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2015.03.04 13:36 The subreddit for all Canadian Nintendo fans.

Welcome to the Nintendo of Canada subreddit. Feel free to talk, share collections and hot deals. Come join our Discord to connect with other Canadian Nintendo fans.

2011.10.31 04:43 saturn671 Baccano!

This subreddit is dedicated to Baccano!, an ongoing light novel series by Ryohgo Narita that has received multiple media adaptations over the years, including: a critically acclaimed anime adaptation made in 2007; two manga adaptations; two audio dramas; and a NDS game/visual novel. Baccano! is set in the same universe as Durarara!!, Vamp!, Etsusa Bridge, Wednesdays Smiling with Otsuberu, and Pandora Shark.

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2023.03.21 01:41 mariedel123 Thinking of deferring law school due to mental health and burn out. Really need advice and support

Hey all, For context I’m 17F and in week 4 of 1L, so have just started law school.
However, these past three years, but specifically last year was so hard on me. On top of enormous pressure and performing at a ridiculous standard in high school to get into law, my grandpa who had been battling with a brain tumour died 3 days before my first exam. These exams were the ones that dictated whether or not I’d get into university. For some background, my grandpa was like my father to me. When I was younger especially, my dad wasn’t home often as he was constantly working as a lawyer and would get home really late so I wouldn’t see him. As a result, my grandparents looked after me and I spent countless hours with them, and still see my grandma every week. As you can imagine, his death was possibly the most devastating thing for me. Seeing someone so articulate and intelligent being unable to move nor speak to you was so hard, but I had to push it all aside and after burying him in the ground, I went into school - no literally, 30 minutes after the burial I had to go to school for final exam prep.
Anyways, this was in November of 2022. I got through exams, and for the first time in what felt like forever I felt happy at Christmas. My mind was clear, I was surrounded by family and didn’t have any responsibilities. I even managed to stop anti depressants for my anxiety which had been bad from 2020-2022 but especially ramped up in the period of his deaths to the point where I got through my days with whiskey and beta blockers.
So I had a brief intermission of calm. I was happy for about 3 weeks till about February this year until it all came rushing back. Anxiety, panic attacks, derealization. Just like that put back on 10 mg of lexapro, which I’ve been on for just under 4 weeks. The trigger? Possibly University. Being back in an educational context with such high stakes and workload such as law may have caused this relapse. But I decided I’d push through, and have one to uni these past four weeks with the help of beta blockers. It’s been probably one of the most difficult weeks since my grandpa died. Exhaustion, unable to leave the house without terrible anxiety and just loss of ability to enjoy anything. I’ve spoke to my therapist and he thinks I need a break from study and need some time to actually relax and process to allow my body o heal.
Besides the mental strain I’ve been under, there’s also been physical and health issues I’ve been dealing with, being hyperthyroidism, and as of a week ago, iron deficiency. Seems like my body wants me to stop, but I don’t want to. Studying gives me a sense of purpose, of validation.
I guess all I ask for is for some advice please. This is a big decision for me and I really just want someone to talk to and hear me. Thank you in advance :)
submitted by mariedel123 to Anxiety [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:40 Background_Tackle922 Imagine

Imagine submitted by Background_Tackle922 to youngpeopleyoutube [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:40 Zealousideal_Noise25 Is there a good android team I can make?

Is there a good android team I can make? submitted by Zealousideal_Noise25 to DokkanBattleCommunity [link] [comments]


Vancouver, British Columbia--(Newsfile Corp. - March 20, 2023) - FIRST MAJESTIC SILVER CORP. (NYSE: AG) (TSX: FR) (the "Company" or "First Majestic") announces today it is taking action to reduce overall costs by reducing investments, temporarily suspending all mining activities and reducing its workforce at Jerritt Canyon effective immediately.
Over the past 22 months since the acquisition of the Jerritt Canyon Gold Mine in Nevada, the Company has been focused on increasing underground mining rates in order to sustainably feed the processing plant at a minimum of 3,000 tpd in order to generate free cash flow as our plans suggested. Despite these efforts, mining rates have remained below this threshold and cash costs per ounce have remained higher than anticipated primarily due to ongoing challenges such as contractor inefficiencies and high costs, inflationary cost pressures, lower than expected head grades and multiple extreme weather events affecting northern Nevada, which have compounded conditions and caused material headwinds for the operation.
"The decision to temporarily suspend mining activities at Jerritt Canyon, which represented approximately 21% of the Company's 2022 revenue, was driven by our goal to produce profitable ounces across the Company," stated Keith Neumeyer, President and CEO. "Since the acquisition in 2021, we have invested heavily at Jerritt Canyon and have been successful in executing several key projects. We rehabilitated and reopened the West Generator and Saval II underground mines and have successfully upgraded and modified the roaster and refinery off-gas handling systems to insure we remain fully compliant with all state and federal air quality standards. The team at Jerritt Canyon has helped the Company achieve significant milestones and we are thankful for their service. While mining activities have temporarily stopped, processing of the remaining surface stockpiles will occur for the next couple of months. The Company will continue exploring both near-mine and prospective regional greenfield targets to grow Jerritt Canyon's resources, which we believe will significantly enhance the economics for the eventual restart of operations."
During the suspension, the Company intends to process approximately 45,000 tonnes of aboveground stockpiles through the plant. Exploration activities are expected to also continue throughout 2023 with additional plans to:
  • Explore for new regional discoveries and expand current known reserves and resources.
  • Analyze the optimization of bulk mining and cost-effective mining methods.
  • Conversion of inferred and indicated resources into measured resources.
  • Reduce mining costs through adopting self-perform mining and improve contractor rates and terms.
  • Continue modernizing the processing plant to be able to better withstand severe weather conditions.
As a result of the suspension, the Company's previous production and cost guidance for Jerritt Canyon can no longer be relied upon. Guidance for the Company's Mexican operations remain current and a revised consolidated production and cost guidance, including capital investments, are expected to be published in July.
First Majestic is a publicly traded mining company focused on silver and gold production in Mexico and the United States. The Company presently owns and operates the San Dimas SilveGold Mine, the Santa Elena SilveGold Mine, the La Encantada Silver Mine, and the Jerritt Canyon Gold Mine.
First Majestic is proud to offer a portion of its silver production for sale to the public. Bars, ingots, coins and medallions are available for purchase online at its Bullion Store at some of the lowest premiums available.
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION contact [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]), visit our website at or call our toll-free number 1.866.52.2807.
Keith Neumeyer, President & CEO
Cautionary Note Regarding Forward-Looking Statements
This press release contains "forward‐looking information" and "forward-looking statements" under applicable Canadian and U.S. securities laws (collectively, "forward‐looking statements"). These statements relate to future events or the Company's future performance, business prospects or opportunities that are based on forecasts of future results, estimates of amounts not yet determinable and assumptions of management made in light of management's experience and perception of historical trends, current conditions and expected future developments. Forward-looking statements include, but are not limited to, statements with respect to: commercial mining operations; capital projects; cash flow; costs; the timing and amount of estimated future production; exploration activities; success of finding new orebodies, throughput capacity; upgrading resources; ore feed and grades, if any. Assumptions may prove to be incorrect and actual results may differ materially from those anticipated. Consequently, guidance cannot be guaranteed. As such, investors are cautioned not to place undue reliance upon guidance and forward-looking statements as there can be no assurance that the plans, assumptions or expectations upon which they are placed will occur. All statements other than statements of historical fact may be forward‐looking statements. Any statements that express or involve discussions with respect to predictions, expectations, beliefs, plans, projections, objectives or future events or performance (often, but not always, using words or phrases such as "seek", "anticipate", "plan", "continue", "estimate", "expect", "may", "will", "project", "predict", "forecast", "potential", "target", "intend", "could", "might", "should", "believe" and similar expressions) are not statements of historical fact and may be "forward‐looking statements".
Actual results may vary from forward-looking statements. Forward-looking statements are subject to known and unknown risks, uncertainties and other factors that may cause actual results to materially differ from those expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements, including but not limited to: the duration and effects of the coronavirus and COVID-19, and any other pandemics on our operations and workforce, and the effects on global economies and society; general economic conditions including inflation risks related to the integration of acquisitions; actual results of exploration activities; conclusions of economic evaluations; changes in project parameters as plans continue to be refined; commodity prices; variations in ore reserves, grade or recovery rates; actual performance of plant, equipment or processes relative to specifications and expectations; accidents; labour relations; relations with local communities; changes in national or local governments; changes in applicable legislation or application thereof; delays in obtaining approvals or financing or in the completion of development or construction activities; exchange rate fluctuations; requirements for additional capital; government regulation; environmental risks; reclamation expenses; outcomes of pending litigation; limitations on insurance coverage; conditions in the market for the Company's shares and the equity markets in general; as well as those factors discussed in the section entitled "Description of the Business - Risk Factors" in the Company's most recent Annual Information Form, available on, and Form 40-F on file with the United States Securities and Exchange Commission in Washington, D.C. Although First Majestic has attempted to identify important factors that could cause actual results to differ materially from those contained in forward-looking statements, there may be other factors that cause results not to be as anticipated, estimated or intended. The Company notes that changes in climate conditions could adversely affect the business and operations through shifting weather patterns, environmental incidents, and extreme weather events. This can include changes in snow and precipitation levels, extreme temperatures, changing sea levels and other weather events which can result in frozen conditions, flooding, droughts, or fires. Such conditions could directly or indirectly impact our operations by affecting the safety of our staff and the communities in which we operate, disrupting safe access to sites, damaging facilities and equipment, disrupting energy and water supply, creating labor and material shortages and can cause supply chain interruptions. There is no assurance that the Company will be able to successfully anticipate, respond to or manage risks associated with severe climate conditions. Any such disruptions could have an adverse effect on the Company's operations, production, and financial results.
The Company believes that the expectations reflected in these forward‐looking statements are reasonable, but no assurance can be given that these expectations will prove to be correct and such forward‐looking statements included herein should not be unduly relied upon. These statements speak only as of the date hereof. The Company does not intend, and does not assume any obligation, to update these forward-looking statements, except as required by applicable laws.
To view the source version of this press release, please visit
Universal Site Links
submitted by Then_Marionberry_259 to Treaty_Creek [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:38 Kingofireland777 r/TheCitadel Awards Launch Post and Nominations -TEST POST

Hello all It brings me the greatest of joy to introduce the awards for TheCitadel! It has been a long time coming, but thanks to feedback from some friends via discord it is now here. Read all the details below and prepare your nominations. Or if you would prefer you can click on this link and read all the details via a google document-google document with all the details regarding how the award competition will work.

The Categories

The following section are the various categories for the awards and what fics/authors qualify:
Best Chapter
Best Overall Fic
Best Ongoing Fic (last updated in at least January 2023)
Best New Fic (must have started in at least January 2023)
Best Author
Best Subreddit Contributor (must have posted/commented on the subreddit to qualify)
Best Discord Contributor (must be in the discord server to both nominate or vote)

These categories must have been started between 2018-2022:
Best One-Shot
Best Dance era/HOTD Fic
Best OC Fic
Best Crossover
Best AU
Best Crackfic
Best Canon Divergent Fic
Best Canon Compliant Fic

Rules and Guidelines
Regarding how sockpuppeting and brigading is being handled

There is no denying that this is a rather big event that is bound to take up a lot of room. There’s no avoiding it but there are ways I can and will be mindful of the possibility of spam occurring. So this is how campaigning will work:
Other Details

Timeline for the Competition
  1. This post - The launch post that acts as the way to nominate fics. The nomination period will be open 7 days
  2. Campaigning season- After the 7 days, I will launch the campaign post(s) see above for more details. The Campaigning season will last 7 days.
  3. Voting season- When the campaigning season closes the voting season opens. This is the main event! Where all the hard work pays off. This is where people follow the link to google forms and vote for who they consider to be the best. The voting season will last 10 days.
  4. The counting- The voting is now closed and it is now time for the mods to digest the votes. Presuming there is no rule breaking this should hopefully not take longer than a day or two.
  5. Announcement of the winners- The finish line! This is where the winners are announced and the reward procedure starts. This is where we reflect on the project and see what went right and what can be done better the next time

Well without further ado, go to the comment section- the appropriate comment and start nominating!
submitted by Kingofireland777 to CitadelProjects [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:37 MindNotMine Any thoughts about my consent and release form?

I will soon open my salon, but I'm wondering if my consent and release form looks ok and covers all the major areas.
Please give me your thoughts, thank you. <3

Pet owner name and number:______________________________________________
Dog’s name, age, and breed:______________________________________________
Veterinarian and veterinarian's number:_______________________________________________
Any medical conditions, allergies, or behavioral problems your dog may have, please list here:
Occasionally, grooming can aggravate a current or expose a pre-existing medical condition. Such medical conditions could arise during or after the grooming procedure. As well as any skin irritations that may result from grooming procedures or any stressful effects that grooming may have on young, geriatric, timid, or temperamental pets. The client is not to hold the groomer liable for these conditions. Initials:________
The groomer is not to be held liable for any pre-existing or concealed injuries underneath matted coat. Matting pulls the skin very tight, sometimes cutting off circulation, skin irritation, bruising, razor burn, or cuts and nicks, to which the groomer is not to be held liable for. After your dog has been shaved from matting, you can expect consistent licking, chewing, skin redness, and in some cases, brief behavioral changes. There is an additional charge for matted dogs or dogs with matting, the range is based upon severity. Initials:________
If the groomer finds that your dog is too aggressive or is under too much stress, at any time the groomer can discontinue the groom. The safety of your pet is one of our top priorities, and aggressive or overly stressed dogs pose a higher risk for injury due to the usage of sharp equipment being used around them. The groomer will try different methods of handling your dogs’ aggression, muzzling being the second to last option for aggressive dogs right before discontinuing the groom. Initials:________
If the pet owners’ dog is found to have fleas, there will be an additional charge based on severity ranging from $10-$20 extra dollars. Initials:________
In the rare case of a medical emergency due to injury or existing health problem, the groomer has permission from the pet owner to take their dog to a veterinarian if absolutely necessary. Initials:________
Your satisfaction is one of our top priorities, if you are dissatisfied with your groom, you have no longer than 72hrs to contact the salon so the groomer may try to fix any issues you have with the groom. Initials:_______
I, the pet owner, understand and agree to everything I’ve read and signed for above.
Signature: _____________________ Date: ____________
submitted by MindNotMine to doggrooming [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:34 Johnneedshelp80 Weird computer problem, freezes up booting into windows or just Idle but under load never freezes.

Hi community, please let me know if this isn't the best place to place this.
So I'm having a computer problem (duh) that is driving me crazy. I'm running Windows 10 home and it will randomly crash loading into windows and just sitting idle in windows..... other times it works for 2 min sometimes 10min, the kicker.... IF it loads up and I can quickly start a game, or a benchmark or anything that taxes the system a bit, ZERO crashes. for days on end. I can keep up Minecraft or final fantasy online and I can keep it up for days. (thats what she said) But if I reboot it etc then back to crashing until I can get "lucky" enough that I can get windows running and something to tax the CPU/GPU and its back to being good for days.
I think I covered all my t/s bases short of a reload windows and it still happens, below is a list of all the stuff I did. I dont care to overclock so if you have suggestions to leave auto or underclock I can try that but I think it's a software thing. The steps are below, long story short the only thing I haven't replaced is the CPU but I tried a different power supply and no diffence, unhooked my driver, anything USB, replaced the MB, etc. etc.
I've run burn in tests, memtest, and they dont show anything wrong and no freezes. I can stay in BIOS for hours, no freezing. Its just when it loads windows, or loads windows "fixes" or "recovery" it will freeze. Even disconnecting the SSD and putting in a blank SATA drive and running the recovery... freezes....... But again, if I can get into windows and start up a game or benchmark it wont freeze forever?
Any ideas? t/s steps below and my spec.
  1. I changed various bios settings, from Ram to Auto vs the DOHP that never seems to work, to turning security stuff on and off, because microcrap released a patch a few months ago when this started happening that checks security signatures on stuff for windows 11 and a bunch of people were having problems with windows 10 as well. I had the websites booked marked but the computer that is having the problem is having those links and I'm posting this on another computer.
    1. I honestly dont know what CSM or TRM security crap on and off does. I mean I can read the manual but its very generic boil plate stuff. Also it doesn't matter if they are on/off it will still freeze.
    2. I've also turned the m.2 to gen4 off and on and the video card gen4 and those dont seem to help.
    3. Left RAM DOHP, and it detects the right settings but wont post because ASUS sucks at this sort of thing, but leaving it Auto underclocks the crap out of the RAM and manual is hit or miss.
  2. I unhooked everything but the SSD, Video card, and one USB to my hub so I can use the keyboard/mouse, I even tried hooking just those two directly and bypassing the usb hub. So only video, mouse, keyboard, and nothing else in any of the ports and connections inside or outside.
  3. I tried different RAM same thing, completely replaced the motherboard to identical version, same thing.
  4. I had all the latest driver updates, windows crap, etc all updated before this started a few months ago I even flashed the BIOS to the newest version 4602
specs CPU - Ryzen 9 5950x MB - ASUS TUF Gaming X570-Plus (Wi-Fi) RAM - G.SKILL Ripjaws V Series 64GB (2 x 32GB) 288-Pin PC RAM DDR4 4000 (PC4 32000) Model F4-4000C18D-64GVK SSD - MP600 Corsair 2TB. Video - Asus ROG rtx 3080
submitted by Johnneedshelp80 to techsupport [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:32 vndin I hate my ex and her bf... and my wife and i had dinner with them on accident

Ok, this is gonna be long, im sorry. The last girl i dated before meeting my wife, we will call her B, i thought was "the one." I literally loved her with every fiber of my being... we had close friends and always had a blast with each other. One of our friends, we will call him C, had a car (i had a suspended license) and was the "boss" at the business we all worked at but he and i were very close, he even dated B's neighbor. Everything was great or so i thought. One day B just kinda dropped it on me that she wanted to break up.... i was shocked to say the least... everyone was. She left me and went no contact for a month before inviting me over to her house w a bunch of our mutual friends. I went to the party and at one point she pulled me into her and kissed me more passionately than she ever had.... i literally had no idea wtf she was doing... but in my heart i kind of got excited that maybe we would be back together soon and the nightmare of losing her was over. It wasnt.... 2 days later i find out shes been secretly dating C since literally the day we broke up. I was distraught.... i was broken. I yelled at them both, screamed at her for doing this to us.... i quit my job and never looked back... I got into a skilled trade (unionized), i dated minorly but eventually met my current wife, we will call A. A was nothing like any girl id met before, she knew of how hard i had taken the break up w B and she was more help than she will ever realize in me getting past it all.... within 2 years we were engaged to be married on our 3 year anniversary. Six weeks before my wedding a old friend, we will call T, messages me through Facebook and ask to meet with me. It was odd but i agreed and we met at a olive garden near our homes.
When i walk in T is at the first table and is facing towards the bar area and stands to greet me... we exchanged hellos and i sat, back to the bar, as we continued.
I instantly knew something was off about the situation. He makes minor small talk always kind of looking past me. Then he did it....
"Look man, i really am hapoy to hear youre getting married, i really am. But someone wanted to see you and she knew you wouldn't come if she asked... you are both my friends... i hope you understand." He motioned to someone and stood up and excused himself.
B approaches from the bar and goes in for a hug, i deny it. She looks hurt but moves to the chair T had been sitting in and smiled across the table from me.
"What do you want?" I asked and she made small talk and acted like nothing was odd about her request to see me.
She proceeds to tell me how shes made a lot of bad choices in her life and she regrets having left me for C and she knows im engaged but she wants to know if we can work it out and go back to how it was.
I was speechless.... I was angry.... i told her No in no uncertain terms but she continued to tell me how i was a great guy and she was mistaken for chosing C and how hes an asshole and she cant have a life with him bc he has left her... then she says shes 3 months pregnant and he isnt returning calls and doesn't want to be a dad... that id be a great husband and father and how we would have a beautiful family and she'd spend every day making up for what she had done to us
I was enraged at the nerve of this woman... a woman whom i had loved w all my heart and who discarded me with no explanation or thought at all.
I saw red.... i stood up from the chair and she reached and took my hand to stop me. I yanked my hand away as hard as i could.
"You did make mistakes, one was tossing me away for someone who only wanted to use you for sex and another for thinking id be dumb enough to destroy the life ive built w my fiance to take you back." I glared at her and she pleaded for me to sit down, by now pople were staring at us, i started to walk away then stopped and turned back to her. "Hope you have fun being a single mother you fucking heartless bitch." As i walked out i heard her let out a horrid cry and lound ugly sobbing. I caught a glance at her as i walked by the windows outside on the way to my car, she was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. That was 20 years ago... no contact. Nothing.
Saturday evening my wife and I go to a local restaurant for dinner in the next town over. The restaurant has large tables and you will sit w all kinds of people if your party isnt over 6 people.
We set down and a elderly couple is placed to my right, no big deal. Then to my wifes left B and C are sat. I froze and had no clue what to do. B perked up and was suuuuper happy and excited to see me and meet my wife. (My wife knew who she was but had never met her or C before) C acts like a complete douche all through dinner... B is very social with my wife and i try to remain civil for the sake of the elderly couple to my side. She ask my wife tons of questions about us and our kids etc... but things i would never have openly told her. Apparently her and C have thier son (22yo) and a daugter (3yo) and she was excited to show pics and everything. She also conveniently mentioned that they are not married and just dating. My wife was social with her more so than i wanted her to be but again i figured it was for the sake of the situation. B actually asked us to a cookout at their house, said we should hang out and even do double dates. My head was spinning. Why would she think id want that.? Hell what would make her think id even humor that...? The elderly couple got up and left so now it was just the 4 of us. C literally said 5 words maybe the entire time. Most conversation was w B and my wife. But B tried hard to pull me into the conversation as often as she could. Eventually C got up and said he was going to go warm up the car and just left. B looked annoyed and made the comment that hes a real piece of shit. She paid their tab and stood up and hugged my wife all the while smiling from ear to ear. I had stood up bc my wife had and B came over and just snatched me into a hug. Her face was on the side of my head opposite my wife and she whispered "ill leave him today if youre interested." She squeezed me tightly and smiled told A she was happy to meet finally and again said we should "do this again."
WTF.... my wife told me she thought she was nice and when i said she was wrong she gave me a wierd look. On the way home i told her about the olive garden incident (id never told her bc i didnt want to stress her before our wedding) and I told her what was whispered to me before she left. My wife was pissed at how two faced B was.
I just had to vent.... wtf is wrong w people? I am so beyond angry even still (todays monday). That entitled bitch..... i am so pissed.
submitted by vndin to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:31 putonmyskepticles Tomorrow would've been our 14th anniversary

But instead I got to discover his affair three weeks ago.
In the next 12 hours everything I've known would be thrown in a blender. I'd learn how it had been going on for at least six months.. after trickle truthing and originally claiming it'd only been 3 as if that makes any sort of difference. I'd find out he met up with her a few hours away once, oh wait just kidding nope more lies and actually multiple times. I'd find out he'd been sexting with other online friends, and viewers of his Twitch streams... which she found out about and was upset over but screw my feelings, eh? I'd learn he'd gone to the trouble of faking work trips and sending old photos so I'd believe he was where he wasn't. I'd find out he lied about spending a week helping his grandfather only 2 weeks prior so he could fly to her state for an early Valentine's Day. This mfer couldn't get on a plane to make an 8 hour travel on vacation shorter but had no issue flying multiple states away for her?
Later that night when he wasn't getting the response he wanted I'd be polybombed and given ultimatums, "well I won't stop dating her", "I can't stop talking to her". I'd hear excuses like "I wasn't out there looking for this", "it just happened" and the best one, "it's just HER, I don't want to date anyone else". None of this simply HAPPENS by accident my dude.
There would be mountains of blame-shifting. "You didn't do X", "you always did Y", "I've been unhappy for XX long", "why didn't YOU see this happening?", "I love you but I'm not in love with you", and the answer I'm sure we've all gotten "I don't know why". Interesting how he never once mentioned any of the above. As if I'm some robotic mind reading monster who knew everything in his head yet continued on being terrible just to hurt him? I'd be told I was, and I quote because this kind of crap sticks with you.. "too fragile to be honest with". The irony is definitely not lost on me. So much care for my mental and physical wellbeing, get this man a medal! /s
I'd be told how she and her husband were polyamorous and when she laid out her feelings he lied to her, saying I was okay with him dating around. I'd have my agency and choice stolen from me because he was selfish and felt entitled to what was easiest for him. He'd have someone at home taking care of literally everything while having his cake on the side. He wouldn't apologize without the words being spoon fed to him. He wouldn't regret or feel guilt over what he'd done. He'd say "I'm sorry you found out this way" and not "I'm sorry I did this to you". That this "wasn't who he was". He'd blame his FOO issues and bring up his anxieties knowing I'd pity him. Replaying our conversation in my head now and seeing how I was consoling him throughout everything blows my mind.
I'd do the pick-me dance of the century telling him whatever I thought he wanted to hear so he'd stay. Only for him to wake up the next morning and throw it in my face. While telling me I "wasn't worth the effort" to work things out. (ouch, yikes to my self worth) No bud, you weren't worth the effort. Or the tears. And maybe one day the anger but we're not quite there yet lmao
72 hours from then (in the middle of a rainstorm, hello little bit of karma) he'd move out of the house and everything would settle in and finally feel real. The house would be empty, the bedroom would echo, the walls would be bare, and I'd be alone.
At the end of the day I know he's trash. I know I never deserved to be treated this way. I know he lacks empathy, goodness, and decency.. and no amount of therapy will ever give him the character transplant he hopes for. Despite it feeling like the end of the world I know my life isn't over. I'll turn 33 in a few months and still be okay. I'll be okay knowing none of this was my fault. He's an adult and nobody forced him to be here. He deliberately and purposefully made every one of his decisions. He wasn't truthful or honest, he was manipulative and deceitful. And above all he was never a good person. He deluded and convinced himself enough, giving himself permission.. and nothing I could have said or done would've changed a thing.
Yet knowing all this it's still freaking hard. Especially the stupid things that don't really matter. Like finishing shows you were watching together.. looking at you last two episodes of TLOU I'll never see & season 3 of Ted Lasso! When you see something funny on Reddit and the first thought is to text them, or you get Wordle in a lucky 2 and want to brag about it. Podcasts, movies, concerts, or musicals you were planning on seeing together.. it's difficult losing your best friend. Knowing the person you confided in and went to for support is suddenly the one harming you. When you just want a stupid hug and to melt into them for safety.. but they're not safe anymore. They're the complete opposite and it sucks. They suck.
There's some positives too.. I'm thankful for never getting married and the ability to go no contact. I praise my birth control for never failing. I sleep through the night without being woken up from snoring. I'm not wiping beard trimmings off the bathroom counter, or picking up dirty socks from the living room floor. I can make the spiciest food for dinner without worrying about having something tame enough for him lol
Last week I bought a sweatshirt that says "surviving purely out of spite" across the front. It's supposed to be delivered tomorrow and I really think the universe is trying to tell me something.

TLDR; kinda struggling kinda okay. Tomorrow would've been my anniversary and it sucks but I think I'll be alright ❤️
submitted by putonmyskepticles to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:29 Several-Expression76 My Roomate

I won’t say too many details just because I’m not sure if someone I know would read this. But I am just wanting to get this frustration off my chest.
I know I (19F) am not a perfect person, I’m not a perfect Roomate, but I am not the worst and I like to think I’m on the better side. I needed a place to stay and my boyfriend’s sister (f25) was looking to move out of her parents house. (I had a previous Roomate before this, though I was renting a room from her and paid slightly less on the rent, I did not use the common living space, I just had my bedroom and bathroom and I’d go into the kitchen to make food but then still reside in my room.) in my current place, the space is shared. It doesn’t feel shared. The living room is dressed with my Roomates decor and furniture, I wasn’t given the chance to have my things to the space. My Roomate had all this stuff from when she was at college and her room at her parents was practically the size of the apartment now, so her bedroom became the living space as well. It was nice that I didn’t have to worry about those things, but I could’ve, I could’ve gotten the furniture and decorated. The few things I have added to the space, she has moved, basically hidden away. Making it feel as if I’m living in her space and not a shared space. Which we split rent right down the middle.
Even though rent is split right down the middle, she has the master bedroom, which it’s apartment so not too much bigger but it does have the attached bath. I thought she would pay more for it, but she insisted people don’t do that. Me being a bit younger than her, I don’t think she sees me as an adult. When we were first talking about who’d have which room, she said she didn’t care, I offered to pay more for the big room, but she declined again. I didn’t have any other option and she’s my boyfriends sister so I’m in a tough spot when it comes to conflict since I can’t say anything without her bringing it to her parents. So I dropped it.
We both have cats, she has two cats and I have one. Which one of her cats isn’t known by the apartments so that’d show on my renters history if they find out. One of her cats is very curious and almost destructive because she doesn’t have much consideration for other things. My cart had some poo problems, stinky and diarrhea, in the beginning. Her cat, let’s say cat 1 and cat 2. Cat 1 had broken one of my Roomates cups, and I was blamed for the action considering the cup was in my room, my Roomate said the cup was expensive, she kept talking about the price and how much the cup meant to her and again how much it cost. So feeling like I had to I paid her the money back for the cup, she didn’t thank me or anything, didn’t even bring up the fact I paid her for it. Her cat broke a picture frame that had a picture of my and my dead dad in it, the frame was expensive I didn’t make her pay for it. It’s not her fault it happened. My cat, cat 3 he had diarrhea on her bed; and I had offered to pay her for the dry cleaning or whatever she decided to do. She declined my offer but contributed to make me feel bad about the situation. Just other small issues like that with the cats causing an issue and it’s some how my fault.
My Roomate travels for work, one time she came home and the apartment was a bit messier than normal, she had complained to her family about me and then came home and lectured me because she had cleaned up my mess. Mind you, time and time before that I have cleaned up her baking messes, simple kitchen messes, I paid for all of the cleaning supplies and I do honestly all of the cleaning. But she had a huge issue when had to clean the apartment once. She’s never done the windows I am the only one who mops and sweeps the hard wood. I am the only one who deep cleans the stove and oven ect. I do the deep and main cleaning. Of course she does some, but I even do her dishes half the time, she’s done only her dishes in the sink before and left my dishes. She Vacuumed a few times and her idea of cleaning is moving all of my things out of the way. She does clean but I do the brunt work of it and for her to come and complain to me about it saying she can’t relax if it’s dirty then the next week leaving a huge mess in the kitchen and then leaving on another work trip that last a week. I wasn’t going to wait a week for her to clean up her own mess. I’ve tried not doing any cleaning to see if she would, nothing got done.
In the beginning I made it clear I didn’t want her guest using my bathroom. If we were paying the same my bathroom would be mine and mine alone. And that could be petty of me but if we’re paying the same I wanted the same treatment, as in strangers to me wouldn’t use my things. She’s never once fallowed through with that boundary I set and when I brought it up after her drunk friends pissed all over my toilet seat and I had to clean it up. She had told me it was not her responsibility they were grown adults they were drunk and she doesn’t want to babysit her friends and that my bathroom is the public bathroom. But that’s not what I’m paying for. That whole night they were all practically screaming too. I’ve had my friends over once. And she compared it to that time when I was constantly shushing them. I had them out by 10:30 I’ve always respected my Roomate she just doesn’t give me the same respect and I do think part of it is because I’m younger. I don’t argue with her because I can’t since she tells her family everything. My boyfriend and I are very serious and we’re moving in together next month so this will all be over. But I can’t have a good relationship with My Roomate after this.
Also on multiple occasions she’s owed me money and she’s horrible at paying the utility bills on time and multiple times I have covered her portion of the rent till she felt comfortable to pay it even though she makes a bit more money than me. The utilities are all under my name I had written them on our calendar and listed all the due dates but I still had to micro manage the bills for her to pay me on time because I can’t always support two people.
I have more stories but this is already long enough. I can always rant more if it’s desired. I’m just frustrated and tired of being a peacekeeper but I can’t risk my relationship with his family. Sorry if this was a hard read I was just rambling and typed this on my phone which was oddly difficult.
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2023.03.21 01:29 virtualems 230313 and 230320 Weekly Recap & NCTeatime 🍵

Hello and welcome to this bi-weekly NCTeatime!
Up first, here are the megathreads for NCT Dream's The Dream Show 2 and the ticket buying/selling for NCT Dream's world tour!
This is a free-for-all thread. Feel free to ask a question, drop a recommendation, share story, or rant your little heart out - NCT-related or not - this is your space! This is also where you'll find a recap of what happened in NCity the past week.
Please remember to follow the rules, as well as the general Reddiquette. You can find our past weekly discussions here.
General Reminders:
As always, thank you for stopping by; stay happy and healthy, and we hope you have a wonderful week czennies! 🌱
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2023.03.21 01:26 TCForumman [H] Gamelist [W] Yakuza Like A Dragon, Final Fantasy VII Remake, Path of The Midnight Sun, Octopath Traveler II, Project Zomboid, It Takes Two, The Forgotton City, Edge of Eternity, The Legend of Heroes: Kuro no Kiseki

As the title says: [H] Gamelist [W] Yakuza Like A Dragon, Final Fantasy VII Remake, Path of The Midnight Sun, Octopath Traveler II, Project Zomboid, It Takes Two, The Forgotten City, Edge of Eternity, The Legend of Heroes: Kuro no Kiseki
Contact for trades.
PasteBin (information same as the list below)
11-11 Memories Retold
112 Operator
60 Parsecs!
A case of distrust
Aegis defenders
Age of wonders: planetfall
Ai war 2
Almost There: The Platformer
Alt254 September 2020 Extras
American Fugitive
Amnesia: Rebirth
Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey
Avernum 3: Ruined World
Azkend 2: The World Beneath Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Bad North: jotunn edition
Battle chaser: night war
Battlestar Galactica
BattleTech - Flashpoint
Beat hazards 2
Bee Simulator
Before I forget
Before I Forget June 2020 Extras
Before We Leave
beholder 2
Between the stare
Between the stars
beyond: two souls
Black Book
Black Future '88
Blade Assault
Book of demons
Booth August 2020 Extras
Borderlands 3
Borderlands 3: Director's Cut
Boreal Blade
BPM: Bullets Per Minute
Call of Duty: WWII
Call of Duty: WWII - Call of Duty Endowment Bravery Pack
Call of Duty: WWII - Call of Duty Endowment Fear Not Pack
Call of the Sea
Capitalism 2
Carto September 2020 Extras
Chicken Police
Children of Morta
Civilization VI - Platinum Edition
Control Standard Edition
Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3
Creator crate July 2021 Extras
Crown Trick
Crying Suns
Cyber Hook
Dark future blood-red states
Darksiders Genesis
Darksiders III
Deadly Days
Deadly Days
Death’s gambit
Desert child
Destroy all humans!
Dirt 5
Dirt Rally 2.0 - H2 RWD Double Pack
Dirt Rally 2.0 - Opel Manta 400
Dirt Rally 2.0 - Porsche 911 RGT Rally Spec
Divinoids April 2020 Extras
Don’t escape: 4 days to survive
Driftland: the magic revival
Due Process
Eldest Souls
Evan's Remains
Evoland Legendary Edition
F1 2019 anniversary edition
Fallout 76 + Fallout 1
Family Man
Farmer's Dynasty
Felix the reaper
Fell Seal: arbiter’s mark
First Class Trouble
Fistfull of Nothing June 2021 Extras
Five Dates
Fluffy Horde
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Forgive Me Father
Frog Detective 1: The Haunted Island
Frog Detective 2: The case of the invisible wizard
Frostpunk: The Rifts DLC
Fun With Ragdolls: The game
Fury Unleashed
Garage: Bad Trip
Generation Zero
Generation Zero
Genesis Alpha One Deluxe Edition
Genesis Alpha One Deluxe Edition
Get your borderlands 3 DLC coupon February 2022 Extras
God's Trigger
Going Under
Golf with your friends + Caddypack DLC + OST
Graveyard keeper
Grid ultimate edition
Grip + 1 dlc
Grotto July 2020 Extras
Guacamelee! 2
Guts and Glory
heavy rain
HEEEY! Park-Boy January 2021 Extras
Hell Let Loose
Hellblade: senua’s sacrifice
Hello Neighbor + Hello Neighbor Hide & Seek
Highsidin Hyphy September 2022 Extras
Hiveswap Friendism
Horizon chase turbo
Hotshot Racing
I Am Fish
Icewind Dale: Enhanced Edition
Ikenfell sneak peek June 2020 Extras
Imperator: Rome Deluxe Edition
Iron Fisticle Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Iron Harvest
John Wick Hex
Just Cause 4: Complete Edition
Just Die Already
Kata Zero
Katamari Damacy Reroll
Kill it With fire
King Oddball Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Kyle is famous: complete edition
Layers Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Learn Japanese to Survive Hirgana Battle Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Lethal League Blaze
Life is Feudal: Your Own
Little Big Workshop
Little Misfortune
Love is Dead
Mad Max
Mafia: Definitive Edition
Mages of mystralia
Memories of Mare
Men of war: assault 2 squad
Metal unit
Metro Exodus
Middle earth shadow of war
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Midnight protocol
Milky Way Prince - The Vampire Star
Mobius Front '83
Monster Sanctuary
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
My friend Pedro
NAIAD November 2021 Extras
Nairi: Tower of Shirin
Naruto to Boruto: Shinbo Striker
Next Up Hero Rpg Mystery Bundle
Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl
Night call
Nimbatus - The Space Drone Constructor
Not Tonight
Okami HD
One Step From Eden March 2020 Extras
One Step From Eden
Operation Flashpoint Red River Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Opus magnum
Overcooked! 2 + Too Many Cooks + Surf N Turf Packs
Override: Mech City Brawl
Pac-Man 256
Pankapu Complete Edition Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Panzer Paladin
Paradise Killer
Paradise Lost
Path of Giants
Pathfinder: kingmaker
Pathfinder: Wrath of the righteous
Pathologic 2
Paw Paw Paw
PC Building Simulator
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Aspera
Phoenix Point: Year One Edition
Planescape: Torment Enhanced Edition
Planet Alpha
Planet coaster + 1 dlc
Police Stories
Popup dungeon
Popup dungeon July 2020 Extras
Project warlock
Project wingman
Project Winter
Project Winter January 2022 Extras
Pumped BMX+ Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Pumpkin Jack
Raiden V: director’s cut
Railway Empire
Raji: An Ancient Epic
Rebel Cops
Red Solstice 2: Survivors
Regular Human Basketball
Remnants of naezith
Ring of Pain April 2020 Extras
Ring of Pain
Rise of Insanity Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Rising Storm 2: Vietnam + 2 DLCs
Road Redemption
Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos
Rover Mechanic Simulator
Ruin Raiders March 2021 Extras
S.W.I.N.E HD Remaster
Secret Neighbor
Shadow Tactics: Aiko's Choice
Shady Part of Me
Shapez +_ Puzzle DLC
She Remembered Caterpillars
Shenzhen i/o
Shining Resonance Refrain
Shoppe Keep 2
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
Sigma theory: global cold war
Simplerockets 2
Size Matters
Slay the Spire
Smile for me
Song of Horror Complete Edition
Sonic Mania
Space Routine March 2020 Extras
Star Wars Squadrons
State of Mind
Steel Rats
Still There
Strange Brigade
Street fighter V
Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a pulse
Stygian: reign of the ..
Summertime Madness May 2021 Extras
Super Magbot
Superhot: Mind Control Delete
Surviving Mars
Sword Legacy Omen
Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Syberia 3
Synthetik: Legion Rising
Tabletop Playground
Tales of the Neon Sea
Tales of Zesteria
Tannenberg Humble Bundle
Tekken 7 - Standard Edition
The Adventure Pals
The Ambassador Fractured Timelines
The bard’s tale IV: directors cut
The beast Inside
The coma 2: Vicious Sisters
The Corridor December 2020 Extras
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan
The Groundz October 2021 Extras
The Henry Stickmin Collection
The hex
The king’s bird
The Messenger
The occupation
The shapeshifting detective
The Spiral Scoute
The stillness of the wind
The Surge 2
The Textorcist: The story of Ray Bibbia
The Town of Light Fanatical - Fall Mystery Bundle
Them’s fightin’ herds
This is the police 2
Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales
Through the darkest of times
Tools Up
Torii November 2020 Extras
Total Tank Simulator
Townsmen - Kingdom Rebuilt
Trail makers
Train Valley 2
Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion
Turok 2: seeds of evil
Two point hospital
Vampire: The Masquerade - Coteries of New York
Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York
Verlet swing
Vikings - Wolvee of Midgard
Void bastards
Warhammer: Chaosbane
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide Collector's Edition Upgrade
Warstone TD
We were here together
We were here together
Where the water tastes like wine
Whispers of a machine
Wildfire August 2020 Extras
Worms Rumble _ Legends Pack
Wrath: Aeon of Ruin
WWE 2k Battlegrounds
Xcom: Chimera Squad
X-morph: defense
Yakuza 3 Remastered
Yakuza Kiwami 2
Yoku's Island Express
Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible
Yuppie psycho
Zodiac XX August 2020 Extras
Zwei: The arges adventure
Zwei: The Ilvard Insurrection
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2023.03.21 01:25 qaige I did it!!! First marathon - LA Marathon - (25F, 107lbs, 5'1)

Race Report
Race Information
Official Splits
5k 25:43 8:16/mi
10k 51:18 8:15/mi
15k 1:16:58 8:15/mi
20k 1:42:22 8:14/mi
25k: 2:07:57 8:14/mi
30k 2:34:25 8:17/mi
35k 3:00:55 8:19/mi
40k 3:27:20 8:20/mi
FINISH 3:39:42 8:23/mi
Unofficial Garmin Watch splits:
8:08, 8:20, 8:06, 7:53, 8:29, 8:33, 7:52, 8:20, 8:28, 8:05, 8:06, 8:06, 8:24, 8:18, 7:52, 8:08, 9:17 (stopped at a porto-potty), 7:48, 8:18, 8:17, 8:41, 8:29, 8:34, 8:29, 8:05, 8:21, 8:18
A Goal: Sub 3:40 - Achieved? Yes
B Goal: Sub 4:00 - Achieved? Yes
C Goal: Finish w/out injury - Achieved? Yes
Where to start. Feeling VERY sore today with a few less toenails but hey, we did it. :)
This was my first marathon ever! I fell back in love with running last June (several years ago was on the cross country team in highschool but finally revisited it) and loved the feeling of reaching new goals each week. I built my running base from June 2022-December 2022 and trained from January-March. I had been crying tears of excitement on and off up until race day. I originally signed up and was training for the OC Marathon which is in May, and truly felt that it was too far away and I wanted to run something sooner because I felt ready and eager, so I signed up for the LA marathon too!
Race day couldn't come soon enough, I slept very well leading up to the race (except for the night before the race, didn't sleep one bit) and carb loaded with featherstone nutrition's guide.
I started getting ready around 2am and shuttled over to Dodger Stadium at 4:30am. I fundraised for the marathon so I received special perks like starting in any corral I wanted and I was able to warm up in a cozy tent loaded with snacks etc with the the elite runners.
Found the 3:40 pace group in corral B at 6:30am. Based on my training, I was pretty confident I could run comfortably with this group for the entirety of the marathon. Miles 1-20 flew by!!! I actually could not believe it. Running with a supportive group among 22,000 other runners was such a beautiful experience. I had to stop at a port-potty once around mile 17 and was so thankful I did (pro-tip, carry 2 babywipes with you. this will make your poop-stop efficient as hell.) I was able to catch back up with my pace group after my porto-potty stop which was fantastic. I did not want to lose them. Mile 20-26 were very difficult, however, I never hit a wall. My pace stayed relatively consistent and I felt mentally and physically well the entire time. Despite my tired legs at mile 20, I felt great. I stayed hydrated and fueled with electrolytes the entire time and this was HUGE for me.
The actual course wasn't as hard as I anticipated. I enjoyed the slight downhills and flats, and the hills weren't bad at all. I had heard people say it very hilly but I can really only think of two hills that we encountered, and they went by quickly. It was a beautiful day for a marathon, mid 50's F, overcast, and some minor wind. The hardest part was the out and back from mile 19-26. Ending your marathon on an out and back is ROUGH. I felt like the "out" was never ending! and the "back" was just agony!
Overall I finished with a smile on my face and my hands in the air. My 3:40 pacer was amazing and I certainly could not have gotten a sub 3:40 time without him. He was incredible and encouraging and was constantly looking out for us and cheering us on. Shoutout to Mark!
After finishing I didn't feel as physically horrible as I expected to and genuinely had an incredible time. I showered at my hotel, went to whole foods with my boyfriend (who so lovingly supports me!) and got a kombucha, mac n cheese, and a sandwich. We drove home to San Diego and had ramen for dinner. :)
Today I am hurting and my body is sore in places I didn't even know existed. However, I am so grateful for the experience and am so looking forward to my marathon in May! Running has changed my life in so many beautiful ways and I can't wait to continue reaching new goals! <3
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2023.03.21 01:25 Trash_Tia Every October 1st, the eighteen year old's in my town go crazy for one night. We call it The Teen Purge. (Part 2)

Dearest [BLANK]
I don’t want to say your name because then I will feel the need to say so much more and I’ll end up writing far too much.
Names are hard for me.
You lost yours a while ago, at least in my mind. I stopped calling you [BLANK]. You were just a monster.
A murderer.
I know you won’t read this but I’m putting this out there anyway. I want to talk to you.
I guess this is my way of… apologising. You’re the first in a long list of people I want to say goodbye to. I feel like you were the one who started this.
You were the one who opened my eyes to Littlewood’s curse. I’ve been so angry for so many years. I have felt so much fucking pain. Agony. The kind I can’t even explain. It’s like drowning, [BLANK]. I’ve wanted to kill you so many times, often dreaming about it the older I became. You stopped having an identity in my nightmares and became a faceless shadow suffocating my chest.
Ironically enough, [BLANK], we’re actually the worst ones. The class of 2022 really outdid all of you. I finally understand what it might have been like for you. I understand that craving you felt—to kill. To destroy. And that nothing would get in our way. We would kill parents, strangers, and children, until sunrise—until the curse was lifted and we were given back our souls, only to be hollow inside. Broken. I know what it feels like to be alone and abandoned by the ones you thought you could trust. I never knew where you had gone after you ripped our town apart. But I didn’t care. I wanted you gone, [BLANK], so I didn’t have to see your stupid face.
Now I know the truth, I can only wish you some kind of peace. I know it's impossible to think, even when part of me knows your fate, but I hope you got away from here.
I hope part of you is still planning to come visit me. Lastly, I hope you can forgive me for hating you for so long. I wish you told me. I know I was a little kid, but you could have told me what was going to happen to you. To you, Luce and Poppy. If you had, maybe mom might be here.
…Who am I kidding? If you didn’t kill her eleven years ago, I probably would have this year.
After all, it’s always loved ones.
Is that why you killed her, [BLANK]? Did she mean something to you?
Did I?
Anyway. Thank you for being there when I was a kid.
Thank you for making me laugh and spew milk out of my nose.
Thank you for killing my mother before I did it myself and surrendered the last dregs of my humanity.
I’ll remember you, [BLANK].
Not just the flashes I saw of you—the ones you put inside my head.
The times that mattered. You know, when we were friends. You do remember, right?
It was you and me against the world, [BLANK]! And it always will be. I promise.
Bee. <3
Was I having an aneurysm?
Pressing my forehead against the cool brick of a crumbling wall, I revelled in the stink of burning which was thankfully blocking out the horrific taste of skin slithering back up my throat as I heaved up the contents of my stomach. I was used to the stink of charred human flesh. After all, the town was burning and its victims were our feast. Our prizes. I chose not to look around me or take in my surroundings. I didn’t want to look at a town which we had ripped apart once again. I didn’t want to see bodies littering the roads and sidewalk, chunks of flesh and torso’s lying in unsuspecting places.
So many thoughts were alive inside my head, an endless hurricane of both nothing and everything colliding into a vicious void I couldn’t explain, couldn’t understand, couldn’t stop—and yet that thought in particular was the one which reigned dominant.
It had to be an aneurism, right?
I didn’t feel like I’d cracked my head or something had seriously gone wrong inside my brain.
I was burning.
I remembered googling the term in middle school when I had a shitty headache, and my aunt had dropped the word in conversation with the doctor.
"What if it is an aneurysm?"
He chuckled in reply. "It's just a pressure headache, Miss Levi."
Suffice to say, once I knew what an aneurysm was, I closed down my aunt’s laptop and crawled under my bed. Like I could hide from something like that. I remember reading it up on Web MD. Not exactly the best place to check your symptoms, but eleven year old me just wanted answers to the pounding pain which felt like someone slamming a rock onto the back of my head and temples.
Nausea and vomiting? Yep. I felt like my insides were attempting to projectile vomit my organs.
Stiff neck? Sort of. I felt stiff all over, my whole body aching like I’d just been through a meat grinder.
Blurred or double vision? My vision wasn’t mine. I was seeing things I shouldn’t—a world which wasn’t from my perspective.
Sensitivity to light? The sunrise was pretty harsh on my eyes. I wasn’t ready to see broad daylight and what exactly my class had done to our town. I never saw burning as a symptom. I never saw a never ending fucking inferno inside your brain, eating you from the inside, as a symptom.
I wouldn’t call it an aneurysm, but it definitely was something. I don’t know how to explain the immense pressure in my head, like something alive was bleeding inside my brain and latching onto me.
Burning. I was… I was burning.
Everything inside me was fucking burning, and I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t put this ferocious blaze out because it was inside my skull.
Despite being in denial, I didn’t feel like myself anymore. Like my soul had been forced back inside a body which didn’t belong to me; a body which had been twisted and purged of everything she was, and turned into a monster, pupiteered by the curse.
I was still running on adrenaline, a senseless and mindless craving ripping through all logic. It was still alive inside me, gritting my teeth together in a Wonderland Smile which I couldn’t stop, which was stretched so wide across my face my jaw felt like it was going to concave. I remembered flashes of my before. Before I woke up. Before Littlewood gave me my mind back.
I had brutally killed a woman and her husband, carving their eyes out and teasing them with their last breaths with the hope of survival, only to rip away their life before that hope could blossom inside them. It was hope suffocated by a despair which was so agonising that it bled inside me once my eyes were open and I was staring down at my own fists, at the woman’s eyeball’s squished between my blood spattered knuckles while the rest of her painted me like I was her canvas.
I had danced in her husbands remains, twirling to a song only I could hear.
All of that made sense. It made sense that I had been turned into a monster like the rest of my class and it made a sick kind of sense that I had been the one to hollow out a man’s body with my own hands. I had been part of 2022’s Teen Purge, a fate I knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever escape. There were still so many questions I wanted answering. I wanted to know why the curse was triggered by a man-made substance we had been subjected to, and why Jun had been able to coherently text me before sunrise.
I had to… find him. Before he did something he would regret. No, I thought dizzily. Before he came to terms with what he had done under the influence. That thought was driving me crazy, but it was being pushed back, overwhelmed by something else entirely which was taking over me, enveloping me. At some point, I dropped my phone and smashed the screen. I didn’t know when exactly that was. Time was going so slowly. One minute I had been pushing myself into a stumbled run towards Littlewood’s scrapyard, motivated by Jun’s cryptic text before something inside me… snapped. I had a destination, an escape which was slowly building into a coherent plan—before I was… nothing.
I was nameless, a shadow teetering between life and death while my body and brain were burned alive. It was in my blood, my bones, my thoughts. Burning. I couldn’t control myself as I screamed into the air choked with smoke. Did it come from inside my head?
No. No, it was a fire which had been set across the road from me. My thoughts were tangled and confusing, and after a while—they weren’t even mine. The longer I burned, the longer I screamed into nothing, the physical presence which had forced its way inside my head started to multiply.
How am I supposed to describe this sensation accurately? How can I tell you this without sounding fucking insane?
It was… the feeling of being drowned inside my own mind, in bleeding memories entangled together which weren’t mine creating a storm inside my head.
Whispering voices fighting to make themselves heard. The unyielding force of dozens of thoughts and feelings taking over me one by one. Initially, I fought against them. I tried to push them out, because while they were seeping inside my thought process, parasites crawling into my brain, I was growing numb.
My own thoughts were turning obsolete, everything I was fading as my body became theirs. It happened slowly. I felt myself drop to the ground, still burning, the inferno in my brain and body growing brighter and brighter, numbed only slightly by my senses being snatched from me. I hit the ground, but I didn’t feel impact. Instead, the whispering grew less incoherent until there were voices. Real voices screaming inside my head. “Mother!” A girl’s cry rang inside my skull. It wasn’t the cry of a child, no. It was a teenager. “You don’t have to do this to us!”
She was my age. Her wail was enough to stop my attempts at prying away the voices, and I let go. I let each of them in. I let them bleed into me until I was nothing, and they were… something. The force of her rattled me until I couldn’t breathe, until I couldn’t force my body into a sitting position. Lying faced down on singed grass with no choice but to listen to them, a sea of tangled thoughts plunging me further into the dark, a wave of ice cold water enveloping my own sense of being.
As the nameless girl took over, spiderwebbing inside me, my senses became entangled with her. I wasn’t just hearing her. I was… I was feeling her. And within a single breath choked from my hijacked mouth, I was her. Her cry was mine, strangled and twisted, ripping from my own lips. This stranger. I could feel her writhing body pressed against something harsh digging into our back, aching arms pinned above us.
The smell of smoulder scratched the back of our nose, a panicking feeling turning our gut. In front of us was darkness speckled with blurred orange. Shadows with no faces. The girl wasn’t alone. Next to her were squirming silhouettes, and I felt a raging agony and frustration ripping her apart. She wasn’t alone. Those were her thoughts, and while she was terrified of her fate, part of her felt like she could die. As long as it was with them. Glimpsing a figure striding through the dark, a figure carrying a burning torch, I waited for her to talk.
I waited for her to cry out, for some kind of explanation for what I was seeing. Before I could, however, the girl and her memory was being ripped away—and I heard her fighting back, trying to reach out, trying to leach back onto me. Her prying fingers failed to grasp hold, only for a second mind to find its way inside me, harsher. Recent. The girl wasn’t the only one to try and use my mouth to scream.
Littlewood High’s gymnasium blossomed into my mind, followed by sharp clarity. This kid was far more hesitant to reveal to me who they were. They held back a little, only choosing to show me their point of view of tipping their head back as a wave of water came down, drenching them and the rest of their class.
Blood. That’s what I had thought. I thought it was blood drenching my face and clothes, gluing my hair to my head and pasting my eyes shut. It was blood that had been spilled and had already been spilled; the blood of my mother when I watched her gutted by Noah Sharpe. Somehow, that colourless substance which had purposely drenched us had forced that one thought into our heads.
We were covered in it.
That, combined with the images in our heads of smouldering flame enveloping flesh and hair, an inferno setting our bodies alight, was enough to drive even the strongest minds to pure insanity. And I was seeing it. I was seeing each experience. I was seeing the faces of loved ones driving them crazier.
I felt their attempts to regain control of their mind, but the damage was already done.
They slipped to their knees, their screams joining a symphony orchestra of cries around them-- and saw exactly what I did. Burning. Charred flesh and singed hair. Agonizing wails rattling their skulls until they were forced to join. Their hands were in their hair, gripping and pulling and tearing at their scalp—bloody fingernails raking down their face and a smile beginning to split their lips in half.
The Wonderland Smile, chasing away logical fear and pain previously grounding them in a reality they believed in. A craving was coming alive inside of them, a hunger to rid themselves of that pain—all of that blood. By making others feel the despair which had taken an unyielding hold.
It was getting harder to differentiate whose memory from who.
This time they were stronger.
I saw sterile flooring and running feet.
Everything was blinding white. I heard his gasps for breath, a nightmarish fear eating him up from the inside pushing him to run faster.
I recognised him. Not his psychotic laugher when he had kidnapped me a year earlier, but his struggle to keep breathing. Keep sucking in precious oxygen which felt so far away. Just like the others before him, while his being seeped inside me, I had found myself once again plunged inside a memory. This time it was someone I recognised. Not a stranger from past years, but a classmate just below me.
Tommy Nolan had an asthma attack in junior year. Second period math, he’d jumped up with a panicked look on his face, clutching his chest. I remember thinking his breathing sounded wrong, like it was a car-engine trying and failing to start. His face had been pale, trembling hands clutching at his chest.
Tommy wasn’t the kind of guy who would intentionally attract attention to himself. He was an introvert through and through. However, this was the type of thing he couldn’t hide away from or push people away. “I can’t breathe.” He’d managed to gasp out, before the teacher had escorted him out of the class and to the nurse’s office. What I felt wasn’t an asthma attack gripping his chest. It was pure panic and fear squeezing the air from his lungs and stumbling his already clumsy steps.
Tommy reached a corner and threw himself into a run which was cut short by rough hands grabbing hold of him and yanking him back. I didn’t see the rest of Tommy Nolan’s memory. At least, I didn’t see an escape or anything which hinted at where he was. I just saw the same. A coffin-like enveloping darkness. Restrained hands.
Raging fire.
I don’t know if it was Tommy’s splintered mind which had catapulted me from my own mind, or maybe he didn’t want me to see everything. Before I could grasp onto his memory, he let go. The whispering voices let me go, and I found myself pressed against grass wet with dew, an intense pressure in my nose and crawling around the back of head, blood pooling down my chin. I took a moment to gather myself. The sky was still half dark and half-light, pink and orange streaks taking over pooling black. Across the street, Lili Marriot was standing with the town preacher’s severed head clumsily forced onto a make-shift pike.
The man's eyes were still open, wide with horror.
She wasn’t moving, her scarlet hands still grasping the weapon for dear life. I got to my feet slowly, ignoring my own blood spattered hands. I didn’t think about the woman I had murdered, or her husband, as I hopped onto a trashed bike which had been abandoned on the side of the road. It was still usable. Sure, it had bits of skin stuck in the wheels, but it would work.
I pushed myself into a smooth pace which was normal. It felt normal, like every other morning when Jun and I biked to school. Instead of taking in the apocalyptic landscape around me, I focused on the road and finding my friend.
That morning, I saw a mix.
I saw kids who were waking up and finding themselves painted in their victims. I saw them crying.
I saw one girl slice open her own throat over the corpse of her little brother.
But I was also seeing kids still entangled in their own undoing, still tearing Littlewood apart. Under the last splinters of night, I saw my classmates around me.
But I chose to be ignorant. I needed to find Jun and saving the town's people who had been brought to the brink of despair was the last thing on my mind. Still though, I watched.
I couldn’t help it. There was a sort of morbid curiosity inside me once I had been freed from the curse, and then watching the rest of my class still in its iron grip. The varsity boys dragged an old man by his neck down the road, chanting the school anthem. One of them was wearing someone’s skull which had been ripped of its flesh, the remnants of a bulging eye still glued inside the socket. They wore their football jerseys, and somehow that made them even more terrifying. They were the perfect depiction of Noah Sharpe. Gen Z version. Littlewood's golden boy turned psycho.
Eleven years later, it had taken them too.
“REDHAWKS!” Their war cries bled into the dull sunrise, stamping their feet to a beat only they could hear. The old man was struggling, his face beet red, prying wrinkly fingers attempting to tug the tough rope cinched around his limp neck. But they weren’t letting go, only laughing when he let out a pained cry, begging them to let him die, begging to let him asphyxiate.
They ignored him, pulling his limp body across the road.
I could still hear their phantom yelling when I neared the scrapyard. Passing the diner, which was nothing but a blur of vivid orange, I saw a group of girl’s shrieking those horrific hyena laughs, diving into the flames and dancing in the smoke, entangling themselves in licking flames. Laughter twisted into screams and cries of agony mixed with a pleasure, a euphoria, I didn’t even think existed. I had felt it writhing in every soul which had bled inside me. The craving to die. When I squeezed the handlebars tighter, I felt something shift inside me once the stink of smoke had travelled into my nose and was choking the back of my throat.
Looking down at my palms, my skin had started to catch alight. No, I wasn’t seeing things. I could feel it, flames crawling up my arms, licking across my flesh and melting through my sweater sleeve.
I opened my mouth to cry out, and in the blink of an eye I was back inside that coffin-like tunnel drowning Tommy Nolan’s memory. He didn’t want me to see it, had pulled away before I could glimpse what exactly was in there. This time, though, it wasn’t Tommy Nolan strapped to a metal slab. It was me. I was closed in, suffocating on my own sobs, on curling smoke already dancing in the back of my mind. All I could see was fiery orange and red engulfing me, filling the tunnel. The thought hit me when my own body was writhing, dancing in vivid orange getting brighter and brighter, licking across my flesh in sharp rivulets, singing my hair from my scalp.
I was in an incinerator.
No… no not just me.
Tommy Nolan, and the nameless girl’s whose screams had rattled my skull.
All of us.
We were in an incinerator.
The shock of the vision, as well as all of our pain entwining into one pulled me back to uncertain reality. I didn’t even realise I’d let go of the bike handlebars before I was crashing down on rough concrete, smacking my head on the curb. Stars exploded in the backs of my eyes. But the fire was gone. Like it had never fucking existed. Except I knew it did. It had in Tommy Nolan’s memory, as well as my future. An endless fire which had ripped away our flesh and sent us plunging into the dark. It made me wonder about that first memory. The girl tied to the tree in front of blurred orange. Was that how all of this had started?
Did I see the first glimpses of Littlewood’s curse? When I pushed the bike off of me and checked my arms and legs for burns or signs of smoulder, there was nothing there. Fuck. Whatever had taken over my mind and crawled into my brain wasn’t letting go, but I found myself hanging onto them. My head hit the ground and I stared at the sky, at red and orange clouds which almost resembled the end of the world.
The sky, just like the ground below, had been set alight. Maybe it was the end of the world, I thought.
Maybe Littlewood was really falling this time.
I don’t know how long I lay there trying to catch my breath, trying to force my maple syrup thoughts into fruition. I was trying to shake my head of possible concussion, dislodging my brain from the puddle of fog it had fallen into, when I heard running footsteps.
Bare feet slapping against gravel. I knew what this was. I’d heard it as a kid, an animal-like herd of kids which had congregated into their own tribe.
I had heard them running past my house every year, and each time I thought they would catch me. I thought they’d crawl through my window like Noah Sharpe and his gang. But this was my class.
These were the kids I had been going to school with for years. The sound of their whooping and laughter brought me out of it, just a little. Twisting to my side, I glimpsed them suddenly. White canisters. The ones I’d seen in the school, the ones I’d seen being put into the sprinkler system. They were everywhere, dotted across the road, turned over on their head and leaking that same colourless substance onto cement and into the air. I wondered if they had been purposely placed.
“Help me! Oh god, please help me!”
Just ahead of me, a woman in her thirties was sprinting. Her expression was wild with fright, dark hair flying behind her in a whirlwind. I recognised the look on her face. It was exactly what I’d felt a year prior when I escaped Tommy Nolan and his gang with an inch of my life. The girl caught my eye for a fleeting moment and it looked like she might have found solace in me. Her mouth opened in a silent plea, her trembling hands raising above her head.
Before she realised what I was.
I had been so focused on looking at her face, I’d failed to see the mess of startling red painting the front of her shirt. She was screaming, sobbing into the wind. There was something wrapped around her left wrist, the entrails of some poor souls guts fashioned into makeshift restraints. Twisting around, the girl dropped to her knees and buried her head in the ground. “Don’t!” she screamed. “Please! Don’t!”
She wasn’t running, I thought.
Why wasn’t she running?
When the hysterical girl started to crawl across the ground, they appeared like animals, like they had been staying back, teasing her with the hope of survival. There were eight of them. All of them carrying lead pipes. The look on their faces was feral. Blood stained grins and empty eyes only seeing prey—only seeing another victim they could tear apart. I started to get up, started to plan my escape which was just to run and never stop fucking running until I was away from them. When more war cries rang out. This time from the other side of the road. Two separate tribes of kids advancing towards her. The second group were faster, and I recognised a face enveloped in the disgusting stain of red which painted them.
Jun. He didn’t look like Jun anymore. I could hardly even see his face through a coating of red smearing his cheeks and eyes which he must have done himself.
War paint.
Wielding a long thread of wire wrapped around his left wrist and trailing on the ground, my best friend joined the mass of kids closing in on the girl. His eyes were vacant and dark, empty of anything human. It was Noah all over again, except this time I wasn’t a frightened six year old. I could stop it. I remember getting to my feet. Movement. Several heads whipped around. I’d already caught their attention but their gazes barely strayed on me before going back to the girl. With my attention on him, I moved towards him, taking my steps slowly. Another kid crawled out of their hiding place behind a dumpster. This time they looked younger.
I didn’t even want to guess how old.
When half of the kids jumped the little kid while the others took care of the girl, I forced my legs to keep going, keep moving. But I stopped when the woman dived to her feet and made a run for it, pushing herself into a sprint. I watched Jun pursue her like a lion chasing after a deer with an almost supernatural speed. While her steps were stumbled and clumsy, his were calculated. I couldn’t move when he dived onto her back and brought her to the ground, her face smacking against cement with a meaty smack. She squirmed, fighting to get away, but he was already forcing the metal wire into her throat, wrapping it around and around until her face was turning red, and then blue, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.
The wire sliced cleanly into her flesh and red began to swim from her, startling pooling red I will never forget which stained his hands. I knew what he was doing. Squeezing tighter. Jun’s weapon wasn’t to asphyxiate and strangle. It was a garotte. And his prize was progressively more inevitable the more he forced the cutting wire through layers of skin until it met bone. “Jun!” I was yelling his name before I knew what I was doing. I don’t know how I got to him without breaking down, but when my face was buried into his back and I was sobbing his name, everything felt…. Right. Even if it was just for a little while. Because, like a fairy-tale narrating the clock striking twelve and a magic spell wearing off, a dazzling sunrise broke through the clouds as dawn hit, and the woman’s gurgling stopped. Just like the jerking movements of Jun’s hands as they struggled to cut through bone.
I watched him blink himself awake through my own tears. Swiping at his eyes, my best friend stared down at his scarlet hands, and then grasping at his own face, running filthy fingers down his cheeks, as if he could tear his own flesh off of the bone.
I wasn’t paying attention to Jun as he fully came to. I was staring at a little girl who had walked out of her house clutching a stuffed teddy bear and seeing the body of her mother on the ground. A numbness started to take over me, a heavy weight on my chest. I remember his warm arms were suddenly around me, and they were tight, so tight, almost suffocating the breath from my lungs. Jun’s body felt strange against mine, a trembling, rattling mass as he let out a gut lurching cry into my shoulder.
I had never heard him scream before. Jun had always hidden behind a bright smile which had finally crumbled under the curse.
“Did I…”
His words collapsed into a sob.
“Did I… do this?"
The metal wire was still attached to him, coiled around his wrist.
It marked him as a member of that tribe.
“No.” I whispered into the damp material of his shirt. "No, none of this was you."
He laughed, sputtering on a sob.
“You’re okay.” I said. “You’re okay. Just breathe."
An icy shiver ripped its way down my spine when his lips found my ear. “Do you… really want to outrun the asteroid?” He whispered, choking on a hysterical laugh. “Do you think we are worthy, Bee?” His tone darkened. “Is our suffering worthy?”
I shook off that comment for a moment, focusing on him. "You texted me." I said in a hiss. "How were you awake?"
Awareness bled into his expression, followed by confusion. "I… did?"
As if on cue, footsteps startled me, and Jun’s phone hit the ground in front of us followed by the curve of a heel splintering the screen. When I looked up, Ms Hawkins, our drama teacher, was looming over us holding a gun. It didn’t look like the usual gun I saw my neighbours use on wildlife. This one had a red coloured butt and fit perfectly into her hand. She shot Jun first. The bullet hit his arm and he sent me a helpless look, his hand going to the tiny dart stuck into his lower elbow, before dropping to the ground. The teacher kicked Jun onto his side, before twisting and pointing the gun between my brows.
I remember her pulling the trigger, but it wasn’t just aimed at me. It was aimed at every other soul which had entangled itself with me. Noah, his class, and the ones before hiThis had happened to every year prior to us—and I had a sickening feeling I knew what was coming next. I woke to a nauseating feeling of movement to find my head uncomfortably pressed against a bus window. Outside, a long stretch of dead road leading to nowhere. There were no signs, no civilization. Nothing.
It took me a disorienting moment to figure out I was on a school bus. The same school bus I had seen in thousands of other memories. Next to me, Jun poked me in the shoulder. He was awake and seemed with-it enough to talk.
Though there was a strange smile on his face which was twisting my gut. I turned around to face him and blinked rapidly, because my friend’s face morphed and blurred, twisting into hundreds of others. First, girls and boys in strange clothing like they were from the dark ages, and the distant sound of horseback—a carriage being dragged. I could smell wildflowers mixed with the stink of rot and excrement, hear the sound of birds and chains rattling around jiggling wrists. Then I was seeing strangers, each of them bearing clothes from different eras. I saw Tommy Nolan, and then Chrissy Lackey. Robin Chase.
Faces from previous years.
All blood spattered. All wide eyed, a haunting, hollow look on their faces.
Until Noah. Until I saw his face twisted with anger and pain and frustration. His hands went to his hair in a silent cry, and he was slamming bloodied fists into his temples.
Over and over again.
Fuck!” He gritted out.
“Get me off this bus! I don’t want to be here... I want to go home. I want to go back! Can't you see this is shady? Where are they taking us?"
“Hey! Hey, calm down!”
The voice was Poppy. Her shriek echoed in my brain, as the bus they were on collapsed into panic and Noah was diving from his seat, before being grabbed and restrained by guards, and shoved back next to Poppy. I felt her gentle hand on his shoulder. Poppy’s arms were around him, and Noah was relaxing into her embrace.
“We’re going to the Halfway House, Noah.”
Her soothing murmur inside my head was cut short when I sensed the coffin-like tunnel once again.
Getting closer and closer.
And his screams.
Ringing so loud in my head, horrifying wails of agony cracking my skull open.
I felt my own clammy palms press against my ears, the force of his cry becoming my own.
I was sweating and shaking, choking on stale vomit in my mouth, when Jun waved a wary hand in front of my face, and I found reality once again.
When my gaze found his, Jun had that smile again. He sat back with a sigh, pressing his head against the seat. “You got it, huh?” He chuckled. “Damn, I wish I did. I really wanted to be chosen."
I found my breath, swallowing whatever the fuck I'd eaten in the last twelve hours. “Got what?”
He shrugged. “Do you remember when I asked you if you would give your life to destroy an asteroid?”
I had to think back to that conversation which didn’t seem relevant until now. “Jun—”
He cut me off, his smile fading a little. “I really did want to see my dad,” he whispered. As he spoke, I found my gaze wandering and finding our classmates who were either asleep or staring into an oblivion only they could see. Jun sighed. “I imagined all of these scenarios in my head. That we would all come to the halfway house and heal and get better like all the other kids before us, and I’d jump on a plane and go and visit dad.” I noticed his hands were trembling in his lap. “But I’m a fucking idiot. I'm naïve.” He turned to me. “We’re just kids, right? What do we know?"
I was losing my patience with his cryptic words. “What are you talking about?”
“I was kidnapped like you,” He said softly. “Last year, the night of the Teen Purge. I never told you about it, because I didn't want there to be a time when I would have to," Jun pulled a face. "I forgot to close our gate so I rushed out to lock it up before I brought attention to our house. But I was too late. They were waiting for me outside. The bastards knocked me out with a bat, and I woke up on the roof of the school.” He dug his hands in his lap, choking out a hiss.
“I was the only one left, Bee. When I woke up, I was staring at the people she had pushed to their deaths. My hands were tied behind my back so I couldn’t move, or try to get away and this girl…” He trailed off, his gaze going to a stray raindrop on the window, “this girl was dangling me over the edge. Like I was bait over a shark tank. It was fucking freezing and I was only in my pyjamas, and I remember wondering if I was actually going to die.” The bus went over a bump, and I grabbed onto his hand, squeezing it as tight as I could. “I waited for it,” Jun whispered. “I waited for her to kill me, but she wrenched me back. And her eyes... her eyes were pitch black. Hollow.” His eyes filled with tears. “She was smiling. Smiling like it would thrill her to watch me fall like the ones before me. And she would have no fucking mercy.”
As if his words were a narration, I was seeing the vision for myself, like somewhere inside my head, the girl lingered. I could see it. I could see pooling darkness, a long way down. Jun, his arms tied behind his back, a single strip of duct tape over his mouth— while arms were wrapped around his waist, dangling him teasingly as he twisted and struggled in her arms.
Like I was seeing it through her POV, I glimpsed tangled blonde curls in front of my face, a carving knife slick red clenched in my fist. She held him tight, squeezing the breath from him.
“Long way down, huh?” Her voice was a cackle clanging in my skull.
I could see his wide eyes, petrified as she pushed him closer and closer to the edge.
Jun continued in a low murmur. “But… this girl didn’t push me. She didn't kill me. Instead, she… she pulled me close. I could… I could smell her rotting breath. But through all the black, whatever had possessed her... I could see that there was still something there. It was weak, but still alive. Before I knew it, I was on my knees and she was in front of me like she could see right through me. Like she could reach into my head and pull out every memory I've ever had." His voice trembled. "She asked me a question. And I’ll never forget it, Bee. Because it was what changed my way of thinking. Instead of being scared to die, I felt like I could finally embrace it.”
His words sent my gut galloping into my throat.
I saw it. I saw her yanking him back onto his knees and pulling him close.
"Jun Sato," Her voice from the memory echoed in my mind. "Would you like to hear something cool?"
“What?” I whispered presently, shaking away the vision. The girl was insistent on shoving her memory onto me.
Jun’s eyes found mine, and for the first time in the 17 years of the Teen Purge, I saw the Wonderland Smile in broad daylight. I saw insanity brewing in eyes which had been darkened far before Littlewood’s curse had snatched his mind.
It had been hours since the curse had let us go, and there it was, splitting my best friend’s mouth apart into a cheshire cat grin. It was exactly what I’d seen on Noah Sharpe’s face before he sliced my mother’s throat open and gutted her. But while Noah's expression had been a blank slate, a monster, I only saw tragic hope lighting up my best friend's eyes. But it wasn’t real hope. Real hope was wanting to survive. It was forcing yourself to keep going no matter what. What I saw was that craving I’d felt when I’d woken up covered in blood, the one emitting from every voice inside my head.
The overwhelming pleasure which came with the thought of dying—giving yourself up.
"She asked me if I wanted to save the world.” He said, his eyes twinkling. “How cool is that?”
I was losing him.
“What did you say?” I asked stiffly.
He smiled. “I said yes. What else could I say? She got this weird look on her face, this smile, which was both maniacal and yet unbelievably sad, it made me feel like I would feel it too. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” Jun turned towards the window, this time, like he was refusing to admit it to my face. “She told me I will. Just like her, and the kids before her. That’s what the siren inside her head said. At that point I hoped I’d be able to save the world, and then visit my dad. I really thought it was as easy as that.” His lips twisted, eyes lighting up.
“But… then I understood what she meant. I finally understood, and I wasn’t scared anymore. How could I fear my own fate? She didn’t mean me saving the world, Bee. She meant me, and you, all of us in the past and present and future giving our lives for seven billion others. The world."
I had to stop myself from slapping him across the face. He was really choosing now to go off the deep end?
Whatever this girl had fed him was her own personal idea of death, which sounded like rainbows and cotton candy.
Jun turned to me with almost cartoon-like eyes.
“You can hear them,” he murmured. “the girl had that exact same look in her eyes.”
Swallowing hard, I fought to breathe. “What do you mean?”
“Haunted.” Jun said. “They’re telling you exactly what happened to them, and you can’t stop it. You want to pull them out of your head, but you can’t. They’re like a parasite taking over. They keep singing and you're ignoring them. But you need to listen. She told me to listen. If I was chosen."
I didn’t reply.
“Can you tell me?” His voice was small. “How does this end?"
Lying on a metal slab and staring at pooling black while flames licked across my flesh and set my hair alight, my body smouldering. Burning bright. That was how it was going to end. Like Noah and every year before us, we were going to burn.
And it made sense… right? Why wouldn’t a town permanently get rid of their youth tainted by a curse?
But it still felt like I was missing something.
And that something was getting closer as we approached the Halfway House.
"Bee?" Jun murmured. "Are you okay?"
Instead of responding, I pressed my face into his shoulder and squeezed my eyes shut. But closing my eyes was somehow worse. Like I was giving in to this supposed fate. Blinking them open, I turned to the window. Outside, Fall was taking over nature, and for the first time in a while I took a moment to take it in, breathing in the smell of wet mildew and crushed leaves drifting through the window and marvelling beautiful decay.
It's crazy how much you start to notice about the world around you when you know your time is running out. I don't think I'll ever look at a tree the same again. Jun was staring forwards, his eyes vacant, a small curl of a smile on his lips. I didn't trust it was his. Whoever this girl was had buried her way into my friend's mind, sending him into a trace. When I shoved him, Jun still turned to me and blinked, and it was still him. I had no doubt about that.
But it almost felt like he was looking through me, and what was inside my head.
Some psycho bitch had fucked with his head, and my first priority was snapping him out of it and bringing him back down to earth. Whether he liked it or not. In my cotton candy thoughts still half asleep from the tranquilliser, though, I was slowly conducting a plan to get the fuck out of there.
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2023.03.21 01:25 JuliaGJ13 A Guide to Worshiping: from Formal Ritual to Low Energy Ritual & Ways to Deepen Your Connection with Him

Hermes worship ritual/devotion Ideas Formal to Informal and Deepening Your Connection with Him.
Things to remember when doing rituals or offerings.

Formal Rituals as suggested by
There is much more on this main page for Ritual and Practices
Ritual of Thanksgiving for Hermes
Not as formal but still some historic connection
  1. Take a showebath OR wash your face, and hands, and brush your teeth at a minimum.
  2. Cleanse the area of the altar. Use khernips for traditional cleansing. Khernips is sea salt water with a plunged burning herb like bay or lavender in it. You could use a cleansing essential oil in salt water. Plain salt water works as well.
Sprinkle that around the altar area.
Try to keep the altar area clean. Dust and vacuum if possible.
My altar is in a dedicated sacred space so I don’t worry about the khernips as much.
It’s just important to keep the vibes high around your sacred area.
  1. Light your altar candle/s if possible and the incense for him. Then play a hymn or song for him while you settle into a meditative state. You can play a few songs if you like.
  2. Open with an impromptu prayer to Hermes thanking him for his presence for the ritual and then Thank him for being in attendance. Speaking from your heart carries weight and genuine heart energy but if you need one written out use it.
  3. Read the Orphic hymn, other hymns, or a prayer or song you wrote. Do as many as you feel is right. Pause for reflection or messages.
  4. Offer libations.
This can be a beverage you’d like to share with friends or alcohol. Traditionally it was wine or mead.
Example: I offer him mead as he has an association with bees and I love mead. Sometimes he gets whisky or bourbon.
  1. Do another song from your playlist or read one of his hymns.
  2. Offer him food he is associated with or favorite foods that you’ve felt he might like. For example chocolate, candy, almonds, honey, sweet treats, trail mix, and home-baked treats. Some people like to offer him beef or other meat.
( I space food offerings out with songs in between, up to you)
  1. Play another song or read a hymn.
  2. Ask for his blessings and help with whatever you need at that time.
Pause, listen, and feel for an answering reply. You can follow the ritual with divination if you’d like a more physical answer.
  1. Say a closeout prayer of your choosing. Can be simple, like just thanking him for being there, or elaborate.
  2. Snuff out your candles and your incense if it hasn’t burned out.
You’re Done!

Very Informal
  1. Light a candle and burn incense in a place you like to focus on your spiritual work. If you can’t, don’t worry about it. Can be an altar or just a spot in your house or nature you feel his energy and feel comfortable.
  2. Sit for a moment and let your energy settle.
  3. Breathe deeply and feel your energy field opening up. Feel yourself expand.
  4. Invite him in with a prayer of your own making.
  5. Thank him for being there and offer your love and any other offerings.
  6. Play songs, read a hymn, or offer creative works to him.
  7. Sit in silence and reflection and gratitude.
  8. Ask him for his blessing or help. Sit in silence and wait to see if he answers with any obvious signs or feelings or words.
  9. Thank him for his presence.
  10. Get up and go about your day if you’d like.
You’re Done!

Low Energy Practice
  1. Sit in a quiet place.
  2. Let yourself settle.
  3. Invite him into the space.
  4. Thank him and give him some love.
  5. Tell him your troubles/cares/concerns.
  6. Know he hears you and will do his best to help because he is the ‘Helper’.
  7. Say your thanks.
You’re done!
What do I do with the offerings after the ritual?
This question comes up a lot with beginners. Historically, the people would’ve buried them for Chthonic gods or eaten the good meat and burned the bones and fat for the Ouranic gods. But we are modern people. Most of us do not do animal sacrifices and even back them only the wealthy would use actual animals. Most of the common people used cakes shaped like animals or gave honey, wine, milk, olive oil, or fresh clean water. Sometimes fruits, flowers, grains, and vegetables would’ve been used as well.
So we adjust our offerings for a modern lifestyle.
(If you do choose to do animal sacrifices please be respectful follow the rules of doing so and eat the animal you have sacrificed.)
Hermes although he is a psychopomp is still considered an Ouranic god and so it is fitting to offer him things that you can dispose of or eat after. Most people these days leave their offerings on the altar for a certain amount of time and dispose of them after. The offering can be left just during the ritual or up to a week.
If you only leave the offerings on during the ritual the idea is that the gods get the vibe and energy of the offering and they don’t need much time for that to happen. You also might have pets that would get into it or insects might be a hassle in your home.
If you leave it for longer try to not let it spoil or mold. That is not a good offering for a god.
Some people will eat the offering as a way of extending the enjoyment of eating to the god. Some just don’t want to waste it. The fancy chocolate I give Hermes is always eaten by me later. It can be a fun experiment to see how the energy of the food changes after it has sat on an altar.
If you don’t want to do that you can feed it to your dog/s or outside animals but NOT CHOCOLATE. If you can’t do that you can dispose of it in your trash with a brief ‘thank you’.
If it’s flowers, fruits, or veggies you can compost it!
You can do the same with your libation. You can drink it (Dionysos often insists on this with me and is a traditional way to commune with him.) Or you can pour it down the drain with a brief ‘thank you’. You can pour it out on the ground in a yard or garden as well if you’re not worried about attracting anything.
If you want you can offer to him as a Chthonic god and some people do during Mercury retrograde when it is said that he travels to the underworld. You can also do this when you have a passed loved one you want him to help guide.
If you want to do that go outside and dig a shallow hole. Do your ritual outside and pour your libation and place your offerings into that. Cover it back up when you’ve completed your ritual.
Extras After Ritual:
After the ritual, you can move on to movement practice like yoga or Qi gong, or dance. Embodying the energy you have raised can be pretty helpful to your spiritual cultivation or it can release pent-up energy or by grounding yourself if you’re feeling spacey.
Sometimes I pull Oracle cards or tarot cards to see if he has a message for me.
He is also considered a god of rustic divination so try playing cards, pendulum, I-Ching, casting lots or dice, really any divination that is simple and uses natural materials. Also, tea leaf reading or bibliomancy is great to communicate with him. Many people do automatic writing with him.
Ways to deepen your connection with him
Ex. I donate once a month alternating between different charities like a Youth shelter, a raptor rescue, and a farm sanctuary. Sometimes I purchase a reiki healing session for my own spiritual/mental health and he is happy that I have spent money on my health.
*If you don’t have money to spend then give your time. This is service acts! Volunteer at a pet shelter, soup kitchen, or at homeless shelter. Help your senior or single-parent neighbors out, shovel their walk, rake their leaves, or walk their dog. Help a lost dog get home. Call a wildlife rescue if you see an injured animal.
**If you have no money and no time then read the above suggestion.
There's so much you can do to deepen your connection with him. He's such a fun god who's easy to please. You'll find your own unique ways that are just for you and him and it will be special.

Greek Hermes
submitted by JuliaGJ13 to Hermes [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:24 julzieanon Is my boyfriend (31M) only attracted to me because I’m (27F) asian?

I (27F Vietnamese) recently found out that my boyfriend (31M White) has only dated predominantly Asian women the past 10 years. We’ve been together for almost 3 months and he’s the sweetest man I’ve ever dated. An issue came up where I caught him in a lie and he asked me to look through his phone so I could trust him more, which only made things incredibly worse.
I looked up the word “Asian” in his messages and there were over 30 instances of his friends making fun of him for dating/hooking up with only Asian girls including texts of him saying things like “daddy isn't even seeking out asians anymore they're just finding him,” “there is one super hot asian on my plane but her boyfriend was absolutely all over her. not leaving much to the imagination” and late night texts to his friends saying “I am making out with Asians.”
On top of this, I looked at his Instagram explore page and it was riddled with huge tit asian women. There were 4 or 5 photos of these Asian women mixed into about 25 other photos on his explore page as I kept scrolling.
I am so devastated. In the past, I’ve done everything I could to avoid dating men who purely found Asian women attractive, I feel like those types of men find ALL Asian women attractive… as long as they were Asian. I feel extremely devalued and as if I’m just another Asian to him. I feel objectified. I broke up with him a couple days ago but we worked it out, but now I’m sitting on my couch alone and profusely crying because I can’t shake the feeling of being just a number to him, I think I would be more understanding if he had a preference for asian women and never said those things, but now I feel like he’s only attracted to me because I’m asian based on the texts I found. I keep defending myself in my head, telling myself that I’m more than my ethnic physical traits but now that’s all I see in myself when I’m with him.
I’m so extremely concerned that I will never feel the type of admiration I had for him again. I adored him, he was the kindest most sentimental man I’ve ever been with and now I don’t see him as that person anymore. I feel betrayed, manipulated, and tricked… even if he didn’t mean to do that. Can someone please give me advice? I’m spiraling.
submitted by julzieanon to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:21 anotsonicebean I dropped out of college and I‘m finally getting the help I need

Disclaimer: English isn’t my first language. I apologize for any mistakes, feel free to point them out.
In 2020 I’ve been at a mental hospital for three months. Just weeks before this I started therapy for the first time, but after my inpatient treatment I dropped it. My medication gave me side effects so I dropped that as well, and since then things spiraled out of control. Even getting up would overwhelm me, and i wouldn’t eat for sometimes days. This continued throughout the first semester. I didn’t pass any of the college exams, so it would’ve been a matter of time anyway until they would’ve kicked me out. graduated highschool in 2022 with a 3.0 gpa and went to attend college the same year. I wanted to pursue a degree in science, biology has always been my favorite subject. I always felt like I had to be perfect or at least I couldn’t tolerate failure, no matter how minuscule. So when I dropped out, I felt like a total failure. I has several breakdowns, cried for hours and thought about how much of a disappointment I am even tho I knew my parents would be supportive. I had to drop out because the workload and the unfamiliar place were wearing down my already damaged mental health. I’ve recently been diagnosed with autism and I’ve suffered from depression since I was a child since I’ve been bullied all my life- from kindergarten to highschool. My autism most likely had something to do with it since I cannot pick up social cues, I talk too much and too often about my interests and I’m incredibly naive.
Prior to dropping out I started seeing a therapist. I still see her once a week, and she’s great. She’s helping me getting my life together, and she’s the first one to actually listen and not dismiss me. I’ll get new medication soon, and I’m in the process of moving home. I’m starting a paid apprenticeship as a lab technician in summer and my parents are supporting me in every way possible. Life‘s looking a little brighter now. I still struggle immensely, but now I have something to look forward to and a support system I can rely on. Fellow redditors, it does get better
submitted by anotsonicebean to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:19 qaige My first marathon! LA Marathon (25F, 107lbs, 5'1)

Race Report
Race Information
Official Splits
5k 25:43 8:16/mi
10k 51:18 8:15/mi
15k 1:16:58 8:15/mi
20k 1:42:22 8:14/mi
25k: 2:07:57 8:14/mi
30k 2:34:25 8:17/mi
35k 3:00:55 8:19/mi
40k 3:27:20 8:20/mi
FINISH 3:39:42 8:23.mi
Unofficial Garmin Watch splits:
8:08, 8:20, 8:06, 7:53, 8:29, 8:33, 7:52, 8:20, 8:28, 8:05, 8:06, 8:06, 8:24, 8:18, 7:52, 8:08, 9:17 (stopped at a porto-potty), 7:48, 8:18, 8:17, 8:41, 8:29, 8:34, 8:29, 8:05, 8:21, 8:18
A Goal: Sub 3:40 - Achieved? Yes
B Goal: Sub 4:00 - Achieved? Yes
C Goal: Finish w/out injury - Achieved? Yes
Where to start. Feeling VERY sore today with a few less toenails but hey, we did it. :)
This was my first marathon ever! I fell back in love with running last June (several years ago was on the cross country team in highschool but finally revisited it) and loved the feeling of reaching new goals each week. I built my running base from June 2022-December 2022 and trained from January-March. I had been crying tears of excitement on and off up until race day. I originally signed up and was training for the OC Marathon which is in May, and truly felt that it was too far away and I wanted to run something sooner because I felt ready and eager, so I signed up for the LA marathon too!
Race day couldn't come soon enough, I slept very well leading up to the race (except for the night before the race, didn't sleep one bit) and carb loaded with featherstone nutrition's guide.
I started getting ready around 2am and shuttled over to Dodger Stadium at 4:30am. I fundraised for the marathon so I received special perks like starting in any corral I wanted and I was able to warm up in a cozy tent loaded with snacks etc with the the elite runners.
Found the 3:40 pace group in corral B at 6:30am. Based on my training, I was pretty confident I could run comfortably with this group for the entirety of the marathon. Miles 1-20 flew by!!! I actually could not believe it. Running with a supportive group among 22,000 other runners was such a beautiful experience. I had to stop at a port-potty once around mile 17 and was so thankful I did (pro-tip, carry 2 babywipes with you. this will make your poop-stop efficient as hell.) I was able to catch back up with my pace group after my porto-potty stop which was fantastic. I did not want to lose them. Mile 20-26 were very difficult, however, I never hit a wall. My pace stayed relatively consistent and I felt mentally and physically well the entire time. Despite my tired legs at mile 20, I felt great. I stayed hydrated and fueled with electrolytes the entire time and this was HUGE for me.
The actual course wasn't as hard as I anticipated. I enjoyed the slight downhills and flats, and the hills weren't bad at all. I had heard people say it very hilly but I can really only think of two hills that we encountered, and they went by quickly. It was a beautiful day for a marathon, mid 50's F, overcast, and some minor wind. The hardest part was the out and back from mile 19-26. Ending your marathon on an out and back is ROUGH. I felt like the "out" was never ending! and the "back" was just agony!
Overall I finished with a smile on my face and my hands in the air. My 3:40 pacer was amazing and I certainly could not have gotten a sub 3:40 time without him. He was incredible and encouraging and was constantly looking out for us and cheering us on. Shoutout to Mark!
After finishing I didn't feel as physically horrible as I expected to and genuinely had an incredible time. I showered at my hotel, went to whole foods with my boyfriend (who so lovingly supports me!) and got a kombucha, mac n cheese, and a sandwich. We drove home to San Diego and had ramen for dinner. :)
Today I am hurting and my body is sore in places I didn't even know existed. However, I am so grateful for the experience and am so looking forward to my marathon in May! Running has changed my life in so many beautiful ways and I can't wait to continue reaching new goals! <3
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2023.03.21 01:19 ThrowRAKoala5675 I (F42) have been having an affair with a guy (M45) who’s also in a relationship with a mutual friend (F45)

So it’s all very weird… I met this guy online (not a dating site, just a mutual interest!) and he invited me out for coffee, we met and chatted and that was the end of it. He lives abroad so went back home but we started basically a kind of EA where it got pretty hot pretty quickly and I was desperate to see him again. He came back after almost 3 months (during which we intensely texted and sent VNs etc, and even the odd pic) and he was here for a week and we met 4 times and obviously had sex and we honestly both had a great time and a great sexual connection … he went back home and kinda things went a bit cold, he’s been blaming it on his depression/anxiety issues etc. but we’ve kept chatting daily and I’ve been trying to get stuff out of him pretty unsuccessfully but also been trying to be respectful of his boundaries etc. anyway tonight I was chatting to a mutual friend and she lo and behold told me she’s been in a relationship with the same guy for like 6 months (she doesn’t know we’ve been talking to and seeing each other) and that’s it’s been so hard and full of obstacles and she’s been wanting to end it but her gut has been saying no… I was a bit shocked because we’ve been chatting daily since end of November at least so clearly this thing was already ongoing and he’s never ever mentioned her and she lives in the same city as I do and so I wonder if he was seeing her at the same time as me?? It’s honestly all so fucked up that I don’t really know what to do or say. I know I can’t have any expectations because of our different situations (my friend is divorced) but I wonder why he’s never talked about her?? I don’t know what to do! Please help.
submitted by ThrowRAKoala5675 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:15 AutoModerator 3 Work From Home Jobs ALWAYS HIRING 2022 (No Experience Needed!)

3 Work From Home Jobs ALWAYS HIRING 2022 (No Experience Needed!) submitted by AutoModerator to makemoneyforbegginers [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:13 throwra_187busta Are my recent concerns of My wife (41F) that occurred before marriage to me (44M) relevant or should be left in the past?

I have been married for 6 months to my on and off Filipina girlfriend of a couple of years. While we lived together early 2022 there were a few occasions I caught her texting other men. Most of the time she was super drunk. The first time her phone was on and she was passed out. He was a former guy she dated. Conversation was innocent but I was passed out in the other room and awoke to find her on the couch. She unblocked him (I told her to block him late 2021) and proceeded to message him at 1am after our anniversary date no less. As a nurse she claims it was over the Covid vaccine. The conversation didn't contain anything bad but definitely didn't contain Covid items. There was a section of it deleted. He asked her what that was but she never answered him. When pressed about what it was from me she said that was the Covid talk, meanwhile I saw his FB profile and he had the vaccine badge. Didn't make sense to message a person who took the vaccine to take the vaccine.
Man 2 was a man I never met. He was a police officer she met sometime when she was single. One super drunk night she was texting him when I was home. She handed me her phone to call the parents of a boy that was over. When I did I saw a one word text and his name was on silent.
Man 3 let's call him Chris was a guy she didn't know. Her friend was asking about if she texted him on messenger. My gf at the time says she did but he didn't respond after a few texts, then she says "it's ok I shouldn't be talking to anyone".
Fast forward we are in marriage counseling a few weeks ago, yes we are in counseling. Chris came up (again this occurred pre marriage) because she has changed her story on some money troubles she had. So it brought up trust issues. I asked her point blank why did you ever message Chris he was a stranger? She told me she didn't know and told me to ask her friend. Why would I ask your friend about your actions? The therapist also asked her and she still couldn't tell us. She just told us she was drunk and messaged men because we were going through some things in the relationship. But why a stranger? What would he do for you?
So I was looking through my phone a week ago and came across a screenshot I got from her phone before we were married. It was from around the time of Chris. It was in Filipino so I translated it. Basically, her friend lets call her Ruth, tells her "she has something to tell her." My gf says "oh you found me a distraction"? Then she continues "well we aren't married anyways", "I need a reason to fix myself". Ruth then says "there is", my gf says "who"?
When I confronted my now wife she says oh "that's just drunk talk". She says "a distraction can be anything". This is true but the marriage comment and asking who instead of what is telling. My wife says that's in the past. It is but I didn't have this info. In my mind based on another detail, this was around the time of Chris, so Chris is the distraction. She also gaslighted me. She knows my first wife cheated so she says I'm accusing her of being like my ex. She has often times made fun of me for not leaving her soon after she cheated.
I want out. This is only what I have seen. Even though Chris went nowhere what other "distractions" did she find? I am devastated.
submitted by throwra_187busta to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 01:13 Literature_Majestic My Survivor: South Pacific Character and Game rankings

I decided to randomly watch a survivor season and put them all in a wheel, and the magic wheel landed on "Survivor South Pacific." Overall, this season was fine; it’s not the best, but I still had a fun time watching it. But I’m only just talking about the players in the season. I will explain how I rank them, and it’s fine if you disagree. I love to hear other people’s opinions.
Character Ranking
How it works:
I’m only talking about what was shown on the show that season, so nothing outside of the game, or in future seasons, I will count the closer look and reunion since their part of the season, and it’s based on my opinion of how much I enjoyed them as characters, basically how fun it was to watch them.
18th Brandon: This guy sucks so much; I didn’t really know what to think about him in the pre-merge, but the more the season went on, the more I started to dislike him. I think it was at the final six that I finally saw how weird and awful he was the whole game; I do kind of feel bad that his family disowned him because he tried to change the Hanz name. Yes, he did that bad of a job. His family hated him. All he does is cry at every tribal and expect people to forgive him when he says sorry. It happens so much. It started with Mikayla, who he thought was trying to flirt with people because I guess she was pretty. I hate the use of God as well. I think it’s completely fine to believe in God, but it comes up so much, like at every opportunity, that it feels like his excuse instead of owning up to his wrongs. And the show for some reason wants to see so much of him because he’s related to Russell but guess what He will never be as good as Russel. There is so much I can say about him, but I can’t be bothered. What a waste of a cast spot. But his dad was cool. I wish he was on the season instead.
17th Semhar: Not much to say really. I did find her somewhat annoying with her poems and her wanting to do the challenge but failing so badly that she wines about it and gets sent home. But my favourite moment is when she was at redemption island and started saying a poem before the dule started and everyone was clearly annoyed at her. That was funny, but yeah, kinda annoying, but fine overall. I could care less that she was first boot.
16th Elyse: Is easily the most forgettable player on the season but has the best blindside on the season as well. Nothing much to say about Elyse; she snuggled up to Ozzy too much and Jim wanted her out to weaken Ozzy. I remember her laughing at Cochran’s stories, so that’s cool, she’s a nice girl, but really nothing else.
15th Keith: I don’t know why they purpled Keith so much; I guess he was just boring, but it’s crazy how he and Whitney’s relationship never gets shown ever. Never gets anything or even a scene. If I never had watched the closer look and the reunion show, I would have had no idea they were dating. Besides that, Keith had nothing to do. He seems like a cool guy but was kind of there the whole time.
14th Whitney: Basically the same thing as Keith, but I put her higher since she did more, and I love her "You disgust me" line after Cochran flips.
13th Sophie: I had a lot higher hopes for her, you know since she won, but no, she was just kind of annoying at time’s. People keep on saying that she was a brat which I do agree with; she was just so arrogant at times; at least Albert got humbled; she’s not at the bottom because I liked her in the final tribal calling Coach a little girl, that was funny, and I did feel bad for her at tribal council at times; she's not that bad just whish we saw more of her in the pre-merge.
12th Coach: I was disappointed with him this season because the whole family alliance was creepy, and he's to blame for it. I do believe he could have won if he had been upfront and honest with his game, but still, but most fun was gone in this season, and he was reduced to a cult leader. He still had a lot of funny moments with him and that’s why he’s higher up on the list, but he's still a shell of his better self.
11th Mikayla: I did really like Mikayla; she seemed to be a likable strong figure on the Upolu tribe, but it was very unfortunate that she was stuck on a tribe with the loco man Brandon. I thought she was fun and wished she would come back a second time because of her unlucky first try.
10th Papa Bear: I can’t believe how forgotten he is. He’s so funny and really entertaining. I wish he stayed around longer. His confessional and personality was so funny. The standout moment for him though is when he runs into the forest looking for the idol and pretends, he has it. honestly, one of the best pre-swap boots in my opinion.
9th Christine: I didn’t really like her in the beginning, but after she got booted and stayed on redemption island, the more I wanted to see her win since she was the underdog, seeing her stand up to Coach was also amazing. Too bad Ozzy won over her, but I guess that’s for the best. I really like her wish she came back.
8th Rick: Rick is such an odd character, he really doesn’t feel like someone on Survivor, but hey, I really liked him even though he did get purpled like Keith. He had a lot more funny moments like grabbing his wife's ass and being really bitter at the end. His confessionals were always really funny, and him telling Coach to sit down when getting voted out was amazing. He’s such a good one-time player in survivor.
7th Stacy: Even though she was in the fourth boot of the season, she was amazing; her relationship with Christine was great, and her rant on Coach was so good. I mean, if have not watched that, go watch it, and you will understand why she’s so high up on this list. She is such a perfect example of great casting there.
6th Ozzy: I can't believe how high he is; I thought he would be just really arrogant the whole time, and yes, he was before his first vote off; his acting at redemption island was so funny; and when he gets booted, I love his story of winning all the duels and then coming back into the game, just being one challenge away from the win; and yes, I was rooting for him; I am glad he did not win though, since he would be the worst winner ever; but his story and how calm and confident he was is the main reason why he’s so high.
5th Edna: Just like Ozzy I was surprised to see her this high up, but she was such a bright spot on an otherwise dark season. Edna was not only really nice and funny, I mean that scene where everyone is annoyed at her laugh was great, but she also tried to change the game after Brandon was being such an asshole to her. She tried to really do everything in her power to make a move, but she was just unlucky. I felt really bad for her in her boot episode, where Brandon was such an ass. Her voting confessionals were amazing, and her using a tree mail as a hat was great. Love Edna so underrated.
4th Jim: He 100% could have played the best game, and I could see him as a winner and as a character. He was so fun; he had complete control over the Savaii tribe organizing the Elyse blindside, and his expressions were so fun. He was the best villain of the season, and his rant on Cochran was really entertaining, calling him a coward. I am shocked that he has not returned yet, and I wish he had. Jim on any other season would do so much better he was just unlucky.
3rd Cochran: Cochran is such a lovable nerd in the post-merge. It feels like he's trying to survive and scrambling at each tribal which he was, Its just super entertaining to watch, and yes, he made a really dumb move, but I will talk about that later, Cochran has some of the best confessionals and his friendship ship with Coach is quite wholesome. He is just really fun overall. He does get a little too cocky in the post-merge, but hey, he gets humble quickly. Cochran is the best example of a survivor nerd. He gets way too much hate.
2nd Dawn: I do really love Dawn. She’s a mother of six and she’s so kind. She does get emotional at times, but she overcomes it. She also had a confrontation with the crazy man Brandon, so I feel bad for her there, but she’s just really likeable. My favorite moment was when she won that challenge for her team. It was so wholesome and epic to see her success. I love d her so much one of the only characters that I liked from start to finish.
1st Albert: I can’t believe he’s first, but Albert is so fun for so many reasons: I love his snarky and cocky attitude, unlike Sophie, who was kind of annoying Albert is difference because one, he gets humbled, and two, the show edits him as an idiot. I do like how he tries to switch up the game, hes one of the only people to do that, and his final jury performance is just so bad that’s funny. I really like Albert; he's funny, smart, and likeable. I wish he will come back on day.
Game Ranking
How it works:
I rank players by how much control and power they have in the game and if they were in the majority or not, but for example, if someone did nothing to get into the majority and was dragged with no shot of winning, that’s a game I don’t respect at all that's just how I rank things.
18th Christine: She easily plays the worst game. I mean, saying on day one that Ozzy and Coach are temporary is not a good look at all and going to try and find the idol is not great either, and even then, she’s not in the majority, and even if they lose that first challenge, she gets sent home.
17th Semhar: Again, Semhar played really badly. Making enemies with Jim is really not good, and not owning up to your mistakes is not great either. She is higher than Christine since Ozzy did want to keep her, and I think she did less actively wrong than Christine and could see her lasting longer if she tried harder.
16th Stacy: Again, just like Christine, she was not in the majority, but what puts her higher than both is how she survived a tribal and, unlike the other two, did nothing actively bad to upset others on the tribe still bad but better than others.
15th Papa Bear: The first one to try and play the game, I think he did a fine job at the Semhar vote, but he just came victim to being weak and needs to go. I do give him credit for trying to fake the tribe with his idol, but it was not enough and he was sent home.
14th Mikayla: It was very unlucky that she was with Brandon and would have properly stayed if Brandon didn’t promise to vote her out; she’s the only one who wasn't voted out by the whole tribe, and Albert and Sophie tried to help her out, so since she had people on her side, she’s here and not at the bottom.
13th Elyse: The final pre-merge boot on the list and the first on to be in a alliance she was in that majority five on Savaii but was just a plus one and unlike Whitney was not doing much activity in the game and does not get booted because of her manly to weaken Ozzy not because she’s a threat she the top of the Pre- merge boots just because of the alliance though.
12th Brandon: Brandon played one of the most actively bad games ever. The only thing that saves him from being at the bottom is the Family Alliance. Yes, I agree that giving up the necklace to Albert was really dumb, but the thing is, I don’t think he was playing the game. I don't see him going far unless Coach takes him to the end. He played such a bad game but he was in the majority and some people liked him but how bad he played I have to put him here.
11th Ozzy: I know people might be shocked at this, but Ozzy really does not play a good game at all. He gets blindsided at the Elyse vote, and even if Savaii does get the numbers at the merge, I do believe he’s the first one to go out of everyone on Savaii, and yes, he does win the game if he makes it to the end, but so does every other Savaii member if they make it back. Ozzy’s game is really not impressive.
10th Cochran: Now it’s time to talk about Cochran and the dumbest move of the season, the flip. Yes, it makes no sense for him to do it, and yes, I do understand that he was scared of going to rocks, but his chances were pretty good. He had a 1/7 chance of going and a 2/7 chance of someone from his alliance going, those are pretty good odds, but nope, he gets scared and flips, leaving him a dead fish. He is this high because I do believe Jim takes him to the end if Savaii gets the numbers, and he played a good social game so not that bad.
9th Edna: Was on the bottom of the family alliance and at least tried to do something about it but unfortunately did not go anywhere. maybe she wins at the end because she was nice, but I can appreciate her trying to do something even though it is hard to do.
8th Dawn: Was at the bottom of the Savaii tribe but was clearly liked by everyone and they wanted to keep her unlike Cochran. But like Cochran, I do believe she gets to the final 3 with Jim and Cochran, but overall, her efforts to fit in with Upolu did not work, but she tried, and I also do see her getting some votes from the jury, so she's here.
7th Rick: I don’t think Rick did much in the game, more just being likable and chilled and stayed in the majority but he did make it to the final four technically, so I do give him credit, and he does get the votes if he makes it to the end as well, but since he didn’t do much else, I can’t put him higher.
6th Whitney: Whitney didn’t play that badly like Elyse, she was a plus one of the five-person alliance, but I feel she had more control, mainly because she was allied with Keith and had a game plan instead of taking the backseat like Elyse, and if Savaii does get the numbers, I think Whitney is in a good spot. I don’t know if she gets to the end, but it's likely.
5th Keith: Again, Keith did a good job of really being allies with everyone on Savaii. Ozzy and Jim Whitney all trusted him the most, so he’s at the point where he can make big moves and maybe win the game. The only reason he's in fifth is because I don't believe he did the best job on Savaii.
4th Jim: Jim could have 100% won the game if he had the numbers; he was in the majority early on and he did the main Elyse blindside, which was the biggest move in the game and the best, and all he needed was the majority; then he could have won the game really against anyone; he just got unlucky with Cochran Jim could have been number 1 aswell.
3rd Albert: Even though Albert got exposed for his actions, I still think he played a good game. I mean, getting Brandon to give him the necklace then getting Rick out at the final five was very good work; it was just how he handled people. Even though he tried, he made it too forced, and all he needed to do was lay back for a little bit, then he could have gotten jury votes that way.
2nd Sophie: The winner of the season, even though she said that she used coach, which I don’t entirely believe, I think she played a good game. Getting two people she knew were not going to win was good, and getting on coach's good side was also good. There were some bad things in the Mikayla vote where her and Albert were on the Outs, but besides that, she played really well.
1st Coach: He had to be here no doubt from start to finish he made an alliance of five, added a loyal six member, voted out the outsiders, then did a great move telling Cochran to flip over and then played such a good game that everyone wanted to be in a final three with him and he did not even have to use the idol its so impressive the only downside was his jury performance where he did not own up to his game if he did could have an million dollars.
It was watching this season. It had highs and lows, but it was mostly enjoyable watching a new Survivor season I had not seen before. I will spin the wheel again and see what new season I will watch.
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