Residential Contracting 101
With over 20 years of building experience, I would like to share with you my insights in navigating becoming a successful contractor. With many different avenues of the building world its key to understand what problems will arise on any given day. A man once told a saying that stuck-the 6 p’s in life- Piss Poor Preparation leads to Piss Poor Performance. Preparation builds everything in construction, without preparation the jobsite will not run correctly. The best advice I was ever given was to learn a little about every trade giving you the ability to understand trade lingo and secrets. An example would be painters use the terminology flash; this means when the sub structure bleads through the paint. Subcontractors will give the best pricing if they respect your knowledge of the industry. If the subcontractor feels they will have to hold your hand through the job they will charge an extra fee…i.e. I call it the aggravation fee. In this blog I will explain the key elements in finding success in all aspects of the industry. Contracting is a physically and emotionally demanding job which requires planning and foresight to complete projects on time within budget. Picking your customer is just as important as picking your employees or subcontractors. I have worked for some of the most demanding customers leading me to question at the end if the job was even worth it. Sleepless nights, constant changes, lack of payment, lawsuit threats, adding work that was in the contract are just a few things you could face with a tough customer. With so many moving parts at all times it is critical to be able to adapt to changes within a short time frame. Materials will come in damaged, subcontractors will be late, employees will get sick, but the deadline you set does not change. The stress can be overwhelming at times keeping your mind in a good place is key to navigating all that is thrown at you. Choosing your client picking the right jobs-Keep these questions in mind The first question to be asked is what the time frame is to start the job to see if it fits within the timeframe for your business. If the time frame doesn’t work then move on from the project or let them know when you would be available to start. If the client really wants to use, they will wait until you are available. Taking on too much work will only lead to problems. Construction is a serviced based business, staying on top of the project and client will eliminate an unhappy customer and construction issues that will be over seen. With online presence if details are missed and customer service lacks it will only be a matter of time the phone will not ring. The second question to be asked to the client is do they have a budget in mind for the project. If they answer yes this is good, follow through with what the budget is. If the budget seems low let them know, this will eliminate a tire kicker, educate them on what the price range could be. If the budget seems reasonable then continue the discussion to the next question. If they answer no let them know that you can give them an estimate to see if the project is feasible with their finical capabilities. Taking on a job that is not correctly budgeted will lead to an unsatisfied customer due to non-transparency of the construction cost. The third question to be asked is anyone else bidding on the job, if the answer is yes, understand you might just be number check for the contractor doing the job. Dig a little deeper and find out how many numbers they are getting and why. If your business model is to be competitive be completely transparent with customer, this will gain trust with them. Let them know you get what you pay for and if you they choose the lowest bid it could lead into lack of quality of work.
The fourth question I will ask is there any specific subcontractors they wanted to use. If the answer is yes then I would explain to them you only use the subcontractors you have a working relationship with. Otherwise, this could backfire as the subcontractor might not show, do subpar work, talk behind your back to the homeowner. In my experience I would stay away from using any homeowner to alleviate problems down the road. A quick conversation now can save headaches down the road. The fifth question I will ask are planning on getting the job permitted, this needs to be known it takes more time for the permitting process. Plans will have to drawn submitted and approved to the city before work can commence. The sixth question I will ask if a residential remodel is are you going to be living through the remodel if yes understand this will take more time to navigate the project due to answering questions and cleaning the house on a daily occurrence. I would recommend seeing if the customer would be willing to move into an Airbnb or friends for at least the demo portion of the project. If they do plan on living through the remodel add a couple hours a day to accommodate the extra time that will be required. The seventh question I would ask in a residential remodel is how old the house is to see if there is asbestos that would need to removed by a proper company. A home built before 1979 will most likely have some asbestos in the house, use a licensed company with proper insurance to dispose of the materials. If everything looks good to this point find out a little more about the client personality. If the client seems reasonable, I would bid the job. Unreasonable people can cause you more stress than its worth. These are some red flags I would look out for. Some jobs are not worth the money. Very demanding in the way you are going to perform your job- I.e., tell you how you are going to do your job- You’re the professional not them! Give you a hard time about your price- haggle with price you estimated- The price is the price! If they are a family with little money and you want to help them out is one thing, if they are trying to beat you down is another. Mention they have a lawyer-there is no need for them to bring up that they have a lawyer - Run for the hills as if the job goes south, you will be the one losing out! Tell you what the payment terms are. It’s your business you get paid how it works for your company. If you want to get paid every Friday, put it into your contract-If the clients do not agree move on it will save you frustrations If they talk bad about the last contractor, chances are they will talk bad about you. There is a reason why the contractor does not work for them anymore, unless he did subpar work this a red flag Clients are using an interior decorator that will purchasing all of the materials- The materials could be ordered incorrectly by the interior designer your company will not make the mark-up it deserves. Interior decorators usually add time to the job as well as act like your boss. Charging a little extra for the time and stress that it will entail is only fair. Clients want to purchase the materials- You are using your knowledge to buy the correct materials-The mark up on the materials keeps the doors open working for wages only pays the bills The husband and wife do not get along-You will become the mediator between the couple it will lead to taking sides a losing proposition- A drama free work place is always best! Dangling carrot-if you do this job the next one will be better-Only look at what there offering at the present moment, if its not a good fit do not take the job for a job down the road…Its not worth chasing a job that might not happen! The Art of the Sale First things first selling your company is all about presentation. In meeting your clients for the first time show up with a collared golf shirt tucked in, belt, nice jeans, and newer shoes. Have a truck that a clean, no dents scratches, preferably washed the day you are going into your meeting. Have a leather note pad that is clean no dirt or paint visible. Show up 5 minutes early, if you’re running a little late shoot them a text to let them know. Treat the situation as if were going on a first date, best foot forward. As you introduce yourself give them a warm greeting, letting them know you are very interested in the work. Find out a little about them, hobbies, where they lived, etc etc. You are going to be working with them on a daily basis its nice to know what makes them tick. Having a good working relationship from the start is key forming a solid relationship. As the conversation progresses find out who wears the pants in the family…ie who’s the final decision maker. If its fits the wife, chances it is…..then kindly let the husband know happy wife happy life when their in a stall mate on an issue. As your looking at the project throw in some suggestions of what you think would look good from past experiences, this will get their attention that you have knowledge and want what’s best for them. If you see ways to save them money in their project let them know, money is a large point of the sale keep that in mind. Mention that you’re not the least expensive contractor but you’re not the most expensive either. Your customer satisfaction is your number one goal which leads to more time spent on keeping them happy. One happy customer will lead to another, one unsatisfied customer leads to work in the future. Bring up the fact the finishing the job on time is key goal to your business, many contractors run several jobs at once causing the jobs to be finished way behind schedule. You must stand out as having integrity, good morals, and the ability to problem solve to get the job. The clients will be testing you to see if you’re a good fit as well. Keep in mind as you take your notes that you must not forget anything they mention as it will come back before the job is completed…i.e. we mentioned that to you before we started the job! Take pictures of the proposed area for work, that way you can use it to better right your estimate. Let them know you will give them a detailed outline of when the job will be completed letting them see how long each phase will take and correlate it with your payment schedule. Before you leave their house let them know when the estimate will be sent to them. MAKE SURE YOU HIT THAT DEADLINE! Once you sent the email over with estimate make sure you get confirmation that they received it. Wait at least 2 days before checking with them, hopefully they contact you first! If they want negotiate the price, let them know that it is the best price that you can manage, its not worth losing money before you start. I closed 80% of the work I estimated by being very transparent and friendly. If you come off with an attitude charge double what the going rates are you might only land 1 out of 10 jobs as well as getting the reputation of being expensive. Bidding the job Looking up industry standards on pricing is what I would go buy for pricing. If you google the coat of any installation there will be a cost range for everything. Looking at the cost ranging from high to low I would tend to be in the middle. Some items might be low on the internet if this is the case use your best judgment not to lose money. Closing sales is key to success and keep the doors open for business. Being in the middle on pricing is key as most customers shy away from contractors that are extremely low or high on the price range. I tend not bid out hourly as wages do not pay for retirement. Bidding is better as customers no the exact price of the cost of construction. It also keeps the job moving quicker as time and material contractors take longer to complete projects…Thus costing the client more money and valuable time they could spend in their house. Using a Contract Using a detailed estimate tied to a contract covers your butt in 99% of the time. Having a piece of mind that every aspect of the job is covered in the estimate and contract protects both your company and the client. Key terms to include in your estimate/contract are. Have a schedule on excel showing the start dates and dates of each trade this will show the customer you are organized with time lines. If not written in the detailed in the estimate the item is excluded- This ensures if its not written down its not included. TBD- To be Determined- A phrase on a line item that has yet to had final decision of products or service needed. -The pricing will follow the decisions to be finalized Give out what your written warranty will be for parts and labor this changes state to state. If the homeowner provides the product than no warranty will be given on that particular item. In the contract have a start date and end date with the verbiage subject to change due to weather, product delivery, change orders Have a progress payment schedule to ensure the client understands when funding will be expected-Including if not payment is rendered service to the project will stop. Have written terms of how change orders will be charged-cost plus 20% or a set fee Make sure in your contract that arbitration is required versus going to court- This will save lawyer fees and going to court Many contracts can be found online and each state requires different contracts
Finding leads Finding leads is easy with the right network of people. I personally do not find working for friends or family members a good fit. Relationships get strained when money is involved, causing undue stress for both parties. I have listed a couple of ways to build a network or find work using the internet. Get in contact with realtor’s- Realtors have a big client base of homeowners who need work done Contact local Architects to see if they are working with any general contractors Leave some business cards at your local materials suppliers-Doowindow/lumber-many times clients will ask salesman for a referral. Join a business networking group- BNI is one of many Join a internet website lead generation company- Houzz, Angie’s List, Home Advisor, thumbtack, Yelp run an ad on craigslist Use a marketing company to market your website-This could become costly with little results Create a Facebook business page Create a Yelp business page
Building your subcontractor base Having 2 subcontractors for every trade, gives you the flexibility of completing jobs on time if the one the subcontractors is too busy at the time you need their service. Your subcontractors are the face of your business, choose owner run companies that are professional. Check to make sure there license are up to date..ie workman’s comp, liability insurance, state license. Choosing subcontractors with lettered vans, logoed t-shirts is s key to looking professional in the clients’ eyes. In the past I have gotten a lot of subcontractors for material supply shops, stopping by jobsites, researching the internet using Yelp, Home Advisor, etc etc. Once you get one good subcontractor ask them if they know any other trades they would recommend. One good subcontractor leads to another in most cases. The key to having a good group of subcontractors is to let them know that you are there to get help them get the job done. They do work for you but without them you are nothing…keep that in mind! Make them aware a clean jobsite is required at the end of everyday to ensure the proper safety for all parties including theirs! Over the years I have referred a lot of companies work when there is only 1 trade needed. Referring work to subcontractors is a good way to get top priority when you have work that needs to be completed ASAP. Timing is everything in times of emergency having a good group of subcontractors will make your business run smoothly. Pay your subcontractors immediately after performing work, this will make them feel appreciated! A happy subcontractor is one that will gladly go the extra mile for you knowing that there not just a number to your business! Buying lunch once a week for the jobsite is always a good token of appreciation!
Supervising In supervising any jobsite its key to monitor everything from materials on hand, weather, vehicle parking (if applicable), jobsite safety, and subcontractors’ workmanship. If you hired a professional there should be little supervision in the work being performed, on rare occasions a new hire might need some mentoring to get the results completed correctly. If you see a problem with there work address it with the worker directly, no need to call his boss…. building repour with the worker letting him know you got his back goes miles down the road! Checking in on the job first in the morning to answer any questions or changes that need to be conveyed and once in the afternoon to make sure all work be completed is done per construction industry standards. A job that is run blindly will have many more issues than one that is watched over. I have seen many jobs with no site supervision, leading to subpar quality work as well as safety hazards. Its better to be like an eagle than cluck like a turkey!
Working with the City/Inspectors On permitted jobs the city and site inspector will be a large part of how smoothly the job runs. Each phase of construction has an inspection allowing for the project to continue. Make sure your subcontractors are aware that the project is inspected before starting the job. The best way to stay on his good side is to provide a clean jobsite and having the job built to the highest standards possible. When having the site inspected be courteous to the inspector asking any questions or concerns you have with the work during the job. Being completely transparent will save you aggravation of problems down the road. The more he trust you the better if you seem sneaky or rude he will make your life a living nightmare! Many inspectors will have an attitude towards you….I suggest keeping quiet and doing what ever he wants….he’s the boss no need to get in a pissing match you will not win at. How to deal with irate customer Stay calm during any argument with an irate customer. Never raise your voice or show that you are bothered by their disgruntled behavior. If the customer is trying to get more from you than agreed upon stand your ground. Worst case scenario is you walk from the job, which in the long run be more of a loss for the client. I have only run into a couple of these clients; they are unreasonable and not worth losing sleep over a few dollars. Its best to terminate the relationship as it would be my best guess that a referral from this customer would not be one you wanted anyway. If you feel it was just a miscommunication on your end, take reasonability and remedy the problem. Taking accountability for your mistake will go a far way in their eyes and on future issues that arise. Prepping the homeowner pre-construction Before starting the job, it very important to give the homeowners a warning of what will happen during the construction process.

1. All furniture in the proposed working area must be moved- I would recommend having the clients take care of this to limit the risk of damage to their belongings.
2. There will be dust that will be in the house up to 3 months after construction-I would recommend hiring a construction cleaning company at the end of the job even so after it is cleaned dust will be present months after words.
3. There will be conflicts between you in the homeowner at some course of the job. - You will do your best to eliminate them as quickly as they arise-i.e. material damages, miscommunication, job delays
4. All decisions on materials must be made before the start of the job- this will eliminate job stoppage due to materials not being on site.
5. All materials will be on site before commencement of job-
6. Payment structures must be made per contract otherwise job will stop until payment rendered
7. Cars are to be moved out of the driveway- Ensures ease of loading and unloading of materials/tools
8. Give the specific hours that workers will be present- i.e. 7-3:30
9. Determine what areas are allowed to be used as staging for tools/materials
10. If animals are present in the home that they put outside or in a room during the day
11. All valuables in the house are locked in safe
12. Ask if using client’s household bathroom is okay or to bring in Porter Potty
13. Being transparent as possible is key to keeping a great relationship with your client!

During Construction During construction it is key to take detailed photos to eliminate any damages that were not caused by the construction process. I would also make a video to ensure all areas are included. All subcontractors should also take progress pictures to ensure if problems arise in the future, they will not be responsible for any work that they did not perform. Keep an on-going log of progress to the homeowners and share the pictures for there records. This will keep homeowners excited of the progress being made. When the house is gutted to the studs it is important to have construction photos showing where all utilities are run in the walls or sub floor. If there is a problem in the future there will photos showing all utility locations. Protect all flooring with plywood or floor protective. I also like to protect front door and tarp all areas where subcontractors are to be working. Make sure to cover any chandeliers/furniture/doorways with plastic to eliminate dust. Ask the homeowners if they have any concerns that they could think of. We’re all human and possibly a detail was missed! Post Construction Phase If the project went smoothly appreciation should be shown to the customer. Find out if the husband likes a particular type of liquor. Bring the wife a bouquet of flowers. Send a Christmas card to the family letting how much you appreciated the work. You know you have done a good job if they tell you they will refer you to their friends. The best compliment you could receive is a good referral. In Summary Try to find a knitch in the market, I found kitchens to be a great remodel projects. Bathrooms are tough as they are small, expensive with little profit margin with every trade involved. Windows/doors are also another great knitch as they can be installed quickly. There are so many different remodeling items that can be stream lined to make the selling installing process flawless. Once the core group subcontractors are in place the job almost runs itself. Every day is a learning experience with new materials or methods in construction. Keeping up with codes, materials, fluctuating labor and material cost is a job within itself. Anyone can be a contractor with the right mindset.

TLDR: Hey everyone, my neighborhood is currently in a fight against our city, and a business trying to construct 500 storage units in a lot in our neighborhood. This lot is heavily contaminated with hazardous chemicals within the soil and still has an active EPA easement on it. Despite this, the planning board gave the okay for the business to build on this lot. We are currently appealing this decision on our own, but do not have an attorney and have quickly realized we need one as we are now being attacked by the attorney of the business for a $50,000 bond. If you can help us in any way, find an attorney, give us helpful information on who to contact, or do anything at all please let me know.
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Below is a press release that tells a bit more about what is going on:
The Lozierville environmental justice community has appealed the Westfield Planning Board's decision to greenlight the construction of 500 storage units in an empty lot adjacent to their neighborhood. The residents of this close-knit community believe that the planning board's decision did not take the health and safety of the community into proper consideration. The land approved for construction is located at the end of Cleveland Ave, the narrowest road in a neighborhood. There are also many environmental concerns with the approved project. The lot was previously part of Columbia Manufacturing and is currently under an EPA-restrictive easement due to hazardous contamination. Construction on the site would bring contaminates to the surface which could spread through the air and water into the neighborhood. The spring rain has recently flooded the nearby wetlands abutting this property and flooded the residents of Gold St.
Long before the EPA was created, Columbia Manufacturing was a booming business producing bicycles and school furniture. During this time, when Columbia Manufacturing needed to get rid of any hazardous materials, they took the easiest route and disposed of residual toxic sludge into two man-made “lagoons” on the facility property (https://cite.case.law/f-supp/893/1162/). Years later, the EPA found these grounds to be contaminated.
A consent decree was signed by the landowners to only allow a small portion of the land to be used as a working environment and the rest to not be disturbed. The current proposed storage unit plan would go against this decree and dig up the contaminated land below, bringing potentially hazardous soil to the surface and dust particles into the air and the adjacent neighborhood, tobacco fields, and wetlands.
The section of Westfield known as “Lozierville” is part of what is known as Poverty Plains. The neighborhood holds a much lower income population than others nearby and is in fact an environmental justice community. The fact that the city is allowing this project to still be on the table is undermining the health and safety concerns of all the people within this part of town. This a classic case of classism. The neighbors are not standing for it.
The neighborhood has banded together with “Save Our Neighborhood” signs down every street and a Facebook page urging the residents of Westfield to learn more about the current state of their community and this project. The law provides the right to appeal a decision made by a governing body and this environmental justice community has done just that. As more and more residents step up to help the community in their fight, they are seeking legal assistance. If you would like to learn more or help this community please find them on fb u/saveward2b or email [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
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Again please let me know if you can help us in any way at all. Thank you for your time.

** Fri 6/2 *\*
Fri 4 PM Rave Cave Grand Opening 121 7th St. NW NM Rave Cave and ASTRL Entertainment are teaming up to bring you the Ultimate Rave Experience at our Grand Opening! We have a stacked lineup with @ myriceiscooked, @ lisalsamusic_ and @ geezydubzz. Complete with Ticket Giveaways and other surprises. Don't forget to head to Revel ABQ after for the Perry Wayne & Sqishi show too! *** TICKETS ARE FOR SHOW AFTER GRAND OPENING ***
Fri 4 - 7 PM RANA & OffCenter Arts Fashion Show & Clothing Swap Washington Middle School Park, 1001-1099 Park Ave SW Join the Raynolds Addition Neighborhood Association (RANA) for the launch of their Summer Series of events at the newly named, Bennie Hargrove Park! In partnership with OffCenter Arts, DowntownACD, ABQ Artwalk and CABQ Parks & Rec bring your friends, family, and pets to our Fashion Show & Clothing Swap! Live music from RANA resident, DJ Infinite Kiss. Food truck: Carnitas Las Chanclitas. So many ways to join in the community fun! Not into modeling? Come out and watch the show! Browse the clothing swap! Support a local food truck! Stop by on your way to the rest of ABQ Artwalk! All are welcome- come meet your neighbors (click link for more info about fashion show and clothing swap)
Fri 5 - 8 PM Country Dance CSP Dance Studios, Get ready to kick up your heels and have the time of your life at our upcoming country dance! We've got an amazing lineup of social dances including 2-step, East Coast Swing, West Coast Swing, Night Club 2-step, and more. Come show off your best moves and have a blast with us. See you there! $10 at the door cash or check. Welcome Lesson included with entry from 6:00-6:30pm
Fri 5:30 - 8 PM Workout & Wine *Ladies Night\* BFit505, 11816 Central Ave SE Ladies! Happy Hour Workout at the Box! What to expect: Introductions, Warm Up, Workout, Cool Down, and Hang Out! NonAlcoholic options will be made available. It's going to be a great night! Only happens once a year- so don't miss out. Just $5 to join in on the fun! (more info and RSVP)
Fri 6 PM Three movies, one park Balloon Fiesta Park, 9401 Balloon Fiesta Pkwy NE We've collaborated with the City of Albuquerque to bring 𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐚: 𝐒𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 to the Balloon Fiesta Park! We're showing three movies for this event: Jaws, Luca, and Aquaman. This event is completely free, but please note that seating is on a first come, first served basis. Gates open at 6 pm and the movies begin at dusk (all at the same time). Food trucks and vendors will be on site, and we're also offering free parking. Moviegoers may bring blankets, lawn chairs, and personal food or drink items. Absolutely no alcohol, no glass, no pets (service animals only), no sharp or dangerous items, or video recording devices allowed. For additional details, call our hotline at (505) 314-0477. We'll see you at the movies!
Fri 6 PM Milonga Del Corazon Tango in Bloom, 3409 Central Ave NE Join Tango in Bloom and Mila's Mesa for an evening of delicious food and dancing! DJ Fer will be bringing the tandas, you bring your shoes and lets dance! $15 cover cover includes a glass of wine or a botanical beverage. Please RSVP if you plan to come so that we can get a head count for the food. Thank you!
Fri 6 - 7 PM Yoga with Cats Catopia Cat Cafe, 8001 Wyoming Blvd. NE, Ste C5 Please visit catopiacatcafe.com to reserve your spot! $20/person. Please bring a yoga mat and a sense of humor!
Fri 6 - 8:30 PM Zoo Music - Pixie and the Partygrass Boys ABQ BioPark, 903 10th St. SW Bring the family to Zoo Music during the summer to enjoy performances by national touring entertainment. Plan to spend an evening with wildlife, food, music and fun. Hailed as “the hottest band in the Wasatch” by the Intermountain Acoustic Music Association, Pixie and The Partygrass Boys is composed of lifelong professional musicians drawn together by a common love of bluegrass and skiing in the Wasatch. Featuring soulful, often harmonic vocals and solid strings and rhythm, this tight-knit crew was born out of the belly of a warm cabin after a long day on the slopes- drinking whiskey and singing into the night. With a high energy sound and a love for silly outfits, they travel the land spreading the gospel of whiskey, chickens, and fun for everyone. Dusk is one of the more active times for animals and a great time to learn about the Zoo’s conservation initiatives. Check out the variety of animal exhibits open during Zoo Music! Doors open at 6 PM. Music starts at 7 PM (tickets)
Fri 7 PM Divination Nation Sidewinders Bar and Grill, 4200 Central Ave SE Join us for a night of entertainment and witchery. There will be numerous local entertainers personifying the Major Arcana as well as readings done by Off Grid Creations. This show is “Pay What it’s Worth”— Suggested Cover is $10, VIP available for $20 (gift bag and reserved seating). Free parking, food and drinks, indoor and outdoor seating. See you there!
Fri 7 PM Vibestrong Album Release Party! Insideout, 622 Central Ave SW (Reggae / Rock influenced band from ABQ) Help us celebrate our debut album ‘These Mountains’ with special guests Dre Z, Amanda Machon, and Keith Sanchez! DJ’s Supremo Funk and Jimmy Djembe! Let’s Party!
Fri 7 PM Movies in the Park - Strange World Rotary Park, 370 Rotary Park Rd., Bernalillo MOVIES IN THE PARK is back this SUMMER! We will feature a different movie at our local parks every FRIDAY night in June. Movies will begin at sundown and we will serve popcorn for free! Bring your lawn chairs, blankets, and beverages. All movies are FREE! In the case of inclement weather, movies will be cancelled
Fri 8 PM June Tunes with The Burque Jazz Bandits Echoes, 3131 Gold SW Jive into June with a drop of Jazz and a glass of happy served up by Jake. $10 cover at the door and it ALL goes to the band! And that's not all- Bring your top Bandit requests because you'll be helping us build the set list for the evening!
Fri 8 - 9:30 PM Casa Flamenca -The Best Flamenco Tablao Shows 401 Rio Grande Blvd. NW Casa Flamenca exciting live performances with artist in residence from Spain. Come and live the experience, The Best Flamenco in the USA! known for the artistic quality and authenticity of their flamenco productions, Casa Flamenca is excited to bring you special guest artists-in-residence from Spain: internationally acclaimed flamenco guitarist Juani de La Isla, flamenco singer from el Puerto Santa Maria, Cádiz, Sebastian Sanchez, Flamenco bailaora and living legend from Seville, Spain, Carmen Ledesma and From Madrid the incredible bailaor Alejandro Granados. This is a tablao performance not to miss and where magic will happen! (tickets)
Fri 8 PM - 12 AM Brazilian Night Juno, 1501 1st St. NW It's time for the ABQ Brazilian community to get together and PARTY (tickets)
Fri 8 PM - 1 AM Leftover Soul ft. Morning Remorse Sister, 407 Central Ave NW Leftover Soul is back! DJ Morning Remorse is coming out from Portland, OR with a bag full of 45s to join DJ Leftovers. This all vinyl soul dance party has been happening in downtown Albuquerque for almost a decade. With DJ Leftovers at the helm Leftover Soul is always a funky good time. This month’s guest DJ is Morning Remorse: “The best selector other selectors select.” He been moving Portland people for years, known for digging up little known soul, psych and fuzz records. Purveyors of vinyl platters Slolow Vinyl Records will be popping up as well. Guaranteed excellent selection of LPs and 45s. Come get down! Fri 9 PM Chatter Late Works ChatterAbq, 912 3rd St. NW Doors Open at 8:15. General Admission: $15. Scott Wollschleger Denny’s, Luke Gullickson Pasacalle NM-59 for octave violin, Georg Friedrich Haas Solo for viola d’amore, Nico Muhly Etudes for viola, David Lang Mystery Sonatas for violin, David Felberg violin, octave violin, viola, viola d’amore. Cash Bar provided by Rumor Brewing
Fri 9 PM - 2 AM Pride Kick Off Party Night 1 - Starring Kerri Colby Historic Lobo Theater, 3013 Central Ave NE Join us for Albuquerque Prides Kick-Off Weekend as we get started with the largest drag show in town! (tickets)
Fri 10:30 PM Part V of Third Saturday in October, an 80s slasher tribute screening w/ producer & art director! The Guild Cinema, 3405 Central Ave NE Check out the trailer. Dir. Jay Burleson - 2023 - 89m - ALL SEATS $8. BONUS - PRODUCER FRANK CRAFTS AND THE ART DIRECTOR ELLAR COLTRANE (OF BOYHOOD FAME!) WILL BE IN PERSON FOR TALK/Q&A! It’s Part V. Unstoppable killer Jakkariah “Jack” Harding is back in town after seven years, as he stalks and kills at random before chancing upon a football watch party. The game is, of course, between longstanding rivals the Alabama-Mobile Seahawks and Tennessee A&M Commonwealth. Chaos ensues, in increasingly ridiculous fashion, with inventive murders and multiple love triangles. Hearts are broken and appendages are torn
** Sat 6/3 *\*
Sat 7 AM - 12 PM Garage Sale and Craft Fair 5620 Laredo Rd. NE, Rio Rancho All proceeds will be going to the nonprofit Standing n the Gap Anchoring Young Adults. You can either donate items to be sold, or if you choose to sell your item or crafts - renting a space will be a flat fee of $25. Come join the fun, get really good deals!
Sat 8 - 11 AM Run for Mercy Hoffmantown Church, 8888 Harper Dr. NE Join us for our annual Run for Mercy 5k run/walk to support Mercy Multiplied and New Mexico for Mercy. When you Run for Mercy, you help people walk in FREEDOM! Whether you prefer to run or walk, all our welcome! This is a family-friendly and pet-friendly event. We love and welcome all the support! Mercy Multiplied exists to provide opportunities for all to experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness, and life-transforming power (register)
Sat 8 - 11 AM First Saturday Clean Up Painting Day! Historic Fairview Cemetery, 700 Yale Blvd. SE The first Saturday of each month, volunteers come to Historic Fairview Cemetery to help improve the grounds and appreciate this local historical treasure. For this event on June 3, we are going to tackle painting over graffiti on the cemetery walls. We'll provide the paint, brushes, paint trays and other supplies, you provide the arm power! Water and snacks will also be provided. Directions to find us in the cemetery: At 700 Yale Blvd. SE, enter through the gates of Fairview Memorial Park, near the intersection with Caesar Chavez Blvd. Drive straight ahead toward the cemetery office. At the intersection, turn left and head north into Historic Fairview Cemetery. It's just to the left of the wall that says Congregation Albert Cemetery
Sat 8 AM -12 PM Los Ranchos Art Market! Los Ranchos Art Market, 6718 Rio Grande NW Looking for something to do with friends or family at NO COST? Come see us every Saturday! All products are beautifully handcrafted by our very talented local artisans right here in the Land of Enchantment. Located in the same area is our local growers market with produce, food, and music for the whole family (fur babies are always welcome too!) Plenty of free parking! Free admission! Beautiful park for the kiddos to play and burn some energy! Wide open space to enjoy and unwind! We'll see you there! Tell all of your friends! Like and share, spread the word! and as always, thank you for supporting our local businesses!
Sat 9 - 10:30 AM Yoga along the river Tingley Beach Dock, 1800 Tingley Dr. SW Featuring, Stephanie Bilal & Michael Guzzio. This 90 minute class will begin with Michael leading us through breath work, followed by Stephanie guiding us through a yoga flow, ending with a guided healing meditation (tickets)
Sat 9 AM - 12 PM Annual Bus Stop Cleaning Uptown Transit Center, 2298 Indiana St. NE ABQ RIDE is looking for volunteers to help staff pick up trash and clean bus stops along the Central corridor in preparation for upcoming summer events. Breakfast burritos and cleaning equipment will be provided. Our event will begin at the Uptown Transit Center and teams will spread out to beautify our transit system in the heart of our city!
Sat 9 AM - 1 PM Summer Maker Market FUSE Makerspace, 101 Broadway Blvd. NE, Ste 3100 Join us and support local during our next Maker Market! This event is FREE and open to the public to shop for gifts and gadgets from local makers and have the opportunity to make some of your own!
Sat 9:30 AM - 1:30 PM Spidey-Fest Flix Brewhouse, 3236 La Orilla Rd. NW Swing into the Spider-Verse at our Spidey-Fest! Help us celebrate the opening of the sequel with activities, party favors, and a special appearance by Miles Morales himself! (tickets)
Sat 10 AM - 1 PM Stitch's Sewing Service Indian Motorcycle of Albuquerque, 4509 Alameda Blvd. NE "Stitch" will be here to sew on your patches, hem your chaps, and make repairs! Don't worry, if you miss her this time, she'll be back another time. OR! Drop off your items and she'll let you know when they're ready. **Please note: Stitch's Sewing Services is not affiliated with Indian Motorcycles of Albuquerque. Stitch is coming here as her own company so please direct all questions for her. Thanks!
Sat 10 AM - 5 PM Antique Tractor Show Corrales Recreation Center, 500 Jones Rd., Corrales Antique tractors and cars. Presenting farm tractor progression over 80 years of farming. Free admission
Sat 11 AM - 1 PM Devon Sandoval Signing Session New Mexico United, 3500 Central Ave SE, Ste 2 Kicking off Devon Sandoval Night with a signing session at the Team Store. Stop by to meet Dev and be one of the first to get our limited edition Dev Tees!
Sat 11:30 AM - 1:30 PM Friendship Bracelet Fiesta Color Wheel Toys, 6855 4th St. NW Stop by and learn how to make a special, easy twisted friendship bracelet – no prior skills needed. Make a few for your favorite friends. This activity is best for kids ages 5+ due to the fine motor skills needed, but a younger kid and a parent could team up to learn
Sat 12 PM Community Swap Hosted By YUCCA Earth Care, 6600 Valentine Way, Santa Fe (it's not ABQ, but it's FREE) Share food, clothing, and small household items. For furniture: send a photo to [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) so we can post it on our SWAP board. If you would like to volunteer or help with the Swap/Shop, please let us know! Bring things to offer and take the things you need/want. EVERYTHING IS FREE. MASKS REQUIRED. YUCCA will be holding a SEED BOMB WORKSHOP! Seed bombs serve as an essential tool for guerrilla gardening. These inconspicuous and compact pellets can be effortlessly tossed to initiate growth, allowing you to plant effortlessly and anywhere, without requiring extensive time, physical exertion, or attracting unwanted inquiries. Engaging in this practice holds numerous advantages. By cultivating wildflowers, you contribute to the well-being of vital workers in our ecosystem, such as pollinators, thereby supporting the broader wild ecosystem. Additionally, these plants aid in soil stabilization and enhance their nutrient content. You will also learn how to make an upcycled bag!
Sat 1 - 6 PM Crawfish Boil Rio Bravo Brewing Company, 1912 2nd St. NW The 2023 Crawfish Boil features an outdoor dining experience where guests share 5 pounds of delicious food for a day of fun with friends and family. Eat and drink at Albuquerque’s favorite local brewery and enjoy a finger-licking good crawfish boil! Pair it with your favorite Rio Bravo brew and live music on the outdoor stage and you’ve got a perfect way to enjoy your Saturday in Albuquerque. 2023 tickets will be sold in TWO GROUPS to help all guests receive timely service. Ticket A: Guests arrive between 1pm-3pm to enjoy food and entertainment. Ticket B: Guests arrive between 4pm-6pm to enjoy food and entertainment. **LIMITED TICKETS AVAILABLE We encourage you and your friends and family to purchase early to ensure everyone is able to attend. **Each ticket is valid for 3 lbs of crawfish and 2 lbs of corn on the cob, potatoes, sausage and hard-boiled eggs. (5 lbs total) - Portions are good for 2-4 people
Sat 3 - 4 PM Summer Sours Seminar Marble Heights Brewery & Tap Room, 9904 Montgomery Blvd. NE Join us for an educational Summer Sour Seminar led by Head Brewer, Greg Dupy. Topics covered will include: • Barrel Aged Sours vs. Kettle Sours • Souring yeasts and bacteria • How sours are made and aged. Tickets are $20 a piece and include 4 exclusive tastings, a pint of beer and class discussions
Sat 4 - 5 PM East Coast Swing Group Class Enchantment Dancing, 337 San Pedro Dr. NE Welcome to our Bronze American East Coast Swing Class! Whether you are a newbie stepping on to the dance floor for the first time or a seasoned professional wanting to brush up on basics, as well as anyone in-between, this class is for you! East Coast Swing is an exciting, up-beat dance that is endlessly versatile! No partner necessary, and dropping in is fine! Class cost is only $10, and a punch card for 6 classes is $50
Sat 7 PM Burque BellyFest Gala Show Fusion ABQ, 708 1st St. NW New Mexico Belly Dance and Sirena Studio present Burque Belly Fest II Gala Show. Join us for a sparkly evening of dance highlighting our ‘Burque Belly Fest instructors and special guests. Proceeds from the Gala Show will benefit the New Mexico Belly Dance scholarship fund for dance students. Doors open at 6:30 pm. General Admission $20 advance ($25 at the door) ** NMBD Members $15 advance ($20 at the door) ** Due to limited capacity, please make your reservations ASAP **
Sat 7 - 10 PM Contra Dance Albuquerque Square Dance Center, 4915 Hawkins St. NE Monthly contra dances take place on the first Saturdays of every month. $9 for members, $10 for non-members. Check folkmads.org for bands and caller listings!
Sat 7:30 - 10:30 PM West Coast Swing Dance CSP Dance Studios, 1624 Eubank Blvd. NE Join us for a fun night of West Coast Swing dancing! Great music and a fun group of dancers. There will also be a little bit of Country Two Step and Night Club Two Step to mix things up. Come out and dance with us! No partner necessary. $5 SSNM Members, $8 Guests (non-members)
Sat 8 PM The Emo Night Tour Sunshine Theater, 120 Central Ave SW *21+* The greatest tribute night to the music that was never just a phase… (including this event, which has been raging all across the country since 2015 and is only getting BIGGER AND BETTER)! The Emo Night Tour DJ’s will be spinning all the angst your teenage dirtbag heart desires all night long and will make you feel like you’re at Warped Tour ‘08 minus all the dust and melting in the sun! So just imagine going to a show and hearing Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance and many more, all only playing their best songs...all night long in a dance club atmosphere. These shows will be selling out and fast, so make sure to Tell All Your Friends and Sugar, Come Down!
Sat 10:30 PM Highway 51 (Late Night Showing) The Guild Cinema, 3405 Central Ave NE Stankenstein will be presenting their second public showing of their movie "Highway 51." Come out for a LATE NIGHT SHOWING, bring your friends, get some popcorn and enjoy! Tickets $5 at the door
** Sun 6/4 *\*
Sun 7 AM - 12 PM Pizza with Sole - 2023 WisePies Pizza Run Mesa del Sol Support the Make-A-Wish Foundation of New Mexico! Choose a 1-mile fun run/walk or a timed 5k or 10k and join hundreds of partcipants on a beautiful day to support the community and children experiencing critical illness! All participants receive a FREE WisePies pizza, event t-shirt or tank top, runner bib, swag bag, entertainment, starting line warm-ups, local celebrity appearances, as well as LOTS of refreshments, snacks and sponsor booths (more info and register)
Sun 8 -10 AM summer solstice yoga celebration New Mexico School of Yoga, 4600 Copper Ave Yoga - Mantra - Meditation. A SUNday celebration for the SUN, Surya. The light is here! Long days, sunshine, outdoor time, and more mark the start of Summer! Summer Solstice is just 15 days away and it's time to activate and celebrate! A potent time is upon us. A summer solstice celebration practice to welcome the light and summer season. Enjoy a comprehensive offering of mantra, pranayama, movement, and meditation to welcome this special time of the year. Pranam – to bow and surrender. The heart – the seat of the Soul. Let us awaken the inner light as the Sun, the outer light shines bright. Join us for a special yoga class - all levels are welcome! (tickets)
Sun 9:30 AM 1st Annual Pedals & Pints Marble Brewery, 111 Marble Ave NW Pedals and Pints is a bicycling event for cyclists of all skill levels. Come adventure with us! Choose from 20 or 40 miles of cycling fun starting at Marble Brewery downtown and riding through Los Ranchos to Alameda Open Space and back (and down through Valle de Oro National Wildlife Refuge, for you 40 milers). Once back at Marble, snag your free swag and a discounted pint at our cyclists-only party on the Sky Deck. We recommend grabbing a Helles, the newest addition to The Lighter Side series of adventure lagers. Crisp and light, Helles makes the perfect companion on your next cruise. $50 per person, 21+ only (register here)
Sun 10 AM The Birdcage Historic Lobo Theater, 3013 Central Ave NE THE HISTORIC LOBO THEATER along with Albuquerque Film & Music Experience is excited to bring The Bird Cage to the big screen! "We are family." Showing Starts at 11:30 am Tickets are ONLY $10 for General Admission Come Early Brunch Starts at 10 am. Full Buffet Available for only $21. The ticket price is for entry to the movie only. Pajama brunch and a movie. Exclusive Brunch Menu! Made to order pancakes, mimosas and more. 10% off if you come in your pajamas
Sun 10 AM Community Shot Clinic Boofy's Best for Pets, 4610 Cutler Ave NE, Ste A Conveniently located right off San Mateo and I-40. Sign up today, walk ins are welcome but supplies are contingent on volume - we have sold out EVERY SINGLE CLINIC. Hosted by It's a Pawsitive Life Rescue
Sun 10:30 - 11:30 AM Mindful Movement - Yoga in the Park Academy Hills Park, 9709 Layton Ave NE Looking to get out more and be more active? Join us for a strengthening yet gentle flow. Bring your mat, yoga block, strap and water. Beginner friendly!
Sun 10:45 AM - 12 PM Jazz To Go Central United Methodist Church, 201 University Blvd. NE Pre-Service Jazz Set at 10:45am; Service Music at 11:00am. Linda Davidson Flute, Robert Lah Piano, Colin Deuble Bass, Jay Blea Drums
Sun 11 AM - 2 PM Metaphysical Market Intuitive Essentials, 504 14th St. NW Our annual metaphysical market is back! We welcome the community to join us for a memorable day! Come be a part of the exciting time! There will be food, live music, readings, massage, and local vendors with art, jewelry, and much more! Come get lunch with us Sunday and enjoy the market!
Sun 11 AM - 4 PM First Sunday Stroll Nob Hill Main Street Come support local business while discovering all that Nob Hill has to offer: a variety of pop up vendors, specials, workshops, and walkability. Explore the area on the first Sunday of each month and find some new favorite shops, eateries, classes, and fun!
Sun 11 AM - 5 PM Girl's Day Out! (and guys too!) 5907 Alice Ave NE Join us for a day of pampering, food and shopping! LOADS of vendors will be in attendance so there will be something for everyone! If you’ve ever wondered what these local or direct sales companies are and ever wanted to try these products, now is the time! By shopping these vendors, you're supporting our Albuquerque small business entrepreneurs. They’re all in one spot and a portion of your dollars spent goes directly to the over 130 cats and kittens of F.A.T. Katz!
Sun 12 PM Lowrider Super Show Albuquerque Convention Center, 401 2nd St. NW Enjoy a family environment event with beautiful cars, entertainment, local vendors, food trucks, and a car hop!
Sun 1 PM Summer Pool Party w/ Deucez Z Lounge, 3711 Central Ave SE Pool party w/ Deucez to celebrate the release of our Summer Clothing Line. Drink specials, games and giveaways all day. Come chill under the sun for those daytime pool party vibes! 21+ (tickets)
Sun 2 - 3:30 PM Family Day! Flamenco Works, As part of their summer series "Jesus Munoz Flamenco: En Cabaret", Flamenco Works presents a Sunday matinee show dedicated to families! This performance is similiar to the evening shows except it is geared towards young kids and families. Coming to life off the stage, kids will get the chance to meet the artists, learn to dance and sing Flamenco and have a viseral experience of Flamenco that they will never forget. Bring your whole family to enjoy a Flamenco performance that will leave everyone shouting ¡Ole! About the performance "Jesus Munoz Flamenco: En Cabaret": Flamenco Works, Inc. presents a vibrant, rich summer series featuring renowned artists from Spain and across the U.S. Included in this years' lineup is singer Migue "El Picuo" direct from Sevilla, Spain guitarist Jose Valle "Chuscales" from Granada, Spain and dancers Amalyah Munoz and Mariana Gatto, lead by Artistic Director, Jesus Munoz. Known for its explosive energy, fierce emotion, and deeply rooted community, "Jesús Munoz Flamenco: En Cabaret" is not to be missed! (tickets)
Sun 3 - 5 PM AND 6 - 8 PM Raiders of the Lost Ark Flix Brewhouse, 3236 La Orilla Rd. NW Indy and his feisty ex-flame Marion Ravenwood dodge booby-traps, fight Nazis and stare down snakes in their incredible worldwide quest for the mystical Ark of the Covenant. Journey back to where it all began and relive the original adventure on the big screen again! (tickets)
Sun 3 - 6 PM Royal Tea La Luna Eatery & Events, 7600 Jefferson St. NE It's Royal-Tea time, invite your friends for tea, champagne and a fine dining experience unlike any other! Dating back to the 17th century a Royal Tea offers a glass of champagne or sherry in addition to the full afternoon tea menu! This event features live music, tea, champagne, fine dining, a photobooth and more! Join us today for two hours of comfortable elegance with family and friends as we give you the royal treatment in the most luxurious way possible! (tickets)
Sun 3 - 6 PM Pride Tea Dance Sidewinders Bar and Grill, 4200 Central Ave SE We're kicking off Pride 2023 with our Tea Dance Pride Edition! With DJ Rebel and Papa Sucia! We will bringing all the best dance music, drink specials and games! Let's start Pride Week off with a bang! No cover, free parking, indoor and outdoor seating. Every 1st Sunday of the month
Sun 4 PM Casino Night to benefit the NM Soccer Foundation! Vernon's Speakeasy, Join us for an unforgettable evening at the New Mexico Soccer Foundation Casino Night at Vernon's Speakeasy. This event promises to be a lively affair filled with drinks, games and a shared passion for soccer. Gather with Albuquerque's most dedicated soccer enthusiasts for a night of high-stakes excitement. Test your luck at our array of classic casino games, all while contributing to a remarkable cause. Remember, this isn't just about the thrill of the game; every dollar spent is an investment in our future soccer stars. 100% of the proceeds from the casino night will go directly to providing scholarships for youth soccer players, regardless of club affiliation, across New Mexico. Your contributions will help these young athletes stay on the pitch and continue their dreams, fostering their growth as players and individuals. REGISTRATION INCLUDES: Entry for 1 to the event, 2 drinks (full bar will be available at the event), Scrumptious buffet Vernon's style, $100 in casino play (more can be purchased at the event), Access to the silent auction stocked with fantastic items including a Vernon's VIP Membership, Mixology Class Series, Beautiful Art, and even TVs!
Sun 4 - 6 PM 17th Annual Sweet Jazz Benefit Concert Sandia Presbyterian Church, 10704 Paseo Del Norte Blvd. NE Join us for great jazz music, unique silent auction items, and tempting and delicious, sweet treats. All proceeds from this event benefit Family Promise of Albuquerque, and help further their mission to end child homelessness in Albuquerque (tickets)

Hello everyone and thanks for checking out my post. I am a twenty seven year old male. I just quit my job and am my lease is up. Had my heart broken a few months ago and I have not talked any of my family in about a decade. I have really had problems mentally since about the fifth grade. I just refuse to go to therapy because I don't want barred from the Army if I ever want to get back in and it's embarrassing as a man. I struggled for a few years with alcohol to the point I would carry shots on me at work. I'm not trying to cry but explain why I am thinking about doing this.
I am staying at an air bnb for a night I threw all my furniture and items in the garbage when I left. I'm down to a backpack and am planning on moving to the Phillipines. I have 2 grand and enough money set to the side for a return ticket. If I fail to make enough money online I will return and be homeless. I'm going there because I have a little girl down there that I really would like to be a father to. She is about the only thing that makes me happy and I have not got to see her in two years. The stress of this is really effecting me to the point of not being able to eat or sleep except for four hours in the last two days. I just don't know if I'm making a good choice...I just can't stay where I was
Any advice thoughts opinions or chats would be greatly appreciated and yes I know I'm probably crazy I've just finally had enough thanks to anyone who reads and engages

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February 2001: It’s a bright new era for Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. After years of mediocrity and flirts with relegation in the 1990s, a new ownership group is taking over from that cheapskate Alan Sugar. Meet your new overlords in English National Investment Company and your new chairman, Daniel Levy! Its sure to be a great start of a beautiful journey!
May 2001: Finishing 12th is not what you would call ideal. No European football. Not to mention bowing out in the FA Cup Semis and League Cup third round. Enjoy this new manager in Glenn Hoddle.
2001-02 : Sol Campbell signed with our eternal rivals in Arsenal! Levy didn’t offer him a new contract? What?? Doesn’t he know those Gunner clowns can’t be taking our players like that? We also finish 9th but made the League Cup final. It helps having the return of our goal scoring phenom in Teddy Sheringham. Adding Gustavo Poyet helps too. Still no European football.
2002-03: The best way to fight back into the elite is to have more goal scorers right? Welcome Robbie Keane from Leeds United! A crafty piece of business on our end! Him and Sheringham power us to…10th place. The fuck? And third round exits in the Cups…
2003-2004: Glenn Hoddle is underachieving! Get rid of him. David Pleat can surely handle the task at hand. Nope, we finished 14th…and still no trophies. But hey check out our shiny new forward in Jermaine Dafoe.
May 2004: Sol Campbell becomes a key contributor to Arsenal’s Invincibles season and wins the Premier League title. Does it feel cold?
2004-2005: Here’s our new manager in Jacques Santini ~goes 5-4-5~ ok never mind. Here’s our REAL new manager in Martin Jol, much more quality. He’s got the gusto and know-how to guide us to 9th and no trophies. At least Jermaine Defoe was the club top goal scorer…and Ledley King is coming into his own.
May 2005: Our other eternal rivals Chelsea win their first Premier League thanks to that outlandish manager Jose Mourinho and oligarch Roman Abramovich. All they do is buy players whenever they please. Pfft, that won’t be sustainable, they’ll come back to Earth eventually.
2005-06: Martin Jol has been a massive improvement to our fortunes. No trophies yet but we’re back in Europe. It’s good to be back in the UEFA Cup, think of the tv revenue. 5th place is a nice finish. Robbie Keane and newcomer Mido carried us to this spot. We should be keep them around for a while. Bringing in experienced talent like Edgar Davids and this young defensive midfielder in Tom Huddlestone helps. And check out our new record signing in Jermaine Jenas.
2006-07: Michael Carrick is a great defensive midfielder but Manchester United want his services. Here, take him. Edgar Davids is also much too old to be playing Premier League football. Our loss is also our gain with 15 million quid in the books. Let's invest that into a brand-new world class striker in Dimitar Berbatov. And Carrick's replacement in Didier Zokora certainly helps us...but we finish 5th again. No tropies either...at least European football?
2007-08: Jermaine Dafoe and Mido are gone. We need to replace them. Darren Bent seems like a good idea. But who the hell is this young left-back named Gareth Bale? Why is he worth 14 million pounds? Whatever, we need depth, he probably won't be much. Snap up this Jonathan Woodgate guy, too, someone has to help Ledley King here!
Oct 25, 2007: So you sacked Martin Jol at halftime against Getafe because reasons? Maybe if you stopped selling all his good players the division wouldn't have started. The fans are not pleased about this at all. Smooth them over with Juande Ramos from Chelsea.
League Cup Final 2008: All this leads to an 11th place finish, but fear not - YOU WON THE LEAGUE CUP! The first trophy since 1999, a true triumph. Certainly Spurs can aim higher now right?
2008-09: Juande Ramos is a fraudulent piece of shite that doesn't deserve to work in North London. We've promptly canned him for the legend that is Harry Redknapp. Just look at him inspire us to...8th place. We made the League Cup Final broken glass window and we've lost to Manchester United. And sold them Berbatov because money. This is shit. Enjoy this new midfielder signing in Luka Modric. He'd only become one of the best players in the world, nothing too crazy. Oh and Robbie Keane is back. So is Jermaine Defoe! Yay?
2009-10: A full season of Redknapp ball has led to a glorious prize! 4TH PLACE! Tottenham Hotspur will be playing under the lights on Tuesday and Wednesday! Play the music....THE CHAMPPPIONS! All it cost was loaning out Keane, selling Bent, and bringing in Peter Crouch. What a team we have forming. This Aaron Lennon kid is turning into quite the player. Oh and that Gareth Bale kid we paid a premium for? Yea, he's playing left winger now.
2010-2011: Champions League football requires Champions League talent. Quickly, let's eye up cheap deals for Rafael van der Vaardt, Sandro, and William Gallas. The attacking front of Crouch, Bale, Defoe, van der Vaardt, and Roman Pavlyuchenko powered us to 5th. It’s been a tough test balancing these nights. But did you see our massive victories against both Milan teams? I think we'll be back here in no time. Is it really a bad season without winning any trophies?
2011-12: A critical season. Harry Redknapp's contract is set to expire and Daniel Levy hasn't really been known to give coaches pay raises unless they merit it. Unfortunately, Peter Crouch is too old to keep around. Off to Stoke City with you, lad, thanks for that night at the San Siro. Bringing Emmanuel Adebayor from the exile of Manchester City should be a like-for-like swap. It all powers us to finish 4th again! HUZZAH! Another season of Champions League revenues! But still no Cups to take home.
2012 CL Final: Unfortunately, Chelsea did something incredible and won the Champions League in the most chaotic final in recent memory. Thus, for finishing 4th, you get Europa League football...god I hate Chelsea.
2012-13: Gareth Bale is becoming an elite winger without elite help. We've also decided to do something ridiculously unpopular and sell Luka Modric to Real Madrid for huge money. van der Vaardt is also out the door to Hamburg. The revenue brings in Hugo Lloris, Mousa Dembele, Clint Dempsey, and Jan Vertonghen. Under the plucky Andre Villas-Boas we finish 5th and go back to Europa. But our Cup showing was even more abysmal this season. Gareth Bale potted 21 goals...oh god he's next to go isn't he?
2013-14: The worst day has come. Gareth Bale has been sold to Real Madrid. He's joining up with Modric and Cristiano Ronaldo. The money reinvested brings in Christian Eriksen, Erik Lamela, Paulinho, Etienne Capoue, and the meme known as Roberto Saldado. Andre Villas-Boas' tenure was short-lived. Tim Sherwood is a former Spurs lad, surely he can lead us to greatness. If you call 6th place and no trophies greatness.
CL Final 2014: Luka Modric and Gareth Bale become key contributors to Real Madrid's Decima in the Champions League. Bale also scores one of the best goals of the campaign in the Copa Del Rey against Barcelona. The fans are pissed at Daniel Levy and ENIC.
2014-15: We've been knocking on the door of the elite English teams for a few seasons now. Time to put up or shut up. Tim Sherwood, you are not that guy pal. Mauricio Pochettino, welcome to Spurs. Here's the plucky academy kid in Harry Kane. Please get him firing, our striker woes are well-known. You want to sell Gylfi Sigurdsson and Sandro for this League One prospect in Dele Alli? Ok if you say so. Who the hell is Eric Dier and why do you want him? Culminating in a fifth place finish and League Cup final. Harry Kane scored 21 goals though...whoa.
2015-16: Defense needs an upgrade. Let's buy this experienced Belgian in Toby Alderwaiald. Him and Vertonghen played together before, surely it will work. We also need a left winger. How about Hueng-Min Son? He's been torching defenses for Leverkusen, he can surely do it here. The top teams are having a down season, now is the time to strike. We can smell the Premier League title in our grasp.
Final Matchday 2016: They finished third in a two-horse race after Leicester decided to have the greatest sports story ever play out in real life. It seems like a missed opportunity, but there is plenty to build on. Poch's team is coming together. Kyle Walker and Danny Rose are molding into elite fullbacks. The Belgians and Lloris are brick walls. Harry Kane is becoming a world-class striker. He even won the Golden Boot! They just need a little bit more to get over the trophy drought.
2016-17: Ok this is the year. We made it back to the Champions League, but this will be the last year at White Hart Lane. It's much too old for this modernizing football club. We need a really big stadium to bring in that sweet matchday revenue like our rivals. And I'm talking REALLY big, the best in all of England. It would be nice to fill it with some Champions League revenue and some silverware no? Well, seems like we finished 2nd and didn't win any Cups...AGAIN. But hey, Harry won the Golden Boot again! Dele Alli took serious strides in becoming a generational talent. Progress is progress amirite?
Final Matchday 2017: Chelsea win their 4th Premier League title since Abramovich took over. At least you finished above Arsenal again...that's a win isn't it?
2017-18: Kyle Walker has been sold to Manchester City because we like money over glory. Don't worry, we have a solid replacement with Kieran Trippier. We'll use the Walker money to bring a new defender in Davinson Sanchez from Ajax and right winger in Lucas Moura from PSG. Oh and for the hell of it, here's Serge Aurier from PSG too. Glorious depth. We still don't have a reliable backup striker, but how about a cheap deal for the aging legs of Fernando Llorente. He was good in a past life right?
Nov 1, 2017: By God, we've done it. We've slain the evil empire in Real Madrid. It's hard to believe a team of this size and caliber could scar the kings of Europe. Surely the only way is up from here.
March 2018: Nope, the knockout stages pit you up against a thunderous Juventus team that makes you their English bitch. Giorgio Chiellini goes on to make one of the most overused memes in all of football Twitter. "Iz di history of di Tottenham..."
Final Matchday 2018: Respectable 3rd place finish behind Manchester United lads. Too bad no trophies to go with it. Sigh... what else is new? We finished above Arsenal again...yay? Meanwhile, Kyle Walker is part of the Centurion Manchester City team...I need more liquor.
2018-19: Harry Kane is starting to get impatient. He needs to start seeing some silverware soon. Hueng-Min Son is emerging as a top forward in the league. Dele’s dropped off a bit but it’s just a blip, nothing to worry about. Jan and Toby are rock-solid at the back. We have a plucky solid squad, filled with some high-end talent but we didn't get any reinforcements in the summer...what the fuck? You do realize squads transition every season, ENIC? Where's Poch's reinforcements? Why did you sell Mousa Dembele mid-season, he was still useful! Oh dear god, what have they done? Oh that’s right…the new stadium. It’s still not done yet is it?
UCL QFs 2019: This is massive test. We managed to beat Barcelona in the group stage, and cake-walked through Dortmund in the Round of 16 but this is a new beast. We're up against the defending PL champs in Man City. Harry is hurt but we've got Sonny, Lucas, Chrisitan, Dele, and Fernando to make up for his goals. A huge pen save by Hugo on Aguero keeps us in the tie. Son puts us up 1-0 in the first leg. Going to the Etihad without Harry, it's a tight affair. Son and Sterling trading goals, Fernando kneeing in the go-ahead, Bernardo Silva pulling one back, 4-3 Man City, and seeing out the final whistle. Away goals take us over the line. Onto the Semis!
UCL SFs 2019: This Ajax team downed Real Madrid. They're gonna walk all over us. At least in the first leg. The second leg is a masterpiece. Lucas scored not one, not two, but THREE away goals to push us to glory! Gas up the bus boys, WE ARE GOING TO THE UCL FINAL!!!!
UCL Final 2019: What the actual fuck? How was that a handball on Moussa Sissoko??? IT HIT HIS BLOODY SHOULDER! You gifted this match to Liverpool, UEFA! (This is the moment that broke Tottenham Hotspur) And why the hell didn't Lucas start the game? After that fantastic hat trick? I don't care if Kane was fit to play, this is massive managerial blunder. Maybe this is the summer things start to change. All we got for this was a runner-up medal. At least we finished 4th in England. BUT STILL NO MOTHER FUCKING TROPHIES! writer proceeds to smash his laptop in the process
2019-20: The UCL Final should be a springboard for another potential title charge. Poch is calling out ownership for not wanting to give him signings. They only fumbled the Paulo Dybala signing, surely we can still trust Levy and ENIC right? Here's Giovani Lo Celso instead and Tanguy Ndombele to shore up the midfield. Here's our replacement for Danny Rose in Ryan Sessegnon. Unfortunately, Chrisitan Eriksen wants out and we let his contract run down. He leaves in January for basically nothing. Results are starting to flounder so Poch, pack your furniture and get out of our house. Meet our new manager: Jose Mourinho, the Special One. Just nobody tell Daniel he's been sacked infamously by both Chelsea and Manchester United for being a toxic presence. At least the new stadium is ope---ah fuck, it's COVID. An injury-plagued campaign culminates in a 6th place finish, but still no trophies. Another finish over those Gunners though! Why aren't you fans happy? We can't spend money, don't you see we didn't get any matchday revenue???
FA Cup Final 2020: Even though we finished above them, Arsenal take home an FA Cup with a squad arguably much less talented than Spurs. It was also against Chelsea...who finished above you. Can someone drive me to the nearest cliff please?
2020-21: A full season of Mourinho-ball. Tensions are starting to run high. Kane is pissed at the direction we're going. Jan Vertonghen and Kieran Trippier are gone. Dele Alli forgot how to play football under Jose. We need a new center-back...too goddam expensive. Let's convert Eric Dier to CB and have play back there, what's the worst that can happen? Fans aren't happy at all. I know the solution: you kids remember Uncle Gareth?? He's baaaaack! Sure, he's in his early 30s and a shell of himself but he's won 4 UCL titles and scored that fabulous bike kick in 2018. He's still class. Here’s a bunch of mid table players in Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg, Matt Doherty, and Joe Rodon to supplement the team.
March 2021: Europa League is quite winnable. Surely nothing bad will happen like you losing to a team who's manager is in prison for tax fraud. breaking glass sounds you fumbled a 2-0 agg lead to Dinamo Zagreb...who's manager was in prison for tax fraud. You're fucking pathetic you know that?
April 2021: Jose Mourinho is a dinosaur of English football. Look at him playing park the bus tactics while we can't defend score. Let's get rid of this cancer before it spreads. Who cares if it's six days before the League Cup Final against City? Why can't Ryan Mason see it out?
EFL Cup Final 2021: It's not a blowout loss, but it's clearly an overmatching. City run rampant on Spurs as they lift the trophy they basically own at this point. Fans are calling for Levy's head. In fact, they were calling for it as early as the FA Cup loss to Everton in the fourth round.
Final Matchday 2021: Jose refused to play Gareth Bale. Looking back that was a terrible decision. Bale and Kane power us to a 7th place finish. We finish above Arsenal again. It's a successful season in ENIC's checkbook. And there's still European football to play. Harry Kane wins another Golden Boot and the Golden Ball for most assists. We have to keep him around.
May 2021: Kieran Trippier and Christian Eriksen become key contributors to Atletico Madrid and Inter Milan's respective title wins. In other news, Juan Foyth wins the Europa League with Villarreal while on loan. Does that sound familiar?
CL Final 2021: Chelsea find another way to win another Champions League title, despite sacking a manger midway through the season and having misfiring forwards. And it was against Man City…who we beat every now and then.
2021-22: We need a director of football to help us match up to our rivals better. Fabio Paratici built Juventus in the most dominant club in Italy, surely he can replicate that in England. No we won't hire Paulo Fonseca and his 7 assistant coaches, way too much payroll. And no, you can't hire Gennaro Gattuso for his derogatory comments. Wait, where the hell is Harry Kane? Ahh I see he wants to be sold to Man City. HA! Doesn't he know he just signed an extension? Son has too, so if Harry wants to play hardball let him. Quickly, hire Nuno Espirito Santos as our fail-safe. He's not what we wanted but we fucked up so we're fucked now. Wait, how can we be so critical of ourselves? CHECK OUT THIS GLORIOUS STADIUM!!!!
Nov 2021: Nuno is terrible, he's lost 5 in a row. Who cares if we beat Man City on opening day? Get him out NOW! Get Antonio Conte in. It's another former Chelsea manager to restore our standing in the club.
Final Matchday 2022: HUZZAH! After a turbulent season, losing to wifi-password named clubs in the Conference League then getting kicked out of it for COVID reasons, Conte calling us out in the media multiple times, we galvanized ourselves to a 4th place finish. We're back, and it's thanks to the Juve rejects in Cristian Romero, Dejan Kulusevski, and Rodrigo Bentancur. Son won the Golden Boot, a true testament to his development at Spurs. Back on track. But still...no trophies. Another finish above Arsenal...they should just make a team award for that at this point.
2022-23: A full season of a happier Conte should lead us to silverware. Let’s not dawddle, start making signings. Richarlison always victimized us at Everton, let’s bring him to back up Kane. Yves Bissouma did the same at Brighton and we do need a batter box to box midfielder. Him too. Ivan Perisic on a free for Conte’s wingback. Surely our defense is fine in the hands of Romero, Dier, Clement Lenglet, and Ben Davies. And Djed Spence because reasons.
April 2023: It’s been a terrible season. From having our best start to a season since 1967 to bottling game after game after game. Tepid football, lack of inspiration. Despite small triumphs like winning the Champions League group stage and mugging Manchester City of points again, they have failed miserably again. Son’s form is gone. Richarlison doesn’t know how to score. The defense is wide open. It implodes after giving up 3 goals to a bottom table Southampton after being up 3-0. Conte is furious, criticizes ownership again, and is canned back to Italy. Fabio Paratici was also banned by FIFA for cooking Juve’s books. To make it worse, Arsenal was leading the top of the table and almost won the title. Thank the football gods for Man City and their oil money franchise. That means nothing as the season prolapses, we fall out of European contention, and finish 8th. No manager, no director football, toxic fanbase crying out for changes. I have now developed heavy drinking. "ZE DON'T WANT TO PLAY FOR SOMETHING IMPORTANT! 20 YEARS THERE IS THE OWNER AND NEVER WON SOMETHING!"
UEL Semi-Final 2023: Did I mention this gets worse because it does. A couple seasons back, Spurs swapped Erik Lamela and 25 million for promising Spanish youngster Bryan Gil from Sevilla. Gil was never favored by Nuno or Conte, with the Italian basically exiling him from the team unless he had no other choice but to play him. Gil would be loaned back to Sevilla where he assisted Erik Lamela's game-winning goal in stoppage time to book Sevilla a place in the Europa League final. I want to drink bleach...
UEL Final 2023: Bryan Gil and Erik Lamela win the Europa League with Sevilla against Jose Mourinho's Roma. All I can do is laugh.
Twenty-three years of failures and memes, Tottenham look like a lost club. All the shiny toys, but nothing to show for it. Champagne expectations with a beer budget. Does the ownership really value profit that much? Daniel Levy always insists his goal every season is to win a trophy. But how do you do that without attracting top talent? They squandered a window in 2019 and can’t remake the glory. They've made signing after signing that are inconsistent or not at the level to win trophies. It feels like they value cheap deals rather than actual talent. It's killing the club. Kane has been a legend at the club but he’s ready to move on. I don’t blame him, his career is incomplete with some hardware. But the future looks bleak. What will Spurs do next? Will they do a full rebuild and risk the possibility of no European football? Or will they try to win at least one trophy before Kane's contract is up?

Saw two pretty nice brown Leather couches on Earl Ave if anyone is looking for some furniture.

Saw two fairly nice leather couches set out front a house on Earl Ave in case anyone needs summer furniture

Hello all. I have written here before about my job at Ultima Resort (1,2,3,4,5,6,7), though I know it has been a while, sorry about that. We were trapped for some time, my phone died pretty quickly, and I wasn’t able to recharge it again until the water receded. So, I haven’t really been able to write. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me get you up to date, then it will all make more sense.
I opened a door and peered into the closet, but the noise was quieter here, if anything. I shut the closet and continued down the hallway. The dripping had started out intermittent. The gentle plip, plip, plip was barely audible over the normal sounds of the hotel, and we had assumed it was related to the steady rain that had been drumming on the building for a few days, at that point. But the frequency of the dripping had been increasing steadily, and now was concerningly loud and constant. It was somehow audible from every corner of the hotel, and it was only a matter of time until the guests complained. They were already irritable because of the bad weather, which had kept them stuck indoors. As I passed a window, a flash of lightning lit the forest behind the hotel. The lights flickered ominously but it stayed on. The clap of thunder rattled the doors in their frames. I spotted Vincent hurrying towards me from down the hall. His face seemed pale.
“Well, did you find the leak?” I asked.
“Umm… you could say that,” he replied, uncomfortably, eyes shifting to the storm outside.
“What’s wrong?”
“It… well, you should just come see.”
I followed him down the hall to the ballroom where we had hosted the anniversary party some days back. It had been a nice event. Less deaths than I had expected. The hors d’oeuvres were pretty good. There was still a bit of smoke damage on the west wall, but we had cleaned it off as best as we could and the place looked presentable again, though I was now thinking we should put on a new coat of paint. It was hard to decide, when I wasn’t sure if the room would even be here next week. Vincent opened the door on the back wall and gestured me inside. This was new.
It was some sort of small storage cupboard, with dim lighting and a low ceiling. It was full of what looked like furniture, draped in white cloths for storage. I wondered what the furniture was made of, because the room had a strange fetid odor, that reminded me of rot and death. I covered my nose with my hand instinctively, but it did little to help. The small window in the back showed that the rain continued to fall outside, but it didn’t seem to be the source of the leak, as the floor around it was dry. Still, the leak must be in here, because the sound was louder than ever. I took a step forward, to get a better look at the room, but Vincent grabbed my arm and pulled me back, pointing towards the ceiling. I looked up to see a large dome light. It had a strange dark tint, and hardly any light made it through. But something else was coming from the dome. Drips fell in a steady rhythm, and as my eyes tracked them, I saw them splash into a widening puddle on the ground. The puddle was viscous and black, glimmering in the dim light. I looked back at Vincent.
“What is that?” I raised an eyebrow. “It doesn’t really look like ordinary water to me.”
“I don’t know. Maybe… it is picking something up as it drips through from the roof?” he did not sound particularly convincing.
“Maybe,” I tried to play along. “Though, I am not sure I want to know what that could be. Did you check if it is coming from somewhere upstairs?”
“Yeah. Nothing out of the ordinary on the floor above, and I can’t find any signs of a leak anywhere else.”
“Alright,” I backed out of the door and closed it behind us. “Well, I am sure whatever that is will work itself out.”
“What? We’re just going to leave it? Why did we even bother looking, then?” Vincent protested.
“I was worried it was a roof leak, something we needed to handle with routine maintenance. That does not seem to be the case,” I raised a questioning eyebrow. “Do you know how to fix whatever is going on in there?”
“No…”
“Me neither. In this place, when the ceiling is dripping black ichor, it is probably for a reason. I assume we’ll find out when one of our guests gets involved.”
Vincent opened his mouth, as if to protest, but even as he did, the sound of the phone at the desk echoed through the hotel. Vincent sighed,
“Alright, let’s go see what fresh hell awaits us today.”
I heard a small chuckle inside my head. I resisted the urge to ask Al what he knew. He answers were rarely helpful. He didn’t seem to lie, but he was often intentionally misleading, saying whatever he thought would elicit the most drama. I was tired of giving him the satisfaction. I was sure I could sense his disappointment when I refused to engage, but maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. I couldn’t blame Vincent for being apprehensive about what the guests’ inquiry might be. The three men had arrived to participate in some sort of golf event, but they been here for 3 days now and since it had poured every moment, the event was not taking place. The guests were very unhappy about this turn of events, and they had mostly been killing time by taking it out on us. That wasn’t exactly a surprise. The rich ones were always the most demanding, unused to being told ‘no’ even when the question was ‘has the rain stopped yet?’, and based on the Bugatti they had arrived in, these men were quite rich. I answered the phone on the desk, already suppressing a sigh.
“Ultima Resort, front desk, how can I help you?”
“You can come and open the bar,” the voice on the other end snapped. “It’s past noon and the sign says it should be available by now.”
“I apologize, sir. I’ll be right there.”
“You had better be. The service at this place is frankly astounding. Honestly, I don’t understand why anyone ever stays here. I have half a mind to leave a review warning people away.”
“I’m sorry, sir. I know your stay hasn’t been ideal, but please bear with us and we will do everything we can to make it right.”
“You can start by hanging up the phone and getting me my drink.”
The line went dead in my hand. I sighed and replaced the phone on the cradle.
“Let me guess, they wanted to give us a large tip and leave early?”
“Don’t quit your day job,” I chuckled. “You wouldn’t make it as a psychic. Come on, let’s go open the bar, before we have a mutiny on our hands.”
I grabbed the key to open the shutters from the desk and we headed into the dining room. Our three guests were standing around the locked bar, making a show of checking their watches. I struggled to keep my eyes from rolling. It was 12:03pm.
“You know,” Jack turned to the man next to him, but spoke loudly enough to be sure I could hear. “This reminds me of some of the dumps we stayed in before we made our fortune, you know? The little rat trap motels in the port towns we had to stay in.”
“The customer service certainly leaves something to be desired, for a 5-star resort,” his companion, Stewart, sniffed. “For the amount we are paying, I would expect better.”
I turned the lock, opening the bar. I let them vent; I didn’t particularly care if they left us a bad review, and I certainly couldn’t do anything with a good tip, so they were free to hate it here if they wanted. It mattered less to me than they could possibly imagine.
“Can you both hear that leak from your rooms?” the final man, Lesley, asked.
“Can we? I swear it is audible from everywhere in the hotel. There must be a dozen leaks in this old roof,” Jack laughed.
“It would explain that,” Stewart gestured to wet stain on the carpet across the room, oozing out from under a door I didn’t remember being there yesterday.
I glanced over to Vincent, he shrugged,
“I guess we’ve got a new connection to the ballroom. That’s kind of handy,” he said quietly to me, stepping behind the bar and reaching for the rum to pour; it was all they ever ordered.
“That’s another thing that reminds me of the old days,” Jack elbowed Lesley. “You would think a landlocked hotel would be drier than a yacht, but here we are. Maybe you should get out a mop, see if you remember how, Les.”
Lesley stiffened,
“I don’t do menial labor anymore, Cap.”
“Of course, of course,” Jack clapped Les on the shoulder. “Just a joke, mate. The usual, my good man,” he smiled at Vincent, who began pouring drinks.
As day transitioned into evening, I left the dining room in search of absorbent material, to put down on the leak that was spreading persistently into the dining room. I found some cat litter in a back closet, and it seemed like it would do, for now, so I returned and began spreading it over the growing stain. Jack at the bar looked up blearily, watching my work, before finally declaring,
“Oh, so it’s shit, then. That would at least explain the smell.”
“I think it smells more like a rotting carcass,” Stewart interjected.
He had a point there. Maybe I should get some baking soda from the kitchen.
“You know what?” Jack concluded. “Let’s get this next bottle to go. We’ll take it to our rooms for the night. I can’t stand the smell down here another minute.”
He grabbed the bottle from the bar, then he rose and led his friends out of the dining room. I couldn’t say I was sorry to see them go. Vincent circled out from around the bar and approached the soggy patch on the floor.
“So, is that the storage room?”
Now that we were alone, I risked turning the knob and I opened the door to see the same storage room we had entered earlier, though now the light fixture was pouring dark liquid onto the floor, the drip having turned into a deluge. I slammed the door again.
“Maybe we should get Manny,” I concluded.
Manny stood back, watching the ichor pour down like a waterfall. It was pooling around our shoes now, even standing outside the doorframe. He stroked his chin,
“How long has it been like this?”
“I don’t know,” I frowned. “It’s certainly sped up since we found it several hours ago. Any idea how we stop it?”
Manny closed his eyes for a moment, then frowned.
“I think, perhaps, that we should move the food and water from the kitchen, so they don’t get spoiled.”
“Move them where?” Vincent asked.
“To the top floor storage closet. It’ll be safest there. Come help me gather things up.”
“What, exactly, do you think is going to happen?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Let’s just get to work, we probably don’t have much time.”
Manny turned and strode into the kitchen. Vincent hung back and tapped my shoulder,
“What does he know that we don’t?”
“I have no idea, honestly,” I shrugged, and Vincent headed off towards the kitchen. “Do you know?”
I kept my voice low, so the others didn’t hear.
Oh, are you speaking to me now? Al sniffed.
“Depends, are you going to say anything useful?”
Perhaps for a…
“If you say ‘for a price’ we can go back to not talking. I am not trading anything for this.”
I think you will find I am much more helpful if you are willing to make a trade.
“I categorically disagree with that statement.”
Fine, I could feel him scowling. I can give you a hint for free. Maybe try asking yourself what he’s hiding from you?
“Your free hint is that he is keeping secrets?” I raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that true of all of us? That isn’t exactly helpful.”
Well then, perhaps you would like to make a trade?
“Why do I even bother?” I sighed and headed into the kitchen to join the others.
Vincent was helping Manny load food onto a rolling cart. The Chef was, fortunately, nowhere in sight.
“Grab another cart and start loading the soft drinks and bottled water onto it. We don’t have much time before we need to be in our rooms,” Manny instructed.
I heaved a case of bottled water onto the cart, and we all got to work. By the time we made the final trip the carpet in the hall squished under my feet, oozing dark, foul-smelling liquid. It was coming in fast, now. Manny was probably right; we wouldn’t want the food supplies getting contaminated with… whatever this was. After he finished stacking the last bag of rice in the closet, Manny closed the door and turned the key in the lock.
“Well, we should find our rooms. It is getting late, and I doubt they will be in their usual place.”
As he turned to walk away, I noticed blood dripping down from his fingers onto the carpet.
“Manny, wait, your arm,” I pulled up his sleeve to reveal a thin, but deep cut running up his forearm. “What happened? Are you alright?”
Manny yanked his arm away,
“It’s nothing. I must have scraped it moving a box.”
It didn’t look like a scrape. It looked clean, with sharp edges, like a knife wound. But before I could say anything more, he was gone, disappearing down one of the halls.
“You ever wonder about him?” Vincent asked.
“Wonder what?”
“What his deal is. Come on, don’t play dumb. You’ve noticed how strange he can be. How he seems to know things about this place he shouldn’t. Surely, you’ve considered that he might be… one of them.”
“One of them?”
“You know, one of the things that run this place, like the Chef. A demon.”
“Manny? No, that’s ridiculous.”
“Why? He was here before you, maybe he was always here.”
“He is nothing like the Chef or the Masseur. It’s obvious that he is a person.”
“Is it? Maybe that’s just another trick. Maybe he is here to torment us, to steer us wrong.”
I shook my head,
“No, he’s helped us, helped me, many times. It’s impossible.”
“Alright,” Vincent shrugged. “But I have a bad feeling about this one, Lucy. Something about that… water. It isn’t right.”
“You always have a bad feeling. Come on, it’s time to get to sleep.”
“Right. See you tomorrow.”
However he knew, Manny was right. I found my room on the 2nd floor, in a back hallway. Since it wasn’t in its usual place, it took longer to find, but I did manage it before the deadline and locked myself in. Somehow, I could still hear the sound of flowing water, though. I could hear it everywhere in the hotel, in fact. In a way, it was soothing, people liked the sound of flowing water, right? So, keeping that in mind, I allowed it to lull me to sleep.
The morning arrived without fanfare, or a discernable difference in the light coming in through the windows. The storm continued to rage outside, and the clouds were so thick and dark that it was impossible to tell that dawn had broken. Still, my watch told me that day had arrived and so I left the room prepared to mop up whatever water had pooled downstairs and try to serve breakfast. No food had appeared in my room last night, so breakfast sounded very appealing. At least I could sneak a muffin or something. As I arrived at the stairs, I saw Manny standing on the landing, gazing down at the lobby.
“Is the mess bad?” I asked.
“You could say that,” Manny didn’t turn as I approached.
I reached the railing and gasped. The lobby was gone. The whole first floor was gone. All I could see was dark water, lapping against the stairs.
“How is that possible?”
“That’s not really a relevant question, in this place,” Manny noted. “Let’s just call it a flash flood.”
I jogged over to look out one of the windows, lightning flashed, illuminating an alien view, the lawn and garden were also gone. The only thing in sight was a sea of dark water, with the occasional tree protruding from the surface.
“What do we do now?” I asked.
“What we always do. Vincent has headed upstairs to lay out some food. We can help him, then lock up the rest and go clean rooms.”
“And if the water keeps rising?”
“We keep moving up the floors, I suppose.”
I stepped down the stairs until I was next to the water, and reached out a hand to touch the surface, wanting to test its temperature and texture.
Stop!
I froze in place, hand hovering above the liquid, the command so urgent I couldn’t ignore it. Trying to act casually, I rose and headed back up the stairs,
“Alright, I’ll go help with breakfast. Maybe we should put up a sign directing the guests to the 5th floor?”
“I’ll handle that. We will have to ration the food carefully; we don’t know how long we will need to make it last. Whatever you do, don’t show the guests where the food is locked up, and only bring out enough for us to have a small meal.”
“Right,” I nodded. “See you up there.”
I turned and headed up the stairs. I waited until I was out of earshot to ask,
“Ok, what was that about?”
Do not touch the water.
“Yes, I gathered that. Why?”
Because you belong to me. And I need you alive.
“What is the deal with that water, exactly?”
But only silence answered. He was done volunteering things for the moment, apparently. I sighed and continued up the stairs. Vincent was waiting for me on the fifth floor, hovering by the landing, looking down over the dark, gleaming surface of the new lake below.
“Have you ever seen anything like this before?” he asked as I reached the top of the stairs.
“Nope, this is a new one.”
“I wonder if this is what being on the Titanic felt like?” he mused. “Water rising, nowhere to go, just waiting for the end.”
“We aren’t on a ship, though.”
“No. Does that make it better, or worse?”
I shrugged and Vincent passed me a bagel,
“I figure we should eat the breads first; they’ll go moldy in this humidity. We can save the rice, potatoes, and canned goods for later.”
“Makes sense. Do we have a way to cook any of those things?”
“I looked around. Some of the rooms have fireplaces, I guess we can hang a pot over the fire, cook that way. But maybe all this will stop before we get to that point.”
“Maybe,” I wasn’t exactly feeling optimistic about it.
I helped Vincent lay out some fruit and soft breads on the hall table, so that when the guests awoke, they would have something to eat.
“What exactly are we going to tell them when they get here?” Vincent asked, putting out some bowls. “We can’t exactly say that the hotel is sinking and it’s all perfectly normal, can we?”
“What else is there to say?” I shrugged. “It’s some sort of flood. We don’t know any more than they do. It’s the truth, right?”
He considered that for a moment, then nodded.
“I suppose it is.”
A sudden commotion from downstairs drew us to the railing. The three guests were standing on the 2nd floor landing, looking down at the water, Manny was saying something I couldn’t quite hear, but the response was clear enough,
“What do you mean, underwater!” Steward shouted. “This hotel is on dry land. We specifically avoided anything near the ocean or any major body of water. Where did all this even come from?”
“We are located on a flood plain. It is possible that the dam broke upstream,” Manny explained calmly.
Dam, huh? That wasn’t a bad explanation.
“If that is true, where are the authorities, shouldn’t someone be here to evacuate us?”
“I am sure they will be here when they can. Until then, we just need to stay calm and safe. There is breakfast laid out on the 5th floor, please stay away from the water and we will relocate your rooms to the upper floors.”
The trio of men grumbled, but eventually they headed up the stairs. Vincent and I ducked back to our places. As they grabbed fruit from the table, Lesley scowled,
“I told you we should have left days ago. We could have moved to another hotel. Now we’re trapped here, in this dump.”
“Oh, relax, Les,” Jack chuckled. “We’ve been in worse scrapes before. This isn’t a big deal.”
“And if the water keeps rising?”
“I bet we could manage to make a passable raft, eh Stewart?”
Both men chuckled, sharing a private joke, but Lesley still looked anxious.
“I didn’t ever want to be out on the water again. We agreed.”
“Seriously, Les, just keep it together, alright? Let’s just eat something and find some way to kill time. I am sure the authorities will send a rescue crew and we’ll be out of here in no time.”
I opened the storage closet and felt my heart sink as I looked on the nearly empty room. We were down to only a couple of boxes of crackers and a few bottles of water. We had rationed the food carefully, but it had been over 2 weeks now, and we had almost exhausted our supply. I wasn’t looking forward to telling the others. Things had been getting tense. The power went out on the third day, and by now every cellphone we had was dead. Not that anyone could get a signal before that, anyway. The water had risen all the way to the fifth floor, so we were all trapped together on the top floor of the hotel, with nowhere else to go, if it rose any further. The guests had mostly given up hope for rescue, and the rest of us knew that was never a hope to begin with. So, now it looked like the six of us were just going to be trapped up here to starve, if we didn’t drown first. I covered my face with my hands.
“That bad, huh?”
“Vincent. No, it’s… it’s not…” what was the point in lying about it? “Yeah, it’s that bad. We are almost out of food, and the water has risen at least another foot since yesterday.”
“What are we going to do?”
“I have no idea. Let’s just get back to the group. We shouldn’t leave Manny alone, in case the guests come out of their rooms.”
“Right.”
We walked back to the central hallway together. As we entered the room, I saw Manny with his back to us, removing a soaked shirt. Even in the dim light, it was clear that his back was webbed with dozens of scars and cuts. Vincent cleared his throat and Manny hurriedly tugged on a dry shirt.
“I patched the hole in the roof,” he explained. “The rain should stop getting in from there, at least. And I brought down a full barrel of rainwater and replaced it with an empty one.”
“Thank you, Manny. At least the water from the sky is… normal. Because we are going to have to start drinking that water from time now on, I think.”
“And the food?” Manny asked.
“Some crackers, nothing more.”
“Well, I guess we will all need to tighten our belts, then.”
A moment of heavy silence passed between us, before a door burst open and Jack emerged.
“Where’s the food?” he barked. “We’re hungry and the table is bare.”
“Food’s gone,” Manny replied coolly. “There is water in the barrel, to take the edge off.”
“We can’t survive on only water.”
“We can, for another couple of weeks.”
“So that is your plan, to slowly starve to death?”
Manny shrugged but didn’t reply.
“Well, suit yourselves, I have a better plan.”
Jack turned on his heel and stormed out.
“What do you think they will do?” Vincent asked.
“He said already, didn’t he? Build a raft,” Manny replied.
“Maybe that isn’t a bad idea,” I offered. “We could help, try to get out of here?”
“Has attempting to leave ever worked?” Manny asked. “No, all we can do is hunker down until this resolves itself. And I don’t think going out on that water is a good idea.”
“Should we try to stop them, then?”
“No. If they are focused on building, it will keep them off our backs, for the time being. Let them do what they want.”
Vincent and I spent the next few days watching the three men lash together furniture using heavy objects as improvised hammers and strips of torn bed linens as ropes. They seemed to actually have some idea of what they were doing, and they quickly fell into a rhythm, with Stewart and Jack doing most of the planning and construction and Lesley being ordered to fetch supplies and carry heavy objects. He grumbled about it, but did what they told him. They mostly didn’t even notice we were there, as long as we made a show of occupying ourselves with some cleaning task or another. They never even bothered to ask why we were still cleaning and maintaining a flooded, sinking hotel all day. It was hard to tell if they just paid so little attention to us that they didn’t notice, or if they simply figured it was our way of coping with the situation. Occasionally, they would ask us for some material they needed but could not find, and we would help as much as we could, then they would go back to ignoring us. On the third day, when the raft was beginning to look seaworthy, Jack sat back on his heels, admiring their handiwork.
“Well, boys? What do you think? Will it float?”
Stewart rubbed his nose with his thumb,
“I think it’s as fine a vessel as we have ever crewed, captain.”
Jack laughed,
“And you thought we had left those days behind us for good, eh chief?”
“They are. But it looks like it will come in handy for us, one more time. Good luck, huh?”
“Good luck?” Lesley’s face turned dark; he had been increasingly dour over the last few days. “I don’t see the good luck in any of this. I think we are reaping our just reward.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Les, this flood has nothing to do with us.”
“No? You think all this is normal, then? It’s been raining nonstop for weeks, the water keeps rising, no one has come looking for us. It’s like…” he hesitated before continuing. “It’s like we are alone in our own private hell. Just us and dark water everywhere. I don’t know how you aren’t thinking about it. I can’t stop. I see his face whenever I close my eyes. I see the dark puddle in the bottom of the lifeboat. Maybe this is what we deserve.”
Jack backhanded him across the face,
“Pull yourself together, swabbie. And don’t speak again until you’ve regained your composure,” he turned back to Stewart. “Now, we need to get this to the roof before we finish lashing it together, or it won’t fit. Then, we can either find a way to launch it, or we can wait until the water rises enough, what do you think, Mr. Stewart?”
“Well, captain, I say we rig up some ropes to lower it, because if we wait until the water is that high and anything goes wrong, we won’t have another chance.”
“Very good. Alright, Les, help us lift these pieces.”
The raft was relocated to the roof and the next 3 days were spent lashing it together and making the ropes strong enough to lower it the ever-dwindling distance into the dark water. When they were finally ready to launch, Vincent, Manny and I gathered on the roof to watch. I had to admit, I was really beginning to hope they succeeded, even if it didn’t seem likely. We were still rationing out the last few crackers, but three or four crackers a day did little to even take the edge off of the hunger, which gnawed on my guts like an animal. If this didn’t work, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I looked over at Manny, his face grim and starting to look a little gaunt. As he turned to face me, I saw blood coating his neck and seeping into his shirt collar from a cut near his ear.
“You’re bleeding.”
He reached up and touched his neck, bringing his hand aways stained crimson,
“Shaving cut,” he offered, wiping it off absently with his hand.
I raised an eyebrow, but let it go. I had noticed Manny with little cuts or scars before, but he was always doing landscaping work or maintenance, so small cuts and injuries didn’t seem unusual. But suddenly, in such close quarters and confined indoors, it was apparent that he seemed to injure himself more than I would expect.
Curious, isn’t it? Al asked, speaking up for the first time in sometime.
“You have something to tell me?” I mumbled under my breath.
No, just noting that there is power in blood. I wonder what he uses it for?
Power, huh? That was probably worth thinking about. Later. For now, my attention was drawn to the makeshift ropes lowering the raft into the water. The raft settled into the water with barely a ripple, the liquid was entirely too thick and seemed to stick to the wood like oil, and the sound when it hit was less a splash and more of a splat. The three men looked at each other, confusion and concern on their faces.
“That doesn’t much seem like normal water, Cap’n,” Lesley noted.
“Probably lots of mud and silt mixed in, it’s nothing,” Jack waved away the concern. “Get down there and then you can help us down.”
Lesley shook his head, mutely.
“Fine, Stewart?”
The other man didn’t look happy about it, but he nodded apprehensively and moved to the edge of the roof and clambered down onto the raft. As it bucked and shifted under his weight, he lay down, waiting for it to stabilize, but instead, the rolling and pitching seemed to increase. Then, from the water under the boat came dozens of pale human hands. They were terribly bloated and marbled with green and grey. Corpse hands. Stewart looked down, terror written plainly on his face.
“No! It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t cause it,” he shouted at the corpses looming under him in the dark water. “You want the captain, not me!”
If that was meant to mollify them, it didn’t work. The hands gripped the wood and pulled, capsizing the raft and pitching Stewart into the water. He screamed as he hit the surface. Not just from fear, but pain. He tried clinging to flipped raft, but hands wrapped around his torso, trying to pull him into the dark. I could swear I heard whispers rising from the surface: Join us.
“Help me, please!” he cried.
He was too far down to reach from the roof, but maybe there was another way.
“Hurry, if we can get to the windows on the 5th floor, we can pull him in,” I shouted.
Vincent nodded and we ran down the stairs, searching for the room closest to him in the water. The screaming helped. When we dragged him inside, he was covered in scratches and bites from teeth that looked very human, some very deep and freely bleeding. His skin was stained from the dark water. The hands continued to reach for him, so I slammed the window shut, leaving them to paw at the glass, just as Manny burst into the room, followed by the other two guests. Seeing the seriousness of his injuries, Manny moved closer, kneeling next to me.
“Some of these are very deep. We need to get pressure on the wounds. Go grab some towels,” he instructed Stewart’s companions.
He inspected the bites and scratches more closely,
“Lucy, this bite is on an artery, press down on it hard, or he will bleed out. Vincent, go get some soap and water, we will have to clean this as best we can, under the circumstances.”
Vincent rose and Manny and I were left alone with Stewart, who seemed to have passed out.
“You seem to know what you are doing,” I noted, pressing down on the bleeding wound.
“I… I was a doctor, once,” he didn’t meet my eyes when he said it.
“Wow.”
“It was a long time ago. Another life.”
“Why didn’t you ever…” I was interrupted when Stewart’s eyes snapped open.
“I need a priest,” Stewart grabbed Manny’s collar, his eyes fevered and unfocused. “I need to confess my sins, before I die.”
“You aren’t going to…”
“We killed him,” he pressed on, oblivious to my objections. “Alan Ross.”
“The billionaire?” I blurted, surprised. “But he died in a… shipwreck…”
I fell silent. I remembered the news stories; Ross had been on a luxury yacht on the way to the Cayman Islands when it wrecked in a storm. The entire crew was lost, except for the captain, the chief mate, and a single deckhand, who had survived in a lifeboat. Ross was in the lifeboat as well, but he had already drowned, before they were able to drag him on board. They had drifted for over two weeks, with his corpse, before they were found and rescued. It had been a major news story, about a decade ago.
“It wasn’t like the news reported,” Stewart gasped. “When the yacht started taking on water, we should have stayed and helped to organize the evacuation of the crew. But Ross wanted to leave right away. He offered us money if we took just him and abandoned the others. We agreed, the captain and I. Lesley was just a deckhand, but he saw us leaving and followed. We quietly launched a lifeboat and fled, leaving the others to their fates.”
“How did Ross die?” I asked.
“He had a bag with him. It was so heavy he could hardly carry it. When he put it in the boat, it fell open and it was filled with diamonds. He was taking them to the Caymans. When we saw that, we… well, we decided. If he didn’t survive the shipwreck, if the diamonds were never found, who would know? We drowned him and hid the diamonds. When we were rescued, we waited awhile, then we sold them, made millions. But it wasn’t worth it… it wasn’t worth this. The guilt…”
He slumped to the ground. Manny met my eyes over the body,
“I think we lost him.”
As I looked up from the body, I saw Jack and Lesley standing there in the doorway, towels in their hands. There was an ugly look on Jack’s face.
“I wish he hadn’t told you that.”
“Told us what? He was raving, delusional,” I attempted.
“We were standing right here,” he replied.
I swallowed hard. Jack advanced into the room, holding a broken table leg like a club.
“We’ve kept this secret all these years, it isn’t getting out now.”
“We won’t tell anyone,” I protested.
“That isn’t a chance I am willing to take. Besides, with the food supply exhausted, it was always going to come to this, eventually. Might as well get it over with.”
“What are you doing?” I heard Vincent call from the doorway.
“Lesley, take care of him, will you?” Jack continued to advance on us.
“Please Jack, hasn’t there been enough death?” Lesley protested.
“Don’t act all innocent, you agreed to this, just like the rest of us. In for a penny, in for a pound, my friend.”
I glanced around for a weapon. Between the three of us, we should be able to take him, but I didn’t much like the look in Jack’s eyes. Manny had stood, backing slowly away as Jack advanced. Then the captain took a swing at him, Manny jumped to the side and the makeshift bat shattered the window behind him. Jack’s expression turned to one of horror as a pair of pale hands gripped the doorframe and a body began heaving itself through the open window. The broken glass sliced its bloated flesh to ribbons, but it didn’t halt the creature’s ingress. Dark, thick liquid that smelled of death oozed from its wounds.
“Alan!” Jack exclaimed, backing away swinging his bat at the creature.
“You owe me,” it gurgled.
We all backed out into the hall, but the creature advanced, slowly, leaving a trail of black liquid on the carpet as it walked.
“Is it money you want? I can get you your money back, your diamonds,” Jack offered.
“What use do I have for money?” it wheezed. “You owe me a life.”
Jack hit the body with his club, but it didn’t slow its progress. He screamed as it reached out a hand and closed it around his throat. Jack was lifted off his feet and the creature carried him to the stairs and plunged him into the dark water. At first, he flailed and fought, but a dozen hands rose from the water, gripping every part of his body. When he was completely immobilized, the corpse released him, letting him be dragged down into the depths. Then, it turned,
“Now,” it spoke to Lesley. “Will you fight, or come willingly?”
Lesley was trembling so hard he could barely stand,
“Please, I’m sorry, I beg you, spare me.”
The creature’s lips curled into a grotesque smile,
“Do you regret what you did to me?”
“I do, I do. I never should have agreed with their plan. Please, have mercy.”
“Did you have mercy on me, when I begged?”
Lesley shook his head.
“Then accept your fate.”
“What… what do you want me to do?”
“Walk into the water. Give your life willingly. Perhaps they will spare you, if you do,” the creature laughed, dark liquid bubbling from its mouth.
Lesley nodded haltingly and began to walk towards the stairs, stepping into the water, he walked down until he was submerged up to his waist. Then, the hands wrapped around his arms and torso and abruptly dragged him under. For a long moment, it seemed like he was gone, the same as Jack, but a moment later, he was thrown back onto the landing. Lesley raised his eyes, now as black as the water, and the creature smiled again, a tooth falling from its mouth as it did.
“Very good,” it burbled. “You have been baptized and born again into a new life.”
Lesley nodded, a serene smile on his face. Without a word, he rose and walked back into the room we had vacated only a moment before. Outside the window, the raft had been righted and floated serenely on the water. He looked down at Stewart’s body, then picked it up and draped it over his shoulder. Glancing back at the three of us, he winked,
“A snack for the journey.”
Then, he stepped out of the window onto the raft and drifted away.
“Don’t suppose any of you would care to join him?” the corpse of Alan Ross inquired. “Be born anew in the cleansing water?”
We all shook our heads silently.
“Oh well, another time, then.”
And with that, the corpse walked into the water and disappeared.
That night, our usual meals appeared in our rooms, and by the next morning, the water had receded, as if it had never been there. The electricity came back on, and the rain stopped. I was finally able to charge my phone and post this account. I tried asking Manny for more information about his time as a doctor but is as reticent as ever. I will keep trying, though, because Vincent and Al are right about one thing, there is something suspicious about how much he knows that he shouldn’t. But, that is a problem for another day, after all there is no need to rush, we aren’t going anywhere.
Until next time,
Lucy

Friday 2nd June

• Led Bike Ride - Sunny Cycles Friday Led Ride - £Donation (£3 suggested)
• A bike ride using cycle paths & roads to get people cycling for mental & physical well-being. A ride leader will lead this group ride on the network of cycle paths to a café or place of interest. The group stays together and rides at a social pace. All welcome.
• 10:00 - 13:30 McLennan Arch Saltmarket Glasgow G1 5JZ

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• Community - Dragon Boat Festival - £Free (Ticketed)
• Attendees can expect a fun evening of arts and crafts, live music, presentations, Chinese calligraphy and language, traditional tea ceremony, sticky rice dumpling making and more! The event is designed to introduce the culture and history of this traditional Chinese holiday known as Duanwu Jie (端午节)
• 18:00 - 20:00 Kelvin Gallery Gilbert Scott Building University Avenue G12 8QQ

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• Art/Opening Night - Lewis Deeney: An Odyssey of Chaos - £Free
• Lewis Deeney's first solo show in Glasgow. His revolutionary approach to abstract painting will be displayed in the iconic Glasgow Art Club. Opening night - Everyone's welcome!
• 18:00 - 20:30 The Glasgow Art Club 185 Bath Street G2 4HU

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• Live Set - Facta & K-LONE (Live Set Only) - £7 + Booking Fee
• The minds behind Wisdom Teeth will be performing live in a special pre-club event. Expect dreamy visuals, mood lighting and an exclusive first listen to the pair's brand new liveset with support from Invisible Inc. label head; GK Machine, and EH-FM/Club Silkie legend Xivro. PLEASE NOTE - this does not include entry into the club night.
• 19:00 - 22:30 Berkeley Suite 237 North St G3 7DL

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• Gig - Sister Madds: Single Launch - £6 + Booking Fee
• Sister Madds: 601 Single Launch! With incredible support from Junk Pups and Bin Juice, it's gonna be a hell of a night full of rock, pop and weirdness.
• 19:30 - 23:30 Nice N Sleazy 421 Sauchiehall Street G2 3LG

Thursday 1st June

• Zines - Ahhhh May Zine Fair - £Free (Ticketed)
• A fair for the unvanquished and the tireless; artists who engage in the radical act of DIY publishing give platforms to the never-ready-for-prime-time voices. Browse and buy zines from SPAM Press, From Glasgow To Saturn, Set The Zine and more.
• 13:00 - 15:00 Dining Hall @ Glasgow University Union 32 University Avenue G12 8LX

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• Night Market - Summer Bonanza - £6 for 2/£3.50/£3/£2 (Booking Required)
• A glittering late-night emporium bringing the very best local traders to make one homegrown extravaganza!
• 17:30 - 22:30 Cottiers 93-95 Hyndland St G11 5PU

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• Talk - The Govan Heritage Dialogues - £Free
• Conserving the Built Heritage in the Public Interest. Led by David Robertson. The major refurbishment of Govan Old church requires reflection on the conservation strategies followed on similar historic buildings in Glasgow.
• 18:30 - 21:00 Govan Old Parish Church 866 Govan Rd Govan G51 3UU

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• Gig - Electric Honey Presents The 30th Anniversary Showcase - £Five£6 On the Door
• Student run Electric Honey Records, once home of Belle & Sebastian, Snow Patrol and Biffy Clyro, present their annual showcase featuring live sets from Scunnurt, Land of Rubber Men, Wine Moms and Sophie Gibson.
• 18:30 - 22:30 Stereo 22 Renfield Ln G2 5AR

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• Poetry/Pride - Versaye Pride Edition! - £Free
• Featuring a whole host of talent (queer only) including featured poets Michael Mullen & Anna Secret Poet, an LGBT History Quiz and a singalong!
• 20:25 - 22:15 Set Cafe Bar Tron Theatre 25 Chisholm St G1 5HB

Wednesday 31st May

• Books - Mat Osman/Richard Osman in conversation at the Hay Festival - £Free (Ticketed)
• Streaming live from the Hay Festival, join this fantastic discussion between brothers Mat Osman (bassist of band Suede) and Richard Osman (television presenter) as they discuss turning their hands to fiction.
• 16:00 - 17:30 The Mitchell Library North Street G3 7DN

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• Art/Preview - MFA Degree Show 2023 - £Free
• The MFA Degree Show is the annual exhibition of work from the Master of Fine Art postgraduate programme at The Glasgow School of Art. The show will include a broad range of works across a wide range of media including sculpture, painting, drawing, photography, video, sound, installation and performance.
• 18:00 - 21:00 5 Florence Street G5 0YX

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• Poetry/Open Mic - The Poetry Experiment: Open Mic Night - £PWYC (£5 Corkage)
• A monthly poetry and storytelling open mic for writers and performers of all stages of the craft. Hosted by Glasgow queer poet Ross Wilcock.
• 18:30 - 21:00 The Alchemy Experiment 157 Byres Road G12 8TS

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• Classic Cinema - Laurel & Hardy Film Night - £Donation
• Another night of laughter from the legendary comedy duo in the very venue where Stan made his stage debut in 1906. The Sons of the Desert (the world-wide official fan-club) will be showing "Saps at Sea", "You're Darn Tootin'" and the eternal classic "Another Fine Mess." Admission is by donation. Please give generously. This event is family friendly
• 19:30 - 21:30 Britannia Panopticon Music Hall 117 Trongate Trongate G1 5HD

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• Gig/Electronic - Attack Release - Signal Sounds Takeover - £Free
• Grab your Filofax and score out whatever you had in for 31st May. One of these artists would be worth a night out but all three….. on the same bill….. How can that be any better? Try ticketless free entry. It’s the Signal Sounds takeover with Finlay Shakespeare, Russell Haswell and Nik Void.
• 21:00 Bloc 117 Bath St G2 2SZ

Tuesday 30th May

• Trad Fest/Recitals - RCS Traditional Music Recital Festival - £Free
• Showcasing a diverse programme of new work by students of Traditional Music Department, the Recital Festival celebrates the culmination of years of study by these emerging professionals. Join them at the CCCA as they draw on skills in performance, research and critical artistry to present a series of individual concerts.
• 11:00 - 21:00 CCA 350 Sauchiehall St G2 3JD

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• Cycling/Outdoors - Tuesday Bike Ride - £Free (Booking Required)
• Bike Rides led by qualified staff from Lambhill Stables. The rides will last for 2 hours using the canal cycle paths and include a picnic break, riders should bring their own lunch.
• 12:00 - 14:00 Lambhill Stables Cafe & Kitchen 11 Canal Bank North G22 6RD

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• Crafts - MEND - Learn to fix your clothes for free - £Free (Booking Required)
• MEND is a workshop in a friendly space where you’ll learn to repair your clothes. Too many mend-able clothes are thrown away, so come along and prolong the life of your favourite jumper. From patching jeans, to replacing buttons, MEND will be a session of mending, meeting and sharing skills.
• 18:00 - 19:30 Alis Le May Tailor & Dressmaker Rogart Street Campus Orr Street G40 2QF

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• Book Launch - The Anti-hero's Journey: the Work and Life of Alan Sharp - £Free (Ticketed)
• The first full-length study of one of Scotland's greatest transnational writers, alongside Muriel Spark and Robert Louis Stevenson, whose work is now unfairly forgotten. It seeks to restore this Greenock-born novelist, television playwright and Hollywood screenwriter to the position he deserves in Scottish literature and culture.
• 19:00 - 21:00 CCA 350 Sauchiehall Street G2 3JD

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• Improv/Comedy - Perm! - £PWYC (Donation)
• A new improvised comedy show from local team Perm!
• 19:00 The Old Hairdresser's Renfield Lane G2 5AR

Monday 29th May

• Cycling/Outdoors - Canal Ride - £Free (Ticketed)
• Free canal cycle ride from Gathering Ground to Bowling following the canal towpath. This is a beautiful traffic-free route which will allow you to explore an extended stretch of the canal as it meanders out into the countryside. The pace will be leisurely and the route is flat giving you the space to admire nature and take in the views.
• 10:30 (Leave at 10:45) Gathering Ground 5 Applecross Street Old Basin House G4 9SP

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• Walking/Wellbeing - Wellbeing Walk - £Free (Donations Welcome)
• These walks always pause somewhere in nature to light the storm kettle or there's a flask of tea to share. There will be time to reflect on issues around mental health and well-being or partake in (optional) brief activities to connect with the surroundings and promote relaxation and resilience.
• 14:00 - 16:00 Woodlands Community Garden 117 W Prince's St G4 9BY

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• Cinema - Full Time (12A) - £Pay What You Decide
• A single mother gets her children ready and drops them off with their nanny as the first step in her hectic daily routine, When she finally gets an interview for a position she’d long been hoping for, a national strike breaks out, paralysing the public transport system. The fragile balance that Julie has established is jeopardised as she sets off on a nail-bitingly frantic race against time.
• 18:30 Glasgow Film Theatre 2 Rose St G3 6RB

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• Comedy - Material, Girl - £Fiver + Booking Fee
• Get into the groove at this all female comedy night with Eleanor Morton headlining and other great acts including Amanda Dwyer, Susan Riddell and more!
• 19:00 (Show Starts 20:00) McChuills 80 High St G1 1NL

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• Life Drawing - BODS - Life Drawing - £PWYC (£8 suggested)
• Doors open from 19:00, get down early for a good seat (and a drink)! BYO materials (they have some materials but can't guarantee enough for everyone each week).
• 19:30 - 21:30 Bonjour 37-45 Saltmarket G1 5Nf

Sunday 28th May

• Art/Workshops - Art At The Park - £Free
• A fun Sunday filled with artsy stalls, delicious cakes and creative workshops to get involved in throughout the day. Local artists will exhibit their work, turning Springburn Auditorium's fantastic upcycled piano seating into a pop-up gallery.
• 11:00 - 16:00 Springburn Auditorium Springburn Park G21 3AH

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• Sport - British Kabaddi League Grand Final - £Free (Ticketed)
• It's not Football, it’s not Cricket, and it’s not Kung Fu. Its tactical warfare. It's Kabaddi! Enjoy the British League Grand Final of the World's fastest growing sport here in Glasgow.
• 11:00 - 17:30 Glasgow Club Bellahouston 31 Bellahouston Drive G52 1HH

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• Flea Market - Rethink, Reuse, Recycle, Repurpose - £Free
• Give toys, tools, small household items, furniture, clothes, books an music another life! Please note stalls must be booked by emailing [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) and event is weather dependent.
• 12:00 - 15:00 Children's Wood Kelbourne Street G20 8QW

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• Women on Tap Festival/Tasting - Jump Ship Brewing - £Free
• Everyone is welcome at The Bell Jar from 4PM to meet brewery founder and managing director Sonja Mitchell, learn about the concept behind Scotland's first independent alcohol-free brewing company, and be among the first in Glasgow to sample Jump Ship's new Jackstaff IPA on draught.
• 16:00 The Bell Jar 21 Dixon Ave Govanhill G42 8EB

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• Club/Disco/Italo - Glasgow Party Scum & Queer History Of Dance Music - £Free
• Another rootin-tootin Glasgow Party Scum electric baile in everyone's fave sweaty dance basement, this time inviting disco magicians Queer History of Dance Music, best known for their now storied and unmissable residencies on Clyde Built Radio & at Hillhead Bookclub.
• 23:00 - 03:00 Broadcast 427 Sauchiehall St G2 3LG