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Your center for Independent Baseball throughout the United States of America and Canada.
Not quite sure how to put it. I mean, it's not even necessarily about outright flirting, or even lesbian women in the first place. But still more than just general respect (or disdain...) for people older than them. My best try would be to say that I feel seen, observed, measured out by them a bit, even if the interaction is otherwise civil? However short and factual the interaction, there's a level of attunement that I didn't have when I myself was young, with other young women.
I am not very overtly butch, but definitely moc, and especially so mentally. My desire for women comes from that place. So I do like to tell myself that women who know, will know. If you get what I mean. I guess that over the years, this just settles much more into what you radiate towards others, so maybe it's that? I definitely am more conscious when I see beauty. Maybe it's also the point of "I ran out of fucks to give" which I think is a silent turning point for many women my age, and maybe others see that? Last but not least, I know that I myself was fascinated by older women, and while I by no means feel as sovereign as I perceived them back in the day, I know that older women are a thing among some wlw.
So I don't know. I don't think that this is about actually checking me out or something. I don't think it will bring sexual opportunities. But there's just... something? Have you been there? What is this?
I really hope I'm not just bullshitting myself, lol.
Hello everyone my name is Tyler I'm very new too this group, I'm currently going through a lot of hardships in my life. I'm 24 years old right now, in December of 2019 my father went into cardiac arrest and he passed away January 2020. And unfortunately on December 24th 2021 my mom passed away. I don't have anymore parental figure in my life, my grandparents have passed. And my uncles and aunts don't really reach out too me. Im gonna be without a place too live within this month and I'm planning on moving out of California and possibly too Houston I was researching. Houston seems too have best place for homelessness support. I'm gust gonna bring what I need and figure my way till I could get a job and then work my way out of my situation from there. Just want some advice on maybe safe places in Houston or maybe I'm looking at the wrong city? Any too helps thank you for listening too my situation. Much love.
I'm a 31 (almost 32) year old man (married with no kid) residing in NCR. I've been smitten by the idea of FI since an early age and always pushed myself. But bad luck has always gotten the better of me, to the point now that I have lost all desires and ambitions and feel empty inside.
Currently have a NW of 50L (15 MF, 15 EPF/PPF, 20 Plot) after suffering huge losses over the years (details below). Wife has savings of only 20L till date despite working for 8 years. She is buying a house for herself on loan hence not counting her income/net worth for FI calculations.
Combined income: 2L pm after taxes
Income to consider for FIRE: 1.4L pm
Expenses: 40k pm
Losses b/w age 17-21: 20 lakhs in trading (Had earned this amount through blogging and web development)
Losses in mid 20s: 40L stocks (Yes Bank) that I had invested 35 lakhs of savings in. Salvaged only 3 lakhs by selling.
Losses b/w age 28-32: 20L in an under construction flat. Builder fled/case on land title
I hate working/corporate life and looking to stick it out for a few years more somehow at most (say 8-9 years)
Investing around INR 1 L pm currently in 70% equity/30% debt.
Pls. evaluate my FI journey and help me. Though it looks like at most I'll be able to amass 2.5 Cr which would be 25x of inflation adjusted yearly expenses. (+ 40-50L EPF which I'm not sure to consider)
Thank you in advance.
I’ve bought two items now and neither of the sellers have left me feedback after I left feedback and 5 stars. I find this kind of annoying, is it common?
Whenever someone buys something off me and gives me a review I always leave one for them too
I am very sad because I loved this game a lot, and at first I had so much fun unlocking new moves, learning the mechanics and patterns. I love rogue likes/lites and so the idea of dying a lot didn’t really intimidate me, plus Kung-Fu is super cool to me and I love how cinematic the game is.
But today while I was playing, I felt all of the love I had for this game just get sucked straight out of me. I had gone back to the club to spare Sean, and on this run…everything about the game just started becoming extremely annoying. Every aspect that I had previously enjoyed was now the most tedious I had ever experienced. In the end I spared Sean, but not before he broke my spirit. Dodging attacks was annoying, parrying them was annoying, hitting him was annoying, getting hit by him was annoying, having a weapon was annoying and being forced to drop my weapon from a single lunging attack from across the entire room was annoying.
There came a point where I no longer cared about how old I was going to be because it didn’t matter anyway because I had already finished the club at 26 not too long ago. Overwhelmed with the tediousness of it all, I just stood there and let Sean wail on me until I died. In that moment whatever it was about this game I liked disappeared.
Tbh I don’t even think I’m going to try and complete the game now, I just have absolutely no desire to play even a minute more.
So I think I'm an ahole for this long post. Some background. I (F23)met someone (M23) from a school event and we have been talking since then (around 4 months). We decided to try and hangout. On our first date since we were both indecisive we spend an hour deciding on where to eat and eventually decided to go to a steak house on town, we paid for our own meals. And the thing is this guy seems like lacks at table manners, he was slurping the soup loudly, and also chewing loudly. I tried telling him to yk kinda keep it down? But then again idk how he was taught about those so I can't really reprimand him.
After then I tried distancing myself, I reply an hour or 4 hours late. Then the second date came, well not really a date. There was an event in our town, I told him that I am going with my friends. I repeatedly told him that I wanna go with my friends and I don't want to hangout with him that day because I will be busy with my friends. The solution he came up with? He would meet my friends and hangout. I tried hinting that its our gals date, that I wanna spend time with my closest friends only. He kept messaging me to ask my friends about it, after some time I just agreed with it to just to get over with. During the event I tried giving wrong area of the place just to losing but no avail, he still found us. I was annoyed but I'm with my friends so I stayed calm and later on just accepted that things doesnt happen the way I want.
After that I never really talked to him that much, my reply take days or even a week since I was in my hometown with my family during the holidays.
When I finally went back to college, I again saw this person, or more like he saw me. It was lunch time and I was on my way to mcdo I just said hello and just get on my way. He then told me that we should eat together, I couldn't come up with an excuse so I just kinda laughed. We got to mcdo and I said that he should order first, so he did then after that he found a table and sit there. Then I ordered, I was kinda shock about the amount I have to pay since I ordered the same all the time, but I thought maybe things have changed or something. When I got the receipt, I just found out that he actually didnt pay. So I asked him about it, he said that he saw that I got money from the holiday event in our hometown so that I should treat him. I was speechless, like I dont know what to say about that. But I just accepted my fate, it already happened anyway. When we were talking I jokingly said, " I think I should ghost you, and block you in all of my socmed." He just said, that I shouldnt do it. I did, I didn't block him, but I restricted his account so I wouldn't see any news about him.
After two months, today, a friend of his, message me saying I was an ahole for ghosting his friend, and telling him beforehand. That if I'm going to ghost his friend I shouldn't have told him.
So I'm not entirely sure what to do now, like do I apologize about ghosting him or apologize for informing him beforehand??
i was extremely hungry so i ate the soup my mom prepared really fast. now i feel sick and warm. mind you this was my first time really eating today and it’s 8 pm almost. idk why this keeps happening to me :( this is why i’m scared to eat
I hope to not make this too long or complicated, and want to preface it with a massive TW / CW for mention of sexual assault and CSA.
I'm nearly 29 years old, and have known myself to be bi and interested in boys girls and (as I grew older) many other gender expressions in people for as long as I can remember. I'm also a survivor of child sexual abuse and a date r*pe (in my early 20s). My sex drive and drive for exploration have always been high, and most of my sexual interactions have been with cis men (because it's generally been easier to meet them in my experience). However, I've also been unpacking in therapy recently how my love for sex and pleasure intersect with a sense of shame / feeling tainted, especially since I have experienced an inexplicable compulsion to "give sex" to boys/men interested in me, even at times when I wasn't entirely interested in them.
In the past two years, however, I've been taking a break from "sleeping around" and reflecting over my life in and out of therapy. I still call myself bi, but I realize that I haven't been attracted to a cis man in nearly two years. My previous relationship with a cis man ended due to hurtful comments he made regarding my sexuality and gender expression (for instance, asking me why I would want a cock when I am equally satisfied and pleasured in sex without one)...
I find myself increasinly fantasizing about building a life with a woman, I find myself attracted more and more to women... and I've been enjoying going on dates with women lately. I feel guilty about burdening a potential woman partner with my long experience of sexual trauma vis-a-vis cis straight men, especially women who have always known they were gay... Does that make sense? I've meet a wonderful girl lately who is demisexual, and I worry that my "hypersexuality" might be a turn off for her. How do I navigate these new feelings, desires, worries, and experiences?
First Chapter Chapter Fifteen
“Thank you, Ms. President, and Mr. Secretary-General. It’s my privilege to come and speak to everyone present during such a momentous time in human history. One which, I hope, will lead to a brighter future for us all…”
US President Correa’s boilerplate beginning flowed out as she scanned the room. Behind her rostrum sat a larger dais tiled with green marble, behind which sat the UN President, Secretary-General, and Under-Secretary-General. Two huge screens flanked the dais, and those screens now showed Correa’s face as she continued.
“…and we are committed to our country’s pledge to finding a peaceful and just way for Coalition technology to be incorporated worldwide, and to not attempt any reverse-engineering of our own. Make no mistake; we do not do this out of any sense of altruism or fairness, as pleasant as that may sound. We will hold this pledge sacred for the simple reason that, if the United States were
to attempt such efforts the rest of the world would, without a doubt, find out. That, of course, would lead to a great instability.”
‘Great instability’ was diplomatic-speak for ‘the rest of the world then gangs up on the USA and then everything goes to hell’.
“I know there has already been a great deal of debate in this august hall as to the best way to proceed forward, in a fair and impartial manner. We believe that we have found what one might call a ‘trial run’ which will allow us to work out such matters.”
The general murmuring from the many semi-circular rows of desks in front of her increased.
“To begin with, during the first weeks after first contact we wanted to make sure our guests from the Coalition would not starve to death. Much like humanity’s own ships during the Age of Sail, Coalition exploration vessels store enough provisions for years…but such provisions never last. They have very advanced recycling, but mostly for water and even that is only a stop-gap measure. It is unknown even at this time as to how long it will take to repair the Exultant Finger of Rithro
, and we did not want to risk the crew running out of food.
“Therefore, we undertook an emergency effort to have their ship’s medic examine various Earth foods to determine their compatibility with our guests’ varied biochemistries. I am pleased to report that there are quite a few Earth foodstuffs which are indeed compatible, although there are some specific items which act as allergens amongst some of the Coalition species. During these efforts, we did learn a bit about how their alien biochemistries work…information which has been duly published and is now openly available. We also began to get glimpses of something wonderful, and asked the Coalition crew for more details. They supplied us with some general ideas of what their medical technology can accomplish; I must emphasize that we do not possess any knowledge of how they can perform such miracles.”
Now the murmuring got quite a bit higher, but not quite to the point where they’d have to call for order.
“Yes, I use the word ‘miracles’ advisedly. For example, take Captain Sadaf. You have all seen her, and how she moves like a person in the prime of their life. Now. What if I told you that she is a little over four hundred years old?”
The murmuring died down into a shocked silence.
“Her species, the auhn, is no more long-lived than we are…but they are able to regenerate and remove the effects of aging. I hope the esteemed ambassadors can see what I am driving at. I propose that we set up a research institute, international in scope, to be placed at a neutral location which is still to be determined. The purpose of that institute will be to study and adapt Coalition medical technology for use in humans.”
Now the murmuring started again; she hoped they were actually listening instead of hatching side-deals with each other.
“You all have families and friends. I’m sure you have at least one family member, one good friend, who died of some horrible and unnecessary
affliction. Think of what this means to the world, to us. It is also an excellent way to determine the inevitable issues and frictions which will arise from such a concerted international effort, and that, in turn, will inform our efforts in mutual reverse-engineering of other Coalition technology.
“I know this is, in many ways, a frightening time. Change can be frightening. But I am convinced that you will all know the right way forward, and that you will all see the need for us to unite in this matter, even if others may not be so clear-cut. I thank you for the opportunity to speak.”
As she stepped away from the rostrum, the UN President cleared his throat.
“We will now begin the debate on Madame President Correa’s proposal. Paper copies, with specifics of the proposal, are now being distributed to you all. We’ll now begin the debate period…yes, the gentleman from Portugal…?”
Correa’s Chief of Staff was a shorter, tubby man with an olive complexion by the name of Pablo Rosas. He and Correa sat in a White House conference room, staring at a big screen which now showed the results of the UN vote. “Well, I suppose that went about as well as we could expect,” said Rosas.
“Yep. I was surprised they even agreed with our asking them to kick in some money.”
Rosas chuckled. “Keep in mind that all of this new medical tech will be available for anyone patent-free. Should be air-tight legally, since nobody here on Earth invented it; we’re merely adapting it. I think that was the sweetener we needed to get it passed.”
The president gave a brief nod, then tapped a few keys on the controls in front of her. The screen now showed a world map. “Now we just have to figure out where to put the damn thing without everyone getting butt-mad about it.”
“Hmm.” Rosas laced his fingers over his substantial gut as he regarded the map. “Someplace not ‘the usual’, then.”
Correa growled in frustration. “I keep thinking Switzerland, but I know there’s gonna be a lot of shit flung about that it’s too European-centric. Taiwan would be great; they’ve got both a good tech base and excellent transport infrastructure.”
“But way too controversial, for obvious reasons,” replied Rosas. “Japan?”
“China will, again, kick up a fuss. Huh. New Zealand?”
“That might work. They tend to be more neutral…but then again some might say they’re in too close with Australia, and that this whole effort is too Western-centric.” His eyes flicked back to north on the map. He was about to move his gaze elsewhere, but then he paused. “What about Iceland?”
“Iceland?” Correa almost scoffed, then looked more thoughtfully at the map. “Okay, they’re a NATO member which is a minus. But they tend to remain mostly neutral, which is a plus. Decent transportation infrastructure…don’t we have a naval air base there?”
“I think so, let me check…” Rosas tapped at his phone. “Hey, Jack? What can you tell me about any US naval air bases in Iceland? Just the highlights.” After a couple of minutes, he responded with a curt, “Okay, that’s enough, thanks.”
He put his phone away. “We kinda-sorta have one, at a place called Keflavik. The base there used to be a lot bigger during the Cold War. Then we shut it down after the Soviets were no longer a going concern. Iceland uses it now, and they allow us to fly submarine-search aircraft out of there, but a few years ago they nixed the DOD’s request to rebuild it into a more permanent base.”
“That does work in their favor. It makes for better optics if they’re known for keeping NATO at arm’s length.”
Rosas sat up. “Think the UN will go for it?”
“We can only try. I’ll have our ambassador in Reykjavik make some discreet inquiries, let’s see if they’d be okay with our proposing them as a candidate.”
The Chief of Staff smiled. “If it goes through, this institute will be pumping well north of a billion dollars per year into their economy. That should make it more than ‘okay’.
Agent Cécile Savoie sat in a secure-location breakroom, silently grumbling as she held an as-yet un-drunk mug of coffee in her hands. As the agent-in-charge of the security detail during the Camp David incident, she’d been put on administrative leave, right alongside every other agent who’d been there. But it wasn’t like she had much down time; the inquiry board into that incident now summoned her damn near every other day for yet another round of tedious questioning.
“Hey,” said Hanson as he strolled in, looking just as sour as she felt.
She looked up in surprise. “Hey yourself. I thought you were assigned to the alien detail.”
“I was,” he said as he seated himself across the circular table from her. “Guess being in Alabama when the shitshow went down wasn’t far enough away to be completely out of suspicion. I just finished running my own gauntlet. But the rumor is, I’m getting it easy compared to everyone who was at Camp David, including the special forces people. Especially you.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty much a colonoscopy every day,” she muttered. “Going over the timeline, where I was at which times, who I had direct line of sight on, who I was in radio contact with.” She finally sipped her coffee.
Hanson’s sour expression deepened. “Do you really think it was one of us?”
She sighed. “It has to be. My gut tells me that there’s more than one mole and I told the inquiry board as much. The fuckers who got in knew too much about our patrol patterns, where everyone was, when they’d have a clear shot at an infil. That means someone with access to our methods and comms, and as to the latter we don’t use CB radios.”
The other agent leaned back. “Fuck. I wish I knew why any of us would do that. We’re supposed to be quiet professionals, not frothing radicals.”
Savoie turned the mug in her hands. “Not to tell tales out of school but, through the whisper network, they’ve been leaning hard on the captured dudes from the attack. Apparently one of their main ‘objections’,” and here she made some one-handed air quotes, “is that they think the whole Breaker thing is a ruse. It’s all smoke and mirrors, so that we’ll beg the Coalition to come and save us. And then…well, it gets vague after that but I guess they claim that at best we’ll get turned into the galactic equivalent of a Native American reservation. Worst case, we all get harvested for our precious bodily fluids.”
Hanson stared at her for a moment in disbelief. “That is, if you will forgive the uncouth term, utterly retarded. For chrissake, the Hubble got some beautiful shots of their ship once they’d spun that shield around to reveal it to us. I mean, I’m no spacecraft expert but even I could tell it had gotten the shit pounded out of it.”
She responded with a shrug. “Hey, Flat Earthers are still a thing.”
“Flat Earthers don’t stage FUCKING mortar attacks in our nation’s capital,” snapped Hanson. Then he subsided and spoke more softly. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be so on edge. This whole thing just pisses me off.”
“Join the club,” said Savoie as she sipped more coffee. “I just don’t get it, though.”
Hanson made a gentle ‘continue’ wave of his hand.
She leaned forward. “Okay. Our comrades in the CIA managed to identify the four who made it into the compound. They were all mercenaries, each with at least ten or fifteen years of experience in kicking ass around some of the worst hot spots in the world. Syria, Burma, bunch of places in Africa. One of ‘em even turned out to be ex-Wagner group.”
“Okay?” It was a leading single-word question, but not an unkind one.
“So why was the rest of the attack made up of nothing but a bunch of goddamn shit-kickers? And that includes the aborted attempt in Decatur. I’ve seen the files of those we rounded up in the Camp David attack. They were all low-life idiots just banging around, maybe they might have once held a gun in their lives. Hell, from what I’ve heard, the shootings that triggered the alarm at Camp David were an accident; those intruders were supposed to sneak around
that patrol, not kill them. They all had the same top-of-the-line kit, so we know whoever is behind this has deep pockets. Why not hire an entire bunch of competent people instead of doing it onesy-twoseys?”
“It is a puzzle.” Hanson got up and set a styrofoam cup of water into the nearby microwave. As the cup turned within its electromagnetic prison, he leaned against the nearby counter and pondered her question. “Maybe the team in the woods was intended just as a distraction?”
“That’s what I thought at first, but then I reconsidered. I mean, what if the four who went in failed? You’d still need a proper backup plan. Same thing with the Decatur bunch. By the way, did they ever catch them?”
Hanson let out a dark chuckle. “Decatur PD found a pile of vests and rifles, hastily wiped down. They were able to pull a few partial prints off of ‘em. My guess is they’ve fled to the proverbial four winds, hoping to lay low for the rest of their lives. We’ll nab ‘em eventually.”
The microwave dinged and he retrieved his hot water, then pulled a tea bag out of his jacket pocket as he re-seated himself.
Savoie smiled. “I never figured you for a tea guy.”
He unwrapped the bag and with a bit of ceremony dunked it into his cup. “Well, I used to be a coffee guy, but my gut doesn’t agree with the acidity.”
“We do have tea here, you know.” She pointed to the storage bins behind him.
“Yeah, but it’s cheap-ass stuff. The brand I like is expensive, but worth it…” Hanson’s eyes widened as he trailed off.
She raised an eyebrow. “Hanson? Do you smell burnt toast?”
“They couldn’t afford it,” he said in a near-whisper.
Savoie was about to tell him to stop being overly dramatic, then she realized he might be on to something and that she didn’t dare distract him. “Keep talking.”
He leaned forward, his forearms on the table. “Okay. Imagine you’re a hard-bitten mercenary. You’ve been in the literal shit, in every nasty conflict anyone cares to name. Somehow, someone finds you and comes to you. They say ‘hey, these aliens are bad news, do you want to kill them?’ Even if you, as the hypothetical mercenary, are down with the cause…”
“From what the intruders were yelling, they were,” said Savoie.
“Yeah but even then, our mystery financier is asking you to infil and exfil out of one of the most heavily guarded pieces of real estate on the planet. Oh, and kill a bunch of special-forces-maybe and aliens-definitely in between. What do you do then?”
She replied with a grim smile. “If I’m that mercenary, then I ask for a metric fuck-ton of money. And there were four of them, they would have all done the same. Hell, they must have been doing collective bargaining.”
Hanson dunked his tea bag as he thought it through. “Okay, so our mystery mastermind has a lot of money, but not billions on hand to hire a literal army of hard cases. Huh. So those other dipshits might indeed have been a distraction.”
“Maybe. They must have also spent quite a bit on the mortar attack. That wasn’t made by some hobbyist in their bedroom, they knew what they were doing. Given that nobody saw them set up the launcher or leave, they were more pro.” Savoie hoped that the FBI’s efforts to track the various mortar components turned up something soon. Thus far, those efforts were bogged down; as it turned out, quite a few companies had ordered the identified components, and tracking the subsequent second-hand purchases was time-consuming.
“And those mortar-making pros would be more expensive.” Hanson sipped a bit of tea. “Did they ever get anything off of the launcher itself?”
“Sadly, no. Turns out the whole damned thing was homemade, constructed out of tubing and other off-the-shelf components. It was also wiped down thoroughly, no prints. Like I said, pros.”
“But limited in resources,” said Hanson. “Which explains one of the things that’s bugged me
. Namely, that our OPFOR didn’t use some proper artillery. If they have a couple of moles in the Secret Service, then it should be easy to recruit and pay some military dudes to slip ‘em some gear and alter the logs. They could stow a howitzer inside a semi-tractor-trailer. You could park that thing anywhere up to 25 miles away. Use a single 155mm Excalibur GPS-guided munition, boom. That would have pretty much obliterated the stage and everyone on it. Then you just re-stow the howitzer and toodle off all innocent-like, right when everyone is freaking the hell out.”
“So they couldn’t afford that type of arty strike,” she said. “Or they simply didn’t have the contacts to pull that off. Hmm. I wonder if our moles are getting paid at all?”
Hanson resumed his thousand-yard stare. “The mortar attack must have been planned first. The other two attacks feel much more like rush jobs.”
“Eh? Oh, I get it. Sadaf’s speech was known well in advance. It was going to be one of her first big public appearances since the initial presidential speech. They were broadcasting it online to the world. Having her get turned into chunky red salsa, in real time, would be one helluva statement. So that’s what they focused on.” She drank a bit more coffee, and now it was time for her eyes to widen. “Our mole or moles didn’t arrive at Camp David until after
Sadaf’s speech was announced.”
“That…oh, yeah, that makes sense. Originally the mortar attack is the OPFORs’ only focus, but yet somehow they’ve suborned one or two Secret Service agents and they have ‘em in their back pocket. Then one, or better yet both, of the moles gets assigned to the Camp David detail, and they realize that now that they have a golden opportunity to get at the other aliens as well. So they go off and hire four pros for the actual attack inside, plus a bunch of chucklefucks to act as a distraction, because that’s all they can afford since the four pros are asking for some serious money.”
Savoie leaned forward. “When did Chao and Grakosh leave Camp David?”
“It was, ah, three? No, four days after we got everyone settled, both the aliens and the special forces types.”
“Okay, so then
the OPFOR gets word, courtesy of our moles, that one of the aliens is now heading to Alabama. But now they’re stretched so thin that they can’t afford anything other than to hire another bunch of dipshits to make a run at them and hope for the best.”
“And then the second bunch lets the FNG drive.”
They both laughed, but that humor settled down as they both thought through the chain of inference.
“It is pretty thin,” said Savoie at last. “There’s a lot of assumptions in there.”
“Yeah. But I do like the idea of our moles getting assigned at the last minute.”
She rubbed her forehead. “We had a bunch of new people come in when they decided to stow the Rithro crew there. Seven, no eight in all.”
“It’s a place to start,” said Hanson. He finished his tea. “C’mon, let’s see if we can get a meeting with the inquiry board.”
A little while later and not very far away, three people sat in a well-lit but otherwise deadly dull room. At least the chairs were somewhat comfortable. Matt and Martinez sat at two chairs against one wall, while across from them McCoy sat sprawled sideways on another with a foul look on her face. She glowered at the far beige-painted wall. “This completely sucks. Why can’t we have our phones? I could at least play some mahjong.”
“This is a secure location, Corporal,” replied Matt. “Ixnay on the onephays.”
Martinez’s leg jittered. “How long are we gonna sit here? They said they’d call us in, like, an hour ago!”
“Dunno, it’s some kind of last-minute interview thing,” replied Matt with Zen-like calm.
The corporal looked over at Matt. “I don’t get you, man.”
Matt grinned. “Nobody gets me. I’m like the wind, baby!”
“That’s not…I mean, I watched you open up a dude like he was a bag of fuckin’ Doritos using nothing but a fuckin’ knife. Now you’re being all Caine from ‘Kung Fu’.”
“It’s good to know that the classics are still appreciated,” said Matt.
Martinez pointed at him. “If you start calling me ‘Grasshopper’ I will
McCoy turned her glare to the ceiling. “Maybe it’s a psychological test. They want to see if we crack under pressure and start yakking secrets.”
“I mean, I’m sure they’re recording us right now,” replied Matt. “But it’s merely as a precaution. I am also five-nines certain that none of us are suspects. We weren’t integrated into the compound’s overall security, and thus it would be unlikely that we could have let our four attackers in.”
“Not to mention, we were the ones to kill ‘em,” added Martinez. “Well, except for the one that Takh took care of.”
“Yep. This is…I won’t call it a formality, but the board just wants to know where you were and what you saw. Walk them through your personal timelines, understand? Tell them only what you know. If you don’t know something, then say so.”
McCoy turned herself around so that she now sprawled the other way. “This whole bullshit just bugs me. Takh and the others are off with a bunch of strangers and I…I mean, we aren't there to help protect them.”
Matt and Martinez shared a meaningful glance. “From what I heard, Takh is quite capable of taking care of himself,” said the latter with a grin. “You told me he pitched that one dude across the room like he was throwing a softball.”
For once, the petite corporal looked a bit flustered. “Yeah, but, I mean, what if some other potential bad guy gets the drop on him with a gun? I don’t like not being there. I just wanna know that he’s okay. I should be there, just to make sure.”
The smaller man snapped his fingers in the face of the taller, who sighed and took out his wallet. With great ceremony, Matt pulled out a five-dollar bill and placed it upon the now-upraised palm of Martinez.
“Told ya,” said Martinez with a grin.
She sat up and glared at them both. “That doesn’t mean anything! Takh is a good guy!”
“Nobody said he wasn’t,” replied Matt as he stowed his wallet. “He is indeed a good guy.”
“Yeah, seriously, we’re glad you two hooked up,” added Martinez. “Takh’s solid. Hell, I’d let him date my sister.”
“I. Am. Not. Hooked Up. With ANYONE.” McCoy now looked furious enough to chew nails.
Martinez stroked his chin. “Kissing might be a problem, though.”
Matt performed a similar chin-stroking action. “Hmm, indeed, Corporal, I do believe it might be a serious issue. One has all of those mandibles to contend with.” He hooked his fingers next to his mouth in an approximation of an udhyr’s face. “Still, I think that, with enough will and effort, one could figure it out. Like the man said, life finds a way.”
“But how much tongue is he packing?” posed Martinez. “You know what the man also says. Big dude, big tongue. Could make things more interesting, all around.”
The woman did not look amused. “Martinez, Toke? You are now both officially gigantic flatulating assholes.”
“C’mon, McCoy!” protested Martinez. “Think of it this way. A few years from now, let’s say we filthy humans are now part of the Coalition and I’m at some meet ‘n greet, and I just so happen to spy me an oh-so-very-fiiine udhyr mamacita from across the room. Now, I wanna do my bit for my species and approach her, and get some good old inter-species cultural interaction going on. But there’s all sorts of questions. How do I compliment her without insulting her culture? How am I supposed to get in good with her? How do the mechanics work? How do the various bits line up? We need details! You’re at the tip of the spear, we all need good intel!”
McCoy slumped back into her seat. “Over seven hundred billion Dimmadollars of defense spending, and yet somehow I wind up stuck in a room with you two fuckos…oh, by the way, Toke
,” she added, pointing a finger at Matt, “why the hell can you and Sarge never go back to Okinawa?”
“Nice distraction, McCoy,” said Martinez. “My guess is some sort of wet-work shit.”
Matt just smiled. “Oh for fuck’s sake, I don’t kill everyone
I meet. I was a Second LT at the time, managed to somehow leapfrog my way into officer ranks all the way from enlisted. Anyways, the Okinawa affair was merely a case of, well, one particular case of rye whiskey. The good sergeant…was he a sergeant then? Oh yeah, we had done some other stuff I can’t tell you about in someplace I can’t tell you where, and we were celebrating Shaw getting his third stripe. We’d got ahold of the previously-mentioned case of whiskey and then we began toasting to each other’s good health. We did a lot of toasting. Quite
a lot of toasting. As you can imagine, the toasting went on and on until we, um, well we did some unwise things. It started out with us sparring-for-fun with each other in public and escalated from there. No locals were harmed, and nothing we did was hella illegal, or I would’ve never made Captain. Buuut the local government would definitely throw a shitfit if me or, God forbid, both of us set foot back on the island.” He chuckled. “Hell, the Okinawan customs people probably still have both of our pictures taped up inside their booths with a big old sign saying ‘DO NOT ADMIT THIS PERSON, YOU FOOL’ written above them.”
“What did you do?” asked Martinez. His eyes were big and soulful, like a kid asking for yet one more story before bedtime.
Matt shrugged. “I mean, I don’t remember much for obvious reasons. I’m almost sure we didn’t piss on any monuments, that would have definitely been cause for a serious demotion. We did do a number on some shrubbery, that I do remember. We decided it needed to be trimmed back, and so we did so. Using our bare hands. Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
A fearsome light came into McCoy’s eyes. “Martinez, do you know what this means?”
He looked at her all uncertain. “Um, Toke and Sarge have cast-iron livers?”
“No, you fool. Blackmail material
Matt pointed back at her. “Hey, now, I told you that in confidence. Besides, Shaw has a lot more to contend with right now.”
The reminder of the sergeant’s current crippled state brought the elevated atmosphere of the room back down. McCoy nodded as her smile faded. “Right. Hey, did you see the Prez’s speech at the UN?”
“Yep,” said Matt. “From what I’ve read, the political wrangling after it seems pretty tame compared to the usual.”
Martinez snorted. “No shit. Did either of you see the laundry list of shit that we might be able to do? Anti-aging, limb regrowth, cancer treatments which work well and which don’t
half-kill the patient…hell, maybe even Alzheimer’s could be in our rear-view mirror. The grand high muckity-mucks are falling all over themselves to get that out into the world, for themselves if nobody else.”
“You’re way too cynical, Martinez,” said Matt.
“Oh fuck off. What if…okay, I know this sounds like a cheesy sci-fi concept, but what if they hoard all of the good shit for themselves and we peons get just the crumbs?”
Matt lapsed back into his meditative demeanor. “In that case, my dear corporal, you or I or McCoy or someone like us will show those hypothetical elites that, while they are indeed long-lived, they are not in fact immortal.”
The trio fell into silence for a few minutes. Then Martinez leaned over towards Matt. “Ah, a little birdie told me you were involved in questioning the prisoners we nabbed at Camp David.”
“I merely facilitated certain conversations,” replied Matt.
Martinez sighed. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies…Corporal.”
McCoy let out a growl. “Well, I
heard these terrorist assholes are saying that the Breakers aren’t real, that it’s all fake videos from the Coalition.”
“Just to play devil’s advocate,” said Matt, “our AI image and video generation is already getting to the point where, soon, we puny humans could manufacture such evidence.”
“What?” Martinez looked as if he was about to launch himself at Matt.
Matt held up a calming hand. “I’m not saying it is
fake. The Hubble pics are damned convincing.”
Martinez hiked up one foot to place it on his seat, then rested his chin on his knee. “Fuck. I guess it didn’t convince everyone.” He mused for a few moments. “Wait. What if we made it even more convincing?”
“How?” asked Matt.
“We send some humans up to the Rithro
. Two or three at least. The boats can still make it up to the ship, right?”
For once Matt looked uncertain. “I think so? Dunno how many times they can come and go without recharging, we’ll have to ask ‘em.”
“Right, so we set up an even better publicity stunt than the Hubble pics. Choose a few people, from all over the world. We have ‘em travel up to the Rithro
, take pics and video up close showing the damage. Even take ‘em inside the ship and get a full tour, maybe…if the crew is okay with that, of course.”
“Huh.” Matt sat back and pondered the idea. “That’s a really good idea, Martinez. I guess you aren’t as dumb as you look.”
The corporal responded with a slight smile at the verbal jab. “We’d need to choose the right people, though.”
“They’d have to be trustworthy…or at least someone that the entire world will consider trustworthy,” said Matt.
“Well known,” added McCoy. She no longer looked vengeful. “With recognizable faces and voices, and then they can go on all the talk shows after and say that, yes indeed, I got a tour of the ship and it is indeed quite banged up.”
Martinez stared at the far wall. “Some kind of celebrity? Heh. You think Tom Cruise would be up for it?”
Matt laughed. “That beautiful maniac? Hell, he’d insist on shooting an entire movie up there, with at least one action scene where he’s hanging off of the outside of the ship.”
They all smiled at the resulting mental image.
“Chao could work,” said McCoy into the silence. “She’s kind of a celebrity now. After all, she was the first human to come into contact with aliens, eh?” She gave Matt a big and very un-subtle wink.
To skirt the rather…unconventional methods used to achieve a positive First Contact, Matt’s role had been very much demoted in the official story. Now every recounting of the tale included a bit of ‘…oh, and there was also another person who stumbled across our brave woman in the midst of her attempts at informational exchange with the aliens…” His exact identity was also not published, under the screen of ‘he wishes to remain anonymous’.
“Oh bite me, McCoy, it’s fun,” replied Matt. He waggled his eyebrows. “Besides, I work better in the shadows!” He threw his forearm across his face like a half-assed Count Dracula trying to hide behind his cape.
Then he dropped his arm. “Yeah, Chao would be good as a current social-media darling. Of course, she might not want that. She strikes me as more of the wallflower type, for the most part.”
“We need more people,” said Martinez, as he stared at the floor. “Chao might be good on her own, but she’s got that motor-mouth talking thing when you get her going. It’s one or the other. Either she’s trying to shrink into a corner and take up as little space as possible, or suddenly you’re getting pulled into another corner for a doctoral dissertation on how minimal-energy transfer-orbits work.”
Matt pondered for a moment. “Wait, when did she do that? I never sat through one of those lectures.”
Martinez looked away and…well, Matt hoped that their supposed overlords were indeed recording this particular moment in time because the hard-bitten Hispanic special-forces corporal actually blushed
McCoy, of course, realized a golden opportunity for payback and immediately pounced. “Why, Corporal
Martinez,” she purred. “Doooo tell us. When did Chao Me Chu, heh, pull
you into a corner? Hmmm?”
“She’s…she’s just real nice, that’s all,” replied Martinez. “I asked her a couple of questions, and she answered them. That’s all. We both love classic sci-fi, like Asimov and shit. I guess we bonded over that.”
Matt cleared his throat. “Aaaaand may I remind you two and
everyone listening in that we have all been cooped up nuts-to-butts for awhile? Don’t mistake familiarity for romantic bullshit.” He pointed over at Martinez. “But you. If you can follow at least half of what she talks about, then you are absolutely without-a-single-fucking-doubt wasted
as a corporal, even if you’re in a low-drag high-speed outfit like this. You hear me?”
“Um, yes sir.” It was the first time in McCoy’s memory that anyone had addressed Matt as befitting his perhaps-former rank.
“Good. You get your ass into college, somehow. You’re a smart guy, you’ll figure all that shit out. And as for Chao? Just give it room to breathe. Let her know you’re interested, but don’t press the matter.”
“Let her know?” For once Martinez looked completely lost. “How do I…” he trailed off. “I mean, I like her…and yeah, I mean I like her in that
way, but she’s so damn smart and pretty and I’m just some dipshit meathead.”
“Hey, don’t sell yourself short,” said Matt. “You’re our
McCoy’s vengeful smile faded. “Martinez…no, Luca.”
Martinez looked up in surprise at her use of his first name.
She continued. “Just talk to her. Neither of you have any clue as to what ‘normal’ social interactions look like. In your case, it’s because you’ve been a soldier for all of your adult life. In her case, it’s because she’s, well, because she’s Chao. So just walk up to her and be straightforward. Trust me, it’ll be like a breath of fresh air for her to not have to navigate social cues. Just say something like ‘Hey, I really like you, do you like me and do you want to go get a coffee sometime’? Start with that. Chao’s good people, the worst thing she’ll do is say no. She won’t yell at you or talk shit about you online. Buuuut, some sixth sense is telling me she won’t say no to getting some coffee with ya.”
Matt smiled. “McCoy, I think you might have a calling after you leave the military.”
She snorted. “Oh yeah, I’ll hang up my match-making shingle on the internet and start raking in the big bucks. Martinez is right, though. If we try to do a publicity stunt up at the Rithro
, then we’ll need somebody alongside Chao to win the world over. Somebody well-known, but preferably someone not in the traditional Western pop-culture sphere. That’ll make it more palatable…”
Her voice trailed off and she stared into space. The two men now looked at each other in genuine concern until she spoke again a few moments later.
“Guys? I think I just had the best idea ever.”
I just found out now that there was a Star Wars event that gave Darth Maul's skin as a prize, unfortunately the event had ended when my friends told me about it. I'm kinda new to the game and I don't really understand how things work, is there any possibility of this skin returning to the store or something someday?
I got COVID about a month and a half ago. Lost my sense of smell and taste for a few days and after a lot of scent training, I finally got it back. While I lost both, though, I noticed that the only things I could taste was honey or the natural sugars in fruits. I woke up one day and could finally smell lavender essential oils and other really strong oil scents. The first thing I did that day was make myself a protein-packed breakfast sandwich because I wasn’t eating for days, and it had a lot of eggs in it- but the first and ONLY thing I could taste was the egg. But it was really different this time: The egg tasted way funkier than usual. I also could smell it cooking in the oil I used and it smelled super off. My taste/smell is probably 85-90% back right now but certain things smell… off to me? I’m a huge cook and things like pesto, chili oil, eggs, etc. smell super funky and even kinda taste almost rotten now. I know none of my food or eggs have gone bad, but things kind of have a funky/lightly foul taste. Does anyone else have this issue? It’s not too pressing thankfully but it’s still weirdly off.
Baby is 4 weeks and we’ve started the transition to EBF. Right now he has been on the breast every hour unless I just give him a 3 oz bottle then he goes anywhere from 1-3 hours without hunger cues. If I try to just breastfeed without offering a bottle he is extremely fussy and fights latching but that could be his bottle preference I guess? I pace feed when he does take a bottle. I bought a scale to do weighted feeds and he only got an oz from me each time he breastfed. When I pump I get anywhere from 3-5 oz total. I just don’t want him to go hungry, he’s a preemie so everything feels so crucial. I’m a FTM.
I don't know if this is s family thing, but her sister and mom does the same to the point where my grandma got kicked out the nursing home.
Right now I'm under a lot of stress. She's quickly tempered/argumental.
She's very disrespectful to the nurses. Every time I try to speak reason, she shuts me down. She thinks the hospital is trying to kill her for some reason. They tried to tell her to stop talking because she uses too much energy (while on bipap) but she refuses and still argue. She has always turn an anthill size problem into a mountain. It's even worse when she brings religion to it.
My mom has anxiety. This was confirmed when there was a power outage and EMT told her everything was fine and she's just packing, which caused her to lose breath. They adjusted her oxygen tank and everything was completely fine.
Nurses also confirmed she has anxiety, but she rejects the diagnosis for whatever reason. She's pushing everyone away that's trying to help her because of her anger issues.
She has heart+lung failure. They literally planned out how to help her, but she pushing people away.
Bitch of it is, she's receiving all of this free because of her free healthcare plan.
I've been writing my dreams down in a journal for about a week now. Looking back on it, one dream I had this week makes me a bit stumped. I noticed a pattern in some. But there was a part in one of my dreams where my phone would go off and the caller ID would say the specific name "Jimmy Tate". The person on the other line was some random guy I never heard of asking about a key to my current job for the maintenance men to come in while we all were away. I know nobody in my life with the name nor have I heard of anyone with the name. I never really dreamt of a random name before, I dream of random faces I see from time to time though. I'm just curious as to what it possibly could mean. If there's any ideas out there, I would love to hear it. Thank you!
About a year ago I bought my bf a T-Mobile locked iPhone from Gazelle. We recently switched carriers and are now looking to unlock his phone if possible.
Gazelle says they can’t do the unlock and the TMobile policy states they’ll only unlock phones purchased from them. i saw bad reviews on Trust Pilot for “Direct Unlocks” and “Mobile UnlockED,” but decent reviews for “Mobile UnlockS” so I went ahead and paid the initial $15 fee for “eligibility tests.”
Now, Mobile Unlocks is saying we can proceed w/ “basic service” for an addl. $45 but that if it doesn’t work “premium service” is more than $200.
I’m fine paying the $45 for basic service if it’ll work (the phone is totally paid off so i don’t anticipate problems) but I don’t want to pay for basic service just for them to turn around and tell me I need premium.
Has anybody tried using Mobile Unlocks on an iPhone purchased from Gazelle? Was it a good experience? If not, do you have other recommendations?
TL;DR: help me unlock my bf’s T Mobile locked iPhone 13 Pro Max purchased from Gazelle last year.
Hi everyone, I just wanted to see/here your guys opinions on what to do next.
I'm 19 and have major insecurities about my Asymmetrical face and it has gotten increasingly worse in real life to the point where I found one side of my face (reversed) far more attractive than my other side, so in interactions subconsciously I'll be titling my face so they have only the side view of me.
Even whilst sitting down I'll tilt my body towards a side of a chair in lessons/classes subconsciously again to mitigate the effects of my "perceived Asymmetrical face" , I hate looking at myself in family pictures or even school ones, it's become so much worse recently where I don't even look at the photos of me in them just in anticipation of how 'bad' or a 'assymetircal I look'
I also felt as if I suffered from having naturally "chubby cheeks" as even at one of my most leanest points (3/4 picture) at around 10-11% body fat I still had no jawline as well as very round cheeks.
Anyhow I've looked into getting Buccal fat removal but then I realised it wouldn't really help with my assmerty per se. I've persevered in school and school is just under 4 weeks away from finishing.
I've been to the dentists and they believe I have a Misaligned Jaw and have sent be to the NHS waiting list for orthognathic surgery.
Now I'm unsure as to whether that would be the solution to my problem, i.e I have a very bad underbite that needs correcting but idk if the jaw surgery would help with my facial aesthetics as well.
Furthermore, whilst it may help (hoping for your guys opinions) I'm still in a shit place, as the waiting lists are stupidly long to have the surgery done for free in the U.K (around 2-3 year wait, maybe even much more) and I really want to go to Uni feeling my most confident self.
it's a bit hard as well as I don't come from the most wealthiest family and when I tried speaking to my mum about my insecurities and Potential surgerys she flat out said I wasn't assymertical and that I'm deluded, I think it's more as I come from a very traditional religious family so the idea of plastic surgery is seen as bad, she thinks as I get older I'll look better but even if that is true (I don't think it is) it's still just a shit position to be In
I've deciced to take a gap year before going to uni for a few years to try and "fix" my self esteem issues, so intead of waiting I could pay for private surgery in the UK but there's no way I'll be able to afford 10s of thousands of pounds to get it done privately.
So I'm considering when school finishes in a month to start working full time to perhaps get the jaw surgery in a country which is cheaper (turkey?) As it'll literally save me a fraction of the time and money to be able to afford and go to Turkey.
However I'm completely new to any of this and I guess in asking for your advice, is there any other potential surgerys that I could do in the meantime maybe before jaw surgery , or should I wait for jaw surgery first, if so then do you guys know anything about getting jaw surgery in other countries which is cheaper as the UK is completely unaffordable and would the experience be fine? Thanks for the help/reading
P.s I have shit beard genetics so I can't grow it out to mitigate the assymertical face whilst I wait if that's a recommendation :/
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I am 18 years old and nonbinary (agenderflux to be specific).
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Yes, a lot of them so I'm just going to list them here. - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) - ADHD (Inattentive Type) - Social Anxiety - Moderate Depressive Episode (although I no longer agree with this diagnosis) - Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) - suspected Tourettes Syndrome - Complex PTSD - Maladaptive Daydreaming - Mixed Personality Disorder (including Borderline, Narcissistic, Dependent, Avoidant) - suspected OSDD1 or DID
Some of these are professionally diagnosed, others have been self diagnosed based on a lot of research and self analysis, as I currently do not have access to professional help and that likely won't change within the next years.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My upbringing was not the best. I experienced emotional abuse from my mother from a very young age on, others say that there was physical abuse as well but I don't remember any of that. My father seemed very absent during my childhood. He is chronically ill, therefore he had alot of problems to tackle besides his family. I grew up relatively poor, although my parents attempted to not let me notice, they cut short on their own needs in order to always be able to fulfill the children's physical needs. Obviously they couldn't shield me from the facts forever, around the age of 10 I would notice how other kids in my age would have way more expensive things, etc. There is no religious background in my family. I was raised agnostic-atheist, but would not have been shamed for choosing to follow a religion. As a child my day was clearly structured: set meal times, a (forced) time to rest after lunch, set bed times. I would not always agree with them but not adhering to the rules would only bring me negative consequences so I eventually went along with it. The older I got, the more I enforced my own structures, as the pre-existing ones made my life harder, and at some point my mother also couldn't justify some of her rules anymore, considering I wasn't a young child anymore.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I am currently a tax consultant assistant in training and I quite like it. Obviously there are parts of it that I would rather avoid, such as interacting with clients, but the longer I am in this job, the less this aspect makes me want to quit it (although it fluctuates, depending on my mental state every day). My favorite part of my job is accounting, I am good with numbers and like tasks that don't require me to learn new laws every year (which is why after my apprenticeship I will probably ditch the tax part and focus on becoming an accountant. Obviously there's still things that change over the years, but not as many).
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
It depends on whether I have something I'm interested in available for interaction, and on my mental state. Obviously, if I get depressed out of nowhere or suffer from an episode of anhedonia, I will not enjoy myself. Usually I will enjoy a weekend in solitude as long as I am busy with things I like. I like meeting my friends as well, but sometimes I lack the energy or motivation to meet them so I won't do it. Let's say that in 50% of the cases I would feel refreshed.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I don't like and am not good at sports. If I don't have to do them, that's good because I am everything except fit. I like taking walks, sometimes, when the weather is nice. Indoors I will usually be on my phone or at my computer, consuming media that interests me (usually video games or movies/tv shows). I also like to read, but lately I haven't had the energy to focus on reading. My favorite genres in media are Sci-Fi, fantasy, action and psychological horrothrillers.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I am curious about quite a few things. My special interest is mental illness, specifically personality disorders and dissociative disorders. Not their history etc., but how exactly they affect people living with them, and their many different presentations. I am very curious about things concerning my special interest and hyperfixations (which are currently the video game Phasmophobia and the psychological horror show Generation Loss). What I am also curious about are moral and in general philosophical questions, as well as questions around consciousness (among other things connected to lucid dreaming) and what makes a person themselves.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I am unsure about this one. If everything went according to plan, maybe, but only if I wasn't the one making the plan on my own. I need people to reflect on the plan with, so I don't make fatal mistakes. My leadership style would most likely be a democracy, as I can't see myself enforcing my ideas at the cost of people's suffering. I may be self centered but with this many people's wellbeing at stake, I will not compromise my morals. I usually only compromise my morals around people I don't like.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I have dyspraxia, so not really. Especially bigger movements are hard to coordinate for me, smaller ones are easier. It sometimes feels like the connection between my brain and the rest of my body is severed, because I see others do with ease what I struggle to do.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I would call myself semi-artistic. I don't paint or draw, instead I feel very attuned to music and sound in general. I compose music, usually orchestral pieces. Added to that, I have also been into poetry for a while and I have written quite a few poems of my own. I enjoy all kinds of art, as long as I can give it a meaning (or it already has one that I agree with). Some of my friends write poetry or create digital art, I enjoy seeing these, as well as I enjoy music. The art I like the most is the one that makes me stop and think. The one that has a twisted meaning and can be interpreted in many different ways.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past just kind of happened. Positive experiences are easily forgotten, negative ones tend to stick around. There is no way to change it, and I don't know if I'm actually really dealing with it or if I'm just detaching from it. My memory is also pretty bad so I tend to forget a lot of what happens, therefore there is no time to deal with it and to process it. The present is something I don't feel all too connected to. It is happening around me and obviously I interact with it, but most of the time I feel distanced from it. Maybe 10% of the time I actually feel connected to what I am doing, saying, feeling, etc.. The future is scary. I would prefer to avoid it because things could always get worse than they already are. The future holds challenges that I don't feel equipped for. I take measures to avoid it, if possible, else I distract myself from it so I don't have to think about it. I think it's kinda noticable that I am a very avoidant and detached person.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
It depends on who the other person is and if they pissed me off, or if I'm otherwise occupied. For example I will likely refuse to help my mother or sisters, especially if they pissed me off. However as soon as I am around people I can't be an asshole towards, I will swallow my pride and help to maintain my image of being a good person. There's people I don't want to lose and they can't know how I treat people I wouldn't care about losing (not as in I wouldn't care if they died, but I wouldn't care if they hated me. Obviously I would care about how they treat me when they hate me, but that's a different issue). I will usually help people I like, and I might help old people in public with stuff sometimes but I prefer to let others help, as usually I don't consider myself capable enough to help.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yes, I'd say so. If people do or say things that don't make sense/add up, and expect me to go along with them, it can drive me insane and I will not be able to function properly in such an environment. I try to make sense of everything that happens (to me), I dislike things I can't explain.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
It's somewhat important to me, if the thing that is being done benefits me. If not, I myself might be lazy, inefficient and not productive. It also bothers me when other people do things inefficiently and then complain about the results. I feel better when I'm productive, but I don't like putting in the effort for it.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
Probably. I mean, everyone does to an extend. Action/reaction. People react to things in certain ways and you can use that in order to get what you need/want. Obviously I will not walk around attempting to emotionally manipulate people, but I will most definitely use what I've been given to my best in order to have my needs fulfilled. I recognize patterns in people and use them to my advantage and sometimes for example lead conservations in the direction I want them to go. I also control people in other ways, such as attempts at direct control (but only within my family). I will directly voice what I want or what bothers me and argue with them about it, with the expectation of them giving in. It doesn't really work, but it's an attempt.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
My hobbies include singing, playing video games, watching movies/tv shows, composing music and talking about philosophy or psychology. I like them because, well, I like them. I can't quite explain it better. They make me happy.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
My learning style is hyperfocus, I guess. I learn things the best when I'm fully interested and focused on them. However, if that isn't the case, I usually learn best by memorizing visuals to the point where I can recall them from my brain during exams. This has saved me quite a few exams by now. Memorization, logic, that's how I learn. I am also a visual learner, despite everything I thought in middle school (I used to claim that I wasn't a visual learner just so I didn't have to add pictures to my presentations. Had no success with that). I believe that the learning style I struggle the most with is creativity. If a teacher was to introduce a new topic and told me to creatively present it, I would probably be quite overwhelmed. But it also depends on the topic and the classmates around me. I might also be good at learning with my physical senses. You can only really grasp the essence of something if you have touched it, analyzed its mechanics yourself instead of just reading about it.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I am not all too good at strategizing and used to be someone who would improvise projects as I go, but I am currently trying to learn to properly plan my projects. Especially in my job it is essential to be on top of your tasks.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
Professionally I want to become an accountant, preferably for a well paying company. However, I also have the dream of being a famous musician, basically living on stage and having everyone absolutely admiring me and also feeling inspired by the music I create. Personally I aspire to be someone people look up to and say "dude. They made it. Despite all of their struggles, they made it". I don't want to be a role model, but instead an inspiration for others. I also really want to heal from my trauma and mental illness and experience true happiness. I want to feel fulfilled when I die, like there is nothing I missed out on.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear a lot of things. I fear the unknown because of what it could hold. I fear failure because of how other people would see me. I fear making the wrong decisions because of how my life could worsen with no way to fix it. I fear being alone with no one to watch out for me because I don't think I could take care of myself. I fear other people because of how they could attack me, verbally and physically, for making mistakes, not fitting the norm, etc.. I fear the death of my loved ones because one, I cannot imagine a life without them and two, I am scared that I will move on too quickly and that feels immoral to me. I fear confrontation with anyone except my family because I feel like asking for consideration of my own needs hurts the ones I care about and am confronting, and I fear that they might leave because of it. I am uncomfortable with tons of stuff, from being confronted with my fears down to the am smallest possible issues like kids screaming, or similar stuff. I hate it when people don't see the obvious. Doesn't matter if they are incapable of seeing it or if they are ignoring it on purpose. I also hate it when people (my family) refuse to acknowledge my personal needs but expect me to acknowledge theirs.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I don't know if it counts as a "high" if it lasts an hour at maximum. But those highs usually look like exciting days with friends, or me listening to really good music.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
During my "lows" I will usually have little to no energy, so I might lay in bed all day without eating or drinking much, unable to do something else except mindlessly scrolling on my phone to escape the dread in my mind. They tend to last longer than the "highs" do, but also tend to be ended by one of them.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I mean, I have maladaptive daydreaming. I have been daydreaming 50% of my life since I was a little child. And as I mentioned in the question about the past, present and future: I usually feel very detached or distanced from reality. Most of the time I am semi-aware of my surroundings when I daydream, I may even implement my surroundings. I will usually be able to quickly snap out of a daydream and react to reality, if needed.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I might think about any options I have to try and get out of it. Eventually I would give up and start thinking about my life, the good and the bad things, the people who might be worrying about me and I might feel sorry for making them worry. Part of the time I would use to daydream but eventually I would run out of ideas.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
It takes me a lot of time to make important decisions. Usually I make my choice last minute, as it is very hard to determine your future without knowing 100% of the consequences. I may change my mind very often about a decision, but not always. Sometimes I just go along with them afterwards.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I barely process my emotions. They overcome me, overwhelm me and then leave. I detach from them before I can process them. Emotions are somewhat important in my life, but they often hinder me from what I actually have to do so I don't have the best relation to them. However, I like inducing emotions on purpose by listening to certain music, etc., then I will 100% enjoy them.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Yes, usually around people I like and at work. These are people who I cannot disappoint or they might leave me or harm me otherwise. I do it all the time.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don't break rules often. I used to, as a child, but that was because the rules of my mother were way too strict and didn't allow me to be the child that I was. Most of the time I didn't even break them on purpose, but instead couldn't comprehend them because they didn't make sense to me. Authority should be questioned and challenged if needed. They definitely don't know better. They're only humans, such as you and I. Just because they happen to hold a lot of power over the general population doesn't mean that they know better. Power corrupts, which is why I very much mean towards challenging authority. However I don't do it myself, as it would put me into an unsafe situation.
Okay so there’s a lot of context to this lol, so if you have the time and energy to read this, buckle up!
So scrolling through Instagram the other day, it made me realize how many friends (or maybe acquaintances or people to hang out with) people have even after college. I used to have a big friend group both in hs and college too, but once college ended we mostly all live in different areas and I lucked out and live in the middle of nowhere far from anyone in that friend group. Most of us ended up drifting apart and doing our thing. For hs, it sizzled out longer than after college, but it’s kind of in the same boat now. In the time of living those 2 experiences with those friend groups, it never seemed like it would happen. At least with my hs friend group, since we were so close. But everyone’s off in grad school in diff parts of the country so it’s hard to keep in touch. It’s only rlly a birthday if someone’s celebrating where most of us get to see/catch up/hang out with each other.
I wasn’t particularly super close with anyone specifically in this college group of friends, but we spent most of our college time together being part of the same club org in college and I enjoyed being around them and spending time together. Where some of us wouldn’t hang out with someone one on one, but altogether as a group it was a good time. So maybe more of acquaintances? Party friends? Event friends? Some of the friends in our group also had a major falling out due to some drama (a reason why some big friend groups do not work well lol), so that was a reason we scattered our 4th yeaafter college. Now, I haven’t seen or talked to most of them closer to the time we graduated aside from the occasional chat or comment through social media. I only keep in contact with my little/big/grand of the cultural club I was in and like 3 other friends from that club, for a grand total of 6 people who live in different areas of our state, that I would truly consider friends and would actively try to see/hang out with if we lived closer.
Whenever I go on Instagram, I see people hanging out with new people and large groups and I miss it. Granted, the people posting are mostly new people I met recently through my partner, but I’ve noticed that they know and hang out with SO many different people. For the girls, I’ve noticed a trend where it’s sorority sisters (even if graduated) they’re mostly hanging out with or going on trips. I was in it for a year in college (went to a pretty small college) and it wasn’t for me at the time, but looking back and now it makes me wish I stayed in it if it meant I could connect with people even after college because of that community of just being in one.
I think I just miss the feeling of being in a community and that connection. I spend most of my days alone and then only people I really talk to are my boyfriend (been together for almost 4 years now) and my family. We’re long distance too, whenever I visit I visit for a week or 2 at a time and usually hang with his friends on the weekends when I visit. I love all of them he’s introduced me to, but for some reason in my head they’ll forever be his friends first. I would love to get rid of this mindset so I can truly connect and get closer to them. The girlfriends of course are friendly. But since I’m not around too often, I don’t really get the chance I want to get to know them better, but I try to when I’m there.
On a side note, my boyfriend has a lot of friends (his childhood/hs friend group are still close and his college friend group is closehang out way more than mine) and they hang out often and sometimes he does too. I don’t blame him for it and he doesn’t go out as often anymore, but when he does I do feel lonely because I don’t have my group of friends to hang out with anymore. I am a bit jealous tbh which is why I would love to make my own friends separate from his group of friends/their gfs though.
I’m not a big textephone caller, more of an in person type socializer. But the thing is I’m more of an introvert and know how to put my semi-extrovert mask on in social settings (more group settings, I kinda struggle 1 on 1), but that requires a lot of energy. I get drained after those large group setting interactions and I need to recharge my social battery after for a while. I do love going out and clubbing and that sort of things when I’m with my boyfriend (he lives in a big city and we go to festivals/take trips from time to time with his friends).
In college, I was pretty social but having difficulty now since I’m not around people all the time now. I have a FT remote job and the only time I leave my house if I’m not visiting my boyfriend is to go to the gym or go grocery shopping. Live in my hometown, a pretty small town with not many socializing activities (like music/DJ events, pilates, or other fun classes like painting or pottery like in a bigger city) aside from the bars and do not go to them because I don’t want to see anyone from hs lol. I eventually am planning to move with my boyfriend to a bigger city so hoping I get a better shot at making new friends/connections there where those activities are big. It just worries me that in the future that this is how it’ll be, with a lack of friendships and genuine connection (I know how important it is to have those friendships later on in life and how it affects health too) even with moving so it’s been making me insecure about it and I’d love to change that.
So I’m wondering, how does everyone successfully make AND maintain friendships in the day and age of now after graduating college? Also, when meeting new people, do you have pre-decided topics/things you talk about? Or a list of your things you ask everyone so you don’t have things to run out of talking about?
I’ve always just tried to go with the flow in a convo and if we connect awesome, if we don’t that’s okay too. But it’s more exhausting than picking questions/topics beforehand so I don’t get to that point where I’m struggling to find common ground lol.
If you’d read all the way up to this point, wow, thank you so much in advance! Would love to hear your thoughts and replies.