once more, before she runs to the ropes, jumps off the second rope, and Styles pushes The Milkman into the cutter.
Babaganoush: Ten minutes and twenty-three seconds…
Styles and Van Loupe stand over Stevens, and Styles prepares to deliver the finishing blow as he signals to the crowd that he is looking for the Styles Clash!
Banaganoush: Tony “The Milkmannnnnn” Stevens!!!!!!
Van Loupe: Are you done?
Van Loupe gives Styles a thumbs up, but as he goes to finish off Stevens, a mighty howl plays over the speakers as a short, scruffy man runs to the ring.
Woodbridge: That’s The Werewolf!
Mann Johnny, A Werewolf, is here! And he’s rushing to the ring!
Styles lets Stevens flop back down to the mat, holding his knee, and turns to face the incoming Werewolf as he slides under the ropes and into the ring. Styles steps before Vna Loupe to intercept, but the fresh Werewolf knocks him off his feet with The Pounce. The Werewolf comes face to face with Van Loupe in the center of the ring!
Crowd: AWOOOOOO
Mann: Pandemonium has broken out in the first match of Sound Off! And the fans are loving it!
Crowd: WE LOVE WERE-WOLF! clap clap clap clap clap WE LOVE WERE-WOLF!
Woodbridge: The Pack Wolf and the Werewolf facing off in the center of the ring!
Mann: And these two have unfinished business! The Lifeblood exists because they took issue with being left behind for signings like Werewolf!
Johnny feints left, before throwing a right jab! The Werewolf unleashes Pack Tactics on Van Loupe! As he stops throwing punches, and signals for another pounce, Styles kips up, and levels the werewolf with a lariat!
Crowd: BOOOOO
Van Loupe and Styles begin to wear down the Werewolf, delivering blow after blow to Johnny as the boos rain from the crowd. Van Loupe delivers a stomp to the knee of The Milkman to keep him down before they and Jericho set up to finish off styles…
When an Italian Flag appears on the video screen, and an absolute guido of an Italian-American, hair dripping with greaseslowly walks out from behind the curtain, wearing a Shohei Ohtani jersey!
…A Shohei Ohtani… New York Mets jersey.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mann: That’s The Apex! Arturo Stiglione! Stiglione is in the yard!
Stiglione slowly scopes out the scene on his way to the ring, seeing the downed Milkman on the left of the ring, the downed werewolf on the right, and the standing Lifeblood members in the middle. He slowly ascends the stairs and stands across from Van Loupe and Styles.
Wodbridge: And The Apex, not a fan of Johnny, a very terse relationship between these two.
Apex: Hell ova job ya done hea’
Van Loupe: If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stand aside, and maybe we won’t hurt you.
Apex: Dont’cha mind me, just monitoring the situation.
Styles pulls Van Loupe aside, and the two have an impromptu conference, before nodding along, and continuing their attack on Werewolf.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
With The Lifeblood’s backs turned Styles looks down at his fist. He looks down at the blue and orange he’s adorned in, and loosens up his arm. He points to the back of Styles, who senses the crowd rising, and turns around… to be met with a spinning backfist!!
Crowd: YEEEAAAHHHH
Mann: Styles has made his choice! And he chooses to stand against The Lifeblood!
Van Loupe hears his body hit the canvas, and turns around, to be met with the sight of a downed Styles! The Apex takes off his Mets jersey… to reveal an Angels jersey! The Werewolf is back on his feet, and he and the Apex come face to face! Van Loupe rises back up at the wrong time, as the two share a nod, and deliver a double clothesline! Seeing the situation turn against him, Styles slinks to the outside, and grabs a chair from under the ring, before sneaking back in behind the Werewolf and Apex, who have turned to the hard camera. Styles raises the chair to strike…
...And gets blasted by a Calcium Kiss from The Milkman!
Crowd: WOOOOOO
The three faces are all back on their feet in the middle of the ring, standing tall! As the three begin to celebrate…
“It’s a Psychobilly Freakout!
Mann: That’s the music of Mason Saunders! But where is he?
Saunders’ music plays, but the entranceway remains empty.
Woodbridge: He’s behind us, Mann! He just jumped the barricade!
Mann: But he’s outnumbered, Woodbridge, both his allies are down!
Undeterred by the numbers disadvantage, Saunders slides behind the faces, and as they recognize the trap, Saunders is already in the ring! The Werewolf approaches first and throws a jab that almost seems to bounce off the chin of Saunders. Saunders simply stares, and when the Werewolf tries a second one, Saunders swipes it aside with a tree trunk arm, before launching into action and dropping the Werewolf with a right hook, which catches the Werewolf cleanly on the jaw, who slumps backward onto the canvas. The Milkman tries to charge to his aid, but Saunders delivers a pump kick to put him back on the canvas. The Apex tries to make a move while Saunders’ back is turned facing Stevens, but he fails to do any damage and is swiftly thrown aside. Saunders drops the Milkman again, before turning around to face Apex… who turns around, and flees the ring as fast as possible!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mann: And Stiglione, getting out of dodge as soon as he can!
Woodbridge: And turning tail and running, Stiglione is out of here!
As Stiglione flees up the entranceway, the rest of the Lifeblood begins to pick themselves up. Saunders puts the Werewolf pack down on the canvas with a scoop powerslam, and boots him out of the ring. The Lifeblood stand united, and face the hard camera, Stiglione and Werewolf removed, and the Milkman down on the opposite end of the ring. JZ ascends to the second rope of the left turnbuckle, Van Loupe to the right, and the three all pose for the hard camera!
Mann: And the Lifeblood, although not victorious in the match, is victorious here in the aftermath!
Woodbridge: But wait, The Milkman is trying to get back up!
Mann: Stevens of course, left for the picking, as other members of The Horde are all the way on the other side of the Farm preparing for their match later!
Stevens struggles to pull himself up to his feet, knee buckling under him. Saunders perks up, and stops his pose. Stevens staggers to his feet, and before he can get very far, Saunders turns, and with blinding speed nails Stevens with a disgusting lariat that nearly takes his head off!
Woodbridge: And the Milk has gone spoiled.
The Lifeblood circle the downed Milkman like vultures, and Van Loupe drops to one knee, and picks up the Milkman’s head by the hair! JZ gets down as well, and the two strike a pose, with Milkman’s body as the centerpiece!
Mann: A statement made, by the Lifeblood
Woodbridge: To me, Mann, it looks like the statement was made by Saunders, Van Loupe, and JZ just picked up the scraps!
Van Loupe, holding up Milkman to the Camera victoriously: Take a look, WiR, this is the future! We are the Lifeblood of this company, and don’t forget that!
The camera pans out to JZ and Van Loupe celebrating over Milkman’s body, while Saunders stares from behind, before fading out to a commercial break.
Javier: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, with a 20 minute time limit. Your referee for this contest is Mia So Hung. Introducing first, from Montreal, Canada, weighing in at 119 pounds...... GIGI♥ V!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
A significantly smaller but incredibly loud section of the crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Music begins to swell in the background, and the crowd continues their jeering (and occasional unbridled simping) until Gigi steps out, running her hands down her body to the lewd Ashnikko verse.
Mann: Gigi here, surrounded by her legion of fans, who are then surrounded by a legion of people who absolutely despise her. As it should be here in WiR.
Gigi saunters to the ring, taking vaguely suggestive selfies with her ravenous fans on the front row, and generally seeming uncaring about the forthcoming match.
Woodbridge: And given her successes recently, it’s gonna be easy to overlook a competitor like Li Xiao, which very easily could prove fatal.
Gigi steps into the ring, as Javier starts his announcing again.
Javier: And her opponent, from Hong Kong, weighing in at 105 pounds... LI XIAO!!!
A unfamiliar metal song blasts out from the speakers, and a rather familiar hyperactive martial artist bounces out from behind the curtain!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Xiao charges down the ramp with a head of steam, hyped and ready to fight.
Mann: Xiao has some of the most devastating offense in this company, and if she’s able to keep momentum, it could very well shatter Gigi’s plans of making a statement here!
Woodbridge: Yeah, sure, but Xiao’s a tag team specialist first and foremost. She comes in to deal damage and then gets out before she takes too much abuse.
Xiao hops into the ring, and the referee pats both competitors down, before gesturing for the bell.
DING DING DING
In an interesting turn of events, Gigi and Li Xiao start off with a collar-and-elbow tie up in the center of the ring. Gigi takes quick advantage of her height and weight advantage to gain leverage and force Li Xiao backwards into the ropes.
Mann: Gigi starting off with the basics here, knowing Li Xiao is nothing if not an incredibly explosive fighter.
Woodbridge: That’s right, Xiao wrestles like my grandpa used to make moonshine, god rest his soul!
Gigi sets herself, and when Xiao tries to push off the ropes and get Gigi off, Gigi directs the momentum into a modified biel, throwing Li Xiao across the ring! Gigi takes a moment to smirk and pose for the fans - a mistake, as Xiao rolls through the throw and hits the ropes on the opposite side of the ring!
Mann: Incredible strength from Gigi!
Gigi turns around into a sprinting palm strike from Xiao, staggering backwards into the ropes yet again, and Xiao follows up with a big kick to the gut! Gigi’s doubled over, and Xiao drops her with a DDT!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s fired up, and she’s quite possibly looking to end this match before it even gets started!
Xiao with the cover!
1!
2!
Gigi kicks out right at 2, and rolls up, obviously shocked and dazed. The crowd in attendance is split, with the wrestling fans excited to see Gigi on the ropes, and the Gigi fans absolutely in shambles. Xiao is up quickly, as Gigi staggers to her feet - Xiao hits the ropes, springboards, and catches Gigi with a beautiful headscissors!
Crowd: WOOOOOO!
Gigi rolls through, runs the ropes, and comes back with a head of steam! Xiao dodges a clothesline attempt, shoves Gigi to the other rope, and gets ready for the comeback - Gigi catches the ropes! Xiao charges in to press the advantage, and eats an officially branded Gigi♥ boot to the face! Xiao is absolutely rocked, staggering backwards, and this time Gigi takes the initiative and absolutely levels Xiao with a clothesline! Xiao spirals to the mat, and Gigi blows a kiss to the fans in attendance!
Gigi: I am your future champion, and this is the match I’m booked in?
Gigi catches Xiao with a boot to the back of the head! Xiao rolls over, and Gigi drops a knee onto her throat, before going for the cover!
1!
2!
Xiao muscles out of the pin, clutching her head!
Woodbridge: We got two high fliers here, these women make a livin’ out of dodging attacks. Anything that lands here is going to be devastating!
Mann: And right now, it looks like Xiao is barely conscious after those blows to the head!
Gigi gets up, and winks at her fans in attendance and watching live throughout the world.
Crowd: BOOOOOO!/YAAAAAAAAAAY!
Gigi saunters over to Xiao, and plays up the boot she’s about to give - SMALL PACKAGE! SMALL PACKAGE!
1!
2!
Gigi kicks out, and her mood instantly changes. Xiao is staggering to her feet, and takes a full on slap to the face!
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH!
Mann: What a slap from Gigi, obviously assisted by her official Gigi♥ gloves, sponsored by Fairtex!
Woodbridge: Gigi’s pissed now, and you could hear that slap all the way in Los Angeles!
Xiao clutches her face, and Gigi follows up with a huge kick to the gut! Xiao falls to one knee, and Gigi finishes the trifecta with a roundhouse to the head!
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!
Xiao collapses to the mat!
Mann: And Xiao’s down! What a kick!
Woodbridge: That kick nearly took her head off, Shay! I don’t know if she’s even conscious down there!
Gigi’s prepared, and is looking to finish this, climbing to the top rope! Xiao is flat on her back on the mat, and Gigi takes the leap, flipping forwards with a swanton! Xiao is still conscious, though, and rolls away in the nick of time, leaving Gigi high and dry!
Crowd: YAAAAAAY! KUNG PAO! KUNG PAO! KUNG PAO!
Mann: I... feel like that’s problematic, somehow.
Woodbridge: Nah, ‘sfine, don’t worry about it.
Xiao grabs for the ropes, pulling herself to her feet, but is obviously still dazed from the kick!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s hurt!
Mann: You see this a lot in Li Xiao singles matches - she’s got an incredible offense, but she’s fragile at best in-ring!
Gigi is holding her back, and glares at Xiao in frustration!
Gigi: You were supposed to stay down! it was going on Tiktok!
Gigi charges forward, ready to avenge her mistake, but takes a knee to the gut! Gigi staggers for a second, only to get a chop to the neck! She’s reeling! Xiao with a forearm! Xiao with a elbow strike!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHH!
Xiao takes a step backwards, and lets out a KIAI, before charging forward with a roundhouse - NO! SCHOOLBOY FROM GIGI!
1!
2!
Xiao kicks out at 2.6, rolls to her feet, and is immediately back on the offensive, catching Gigi with a kick to the gut!
Mann: Xiao was going for her trademark flurry of blows, and that roundhouse could very well have ended this match!
Woodbridge: Sure, but it doesn’t look like Gigi’s in a better spot right now anyway!
Xiao measures, as Gigi slowly gets back to her feet, and steps through the ropes, stalking her opponent! Gigi’s up, and Xiao leaps onto the ropes, going for a springboard - GIGI HOOKS HER LEG!
Crowd: BOOOOO!
Xiao loses her footing, and falls neck-first onto the ropes, before collapsing to the outside of the ring!
Mann: Gigi with a lightning-quick reversal!
Woodbridge: Xiao might be seriously hurt down there!
Gigi regains some of her confidence, and gives the crowd an innocent smile, completely ignoring the competitor she might have seriously injured. As the count reaches six, Gigi finally springs into action, rolling out of the ring, and grabbing Xiao by the hair!
Gigi: That’s what you get for ruining my moment!
Gigi pulls Xiao up to her feet, and throws her into the ring. Gigi rolls in as Xiao fights to one knee, then to her feet! Gigi smirks, and stands in front of Xiao, posing for the crowd -
WHAM!
Xiao with a JKD backfist!
Woodbridge: River City Knockout! That’s Biff’s move! What a moment to strike!
Gigi is staggered - falls to one knee - then gets back up, just in time to eat THE CRANE KICK
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Woodbridge: CRANE KICK! CRANE KICK!
Gigi is down! Xiao is staggering after landing the crane kick, and collapses to a knee herself! Xiao takes a moment to collect herself, then throws herself into the cover, hooking both legs!
1!
2!
3!
NO!
Mia hits the three count, and Xiao rolls off, sure she’s won the match, but Gigi’s right hand is on the ropes!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mia explains to Xiao, who is obviously frustrated, but nods. She takes a moment to kick Gigi’s wrist, knocking her hand off the ropes, before climbing to the top rope! Xiao steels herself - leaps - corkscrews through the air!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s Wing!
Gigi gets her knees up! Xiao lands back-first onto Gigi’s knees! Xiao bounces halfway across the ring, clutching her back and neck, and lands on her chest!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mann: And Gigi has just enough in the tank to get that counter in!
Gigi, with what seems like massive effort, rolls over, before crawling towards Xiao, who seems to be completely out of it. She crawls over Xiao, with a knowing smirk, before hooking her legs around Xiao’s head!
Mann: Gigi looking for the Paywall, this modified figure four choke!
Woodbridge: And half the audience is looking at something else right now.
Gigi torques Xiao’s already injured neck back, cutting off all airflow! Xiao struggles for a moment, but is trapped in the center of the ring! She crawls forward, but Gigi leans back, torquing her neck even further! Xiao swings back with an elbow, then another, but her arm is caught by Gigi’s free hand! After a moment of struggling, Xiao finally relents, and taps in the center of the ring!
DING DING DING!
Javier: And your winner, at a time of 7:53.... GIGI!
Gigi rolls out of the ring, obviously the worse for wear, clutching her neck after the crane kick to the skull!
Mann: And Gigi with a hard-fought win after these two threw everything at each other in a absolutely brutal short match!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s not a singles competitor on her own, but she showed just how brutal her brand of offense is when it needs to be - if Biff has the same resilience he used to have the tag division might need to be on notice!

Ah, Eurovision season. The time of hype, music, unity – and a shit ton of drama. This year’s winner is maybe one of the most controversial we’ve ever had, and that’s saying something considering we've had broadcasters straight up end a broadcast because they didn't like the winner (don't ask).
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from the basics:

What is Eurovision?

Eurovision (or ESC) is an annual song contest originating from Europe, organized by the European Broadcasting Union (EBU). It’s been held without fail since 1951 aside from 2020, when it was cancelled for truly mysterious reasons. (COVID, guys, it was COVID). Originally incorporating only European countries, the contest has grown in its scope since its early days, nowadays having almost 40 countries participating (including some decisively non-European countries like Israel and Australia) and reaching a viewership of 150+ million, making it measure up to live events the likes of Super Bowl.
The concept of the competition is simple: each country sends one original song to compete. Aside from the biggest sponsors of the contest (UK, Spain, Italy, Germany and France) and the winner of the previous year (Ukraine in ESC 2023) each entry participates in a semi-final, from which 20 countries are selected to advance to the final via voting. The winner of the competition is the act that gets the most votes in the final, who then gets the right to host next year’s contest and enjoy the tourism money. This year, UK took over the hosting duties from Ukraine for reasons (the war, guys, it was the war).
The voting system is important to understand for context: each country gives two sets of points, both equal in value and weight. Points are given to the top 10 entries, 10th getting 1 point, 9th two points and so on. Third place gets 8 points, second place gets 10 points and first place gets 12 points to make the top two positions more valuable. The two sets of votes come from professional juries and the televote. Countries can’t vote for their own entry, naturally.
Juries are 4-5 member teams consisting of music professionals (artists, producers, managers, vocal coaches, music reporters, radio DJs, choreographers etc.) who appraise each entry based on the following criteria:

• Composition and originality of the song
• Performance on stage
• Vocal capacity of artist(s)
• Overall impression of the act

Televotes are collected by having viewers vote via the official Eurovision app, or by calling/texting. A person/device can give a maximum of 20 votes and each vote costs money, the amount depending on each individual country, but it usually hovers somewhere around 1€/vote. Yes, I blew 20€ on the grand final. Yes, I blew another 20€ on the semifinal I was allowed to vote in (there are two semifinals and you can only vote in the semi your country’s in).
This year's Grand Final was held on May 13, but things start happening way before that. Each Eurovision season typically starts with countries selecting their representatives. Some use internal selection (as in, broadcasters decide who goes all by themselves) but most host national finals, competitions where the winner is granted the golden ticket to Eurovision. These national finals are keenly followed by eurofans (passionate fans of Eurovision).

Ready Player One: UMK 2023 and the Launch of the Dark Horse

In January 2023, UMK, the Finnish national final for Eurovision, started revealing its finalists. Seven finalists were announced, and their songs were released one by one on a once-a-day schedule. Finland’s journey in Eurovision has historically been poor, having only managed to secure one win (granted, there are many who have never won) and often finishing on the back end of the results.
Since 2020, however, UMK went under new management and did what was pretty much a 180: in a few years, it became one of the highest quality national finals around, and because of that, many eyes were on Finland when UMK started. The overall quality of songs in 2023 was very good, but one emerged as a clear frontrunner.
Käärijä, a Finnish rapper who was virtually unknown even in his home country, entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell. His song Cha Cha Cha, a rap/metal/techno fusion song that does a complete tonal and genre shift halfway through, immediately became the fan favourite to win. When the time came, Käärijä absolutely landslided the national final, getting more points than the three runners up put together.
Hopeful buzz started amongst the eurofans; would this finally be Finland’s time after seventeen years (Finland’s last and only win was in 2006)? Finland is by means not the most beloved country in Eurovision, but many see it as an underdog that’s finally catching up to speed. Many wanted it to do well. Some were cautiously optimistic.
That was, until Sweden entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell.

Ready Player Two: Melodifestivalen 2023 and the Awakening of the Sleeping Giant

Sweden, by all possible metrics, is one of, if not THE most successful country in Eurovision history. Before 2023, they’ve raked in a massive six wins (second only to Ireland who has seven), two of which during the last 11 years alone and the last one as recently as 2015. Additionally, on years they don’t win, they place in the top 10 almost without fail. They have only failed to qualify from the semifinals once, and it was largely seen as a national disgrace.
Sweden takes Eurovision VERY seriously, and it shows in their results. Melodifestivalen, Sweden’s national selection, started gathering curious eyes even before it started, because rumours were murmuring of someone very remarkable returning on stage. These rumours turned out to be true.
It’s hard to overstate how iconic Loreen is to the Eurovision community. She won the competition back in 2012, with a song that’s widely regarded as the best winning song of all time. She’s beloved and for a good reason. Known as a passionate, skilful vocalist and a world-class performer, the moment her participation was confirmed, many considered Melodifestivalen 2023 a done deal.
It must be mentioned that Loreen did attempt to return to Eurovision once between her win in 2012 and entry in 2023, but failed to win Melodifestivalen. However, this year’s entry was not here to play. She entered with Tattoo, a pop epic crafted by some of the best songwriters Sweden has to offer, with a staging so impeccable it could pass for a music video.
Critics and audience alike were raving. She was back, more powerful than ever. Expectedly, she won Melodifestivalen and earned her place in the line-up of 2023. In the community, the buzz was immediate, but not all of it was positive.

Sweden and Eurovision: A Turbulent Relationship

I think it’s fair to say that Sweden is, for the lack of a better term, suffering from success. Lately, there has been a somewhat anti-Sweden mentality brewing in the community, stemming from a few key criticisms Sweden regularly gets

• Genre loyalty: Swedish entries generally all fall under the umbrella of “radio friendly pop”. They’re well composed, well produced but seemingly leave the fandom cold. “Generic”, “soulless” and “safe” are terms often thrown at Swedish entries
• Jury bias: For a while now, Sweden has done better with juries than the televote, the difference once notoriously being as massive as 220 points, or 2nd place (jury) vs 22nd (out of a possible 26) (by the public). That being said, it’s disingenuous to say the televote hates Sweden as they regularly rank in the top 10, but it’s hard to deny that their point tally routinely consists of more jury than televote points
• Same songwriters: Melodifestivalen has been quite frequently criticized for having a large chunk of its songs written by the same core group of ten-ish people. In Sweden’s defence, a country of 10 million does not have that many active songwriters, but it’s hard to deny it’s a striking detail. For instance, in this year’s final, Melodifestivalen didn’t have a single entry that didn’t have at least two of these songwriters credited

This has led to things souring between Sweden and eurofans. To sum it up concisely: many eurofans feel like Sweden never takes risks, sends ungenuine lab-crafted jury baits and is always rewarded for it no matter what the viewers do because the juries always have Sweden's back. There's a lot of intricacies that go into this and there's nuance to this criticism, but for the sake of keeping things concise, I won't go into them now, all you need to know is that this is something that's going on.

“I love Loreen, but…”

Because of this sentiment, while Loreen undoubtedly had her fans, a sizeable section of the fandom started being critical of her. People started negging. Her song was called generic and soulless, the fact it was written by a huge group of the “regulars” in Melodifestivalen was brought up. People said it was too similar to her 2012 winning song, a 2.0 or carbon copy if you will. Some people also thought that because she already won, coming back was unfair since she already has a degree of Eurovision fame that could affect the results.
As soon as Loreen was announced as the Swedish representative, the competition took on a narrative of its own. It was widely seen as a race between Finland and Sweden. While Loreen definitely had her fans, the overall mentality was leaning more towards Käärijä. He was seen as the underdog from the country that has a winning chance once every 20 years, if that, going up against the Eurovision powerhouse Sweden who wins so often the fandom is getting tired of it.
That’s not to say no other entries were ever in the talks: Spain’s artsy fusion flamenco song was seen as a potential jury darling. France’s sassy chanson was seen as a potential sleeper hit. Norway’s TikTok viral Viking techno banger was seen as a potential televote magnet. Ukraine was still a big unknown given that the previous year, they had received the largest televote tally in the history of the competition and many thought sympathy votes would keep pouring in this year as well. And then there’s whatever the fuck Croatia was doing (okay, they never had a chance of winning, I just wanted any excuse to subjugate people to this chaos).
But the overall sentiment was heavily leaning towards this being a neighbour war between Finland and Sweden. As the press and pre-parties (fan arranged concerts where artists are invited to perform to get their first interactions with the fandom) started, eyes were undeniably on Loreen and Käärijä.
During his Eurovision journey, Käärijä became somewhat of a crowd darling and went moderately viral on TikTok. A little guy with a bowl cut and a thick accent who had quickly gotten the reputation of being both funny and extremely friendly, coming to the competition with an out of the box and blatantly flamboyant genre fusion banger, walking around in a green bolero with no shirt. It's hard not to feel endeared. (Not that Loreen was unfriendly or anything, she’s perfectly nice by all accounts, but her off-stage personality wasn’t as much of a focal point as it was for Käärijä who became so beloved he was locked in as an icon even before the competition began).
Finns, they, well… Rallied behind Käärijä like crazy. Their government officials sent tweets wishing him good luck. The state owned railway company dressed its statues as Käärijä. The Helsinki tram got a Käärijä makeover. Cha Cha Cha topped the Finnish charts for ages (and still does AFAIK). The Finnish press was going gaga, broadcasting how only Loreen stood in the way of Käärijä’s victory.

“Just Ignore Everyone”: The Main Event That Undeniably Shaved a Few Years Off Of Graham Norton’s Life Span

The main event came about at the Liverpool Arena. As expected, both Sweden and Finland qualified for the final (later revealed to have come second and first, respectively). As the grand final came about, what was supposed to be a fun event (ironically carrying the slogan “United by Music”) turned into a rather tense occasion. Sweden performed 9th whereas Finland performed 13th. Both of their performances went largely well.
During Finland’s performance, the crowd went so crazy some commentators even said the whole building was shaking. People shouted Cha Cha Cha at the top of their lungs. The audience was on his side. Not that Loreen’s performance was poorly received either, she clearly had a lot of friends at the arena, but Finland got the audience by the balls.
After all of the 26 acts were done performing, the time for vote announcements came. The structure of vote announcements goes as follows: first, each country gives their jury points one by one, their spokesperson saying out loud the country that got 12 points, the highest one possible. After that, the total televote points given by all countries are given to each act one by one starting from the country currently at the last position.
Very soon, it became obvious that the juries had taken an immense liking to Tattoo.
Loreen got 12 points after 12 points, and the atmosphere at the arena shifted. The audience got more and more agitated with each 12 points Sweden received, and cheered very loudly whenever Käärijä (who was expected to do significantly worse with the juries thanks to non-mainstream genre and his lesser singing abilities due to being a rapper first and foremost) got any points. It got to a point where they responded to Sweden getting 12 points by chanting Cha Cha Cha.
The hosts (Graham Norton and Hannah Waddingham) were getting visibly uncomfortable and had to calm the crowd more than once. Hannah Waddingham eventually gave the exasperated yet iconic one-liner “just ignore everyone” when the chanting wouldn’t calm down. In the end, Sweden was comfortably in 1st place, having raked in a massive and historic 340 points, almost double that of the runner up Israel (who got 177 jury points). Finland ranked 4th with the juries with a total tally of 150, nearly 200 points behind Loreen.
Once the time for televotes came, everyone’s eyes were on Finland. Käärijä was expected to do well, but no one could quite gauge how well he’d do. Turns out, very well. He raked in a massive 376 televote points, getting the full marks from 18/37 countries and not placing lower than 5th with any country. To put it in perspective, this is the 2nd highest televote score ever (by percentage of available points), the highest being Ukraine from the year prior, and the circumstances were quite unprecedented.
By then, it was obvious the two-horse race had become true. Loreen would need 189 points (roughly the 3th-4th place in televotes) to secure her win, a tally that wasn’t a walk in the park, but was very doable with her popularity.
The following sequence is still very bizarre to me. Loreen’s points were announced. She got 243 points, making her the televote runner up. Which in turn meant Käärijä had lost to her by about 50 points despite outdoing her televote score by 133 points. As the winner was announced, Käärijä buried his head in his hands, clearly devastated. Loreen was immediately guided back on stage for her winner’s reprisal.
Footage from backstage shows many contestants beelining for Käärijä to comfort him. They’re seen hugging him, chanting Cha Cha Cha like he’s the actual winner and trying to cheer him up. All the while, Käärijä himself was obviously heartbroken. The crowd wasn’t happy, to a point where when Loreen accepted the trophy, she asked if anyone even wants her to perform again.
While Loreen’s fans were ecstatic to see her win and perform again, a portion of the audience reportedly walked out, disappointed. That was the end of the main competition. Sweden had won its 7th Eurovision trophy, catching up to Ireland for most wins ever. Loreen had become the second person (and first woman) in history to win twice.
The fandom, while disappointed, quickly got over themselves and accepted the outcome- yeah no one’s buying this lmfao. The dust was up in the air and wouldn’t settle for a good while.

Let the Shit Slinging Begin: Conspiracy Theories, Petitions and the Media Fight

The outcome received immediate backlash. Loreen’s winning performance and grand final performance were mass downvoted on YouTube. Loreen’s victory post on Eurovision currently has 0 upvotes and over 6500 comments. Social media posts by Eurovision about Loreen were spammed by people proclaiming Käärijä was the real winner. Some contestants (namely Slovenia, Estonia and Serbia) outright said Käärijä was their winner. Finland’s grand final performance views also surpassed that of Sweden’s.
There was a lot of shit slinging. Conspiracies started rearing their heads. Some were convinced Sweden had rigged the jury in order to host Eurovision on the 50th anniversary of ABBA’s victory (yes, ABBA is Swedish, yes, they won Eurovision with Waterloo, no there’s no proof of this conspiracy). A petition was started to remove the juries and it reached 60 000 signatures in two days. Loreen was accused of plagiarizing at least two different songs (not that I personally think the accusations have any merit, the melody line is just incredibly common). The Norwegian delegation outright said the juries should be overhauled (Norway got screwed over massively by the juries, being placed 17th, only to be pulled to the 5th overall position by the televote).
When detailed televote results came out, it turned out Sweden had not placed 1st in a single country. It also had less 2nd places than Finland, and its average position was 5th (which coincidentally was the lowest score Käärijä got in any country). People were pissed. Some proclaimed spending money on voting is a waste of time if the 2nd highest televote score in history isn’t enough to win because a group of 200 or so people said so.
People started going through the jury credentials, soon discovering that they were overwhelmingly pop professionals (55% to be exact) while rock pros were nowhere to be seen (they made up 3.8% of the jury to be exact). To be fair, people weren’t only pissed for Finland, they were pissed for other entries that seemingly ticked all the boxes for the juries just to get a minimal result because Sweden vacuumed all the points like it was time for spring cleaning. (I feel like I must mention that a lot of televote magnet entries also flopped hard because Finland suckled up most of the televote points leaving the rest to fight for scraps.)
With the televote results also came a peculiar detail that kicked the drama between Sweden and Finland to a whole new sphere. Turns out, every country gave Sweden televote points, except one. Yep, you guessed it. Finland blanked Sweden, while Sweden’s televote gave Finland the full 12 points. (Finnish and Swedish juries gave each other 12 points.)
This was seen as unsportsmanlike and the Swedish media latched onto it. Think pieces started coming out. One infamous Swedish Eurovision podcast episode hosted by a Swedish newspaper consisted mostly of ranting about how Finland is a "country of idiots", how it's impossible Finns could genuinely have thought 10 other songs were better than Tattoo and how it was a testament to their lack of taste that they voted for Germany and not Sweden (Germany came in last, Finland was one of the only countries to give them points. Germany sent a metal entry so I’m not sure why this was a surprise, Finns LOVE metal).
Swedish newspapers also widely reported that the Finnish Eurovision commentator had told Finns not to vote for Sweden, furthermore adding fuel to the fire. This seems to mostly be lost in translation/a cultural miscommunication, the commentator in question read a joke out loud from the stream chat that essentially said “you’re allowed to vote tactically but not for your own country”, joking about the general elections held in Finland just months prior, where a lot of people voted tactically for the largest left-wing party to prevent the largest right-wing party from taking over. It didn’t work but "vote tactically" became a nation wide meme. Said commentator also simultaneously came under fire by Finns for stanning Loreen too much during his commentary. Man just can't win lmao
One Swedish newspaper article evoked strong backlash in Finland by referring to Finland as “östra rikshalvan” (“Eastern part of the Kingdom”, roughly translated) which was the term used for Finland when it still belonged to Sweden. Many Finns saw it as colonialist and like Sweden was implying they were entitled to their former vassal using their money to give them points. However, it’s difficult to deny this lack of points likely was tactical from Finland, given how they’ve given Sweden points every other year except this one. The Finnish media also did broadcast heavily that Loreen's win depends on the amount of televotes she gets compared to Käärijä, so it's not far-fetched at all that Finns were aware of it and voted for something else.
Finnish press wasn’t silent either. A widely publicized clip from a gossip radio show hosted by the teen targeted state-owned radio station Yle X3M heavily criticized Loreen’s entry, calling it “shit” and making a tasteless joke implying Loreen was on drugs the whole night thanks to her somewhat ethereal demeanour. One of the hosts also seemed convinced the results were rigged. Newspapers also eagerly reported about the plagiarism allegations against Tattoo, even if they never went as far as suggesting there’s any merit to them.
Perhaps the saddest part of this is the contestants themselves. Loreen and Käärijä both have consistently praised each other. They reportedly get along great and there are numerous clips of them hugging, laughing and joking around. Despite taking the loss heavily, Käärijä congratulated Loreen and emphasized he loves her and wishes her all the best from the very first interview he gave after his loss. (He did however say he feels like the jury system might need a reform.) Likewise, Loreen said in an interview that she wasn’t bothered by the crowd chanting Cha Cha Cha because she thinks Käärijä is awesome and authentic.
They’re still in contact and are planning to meet up for coffee when Loreen’s next in Helsinki. The abuse Loreen herself received reached downright disgusting proportions, crossing from general trashing to misogynistic and even racist territory (because of her Moroccan heritage). It got to a point where Käärijä had to address it on Finnish morning TV, emphasizing that the results are not her fault and that he feels horrible for her when people insult her because he knows her and knows she’s a lovely person. By all accounts, there’s no bad blood between them (or any contestants for that matter, this year was remarkably cordial).
So, where are we now? People have mostly calmed down (mostly) and accepted the results. Many still push for a jury reform, demanding larger juries with more diversity and knowledge of non-mainstream genres, a shift to a 60/40 voting split in favour of the televote, and many other things too numerous to list here. EBU has not addressed the controversy in any shape or form (and they likely won't), and we’ll likely have to wait until next year to find out if the jury system will be overhauled. Loreen and Käärijä fans are still bickering amongst each other but the general public seems to have moved on. Loreen is currently enjoying very good streaming numbers and chart placements across the world, and a record number of Eurovision entries are charting. Käärijä isn't doing half-bad either, being greeted by an airport full of supportive Finns upon his return and having skyrocketed to undeniable legendary status in the Finnish music scene.
Here’s to hoping Käärijä’s invited to perform at Eurovision 2024 as an interval act and regardless of jury reform (or lack thereof) people can bury this hatchet and Nordic unity can blossom once again. (Nordics get along great... Until one loses a competition to another, then it means war.)

Disclaimer: This is an old post. I wrote it in March but it was never approved until now.
In preparation for Eras' opening night, I went back and watched every previous tour in full, either the official DVDs, or other full filmed versions if the DVD was unavailable or incomplete. Then I tried to rank all the performances.
This is not a ranking of the song itself but rather the presentation, staging, originality, etc. Surprise songs from the same tour will all count as one. Would love to know your favorites, and how you think Eras stacks up!
91. Speak Now World Tour – Fearless / Hey, Soul Sister / I'm Yours
The start of this tour's acoustic set, where she sat under a tree, strumming the ukulele. Points for the outfit, but I think this was an inferior arrangement of this particular song.
90. Red Tour – Treacherous
Weird choices were made here. Why was she wearing a tutu and dancing ballet for one of her most serious, adult songs? Why was this the main set closer? I think this would have worked better during the acoustic set, then she could close with Everything Has Changed or something. Still hard to complain about the song itself, though. The fog machines suited it.
89. Fearless Tour – Our Song
Cute, but she mostly just stood in one place and there was some awkward butt shaking in the middle.
88. Fearless Tour – White Horse
Part of the acoustic set. It followed Tim McGraw, but I think two songs that slow wasn't a good pacing choice and this one just doesn't fill an arena the way Tim McGraw does.
87. Red Tour – Stay Stay Stay / Ho Hey
I'm surprised this was part of the set. She did it basically how you'd expect, bopping around, kinda campy. I like how she had a moment goofing around with Amos.
86. Red Tour – Holy Ground
This song is made for a stadium setting, but I really think she should have been playing the guitar during it, or somehow done more. The way it was, it just sounded like noise. The dancers dressed like sirens did liven it up, but were also kinda cartoony.
85. 1989 World Tour – I Wish You Would
Basically the same performance she already did like three times before in the show. The real MVP was that one dancer in the back who did a flip off the chin-up bar.
84. Fearless Tour – Teardrops On My Guitar
I like how they turned the big screens into bookshelves, to continue the imagery of both high school and fairy tales. However, the singing didn't sound great here.
83. Speak Now World Tour – Fifteen
Sounded fuller than the Fearless tour version, but I think the giant princess gown didn't really suit the song. (Some shows also had her performing Ours in this spot.)
82. Fearless Tour – Fifteen
The first more intimate performance in this tour. She was seated and you can tell from the look in her eyes that the song made her feel nostalgic. Some videos of this have a teal dress and some have yellow; I prefer the teal.
81. Speak Now World Tour – Surprise Covers
A variety of covers on the guitar, during her acoustic set. She showed her versatility here as she did everything from classics to modern hits.
80. Fearless Tour – Hey Stephen
The one where she snuck around the hallways and popped out on the other side of the stadium. Great for the nosebleeds.
79. Red Tour – State Of Grace
She started off behind a red curtain, her silhouette singing the opening lines. (Unfortunately, the videos I watched had her struggling a lot with her earpiece and singing totally off-key for the first verse, but I know that wouldn't have happened every night.) A decent rock banger to open the show, if a little repetitive.
78. Red Tour – I Almost Do
The first of this tour's acoustic performances on the B stage. Nothing terrible but nothing remarkable either. It was about the lyrics and emotions, not the theatrics.
77. Red Tour – Begin Again
Staged the same way as I Almost Do, which was an appropriate way to do this song, but I can't help but think it would have worked better closer to the end.
76. 1989 World Tour – Bad Blood
It was fine, but by this point in the concert, I'm tired of the same kind of performance again.
75. Fearless Tour – Tell Me Why
Typical energetic angry Tay performance. She made some weird movements but that silver dress was everything.
74. Speak Now World Tour – The Story Of Us
Similar to Tell Me Why above from the previous tour.
73. Speak Now World Tour – Last Kiss
This version was a tad faster than the studio version, and the vocal delivery wasn't quite as sad; the sighs and the faint quiver in her voice that people love so much weren't really there. Still a nice rendition. The crowd was sobbing.
72. 1989 World Tour – Love Story
A nice synth arrangement that wisely went in a different direction than the older tours. By this point, both she and the audience had outgrown the princess gowns. However, I was kinda waiting for something more to happen, like fireworks or something.
71. Fearless Tour (2009 only) – Change
A faithful adaptation of this song, and a good choice for the main set closer.
70. 1989 World Tour – Welcome To New York
That was a lot of dancers! A decent opener, flashy and just '80s enough.
69. Red Tour – You Belong With Me
A sort of girl group throwback, with Taylor and the backup singers in matching red dresses and gloves. It was OK, and a good choice to perform one of her smash hits years later, but quite removed from the teenage angst this song came from.
68. 1989 World Tour – New Romantics
Similar to Welcome To New York which preceded it, this one worked early in the set almost as well as it works to close the deluxe album. Love her blue eyeshadow.
67. Speak Now World Tour – Mine
Pretty straightforward, but the red guitar is a nice touch. (Was she already dropping hints at Red?)
66. Red Tour – Sparks Fly
On a hanging platform that slowly moved around the arena, while the screens in back showed actual sparks. It was cool, but I'm not sure it was the best idea to limit her movement for arguably the loudest, most energetic song in her catalog at the time.
65. 1989 World Tour – I Knew You Were Trouble
The rock version. A bit slow and heavy but I appreciate her doing something new with the song.
64. 1989 World Tour – This Love
Could have been part of the acoustic set, but instead she upped the electronic and bass sounds and added fireworks. A nice breather before the last few songs.
63. Reputation Stadium Tour – End Game
Solid, but didn't stand out among the shenanigans of the other songs early in the show.
62. Red Tour – Everything Has Changed (with Ed Sheeran)
This one had a laid back feel that matches the song, but the raised platform and fans waving their lights gave it a little something extra. Ed sounded great. I kinda respect that he made no attempt to dress to the aesthetic.
61. Fearless Tour (2009 only) – I'm Only Me When I'm With You (with Kellie Pickler and Gloriana)
A very energetic country number with all the opening performers, the first of a two-song finale.
60. Speak Now World Tour – Surprise Guest Songs
She didn't have one at every show of this tour, but they were all pretty fun, with a mix of genres. The crowd, of course, loved them. It's really amazing to see how many friendships and connections she made in the industry, even early on.
59. Red Tour – Surprise Guest Songs
See above. Every one of these videos I found, Taylor had a different outfit, which is impressive.
58. Speak Now World Tour – You Belong With Me
She walked from the B stage back to the main stage, hugging and shaking hands with fans along the way. It's clear from including this song that, though Speak Now was a more adult album than Fearless, she knew most of her fans were still teenagers and still needed these songs about high school.
57. Fearless Tour – You Belong With Me
Her vocals weren't strong in the clips that I watched, but the costume was iconic.
56. Fearless Tour – The Way I Loved You
Sometimes done in the silveblack dress and sometimes in the purple. The way she moved between the two halves of the stage was pretty on-the-nose for the song, but I love how she featured Grant the guitarist. Hair Force One for the win! Also, it was a crime that they left this off the Journey to Fearless DVD.
55. Red Tour – The Lucky One
Taylor was dressed like a retro Hollywood starlet, and the dancers were paparazzi with cameras or screaming fans. A very literal presentation of this song which probably helped it stick in people's minds more.
54. Reputation Stadium Tour – Style / Love Story / You Belong With Me
I think Style was a weird choice to mash up with these two songs, but it worked well enough as a showcase for the band, many of whom had been with her over a decade by this point.
53. 1989 World Tour – Blank Space
She said her goal here was to recreate the music video, but I'm not sure this really conveyed the message of the song; she should have interacted with the dancers more to achieve that effect. Still a very entertaining performance, though.
52. 1989 World Tour – All You Had To Do Was Stay
The cherry on top: columns of blue smoke shot out every time the distorted voice squeaked "stay!" Not sure what was up with that chair, though.
51. Red Tour – 22
A big party, just as this song should be. I'm sure that, when seeing it live, the energy would have been off the charts. The choreography was impressive, more than we usually see from her.
50. Fearless Tour – Picture To Burn
The screens were on fire, so it's exactly how you'd expect her to stage this song. The guitar slayed.
49. Reputation Stadium Tour – Blank Space
I think the red bodysuit, gyrating choreography, and multiple Taylors on the back screen actually better conveyed the "character" she's playing in the song. Like she's this femme fatale with multiple personalities.
48. 1989 World Tour – Clean
Now here's a song that could have used some fake rain, somehow. Even so, the images on the big screen were quite lovely.
47. Speak Now World Tour – Mean
I think it was a good choice to keep this one simple. Just that porch-shaped mini stage with her band beside her. The song itself is a whole mood, so it didn't need a lot of theatrics.
46. Red Tour – Mean
Basically the same as the Speak Now performance, just with a different outfit and shaped stage.
45. Reputation Stadium Tour – Call It What You Want
Not as big a song as most of this album, but a nice warm moment before the crazy finale. I do dig the purple dress, and how the dancer she danced with was a redhead (not unlike a certain British actor).
44. Fearless Tour – Tim McGraw
Making this slow dance into exactly what it was meant to be: a swaying sing-along, everyone's phones or lighters in the air. She walked through the crowd to hug the fans.
43. Speak Now World Tour – Dear John
For the first couple verses, she just sat on the arch/bridge thing, and I kinda wondered if anything else was going to happen. Then I said "holy shit!" as the fireworks exploded up everywhere. We know she may never perform this one again, so I have serious FOMO that I did not see this show back then.
42. Speak Now World Tour – Speak Now
First time she wore the distinct purple Speak Now dress, possibly the outfit of the era. The crowd were singing along like crazy. The scenery definitely brought the song to life even if it normally isn't the most energetic from the era. She walked through the crowd shaking hands while the wedding guests tossed the bouquet around, wearing the most late 2000s/early 2010s party dresses imaginable.
41. Fearless Tour – Forever & Always
Boy was she pissed at a certain Jonas back then. Red dress, red microphone, red couch, red text on the back screen saying "They shouldn't do bad things." The notes in head voice sound kinda weak, but she nailed the high note with the microphone lean. Insane stumbling down the stairs and throwing herself all over the stage. Very extra.
40. Speak Now World Tour – Better Than Revenge
Reminiscent of the Forever & Always performance, but her vocals were better here. Grant and Paul got a guitar solo (or duet, I guess).
39. Reputation Stadium Tour – Getaway Car
Sonically, all but identical to the studio version. The "Why She Disappeared" poem beforehand and the desert visuals onscreen complemented it and helped turn it into more of a story.
38. Reputation Stadium Tour – King Of My Heart
The huge drums were a great touch. You can see how happy she was, which didn't always come across with just a superficial listen to the Rep album tracks.
37. Fearless Tour – Fearless
One of my favorite songs sounded even better live. Her smile, stomping and spinning around, totally captured the spirit of the song. Bonus points for adding in the name of the city each night.
36. Fearless Tour – You're Not Sorry / What Goes Around…Comes Around
First appearance of the piano head flip. These two songs worked decently mashed up, but I wonder how it would have been if she stayed at the piano the whole time.
35. 1989 World Tour – I Know Places
The moving doors were pretty cool.
34. 1989 World Tour – Surprise Songs
The raised walkway and whole stadium lit up blue was an excellent way to do the acoustic set. Props to her for not sitting down the way she did on the other tours, that had to take stamina. (In my heart, the sing-along of You Are In Love from the DVD is the "canon" performance here because it was part of the album.)
33. 1989 World Tour – Style
Probably the most effective use of the catwalk, given how it perfectly fit the lyrics. The dancers were brave for roller skating on it.
32. Reputation Stadium Tour – Bad Blood / Should've Said No
Another snake, this time a skeletal one transporting her to the upper stage. These songs worked very well mashed up; just listen how the crowd went nuts at that first banjo lick.
31. Reputation Stadium Tour – Dress
Another huge improvement from the studio version. It wasn't as high pitched, therefore more listenable. The sheets waving around everywhere were a nice subtle way to remind us what this song was about, in case people were too distracted by the pretty lights and synths to listen to the lyrics.
30. 1989 World Tour – Enchanted / Wildest Dreams
By this point, the piano mash-ups while wearing a long gown were getting kind of predictable. However, this was a great choice of mash-up and I dig whatever shape that piano was supposed to be.
29. Speak Now World Tour – Long Live
Another song that's tailor-made for a stadium just the way it is. The sparkly silver guitar was perfect.
28. Red Tour – Red
Now this is how you do a rock number. She had the sparkly red guitar and the dancers were waving giant red sheets all around.
27. Fearless Tour – Love Story
Once again, iconic. Ball gowns twirling until she changed into a white wedding dress, which def looked more like a prom dress. The backgrounds on the screen were low-res by today's standards, but this is what a lot of people still think of when they think of Taylor Swift.
26. Red Tour – Love Story
Similar to the Fearless tour version, with different costumes. The vocals weren't good in the video I watched, but we know she can do it. I especially like the moment where she grabbed her dance partner and ran across the stage with him – "escape this town for a little while."
25. Reputation Stadium Tour – Gorgeous
Classy move to use this song to introduce the dancers and backup singers. Also those cats in the Netflix recording – were they on the screens at the actual tour?!
24. Reputation Stadium Tour – Delicate
Finally bringing some color, as well as this era's version of the floating cage. The song is more romantic than what came before, but the gold tendrils wrapping around were still reminiscent of snakes.
23. Reputation Stadium Tour – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together / This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
An all-out romp to close the show.
22. Reputation Stadium Tour – Surprise Songs
Your feelings about this will probably depend on the individual song, especially if you saw the tour live. The videos I've seen were all great, showcasing how her vocals and guitar skills improve with every tour. Also, probably the last time we'll ever hear the 5-minute ATW live.
21. 1989 World Tour – Shake It Off
Basically the only way to do this song. I dig the royal blue.
20. Speak Now World Tour – Our Song
A definite improvement from the Fearless tour version. The prairie dress, the braid, dueting with Caitlin the fiddle player, and much more movement around the stage.
19. Speak Now World Tour – Sparks Fly
DROP EVERYTHING NOW! Excellent choice to start with this instead of Mine. The dress legit looked like it's sewn out of fireworks.
18. Red Tour – All Too Well
No frills, just Taylor at a red piano and this magnificent song swelling until it filled the whole arena. Her voice was quite raw and emotional here.
17. 1989 World Tour – Surprise Guest Songs
A major feature of this tour, done at every show.
16. Reputation Stadium Tour – Shake It Off (with Charli XCX and Camila Cabello)
As well done as the 1989 Tour version was, this one was a step up. I love the snakes bopping around. The message of this song worked just as well with the themes of Rep.
15. Reputation Stadium Tour – Dancing With Our Hands Tied
(Or So It Goes, in some performances.) Arguably the finest of all her acoustic sets. Beautiful stripped-down renditions of songs that I overlooked at first on the album. Some people say DWOHT is her most romantic song, and you can see why here. I also love the green get-up, which was still reminiscent of the snake motif but had its own flavor.
14. 1989 World Tour – Out Of the Woods
The forceful yet stuttering choreography really served the anxious nature of the song. The paper airplanes whizzing back and forth were a nice touch. Also the perfect spot in the show to put it – very climactic.
13. Red Tour – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
The finale where she brought the whole damn circus, literally. Sing it, clowns.
12. Reputation Stadium Tour – …Ready For It?
The old Taylor was dead.
11. Speak Now World Tour – Enchanted
They nailed the costume and the scenery yet again. She sang it better here than on the studio recording.
10. Speak Now World Tour – Haunted
Excellent transition here, as the Enchanted forest turned dark blue and the giant bell appeared. Speaking of the bell, her smacking it (but not really) may be the most dramatic thing to happen in any Taylor Swift live performance. Her dress was even tattered at the bottom. I'm here for all of it.
9. 1989 World Tour – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
When Taylor became the rock goddess we always knew she was.
8. Speak Now World Tour – Back To December / Apologize
Beautiful presentation of this song. Full string orchestra here (I think?). Really leaned into the winter imagery with the light blue gown, white piano, and snowflakes falling in the background.
8. Reputation Stadium Tour – Don't Blame Me
She swore she doesn't love the drama, but this performance would suggest otherwise.
7. Reputation Stadium Tour – I Did Something Bad
A strong performance with lots of pyro, but it really elevated at the bridge, where the dancers lifted Taylor up and she leaned back into the pillar of fire on the screen. "Light me up," indeed.
6. Speak Now World Tour – Love Story
An improvement over the Fearless version in every respect. She swooped over the crowd on a floating balcony, while pairs of dancers in period dress spun on trapezes hanging from the ceiling.
5. Fearless Tour – Should've Said No
THE RAIN MACHINE! With the words in it! I think this spoke for itself. She literally killed it.
4. 1989 World Tour – How You Get the Girl
Another rain performance, but this time with neon umbrellas and a unique glow-in-the-dark bubblegum dress. She didn't need to do all this for such a deep cut, but she did. Underrated.
3. Reputation Stadium Tour – Look What You Made Me Do
The superior version of this song (addendum: until Eras, that is.) The black-and-gold snake robe, the "tilted stage," and of course Karyn the massive inflatable snake. Helped many people appreciate and understand what was once a very polarizing song, myself included.
2. Reputation Stadium Tour – Long Live / New Year's Day
A gorgeous piano mash-up that went right to the heart. In my opinion, Long Live belongs on every tour, and the line "hold on to spinning around" flowed perfectly into "hold onto the memories." Beyond that, this was the moment that freed her from the bad-girl big-reputation persona she had presented for most of the show. It was human and vulnerable. Just look at the joy on her face as she gazed out at the audience. We stan a queen.
1. Red Tour – I Knew You Were Trouble
Perhaps not as iconic as the circus number, but sure as hell should be. Started with the fiddle player going absolutely insane, on a sparkly red fiddle no less! Followed by Taylor and all the dancers acting out some sort of masquerade ball, eventually tearing off her poofy white gown to reveal a sexy black and gold romper. An electrifying dubstep Phantom of the Opera.
Thank you for reading all this!

Probably the last critical event in bringing Adolf Hitler to absolute power, was the Reichstag Fire of 1933. It was almost certainly the work of a lone, Dutch, lapsed communist agitator -- Marinus van der Lubbe. It was attributed to the Nazis themselves by the Left, and most of the world, and to an organized attempt at overthrowing the government by the German communists, backed by the Soviet Union, in the Nazi controlled media. In any case, the Nazis took full advantage of this incident to cement their power, and to fully install a total Nazi dictatorship under the absolute power of Adolf Hitler, by a series of brilliant political maneuvers over the next year or so.
​
Actually, the Nazis had been having rather a difficult time of actually taking over Germany, up until this point. The Beer Hall Putsch, in 1923, had been a disastrous failure, despite the horrific hyperinflation in Germany, at the time. Although it might well have led to the takeover of Bavaria, in any case, there had been virtually no possibility of a successful takeover of Germany as a whole, and a mere Nazi dictatorship in Bavaria alone would likely have been a dead end for Hitler, and would have led to the breakup of Germany. Following the failed Beer Hall Putsch, some clever financial manipulations by the German government in Berlin effectively ended hyperinflation, and led to years of prosperity in Germany as a whole. As a result, the Nazis had no leverage, and only attracted moderate levels of support. it was only with the Great Depression that the Nazis finally obtained enough support to look credible as a governing party, because of massive unemployment and public destitution, particularly with the election of July 1932:
​
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/July_1932_German_federal_election
​
However, neither the population as a whole, nor President Hindenburg, particularly trusted the Nazis to run the government. Quite rightly, they saw Hitler as an unpredictable, and a potentially very dangerous man. Really, Hitler's long term agenda had always been something of a throwback to the Mongols, Tamerlane the Great, the Roman Republic, and the Greek City States -- pillage your neighbors to acquire wealth, through military conquest. This particular agenda still is rather attractive to American "conservatives" on the far right, and many of them still credit Adolf Hitler with having "saved" the world from "socialism" by initiating World War II. They see chronic warfare as preferable to centralized social control. Arguably, on an overpopulated planet, we may only have the choice between one, or the other, I suppose. Of course, we always have the option of simply reducing population by adequate birth control, but, that's just me, I suppose.
​
So, despite the Nazis' increased popularity, it was impossible for them, or anyone else, to form a government. In the resulting election of November 1932, the Nazis actually lost some support, and some seats in the Reichstag:
​
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_1932_German_federal_election
​
However, by this time, it was clear that it would be necessary to accommodate Hitler's ambitions to achieve some level of political stability. It was assumed that as Chancellor of a coalition, fully dependent on non-Nazi party members to run the government, and with the limitations imposed by the Weimar Republic constitution, which could only be overthrown by a 2/3 vote in the Reichstag, Hitler would be forced to be "reasonable".
​
All this changed with the Reichstag Fire, just four weeks after Hitler became Chancellor. Hitler used his oratory and his army of Brownshirts to intimidate and control and electorate, the media, and the wealthy, on the basis of the presumed "communist revolution". He acquired great wealth to invest in the coming election from the rich, he achieved restrictions on media access to the other political parties, he terrorized the opposition, and he replaced opposition supporters at all levels of government with Nazis. As a result, the Nazis did do quite well in the elections of March 1933:
​
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_1933_German_federal_election
​
However, they still didn't have an absolute majority in the Reichstag, so they still had to work with a limited coalition. However, by intimidation and manipulation, they were now able to terrorize a sufficient number of opposition members of the Reichstag to vote for the abolition of the Weimar Constitution, the 2/3 majority was achieved, and Germany became a dictatorship under Adolf Hitler.
​
So, what happens if their is no Reichstag Fire?
​
I would say that Hitler is forced to try to muddle along in a coalition government and work effectively with socialists and communists. And, despite all his oratory and all his Brownshirts, he really won't be able to do it. If Hitler himself tries to arrange an incident like the Reichstag fire, the German police will call him on it, and he will be removed from power, and imprisoned. If he doesn't, his government will fail, and his entire Nazi movement will become a laughingstock. Germany will use social democratic means to stabilize the economy, as was currently the case in Britain, France and the U.S., and there probably won't be any World War II, at all.
​
In other words, it took a very unusual incident from a lone agitator, to ever bring a madman like Hitler to power, in the first place.

A milestone birthday for my husband is coming up this year, so we decided to go to Montreal for a long weekend and see the show at Place Bell on July 15th. My husband is at a new job and we weren’t sure if we’d be able to get off work, so we held off on getting tickets, but now that that is set, we need to get them. We are getting old 😂 and prefer not to do GA for arena shows these days. I’ve never been to this venue (actually, it’s our first trip to Montreal), and I have seen one seating chart on the Ticketmaster site, and another on other ticketing sites. The one on Ticketmaster shows the stage parallel to sections 102 and 108, with those sections and the ones behind it closed. The closest side sections to the stage for viewing the concert are 101 and 109. Other sites show the stage more toward the middle of the arena, parallel to 101 and 109, and I’m worried if I get seats in those sections, we won’t be able to see as well as it will be of the side and back of the stage with equipment, etc.
We’ve been fans of Radiohead since the mid-90s and have followed and loved the members’ other projects through the years. Really loving The Smile! This will shockingly be our first time seeing any of them, so we want to make extra sure we can see and hear well. Oh, also, my husband has nerve damage in his right ear and has hearing loss in that ear, so we were thinking of Section 101 or 116.
Here is the Ticketmaster seating chart:
https://www.ticketmaster.ca/the-smile-laval-quebec-07-15-2023/event/31005E3AEB5D46A1
And here is one from Stubhub, though I have seen the same configuration on other ticketing sites, as well:
https://www.stubhub.com/the-smile-laval-tickets-7-15-2023/event/151432217/
Should I just go with the Ticketmaster layout and hope for the best?
Thanks!

Probably the last critical event in bringing Adolf Hitler to absolute power, was the Reichstag Fire of 1933. It was almost certainly the work of a lone, Dutch, lapsed communist agitator -- Marinus van der Lubbe. It was attributed to the Nazis themselves by the Left, and most of the world, and to an organized attempt at overthrowing the government by the German communists, backed by the Soviet Union, in the Nazi controlled media. In any case, the Nazis took full advantage of this incident to cement their power, and to fully install a total Nazi dictatorship under the absolute power of Adolf Hitler, by a series of brilliant political maneuvers over the next year or so.
Actually, the Nazis had been having rather a difficult time of actually taking over Germany, up until this point. The Beer Hall Putsch, in 1923, had been a disastrous failure, despite the horrific hyperinflation in Germany, at the time. Although it might well have led to the takeover of Bavaria, in any case, there had been virtually no possibility of a successful takeover of Germany as a whole, and a mere Nazi dictatorship in Bavaria alone would likely have been a dead end for Hitler, and would have led to the breakup of Germany. Following the failed Beer Hall Putsch, some clever financial manipulations by the German government in Berlin effectively ended hyperinflation, and led to years of prosperity in Germany as a whole. As a result, the Nazis had no leverage, and only attracted moderate levels of support. it was only with the Great Depression that the Nazis finally obtained enough support to look credible as a governing party, because of massive unemployment and public destitution, particularly with the election of July 1932:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/July\_1932\_German\_federal\_election
However, neither the population as a whole, nor President Hindenburg, particularly trusted the Nazis to run the government. Quite rightly, they saw Hitler as an unpredictable, and a potentially very dangerous man. Really, Hitler's long term agenda had always been something of a throwback to the Mongols, Tamerlane the Great, the Roman Republic, and the Greek City States -- pillage your neighbors to acquire wealth, through military conquest. This particular agenda still is rather attractive to American "conservatives" on the far right, and many of them still credit Adolf Hitler with having "saved" the world from "socialism" by initiating World War II. They see chronic warfare as preferable to centralized social control. Arguably, on an overpopulated planet, we may only have the choice between one, or the other, I suppose. Of course, we always have the option of simply reducing population by adequate birth control, but, that's just me, I suppose.
So, despite the Nazis' increased popularity, it was impossible for them, or anyone else, to form a government. In the resulting election of November 1932, the Nazis actually lost some support, and some seats in the Reichstag:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November\_1932\_German\_federal\_election
However, by this time, it was clear that it would be necessary to accommodate Hitler's ambitions to achieve some level of political stability. It was assumed that as Chancellor of a coalition, fully dependent on non-Nazi party members to run the government, and with the limitations imposed by the Weimar Republic constitution, which could only be overthrown by a 2/3 vote in the Reichstag, Hitler would be forced to be "reasonable".
All this changed with the Reichstag Fire, just four weeks after Hitler became Chancellor. Hitler used his oratory and his army of Brownshirts to intimidate and control and electorate, the media, and the wealthy, on the basis of the presumed "communist revolution". He acquired great wealth to invest in the coming election from the rich, he achieved restrictions on media access to the other political parties, he terrorized the opposition, and he replaced opposition supporters at all levels of government with Nazis. As a result, the Nazis did do quite well in the elections of March 1933:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March\_1933\_German\_federal\_election
However, they still didn't have an absolute majority in the Reichstag, so they still had to work with a limited coalition. However, by intimidation and manipulation, they were now able to terrorize a sufficient number of opposition members of the Reichstag to vote for the abolition of the Weimar Constitution, the 2/3 majority was achieved, and Germany became a dictatorship under Adolf Hitler.
So, what happens if their is no Reichstag Fire?
I would say that Hitler is forced to try to muddle along in a coalition government and work effectively with socialists and communists. And, despite all his oratory and all his Brownshirts, he really won't be able to do it. If Hitler himself tries to arrange an incident like the Reichstag fire, the German police will call him on it, and he will be removed from power, and imprisoned. If he doesn't, his government will fail, and his entire Nazi movement will become a laughingstock. Germany will use social democratic means to stabilize the economy, as was currently the case in Britain, France and the U.S., and there probably won't be any World War II, at all.
In other words, it took a very unusual incident from a lone agitator, to ever bring a madman like Hitler to power, in the first place.

Interested in becoming a VR caster?
Join Our Team as a VR Esports Caster! Are you passionate about VR gaming and esports? Do you have a knack for providing engaging commentary and keeping audiences on the edge of their seats? If so, we have an exciting opportunity for you to become a part of our VR esports league as a caster! About Us: We are a up and coming VR esports league, dedicated to showcasing the thrilling world of virtual reality gaming. Our league brings together talented players, cutting-edge technology, and an enthusiastic community of gaming enthusiasts. Role Description: As a caster for our VR esports league, you will play a vital role in delivering an immersive and exciting experience for our viewers. Your responsibilities will include: Providing live commentary and analysis during VR esports matches, capturing the intensity and excitement of the gameplay. Engaging and entertaining the audience with your in-depth knowledge of VR gaming, esports strategies, and player dynamics. Collaborating with fellow casters to create a dynamic and engaging broadcasting experience. Staying up-to-date with the latest VR technologies, game updates, and esports trends. (edited)
Contact Information: To apply or inquire further about the position, please reach out to us, Via discord. At Icarus#9301 or https://discord.gg/yVanQkcQ
Join us in revolutionizing the world of VR esports and bringing the exhilaration of virtual reality gaming to audiences worldwide!

Please use this thread for all ticket sales, giveaways, trades, or requests. This post is scheduled to be posted every Monday at 5pm Pacific. This is the only ticket thread for the week, all others will be removed.
As always, please read the rules and use discretion when posting. SoundersFC and its Moderators are not responsible for damages that might occur as a result of these weekly posts.
BE AWARE OF SCAMS. Use good judgment. Please update your comment when you have completed what you need, but don't delete.
Commercial ticket marketplaces: StubHub - Ticketmaster - SeatGeek - Epic Seats - Vivid Seats - Gametime
Seating Chart and Virtual Seat Viewer Attending A Match wiki page
Important Note: Automoderator will remove any posts with emails or phone numbers in them. Please do not post personal information here. If you are selling or buying a ticket, use private messages. This is for your protection. Thank you.

We have done it. The end of another school year! Before we jump into this last set of stories, remember to subscribe to ReddX, home of the best cringe content on YouTube. Promise, swearsies, it’s just a fact and it’s totally science. Go ahead and look it up!
I miss that intro a lot so I figured I’d just write it in. I waited until after graduation to post this because, with ManiBeard at graduation, I figured anything could happen. And it did. And with that, let’s jump into this last set of beardy tales (for this school year). Let’s a-go.

1. “No Place Like Home (Campus)”

I was in a pretty good mood because I found out that district was ticked off at admin for considering moving my Cave to a different room next year and because they keep using my Cave as ‘backup’ for state testing. Evidently, the district was unaware this was happening but after I had complained to Cook about the extent of it she went to the district and, well, I’m keeping my Cave next year right where it is, and testing use will be limited. I won without lifting a finger. Sometimes bureaucracy works. Not often, but it’s beautiful when it does.
Of course, that good mood was not to last…
On this day I had a meeting with all the other Graphic Design teachers at another campus. We will call it Clique High School (because ‘cult’ may or may not be YouTube-friendly).
The first thing you need to know is I have a history with CHS. Remember, all the way back in chapter 1 where I mention I was a substitute teacher at Standard High before they hired me as a teacher? Well, there was one part I left out because it was irrelevant to that story, but it becomes relevant here. It is true I did sub at SHS, but the part I left out was that for half of the 2020-2021 school year (Covid year), I was a long-term sub at another campus and that campus was Clique High School. To say it was a poor experience would be underselling it immensely. You could say that Elon Musk is well off but that doesn’t really express the massive mounds of money that malevolent menace truly had. Likewise, saying I had a poor experience at CHS doesn’t really express the absolutely traumatizing, terrible, troublesome experience that my life there. It got so bad that I would leave work, cry the entire 30-minute drive to SHS, pick up Beatle, and make him drive the rest of the way home because my eyes were sore from crying.
What did I do at CHS? Well, I was a long-term sub in ESL. That’s where I got my start with it. When I walked in at the start of that year I’d never had a high school classroom before, I had no lesson plans, limited access to the curriculum since I was a sub, and I was teaching virtually because Covid…and what did I do? I build a curriculum, bonded with my class, and wrote my own lesson plans (even though subs generally don’t write plans). Basically, I rebuilt their ESL program. I did apply for the job. After all, I was already doing all of the work for substitute pay. I may as well get teacher pay for being a teacher. Right? Wrong.
They did interview me for the job but then proceeded to yank me around for half a semester before finally saying they were going to hire someone else. Who? No idea. But not me. But they wanted me to continue to long-term sub and do what I was doing until they found someone. Honestly, when I didn’t get the job part of me was pissed because of all the work I put in, but part of me was relieved. You see, the culture at CHS isn’t like the culture at SHS. Their principal, whom we will call Mr. D (for reasons that will soon be clear), had been named the district’s principal of the year and his staff completely fawned over him…a staff mostly comprised of women. The male-to-female ratio at CHS was considerably more unbalanced than at SHS. What struck me as odd was that Mr. D did not seem to warrant such admiration. During my interactions with him, I got slimy car salesman vibes more than high school principal. I would come to find out that this went deeper than I knew.
Remember AVIDBeard? Yeah, to her credit she was the one that warned me. Mostly I think she saw a chance to gossip, but nonetheless. I was visiting SHS and telling the English dept. how much I missed subbing for them (they actually liked me at this time…this was long before EnglishBeard even worked there so certainly before that whole thing made me a pariah). They missed me too. Although honestly, they missed having a sub at their becken call. Let’s be real. Anyway, AVIDBeard was all too happy to jump in with gossip.
“Be careful over there Mandy,” AVIDBeard said.
“Why? What do you know?” I asked.
“I had a training over there once and this teacher that works there started freaking out because the instructor, who was also a teacher there, was late. She started to have an anxiety attack and when I asked her what was wrong she said ‘Daddy isn’t going to like this’,” AVIDBeard explained.
“What?!” everyone in the room asked at once.
AVIDBeard nodded, “I know! So I asked her, ‘you call your principal Daddy?’ and she said ‘of course.’.”
I raised an eyebrow. I was skeptical, to say the least. Even then I knew AVIDBeard was not a reliable source. But, on the off chance she was telling the truth I had to know. CHS wasn’t exactly full of friendly teachers. In fact, where everyone at SHS had been welcoming, it had been the very opposite at CHS. They treated me like an outsider they were skeptical of. I had managed to at least have somewhat of a dialogue with the librarian. She helped me to ensure that my ESL students had books in their native languages to read during the pandemic. I went to her one day to ask about scheduling some book pick-ups for the students (this was when teachers were on-campus but students were virtual).
“Hey, can I ask you something?” I asked after we had figured out scheduling.
“Sure, what’s up?” she asked.
“OK, so it’s dumb, but someone told me you guys call Mr. D ‘daddy’. Silly, right?” I said with a laugh.
She just blinked, “Who told you that?”
Her reaction caught me off guard. She wasn’t laughing. My eyes widened, “Um, I don’t remember, it just got mentioned in passing.”
“Don’t ask anyone else that question…just…don’t even mention it,” she said.
I blinked. I wanted out of this conversation, “OK, I won’t. I’ll just forget I ever heard about it.”
She nodded and turned away, “I have work to do. If you need more books let me know.”
I rushed back to my classroom. After that, the librarian was very cold toward me.
To this day I honestly believe that the reason Mr. D didn’t hire me was because I’m too strong-willed and I have a big mouth…neither fits well into a cult-like structure, which it is very obvious CHS is.
At the semester break, they hadn’t yet hired anyone and asked me to stay for the rest of the year as a long-term sub. Basically, they wanted to pay me sub pay for an entire year of teaching. I told them ‘no way’ and I begged the district and Mr. Principal to let me return to subbing at SHS. I didn’t even care that regular sub pay was less than long-term sub pay. I just wanted out…and it turns out it all worked in my favor because obviously Mr. Principal ended up hiring me for the very job that Mr. D rejected me from and I’m very happy where I am now. And I don’t even have to call Mr. Principal ‘daddy’. Gag! Say what you will about Standard High, but I’ll take it over CHS any day.
OK, I know that was a lot of backstory, but I truly need you to understand why I so vehemently loathe everything about CHS and moreover why even being there gives me a mild case of PTSD.
Alright then, where were we? Oh yeah. Meeting for Graphic Design teachers over at CHS. I was not happy about this because I hate being at CHS of course, but I also hated leaving my students with a sub this close to the end of the year. But, alas, there I was. I walked into the familiar, loathsome halls. Daddy was in the main hall greeting his subjects.
“Mandy? What are you doing here?” he asked as he looked me over. I was in full-school spirit mode. SHS staff shirt and matching school spirit Converse I had custom-made.
“Graphic Design meeting,” I said.
“Oh, you teach Graphic Design now?” he asked.
I nodded, “Yeah, I did so great at fixing their ESL program they gave me my true dream job and now I’m relaunching their graphic design program.” OK, so it was a bit of embellishment, but I wanted him to know that his loss was SHS’s gain.
“Shame…we have an ESL position open here at The Clique,” Mr. D said. That’s how he referred to his campus. Imagine if the school’s name was Blue Mountain High and he called it The Mountain. Yeah…cringey.
“Oh yeah? I heard Patty didn’t stay,” I said. Patty was who they hired instead of me. She ended up retiring after one year at ‘The Clique’.
“Yeah, well we hired Emmy to replace Patty and now she is leaving,” Mr. D said.
“Shame…yeah, I’m still at SHS and quite happy. I heard principals were turning to poaching from other high schools so I’ll save you the trouble. I’m not poachable,” I said, wanting to get away from him.
“You could have your old job in your old room,” Mr. D said in a tone that made me very uneasy.
“I have a perfectly lovely Cave. Besides, my husband works at SHS too and I like being on the same campus as the love of my life,” I said, pointedly.
“If you change your mind, let me know. Enjoy your meeting. Welcome back to The Clique,” Mr. D said as I quickly walked away to find the room Graphic Design was meeting in.
Now, this may come as a surprise to you all, but I am NOT a social creature. Truly. Beatle is my best friend and aside from Cali all my other friends are on the ReddX Discord (hence my desire to not get myself banned over there). And I am 150% ok with that. At that moment I wanted to be in my Cave more than anything. The pressure to be ‘on’ and social was beyond exhausting to me, especially this late in the year. But, always the professional, I mustered every bit of perky in me to be lovely to my other-campus counterparts.
This proved to be a challenge. One of them, more of a Karen than a Beard really, would not shut up about how amazing her campus was and how she never had issues with phones because her kids were so well-behaved. She also said she couldn’t post work early because they would have it done before they ever got to class. Oh, and of course she is teaching graphic design because she needed a break from her real job as an engineer. And oh, did she mention she is an engineer? Because she’s an engineer. She also went on and on about how she didn’t like the curriculum at another campus she was at so she complained and got 68 teachers from all over the country to back her up and they changed the whole curriculum to what she wanted. OK, whatever. I wanted to ask if everyone stood up and cheered too.
Another teacher was just insufferable. She kept asking for the same bloody stuff over and over even after being told it wasn’t in the budget. She didn’t know the cost of any of it, just that everything she wanted (think equipment and software licenses) was expensive and our budget is next to nothing right now. She didn’t even make arguments as to why we needed it. She just kept asking for the same stuff in the same way. All of it was stuff we didn’t need and most of us wouldn’t even use.
I contributed my thoughts on what I felt needed to be added to the curriculum, which was met with agreement. I really only had that one suggestion. The rest of the time I let them do their thing, which was woefully unorganized, disjointed, and overall a waste of time I could be grading papers. And so I decided that while they did their thing I would organize my Google Drive. As I was doing this I noticed something. I was still the owner on ALL the ESL files for SHS. Not just the ones I created…ALL OF THEM. If I were to hit delete SHS would literally have to start from scratch organizing their program with new teachers next year. But Ms. Dean did make clear I was to have nothing to do with ESL anymore. If I deleted the folders was that malicious compliance? Or just being a bitch for the sake of it? I still haven’t decided…I find the situation humorous, in not a bit morally ambiguous.
Ultimately, it was decided that 1 day wasn’t enough for our meeting so we would meet again one week later at the same place. I declined. I needed to be on my campus because I did have actual work to do. Grades would be due the day they wanted to meet. I wasn’t the only one. About half of the graphic design teachers agreed to meet again the following week and we would all be meeting again August 1st. So I get to start my school year back at ‘The Clique’. Lovely.
Yeah, this was a very real reminder that for all the beardery at Standard High, it could be SO much worse.

1. “Lunchtime!”

After that long mammoth of a tale that the last story was, here is a short one for you.
This happened the day after my meeting at CHS. Sonia wanted to end the school year with some team building so she asked Ms. Dean if they could have an off-campus team meeting at a nearby restaurant and grab some food. Ms. Dean told them no. Sonia then decided they would just order takeaway and do the same thing on campus. She reserved a conference room and everything.
So the day of the eat and meet came. Beatle had ordered some enchiladas and was looking forward to a hot meal during the workday. CovidBeard didn’t go because she said she wasn’t feeling well and needed to just go home early. I know that comes as a shock. Meanwhile, ManiBeard decided he would sit next to his bff, Beatle. ManiBeard hadn’t ordered any food because ‘the catering menu looked good, but nothing on the regular menu appealed to me’. What ManiBeard did have, however, was a bag of crackers. As Beatle tried to eat his food, ManiBeard both ate his crackers and talked at the same time. It didn’t take long for Beatle to realize that small bits of cracker crumbs were flying at him and his food. He shifted to the side to dodge the airborne particles that threatened to infect his space. It was here that ManiBeard declared he had signed his contract but still wasn’t sure if he would be back next year because he had until July 3rd to pull out of his contract and he really just didn’t want to make a commitment.
After the meeting, everyone went their own way, except ManiBeard, who cornered Beatle in the mudroom. I was in my Cave waiting for him when I got a text ‘SOS, I’ve been cornered! Mudroom!’
I sighed, “Come on Wee One. We have to go save Dad.”
Wee One chuckled, “Oh no.” She followed me faithfully as we headed downstairs.
“Oh, good, you’re here already. We gotta go Love. Wee One has that thing…see ya later ManiBeard!” I said as I grabbed Beatle’s arm as I passed and just kept walking.
The next day Beatle went into Sonia’s room for inclusion and she smiled at him, “Sure you got all the crumbs off?” she teased.
Beatle rolled his eyes, “Right?!”
Sonia nodded, “ManiBeard is why I don’t eat lunch in the workroom anymore. ManiBeard would walk over to me and just stand over me…like right over me…and talk while he ate which would just send food everywhere. One day he was eating some chicken salad and a piece of chicken flew out of his mouth and landed on my arm.”
“Oh bloody hell. That’s disgusting,” Beatle said before vowing not to be near ManiBeard eating ever again.

1. “Little Lies”

Ever since it was announced PastorBeard was the new dept head he had been walking around like a roster puffing out his chest. He had also been going out of his way to talk to Beatle, as if to rub in that he got the dept head job and Beatle didn’t. It was annoying, but I stayed out of it. I even played nice when PastorBeard stopped me in the parking lot one day and asked me about my weekend plans while I was waiting for Beatle.
“What are you plans this weekend, Mandy?” PastorBeard asked as he leaned against the side of my car.
“Oh, nothing major. Weekend chores. Beatle has some school work to get done and he’s going to put some snake repellant in the yard…I’ll probably clean the house and spend some time with my mum,” I said, trying to be pleasant as I could be. What I really wanted to do was to tell him he was a bastard that should never teach, let alone lead a dept.
“You should come to watch me on Sunday. I’m preaching his weekend,” he said with a smile. His tone came off like he intended it to be a flex.
I forced a smiled, “No thanks. Not my thing.”
“God isn’t ‘your thing’?” he asked, leaning towards me a bit.
I took a step back, “Not the same one you believe in.” I started absentmindedly playing with the Flower of Aphrodite pendant I wore around my neck.
“Are you Catholic or something?” he asked.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. People presumed since Beatle was Irish that we were a Catholic family a lot. Instead, I shook my head, “No. Actually, if you must know, I’m Pagan.”
PastorBeard looked taken aback, “Oh…I see.”
“So, while I appreciate the invite…not my thing,” I said again.
“You should come anyway. I’d love to look out on Sunday and see you there. And who knows? If you hear what I have to say you may change your mind about being pagan,” PastorBeard said with a cocky smile.
I looked around hoping Beatle and Wee One were going to be there soon, “I doubt it…anyway…um…I hate to keep you on a Friday.”
“I’m not in a rush. You’re fine,” he said, “Did you hear I’m the new dept head?”
“Yeah. I know,” I said, “Beatle told me. He applied to you know.”
“I know. They need someone that is a strong leader for the job though, someone that can guide the dept the way I guide the church. They can’t pick someone with a weak personality. A man should be able to lead…his church, his work, and of course his wife,” PastorBeard said pointedly.
“Uh huh…a good leader knows when to defer to those wiser than he,” I said as I saw Beatle and Wee One, “Love! Hey!” I waved.
Beatle saw PastorBeard and looked unhappy, “Hi PastorBeard.”
“Have a good weekend you guys. See you later Mandy…think about my offer,” he said as he went and got into his truck that sat on tires far too big for it.
“What was that?” Beatle asked when we got in the car.
I shrugged, “He was either hitting on me or he was just being a pompous arse…or both. Hard to say.”
And we went on our way.
The next work day Beatle walked into the workroom and saw PastorBeard in there talking to Vera (the assistant mentioned in chapter 26.)
“Just do your best to set them up for success,” PastorBeard told Vera as he walked out of the workroom.
Vera sighed.
“Are you ok mate?” Beatle asked her.
Vera shook her head, “We’re almost done. Almost there.”
“What happened?” Beatle asked.
“Well, only 2 of the kids in that group in the hall workspace need my help,” Vera said pointing to a group outside PastorBeard’s room, “The others are kids missing work and PastorBeard kicked them out of the classroom. I’m supposed to watch them and make sure they behave but they already told me they aren’t going to do anything.”
Beatle’s expression went dark, “You’re a SPED assistant. Not a babysitter.”
“I know, but I’ve never seen him actually help anyone. He doesn’t go around the room to help. Just tells them to be quiet and pokes them. I don’t know why he feels the need to touch them. He tells them if they need help they can go to him and he just sits at his desk the whole time…but no one is gonna go to him for help because they don’t like him,” Vera vented.
Beatle sighed, “You know he’s dept head next year, right?”
“Oh, I know. He told me no one else wanted it,” Vera said sadly.
Beatle blinked, “No ma’am. I interviewed for it.”
“That’s just what I heard,” Vera said.
“He lied,” Beatle shook his head.
What PastorBeard didn’t know is that Beatle had something else in the works…we weren’t sure it would pan out at this point (as of this writing we still aren’t), but Beatle wasn’t going to take PastorBeard’s crap lying down…and for that, I was proud of him.

1. “Wrapping It Up”

3.5 days till summer. Grades were due. I sat at my computer to adjust the grade book and turned on some music. Not even kidding, ‘The Final Countdown’ was on the radio (yes, I listen to the radio. Satellite Radio to be precise). It was the perfect music for working on my end-of-year checklist. I felt like I was in a movie and this was my montage music!
We reached the point in the year when all the teachers were just playing movies. For my part, I was letting them watch the Super Mario Movie. I had some happy students. I also wrote Wee One a pass to spend the day in my room. She was done with her work and wanted to help me with some Graphic Design work for next year’s launch (we are launching an on-campus design firm). She asked me which workstation she could work at and I did the worst thing a mum can do to her child. I sat her next to my baby neckbeard. She started working but within 10 minutes she came to my desk.
“Mom…” she started.
I looked at her. “Excuse me?”
She sighed, “I’m sorry…Ms. Mandy?”
“Yes ma’am?” I asked her.
“Can I sit on the other side of the room…it’s less claustrophobic and I have a friend over there…” she trailed off.
I chuckled and leaned in so only she could hear me, “You don’t appreciate sitting next to the baby neckbeard?”
She looked sheepish, “Not really.”
“Can you smell him?” I asked.
She made a disgusted face, “Sort of, yeah.”
“OK, yes, go ahead and move,” I nodded.
In the meantime, Beatle was texting me:
Beatle: Why does ManiBeard always start class with “How are we?” instead of “How are you?”?
Mandy: Because that’s what’s in his programming.
Beatle: LMAO! Point. I will not miss him this summer. You know he said he is only helping with graduation because he didn’t help with either dance. I thought it was mandatory that we do one of the 1 dances.
Mandy: Sigh. 1) yes it is and I bet they got on him and forced him to help with graduation and 2) why the hell would they let him help with graduation? That event is stressful enough without adding ManiBeard to the mix.
Beatle: He said he rather work graduation because it’s his favorite event because he gets to see the kids move on.
Mandy: But he’s a freshman teacher. He doesn’t know many if any, seniors.
Beatle: I know! Oh, CovidBeard is leaving.
Mandy: WHAT?! FOREVER?!
Beatle: I’m watching her class for the rest of the period.
Mandy: Oh, just for today.
Beatle: Yeah. Don’t get too excited.
Mandy: Damn. 3.5 days left. Heaven forbid she stick it out.
Beatle: Right?
And right about the time I was hoping my Beard encounters were over. At least until graduation…it happened. I had to email EnglishBeard. Why? Because I needed one of his students (who happened to be one of my most talented graphic design students) to come to my class the next day during his class. I cringed at having to interact with him. I asked Beatle if I should even bother. “We’re not doing anything, why would he say no?” Beatle asked. “He’s a beard.” I replied. “Fair.” Beatle conceded.
Finally, I took a breath and started to type: “EnglishBeard, if it is alright with you, can Sara come to my class during 5th period tomorrow to do some Graphic Design work? Thanks, Mandy”
2 hours later, he replied, “What work? Why should I send her to an elective? My class is core.”
I sighed, “It’s ok if you are doing something in class. I just thought it would be ok if you are just watching movies.” I replied.
“We are just watching movies, but my class is still a core class and yours is not,” EnglishBeard replied.
“You are correct. However, Sara is going to be in my Graphic 3 class next year and I want to get all my Graphic 3 students together for a meeting before the end of the year and the rest of them are in my 5th period. If you don’t want to send her that is fine,” I replied.
“Ok, that would be fine. I will allow it,” EnglishBeard finally said.
I sighed and wrote a pass to give to Sara.
Meanwhile, in the English 1 meeting, Beatle was dealing with his own Beard.
“And the Beard came back….CovidBeard came back for the meeting,” Beatle texted me.
“WHY?!” I texted back.
“IDK! I’m spraying Lysol when she leaves the room. She’s like ‘I’m sitting here sweating. I have no idea what I have.’ I guess she came back for attention,” Beatle replied.
I sighed as I typed, “Probably.”
Why did all these Beards have to come back? Why couldn’t this be last year when we had the mass exodus of Beards? That was nice. I liked that.
Maybe they would get less beardy over the summer?
Probably not.

1. “Graduation Day”

Have you ever sat through a graduation ceremony? If you have you know how dull they are. Being part of it is even worse. Graduation in Australia was quite different, but when I graduated from college in America Beatle practically had to force me into the cap and gown. It was not something I have ever liked…so the irony that I volunteer every year (except next year when Wee One graduates) is not lost on me. Mostly, I do it because I know it means something to the kids to see their teachers there. That said, I silently curse in my head the entire time while making sure to smile, be peppy, and congratulate even the most ungrateful of students. While I don’t look back on my graduation fondly, some of them might and I want to help provide good memories.
Graduation isn’t just on that day either. The day before we have to participate in graduation practice, which is just as awful, if not worse. I did entertain myself by watching ManiBeard however.
We all gathered in the practice gym to line up and then once everyone was in place we processed into the main gym. The practice gym was so bloody hot that I was sweating. It was so bloody hot that ManiBeard actually took off his cardigan for the first time all year. I have now confirmed he does have arms under it. Bloke never takes off his cardigan/coat…even when the outside temp is 100+ in Fahrenheit. I further observed only to realize that they had, for some reason, put ManiBeard in the same row as 2 of the baby beards I’ve been observing over the course of the year. ManiBeard was as clueless as one might expect and had no idea how to manage the kids and telling them when to stand, when to sit, when to walk, etc. He made it through graduation practice, but I was seriously concerned about the next day. I was also concerned because I saw the gown they set aside for Mani. It was huge! He was going to look like a puppy wearing his owner’s sweater. Let the chaos commence!
And commence it did. Shortly after lunch Beatle texted me “OZZY ISN’T COMING BACK! WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN GOING ON AROUND HERE?!”
Remember Ozzy? The other Australian on campus? Yeah, evidently he said, “this really isn’t something I foresaw happening. It is something I needed to do. But please, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m excited to leave. I’m not. It’s actually been really hard packing up my things.” Ozzy had been around since the campus opened in 2016. It was a true shock to see him leave and Beatle was very distraught over it. Honestly, so was I.
After school Beatle barrelled into his classroom, “OK, mate, what the hell is going on?”
The conversation was private so I’m not going to detail it, but I will say that circumstances happened so that Ozzy had to go back to Australia. He was not happy about it. He said he thought he would retire from Standard High, but life happens. This was a blow, but we wish him the best.
I found out later that night that ManiBeard managed to out-beard himself. He did the beardiest thing he’d ever done.
“Did you guys meet today in E1?” I asked Beatle.
“Yeah, but it was more social than a meeting,” Beatle replied.
“ManiBeard? Social? How did that go?” I asked.
Beatle chuckled, “ManiBeard wasn’t there.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because he miscalculated all his grades and had to redo them,” Beatle said.
I froze as I tried to register what he said. Finally I spoke, “But our gradebook is automated. We don’t calculate anything. We put in the number and bam…grades. How the hell did Mani manage to ‘miscalculate’ grades?”
“No idea, but admin wasn’t happy. They sent in Lana to guide him through it,” Beatle said.
I laughed, “Oh my god! After everything he did to keep Lana out of his room she ended up fixing his gradebook? The irony is too delicious! This has got to be the beardiest thing he has ever done. How the fuck do you miscalculate grades in and automated gradebook?!”
Beatle shrugged, “Talent?”
The next morning (THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL) an email started circulating from teachers that were worried about getting left at the arena we were holding graduation in. They wanted to ensure the bus wouldn’t leave them behind. Beatle and I watched as the emails flooded our inboxes. ManiBeard: “I need a ride too.” EnglishBeard: “Don’t leave me behind!” HistoryBeard: “I look like too much of an escaped inmate to safely hitchhike. Don’t leave me either.” MathBeard:I need the bus to get back to school.”
It was at that point I texted my brother to see if he could pick Beatle and I up after graduation. To be clear, we have to ride the bus over with students so taking our own car wasn’t an option…but riding the BeardBus home did not appeal to either of us. I like getting fodder for stories, but I’m not a complete sadomasochist. My brother agreed and I felt relief wash over me.
Beatle and I ended up combining our classes in my Cave for the last day because we bought breakfast tacos and donuts for the kids and it was easier to combine classes than to try to split the food. So, most of the last day was the kids eating and playing Mario Kart on our Switch. It was pretty fun. I did leave the kids with Beatle at one point so I could go down to Cook’s kitchen and do my department check-out stuff. When I say Cook had a professional kitchen that is not hyperbole. The culinary kitchen at Standard High is anything but standard. We’re talking a state-of-the-art kitchen that any head chef would be in awe of. It’s truly a thing to behold and for high school students? Yeah, it is pretty bloody great. Oh, and the cutting boards…let me tell you about the numerous cutting boards!
…I’m kidding Red! Just kidding!
But yeah, the kitchen is pretty great. Anyway, when I went into said kitchen, MediaBeard was in there doing his check-out as well. When he saw me he smiled and turned to me.
“Mandy, thank you so much for everything you did for me this year. It was a rough year and you had my back. I truly appreciate you, thank you,” he said as he hugged me.
I hugged him back, “Aww, mate…I got ya. Anytime. Next year will be better.”
When I said back in Chapter 1 that MediaBeard was certainly a Beard, but one of the ‘good’ beards, this is what I meant. Yes, he can be a bit…well…beardly. But, the bloke has a good heart. And I am glad he will be back next year. I’m going to try to mentor him now that I’m settled in graphic design. I am also glad he will not be Wee One’s teacher next year. She’s decided to take graphic design 3 and animation 1 which means she will have me as her teacher for 3 out of 8 periods. Come to find out she likes me as her teacher. And I’m pretty hard on her. She said I made her better. I must be doing something right!
Cook has 100% become my work Mum and I adore her. She plans to have a department soiree before school starts and for the first time ever I’m actually looking forward to going to a department function, solely because of Cook. She is amazing.
Finally, as long last, the 2022-2023 school year ended. All the non-senior students left and the seniors arrived.
Beatle and I scarfed our lunch down and headed to the gym… this is where graduation truly begins.
I put my gown on over my work clothes as did Beatle. We sat together and chatted for a bit before he went to his row to help organize kids. I was left sitting alone in my row as the students filed in. And, as I usually do in these situations, I started to observe my surroundings and live a bit in my own head.
I saw some teachers grouped up talking and laughing near me. For a moment I felt that loneliness I felt all through school (until I met Beatle). I had a moment of feeling like that ‘weird blonde kid’ again. I guess it never really goes away. It was a reminder that from the day we met (see SquirrelBeard for that story) Beatle has always been where I fit. Does anyone else ever have a moment of reversion like that? Where even as an adult you remember how it was to be an outcast at 15 or whatever? Maybe it’s just me? Maybe it’s because I work in a high school?
In any case, I snapped out of it and looked around. What caught my eye was a pair of BRIGHT crimson skinny jeans. And the wearer? ManiBeard. OF COURSE! He also had on a plain white t-shirt with the district logo on it that we got free at the start of the year and Van trainers. What was the dress code for this event that admin had explicitly given us the day before? Dress pants and a Polo or button-up for men or a suit for men, a dress or nice pants and shirt for women, dress shoes, and absolutely no jeans, trainers, or t-shirts. Yeah. For Beatle’s part he had on black pants and a black button-up shirt with a tie. He looked good. It was also the first time he got to wear his Master’s hood at a graduation, which was pretty frickin cool too! I had on black pants and a nice shirt. Anyway…ManiBeard…right…so he wore EXACTLY what admin said don’t wear. Cause…ManiBeard. And I was right, his gown made him look like a puppy wearing his owner’s sweater. It would have been cute if it was anyone but Mani. Instead he just looked robotic and lost. And, exactly like I suspected, he didn’t talk to any of the kids. He didn’t even congratulate them. Probably because he teachers 9th graders and didn’t know any of these kids and had no connection to them. Beatle knew a lot of them. These were the kids that he taught his first year as freshmen so he had seen them through all 4 years. It was emotional for him.
It was around this time I turned around and noticed paramedics in the hall. I later found out a student (one of mine actually) had a seizure. I had seen them roll a kid out of the building on an office chair but I didn’t know who under Mr. Principal told me later. As all of this was happening APBeard said they put a sign up sheet on the stage for any teacher that needed to take the bus back to campus after the ceremony. A bunch of teachers headed to the stage. One that looked like a textbook beard said, as he walked past me, “that would be all of us. Like any of us can afford an Uber with what they pay us.” I raised an eyebrow and looked the man over. “That has GOT to be HistoryBeard” I thought to myself. Beatle ran up behind me.
“See that bloke up there…the one at the sign up sheet right now?” Beatle asked me quietly.
“Yeah,” I said.
“That’s HistoryBeard,” he confirmed.
“I knew it! I knew that had to be him. Damn, he is a beard and it’s not even just on the inside,” I said.
Beatle shook his head, “No, he’s one that is beard inside and out.”
I shuttered as Beatle returned to his seat.
About 45 minutes later we boarded the bus and headed to the arena. I hoped everything would be smooth sailing from there, but that would have been WAY too easy.
So, I need to paint a bit of a picture here…have you ever been backstage at an arena? It’s not a huge space…and when you put a couple hundred people back there…it’s a tight fit. We were lucky to have a 2 inch radius around us. Personal space does not exist when you cram everyone back there. And we had to line up in order. Each row had a letter. It seemed everything was fine. My row was in order…but something felt off. That’s when I realized whoever set the signs up doesn’t know the bloody alphabet because instead of A, B, C, D, E, F, G it went A, B, C, D, E, G, F. I was in row F. I realized the error but I also wasn’t about to move anything without telling an AP. So I found an AP that said he had to find another AP and 3 APs later I was told to swap Rows F and G. I helped correct the signed and then we had to shift the rows with VERY little space. It was…something.
It was hot, cramped, and miserable. Beatle told me later some of the kids in his row snuck back into a supply room and were stealing popcorn. It was in the moments of being back stage I remembered why last year I said to myself ‘never again, I’m never doing graduation again’. I’m really not next year cause of Wee One and I’ll probably forget the year after and volunteer again. Cause teacher brain. Anyway, it was finally go time and we walked out, sat down, and the ceremony started. All done? Not quite.
For the sake of wrapping this up I’ll quickly list the crap that happened during the ceremony:

1. Someone in the stands called to a kid ‘you look like ET but we love you anyway!’ to which a graduate yelled back ‘you’re an asshole’. Classy.
2. ManiBeard was clueless and lost. He may as well have not even been there because he was mostly just in the way.
3. The boys decided it was great fun to pretend to fall on stage just before the got to Mr. Principal. This happened 4 times. A 5th pretended he was about to fall then twerked instead. Again, classy. Ladies and gentleman, our future.
4. A boy in the row in front of me turned around and was using his program to sword fight with a boy in my row. I gave them the ‘mom/teacher look’ and they both got a panicked look and said ‘sorry ma’am’ before sitting straight for the rest of the ceremony. Maybe Wee One is right. Maybe I am scary.
5. MediaBeard made the senior video and it was awful. I have a hard time believing he worked ‘in the industry’. Next year I’m going to see if he will let me do some graphic design templates for him. It will be part of my proposal to mentor him.
6. Remember how I mentioned observing several baby neckbeards during bus duty? 3 graduated and 1 baby legbeard did as well. I discovered they were 2 sets of twins. Is there a beard gene? More research is needed but this is good data.

And then graduation was over. Beatle and I checked with Number One and were cleared to leave. Brother picked us up and we headed to dinner (where Brother once again came very close to getting the name BrotherBeard) and summer began.
And that concludes this year of School of Beards. If there is any demand I will be back in the fall because with all the beards returning I am sure to have a new batch of tales. I sincerely want to thank everyone that had come on this journey with me, Red for reading (and being a mate), and Beatle for supporting me and allowing me to share his stories. I mostly want to thank everyone that has listened to Red read these stories because that is the most amazing thing…hearing these stories read and getting his insight. I do appreciate it more than I can say. Keep an eye out for the rest of BowserBeard this summer and maybe a couple of one-offs.
Now, to end this year I decided to try my hand at my first parody song. Apologies if it’s not very good. Like I said, it’s my first one. I hope it doesn’t suck!
“BeardSchool’s Out” (Parody of “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper)
Well, we got no choice
But to hear the noise
Listenin to the beards’ voice
The poor girls and boys
Well, we can't escape ya
Can't find an out
And when they start to shout Education’s in doubt
BeardSchool's out for summer
Beards go into slumber
Beardschool makes us shutter
No more Mani
No more English
No more preacher's judgment, yeah
Well, Mani can’t control his class
And Pastor’s got the Principal And the students pay the price
We can't even think about next year
BeardSchool's out for summer
Beards go into slumber
Beardschool makes us shutter
No more Media
No more Math Emails
No more two-faced Dean
Out for summer
Out 'til fall
Do the beards have to come back at all
Beards go slumber
BeardSchool's out for summer
Watch the Beards lumber
BeardSchool’s out till August