Chapter 1: the passing
It was around 4 a.m. I've been awake for a bit over 24 hours, in total depression. I had just lost one of my best friends in a car accident, and I was to blame. My friend and I were drifting in the desert during the night, until suddenly a camel came in my way, and I crashed into it. I woke up around 24 hours ago with a mild concussion, many bruises all over my body, and a few broken bones. However, my friend wasn't so lucky. When the camel shattered my windshield, a big chunk of glass went through his chest, resulting in near instant death. I was in a coma for almost a week after the crash, and when I awoke, my hospital room was completely empty, with not even a single flower in sight.I attempted to get up, but was physically unable to do so. The room was the most dull and traumatizing place a person could be in. The way that the room felt so artificial, from the recliner they put in front of me to the taste of the water, felt unreal. There weren't any windows either, so I had to just stay in the artificial light that barely lit up the room. The bed itself felt too hard in some places and too soft in others.So it was just a room full of discomfort. I just laid there on my bed for a few minutes until a doctor came into the room and started to greet me. He started taking tests, checking my pulse, and doing all the doctorly things a doctor would do. However, the time for him to tell me the bad news had come. "Good morning, Abdulsalam, My name is Mansour Al Zamil, and I have been your doctor for the past six days while you were in a coma." The doctor had said I had stopped breathing, and I could feel my throat start to close up. Tears started to blur my vision. "I'm sorry to be the one to inform you of this, but your friend Sami passed away during the car crash. His parents wanted..." I couldn't hear anymore. The tears stopped coming, and my vision was being blurred by something other than the tears that had been pouring out of my eye sockets, to the point where you could hear the tears start dripping on the floor. Even though i had been laying down, i could feel my knees start to buckle, and suddenly the room temperature went up by around 30 degrees, to the point where I started to sweat. Suddenly my doctor jumped from fear, but I didn’t understand why, I looked to the left and saw the door open up, and the outline of a person since my vision was still blurred. “You fucking psychopath!” Shouted the person in a womanly voice “ you’re the reason that my cousin is dead! Why would you be doing something so dangerous like that and risking his life!” I had lost my voice. It was as if I was in a dream, where I couldn’t speak or move. I was just able to stare. Stare at the person who was shouting and crying. Stare at the person who had lost a beloved one. Stare at the person who fell onto the floor crying. Stare at the result of my actions. And stare at the result of my mistake. I started to gain my vision back, and I could see one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. Even though this wasn’t the time or the place, I couldn’t help but stare in awe. As soon as I saw her face I regained the feelings in my leg, regained my sight, and i regained my voice. The I only thing I could utter was- “I’m sorry” “I wish you could have died instead!” She said before running out of the room I didn’t know what to tell her. I had done a horrible act. I was the reason that Adam had died, and the reason for her depression and her current state. I didn’t deserve to talk, I didn’t deserve to think, I didn’t even deserve to live. Ever since I got the news of Adam’s death, I wished I could’ve died instead of him, and obviously every one I knew agreed with me since no one had came to visit me in the six days that I was at the hospital.

So, Body Focused Repetitive Behaviour.. I have few; - Nails, biting them of -sub-point: the skin around the nail, bite it off too - Scratching my scalp - Skinpicking; lips, face, ear lobes, (scalp, as mentioned), ears/neck - Nose, picking my nose. It's icky, I know, but I can't stop. If I could I would.
It is the worst at night, or when driving, but also when watching tv, or on the computer doing boring stuff (most of the stuff). The most bothersome is nose picking and nail biting. I'm AuDHD, getting medication for the adhd, and it helps a bit, but.. not enough? Like kg doesn't fully go away. I take melatonin to fall asleep at night now, so it's mainly for driving and pc stuff I need to stuff. I feel I can't use a fidget toy, because I am using my hand to drive or on the mouse it just keeps going to face regardless. I considered to wear a mask again, but that will fog up my glasses, and is very uncomfortable.
Any advice please?
I'm seeing a ear, nose, throat doctor on tuesday and I'd like to not be called out for nose picking again, but I don't see how I can manage to stop 🫠🥲😭

Here's how I solved the problem with seasonal pollen allergy:

1. 3-5 soup spoons of black cumin throughout the day (preferably after meals).
2. 3-5 soup spoons of honey throughout the day (preferably homemade).
3. 3-5 soup spoons of apple cider vinegar throughout the day (preferably homemade).
4. 3-5 tee spoons of cinnamon throughout the day.
5. 3-5 lemonade, squeeze the whole limn, throughout the day.
6. 3-5 glasses of yogurt, throughout the day.

My allergy decreased by 95-100% in 2 days and I threw out the pills to see if the alternative really worked. I was in the woods today and I didn't sneeze once and my eyes didn't itch. It is important to be persistent, determined and have patience. It may take you more than 2 days to kick in, but I think if you throw out the pills, it will work sooner.
The doctor told me that the allergy could not be cured, that it could only be kept under control with pills, luckily she was wrong ;)
An important note I noticed!
If I don't get a good night's sleep, that day I'll be plagued by allergies regardless of what I take. Immunity won't work well.
Good luck to all, if it helped me, it has to help you too.

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Beirut HD/MA $3.5
Ben-Hur (2016) HD/VU or IT $3.5
BFG HD/MA $3.5
Big Eyes HD/VU $3.5
Big Hero 6 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Big Lebowski 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Big Little Lies Season 1 HD/GP $2.5
Big Short HD/VU or IT $3.5
Birth of a Nation HD/MA $3.5
Black Panther 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Black Widow HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Blackhat HD/IT $3.5
Blair Witch (2016) HD/IT $2.5
Blair Witch Project (1999) HD/VU $4
Blockers HD/MA $3.5
Bloodshot HD/MA $4
Boardwalk Empire Season 1 HD/VU or IT $4
Bombshell 4K/VU $5
Book Club 4K/IT $3
Book Club HD/VU $2.5
Book of Life HD/MA $3.5
Born a Champion 4K/VU $5
Boss Baby 2-Film Set HD/MA $6
Boss Baby HD/MA $2.5
Bourne Identity HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Bourne Legacy HD/VU $2
Bourne Supremacy HD/VU $3.5
Bourne Ultimatum 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Boy 2 HD/IT $3.5
Boy Erased HD/MA $4
Boy HD/IT $3.5
Boyhood HD/VU or IT $2.5
Braveheart HD/VU $3.5
Braven HD/VU $4
Breakfast Club HD/IT $4
Breakthrough HD/MA $3
Burnt HD/VU $3.5
Butler HD/VU $3
Bye Bye Man (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Cabin in Woods 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $2.5
Call of Wild 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Captain America Civil War HD/GP $2.5
Captain America First Avenger HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Captain America Winter Soldier HD/GP $3.5
Captain Marvel HD/GP $2
Captain Phillips HD/MA $3.5
Carol HD/VU $4
Cars 3 HD/GP $2.5
Case for Christ HD/IT $2.5
Chaos Walking 4K/VU $5
Chicago (Diamond Edition) HD/VU $4
Children (2008) HD/VU $4
Christopher Robin HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Cloverfield 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Coco HD/GP $2.5
Cold Pursuit 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Collection HD/VU $3.5
Columbiana (Unrated) HD/MA $4
Come & Find Me HD/VU $4
Commuter 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Company of Heroes HD/MA $4
Contraband HD/IT $3
Cooties HD/VU $4
Cornetto Trilogy (Shaun of Dead, Hot Fuzz, World's End) 4K/MA $15
Counselor HD/MA $4
Courier 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Crank 4K/VU $5.5
Crawl HD/VU $3
Crimson Peak HD/IT $3.5
Croods HD/VU $3.5
Cruella HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
D Train 4K/IT $4
Daddy's Home 2 HD/IT $3
Daddy's Home HD/VU $3
Dark Tower HD/MA $3.5
Darkest Hour (2017) 4K/MA $5.5
Darkest Minds HD/MA $4
Darkness HD/IT $3
Dawn of Planet of Apes HD/MA $3.5
Daybreakers 4K/VU $5.5
Deadpool 2 (w/Super Duper Cut) HD/MA $4
Deadpool HD/MA $2.5
Dear White People HD/VU $3.5
Deepwater Horizon 4K/IT $3
Dementia 13 (Director's Cut) HD/VU $4
Despicable Me 2 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Despicable Me 3 4K/MA or IT $5
Despicable Me 4K/IT $5
Detroit HD/MA $3.5
Devil's Due HD/MA $3.5
Dilemma HD/VU $3.5
Dirty Dancing 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Disney Animated Short Films Collection HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Divergent Allegiant HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Divergent HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT $2
Divergent Insurgent HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Django Unchained HD/VU $3
Do Right Thing 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Doctor Strange HD/GP $2.5
Dom Hemingway HD/MA $3.5
Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot HD/VU $4
Doom (Unrated) 4K/MA $5.5
Doorman HD/VU $3.5
Doors 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Dora & Lost City of Gold HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Downton Abbey Movie HD/MA $3.5
Dracula Untold HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Draft Day HD/VU $3.5
Dragged Across Concrete HD/VU $3.5
Dreamkatcher HD/VU $4
Dredd 4K/VU or IT $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Duel (2016) HD/VU $3.5
Dumbo (2019) HD/GP $3
Dune 4K/MA $5.5
Dying of Light HD/VU $2.5
E.T. Extra Terrestrial 4K/VU or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Edge of Seventeen HD/VU or IT $3
Edge of Tomorrow 4K/MA $5
Edward Scissorhands HD/MA $3.5
El Chicano HD/MA $4
Emoji Movie HD/MA $3
Encanto 4K/MA $4 or 4K/GP $3.5
Ender's Game HD/VU $2.5
Enemy at Gates HD/VU $4
Enough Said HD/MA $3.5
Epic HD/MA $3
Escape Plan HD/VU $2
Eternals HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Everest 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Ex Machina HD/VU $3
Exodus Gods & Kings HD/MA $3.5
Expendables 2 HD/VU or IT $1
Expendables 3 (Thea) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Extreme Prejudice (1987) HD/VU $4
Fast & Furious (2009) HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Fast & Furious 6 (Ext) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Fast & Furious 6-film Collection HD/VU $12.5
Fast & Furious 7-film Collection HD/VU $14
Fast & Furious 8-film Collection (9 Films) HD/MA $17.5
Fast & Furious 9-film Collection (11 Films) HD/MA $20
Fast & Furious HD/VU $3.5
Fast Color 4K/VU $5.5
Fast Five (Ext) HD/IT $2.5
Fatale (2020) 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Fate of Furious (Ext) HD/VU $2
Fate of Furious (Thea) HD/VU or IT $1.5
Fault in Our Stars HD/MA $3.5
Fences HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Ferdinand HD/MA $3.5
Fifty Shades Darker (Unrated) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Fifty Shades Freed HD/MA $4
Fifty Shades of Grey (Unrated) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Fighting with my Family HD/IT $4
Finding Dory HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Finding Nemo HD/GP $3.5
Finest Hours HD/GP $3
First Blood 4K/VU $5
First Man HD/MA $4
Flight HD/VU or IT $3
Florence Foster Jenkins HD/VU or IT $3
Footloose (2011) HD/IT $3
Forever My Girl HD/IT $3
Fortress HD/VU $4
Four Kids & It HD/VU $3.5
Fox & Hound 2 HD/MA $4
Frank & Lola HD/VU or IT $3
Frankenstein (1931) HD/VU $3.5
Free Guy HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
French Dispatch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Friday 13th Pt 3 HD/VU $3.5
Frozen (Sing-Along Edition) HD/MA $2 or HD/GP $1.5
Frozen 2 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Frozen Ground (2013) HD/VU $3.5
Frozen HD/GP $2
Furious 7 (Ext) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Fury HD/MA $3.5
G.I. Joe Retaliation HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Gambit (2012) HD/MA $4
Gambler HD/VU or IT $3
Gemini Man 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Gentlemen 4K/IT $4.5
Get Out HD/MA $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Ghost in Shell (2017) 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Ghost Team One HD/VU or IT $3.5
Ghostbusters (1984) HD/MA $3.5
Ghostbusters 2 HD/MA $3.5
Ghostbusters Afterlife HD/MA $4
Girl on Train HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Girl With All Gifts HD/VU $4
Girls Trip HD/VU or IT $2
Glass Castle 4K/VU $5.5
God's Not Dead 2 HD/MA or IT $2.5
God's Not Dead A Light in Darkness HD/MA $3
Gods of Egypt HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Gold (2016) HD/VU or IT $2.5
Gone Girl HD/MA $4
Good Dinosaur HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Good Kill HD/VU or IT $3.5
Grace Unplugged HD/VU $2
Greatest Showman HD/MA $3.5
Green Mile 4K/MA $5.5
Grey HD/VU or IT $3
Guardians of Galaxy Vol 1 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Guardians of Galaxy Vol 2 HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Guest House (2020) 4K/VU $5
Guilt Trip HD/IT $3
Gunman HD/MA $3
Hacksaw Ridge HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Hail, Caesar! HD/IT $3
Halloween (2018) HD/MA $3
Hammer of Gods HD/VU $2
Hands of Stone HD/VU $3.5
Hannibal Season 1 HD/VU $5
Hard Target 2 HD/IT $1.5
Hardcore Henry HD/VU or IT $3.5
Hate U Give HD/MA $4
Hateful Eight HD/VU $3.5
Heat HD/MA $3
Hell Fest 4K/VU $5
Hell or High Water HD/VU $2.5
Hellboy (2019) 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Hercules (1997) HD/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $4
Hercules (2014) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Here Comes Boom HD/MA $3.5
Hidden Figures HD/MA $3
Hillsong Let Hope Rise HD/IT $2
Hitman (Uncut) & Hitman 47 Bundle HD/MA $7
Hitman's Bodyguard HD/VU $3.5
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Hocus Pocus HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Home Again HD/MA $3
Home Alone 2 HD/MA $3.5
Home Alone HD/MA $3.5
Homesman HD/VU $3
Honey 2 HD/VU $3
Hop HD/MA or IT $3
Hope Springs HD/MA $2.5
Hostiles 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Hot Fuzz HD/VU $4
Hotel Mumbai HD/MA $4
Hotel Transylvania HD/MA $3.5
Hours (2013) HD/VU $4
How Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) 4K/IT $4
How to Train Your Dragon 2 HD/MA $2.5
How to Train Your Dragon HD/VU $3.5
How to Train Your Dragon Trilogy HD/MA $9
Hugo HD/VU or IT $3
Hunger Games 4-Film Collection HD/VU $8
Hunger Games Catching Fire HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT $2
Hunger Games HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT $2
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Hunter Killer 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Huntsman Winter's War (Ext) HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
I Can Only Imagine HD/VU $4
I Feel Pretty HD/IT $2
I Frankenstein HD/VU or IT $2.5
Ice Age Collision Course HD/MA $3
Incredibles 2 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Incredibles HD/GP $3.5
Independence Day Resurgence HD/MA $2.5
Indiana Jones & Temple of Doom 4K/VU $5.5
Indignation HD/VU $4
Initiation 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Inside Out HD/GP $2
Instant Family 4K/IT $3.5
Interstellar HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Into Woods HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Invisible Man (1933) HD/MA $3.5
Invisible Man (2020) 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Iron Man HD/GP $3.5 or HD/GP $2
Iron Mask (2019) HD/VU $4.5
It Follows HD/VU $3.5
It's a Wonderful Life 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Jack Reacher HD/VU $3
Jack Reacher Never Go Back HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Jacob's Ladder HD/VU $4
Jarhead 3 Siege (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Jason Bourne HD/VU $2.5
Jason Statham 4-Film (War, Crank 1 & 2, Transporter 3) HD/VU $10
Jaws 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Jeff Who Lives at Home HD/VU $4
Jersey Boys HD/MA $2.5
Jesus Music HD/VU $3.5
Jigsaw 4K/VU $4.5
Joe HD/VU $3.5
John Wick 1 & 2 Bundle HD/VU $4
John Wick 3 Parabellum 4K/VU $4.5
John Wick Chapter 2 HD/VU $3.5
John Wick HD/VU $2
John Wick Trilogy (Parabellum 4K) HD/VU $9
Jonah Hex HD/MA $4.5
Joy HD/MA $3
Judy 4K/VU $5
Jungle Book (2016) 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Jungle Cruise HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Jurassic Park 3 HD/VU $3.5
Jurassic Park 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Jurassic World 5-Film Collection HD/MA $14
Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Jurassic World HD/VU $2.5
Justice (2017) HD/VU or IT $3
Kevin Hart Let Me Explain HD/VU or IT $3
Kick-Ass 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Kid Who Would Be King 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Kidnap HD/VU or IT $2.5
Killer Elite HD/IT $3
Killerman HD/VU $4
Kin (2018) 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
King Kong (2005) 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Kingsman Golden Circle 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Kingsman Secret Service 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Knick Season 1 HD/IT $3.5
Knick Season 2 HD/IT $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Kung Fu Panda 3 HD/MA $3
La La Land 4K/IT $3.5
Labor Day HD/VU or IT $3
Lady & Tramp HD/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $4
Lady Macbeth HD/VU $4.5
Last Christmas HD/MA $4
Last Exorcism HD/VU $4
Last Knights HD/VU $3.5
Last Man (2019) HD/VU $4
Last Stand HD/IT $2
Last Vegas HD/MA $3.5
Last Witch Hunter HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Leatherface HD/VU $4
Legend of Hercules 4K/IT $3
Leprechaun 7-Film Collection HD/VU $12
Les Miserables (2012) HD/VU or IT $2
Let Me Explain HD/IT $2.5
Let's be Cops HD/MA $3.5
Life (2017) HD/MA $3.5
Life of Crime HD/VU $3.5
Life of Pi 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA or IT $3.5
Light of My Life HD/IT $3.5
Like a Boss HD/VU $3.5
Lilo & Stitch 2 Stitch Has a Glitch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Lilo & Stitch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Lincoln Lawyer 4K/VU $6.5 or HD/VU $4
Lion King (1994) HD/GP $3
Lion King (2019) 4K/MA $4 or HD/GP $2
Logan HD/MA $3
Logan Lucky 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Lone Ranger HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Lone Survivor HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Long Shot HD/VU $3.5
Longest Ride HD/MA $3
Longest Week HD/VU $3.5
Looper HD/MA $3.5
Lorax (1972) HD/MA $5
Lorax HD/VU $3
Lords of Salem HD/VU $4
Lost World Jurassic Park HD/MA $3
Love & Monsters HD/VU $4
Love Coopers HD/VU or IT $4
Love, Simon HD/MA $3.5
Loving HD/VU or IT $3.5
Luca HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Lucy HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Mad Max 2 Road Warrior 4K/VU $5.5
Madagascar 3 Europe's Most Wanted HD/VU or IT $3
Magnificent Seven (2016) HD/VU $3
Maleficent 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Maleficent Mistress of Evil HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Mama HD/IT $3
Man Who Shot Liberty Vance 4K/VU $5.5
Mandela Long Walk to Freedom HD/VU $4
Martian HD/MA $3.5
Mary Poppins (1964) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Mary Poppins Returns HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Matrix Resurrections 4K/MA $5.5
Max Steel HD/IT $3
Maze Runner Death Cure HD/MA $3.5
Maze Runner HD/MA $3.5
McKenna Shoots for Stars HD/IT $2
Mechanic Resurrection HD/VU $2.5
Megan Leavey HD/IT $3
Midnight Sun HD/MA $3.5
Midway 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Mile 22 HD/IT $3
Million Dollar Arm HD/GP $2.5
MindGamers HD/MA or IT $3.5
Minions 4K/MA or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Misconduct HD/VU $2.5
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children HD/MA $3
Missing Link HD/MA $4
Mission Impossible 3 4K/VU $4.5
Mission Impossible 4 Ghost Protocol HD/VU $2
Mission Impossible 5 Rogue Nation HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Mission Impossible 6 Fallout 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Mission Impossible 6-film Set 4K/VU $23 or HD/VU $17
Moana HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Moneyball HD/MA $3
Monkey Kingdom HD/MA $3
Monster High Electrified HD/VU or IT $2.5
Monsters University HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Monuments Men HD/MA $3.5
Mortal Engines 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Mortal HD/VU $4
Mortal Instruments City of Bones HD/MA $3
Mother! HD/VU $2.5
Mother's Day HD/IT $2.5
Much Ado About Nothing (2013) HD/VU $4
Mud HD/VU $2.5
Mulan (2020) 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Mummy (1999) HD/VU $4
Mummy (2017) 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Muppets Most Wanted HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Murder on Orient Express HD/MA $3.5
My All American HD/MA or IT $3.5
My Fair Lady 4K/VU $5.5
Nebraska HD/VU $3
Nerve HD/IT $3.5
New Mutants HD/GP $3
News of World 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Night at Museum Secret of Tomb HD/MA $3
Nightmare Alley 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/GP $3.5
Nightmare Before Christmas HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
No Escape (2015) HD/VU $3
No Strings Attached HD/VU or IT $3.5
No Time to Die 4K/IT $4.5
Noah HD/VU or IT $2.5
Nobody's Fool HD/IT $2.5
Non-Stop HD/VU or IT $3
Norm of North HD/VU $2.5
Nostalgia (2018) HD/MA $3.5
Now You See Me 2 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Now You See Me HD/VU or IT $2.5
Nutcracker & Four Realms HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Oblivion 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Occupation (2018) HD/VU $3.5
Occupation Rainfall HD/VU $4
Office Christmas Party HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Olaf's Frozen Adventure HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Ong Bak 2 HD/VU $3
Onward 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Other Woman HD/MA $3
Ouija HD/IT $3.5
Ouija Origin of Evil HD/VU or IT $3.5
Outlander Season 1 Vol 1 HD/VU $5.5
Overdrive HD/IT $2.5
Overlord 4K/IT $3.5
Oz Great & Powerful HD/GP $2.5
Paddington HD/VU $3.5
Pain & Gain HD/VU or IT $3.5
Paranormal Activity 3 (Ext) HD/VU or IT $3
Paranormal Activity 4 (Unrated) HD/VU or IT $2.5
Paranormal Activity HD/VU $4
Paranormal Activity Marked Ones HD/VU or IT $3.5
Passengers HD/MA $3
Patriot Games 4K/VU $5
Patriot's Day HD/VU $3
Peanuts Movie HD/MA $3
Penguins of Madagascar HD/MA $3.5
Pet Sematary (2019) 4K/IT $3.5
Peter Pan (1953) HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Peter Rabbit HD/MA $3.5
Pete's Dragon (2016) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Philomena HD/VU $2.5
Pinocchio (1940) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Pirates of Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Pitch Black (Unrated) HD/MA or IT $4
Pitch Perfect 2 4K/MA $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Pitch Perfect HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Pixar Short Films Collection Vol. 3 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Planes Fire & Rescue HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Planes HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Playing with Fire HD/IT $2.5
Pocahontas 2 Journey to a New World HD/GP $3.5
Pocahontas HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Point Break (2015) 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Poison Rose 4K/VU $4.5
Pompeii HD/MA $3.5
Possession HD/VU or IT $2.5
Power Rangers (2017) 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Precious HD/VU $4.5
Predator (2018) HD/MA $3
Predator 4-Film Collection HD/MA $11
Premium Rush HD/MA $3.5
Pride & Prejudice & Zombies HD/MA $3.5
Primal HD/VU $3.5
Prodigy HD/VU $4
Project Almanac HD/IT $3.5
Protege HD/VU $4
Punisher 4K/VU $5.5
Punisher War Zone 4K/VU $5.5
Purge Anarchy HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Purge Election Year 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Purge HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Quarry 4K/VU $5
Queen & Slim HD/MA $4
Queen of Katwe HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Ralph Breaks Internet HD/GP $2
Rambo (2008) 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo 3 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo 5-Film Collection 4K/VU $23 or HD/VU $17
Rambo First Blood Pt 2 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo Last Blood 4K/VU $4.5
Rango HD/VU $3.5
Raya & Last Dragon HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Rear Window HD/MA $3.5
Reclaim HD/VU $3.5
RED 2 HD/VU $2
Red Dawn (2012) HD/VU or IT $3
Red Sparrow HD/MA $3.5
Replicant (2001) HD/VU $3.5
Replicas HD/VU $3.5
Requiem for a Dream (Director's Cut) 4K/VU $5.5
Resident Evil Retribution 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Resurrection of Gavin Stone HD/VU or IT $2.5
Revenant HD/MA $3.5
Riddick (Unrated) HD/VU or IT $3
Ride Along HD/VU or IT $2.5
Ride Like a Girl HD/VU $4
Ring HD/VU $4.5
Rings HD/VU or IT $2.5
Rio 2 HD/MA $3
Riot HD/VU or IT $3
RIPD HD/IT $2.5
Risen HD/MA $3
Robin Hood (1973) HD/MA $3.5
Robin Hood (2018) HD/VU $3
Robocop (2014) HD/VU $2.5
Rocketman (2019) 4K/IT $4
Rogue One A Star Wars Story HD/GP $2
Ron's Gone Wrong HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Rough Night 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Runner Runner HD/MA $3.5
Rush HD/VU or IT $3
Safe HD/VU or IT $2.5
Saige Paints Sky HD/IT $3
Same Kind of Different As Me HD/IT or IT $3
Samson HD/MA $3.5
Santa Clause 2 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Santa Clause 3 HD/MA $3
Santa Clause HD/MA $3.5
Santa Clause Trilogy HD/MA $9.5 or HD/GP $8
Saving Mr. Banks HD/GP $3
Saw 7-Film Collection (Unrated) HD/VU $18
Saw 8-Film Collection HD/VU $20
Saw HD/VU $3
Scarface HD/VU $4
Scary Movie 5 HD/VU $4.5
Scary Stories to Tell in Dark 4K/VU $4.5
Schindler's List 4K/MA $5.5
Scouts Guide to Zombie Apocalypse HD/IT $3
Scream (1996) HD/VU $4
Scrooged HD/IT $4
Secret Life of Pets 4K/IT $4.5
Secret Life of Walter Mitty HD/MA $3
Selma HD/VU or IT $2.5
Sex Tape HD/MA $3.5
Shack HD/IT $2.5
Shallows HD/MA $3.5
Shang-Chi Legend of Ten Rings HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Shape of Water HD/MA $3.5
Sharp Objects HD/GP $2
Shaun of Dead HD/MA $4 or 4K/IT $4.5
Shaun Sheep Movie HD/VU $3
Sherlock Gnomes HD/VU or IT $2.5
She's Having a Baby HD/VU $3.5
Shivers HD/VU $4
Show Dogs HD/MA $3.5
Siberia (2018) HD/VU $3
Siberia (2020) HD/VU $4
Sicario HD/VU $2.5
Side Effects HD/IT $3.5
Sing (2016) 4K/IT $4
Singing in Rain 4K/MA $5.5
Sinister HD/IT $2.5
Sisters (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Sixteen Candles HD/MA $4
Skyfall HD/VU $2.5
Skyscraper HD/MA $3.5
Sleeping Beauty (1959) HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Sleepless HD/IT $2
Smokey & Bandit HD/MA $3.5
Smurfs Lost Village HD/MA $3.5
Snatched HD/MA $2
Snitch HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Snow White & Huntsman (Ext Edition) 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Snow White & Seven Dwarfs (1937) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Solo A Star Wars Story HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Some Kind of Wonderful HD/VU $3.5
Songbird 4K/IT $4.5
Sonic Hedgehog 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Soul HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Southpaw HD/VU $3
Southside With You HD/VU $4.5
Spider-Man 4-Cut Set (Spider-Man 2 w/ Thea & Ext) HD/MA $11.5
Spider-Man Far From Home HD/MA $3.5
Spider-Man Homecoming HD/MA $3
Spider-Man Homecoming/Far From Home Bundle HD/MA $6
Spies in Disguise 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Spiral (2021) 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Split 4K/MA or IT $5
Split HD/MA $3.5
Spongebob Sponge out of Water HD/IT $2.5
Spy Who Dumped Me 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
St. Vincent HD/VU $3
Stand Up Guys HD/VU $3.5
Star Trek (2009) HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Star Trek 1-4 (Motion Picture, Wrath of Khan, Search for Spock, Voyage Home) 4K/VU $18
Star Trek Beyond HD/VU $3
Star Trek Into Darkness HD/VU $2.5
Star Wars Force Awakens HD/GP $1.5
Star Wars Last Jedi 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Star Wars Rise of Skywalker 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Step Up Revolution HD/IT $3
Sting 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Straight Outta Compton (Thea & Unrated) 4K/MA $4.5
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated) HD/MA $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Strangers Prey at Night HD/MA $3
Suburbicon HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Sudden Death HD/IT $4
Suits Season 2 HD/IT $3.5
Sum of All Fears 4K/VU $5.5
Sundown Vampire in Retreat HD/VU $3.5
Super 8 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Super Buddies HD/GP $2
Sword in Stone HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Taxi Driver HD/MA $4
Ted (Unrated) HD/IT $3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) HD/VU $2.5
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of Shadows HD/VU $3.5
Terminator 2 Judgment Day (Ext) HD/VU $4.5
Terminator 2 Judgment Day HD/VU $3.5
Terminator Dark Fate 4K/VU or IT $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Terminator Genisys HD/VU $2.5
Thanks for Sharing HD/VU $4
This is 40 HD/MA $3.5
This is End HD/MA $3.5
Thor Dark World HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Thor HD/GP $3.5
Thor Ragnarok HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri HD/MA $3.5
To Kill a Mockingbird 4K/IT $4
Top Gun (1986) 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Total Recall (1990) HD/VU $3.5
Toy Story 4 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Toy Story HD/GP $3.5
Toy Story of Terror HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Transformers 4K/VU $5
Transformers Age of Extinction HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Transformers Last Knight HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Tremors A Cold Day In Hell HD/MA $2.5
Triple 9 HD/IT $3.5
Trolls HD/MA $2.5
Trumbo HD/IT $3.5
Trust HD/VU $4
Turbo HD/MA or IT $3
Turning HD/MA $4
Twilight Breaking Dawn 2 HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT
Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt 1 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Twilight HD/VU $4
Tyler Perry's Temptation HD/GP $3
Unbreakable HD/GP $3.5
Unbroken HD/VU or IT $3
Uncle Drew HD/VU $3.5
Underworld Awakening HD/MA $3
Untouchables 4K/VU $5
Valerian & City of a Thousand Planets HD/VU $3.5
Vampire Academy HD/VU $4
Van Helsing HD/MA $3.5
Vanishing (2018) HD/VU $4
Veep Season 6 HD/IT $3.5
Venom HD/MA $3.5
Victoria & Abdul HD/MA $4
Vivarium HD/VU $4
Voices (2014) HD/VU $4
Walk HD/MA $3.5
War for Planet of Apes HD/MA $3
Warcraft HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Warm Bodies 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Warrior 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Werewolf Beast Among Us (Unrated) HD/IT $3.5
West Side Story 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
What Men Want HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
When Game Stands Tall HD/MA $3
Whisky Tango Foxtrot HD/IT $3
Why Him? HD/MA $3
Widows HD/MA $3.5
Wild Card HD/VU $3
Wild HD/MA $3.5
Wilson HD/MA $3.5
Winchester HD/VU $3.5
Wolf of Wall Street HD/VU or IT $3.5
Wolverine (Unrated) (w/Thea) HD/MA $4
Wonder HD/VU $3
Wonder Park 4K/IT $2.5
Wonder Woman 1984 4K/MA $5.5
Woodlawn HD/MA or IT $3.5
World War Z HD/VU or IT $2.5
Wraith HD/VU $4
X-Men Apocalypse HD/MA $3
X-Men Days of Future Past HD/MA $3
X-Men First Class & Days of Future Past HD/MA $6.5
XXX Return of Xander Cage HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
You Were Never Really Here HD/VU $4
You're Next HD/VU $3.5
Z for Zachariah HD/VU $4
Zero Dark Thirty HD/MA $3.5
Zeros & Ones HD/VU $4.5
Zootopia HD/GP $2.5

At this point I think I have have food impaction because it all started after I ate my dinner last Thursday which made me believe I didn't chew my food properly and swallowed large amounts of food. The following Tuesday, the nurse practitioner suggested that it could be acid reflux or inflammation of the throat and prescribed me with PPI (which I am yet to take, out of fear). I'm quite concerned and I hate that I keep on researching into this symptom which makes me believe I have throat cancer and I'm gonna ***. I told my relative who is a nurse about this and she told me it's acid reflux because she gets it as well and she takes gaviscon and drinks cold milk, but I took gaviscon and had a glass of cold milk and it didn't help. Everyday I have this lump sensation in my throat, as if something is STUCK! Even when I'm not fixated on it and I'm watching TV, I can still feel it. I don't know what else todo. I'm going to hope that I can secure a doctors appointment for this week because it's absolutely driving me CRAZY!!!

I am in my mid-20s I have had bad headaches for awhile and I went to the eye doctor and they said I have astigmatism. I was given a mild prescription for glasses, I was not told I needed to wear them all the time. I wore them, no headaches, but now whenever I take them off, my eyes immediately get sore and I almost immediately get headaches. So now I am basically having to wear them all the time. Is this... normal?

I am in my mid-20s I have had bad headaches for awhile and I went to the eye doctor and they said I have astigmatism. I was given a mild prescription for glasses, I was not told I needed to wear them all the time. I wore them, no headaches, but now whenever I take them off, my eyes immediately get sore and I almost immediately get headaches. So now I am basically having to wear them all the time. Is this... normal?

Hey y'all,
I joined the subreddit a week or two back when I went through my break-up. At first, I was a mess, but I've slowly started to heal and, in matter of fact, see people again (I'm still trying to work with this part). I've read A LOT of posts on here and BreakUp and it's been helping a lot to know that other people have been going through something very similar - pain, anguish, the thought of losing a piece of yourself, and just overall sadness. Hell, for the first few days, I couldn't stop crying. Family, friends, and coworkers tried to make me feel better, and it did, but I just found solace to know that I wasn't the only one and that there are others that can understand and relate to me.
However... The situation surrounding my break up is vastly different from what I've been reading. Now, fair warning, there is a trigger warning considering sexual assault/ rape here, so please, if you can't go on, stop reading now.
​
I wanted to share my story for a few reasons:

1. Just have it out there and off of my chest.
2. Just really have it available to others who are going through a VERY difficult relationship or breakup.

With that being said, let me go into detail about what happened. Of course, there could be bias here, but... Yeah, you're getting one side, sadly. Same thing I said to my therapist, haha.

Background

About two weeks ago, I was in the BEST relationship that I've ever had for 8 months. It was a loving, caring, and just beautiful relationship as I'm sure most of you guys can relate. Really just a genuine relationship, truly. We talked about have kids, getting married, and just building our lives together. When we started dating back in September of 2022, I wasn't initially attracted to her at all, but something about her just struck me as "just give her a chance". Later, I did fall in love with her kindness, empathy, and just her emotional intelligence. Because of that, I just fell in love with her and things were great.
When we started talking about getting exclusive, we sat down and had an intentional conversation about what I wanted and aspired for and what she wanted and aspired for. She was in a bad place, but I promised her that I would be there for her and give her all the support and encouragement that she needed. Slowly, but surely, we got her to go to therapy, start going to the gym (she's self-conscious a bit about her weight), and just eating right. Then, this year, I started to get her to just make sure she's taken care of by getting her to go to her doctor's appointments, dentist, getting her glasses prescription updated, and finally taking that step to talking to a psychiatrist. I refuse to take credit for any of this - she decided to really work on herself and change - I just encouraged and helped her along the way. We were also trying to find her a better job since her current jobs sucks and really just made her depressed. We worked on her resume, trying to get her into different places, and just working and grinding away to get her to a better place.
We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together because she didn't have enough PTO to be able to see her family and it was a great time. Those 8 months, I become something else - something more. I started caring about myself less and started to make her happiness priority. Don't get me wrong, I didn't lose my sense of self, but she just made me more... Caring and loving? Basically, she made me warm up a lot and just care a lot more. That was the first time I ever experienced something like that.
Hopefully this doesn't sound like a pre-fluff piece or trying to justify my mistake. I want to showcase what kind of relationship this was BEFORE the incident happened. Basically, we were in a very loving and supportive relationship. Sure, we had problems at times, but we always calmly talked them out (no yelling, screaming, or bad intentions) and found a resolution. That being said... That all changed on May 18th.

Incident

On the day of, I told her that I was sick and she said that I should come over so that she can take care of me. I drove down to her place after work and we did our usual routine. Cuddle, hug, talk, and then eat. For some odd reason, I thought that if I got high, then I would feel less like shit and feel a bit better. My ex knew about this, so she was okay with it. Finally, when we got to the bedroom, things got a bit frisky and we started having sex.
LAST TRIGGER WARNING
Basically, I was high and sick and we decided to have sex. In the middle of it, she wanted me to stop, but I told her that it felt really good and I wanted to keep going.
Now, quick note, I've had trouble climaxing in the past. This was due to me being on SSRIs (Lexapro) and not knowing about the side effects. This came up in conversations with my ex several times (in a positive, constructive "how can we fix this" way) and she said that if I was close, I could keep going since it was so rare for me to climax. Just adding some background.
By her movements and the after-cuddling, I thought everything was okay. She pulled up her legs and really just... Made me think she was into it. Looked at me, moans, etc. Afterwards, we talked like we normally would and... Like, things looked and felt normal.
The next morning, she thought that I didn't listen to her saying "no" and that I violated her body, her trust, just... Everything. I thought she was perfectly okay, based on her actions, but she just went into flight-or-flight mode and just wanted it to be over.
She had thought that I had sexually assaulted her - that I raped her.
To say I was devastated was putting it lightly. I had way too many things going on in my mind.

Aftermath

When we were talking on that Friday (day after the incident), she said that she thought that she thought that I just used her and treated her like a fuckdoll. We talked it out about how she felt and how I misinterpreted the situation. I asked her if she wanted to break-up and she said that she really didn't want to. I asked her if this is something we can fix and she just replied with "I don't know". She asked for me to leave and then, before I left, we hugged and then we both started crying with me telling her that "this will be okay and we'll figure this out, like we always have".
I don't want to go too into detail since this is already a really long post, but Saturday came along. I called her since we wanted to talk. That's where she said she wanted to break-up. You can probably guess at how I reacted to that - just by crying and being stunned. She was crying a lot as well and... It was a lot. There's a lot of context that's missing here, but I told her that it's fine and that she's doing what she thinks is best. I hung up the phone and... I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened from there.
After getting some advice and support from family and friends, I texted her that we should meet up the next day to talk about things. She made it clear that she wasn't going to change her mind, which I was okay with - I just wanted to clear the air.
We talked A LOT about what happened that Thursday night. What I thought, what I felt. What she thought and she felt. It was a very emotional conversation. I asked her that if she ever thought that I would purposely would harm her and she said no, but after the events on Thursday, she could no longer trust me, feel safe with me, just... Everything was lost. I asked her if that, all the things that we did for the past 8 months, all the love, support, and care was just meaningless and that this one event would define the relationship and she just cried.
Now, before I continue, I recognize my fault in this. I've accepted it and really worked with it with friends, family, and my therapist.
I asked her why didn't she just say "no" again or push me off. I understand that the first time should be the last time, but I was so confused and I thought she was being slightly playful about it. But... After I asked her why didn't she stop me, she just broke down saying that she didn't love herself, didn't care what happened to her, didn't care about her body, and just... All this really hurtful stuff. I asked her if I didn't love her enough, raise her up enough, support her enough to fill those gaps, even a little bit.
Another quick note, one month before we did go out, she did get SA'd by the person she was seeing. They were barely seeing each other for a month, not even official.
I just thought that I did more, you know? Like... Did the 8 months not even matter? Was I on the same level as that guy?
She wrote a letter before we talked that I read. She does that to really organize her thoughts and make sure her point is understood. The words that she used... "Violated", "loss of trust", "loss of safety"...
After reading that, the amount of guilt and hate that I harbored for myself just went out of control. We ended the meeting and then I was left with my own devices.
I talked with a lot of people. Friends, family, coworkers, my therapist. They all said the same thing: Yes, I did have a part in this that was wrong, but the main issue was the lack of communication. I also learned that, because of her sexual assault trauma from previous experiences, that she just... Froze. That there was another response to "flight-or-fight". That's why it seemed like she was okay with the entire thing on that Thursday. My therapist said that I must've triggered her trauma. She also said that there was no way I could have known and that this was just fucking unfortunate.
To be honest, almost everyone said that, but it didn't make me feel a whole lot better.
A lot of people asked if she talked about her previous SA experiences in therapy... Which, I know she didn't, so she hasn't been able to process them yet. She has a lot of issues stemming from her family and I think that she's just working on that for now. So... Yeah, she just thought I was one of them, I guess.
That being said, I didn't give up, at least indirectly. One of my cousins started to be there for her from my request since she just has A LOT going on right now. I wanted to make sure that she was okay and kept on moving forward. I also did a lot of journaling that I printed out and asked my cousin to give to her when they met up.
Long story short, she's doing just fine and is keeping up her wonderful progress, but she cut off contact after meeting my cousin that one time.
She texted me after that saying that she still loves me so much, but she can't forgive what's been done.
It stings, but I didn't reply. I genuinely want the best for her and, if she ever needs it, support her. But I really did everything I could have to fix things. Now, everyone recognizes it's on her to realize what happened, process it, talk through it in therapy, and really understand the difference between what happened with me and what happened with the others. Trust me, I really did try all that I can.
If she did see/ understand what happened and tried to come back into my life as a lover or a friend, would I accept? Of course. I love her deeply. But, for now... I'm just working on myself and trying to forget about her. If she wants to reach back out, she can - I made that abundantly clear in my journal entries that my cousin gave her for me.
Yes, a part of me still hopes, but I'm mostly recovered. I just hope she's doing okay.
But yeah, I just... You can provide thoughts if you want. I have really talked this through with everyone I can, even risking my job. Everyone concluded that we both had fault in this, but I did try everything. Just... The situation is really fucked up.
Anyways, thank y'all for allowing me to post/ vent here. There is A LOT of context/ information missing, but I think this should suffice.
Thanks and more power to healing,
BenGoWiki
EDIT 1: If you guys have any questions, I can try to answer them in the comments below.

For context, I’ve seen film adaptations of Hearts in Atlantis, Needful Things, Misery, The Shining, IT, Pet Sematary, The Dark Tower, and no doubt some others which I’m forgetting (maybe Carrie, The Mist?).
For the most part, I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve seen, and I’d like to finally take the plunge and get into reading King’s books. I have heard great things about The Dark Tower series, and that it apparently ties into a bunch of his other works, but I can’t make up my mind about where to start.
Should I just read a bunch of “standalone” books (including the ones which The Dark Tower will reference), and then eventually read The Dark Tower series as a whole? In which case, what should be my first Stephen King book? I’ve seen people mention Salem’s Lot, or Carrie, or The Shining?
Or, should I just go read everything in publication order starting with Carrie, and keep the Dark Tower books where they are, interspersed amidst his other works? The only potential problem I see with that is that I might burn out, or that having so much time between the various Dark Tower books might end up confusing me or causing me to forget various plot connections(?). Or should I just read the related books interspersed with the Dark Tower books?
Here are a couple possible reading orders I’ve seen for the “extended” Dark Tower series, that I’m debating between:
Option #1:

1. The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger
2. The Dark Tower II: The Drawing of the Three
3. The Stand
4. The Eyes of the Dragon
5. Charlie the Choo-Choo
6. The Dark Tower III: The Waste Lands
7. IT
8. The Talisman
9. Black House
10. The Dark Tower IV: Wizard and Glass
11. Salem’s Lot
12. Insomnia
13. Everything’s Eventual
14. Hearts in Atlantis
15. Desperation
16. The Regulators
17. The Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla
18. The Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah
19. The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower
20. The Dark Tower: The Wind Through the Keyhole

Option #2:

1. Hearts in Atlantis
2. Salem’s Lot
3. Everything’s Eventual
4. Insomnia
5. Desperation
6. The Regulators
7. The Talisman
8. The Black House
9. The Eyes of the Dragon
10. The Stand
11. Doctor Sleep
12. IT
13. The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger
14. The Dark Tower II: The Drawing of the Three
15. The Dark Tower III: The Waste Lands
16. The Dark Tower IV: Wizard and Glass
17. The Dark Tower: The Wind Through the Keyhole
18. The Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla
19. The Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah
20. The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower

(I’m guessing Charlie the Choo-Choo could also be read here before The Waste Lands, as in option #1? And I’m guessing The Shining could/should be read before Doctor Sleep?)
Off the top of my head, I like how option #1 both begins and ends with The Dark Tower, bookending it as a series. On the other hand, I like how option #2 starts with a short story collection, and how it keeps the Dark Tower series together as a unit, after the other reference materials have already all been read. I have seen a few shorter lists that leave out some of the aforementioned books; I guess the question is how completionist one should be when it comes to this.
Another option would be for me to start out with a totally unrelated book, before jumping into one of these reading lists? I’ve heard Carrie or The Shining would make a good first read? Or maybe Different Seasons? I also think The Institute looks interesting, as does 11/22/63. Heck, a lot of them look interesting!
Anyways, just trying to figure out where to begin. I welcome any other order ideas or first-book suggestions you may have. Thanks!

Using an old account that’s not my main for this.
I found out about it after going to the urgent care because I thought I had oddly extreme irritation from a bad tampon insertion (idk it made sense in my head at the time) and wanted it checked out. When I looked at the skin the day before there weren’t blisters. By the time my appointment came around there were blisters but I didn’t see until I was on the doctors table. I’m shocked and devastated.
My fiancé is sticking it out with me. He has no signs of it yet. He probably hasn’t been infected. He’s been so sweet and supportive and kind and I just feel so horrible.
I’m just… I cant stop crying. It hurts so bad. And I know I’ll be ok and I’m super fortunate to have caught it early in the outbreak and it should get better after the first one but I can’t stop feeling so ashamed and sad.
I know where I got it from. He and I are very open with sexuality and go (used to go now) to swingelifestyle parties and got too caught up in a moment and now 2 weeks later I feel like I have little shards of glass in between my legs.
I feel horrible that my fiancé could get this, I feel like I’m trapping him or something. I am terrified of letting anyone know if the time comes to tell people. I’m afraid to get up to pee because it hurts so much. There’s just a lot going through my head.
I know ultimately I’ll be ok and that once this outbreak is over I’ll feel so much better but I’m just full of initial shock emotions. If you read all this thank you.
tl;dr I found out I have herpes and am pretty much just sad but it’ll be ok

New Eye Surgery Holds Promise for Correcting Nearsightedness
The SMILE eye procedure is similar to LASIK in being less invasive, says one doctor.

SMILE procedure.Carl Zeiss Meditec, Inc., 2016 / Carl Zeiss Meditec, Inc., 2016
June 1, 2017, 3:17 AM +0430 / Updated June 1, 2017, 3:17 AM +0430
By Parminder Deo and Jacqueline Paulis, M.D.
Cleveland resident Tina Noel struggled with glasses and contacts for most of her life. The 44-year-old has been living a blurry and cloudy life as her aging eyes have progressively become drier due to an autoimmune condition.
“I’m very limited to what I can wear anymore,” says Noel. “I can't wear my contacts anymore because my eyes are just progressively getting drier. I feel my eyes get so tired, I can be driving and my eyes just want to shut when I'm wearing my glasses.”

Lasik Alternative Approved by the FDA
The Food and Drug Administration in September approved a new laser eye procedure known as Small Incision Lenticule Extraction, or SMILE. Noel's doctor recommended giving it a try.
The procedure employs a laser, similar to the one used in LASIK, to remove a small piece of the cornea to reshape the eye. Many people with corneal changes that excluded them from LASIK could now be eligible for this new surgical option.
Noel's ophthalmologist, Dr. Ronald Krueger of the Cleveland Clinic, said the SMILE procedure is all about being minimally invasive.
“I often say that SMILE is like a laparoscopic LASIK because it’s making a smaller incision,” Krueger told NBC News.
The new laser procedure is designed to treat nearsightedness in patients aged 22 and older. The price tag is roughly $5,000 and is not covered by insurance.
Dr. Ilyse Haberman, assistant professor in the Department of Ophthalmology at NYU Langone Medical Center, says that, outside of the U.S., SMILE can correct astigmatism and is being further developed to fix farsightedness. But for patients in the U.S., only very specific candidates can get the SMILE procedur

It’s also a song https://on.soundcloud.com/Su1N3UhWfKmjdKjy5
I have seasonal depression And the doctor says I have a psychotic condition. In my brain But I’m alright But due to that at 5 pm it’s not so bright Snowy on the pines Or cold not just by the trees And I don’t know exactly what happened to the singing. I don’t know what happened to the bees But In the kind Of nighttime That For a while I didn’t like Not the buds not the acorns Nothing is damn ripe The snow is graceful to a child I only would shovel and slip-in. Till I rediscovered nature and my own religion They both came with each other together Now I look forward more to the inclement weather It may be a reason that I write To get rid of the pain, and not to mention the pen is might It happens to be the season for the plight I’m easing without light Recently Ive laid With bugs And soon I may be depressed as fuck Caught searching for a little luck The bitter winter is never just It will be long till spring comes and then I will be laughing In the sun And basking Hoping I have 100 more winters till I’m done! How in the end we always change our reactions! In the picnics and having fun
I collect books, novels, short stories, poetry and prose I collect seeds, art, sports cards, music and more My obsession with collection One day they may find me but long after I perish Some kid will see my writings and cherish My legacy For if I’m like Emily Dickinson Or I just enjoy my pen I may be making it up That I’ll be famous and stuff But if I do they’ll have a treasure But no one ever loved me so why would I even have the pleasure Of my legacy lasting I better hustle my rapping Right now in this life Mystical and beautiful it’s just never so like The same But when you’re insane It’s the rain That’s the reason they should commemorate my pain Teach me in literary classes Many years from now Some might wear glasses To find fine details so that many find the Tao The way their life Right now just doesn’t feel so right Is it that they just don’t go with it? I’m not saying that I’m so noble and not limited It’s the way of the world And I’m no exemption The way is not sure I am just going to mention That I have seasonal depression Due to that at 5 pm it’s not so bright Snowy on the pines Or by the trees And I don’t know exactly what happens to the bees But In the kind Of nighttime That I don’t like Not the buds or even acorns Nothing is ripe The snow is graceful to a child I only would shovel and slip in Till I rediscovered nature and also my own religion And they both came together Now I look forward to the inclement weather But is it nothing but a way that I rhyme? And that may be the reason that I write To get rid of my pain, and not to mention the pen is might It’s not the season for the plight But I’m easing without light
Here’s it as a song: https://on.soundcloud.com/Su1N3UhWfKmjdKjy5

Things were exactly how they were described when Anina and her team landed on Zeroria. They had taken two days to prepare for this journey. They spent the first-day watching videos of the first settlers, the Reformers, and how they thought it was survivable for months. After that, they had all the details of how things went back then: Each day, the people of Eligius 2.0 documented their experience on the planet and sent the video to an Alpha station until one day — three months after they first landed — the people began to die. According to the last videos, the possible cause was the air.
Anina took a deep breath before she unstrapped herself from the seat. The other shuttle had landed four hours ago, and the team was waiting for them. Now that the second shuttle, Elegius 098, had landed, the Team A members were coming down off their shuttle and waving at them.
Their shuttle was called Eligius 098, and the other one was called Eligius 099. There were ten of them on each of the ships.
It was designed to survive an alien attack and move fast when chased. It was designed for exploration, too. It had a medical bay, a kitchen, a conference room, the flying patch where everyone would get strapped for flying, and bedrooms that could fit about a hundred people if they used bunk beds but fewer if a person had a room to themselves.
Anina smiled as she watched Candace get out of their shuttle. She was the medical practitioner on Team A, and Dr. Muhammad represented Team B. They had their simple instructions. They need to explore the planet, locate the ship used by the first humans, extract the resources they had with them, and return to Adventurer within seventy-two hours.
“Listen, up,” Parker said. He was standing already and holding a map on a piece of leather in his hand. “Our team is going to find the location of the Eligius 2.0, and we will return with everything we can find. I need the doctor and everyone else to come with me.”
Anina nodded to his instructions. Anina was the only one left to step out of her seat. Piloting the ship wasn’t a joke, after all. Her legs were still jerking. This was her first time landing a ship. Though she had Jerry as her partner, the experience was still wild.
“Anina,” Parker called. “You remain here, and we will go get the items.”
Anina frowned. She had come here to babysit the ship. “No, I’m coming,” she said.
Parker turned to face her fully. “We have two engineers on this ship. We can’t afford to let the two of you out there. It’s too risky.”
Anina glanced at Jerry and felt sad. First, it was because she was a woman. It was because she was still an amateur at piloting the shuttle.
“I will stay,” Jerry intervened. He sat back down and nodded. “You go,” he said to Anina.
“Thank you,” she managed to say with a smile.
Parker glanced at both Anina’s and Jerry’s faces. He wanted to protest but changed his mind and shrugged. “Now listen up,” he said, “Confirm your suits are intact. Your oxygen tank. Before we head out there, you should be sure you are not open to breathing….” As he spoke, he checked himself, looking at all the signals on his wristwatch.
Anina checked her watch, too. Each of the things she needed to check was displayed. The device’s main screen showed the state of her oxygen and mask. When she clicked the button on the side, the watch showed another interface, displaying her location and temperature and what direction would lead to a drop or an increase in temperature.
The temperature inside the shuttle was average at 27°C.
Anina glanced at the inner corner of the Space Shuttle, which showed the outside temperature as — 184 °C.
After the checking, they all joined three cars. Parker and Christian first walked out to see the exterior, then returned to the ship’s garage and stepped into the cybertrucks.
The cyber trucks were cars with super-powered engines. They mainly relied on solar energy from batteries. As said in the years before, they were designed to survive alien attacks. So they were bulletproof. Throwing heavy objects wouldn’t produce any worse damage besides the sound of a heavy object hitting the stainless steel used in creating their bodies.
Anina sat in the back seat of the first car that led the way out of the shuttle with four people in it — Parker, Hernandez, Anina, and another man called Christian, who drove the vehicle. They went in the north direction. First, they would check the ship that had been abandoned for a hundred years. The last humans had a home, too. They would check it and make videos of the situation. Then, they would fetch everything they could get into their cyber trucks. They were meant to bring back parts of the Eligius 2.0 machine, deposits of extracted minerals, recorded research on the extractions, and possibly plant samples. Anina extremely doubted there would be foodstuff, but it could be possible if they were well-preserved and the solar power had kept the machine working for that long.
On the other hand, Team A headed south of the spot they had landed while Anina’s team headed north. Christian was driving while Hernandez and Anina were in the rear seat.
The landscape was a vast plain land of snow and smoke. In the distance, you could see large or tall walls of snow. Some were long and giant and hid the landscape behind them. Parker held onto the map and read it, holding onto the iPad, which had the same video of the first humans on this planet, the same video everyone watched before starting this journey.
After some minutes of driving, Parker got up, opened the top of the cyber truck, and launched a drone. Anina brought out her Ipad from my bag and watched the drone’s direction on the screen.
Everything looked the same. There were hills and mountains all covered in snow. No sign of plants or trees. This place could have been a desert in previous years. But according to the stories, it was the snow that changed everything. The plants and trees would die in the winter and return in the spring. It would only take a week or less for a land area to be filled with trees and bushes.
They continued for an hour or two, driving up and down hills, navigating around rocks and frozen waterscape. They went between gorges and under dark tunnels.
“We are close,” Parker announced two hours later.
Anina stared at the screen again to see what he was talking about, but she couldn’t see anything that showed they were close. There was nothing to show signs that humans ever existed here. The only movement was small blocks of snow falling off from the top of giant or snow-molded rocks. She looked up at Parker and saw him holding onto a telescope.
“Turn left and maintain the lane,” he commanded.
Anina glanced at the front of the car. There were metal pegs with white and yellow and white colored bottoms. These were the ideas they used years back to guide people on which parts to follow and which ones were dangerous. Yellow and white bottom pegs were signs to show it was safe to follow this part.
The cyber truck kept going and drove past the first peg. Then, they came across the next one on the other side of the car. Great. It meant they were on track. The longer they moved, the more pegs they came across. Then gradually, they came to the location of the first humans.
An abandoned ship was there; some feet away was a cave with the USA flag under the entrance.
The cyber truck stopped, and Anina and the other occupant exited the vehicle. It was the first time she stepped out of the car and set foot on the ground. She wasn’t expecting it to be this smooth when she looked down. It wasn’t snowing anymore. Instead, it was like walking on a smooth, slippery, hard glass floor. She was tempted to kneel and tap on it. But this was expected. Everything could freeze this hard if the temperature were slightly above -200 degrees.
Parker came down, too, and the other cyber trucks parked around them in a circle. The occupants of the other vehicles descended, too, and came around in front of the spaceship.
“Listen. Two of us will go into the spaceship to see what’s inside. You wait for our command,” Parker said.
Anina nodded. They all lined in two lines and waited for some feet away from the ship. Its name was Elegius 2.0. It had been abandoned for too long and looked out of shape. It probably used old systems, designs, and machines. Even if it worked, no one could fly it in this group. Not Jerry, not herself. They would need another tutorial to understand it.
Most of the body was covered in heavy snow. Unless they could melt those things, there was no way they could move this ship with the load of ice on it.
“Team A, come in,” Parker commanded through the radio.
Anina started walking into the spaceship that second. She got to the entrance and climbed in through the stairs. She walked through the corridor and some doors and headed to the cockpit. As she went further, it became a lot darker. She turned the lights on on her suit. The light on her glass helmet turned on so she could see better. The suit had other sources of light behind and all over the body. It was a brown colored suit, but with the lights on, it was glowing with yellowish lights.
She got to the door of the pilot control area, pushed the door open, and there, she saw dead devices with cracked screens. She saw abandoned clothes hung on the side of the chamber with name tags. She walked carefully and towards the front. She had read about Eligius 1.0 and 2.0, but it was brief. When she was learning about spaceships, her tutor taught her about Eligius 2.0. She could sit in one of these machines and try her hands at it.
She strolled around the front. She noticed a red light indicator, which showed the red blinking light. The battery was in good condition. She smiled, moved her hand around, and read each button’s description. It differed greatly from their modern version, the new Eligius 098. But it was a lot bigger and required more skills. The modern version was programmed and could maneuver itself when the weather was calm, stable, and predictable, but the Elegius 2.0 wouldn’t.
But who knows? She hadn’t tried one.
She knew the start button, the one in red. It was a lot bigger than the others, and the power sign was on it. She knew it. She wanted to press it.
She did.
The light came on everywhere on the ship.
She smiled, feeling proud of herself. Then, she looked around as the area became bright and lit; everything with an electronic screen came alive.
“Welcome to the Eligius 2.0,” a female voice said, “Please ensure all safety precautions are followed.”
Anina scoffed and stared at the ceiling as if expecting to see the face behind the voice-over. “You are not dead after all,” she said.
The sound of her radio cracked, and she glanced to wait for what Parker had to say. “Thank you for showing you know this ship more than we do. We really need the light. But get your ass down to the store. We have a lot of items to move.”
Anina kept quiet. She was still smiling at herself for keeping the light on.
Parker’s voice broke out of the radio again. “Anina, are you there? Anina, come in.”
She answered her radio. “I’m on my way, Sir.” She turned around and walked off the cockpit.
Then, she heard a loud noise, like something massive falling in the distance. The noise continued for a few seconds, ten or more seconds, before a heavy crash came. It shook the whole place; even the Elegius bounced for a second or two.
​
***
Part Two
If you like Mafia romance, check out Saved on Amazon Kindle.

I see videos like this all over the place. Everyone loves them because they are, genuinely, heart warming. I'm a sucker for them too. But I always wonder how doctors figured out that a baby needed glasses. The baby can't say "I can't read that." Far as I know, it is hard for anyone to know if a baby needs vision correction.
Typically, what signs are parents looking for and how do doctors test for this?
Edit: Everyone, not every.

Age
32
Sex
Male
Height
5 08
Weight
130
Race
Caucasian
Duration of complaint
3+ years
Location
US
Any existing relevant medical issues
None
Current medications
Tramadol, Amitriptyline daily
How it began
My entire life growing up I've had frequent headaches, maybe a few times a week. I dealt with this, though it was not pleasant. However, things changed after I finished university.
I finished university and got my master's degree in computer science. I got an entry level software developer job using my degree and things were going great. I was still dealing with headaches as always, but I was used to that. However, things started to change.
Three years into work, I started getting headaches every single day instead of once in a while. They were also getting more severe. I work as a software developer so I spend a lot of time on the computer, and I also play a lot of video games. Eventually, I quit my job and ended up moving across country with my family. The headaches were beginning to greatly interfere with my ability to concentrate at work and my mood. I decided I would take a short break, resolve the medical issues, and get a new job right after in a new place. I also decided to take some time off the computer and games.
Eventually, the headaches started to wind down. They slowly stopped, but I had a new problem emerging instead. The pain seemingly moved to my neck.
Explanation of problem
Every day there is severe pain in my neck. It is mainly located here, but when it gets bad, it feels like it spreads all around my neck, sometimes feeling like the pain is in my throat:
https://i.imgur.com/N0FoQPf.png
The pain is nonstop. Every day. It never, ever stops. It is extremely painful, with some days being much worse, for no explainable reason. It lasts from the moment I wake up until the time I fall asleep. It feels like a sort of dull pain, but can feel sharp when it gets very bad. When the pain gets bad, it spreads around my neck, and will go up the back of my neck into my head a bit. Any decent exercise will amplify the pain greatly, even something like a 20 minute walk. The amplified pain can last the rest of the entire day, and I've also had it seep into the next day as well. I never get any pain in my arms, shoulders, or back; just my neck and partially my head. The only other action that seems to affect it is looking down for a long period of time. Laying down seems to reduce the pain after I lay down for a while, but the moment I sit up or stand up, the pain immediately starts to escalate and get worse.
Beyond the pain, I have tinnitus. I've always had the ringing, but don't know if it's related. When I turn my head all the way left or right, the ringing immediately gets louder. Moving my head back to normal makes it stop. Moving my jaw a lot or yawning also adjusts the volume. The ringing is very often in rhythm with my heartbeat, going louder and quieter (wee woo wee woo). It can get very loud at times.
I began to seek medical help.
History of doctors
First, I saw a chiropractor. He did various movements on my back and neck after heating sessions. After many visits, the pain did not change at all and it was not helping. He advised that I should see a neurologist. In the meantime, I also tried a dentist to see if my teeth could be causing the problems, but there was nothing there causing issues.
The neurologist wanted to do an MRI of my head and neck. We did the MRI, and there were no problems found. He said the only thing he could see was "benign cysts", and he said that they would not be the cause of any problems. He additionally did a CT scan, which also showed nothing. He then referred me for some xrays which, again, showed absolutely nothing in my back or neck. He decided to refer me to pain management, saying there is nothing he can do.
I went to see pain management and they immediately decided I should do an Epidural Steroid Injection into the back of my neck. They said that this would likely remove the pain for some months, and if it worked, I could get it again. I decided to do the procedure. It was very painful. For the next week, I suffered extreme side effects; I was unable to sit up or stand at all. I had no idea what was wrong. It got so bad I went to the emergency room, and they said there was an air bubble stuck in my neck. They said it would clear up in a few days, and I should get some caffeine to help speed it up. They gave me some morphine which basically deleted the pain, and sent me home. That visit sent me a bill of $10,000 since I had no insurance. A few days later, the side effects ended.
After the air bubble was gone, it seemed like my pain was reduced and the injection helped. After a month or two, the pain began to get worse again, so, I begrudgingly decided to do the injection again. The doctor said I agreed there would be risks, so it wasn't his responsibility in any way. He said it happens to less than 1% of patients and he does the injections all the time. I did the injection again, and this time, there was no air bubble problems. However, it also did not help in any way. There was no pain reduction at all.
The pain continued to get worse. I told him it did not help, and he said "it has to be an neurology problem at this point, I will refer you to a neurologist." He also prescribed me Tramadol for the pain. The Tramadol significantly helped reduce the pain, as ibuprofen seemingly had no effect anymore. I was being very careful on taking ibuprofen because I did not want to get rebound headaches, so I was not upping my dosage, nor taking it every day. I was also trying acetaminophen, but it did not help either. The Tramadol helped a lot for my sanity dealing with the pain every day.
I started seeing a general practice doc at the same time as the new neurologist. The general practice doc checked multiple things, and asked a lot of questions. He had me try muscle relaxers and also continued to prescribe me tramadol since it was helping, and I was keeping dosage under control just fine. The muscle relaxers did not help at all, so he had me try a med called Amitriptyline. He told me while it is an anti-depression drug, it will help with the pain. I did not want to take meds that mess with how I feel a lot, but I decided to try it. In general, I don't like taking meds, and I don't like how they make me feel at all (including the tramadol) but I was willing to try if they would help. The amitriptyline did help with the day to day pain overall but not enough to make it bearable. It also helped with the side effects of the tramadol.
The new neurologist looked over my MRI and other scans. He said that he believes it may be something called a "chiari malformation." He also said the tramadol is probably causing the pain and told me to ease myself off of it and stop taking it entirely. He ordered more scans and decided that it does not seem to be the malformation. Getting off the tramadol did not help with the pain at all after 1-2 months of not taking it, and life was hell with the extreme pain. He had me do "trigger point injections" and these did nothing to help either. He said he could potentially do botox injections and they may help, but advised against it regardless because "I was young" and "they could cause bone problems later on in life." In general, I did not like this doctor at all; he was very rude. Eventually, I was told he was leaving the practice and he was replaced with a new neurologist.
The new neurologist looked over everything again. He said the other doc was insane to think it is a chiari malformation, and took it off my chart entirely to "not mislead people." He was very kind and tried his best to assist me, but really did not know what could be causing the pain. He also said the pain management place was insane to immediately try an epidural injection. Ultimately, he had me try muscle relaxers again and also try another med called Benztropine. He said it may help with the pain as well. After taking the Benztropine for some time, it did not help with the pain at all. He referred me to a physical therapist.
I saw the physical therapist and explained my issues. He had me do sessions twice a week for a few months. We did various stretching exercises in the meetings and he had me do more at home. The stretching exercises amplified the pain whenever I did them due to the physical exercise. Despite that, I did them as instructed every day. After seeing him for a few months, he told me that there is nothing more he can do, as everything he is doing does not seem to be helping. He told me that something is causing the pain, and his stretches and exercises will not help until whatever is causing the pain is gone.
I returned to the neurologist and explained. He advised I should try taking some vitamin B12, so I began taking supplements for that and other vitamins. He also referred me to a rheumatologist for them to check for any diseases or blood problems, but they found nothing after multiple blood tests. He tried doing some sort of special MRI that scans for blood issues... I don't remember what it was called, but he saw nothing wrong after doing the test. He advised I should take the Tramadol again as it was helping with the pain, but he really did not know what to do. He advised I go see pain management again because he was out of ideas. Beyond that, he told me I should make sure my glasses prescription was up to date with blue light blocking (which I did) and I should do everything I can to make sure I have good posture and everything when I do use the computer.
I told my general practice doc what happened and he still didn't know what to do. I tried researching online what the pain could possibly be from, but still had no idea. He decided to refer me to a university nearby to see a neurologist there, saying that they may have the knowledge and expertise to pinpoint the problem. I was really not happy with seeing another neurologist given what has transpired so far, but I decided to try. He also gave me a referral to an ENT to check my throat.
At this point, I got a new job working remote because it was clear this problem was not going to resolve itself any time soon. The new job is very easy to do but does not make full use of my degree. It at least gives me insurance, as I have spent thousands of dollars now with no aid. One day I had particularly bad pain and decided to just go to the ER and hope they could find something wrong... but this did not help at all. They just gave me some morphine and tell me to follow-up with my general practice doc. This completely removed the pain and I felt what it was like to be pain free for once in a long time, but didn't actually help to bring me to a solution.
The new neurologist at the university said I should have another MRI done. She said that their process is very detailed and they will look over things with scrutiny and have a good chance of finding the problem. So, I did another MRI scan. She looked things over and found nothing. She had no useful advice to give. She said "you have tried everything we can give in terms of meds" and she did not believe it to be a neurological problem. She said I should see an orthopedic doc to see if they find anything. She also advised a nearby headache institute might be able to find something, but she also said it is extremely unlikely they will see me if I'm taking tramadol.
I saw the orthopedic doc and he had me do new x-rays. He looked over those and my other scans. He found nothing wrong and he said that he has no reason to perform any surgery because he sees nothing wrong. He had no advice to give and said there was nothing he could do.
I saw the ENT doc I was referred to, and he stuck a tube up my nose to look at my throat, and he immediately just said he saw nothing wrong. He had no advice to give.
At this point, I'm pretty much losing hope. My general practice doc was out of ideas at this point since I've tried many meds and seen many doctors. He referred me to a new pain specialist to look things over. The new pain specialist really did not know what to do, but insisted I should try trigger point injections again. I did them, and nothing changed, once again. Because they did not help, he said I should try botox. My insurance denied the procedure, twice. He said he would do it for free with samples he has, and gave me the botox injections. A month passed and the pain did not change at all. He is out of ideas and does not know what to do. He told me to keep taking tramadol since it seems to help.
Today
That's the end of my story up until present day. This is where I stand now. The pain has gotten worse over time. It still hurts, every day, never stopping. The pain is so severe some days that if I did not have the tramadol to reduce it, I would want to go to the ER. Many days I just want to lay down and sleep as much as possible so I am not awake, dealing with the pain. I have to push myself to do my job and often just want to sleep once it's over. No doctor has been able to figure anything out, and none of my doctors have any idea of what to do next. At this point my general practice doctor says that I should expect to live with the pain, and advise reading books about "living with pain." The pain is way too high to just tolerate. I can't stand it. I can't do any exercise because it will make the pain even worse. I spent months forcing myself to do exercise routines, walks, stretches, but it just makes it hurt more and doesn't do anything to help.
I might be forgetting some things, but it's been a painful few years. I really don't know what to do. If anyone has any ideas of what I can try or do, please tell me. Nobody seems to know anything about it. Nothing I do helps. I am getting very depressed.
Sorry for the long story. Thanks for reading.

If this doesn’t work, mag-dating app premium na ako. Baka sa AFAM talaga ang future ko. Char 1/2.
Hello, i’m looking for a serious connection. I’ve been single for 10 years at sa tingin ko naman ay panahon na para buksan ang puso ko para sa iba.
Please please please be patient dahil kailangan mong i-spell out sa akin ang ilang bagay. I have enjoyed being alone so much that i have forgotten what its like to rely on someone else. Very independent woman na ang role ko sa life.
Pangarap ko din maging baby gurl passenger princess na tutulugan ka sa byahe tas magigising na lang kasi nasa stopover na or napalakas ang hilik sa himbing ng tulog. Yung strong kapag wala ka tas kapag dating mo kahit kumot di ko mabuhat types. Lol when and where ba yan roldt? Baka lang naman talaga.
About me: - PCOS warrior (yes marzie, ang hirap po opo) - 5’4, fair skinned, wears glasses, medium length hair - MATABA (Oo marzie, she’s a thicccc kween with the stretchmarks and all. She’s also working on this with doctor’s advice) - working professional with 15sec breakdowns every 2hrs (char1/2) - madaling kausap - slow minsan sa jokes pero pag nakagets ng joke hanep tumawa - jejemon (wag ka na humingi ng proof baka atakihin ka lang) - the rest ay malalaman mo na lang at your own risk emz
So kung nakarating ka dito sa dulo at baka lang naman bet mo ng serious connection with someone like me ay i-dm mo ako. Thanks pows ü

First
Prev
Corva fiddled with an empty medicine bottle, he looked at the labels and peeled them, only to stick it on the bottle again, he would screw off the cap and screw it back on repeatedly. It was an old habit of his, just looking at random things and playing with them like a fidget toy, he only does it when he has nothing to do, ever since he got a job that habit disappeared, but now, all he can do is lay down on the bed of a hospital tent, and he's also technically currently unemployed. Since no company is going to recruit anyone in the middle of an invasion from killer robots. He thought back to what happened yesterday, when Lavoss came into the tent and confronted Kawl.
"You're still awake?"
"Hmm?"
He was still curious about it, what did Lavoss mean by traitor? Did Kawl kill someone? He doesn't look like someone who would do such a thing, whatever it was that he did though, it was significant enough for Lavoss to hit him in the head with the stock of his gun knocking him out cold. It was shocking to see, he was awfully calm up until the point he said something about the traitor part and not a moment later Kawl was on the ground unconscious with a gun stock shaped dent on the chitin protecting his head. Everyone gasped, except Mari, the nurse, she looked like she expected it for a long time and stayed calm.
"Do you have trouble sleeping?"
She asked as she came back with another box of medical supplies.
"No, just… didn't feel like it"
"What do you mean you don't feel like sleeping?"
She put the box down and walked up to him.
"Well… i got plenty of sleep yesterday, spent the rest of it sleeping, didn't i? And most of today as well"
"With all due respect that doesn't justify staying up until the middle of the night, besides, you need rest"
"Same thing can be said about you… I haven't seen you take any kind of break, even the doctor's not here, why are you?"
"The downside of being the only qualified nurse left around, not the only one in the camp of course, just the only one left for this tent, besides… it's my duty to watch over the patients, and make sure they have enough sleep…"
She raised her voice a little on that last word, as well as throwing a glance at other patients that were already asleep.
"Subtle…"
"Right i am, now sleep"
"I've tried, i don't think i can"
"So you do have trouble sleeping, hold on, i think i have something for that in stock"
"No thanks, can we just… talk? It's been some time since I've had a friendly talk with anyone, just… Not about anything in particular, you know? Just talk"
"Hmm… fine, when was the last time then?"
"Right before the invasion… right before he lost his life…"
"Let's… not talk about that…"
"Wise…"
"Uhm… What's your job?"
"QC, for quality control, in an arms factory"
"A factory worker? You looked way cleaner than i thought you would"
"If i were working in the assembly i think you would change your mind about that, but no, QC's don't get their hand dirty often, maybe once in a while when a weapon explodes on them"
"Huh… ever had one?"
"Personally? No, have I seen it? Yes, funny story, when i first got accepted i had this instructor, telling us how to check the quality of products, the first rifle he picked up to show us how to check the pulse had a faulty wiring on it, too much energy, it blew up on his face while a group of new QC's was watching, safe to say he doesn't like it when some of us laughed"
"Poor guy, Reminded of someone"
"Who?"
"My sister"
"Oh i…"
"Oh don't worry, it's nothing sensitive, it's like your story, she's a teacher, been one for a while even before she got here, so when she got here to Rosan she was considered a senior teacher, and when new ones needs a tour of their workplace and know how to handle the kids they relied on her, now one day she was guiding a new teacher…"
"Mhm?"
"And she was like… maybe she wants to show off a little bit, I don't know, but from what she told me, she said to this new teacher something along the lines of: 'look at these children! So behaved! If you want to do that you have to learn from me' or something like that… and… not a second after that, one of the kids who were playing threw a wet ball of paper and it hit her right in the back of the head"
Corva had to spend some willpower trying not to laugh, remembering that he was the one who laughed when his instructor blew himself up along with Kasso didn't make it any easier.
"Oh the look of embarrassment on her face, didn't see it myself, but i wish i did, i can feel her esteem crumble every time i mention it, it was cute to see her just shrink and try to hide her face"
"Oh… you'll like it when you see how my friend acts around girls, Kasso, he…"
Mari was a bit confused why Corva suddenly fell silent, why he looked at the ground with a frown, until she remembered what he said, and it clicked on her.
Right before he lost his life
"I'm sorry for your loss"
"It's fine, i'm sure he's in a better place… much better than this… hellhole"
She wanted to comment on his sudden pessimism, but decided that won't be so wise considering he's not wrong, no matter how many times she tries to ignore it, she has to admit, their current situation is a hellhole.
"I suppose that's enough talk for now…"
"...."
"I advise you sleep now, you'll get tired"
He didn't respond, and just went to sleep without another word, and an unchanged expression of sorrow. She sighed and returned to her work, sorting the type of medications into different containers.
"When will it all end?"
—-~----
It was calm… and black… that is about all Schen can think about regarding his current state, he can't tell if he's dreaming, or if he's asleep or awake, it's just that he is aware. It was a strange feeling, like being asleep physically but not mentally, he feels like he's floating, without a body, like there's nothing that can limit him. And yet at the same time he can't do anything, he was just aware, and drifting away in this weird state of half dream. For some reason, he thought of those tales of people who 'died' , people who experienced long comas, and the tale of their supposed journey to this place between the mind and the world.
Ridiculous stories, barely believable, and uninteresting if you ask him. And yet, here he is now, aware of what's happening, he remembers everything, he passed out from blood loss, after fighting one of those things. He wants to wake up, check on his men, maybe meet up with Captain Vaiya and make up a plan on what to do next regarding their situation. But you can't wake up when you don't even have control over your eyes, so it was more of a waiting game, an annoying one, knowing what's happening and yet can't act on it. He'd rather be actually dead over this, at least if he's dead he doesn't have to worry about anything. The problem is, he knows he's alive, it's just that his body is not responding to him, nor can he feel it.
It took what felt like hours, since he wasn't actually asleep, he was paralyzed but still conscious. After an agonizing few hours, he felt the first bodily sensation, his finger, it graduated to the feeling of his hand resting on a soft surface, probably some sort of bed, he can feel his breath as well. He started feeling his body, little by little, unfortunately, now that he feels his body again, he can feel what his body feels, and that is pure unadulterated pain. On his head, on his leg, his back, his arm, everywhere, he doesn't remember getting hit that much, but apparently he did. His back arched from trying to suppress it, and he let out a grunt that was too loud for his standard.
"Calm down! Don't move just yet…"
A voice, good, that means he should be in a friendly area now. He opened one of his eyes with a considerable amount of struggle, and saw the face of an Enovian with a waterproof paramedic hat on through his blurry vision.
"I've had worse…"
What a word for him to say before his back gave up on him and suddenly went limp, triggering pain in many areas of his body.
"Aergh…"
He grunted with some exasperation and regret. Maybe he shouldn't be showing off at this kind of age, it's not good for his bones.
"Where's our painkillers?"
—-~----
"Captain?"
"Yes?"
"He's awake"
"Just? or?..."
"For awhile, he needed some time to actually get up, thought we'll just wait for him before telling you"
"Alright, thank you, i'll be there, a wonder he survived though, and to wake up this early"
"It is, his wounds were near fatal, he was essentially one light tap away from a fractured skull"
"Tough little guy… you can go now, there are others no?"
"Oh…yes, sorry ma'am"
Vaiya turned off her personal datapad, and stood up from her command seat. She dusted some metal dust off her uniform and made her way to the recruitment office turned into a temporary medical bay. She walked through a collection of the remaining crew of the ship, some simply threw a glance at her, some greeted her, and some gave her a salute. She noted the look of despair in their eyes and sighed, but kept on walking as that isn't her goal right now. She arrived at a door with a plate next to it that says: 'recruitment', the plate had an electrical tape with a writing on it that says: 'medical bay now' stuck haphazardly on top of it.
It isn't a neon sign, but it works. She opened the door manually with her hand as most of the doors in administration are now unpowered, inside was simple, four 'beds' laid on the floor, with most of the desks removed, the remaining medical crews stay here now, treating anyone they can. Including the new security captain, Schon, who she spotted sitting on his bed half awake wrapped in blood caked bandages, while clearly struggling to drink from a glass cup. He looked oddly… calm, like he's not surprised he's here at all. Granted, she did rescue him from becoming minced meat, and it's only logical to assume there are survivors holding out somewhere, but he looks absolutely unfazed, as if he had this happen before.
"SC Schon?"
She walked up to him, he gave an unsurprised look and went back to doing his best to drink.
"Captain…"
"Nice to see you awake already, i figured it would take a long time but you prove me wrong…"
"Uh-huh…."
"About that status report you ask for-"
"I already know, stranded, no engine, almost all crew dead, ship's practically scrapped, light's dying, and surrounded by killer machines chewing on the hull, and Rosan IV isn't so lucky either"
"Yes… unfortunate is it?"
"Yes, but right now I don't care, how's my men?"
"Your what?"
"My subordinates"
"Ah… they're… few, 50… down to you and two others, i'm sorry"
"I see… who?"
"Koern, and Ayuna"
Schen wasn't paying much attention to the captain, he simply stared off into the distance, but hearing the young Caevit's name roll off her tongue took his attention.
"Really?... Thank you, but you're not here just for that right?"
Now that he actually pays some attention to her, he noticed her face change, a bit more tense.
"You read my mind, come"
"I can barely move my lips and you want me to walk?"
She looks around for a minute before looking back at him.
"I don't mind carrying someone"
"Huh?"
—-~----
"If i have credit for every time a Tekit lady carries me in her arms while i can barely move, i'll have two"
Schen commented on his current position, it earned him a confused and curious look from the captain. She took him to an uninhabited room to talk, as it turns out most of the administration has been turned to some sort of holdout for whoever's left alive in the ship. She set him down on a chair and followed suit, sitting right in front of him.
"So what is this? Is there something you want to know? If it's about this whole thing then you're talking to a wall"
Her behavior was odd, Schen noted, she seems… agitated, not angry, just stirred, like something's bugging her. He can understand being scared, but the way she moves suggests whatever's currently happening isn't the case.
"Nothing much… i just want… confirmation"
"Go ahead…"
"So… I heard that Koern asked you for help, is that so?"
"Yeah? Got to me after he said you can't help"
"Do you know what his issue was?"
"Yes, random images and voice recordings from his cousin"
"Okay… where does his cousin lives?"
"In Rosan IV and from what i heard, it's about as messed up as this ship"
"That is correct, do you-"
"Wait, can we just get to the point here? What's the issue? Why are you suddenly interested in Koern's problem?"
"I… because…"
"Hmm?"
"...Because i've been having the same problem, what you said, random images, and voice recordings, now i know it's exactly the same, that is what i want to know"
"Huh… okay… so?..."
"There's one difference… his problem started today, during the jump, my problem has been going on for the last five cycles"
"....."
"And I want to know one more thing, please, answer this honestly… do you see it?"
He can feel her agitation increase tenfold as she asks the question. She was normal, now she's visibly shaking.
"See what?..."
"The shape…"
"Shape?"
"Please tell me you saw it too, i… I've been thinking about it… for a long time… ever since I've peered into those images, there's a shape stuck in my eyes, it's burned itself into my mind, and I feel it…. Everyday i think i see something in the corner of my eyes, i hear noises that aren't there, closer and closer every time!…. It… it was getting closer… the shape…"
Her stare became intense, like the stare of a crazed person.
"i… don't know…"
"Oh but you know! You saw it!... Just as I did… it sees you, but you can barely see it, it's there… watching… First it stays in the image, then it creeps into you, haunts you, then you see it hide everytime you turn your head… it follows you, everywhere you go… in your sleep… when you work… all the time…"
Her breathing was rapid, almost uncontrolled.
"Perhaps… that's just you, i do not experience these"
"It may not now, but it will…. Because it has to me, it's like a tumor, and it won't go away, no matter how hard i try… it's still there…"
She calmed down slightly, her breathing was normal again, sort of, and she's no longer shaking, but the stare is still there, the stare of true fear, striking deep into his soul. As she calmed down more and thankfully finally averted her gaze elsewhere, Schen took the downtime to process what he just listened to, and his conclusion was: what the ////?
"Sorry… i… i just… i needed to know… i need to know if i'm not the only one… now i know it's in you too, not now, but soon, t-thank you"
"Your… welcome…"
"Should we return?"
"We…"
He pondered about asking her to take him to the bridge, so he can look out and see what's happening outside the ship, but now he's reconsidering it, because of that… experience.
"...Yes, we should"
She let go of his arms, he didn't even realize it, but she was holding on to him tight the whole time.
"Of course… of course, let's make this quick…"
—-~----
Schen observed Captain Vaiya as she left the medical room, he noted her sudden return to her previous well mannered behavior, he can still see a tinge of anxiety in her eyes and movements however, and realized how similar it was to Koern's behavior. Anxiety, unease, massive discomfort, moving around constantly, and eyes snapping to random positions as if they're trying to catch something on the move. It was unmistakable, Schen recalled back to his conversation with Koern, about something he said.
'it's… distressing'
Koern did look at the images before coming to him, and it was clear the images caused it, if Vaiya had something similar or identical happen, he can assume the cause for her distress is the same. But one question remains that still baffles him: how? How do random images do that? Implanting irrational fear into someone, making them see things that aren't there, what is happening? And now that he considers it, he did see the images, is he going to fall victim to the same thing? Why hasn't he felt anything if those images can do that to someone through just a mere look at it?
One question leads to another, and it all gets more complicated the longer he tries to solve it. He wanted to ignore it, maybe they were just unstable and he misjudged the whole thing, but he can't help but feel there's something to it, it's clear those images and recordings somehow were sent by the creatures currently roaming the ship, he sees the connection, but why? And how? Psychological warfare? Maybe, that was the most rational answer he could come up with. With their clear situation of being in the middle of an invasion, he can only assume such an answer, but applying it to only a few specific targets seems beyond strange.
He pinched his snout in frustration, before taking a deep breath and exhaling it as slowly as he could. Perhaps he shouldn't think of it too much for now, maybe that's how it gets into you, the shape… whatever it is. He looked around his surroundings, a 'medical' room, previously an office, he watched the doctors treat the wounded as he thought of his next step. Looking outside the ship should be a good idea, he had asked a nurse about the whole situation before Vaiya showed up, they told him the entire star system has fallen, Rosan IV was silent, any attempts at communication and call for help were futile, the other planets around the system, some are yet to be named, are the same.
That means those things have been here for a while, and somehow stayed out of the union's radar. He remembered the emerging stories of Rosan IV, how it became a ghost, how communications were far and few between, how many ships that traveled to its system went missing and ones that returned had signs of heavy damage on them, and how their crews looked 'lifeless'. If Rosan's system has been like this for some time, wouldn't that mean any ship that comes here would suffer the same fate as his ship?.
Why would some return and look 'fine' was beyond him, but a thought nestled itself in his mind, a terrifying thought, it made his blood run cold, the thought that these things have spread beyond this solar system, spread silently, in cargo ships that travel to every corner of union space. Suddenly people seeing shapes and hearing sounds after they look at an image doesn't sound horrifying anymore.
"////…"
—-~----
Faen sat in his office, for the millionth time, he stared at his computer, for the millionth time, he opened the files containing the Qrid military spending, for the millionth time, he looked at the reports file, for the millionth time. It has always been like this, being a general wasn't all about giving orders and making war plans, most of his time was spent in front of his computer, looking at the passive activity of his army, and its spendings, receiving calls or calling someone to see if he can learn something new about someone else's army. Look at pirate reports, raiders, terrorists, radicalist, sometimes cultists, it has always been like this, looking away at the computer, looking at files, always has been.
He wouldn't say he couldn't make wartime decisions, if one were to ever occur, he's always confident he can, after all he has learned from both his father and many mentors. He trained for it, for war, he trained how to control an army in such a situation for pretty much his whole life, he doesn't have to, but it's better to know how to fight than not at all. You never know when it'll come, maybe now, maybe in years during your old days, maybe never, but if it ever does come, he knows what to do, whether he likes it or not. It's a part of his pride, his identity, though he couldn't say much about his son, and everyday he worries about not having a successor, not having someone to pass the torch to, and as time marches on indiscriminately, his worry can only grow.
Sometimes he wondered if should've been harsh, and not fulfill his wish to go to university so he can learn computer science, and put him in the very school he himself went through to become what he is now. But that's not a good father, isn't it? It would be against his wish, and he would've needed to force him, it's what his son's grandfather did… to him, he still thinks about it, about his original dream. A singer, a far cry from a supreme general, he remembered the angry face of his father upon learning what he wanted to be, it felt like it happened just yesterday. He never liked it, not once, despite managing to prove himself worthy as a leader of an army in the end of everything.
And to think, he was almost like that, to his own son, he couldn't handle the thought. Faen took his eyes off the screen, just for a moment, and looked at another one, a camera display, showing his son's room. Rana was sleeping, as usual and as he should be at a time like this, he looked at him through the screen, at his arm, and thought about his latest conversation with the woman he loved.
"Disappointment, huh?"
He felt a subtle pain in his chest out of nowhere, he opened the drawer on his desk through a motion that tells of excessive habit, and absentmindedly took his medication without looking. With a sigh, he looked at a small button to his right. There was a screen above it that had a list of people considered significant enough to be contacted by him directly, which ranged from the supreme generals of other species, to the head maiden that cleaned his and his son's bedroom. He looked for a specific one that he recently added, the surgeon that is the head of operation for the trials he had put Rana through for the last few cycles, the trials that he and his mother show complete disapproval to.
He found it and clicked the button, it was answered after some time and he entered a call with the surgeon.
"A pleasure to speak with you general"
"Hrm…"
"Is there something you wish to ask of me?"
"Yes… we should stop, no more trials"
"If that is what you want, then I will gladly comply, but may I ask why for the sudden stop? You seem invested in this when you first called me to arrange it"
"Family issues"
"that is-"
He cut the call short, and continued his work. Looking at the files, looking for differences every so often, making sure everything is stable and taken care of, and glancing at his son's monitor once in a while, and for the first time since his son graduated university, he smiled. Perhaps that's the right thing, to be a father, not a general. At least… for a moment, his smile disappeared as he received a call, it was marked as urgent, and was displayed on his screen instead of just a sound notification. He dusted his uniform and fixed any creases as he noticed the call wasn't just any call, it was a notice for him to join a discussion between supreme generals of each species and their respective leaders, that includes the matriarch.
It is odd he wasn't notified of this earlier, oftentimes these kinds of things have their own schedule that was discussed beforehand, a sudden meeting like this can only mean one thing. He accepted the call, and his screen changed to the display he's all too familiar with, a digital conference room, two lines of camera display, the bottom for the generals, the top for the leaders, they were all present, which is to be expected. The matriarch of Qrids, the Tekit queen, the Caevitan allfather, high empress of Enovia, and the Civean president, the current roster of union council, below them was him, and other generals, including general Cynte of the Civeans.
He still remembers his little offer to make an accident to highlight Rana's name, after the reveal of the Goels and the incident it was kept as a private thing between them that didn't really go anywhere. He doesn't want to talk about it, neither does Cynte, so it was technically a win-win situation, despite the unexpected and frankly out of their favor results. The call was oddly silent, no one was saying anything even the loud ones like his mother, they seemed to be waiting for something, or someone. Faen didn't question it, it would be considered stupid, so he too followed the silence. It was a strange and awkward few minutes of staring at each other not saying anything, up until what they waited for arrived in the call.
Another screen appeared above all ten screens, and on it was something he dreaded to see, the collection of red revolving rings, Cain. Practically every general present felt tense, including him, the leaders couldn't care less, except maybe for the Civean president who expressed the most worry as they all waited for Cain to speak. Sudden meeting, all members, and Cain, and considering their latest development with the Goels, this couldn't be good. The red rings assemble into the shape of a solar system like it did when it appeared on the monitors of his warship, and Cain spoke with his usual low pitched synthesized voice that everyone in the room knew quite well.
'it is no doubt all of you will question why I requested this urgent meeting, i apologize if any of you found it to be too sudden, but what I have to tell you will change your mind, and I will not waste your time, as we are in a race against time itself… the union has been breached by an invader, you are under attack, and in a process of galaxy wide invasion'
No, definitely not good.
"What do you mean by this?"
Faen immediately asked, as much as he distrust Cain, he must agree with his mindset that no time should be wasted. And it seems his question stopped a particular set of leaders trying to speak, stopping them from blurting out what are probably4 going to be pointless sarcastic remarks, so that was another benefit of speaking first.
'your union is currently under the invasion of a race that is arguably similar to me, we call them Shakran'
The display of red rings changed to a scrolling collection of images, images of… Faen doesn't know how to describe it, bipedal creatures, made of metal, and grossly disfigured bodies, with sharp claws and many eyes. Every single thing varies, some of the things in the images looked small and only had claws, some were massive and had what are clearly cannons as a weapon. He noted a certain detail about the images, they were blurry, and not straight, and some strange things were staring at the camera, while looking elsewhere. Something tells Faen these images were taken in the middle of active combat.
'They are a hivemind of machines, their sentience and sapience is debatable, but that does matter currently as their only goal is to destroy and conquer'
"Lies! If we were under an invasion from them, we would've known already! Besides… we already have an invader… we're talking to them right now"
The Tekit queen spoke with clear passive aggresive energy in her voice. Faen sighed in annoyance but kept it to himself.
'i understand the distrust, but it is no reason to make a sarcastic remark, however, you need to trust me on this matter, because their return can only mean danger to the union, and the universe as a whole, they are-'
"Wait, what do you mean… their return?"
'you all must've wondered how and why i and my brother ended up the way we did on that desert planet, what you are seeing on my screen is the answer to your question'
It didn't click for any of the leaders, their annoyed expression stays the same as Cain finished his sentence, but it clicked for every single military leader in the room, and it horrified them.
'my kind have encountered them before, my creators, it led to a war, a million year war, between me and them, they are what wiped my creators out of existence, and soon will be the cause of extinction for every single species in this union if we don't take any actions, since you refused, i have personally tracked every ship that left Rosan IV for the last six cycles, here is the data'
The scrolling images turned into a detailed map of the galaxy, with every single star system currently under union control included in it, there were red lines all over the map, they were all traced back all the way to one specific system, Rosan IV. A heavy weight rested itself on Schen's mind as he realized how far the lines have gone, to a point it crosses itself, wrapping around the galaxy in a circle, like some sort of a chaotic web.
'Rosan is lost, it is highly likely they have turned it into a staging ground, i know that we all have strived to avoid this, but war is inevitable, i have send a complete data regarding the Shakrans to all of you, please review it as fast as you can, and take your moves, as i will mine right now, alert your fleets, if they see my fleet entering a system, tell them they are here as an ally, i have been defeated once, i will not repeat the same mistake again, i hope you can catch up and help me, because there is no telling of what they will do once their setup is complete, and there is no telling whether or not i can do this alone'
"Wait! What should we do?"
'search and destroy, hunt down every ship that left the system, check every station, scan every inch of space, detonate stations, evacuate every planet they have visited then purge the cities and hammer the surface with orbital strikes if you might, but by all means… do not let. them. develop. That is all i have to say, my reinforcements are coming, but i do not know if there is enough time, act now'
And with that, Cain left the conference room, and at that very moment, it shattered, every world leader was either furious or dead silent with a look of horrific realization, his fellow generals went into a panic and contacted their fleets. Except for him, he simply sat there, unmoving and very still, staring at the galaxy map Cain had brought up, looking at one particular star system, crossed several times by the red lines, and surrounded by it, Sheneae XI, isn't that?... The solar system his wife is visiting to look at a newly opened hospital?.
(a TON of RIC's)

Why YSK: because people buy blue-cut lenses in a desperate hope of the digital eye strain prevention, but the only thing these lenses provide you is a better sleep cycle. Melatonin is a hormone that your brain produces in response to darkness. It helps with the timing of your circadian rhythms (24-hour internal clock) and with sleep.
Harvard:

Exposure to light suppresses the secretion of melatonin, a hormone that influences circadian rhythms. Light at night is part of the reason so many people don't get enough sleep

NPR:

The only thing they(blue-cut lenses) may be good for is that studies have shown the blue light can interfere with our bodies' light cycle. So we all have natural rhythm so that we know when we get tired, when it's time to go to bed. If you want to look at your screen late at night, which probably isn't a good idea - but unfortunately many of us still do, then the blue-blocking filters might be useful in that regard.

all the visible lights and specially the blue light from the sun tell your brain to decrease its Melatonin levels so that you're not sleepy during the day. but we still have blue light exposure during the night while staring at digital screens, thus the mind is tricked to think that the sun has not set yet and it leads to the low levels of Melatonin. so the sleep cycle is disrupted. blue-cut lenses help with that.
eh! what to do then!? we need computer lenses to prevent the digital eye strain and computer lenses can either have blue-cut coating or not. Our eyes naturally converge when we look at things in an intermediate to near focal length and this can be quite tiring on our eye muscles when we keep them there for hours at a time. computer lenses can help with that: decentered Pupillary Distance (PD) refers to the process of slightly reducing a person’s normal PD (the distance between pupils) by about 3-4 mm when creating computer glasses. This is accomplished by adding a slight magnification to the lenses. Our eyes naturally converge when we look at things in an intermediate to near focal length and this can be quite tiring on our eye muscles when we keep them there for hours at a time. By decentering the lenses, our eyes are getting some help to stay in that converged position.
makseuseof & eyeinfluence:

If you're constantly struggling with eye strain, feel pressure on the outside of your temples, or get light headaches after sitting in front of your desk, it may be time to try out computer glasses. Computer glasses, as they are defined by an eye care professional, should have, at the very least, a slight magnification in the lenses. This magnification (or whichever power your eye doctor may prescribe you) is essential to reducing eye strain and fatigue. Our eyes naturally come together a bit when we focus on something up close and keeping our eyes in this position can cause our eye muscles to fatigue, making it harder to keep focused. The power in the lens provides some much needed assistance by helping keep your eyes in that converged position.

on top of that, the distance between your eyes and the screen, the position of your body and the screen, your blinking habit, and 20 seconds of looking at things that are 20ft away after 20 minutes of looking at the screens play a significant role in maintaining the eyes health.
sources: Harvard, NPR, eyeinfluence, makeuseof

Doom is amazing. it shows how humanity is shown at sheer power when his rage is unbridled. nothing stops you. even hulking bosses. it's amazing because it focuses on how you beat demons not with the power of prayer, but dealing them with your mundane weapons alone. It's almost as if the game is telling you something. The power is in your hand to destroy your inner demons. They took your family and your rabbit, and any sort of God didn't intervene. you had to avenge them with only your fists, chainsaw and weapons.
Heresy tho it may be, we must ignore Doom '16- Eternal's story and added lore prior and moving forward for now, so we might appreciate the full power of human might in display. We don't need the Demon power plot armor to explain why he could destroy interdimensional, eldritch Demons. the Doomguy is like Rick from Rick and Morty. he beat the Devil harnessing the power of nature, that is, through his inventions. We could compare it to the Doomguy's pure, unbridled, unstoppable rage, destroying any demon no matter how powerful or sneaky they may seem. He has become the force of Nature itself, the true God, showering death on hapless demons. Give them the treatment they deserve from killing the inhabitants of Earth, his family, and most ultimately, his rabbit. Rivaling John Wick in "Unbridled Rage Power." Ever thought of Destroying a powerful politician or elite? I mean like, turn his or her VERY atoms asunder? This is comparatively any Demon in Doom. the perfect destruction therapy which should be paid further more than the conventional Destruction Therapy sessions, where you break some random glass or object and call it "Vengeance." No. The Doomguy might know his family won't come back, nor would Daisy through his Vengeance, but he only knows it would be rightful justice to Destroy all Demons by his own hand, not even with the power of the demons as his plot armor.
The Original Doom answers the question, "What if Humanity is the menacing, Eldritch creature, in which no hellspawn will ever survive in his clutches? What if you, the player, had all the power, like in that certain anime called "One Punch Man," in which he destroys any man, beast, or god(Quoting from Sagat, Street Fighter Alpha 3) with One Punch? I believe it's not the answer to violence. The answer is pure, justified, unbridled rage. not mass murder, just poetic justice. Paraphrasing from Doctor Strange in his movie to Dormammu: "You can kill me again, and again... and i'll just keep bargaining, forever."
Gain all the power you can gain, but you cannot destroy a person who has all the persistence he gained. like in my recently updated japanese proverb: yeet seven million times, load the game eight billion. or cheat, man. iddqd. This Arachnotron cheated first with his machine gun Destroyer ship turrets. This is the power fantasy which would have spurred these new isekai cartoons. yes. This is the message. Seizing demonic power thru persistence.
Altogether, the Entirety of Doom from the Original to Ancient Gods is destroying overblown Divine, Demonic, Interdimensional, and even Political egos in the face. forcing these elitist forces to cope, seethe and mald from the gastrointestinal acid that has built up from consuming excess power, magic and influence, respectively.

So ever since I started taking 50mg of setraline , I haven't drunk once (been on it for a bout a month) my doctor is also recommended me to start taking 100mg starting this monday coming . However tommorow I'm going out with my friends and I'm planning to drink alcohol. I've heard alot of negative things such ad horrible hangovers and just being too drunk . I'm not planning to drink too much but does anyone have advice ?
Edit:thank you guys for the advice I'll be mindful and also let my friends know. The date we are going out has been changed to Wednesday so I think I'll just have one glass for the night and drunk lots of water and see how I react , ill update you guys thursday😭👍