Chronic left hip pain icd 10
Developing a stutter and constantly dropping stuff
2023.06.07 00:07 duckythegreat Developing a stutter and constantly dropping stuff
22F 140lbs 5’3. Medications and diagnoses listed below.
Hello, my whole life I have been praised for my smooth speech and professional sounding vocabulary. Basically since I was able to talk. I have also historically been very good with my fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Over the last few months though I’ve started stuttering and dropping/throwing stuff entirely on accident and without warning—and it’s down exceptionally bad within the last 3 weeks. Almost every sentence I’m stuttering and I’ve dropped my phone and keys 4 times already today if not more.
I am currently taking a host of medications, including: 300mg xr lamictal, 50mg trazodone, 10mg leucovorin, 1mg folic acid, 80mg strattera, and I also have the BC implant. Until January I was only taking the lamictal and leucovorin but I finally found a doctor who was willing to help me with my reported issues. I am diagnosed with epilepsy, a rare gene mutation (pol-g related, Main symptom is chronic fatigue), primary insomnia, ADHD, and suspected PTSD (dr said he didn’t want to diagnose given the setting but wanted me to follow up with a psychiatrist). Also probably unrelated but a little over a week ago I had a sudden-onset throat ache that was a 6/10 pain level for a day, my tongue also achd, and the lymph nodes in my neck have been hard since then though the pain has left.
I’m stressed out because i feel like my brain and body are deteriorating right in front of me. Please let me know what’s going on.
submitted by duckythegreat to AskDocs [link] [comments]
Hello, my whole life I have been praised for my smooth speech and professional sounding vocabulary. Basically since I was able to talk. I have also historically been very good with my fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Over the last few months though I’ve started stuttering and dropping/throwing stuff entirely on accident and without warning—and it’s down exceptionally bad within the last 3 weeks. Almost every sentence I’m stuttering and I’ve dropped my phone and keys 4 times already today if not more.
I am currently taking a host of medications, including: 300mg xr lamictal, 50mg trazodone, 10mg leucovorin, 1mg folic acid, 80mg strattera, and I also have the BC implant. Until January I was only taking the lamictal and leucovorin but I finally found a doctor who was willing to help me with my reported issues. I am diagnosed with epilepsy, a rare gene mutation (pol-g related, Main symptom is chronic fatigue), primary insomnia, ADHD, and suspected PTSD (dr said he didn’t want to diagnose given the setting but wanted me to follow up with a psychiatrist). Also probably unrelated but a little over a week ago I had a sudden-onset throat ache that was a 6/10 pain level for a day, my tongue also achd, and the lymph nodes in my neck have been hard since then though the pain has left.
I’m stressed out because i feel like my brain and body are deteriorating right in front of me. Please let me know what’s going on.
2023.06.06 23:56 ImageIndependent3260 Advice - Next Step
I am getting ready to retire from the National Guard after a 37 year career and multiple deployments/active duty stints. I have very few LODs, however, I am service connected for PTSD (30%), hearing loss, left knee problems and lower back issues (all 0%). I had a tough deployment where I lost people close to me and I had a few close calls. I was 50% for PTSD for 10 years but they lowered it to 30% and I didn’t fight it because it was a pain in my balls. I currently have sleep apnea, insomnia, migraines, nightmares, memory issues and sinus issues. I have been on VA sleep meds for years. Last winter I had a tough holiday season and started getting help from a VA psych doctor again. He ordered a TBI screen and wants me to start taking Wellbutrin for depression. I had a recent PHA and the Army PA told me that most of my issues can be connected to PTSD. I should have medically retired and that I should be a 100% with the VA. He encouraged me to reach out to a VSO. I just talked to a VSO and he told me that because I am National Guard I am screwed. It is going to be hard without LODs to get a rating. He did not give me much hope or assistance. I have guys from my unit that never deployed or saw combat and are 100%. I am going to try to find another VSO. I would appreciate any advice.
submitted by ImageIndependent3260 to VeteransBenefits [link] [comments]
2023.06.06 23:49 ChiGuyNY 9-year-old Golden Retriever service dog with mild and moderate hip dysplasia brace recommendations.
Does anyone have a recommendation on a company for a hip brace? Ortho Dog is one that I have been looking at.
I have a wonderful 9-year-old golden retriever service dog Luna who was recently diagnosed with mild hip dysplasia in her left hip and moderate hip dysplasia in her right hip after X-rays at a specialist. She receives dosequin with MSM, Gabapentin. We are going to add an anti-inflammatory when we see the vet in 2 weeks.
In 2009 I was hit by a car training for an Ironman triathlon. I've completed 11 Ironman triathlons. Luna is trained as a psychological service dog to look for heart rate restoration and eye movement when I have panic attacks or anxiety. I use holistic treatment for rib pain as it broke all 11 ribs.
She also swims 7 days a week in the Hudson River wearing a flotation vest which helps body post posture keeping her perpendicular with the water to reduce drag on her hips.
I have healthy PAWS pet insurance which pays 90% so I'm not worried about the cost.
submitted by ChiGuyNY to service_dogs [link] [comments]
I have a wonderful 9-year-old golden retriever service dog Luna who was recently diagnosed with mild hip dysplasia in her left hip and moderate hip dysplasia in her right hip after X-rays at a specialist. She receives dosequin with MSM, Gabapentin. We are going to add an anti-inflammatory when we see the vet in 2 weeks.
In 2009 I was hit by a car training for an Ironman triathlon. I've completed 11 Ironman triathlons. Luna is trained as a psychological service dog to look for heart rate restoration and eye movement when I have panic attacks or anxiety. I use holistic treatment for rib pain as it broke all 11 ribs.
She also swims 7 days a week in the Hudson River wearing a flotation vest which helps body post posture keeping her perpendicular with the water to reduce drag on her hips.
I have healthy PAWS pet insurance which pays 90% so I'm not worried about the cost.
2023.06.06 23:47 ChiGuyNY Hip dysplasia and 9-year-old Golden Retriever service dog.
Does anyone have a recommendation on a company for a hip brace? Ortho Dog is one that I have been looking at.
I have a wonderful 9-year-old golden retriever service dog Luna who was recently diagnosed with mild hip dysplasia in her left hip and moderate hip dysplasia in her right hip after X-rays at a specialist. She receives dosequin with MSM, Gabapentin. We are going to add an anti-inflammatory when we see the vet in 2 weeks.
In 2009 I was hit by a car training for an Ironman triathlon. I've completed 11 Ironman triathlons. Luna is trained as a psychological service dog to look for heart rate restoration and eye movement when I have panic attacks or anxiety. I use holistic treatment for rib pain as it broke all 11 ribs.
She also swims 7 days a week in the Hudson River wearing a flotation vest which helps body post posture keeping her perpendicular with the water to reduce drag on her hips.
I have healthy PAWS pet insurance which pays 90% so I'm not worried about the cost.
submitted by ChiGuyNY to dogs [link] [comments]
I have a wonderful 9-year-old golden retriever service dog Luna who was recently diagnosed with mild hip dysplasia in her left hip and moderate hip dysplasia in her right hip after X-rays at a specialist. She receives dosequin with MSM, Gabapentin. We are going to add an anti-inflammatory when we see the vet in 2 weeks.
In 2009 I was hit by a car training for an Ironman triathlon. I've completed 11 Ironman triathlons. Luna is trained as a psychological service dog to look for heart rate restoration and eye movement when I have panic attacks or anxiety. I use holistic treatment for rib pain as it broke all 11 ribs.
She also swims 7 days a week in the Hudson River wearing a flotation vest which helps body post posture keeping her perpendicular with the water to reduce drag on her hips.
I have healthy PAWS pet insurance which pays 90% so I'm not worried about the cost.
2023.06.06 23:37 Immediate_Assist_256 New here
I have been seeing a physio since Feb for chronic muscle pain/tension/weakness. Believed to be related to my recent ASD diagnosis last year.
He has mostly had to work on my neck and back and left hip. The different areas feel good for a while but go back to tense pretty quickly. I have tight muscles from the back of my skull to my toes.
I raised the possibility of hypermobility with him a few sessions ago and he wasn’t sure. He said my range of motion was pretty normal.
But at the last session he made me do some positional stretches and things and he said my neural core needs strengthening and that he believes I am hyper mobile because with all the tension and tightness I still have great mobility.
When I was pregnant with my kids I had an unstable pelvis and SPD.
I once saw a back specialist for sciatica and he said I was “extremely flexible”.
I never suspected hypermobility until recently, because I’m so tense and tight I am barely mobile 🤣
Some days I wake up like today with pain in my random joints. Particularly my ankles, knees, shoulders.
Sometimes my head feels too heavy to hold up.
As a kid I always had random joint pains but never any medical explanation. I swear my mum thought I was a hypochondriac. I wore a knee brace for a long time cos my knee felt unstable. I always rolled my ankles.
But I have never had any dislocations that I know of.
submitted by Immediate_Assist_256 to Hypermobility [link] [comments]
He has mostly had to work on my neck and back and left hip. The different areas feel good for a while but go back to tense pretty quickly. I have tight muscles from the back of my skull to my toes.
I raised the possibility of hypermobility with him a few sessions ago and he wasn’t sure. He said my range of motion was pretty normal.
But at the last session he made me do some positional stretches and things and he said my neural core needs strengthening and that he believes I am hyper mobile because with all the tension and tightness I still have great mobility.
When I was pregnant with my kids I had an unstable pelvis and SPD.
I once saw a back specialist for sciatica and he said I was “extremely flexible”.
I never suspected hypermobility until recently, because I’m so tense and tight I am barely mobile 🤣
Some days I wake up like today with pain in my random joints. Particularly my ankles, knees, shoulders.
Sometimes my head feels too heavy to hold up.
As a kid I always had random joint pains but never any medical explanation. I swear my mum thought I was a hypochondriac. I wore a knee brace for a long time cos my knee felt unstable. I always rolled my ankles.
But I have never had any dislocations that I know of.
2023.06.06 23:33 la_cucaracha13579 How do I stop being a bum?
I'm 29m, 5'7, look a lot younger, in decent/average shape, overall average-sliiightly above average looks (can def be brought up if I make some changes and get some rest), very proportionate facial features. I dress really well, speak really well, and have high intelligence as well as broad knowledge. Gifted with talent equally in the sciences and humanities/arts. I'm a good friend, with lots of empathy, and a deep understanding of human psychology. I'm a summa cum laude genetic engineering/biosciences graduate, and belong to the nation's most prestigious honors society. Moreover I was admitted to and completed a separate honors college within my university.
I live with my girlfriend who is my best friend, soon to be my wife. We share 90% of interests in common, and are inseparable. By society's standards, she is considered very very attractive. She makes 70-80k and has a very easy job from home.
So, why am I bum?
I make $15 an hour for a job that provides me with 10-25 hours a week from home. Been doing that for several years. I make less than $1000 a month most months.
I own an old, beat up truck that 1) paint completely came off 2) no AC 3) beat up inside 4) no power steering 5) 1000 other issues 6) doesn't even run. Never owned another car, use girlfriend's car every day.
I have no physical tolerance. I cannot fathom working 8+ hours a day. Not only am I afraid of wasting my life away, but also, I actually do not have the physical tolerance. I work 3-4 hours a day and feel completely wasted, beat up, after staring into a bright screen. My head hurts, I get flashing in my eyes, and I feel done.
I don't know where to start. I am about to be 30 and I can no longer "start from the beginning" for the 10000th time in my life. All of my peers are balls deep into their careers and many are making 3 figures. I have so many dreams and ambitions, goals, but I can't start anything. I have confusion, anxiety, and obsessive tendencies that will not allow me to start anything...plus, chronic feelings of lethargy. The doctors don't know why, they say it's life and everyone feels that way.
I feel like a complete bum. I can't start anything. No I do not have depression, I did before. I feel like a complete loser, that eventually everything else will go downhill. For me, I see things always downgrading, instead of upgrading in life.
I look at apartments near me and think "everything is for rich people. how is any of this affordable? why aren't there low-income apartments for everyone else, but without cockroaches and drug addicts?". Meanwhile, my peers never even glanced at the apartments I live in, and live like normal people but pay more.
What's stopping me from marrying my girlfriend immediately is loss of free health insurance and food stamps. Yep, you heard that right. She has too high of an income once I marry her, I have to give everything up. What am I going to do on $1000 a month with all of my health issues and no insurance?
I also have problem after problem. My parents keep getting evicted and I need to solve their lawyer problems, I'm always accumulating their problems and anxiety, rent is always increasing, I have new medical issues popping up every other week, huge expenses out of nowhere, and just life problems one after the other. I cant focus on starting anything, something is always in the way.
I am a complete loser who could be making significant money with my ideas and brain power, but... "I can't." I have no self-esteem, and don't know how to deal with difficult people. I ask my girlfriend why she even likes me and she says "you're just cute". I feel completely emasculated.
_________________________________________
Some things that bring me down:
submitted by la_cucaracha13579 to selfhelp [link] [comments]
I live with my girlfriend who is my best friend, soon to be my wife. We share 90% of interests in common, and are inseparable. By society's standards, she is considered very very attractive. She makes 70-80k and has a very easy job from home.
So, why am I bum?
I make $15 an hour for a job that provides me with 10-25 hours a week from home. Been doing that for several years. I make less than $1000 a month most months.
I own an old, beat up truck that 1) paint completely came off 2) no AC 3) beat up inside 4) no power steering 5) 1000 other issues 6) doesn't even run. Never owned another car, use girlfriend's car every day.
I have no physical tolerance. I cannot fathom working 8+ hours a day. Not only am I afraid of wasting my life away, but also, I actually do not have the physical tolerance. I work 3-4 hours a day and feel completely wasted, beat up, after staring into a bright screen. My head hurts, I get flashing in my eyes, and I feel done.
I don't know where to start. I am about to be 30 and I can no longer "start from the beginning" for the 10000th time in my life. All of my peers are balls deep into their careers and many are making 3 figures. I have so many dreams and ambitions, goals, but I can't start anything. I have confusion, anxiety, and obsessive tendencies that will not allow me to start anything...plus, chronic feelings of lethargy. The doctors don't know why, they say it's life and everyone feels that way.
I feel like a complete bum. I can't start anything. No I do not have depression, I did before. I feel like a complete loser, that eventually everything else will go downhill. For me, I see things always downgrading, instead of upgrading in life.
I look at apartments near me and think "everything is for rich people. how is any of this affordable? why aren't there low-income apartments for everyone else, but without cockroaches and drug addicts?". Meanwhile, my peers never even glanced at the apartments I live in, and live like normal people but pay more.
What's stopping me from marrying my girlfriend immediately is loss of free health insurance and food stamps. Yep, you heard that right. She has too high of an income once I marry her, I have to give everything up. What am I going to do on $1000 a month with all of my health issues and no insurance?
I also have problem after problem. My parents keep getting evicted and I need to solve their lawyer problems, I'm always accumulating their problems and anxiety, rent is always increasing, I have new medical issues popping up every other week, huge expenses out of nowhere, and just life problems one after the other. I cant focus on starting anything, something is always in the way.
I am a complete loser who could be making significant money with my ideas and brain power, but... "I can't." I have no self-esteem, and don't know how to deal with difficult people. I ask my girlfriend why she even likes me and she says "you're just cute". I feel completely emasculated.
_________________________________________
Some things that bring me down:
- terrible self image
- medical issues from head to toe - something is ALWAYS wrong (badly herniated spinal disc means daily chronic pain, severe heartburn, 20 years of GI issues that affect me 80% of the day, dislocated shoulder, all of my teeth have issues and cause me pain and cracking, allergies which never allow me a good sleep and puff my face up for hours and hours, legally blind, and I can name another 10 most likely).
- the cherry on top is that I developed severe panic disorder since January with agoraphobia and to this day, am struggling to be outside. I would rather break my back another 50 times than ever go through this again - the feeling of dying a hundred times a day, every day, for months.
2023.06.06 23:28 hipdilemma Why do my hip arthroscopies keep failing?
Biographical info: 29F, 5'4", 150 lbs, caucasian. Wellbutrin daily, social drinker.
I have been very active my whole life. Up through my mid 20s I was playing at least two soccer games a week. I rode my bike everywhere, and went indoor rock climbing once a week or so. Snow skiing in the winter, water skiing in the summer, etc. Since I injured my hip in 2019, I've only been able to walk.
Over the last two years, I have had three hip arthroscopies for impingement and torn labrums. The first surgery was a labral repair and femoroplasty on my right hip, the second surgery was the same on my left hip, and the most recent one was a revision on my right hip after the labrum tore again, after the initial repair. I've never progressed to a point in my physical therapy where I've been able to run. Every time I get close, another hip injury reveals itself, and another surgery ensues. Last week, I felt an extremely sharp, severe pain in my left hip while walking. It hasn't felt right since, and I am all but certain that my labrum has torn again. I'm hopefully getting an MRI next week to see what's going on.
My question for you all is... what the hell? Everything I've read about this procedure says that the success rates are something like 90%. I've been meticulous about PT. I took all of the indomethacin I was prescribed, even though the side effects were brutal, because I was so worried about ossification. I got the most recent two surgeries at the Hospital for Special Surgeries, not like in a back alley somewhere. I have asked my surgeon over and over again if I displayed any signs of dysplasia or arthritis and every time he told me that I was a great candidate for this procedure, and that I should expect a full return to sport. That last bit is seeming less and less likely every day, and it's breaking my heart.
At any rate, I am absolutely at my wit's end, and if it turns out that this new pain is indeed a FOURTH torn labrum, I'm going to lose it. Do any of you ortho folks out there have any ideas about why this keeps going so poorly for me? Should I be getting screened for some sort of underlying issue? I've asked about EDS and been told that I'm generally a little hypermobile, but not to a degree that raises any red flags. Regardless, this doesn't seem normal, and I don't know what to do. I'm seeing my surgeon for a follow-up in a few weeks, and I'd like to arrive prepared.
Happy to provide more details if needed, but I was trying (unsuccessfully) to keep this on the brief side. Thanks in advance.
submitted by hipdilemma to AskDocs [link] [comments]
I have been very active my whole life. Up through my mid 20s I was playing at least two soccer games a week. I rode my bike everywhere, and went indoor rock climbing once a week or so. Snow skiing in the winter, water skiing in the summer, etc. Since I injured my hip in 2019, I've only been able to walk.
Over the last two years, I have had three hip arthroscopies for impingement and torn labrums. The first surgery was a labral repair and femoroplasty on my right hip, the second surgery was the same on my left hip, and the most recent one was a revision on my right hip after the labrum tore again, after the initial repair. I've never progressed to a point in my physical therapy where I've been able to run. Every time I get close, another hip injury reveals itself, and another surgery ensues. Last week, I felt an extremely sharp, severe pain in my left hip while walking. It hasn't felt right since, and I am all but certain that my labrum has torn again. I'm hopefully getting an MRI next week to see what's going on.
My question for you all is... what the hell? Everything I've read about this procedure says that the success rates are something like 90%. I've been meticulous about PT. I took all of the indomethacin I was prescribed, even though the side effects were brutal, because I was so worried about ossification. I got the most recent two surgeries at the Hospital for Special Surgeries, not like in a back alley somewhere. I have asked my surgeon over and over again if I displayed any signs of dysplasia or arthritis and every time he told me that I was a great candidate for this procedure, and that I should expect a full return to sport. That last bit is seeming less and less likely every day, and it's breaking my heart.
At any rate, I am absolutely at my wit's end, and if it turns out that this new pain is indeed a FOURTH torn labrum, I'm going to lose it. Do any of you ortho folks out there have any ideas about why this keeps going so poorly for me? Should I be getting screened for some sort of underlying issue? I've asked about EDS and been told that I'm generally a little hypermobile, but not to a degree that raises any red flags. Regardless, this doesn't seem normal, and I don't know what to do. I'm seeing my surgeon for a follow-up in a few weeks, and I'd like to arrive prepared.
Happy to provide more details if needed, but I was trying (unsuccessfully) to keep this on the brief side. Thanks in advance.
2023.06.06 23:18 unlightenedtard Giving up
I feel like I'm the unluckiest human on earth when it comes to socializing. Every day I go to bed lonely and crying myself to sleep.
10 years ago I weighed 145 kgs and was only talking to random people on the internet. I made the choice of improving my life - lost 65 kgs and moved to another country with zero help. I never had anything from life, parents, family. Always needed to put 5x the effort to achieve the same result as others.
After years of unthinkable pain I became self-reliant, better looking and seemingly with an ideal opportunity of starting anew.
That was almost 4 years ago and I'm still in the same spot. Just with a better job. I am as lonely as I was. I've tried everything.
I stopped going for strolls which was always my primary way of venting, only because I cannot stand the sight of people walking around holding hands, expressing love, no matter where I look they are fucking everywhere. I immediately go back home because I'm breaking down.
I envy people that are happy. I envy those who have everything with little to no effort. I envy women who are always surrounded by 200 men wanting to keep them company. I envy everyone who hears "goodnight" from someone else than self.
I hate my life and that I've been given this awful fate to live.
submitted by unlightenedtard to lonely [link] [comments]
10 years ago I weighed 145 kgs and was only talking to random people on the internet. I made the choice of improving my life - lost 65 kgs and moved to another country with zero help. I never had anything from life, parents, family. Always needed to put 5x the effort to achieve the same result as others.
After years of unthinkable pain I became self-reliant, better looking and seemingly with an ideal opportunity of starting anew.
That was almost 4 years ago and I'm still in the same spot. Just with a better job. I am as lonely as I was. I've tried everything.
- Going out public trying to meet new people - after 50th party or event you go to and return alone you kind of just give up.
- Tinder - I'm shadowbanned and get 0 likes. For the very first month I started using it it worked well, I stopped being a virgin but nothing more came out of that. Tried again and it's simply stopped working. I even bough a new phone (along with SIM etc.) to trick it into thinking I'm a new person but it's the same.
- Dozens of other dating apps - no luck.
- Asking out women I know vaguely from the past - I'm at the point where I don't even mind being a creep, but no luck here either.
- Changing my mindset from just a nice guy to a cool/dark/edgy/over-confident guy only resulted in awkward situations.
I stopped going for strolls which was always my primary way of venting, only because I cannot stand the sight of people walking around holding hands, expressing love, no matter where I look they are fucking everywhere. I immediately go back home because I'm breaking down.
I envy people that are happy. I envy those who have everything with little to no effort. I envy women who are always surrounded by 200 men wanting to keep them company. I envy everyone who hears "goodnight" from someone else than self.
I hate my life and that I've been given this awful fate to live.
2023.06.06 23:01 Okayest-Trail-Runner I finished my first trail 50M and (almost) healed achilles tendonitis/bursitis. Here's how I trained and adapted.
This post is for anybody else out there who might be dealing with achilles tendonitis or bursitis in your ankle. I’ve had a 2.5 year journey dealing with this, and recently completed my first 50 miler (Mohican 50 in Ohio) in 11:08, after only running trails 3 days/week (more on my plan later). I thought I’d share my training adaptations and lessons-learned for anybody else struggling with these issues too. Note: I’m \not* a doctor, though I’ve spent a ton of time seeing doctors, sports chiro’s, massage therapists, physical therapists, etc over the years for this issue. Take this like a conversation with a crazy trail runner friend over of a nice cup of coffee, or better yet, a nice cold beer. I hope it’s helpful!*
Context
I started trail running in summer 2020 after about 18 years of casual road running. I was never competitive, but I did complete two marathons in college. I started running trails for fun with my ‘crazy’ ultra-running friends in fall 2020 and heard countless stories of their races, learned their training tips, and signed up for my first 50k in May, 2021.
Late fall 2020 my rapid switch to trails caught up with me, and I started experiencing a burning pain in the back of my ankle, near the heel. After a few doctor visits and an ultrasound of my achilles (this is important, please do this if you suspect achilles issues!). I found out that I had bursitis from insertional achilles tendonitis. I was assured by multiple doctors that my achilles itself was fine, but the tension in my weak-a$$ calves was pulling on everything downstream and causing the inflammation. I ran through that pain and somewhat ignored the PT exercises I was given, also half-a$$ing my training for the 50k. I did finish that 50k (it was a spicy one to boot, with over 5,000ft of gain on technical trails), but finished thoroughly broken with an average pace of 14:30. Woof.
I took 2022 ‘off’ from racing and was feeling good enough in November 2022 to sign up for my first 50M. But I still had bursitis, along with some other issues like high hamstring pain and pain in my right hip. Here’s where the changes started. I was going to do this right this time.
Changes I made First, I got a solid PT and orthopedic doctor based on the recommendation of a local trail-runner friend - a doctor that understood runners and wasn’t just going to tell me to stop running. In January 2023 I hit the PT exercises hard. Hundreds of calf eccentrics (heel lowers to ground-level only) each week, hamstring eccentrics to help with high-hamstring pain I developed, and lots of single-leg work with the leg press. I also worked on my hips using a band doing clamshells, monster walks, etc. I continued every single exercise throughout training up to the week before my race, which was June 3rd, 2023.
Second, I decided this time I wasn’t going to wing it: I was going to follow *a plan* (gasp), but adapt it so I spent less time running, more time cross training to take stress off my ankle. I got a Trail Runner Mag. subscription and gobbled up every article I could find: Training plans. Nutrition. Speed work. Hill work. Weight lifting. Nutrition. Hydration. The list went on, and I read it all. I eventually landed on a few training plans I liked (linked after this), and paid close attention to them both while allowing myself some flexibility for my bursitis. I officially started training 22 weeks out from race day, January 7th, 2023.
Key Training Adjustments for Bursitis/Achilles Tendonitis
When I started training in January the burning pain post long-runs was real. My ankle would “stiffen up” after the long runs, so any prolonged sitting or sleeping made it much worse post-run. I used the following techniques to help with this and today have nearly zero pain while running and very minimal to no pain post-run (even after 18-20 miles!). Now, mind you, my ankle was angry for about 3 days after the 50M, but I expected that. These tactics got me a good 80% better. I still have work to do, but I’m close, and I hope this helps you too!
My training plan was a combination of pure trail runs (I never wasted time running on roads or treadmills), cross training on ellipticals, stairmaster, bike, yoga (almost daily) and weight lifting. I believe the lifting, specifically addressing my weak areas, was key to my race-day success, and I broke it up into pieces throughout the week so my “off” running days focused on upper body and abs. I also believe the mobility work in yoga was incredibly important.
Race Results
The big day was June 3rd, 2023. The race was the Mohican 50 miler in Ohio. This wasn’t what you’d call an “easy” first 50 miler. The course was nearly 100% single-track on MBT with around 6-7,000 ft of gain, depending who’s watch you’re reading. The day-of was also above-average hot (upper 80’s), so I was very happy I spent 6 week prior heat acclimating in the sauna at my gym (link to the heat acclimation plan I used follows).
The race started at 6am and I felt good in the cool morning air. I noticed around mile 10, after we had apparently completed the first big climb that I didn't feel the climb was all that bad - all that hiking and stairmaster work was paying off! As the day went on the temps rose, but dumping ice water on my head at aid stations and taking s-caps every 30 minutes like it was my job kept me from feeling nauseated and good to keep eating both solid + liquid calories (I used tailwind). I had no issues with fuel - whoo-hoo!
But there's always something... The only major issue I had in this race ended up being my shoe-lacing (classic!). I had loosened my heel-lock lacing prior to the race because that lacing was rubbing on the tops of my ankle, causing some discomfort. Well, when your shoes are too loose you cause other issues, and my feet were sliding forward in my shoes the entire race, leading to some major big-toe pain and blisters.
Nonetheless, I finished with a smile in 11:08, just about 50 minutes ahead of my goal time. I snagged 1st place woman in my age group, and 9th woman overall, 39th runner out of the pack. My ankle didn't’ bother me at all during the race - only when I stopped (of course!). It took about three days for my ankle to recover, but at this point I know how to treat it and keep the pain manageable. I’ll continue to monitor my achilles with my doctor, continue all the exercises I’ve been doing, and get back to running after a few good weeks of recovery!
In Summary
If you’re dealing with achilles tendonitis, I sure do hope this is helpful! I’ve heard from many that this is an issue that may never fully go away. I’m also convinced (again, not a doctor, but based on my experience) that rest is not the answer, because if you aren’t strengthening your calves and your legs, you will never take the strain off your achilles or get blood-flow to the area to promote healing. My ankle felt better and better the more I got into my training plan - wild! Training your body to adapt and grow stronger, while not overloading the ankle is key. Take an off-day if you have pain, and see a doctor regularly to make sure you aren’t doing further damage. I hope you have the same success!
My training plan links:
Training Plan 1: https://relentlessforwardcommotion.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Free-50-mile-ultramarathon-training-plan-outline.png
More Specific Training Plan with Hill and Speed Work: https://www.trailrunnermag.com/training/training-plans-training/an-advanced-50-mile-training-plan/
Heat Acclimation Plan: https://trainright.com/ultrarunners-heat-acclimation-cheat-sheet/
Taper Week Plan: https://www.trailrunnermag.com/training/trail-tips-training/a-day-by-day-training-guide-for-race-weeks-and-tapers/
submitted by Okayest-Trail-Runner to ultrarunning [link] [comments]
Context
I started trail running in summer 2020 after about 18 years of casual road running. I was never competitive, but I did complete two marathons in college. I started running trails for fun with my ‘crazy’ ultra-running friends in fall 2020 and heard countless stories of their races, learned their training tips, and signed up for my first 50k in May, 2021.
Late fall 2020 my rapid switch to trails caught up with me, and I started experiencing a burning pain in the back of my ankle, near the heel. After a few doctor visits and an ultrasound of my achilles (this is important, please do this if you suspect achilles issues!). I found out that I had bursitis from insertional achilles tendonitis. I was assured by multiple doctors that my achilles itself was fine, but the tension in my weak-a$$ calves was pulling on everything downstream and causing the inflammation. I ran through that pain and somewhat ignored the PT exercises I was given, also half-a$$ing my training for the 50k. I did finish that 50k (it was a spicy one to boot, with over 5,000ft of gain on technical trails), but finished thoroughly broken with an average pace of 14:30. Woof.
I took 2022 ‘off’ from racing and was feeling good enough in November 2022 to sign up for my first 50M. But I still had bursitis, along with some other issues like high hamstring pain and pain in my right hip. Here’s where the changes started. I was going to do this right this time.
Changes I made First, I got a solid PT and orthopedic doctor based on the recommendation of a local trail-runner friend - a doctor that understood runners and wasn’t just going to tell me to stop running. In January 2023 I hit the PT exercises hard. Hundreds of calf eccentrics (heel lowers to ground-level only) each week, hamstring eccentrics to help with high-hamstring pain I developed, and lots of single-leg work with the leg press. I also worked on my hips using a band doing clamshells, monster walks, etc. I continued every single exercise throughout training up to the week before my race, which was June 3rd, 2023.
Second, I decided this time I wasn’t going to wing it: I was going to follow *a plan* (gasp), but adapt it so I spent less time running, more time cross training to take stress off my ankle. I got a Trail Runner Mag. subscription and gobbled up every article I could find: Training plans. Nutrition. Speed work. Hill work. Weight lifting. Nutrition. Hydration. The list went on, and I read it all. I eventually landed on a few training plans I liked (linked after this), and paid close attention to them both while allowing myself some flexibility for my bursitis. I officially started training 22 weeks out from race day, January 7th, 2023.
Key Training Adjustments for Bursitis/Achilles Tendonitis
When I started training in January the burning pain post long-runs was real. My ankle would “stiffen up” after the long runs, so any prolonged sitting or sleeping made it much worse post-run. I used the following techniques to help with this and today have nearly zero pain while running and very minimal to no pain post-run (even after 18-20 miles!). Now, mind you, my ankle was angry for about 3 days after the 50M, but I expected that. These tactics got me a good 80% better. I still have work to do, but I’m close, and I hope this helps you too!
- Run less (but maintain time on feet): Every single 50M training plan you’ll find has you running 5-6 days/week. I knew my ankle couldn’t handle that, so I adapted my plan such that I was only on trails 3 days a week - the long run on Saturday, the back-to-back Sunday, and one mid-week run on Wednesdays, when I also did my hill workouts. I found that book-ending the long weekend runs with two days “off my feet” allowed my ankle time to recover and inflammation to go down. But I wasn’t idle Tuesdays and Thursdays! These days I’d use a combination of elliptical, stairmaster, and treadmill hiking to get in the equivalent miles and time-on-feet necessary, while also ensuring I kept my HR in the equivalent zone to what I’d see on a run. As you’ll see in my race results - THIS APPROACH WORKS! A summary of my weekly plan follows this list.
- Calf eccentrics: I’d suggest Googling this (or better, talk to a knowledgeable sports doc), but the basic idea is you rise up onto your toes with both feet then stand on the affected leg and slowly (3-5 seconds) lower your heel down to floor-level. The floor-level part is important based on *which* part of your achilles is damaged (please see a doctor about this!). For insertional achilles issues, I learned you don’t want to lower your heel below ground-level (e.g. on a stair), which is suggested for other achilles issues. I did 2-3 sets of 15 once or twice per day the entire training cycle, except days I was running on trails. I would also leave one day (Mondays) completely off for rest and recovery.
- High-drop shoes: I’ve always run in a higher-drop shoes (I wear the La Sportiva Jackal II, which has a 7mm drop). The higher drop takes some load off your achilles.
- Heel lifts/shoe inserts: Towards the latter end of my training my sports doc suggested I try a ¼” heel lift in my shoes to help with the bursitis, and it made a huge difference (put one in each shoe to prevent other issues, of course 🙂 ). The idea is: the heel lift takes additional load off your achilles - I wish I had done this sooner. There’s lots of research online about how effective this can be. The only downside is that it changed the dynamics of my shoes, so I had to start heel-lock lacing to prevent my foot from sliding forwards in my shoes. I’d say this was a major contributing factor to why my ankle started feeling a lot better, even in the peak training period.
- Apply Voltaren and Arnica Cream to affected area: Voltaren is a topical NSAID and Arnica cream is also an all-natural pain reliever. I’d apply these to my ankle at night and wrap it in Saran wrap (I know, sounds crazy), but the wrap helps both absorb into the skin. I’d wake up feeling much better
- Vibrants Pain Relief Patches: now this is a little “out there” but these biofrequency patches also worked great for relieving pain and inflammation on my ankle. I’d put them on post-run and my pain would melt away. I’m not sure I’m 100% bought-in to the science behind them (or pseudo-science), but they worked for me, placebo effect or not.
- Similar to the above, the KT Tape Wave also was great for pain-relief: a little more pseudoscience that I’m skeptical about, but it works. My sports chiropractor recommended this to me and it absolutely works. It’s also great for relieving muscle pain and speeding recovery overall.
- Massages and dry needling: I also got regular massages and dry needling and have a collection of foam rollers, balls, etc to release my muscles at home too. Keeping your calves loose is key to relieving the strain on your ankle.
- A note on ibuprofen: overall, ibuprofen never seemed to do much for me. Ibuprofen is known to be a bad idea before/during/after runs because of how it affects your kidneys, so I avoided it altogether.
My training plan was a combination of pure trail runs (I never wasted time running on roads or treadmills), cross training on ellipticals, stairmaster, bike, yoga (almost daily) and weight lifting. I believe the lifting, specifically addressing my weak areas, was key to my race-day success, and I broke it up into pieces throughout the week so my “off” running days focused on upper body and abs. I also believe the mobility work in yoga was incredibly important.
- Saturday long run on trail
- The longest run I did was a 50k 4 weeks out, and by then my ankle was handling that distance quite well. I did about 3 other 20 miles runs and a few 18 mile runs
- Sunday back-to-back run on trail
- I used a time-on-feet model for Sundays, usually between 1-2.5 hours
- Monday active recovery/upper body weights and abs + yoga
- Tuesday cross training on elliptical//stairmastetreadmill hiking + leg day (focused on hips) + yoga
- Wednesday speed day on elliptical or hill work on trail + yoga
- Thursday medium length trail run (if it was a speed week) or cross training as above with a bigger leg day (working hamstring, quads, doing mountain legs, all the big ones) + yoga
- Friday active recovery/upper body weights and abs + yoga
Race Results
The big day was June 3rd, 2023. The race was the Mohican 50 miler in Ohio. This wasn’t what you’d call an “easy” first 50 miler. The course was nearly 100% single-track on MBT with around 6-7,000 ft of gain, depending who’s watch you’re reading. The day-of was also above-average hot (upper 80’s), so I was very happy I spent 6 week prior heat acclimating in the sauna at my gym (link to the heat acclimation plan I used follows).
The race started at 6am and I felt good in the cool morning air. I noticed around mile 10, after we had apparently completed the first big climb that I didn't feel the climb was all that bad - all that hiking and stairmaster work was paying off! As the day went on the temps rose, but dumping ice water on my head at aid stations and taking s-caps every 30 minutes like it was my job kept me from feeling nauseated and good to keep eating both solid + liquid calories (I used tailwind). I had no issues with fuel - whoo-hoo!
But there's always something... The only major issue I had in this race ended up being my shoe-lacing (classic!). I had loosened my heel-lock lacing prior to the race because that lacing was rubbing on the tops of my ankle, causing some discomfort. Well, when your shoes are too loose you cause other issues, and my feet were sliding forward in my shoes the entire race, leading to some major big-toe pain and blisters.
Nonetheless, I finished with a smile in 11:08, just about 50 minutes ahead of my goal time. I snagged 1st place woman in my age group, and 9th woman overall, 39th runner out of the pack. My ankle didn't’ bother me at all during the race - only when I stopped (of course!). It took about three days for my ankle to recover, but at this point I know how to treat it and keep the pain manageable. I’ll continue to monitor my achilles with my doctor, continue all the exercises I’ve been doing, and get back to running after a few good weeks of recovery!
In Summary
If you’re dealing with achilles tendonitis, I sure do hope this is helpful! I’ve heard from many that this is an issue that may never fully go away. I’m also convinced (again, not a doctor, but based on my experience) that rest is not the answer, because if you aren’t strengthening your calves and your legs, you will never take the strain off your achilles or get blood-flow to the area to promote healing. My ankle felt better and better the more I got into my training plan - wild! Training your body to adapt and grow stronger, while not overloading the ankle is key. Take an off-day if you have pain, and see a doctor regularly to make sure you aren’t doing further damage. I hope you have the same success!
My training plan links:
Training Plan 1: https://relentlessforwardcommotion.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Free-50-mile-ultramarathon-training-plan-outline.png
More Specific Training Plan with Hill and Speed Work: https://www.trailrunnermag.com/training/training-plans-training/an-advanced-50-mile-training-plan/
Heat Acclimation Plan: https://trainright.com/ultrarunners-heat-acclimation-cheat-sheet/
Taper Week Plan: https://www.trailrunnermag.com/training/trail-tips-training/a-day-by-day-training-guide-for-race-weeks-and-tapers/
2023.06.06 22:50 Slight-Dog-6181 Where are the people who don't get better?
I think it may be taken for granted a little bit that vaginismus is a treatable condition, because 10% don't achieve pain-free, pleasurable sex after treatment. (Source: https://www.intimaterose.com/blogs/pelvic-pain/vaginismus-treatment)
Of course a 90% success rate is still excellent, but that leaves hundreds, maybe even thousands of women who sink time, effort and money into treatment with no or little success when they have what's supposed to be a curable condition. I can imagine it might be easy for an outsider to place blame on this 10%: if vaginismus is supposed to be so treatable, what's wrong with these women that they couldn't cure themselves?
Why am I harping on a minority of people? I think it would be helpful to differentiate vaginismus that does and does not respond to treatment, because there's a big difference mentally in giving your all to get better versus having to accept a chronic condition. In addition, I've found absolutely no resources online on what to do if you suspect you're the unlucky 10%, why that might be the case, or even how to tell in the first place. In my own experience, I've experienced a lot of frustration with doctors and a PT who could not or would not tell me what a reasonable time frame for progress could look like. I get it's different for everyone, but if I've been doing therapy for months with no progress, I'm going to start to wonder if I belong to that 10%. But I'll never know for sure because there's no metric I'm aware of to identity untreatable vaginismus. The best I got from my PT was to continue therapy and exercises in perpetuity even if I'm not seeing progress, and that's so demoralizing I don't even really want to get into it. If I need to accept having chronic pain, I can't really do that if I'm still doing therapy and holding out hope to get better, nor should I be expected to do therapy if it doesn't benefit me. But again, there's no real way to tell for sure when it's reasonable to call it quits.
submitted by Slight-Dog-6181 to vaginismus [link] [comments]
Of course a 90% success rate is still excellent, but that leaves hundreds, maybe even thousands of women who sink time, effort and money into treatment with no or little success when they have what's supposed to be a curable condition. I can imagine it might be easy for an outsider to place blame on this 10%: if vaginismus is supposed to be so treatable, what's wrong with these women that they couldn't cure themselves?
Why am I harping on a minority of people? I think it would be helpful to differentiate vaginismus that does and does not respond to treatment, because there's a big difference mentally in giving your all to get better versus having to accept a chronic condition. In addition, I've found absolutely no resources online on what to do if you suspect you're the unlucky 10%, why that might be the case, or even how to tell in the first place. In my own experience, I've experienced a lot of frustration with doctors and a PT who could not or would not tell me what a reasonable time frame for progress could look like. I get it's different for everyone, but if I've been doing therapy for months with no progress, I'm going to start to wonder if I belong to that 10%. But I'll never know for sure because there's no metric I'm aware of to identity untreatable vaginismus. The best I got from my PT was to continue therapy and exercises in perpetuity even if I'm not seeing progress, and that's so demoralizing I don't even really want to get into it. If I need to accept having chronic pain, I can't really do that if I'm still doing therapy and holding out hope to get better, nor should I be expected to do therapy if it doesn't benefit me. But again, there's no real way to tell for sure when it's reasonable to call it quits.
2023.06.06 22:39 theycallmedumpling What bit me?
I was swimming in Benalmadena and when I got out of the water, I stepped on something and felt a sharp pain in my foot. I checked what happened and I had a little blood on my sole but I didn’t see anything left in there (like a needle or glass).
I started walking home and the pain got worse, at one point I could barely walk. I finally got home, washed myself and in 10-15 min my foot was swollen and the area was red and hot.
It didn’t get any worse than this, the pain was maybe a 7 and the foot started going back to normal after an hour or so. I couldn’t step on it 100% for the rest of the day and it was still uncomfortable the next day.
So I was wondering - what bit me? I searched online but I really don’t think it was a jelly fish or a sea urchin (I was very close to the shore, in ankle deep water). Do you know of any sealife in the area that could sting?
submitted by theycallmedumpling to Malaga [link] [comments]
I started walking home and the pain got worse, at one point I could barely walk. I finally got home, washed myself and in 10-15 min my foot was swollen and the area was red and hot.
It didn’t get any worse than this, the pain was maybe a 7 and the foot started going back to normal after an hour or so. I couldn’t step on it 100% for the rest of the day and it was still uncomfortable the next day.
So I was wondering - what bit me? I searched online but I really don’t think it was a jelly fish or a sea urchin (I was very close to the shore, in ankle deep water). Do you know of any sealife in the area that could sting?
2023.06.06 22:32 valueyoghurt I think I’m approaching the end (empathy is almost completely gone)
I’m even struggling to write this. I just don’t care to write it. I’ve discarded the message a dozen times or more. Growing up, I suffered very severe neglect in many different ways. But the most severe was being ignored and emotionally neglected. No hugs, my family would sometimes ignore me for several days at a time 24/7. Or even several months (but not 24/7). I remember very distinctly at around age 10 or 11, it was an extended period of ignoring and I came into the living room where my parents were. This was back when I still was fault positive about things and didn’t take it to heart too much but this was the time when it finally broke me. I spoke to them, I don’t know how many times. A couple 2-3. And then I just left the room slowly as I felt my soul leave my body. I pinched my arm because I thought I might be dead. I was searching for some reason why nobody could see me or hear me. I thought I was a ghost. As a child, I was beaten at school, set alight, raped, bullied relentlessly but this was the thing which really broke me completely and I’ve never recovered from it. Now I’m in my mid-30s and I’ve been through many relationships with various women. I tried my best with each but the previous one was abusive and ground me down so much that I had to spend a week in hospital and a week in a suicidal watch hostel. Now my latest relationship is in its final stages and it’s because she keeps ignoring me. I’ve explained all this to her. She knows a lot about my past and I’ve begged her not to ignore me. I’ve articulated how painful it is and how cruel it is if she continues to do it after I’ve told her why she shouldn’t. Anyway she has a billion excuses as to why she does it, many of which are completely valid and wouldn’t be an issue for anyone who wasn’t traumatised. But the fact remains that I would prefer to live alone then live with someone who makes me feel like that terrified little boy who thought he might be dead. But that’s not all, more and more I’ve been treating her like complete shit. I’ve been talking to her with horrendous language, insulting her, telling her I don’t care. I don’t care though. Tonight I saw a video which was explaining studies which say that brain scans can predict when suicide will happen. They see the frontal lobe activity get very low. They see areas which deal with empathy and reasoning become pretty much complete dead. Well that’s me, I was a very empathetic person but not anymore. On a good day, I don’t give a shit what happens to anyone. Days like today, when I’ve spent the day being ignored by my wife “I’m busy I’m busy” constantly for days, I even hate some people. At the same time, I feel more calm about the afterlife. Or not calm, maybe I just don’t care. I just want the pain to stop. I understand people are busy. I don’t need someone every second of the day. But it’s been months of the same crap. She wakes up late every day, dresses and goes straight to work. Then she works and I’m not allowed to bother her while she does. But then she will talk to me while she’s working whenever she wants. Even if I’m bust working myself. Then after I wait all day to talk about the thing I wanted to talk about, she finally finishes and moved onto the next task. Then the next. And I wake up early every day tired so I go to bed at around 10pm. And she goes to bed at midnight or 1pm. Usually wakes me up too even thought I begged her to stop doing it. And if I raise any of this with her, I’m me only with “I don’t care” and “stop complaining”. I know I’m also doing horrible things to her like insulting and the like, but I’m not making any kind of effort for someone who can make me feel this severely hurt. So anyway, I think I’m finally letting go of the world. It never gets better. I really did my best. I can honestly say I did my best but I think 2023 is my last year. I’m not so dramatic to say that I will do anything this week or even this summer. But I feel my empathy and my will to live dissolving by the say. I am very close to not caring how sad anyone will feel after I die.
submitted by valueyoghurt to depression [link] [comments]
2023.06.06 22:31 eastern5100 Why do my (35/f) friends and family keep bringing up my ex (38/m)?
I dated my ex-boyfriend for 10 years. He cheated on me, we broke up. A few years later we reconciled and dated for a couple of years. Then we broke up again and I have not seen or spoken to him since, it has been almost three years.
He was toxic and abusive and I am glad I left him. I am sorry I ever got involved with him in the first place. My family/friends only know he cheated, they don't know about the other stuff and because they are blabbermouths and I feel they won't understand/be judgemental I would prefer to keep it that way.
But despite that, I do not understand why my friends and family still ask about my ex or bring him up in conversation (my friends do this a lot.) Who wants to continue to talk about someone who cheated on them and they know the relationship caused me pain and aggravation? I do not bring up their previous relationships. Just today my mom randomly asked if I still talk to him. I was like no.....
Do they not believe me or something? I want to say please do not bring him up anymore but I feel like I will come across as angry and bitter but the truth is I don't want to think about him or discuss him ever again. It has been 3 years. I want to move on and I feel like everyone keeps pulling me back.
tl;dr: my friends and family keep bringing up my ex-boyfriend even though that relationship ended 3 years ago
submitted by eastern5100 to relationships [link] [comments]
He was toxic and abusive and I am glad I left him. I am sorry I ever got involved with him in the first place. My family/friends only know he cheated, they don't know about the other stuff and because they are blabbermouths and I feel they won't understand/be judgemental I would prefer to keep it that way.
But despite that, I do not understand why my friends and family still ask about my ex or bring him up in conversation (my friends do this a lot.) Who wants to continue to talk about someone who cheated on them and they know the relationship caused me pain and aggravation? I do not bring up their previous relationships. Just today my mom randomly asked if I still talk to him. I was like no.....
Do they not believe me or something? I want to say please do not bring him up anymore but I feel like I will come across as angry and bitter but the truth is I don't want to think about him or discuss him ever again. It has been 3 years. I want to move on and I feel like everyone keeps pulling me back.
tl;dr: my friends and family keep bringing up my ex-boyfriend even though that relationship ended 3 years ago
2023.06.06 22:31 ptorres324 The Story of Finn Balor and how he became The Demon King
 | Finn Balor was a normal human being, until one day he discovered a strange tattoo on his chest. It was a red symbol that looked like a pair of wings and a tail. He had no idea where it came from or what it meant, but he felt a strange connection to it. submitted by ptorres324 to u/ptorres324 [link] [comments] He soon realized that the tattoo was not just a decoration, but a mark of a powerful entity that lived inside him. The entity called itself the Demon, and it claimed to be an ancient spirit of chaos and destruction. It said that it had chosen Finn as its host, and that it could grant him incredible strength and speed, but at a price. The Demon wanted to take over Finn's body and mind, and use him as a vessel to unleash its wrath on the world. It said that Finn had to surrender to it willingly, or it would force its way out. The Demon also warned Finn that if he resisted, he would suffer unbearable pain and madness. Finn was terrified by the Demon's words, but he also felt a curiosity and a temptation. He wondered what it would be like to have such power, and what he could do with it. He also wondered if he could control the Demon, or at least coexist with it peacefully. He decided to test the Demon's abilities, and see for himself what it could do. He went to a local wrestling gym, where he met some of his friends who were also wrestlers. He challenged them to a friendly match, and activated the Demon's power. As soon as he did, he felt a surge of energy coursing through his veins. His muscles bulged and his body became more ripped, his eyes glowed red, and his tattoo spread all over his body. He looked like a demonic version of himself, with horns, fangs, claws, and scales. His clothes transformed into red and black leather trunks with black boots and knee pads. He appeared as a wild demonic warrior! He also felt a change in his personality. He became more aggressive, confident, and ruthless. He didn't care about the rules or the safety of his opponents. He wanted to dominate them, hurt them, and make them fear him. He easily defeated his friends, who were shocked and scared by his transformation. They tried to reason with him, but he ignored them. He only listened to the Demon's voice in his head, which urged him to continue his rampage. He left the gym, and headed to the streets. He saw people running away from him in panic, but he didn't care. He felt invincible and unstoppable. He felt like he was the king of the world. He was wrong. He soon encountered a group of criminals, who were robbing a bank. They had guns and explosives, and they were threatening to kill the hostages if anyone tried to stop them. They saw Finn approaching them, and they laughed at his appearance. "Look at this freak! What are you supposed to be? A Halloween costume?" They fired at him, but the bullets bounced off his skin. He laughed at their futile attempts, and charged at them. He grabbed one of them by the neck, and lifted him off the ground. He looked into his eyes, and saw fear and pain. He smiled wickedly, and squeezed harder. He was about to snap his neck, when he heard a scream. "Please! Don't hurt him! He's my brother!" It was one of the hostages, who had recognized the criminal as her sibling. She had been forced to join him in the robbery by their abusive father, who had threatened to kill them if they didn't obey him. She ran towards Finn, and pleaded with him to spare her brother's life. Finn felt her touch, and heard her voice. He felt a wave of emotion wash over him. He remembered who he was, and what he had done. He realized that he had gone too far. He dropped the criminal, who gasped for air. He turned around, and looked at the hostage's face. He saw fear and gratitude in her eyes. He also saw blood on her shirt. He looked down, and saw that she had been shot in the chest by one of the other criminals when she ran towards him. She was bleeding profusely. He gasped in horror. "What have I done?" He let go of her, and ran to her side. He tried to stop the bleeding with his hands. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." He felt the Demon's power fading away from him. His body returned to normal. His tattoo disappeared. He also felt the Demon's anger and disappointment in him. "You fool... You weakling... You traitor..." The Demon's voice echoed in his mind. "You had everything... You had me... And you threw it all away... For her..." The Demon spat out one last word before leaving him alone. "Coward..." Finn sobbed uncontrollably. He had lost everything. He had lost himself. But he also gained something. He gained a new purpose. He realized that he had been given a gift, not a curse. He realized that he could use the Demon's power for good, not evil. He realized that he could be a hero, not a villain. He decided to make a vow. He vowed to never let the Demon take over him again. He vowed to only use the Demon's power when he needed to protect the innocent and fight the wicked. He vowed to be the master of the Demon, not its slave. He vowed to be the Demon King. DEMON KING II Finn Balor had become the Demon King, a superhero who used the power of the Demon to fight crime and injustice. He had learned to control the Demon's influence, and only unleashed it when he needed to. He had also made a secret identity for himself, as a journalist who worked for a local newspaper. He had also found love. He had saved the life of the hostage who was shot in the chest by the criminals, and they had fallen in love. Her name was Leah, and she was a nurse who worked at a nearby hospital. She knew about his secret, and supported him in his mission. They were happy together, but they also faced many challenges. They had to deal with the Demon's resentment and jealousy, which sometimes tried to sabotage their relationship. They also had to deal with the enemies that Finn had made as the Demon King, who wanted to destroy him and everything he cared about. One of these enemies was a mysterious figure known as the Dark Lord. He was a powerful and evil mastermind who controlled a vast criminal empire. He had a personal vendetta against Finn, because he was the one who had given him the Demon's mark in the first place. The Dark Lord had been searching for the Demon for centuries, hoping to harness its power for his own nefarious purposes. He had experimented on countless people, trying to implant them with the Demon's essence. But none of them could survive the process, or resist the Demon's will. He had finally found Finn, who was the perfect host for the Demon. He had kidnapped him and tortured him, trying to break his spirit and make him submit to him. He had also branded him with the Demon's mark, hoping to bind him to his will. But he had underestimated Finn's strength and courage. Finn had managed to escape from his clutches, and vowed to stop him from harming anyone else. He had also discovered that he could use the Demon's power against him, as it gave him an edge over his enemies. The Dark Lord was furious and obsessed with Finn. He wanted to capture him again, and make him his slave. He wanted to take away everything he loved, and make him suffer. He wanted to make him pay for his defiance. He devised a plan to lure Finn into a trap. He sent one of his agents to infiltrate Leah's hospital, and plant a bomb in it. He then contacted Finn anonymously, and told him that he had one hour to save Leah and everyone else in the hospital, or they would all die. He also told him that he had to come alone, or he would detonate the bomb immediately. He said that he wanted to face him one-on-one, and settle their score once and for all. Finn was shocked and enraged by the Dark Lord's message. He knew that it was a trap, but he also knew that he couldn't ignore it. He loved Leah more than anything in the world, and he couldn't let her die. He decided to go to the hospital, and try to find and disarm the bomb. He also decided to activate the Demon's power, and prepare for a fight. He kissed Leah goodbye, and told her that he loved her. He also told her that he would be back soon. He hoped that he was telling the truth. ``` Finn Balor arrived at the hospital, and looked for the bomb. He used his enhanced senses to scan the building, and detected a faint signal coming from the basement. He followed it, and found a metal suitcase hidden behind some boxes. He opened it, and saw a digital timer counting down from 10 minutes. He also saw a complex wiring system connected to a large explosive device. He realized that he had no idea how to disarm it. He cursed under his breath, and tried to think of a solution. He wondered if he could use the Demon's power to destroy the bomb, but he feared that it would cause a bigger explosion. He wondered if he could call for help, but he remembered that the Dark Lord had threatened to blow up the bomb if he did. He decided to try to cut the wires, and hope for the best. He took out his pocket knife, and looked for the right wire to cut. He had seen some movies where they always cut the red wire, but he wasn't sure if that was true. He decided to take a chance, and cut the red wire. He was wrong. The timer sped up, and started counting down from 5 seconds. He panicked, and dropped the knife. He grabbed the suitcase, and ran towards the exit. He hoped that he could get out of the building before it exploded. He was wrong. The bomb went off, and sent a shockwave through the basement. The floor collapsed, and Finn fell into a dark abyss. He screamed, and activated the Demon's power. He hoped that it would protect him from the blast. He was right. The Demon's power shielded him from the fire and debris. He felt a surge of energy coursing through his veins. His muscles bulged, his eyes glowed red, and his tattoo spread all over his body. He looked like a demonic version of himself, with horns, fangs, claws, and scales. He also felt a change in his personality. He became more aggressive, confident, and ruthless. He didn't care about anything else but survival. He wanted to get out of there, and find the Dark Lord. He wanted to make him pay for what he had done. He used his claws to dig his way out of the rubble. He saw a hole in the ceiling, and jumped through it. He landed on the ground floor of the hospital, where he saw chaos and destruction. He saw people running away from him in panic, but he didn't care. He felt invincible and unstoppable. He felt like he was the king of the world. He was wrong. He soon encountered a group of superheroes, who had arrived at the scene to help the victims and stop the culprit. They had heard about the bomb threat, and had rushed to the hospital as fast as they could. They saw Finn emerging from the hole in the ceiling, and they recognized him as the Demon King. They knew that he was a hero who used his power for good, but they also knew that he was unstable and dangerous when he lost control. They decided to try to calm him down, and talk to him. "Hey! Finn! It's us! Your friends!" They shouted at him, hoping to get his attention. Finn heard their voices, but he didn't recognize them. He only saw enemies who wanted to stop him from reaching his goal. He ignored them, and continued walking towards the exit. They tried to block his way, but he pushed them aside with ease. They tried to restrain him with their powers, but he broke free with force. They tried to reason with him with their words, but he didn't listen to them. He only listened to the Demon's voice in his head, which urged him to continue his rampage. "Kill them... Kill them all... They are nothing... You are everything..." The Demon's voice echoed in his mind. Finn obeyed. "' Finn Balor had become a monster. He had lost control of the Demon's power, and had attacked everyone who stood in his way. He had fought the superheroes who tried to stop him, and had injured many of them. He had also caused a lot of collateral damage to the hospital and the surrounding area. He had also lost Leah. She had survived the bomb blast, thanks to the quick intervention of one of the superheroes. She had been taken to another hospital, where she was treated for her wounds. She had also learned about what Finn had done, and she was heartbroken. She couldn't believe that the man she loved had turned into a violent and ruthless killer. She couldn't understand what had happened to him, or why he had changed so much. She couldn't forgive him for what he had done, or trust him again. She decided to end their relationship, and cut off all contact with him. She also decided to move away from the city, and start a new life somewhere else. She hoped that she could forget him. She was wrong. Finn eventually regained his senses, and realized what he had done. He was horrified and ashamed by his actions. He remembered who he was, and what he had lost. He realized that he had gone too far. He tried to find Leah, and apologize to her. He hoped that she would still love him, and give him another chance. He hoped that they could be happy together again. He was wrong. He learned that Leah had left him, and moved away. He also learned that she hated him, and wanted nothing to do with him. He also learned that she blamed him for everything that had happened, and wished that he would die. He was devastated. He tried to contact her, and beg for her forgiveness. He tried to explain what had happened, and how he felt. He tried to tell her that he still loved her, and that he needed her. He was wrong. She ignored his calls, messages, and letters. She blocked his number, email, and social media accounts. She refused to talk to him, or listen to him. She rejected his pleas, and his love. She wanted him to leave her alone. He was crushed. He decided to give up on Leah, and focus on his mission as the Demon King. He decided to use the Demon's power for good again, and fight the Dark Lord and his minions. He decided to redeem himself for his sins, and make the world a better place. He was wrong. He found out that the Dark Lord had escaped from his hideout, and gone into hiding. He also found out that he had hired a team of assassins to kill him. He also found out that he had a new plan to unleash a deadly virus on the city. He was furious. He decided to hunt down the Dark Lord, and stop him once and for all. He decided to use the Demon's power to its full extent, and show no mercy to his enemies. He decided to end this war, and make the Dark Lord pay for what he had done. He was wrong. He fell into another trap set by the Dark Lord. He was ambushed by the assassins, who attacked him with advanced weapons and tactics. He was outnumbered and outmatched by them. He was wounded and weakened by them. He was captured by them. They took him to a secret location, where they tortured and punished him mercilessly. They beat him up, burned him with fire, electrocuted him with wires, injected him with poison, cut him with blades, lashed him mercilessly with a firey bullwhip on his bare back and buttocks, broke his bones with hammers, ripped out his nails with pliers... They did everything they could think of to make him suffer. They also mocked him for being a failure as a hero and a lover. They told him how Leah hated him and wished he was dead. They told him how she had moved on with her life and found someone else. They told him how she was happy without him. They lied to him. They wanted to break his spirit and make him submit to them. They wanted to make him beg for death or mercy. They wanted to make him their slave. They were wrong. Finn endured their torture with gritted teeth and clenched fists. He refused to give in or give up. He resisted their pain and their lies. He fought back with his will and his pride. He also fought back with the Demon's power. He felt the Demon's presence in his mind again, but this time it was different. It wasn't angry or jealous or resentful of him anymore. It wasn't trying to take over him or destroy him anymore. It was trying to help him and save him. It said that it had seen his suffering and his courage, and that it had changed its mind about him. It said that it had realized that he was a worthy host and a worthy partner. It said that it had decided to join forces with him, and fight against their common enemy. It said that it was sorry for what it had done, and that it wanted to make amends. It said that it was ready to be his ally and his friend. It offered him its power and its support, and asked him to accept it. Finn was surprised and touched by the Demon's words. He felt a new connection and a new respect for it. He felt a new hope and a new strength in him. He decided to accept the Demon's offer, and trust it. He said yes. He felt the Demon's power flowing through him, healing his wounds and restoring his energy and health. He felt the Demon's voice guiding him, telling him what to do and how to do it. He felt the Demon's spirit joining him, becoming one with him. He became the Demon King again, but this time he was different. He was stronger, faster, smarter, and more powerful than ever before. He was also more balanced, calm, and focused than ever before. He was ready to escape from his captors, and confront the Dark Lord. He was ready to end this story. ``` Finn Balor escaped from the torture chamber, and fought his way out of the secret base. He used the Demon's power to defeat the assassins and the guards, and to destroy the weapons and the equipment. He also used the Demon's power to track down the Dark Lord, and to find his location. He followed his trail to an abandoned warehouse, where he saw a large truck parked outside. He sensed that the truck was carrying the deadly virus that the Dark Lord had planned to unleash on the city. He also sensed that the Dark Lord was inside the warehouse, waiting for him. He decided to confront him, and stop him once and for all. He decided to use the Demon's power to its full extent, and show no mercy to him. He decided to end this war, and make him pay for what he had done. He entered the warehouse, and saw the Dark Lord standing in front of a large screen. He saw that he was wearing a black cloak and a metal mask, hiding his face and his identity. He also saw that he had a remote control in his hand, ready to activate the virus. He greeted Finn with a cold and sinister voice. "Welcome, Finn Balor. Welcome to your doom." He pressed a button on the remote control, and activated the screen. He showed Finn a live feed of Leah's hospital room, where she was lying on a bed. She looked pale and weak, but she was still alive. He smiled wickedly behind his mask. "Say hello to your girlfriend, Finn. Or should I say, goodbye?" He revealed his plan to Finn. He said that he had planted another bomb in Leah's hospital room, and that he had set it to explode in 10 minutes. He said that he had also infected her with the virus, and that she was dying slowly and painfully. He said that he wanted Finn to watch her die, and to suffer as much as he did. He said that he wanted him to feel helpless and hopeless, and to lose everything he cared about. He said that he wanted him to know how it felt to be betrayed by someone he loved. He said that he was the one who had given Leah the virus. He said that he was Leah's father. He took off his mask, and revealed his face. Finn gasped in shock. He recognized him as Leah's father, who had abused her and her brother for years. He recognized him as the man who had forced them to join him in his criminal activities. He recognized him as the man who had tried to kill them when they refused. He also recognized him as the man who had kidnapped him and tortured him. He recognized him as the man who had branded him with the Demon's mark. He recognized him as the man who had ruined his life. He was the Dark Lord. He laughed maniacally at Finn's reaction. "Surprised? You shouldn't be. I've been watching you for a long time, Finn. Ever since you escaped from me, and became the Demon King. Ever since you met my daughter, and fell in love with her." He explained his motives to Finn. He said that he hated Finn for being stronger than him, and for resisting his control. He said that he hated Finn for being happier than him, and for finding love with his daughter. He said that he hated Finn for being better than him, and for being a hero. He said that he wanted to destroy Finn's happiness, and make him suffer. He said that he wanted to take away his power, and make him weak. He said that he wanted to take away his love, and make him lonely. He said that he wanted to take away his life, and make him dead. He pointed a gun at Finn's head. "Goodbye, Finn Balor. Goodbye, Demon King." He pulled the trigger. He missed. Finn dodged the bullet at the last second, thanks to the Demon's power. He reacted quickly, and charged at the Dark Lord. He tackled him to the ground, and punched him in the face. He fought with all his strength and all his rage. He used his fists and his claws to inflict pain on his enemy. He used his teeth and his horns to draw blood from his enemy. He used his voice and his words to insult his enemy. He wanted to kill him. But he didn't. He stopped himself at the last moment, thanks to Leah's love. He remembered her face and her voice in his mind. He remembered her kindness and her compassion in his heart. He remembered her words and her wishes in his soul. He wanted to honor her. He decided to spare the Dark Lord's life, and let him face justice. He decided to use the Demon's power for good again, and save the city. He decided to redeem himself for his sins, and make the world a better place. He decided to be a hero. He got up from the ground, and grabbed the remote control from the Dark Lord's hand. He pressed a button on it, and deactivated the bomb in Leah's hospital room. He also pressed another button on it, and deactivated the virus in the truck. He saved Leah's life, and the city's life. He smiled with relief and joy. He also felt the Demon's presence in his mind again, but this time it was different. It wasn't angry or jealous or resentful of him anymore. It wasn't trying to take over him or destroy him anymore. It was trying to help him and save him. It said that it was proud of him and his choice. It said that it had realized that he was a true hero and a true king. It said that it had decided to stay with him, and fight with him. It said that it was happy for him and his love. It said that it was ready to be his ally and his friend. It offered him its power and its support, and asked him to accept it. Finn was surprised and touched by the Demon's words. He felt a new connection and a new respect for it. He felt a new hope and a new strength in him. He decided to accept the Demon's offer, and trust it. He said yes. He felt the Demon's power flowing through him, healing his wounds and restoring his energy. He felt the Demon's voice guiding him, telling him what to do and how to do it. He felt the Demon's spirit joining him, becoming one with him. He became the Demon King again, but this time he was different. He was stronger, faster, smarter, and more powerful than ever before. He was also more balanced, calm, and focused than ever before. He was ready to leave the warehouse, and reunite with Leah. He was ready to end this story. But he also wanted to start a new one. A new story of love and happiness. A new story of peace and justice. A new story of Finn Balor and Leah. A new story of the Demon King Finn Balor of today The End ``` |
2023.06.06 22:29 RedHawwk Symptoms improved after finally getting surgery scheduled...anyone else experience this?
I had a SLAP repair about 15 months ago with poor results, left me worse off than I was pre-op in near constant pain. I had been doing PT the entire time and saw minimal results. I went from flare ups 5 days a week and every day pain to flare ups 2 or 3 days a week with every day pain still existing. I finally got a surgery schedule for a tenodesis and now my symptoms have drastically improved. I have had about 2 weeks free from any major flare up, longest I've had since this all started....so...wtf.
It's just really making me confused about this all. Idk if it's because I stopped PT and reduced things that agitated it, if it's because my hip has been flaring up and distracting me, or if it's because I finally have a surgery (aka treatment) scheduled so now my brain has relief and isn't fixated on my pain.
I'm hesitant to delay surgery because we have a 1 year old and my wife has off in the summers so now is the best time to do it because the recovery is pretty long (6 weeks in a sling, 4-6 months total recovery). If I cancel it to wait and see how things are, I might have to hold off until next summer.
I just can't believe I went through 15 months of daily pain to suddenly have relief once I get surgery scheduled. I know I feel good now but I don't want to discredit 15 months of pain for 2 good weeks.
Anyone else ever have a similar experience?
submitted by RedHawwk to ChronicPain [link] [comments]
It's just really making me confused about this all. Idk if it's because I stopped PT and reduced things that agitated it, if it's because my hip has been flaring up and distracting me, or if it's because I finally have a surgery (aka treatment) scheduled so now my brain has relief and isn't fixated on my pain.
I'm hesitant to delay surgery because we have a 1 year old and my wife has off in the summers so now is the best time to do it because the recovery is pretty long (6 weeks in a sling, 4-6 months total recovery). If I cancel it to wait and see how things are, I might have to hold off until next summer.
I just can't believe I went through 15 months of daily pain to suddenly have relief once I get surgery scheduled. I know I feel good now but I don't want to discredit 15 months of pain for 2 good weeks.
Anyone else ever have a similar experience?
2023.06.06 22:18 merttttt19 What Are Eye Diseases, What Are Their Names? Here are the Types of Eye Diseases...
What Are Eye Diseases, What Are Their Names? Here are the Types of Eye Diseases...
Eyelash; It is our organ that provides one of our five basic senses. The sense of sight is very important for the continuity of life and loss of vision affects life in an extremely negative way. So, what are the most common eye diseases and what are the names of these diseases?The eye is one of our organs that must be carefully protected and avoided in order to prevent loss of vision. Early diagnosis and diagnosis is essential for the treatment of any eye complaint without delay.
What are the Most Known Eye Diseases and Their Names?
The eye is an organ that loses vision over time due to genetic factors and environmental factors. It is possible to encounter loss of vision in the eye as a result of various accidents and diseases. Early diagnosis and diagnosis of many eye diseases as a result of regular control is a factor that slows down and precedes the progression of the disease.
Some of the most common eye diseases are as follows:
- Myopic
- Hypermetropic
- astigmatism
- Cataract
- yellow spot disease
- Eye diseases due to diabetes (diabetic retinopathy)
- Eye pressure (glaucoma)
- color blindness
- laziness of vision
- Strabismus
- Behcet 's disease
- Kerataconus
- eyelid problems
Types of Eye Disease
Myopia: It is the condition of not being able to see far away clearly.
Hypermetropia: It is the state of not being able to see nears clearly.
Astigmatism: Blurred vision of far, near and objects.
Cataract: It is a disease in which the eye lens loses its transparency and becomes dull, resulting in reduced vision.
Glaucoma: It is a disease in which the pressure in the eye rises and damages the optic nerves.
Yellow Spot Disease: It is the disease of the retina, which is responsible for the sharp vision with a size of 5 mm in the eye, and the vision deteriorates in the center by losing its function. In this disease, the vision on the sides is not affected, while the image formed in the center is distorted.
Behçet's Disease: It is the condition of vision deterioration and pain and redness in the eye as a result of inflammation in the eye.
What Should Be Done to Prevent Eye Diseases?
Early diagnosis and regular doctor control are very important in preventing eye diseases. Many people do not even think of seeing a doctor without noticing any problems with their eyes. However, regular eye doctor check-ups provide early diagnosis of possible eye diseases and prevent these diseases from progressing and causing vision loss.
To avoid eye diseases;
- Go to eye doctor checkups regularly.
- Make sure you choose the right glasses for your eye problems.
- If you wear contact lenses, make it a habit to replace and clean them at appropriate intervals.
- Avoid dry eyes by measuring your tear functions.
- Rest your eyes by taking regular breaks from computer use.
- Keep the eyes moist by blinking at regular intervals.
- Adjust the ratio of the working environment and screen brightness so that it does not strain the eyes.
- Avoid staring at technological devices for long periods of time.
When to Apply to an Ophthalmologist?
It is recommended that every healthy individual go to the ophthalmologist at least once every 2 years until the age of 50. If the patient has a history of eye diseases, the frequency of doctor check-ups should also increase. It is recommended that healthy individuals older than 50 years of age go to an ophthalmologist at least once a year to prevent age-related eye diseases.
- When there is dryness, itching, bleeding, pain and hypersensitivity in the eyes
- Chronic diseases such as diabetes, blood pressure
- In cases where diseases such as retinal diseases, cataracts, glaucoma and kerataconus are hereditary in the family
- Those with previous eye surgery
In case of damage such as squinting, bumps and cuts, you should consult your eye doctor immediately.
2023.06.06 21:56 Drakolf Dragon Rising- 19. Communion:
The first indication that the Gnome God arrived was my Emperor's growing tension.
There was no fear in his eyes, only rage and hatred. He gripped his spear tightly as a short Humanoid being walked down our street toward us.
"Well, look who finally found his way out of a measly cave." He spoke with a smile.
He was perhaps slightly taller than us, but not much, dressed in bright colors, a sword at his hip, and the weirdest fucking moustache/beard combination I'd ever seen. Beneath his veneer of joyful exuberance was curiosity, and just below that, the faintest smoldering of anger.
"I have been found and freed." My Emperor spoke plainly. "And now Humans mimic your holy ritual in the hopes that you will eradicate us, just like you did during the Dawn Age."
"Yes, one of my finer pranks." Garl remarked, stroking his beard. "Even to this day, people talk about it."
"You know as well as I do, what happened that day." My Emperor's voice low with threat. "You know well what caused this conflict in the first place. Ever pointlessly causing pain and humiliation for a laugh, no imagined crime is so slight that the punishment is not disproportionate in your gaze."
"What are your intentions, Stingtail?" Garl asked. "Is it your desire to see my people utterly wiped out?"
"There would be no greater justice!" My Emperor hissed. "Yet it is by vow with my Imperator and Bahamut, that in spite of my better judgment, I offer a compromise."
"A compromise?" Garl asked, I wasn't sure if his shock was real or feigned, "From you?"
"We both know our worshipers will never stop hating one another." My Emperor stated. "We know the violence will not end any time soon, yet I am willing to grant you leniency for your crime, so long as you do not harm a single scale upon these people, nor seek retaliation against me for simply trying to rebuild what you destroyed eons ago."
Garl seemed to think about it, then smiled. "If you kneel." He said. "That's your favored tactic, making your enemies kneel? I will allow your spawn to rebuild, but you must kneel and pledge your undying service to me, as my personal fool."
I stood up, snarling. "This is not compromise!" I snapped. "This is far more accommodation than you have ever gotten before, or will ever get, and you demand servitude!?"
"I believe the term your kind uses is 'slave'." He replied. "What would be better than subjecting him to the same conditions he forced my people under?"
"YOUR PEOPLE WERE THE ONES WHO STRUCK FIRST!" My Emperor roared, his eyes wide, pupils narrow with rage, spittle flying from his maw. "IT WAS THEY WHO REFUSED TO LISTEN AS WE ATTEMPTED PEACE! IT WAS THEY WHO BROUGHT THIS UPON THEMSELVES! HOW DARE YOU DEMAND THIS OF ME, WHO HAS LANGUISHED IN SOLITUDE FOR GENERATIONS, SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CANNOT ABIDE MY EXISTENCE!"
"Then it seems you need another time out." Garl said.
"That, I believe, is enough." We all looked as a group of Kobolds appeared from thin air.
"Ah, Bahamut, you debase yourself before your enemy?" Garl asked in a teasing tone.
"Do not forget, Garl, that we raged at your 'prank'. Clearly, we should have punished you, rather than choosing leniency. Perhaps so many tragedies could have been avoided, if we had simply held you to task?"
"The Justicemaker himself, siding with an evil deity?" Garl asked. "Against a good one such as I?"
With an explosion of wing and light, Bahamut towered above us, his cloudy blue eyes wide with anger. 'Justice chooses the innocent, Garl. I learned my lesson that day the hard way, and I have striven to never lapse in my duty. Watch your tone, Glittergold. I swear by the World Shaper, who granted the only justice on that day, I will denounce you, and declare you an enemy of righteous justice, until you have paid back the blood of every Kobold you have slain- including the ones who fell in the ages since- if you so much as harm so much as a single scale on these innocent victims of my nemesis."
Garl sighed, "It seems even Gods can't take a joke these days." He remarked.
I swallowed my anger and approached Garl, who watched me with curiosity. "You are approaching me?" He asked. "You, a lowly mortal Kobold, approach me?"
I held my hand out. "I swallow my hatred of you, for the sake of peace." I said. He glanced at my hand. "What, you've never heard of a handshake? Are you afraid that I could possibly do something to you?"
"You couldn't so much as scratch me." He replied, grasping my hand. I tightened my grip as the joy buzzer in my palm vibrated harmlessly in his hand. He tried pulling away, confused, the slightest bit of concern in his eyes, before I finally let go.
"What did you do?" He asked, his voice taking on a hint of threat.
"We call it a joy buzzer." I said, holding my hand out and pressing the button. "It's a joke, a prank."
He stared at me with such incomprehension, then at the joy buzzer, then back at me. "You... pulled a prank... on me." He said.
Bahamut chuckled. "Such a simple misdirection, yet all the more humorous, as you- of all Gods- fell for it."
Garl nodded. "I will admit, I could have never anticipated that." He remarked. "Very well, I will rescind my prior condition, I will leave you and your-" His eyes lingered on me. "-people alone for time being, though I must ask to have this 'joy buzzer' of yours."
I took it off my hand and put it in his palm, just hard enough to make it buzz again, startling him.
"I believe the phrase, when it comes to pranks and jokes, is confuse, don't abuse." I said. "May there never be such a gross abuse again."
"Indeed." Garl replied. He looked at the joy buzzer in his hand and gave the merest of smirks, and then he turned around and walked away.
I let out a heavy sigh of relief. "I'll be honest, I was expecting for him to get pissed and pop me like a grape." I looked back at the others, Bahamut had taken Kobold form again. "Thank you, for stepping in when you did."
"It is the very least I could do, to make reparations for that day." Bahamut spoke. He looked at My Emperor and approached him. He knelt and said, "I do not pledge fealty or loyalty, this is not a debasement, but one more reparation."
"Stand." My Emperor spoke. He hopped off the stage as Bahamut did, and after a moment of hesitation, he too knelt. "Understand, I do this only because you have earned my respect, Justicemaker." He stood up. "My people have a long way to go, in order to have the peace they richly deserve. I swear, as long as you aid me in that goal, I will do what is necessary to maintain that peace."
"That is all I need." Bahamut replied. "I hereby grant your faithful permission to perform acts of righteousness in my name, if you ever deign to allow them to worship me."
"Only if you allow your faithful to invoke my name, should they ever need to pay evil unto evil."
"I do not believe that will be necessary." Bahamut replied. "Yet I shall allow this."
They shook hands.
I half-expected Bahamut to just leave at that moment, but he didn't. "Now." He said. "Tiamat has hidden herself from me, and I can not seem to find a trace of her anywhere, save the stench of her evil machinations. Until Garl has left, I will remain here for a time, to ensure he does not have any plans or tricks for you."
"That's just an excuse to stick around as a Kobold for a while." My Emperor teased.
"If the danger has passed, why not take this time to celebrate?" I asked. "We have a week's worth of food stored, why not have a feast?"
My Emperor nodded. "An excellent idea. Bring our subjects up, I want them singing our praises by afternoon."
I went down with Galax, we didn't have to do much to get everyone going up. Food was brought out, ovens were fired up, and food was laid out for everyone to eat, drink, and generally just enjoy themselves for once.
Everyone regarded Rakdo with some hesitation at first, but when he said he was on our side, that trepidation faded and they welcomed him to the Warren.
A handful of people brought out instruments, either kept safe from little over a year and a half ago, or they had made by hand. We still didn't have Bards, and they were most assuredly Awoken, but they played what music they knew with passing skill, making use of the stage so that our sound-amplifying magic items could allow them to be heard by everyone.
Of course, I took a moment to introduce our guests of honor, Bahamut and his seven companions. Though the latter were stern and not at all talkative, they were respectful to anyone who treated their God with respect.
Being guests of honor, they had a place at the table set for myself, my Emperor, and my Council.
Since there hadn't been any formal planning behind this, anyone who thought they could entertain everyone had a chance on the stage. A cadre of teenagers got on the stage, and being former theater kids back when school was something to worry about, they put on performances of Shakespearean plays.
It was in no way, shape, or form professional, but everyone seemed to enjoy it.
"It's been a long time since I've seen you smile like that, brother." I looked at Tallyn. "I'm glad to see the world hasn't completely crushed your spirit."
"I'll crush the world before I let it crush me." I replied.
After the plays, a lone Kobold got on the stage, nervous as all hell, holding a leather-bound book. "I- uh, I would like to read a story I've written." He said. "If it would please our Imperator."
"You can't do any worse than I would!" I called out. "Impress me with your best effort, the content of the story can only enhance it!"
He seemed to take my words to heart, as he began reading a story, of Kobolds and Dragons fighting against an insurmountable foe. Everyone listened, enraptured by the tale he wove. By the time he finished, hours had passed, and he received a standing ovation, his Awakening only intensified the crowd's cheers, we all knew what he was, there was no doubt about it.
"As the first Bard of this Empire, come, have a seat at our table." I spoke. "And please, tell us your name!"
"Hakku, Imperator." He said, bowing.
"Come, Hakku, this honor is well-earned!"
Hakku sat with us, he was shy and soft-spoken. "I took to writing because I'm not good at much else." He said. "I've written ever since I could hold a pen, I've actually amassed enough of a collection of them that I'm not even a quarter of the way done with them."
"Hakku, would you be willing to take on the title of Councilor, to guide our entertainers, our storytellers, to give them the infrastructure they need to succeed?"
"Y-yes, Imperator." He said.
"I look forward to your contributions, Councilor."
Many others tried their hand on the stage, some were absolutely terrible, but everyone was a good sport about it.
As the feast dwindled to food scraps and bones, our Emperor stood and addressed the people.
"There will be no need to retrieve that which was brought down below." He spoke. "This is my domain, and I say now is the time for the symbol of our Empire to rise."
We all hurried to the outside of the town, far enough away that it was small in the distance. We watched as our Emperor channeled his divine power, raising up the entire town along with several strata of earth, before placing it nearby us and making it sink until it was flush with the ground. Then, his hands raised to the skies, Darastrixthurhi rose up from the ground, stone and dirt cascading off of it until what remained was a massive fortress structure.
Walls of stone rose, adjoining the fortress with the town.
Once the signal was given, we walked in, our homes untouched, undamaged, and looming over us was the fortress.
"Behold." Our Emperor spoke with such pride and reverence. "The Fortress-City of Darastrixthurhi, Thousands of empty homes awaiting our habitation, entire sections devoted and dedicated to the comfort and safety of our talented Warren." He looked at us. "The town we stand in is as much a part of it, is as much a vital aspect of our city. You are free to choose where you live, space is plentiful."
"Ah, but your Temple dwarfs mine." Bahamut spoke with a tone of humor.
"It is a fortress fit for Dragons." Our Emperor spoke. "Not a Temple to my glory. Nonetheless, I welcome you to my city as an honored guest, for you have done what no other would in these long years."
"I am honored." Bahamut replied. "May this day foretell many years of peace to come."
With the feast over, the Warren of course went in and explored the Fortress City more closely, marveling at the architecture, admiring the stonework. At the pinnacle of the city was the entrance from the underground. I gazed upon the throne and looked at my Emperor.
"Go." He said.
I ascended the stairs and sat down upon the throne. Even being made of stone, it was comfortable, with a pleasant little nook for my tail. My Emperor stood beside me, his hand on my shoulder. "Unburdened by endless stone, behold the lands beyond." He spoke. I could see for miles, all of the way to the enemy encampment.
"This city is going to need a lot of infrastructure." I remarked. I stood up and walked down the stairs, looking upon the staggered sections of the Fortress City, seeing the potential it had. I could see people gathering in a large empty space below, several people pointed up at me, I waved back.
"Councilors, gather!" I commanded. Within a handful of minutes, they had managed to get up here.
"You needed us, Imperator?" Tudru asked.
"I want you to look down, tell me what you see."
"A defensible position." Tudru spoke, as he looked down.
"A magnificent work of art." Hakku breathed.
"Dead stone, lifeless." Merti noted sadly.
"Nothing that's worth my time and effort." Tatla remarked.
"Long streets and narrow alleyways." Nakk observed.
"A logistical nightmare." Rekka sighed.
"A shrine to self, as delivered by our Emperor." Galax remarked dryly.
"A home, built for us." Tallyn stated hopefully.
"A mighty fortress that serves as the Empire's jewel." Kalith spoke.
"A very long drop." Goss muttered as he backed away.
"A giant fuckin' rock." Kuvli helpfully opined.
"Endless potential."
Everyone was startled when Fox stepped out of the shadows, he darted forward, catching Hakku as he almost fell. He pulled him back up and gave a formal bow. "Asgorath grant you steady footing." The Monk spoke. He turned his head slightly. "And less OSHA violations."
We couldn't help but laugh.
"Who is Osha?" Our Emperor asked. "Have I been unaware of someone who acts with more authority than they are allowed?"
"It's an acronym that stands for the Occupational Safety and Health Administration." I quickly explained. "Their whole thing is making sure workers have the proper safety precautions, and that companies adhere to those standards."
I looked at my Council. "Fox here is correct; endless potential." I said, "My Council, I want you all to gather a large team who can survey the Fortress City. I want empty spaces filled with enough dirt to produce food, I want a sustainable source of water, if at all possible. Infrastructure, trams throughout the main thoroughfares so that the people can get to where they need to go. I give you all free rein to bring Darastrixthurhi into its full glory. I am trusting each and every one of you with this."
They all saluted.
"Dismissed. Take it easy for the rest of the night, for tomorrow, your duty begins in earnest."
They all left.
"I believe we should heed such a command ourselves." My Emperor spoke. "Follow me."
I followed him into a series of hallways, at the far end of which led to a large bedroom. "I intended for this room to be the one in which I kept a harem of women, that I ensure my lineage remained." He looked at me. "Undress, my Imperator."
I did so, and he clipped the lead to my collar before gently, yet insistently pulling me toward a stone bed. He casually decorated it with soft blankets and sheets, and with a single push of one hand, he laid me upon the bed.
"Ruuk Stingtail." He spoke. "This is your reward for your fearless service to me, for daring to stare down a God, and to upstage him." He leaned closer and kissed me, my heart thundered as it wasn't simply a quick peck on the lips.
It was longer, deeper, and I loved every second of it.
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There was no fear in his eyes, only rage and hatred. He gripped his spear tightly as a short Humanoid being walked down our street toward us.
"Well, look who finally found his way out of a measly cave." He spoke with a smile.
He was perhaps slightly taller than us, but not much, dressed in bright colors, a sword at his hip, and the weirdest fucking moustache/beard combination I'd ever seen. Beneath his veneer of joyful exuberance was curiosity, and just below that, the faintest smoldering of anger.
"I have been found and freed." My Emperor spoke plainly. "And now Humans mimic your holy ritual in the hopes that you will eradicate us, just like you did during the Dawn Age."
"Yes, one of my finer pranks." Garl remarked, stroking his beard. "Even to this day, people talk about it."
"You know as well as I do, what happened that day." My Emperor's voice low with threat. "You know well what caused this conflict in the first place. Ever pointlessly causing pain and humiliation for a laugh, no imagined crime is so slight that the punishment is not disproportionate in your gaze."
"What are your intentions, Stingtail?" Garl asked. "Is it your desire to see my people utterly wiped out?"
"There would be no greater justice!" My Emperor hissed. "Yet it is by vow with my Imperator and Bahamut, that in spite of my better judgment, I offer a compromise."
"A compromise?" Garl asked, I wasn't sure if his shock was real or feigned, "From you?"
"We both know our worshipers will never stop hating one another." My Emperor stated. "We know the violence will not end any time soon, yet I am willing to grant you leniency for your crime, so long as you do not harm a single scale upon these people, nor seek retaliation against me for simply trying to rebuild what you destroyed eons ago."
Garl seemed to think about it, then smiled. "If you kneel." He said. "That's your favored tactic, making your enemies kneel? I will allow your spawn to rebuild, but you must kneel and pledge your undying service to me, as my personal fool."
I stood up, snarling. "This is not compromise!" I snapped. "This is far more accommodation than you have ever gotten before, or will ever get, and you demand servitude!?"
"I believe the term your kind uses is 'slave'." He replied. "What would be better than subjecting him to the same conditions he forced my people under?"
"YOUR PEOPLE WERE THE ONES WHO STRUCK FIRST!" My Emperor roared, his eyes wide, pupils narrow with rage, spittle flying from his maw. "IT WAS THEY WHO REFUSED TO LISTEN AS WE ATTEMPTED PEACE! IT WAS THEY WHO BROUGHT THIS UPON THEMSELVES! HOW DARE YOU DEMAND THIS OF ME, WHO HAS LANGUISHED IN SOLITUDE FOR GENERATIONS, SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CANNOT ABIDE MY EXISTENCE!"
"Then it seems you need another time out." Garl said.
"That, I believe, is enough." We all looked as a group of Kobolds appeared from thin air.
"Ah, Bahamut, you debase yourself before your enemy?" Garl asked in a teasing tone.
"Do not forget, Garl, that we raged at your 'prank'. Clearly, we should have punished you, rather than choosing leniency. Perhaps so many tragedies could have been avoided, if we had simply held you to task?"
"The Justicemaker himself, siding with an evil deity?" Garl asked. "Against a good one such as I?"
With an explosion of wing and light, Bahamut towered above us, his cloudy blue eyes wide with anger. 'Justice chooses the innocent, Garl. I learned my lesson that day the hard way, and I have striven to never lapse in my duty. Watch your tone, Glittergold. I swear by the World Shaper, who granted the only justice on that day, I will denounce you, and declare you an enemy of righteous justice, until you have paid back the blood of every Kobold you have slain- including the ones who fell in the ages since- if you so much as harm so much as a single scale on these innocent victims of my nemesis."
Garl sighed, "It seems even Gods can't take a joke these days." He remarked.
I swallowed my anger and approached Garl, who watched me with curiosity. "You are approaching me?" He asked. "You, a lowly mortal Kobold, approach me?"
I held my hand out. "I swallow my hatred of you, for the sake of peace." I said. He glanced at my hand. "What, you've never heard of a handshake? Are you afraid that I could possibly do something to you?"
"You couldn't so much as scratch me." He replied, grasping my hand. I tightened my grip as the joy buzzer in my palm vibrated harmlessly in his hand. He tried pulling away, confused, the slightest bit of concern in his eyes, before I finally let go.
"What did you do?" He asked, his voice taking on a hint of threat.
"We call it a joy buzzer." I said, holding my hand out and pressing the button. "It's a joke, a prank."
He stared at me with such incomprehension, then at the joy buzzer, then back at me. "You... pulled a prank... on me." He said.
Bahamut chuckled. "Such a simple misdirection, yet all the more humorous, as you- of all Gods- fell for it."
Garl nodded. "I will admit, I could have never anticipated that." He remarked. "Very well, I will rescind my prior condition, I will leave you and your-" His eyes lingered on me. "-people alone for time being, though I must ask to have this 'joy buzzer' of yours."
I took it off my hand and put it in his palm, just hard enough to make it buzz again, startling him.
"I believe the phrase, when it comes to pranks and jokes, is confuse, don't abuse." I said. "May there never be such a gross abuse again."
"Indeed." Garl replied. He looked at the joy buzzer in his hand and gave the merest of smirks, and then he turned around and walked away.
I let out a heavy sigh of relief. "I'll be honest, I was expecting for him to get pissed and pop me like a grape." I looked back at the others, Bahamut had taken Kobold form again. "Thank you, for stepping in when you did."
"It is the very least I could do, to make reparations for that day." Bahamut spoke. He looked at My Emperor and approached him. He knelt and said, "I do not pledge fealty or loyalty, this is not a debasement, but one more reparation."
"Stand." My Emperor spoke. He hopped off the stage as Bahamut did, and after a moment of hesitation, he too knelt. "Understand, I do this only because you have earned my respect, Justicemaker." He stood up. "My people have a long way to go, in order to have the peace they richly deserve. I swear, as long as you aid me in that goal, I will do what is necessary to maintain that peace."
"That is all I need." Bahamut replied. "I hereby grant your faithful permission to perform acts of righteousness in my name, if you ever deign to allow them to worship me."
"Only if you allow your faithful to invoke my name, should they ever need to pay evil unto evil."
"I do not believe that will be necessary." Bahamut replied. "Yet I shall allow this."
They shook hands.
I half-expected Bahamut to just leave at that moment, but he didn't. "Now." He said. "Tiamat has hidden herself from me, and I can not seem to find a trace of her anywhere, save the stench of her evil machinations. Until Garl has left, I will remain here for a time, to ensure he does not have any plans or tricks for you."
"That's just an excuse to stick around as a Kobold for a while." My Emperor teased.
"If the danger has passed, why not take this time to celebrate?" I asked. "We have a week's worth of food stored, why not have a feast?"
My Emperor nodded. "An excellent idea. Bring our subjects up, I want them singing our praises by afternoon."
I went down with Galax, we didn't have to do much to get everyone going up. Food was brought out, ovens were fired up, and food was laid out for everyone to eat, drink, and generally just enjoy themselves for once.
Everyone regarded Rakdo with some hesitation at first, but when he said he was on our side, that trepidation faded and they welcomed him to the Warren.
A handful of people brought out instruments, either kept safe from little over a year and a half ago, or they had made by hand. We still didn't have Bards, and they were most assuredly Awoken, but they played what music they knew with passing skill, making use of the stage so that our sound-amplifying magic items could allow them to be heard by everyone.
Of course, I took a moment to introduce our guests of honor, Bahamut and his seven companions. Though the latter were stern and not at all talkative, they were respectful to anyone who treated their God with respect.
Being guests of honor, they had a place at the table set for myself, my Emperor, and my Council.
Since there hadn't been any formal planning behind this, anyone who thought they could entertain everyone had a chance on the stage. A cadre of teenagers got on the stage, and being former theater kids back when school was something to worry about, they put on performances of Shakespearean plays.
It was in no way, shape, or form professional, but everyone seemed to enjoy it.
"It's been a long time since I've seen you smile like that, brother." I looked at Tallyn. "I'm glad to see the world hasn't completely crushed your spirit."
"I'll crush the world before I let it crush me." I replied.
After the plays, a lone Kobold got on the stage, nervous as all hell, holding a leather-bound book. "I- uh, I would like to read a story I've written." He said. "If it would please our Imperator."
"You can't do any worse than I would!" I called out. "Impress me with your best effort, the content of the story can only enhance it!"
He seemed to take my words to heart, as he began reading a story, of Kobolds and Dragons fighting against an insurmountable foe. Everyone listened, enraptured by the tale he wove. By the time he finished, hours had passed, and he received a standing ovation, his Awakening only intensified the crowd's cheers, we all knew what he was, there was no doubt about it.
"As the first Bard of this Empire, come, have a seat at our table." I spoke. "And please, tell us your name!"
"Hakku, Imperator." He said, bowing.
"Come, Hakku, this honor is well-earned!"
Hakku sat with us, he was shy and soft-spoken. "I took to writing because I'm not good at much else." He said. "I've written ever since I could hold a pen, I've actually amassed enough of a collection of them that I'm not even a quarter of the way done with them."
"Hakku, would you be willing to take on the title of Councilor, to guide our entertainers, our storytellers, to give them the infrastructure they need to succeed?"
"Y-yes, Imperator." He said.
"I look forward to your contributions, Councilor."
Many others tried their hand on the stage, some were absolutely terrible, but everyone was a good sport about it.
As the feast dwindled to food scraps and bones, our Emperor stood and addressed the people.
"There will be no need to retrieve that which was brought down below." He spoke. "This is my domain, and I say now is the time for the symbol of our Empire to rise."
We all hurried to the outside of the town, far enough away that it was small in the distance. We watched as our Emperor channeled his divine power, raising up the entire town along with several strata of earth, before placing it nearby us and making it sink until it was flush with the ground. Then, his hands raised to the skies, Darastrixthurhi rose up from the ground, stone and dirt cascading off of it until what remained was a massive fortress structure.
Walls of stone rose, adjoining the fortress with the town.
Once the signal was given, we walked in, our homes untouched, undamaged, and looming over us was the fortress.
"Behold." Our Emperor spoke with such pride and reverence. "The Fortress-City of Darastrixthurhi, Thousands of empty homes awaiting our habitation, entire sections devoted and dedicated to the comfort and safety of our talented Warren." He looked at us. "The town we stand in is as much a part of it, is as much a vital aspect of our city. You are free to choose where you live, space is plentiful."
"Ah, but your Temple dwarfs mine." Bahamut spoke with a tone of humor.
"It is a fortress fit for Dragons." Our Emperor spoke. "Not a Temple to my glory. Nonetheless, I welcome you to my city as an honored guest, for you have done what no other would in these long years."
"I am honored." Bahamut replied. "May this day foretell many years of peace to come."
With the feast over, the Warren of course went in and explored the Fortress City more closely, marveling at the architecture, admiring the stonework. At the pinnacle of the city was the entrance from the underground. I gazed upon the throne and looked at my Emperor.
"Go." He said.
I ascended the stairs and sat down upon the throne. Even being made of stone, it was comfortable, with a pleasant little nook for my tail. My Emperor stood beside me, his hand on my shoulder. "Unburdened by endless stone, behold the lands beyond." He spoke. I could see for miles, all of the way to the enemy encampment.
"This city is going to need a lot of infrastructure." I remarked. I stood up and walked down the stairs, looking upon the staggered sections of the Fortress City, seeing the potential it had. I could see people gathering in a large empty space below, several people pointed up at me, I waved back.
"Councilors, gather!" I commanded. Within a handful of minutes, they had managed to get up here.
"You needed us, Imperator?" Tudru asked.
"I want you to look down, tell me what you see."
"A defensible position." Tudru spoke, as he looked down.
"A magnificent work of art." Hakku breathed.
"Dead stone, lifeless." Merti noted sadly.
"Nothing that's worth my time and effort." Tatla remarked.
"Long streets and narrow alleyways." Nakk observed.
"A logistical nightmare." Rekka sighed.
"A shrine to self, as delivered by our Emperor." Galax remarked dryly.
"A home, built for us." Tallyn stated hopefully.
"A mighty fortress that serves as the Empire's jewel." Kalith spoke.
"A very long drop." Goss muttered as he backed away.
"A giant fuckin' rock." Kuvli helpfully opined.
"Endless potential."
Everyone was startled when Fox stepped out of the shadows, he darted forward, catching Hakku as he almost fell. He pulled him back up and gave a formal bow. "Asgorath grant you steady footing." The Monk spoke. He turned his head slightly. "And less OSHA violations."
We couldn't help but laugh.
"Who is Osha?" Our Emperor asked. "Have I been unaware of someone who acts with more authority than they are allowed?"
"It's an acronym that stands for the Occupational Safety and Health Administration." I quickly explained. "Their whole thing is making sure workers have the proper safety precautions, and that companies adhere to those standards."
I looked at my Council. "Fox here is correct; endless potential." I said, "My Council, I want you all to gather a large team who can survey the Fortress City. I want empty spaces filled with enough dirt to produce food, I want a sustainable source of water, if at all possible. Infrastructure, trams throughout the main thoroughfares so that the people can get to where they need to go. I give you all free rein to bring Darastrixthurhi into its full glory. I am trusting each and every one of you with this."
They all saluted.
"Dismissed. Take it easy for the rest of the night, for tomorrow, your duty begins in earnest."
They all left.
"I believe we should heed such a command ourselves." My Emperor spoke. "Follow me."
I followed him into a series of hallways, at the far end of which led to a large bedroom. "I intended for this room to be the one in which I kept a harem of women, that I ensure my lineage remained." He looked at me. "Undress, my Imperator."
I did so, and he clipped the lead to my collar before gently, yet insistently pulling me toward a stone bed. He casually decorated it with soft blankets and sheets, and with a single push of one hand, he laid me upon the bed.
"Ruuk Stingtail." He spoke. "This is your reward for your fearless service to me, for daring to stare down a God, and to upstage him." He leaned closer and kissed me, my heart thundered as it wasn't simply a quick peck on the lips.
It was longer, deeper, and I loved every second of it.
[Navigation for 'Dragon Rising'- [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19]]
2023.06.06 21:48 cloud_mom The NOT Not notfredrhodes Love Island Recap S10EP1 - the ick heard round the world
Bonjour ! We have been waiting 2 years for the Legend Fred to return, and seeing as his resurrection seems to be permanently delayed, I have made the difficult decision to continue the legacy of Point Systems, Rankings, and Generally Scathing Commentary. Inspired by Fred's wit, charm, and heroic recaps, please remember that points are arbitrary but also 100% backed by facts and science.
ANYHOW - we start off with the usual blah blah opening sequence that only served to prove to us that the Love Island producers are trolls who reverse-catfish us with promo pictures. Seriously, its been a decade, please free us from the pain and nonsense !! (-50 points to the stinky producers)
We are then introduced to our first two islanders with a back shot of their bum bums. Jump scare ! Jess immediately asks Ruchee about her type, and Ruchee panders to the ugly men of the world by leading with personality (+5 points for being polite -5 points for lying). Blah blah blah height, blah fashion, Jess is a real one for her anti white skinny jeans platform (+15 points for proactively setting boundaries).
Ruchee has been single for four months which leads me to believe she was in a relationship while applying for LI which is a Textbook MAN MOVE so +15 points to Ruchee for breaking the glass ceiling. Her feet are very small and her shoes are very large (+4 points for fashion risks) .
Following this, a MAN shows up ?!? The girls haven't had a minute alone before being whacked in the face by a medium-tall man with veneers and red bottoms. Mitchell (Red Bottoms) is just as confused as the girlies & we (the viewers) seem to be, but OK good lad for running with the punches and taking it on the chin (+1 point for going with the flow). Jess & Ruchee are both from the SOE (south of England) and Red Bottoms sees this as an opportunity to let them both know he is NOT interested. Or maybe he's just negging them. Red Bottoms asks the girls if he has to pour the drink himself, and Jess reminds him that he is a man and should behave accordingly ( RB -10 points for thinking he's hot enough to be poured for, Jess +10 points for MILF behavior). Red Bottoms asks the girls to guess his job, and is offended that Jess & Ruchee assume he's a plumber. +30 points to Jess for knowing what a Gas Safety License is. In his VT Red Bottoms mentioned that he is a "nice guy" ???? Nice try buddy, you're not fooling anyone (-200 points for Fraudulent Behavior). Also he lives with his parents.
In walks another MAN, Andre, who, unlike Red Bottoms, IS hot enough for the girls to pour him a drink so +5 points for being hot and +5 points for being so hot that Ruchee spills the champagne while pouring. He is also 21 and owns a business which feels illegal but isn't. Andre does a double cheek kiss to let the ladies know that he respects women AND is Portuguese (+8 points for being smooth). Andre is a menace, and he outs himself as such by proclaiming that one of his top features in a woman is her "bum bum". ew. (- 9 points for 7th grade terminology, -3 points for making me miss the days of "BUNDA").
BOOM - Lily Rose De- I mean Ella, shows up. She looks like Lily Rose Depp. Blah Blah what's your type blah blah tall blah blah tan blah bla- did she just say DARSKIN??? +30 points for setting the world record for LIUK girls saying tall dark and handsome and MEANING IT. Red Bottoms basically punches Andres as if he didn't hear that himself (-40 points for violence). OK he didn't PUNCH him but that nudge/smack was very cringey. Andres is living his best life (+15 points for being hot). Ella's VT is fun because she forgets how old she is. Also her VT dress has elbow cutouts (iconic).
Blah blah whats your type blah blah personality (liar) blah blah he says Ella Rose Depp is his type (-4 points for calling her Madam). Maya comes in looking BOMB AS HELL (+50 points to her stylist). Maya explains that they're switching it up a bit, and Andres is outed for flirting w/ Ella Rose Depp. He is LOUD and PROUD about it ( +10 points to Andres for having no chill). Jess proclaims that she LOVES Turkey Teef (veneers) (+4 points for radical honesty).
Maya reveals that she's a JOKESTER because none of them are coupling up with each other, the days of gender isolationism are OVER and the new ERA has begun. Unfortunately the public voted again (sigh) and all agency is taken away from the Islanders (-100 points to the stinky producers for removing the harsh reality of the subs bench). Jess is PISSED but tryna be nice because Maya is there. George arrives (barf), proving once again that the stinky producers A. don't do any due diligence before casting nasty ass people or B. literally don't care (google is your friend and this recap is already long enough without going into details). -100000 points for his hateful language and treatment of people, -4 points because his mom calls him a casanova. George (barf) thinks that 40 year olds play bingo.
George (barf) is matched with Jess which is very sad for her. She is PISSED but Polite. Molly comes in and Red Bottom nearly faints bc she is also wearing Red Bottoms (and top and lipstick) which means that the stinky producers are nudging them to be #theoneswholast. Molly also lives at home and has a chicken (+3 points for owning a chicken). Molly (who owns a chicken) smiles so big and immediately sets her eyes on Red Bottoms. CATHERINE all caps enters the villa, she is so beautiful I could CRY (+5 points for being hot). Molly (who owns a chicken) is partnered with Red Bottoms (SHOCKER) and CATHERINE all caps is coupled up with Andres. +10 points to each of them for being hot.
Mehdi comes strolling in with a swing in his hips and a French Accent. He says "bonjour" to let everyone know that he's French. Ella Rose Depp is praying to the gods above that she is NOT matched w this man. Also, Mehdi looks like he EATS Kitty (+14 points for looking like a MUNCH expert). I just know this man LAYS pipe. Tyrique follows Mehdi and is a semi-pro footballer (- 3 points based on my own prejudice against semi-pro players) . This is good news as he has filled the square head athlete quota of the season. (+9 points to the stinky producers for giving the public what we want).
Mehdi is matched with Ruchee. She is PISSED. Tyrique is matched with Ella Rose Depp. Ella Rose Depp claims they've met and Tyrique doesn't remember??? Is he lying or is she overestimating her Impact? Only time will tell (+2 points to Ella Rose Depp for being Bold, -3 points to Tyrique for forgetting a girl he (probably) made out with). Tyrique has terrible posture so -2 points for his short neck hunch. Maya says "expect the unexpected" ! Scary !
The girls and boys make formal introductions and then Gender Isolationism commences with boys sitting on the U couch and girls sitting at the firepit. Girls chat about their couples, Molly (who owns a chicken) is SO HAPPY and Red Bottoms is ALSO happy (+1 point for true love). Mehdi is all smiles, loving that Ruchee is a brunette. Ruchee is PISSED because he's french and also not her type. Andres says bum bum again (-3 points) which is painful and cruel to the general public. Ella Rose Depp reiterates that she's met Tyrique before and accuses Tyrique of lying (-2 points for standing her ground because is it really that serious?). Jess is PISSED because George (barf) gives off bad vibes but says she's interested in Red Bottoms and Tyrique (+10 points for radical honesty). George (barf) makes a joke about being WD40 and that is very off putting. (-283 points do I really have to explain this)
The boys walk over to the girls and Jess is loud but in a good way. Molly (who owns a chicken) notices that her and Tyrique have matching lightning bolt tattoos behind their left ears. Tyrique is outed for his deaf ear and Molly is outed for picking her tattoo from a Pinterest board (+1 point to Molly for radical honesty). Red Bottoms is about to melt into the couch bc his girl has a matching tattoo with a semi pro footballer.
The crew enters the villa for the first time and everyone is blah blah soooo excited. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms lay in bed immediately. She is really pretty and also funny. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms role play that she is showering and he is peeking to take a look. Jess is still PISSED and George (barf) try to have a conversation but it's giving bland. Jess is very clear that she's playing the game (+13 points for radical honesty). CATHERINE all caps is FAWNING over Andres (deserved) and their eye contact is 10/10 they are so horny for romance.
Ella Rose Depp asks Tyrique if he's ever been further than "exclusive" with a girl (no). Tyrique brings up that they've never met and Ella Rose Depp is PISSED. Ella reveals that she did have blonde hair (-3 points because I checked her instagram and she definitely looks different). Tyrique pretends that he knows what she's talking about (he doesn't). Also he tells her she looks better now ????? nice try buddy but that's not exactly a compliment.
Mehdi and Ruchee sit on OPPOSITE ends of a U couch and he is giving her the eyes. He's into fiery girls and she's into men who put her in her place. She mentions that mannerisms (yikes) are v important but that he's growing on her. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms are having a good time and it's LAFS (love at first sight).
The crew gets ready for the night and Jess asks the girls if they find George (barf) attractive. George (barf) loves to brush his teeth (ZERO points for hygiene because that is simply expected). Jess does the toast and the dancing to no music commences (PS is it confirmed that they dance to silence??) Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms plan on coordinating outfits and also gaslighting the villa into thinking it's an accident (+3 points to each for scheming). CATHERINE all caps and Tyrique start chatting and he's checking her temperature bc he's ready to SLIP and SLIDE into her heart (at least for the moment). She clocks him as a life ruiner (to be confirmed). Andre joins Red Bottoms, Jess, and Ruchee to announce that he is VERY interested in CATHERINE all caps. Red Bottoms calls Ruchee and Jess pretty but also friend zones them by calling them "family".
Medhi turns on the charm with Ella Rose Depp and once again reminds us that he's ANTI blonde hair. He tells Ella that she's his type but is also realistic saying that him & Ruchee don't have a vibe YET. Ella Rose Depp does NOT tell him that he's her type.
Beer pong (sober) commences, reminding us of the long gone days of binge drinking on TV (RIP). Red Bottoms kisses Molly (who owns a chicken) and Jess and ALSO Ella Rose Depp. Ella is not about it and says he's a bad kisser (yikes). Jess takes any excuse to mug off George (barf) and makes out with Red Bottoms. Molly (who owns a chicken) is PISSED.
George (barf) proceeds to hit us with the ick heard round the world and demonstrates his org*sm (which involves falling over? weird). Molly (who owns a chicken) and Jess have a pushup competition and Molly wins (-5 points to Molly for not taking off her shoes). More of the usual commences, CATHERINE all caps kisses Andres and Tyrique, Tyrique's terrible posture is terribly distracting. Molly (who owns a chicken) bit Red Bottoms ear or wha'eva. -12 points to the stinky producers for messing up the cups and making Andres ride CATHERINE all caps like a horse. Ella Rose Depp has a dance off with Mehdi who takes it like a champ. -10 points to the stinky producers who EXPLICITY write that kisses have to be of the opposite gender. GAY RIGHTS!
SURPRISE!! Maya is in the building, and in a very transparent attempt to kick George (barf) out of the villa immediately, asks the girls who aren't happy in their couples to step forward (Jess and Ruchee immediately move away). These girls are ready to jump ship. Jess thinks George (barf) is ugly and Ruchee thinks Mehdi's mannerisms are a turn off. Is Ruchee mad that Mehdi isn't upset? We shall see.
Zachariah walks in and is a personal trainer, "drama follows me around", NOT shocking babes ! Jess's face lights up like it's christmas morning and she is no longer PISSED. Classic Love Island, he has 24hrs to pair up w a girl (and kick George (barf) out of the house.
Hope you enjoyed xoxo cloud_mom
submitted by cloud_mom to LoveIslandTV [link] [comments]
ANYHOW - we start off with the usual blah blah opening sequence that only served to prove to us that the Love Island producers are trolls who reverse-catfish us with promo pictures. Seriously, its been a decade, please free us from the pain and nonsense !! (-50 points to the stinky producers)
We are then introduced to our first two islanders with a back shot of their bum bums. Jump scare ! Jess immediately asks Ruchee about her type, and Ruchee panders to the ugly men of the world by leading with personality (+5 points for being polite -5 points for lying). Blah blah blah height, blah fashion, Jess is a real one for her anti white skinny jeans platform (+15 points for proactively setting boundaries).
Ruchee has been single for four months which leads me to believe she was in a relationship while applying for LI which is a Textbook MAN MOVE so +15 points to Ruchee for breaking the glass ceiling. Her feet are very small and her shoes are very large (+4 points for fashion risks) .
Following this, a MAN shows up ?!? The girls haven't had a minute alone before being whacked in the face by a medium-tall man with veneers and red bottoms. Mitchell (Red Bottoms) is just as confused as the girlies & we (the viewers) seem to be, but OK good lad for running with the punches and taking it on the chin (+1 point for going with the flow). Jess & Ruchee are both from the SOE (south of England) and Red Bottoms sees this as an opportunity to let them both know he is NOT interested. Or maybe he's just negging them. Red Bottoms asks the girls if he has to pour the drink himself, and Jess reminds him that he is a man and should behave accordingly ( RB -10 points for thinking he's hot enough to be poured for, Jess +10 points for MILF behavior). Red Bottoms asks the girls to guess his job, and is offended that Jess & Ruchee assume he's a plumber. +30 points to Jess for knowing what a Gas Safety License is. In his VT Red Bottoms mentioned that he is a "nice guy" ???? Nice try buddy, you're not fooling anyone (-200 points for Fraudulent Behavior). Also he lives with his parents.
In walks another MAN, Andre, who, unlike Red Bottoms, IS hot enough for the girls to pour him a drink so +5 points for being hot and +5 points for being so hot that Ruchee spills the champagne while pouring. He is also 21 and owns a business which feels illegal but isn't. Andre does a double cheek kiss to let the ladies know that he respects women AND is Portuguese (+8 points for being smooth). Andre is a menace, and he outs himself as such by proclaiming that one of his top features in a woman is her "bum bum". ew. (- 9 points for 7th grade terminology, -3 points for making me miss the days of "BUNDA").
BOOM - Lily Rose De- I mean Ella, shows up. She looks like Lily Rose Depp. Blah Blah what's your type blah blah tall blah blah tan blah bla- did she just say DARSKIN??? +30 points for setting the world record for LIUK girls saying tall dark and handsome and MEANING IT. Red Bottoms basically punches Andres as if he didn't hear that himself (-40 points for violence). OK he didn't PUNCH him but that nudge/smack was very cringey. Andres is living his best life (+15 points for being hot). Ella's VT is fun because she forgets how old she is. Also her VT dress has elbow cutouts (iconic).
Blah blah whats your type blah blah personality (liar) blah blah he says Ella Rose Depp is his type (-4 points for calling her Madam). Maya comes in looking BOMB AS HELL (+50 points to her stylist). Maya explains that they're switching it up a bit, and Andres is outed for flirting w/ Ella Rose Depp. He is LOUD and PROUD about it ( +10 points to Andres for having no chill). Jess proclaims that she LOVES Turkey Teef (veneers) (+4 points for radical honesty).
Maya reveals that she's a JOKESTER because none of them are coupling up with each other, the days of gender isolationism are OVER and the new ERA has begun. Unfortunately the public voted again (sigh) and all agency is taken away from the Islanders (-100 points to the stinky producers for removing the harsh reality of the subs bench). Jess is PISSED but tryna be nice because Maya is there. George arrives (barf), proving once again that the stinky producers A. don't do any due diligence before casting nasty ass people or B. literally don't care (google is your friend and this recap is already long enough without going into details). -100000 points for his hateful language and treatment of people, -4 points because his mom calls him a casanova. George (barf) thinks that 40 year olds play bingo.
George (barf) is matched with Jess which is very sad for her. She is PISSED but Polite. Molly comes in and Red Bottom nearly faints bc she is also wearing Red Bottoms (and top and lipstick) which means that the stinky producers are nudging them to be #theoneswholast. Molly also lives at home and has a chicken (+3 points for owning a chicken). Molly (who owns a chicken) smiles so big and immediately sets her eyes on Red Bottoms. CATHERINE all caps enters the villa, she is so beautiful I could CRY (+5 points for being hot). Molly (who owns a chicken) is partnered with Red Bottoms (SHOCKER) and CATHERINE all caps is coupled up with Andres. +10 points to each of them for being hot.
Mehdi comes strolling in with a swing in his hips and a French Accent. He says "bonjour" to let everyone know that he's French. Ella Rose Depp is praying to the gods above that she is NOT matched w this man. Also, Mehdi looks like he EATS Kitty (+14 points for looking like a MUNCH expert). I just know this man LAYS pipe. Tyrique follows Mehdi and is a semi-pro footballer (- 3 points based on my own prejudice against semi-pro players) . This is good news as he has filled the square head athlete quota of the season. (+9 points to the stinky producers for giving the public what we want).
Mehdi is matched with Ruchee. She is PISSED. Tyrique is matched with Ella Rose Depp. Ella Rose Depp claims they've met and Tyrique doesn't remember??? Is he lying or is she overestimating her Impact? Only time will tell (+2 points to Ella Rose Depp for being Bold, -3 points to Tyrique for forgetting a girl he (probably) made out with). Tyrique has terrible posture so -2 points for his short neck hunch. Maya says "expect the unexpected" ! Scary !
The girls and boys make formal introductions and then Gender Isolationism commences with boys sitting on the U couch and girls sitting at the firepit. Girls chat about their couples, Molly (who owns a chicken) is SO HAPPY and Red Bottoms is ALSO happy (+1 point for true love). Mehdi is all smiles, loving that Ruchee is a brunette. Ruchee is PISSED because he's french and also not her type. Andres says bum bum again (-3 points) which is painful and cruel to the general public. Ella Rose Depp reiterates that she's met Tyrique before and accuses Tyrique of lying (-2 points for standing her ground because is it really that serious?). Jess is PISSED because George (barf) gives off bad vibes but says she's interested in Red Bottoms and Tyrique (+10 points for radical honesty). George (barf) makes a joke about being WD40 and that is very off putting. (-283 points do I really have to explain this)
The boys walk over to the girls and Jess is loud but in a good way. Molly (who owns a chicken) notices that her and Tyrique have matching lightning bolt tattoos behind their left ears. Tyrique is outed for his deaf ear and Molly is outed for picking her tattoo from a Pinterest board (+1 point to Molly for radical honesty). Red Bottoms is about to melt into the couch bc his girl has a matching tattoo with a semi pro footballer.
The crew enters the villa for the first time and everyone is blah blah soooo excited. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms lay in bed immediately. She is really pretty and also funny. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms role play that she is showering and he is peeking to take a look. Jess is still PISSED and George (barf) try to have a conversation but it's giving bland. Jess is very clear that she's playing the game (+13 points for radical honesty). CATHERINE all caps is FAWNING over Andres (deserved) and their eye contact is 10/10 they are so horny for romance.
Ella Rose Depp asks Tyrique if he's ever been further than "exclusive" with a girl (no). Tyrique brings up that they've never met and Ella Rose Depp is PISSED. Ella reveals that she did have blonde hair (-3 points because I checked her instagram and she definitely looks different). Tyrique pretends that he knows what she's talking about (he doesn't). Also he tells her she looks better now ????? nice try buddy but that's not exactly a compliment.
Mehdi and Ruchee sit on OPPOSITE ends of a U couch and he is giving her the eyes. He's into fiery girls and she's into men who put her in her place. She mentions that mannerisms (yikes) are v important but that he's growing on her. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms are having a good time and it's LAFS (love at first sight).
The crew gets ready for the night and Jess asks the girls if they find George (barf) attractive. George (barf) loves to brush his teeth (ZERO points for hygiene because that is simply expected). Jess does the toast and the dancing to no music commences (PS is it confirmed that they dance to silence??) Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms plan on coordinating outfits and also gaslighting the villa into thinking it's an accident (+3 points to each for scheming). CATHERINE all caps and Tyrique start chatting and he's checking her temperature bc he's ready to SLIP and SLIDE into her heart (at least for the moment). She clocks him as a life ruiner (to be confirmed). Andre joins Red Bottoms, Jess, and Ruchee to announce that he is VERY interested in CATHERINE all caps. Red Bottoms calls Ruchee and Jess pretty but also friend zones them by calling them "family".
Medhi turns on the charm with Ella Rose Depp and once again reminds us that he's ANTI blonde hair. He tells Ella that she's his type but is also realistic saying that him & Ruchee don't have a vibe YET. Ella Rose Depp does NOT tell him that he's her type.
Beer pong (sober) commences, reminding us of the long gone days of binge drinking on TV (RIP). Red Bottoms kisses Molly (who owns a chicken) and Jess and ALSO Ella Rose Depp. Ella is not about it and says he's a bad kisser (yikes). Jess takes any excuse to mug off George (barf) and makes out with Red Bottoms. Molly (who owns a chicken) is PISSED.
George (barf) proceeds to hit us with the ick heard round the world and demonstrates his org*sm (which involves falling over? weird). Molly (who owns a chicken) and Jess have a pushup competition and Molly wins (-5 points to Molly for not taking off her shoes). More of the usual commences, CATHERINE all caps kisses Andres and Tyrique, Tyrique's terrible posture is terribly distracting. Molly (who owns a chicken) bit Red Bottoms ear or wha'eva. -12 points to the stinky producers for messing up the cups and making Andres ride CATHERINE all caps like a horse. Ella Rose Depp has a dance off with Mehdi who takes it like a champ. -10 points to the stinky producers who EXPLICITY write that kisses have to be of the opposite gender. GAY RIGHTS!
SURPRISE!! Maya is in the building, and in a very transparent attempt to kick George (barf) out of the villa immediately, asks the girls who aren't happy in their couples to step forward (Jess and Ruchee immediately move away). These girls are ready to jump ship. Jess thinks George (barf) is ugly and Ruchee thinks Mehdi's mannerisms are a turn off. Is Ruchee mad that Mehdi isn't upset? We shall see.
Zachariah walks in and is a personal trainer, "drama follows me around", NOT shocking babes ! Jess's face lights up like it's christmas morning and she is no longer PISSED. Classic Love Island, he has 24hrs to pair up w a girl (and kick George (barf) out of the house.
Hope you enjoyed xoxo cloud_mom
2023.06.06 21:46 Old_Support5196 Shitty Onco:/
Smol Vent: Okay, so I’ve detailed my personal horrors of chemo on here before, and today was my first follow up with the oncologist since finishing. I already am not her biggest fan bc I had so many issues that she kept passing the buck on- I must’ve seen 3 other doctors just in the same clinic bc i could never reach her, and when I did, she did not give much support and she sure as shit did not warn me for common things that could’ve been avoided. For example: I saw another doc on my worst day, 9/10 GI pain, mouth sores so bad I couldn’t eat and white count on the floor, and THAT doctor said “holy shit, we’re gonna get you some morphine” meanwhile my onco had told me to take ibuprofen and to get some fluids in office if I needed it. Dear fucking god I was ready to punch my OG onco today. We go in to discuss hormone blockers for long term care after I finish rads, and she brings up this drug called Abemaciclib. It’s something that has been used for metastatic patients, and has just been approved for “curable” patients in conjunction with their hormone therapy. She says that there’s some pretty gnarly GI side effects and the thought of putting me on it has “kept her up at night”. But offers no other alternative and pretty much confirms this is what she will do. I’m on the verge of tears bc I CANNOT go through GI pain like I had and ESPECIALLY NOT for 2-3 years worth with little to no help from this shitty team. I asked her a question about my previous ovarian function and she blows it off saying an OBGYN might help, but it’s PROBABLY NOTHING (I’m 25 and my ovaries were about to close up shop BEFORE ANY TREATMENT, I’d say that’s something to look into🤷🏻♀️) ((not to mention that phrase “it’s probably nothing” was told to me by 3 docs who blew off my BREAST LUMP THAT WAS CANCER so it was extremely discouraging to hear it AGAIN)) I left so angry, but that anger gave me the courage to finally make an appointment with a different oncologist at a different hospital who is known for taking patient QOL into serious consideration!! I’m feeling so optimistic already! Anyways, rant over, thank you if you read, I hope no one has this kind of experience, but if you do, vent to me in the comments❤️
submitted by Old_Support5196 to breastcancer [link] [comments]
2023.06.06 21:44 kilianwegner Long-Covid Symptoms - Sharing my story
Hey everyone, long but maybe a helpful post incoming.
I wanted to share my experience in depth with getting ill very suddenly in October of 2022 (8 months in) so this will be a bit of a longer post. I’m posting this to see if there are some similarities out there, maybe if anyone had some advice for me or even just share some progress, treatments or approaches.
Also for anyone reading that’s having a hard time with symptoms & long covid, I am keeping positive and will keep this post positive too. I strongly believe we will find the mechanisms at work; there is already so much research, testing etc. going on so please try keep your head up there’s a lot of people in this and a lot are getting better too. I am 28, male, active and healthy before this and had little to no health problems prior.
What happened to me at the beginning:
Went on a weekend away with friends at a quiet Airbnb near a beach from Friday through to Monday. Stayed at the airbnb all weekend and had some alcoholic drinks, using the hot tub and just hanging out.
I woke up on Monday morning and immediately started to projectile vomit and could not keep even a sip of watefood down. Vomiting at all is a very rare occurrence for me even after drinking so this was immediately a red flag. After about 3 or 4 hours this eventually subsided during the trip home.
After feeling not the best (flu-like symptoms with upset stomach, hot & cold, sore lower back) for 2 days after arriving home; on Wednesday I felt a dissociation/spaced out feeling come on suddenly while working at home & had what I felt was similar to a panic attack (heart racing, cold hands and feet, lightheaded) and after lying down from this I was slammed with the worst headache I've ever had. And this is where all my symptoms started. I can’t remember exactly when I tested (maybe 2 or 3 antigen tests at home) for covid during this time but it may have been a few days or maybe even a week after this but it was a negative test so for a long time I did not suspect covid. I was leaning more towards a bacterial or virus from the hot tub initially.
What followed:
Below are the symptoms I’ve experienced since then, I also contracted covid at the end of February so I’m unsure if I had Covid twice, or a post viral syndrome from another virus or bacteria that was exacerbated by Covid. EBV, Cytomeglo and further virus testing has come back negative and reading symptoms I feel that there is a lot of similarity with long-covid symptoms mentioned by everyone here.
I wanted to add how things have been for me personally. I feel like I’ve been through my own hell so far. In the first few months I was doing fine as I assumed it would get better in a few weeks, maybe next month, definitely before Christmas etc. while managing symptoms and hanging on to the words of my favourite google search “does post viral syndrome go away” which always brought me the answer I wanted “it is temporary”. During February my mother was diagnosed with cancer and as an only child I think this is where my mental health began to suffer. In March when my testicular pain began I seen another doctor who mentioned central sensitization and my mind and ability to cope plummeted. I was scared out of my mind and I began to wonder if I would survive and had relegated myself to permanent disability for life. I would get a lot of awful feelings out of nowhere, an impending doom sense that was pretty engulfing. Thankfully I have an incredible partner who has been with me every step of the way and she has kept me from some very dark places, I am extremely lucky to have her. I worked for the initial 6 months after getting sick (work from home job) and told my work straight up that I needed support and to role back my responsibilities. Unfortunately as my mental health declined around March I had to step away from work (thankfully insured for now) but was unable to properly look at my work screen, do complex tasks or manage my work without feeling sluggish and needed to step away every 10 or 15 minutes.
The medical side:
I have seen a number of doctors, specialists including 2 A&E visits. Listed below are who I’ve seen and what I’ve done in chronological order. Thankfully have a close family friend who specializes in virology and took my case on to dive into deeper. After tons of testing for what feels like every variation of medical issue, the only thing that has shown up from all the testing done was a very recent positive test for Anti-CCP-AKS which points to polyarthritis as a symptom not a diagnosis. I have a gamma camera scheduled & a colonoscopy too for the summer. In terms of medication I did about 2 months on Amitriptyline, it probably helped some symptoms but I gained a lot of weight so stopped, I have found it hard overall to tell what helps and what doesn’t. One day I’ll try something I think “oh this helps” and then a few days later I’ll suffer symptoms while trying it out. I have tried my best to avoid taking medication and stick to supplements only.
Tests:
submitted by kilianwegner to LongCovid [link] [comments]
I wanted to share my experience in depth with getting ill very suddenly in October of 2022 (8 months in) so this will be a bit of a longer post. I’m posting this to see if there are some similarities out there, maybe if anyone had some advice for me or even just share some progress, treatments or approaches.
Also for anyone reading that’s having a hard time with symptoms & long covid, I am keeping positive and will keep this post positive too. I strongly believe we will find the mechanisms at work; there is already so much research, testing etc. going on so please try keep your head up there’s a lot of people in this and a lot are getting better too. I am 28, male, active and healthy before this and had little to no health problems prior.
What happened to me at the beginning:
Went on a weekend away with friends at a quiet Airbnb near a beach from Friday through to Monday. Stayed at the airbnb all weekend and had some alcoholic drinks, using the hot tub and just hanging out.
I woke up on Monday morning and immediately started to projectile vomit and could not keep even a sip of watefood down. Vomiting at all is a very rare occurrence for me even after drinking so this was immediately a red flag. After about 3 or 4 hours this eventually subsided during the trip home.
After feeling not the best (flu-like symptoms with upset stomach, hot & cold, sore lower back) for 2 days after arriving home; on Wednesday I felt a dissociation/spaced out feeling come on suddenly while working at home & had what I felt was similar to a panic attack (heart racing, cold hands and feet, lightheaded) and after lying down from this I was slammed with the worst headache I've ever had. And this is where all my symptoms started. I can’t remember exactly when I tested (maybe 2 or 3 antigen tests at home) for covid during this time but it may have been a few days or maybe even a week after this but it was a negative test so for a long time I did not suspect covid. I was leaning more towards a bacterial or virus from the hot tub initially.
What followed:
Below are the symptoms I’ve experienced since then, I also contracted covid at the end of February so I’m unsure if I had Covid twice, or a post viral syndrome from another virus or bacteria that was exacerbated by Covid. EBV, Cytomeglo and further virus testing has come back negative and reading symptoms I feel that there is a lot of similarity with long-covid symptoms mentioned by everyone here.
- Headache - almost constant (mild to severe) (severe sinus & tension type headaches, ice pick headaches & pain at back of head as well as front and temples).
- Neck & Shoulder Pain - almost always (sharp or dull)
- Back Pain - often - mostly lower with stomach pain & sometimes middle & upper back
- Fatigue - occasionally - this seems to be on the milder side, can get through days fine.
- Sinus Swelling - often - CT scan showing persistent sinusitis - post nasal drip often follows. this particularly sucks and is very uncomfortable.
- Brain Fog - often, slightly less - comes with sinus swelling at times.
- Heart Palpitations - less often than before, sometimes onset - throbbing feeling in head and all over - multiple ECGs & 24hr Holter Monitor showed nothing.
- IBS - often for the first few months, now more rarely - irregular stool (size, frequency), undigested, sore abdomen strikes suddenly and can cause intense abdominal pain and diarrhea.
- General feeling of Malaise - often
- Tinnitus - often - sharp noise occasionally, low level ringing often.
- Dry/allergic/irritated eyes - occasionally
- Hacking up phlegm - often, onset
- Dermographism - occasionally - only real visible symptom that I’m having
- Twitching - more often recently
- Chest tightness - occasionally - breathlessness, short of breath or dry cough
- Mouth Ulcers & Eye Styes - every month or so, much more common during illness
- Anxiety & Depression - occasionally - related to health condition, have had good mental health until this. very up and down in progression. feel waves of sadness throughout the day or week.
- Pain in testicles - sore for a period of time, has come back a bit - Epididymis on left testicle side swollen, scrotum tightening occasionally, testing showed nothing. This is quite limiting for exercise & running
- Paresthesia - rare - feeling of sunburned skin (stomach, forearms, top of hands, nose and back of neck) - itchy sensations around body. This has subsided since it happened first.
- Hands turning red occasionally - especially when walking.
- Pain in joints, spine, hands - often - arthritis like feeling
I wanted to add how things have been for me personally. I feel like I’ve been through my own hell so far. In the first few months I was doing fine as I assumed it would get better in a few weeks, maybe next month, definitely before Christmas etc. while managing symptoms and hanging on to the words of my favourite google search “does post viral syndrome go away” which always brought me the answer I wanted “it is temporary”. During February my mother was diagnosed with cancer and as an only child I think this is where my mental health began to suffer. In March when my testicular pain began I seen another doctor who mentioned central sensitization and my mind and ability to cope plummeted. I was scared out of my mind and I began to wonder if I would survive and had relegated myself to permanent disability for life. I would get a lot of awful feelings out of nowhere, an impending doom sense that was pretty engulfing. Thankfully I have an incredible partner who has been with me every step of the way and she has kept me from some very dark places, I am extremely lucky to have her. I worked for the initial 6 months after getting sick (work from home job) and told my work straight up that I needed support and to role back my responsibilities. Unfortunately as my mental health declined around March I had to step away from work (thankfully insured for now) but was unable to properly look at my work screen, do complex tasks or manage my work without feeling sluggish and needed to step away every 10 or 15 minutes.
The medical side:
I have seen a number of doctors, specialists including 2 A&E visits. Listed below are who I’ve seen and what I’ve done in chronological order. Thankfully have a close family friend who specializes in virology and took my case on to dive into deeper. After tons of testing for what feels like every variation of medical issue, the only thing that has shown up from all the testing done was a very recent positive test for Anti-CCP-AKS which points to polyarthritis as a symptom not a diagnosis. I have a gamma camera scheduled & a colonoscopy too for the summer. In terms of medication I did about 2 months on Amitriptyline, it probably helped some symptoms but I gained a lot of weight so stopped, I have found it hard overall to tell what helps and what doesn’t. One day I’ll try something I think “oh this helps” and then a few days later I’ll suffer symptoms while trying it out. I have tried my best to avoid taking medication and stick to supplements only.
Tests:
- Multiple Bloods - Initially B cells found, Anti-CCP-AKS (Positive at a low level)
- Urine - Normal
- Physical - Normal
- CT - Normal
- Chest X-ray - Normal
- Ultrasound of Abdomen, Scrotum, Thyroid, Bladder - Normal
- MRI of Brain - Normal
- Food Poisoning (Walk-in GP)
- Acute Onset Virus (Urgent Care Clinic)
- Tension Headaches (Urgent Care Clinic)
- Bacterial Sinusitis (Walk-in GP)
- Viral Sinusitis (Walk-in GP)
- Post Viral Syndrome (Urgent Care Clinic)
- Post Viral IBS - (Gastroenterologist)
- Nothing to offer (Mentioned Central Sensitization is controversial) - (Neurologist)
- (Suspected) Central Sensitization (Internal Medicine - Referred)
- Post Viral Syndrome from unspecified Virus (Internal Medicine - Family Doctor who is following up)
- High water consumption
- Vitamin B, D
- Omega 3 (3000mg daily)
- Magnesium (600mg daily)
- Probiotics (Align 1 capsule per day)
- Coconut water, multi-vitamin & electrolytes
2023.06.06 21:42 gravityyaoi Tung Case Study: Low back pain/sciatica for 20+ years
Thought I'd write up a quick case study of a patient I treated this week using only Tung points.
Patient is F, 67, and has had low back pain and numbness of the thigh with sciatica down the left leg on the GB channel for over 20 years. Resulted from trauma to the sacrum and she had to have it fastened to her lumbar. When asked, she says the pain rates at a 5/10 almost constantly and was unable to cross her legs due to an increase in the pain. Very bad in the morning and improves if she spent 30 minutes on a treadmill. Was getting corticosteroid shots in her spine for what her doctor diagnosed as lumbar stenosis. These shots would help temporarily but now lab tests found her cholesterol elevated she's seeking alternative treatment for the very first time.
Other relevant medical history she included on her intake: family history of diabetes, smoker, diverticulitis, surgeries including thyroidectomy and intestinal polyp removal, yellow vision after laser eye surgery and mild ptosis of the eyelids.
Other notable signs and symptoms: Very thirsty and urinates frequently, occasional dry cough, hot flashes, and ropey varicosities with peripheral spider veins on the left popliteal and some spider veins between GB/UB about the level of GB34. Upon inquiry she mentioned that she had a miscarriage when she was younger that resulted in a clot in one of the veins of her left leg that had to be surgically removed. Palpating her lower back there wasn't much found around the lumbar area and more around the sacrum which had slight puffiness, likely mild edema.
Dx: Kidney deficiency and LiveLung imbalances with YangMing excess and Qi/Blood stagnation. Palm Dx: Showed mostly in the Kidney/LiveLung areas and redness in the thenar eminence. This tracked with the pulse and also reflected the Western diagnosis of diverticulitis.
Tx: With the patient facedown I first bloodlet some of the spider veins on her leg after she hesitantly agreed. Got some dark blood out of them but as they weren't bleeding well I massaged her thigh downward and wiped with some alcohol to increase the flow. After letting, I threaded a needle from ZhouShui until the tip touched the occipital protuberance. Going to the right arm I felt along the ZhengJi points on the LI channel but none were tender. I looped around to the SJ channel and palpated the area between SanShen all the way up to ShouYing and found tenderness here and needled down to touch the bone at the most tender areas to treat the Kidney. On the same hand I threaded a needle at SanChaSan all the way to the back and took a thicker .25 needle and threaded WanShunYi across the bone to meet the SanChaSan needle. On the left hand I threaded two needles across ErJiaoMing on the back of the middle finger and needled FuYuan on the palmar ring finger. Then on the left foot I needled ShuiQu (very close to GB41 the ShuStream point) as a guide point for the sciatica and stimulated it.
After needles were inserted I inquired as to the pain level. She said currently there wasn't any and she had a lot of tingling down her leg and low back. After 30 minutes I removed the needles and had her sit down and stand repeatedly to see how it fared. She rated the pain at a 3 when standing and only a 1 when sitting. She could also cross her leg without any difficulty and wasn't groaning when got up from the chair as she had when getting onto the table. There was visible improvement of the appearance of the veins and she noted this aloud. I did noticed she beared down a little differently on her left knee and asked about it. She said a prior doctor recommended a knee replacement years ago and basically forgot about it, hence its omission from the intake form. While she was standing I palpated her back on the SanJin area and the first spot I touched was incredibly tender, confirming the dx of degenerative arthritis in her knee. I noted this to include wetcupping of the area at the next appointment, and since this is also the area of the Lung I hope it may improve the state of her lungs as well as the knee. Mostly likely there will be dry or wet cupping of the hip/buttocks, letting the ear apex to treat her eye and ptosis issues, and more of the spider veins on her leg.
This case illustrates how with the proper tools Tung style can hone in on a problem and treat it succinctly with noticeable relief for even a decades old problem in one treatment. Not only that, many of the points chosen today treat multiple apparent issues she has and were diagnostically relevant. The area around SanShen is particularly interesting as it treats not just low back pain/weakness, but also diseases of the Kidney such as proteinuria and nephritis, and those of the Lung such as laryngitis, emphysema, bronchitis, cough of Kidney origin or in the elderly, throat/lung cancer, and dry mouth. I've used it before to treat irregular menstruation with back pain, especially on background of Kidney imbalance and it's my hope that these points improve her respiration and her hormonal balance at the same time. Their extreme tenderness made them an obvious choice to needle. SanChaSan and WanShunYi not only treat painful arthritic conditions, but they also improve fluid metabolism and I hope they'll help get some of the edema off her lower back. The particular method of threading from WanShunYi over toward PC8 with a thicker needle is also very good for arthritis of the neck. She'll need repeated sessions to improve all of this as well as tackle the diverticulitis, but I'm very satisfied considering the extremely chronic state of her issues and this being the first treatment.
submitted by gravityyaoi to acupuncture [link] [comments]
Patient is F, 67, and has had low back pain and numbness of the thigh with sciatica down the left leg on the GB channel for over 20 years. Resulted from trauma to the sacrum and she had to have it fastened to her lumbar. When asked, she says the pain rates at a 5/10 almost constantly and was unable to cross her legs due to an increase in the pain. Very bad in the morning and improves if she spent 30 minutes on a treadmill. Was getting corticosteroid shots in her spine for what her doctor diagnosed as lumbar stenosis. These shots would help temporarily but now lab tests found her cholesterol elevated she's seeking alternative treatment for the very first time.
Other relevant medical history she included on her intake: family history of diabetes, smoker, diverticulitis, surgeries including thyroidectomy and intestinal polyp removal, yellow vision after laser eye surgery and mild ptosis of the eyelids.
Other notable signs and symptoms: Very thirsty and urinates frequently, occasional dry cough, hot flashes, and ropey varicosities with peripheral spider veins on the left popliteal and some spider veins between GB/UB about the level of GB34. Upon inquiry she mentioned that she had a miscarriage when she was younger that resulted in a clot in one of the veins of her left leg that had to be surgically removed. Palpating her lower back there wasn't much found around the lumbar area and more around the sacrum which had slight puffiness, likely mild edema.
Dx: Kidney deficiency and LiveLung imbalances with YangMing excess and Qi/Blood stagnation. Palm Dx: Showed mostly in the Kidney/LiveLung areas and redness in the thenar eminence. This tracked with the pulse and also reflected the Western diagnosis of diverticulitis.
Tx: With the patient facedown I first bloodlet some of the spider veins on her leg after she hesitantly agreed. Got some dark blood out of them but as they weren't bleeding well I massaged her thigh downward and wiped with some alcohol to increase the flow. After letting, I threaded a needle from ZhouShui until the tip touched the occipital protuberance. Going to the right arm I felt along the ZhengJi points on the LI channel but none were tender. I looped around to the SJ channel and palpated the area between SanShen all the way up to ShouYing and found tenderness here and needled down to touch the bone at the most tender areas to treat the Kidney. On the same hand I threaded a needle at SanChaSan all the way to the back and took a thicker .25 needle and threaded WanShunYi across the bone to meet the SanChaSan needle. On the left hand I threaded two needles across ErJiaoMing on the back of the middle finger and needled FuYuan on the palmar ring finger. Then on the left foot I needled ShuiQu (very close to GB41 the ShuStream point) as a guide point for the sciatica and stimulated it.
After needles were inserted I inquired as to the pain level. She said currently there wasn't any and she had a lot of tingling down her leg and low back. After 30 minutes I removed the needles and had her sit down and stand repeatedly to see how it fared. She rated the pain at a 3 when standing and only a 1 when sitting. She could also cross her leg without any difficulty and wasn't groaning when got up from the chair as she had when getting onto the table. There was visible improvement of the appearance of the veins and she noted this aloud. I did noticed she beared down a little differently on her left knee and asked about it. She said a prior doctor recommended a knee replacement years ago and basically forgot about it, hence its omission from the intake form. While she was standing I palpated her back on the SanJin area and the first spot I touched was incredibly tender, confirming the dx of degenerative arthritis in her knee. I noted this to include wetcupping of the area at the next appointment, and since this is also the area of the Lung I hope it may improve the state of her lungs as well as the knee. Mostly likely there will be dry or wet cupping of the hip/buttocks, letting the ear apex to treat her eye and ptosis issues, and more of the spider veins on her leg.
This case illustrates how with the proper tools Tung style can hone in on a problem and treat it succinctly with noticeable relief for even a decades old problem in one treatment. Not only that, many of the points chosen today treat multiple apparent issues she has and were diagnostically relevant. The area around SanShen is particularly interesting as it treats not just low back pain/weakness, but also diseases of the Kidney such as proteinuria and nephritis, and those of the Lung such as laryngitis, emphysema, bronchitis, cough of Kidney origin or in the elderly, throat/lung cancer, and dry mouth. I've used it before to treat irregular menstruation with back pain, especially on background of Kidney imbalance and it's my hope that these points improve her respiration and her hormonal balance at the same time. Their extreme tenderness made them an obvious choice to needle. SanChaSan and WanShunYi not only treat painful arthritic conditions, but they also improve fluid metabolism and I hope they'll help get some of the edema off her lower back. The particular method of threading from WanShunYi over toward PC8 with a thicker needle is also very good for arthritis of the neck. She'll need repeated sessions to improve all of this as well as tackle the diverticulitis, but I'm very satisfied considering the extremely chronic state of her issues and this being the first treatment.
2023.06.06 21:38 la_cucaracha13579 How do I stop being a bum?
I'm 29m, 5'7, look a lot younger, in decent/average shape, overall average-sliiightly above average looks (can def be brought up if I make some changes and get some rest), very proportionate facial features. I dress really well, speak really well, and have high intelligence as well as broad knowledge. Gifted with talent equally in the sciences and humanities/arts. I'm a good friend, with lots of empathy, and a deep understanding of human psychology. I'm a summa cum laude genetic engineering/biosciences graduate, and belong to the nation's most prestigious honors society. Moreover I was admitted to and completed a separate honors college within my university.
I live with my girlfriend who is my best friend, soon to be my wife. We share 90% of interests in common, and are inseparable. By society's standards, she is considered very very attractive. She makes 70-80k and has a very easy job from home.
So, why am I bum?
I make $15 an hour for a job that provides me with 10-25 hours a week from home. Been doing that for several years. I make less than $1000 a month most months.
I own an old, beat up truck that 1) paint completely came off 2) no AC 3) beat up inside 4) no power steering 5) 1000 other issues 6) doesn't even run. Never owned another car, use girlfriend's car every day.
I have no physical tolerance. I cannot fathom working 8+ hours a day. Not only am I afraid of wasting my life away, but also, I actually do not have the physical tolerance. I work 3-4 hours a day and feel completely wasted, beat up, after staring into a bright screen. My head hurts, I get flashing in my eyes, and I feel done.
I don't know where to start. I am about to be 30 and I can no longer "start from the beginning" for the 10000th time in my life. All of my peers are balls deep into their careers and many are making 3 figures. I have so many dreams and ambitions, goals, but I can't start anything. I have confusion, anxiety, and obsessive tendencies that will not allow me to start anything...plus, chronic feelings of lethargy. The doctors don't know why, they say it's life and everyone feels that way.
I feel like a complete bum. I can't start anything. No I do not have depression, I did before. I feel like a complete loser, that eventually everything else will go downhill. For me, I see things always downgrading, instead of upgrading in life.
I look at apartments near me and think "everything is for rich people. how is any of this affordable? why aren't there low-income apartments for everyone else, but without cockroaches and drug addicts?". Meanwhile, my peers never even glanced at the apartments I live in, and live like normal people but pay more.
What's stopping me from marrying my girlfriend immediately is loss of free health insurance and food stamps. Yep, you heard that right. She has too high of an income once I marry her, I have to give everything up. What am I going to do on $1000 a month with all of my health issues and no insurance?
I also have problem after problem. My parents keep getting evicted and I need to solve their lawyer problems, I'm always accumulating their problems and anxiety, rent is always increasing, I have new medical issues popping up every other week, huge expenses out of nowhere, and just life problems one after the other. I cant focus on starting anything, something is always in the way.
I am a complete loser who could be making significant money with my ideas and brain power, but... "I can't." I have no self-esteem, and don't know how to deal with difficult people. I ask my girlfriend why she even likes me and she says "you're just cute". I feel completely emasculated.
_________________________________________
Some things that bring me down:
submitted by la_cucaracha13579 to DecidingToBeBetter [link] [comments]
I'm 29m, 5'7, look a lot younger, in decent/average shape, overall average-sliiightly above average looks (can def be brought up if I make some changes and get some rest), very proportionate facial features. I dress really well, speak really well, and have high intelligence as well as broad knowledge. Gifted with talent equally in the sciences and humanities/arts. I'm a good friend, with lots of empathy, and a deep understanding of human psychology. I'm a summa cum laude genetic engineering/biosciences graduate, and belong to the nation's most prestigious honors society. Moreover I was admitted to and completed a separate honors college within my university.
I live with my girlfriend who is my best friend, soon to be my wife. We share 90% of interests in common, and are inseparable. By society's standards, she is considered very very attractive. She makes 70-80k and has a very easy job from home.
So, why am I bum?
I make $15 an hour for a job that provides me with 10-25 hours a week from home. Been doing that for several years. I make less than $1000 a month most months.
I own an old, beat up truck that 1) paint completely came off 2) no AC 3) beat up inside 4) no power steering 5) 1000 other issues 6) doesn't even run. Never owned another car, use girlfriend's car every day.
I have no physical tolerance. I cannot fathom working 8+ hours a day. Not only am I afraid of wasting my life away, but also, I actually do not have the physical tolerance. I work 3-4 hours a day and feel completely wasted, beat up, after staring into a bright screen. My head hurts, I get flashing in my eyes, and I feel done.
I don't know where to start. I am about to be 30 and I can no longer "start from the beginning" for the 10000th time in my life. All of my peers are balls deep into their careers and many are making 3 figures. I have so many dreams and ambitions, goals, but I can't start anything. I have confusion, anxiety, and obsessive tendencies that will not allow me to start anything...plus, chronic feelings of lethargy. The doctors don't know why, they say it's life and everyone feels that way.
I feel like a complete bum. I can't start anything. No I do not have depression, I did before. I feel like a complete loser, that eventually everything else will go downhill. For me, I see things always downgrading, instead of upgrading in life.
I look at apartments near me and think "everything is for rich people. how is any of this affordable? why aren't there low-income apartments for everyone else, but without cockroaches and drug addicts?". Meanwhile, my peers never even glanced at the apartments I live in, and live like normal people but pay more.
What's stopping me from marrying my girlfriend immediately is loss of free health insurance and food stamps. Yep, you heard that right. She has too high of an income once I marry her, I have to give everything up. What am I going to do on $1000 a month with all of my health issues and no insurance?
I also have problem after problem. My parents keep getting evicted and I need to solve their lawyer problems, I'm always accumulating their problems and anxiety, rent is always increasing, I have new medical issues popping up every other week, huge expenses out of nowhere, and just life problems one after the other. I cant focus on starting anything, something is always in the way.
I am a complete loser who could be making significant money with my ideas and brain power, but... "I can't." I have no self-esteem, and don't know how to deal with difficult people. I ask my girlfriend why she even likes me and she says "you're just cute". I feel completely emasculated.
_________________________________________
Some things that bring me down:
- terrible self image
- medical issues from head to toe - something is ALWAYS wrong (badly herniated spinal disc means daily chronic pain, severe heartburn, 20 years of GI issues that affect me 80% of the day, dislocated shoulder, all of my teeth have issues and cause me pain and cracking, allergies which never allow me a good sleep and puff my face up for hours and hours, legally blind, and I can name another 10 most likely).
- the cherry on top is that I developed severe panic disorder since January with agoraphobia and to this day, am struggling to be outside. I would rather break my back another 50 times than ever go through this again - the feeling of dying a hundred times a day, every day, for months.