Can leopard geckos eat blueberries

Astros (36-27) @ Guardians (29-33)

First Pitch: 7:10 PM at Progressive Field

Team	Starter	TV	Radio
Astros	Cristian Javier (7-1, 2.84 ERA)	ATTH	KBME, TUDN/KLAT (ES)
Guardians	Logan Allen (3-2, 2.76 ERA)	BSGL	WMMS, MLB.com (ES)

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Sub Rules Message the Mods 2023 Streaming Information

After suffering from the 100th flare up of my life, I have come to realize that this disease will be with me forever. I will never be like a normal human. Indeed by trying to get rid of it, I seem to be seeking license for more gluttonous eating behavior universal in the modern day US culture.
But with a wearable monitoring device I could manage the symptoms more easily. I need reminders to stop mild overeating, avoid certain trigger food or at least consume them in moderation, reduce stress level and workload, either from day job or exercise, engage in mild regular exercise, and take medication and supplement when necessary. My brain is often misled by the notion that I am like other healthy human beings and therefore do not need the above steps. So I really need an external source of reminder, with accurate delivery when needed.
Any idea if any existing wearable technology can fit in such niche? I have skipped few apple products. Apple Watch was one of them. I wonder if it could help. Also as a software engineer with lots of ambition to do social good, I wonder what industry or specific job/role I can work in to accelerate the development of such technology if still missing or greatly improvable.
Thanks for reading my 2am rambling.

[copied to Warhead, as a message to my own father, in a different facility]
Greetings, Y Chromosome:
Tonight has been a very good night (Pat Robertson d¡ed and Trump was ind¡cted for esp¡onage), and I suppose it's close enough to Father's Day. At least, all my online venues try to remind me. Y'kno, it's funny how moms want a piece of $5K jewelry, but dads really want $15.99 cargo shorts.
Good thing I learned marketing from Robert Cialdini. Excellent writer. Mediocre professor. You did recall that I had a Master's Class with Stanley Kunitz, right? Or, to hear mom's ghost parroting it thru Robbie, "BEFORE he was the Poet Laureate of the US."
Seriously, fuck all of you for that one.
I'm sure I can find FCI Buffer's mailing address, but I need your number, there. My current favorite person needs his, whenever I mail shit. I really adore him, but I have to be able to eat in 50 years.
Yes, I asked Rob directly about pics of your art. Unfortunately, you're old school, and they're actually physical, not digital. This was an insurance thing. I didn't want anything, but he's been such a shit with mom's estate, I need to remain useful. He really screwed up with the online auction, but it wasn't ALL his fault.
Since it appears that you'll live long enough to return to your house and restore it, just leave a digital record of the tchotchkes, as you replace them. I don't care about insurance value, but he can't really sell anything without my art history knowledge. I'd rather not have that difficulty with him, so I'm trying to streamline that nonsense.
One thing you seem neither to realize nor acknowledge is that, once he retires and lets his CFP license and bonding lapse, he can no longer be trusted with a single cent. Moving along...
"I am afraid you make the mistake of new teachers...you presume if you know what you are saying everyone else does as well...not true.
I do not 'blithely' dismiss anything you write. I understand whatever I can and then try to focus on whatever I "most" do not understand without taking it out of context."
LOL, no. You haven't suddenly developed new abilities you've never demonstrated, before. Your kid took an SAT rather early, as part of a John's Hopkins program. You seriously need to shut up forever about that nonsense. This is somehow how Robert thought he was the "good one."
He STILL bitches about picking up dry cleaning at 17.
Literally nothing you have to say for the rest of your life will ever have any authority whatsoever, unless someone gives it to you. I can't imagine who else would, but me, and I do so having personally attended your allocution. I don't resent you, anymore.
I have decided to resume speaking with you because there's absolutely nothing you can do to harm me. I'm not a neophyte teacher. I'm not even sure WHAT I am, anymore, but there's no major mistake, here.
I have absorbed my parents' experience, in whatever form might still be useful. I've already done it with other generations, other ages, other cultures. It usually leads me to respect people more than I used to.
Once I finally stopped worrying where my next meal came from, I had the opportunity to see a lot of things I wasn't allowed to discuss. That's what freedom is, dad.
It's not where you are until October, or deciding that you're gay after thirty years of giving me shit. If Aunt Carrie is honestly that fucking shallow, then she needs to have a separate discussion from your conviction. I wouldn't want her thinking that gay men like kids, but she's never been as smart as you.
Maybe, you don't think I'm right. I don't need to be. I majorly don't care and don't want any attempt at explanation. Just so you're aware, this "first year teacher" knows it isn't delayed or undeveloped heterosexuality, which was Freudian claptrap before I was born.
I am, as a gay man, extremely sorry that your family and life situation never let you develop further, but that'd be giving Freud his undue credit. This is primarily because I presume, with EXTENSIVE insight, that you had plenty of same-age, consensual activity, and you were not out at a random poolhall until the wee hours, every time.
Yes, I know a lot more than you're aware of. It's not a cudgel. It's the only olive branch I can extend. You got sloppy and outsmarted yourself. You're nearly done dealing with it. What will you actually do with yourself, afterward?
All it required to understand the you I never met was taking my own experience and using it as a filter for when you were younger than I was.
So... If there's something you think I'm being too basic about, then I think you should enjoy my decision to deal with you. I really don't think I've missed anything, but I honestly don't know how horrible it must've been for you.
I can see each possibility that happened separately, to you, but it didn't make the shitty part disappear. There is definitely no parity between our experiences, even if I had rude and selfish parents. I know they didn't start out that way. I remember, even though I didn't have the language for a whole six months. How unambitious of me.
It won't help, now. But I'll still be here. There is no longer a reason to leave. — palephx

So, my roommate thinks she is having her hormonal period week and she seems to be feeling low in the self esteem department. What are some things that you think will help her feel more valid and happy?
To help you get context on how to think of complements because I'm a stupid man and don't know how to tell a girl nice things that don't sound weird at times:
She is 6'1 with waist length dark brown hair that turns chestnut in the sunlight. She has the hands of a practiced concert pianist, so long delicate fingers and well manicured nails. No polish. She can’t wear it because of her job. She doesn't wear frilly things, but everytime she does she gets her gender euphoria face and I always want to make her have that face again. She is thin, but in a healthy way because I make sure she's eating a balanced diet because the both of us are ADHD as fuck and forget to eat so we make sure we both eat. Her favorite colors are midnight, scarlet, snowflake, and olive. Her favorite clothing aesthetic is Rousseau from Lost (unless we talk about the frilly from earlier). She loves video games like the new Zelda, Hades, and anything final fantasy.
She's the best roommate I've ever had and lately she has been really down and she's asked me to sleep in her room with her and keep her company for like, 4 days in a row. She really seems to enjoy the cuddles. She acts like she is feeling better, especially since she's touch starved and her E has been making her colder and my T has turned me into a space heater and cuddles are nice, but I worry. I know she's been sad and lonely lately and I have been trying to be there for her as much as I can, but I know she's been feeling more isolated lately because it's close to mother's and fathers day which are sore subjects in our trans household.
I tried asking some of our other roommates what they thought and it's been difficult because 2 out of the 7 of us are enby, 3 are ftm, 1 is mtf, and 1 is cis, so can be hard to get relevant advice. Especially when she's just the most beautiful person I know and I would literally do anything to make her smile genuinely.
So that's why I'm here. Asking for help. On how to tell my roommate she is the most beautiful person I know. Without being weird.
Ps. I'm on several substances so if any of what I said doesn't make any sense I do apologize.

HERE are some pictures and videos taken by me or others over the course of the last year and a half. THIS is me this week at my current size (273 pounds) ahead of seeing my family this weekend.
My local university was conducting a medical study on the affects of different diets on weight gain. I signed up and was chosen and the potential money to be made was very appealing. The first two months of the study involved simply eating at a calorie surplus on a premade diet to see how it affected my body’s weight gain. After taking measurements after these initial two months, if my body’s measurements represented any kind of high percentile outlier, I would be selected to potentially continue for the entire 1.5 year study focused on a particular area of the body. Of all of the participants, my abdominal girth was at the highest percentile ratio of girth compared to weight/height, so they selected me to participate focusing on abdominal weight gain and to see how severe it could be.
They paid me about $3,000 a month and had all of my food paid for as I followed a specific premade diet plan that changed every 2 or 3 months to study the affects these specific diets had. Some were dairy heavy, carb heavy, specific types of meats only, mixing in alcohol consumption, specific supplements, etc. I’m incredibly busy in my life with work right now and having a free premade meal plan plus so much extra cash was too good to pass up. So I decided to continue for the entire 1.5 year study.
Fast forward to now, having finished the entire trial, I am starting to have some serious regrets. I’ve put on nearly 115 pounds since last January and I never expected the results to have me looking like this. Honestly, I think even the researchers themselves were really shocked by my result. My ratio of abdominal girth to height/weight is at the highest percentile of the study, their entire student body, and anyone who has participated in the study before. I gained most all of the weight in my torso, which they are severely attributing to genetics and simply the effectiveness of the tailored diets they had me following.
I obviously look ridiculous now. I haven’t even been able to keep up with buying a new professional wardrobe for work (as you can tell my the pictures and videos linked). I was gaining an average of 7 pounds a month, some months being just 3 pounds and some being an entire 15 pounds in a month. So many things are difficult… I break a sweat going up one flight of stairs, I can hardly put my shoes or socks on, fitting into restaurant booths is nearly impossible, getting in and out of my car or off the couch takes preparation. People stare at me in stores or on the street. I had a homeless guy ask me “Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Are you pregnant, dude?” once. My coworkers are polite but make comments here and there.
I haven’t seen my family since early in the study when the weight gain wasn’t very noticeable. I’m seeing them in this weekend for a reunion, and I cannot even imagine what they are going to say. I didn’t tell them I took part in this because I knew they wouldn’t approve, but now I wish I had because how am I going to prepare them or explain to them why I look like this now and how it happened so fast. They are all very fit and stay in good shape and even my siblings partners are all in good shape. I was always slim before this and they make comments if I ever even fluctuated a little bit in weight before. I’m worried to fit on the plane on the way there and having to travel. I’m so nervous to see them. And honestly would like any genuine opinions of whether or not I’m blowing this out of proportion or if they are genuinely going to be shocked. Maybe I can hide it better if I find the right clothing. What do you recommend I do? Tell them ahead of time? Be honest with how it happened? Just pretend everything is ok? Will they bring it up? Can I hide it somehow?
TLDR: I’ve gained a ton of weight doing a medical study at a local university and my family has no idea I’ve participated nor that I look like this now. I’m seeing them this weekend and also going to a family reunion. How do you recommend I can best handle with the shock of looking like I do now? Should I tell them ahead of time and be honest, even if I think they will judge me for having taken part?

So this week one of our 5 chickens died due to an intestinal obstruction (her name was Nanny btw). As the vet told us, during heat periods in the summer you should not mow your grass and put it the chicken coop because the grass fibres become hard. That can lead to chickens eating it and even though they eat rocks and sand to help them digesting, the fibres can wrap themselfs to become a literal rope which can then start to cause problems, like intestinal obstructions. We didn't know that and immediatly removed all grass from the chicken coop, leaving only earthy ground. The loss of the chicken struck my gf pretty hard, because it also happens to be most cuddly chicken of the bunch. All others are pretty scaredy and only watch us from a save distance. So right now there is only one chicken left that is tame enough to be touched but very limited.
Now I have read online you can tame chickens by basically develope a routine of visual and audio clues for the chickens to their food. Which is a good tool to tame them. I will now launch a campaign of trying to get at least 3 of them to become tame enough, so the chickens feel comfortable around people. Let themselfs be pet and not run away anymore just by a human aproaching.
Do you guys have any tips to incrase efficiency? I'm well aware that this takes patience but maybe some of you have good experiences with getting chickens to become comfortable around people.
Any tips are appreciated!

I got a second cat several weeks ago. My first cat is a neutered male, 9 months old, was raised as a single kitten and basically has never interacted with another cat before. He's huge compared to her and kind of a bully, personality-wise. He's always played rough and didn't know his strength. New one is a female, approximately 1,5 yeats old, who lived on the street with a colony. She's better socialized and knows how to play more gently.
I introduced them gradually and I'm pretty sure he's not threatened by her or afraid or angry. She, on the other hand, looks kinda intimidated by him. When he initiates play, she can't really "fight" back due to size and strength difference, they chase each other around the apt, but he chases her much more often. I'm afraid, he thinks that she's his new toy and doesn't know how to respect her boundaries.
They play-fight relatively harmlessly (I haven't seen blood/flying fur), abd take turns slapping each other, but she started to growl at him when he's getting ready to "attack".
Otherwise, they don't fight at all, they eat together, drink together, can sleep with other in the room, their behavior towards me hasn't changed. She doesn't hide fron him and after he stops chasing her, they just chill or sleep like no big deal.
Is he bullying her? The size difference and growling concerns me, I'm not sure whether I should interfere or separate them.

Illusion Breathing concept:
Illusion breathing focuses on the properties of having the Marechi blood type. To summarise it, Marechi is a somewhat unbearable blood type to demons that when consumed, it can get the demon a bit tipsy but have the effect of eating multiple humans by just eating one. By taking advantage of the Marechis somewhat alcoholic properties, it can be combined \ mixed with wisteria to make a mist which demon hallucinate once caught with in it. While the demon is in this state, the user should have enough time to decapitate it. The more sadistic part of illusion breathing is attempting to figure out the opponents worst fear and manifesting it into the mist, for example: Gyokko [ UM 5 ] hates when people insult his pots or doesn’t appreciate his “Art”. If this hallucinogenic mist traps gyokko with in it, it could create silhouettes of people criticising Gyokkos work [ plus him being in a drunken state, its sure to he distracting! ]
5 Forms:
Intoxicating Mist: the user releases the mixture of their marechi blood and wisteria powder \ mist in bombs and segments in their sword.
Manifest: the user figures out the targets most intense and most psychological damaging fear and manifests it into reality within the mist.
Clone: the user projects clones of themself in the mist to confuse the target. This form is extremely evasive.
Barrage: the user and their clones make several slashes at once. The clones slashes dont to anything, but gives the opponent the sensation that the have been severely injured. This form can also be used to flee from situations.
False Reality: this form requires the most effort and the majority of the users wisteria-marechi powder. The user dashes around the opponent while aiming to hit vital spots of the target while being shrouded in the mist, the user delivers the final blow along with some unnecessary extra slices for good measures.
Sword Colour:
Indigo coloured with a reflective and metallic sheen. It also has some marbly light blue lines near the tsuba.
Mist Colour: Blueish-purple fog

I am Italian and I currently live in Italy, but I have lived and worked in Massachusetts and now I have around 10K USD in my BofA account.
I don't need this money right now. So, I though I would leave it as it is and keep the account open, also because I don't rule out moving back to the US in the future.
However, BofA monthly fees and inflation are (although slowly) eating through these 10K and I am looking for options to balance it out.
I've read the wiki and I would gladly buy treasury bonds, except I can't because I'm not an US resident nor a citizen. BofA savings interest are (as far as I know) around 0.01%, basically useless right?
Is there anything else I can do? Or do I just suck it up?

Illusion Breathing concept:
Illusion breathing focuses on the properties of having the Marechi blood type. To summarise it, Marechi is a somewhat unbearable blood type to demons that when consumed, it can get the demon a bit tipsy but have the effect of eating multiple humans by just eating one. By taking advantage of the Marechis somewhat alcoholic properties, it can be combined \ mixed with wisteria to make a mist which demon hallucinate once caught with in it. While the demon is in this state, the user should have enough time to decapitate it. The more sadistic part of illusion breathing is attempting to figure out the opponents worst fear and manifesting it into the mist, for example: Gyokko [ UM 5 ] hates when people insult his pots or doesn’t appreciate his “Art”. If this hallucinogenic mist traps gyokko with in it, it could create silhouettes of people criticising Gyokkos work [ plus him being in a drunken state, its sure to he distracting! ]
5 Forms:
Intoxicating Mist: the user releases the mixture of their marechi blood and wisteria powder \ mist in bombs and segments in their sword.
Manifest: the user figures out the targets most intense and most psychological damaging fear and manifests it into reality within the mist.
Clone: the user projects clones of themself in the mist to confuse the target. This form is extremely evasive.
Barrage: the user and their clones make several slashes at once. The clones slashes dont to anything, but gives the opponent the sensation that the have been severely injured. This form can also be used to flee from situations.
False Reality: this form requires the most effort and the majority of the users wisteria-marechi powder. The user dashes around the opponent while aiming to hit vital spots of the target while being shrouded in the mist, the user delivers the final blow along with some unnecessary extra slices for good measures.
Sword Colour:
Indigo coloured with a reflective and metallic sheen. It also has some marbly light blue lines near the tsuba.
Mist Colour: Blueish-purple fog

I personally don't understand why people LOVE Mille...like yeah,she was okay at the start,but how she handled BriarLight's injury? Complete ableist and made it harder for everyone while she said BriarLight was better off dead and made BOTH her daughters alienated. Not just one,BOTH. Yes,they were adults,and yes,she loved them and her actions were based on love,but still! You DON'T say you're disabled daughter is better off dead IN FRONT of her. She made BriarLight also feel like she didn't deserve to eat because she couldn't hunt for herself. Was she a bad mother? In the beginning? No. Now? Hell yeah. Her actions should not be justified. She failed as a mother. If BOTH your daughters feel alienated,one feels like she shouldn't eat,yeah,you failed as a mother. Not only that,BriarLight's LAST WORDS "Don't...worry about me, Millie. I shall...run and hunt again...in StarClan." So to me,that proves that she carried a weight on her shoulders,feeling like a burden. I understand Millie was a kittypet,but when she left with GrayStripe,she should've known the risks,dangers,and possible outcomes of entering the wild. No,BlossomFall should not have gone into the tunnels,and I don't justify her,that was just stupid,and to be mad is justified,Millie SHOULD'VE been upset,100%. I DON'T agree with ignoring her head injury and ignoring her mentor. And to people saying "Oh,they were adults" It doesn't matter. My friend's brother is like,in his 30's and he still gets verbally abused and neglected by his parents. Now,I don't think Millie was displaying FAVORITISM per se,more like...pushing her other kits off to the side. I have personal experience with neglect,and I'll tell you first hand,Millie wanted was best for her disabled kit. She was stressed out and worried. Justified,she should be,that's her kit she went through the pain of birthing,a kit she nursed and raised. But also,for her to say "If we were at my two-legs,they would've fixed her" Which is basically saying "If I didn't leave my kittypet life behind,you would be normal" Which made me think she was second guessing joining Thunderclan. She also kept referring to BriarLight as 'My kit' when she was grown. Yes,she's paralyzed,but not helpless. She can still move,stay hydrated,and she only needs help in hunting. I also don't understand her saying "It's time you grow up,BlossomFall!" when clearly,she's babying her other daughter. Now when she said BriarLight was better off dead,I don't think she meant that in a malevolent way,I think she meant she'd rather have BriarLight dead and thriving again in StarClan than live the rest of her life 'suffering' when she was the happiest cat in ThunderClan,even in her last moments. So,Mostly,I take issue with her pushing her daughter aside,saying her daughter was better off dead and making her feel like a burden,second guessing joining the clans,and sort of babying her full grown daughter. I used to love her,but don't blame me for losing respect for her after all this,especially after saying her disabled daughter was better off dead.
I know people are gonna come at me,but I don't care. I like reading rants and opinions anyways,but my mind will not be changed. But don't call me Moral-less in the comments.
​
ALSO GRAYSTRIPE WHERE ARE YOU DURING ALL THIS?!

£300/6
2020 is still available at £246/6
“The 2022 Beau-Séjour Bécot has a bit more Cabernet Franc than most years, which comes through immediately in the wine's aromatic profile. Dark, rich and expressive, the 2022 is seriously impressive. Crushed flowers, herbs, mint, blood orange and red-toned fruit all build into a sumptuous, majestic finish that just explodes on the back end. The 2022 is one of the very finest editions of Beau-Séjour Bécot I can remember tasting. It is a great, great wine. 2032-2052.” (95-97) points, Antonio Galloni, Vinous.com
“The 2022 Giscours was picked between 1 and 29 September, one of the earliest ever, with no SO2 added until blending and using bio-protection (yeasts) to protect the must. It has a delightful and sensual bouquet with lifted, violet and peony-scented blueberry and black cherry fruit. This is very well-defined and perhaps the purest I have encountered from barrel. The palate is medium-bodied with a disarming silky texture, harmonious and focused. It's mineral-driven with a poised and pixelated finish. Certainly, this represents one of the best wines from this Margaux estate in recent years, echoing their golden period of the 60s and early 70s. Tasted twice with consistent notes. 2030-2070” (95-97) points, Neal Martin, Vinous.com
“This is a big move forward for Giscours. Full-bodied yet agile and fresh with tannins that are precise and integrated, with great beauty and length. Well-structured and vivid. Extremely fine yet defined tannins, and then it opens like a butterfly.” (97-98) points, James Suckling, JamesSuckling.com

so we’ve been dating for about three months but as of recently he just hasn’t been making me a priority in his life. i’ve asked him to meet my needs numerous times and decided that being unhappy in this relationship just isn’t what i wanted so i was close to breaking up with him but he wanted to work things out.
now that it’s summer we only see each other once a week but when we’re apart he never texts or calls unless it’s about himself. rarely he will to inquire about what i’m doing. i texted him the other day when i was in a low spot and he didn’t reply because he didn’t know what to say. as someone who values a supportive partner, i’m worried about how we’re going to make this work.
after the beginning he has never really expressed any interest in me or getting to know me. initially, he unintentionally lovebombed me and his interest tapered off. i feel like he’s only really interested when he wants to have sex, and then goes to play his video games. when we go out to eat or etc i find that we usually don’t talk about anything at all and he always goes on his phone. he even went on his phone during the first date. usually he’ll talk about himself. if i have something to say about myself, he’ll usually follow up and make it about himself instead of showing interest or asking me questions.
oftentimes i have to ask him to give me attention and he’ll usually say five minutes or a little bit of time because we already spent time together (sex).
i’m also worried because i feel like i can never find anything to talk to him about and i’m a very chatty person. plus we have had a lot of conflict from the beginning that makes our relationship very stressful.
he said that he would do his best to change for me. yet i’m not sure if this is a good idea. i just think it’s impossible for someone to change that much and still be the same person. it feels to me that he can’t meet my needs, which is understandable.
i’ve been sad today as he only texted me once for something related to himself. we never call and i feel like we would have nothing to talk about. i just don’t know if it’s worth being this unhappy in hopes of his potential change. i won’t see him for a few days, so i guess i’ll continue being unhappy until maybe then.

Platform(s): PC Windows
Genre: First Person, Single Player, Indie, Psychological horror, Atmospheric
Estimated year of release: I played it around the pandemic, so maybe 2020
Graphics/art style: Dark ambient, night time, simple but kinda realistic, would say close to Inside the Backrooms but in a home environment. Maybe similar to the movie Monster House too. Sorry, this is the hardest topic for me to remember precisely.
Notable characters: You play as a child. I don't remember you being able to see yourself. There is also the intruder. You could see him at the door. He was a very average men, like the gmod npcs, but darker and I think he had brown jacket. Could be wrong though.
Notable gameplay mechanics: The game simulate a police case about a intruder. You play as the child and has to do little things like make lasagna, eat, watch tv and walk around. During those things, events will happen. The door bell will ring, a man will go upstairs when you eat the lasagna watching tv, and on your way back to your room you can choose to stay under you bed and wait for the police or go to your parents room and get jumpscared and die? Either way the game will end.
Playtime: Around 30 min - 1 hour.
Other details: Warning: I will spoil everything I remember about the playthrough of the game here. The house was a 2-story house, the first floor being where you had the kitchen and the dining room, and the 2nd floor where you had the parents room and your room, each one on each side.
The playthrough goes like: You are in your room, its night time, I don't remember exactly what you have to do, but after that the door bell rings, you can go downstairs and see a man standing in front of the door, you then ignores that and go make some lasagna, then you have to eat the lasagna while watching tv, during that scene you can see a man going upstairs (you can only see his foot), and then when you finish the lasagna you have to go to your room. When you go back to your room, you hear a window breaking, then you have the choice to hide under your bed and wait for the police or go outside your room to see your parents' door open and a shadow of the man cast on the wall by their bedroom light. If you try to go downstairs, you will get jumpscared by an entity and the game will end. If you stay hidden in your bedroom you will hear police sirens after a while and the game will also end.
i think the game is a part of a series of games about police cases.

It’s the middle of the night and I can’t stop crying. I miss my dad so much, I felt so safe and loved as a child. I’ve been longing for that since he died when I was 9. I know I can’t experience my dad again and no one else will, but I want to pass that love on so badly.
I just want my baby to feel the love, safety, and confidence I once had. I want them to play and laugh without being yelled at, I want them to be able to eat what they want without feeling like a burden, I want to play with them, take them out with me even if it’s just to run errands. I want to prepare warm baths for them. I want them to have healthy rules too, I want them to have bedtimes, help them with homework, make sure they eat healthy. I want to show up for school events for them. I don’t want them to feel alone in a house full of people.
My dad wasn’t perfect but I’ve been longing for these things since I lost him. I want to be able to provide this same comfort to my own kids.
I want my baby to know who his grandpas are even though they are both deceased. I want them to know they were good men who would have loved them to bits.
I’ve wanted to die my whole life, but now I want to live for them so badly that dying scares me for the first time. My biggest fear is my child having to deal with grief while still a child. I’m sorry for venting I don’t know if it’s relevant here and it seems like all I do lately is get overly emotional and cry about everything, I haven’t missed my dad this much in ages though. I want to be half the parent he was for me in the short time I knew him.

HERE are some pictures and videos taken by me or others over the course of the last year and a half. THIS is me this week at my current size (273 pounds) ahead of seeing my family this weekend.
My local university was conducting a medical study on the affects of different diets on weight gain. I signed up and was chosen and the potential money to be made was very appealing. The first two months of the study involved simply eating at a calorie surplus on a premade diet to see how it affected my body’s weight gain. After taking measurements after these initial two months, if my body’s measurements represented any kind of high percentile outlier, I would be selected to potentially continue for the entire 1.5 year study focused on a particular area of the body. Of all of the participants, my abdominal girth was at the highest percentile ratio of girth compared to weight/height, so they selected me to participate focusing on abdominal weight gain and to see how severe it could be.
They paid me about $3,000 a month and had all of my food paid for as I followed a specific premade diet plan that changed every 2 or 3 months to study the affects these specific diets had. Some were dairy heavy, carb heavy, specific types of meats only, mixing in alcohol consumption, specific supplements, etc. I’m incredibly busy in my life with work right now and having a free premade meal plan plus so much extra cash was too good to pass up. So I decided to continue for the entire 1.5 year study.
Fast forward to now, having finished the entire trial, I am starting to have some serious regrets. I’ve put on nearly 115 pounds since last January and I never expected the results to have me looking like this. Honestly, I think even the researchers themselves were really shocked by my result. My ratio of abdominal girth to height/weight is at the highest percentile of the study, their entire student body, and anyone who has participated in the study before. I gained most all of the weight in my torso, which they are severely attributing to genetics and simply the effectiveness of the tailored diets they had me following.
I obviously look ridiculous now. I haven’t even been able to keep up with buying a new professional wardrobe for work (as you can tell my the pictures and videos linked). I was gaining an average of 7 pounds a month, some months being just 3 pounds and some being an entire 15 pounds in a month. So many things are difficult… I break a sweat going up one flight of stairs, I can hardly put my shoes or socks on, fitting into restaurant booths is nearly impossible, getting in and out of my car or off the couch takes preparation. People stare at me in stores or on the street. I had a homeless guy ask me “Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Are you pregnant, dude?” once. My coworkers are polite but make comments here and there.
I haven’t seen my family since early in the study when the weight gain wasn’t very noticeable. I’m seeing them in this weekend for a reunion, and I cannot even imagine what they are going to say. I didn’t tell them I took part in this because I knew they wouldn’t approve, but now I wish I had because how am I going to prepare them or explain to them why I look like this now and how it happened so fast. They are all very fit and stay in good shape and even my siblings partners are all in good shape. I was always slim before this and they make comments if I ever even fluctuated a little bit in weight before. I’m worried to fit on the plane on the way there and having to travel. I’m so nervous to see them. And honestly would like any genuine opinions of whether or not I’m blowing this out of proportion or if they are genuinely going to be shocked. Maybe I can hide it better if I find the right clothing. What do you recommend I do? Tell them ahead of time? Be honest with how it happened? Just pretend everything is ok? Will they bring it up? Can I hide it somehow?
TLDR: I’ve gained a ton of weight doing a medical study at a local university and my family has no idea I’ve participated nor that I look like this now. I’m seeing them this weekend and also going to a family reunion. How do you recommend I can best handle with the shock of looking like I do now? Should I tell them ahead of time and be honest, even if I think they will judge me for having taken part?

Hi guys. New poster here but reader since New Year’s Eve 2022 when I was admitted to hospital for what I knew was CHS. Living in Australia and no one knowing about my weed smoking meant everyone shaking their heads not knowing what my illness could be. I was too scared to tell them, and eventually after four days of fluids and a further three days off work at home after discharge I was ready to return again.
Symptoms lasted a two months leading up to the hospitalisation, including waking up nauseous and vomiting each morning before work (or sticking my fingers down my throat to vomit so the feeling would pass). I put it down to anxiety in a new job but soon realised what was truly happening.
New years Eve I couldn’t stop the vomiting. Went to work and had to leave because I was useless. Struggled to drive home and was shaking intensely feeling so nauseous but only vomiting bile or dry heaving. Couldn’t keep water down and was so hot my partner made the call to take me to the ER. It was horrible.
The days in hospital were mostly spent in the shower while/after I ate or drank, with IV fluids and anti nausea drugs (which we all know don’t do much for CHS). Eventually after a week I was almost back to normal but was incredibly constipated (TMI!)
Anyway, the reason for my post today was because I had stopped smoking after that. Stupid me decided a month ago to see if I could do it again. I could, but this week I’ve had morning sickness again so I knew it had to stop.
My last cone was two nights ago. Last night after not eating much all day I forced myself to have dinner (first night without a cone). Felt fine for a bit but then the nausea hit. Everything came up. I couldn’t stop the nausea again. This morning I woke up and it was HARD. Full symptoms like the hospitalisation day from New Year’s Eve. I can’t keep down anything not even water though I’ve been trying to drink as much as possible to keep me from dehydration. Same dry heaving and wanting to put my fingers down my throat to relieve the symptoms. Hot showers helping but I’ve moving only between my bed and the bathroom right now. I had a nap and felt fine afterwards only to throw up the water I drank immediately.
My question is: is it CHS or withdrawals? Or both? I thought I had stopped smoking in time to avoid this pain. But here we are! Any ideas of how much longer I’ll endure it?
I’ll also add that this is it. I’m done now. Not smoking again. This is not worth it. If you are considering smoking again: DONT! It isn’t worth the missed days of work or the physical pain you will endure. If you’ve managed to stop, STAY STOPPED! I will be!

Throwaway in case they use Reddit. Long post too, but messier the more you read.
I (26 f) been trying to move forward now that my year in a nightmare living situation has come to an end but I'm still so resentful, so maybe this will help. After living with my parents during the pandemic, in 2022 I reached out to an old college roommate and we decided me, her, and her boyfriend would find a place. They didn't seem to care where, and I love the city. I warned them it was more expensive but they didn't protest.
Firstly, I did EVERYTHING to secure us the place. The boyfriend, let's call him Chris (M 27) was in the GM and never even answered once. While skimming listings I once asked my old roommate, let's call her Maggie (F 26), to send me 3 listings, and I'd have 3, for a total of 6 places to set up tours for. They were on the opposite coast so it was agreed I'd do the tours. Two of the three listings she sent were ones I'd already sent her. She clearly just looked up the first results and didn't even bother to look at what I'd found.
So after touring, emailing, giving my future roomies step-by-step instructions how to apply, getting my dad to co-sign, and reviewing/revising the lease a couple times (they tried to tack on extra fees as most building management companies do) I started setting up job interviews in the area for move-in the following month. I never once got a thank you, only ever "update?" texts from Maggie, or the occasional complaint when I wasn't working fast enough for them. It's not like I wanted validation or to even make all the decisions, I literally had to because they contributed nothing. I would have much rather taken some help over gratitude, but got neither. When I expressed stress that I was doing a lot, she told me she promised she and her man were 5x more stressed because they didn't have jobs lined up like me. As if job websites don't have location searches and Zoom interviews don't exist.
So we moved in. My parents fronted their portions of rent and the deposit for three weeks, and I was upset when I pushed Maggie about it and she told me her dad had her money but she had just been "too depressed" to call and ask him to wire it. Her words. They seemed to assume that my parents had money to spare, which they didn't, even for their own kid.
I started my job, and I was really struggling with alcohol. The city didn't help because there were quite literally over 100 liquor stores and bars less than half a mile from our building. They drank a lot too, but that's not my business. We kind of drowned in our misery together for about 6 weeks, during which time I lost my job for drinking and got another, but then started experiencing sleep-deprivation psychosis where I just completely broke down, so I decided to check myself into rehab for 30 days.
Two weeks prior that, Maggie came home with a puppy in her purse. A guy sold it to her for $50 at her job and she kept it in the break room till she was off. She'd told me several times before that she liked to go to work buzzed, so I assume that played a part.
I already had a cat who wasn't dog-friendly that I paid an extra deposit to be in the apartment, and they both agreed to have him there (they knew him from the college house). So even wasted, I told her absolutely not about this dog. She didn't ask me or Chris before bringing it home, and the two of them were constantly complaining to me about money and how we split the place evenly even though they shared a much larger room, and rent was still really reasonable for the area we were in ($900 each). Not to mention they didn't even read the lease, so they really had no grounds to complain they'd signed documents agreeing to pay an amount they claimed not to be able to afford. A dog on top of that, I pointed out, made no sense. The city is dirty, it would need shots to stay alive and we lived on a high floor with no balcony or patio for it to relieve itself. Pets also cost money.
Maggie agreed the dog was a bad idea and swore up and down she'd return it because she had the owner's number. A few days before I decided to go to rehab they went out all day and left the puppy locked in their tiny bathroom where it howled the entire time on my only day off, and I freaked out on them but they just gaslit me because I was drunk. I felt terrible leaving it in there, but I didn't ask to take on another animal. Ultimately, they were supportive of my choice to get help and even asked me to please come back instead of subletting and told me how much they'd miss me.
Well, while I was gone, things changed. A week before I came back, I texted Chris and Maggie to let them know the date of my return, and that I'd be bringing a sober companion because the first 72 hours out of rehab are notoriously difficult. Maggie texted back (never Chris, like I said) that they needed me to stay with my parents a few cities over for a while instead, because they weren't comfortable with me or a sober friend coming back so soon. Mind you, I paid rent the month I was gone. So I informed her that wasn't going to happen, and I'd be home the date I said above. She replied "sorry, that's just how we feel." As if they got the final say.
I came back when I said I would, brought my sober companion like I said I would, and Maggie lost her mind. My sober buddy and I watched a movie in my room, minding our business, but she heard a second voice and started texting me about how uncool it was to bring a stranger back. I told her she was welcome to meet them, but she refused.
I did't see either of their faces for two weeks after getting home. Chris was still unemployed and stayed home all day, but locked himself in their room 24/7. The first time I saw him, he'd thought I was Maggie locked out (they lost one of their key sets upon move-in and didn't want to purchase a second set, so this happened a lot) and once he realized it was me he practically ran back to their room. I said "hi" and he just said "I though you were Maggie" and slammed the door.
I don't know if they were resentful toward me for getting sober - maybe it was making them face their own problems - but one reason they hid from me was without question the dog. They avoided discussing it at all while I was in rehab, but I could hear it barking the moment I came home. The house reeked of dog urine. They'd taken my pee pads I sometimes put on the furniture when I think my cat might act up, and just pretended it wasn't there. Never paid me back for those either.
It was pretty soon after this Maggie came home with two men. She'd met them at her job, they told her she'd be good for their company, so she quit on the spot and invited them over to drink to celebrate. She actually opened my bedroom door without realizing I was home to "show them my movie poster" on my wall and explained the situation to me. So much for feeling unsafe having strangers in the house. I cringe to think about how it would've went if I wasn't home. It's worth noting that when she sent in her app to those guys' company, their boss didn't like her resume, so she was unemployed for the next 8 months.
Not long after rehab I began dating my current partner, let's call him Stan (M 28). He was great company because we met in recovery, and it can be lonely to be sober when all your friends partake.
Stan was over a lot, and pretty soon into the relationship we got eager to move in together. I asked Maggie about it (asking Maggie was like asking both of them, Chris never wanted to interact with me after I got sober) and she had nothing but good things to say, because that meant rent would be split four ways now. Stan and I didn't protest an even split, even though my room was barely enough space for one person and we learned pretty quickly how to climb around each other to function day-to-day.
I didn't have a sense of boundaries or standards before sobriety, but Stan encouraged me to strengthen that sense of self I'd previously forfeited to be drunk 24/7 and it made me start to realize some things about the household dynamic. Stan cooked for us a lot, and even before he moved in he was always cleaning Maggie and Chris's dishes along with his. He pointed out that they'd leave things, sloshy with sink water and food bits, for weeks in the sink. He also bought some nice things to cook with like expensive olive oil, and soda water for himself, which Maggie would either take and not say anything, or text me after already taking it promising to pay us back. Never once saw a penny. It upset me even moreso that she was so sneaky about taking it first, so we couldn't say no.
There was even a time when Stan and I went out of town for a wedding, and when we came back Maggie handed us a clean towel of ours. She explained they were out of towels while we were gone, so they went into our bathroom and took one of ours off the rack....I didn't say so until I blew up months later, but that was actually a towel used for clean up....that kind of clean up. Karma worked quick on that one, who goes into someone's private bathroom and takes their towel off the rack to use on themselves?!
I mentioned the common area was hardly used, but the exception was when Maggie and Chris's friends or family visited. It happened probably four or five times in the year we were there. Each time Maggie would give me about a day's warning before the guests would show up. Once, when her dad flew in, she informed me about his week-long stay as he was in his Uber headed to our place from the airport. Even worse, he was meant to take their bed, and they were going to sleep on an air mattress in the living room with the dog that barked at anything that moved. Stan gets up super early for work, and Chris got all grumpy that it woke him up as Stan left because the dog flipped out. Like sorry, should he have used our 15 story window to leave?
Funny enough, after the first night in their room Maggie's dad insisted he take the living room. It was pretty obvious to me he couldn't stand the smell in their room. They continued to use pee pads instead of taking the dog to the street to "go," and it often missed onto the carpet of their room. The smell wafted into the kitchen every time they opened their door, I can't imagine what being in there with the door shut all night would do to a person's nostrils.
It all came to a boiling point about 6 months in. Stan wasn't doing well with the constant stress of cleaning up after others and resentment that came with it. We decided the best course of action was for him to move out, which was confirmed by Maggie confronting us on a Tuesday afternoon, drunk as a skunk, about how the fridge smelled because our leftovers went bad. We went through the entire fridge, and threw out over half of their items that were months expired. They complained about money nonstop but wouldn't get jobs and switched to Doordashing every single day. There was molding cheese, and the kicker: deli meat 2 months past its expiration date, not only with several colors of mold but MAGGOTS. Now we understood why there were dead gnats in the fridge. They were born in there.
When we informed them of Stan's move-out, Maggie said that was fine with her as long as her and Chris's rent remained $650. They actually expected me to pay half the rent for a smaller room, where the kitchen was festering from their mess and the stuff I bought was taken by them with no reimbursement. That, or get a fourth stranger to share my room with me, which barely fit my full-size bed. Furious, I told them I'd be moving out as well, and subletting. They told me I needed to find two people, so I pulled *that* move and said since my dad was the co-signer and unwilling to vouch his credit for a lease his daughter wasn't a part of, we'd dissolve the lease entirely.
This somewhat scared them into moving, and they alleged a move-out date that came and went. Stan and I crossed our fingers they'd leave, we could take the bigger room, and sublet out our old one. We had no problem with rent split three ways, as that was the lease agreement anyway.
In the meantime, the one request I had out of rehab they'd agreed to went out the window. I was never going to ask them not to drink in their own place, but I simply asked that they keep it to their room and out of sight from Stan and me. They stayed in there most of the time anyway, and had a mini fridge. I'm pretty sure she drank every day in there, which again wasn't my business but it became obvious when she did stuff like leave the electric stovetop on for hours.
She had friends over again, and they not only filled up the living room with luggage and mattresses with just a few hours heads up to me, but drank out there while I was in my room. The house smelled like booze (and dog urine, always dog urine...) and they even had some full cans in the fridge when they went out. I texted her angrily, because the box of White Claws was shoved in so that my own food was squashed in the back of the fridge, and she blew me off like I had no right to ruin her night. I spent till sunrise on AA zoom meetings, shaking with anger. The texts must have made her angry too, because she brought back additional strangers to drink some more in the living room till dawn.
There were tons of incidents like this throughout the year, and even worse Maggie took it upon herself to try to mediate arguments in my relationship. She'd overhear and come out drunk to try to step in. She once confronted me about "not seeming sober" when I had over 4 months. I told her she had no place to comment even if I had relapsed, and she told me to "make sure I'm going to meetings." I so very much wanted to snap back that she should find some of her own.
This went on a whole year. Stan left, but when he did so and came back to visit the first time, Maggie cornered him and demanded he pay rent for that month. He was already moved into another place, and paying rent there. She yelled at him that she and Chris don't have money, Stan just told her that's not his responsibility to foot the bill for their laziness. Even so, he compromised and still paid utilities till our lease ended.
Up till the last couple days, they still disrespected me and my space. They'd let their dog eat my cat's food almost daily, sometimes more. They'd watch it urinate on the floor, and maybe if I was standing right there to see it, they'd wipe it down with a pee pad, no disinfectant. Once I did it myself and left the rag and cleaner on the floor by the puddle to make a point. The next day I found the rag on the sink; she confirmed she took it off the floor to wipe down our kitchen counters. Even if she didn't know what it was used for, who uses a dirty rag on the floor to wipe where they put food?
I let them know a few days before move-out that I would be cleaning certain common areas -- half, when it realistically should have been a third -- and that the rest was their responsibility. I also told them the couch was theirs to take down. We didn't have one for a long time, but when Stan was living with us Maggie found one freshly put on the street and texted us. Stan and I met her down there to carry it up, and she just watched us do it and made comments about "getting in our workout for the day." She didn't even help propping open doors.
On move-out, I had work in the afternoon in the next city over. I'd already packed all my stuff into boxes, they had one sitting in the living room. Not my business as long as they were out on time. They were up and moving on the last day, scrambling to pack, when I informed them my parents were coming to transport my stuff and help with my part of the cleaning since I had to be at my new job on time. They immediately holed up in their room, and stayed there for FIVE HOURS, not wanting to interact with my parents. They were the ones we paid rent to, and of course they'd heard my grievances, but they were always friendly and reasonable to Maggie and Chris as long as they sent rent on time. I have no idea what time they ended up leaving, since they stayed deadly silent too, according to my mom who stayed to clean after I went to work.
A week later, we got our bill from the building. Our whole deposit was eaten up, and an additional $460 was owed for the building to hire cleaners. My mom helped me, and we did more than our share, but clearly my roommates still didn't pull their weight.
I think they moved back with Chris's parents, I don't really care. If they did, I feel sorry for everyone involved in that situation. They have no decency or consideration, and mooch as much as they can for as little effort as possible. And on top of all that, still complain. As for me, I miraculously stayed sober, and Stan and I live together in the city where we both work.
I guess I can count on time to show them how awful they were, because we're getting older and not many people will put up with that moving forward. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone, and don't intend to ever live with roommates ever again because of what they put me through. Stan, my cat, maybe a dog we acquire responsibly in the future, and some kids someday. That'll be acceptable.

Sa school may subject na Good Manners and Right Conduct (GMRC) but they didn't teach us what a healthy relationship should be like
Instead, as we grow up, natututo na lang tayo pagkatapos mabugbog ang puso at isipan natin. Yung iba pati katawan nabugbog na
If you suspect that you - or someone you know - could be in an abusive relationship, I highly recommend reading Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft
This book focuses on the psychology of abusive men and how to leave them safely, but women can be abusive too
One thing that abusers have in common is LACK OF RESPECT towards their partner, lalo na when the partner tries to establish their boundary
Excerpt:
YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him.
No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone.
When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can.
Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are.
Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.