Happy meat farms

There is a feral cat around here that I have strong reason to believe has at least 3 kittens all born 2 weeks apart. Yes I know its rare, but it does happen and I'm not interested in debating that or hearing oh that's impossible, since it's not. She was mating while being pregnant/nursing for some reason. Not sure if she was going into heat though, she didn't do the meowing but did roll around and rub on the male cat. She's very young like 10 months so maybe that's why.
I captured the 4 week old kitten (actually a neighbor did and gave to me, it was stuck in his pipe) and had it taken to a rescue. but the 6 week old kitten i cannot catch because its fast and keeps going under my trailer. Mother cat is semi friendly and could easily be picked up and caught but since seeing me with her other baby she wasn't happy and seems to be not letting the older one out as much.
Mother cat also has a brother. He isn't anywhere near as friendly. I'd like to keep them together since they always groom each other and seem close. I found a farm that can take both but not until 2 weeks from now.
I'm pretty sure mother cat was pregnant and gave birth just before memorial day (she disappeared most of Saturday and returned late Sunday morning with her way huge stomach smaller, it both looked and felt smaller) I'd not known about the older kittens, but knew mama cat was currently pregnant from how big her belly was.
My question is how do I capture the older kitten and how do I find out where exactly she has the younger kittens or if those all died? Would she even keep them in the same place? The 4 week was under my neighbors trailer and the 6 week old under mine at around the same time. She ran from under mine and i saw the 6 week old kitten follow her than spot us and run back under then I fed mama cat. Then 15 or so minutes later my neighbor said he saw her run from under his before he found the 4 week old. Yes, we know its the same cat and she kept calling for the 4 week old after I took it and it was meowing back.
I'm thinking the best course of action is to capture the older one and have a rescue take it, then see if she still has big nipples in a week. but as far as capturing the kitten or finding where the possible 2 week old ones are i have no idea. I'd really like to not have to have me or my roomate crawl under the trailer and that's not efficient anyway as there are places they could get to that we can't.
Would it be possible in a week or 2 to capture mama and than lure the youngest babies out with a recording of mama cat meowing? They were born on May 27 I believe.
Or should I just wait on capturing mama cat until the kittens are old enough that mama cat lets them leave? But then I'm worried that 1. the farm won't be looking for ferals anymore and 2. that she may be pregnant and give birth again. I last saw her getting it from the big local tomcat days before I believe she had her last litter.

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MX vs. ATV Unleashed	0.4 TF2	$0.73 PP	-
Mad Max	1.1 TF2	$2.22 PP	-
Mafia II: Definitive Edition	3.0 TF2	$6.03 PP	-
Mafia III: Definitive Edition	2.1 TF2	$4.23 PP	-
Mafia: Definitive Edition	2.2 TF2	$4.3 PP	-
Magicka 2 - Deluxe Edition	1.0 TF2	$1.91 PP	-
Magicka 2	0.6 TF2	$1.17 PP	-
Maneater	0.7 TF2	$1.46 PP	-
Manhunt	1.1 TF2	$2.08 PP	-
Mars Horizon	0.8 TF2	$1.52 PP	-
Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite - Deluxe Edition	2.8 TF2	$5.56 PP	-
Mass Effect™ Legendary Edition	5.8 TF2	$11.54 PP	-
Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne	0.7 TF2	$1.48 PP	-
Max Payne	1.0 TF2	$2.02 PP	-
MechWarrior 5: Mercenaries	2.5 TF2	$4.97 PP	-
Mega Man Legacy Collection 2	0.6 TF2	$1.25 PP	-
Mega Man Legacy Collection	0.4 TF2	$0.79 PP	-
Men of War: Assault Squad 2 - Deluxe Edition	0.8 TF2	$1.67 PP	-
Men of War: Assault Squad 2 War Chest Edition	0.8 TF2	$1.65 PP	-
Men of War: Assault Squad 2	0.8 TF2	$1.64 PP	-
Messenger	0.9 TF2	$1.73 PP	-
Metro 2033 Redux	0.7 TF2	$1.34 PP	-
Metro Exodus	1.8 TF2	$3.53 PP	-
Metro Redux Bundle	1.0 TF2	$1.93 PP	-
Metro: Last Light Redux	1.1 TF2	$2.14 PP	-
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition	0.9 TF2	$1.74 PP	-
Middle-earth™: Shadow of War™	0.8 TF2	$1.51 PP	-
Mirror's Edge	3.8 TF2	$7.56 PP	-
Miscreated	1.5 TF2	$2.88 PP	-
Monster Sanctuary	0.6 TF2	$1.25 PP	-
Monster Train	0.5 TF2	$0.98 PP	-
Moonlighter	0.4 TF2	$0.81 PP	-
Moons of Madness	1.7 TF2	$3.43 PP	-
Mordhau	1.7 TF2	$3.27 PP	-
Mortal Kombat X	0.7 TF2	$1.36 PP	-
Mortal Shell	1.4 TF2	$2.74 PP	-
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021	1.1 TF2	$2.23 PP	-
Motorsport Manager	1.4 TF2	$2.73 PP	-
Move or Die	0.7 TF2	$1.44 PP	-
Moving Out	0.9 TF2	$1.85 PP	-
Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden - Deluxe Edition	1.7 TF2	$3.28 PP	-
Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden	1.8 TF2	$3.53 PP	-
My Friend Pedro	0.9 TF2	$1.76 PP	-
My Time At Portia	1.1 TF2	$2.12 PP	-
NARUTO SHIPPUDEN: Ultimate Ninja STORM 4 Road to Boruto	3.8 TF2	$7.55 PP	-
NASCAR Heat 5 - Ultimate Edition	0.5 TF2	$1.08 PP	-
NBA 2K13	4.7 TF2	$9.4 PP	-
Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 4	1.5 TF2	$2.91 PP	-
Naruto to Boruto Shinobi Striker - Deluxe Edition	1.6 TF2	$3.1 PP	-
Naruto to Boruto Shinobi Striker	0.4 TF2	$0.82 PP	-
Necromunda: Hired Gun	0.9 TF2	$1.79 PP	-
Neon Abyss	0.5 TF2	$0.94 PP	-
Neverwinter Nights: Complete Adventures	3.7 TF2	$7.26 PP	-
Nine Parchments	2.1 TF2	$4.22 PP	-
No Straight Roads: Encore Edition	1.3 TF2	$2.63 PP	-
No Time to Relax	3.7 TF2	$7.29 PP	-
Northgard	1.2 TF2 Refer To My Other Thread	$2.38 PP Refer To My Other Thread	May Multiplayer Bundle
Not For Broadcast	0.5 TF2	$1.06 PP	-
ONE PIECE BURNING BLOOD	0.7 TF2	$1.44 PP	-
ONE PIECE PIRATE WARRIORS 3 Gold Edition	1.1 TF2	$2.12 PP	-
One Step From Eden	1.0 TF2	$1.99 PP	-
Opus Magnum	1.1 TF2	$2.09 PP	-
Orcs Must Die! 3	1.9 TF2	$3.81 PP	-
Outlast 2	0.6 TF2	$1.27 PP	-
Outward	1.5 TF2	$2.91 PP	-
Overcooked	0.8 TF2	$1.58 PP	-
Overcooked! 2	1.4 TF2	$2.74 PP	-
Overgrowth	0.8 TF2	$1.55 PP	-
PAYDAY 2	0.5 TF2	$0.92 PP	-
PC Building Simulator	0.7 TF2	$1.41 PP	-
PGA TOUR 2K21	0.6 TF2	$1.2 PP	-
Paint the Town Red	3.3 TF2	$6.56 PP	-
Parkitect	6.5 TF2	$12.86 PP	-
Pathfinder: Kingmaker - Enhanced Plus Edition	0.6 TF2	$1.24 PP	-
Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous	1.4 TF2	$2.79 PP	-
Pathologic 2	0.5 TF2	$1.04 PP	-
Pathologic Classic HD	0.6 TF2	$1.13 PP	-
Per Aspera	0.7 TF2	$1.37 PP	-
Pikuniku	0.8 TF2	$1.49 PP	-
Pillars of Eternity Definitive Edition	1.4 TF2	$2.87 PP	-
Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire	1.0 TF2	$2.02 PP	-
Pistol Whip	6.2 TF2	$12.21 PP	-
Plague Inc: Evolved	1.6 TF2	$3.2 PP	-
Planescape: Torment: Enhanced Edition	0.4 TF2	$0.76 PP	-
Planet Coaster	1.8 TF2	$3.65 PP	-
Planet Zoo	2.2 TF2	$4.27 PP	-
Planetary Annihilation: TITANS	6.0 TF2	$11.9 PP	-
Portal Knights	1.5 TF2	$2.91 PP	-
Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid	2.7 TF2	$5.42 PP	-
PowerBeatsVR	1.0 TF2	$1.97 PP	-
PowerSlave Exhumed	1.4 TF2	$2.74 PP	-
Praey for the Gods	0.5 TF2	$0.9 PP	-
Prehistoric Kingdom	1.3 TF2	$2.5 PP	-
Prison Architect	0.4 TF2	$0.88 PP	-
Pro Cycling Manager 2019	1.3 TF2	$2.58 PP	-
Project Hospital	2.4 TF2	$4.72 PP	-
Project Wingman	1.7 TF2	$3.27 PP	-
Project Winter	1.5 TF2	$2.88 PP	-
Propnight	0.7 TF2	$1.37 PP	-
Pumpkin Jack	0.4 TF2	$0.83 PP	-
Quantum Break	2.6 TF2	$5.15 PP	-
RESIDENT EVIL 3	2.4 TF2	$4.8 PP	-
RUGBY 20	1.3 TF2	$2.55 PP	-
RWBY: Grimm Eclipse	3.8 TF2	$7.43 PP	-
Ragnaröck	3.5 TF2	$6.84 PP	-
Railway Empire	0.4 TF2	$0.8 PP	-
Raw Data	1.1 TF2	$2.14 PP	-
Re:Legend	1.0 TF2	$1.94 PP	-
Red Faction Guerrilla Re-Mars-tered	0.5 TF2	$0.94 PP	-
Red Matter	4.5 TF2	$8.86 PP	-
Resident Evil / biohazard HD REMASTER	1.1 TF2	$2.18 PP	-
Resident Evil 0 / biohazard 0 HD Remaster	1.2 TF2	$2.31 PP	-
Resident Evil 5 GOLD Edition	1.5 TF2	$3.04 PP	-
Resident Evil 5	1.0 TF2	$1.95 PP	-
Resident Evil 6	1.4 TF2	$2.79 PP	-
Resident Evil: Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition	2.4 TF2	$4.84 PP	-
Resident Evil: Revelations	1.0 TF2	$1.92 PP	-
Retro Machina	0.5 TF2	$1.01 PP	-
Risen	0.6 TF2	$1.25 PP	-
Rising Storm 2: Vietnam	0.6 TF2	$1.27 PP	-
River City Girls	1.4 TF2	$2.83 PP	-
Roboquest	0.5 TF2	$1.05 PP	-
Rollercoaster Tycoon 2: Triple Thrill Pack	1.6 TF2	$3.17 PP	-
Rubber Bandits	0.8 TF2	$1.5 PP	-
Ryse: Son of Rome	1.7 TF2	$3.32 PP	-
SCP: Pandemic	2.4 TF2	$4.85 PP	-
SCUM	3.5 TF2	$6.86 PP	-
SOMA	3.3 TF2	$6.51 PP	-
SONG OF HORROR Complete Edition	1.0 TF2	$1.94 PP	-
STAR WARS® THE FORCE UNLEASHED II	0.9 TF2	$1.88 PP	-
STAR WARS™ Galactic Battlegrounds Saga	0.6 TF2	$1.08 PP	-
STAR WARS™: Squadrons	1.6 TF2	$3.07 PP	-
SUPERHOT VR	2.3 TF2	$4.46 PP	-
SUPERHOT	0.8 TF2	$1.57 PP	-
SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE	0.5 TF2	$0.98 PP	-
Saint's Row The Third Remastered	2.4 TF2	$4.81 PP	-
Saints Row 2	0.7 TF2	$1.48 PP	-
Saints Row IV Game of the Century Edition	1.3 TF2	$2.53 PP	-
Saints Row IV	1.1 TF2	$2.23 PP	-
Saints Row the Third - The Full Package	1.0 TF2	$1.91 PP	-
Saints Row: The Third	0.7 TF2	$1.47 PP	-
Salt and Sanctuary	1.1 TF2	$2.1 PP	-
Sanctum 2	0.5 TF2	$1.05 PP	-
Satisfactory	6.8 TF2	$13.5 PP	-
Scarlet Nexus	2.9 TF2	$5.75 PP	-
Scribblenauts Unlimited	0.4 TF2	$0.76 PP	-
Secret Neighbor	0.9 TF2	$1.76 PP	-
Serious Sam 2	0.8 TF2	$1.57 PP	-
Serious Sam 3: BFE	1.0 TF2	$1.97 PP	-
Serious Sam 4	4.7 TF2	$9.3 PP	-
Serious Sam: Siberian Mayhem	2.3 TF2	$4.47 PP	-
Severed Steel	1.7 TF2	$3.46 PP	-
Shadow Man Remastered	1.1 TF2	$2.11 PP	-
Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun	0.4 TF2	$0.85 PP	-
Shadow Warrior 2	0.9 TF2	$1.74 PP	-
Shadow of the Tomb Raider	3.1 TF2	$6.23 PP	-
Shenmue 3	1.3 TF2	$2.55 PP	-
Shenmue I & II	1.3 TF2	$2.55 PP	-
Shining Resonance Refrain	0.4 TF2	$0.81 PP	-
Sid Meier's Civilization VI : Platinum Edition	3.0 TF2	$5.99 PP	-
Sid Meier's Civilization VI	0.7 TF2	$1.42 PP	-
Sid Meier's Civilization® V: The Complete Edition	1.9 TF2	$3.71 PP	-
Sid Meiers Civilization IV: The Complete Edition	0.8 TF2	$1.52 PP	-
Siege of Centauri	0.6 TF2	$1.15 PP	-
SimCasino	1.3 TF2	$2.54 PP	-
SimplePlanes	2.0 TF2	$3.89 PP	-
Skullgirls 2nd Encore	1.8 TF2	$3.63 PP	-
Slap City	1.1 TF2	$2.23 PP	-
Slay the Spire	3.1 TF2	$6.22 PP	-
Sleeping Dogs: Definitive Edition	0.9 TF2	$1.81 PP	-
Slime Rancher	1.9 TF2	$3.8 PP	-
Sniper Elite 3	0.9 TF2	$1.88 PP	-
Sniper Elite 4	1.3 TF2	$2.67 PP	-
Sniper Elite V2 Remastered	1.4 TF2	$2.86 PP	-
Sniper Elite V2	1.0 TF2	$2.01 PP	-
Sniper Ghost Warrior 3	0.8 TF2	$1.64 PP	-
Sniper Ghost Warrior Contracts	0.9 TF2	$1.86 PP	-
Sonic Adventure DX	0.7 TF2	$1.39 PP	-
Sonic Adventure™ 2	0.9 TF2	$1.84 PP	-
Sonic Forces	2.0 TF2	$4.02 PP	-
Sonic Mania	1.6 TF2	$3.07 PP	-
Soul Calibur VI	1.5 TF2	$2.91 PP	-
Source of Madness	0.6 TF2	$1.12 PP	-
Space Engineers	2.6 TF2	$5.24 PP	-
Space Haven	0.6 TF2	$1.13 PP	-
Spec Ops: The Line	0.9 TF2	$1.78 PP	-
SpeedRunners	0.5 TF2	$1.02 PP	-
Spelunky	1.1 TF2	$2.22 PP	-
Spirit Of The Island	1.5 TF2	$2.88 PP	-
SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom - Rehydrated	1.0 TF2	$1.91 PP	-
Spyro™ Reignited Trilogy	4.2 TF2	$8.22 PP	-
Star Renegades	2.9 TF2	$5.82 PP	-
Star Trek: Bridge Crew	4.3 TF2	$8.55 PP	-
Star Wars: Battlefront 2 (Classic, 2005)	1.8 TF2	$3.54 PP	-
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic	0.4 TF2	$0.78 PP	-
Star Wars® Empire at War™: Gold Pack	1.6 TF2	$3.07 PP	-
Star Wars®: Jedi Knight®: Jedi Academy™	0.4 TF2	$0.73 PP	-
Starbound	1.2 TF2	$2.42 PP	-
State of Decay 2: Juggernaut Edition	3.1 TF2	$6.21 PP	-
Staxel	0.6 TF2	$1.11 PP	-
SteamWorld Quest: Hand of Gilgamech	0.5 TF2	$1.06 PP	-
Steel Division: Normandy 44	2.2 TF2	$4.36 PP	-
Stellaris Galaxy Edition	3.2 TF2	$6.32 PP	-
Stellaris	3.8 TF2	$7.56 PP	-
Stellaris: Lithoids Species Pack	1.0 TF2	$1.95 PP	-
Stick Fight: The Game	0.6 TF2	$1.28 PP	-
Strange Brigade	0.5 TF2	$0.9 PP	-
Strategic Command WWII: World at War	2.1 TF2	$4.21 PP	-
Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection	2.6 TF2	$5.06 PP	-
Streets of Rogue	0.9 TF2	$1.86 PP	-
Stronghold 2: Steam Edition	1.7 TF2	$3.39 PP	-
Stronghold Crusader 2	1.0 TF2	$1.95 PP	-
Stronghold Crusader HD	0.6 TF2	$1.16 PP	-
Stronghold Legends: Steam Edition	0.9 TF2	$1.74 PP	-
Styx: Shards Of Darkness	0.9 TF2	$1.74 PP	-
Subnautica	3.4 TF2	$6.8 PP	-
Summer in Mara	0.5 TF2	$1.04 PP	-
Sunless Sea	0.9 TF2	$1.85 PP	-
Sunless Skies	0.7 TF2	$1.32 PP	-
Sunset Overdrive	1.8 TF2	$3.57 PP	-
Super Meat Boy	0.5 TF2	$1.08 PP	-
Superliminal	2.0 TF2	$3.93 PP	-
Supraland Six Inches Under	1.1 TF2	$2.23 PP	-
Supreme Commander 2	0.8 TF2	$1.58 PP	-
Surgeon Simulator: Experience Reality	1.7 TF2	$3.46 PP	-
Survive the Nights	0.8 TF2	$1.63 PP	-
Surviving Mars	0.5 TF2	$0.92 PP	-
Surviving the Aftermath	0.7 TF2	$1.4 PP	-
Sword Art Online Fatal Bullet - Complete Edition	3.2 TF2	$6.34 PP	-
Sword Art Online Hollow Realization Deluxe Edition	1.5 TF2	$2.97 PP	-
Syberia: The World Before	1.1 TF2	$2.25 PP	-
Synth Riders	3.5 TF2	$6.87 PP	-
TEKKEN 7	1.5 TF2	$2.91 PP	-
Tales from the Borderlands	3.8 TF2	$7.49 PP	-
Tales of Berseria	1.1 TF2	$2.09 PP	-
Talisman: Digital Edition	0.5 TF2	$0.97 PP	-
Tank Mechanic Simulator	1.1 TF2	$2.14 PP	-
Telltale Batman Shadows Edition	1.4 TF2	$2.81 PP	-
Terraforming Mars	0.6 TF2	$1.28 PP	-
Terraria	2.1 TF2	$4.24 PP	-
The Ascent	1.1 TF2	$2.15 PP	-
The Battle of Polytopia	0.5 TF2	$0.9 PP	-
The Beast Inside	0.4 TF2	$0.76 PP	-
The Blackout Club	0.6 TF2	$1.11 PP	-
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope	2.1 TF2	$4.21 PP	-
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan	1.9 TF2	$3.73 PP	-
The Darkness II	0.6 TF2	$1.09 PP	-
The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos	0.8 TF2	$1.51 PP	-
The Escapists	0.5 TF2	$1.08 PP	-
The Henry Stickmin Collection	0.7 TF2	$1.43 PP	-
The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing Final Cut	1.3 TF2	$2.64 PP	-
The Intruder	2.1 TF2	$4.23 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack 2	1.3 TF2	$2.58 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack 3	2.8 TF2	$5.63 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack 4	2.1 TF2	$4.07 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack 5	3.1 TF2	$6.06 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack 6	2.8 TF2	$5.5 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack	1.1 TF2	$2.14 PP	-
The LEGO Movie 2 Videogame	0.4 TF2	$0.79 PP	-
The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky	1.6 TF2	$3.23 PP	-
The Long Dark	2.4 TF2	$4.84 PP	-
The Long Dark: Survival Edition	0.5 TF2	$0.9 PP	-
The Mortuary Assistant	2.4 TF2	$4.74 PP	-
The Red Solstice 2: Survivors	0.4 TF2	$0.78 PP	-
The Surge 2	0.9 TF2	$1.78 PP	-
The Survivalists	0.6 TF2	$1.25 PP	-
The Talos Principle	1.5 TF2	$2.97 PP	-
The Walking Dead: The Final Season	0.7 TF2	$1.43 PP	-
The Walking Dead: The Telltale Definitive Series	2.4 TF2	$4.75 PP	-
The Witness	3.4 TF2	$6.69 PP	-
The Wolf Among Us	1.2 TF2	$2.43 PP	-
This Is the Police	0.5 TF2	$1.01 PP	-
This War of Mine: Complete Edition	0.7 TF2	$1.41 PP	-
Titan Quest Anniversary Edition	0.6 TF2	$1.17 PP	-
Tomb Raider	1.5 TF2	$2.88 PP	-
Torchlight II	0.7 TF2	$1.38 PP	-
Total Tank Simulator	0.5 TF2	$0.96 PP	-
Total War Shogun 2 Collection	1.7 TF2	$3.46 PP	-
Total War: ATTILA	2.4 TF2	$4.71 PP	-
Total War: Empire - Definitive Edition	1.7 TF2	$3.42 PP	-
Total War: Napoleon - Definitive Edition	1.8 TF2	$3.56 PP	-
Total War: Rome II - Emperor Edition	2.9 TF2	$5.83 PP	-
Total War™: WARHAMMER®	2.8 TF2	$5.56 PP	-
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator	2.8 TF2	$5.55 PP	-
Totally Reliable Delivery Service	0.6 TF2	$1.23 PP	-
Tour de France 2020	0.6 TF2	$1.13 PP	-
Tower Unite	5.1 TF2	$10.09 PP	-
Townscaper	0.6 TF2	$1.17 PP	-
Trailmakers Deluxe Edition	1.4 TF2	$2.79 PP	-
Train Simulator Classic	0.8 TF2	$1.58 PP	-
Tribes of Midgard	0.8 TF2	$1.55 PP	-
Tricky Towers	2.0 TF2	$4.02 PP	-
Trine 2: Complete Story	1.2 TF2	$2.28 PP	-
Trine 4: The Nightmare Prince	1.2 TF2	$2.38 PP	-
Trine Ultimate Collection	4.6 TF2	$9.06 PP	-
Tropico 5 – Complete Collection	0.8 TF2	$1.62 PP	-
Tropico 6 El-Prez Edition	2.3 TF2	$4.56 PP	-
Tropico 6	2.3 TF2	$4.47 PP	-
Turmoil	0.5 TF2	$0.96 PP	-
Turok	0.4 TF2	$0.75 PP	-
Two Point Hospital	2.1 TF2	$4.22 PP	-
Ultimate Chicken Horse	1.8 TF2	$3.56 PP	-
Ultimate Fishing Simulator	0.5 TF2	$0.91 PP	-
Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3	1.8 TF2	$3.55 PP	-
Ultra Street Fighter IV	0.6 TF2	$1.11 PP	-
Undertale	2.1 TF2	$4.2 PP	-
Universe Sandbox	4.8 TF2	$9.41 PP	-
Unrailed!	1.6 TF2	$3.07 PP	-
Until You Fall	0.7 TF2	$1.39 PP	-
VTOL VR	6.4 TF2	$12.66 PP	-
Vacation Simulator	5.2 TF2	$10.21 PP	-
Vagante	0.7 TF2	$1.34 PP	-
Valkyria Chronicles 4 Complete Edition	1.9 TF2	$3.77 PP	-
Valkyria Chronicles™	1.0 TF2	$1.97 PP	-
Vampyr	2.2 TF2	$4.35 PP	-
Verdun	0.4 TF2	$0.72 PP	-
Vertigo Remastered	0.4 TF2	$0.8 PP	-
Visage	2.9 TF2	$5.83 PP	-
Viscera Cleanup Detail	2.0 TF2	$4.05 PP	-
Void Bastards	0.7 TF2	$1.33 PP	-
Volcanoids	1.4 TF2	$2.81 PP	-
Vox Machinae	3.4 TF2	$6.7 PP	-
Wargame: Red Dragon	5.2 TF2	$10.22 PP	-
Wargroove	0.5 TF2	$0.91 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters	1.6 TF2 Refer To My Other Thread	$3.22 PP Refer To My Other Thread	Humble Choice (May 2023)
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War - Master Collection	1.5 TF2	$2.91 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - Grand Master Collection	2.3 TF2	$4.55 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II: Retribution	0.8 TF2	$1.68 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War	0.6 TF2	$1.23 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Tyranids	1.4 TF2	$2.86 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine Collection	2.1 TF2	$4.17 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine	1.7 TF2	$3.28 PP	-
Warhammer: Chaosbane - Slayer Edition	0.9 TF2	$1.88 PP	-
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide Collector's Edition	0.7 TF2	$1.36 PP	-
Warhammer: Vermintide 2 - Collector's Edition	1.6 TF2	$3.15 PP	-
Warhammer: Vermintide 2	0.8 TF2	$1.51 PP	-
Warhammer® 40,000™: Dawn of War® II	0.6 TF2	$1.25 PP	-
Warhammer® 40,000™: Dawn of War® III	1.8 TF2	$3.49 PP	-
Warpips	0.7 TF2	$1.48 PP	-
Wasteland 3	1.3 TF2	$2.6 PP	-
We Happy Few	0.9 TF2	$1.88 PP	-
We Need to Go Deeper	1.4 TF2	$2.87 PP	-
We Were Here Too	1.2 TF2	$2.38 PP	-
White Day : a labyrinth named school	0.6 TF2	$1.24 PP	-
Who's Your Daddy	1.9 TF2	$3.67 PP	-
Wingspan	1.2 TF2	$2.31 PP	-
Winkeltje: The Little Shop	1.1 TF2	$2.08 PP	-
Witch It	3.3 TF2	$6.57 PP	-
Wizard of Legend	1.8 TF2	$3.56 PP	-
World War Z: Aftermath	4.6 TF2	$9.09 PP	-
Worms W.M.D	1.2 TF2	$2.34 PP	-
X4: Foundations	8.3 TF2	$16.49 PP	-
X4: Split Vendetta	1.8 TF2	$3.56 PP	-
XCOM 2 Collection	1.4 TF2	$2.7 PP	-
XCOM 2	0.4 TF2	$0.76 PP	-
XCOM 2: Reinforcement Pack	0.4 TF2	$0.72 PP	-
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Pack	0.8 TF2	$1.6 PP	-
XCOM: Ultimate Collection	1.3 TF2	$2.56 PP	-
Yakuza 0	2.4 TF2	$4.76 PP	-
Yakuza 3 Remastered	1.0 TF2	$2.07 PP	-
Yakuza Kiwami 2	4.5 TF2	$8.86 PP	-
Yakuza Kiwami	2.1 TF2	$4.23 PP	-
Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles	1.3 TF2	$2.66 PP	-
YouTubers Life	0.7 TF2	$1.42 PP	-
ZERO Sievert	5.1 TF2	$10.09 PP	-
Zenith MMO	2.2 TF2	$4.32 PP	-
Zero Caliber VR	4.3 TF2	$8.48 PP	-
Zombie Army 4: Dead War	1.8 TF2	$3.64 PP	-
Zombie Army Trilogy	0.5 TF2	$0.97 PP	-
biped	0.8 TF2	$1.68 PP	-
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Here's a mod idea I had about 10 years ago. It's still pending on my projects list, maybe one day I'll do it.
​

• Porta-potty (Toi-Toi) by the entrance to Xardas tower
• Dark Mushrooms model replaced with lightbulb
• Digger's Meat mushroom (the large one) replaced with night lamp
• Sheep model replaced with giant bee
• Heavy Branch (weapon) replaced with large pink dildo
• Gold coin model replaced with roll of toilet paper
• Healing plant model replaced with... turd. Tasty!
• Seekers are male characters wearing women skirts.
• Innos shrines replaced with Robert Kubica monuments
• Apple model replaced with 8th ball
• Khorinis should look more dystopian, with modern trash cans, graffiti, here and there a wrecked FSO Polonez or Fiat 126p
• On the walls, instead of shields there are toilet seats.
• Harad's workshop:
  • Instead of anvil there's a beehive, preferably with bee sounds
  • Harad walks around with toilet brush instead of steel bars
  • Harad keeps smashing the beehive with a toilet brush
  • Instead of water bucket there's a toilet
• Thorben's wardrobe is replaced with a fridge
• Constantino has Denaturat bottles everywhere around his roomContext: denaturat, aka (non-)methylated spirits is a cheap substitute for vodka in eastern EU
• In homes, instead of paintings there are 50" LCD TVs. Fits perfectly to Gothic's medieval atmosphere.
• Instead of beds there are sheets of styrofoam
• Farm peasants should carry ping-pong paddles instead of sickles
• Instead of rakes or hoes, peasants should use brooms to brush the fields
• Raven's head should be replaced with an electric engine
• NPC in Khorinis market should sometimes walk in front of their stalls and take a pee on displayed products, Sara too!
• Militia should wear different uniform
• Some of the swords could be replaced with models of amputated hand or a leg.Beating scavenger with fire mage's leg sounds fun!
• Rat is improved into a "racing rat" by adding two Ford Mustang-like white stripes
• Rune Table model is changed into huge NPC's head with mouth wide open, this is where rune goes.
• On fireplace roasting stick, instead of a scavenger there's an old CRT TV
• Beliar shrines are replaced with Pope John Paul II monuments
• Spoon used for cooking soup is replaced with a flyswatter
• There's a speed camera on the road to Onar's Farm
• Cheese model (food) replaced with a worn boot
• Fish model (food) replaced with a brick
• Microphone stand and large speakers at Vatras
• Trash cans standing around Khorinis can be "used". Book reading animation is played.
• Ability to sleep on benches around the city. Let some NPCs become homeless.
• Some random posters placed around the Khorinis. For example announcing rap concert.
• Paladins in the Upper City sometimes take a piss into a fountain (the one with paladin monument)
• Fish arrow rune. Simply shoots a fish model and deals some stink damage.

I recently moved into a new house in a quiet Suburban area. I’m not going to say where because it’s had it’s fair share of media coverage, and teens showing up at night trying to get a glimpse inside the infamous house.
It had been on the market for three-years, and I secured the house at a much cheaper price due to the fact that two people had been found murdered there.
The mystery and brutality of the murders catapulted the story into the local news. No specific details were released to the public, and I only found out about it because a friend of mine is a local realtor with connections.
Nobody was ever arrested for the murders. A male in his thirties was found in the living area, and a female in her thirties was found barricaded in the basement. Another mysterious fact was that the woman had barricaded herself in from the inside, in a desperate attempt to stop someone or something from getting in.
Yesterday whilst doing some cleaning in the basement, I came across a cell phone that had fallen down a gap behind the washing machine and the wall.
And there’s a voice recording on it.
Recorded the same night of the murders by the female victim. And, It’s pretty terrifying. I’ve already handed it into the police, but I made a transcript of the recording.
What you are about to read is the unedited transcript of the cell phone recording found in the basement.
I have to admit, it’s extremely disturbing. The desperation in her voice will haunt me forever.
Here goes.
“If you’re hearing this, please, please, please give it the police. My husband is dead, it killed him. I’m so sorry Scott.
I can hear it now, upstairs, looking for a way in, and it’s only a matter of time before it finds one.
I’ve barricaded myself in the basement and I’ve got my eyes on the only door, one way in one way our.
You see, it can’t move if you’re looking at it.
It began twelve weeks ago. The night Scott, my childhood sweetheart and husband of five-years confessed that he’d had a drunken one-night stand on his bachelor party in Europe. The apparent guilt had consumed him for the past five-years, and his sudden urge to be truthful was due to the fact we were due to get married this same year.
His words hit me like a freight train, and the urge to vomit washed over me like a tsunami. I stormed out of the house, our house that we’d bought together twelve-years prior. I felt like the world had swallowed me whole, and in a way, it had.
I was struck with a throbbing chest pain that rapidly spread down my entire right side. The pain intensified, taking my breath away, and I stumbled into a tree to steady myself as I felt my body about to faint.
Then darkness.
The next thing I remember, was waking up in a dark and dismal forest, devoid of colour. The air was dry and had a distinctive, malodorous smell, like rotten meat or that of a decaying carcass. But worst of all, was a terrifying feeling that I’d never experienced before, and one that I pray I’ll never feel again.
The feeling of absolute hopelessness.
The sky was dull and cloudless, and was ripped apart by soundless, ferocious lightning that illuminated the bleak landscape I found myself in. I felt like I’d been wandering for hours, maybe even days when I came across a decaying cave. Animal bones crushed beneath my feet as I made my way towards it.
As I approached the cave, the putrid smell grew with intensity causing me to retch, and I was violently sick, bringing up my own stomach bile. The entrance was made of crumbling stone and was completely opaque. I threw a small stone into it and heard it ricocheting down the stone steps and off the walls. The silenced lighting strobed the area, and I was able to glimpse into the cave and see a few descending steps.
Then, two yellow reptilian-like eyes flashed in the darkness.
I stumbled backwards, and just as the lightning struck, I was forcefully thrown by an unseen force. The lighting flashed continuously, accompanied by a gale-force wind, tossing me around like a rag doll. My eyes were fixed on the cave, and I crippled in terror, as a pale, gangly hand reached around the crumbling stone. Another flash hurled me hard against a tree, and suddenly -
I woke up in the back of an ambulance with paramedics hovering over me with a defibrillator, and two words that sent a cold and grotesque shiver through my spine.
“Welcome back”.
Welcome back? Back from where? What was that place? That thing in the cave? How long was I gone?
Hundreds of questions raced through my mind, but none of which I had the answer for.
Not yet anyway.
“You died in the back of that ambulance” the doctor said as I lay in a bed in the ICU.
The room tilted as I tried to digest what the doctor was telling me. I felt like I was in a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I’m thirty-years old, I eat healthily, and I run four times a week, how could this be happening to me?
My scans revealed I’d inherited a faulty gene and developed hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and suffered a cardiac arrest. I spent the next seven-weeks in the ICU and told nobody of the dark forest and the creature with the yellow eyes. Just the thought of that place was enough to raise the hairs on the back of my neck.
My mother practically moved into the hospital. Fussing over me like mothers do. She blamed herself for my condition, even though her scans were clear, meaning that I inherited the faulty gene from my absent father.
My husband Scott came on the first day, but I asked him for space. I needed some time to heal and process everything that had happened, about both my condition, and his infidelity. Although he kept that promise, he would call my mom every day to check on me, to make sure I was okay.
I wasn’t.
Not because of my condition, but for something else.
I’d started to see something.
I wasn’t sure what it was at first. It started as a tiny dot in my peripheral, nothing more than a spec on my retina. Of course, I had my eyes checked, but all results came back clear, as did the results for my visual cortex.
Days later, what started as a dot in my peripheral began to grow.
The first time I saw it, I was at my doctor’s office. He had left me alone for a moment whilst he consulted with my surgeon. It was dark outside and the sound of heavy rain pit-a-patting against the glass was hypnotic. I stared out of the window, watching as a small handful of people came in and out of the hospital.
Then, my eyes were drawn to an ominous silhouette at the far end of the parking lot. I couldn’t make out any distinguishing features due to the minimal light, but there was something there, standing deadly still in the shadows.
A car horn broke my reverie, a man was getting into his truck in the lot and must have pressed the horn by accident. I turned back to the silhouette, and it was in a completely different position.
It had moved.
It was standing eerily still again, but like it had frozen mid-walk. I could just about make out its elongated limbs, like it’s arms and legs had been stretched out.
The doctor returned momentarily, startling me. He’d gotten my scans, and everything was how it should be.
“Good news, you should be okay to be discharged in a few days” he said.
That was great news, I was so ready to get out of the hospital. I turned back to the window in curiosity, but whatever I saw had gone.
I didn’t think about it again until the night before I was going home. It was late and most of the patients were sleeping. My room is situated at the end of the hall, so I get a clear view of it through my observation window. I wasn’t quite ready to go to sleep and was watching something on my iPad.
Suddenly, there was a putrid odour wafting in through my open door. The same unmistakable smell that I’d experienced in that ‘other place’. Two nurses walked past my room, neither showing any signs that they too could smell it. I covered my nose and mouth to try and stop me from heaving.
Then, my eyes drifted to the observation window, and to the corridor.
It was here again. The silhouette.
At the far end of the hall. Completely still, with its back pressed up against the wall. But I could see it. It was tall and skinny, and had either feelers or tentacles stretched up against the wall like an ink spill. Its daunting yellow eyes stared straight at me.
I saw another nurse walk up the hall and straight past it, like it wasn’t there. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe visual hallucinations were a symptom of what I’d been through, or maybe it was a side effect of the many meds I was taking. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“There’s nothing there, there’s nothing there, it isn’t real” I whispered to myself.
I opened my eyes and, it hadn’t gone.
It had moved closer.
Halfway down the hall. It had dropped onto all fours like a large dog. Starring straight at me. Its long tentacles spread across the floor and up the wall.
I was absolutely petrified.
I moved over to the window, tentatively. The smell that resonated from this creature was overpowering. I watched it for a few moments, until a nurse walked past the window, startling me. And, like before, when I looked back, it wasn’t there. It was as though I’d imagined it. I climbed back into bed, but I didn’t sleep a wink that night.
The next morning, my mom came to pick me up. I left with a suitcase of medication and instructions on how and when to take them. I didn’t tell my mom or anyone at the hospital about my hallucinations. I was worried If I did say something, the doctors wouldn’t let me leave.
I had decided to stay at my mom’s until I was ready to talk with Scott. He brought a box over with some essentials, like my comfy clothes, pyjamas, and my own toothbrush as I’d been using a cheap store bought one up to now. He was sorry, and it was clear he hadn’t been sleeping. He said he’d wait for me until I was ready to talk. I missed both him and our home so much, but I just wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not yet.
My mom suggested that I go into town, see the locals, get some fresh air into my lungs. She offered to drive me, and then we would meet back up at the car after an hour.
Whilst in town, I noticed a poster for the yearly travelling fairground in a storefront window. I have fond memories growing up of this fair. It’s where Scott and I shared our first kiss. We were halfway round the Ferris wheel, when it started to rain. He covered us with his jacket, and then he kissed me. This was the moment I knew I’d fallen in love with him. I was flooded with happy emotions, and it felt right that I text Scott.
“I’m ready to talk, I’ll be at the place where we shared our first kiss at 8 tonight, Chloe x”.
He replied almost instantly.
“I’ll be there, thank you x”.
After a quick smile to myself, I went for a walk through the local market. It was bustling with energy. Vendors selling local, fresh produce, handmade furniture, bakeries, and plenty more.
After browsing the stalls, I was hit with that smell. That horrific, nauseating smell. And I felt the hairs on my arms prickle up.
I knew it was here. Somewhere. Observing me.
My eyes narrowed as I scanned the area. I weaved in and out of the locals looking for it. Paranoia struck me like lightning. I was bumping into people as I went. All eyes had now turned to me. I burst into tears, sprinted back to the lot and leaped into my mother’s car.
I was sitting in the passenger seat crying my eyes out. I looked out of the window and saw my mother rushing back to the car shouting my name. Someone must have told her about my freak out.
I looked out of the opposite window and, IT WAS THERE, standing on top of a vehicle several cars over!
“GET AWAY FROM ME” I screamed.
My mother whipped open the door.
“What is it? What happened?” she replied.
She couldn’t see it. Nobody could. I told her that I’d had a panic attack. I hadn’t been around people outside of the hospital for a few months and I felt overwhelmed. She knew I wasn’t being truthful, but it’s the only answer I could give.
That night I decided to go ahead and meet Scott at the fair. When I saw him waiting for me by the Ferris wheel, my heart felt hole again, if only for a moment. We got our tokens and went on the wheel. We talked as we went round, about how sorry he was and how much of an idiot he’d been, which I agreed with.
Everything was going well until I saw the creature again. Standing on top of the ghost house attraction. Watching me.
I kept my eyes on the figure whilst grabbing Scott’s arm.
“Do you see it?” I asked with a shaky voice.
“See what?” he replied.
“It’s standing right there, on top of the ghost house”.
I could see him squinting to look, but I knew deep down that he wouldn’t be able to see it, because only I could.
“Sweetheart, there’s nobody there, look at me” he replied, calmly.
“I can’t” I said solemnly. “If I look away, it’ll move”.
“Chloe, look at me, there’s nothing there” he said, as he grabbed my chin and turned my face towards his.
“No! it’ll move, it wants me to look away” I screamed.
I quickly spun round, my eyes darting back to the ghost house, but it wasn’t there. I looked around, anxiously, Scott looking on with worry.
“Shit, where is it?” My anxiety palpable.
I looked down, and it was at the bottom of the Ferris wheel. It had moved inhumanly fast. I screamed and almost fell out of the carriage, but Scott held onto me.
“Hey, hey, I got you, what is it?” he said, desperately trying to keep hold of me.
I stood up in a panic, rocking the carriage, Scott tried to hang onto me, but it was too late, and I plummeted twenty feet to the ground.
The last thing I remember, was Scott screaming for an ambulance.
I was fortunate enough to only suffer a sprained wrist and a slight concussion. My doctor wanted to keep me in overnight for observations, which I reluctantly agreed to.
I decided to confide in Scott. I told him everything. From the cave in the forest to this creature that’s stalking me. This monstrous entity that must have crawled out of the pits of hell. And worst of all, it’s getting closer to me.
He could see that I was terrified, and instead of trying to explain away what I was experiencing, he just held me. And, for the first time in a long time, I felt safe. We spent hours just holding each other. He offered to stay the night, to stay awake in the chair whilst I got some sleep, but I couldn’t have him doing that.
After Scott left, I managed to get a few hours rest. I woke up just after two AM and grabbed my bottle of water from the nightstand. That’s when I noticed the door was closed, even though I specifically requested it to stay open.
And then, there was that horrendous smell. I knew it was close.
It was in the fucking room.
It was crouched down in the corner on all fours, blending into the darkness, watching me. I desperately tried to scream but no sound would come out.
Keeping my eyes on it, I slowly climbed out of the bed with my back pressed firmly against the wall. I knew it couldn’t move if I didn’t look away. I side-stepped along the wall towards the door.
I started to manoeuvre around a set of drawers, knocking something off that caught my eye for a millisecond. But that’s all it took. It was now standing on its two legs.
It must have been eight-feet tall with outstretched limbs. A streak of moonlight illuminated part of it’s pale-blue face. Its yellow eyes glistened in the light. Its slimy tentacles spread up the wall and onto the roof.
I kept my back to the wall and kept moving. I made it to the door, grabbed the door handle, but it was fucking locked. I kicked the door, but nobody could hear me.
I could see the key for the door on the table in my peripheral. I fumbled around on the table without looking. I grabbed everything but the key. I knew I had to look to find the key.
I quickly glanced to my left – Saw the key – Looked back, and the creature was point-blank in front of me. Reaching out for my throat, its black, curved talon had pierced my neck and blood trickled down.
Somehow, I managed to scream and within seconds two orderlies had barged through the door. All they found was me, alone with blood trickling down my neck. I barged straight past them and ran as fast as I could out of the hospital.
I ended up running all the way home. I banged as loud as I could on the door, forgetting that it was almost three-thirty in the morning. Scott answered the door in his pyjamas with a worried look plastered across his face.
I told him what had happened at the hospital whilst he bandaged my neck.
“See, this is proof that what I’m seeing is real, this is physical proof, you believe me, right, you have to?” I barked.
After a momentary pause, he replied:
“Yes, I believe you. I believe... I believe you’re seeing something”.
I registered the pause, and the hesitation in his voice. He didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame him.
After talking for a few hours, I had calmed down enough that I told Scott to get some sleep. He was reluctant to leave me, so he took a nap in the chair. I grabbed my laptop and searched the web for anything related to what was happening to me.
There’re thousands of incidents across the world relating to haunted houses, demons, cults, and possessions, but none that was specific to the entity that was stalking me.
Every time I heard a sound, a car outside or a floorboard creek I jumped. I was a nervous wreck. I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I looked out of the window into the darkness, expecting to see it watching me. But it wasn’t.
I went back into the room, and –
IT WAS THERE!
I dropped the glass, and it shattered on the floor. Scott leaped from the chair.
“What, what is it?”
I couldn’t speak. My lips were glued shut. I slowly raised my hand and pointed at it. It was standing at the far end of the room. I kept my eyes on it the entire time. Scott rushed over to me.
“Hey, Chloe, there’s nothing their sweetheart, whatever you’re seeing isn’t real”.
He headed towards it.
“NO, SCOTT, PLEASE DON’T!” I pleaded, as I grabbed his arm.
He shrugged it off and marched over to it.
“There’s nothing here, I’m going to prove it to you” he said.
He cocked his arm back and swung his fist, only his arm stopped mid-swing.
HE HIT THE FUCKING CREATURE!
I moved to grab Scott and stood bare foot on the broken shards of glass, cutting my feet, I screamed out, and for a split second, I LOOKED DOWN.
And that’s all it took.
When I looked up, the creature had already grabbed Scott and folded him in half like a piece of paper. The sound of his spine breaking echoed through the room. Scott laid dead on the floor, his eyes widen open and looking at me.
I screamed and backed away into the kitchen. I slammed the door shut and ran to the rear door. It was locked and I’d left my keys in my bag in the front room. I noticed Scott’s cell on the countertop, so I grabbed it and ran down into the basement.
I shut the door and pushed the spare fridge in front of it. And then I hid in the corner. Crouched down beside the washing machine.
Which is where I am now. Hiding. Crying. I can’t call anyone because Scott’s cell doesn’t have a signal down here, which is why I’m recording this message on his cell in the hopes that someone will hear my story.
I can hear it now, moving around upstairs. It knows my eyes will be watching the door, so it’s looking for another way in. I’m so scared.
I’m the reason Scott’s dead. My true love. And I’ll never forgive myself for that. The thought of that is far worse than anything that monster can do to me.
Oh God, it’s here!
The old fucking laundry chute! Goddammit!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!
It’s watching me with those horrifying yellow eyes.
I can’t keep running because it’ll find me.
And I won’t put anyone else in danger.
It’s me that it wants.
Scott I’m so sorry, I love you so much.
And Mom, I love you so much.
I’m going to close my eyes now.
Three.
Two.
One”
That’s it, that’s the recording. It’s very disturbing to me. If only you could hear her voice. She was terrified.
The police haven’t been back in contact as I write this, and I’m not expecting them too either.
The woman mentioned her mother in the recording, I might try and find her. Tell her what I've found, just in case the police don’t believe it.

Below I shall briefly prove that Skanda/Murugan came from non-Vedic, i.e. Dravidian practices:

Skanda

The origin of Skanda or Murugan, as he is known in the south, is similar to that of Ganesha. In this section, the Northern version of Skanda and his Southern counterpart Murugan will be dealt with separately. For simplicity, Skanda will refer to the Sanskritic god of the North and Murugan will be used to refer to the Dravidian version of the south.
As briefly touched upon before, Skanda originated amongst the class of spirits called Grahas.
These Grahas are not to be confused with the nine planets. Graha comes from the Sanskrit root “grh” meaning to “seize”. These beings cause sickness by possessing or “seizing” a person.
The Rig Veda 1.161.1 refers to a female Graha called a Grahi.
“muñcāmi tvā haviṣā jīvanāya kam ajñātayakṣmād uta rājayakṣmāt grāhir jagrāha yadi vaitad enaṃ tasyā indrāgnī pra mumuktam enam ”
“By means of the oblation I set you free to live safe from undeveloped consumption and from royal sumption; and if the seizer has already seized him, then to you, Indra , and Agni , set him free”
However as much as the Graha is found early as the Rig Veda, they are not of Indo European origin.
One of the earliest nuanced mentions of the Grahas, including Skanda, are found in the Sushruta Samhita.
“Attentively hear me describe, Sushruta, the origin, cause and medical treatment of the diseases of infancy which are due to the influences of malignant stars (Graha) or demons as well as the characteristic symptoms by which each can be accurately diagonosed. The diseases number nine in all and are called Skanda-Graha, Skandapasmara, Shakuni, Revati, Putana, Andha-Putana, Shita-Putana, Mukha-mandika and Naigamesha or Pitri-Graha. 2–3” (S.S Uttara Tantra 2.25.2-3).// Translate this by kyself later.
These Grahas are said to cause grave sickness amongst infants. The Skanda Graha for example is described as follows in the same chapter:
“Swelling of the eyes and distorted features of the face and an aversion to the breast-milk are the indications of an attack by the Skanda-graha. The body of the child emits a bloody smell and one of the eyelids becomes fixed or motionless. The child looks frightened, closes his fists (as in a fit of convulsion) and moans a little. The eyes become highly rolling and the stool becomes hard and constipated. Alternate fits of fainting and consciousness, convulsive jerks of legs and hands like those in dancing, foaming (at the mouth), yawning and the passing of stool and urine with the passage of wind are the characteristic features of an attack by the Skanda-pasmara-graha. 5–6.”
Such beliefs of malignant spirits attacking children are prevalent even today amongst the rural folk of south India. However, disease demons are universal, so the non Vedic-ness of the Grahas, must be sought out. The origin of the belief in the Grahas is inferred from the rituals prescribed to appease them. Amongst the rituals there is this interesting paragraph:
“The physician (or any other person acting on his behalf) should bathe in the night and worship the god Skanda for three successive nights in the inner quadrangle of the house of the child or at the crossing of roads with various offerings, viz., garlands of red flowers, red flags, red perfumes such as Kumkuma, edibles of various kinds and newly harvested barley grains, Shali rice. A cock should be sacrificed on the occasion (to appease his wrath) and bells should be rung (for his propitiation). The water to be used for bath (in course of worship), should be consecrated by reciting the Gayatri Mantra and the sacrificial fire should be duly lit with (three, seven or ten) libations (of clarified butter). 6.”(S.S. Uttara Tantra 2.28.6).
The first motif is the use of red coloured items. We find parallels to this in early Tamil traditions of Murugan. Indeed Murugan in modern Hindu iconography is associated with the red color. We shall get into this later.
The other aspect of the ritual is the sacrifice of the cock. This is also accompanied later by the offering of meat and blood:
“The physician (or the votary officiating for him) should worship the presiding deity of the disease in a ditch (dug out for the purpose) with the offerings of both cooked and uncooked meat, fresh blood (of a goat), milk, and edibles prepared with the Masha pulse for the ghosts, and the possessed child should be bathed at the crossing of roads by physician observing the necessary fast, etc. with the recital of the following Mantra….”(S.S. Uttara Tantra 2.29).
Returning the the offering of the cock, it is curious that this animal is mentioned. The cock is featured in the Vedic ritual of Ashvamedha, but as an animal to be released alive. Moreover, the Manusmriti prohibits the consumption of the fowl.
“The mushroom, the village-pig, garlic, the village-cock, onions and leeks,—the twice-born man eating these intentionally would become an ou tcast.—(19)”(MS 5.19).
On the positive, we have the sacrifice of the chicken in Dravidian and tribal rituals.
In the Nellore District, the goddess of diseases Kateri is popritiated for safe child delivery. At the same time, she has a great thirst for blood. As Elmore recorded, the woman“, offers a fowl to Kateri , cooks the fowl and eats it . She then puts on the koka which has been offered to Kateri, and makes various offerings, especially the blood of more fowls” (Elmore pg 50).
Similarly, Kanaka Durgamma is popritiated when there is cattle disease, and each step of her worship involves the slaughter of a fowl. It is recorded by Elmore that in the ritual a woman is possessed by the goddess and starts asking for the blood of chickens, goats, sheep, or buffalo. When a person dies, the Gulgulias, a group of people in Eastern India, pour liquor down the copse. They then kill a chicken, burn it, and through the ashes into an irrigation tank to ensure the spirit is satisfied. Most of the offerings to these goddesses and spirits, however, tend to beof goats or sheep.
The Gonds appease wrathful spirits by offering usually a goat, pig, or a chicken depending on the god they are woshiping. For Bara Deo, a spotted he-goat; for Takkur Deva, 5 chicken and a pig. When a person dies, the third day after the funeral is called Tisra. On Tisra the chief mourner kills a chicken near a stream and cooks it with rice.
The Irulas also offer a cock to appease evil spirits.
Thus the use of chicken meat in the ritual to appease the Grahas are not of Vedic origin, and likey stem from Dravidian or Austro Asiatic sources. Interestingly, modern iconography of Skanda features him with the rooster as an emblematic animal. Puranic legend states that when Skanda killed Surapadma who hid himself as a tree, the two fragments of the tree became a peacock and a rooster. Perhaps the offering of the cock to Skanda led to him having the bird as one of his emblematic animals.

The Distancing

As some scholars point out, as the cult of Skanda grew and the as spirit started becoming a full fledged deity, people weren’t happy with the relationship with the Grahas. Coming back to the Sushruta Samhita, the 32nd chapter of the 2nd Canto of the Uttara Tantra has this to say on the subject:
“It is impossible that the god springing from Rudra and Agni, with his exalted parentage would find pleasure in such a dangerous disease even out of childish frolic-someness and it has also been asserted by eminent authorities on the physical science that some unintelligent persons have been misled into holding, through a mistake due to the identity of the names, that the author of the disease under discussion (Skanda) is no other than the invincible Skanda”.
However, while trying to deny Skanda’s nature as a Graha, it fails to dissolve any trace of his malignant origin. Previously in the chapter, it is recorded that
“ Skandapasmara, the presiding deity of the disease named after him, was created by Agni, the fire-god (Vulcan). He is as bright as fire itself and is a constant companion of the god Skanda and is also known by the name of Vishakha”
The name of Graha having Skanda in it, as well as his association with Skanda, ironically end up echoing the deities' past. Ironically, in later texts, Vishakha is an epithet of Skanda. The chapter continues saying
“On the effulgent god Skanda’s being elevated to the leadership of the armies of Heaven, the presiding deities of those diseases waited upon him and with folded palms asked him about the means of their subsistence. The god Skanda in his turn, referred them to His Holiness the god Shiva for the answer, whereupon they went to the latter in a body and made the same query”
This narrative is found in the Mahabharata Aranyaka Parva Chapter 219. After Indra struck Skanda with the vajra, a part of his body split off and became Vishakha. Also from Skanda’s fiery body, came the Grahas which are made to torment women and children. The likely explanation for this distancing is that the cultured people didn’t like how their god could be malevolent, thus they tried to make him benevolent while not completely disregarding his origins. Narratives like those in the Mahabharata were an excellent way for the brahmanas of the Mauryan and Guptan era to accomplish that goal.
​

Origin of Murugan

Murugan is the Tamil name for Skanda. The name literally means “Youthful”, the same way “Kumara” does. Murugan has an similar origin as his northern version, as a wrathful spirit.
According to Iravatam Mahadevan, a scholar in Indus Valley and Dravidian studies, Muruku (i.e. Murugan) in early Tamil times was a departed soul or spirit that would possess a priest (Velan) or a maiden who then would dance frantically. Murugan was thus a wrathful formless spirit. However, he is said to be red and carry a spear. Evidently, the Velan wore red clothes and carried a spear. Bloody sacrifices also were offered for Skanda. The dance that the Velan would do to appease the spirit Murugan is called Veriyattal. The Velan was summoned to solve problems or even tell how wars would unfold. In the Veddah people of Sri Lanka believe in a spirit called Kande Yakkha. And in one recollection of their myth on Valli’s origin, Kande Yakkha was the substitute for Murugan. This may be from early contact between Tamilians and the Veddahas and thus establishes the spirit origin of Murugan.
According to Mahadevan, “Muru” is a PDr root meaning “to break” but is homiphonous with “mur” meaning “Young”. Confusion may have made Murugan youth. This may have influenced the iconography of Skanda in the North. But more likely is that Skanda got his youth from Agni and this tradition influenced his southern counter part.
I depart from the traditional view that Velan derives from Tamil “Vel” meaning spear. If we are to assert a Proto Dravidian, or even Proto South Dravidian origin, for Muruguab, it must be noted that Tamil “Vel” meaning spear has only a cognate in Malayalam. That is also because Malayalam is descended from Tamil. Thus Tamil “Vel” is not an original Proto Dravidian world. However the Tamil root “vel” meaning “sacrifice” is of Proto Dravidian origin, with cognates being in Telugu as well (Tel “Velpu” = “god”; “Velvi” = “Sacrifice”). Thus the Velan could mean “sacrificer”. Then from homophones, Velan got reinterpreted to mean “Spear man”, thus prompting Murugan to carry a spear. This spear then may have made him a war god. Of course this is speculation , and further Dravidian research is needed.

The Influences

Most scholars agree that it is the Northern Skanda that influenced the Southern Murugan. The priority for the North is evident from the fact that Tamil traditions say that Skanda is said to have been born in the North but decided to settle in the South.
The reason Skanda and Murugan would be conflated is plain obvious. The deities are both wrathful spirits needing appeasement. In fact, both Skanda and Murugan may derive their similar attributes because they originated from the same tradition, making both traditions of Skanda and Murugan figuratively siblings. Iravatam Mahadevan taxes the origin of Skanda worship to the Indus Valley. One of the Harappan script signs he identifies is a curled up skeleton. The Proto Dravidian root he assigned the sign to was “Mur” meaning “twisted” or “shriveled up”. This is homophonous to the roots meaning “break” and “youth”, and the connection to the dead makes this sign a great candidate for evidence of Murugan or general spirit appeasement during the Indus Valley period. What may have then happened was the Dravidians bought the Murugan worship to the South while the people who stayed in the North introduced their beliefs to the Vedic people. Indeed the Tamil literature attributes Skanda to the Kurunji landscape, which is the mountainous regions of Ancient Tamilikam. Indeed amongst the Niligiri tribes, like the Irula, is spirit worship the norm.
The Sangam literature knew of the Vedic practices, suggesting that Northern traditions have been established in the south. This is is possible that the developments of Skanda in the North have been introduced during the Sangam period and influenced the conception of Murugan, at least in part.
​
​
References:
DRAVIDIAN GODS IN MODERN HINDUISM A STUDY OF THE LOCAL AND VILLAGE DEITIES O F SOUTHERN INDIA by Wilber Theodore Elmore.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/40450839?read-now=1&seq=3#page_scan_tab_contents - gonds offer to spirits several animals, but mostly goats and chickens.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/40453635?read-now=1#page_scan_tab_contents - shaministic stuff about Austroasiatic tribes. Includes chicken use. //
https://www.jstor.org/stable/44141129?read-now=1&seq=3#page_scan_tab_contents Skanda and Vishaka alluded as Mahabharata reference.
Skanda:
https://www.jstor.org/stable/43483765...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/24049041...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/20297310...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/1062666?...
https://rmrl.in/wp-content/uploads/20...
“Worship of Ancient Tamils Gleaned from the Tamil Literature” by Dr.P.Ganesan https://starlingdb.org/cgi-bin/respon...
\data\drav\dravet&first=161&off=&text_proto=vel&method_proto=sound_substring&ic_proto=on&text_meaning=&method_meaning=substring&ic_meaning=on&text_sdr=&method_sdr=substring&ic_sdr=on&text_tel=&method_tel=substring&ic_tel=on&text_koga=&method_koga=substring&ic_koga=on&text_gnd=&method_gnd=substring&ic_gnd=on&text_ndr=&method_ndr=substring&ic_ndr=on&text_bra=&method_bra=substring&ic_bra=on&text_notes=&method_notes=substring&ic_notes=on&text_any=&method_any=substring&sort=proto&ic_any=on https://webcache.googleusercontent.co...
https://dash.harvard.edu/bitstream/ha...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/3024...
https://www.academia.edu/12681396/BEL...
The Rise of Mahāsena: The Transformation of Skanda-Karttikeya in North India from the Kuṣāṇa to Gupta Empires Book by Richard Dewey Mann https://www.academia.edu/33546233/Ori...
https://www.jstor.org/stable/20486646...
Early Cult of SKanda in North India: From Demon to Divine Son http://www.shanlaxjournals.in/pdf/ASH...
http://murugan.org/research/zvelebil.htm
http://kataragama.org/valli.htm
https://www.jstor.org/stable/24652468...
https://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/m03/m03228.htm Mahabharata, Skanda as Agni who is Rudra
https://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/m09/m09044.htm Shalya Parva origin of Skanda
https://eprints.soas.ac.uk/29066/1/10731161.pdf
https://tulsidas-ram-books.weebly.com/uploads/2/1/7/4/21746472/devi_puran.pdf
https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/39183392.pdf
https://books.google.com/books?id=05LXAAAAMAAJ&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=mother
https://www.zora.uzh.ch/id/eprint/135436/1/Asher-Greve_Westenholz_2013_Goddesses_in_Context.pdf

Hi everyone! I've been a lurker here for a while, and I've been reading different stories about people who worked in crypto sharing their regrets and/or spiteful feelings here, so it encouraged me to share my own. I never really post or comment on reddit except in gaming subreddits for help, so this is a first! I hope I don't bore you to death, but I imagine it might feel a little nice venting it out.
In hindsight, I didn't realise this would be such a long, long read, so please forgive the wall of text. This is really really long, but I don't care; I just wanted to get it all out to actual people. Read it if you will.
Lemme get some key points outta the way so we don't start off on the wrong foot
· at the beginning, I was never really "pro" or "anti" crypto
· I didn't lose any money lol
· throughout the whole thing, I was crypto neutral
· I managed to stop the project before it launched
· please do not refer me to suicide hotlines, I'm already going through therapy
· I was ignorant about crypto at the beginning; but now I know, so please, no lectures!
· I haven't "made money" either; in fact, I put a stop to the thing my friends were working on.
· I don't think I'm very smart, in fact, I feel stupid and useless after this whole debacle
· This doesn't really have a happy or "bad" ending, so please don't expect a happy ending. Also, again, please, please refrain from "giving advice." Just hear this out, and that's it. Make fun of this or ridicule it or empathise with it, I don't care; just don't "give advice" or "reassure" or whatever. Have the decency to just read something like this and let it be. Thank you!!
About myself: I don't really have a background in tech, and most of this is rather confusing stuff (then and now). I'm actually never on social media or the internet too often. I'm a writer, musician, and artist (mostly writer and musician), and I've done administrative work, project management, and journalism work to get by. I'm currently studying my undergraduate degree. I'll go about this chronologically.
2021 Jan - Sep: one of my friends got into crypto. He's a programmer (and a good one at that). I observed from the sidelines, and he kept talking about how much money he's made by trading. The concept of it never made any sense to me, but I'm not a programmer and I trusted my friend, so I was like "well, good for you." I never really understood any of that trading hubbub either!
I never really paid attention to any of this stuff, I was usually out with my friends, working, making music, playing games, or just writing. I never even owned a twitter account until late 2021!
2021 Sep: My friend made a whole lot of money one day, and I was pleasantly surprised! This guy always had those chart things on his screen 24/7 (never closed) whenever we went to his house, so we were all like "what the heck, that's hard work, huh?" I was genuinely happy that he's gotten his big break, because I believed he deserved it. He's one of the most talented people I know. Turns out one of his friends ran this crypto project with all these strange buzzwords that I still couldn't quite understand and gave him some "airdrops" before the "governance" token things launched. Oh, this isn't the thing I worked for, by the way!
2021 Oct: I didn't know too much about crypto, but I got it's selling point (or, well, I was dumb enough to fall for it). At least according to them, it's internet money that you can send anywhere at any time that you "own" and no central authorities own whatsoever (now I know that this concept is just incredibly stupid, but bear with me). I mean, I wasn't really an anti-government nut (and I didn't really turn into one either), but my friend's adamant on it, so I was like "well, why not?" and put $1000 in — wired it to this exchange (hint: it's not FTX, Coinbase, or Binance). Long story short, I put some money into that "Sandbox" thing and made a good few hundred bucks when it went up. There wasn't any real reasoning other than "well, Sandbox is a game, and people must use it for things, right?"
Oh, also, sandbox did these giveaway things for some "alpha pass" where you play their game and post a screenshot on twitter and win one of these alpha pass NFTs that you can sell on the market. I lucked out, got one, immediately sold it — I made like $5000 reselling that thing at "floor price." I remember thinking "woah, these guys must really want to play this game," which was naive and stupid, I guess.
2021 Nov - 2022 March: I cashed that out (the exchange wires that money back into your bank account for you) and steered clear later, because the whole thing was too much for me, staring at those dumb charts watching lines go up and down. That was all the money I ever made from crypto. I used it to buy some much needed medical devices, a guitar, and.. well, a new mattress. I donated the remainder away. Every time I asked my programmer friends to explain something or the other, it's always handwaving to "DYOR!" Every source they pointed me to confused me even more, and now I know that's deliberate with these grifters.
2022 March - May: I was still in their group chat so I could see them talk about it every now and then. Sometimes I drop in my comments about real-world news. One day, my friends were talking about starting an actual business. This was something I had experience in, and as far as I've seen, anything tangible that anyone's ever done with crypto was usually with games. I've had this idea for a type of game that I really cherished, and one of my friends had experience as a game developer. It was a relatively simple idea.
Let me tell you though, I really loved this game subcategory. I'm even in a university society for it. It's been one of my lifelong dreams to see my idea come to life. So I pitched the idea in, cause why not? The subcategory was never done in crypto, so at least we'd have the advantage of novelty, I thought. They weren't really sure how to monetise it, so I said "why not monetise the characters?" It seemed reasonable at the time: the characters could act as access points to the game and anyone could buy new characters for like, what, 5 bucks? At least that's what I had in mind. They agreed, so I found a popular NFT project to pitch the idea for (since it made more sense to work under an organisation rather than going full indie into a space we had no reputation in yet).
At the time, my friends said making these characters NFTs would give people "real ownership" and be a way to "support digital artists by cutting out the middleman." I mean, as a writer and musician, that did appeal to me. I didn't really question much of it (and I know I should have, it should have been due diligence, that was careless on my part). I thought "maybe we could make these NFTs customisable, because that's what RPGs are about, right?" and we went ahead with that.
2022 April - June: Here's a reminder: I'm a social media hermit. I never get on it unless it's checking on someone on Facebook or Instagram (or messaging). I never had twitter until 2021! So, I've never heard of people like Molly White, Tante, David Gerard, Amy Castor, yada yada until around this time. One my friends showed me Dan Olson's "Line Goes Up." And man, what a watch that was. It confirmed my gut feelings about crypto, that this is all just... hollow, insane, crazy stuff. My heart sank after watching that video.
I remember googling "responses to Line Goes Up" because I was in denial back then, not because I "believed" in crypto but I just didn't want to admit I've wasted so much time and energy. And I remember how every single "response" was just... idiotic. At that point, I sent that video to that NFT organisation's discord and said "if we're all genuine about this, maybe we should watch this and try to improve ourselves." It was the whole sunk cost fallacy thing, I wanted to believe that I didn't waste my time being a complete dork.
But after a certain point, I just couldn't run away from it anymore. I told my friends "let's just switch to making a steam game, we haven't lost or earned any money yet." It was an idea that was doable with a steam game, like... all you had to do was just change the monetisation bit to having players spend 5 bucks buying it... on steam... lol. Ah, but my friends were like "no." They won't do it. They wanted to make NFTs, and I couldn't understand for the love of god why you would do that. It was my idea, they had never played a game like that in their lives, I was the only one with any exposure in that regard.
Also, I was the one making the art as well, like... the character sprites. I'd spent so much time drawing those character sprites, their features, etc. I spent some time making some music, and even some background lore that fit in with the other NFT project we were working under. I barely checked their stupid discord things or twitter posts since I was so busy actually drawing and writing stuff. This was a passion project for me, and I was focused on making the game. You have no idea how much I love these types of role-playing games (but I'm not going into detail as to what that is because I'm not so comfortable).
Little did my stupid ass realise that these things were a pyramid scheme, and I was right at the middle or bottom. Little did my naive ass realise that none of these people liked my idea or even cared; people like me doing actual stuff gave them legitimacy, so people like me were just... pawns, I guess. Being the idiot I was, I engaged with my real name and my real identity, because that's what honest people do when they're selling a fucking game they'd be proud of, right? What a mistake. And my friends who knew what this stuff is never stopped me from doing any of it while I naively put my name and reputation at the front. After watching line goes up and then reading more and more sources (and eventually stumbling across Buttcoin on reddit!) I reached the point of no return:
Crypto and blockchain were useless in all possible ways, they never made sense as a technology, they're filled with disgusting people with disgusting anarcho-capitalist ideals, and there will never be a point where the "blockchain" will ever find a use-case beyond grifting, speculating, gambling, and money laundering because that is inherent to this technology's design. It is irredeemable. NFTs were never about empowering artists like us and it could never even do that at all because the premise and technology are flawed to begin with!
That was my realisation over time after actually reading about this from critical sources (which, at the top of the hype, I thought wasn't even really there because I had bought into my programmer friends' narrative that this is just like the internet and "everybody is in.")
I only wish I realised it sooner.
2022 June - July: I vehemently begged my friends to stop. I didn't want to make or sell NFTs anymore after realising what it was. I didn't even want the money (and god knows I could use that money since it could pay off my father's debts, but not like this. Not by hurting other people who may just be in the same position as I am by "winning" or "doing really 'smart' stuff.")
No one listened. I was about to quit, until the NFT organisation we were working under announced a grant. I saw this as an opportunity to put a stop to my own friends making their own NFTs, and I grabbed it. I begged and pleaded them to apply for that grant, which they begrudgingly did. I applied for that grant thing and it got approved, and all my friends were really excited about it. They all agreed to not make NFTs anymore and just make a free-to-play game. We worded the grant that way too.
But it still didn't sit right with me personally. I agonised over it still. Sure, it's grant money now... but how did that bigger NFT organisation get that money? Obviously, by selling NFTs and collecting resale "royalties." I guess it didn't matter to my friends, but to me, that's blood money. None of them were writers or artists, by the way. They were just... tech people. Techbros, I guess.
Anyway, the grant thing works by having people vote for it, and you get as much money as the votes you get. Our idea was good and we actually had a skillset, so we got like a little over four digits, which is big to someone like me, at least!
But it still didn't sit right with me.
I agonised over it all the time, thinking about just how I had soiled and shat on my lifelong passion idea, and how my name was out there associated with these people.
I just couldn't stand it anymore. One day, I told my friends that I was fucking quitting (this was in the middle of the grant voting process, that thing dragged on for about a couple of weeks) if they didn't turn this into a steam game instead. They chose to just let me quit, take the project for themselves, and... uh, take the grant money.
My friends got me on voice call and kinda hounded me, saying "well we understand if you want to quit but damn that sucks, it's a lot of money, man. It's been my dream too to make a game like that ever since my childhood." That last line really struck home because it was something I could empathise with, but then I recognised it as just... them trying to justify making fat stacks lol. They never really felt that way, and I'll tell you why I think that in a bit.
Either way, I quit. I got out. I didn't even take any compensation money. I mean, why would I lie about it here under an anonymous throwaway account anyway? I have nothing to gain from it, not even "karma farming" since I'm throwing this account away lol. Just... I couldn't stand it anymore, man.
2022 July - September: I spent this time distancing from these people and this crowd. I grew depressed. I hadn't lost any money, but I wasted so much time. I was left feeling disillusioned about my friends. To them, I was overreacting, I was being a cunt, I was just being so difficult! I just was standing in their way of "making bread" and "hustling!"
I stopped going out or hanging out with my friends.
I stopped going to that uni society out of shame. They don't know about it but I just can't even see the game the same way anymore. I felt so ashamed.
I never played that game with my usual other friends who I used to play it with a long time back either. They don't know about any of this either, but I was just so ashamed and disgusted. It kind of feels traumatic.
I stopped writing and barely made any music. I picked up a new tablet and learned to draw in a new style, but eventually I stopped that too. I just didn't feel like it anymore.
I got burned out. I barely was able to hand in my assignments. I had stopped going to classes because I just couldn't bother getting out of bed and going out there into actual society again. I felt like I was a disgusting, naive piece of shit that would just stain otherwise normal people.
I spent my days agonising about the day someone found out that I made art for this dumb project, that I was out there passionately talking about this idea like a stupid nerdy dumbfuck, and that I am associated with it even though I quit. One of my other friends who quit with me said he'd provide testimony of my side of things, but that's not really comforting.
I mean, it's a fringe thing anyway, we barely made anything. My friends got the grant, and I spend every single day agonising over it. I mean, it's not direct "profits" from NFTs, but where'd that grant money come from in the first place, huh?
My worst fear was that they'd pocket it and not even make the game. And they did. I guess those other NFTbros really didn't notice it since a few thousand bucks is just spare change to these grifter overlords. Again, I never took any money from it.
I can only thank god that I stopped them from making their own NFTs though, otherwise I really couldn't live with myself.
Every single day, I keep checking my old discord account and twitter like I'm obsessed, out of fear. I honestly don't care if it's just me that gets fucked by association, but I don't want my existence to become a burden to my poor siblings and parents just by being associated with me. I don't want their reputations to go to the shitter. They're hardworking, honest people who don't waste their time on stupid things like I have. They don't deserve that, at least. It should be me that should suffer.
Everyday, I agonise over it.
I couldn't really cry or anything about it, I just felt hollow, I guess. I've lost interest in most of the things I loved. Sometimes I play games, sometimes I scribble for the fucks of it, sometimes I read, sometimes I write in my notebook, but that's it. I had stopped going out, and I hadn't seen anyone for a long while.
2022 September - 2022 November: I bought a rope and a pull-up bar. I continually kept writing in my journal to prepare a good, coherent suicide note instead of, like... writing it all incoherently at the last minute and then peacing out lol. The pull-up bar is because my dorm doesn't really have any places I could hang my rope from, so if I attach the pull-up bar to the door, I could tie the rope onto it and hang.
The other way I thought of doing it was heroin, because apparently it just quietly puts you to sleep; but I'm scared of needles and I don't want to buy anything on the dark web. I've never done hard drugs like that anyway.
I kept procrastinating it. Partly because I had grown too lazy to even learn how to tie a hangman's knot, and partly because I was still afraid. The thing is, I've already been diagnosed with a mental health issue that also causes depression for nearly a decade now. This, though, was the worst I ever felt. The part that sucks the most is that the game idea was a passion project for me. It was something I've always dreamed of doing. It was the sort of games I really, really loved. It was the sort of art I loved making and seeing too. It was the kind of music I had fun composing. The story idea was something from my own long-held ideas that I wanted to bring to life, and now that's in the shitter too.
On some days, I woke up with absolute certainty of what I was going to do: learn to tie that knot, hang it up, and be done with it. I got distracted, and eventually I'd forget and doze off again. I spend most of my time chatting online with some of my friends (via text), which was something I rarely ever did a few years ago. I was more known for rarely responding to texts because I was outside so frequently lol.
I decided to see everyone for one last time before I did it, so I waited to get back to my own home country first. I wanted to just see everyone and sort of hang out with them as an unspoken farewell thing before I did it.
2022 December: I went back home, I hung out with my friends and family, and I was my usual self. I don't think anyone really caught on. We all made plans to go places and do stuff, and we did. It was a nice little time with everyone. I even kind of felt like myself again. I went swimming, went to friends' houses, met up with old friends, etc. I even put up a local art page and dropped some of my writings, music, and art on there.
2023 January: It was almost time to go back, but I went on a vacation to this country with a friend by ourselves. We ate local food at the stalls and just backpacked on a budget. We went hiking and sightseeing. We went to night markets, canoed in a river, and went camping in the woods. I actually finished one of my assignments on a train ride to this city. We did so many things, but I don't want to go off on a tangent. That experience made me forget these feelings for a while. It meant a lot to me, but I'll keep it at that for this subreddit.
2023 Late January - Now: I went back, these feelings returned. I've spiralled back into agonising now, but I'm seeing a therapist and a university counsellor now. It hasn't gotten as bad as it was in September last year, and especially now I feel reluctant to do it because one of them told me "your death doesn't happen to you, it happens to the people around you."
I'm kind of just picking myself up from here, trying to forget this ever happened, and working in other industries I used to work in back then. But I know that as soon as anyone finds out I was associated with any of this, I will get rid of myself. At the very least, my family would be spared then, and I wouldn't be such a burden, no matter what my therapist says.
I'm more or less just empty and neutral now. I haven't really done anything other than just study, go to classes, and do my assignments. My daily activities consist of eating, shitting, pissing, sleeping, and repeat. If someone from 3 years ago saw me now, they'd think I'm an entirely different person.
One day I'll move on, make peace with myself, and forget about it. That's what I hope for, at least. I'm at least thankful that I've been able to stop my friends from actually making NFTs or a crypto coin and actually hurting people. I'm just glad. I don't know or care what they're up to now. I couldn't be arsed anymore.
I saw people share their stories, and I felt like doing that myself too. It turned out longer than I expected, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging, lol, so I wrote about everything from start to finish. Sorry if that turned out to be way too long. Thanks for taking your time getting this far if you have.
I hope no one else has agonised or will have to agonise the way I have.

Hi Go Wild Friends! In case anyone wants to know about beautiful Costa Rica I went there using my Go Wild pass so I thought I would do a story about what happened in Costa Rica. There aren’t really a lot of travel tips in here, its just the wild shit I got into in Costa Rica. I did another write up with actual tips about South Beach in Miami on a budget here if you want to read that one.
Okay, Costa Rica, so fuckin amazing! I want to fly to all the international places Frontier goes so I decided to do Costa Rica second (Cancun is an easy trip for me in Kansas City, they go nonstop there every weekend). The hardest part about Costa Rica is just getting there, I took a bit of a circuitous route.
I always take a big vacation each year after tax season, its fun for me to turn my phone off and go somewhere off the grid and not even think about work. Last year I went to Argentina and Uruguay and it was wild but honestly, this year was even better! I first wanted to stay with my brother and see my nieces and nephews in Orlando so I booked a one way flight from St. Louis to Orlando for only $19 with my Go Wild pass. I got to take a train from Kansas City to St. Louis, it was only $37 and I loved it actually, something about trains is so fun for me, probably because I took one to Chicago in college and stayed in a homeless shelter, my first real experience solo traveling, I loved it!
I spent the afternoon in St. Louis riding around downtown on those fun scooters and eating chicken wings and walking around the baseball experience place they had, it was a good afternoon. I had a late flight to Orlando but I fucked up the terminal (don't google which terminal is Frontier, its wrong). I went through security and bag check only to find out I was in the wrong terminal so that stunk but I had plenty of time for two security checks so no big deal. The flight was delayed so I didn’t get into Orlando until almost 2am and there was a long line for the rental car. I regret not doing the one you can pick up without talking to an agent so much, it was only like $5 more, do the self check car rental if possible. Orlando was fun, got to see my nieces and nephews and my brother and his wife put a little guest bedroom in the shed, easy to get into at 2am without waking anyone up.
After two days in Orlando it was time for my big flight to Costa Rica! So excited! This flight was only $51 with my Go Wild pass, an absolute steal. It stopped in Atlanta and then I was in Costa Rica in no time. On the plane a bunch of us were excitedly talking about our Go Wild passes, its kind of fun to do the spiderman meme thing and be like, you have a Go Wild pass? Me Too! The ringleader told me there were wild sloths if I went to a place called Manuel Antonio. I said what the fuck did you just say, wild sloths? Oh yes! I literally had no plans for a whole week so I mentally added sloths to the list of things I wanted to see. I have a travel buddy I met in Mexico to visit in San Jose and I wanted to see the volcano and the beaches of course but that was it.
At the airport you will want to get some cash, they have an ATM right there when you walk out. Don’t do the currency exchange, those people were giving really shitty rates. After you get cash walk around outside the airport to the backside, it’s a short walk and that’s where all the city buses come. There are buses to San Jose every 15 minutes, just jump on one of those its only like $1.50 and it goes 25 minutes to downtown. I have a huge aversion to taxis in Latin America, I’ve been ripped off a lot and airports are especially bad.
Once in San Jose you can walk most places, it’s a fun city to walk around. I stayed at the Costa Rica Backpackers hostel which I do not recommend for one big reason. Its so fuckin hot. I didn’t even think about checking for air conditioning, most places have it now. Also, I like hostels and the common areas and the hammocks and I always set up my chess board and play at night with beers. But I really like to have my own room at a hostel. This private room was I think $35 a night which is pretty good but it did not have air conditioning, just a fan recirculating hot air and it was right off the street so yeah, no recommendation for that one, I only stayed one night. That’s the fun thing about how I travel though, no reservations and no plans, if its not great I just go to a different place. I hung out with my travel buddy that night and we smoked a lot of um… cigarettes and went to this place where locals hang out. It was like some fuckin fast and furious movie but with Ticos, guys were just flying around on motorcycles on wheelies. I bought a huge meal for my friend and me, empanadas, a bunch of other Costa Rican food, it was so fuckin good and the whole meal was only $7, ha!
The next morning I set my chess board out at the hostel and I put $10 out on the money clip like I normally do when I travel. It’s a fun way to get people to play, if you beat me you get $10 if I win, nothing. My chess is kind of like a parlor trick too because I play in less than 5 seconds every move so everyone is thinking through it and Im having beers and going quick, usually at a hostel there gets to be a crowd and Im playing four dutch people on warm night in Mexico, so fuckin fun. On this morning a kid came up to play and I was teaching him chess for awhile nervously, I didn’t see his mom anywhere and secondly who brings a kid to a hostel? I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen one. He starts just taking my pieces off the board and then he takes the $10 and says welp I guess I won. I laughed and I said alright then, good job buddy. Just then his mom hobbled over, a Danish hippy with a broken foot. She thanked me for hanging out with him and told me the doctor said not to walk too much but it was hard with a six year old. I said sit down, sit down and I got her breakfast and helped her out. We talked for a bit and I told a funny Mexico story and helped them get their stuff together and she said oh you have to come to our hippy community in Puerto Viejo, you can stay in our shack by the ocean. I said oh that sounds fun today Im going to see a volcano but maybe later. She said they are the most beautiful beaches in Costa Rica, one is entirely black sand. I said Im listening. She said they were poor in a little shack by the rainforest and they have monkeys and sloths in their backyard. I said um what the fuck did you just say? Wild sloths? She said yeah, tons of them. I booked a ticket right away for the 6am bus the next day. I went with my friend to the active volcano and then he dropped me off at my hotel. I booked the Radisson the second night because I really wanted Air Conditioning. Im soft like that, sorry. And it had a hot tub. I’ve never seen that many people in one hot tub, ha. At night I did a Tinder date, I found out all the cabs are pretty much $6 in San Jose so it was easy to get there and back and I went out with a fun lady who told me in Costa Rica they eat chicken wings with gloves, did you guys know that?
I got up at 4:30am and packed up for my 6am bus. At the front desk I asked them if they could call me a cab and they said its an additional $30 US. I was like nah, fuck that, $30? What a ripoff, I’ll just walk, its only 2 miles. So I walk pretty far into downtown San Jose and whoooooooosh, a bottle explodes near me! I go what the fuck and look up, theres a drunk Costa Rican man in a soccer jersey like two blocks away screaming at me in Spanish! I had so many questions, the first of course was who is balling out of control at 5am in the morning? The second was, who the fuck is that Latino Roger Clemens? I could barely see the guy from two streets away and he was (presumably) drunk getting that close to me with a full bottle of beer? The last question of course was who is drunk and throwing FULL bottles of beer? I walked away from his direction and then saw that there was a whole bar full of drunk soccer fans like him and I noped the fuck out and ran to the taxi stand and got a taxi. I said you know what, a taxi isn’t such a bad idea!
I regretted not Googling anything because my phone didn’t work at all in Costa Rica. They said I could buy a sim card but I didn’t want to, I kind of liked being off the grid. But I really wanted to find wild sloths. Maybe the person beside me will help I thought as I stood in line for the 6am bus. Damn, I hope its not someone rapid firing Spanish at me though, my Spanish is not great. Most of my Spanish I’ve learned from the music of Bad Bunny. I was relieved to see my seat in 44 was next to a Japanese man in 45. Oh that’s awesome I thought, he will struggle with Spanish too and we can find wild sloths together. Nope, turns out Im a racist asshole, he was a Japanese Argentinian who spoke perfect Spanish and no English, none. His phone worked too and he was putting all these upside down house letters in Japanese and beautiful beaches were popping up, I really needed his help. I tried to befriend him but they speak a different kind of Spanish in Argentina, cajes instead of calles and so fast, so fuckin fast! His had like a little stall in it before it winded up too, like a UUUUUU mi esposa no esta aqui! His wife was either sleeping back in San Jose or dead, I couldn’t really understand. I noticed he had a bear avatar on his phone so I knew he liked animals so half way through the ride I decided to try to tell him they had sloths there. Hay peresozos en Puerto Viejo I said but he didn’t understand what I was saying. I said peresozos again and put up three fingers mimicking a sloth and then I panicked, I was like shit, what do sloths do? Its an animal famous for not doing anything. I pretended to hang up side down and he is (loudly) guessing animals in Spanish and Im like no, peresozos! Maybe I was saying it wrong but I had no Google so I said es posible tu telefono? And I typed in sloths and all these upside down houses came up and the words Oso Peresozo. And he goes UUUUUU OSO PERESOZO! I don’t know if you’ve ever been on a bus traveling through rural Costa Rica and seen a Japanese Argentinian get excited in Spanish about wild sloths but it is… ADORABLE!
Si SI! Oso Peresozo! I yelled. People are turning around now, they are like why the fuck are the American and Japanese guys back there in 44 and 45 playing charades two hours into a 6am bus ride? I said juntos? (Together) and he said si si! He told me where we could get bikes to rent and what to eat, he was the perfect travel partner! He said Yelp dices Jerk Chicken is the best to eat here. I said thanks Juan, you are my favorite travel partner! We had an amazing day in Puerto Viejo, beautiful beaches, monkeys, wild sloths, God damn that was an amazing day. He even showed me where my hostel was and I dropped off my bag. This hostel was called 456 hostel which I also do not recommend because no AC and there are weird animals running on the roof but I didn’t care, I just wanted to throw down my bag and get back to looking for wild sloths. The lady said we can’t just take your bag you need to check in first, I said listen lady you see that God damn excited Japanese man out there? We got wild sloths to find! I had no desire to spend one second in that hostel but Juan goes “Esta bien, cerveza” and then he had a beer by the ocean while I checked in. I joined him for a beer and it turns out that is a beautiful setting for a hostel. Still don’t recommend though, so fuckin hot.
Juan and I had an amazing day in Puerto Viejo, God damn that place is beautiful. We saw wild sloths, monkeys, and had an amazing time on the beach. I was sad to see him go, what a great travel partner! He pointed to where my hostel was but I said I would ride back into town with him. To be honest, I forgot to write down the name of the bike rental and there was like a hundred in Puerto. I turned my bike in with his to his surprise because we had rented for a full day but I told him I wanted a motorcycle. He used his expert Googling skills to get me to the cheapest motorcycle place. It was only $30 a day for a motorcycle which I thought was very reasonable. And I didn’t have enough cash on me and they didn’t take cards so the rental guy just said no worries man, take de bike to the ATM. That was pretty trusting! I came back with the money and got the bike and I can’t tell you guys the drugs part because the mods said no talking about drugs.
That was such a fast motorcycle. I turned my Bluetooth speaker up all the way and floored it and zoomed down the coast in time for the sunset, so God damn beautiful! Something about that warm Costa Rican sun on your shoulders and the sound of Khalid and the smell of salt in the air riding along the beautiful ocean, it will change your life. After the sunset I went to Cat’s house and her beautiful German friend Alina was there. There were three kids too and as soon as I got there they went riffling through my bag looking for candy. I had two caramels but was one short so I gave the little kid my chips. This was her sad face for not getting candy!
Cat was hobbling around on crutches so Alina and I said sit down we will take care of dinner. I went to the store down the street and got so much stuff for that poor family- toilet paper, rice, peppers and Barbies for the kids and a soccer ball for Marcello. Gringo santa claus when I came back, both the ladies cried, Alina said her girls had never had a Barbie doll. Alina and I cranked up the music in that little hippy house by the ocean and made dinner and drank wine and laughed while the kids played with their new toys and Cat relaxed and finished her remote work. We ate the food and drank the wine and smoked…cigarettes and had an amazing night. Alina asked if I wanted to share the Tuk Tuk and I said yes. She said it in kind of a mischievous way so I thought maybe she wanted to make out. And she was very beautiful so I said yes. We got in the Tuk Tuk and rode back towards town passing my hostel, she winked and said your hostel was back there you know and then put her hand on my arm.
I thought Cat was poor but Alina was super poor. She told the tuk tuk driver to turn left by the trash dump and we pulled up to an even tinier house right next to the rainforest. She said wait out here and I’ll put the kids to bed. So I waited on the porch. The kitchen was actually outside, a little refrigerator and a little stove and a sink. I sat in the chairs and she came out and we smoke a um cigarette together and then she said wait here. I was like fuck, wait her for what? Is she going to rob me or something but she didn’t seem scary, she seemed sweet. She came back out with a big giant mattress and threw it on the porch floor. Then she took off her shirt and said in her German accent, “Un now we share our bodies.” I thought that was a pretty sexy thing to say so I took off my shirt too and joined her except I didn’t want to have unprotected sex with a hippy so we just made out.
Sometime after she slipped back inside so I was alone on the mattress on the backporch by the rainforest. I thought that was a pretty good place to spend my first night in Puerto Viejo and I looked up and saw a hundred million stars lighting up the sky and fell asleep. But not too many hours later, God damn I awoke to a caucophony of jungle sounds! So many monkeys, just fuckin howling. And there were these weird rat things running around, they weren’t small at all, if you’ve ever seen the Princess Bride fucking ROS. (Rodents of Unusual Size). I honestly thought the monkeys were coming on the porch, that’s how loud they were.
I jumped up and leaned the mattress against the house and started walking, past the trash dump and out to the ocean. The first beach I came across was the black beach, it was amazing and I sat there until the sun came up. I had no watch or anything and my phone was dead so I walked for a long ways until I found a Tuk Tuk driver who took me to Cats. I got my motorcycle and went back to the hostel but when I charged my phone I found it was only 6am so I went back to sleep. But the hostel had no AC and there were some fuckin animals on the roof right over my head so I couldn’t sleep much. I went to the beach and found more wild monkeys and then sent Cat a WhatsApp message to see if she needed my help since she had the broken foot and Marcello was home, it was some kind of Costa Rican holiday.
She said sure come over and so I drove my motorcycle back down the coast and went back to the store and got more supplies and cooked them a big lunch. I had asked before if they eat meat because some hippies don’t and she said sure but its expensive here I don’t know if you want to buy it. It was $4 ha, I got some ham and rice and peppers and made a huge lunch and drank some beers and cooked while Cat did her remote work. She took a picture and I asked if she mind taking a short video of me cooking. IT wasn’t for social media or friends or anything, that video was for me so I could remember when I could be happy. A trip to Costa Rica for only $51 with my Go Wild pass and I got to be by the ocean and I met new friends and I was actually helping someone, I realized that day that’s what made me the most happy, that’s why I wanted the video.
After lunch I cleaned up and then Marcello and I played some chess. She asked if I minded watching Marcello while she ran to town with a client and I said sure, no problem. I was wrong, it was a huge fuckin problem! She said she would be back in an hour and then we could go to the hippy get-together on the beach. She was NOT back in an hour and I fuckin panicked. I didn’t know this lady’s last name, I didn’t know Marcello really, I called Cat and she didn’t answer and I tried texting her, nothing. I thought fuck, she must have abandoned me with this kid. And I don’t know how to get ahold of the authorities and it was a holiday, this shit was basically the plot to the Adam Sandler movie Big Daddy. I started pounding beers because I was so nervous. I asked Marcello if he knew Alina’s number and this little dude said, and I quote, “Who’s Alina?” What the fuck? I said buddy, the lady that was here last night with the kids? He said he didn’t know them very much. Oh my God I thought, I’ve definitely been saddled with a kid. But then I was thinking, you know what, I could raise this kid, wouldn’t be that bad, live in this $400 a month house by the ocean, sounds good. But I have my own kids back home in Kansas City and that made me panic even more, now Im fuckin slammin beers so worried. Every car that goes down this little side road Im like oh please be Cat. Now this kid is starting to yell at me to come back out in Norwegian, I don’t know Norwegian and he wants me to read him books, which are also in Norwegian, Im full panicky at this time.
Finally Cat came back I said Cat, I wasn’t comfortable with that, I don’t even know your last name or anything. She goes, why, whats wrong? And goes running in to see Marcello, I said oh no, he’s fine, nothing happened its just that I thought you left and weren’t coming back. She said why would I leave my kid I love him more than anything in the world. I said I know, okay, its just that I was panicking. She said calm down, all good, lets go to the hippy fire circle. I was not going to go, I was going to get the fuck out but I really wanted to go to the fire circle, I was hoping they would let me spin the fire. So we went to the fire circle, Marcello and Cat with the client and me following behind on the motorcycle. We relaxed on the blanket and then up came beautiful Alina looking like a million bucks in the sun tucking her brown hair behind her ears. She got on the blanket with us close to me and I retold the story about how I thought Cat abandoned her kid with me and we all laughed and smoked again and had beers and then watched the sun go down. I didn’t know Marcello didn’t know how to swim so I showed him how to swim a bit, a little lesson in front of the beautiful sunset. After the sun went down it was time for the fire circle and the main guy said brother, thank you for helping Cat, you are in our circle now, whats ours is yours. I said oh man thank you so much can I do the fire spinning? And he said that you can not do. Damn.
So I watched the others spin it jealously and then I got us some appetizer snacks from the restaurant. After the fire circle and the singing and everything we decided to have a picnic at the black beach. They went to the store to get the food and I went to go get my motorcycle. When I got back I guess Alina had stolen something from the store because the workers were all around her and the police were coming. It was equally sad and scary. They took everything she bought away and Cat said its okay she had enough so we all walked to the black sand beach and I gave Alina a hard time for being a thief until we all were laughing. We had a great night by the ocean and then they both got Tuk Tuks and I got on my motorcycle and drove back to the hot hostel and fell asleep and I never saw those hippies again. The end.

Yeah these last few chapters have been kinda insane and sad. Don’t worry this is the last of that for a bit! After this chapter things SHOULD calm down, this one is a bit shorter then the last few. This fanfic is based off the fanfic The isolationists, by Seeyouon_otherside. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
Memory Transcript Subject: Sergeant first class Anax, Zeyzel of the wanderer fleet.
I…could hardly think. We knew the federation was bad, but this…this was pure evil. An evil so potent, so powerful that it sees itself as good in a horrible twisted way…I could hardly process what I just heard I didn’t want too but, here I was going through all the information. Disposing of living people in such a way, treating them as disposable waste, they had no regard for life they deemed as tainted.
Even the Arxur had a degree of respect for life even if it came from a place of wondering what the next meal was. I sat further back in my chair. Watching Lemon and Alvaro try and comfort Hazard. This so-called madman had the heart, the care, the ability to make a book, a book for all those children lost. To take the time to name every single one.
I took the book and began to flip through it. I looked at all the faces, some were looking happy with their arms, paws, legs, and even tentacles, reaching up towards the camera. Others looked beten, bruised, lifeless with tears in their eyes. Those eyes…they were filled with not understanding what or why this was happening. Those last photos looked like they were taken as an afterthought.
Then I realized something. These photos were the only marker of their existence…at all…some were captured with joy and wonder on their faces, others…not so lucky. I then made a silent vow to myself. This book would be protected by me, and passed down from generation to generation. To give everyone the harsh reminder of what the federation did. I then read off some of the names. “Turmoil, Lucis, Rendalla, Mellow, Brosive, Handy, Trime…”
“Trime…I remember Trime.” I looked up and saw Hazard lean over to me as Lemon and Alvaro backed up.. “He was taken here because both of his parents had predator disease, when in reality they both had PTSD from seeing their cousins get eaten alive by the Arxur. So they assumed he had it too. No matter how hard the parents pleaded to those bastards they just laughed and said, you can’t fool us predators. They then…threw him into my cell. It was pure luck that I caught him at all.”
Alvaro asked the question I was scared to say. “They just threw the children in with the others?”
Hazard shook his head no. “Normally they had a special cell they would be dumped into with all the other children. They just threw him in there with me to piss off the parents. I…never saw them again…he was so little and scared. I comforted him as best I could, and gave the little Yotul my extra food as I didn’t need much. Told him to hide whenever the exterminators came for me. Then I made him this.” Hazard pulled out a small stuffed toy from a hidden compartment on his suit, the toy was made from a variety of clothes and other items. It represented a teddy bear from earth.
“I would sing him to sleep every night. Holding him as I did. Then one day I came back and…he was gone. This toy was all that was left of him. I found out later they tried to pump him full of some sort of experimental drug…it killed him by causing most of internal organs to collapse… he died slowly as the scientists wanted to study the effects of it. Then he was...disposed of.”
I swished my tail in acknowledgment. Then I thought of something. “Um, Hazard. You seem to be very focused on protecting children. I think it’s very noble, but I have to ask…why?”
He looked at me. “Because they are the next generation, and we, the old generation, have a duty to protect, teach, and defend this next generation. So that they may live to see a sunrise that we the old generation, will know we will never see. Yet can rest easy knowing that they did.
It went silent again. We all absorbed this information. Then Hazard jumped up. “All right THEN! Enough with these sad emotions! Can’t do too much about what happen in the past! HAHAHAHAH! Now then. What do you guys need? You have quite the large fleet out there? I assume you need supplies?”
“You are correct in that.” Lemon replied, still stunned by how deep Hazard went. “Anything from batteries to ammunition. Food and water too.”
Hazard leaned back as if thinking about something then snapped up with his plates shifting to symbolize an idea. “I have just the thing! There’s an onboard foundry on this thing! It makes everything! Let’s go there!”
Getting up I gently placed the book on the table and we all followed him back through the hallway. Each of us taking more Neutrolen from Alvaro. Following Hazard we arrived at a large transport elevator. Stepping into it we went down, and down, and down. “As you can see this station is MASSIVE! MY HOME IS A FORTRESS AS IS MY MIND!” Hazard then laughed like a nutter again for about a minute then returned to reality. “We will now be entering the foundry area and-” he was cut off when half a body of a Venlil fell out of an open elevator door. Nearly hitting me on the head. “Huh. Though I cleared this elevator already.” He shrugged. “Guess not.” When the elevator opened we were looking at a massive foundry.
“Here it is my guys! All the equipment we could need to build a fleet of…anything! Weapons, armor, gear, ship parts, smaller ships! This place has EVERYTHING AHAHAHAHHAHA!”
The three of us all looked at each other and nodded. This place would be perfect. “This place is amazing!” I exclaimed. “What is the food production capacity here?”
He turned around to address us. “Hehehheheh! It’s quite nice! Plenty of space for growing crops, mainly for me but I always have WWWWAAYYYYYY to much food. So if we swap that out with meat cloning from the human ship that they pulled here. We could feed you the entire fleet with room to spare! IT WILL BE GLORIOUS!! AHAHAHHAAH! Oh yeah the station can move, it’s also a ship.”
We all stopped what we were doing to look at him. “It’s a…what?” He smiled like a nutter at that. “It’s a station designed to be a mobile fortress, home, restocking place, dry dock! IT'S EVERYTHING!” Lemon spoke up. “Uh, how do we get it to work?” We looked back at Hazard only to see him chanting something while looking at some molten metal. He swayed back and forth for a bit before coming too. “Oh! Right! Most of the systems can be operated by basic AI but a large crew is still needed. Not to mention raw supplies. Heheheh! The good news is that I know EXACTLY we’re to get raw supplies!”
His chest opened and a screen popped out. That displayed the debris field around us! “That’s genius!” I exclaimed. Alvaro nodded. “We can break down the wrecks into basic materials! Scrap what we can’t use and take what we can! We can reprogram the repair drones we have for disassembly work!” Alvaro finished. “Then,” Lemon continued. “We can upload the blueprints for official disassembly drones to the foundry here and then make more out of the extra supplies that we gather! Making the process faster!”
Hazard was practically vibrating with excitement. “Then! We can retro fit the disassembly drones we don’t need any more into repair and combat drones! Keeping some disassembly drones for any more wrecks we find on the way! As I’m coming with you and you can’t fight me on that! On top of that I have marked several shipwrecks that can be repaired to full working order! Expanding our fleet even larger! I estimate an additional one hundred and ninety ships! And that’s just the ones I know about! I also estimated that this will take about five weeks to complete! If we make A LOT of drones to help us! WE SHALL WANDER THE STARS UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF THE CHAOS LORD AHAHHAHAHA!”
I could tell everyone was feeling the energy in the room. Then Alvaro put his hand out. Then so did Hazard. Me and Lemon looked at one another, shrugged, and did the same. “READY!? THREE, TWO, AHAHAHHAHA ONE! GO TEAM! With that we all threw our hands in the air. Then Choking hazard ran one way and Alvaro the other. Leaving us just standing there. “Guys this way!” Alvaro yelled. We took off after him, trying not to trip over the dead bodies, and made our way to the ship. “If we want to station people here we have to clean this place.” Lemon told Alvaro. He nodded in agreement.
Alvaro then pulled something out of his pocket and attached it to his arm. He then activated it. “Hey, testing one, two, three! Does this work?”
“AHAHAHAH! MY MIND IS ONLY THE BARREN WASTE WHEN I CHOSE IT TO BE! Yep, I can hear you loud and clear!” Wait, Choking Hazard? Must be a communication device of some kind.
“Hey buddy can you, uh, clean up the bodies that are…everywhere?”
“INDEEEEEED! I SHALL TELL MY CLEANING ROBOTS TO TURN THEM INTO FERTILIZER! THERE DEATHS SHALL FEED GENERATIONS TO COME AHAHHAHA!”
Alvaro turned off the radio. “Yeah he’s got it!”
We got back to our ship and took off. When we landed and disembarked, a frantic looking Crew member came running to us. When we got off he ran to Alvaro and nearly ran into him. “Sir! Natare fell into the water carrier and the lid closed and we can’t get him-”
Alvaro tore past him with me and Lemon in hot pursuit. We ran through the ship toward the water hold. When we got there we saw Aurora, Leiejaa, and four others trying to get the hatch open. One was even trying to cut it open using a plasma beam. Alvaro leapt onto the top we’re the hatch was with me and lemon in close pursuit. He tore it open and we looked inside and saw Natare just floating there on the bottom of the large tank.
“NATARE!” Alvaro screamed. Natare then looked up at him and smiled. He shot out of the water and into his dads face squeaking the entire time. They fell off the top of the tank and onto the ground, Alvaro held Natare close to him, then Aurora joined the two in a tight hug. Me and everyone present let out a massive sigh of relief. Alvaro then turned to a crew member. “Why didn’t you call me?!”
“We tried sir! There was something blocking the signal!”
Alvaro nodded his head. “How long was he in there for?”
“Uh, forty of your minutes.”
Alvaro’s eyes went wide. “Forty…how did you not drown?” He looked at the giggling Natare.
Then I noticed something on Natare's neck. “Hey, did Natare get scratched on the neck?” Alvaro turned Natares head to look at the scratch, that’s when we noticed there were three of them in perfect spacing of each other. Me and Lemon leaned in closer. “Those look like…gills?” Then Natare yawned, the three marks on the side of his neck opened. They were gills. By the balancer. Alvaro turned Natares head the other way and it was the same as the other side. That’s when I noticed his tail is flatter and longer like a…fish. We’re the mutations…growing, evolving?
Alvaro held the absolutely soaked kit close to him, getting himself wet as well. Then with loving eyes he gently told the little one, “you're my little merman.”
This caused Natare to squeak in delight, although I’m certain he had no idea what his dad just said to him. He played with Natare’s little hands for a bit and then handed him off to Aurora, then they both started to dry him off.
The couple began to dry off the little one who seemed to really enjoy it. He made a satisfied purring noise the entire time.
As I was looking at the two dry him off, I realized I knew a lot about Alvaro’s past, but not much about Aurora's. A thought occurred to me. “Hey Aurora, what DID you do before you met Alvaro?”
She stopped drying off Natare, who squeak in protest as he seemed to like the rubbing motion of the towel, she then continued to dry him off but slowly. “Uhh…”
Alvaro stepped in. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to. It’s fine. We all have our secrets we keep for a reason.”
I looked at Alvaro. “Wait, you don’t know either?”
He shook his head no. Then Aurora turned to us. “No, no it’s time you all knew. Especially you, my hunk of love.” The two lovingly kissed each other. “We will be traveling together for a while now so...okay here it goes.” She breathed in and out. “I was an assassin who was trained by the government to take out high priority targets. I received some of the best training and I have over eighty seven completed missions and a body count over two hundred. I was…very top secret to put it lightly.”
I dropped the towel I was holding. Lemon’s jaw dropped open, Leiejaa just stood there completely surprised. The only sound was the half gurgling, half purring noise coming from Natare. Then Alvaro laughed. “That explains why you're so flexible, and how you're able to get the kits out of tight places, like the vents, and how I never roll on top of you when I sleep! Don’t worry my sweet, you're still the same fluffiest best girl that I know, come here.” He picked her and Natare up and hugged them both. Aurora laid her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes while Natare just yawned and fell asleep in between his parents.
I’m…still ashamed of all the lives I took…once I figured out why they had me do it…” Alvaro shushed her. “My sweet pea, don't think about that now. You helped to create life, six little beautiful lives. One of them is between us right now.” They looked down at the now sleeping Natare, and smiled with loving eyes only parents could have.
“Alright little guy, let’s get you to bed.” Aurora softly spoke. The three got up and left for their room.
First/Previous/next

My family watched the Dominion Documentary. We have always bought meat (chicken, turkey, beef) at Costco but have no clue as to how humane or more likely, inhumane, Costco Canada's sources are. While we want to cut down on the amount of meat we eat, we don't think it's feasible for all of us to become vegetarians. So we're looking for a middle ground of only purchasing meat from ethical sources.
Where in Guelph (or Puslinch/Cambridge/Milton/etc) can we purchase meat that has been ethically sourced? Ideally, directly from a farm if possible?

PICTURE PROOF: https://imgur.com/a/FiEA9sN
All prices include Media Mail shipping in the US. Only shipping within the US at the moment. Willing to upgrade to Priority at the buyer's expense. Please PM me with any questions.
PLEASE NOTE: Shipping is ALWAYS in a box with bubble wrap or other added protection. I'm a fellow collector and take this seriously. PM with any photo requests. Happy to take more!
Old Dracula w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $23
Homegrown Horrors Vol. 2 – New/Sealed -- $50
Cut-Throats Nine OOP Blu-ray – Used/Like New -- $50
Five Tall Tales OOP LE Indicator Blu-ray Set (Region B) – Used/Like New -- $60
Six String Samurai VSU – Used/Like New -- $35
Scarlet Diva Blu-ray Mediabook (Region B) – Used/Like New -- $30
Calvaire w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New - $35
Forgotten Gialli Vol. 2 OOP LE Box Set – New/Sealed -- $60
Private Lessons – OOP Blu-ray – Used/Like New -- $70
Invisible Maniac w/ April Fool’s OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $70
Drop Dead Fred – Blu-ray w/ OOP Slip – New/Sealed -- $28
Weird Wisconsin LE – New/Sealed -- $40
Robocop 4K Steelbook – Used/Like New -- $40
Night of the Comet – Blu-ray w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $35
American Horror Project Vol. 2 LE – Used/Like New -- $40
American Horror Project Vol. 1 LE – Used/Like New. -- $55
The Killing Kind w/ OOP Slip – New/Sealed -- $45
Blood Delirium – Used/Like New - $20
5 Films 5 Years Vol. 3: Golden Age Erotica – Used/Like New -- $60
Heavy Trip – New/Sealed -- $25
Society LE – Used/Like New -- $50
Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies – Used/Like New -- $20
Solid Metal Nightmares LE OOP Box Set – Used/Like New -- $80
Legend LE – Used/Like New -- $45
Let My Puppets Come w/ OOP Slip – New/Sealed - $40
Fire Storm Blu-ray – Used/Like New -- $40
Deadly Daphne’s Revenge w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $30
Deep Throat Part II / A Touch of Genie – Used/Like New -- $20 Old Dracula w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $23
Homegrown Horrors Vol. 2 – New/Sealed -- $50
Cut-Throats Nine OOP Blu-ray – Used/Like New -- $50
Five Tall Tales OOP LE Indicator Blu-ray Set (Region B) – Used/Like New -- $60
Six String Samurai VSU – Used/Like New -- $35
Scarlet Diva Blu-ray Mediabook (Region B) – Used/Like New -- $30
Calvaire w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New - $35
Forgotten Gialli Vol. 2 OOP LE Box Set – New/Sealed -- $60
Private Lessons – OOP Blu-ray – Used/Like New -- $70
Invisible Maniac w/ April Fool’s OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $70
Drop Dead Fred – Blu-ray w/ OOP Slip – New/Sealed -- $28
Weird Wisconsin LE – New/Sealed -- $40
Robocop 4K Steelbook – Used/Like New -- $40
Night of the Comet – Blu-ray w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $35
American Horror Project Vol. 2 LE – Used/Like New -- $40
American Horror Project Vol. 1 LE – Used/Like New. -- $55
The Killing Kind w/ OOP Slip – New/Sealed -- $45
Blood Delirium – Used/Like New - $20
5 Films 5 Years Vol. 3: Golden Age Erotica – Used/Like New -- $60
Heavy Trip – New/Sealed -- $25
Society LE – Used/Like New -- $50
Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies – Used/Like New -- $20
Solid Metal Nightmares LE OOP Box Set – Used/Like New -- $80
Legend LE – Used/Like New -- $45
Let My Puppets Come w/ OOP Slip – New/Sealed - $40
Fire Storm Blu-ray – Used/Like New -- $40
Deadly Daphne’s Revenge w/ OOP Slip – Used/Like New -- $30
Deep Throat Part II / A Touch of Genie – Used/Like New -- $20

Mina Miller Edison lived an incredibly inspiring life. She thrived in numerous aspects. Especially since she played many roles throughout her impressive lifespan. Highly educated, confident, ambitious and determined represent the characteristics that describe Mina.
She displayed a deep committed to her family. This includes being the loving wife to inventor, entrepreneur and American icon Thomas Edison. She was also a loving and dedicated mother.
In addition, Mina demonstrated a strong passion for her community with the endless organizations that she contributed a tremendous amount of time and energy.
Mina was born into an entrepreneurial family on July 6, 1865. As the Miller family continued to grow, Mina was the seventh of eleven children born to inventor Lewis Miller and Mary Alexander. Her parents had a love for education. Mina attended and graduated from Akron High School in Ohio. After high school, she went on to study at a home and day school in Boston.

Mina’s Father the Inventor and Founder

Mina Miller Edison was born into a family that was used to being in the spotlight. Lewis Miller was a successful inventor. He also became one of the founders of Chautauqua Institution. The Miller family spent summers in their home along Chautauqua Lake. Her families love for Chautauqua was passed down to Mina. Therefore, when she had a family of her own she brought them to her family home at Chautauqua Institition.

Mina’s father and husband both had a passion for inventing. However, what they chose to invent was different from one another. While Thomas concentrated on technology and electronics, Lewis focused on farm equipment. They shared the common goal of making life easier with their inventions.

Chautauqua Institution

Chautauqua Institution sets on the shores of beautiful Chautauqua Lake in southwestern New York State. The Institution was originally called the Chautauqua Lake Sunday School Assembly. It was founded in 1874 as an educational experiment in out-of-school, vacation learning by industrialist Lewis Miller and Methodist Bishop John Heyl Vincent. Hence, a place where spirituality meets continuing education.
“The original scheme was a Christian educational resort . . . [where] pleasure, science, and all friends of true culture should go side by side with true religion.”

Chautauqua Institution

We call Chautauqua County home which is also the birthplace of the National Historic Landmark, Chautauqua Institution. Chautauqua Institution is a 750-acre community on Chautauqua Lake that attracts 100,000 visitors each summer who explore spirituality, philosophy, cultural vitality and the arts.
President Theodore Roosevelt once called Chautauqua Institution: “the most American thing in America“.
The mission of Chautauqua Institution (or as locals call it, CHQ):

CHQ is dedicated to the exploration of the best in human values and the enrichment of life through a program that explores the important religious, social and political issues of our times; stimulates provocative, thoughtful involvement of individuals and families in creative response to such issues; and promotes excellence and creativity in the appreciation, performance and teaching of the arts.Each summer season celebrates four program areas: The Arts, Religion, Education and Recreation. A summer at Chautauqua is loaded with lectures, concerts, religious services and as well as amazing displays of literary and performing arts. Chautauqua Institution attracts world-class talent that performs ballet, theater, opera, symphony and dance. Click here to check out this season’s exciting events.

The Multiple Achievements of Mina Miller

Marriage to Thomas Edison

When Mina Miller met Thomas Edison, she was promised to her gentleman suitor, George Vincent, the son of Bishop Vincent. Edison learned that Mina would be staying the summer at Chautauqua, he arranged to spend time there to win her and meet her family. Thomas Edison’s hearing was badly compromised by this time from when he was a child so he taught Mina to send and receive Morse code. That summer, he used it to ask her to marry him. He tapped “Will you Marry Me?” on Mina’s hand, and she said “Yes.”
The next step was getting permission from Mina’s Father Lewis, to which Thomas wrote this:
“I trust you will not accuse me of egotism when I say that my life and history and standing are so well known as to call for no statement concerning myself. My reputation is so far made that I recognize I must be judged by it for good or ill. I need only add in conclusion that the step I have taken in asking your daughter to entrust her happiness into my keeping has been the result of mature deliberation, and with the full appreciation of the responsibility and the duty I have undertaken to fulfill. I do not deny that your answer will seriously affect my happiness, and I trust my suit will meet with your approval.”
This letter won the approval of Mr. Miller. The date for the wedding was set for February 24, 1886, hardly more than a year after they met. She was only 20 years old. Oak Place, the Miller home in Akron, was to be the site of the wedding. Father Miller and his Mary Valinda spared no expense in seeing that the nuptials were an occasion to be remembered.

Managing a Home Full of Staff and Children

When Mina and Thomas Edison got married she was much younger then her husband. She became the stepmother to his three children. Still being young herself she was not fully ready for motherhood. However, Mina Miller Edison took charge of the household. Often times Thomas was not around due to his work. This left Mina in charge of hiring the house staff as well as raising the children. Furthermore, she gave herself the title of “home executive”. Mina also held ownership of Glenmont. The home she shared with Thomas. Owning and managing her own home was the first of many successes for Mina.

Children of Her Own

Two years after their marriage Mina and Thomas added to their family with their first child, Madeleine. This started the same pattern of children Thomas had with his first wife. Their daughter was soon followed by two sons, Charles and Theodore.

Madeleine Edison

Madeleine was born on May 31st, 1888, the first child born to Mina. She was born in Glenmont, the Edison Family home in New Jersey. Madeleine married John Eyre Sloane. She married him in the Drawing Room at Glenmont on June 17, 1914. Madeleine and John had four sons, who happened to be Thomas Edison’s only grandchildren from either marriage.
Madeleine briefly ran for Congress in 1938, she sadly lost. During World War II she gave much of her time to blood drives for the New Jersey Red Cross. She also administered the Edison Birthplace in Milan, Ohio after her mother’s death. She died on February 14, 1979.

Charles Edison

Charles Edison was born into the Edison Family at the Glenmont on August 3, 1890. He married Carolyn Hawkins, whom he had met in 1912 then married on March 27, 1918. Finally, he became president of his father’s company, Thomas A. Edison, Incorporated, in 1927. He ran the company until it was sold in 1959.
Charles is the best known because of his second career, in public service. In the mid-1930s he served in the cabinet of President Franklin Roosevelt. First as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, then as Acting Secretary. New Jersey voters elected him as their governor in 1940. He also founded a charitable foundation that now bears his name, the Charles Edison Fund. He died on July 31, 1969

Theodore Miller Edison

Theodore Miller Edison was the last to be born at Glenmont on July 10, 1898. He attended the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, from which he earned his physics degree in 1923. He was the only member of the Edison family to graduate from college.
Theodore did work for his father’s company after graduation. After starting as an ordinary lab assistant, he worked his way up to technical director of research and engineering for Thomas A. Edison, Inc. He eventually founded his own company, Calibron Industries, Inc. Also, he built his own smaller laboratory in West Orange. Theodore earned over 80 patents in his career. In 1925 he married Anna Maria Osterhout, a graduate of Vassar. He became an ardent environmentalist. Theodore lived in West Orange with his wife Anna until his death on November 24, 1992.

Mina’s Step-Children

With the marriage between Thomas and Mina, she took on his three children from the first marriage. Marion, twelve years old, Thomas, Jr. ten years old, and William Leslie eight years old. She continued to struggle with her relationship with her stepdaughter. Mina’s stepchildren did not take education as seriously as she did. They believed that Edison’s fame could make their future for them. Finally, due to this belief, Mina’s stepchildren went on to live less acclaimed lives as the other Edison children.

Marion Estelle Edison

Marion was the first born of Thomas Edison’s children. She was born on February 18, 1873, and gained the nickname “Dot” as a child after Morse Code. In 1895 she married Karl Oscar Oeser, a German army lieutenant. They lived in Germany through the First World War. Unfortunately, her marriage ended in divorce in 1921. Finally, she then returned to the United States, where she died on April 16, 1965.

Thomas Alva Edison Jr

Thomas Alva, Junior, was born on January 10, 1876. He had the nickname “Dash” after Morse Code like his sister. He went on to marry stage actress Marie Louise Toohey in 1899. However, the marriage ended within a year. He next married Beatrice Heyzer. Thomas Jr sold the use of his name to advertise “quack” medicines and dubious inventions. His father disapproved of this and eventually asked him to change his name. Thomas Jr. briefly went by the name of Thomas Willard. His efforts at inventing and starting a mushroom farm failed. Finally, he died on August 25, 1935.

William Leslie Edison

William Leslie was born on October 26, 1878. He went to school at St. Paul’s School, Concord, New Hampshire. Then also attended J.M.Hawkins School on Staten Island. He later studied at the Sheffield scientific school at Yale. William soon married Blanche Travers. William Edison served in the military during the Spanish-American War in 1898. He also served again in the First World War. Like his brother he turned to farm life, breeding chickens. Finally, he died on August 10, 1937.

Chautauqua Institute and Mina’s Influence

Mina’s father’s love for Chautauqua was passed down to his daughter. Mina dedicated herself to many organizations locally. She supported many land and wildlife conservation. Often times Mina would donate her own funds to projects for Chautauqua. Mina became a trustee of the institute. Others involved in Chautauqua held Mina in high regards. Also much like her father, Mina continued her involvement with her beloved Institute until her passing in 1947.
Mina was active in many different organizations and clubs including:

• The American Red Cross
• The Chautauqua Association
• West Orange Community League (President From 1912-1919)
• National Audubon Society
• Chautauqua Bird and Tree Club
• The John Burroughs Association
• The Daughters of the American Revolution
• The School Garden Association of America

The Thomas Alva Edison Foundation

After Thomas Edison passed away, Mina started The Thomas Alva Edison Foundation in his memory. The foundation combined both Thomas’s and Mina’s passions. Mina’s love for education and Thomas’s love for science. However, later on, the nature of the foundation changed. It was no longer dedicated to advancements in science and education. Finally, it became a foundation aimed at preserving Thomas Edison’s name and accomplishments

Wrapping It Up

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In this day and age filled with chaos and uncertainty, stress has become an integral part of everyone’s lives. That’s why having a safe, happy place is so important - and luckily for us, so many games are designed to be just that.
They don’t have to belong to any specific genre - some people will feel the coziest playing horror games (and I pity their therapists), some may prefer a game like Stardew Valley, some may fall prey to the hype and nolife the new big AAA title until a newer one comes out, and some may chase that burst of nostalgia reliving the moment they had 20 years ago playing War3 TFT DDay all summer break. But no matter what’s our chosen category, we all have the games that represent our happy place.
The game that represents my happy place is Last Epoch. It’s been my absolute favorite since the day I bought it, and I’m still enjoying every moment I put into the game. The reason I feel so cozy playing the game is that it reminds me of my favorite high school games - Titan Quest and Diablo - and incentivizes strong nostalgic feelings in me. Combine that with amazing in-game mechanisms, and voila, there's a pleasure cocktail in your PC ready to be sipped whenever you feel like it... or downed, if you're thirsty enough.
Then again, this post wouldn't be complete without mentioning Heroes of Might and Magic 3. God, is that one an all-time great...
My childhood buddy and I still have the "tradition" based around HoMM3 for whenever we have a couple of days free. We usually come to my place, order the largest pizza on the menu, buy a case of beer, and play a 2v6 HoMM3 game on a 252x252 map. I'm always THE necro because I just love farming skeletons from lvl 1 all the way until I have too many to count, and he plays Stronghold because he loves to rush one of the bots early, take their castle and double his economic growth. The sessions usually last for as long as we can keep playing, and during them, we're both in our happy place away from real-life issues.
In any case, I feel like I overstayed my welcome here so I'll have to wrap it up. What are the games that represent your happy place, and why? Let's share recommendations and experiences with other fellow gamers

To give a bit of context, my (M29) older brother (M32) and I have had a rocky relationship in the last ten years or so. Growing up, we were close, but as we got older and became more ourselves, we had very different looks on life. When my dad had an affair and we found out, my brother was angry. Meanwhile, I developed the very healthy coping mechanism of shutting down, which has since grown into anxiety about being good enough, imposter syndrome, and getting so frustrated that I don't finish a task. I have a habit of starting a project and not seeing it through because I feel like no one helps me so I just think fuck it.
As we got older, I turned a bit more left leaning while he maintained a hardline conservative view. I became a creature of leisure while working full time at a bank, starting a vinyl collection, getting into DND and fantasy sports. He, meanwhile, started working in the oil patch, planned out hunting sessions, going "mudding", that type of thing.
Inevitably, we grew apart, and both of us being blessed with dad's gift of stubbornness, have a hard time finding common ground, let alone agree on a singular topic, and neither of us know when to shut up and back off, and when we do, there's fireworks.
It all came to a head when he kept hounding me to get off my phone when I was talking to my LDR. He deemed it to be rude and I felt like it was rude to impede on my relationship. Eventually, I went to school in a city while he stayed in a town. We didn't talk much, but the 3-hour drive didn't help. I eventually started to learn how to put up barriers, and only grant access to those closest to me. I had been burnt in the past.
At some point, he crossed those lines related to my relationship, and I felt like it was worthy of cutting off contact with him. We didn't talk for a year and a half. He focused on his relationship and work, while I focused on my relationship and my studies. It was ugly, we wouldn't talk to each other, and my parents tried to intervene, with them saying it wasn't worth it (even though that statement is hypocritical - they don't talk to some of their siblings) and that we should just squash the beef, with me being the one to extend the olive branch.
Talking to my oldest sister, who I trust dearly, she was able to talk me off that ledge and I reached out to him. We talked a lot that evening, catching up a bit, but more importantly burying the hatchet, recognizing the barriers we put up, and for the first time in a very long time, finding some common ground. That night, he asked if I would be his best man because he was preparing to propose to his girlfriend. I was very flattered, accepted, and it seemed to be like a reinforcement of the new found relationship.
Our relationship was still a bit strained, but we were able to disengage whenever things got too tense - this is progress. I would visit him at his farm, he would help me fix my truck, we'd make time to try and see each other. We were able to bond over my grandma's death. We were both really upset by it, but we were able to get through it together. Neither of us really grieved though.
Fast forward to mid-April, and him and his now wife ask to get together with my parents, my younger sister and myself to get together at a restaurant. This is a tad inconvenient as I'm right in the midst of exams, but it's a Friday, so we meet up to which, after some laughs and supper, he breaks the news - they're very newly pregnant. Somewhere between 3 and 5 weeks. He asks us to not make any posts about it on Facebook and to keep the knowledge limited for now. We go about our business, I finish my exams and at the beginning of May, move south for my placement. I am currently 6 or so hours away from the farm, and a further hour or so from my parents.
I tell my girlfriend, which is fine, but make the mistake of telling my best friend and now roommate. When we travel back north to get my mom's car (my truck broke down), we have to do minor repairs at the farm, and my best friend didn't keep his damn mouth shut and blabbed about it. My brother went with it a bit, to which my friend kept talking. Nothing seemed out of the norm, and I felt as though like my brother wasn't upset I told him. I'm on the fence about this, but keep it to myself.
Last week, or the week before, I get a phone call from my brother. I figure "sure, it's been a little bit since we chatted I suppose" and picked up the call. They miscarried. His wife went for an ultra-sound, and they couldn't find the heartbeat, so now they are forcing a miscarriage. He tells me not to contact her as it's very fresh wound, and that he was very pissed off that I told my friend and that I should've just kept my mouth shut. We sheepishly caught up about work, but obviously it was very uncomfortable and very tense.
I do a bit of reading and find out that miscarriages are fairly common, 1 out of 5 pregnancies are miscarried in the first trimester. I also read a bit, and find out that it's bad luck to talk about it at all while they're in their first trimester, which was just an awesome thing to read. I'm not very superstitious, but I am enough to believe in luck and karma. Why test waters?
I feel horrible about the whole thing. I believe in science enough to know that there was a chance for it to happen anyways, but finding out that it's bad luck and that me spilling the beans could've maybe, probably not, but possibly have affected the trajectory just makes me feel horrible.
I was talking to my older sister, who is one of my best friends, someone I go to to confide in, relate with and use as a logic check and emotional soundboard (her answers are usually ones that are the best course of action and the right thing to do), and she didn't want to comment on me spilling the beans. To me, if she doesn't have anything to say about it leads me to believe that she agrees with my brother on this and that I severely fucked up.
Again, I legitimately feel horrible. No one wants to go through this, especially so early in their marriage. And I do love my sister-in-law; she's really good at tempering my brother.
When I think of my friend blabbing, or more importantly, his cavalier and cold attitude about life and death (paraphrasing: well that sucks, and I wish them well, but it's science can explain it away) pisses me off. It really sucked when my grandma died and all he could really muster was "that sucks...I'll give you some space, but at least she's not suffering" didn't help with my grieving.
Whenever I think about the day I told him, I get mad and sad at myself, knowing what I know now about the luck. Knowing that my brother probably believes in that and won't trust me with information like that again, and perhaps warranted, I blabbed, it just upsets me.
I haven't had a lot of good going for me in my life the last couple years. I did well in school. My girlfriend loves me, my parents love me, and I have friends....but I just can't seem to get happy, and when I do, it doesn't stay long. I try to keep busy, because of my other unhealthy coping mechanism of "I can't be sad if I'm too focused on 'x' task". I know I have undiagnosed issues of depression, anxiety and probably a healthy dose of ADHD (both sisters have been diagnosed and are treating it). I was really excited for this.
And now it's gone.
Everything sucks. I'm doing my best, it just never seems to be good enough.
ETA TL;DR: Rocky relationship with brother, and buried the hatchet. Recently had a miscarriage and probably resents me for sharing the news to my girlfriend and my close friend.

I have been playing Rumble on PBE 13.12 for the last few days since the login issues were resolved. Game quality is very low so I wont talk to numbers balancing at all, only how the new play pattern feels. I hope to convey what I imagine a lot of us feel (or will feel when it is released). Ideally to me he would still get top lane/jungle adjustments but no heat changes.
While 150 is fine for your initial over heat (hover at 100 instead of 50), getting to the second overheat from 0 feels incredibly bad and it is incredibly important in laning duels (especially top), turning a 1v2 gank, tower pushing while keeping some tempo, doing jungle camps and objectives, etc.
Phreak wants us to spend more time casting abilities (with danger zone) and less time overheating. However the less time we spend overheating (say starting at 50/150 heat), we actually spend that lull time doing 0 dps waiting for the extra rotation. [Say goodbye to omnivamp/bruiser builds here, consistent dps with sustain will always beat us]. He said he wanted to move us away from sit in a bush and burst someone play style, but he is actually pushing us further into it by reducing the time we can spend auto-attacking with the heat changes, and more reliant on a hit-and-run one combo doing something useful. Moving HP and base damage to scaling also reinforces this - less emphasis on laning phase and skirmishing (lower damage period, better for immobile melee ranges especially mid lane), and more on burst/relying on camping a bush to assassinate squishies mid-late game.
Phreak actually noted he thought this was a buff, but I think he just doesn't understand the decisions Rumble has to make as a low range, squishy, immobile, no sustain, ability based carry (aka burst mage, aka inconsistent damage, aka periodically 0 dps, etc). Yes we have received some %HP Q damage which is great for top lane, but nothing else important has changed, there is no world we can stand in front of enemy front line in a teamfight and Q them like he said he wants without dying to their engage. [What we already do if we don't have front line is a variation of poke them and bait their engage, R something, survive using Zhonya's, and Flash Q overheat onto the backline, hoping it's a won fight].
So that's the part that feels incredibly bad, the gameplay pattern with 150 heat, now for the clunky part of that.
To go immediately from 0 to 100 heat you cast a variation of QW, E, E, QW for 40 + 10 + 10 + 40 = 100. No ability goes to waste, movement/kiting/spacing fills the first rotation cooldowns and all in overheat autos fill the second rotation cooldowns. [Like many champs you poke and then all in, except here we are melee and have to commit like an assassin without an escape ability or like a bruiser without sustain and durability scalings, literally just a small shield we use more for heat management.]
So Phreak wants to fill the second rotation cooldowns with more spacing (I think he imagines something like Lillia who does it with 1 ability instead of 3) which doesn't actually work as we need to face the opponent in short range as much as possible for 3 seconds for Q to do damage, unlike literally everyone else who gets instant gratification or a full AOE like Fiddlesticks, except ASol and Velkoz who are balanced around standing still during their aimed channels. Then overheating in the third rotation cooldowns (which is the major nerf above, especially outside of PvP). It feels like 150 heat was chosen mathematically/symmetrically to achieve this without any extensive play testing, especially with the harpoon heat change affecting the underlying 50 heat pattern.
Noting again this is about going from 0 to overheat after the first overheat, especially during the events mentioned in the second paragraph.
Already due to harpoons being 20 heat there is already a wasted ability (an ability that comes up but you already just overheated, doubling the effective cooldown) in the intended new pattern. You'd think it would be QW, E, E, QW, E, Q (wasting W) for 40 + 20 + 20 + 40 + 20 + 20 = 160, but through actual testing of extended heat management you find the following:
With near equal Q W E cooldowns (either through buying CDR or normal max Q scaling) E becomes out of sync with Q+W (I think because the 2nd harpoon is recharging before you cast, so it is up sooner and sooner the more rotations you do), you always end up with 140 heat (2 x Q+W, 3x E), then have to wait a full rotation at 0 dps, and then only get to cast one ability, say Q, wasting both W and E which just came up as well.
Just noting again, this still eventually happens if you go the normal MPEN / low CDR build, but is extremely pronounced with CDR items. You only have 3 choices now and they all waste time/cooldowns/dps throughout every part of the game: the above, purposefully spacing abilities longer than their cooldowns/normal combos, waiting another rotation to dissipate heat in the middle of a fight as a 'carry'.
In conclusion it just feels awful having more cycles of 0 dps/vulnerability with Rumble's many limitations and then only using 1 ability with the second overheat. I feel like the heat changes are actually pushing away from Phreak's stated Rumble goals in his video.
Phreak said we would need to do some learning and adjusting which is true and fine when thought out and tested, but it's just a lazy excuse when it's either untested or even worse, clunky on purpose.
Regarding optimal builds, Rumble only scales with AP (W %HP is not worth a tank/bruiser build, especially because we use it firstly for heat management and CDR doesn't work well). For Q %HP to be useful against frontline/bruisers with any HP and MR (read: tanks that do damage), you still need MPEN. So the build is still Sorcs/maybe Swifties, Rocketbelt, Shadowflame (or Zhonya's if behind or tanking the start of [winning!] fights), Rabadons, Void Staff, Zhonya's. With a Dark Seal/Mejai's somewhere if you're not dying for the won fights.
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All in all
The %HP is great and means we don't have to sometimes do really very sub-optimal builds (Liandries/Demonic), especially when toplane.
I feel the build is still full AP + MPEN with Ultimate Hunter so we can lean into the schtick even further and delete squishies especially with the slightly better mid-late scaling. I'd say we should do better against bruisers with the Q change, but with the fight lasting longer (less overheat, 0 dps issue) they will out sustain or just walk away if we are spacing instead of autoing on top of them.
I really don't think Bruiser Rumble is viable with his lack of utility, sustain, and resistance scalings. So many better 'tanks that do damage'. Rumble does not ramp up effectiveness during a fight like Conq/AtkSpd champs, it peaks and troughs which is not good enough.
Haven't even mentioned how bad the wave clear feels with less Q damage, fewer overheats, fewer early R's. Top lane, we will be even more vulnerable to ganks and poor wave states into bad matchups/early fights. Midlane might just have to give up more CS for roams. With less early durability/dmg and no overheat kill at level 2->3, maybe unplayable at high ranks due to the risks?
Please revert the heat changes, it flows perfectly as is, hence the uproar at 7 second W last year. If you want longer fights/less burst and random auto attacks from Rumble, start with his abilities and scalings to add durability/outplay etc.
At the very least change max heat to 140.
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Random 200 Years Rework Ideas
Play Style - More ability focused, but the same overheat heavy autos of old. Add some creativity. Most damage to tanks and utility strength should scale with own tankiness, normal damage with AP.
Passive - Remove attack speed but keep original slow hard hitting autos, no longer the uber kill threat. %HP damage on auto now scales with own total HP.
Q - Same with %HP damage (scales with levels), but Overheat-Q applies a Shyvana-like burn to the ground (with more than just a flicker of Q), make DoT viable but also outplayable.
W - Same shield (AP scaling) and small movement speed after a short jetpack dash (dash length scales with AP) which can only pass very small walls at base. Maintains current direction champion is facing before the hop for normal Q or creative Overheat-Q usage. If shield dissipates it should heal (effectiveness scales with bonus HP).
E - Same damage and MR shred with AP scaling (AP Rumble must land EQ to do damage to bruisers, but HP Rumble should use Q + overheat auto), but splash the slow (bonus HP scaling) in a cone behind the detonation with small splash damage (for Demonic bruiser builds to proc a little), should help with farming/trading past minions in bad matchups and kiting 1v2 rather than relying on OP overheat attack speed to kill everything.
R - Width scales with R level (1x, 1.5x, 2x, it's currently so skinny people can just instantly walk off it unless the situation is very good) but reduce the base damage and range. Damage should still scale with AP, but slow with bonus HP. Then it is worth of a 'team fight ultimate' cooldown imo.
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TLDR
Rumble relies on overheat autos for lane and jungle tempo and now has less, wave clear was nerfed alongside it. 150 heat is clunky due to the 20 heat harpoon and harpoon recharge desyncing with QW, leads to wasting abilities, it feels even worse with more CDR which makes the overheat nerf even worse.
Tank/bruiser Rumble is pointless due to his kit (only scales with AP, no utility). Changes lean towards jg/top lane but still for full AP + MPEN build to delete squishies on first overheat.
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I am a serial lurker and last posted to complain about Dynamic Queue on my normal reddit account. I think the new gameplay loop is clunky and if these changes go through I am very worried about his agency to carry games. Very happy to be wrong about these changes/ideas and for any feedback.

Our needs: 1. On-ball defense 2. Bench depth 3. Rebounding
Step 1: Trade Ant and the 23rd for OG
I know this is an overpay, but we need a player who's capable of locking down the other team's best player. OG is one of the best POA defenders and is capable of defending 1-4. To me, the biggest concern about him is his next contract. He'll likely demand 30 mil+ next year, which is a lot for a non-star. Also, I'm not sure if Masai goes for it. Overall, Ant and the 23rd is pretty good value for OG on a 1-year contract, but I fear Masai wants us to sell the farm for his guy.
Step 2: Trade 2nds for Daniel Gafford with our trade exception from the Hart trade
A lot of people already suggested this trade. It would net us a good backup center that wouldn't be that expensive. The trade also makes sense for Washington. They already have one of the highest payrolls in the league, and they want to retain Kristaps and Kuzma in this offseason, which means that they might want to get rid of Gafford before his extension kicks in.
Step 3: Draft Brandon Miller
I assume that the Hornets will draft Scoot since he's by far the 2nd best prospect this year. I think there's a legit debate between Amen and Miller, but all in all, if we're serious about building around Dame, Miller is a much better fit. He's a big 3 who should be a good wing defender and rebounder in at the next level.
Step 4: Resign Skylar Mays and Thybulle
I really like what I saw from Skylar last season. I would like us to pick up another guard in a trade like Pritchard or Seth Curry since it's a bit risky to bet on him being a legit backup guard based on a 6 game sample size.
Resigning Thybulle is also the right move in my mind if he isn't too expensive, as he's a solid 8th or 9th man on a good team. He was shooting good percentages while playing for us, but I have my doubts as to whether he's able to be a respectable shooter for a whole season and in the playoffs. I'm happy, though, if we're able to resign him for 4-5 mil a year.
Step 5: Use a part of the MLE to sign Torrey Craig
Craig is a wing who can play some backup minutes at SF or PF. A good defender who shot the 3-ball well last year. I would give him a 2-yea14 mil contract.
Our rotation would look like this:
Pg: Dame, Skylar, Pritchard/Curry 18 min
SG: OG, Sharpe
SF: Miller, Thybulle
PF: Grant, Craig
C: Nurk, Gafford
I'm not banking on this team being a finals contender, but it could be a fun 6th seed and maybe even more, depending on how Miller and Sharpe develop. Defensively this team could be even better than the 17-18 Blazers, who were the 8th-best defense in the regular season. Offensively there are some playmaking concerns in my mind. As it stands now, Dame is the only good playmaker in the starting lineup, but maybe Miller and Nurk can provide enough secondary playmaking to make it work.

We adopted 3 gelded donkeys when we built our new home 3 years ago. 2 (a bonded pair) minis and 1 mammoth. We rescued them from owners that could no longer care for them and have really enjoyed our time with them!
Unfortunately, my wife had a stroke last December and we made the tough decision to reduce the number of critters we care for, so we chose a great looking farm animal rescue to come pick the boys up.
We got news last week that our bonded pair of minis were re-homed with a country music star. We're over the moon happy for them and know they'll have the best care and facilities possible!
Still waiting to see what happens with our mammoth guy, he was really skittish when we first got him and was finally coming around to being handled. I hope the transition is a smooth one for him and he gets as lucky as his buddies did!
Yes, I know, I hate Facebook too, but here's a clip of them arriving at their new home! https://fb.watch/k-f55ZRkvC/?mibextid=SDPelY

1 Beware the Candy Uncle
2 Pet Stories
3 Dangerous Coasters
4 Bob’s Fridge
5 Funniest Joke in the World
6 Oh Shit Moments
7 How Dare You
8 The Bobs & the Bees
9 Anything Goes
10 Kids Are Stupid
11 Dreams and Nightmares
12 King of Meat
13 Disappointing Our Parents
14 Who’s The Worst
15 Hair
16 Perfect Crime
17 Riddles & Rhymes
18 Worst World Records
19 Conspiracy Theories
20 We Are All Going to Die
21 Bad Habits
22 Young & Stupid
23 The Perfect Meal
24 Good Bad Habits
25 We Got Screwed
26 The Boys Bet It All
27 Go With Your Gut
28 Supernatural
29 One Paw In The Grave
30 Superstitions
31 Distractible: The Musical
32 Would You Rather (Part 2)
33 Waste of Money
34 Bob Doesn’t Know
35 Camping
36 The Atrocities of Summer
37 Change
38 The Wheel of Fate
39 Old Men
40 Naked
41 Million Dollars, But…
42 The Fairest Episode Ever
43 Hold My Beer
44 Never Give Up
45 I Was Wrong
46 Good Advice?
47 Dating Advice
48 Fuck You Energy
49 Body Odor
50 Hypocrisy?
51 Fears & Fetishes
52 Would You Rather
53 Wade’s Silly Choices
54 I Tried So Hard And I Got So Far But In The End It Didn’t Even Matter
55 Transportation
56 How to Make a Best Friend
57 Life Plan
58 Happy Funerals
59 Hill I Will Die On
60 Will You Press The Button?
61 Lies From Parents
62 Big or Small
63 Don’t Laugh (moved down 15)
64 Wade’s Questions
65 Failed Resolutions
66 Just Relax
67 We Die on Your Hills
68 That One Guy
69 Worst Piece of Shit Episode Ever
70 Broken News
71 The Distractible Gameshow
72 I Wasn’t Ready*
73 Christmas Gone Wrong
74 Cryptids Are Scary
75 Musical Memories
76 Aliens Among Us
77 Friendship Test: Mark Edition
78 Three Peens in a Pod
79 Solving The Unsolvable
80 Ohio Stuff
81 Video Game Tier List (Part 2)
82 Thank You
83 The Shoe Game
84 Wade’s Secret Words
85 The Bait Debate
86 The Ick
87 Bob’s Baby
88 Am I The Asshole?
89 Fast Food Tier List
90 Our Firsts
91 Conventions
92 So Bad It’s Good
93 Criminally Subliminal
94 Before We Die
95 Wonders of Our World
96 Profession Confessions
97 Video Game Tier List
98 Devil’s Advocate
99 We’re NOT Getting Old
100 Serotonin

Hidden in the bowels of the Sith Mark VI Interceptor's kit reveal today were the requirements for the Leviathan! If you, like me, have been saving up for this ship for months, today is the day you invest heavily! And there were some surprises!
First thing's first though... here are the requirements!

• R9 Darth Revan
• R9 Darth Malak
• R7 Sith Empire Trooper
• R7 Sith Trooper
• R7 Darth Maul
• R7 HK-47
• R7 Bastila Shan (Tusken_Meathead confirmed on the official forums that this is the Light Side Bastila Shan - scroll down through the comments of the above link to see this)
• R5 Sith Assassin
• R5 50R-T
• 7* Fury-class Interceptor (Requires Darth Malgus pilot)
• 7* Mark VI Interceptor
• 7* TIE Dagger
• 7* B-28 Extinction-class Bomber (Requires Sith Marauder pilot)
• 7* Scimitar
• 7* Sith Fighter
• 7* Ebon Hawk (requires Carth Onassi and T3-M4 pilots)

Keep in mind these hidden requirements of the pilots as you farm for this! Pilots need to be at least G11 to unlock all ship abilities.
And that's it! No jokes today. Just a convenient list that also answers your question about Basty vs. Nasty and also includes pilots who are not otherwise listed. Happy farming!
edit: I forgot Malak also requires (in addition to those listed above): JKR / Jolee Bindo / Mission / Zaalbar / Canderous / Juhani / Bastila Shan (Fallen). So for anyone literally farming from scratch... uh... don't farm this. You've got lots of other options. Do those instead.